Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

The day of the screening of the pilot episode of Carry On Caprice had passed. Caprice had been holding out hope that the show would receive a negative critical reaction and thus the planned series would be cancelled. However when she read the largely positive reviews especially the scenes where Darcy Bussell and herself had got wet and messy her heart sank. The general narrative was that Darcy had been seen as a great sport to subject herself to ridicule and that Caprice had been equally game to take a comeuppance gunging whilst displaying unknown acting skills making out she had hated it. The truth was Caprice really did hate it and with a slapstick scene going to be included each week she would be subject to further ridicule and embarrassment.

Everyone including her husband and her children thought she liked getting messy and despite her pleas they just assumed she was staying in character. She glumly logged onto her tablet to see if the script for the second episode had arrived. Unfortunately it had she slowly read through it as her children shouted “Messy Mummy” at her. The opening monologue was acceptable to her and she had the chance to choose a song of her choice to perform before she introduced her resident band Four of Diamonds who would perform a song. There was then something labelled “Binmen sketch” to close the first part.

She’d do another supposed conversation with her PA on the phone which she failed to see why it was funny as this was how she normally behaved. This would be followed by her singing her first hit single Oh Yeah before the closing sketch which would feature Caprice as a weather girl and GMTV’s Charlotte Hawkins as TV fitness instructor on a fictional Breakfast TV programme. Caprice read this part of the script carefully there was no mention of her getting messy but there seemed a likelihood that Charlotte would.

She phoned the show’s producer in a more positive mood. “Darling, the script looks promising. I’ve still got to decide what to sing but I like the last sketch. I can do a parody weathergirl maybe wear a bikini from my exclusive range and you can have a voiceover at the end saying these are available at my website etc. But what is the bin men sketch?” She asked. The producer explained it would be based on when she had arranged for the paparazzi to be there when she took her bin out. “I could glam up and do it like I was attending a film premiere. I totally get irony and can send myself up” she enthused. “We’ll decide what you need to wear for it when we come to the recording date. Don’t worry about it” he reassured her.

“We have booked Francesca Cumani for week 3 to show you the finer points of Equine Etiquette and Lotte Lion for week 4 on something called The Apietrice” he concluded. “Francesca is nearly as elegant and classy as me. I’m sure she won’t mind if I do something funny to one of her hats maybe how the clowns fill it with foam and put it on someone’s head. I totally understand slapstick you see. Also as a successful businesswoman I’m perfect to play a Lord Sugar type role and vanquish Lottie to some comeuppance. I could be Lady Sweet perhaps?” she enthused.

“All will be sorted. You decide what you want to sing and let me know as soon as possible and I’ll see you on recording day. he said. “What about nudity I heard that Darcy going topless and me being forced to display my admittedly fabulous boobs was very popular. I could maybe do a fun nipslip in a bikini but nothing as full on as last week please” she went on. “Don’t worry. we’ll agree it all on recording day. Your suggestions are self serving I mean sensible as always” he replied. “I like to serve my public as they deserve to see my talent and I always have sensible ideas. All my staff tell me that when I ask them” she concluded.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

Continues from https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/16/slapstick-secretary-celebrity-round-5-6/

Tom: “Welcome back everyone to the final part of Slapstick Celebrity. We are on to the seventh and final question!”

The line of 7 handcuffed ladies, some messy and in various states of undress look on, as they get ready to listen to the question.

Tom: “Ladies, can you tell me, what is the population of Russia?”

Each lady desperately thought of the most likely answer and gave their answers in turn to Tom. Not one lady was confident of their answer as it was another impossible question to get.

Tom kept the suspense going further “I wonder which lady is going to get the final messy forfeit? It’s a good one, let me tell you”

Susanna: “Just get on with it!”

Tom: “Calm down Susanna! I can tell you that the actual answer is………144 million!”

Whilst some of the ladies instantly knew they were safe from losing, others were not so sure, particularly Susanna and Dua.

Tom: “In what was a very close call, the lady whose answer was furthest away is…….Dua!”

The dark haired singer looked up to the heavens and sighed loudly. She was already topless and had been gunked with rice pudding and baked beans.

At the end of the line, the lingerie-clad Tania was rattling her handcuffs with her hands “Tom, are you going to let me out of these?”

Tom sauntered over to her “Yes of course Tania. Hope you didn’t mind too much getting you included in the game! But you managed to avoid losing, so well done to you”

As Tom uncuffed Tania, she responded “I suppose I’ll forgive you Tom, especially as it wasn’t me that lost the round. Can I give Dua her final forfeit?”

Tom: “Of course you can”

Tania quickly resumed her assistant host role and soon had the scissors in her hand again as she faced the 24 year old singer “Three is lucky for some, not for you though! You have somehow managed to lose 3 games in this contest”

Dua: “The questions are pathetic and meaningless. It’s a game of pot luck and I guess I’ve just had a lot of bad luck!”

Tania chortled to herself as she began to cut through Dua’s tights. Congealed lumps of rice pudding and baked beans splatted on to the floor, after being released from the confines of the tights. For the last bit of tights still left on Dua, Tania was able to rip them off to leave Dua wearing knickers and high heel shoes.

Picking up a bowl of double cream, the host smiled wickedly as she put her forefinger inside the elasticated top of the knickers and pulled the garment away slightly from Dua’s tummy. The singer knew what was coming next, and closed her eyes in anticipation. It was then she felt the coldness of the cream flood her knickers and pool around her most sensitive areas.

Dua: “Ooohh, that’s cold!”

Tania withdrew her forefinger and the knickers snapped back to their original position. As fast as she could on her high heels, Tania moved to the back of Dua and took a grip on both sides of her knickers, before pulling sharply upwards. Dua squealed loudly as the knicker material went up her bum and pushed the cream deeper into her sensitive areas. Tania kept pulling upwards as Dua’s legs frantically moved about. With the audience roaring with laughter, Tania smiled and decided that was enough for the wedgie and returned the knickers to their original position. Dua let out a sigh of relief, but then cursed as Tania faced her again with scissors in hand. A few snips later and her knickers joined her tights and dress on the floor next to her feet. Dua was now naked, and in a similar state of undress as Alex.

Tania chose to tease Dua a little “What are we going to do with you?” I know, let’s clean you up a little”

A stagehand came into the view, and he was dragging a hose, which he handed to Tania.

Tania queried “And it’s this button to start the hose up?”

The stagehand nodded before departing.

As Tania fiddled about with the end of the hose, it suddenly got turned on, and water gushed out in the direction of Sarah-Jane and Alex who got an accidental dousing. Tania switched it off, apologised to Sarah-Jane and Alex and then made sure she was pointing the hose directly at Dua, before switching it back on again.

Dua braced herself as the water hit her. It was cold and it made her scream as Tania directed the hose up and down her body, giving her a thoroughly good clean. After a few seconds, Tania turned the hose off, which left Dua soaked to the skin, but now relatively clean.

The section of floor underneath where Dua was standing gave way, and the singer could see that this revealed a vat which seemed to be filled with a dark looking substance. Inevitably the overhead beam started to lower, which meant Dua was slowly dunked into the vat. It went all the way until her head was submerged, before reversing and slowly pulling out the singer. This revealed that the vat was filled with sticky molasses and it had completely covered the singer from head to foot. Once Dua had been lifted completely out of the vat, the floor beneath her returned so that she could stand up again.

Dua heard a gurgling above her head and was instantly greeted with another gunging of molasses as it flowed over her from the overhead vat. The sticky gloopy substance covered her completely, and Dua knew it was going to take ages to get clean again. Once the downpour of molasses came to a stop, Tania appeared before her, with a plastic bag. She promptly emptied the bag over Dua’s head. Lots of feathers were released and as they fell, they stuck to the sticky molasses coated singer.

Tania stepped back to admire her handiwork “I  think I’ve done a good job at my own version of a tarring and feathering! What do you think Tom?”

Tom: “Superb Tania. You are a natural at this!”

Tom turned to face the camera and began to wrap up proceedings as he knew there wasn’t a lot of time left. As he thanked the contestants for being such good sports, stagehands could be seen in the background uncuffing all the ladies from the overhead beam. Whilst Dua, Alex and Sarah-Jane used their hands and arms to cover themselves up and jog off stage to get cleaned up, Susanna, Adriana and Diletta decided to make a grab for Tania.

Tom could hear the commotion behind him and paused to look back and see that a protesting Tania had been placed into the overhead handcuffs. Her bra and knickers had been cut up and were in bits on the floor to leave her tits and shaved muff on full show, as Susanna operated the overhead vat which released a torrent of brown sludgy gravy over the hapless assistant host. She squealed as the gravy covered and coated her.

Tom smiled as he returned to face the camera “A bit of a surprise gunging there for Tania! Anyway hope you enjoyed this impromptu Slapstick Celebrity show, and Tania and I will be back very very soon with the latest episode of Football is Coming Home! Goodbye for now!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

Tom: “Here we are again, so soon after our impromptu episode of Slapstick Secretary / Celebrity. Tonight, we have a preview show, focusing mainly on the weekends FA Cup semi finals. Tania should be with me, but I do believe she has been delayed somewhat, so I’ll have to continue on my own for the time being.”

Tom: “I have to start the show with an apology. Due to a technical hitch, all the votes that have previously been recorded for the Gunge World Cup Final have been deleted in error. After a thorough investigation, a member of our IT staff was found to have pressed the ‘delete votes’ button. Although this was a genuine mistake and not a deliberate action, we have decided to discipline the staff member.”

The camera moves to the left to show a close-up of an attractive brunette in a tight fitting green dress, black tights and high heel shoes. As the camera pans out, it becomes clear that the IT geek is standing inside a perspex gunge tank.

Tom: “Please say hello to 22 year old Becky.”

Becky nervously waves to the audience, as she glances upwards to the nozzle that is pointing directly down on her. Tom chooses that precise moment to press the button next to him, and a torrent of sludgy grey slime sluiced over the hapless IT worker. The flow seemed quite relentless as it completely coated the brunette. She was unable to see as her glasses were quickly covered with the grey gunge. Eventually the flow slowed to a trickle and Tom opened the door so Becky could stagger out and she used her fingers to clean the front of her glasses so she could see again.

Tom: “Let this be a lesson to you Becky! Don’t do that again or you may find yourself getting a lot more involved in our shows!”

Becky: “Sorry Tom!”

As Becky scuttled off stage, leaving a gungey trail behind her, Tom faced the camera “We can announce that the poll remains open for you to to choose the winner of the Gunge World Cup. Apologies again if you have already cast a vote. Will Northern Ireland’s Holly Hamilton come out on top or will USA’s very own Kelly Nash be victorious? The result will be revealed on next weeks episode”

The camera shifts and focuses on Holly and Kelly, who are both in the studio and sitting down facing each other, and they duly give nervous waves to the audience.

Tom: “Oh hold on a minute, here comes Tania!”

The buxom assistant walks on and draws gasps from the audience as she makes her way to stand next to Tom. She is only wearing stockings, suspenders, knickers and high heel shoes, and is using two conical glasses filled with cream and cherries to cover her naked breasts.

Tom’s eyes almost pop out of his head at the sexy sight “I have lots of questions for you Tania:- Why are you late, why are you dressed like that, why has your hair turned blonde, and who are those desserts for?”

Tania let’s out a wry smile “I’m late because I’ve had to get cleaned up after Slapstick Celebrity where, as you know, a few of the lady contestants ganged up on me at the end of the show and gunged me with gravy! One of the shows assistants was kind enough to lend me some shampoo to get the gravy gunk out of my hair, which it did, but it’s also had a side effect of temporarily dyeing my hair blonde as well!”

Tom: “I think it suits you!”

Tania blushes “Thank you! Now where was I? Oh yes, you wanted to know why I am wearing so little. Apparently this was all the wardrobe assistant could find at such short notice, which I find very hard to believe. I just think it’s an excuse to get me to wear as little as possible on the show.”

Tom winked “Is that what you think?”

Tania: “Yes it is! When I explained that there was nothing for me to wear on my top half they gave me these desserts to hold in front of me, so that I can use them to cover my tits!”

Tom: “That was thoughtful of them!”

Tania: “I guess so, but I’ve got to hold them for the rest of the show.”

Tom: “You don’t have to! I am sure the viewers at home wouldn’t mind if you put them down!”

Tania: “You are very cheeky Tom!”

Tom: “Haha! Come on then Tania, tell us about your little FA Cup Quiz“

Tania turned to face the camera “So the FA cup semi finals will be played over this coming weekend. Arsenal will face Manchester City on Saturday, with Manchester United playing Chelsea on Sunday.”

Tania: “We have had 8 entrants in my FA Cup Quiz, and all have nominated a celebrity lady to represent them. But first we have Kirsty Gallacher to explain the rules in full”

The large TV monitor flickered into life and showed a pre-recorded clip. An attractive brunette in a tight fitting red t-shirt appeared on screen and started to talk.

Just as Kirsty finishes the last sentence she squeals as she is deluged with blue gunge from above. It is very thick in consistency and gives the sports news reporter a good coating.

Tania: “Thank you for that Kirsty. The graphic below shows all the entrants, together with their predictions and player selections”

Tom: “That’s very interesting! All 8 viewers think Manchester City will win their match, and 6 of them also think Manchester United will beat Chelsea. We could be looking at an all-Manchester final if that’s anything to go by!”

Tania: “Yes, it is also possible we could end up with tied winners like last time.”

Tom: “Oh yes. Although I’m not sure Sarah-Jane Mee, Alex Scott and especially Dua Lipa we’re happy at being in joint first place in the last quiz, particularly after it meant they got to play in Slapstick Celebrity! Haha!”

Tania: “Haha! I think Dua is still probably trying to wash the molasses and feathers out of her hair!”

Tom: “Ok, so we have taken the time over the last couple of days to let all 8 ladies know they have been nominated to play and that if their viewer wins, then they will be on the show getting messy next week!”

Tania: “Here’s some pictures showing their immediate reactions when we gave them the good news!”

Tania: “As you can see, some of them were far from impressed! Laura Tobin and Perrie Edwards felt that they have already appeared far too many times on these types of shows and they fully deserve a break! Hayley Atwell also seemed bemused at being nominated, so soon after being voted one of the GGP winners. Yvonne was not best pleased by the viewer putting her up for potentially getting messy for a third time on this show. I think she will be hoping for another clean escape! Davina McCall and Laura Keunnsberg were very shocked at their nominations as they don’t believe ladies of their stature should be subjected to getting messy. Toni Duggan had a message for the viewer that nominated her, to say that she would get her own back on him! Finally, Anna Kendrick’s reaction was priceless as she seemed to think we were joking. One thing is for certain, she won’t be very happy if her viewer nominator wins!”

Tom: “Thanks Tania! Should be a good quiz for the weekend. You’ve done very well to keep hold of those glasses of cream, by the way”

Tania: “Thanks!”

Tom: “Moving on to our mini CSWL match for this week and we have had 2 ladies specifically request to play. We are going to have 2 glamour models competing against other in the first FA Cup semi final match. Arsenal fan Rosie Jones will be up against her friend and Manchester City fan Holly Peers. Apparently, ever since the draw has been made, Rosie and Holly have been having lots of harmless banter about who will win, and they ended up daring each other to put themselves both forward to take part in our mini CSWL competition to let the winner dish out the mess for the loser!

Tania: “That sounds like it will be a lot of fun! Hey, hold on. Don’t I normally represent one of the teams?”

Tom: “Yes, but we thought after your unfortunate gungey end on Slapstick Celebrity, we’d give you a week off.”

Tania: “Oh, ok then, that’s kind of you!”

Tom put his hand to the side of the mouth and whispered (but loud enough to be audible to everyone) to Tania “Do you know that Holly Hamilton and Kelly Nash have been laughing at you. They saw you get stripped and gunged on Slapstick Celebrity and apparently they think you fully deserved it!”

Tania: “THEY SAID WHAT!”

The assistant host turned and glared at the two sports presenters who were still sitting down on the other side of the studio. She stormed towards them until she was standing between the two seated ladies.

Tania: “Hello ladies. Let’s see if you like getting messy. Take this!”

Removing the glasses of cream from their position in front of her chest, Tania raised them over the heads of both sports news reporters and promptly poured them over their heads.

The audience roared with laughter at the sight of thick white cream splashing over the shocked Gunge World Cup finalists, over their hair, faces and bodies. The audience also appreciated the now unobstructed view of Tania’s bouncy tits as the assistant host jiggled the glasses about to make sure all of the cream dripped out onto the 2 ladies.

Tania: “If you think that’s messy, just wait to the next episode when we’ll announce the winner!”

The camera panned back to Tom “That’s about all we have time for tonight. Join us for our next bumper episode when we will announce who has won the Gunge World Cup, who the winner of the FA Cup Quiz is, and also the winner of our mini CSWL match. Until next time, goodbye!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Caprice seemed much happier as therecording day of the second episode of Carry On Caprice arrived. She had chosen to sing Moon River as her song of choice after looking at her fabulous bum in the mirror. The producer’s suggestion that she wear an evening dress with the back cut out to display her bum had been rejected by her. But her suggestion that she maybe wear the clothes she was papped wearing when she put her bins out had been agreed but then for the final scene she was keen to wear an evening dress for the bin men sketch.

She put on a glamorous maxi summer dress of course with no bra on. Her harassed PA was made to talc both her breasts and ensure her personal paparazzi was in place to get the perfect shot of her self proclaimed dreamy milky white side boob.

Her PA placed a clean straw in her bottle of water as Caprice got into her Addison Lee car and enjoyed talking about her favourite subject herself to the driver on the journey to the studios. She arrived at the studio just as her house band Four of Diamonds had rocked up. She graciously allowed them to carry her luggage in for her and gave them each a signed photo of herself in return. “You look amazing Caprice, to dress as daring and sexy as that shows you are a strong independent woman” Lauren from the band said. “Of course Darling, one of my aims in life is to give something back and be a role models for girls of our generation” she replied. “I love how you have been brave enough to allow your grey hair to show through. My mum is 3 years younger than you and she dyes her hair as she is slightly grey” Yasmin said. “What! how old is your mother?” Caprice asked. “She was born in 1976. So she’s 44” Yasmin replied as Caprice gave her a death stare. “Oh sorry, she’s in fact nearly 5 years younger than you Caprice” Yasmin added.

“Amazing to think you’ll be 50 next year. I bet you’ll have a fabulous party and have Caprice is 50 emblazoned in lights on something like the London Eye” Lauren suggested. “Actually you are over twice our ages apart from me” Lauren added. Caprice began to hyperventilate as they arrived at her dressing room. “Also will you be doing a slapstick scene like last week. You and Darcy were so brave to go topless. We’d love to do one of those one week” Sophia suggested. “We even ran it by the producer and he liked the idea” she added. Caprice suddenly perked up “That is a wonderful idea girls. I’ll fully support it. I’ll insist on it” she enthused. “It would be a great honour to get messy with you” Lauren said. “With Me!” Caprice screamed. “Of course that is what we pitched to the producer. Why should the older women have all the fun” Lauren added. “We could recreate the Girls On Film video but do it as a comedy fun or oil wrestling skit” Yasmin said. “It would be a great tribute as and you being able to remember the early 1980’s would be a great segway to do it” Yasmin suggested.

Caprice slowly sat down in a chair and took in what the girls had said as they left. “They had told her she was going grey, was older than most of their mothers, said her 50th would be emblazoned across London and suggested she recreate a near porn pop video from nearly 40 years back. She was sat in a near comatose state for nearly 2 hours before she was called to film the bin men sketch. The gist was that each week she took her bin out and demanded to be shown it had been emptied to her satisfaction. She had insisted that Four of Diamonds play the refuse collectors and as she was a method actress had made them go and sit at the local tip for an hour to pick up the right smell.

She had decided to wear her casual clothes she took the bins out in but would change to an evening dress for the finale where her persistence would be rewarded. She had suggested the girls lift her into a fully sterilised bin and then it was put onto the back of a stationery refuse cart and she waved to her public from there.

She arrived only 15 minutes late to the set as Four of Diamonds stood there in the hot July heat. “Okay Darlings, I wheel out the bin, one of you take it and empty it in theory but it will be empty all along as I’m using an empty sterilized bin my PA has spent 2 hours scrubbing before it was driven over here on a Virgin Taxi Bike. You bring it back. I say it’s not empty. You each do it until the last person brings back the other bin” She said pointing to one by the refuse lorry. “You then bring it back and turn it upside down and a surprise drops out. I’m not bothered what it is. But you are so grateful that you then hoist me into the bin and put it on the back of the lorry which I’ve also had sanitized.

“That’s fine but can we put this into any openings in the bin” Lauren said holding up a big wet fish. “It smells nasty, I don’t think so” Caprice replied. “The smell is us not the fish” Lauren insisted. “I’ll try it in the run through of the final scene before I change to film it then” Caprice agreed,. The director said places and filming began.

Caprice was wearing a white camisole top and was braless underneath along with loose cotton sweatpants. “I hope you understood the need to go method girls. I’m not wearing a thong under my sweatpants as this is what I look like when I get up” Caprice said. “I understand Caprice. You’ve made yourself look tired and dog rough like when you’ve just got out of bed. That is dedication” Sophia replied. “What” Caprice screamed just as the Director called action.

Caprice wheeled the bin out in turn Yasmin, Sophia, Lauren and Ellie pretended to empty it and bought it back each time to show Caprice who said. “It’s clearly not empty”. She filmed this 20 times before she was happy and then it came to the bin switch. The Four of Diamonds girls swapped the bins over as instructed and wheeled it back over to Caprice. “Lift it up and show me it’s empty” she snapped. “Oue pleasure madam the girls replied heaving the bin up and suddenly dumping a mixture of leftover food, gravy, cabbage soup, porridge, gunge and black treacle for thickening over Caprice’s head. She stood there screaming as the dark smelly mess ran down her blonde hair over her face and down her top onto her naked boobs. The girls put the bin down and bundled Caprice headfirst into it with her legs sticking over the sides. The top of her bum clevage was on show and Lauren stuck the fish right between Caprice’s bum cheeks exposing most of her bum as they stuck the bin onto the back of the lorry and the engine started up.

To Caprice’s horror the Lorry was driven around the block and back into the studio Car Park. Caprice’s bum with the fish wedged between it had been on view to a lot of Rush Hour commuters. When the lorry arrived back Caprice had slumped inside the bin and was almost crying compounded by the fact she sat on the fish and it had oozed out all over her bum and freshly shaved vagina.

The bin was lifted down and everyone cheered. “What the **** was that!” she screamed. “Comic genius darling. Who else would agree to have a fish stuck between their bum cheeks. We had arranged a trip around the block as a fun surprise for you. But we thought you’d do it in the evening dress but you seemed so committed to it we thought it was a shame to ruin your dress when you got the surprise” the Director enthused. “We can use the bin trip on the new opening credits and we got a load of paparazzi to capture it as we know how much you love to be photographed” he added. “So my pap has photos of my bare bum hanging out of a bin with a fish stuck between my cheeks” she stuttered. “No we arranged for about 20 paps I think!” the director added.

Caprice sank to the floor almost in tears as Four of Diamonds walked up to her. “You were amazing, who else would have been game for that. You even signposted that you wanted the fish stuck between your bum cheeks when you said you were Commando and left your bum over the bin edge when we lifted you in” Lauren said. “You are such an inspiration and so wonderfully ironic how you make out you hate the gungings but you are totally game for them. Much more subtle than Maisie Smith playing dumb on Totty but 30 years extra experience gives you the edge” Sophia added.

“The least we can do is help you get cleaned up as the rest of the filming starts in under 90 minutes” Yasmin said as Sophia brandished some shampoo. “That is really kind” Casprice stuttered as she stood there a total mess. “She is so humble and such a great sport” Sophia said as she emptied some shampoo onto Caprice’s head as a crew member turned a cold hose on them all. They all stood there screaming and pushed each other forward to take the brunt of the spray but it was mainly Caprice.

The hose was finally turned off and they all stood there dripping wet. Caprice’s clothes were totally sheer. Yasmin bought out a towelling robe. “Let me help you” Sophia said pulling Caprice’s top off as Ellie pulled her bottoms down and Caprice stood there naked as the girls rung her clothes out over her head. “I hope you appreciated our little jokeas we know how much you love getting gunged and showing off the amazing work your surgeon has done” Yasmin added as she slipped the robe onto Caprice and loosely did it up. “Lots of sideboob, just how you like. we learn so much from you” she added. Talking of surgeon here is your fish unfortunately we couldn’t get a sturgeon although I’m sure you’d have been game to having one of those between your butt cheeks. Your children will be so proud of you when they see this clip” Lauren said hugging Caprice and putting her wet clothes and the fish in her arms.

Caprice slowly walked off as Ellie ran up to her. “I have to say how you can keep a straight face and still make out you don’t like it and walk off looking miserable holding that fish is incredible” we’ve got to do more slapstick with you. “I’ve a friend whom is a female wrestler would you like me to see if she’d be in the Girls On Film video tribute as if we do it. I’m sure you’d want the oil or mud wrestling to be as realistic as possible. As you swear by method acting. She could put a few synched up holds on you before and during the filming” Ellie added.

Just then a smiling Charlotte Hawkins walked up to them.

“Hi Caprice and is it Ellie. I’ve just been watching the recording of your sketch. How you keep that disdainful almost distraught look with all they do to you and the fish up the bum in rush hour London has just been on the Six O’Clock News. We’ll really have to go some for our sketch but I’m game to do whatever you suggest and I’ll follow your lead” Charlotte said hugging Caprice and Ellie before going to her dressing room.

“Wow Six O’Clock News that sort of press is priceless and the fact you’ll be performing Moon River. You shot the mooning footage for that. You are a genius Caprice” Ellie concluded as she lead the silent Caprice into her dressing room and sat her down still holding the fish.

Ellie returned to the rest of the band. “The joke is totally on us, we thought she’d hate it but is clearly totally game for it. She just maintained that shocked, distraught demeanour and has such composure. How she could sit down silently holding that fish. I was almost crying with laughter. I bet she is literally crying with laughter as we speak” Ellie concluded. “We so should have got that sturgeon, she’d have loved that and been game to have it between her bum cheeks. I bet she is thinking what a cop out us lot are” Lauren said as the girls walked back to their dressing room.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

The end of the show is approaching. Holly stands on the landing by the starting point of the Trip Around the Great House, the two pairs of potential passengers either side of her.

Holly: Ooh, I love the anxious faces this part of the show provides, and they don’t get much more anxious than these! [Gestures either side of her] It’s an age-old question that has plagued mankind since the dawn of time – men have died over it, women have cried over it, children have lied over it. And I’m sure by now you’re pretty sick and tired of it! But not to worry, because the battle of brains and brawn is about to be settled. Voting has now closed, so please don’t call in, and the final scores have been verified by our computer. Who will be taking the Trip Around the Great House? Will it be our brainies, Alice Roberts and Victoria Coren Mitchell, as the earlier results suggest?

Alice and Victoria cringe and wring their hands.

Holly: Or has opinion swung against our brawnies, Katarina Johnson-Thompson and Steph Houghton?

Tight faces are returned by Katarina and Steph, who despite their earlier nonchalance, now appear to be taking nothing for granted.

Holly: Well, I’m going to put you out of your misery – or more precisely, two of you into it – because here are the final vote scores!

The two cars return to the bottom of the screen and slowly rise, keeping neck and neck to prolong the tension.

But then, one of the cars breaks ahead of the other, leading to cheers from one side of Holly and groans on the other.

Holly: Ohh!! It’s tightened on the final straight! But the outcome hasn’t changed – you the public have voted for Team Brains to take the Trip!

Katarina and Steph hug and high-five. Alice and Victoria flash squeamish smiles at each other.

Holly: Alice and Victoria, you may be very intelligent, but it wasn’t smart of you to enter this battle! The Trip awaits, and there’s no time to waste!

Imparting some further groans, the brainies board the car, getting patted on the back by the brawnies as they go.

Holly: Congratulations, Team Brawn! Pull that lever and send the losers on their way!

Katarina and Steph rip down the lever, waving goodbye to their rivals, as the car starts to trundle backwards. Alice and Victoria ponder their fate while being assailed by intellectual-themed props.

Upon the car reaching the end of the run, the floor section begins to sink, transporting the passengers to the ground floor of the Great House. Upon reaching ground level, the car recommences motion, this time driving forwards. A pair of double doors open and the pair proceed into a spacious room lined with bookshelves.

Holly: Ssssshhhhh, everyone! We’re in the library!

As the pair proceed through an archway, two columns of gunge descend to land precisely on the two passengers – fuchsia pink for Alice, royal blue for Victoria. Both women scream.

Holly: Quiet please!! Dear me, I expected better from such well-educated ladies!

The pair fail to heed Holly’s instruction, continuing to squawk as they wipe their faces and slick back their gunge-coated hair. As promised by Holly earlier, the next port of call is the Great House’s gym, where Team Brawn are ready with a special work-out regime for Team Brains. Steph throws a bucket of slosh at the losers, throw-in style, while Katarina sprays them with vivid green silly string.

Flicking gunge and threats of revenge back at their tormentors, Alice and Victoria are relieved to be ferried out of the gym, although the relief is short-lived as they pass under the main landing, from which further torrents of gunge are dropped.

By this time the credits are flying across the screen. The car swerves round a corner into the familar passage of foam, and the occupants have no time to react before they are blanketed. They emerge into the fireplace, spluttering and shaking their heads, to be greeted by cheering from the audience and further goading from the victors. Holly looks on, delighted that another show has gone to plan.

Holly: Well the brainies are certainly not showing their smarts tonight! Katarina and Steph, please take hold of that lever and seal your victory for people of brawn everywhere!

Steph crosses over to Katarina’s side, and the pair of them rip down the lever, scarpering as two mammoth multi-jet deluges of gunge, green and purple, surge down on the losers, giving them a final colourful coat.

Holly: And it goes to show that intelligence is not the same as wisdom! Thanks to our brainies for taking defeat so gracefully, and thanks to our brawnies for taking the risk. Hope you enjoyed the show; I did, and I hope to see you again! Take care!

And there we have it. Apologies if you find the prose of this section a little terse, but each picture is worth a thousand words and certainly took as long to produce! Thanks for everyone’s keen interest, and thanks again to YowieWowie for the concept.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/18/carry-on-caprice-episode-2-the-recording-part-1/

Poor Caprice sat her in dressing room still holding her wet clothes and the fish. “They actually thought I would have been game to have a Sturgeon Fish stuck between my delicate bum cheeks” she said over and over again. She picked up her phone and called her agent “Have you heard what they did to me, they gunged me, stuck me in a bin exposed my bum, put a fish between my bum cheeks, drove my exposed bum with said fish on view around the block and then soaked me with cold water!” she screamed. “Yes it was amazing, I never knew you had such comic timing and were so game to do all this slapstick. Plus you make out you hate it. We just saw the bum parade on the local London News. This will put viewing figures up. You have your own entertainment show and parody yourself so brilliantly. They are moving it from ITVBe to ITV2. We’ll be on mainstream ITV soon. Keep up the great work Caprice” he replied before hanging up.

Caprice slowly composed herself and began to try on bikinis for the final sketch of the show with GMTV’s Charlotte Hawkins. She had put on a very skimpy blue bikini when Charlotte came into her dressing room.

“Wow Caprice you are setting the bar high. Being really daring, clearly going to lose your top as the comedy weather girl. I was going to wear this but I’ll have to seriously sexy up my outfit now” Charlotte said as she stood there in workout gear as she was going to play a fitness presenter.

Charlotte saw the fish still lying on a table. “We’ve got to have a selfie with that” she said reaching for her phone and pushing the fish into Caprice’s hands. Caprice managed a little smile as Charlotte grinned and took the selfie. “I’m going to source my outfit looks like we’ll she what Hawkins as got as the audience will see a lot of Charlotte” she added leaving Caprice stood there still holding the fish.

Caprice steeled herself by chanting her name several times over and changed into her outfit for her opening monologue. As she considered herself a true star she never rehearsed but just read it from the cue cards. She told herself the bin sketch was this week’s slapstick and Charlotte had indicated she was up for getting messy so maybe she could escape any more gungings. Plus she had been asked by the Producer to write her own salutation for the closing credits which she enjoyed doing.

Her opening monologue went quite well and she introduced her house band Four of Diamonds who performed a solid number. She then changed and performed her big number Moon River. She was told to say “This song will become clearly apparent”. She then knew that the bin sketch would be shown and didn’t watch but could hear the audience laughing.

She then changed again and did her supposed telephone conversation to her PA. The audience were roaring with laughter despite Caprice feeling this was just like a normal conversation with her real PA. She then spent 20 minutes deciding what to wear before she sang her first hit single 1999’s Oh Yeah.

She then changed into her bikini for her sketch with Charlotte Hawkins. They were working on a fictional Breakfast TV Show called Wild About Mornings or WAM for short. Caprice was Scorching Cindy a former Air Hostess who now read the weather in a bikini and Charlotte was Belle a former cheerleader who was the show’s fitness expert. Both were supposed to be airheads and jealous of each other.

Charlotte walked onto the set in a very sexy cropped workout top and lycra shorts and carried a pair of dumbbells. “Hi I’m Belle from California I wanted to be a Lakers girl but I couldn’t close my legs to do the splits” Charlotte said in an LA accent not dissimilar to Caprice’s. “I’m Scorching Cindy from Miami, I used to fly on 747’s over the Andes” Caprice read out. “You could fly a 747 up your fanny, I could say scorching and do your job” Charlotte replied. “It takes a lot of skill to read the weather. I have to say places like Uttoexter (which she read as Utto-Exeter) you are just Dumb Belle” Caprice said.

“It’s time for my fitness slot” Charlotte said and did a ridiculously over the top yoga routine and a few fart sounds were played in and she kept saying “I’m Dumbbell Belle” and pushing her boobs up. “Okay Cindy you try that now?” Charlotte said. “I’ll show you my real exercise routine” Caprice whispered and seriously went into a full chanting and standing on one leg routine as the audience laughed. “Can you hold me as I’m going to stand on my head” Caprice said to Charlotte who of course let her go and Caprice fell to the floor and her boobs came out. “Oh Cindy your 747’s have come out I let you go I’m such a dumb Belle” Charlotte replied.

“Okay it is time for my weather forecast it’s going to be Scorching with Cindy” Caprice said. She read the weather totally straight and it was going to be lovely and sunny. “I can do that Cindy” Charlotte said. She began to read the weather but it showed it as having torrential rain and several buckets of water were thrown at Charlotte drenching her completely. She then had snow and Caprice enjoyed turning a fire extinguisher on Charlotte who kept up the Californian accent throughout. She then had mist and stage smoke was pumped around her. “It’s going to be a right pea souper” Charlotte said as several buckets of thick green pea soup were hurled at her, Charlotte stood there with the green gunk dripping from her face and hair and running down her body.

“I wanted it to be scorching Cindy” she yelled. “Well it will be tomorrow we can get those 747’s out” Caprice replied lifting up Charlotte’s top to expose her exquisite breasts. “Yes get those 747’s out” Charlotte replied pulling Caprice’s bikini top off. “Why did you do that ?” she hissed “You wanted me too” Charlotte replied as they began to squabble in character.

Suddenly Lorraine Kelly walked on.

“Forget scorching, it always rains in Scotland” she said as a deluge of icy cold water crashed down on Caprice and Charlotte. They stood there drenched and shuddering. “It’s cold in Scotland too Cindy and Belle” she said. “But as a thank you. The Producers of Wam want you to read the closing credits to see if you can take it as a presenter like Holly Willoughby” she added.

She lead the topless Caprice and Charlotte over to a desk and gave them a couple of laminated cards. “Read these girls and remember tits and teeth” she said as the Director signaled for them to keep going still.

Caprice sat down and began to read “Carry On Caprice was conceived, performed and inspired by the real life of the wonderfully talented, beautiful and benevolent actress, model, singer, comedian, dancer and entertainer Caprice Bourret. Who graciously allowed her likeness to be used but can also be found on her exclusive swimwear, tableware and lingerie brands”. She had only just started when Lorraine and Four of Diamonds began to hurl buckets of red and blue gunge at Charlotte and Caprice. Both took several in the face and on their boobs, Their hair was plastered down as several fire extinguishers were turned on them before Lorraine and the girls started throwing buckets of pea soup at them as Charlotte read on under the deluge, Caprice was screaming and jumping about put slipped over and trying to steady herself pulled Charlotte down with her as a final load of pea soup cascaded down on her. “I’m angry and you won’t like me when I’m angry” Caprice screamed before storming back to her dressing room.

She was about to dive into the shower when Charlotte ran in after her and hugged her. “You were so brilliant Caprice how you misread Uttoxeter and improvised that totally ridiculous exercise routine and gave me the confidence to go topless as you so clearly wanted to and put on that very daring bikini so I’d dress up really sexily. Plus how you make out that you totally hate those gungings but you had written that totally hilarious salutation about yourself for the end credits so you’d get even more messy. You even had us drenched in ice cold water to make our nipples really prominent so you could send up your Ministry of Mayhem Thank You Desk Gunging and WAM TV Wet and Messy TV. You set me up completely and doing that comedy pratfall and pulling me over. Plus the Incredible Hulk reference at the end. We need another selfie with the fish” Charlotte went on picking her phone up which she had left in Caprice’s dressing room and the fish which she pushed both their heads towards. “Kiss the fish” she said laughing as she took a selfie of them both messy and topless.

As Charlotte departed the Producer called Caprice “Darling you triumphed again, we all thought that at first you hated the gungings so put them in as a joke. But you clearly double crossed us as you take them so well and still make out you hate them and keep up that act. Also please watch this clip we hope you like” he said. Caprice pushed play on her phone and was horrified to see her singing of Moon River had been moved to after the bin sketch and was playing over footage of her naked bum stuck out of the bin on the bin lorry with the fish in between her bum cheeks. “Genius how you came up with the bum joke and sang Moon River” the producer concluded as Caprice threw the fish across her dressing room.

Click Here to Start at Part 1:

Our little tale continues late Monday afternoon. They day after the wild weekend before, but most of our good friends are in good shape, their excesses not quite as wild as some. We see Eva, Richard and Mai all sat together at the table of a coffee shop, looking like their having a fun time.

“So how come we’ve never run in to you before Richard?” Asks Mai.

There’s a quick pause as Richard swallows the piece of chocolate “he” was chewing on.

“Normally my work means I’m located in a more exotic location” answers Richard. “I’m here for a few days on family business.”
“Oh, so we’ve only got you for a few days” says Mai.
“For now” says Richard. “I’ll expect I’ll be around quite a bit from now on though.”

Before anyone can reply there’s a rather unwelcome interruption. One of which you might recognize as Eva’s work colleague Bridget from yesterday. The other is a tall, red haired girl, wearing designer jewelry and clothes, obviously attended to flaunt her wealth. She’s coming up to the table.

“There you are you little freaks!” She snaps.
“What do you want Sam?” Asks Eva.
“Tell us what you did with our friends. Both Kelly and Mandy have disappeared. What did you do?” Says Bridget.
“What?” Relies Eva. “I don’t know anything. First time I’ve heard anything about them disappearing.”
“Don’t lie” yells Sam. “Who else would have a grudge against them. You can’t stand that we’re so popular, while your just some loser no-one likes.”
“They probably just found a boy or something their hanging around with” suggests Mai.
“Then how come they’re not even answering their mobile” demands Sam. “Not even their family can get hold of them.”

Before Eva can respond Sam aggressively shoves her, causing Eva to spill some of her coffee down her dress. Richard responds by getting to his feet, stepping right up to Sam and Bridget.

“Who the fuck are you?” Asks Bridget.
“You worst nightmare” responds Richard, although the more observant of you might spot “his” voice sounds a lot like a certain succubus.
“What’s going on here?”

That last question came from one of the coffee shops waitresses, who is approaching, you can also see a member of mall security looking on in the doorway.

Nothing, we’re just leaving” answers Sam.
“Are you alright Eva?” Asks Mai.

If you’ve been following our little tale from the start (bless you, I hate it when people skip ahead) you’ll know Sam and Bridget’s behaviour will be faced with consequences. Plans are already in place for Bridget, but if we skip ahead a few hours and look in the bushes of the large cemetery just outside the town centre we’ve already visited twice we can get an idea of what Sam has in store for her.
She is currently hunched down on all fours on a large stone slab, which if we look close we can see is a large broken headstone. She is in a small clearing in a overgrown area, with much of the ground and trees covered in ivy. More pieces of broken headstone can be seen randomly placed on the ground or leaned up against an old wall. Sam is held down by five thick vines, four wrapped around each arm or leg, and the last attached to a heavy looking wicker wooden collar around her neck. She looks around nervously as we hear footsteps approaching over the fallen leaves.

“Hello Sam” says Ruby. “Are you sitting comfortably?”
“What?” Exclaims Sam. “Who are you? Where am I?”
“Your in Northbrook Cemetery” answers Ruby. “More specifically where they bring all the broken headstones and ornaments when their no longer suitable to be out on public display. A fascinating place, it’s like a graveyard, graveyard.”
“Why am I here” asks Sam.
“I’d say to teach you a lesson” responds Ruby, “but experience has taught me that’s a waste of time. We’ve got fanatics, literally burning in hellfire down there, adamant they’ll be exonerated, and those they deem are simmers will be the ones to be punished. You’d think they’d look at their surroundings and get the hint. Really I just want to help karma out a little bit, seeing as it hasn’t really hasn’t been getting it’s act together recently.”
“Please! I’m sorry” begs Sam. “I’ll do anything you want, just let me go.”
“A rather hollow apology, given you didn’t even ask what your being punished for” replies Ruby. “If I was you I’d save your breath as I test everything out.”

Sam’s further protests are ignored as Ruby holds her staff in the air and a beam of light shoots out on to the ground in front of Sam. Where the beam hit’s a large pie, piled high with thick white cream appears. Before Sam can react the vine holding her collar pulls sharply down, smashing her face in to the pie. We can see Sam gasping, her mouth open in shock, as her cream covered face lifts out of the pie.

“Well everything seems to be working” smiles Ruby. “I’ll let you enjoy the rest of the delicacies from the Devil’s kitchen I’ve arranged for you. My minions will be along to pick you up later.”

Ruby strolls off, ignoring Sam as she continues to beg and struggle. If we look towards where Sam is restrained we can see a large, deep wooden bowl of curry, with a lot of thick orange sauce, and lumps of dubious looking vegetables materialising in front of her. Before she can process this latest miracle the vine holding the her collar pulls sharply down, forcing her head into the curry. She lets out a muffled yelp as her heads held under the curry for about 20 seconds, before the vine loosens it’s grip allowing us to see her curry coated face as she is able to lift her head up.
As we look down we can see it’s far from over for Sam, as we see the bowl of curry vanish to the ether-realm from where it came, as a large bowl of ketchup, with a number of chips floating in it appears. Sam lets out an involuntary yelp as her head is pulled sharply down in to the ketchup, causing a large splash of the ketchup to expel out. Her head is held in the ketchup, despite her struggles, until she’s allowed to lift her head. As she wretches at the combination of curry and ketchup we see the mess now dripping down her neck and back. Not that she has much chance to recover as the bowl of ketchup disappears and a large bowl of cottage cheese materializes in it’s place. Her head is once again pulled firmly down in to the mess that waits her. Her face is pulled firmly in, and pulled in deeper gradually, until the cottage cheese reaches up past her ears.
A few seconds later, and we see Sam as she pulls it free from the cottage cheese. We see her face is now coated in a greasy white film, and there are now lumps of the cottage cheese stuck on her face and in her hair. As we look down we see the cottage cheese disappear, and this time in it’s place we see a large bowl of peanut butter appear. Sam lets out a cry of anguish as she takes in what’s in store for her. The vine pulls her down slowly, we see her grimace as her face is pressed into the peanut butter, and forced further and further in, slowly displacing the peanut butter to the side until her entire face is engulfed. We hear a few whimpers as her face is held in place for a good 20 seconds until the hold on the collar is released, and we see her lift her face, blinking and squirming trying to dislodge some of the thick coating of peanut butter now covering her face.
This is not the end though as Sam still has to endure one more course of this devilish dining experience. As we see the peanut butter disappear we see a large bowl of dark yellow mustard laced with large lumps of sharp white sauerkraut cabbage. She gives out a cry as the vine pulls sharply down, splashing her head down in to the mustard, submerging her entire head under the mustard. She continues to struggle for the next thirty seconds or so as her head is held under, at which point her head is allowed to raise briefly, but before we can get a good look her head is pulled down for a second dunking, where she must emerge another thirty seconds with her head submerged before she can lift her head for the last time.
As we see the mustard disappear we see Sam collapse down on to the stone slab on which she rests. Thoroughly exhausted by the experience that has seen her face, hair and much of her body covered in such a demonic range of ingredients.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/10/cooking-up-a-storm-pilot-episode-with-storm-huntley-and-clodagh-mckenna/

“Welcome to the second episode of my wee little show. I hope you enjoyed the pilot episode with Clodagh McKenna. Well today my guest is another sexy blonde from the This Morning kitchen the queen of cakes Juliet Sear and she has promised you might see quite a bit more of her than usual as she is in a naughty mood. We’ve got Lorraine Pascale, Gigi Erskine and then keen celebrity bakers Van Der Valk actress Maimie McCoy and finally the very naughty Luisa Zissman in the series closer. We all know how naughty Luisa was on Lizzie Cindy’s Celebrity Coach Dip. As I’m a huge dog lover if ever my puppies are going to come out then that may be when it happens” Storm said winking sexily to the camera in a tight pink bodycon dress.

“Last time my sexy white panties got removed but again am I wearing any this time? Boys that is more me to know and you to find out. Anyway lets welcome the gorgeous Juliet Sear” Storm said.

Juliet walked on with her hair tied back in a tight striped t-shirt highlighting her large breasts and a pair of flour covered black trousers.

“Very casual Juliet” Storm said hugging her. “Well I think we might just be getting messy” Juliet replied. “I see you put a bra on in the end?” Storm said. “Well my twins need some support and it’s something for you to fill” Juliet responded. “You fill it quite well yourself” Storm replied grabbing Juliet’s boobs. “Lets see about you?” Juliet replied picking up a pair of ice cubes and pressing them against Storm’s dress. Storm squealed as the coldness wet against her nipples. Juliet held them there for a minute and then removed them and Storm’s pokies could be seen. “No bra Storm that’s very naughty” Juliet said. Storm went rather embarrassed and picked up a handful of ice cubes and stuck them into Juliet’s bra. Juliet screamed and laughed.

Juliet walked behind Storm with another handful of ice cubes and stuck them up her dress. “She is wearing a pair lads” Juliet said. “You’ve sent a shiver up my fly trap” Storm giggled. “I bet that has caught enough men over the years and cold lips are nice” Juliet replied. Storm picked up another couple of ice cubes and untucked Juliet’s top exposing her cute belly button and slightly wobbly stomach. Storm began to rub the ice cubes into Juliet’s belly button as Juliet laughed hysterically. “I’m so ticklish there” she squealed as Storm began to caress her belly button before giving it a cheeky tonguing. Storm tied Juliet’s top up so her belly was still on view and stuck the semi melted ice cubes down Juliet’s trousers. They fell to the floor. “No knickers, I’ve got no bra together we make a right slut” Storm added.

“Okay what are we making today?” Storm said. “I’m going to make Cream Vegan Freakshake” Juliet said as she pulled a couple over on a tray. “

“They look delicious, can I try one?” Storm asked. “Of course” Juliet replied and emptied one over Storm’s head. The thick creamy shake ran down Storm’s luxurious black hair and over her face. Juliet took the second one and emptied most of it down the front of Storm’s dress before giving her boobs a firm pat to make it splash back up in Storm’s face. She took a handful out of the second glass and stuck her hand up Storm’s skirt sticking it down the back of her kickers. “That does taste and feel lovely” Storm said giggling.

“What are in ingredients?” Storm asked. “450 ml of milk” Juliet said emptying the milk over Storm’s head. “200g of dark chocolate” Juliet added emptying the melted chocolate over Storm’s head and giving her a messy shampoo. “Plus 800 ml of vanilla ice cream” Juliet concluded rubbing some of the semi melted ice cream over Storm’s head. Sticking a load down her dress and rubbing it into Storm’s boobs before sticking her hand up Storm’s dress. “You’ve put it in my belly button” Storm screamed but she squealed even louder as Juliet stuck a load in her knickers and sat her down. Storm stood up but then collapsed in hysterics as her sodden white knickers fell around her ankles.

Juliet helped Storm out of them and rang them out over Storm’s head before stuffing them down Storm’s dress. “So say I wanted to make this in a bigger batch for a larger permitted social gathering?” Storm asked. “Yes you could do that” Juliet replied. “So if I took this bucket of melted chocolate?” Storm said picking it up and emptying it slowly over Juliet’s head. Juliet stood there giggling as the chocolate ran slowly down her face and her hair. Storm pulled Juliet’s hair loose and gave her a chocolate shampoo before rubbing it into Juliet’s belly as she giggled uncontrollably. “We’d need milk too” Storm said picking up a bucket of cold milk and throwing it in Juliet’s face. Juliet screamed as the cold milk hit her. “More would be needed” she added picking up a jug of milk and emptying it over Storm’s head. “The ice cream needs to be added evenly” Storm said as she lay Juliet on a table and starting at her feet emptied a bucket of slightly melted ice cream all the way up Juliet’s body. Putting a large dollop in her belly button and handfuls into her bra Before dumping the rest on her face and hair. Juliet was spluttering and laughing.

“What do you do then?” Storm asked. “You mix them in a blender” Juliet replied as several buckets of the mixture was hurled at the ladies. They both stood there a wet creamy mess. “Who forgot to put the lid on the blender?” Storm screamed wiping her eyes. Juliet was crying with laughter as she fetched in two buckets of the completed mixture. “Best to serve simultaneously” she said as she handed a bucket to Storm and they both stuck them on their own heads. They slowly removed the buckets to display their thick creamy and totally destroyed hair and wiped their faces. They then took handfuls of the stuff and stuck it down each other’s tops and rolled about in it on the floor.

Struggling to her feet Storm said “Join me next time when Lorraine Pascale will be my guest making a mess on Cooking up a Storm. Until then huge thanks to gorgeous and very game Juliet Sear” who stuck a load of the creamy mixture up Storm’s dress as Storm screamed and giggled and rubbed the gunge into Juliet’s hair.

Just decided to do a quick episode of this, something for people who liked seeing girls get messy whilst still clothed and a bit of cooking slapstick.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/19/carry-on-caprice-episode-2-the-recording-part-2/

The night after episode 2 of Carry On Caprice had been broadcast Caprice had a restless night’s sleep she had a recurring dream about her bum being on display with the fish stuck between her bum cheeks. She also dreamt that the fish ended up in various other places especially on her breasts. She woke up with a start and screamed as she reached down and removed a large kipper from her breasts. In a frenzy she jumped out of her bed naked and ran about screaming as her children soaked her with their supersoakers.

“Messy Mummy” they screamed at her as her husband walked in laughing. “You let them put that kipper on my breasts!” she yelled at him. “They wanted to get a bucket of fish guts to empty over you as they thought the fish sketch was so funny” he said. “You know I hate getting messy and now I know this series was setup to humiliate me. But they all think I really love doing it!” she yelled. “Whatever, the reviews are great and your agent has sent you a lovely bouquet of flowers” he added.

Caprice had a shower and got dressed. She slowly looked at the reviews. They all thought she was a great sport and she got the credit for the idea to sing Moon River over footage of her bare bum with the fish between her bum cheeks on the bin lorry being driven through rush hour traffic. Her ability to send up her Ministry of Mayhem Thank You Desk Gunging and to allow Charlotte Hawkins to mercilessly send her up whilst playing it totally straight. ” Caprice superbly pulls off the priceless ability of self deprecation as she sends herself up effortlessly and plays a ridiculously over the top and deluded version of herself. Maintaining she clearly hates all the embarrassment and humiliation she is put through. She is clearly laughing all the way to the bank if we believe her” the Daily Mail reviewer said. “But I do hate it” she screamed as her phone rang.

The show’s Producer came on the line “Fantastic ratings Caprice, you excelled yourself yet again. The fish joke was priceless and Charlotte Hawkins said you were amazing to work with and she’d have never thought she’d have been brave enough to go topless either. Holly has texted in to say she loved the Thank You Desk send up too. Anyway Caprice this week we will give you a chance to sing another song of your choice and which of your other hits will you want to perform?” he said. Caprice nearly spluttering over her words stammered “I only had those two hits but I could rotate them. I did the musical Debbie Does Dallas I can do a number from that and if I could have time to think what else I’ll sing” she said flapping.

“Four of Diamonds are keen to do a Girls On Film send up but have come up with something called Pie the Band to do after their number. They have said they’d be prepared to flash the flesh but as the star of the show. They don’t want to step into your territory. They were worried they had annoyed you with the fish but now know you loved it so wouldn’t dream of upstaging you” the producer replied. “So I’d pie them?” Caprice said perking up a bit. “Yes that’s what they have in mind I think” the Producer replied. “We’ve also got the closing sketch with Francesca Cumani to shoot. She has suggested that you and Four of Diamonds go and film something at a stables near Newmarket. I’ve got her on the line now” he added.

“Hi Caprice, it’s Cesca here. I love the show, the fish up the bum had me crying with laughter. You are such a great sport to do that and how you send yourself up is nothing short of genius. I expect you’ll want to push the boat out with me. But we’ll ask Four of Diamonds along and have a bit of fun. I certainly wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t. We’ll have a bit of fun about me being posh and my hats. Maybe you fill one with gunge and stick it on my head. It would be an honour to have you do that to me. One thing I’m insisting on as a posh bird is no knickers. Maybe flash a butt cheek or two wearing a floaty dress” Francesca suggested.

“I could live with that, flashing a butt cheek without a fish stuck up it would be totally acceptable” Caprice replied. “You are so funny, I’m sure you’ll want to have some serious fun with me but as long as we only go as far as I’d be comfortable with” Francesca added as she had another call come through. “Cesca seems very nice and we could have some gentle fun with her. If she and the girls want to flash their bums. I could delegate to them or maybe flash a cheek” Caprice said. “I’m sure you’ll be disappointed if Francesca doesn’t want to go too far” the Producer replied. But Caprice was silently punching the air in delight little knowing just how naughty Francesca really was and she actually thought Caprice may want to go even further.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Caprice had a bit of a spring in her step as she arrived at the studio to film Episode 3 of Carry on Caprice. Despite being gunged 3 times in the opening two episodes, ending up topless twice and having a fish stuck between her bum cheeks. She thought that things seemed to be going more her way when the outline for episode 3 had been discussed. House band Four of Diamonds had volunteered to do something called Pie the Band and special guest Francesca Cumani seemed like a rather reserved lady to Caprice.

Caprice had decided to sing “Send in the Clowns” and was performing a number from little known musical Debbie Does Dallas. She arrived at the studio wearing a low cut tiger print trouser suit and a large floppy hat. She got out of her taxi just as Four of Diamonds arrived. “Get my bags girls” she commanded them. “Love your dedication dressing in your Debbie Does Dallas song outfit already” Lauren said. “So 1978” Caroline added.

“I only bought this last week” Caprice shrieked. “Which vintage shop did you find it in?” Sophia asked. “Growing up in the 1970’s you must have seen such great fashions” Yasmin said. “Have you still got the fish in your dressing room?” Sophia asked as they all walked into Caprice’s dressing room. The fish was still on the table. “Come on selfie time” Caroline said and picked up the fish and went to hand it to Caprice. “I’m not holding it” Caprice screamed. “Oh sorry that is so tame for you” Yasmin said taking the fish from Caroline and sticking it down Caprice’s cleavage. “What are you doing?” she yelled. “Come on how do you want the photo taken?” Sophia asked. “I don’t want a fish down my jacket” Caprice snapped. “I know what she wants to do” Lauren added unbuttoning Caprice’s blazer to reveal her pert white breasts and stuck the fish in between them. She pushed Caprice;s hands onto her boobs. “Tits out girls” Sophia said as the girls flashed their boobs and took a selfie as Caprice just stood there in shock.

Yasmin buttoned up Caprice’s blazer and left the fish there sticking out. “When you sing Send In The Clowns we’ll dress up as clowns to follow on from Pie The Band” Caroline said. “Let us know if you want us to help strip you in any of the numbers. We’d be happy to flash the flesh but don’t want to do so without your agreement” Lauren said. “I’d be happy for you to do it” Caprice said. “We’d love to get naughty with you” Sophia added. “Oh Francesca has said don’t wear knickers when we all go to Newmarket to film the final sketch. Is it no bras too or are only you allowed to do that? Caroline said. “Also Cesca has asked if we can all bring a bikini as she has something called the three pools challenge she wants us to do” Yasmin said.

“Oh I could wear one of the bikinis from my range and you all could wear one too. I’m sure the 3 pools challenge will be swimming in three different swimming pools” Caprice said perking up. “What is the bum flashing is that going to be us all or just you and Cesca?” Sophia said. “We could stick the fish up it again or actually get that sturgeon. We know you really would be up for doing it” Caroline suggested as the girls hugged Caprice and left her stood there with the fish still down her cleavage.

Caprice sat down silently and tried to comprehend what had just happened as the girls chatted about her. “She is so naughty and confident” Yasmin said. “She’ll love what Cesca has got planned I reckon Cesca might be as naughtier than Caprice from what I’ve heard. I hope she likes our suggestion” Sophia replied.

The producer came in to see Caprice. “Okay you do the opening monologue. The girls do their number. We do Pie the Band and then you sing “Send in the Clowns” that ends part one. Part two is your monologue on the phone to your PA. Thanks for all the suggestions you seem to give us for that. Then the Debbie Does Dallas number. I see you are in your outfit for that already and great joke sticking the fish down there. We’ll use that we you walk on at the start of the show. We are filming with Cesca at Newmarket on Friday as she is working most of the other days and that is her only free day. Please don’t go to far with her. We think she may be a little reserved” he concluded.

Caprice reached down and pulled the fish out of her cleavage but some of the innards squirted up into her face and she screamed. “Genius, we’ll do that do. Just add some fresh innards to it” the Producer added as he left Caprice alone in her dressing room.

Caprice threw the fish out of the dressing room window in fury and steeled herself to do the show. She put her favourite screensaver of herself on her laptop and chanted her name for an hour and changed into her evening dress for the show. As she slowly walked to the set she looked down and saw a dresser placing a fish in her cleavage. “Just give it a squeeze” the prop guys have gimmicked it she said. Caprice walked on stage and the audience laughed to see the fish she carried on with her opening monologue from her cue cards. before she reached down to adjust her mic and accidentally touched the fish. A load of jellied substance shot up into her face. “I hate getting messy” she screamed and stormed off.

“Superb Caprice. You really built that up” the producer shouted as she ran back to her dressing room. Four of Diamonds played their number and then changed into their Clown Outfits as Caprice walked back on to talk to them. “I’m Sophia and Pie I am in the band” Sophia said as Caprice with relish gave her a double pie in the face. “I’m Yasmin and Pie am also in the band” Yasmin said as Caprice and Sophia gave her a double pie sandwich.”I’m Caroline and Pie am also in the band” Caroline said laughing as she took 3 pies in the face from Sophia, Yasmin and Caprice. “And I’m Lauren and Pie am also in the band” Lauren said as she got a four pie whammy in the face.

“And now I’ll sing Send In The Clowns” Caprice said laughing running away from the girls the music started and the lights dimmed. “The fish” she screamed and pulled it out of her cleavage. “Great false start Caprice” the Producer shouted as she ran back to her dressing room. Eventually she emerged changed “I want to do my sketch on the phone to my PA and then my Debbie Does Dallas Number. Tell the girls to leave the pies on their faces until we film my big number. Also can we get a throne they could carry me off on for the finale” she commanded. “We’ll sort that” the Producer said.

“I love how she just thinks everything through” Caroline said to Sophia laughing. Caprice did change into her tiger print suit and performed her supposed phone conversation with her PA. The audience loved it but she seemed unimpressed. “I’m just being myself” she said to Yasmin. “So modest and such an ability to send herself up” Lauren replied to Yasmin as Caprice walked off.

Caprice changed into her outfit for her big number

“Girls, I want you to pie each other a bit before you carry me off” she said to Four of Diamonds as she took her place on the Throne. The lights dimmed and Caprice sang a decent version of Send in the Clowns as the girls pied each other in the shadows. The song came towards its end and the girls hoisted Caprice up on her throne and carried her off. “Thanks so much for including us Caprice” Yasmin said. “I like to give something back to those not as famous and talented as me” Caprice replied. “We’ve got you a present” Caroline said as Caprice looked ahead and screamed. The girls tipped the throne forward and Caprice went crashing into a giant cream pie. The girls dived in after her and started throwing the cream at each other.

Spluttering and totally covered with cream Caprice struggled to her feet “What is this?” she screamed “A fish pie” the girls chorused at her as a load of fish guts crashed down onto them. Under the deluge Caprice lost her footing and fell face first back into the cream. Her dress had ridden up and her naked bum was on display. Yasmin saw a fish head and stuck it between Caprice’s bum cheeks as the audience laughed in hysterics. Caprice struggled back up but slipped again and pulled all the girls on top of her. Struggling and floundering to the side of the pool she screamed “I want my lawyer” and crawled out of the pool.

She hurried back to her dressing room followed by Four of Diamonds “Thanks so much Caprice, we had to give you a little present as you love those gungings and allowed us to get messy with you” Sophia said “I’m the star” Caprice screamed. “We know that how you had the ability to fall over not once but twice and get your bum on display. It was nothing short of comic genius” Caroline said.”Please leave me alone. I need to think” Caprice said as the girls began to depart. Caprice sat down and screamed as the fish head squashed up her bum. “You are amazing and so funny” Lauren said as the girls departed.

“She is so giving and thoughtful and to think we didn’t like her at first and thought she hated being gunged but she totally owned us out there. She’ll be delighted when she finds out what Francesca has install at Newmarket on Friday. Cesca loved our idea and combined with her own, Caprice will have something really spectacular to work with” Yasmin concluded.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/21/carry-on-caprice-episode-3-the-studio-filming/

After being tipped headfirst into a giant cream pie by Four of Diamonds and ending up with a fish head up her bum. Caprice had spoken to her lawyer who assured her the contract for Carry On Caprice was watertight and he jokingly suggested she write “No Fish Zone” on her bum. The day of filming a fun etiquette sketch with ITV Racing’s Francesca Cumani had arrived.

Caprice was sure that Francesca was rather reserved and although she seemed up for a bit of bum flashing and had requested that Caprice and Four of Diamonds didn’t wear any knickers. Caprice was comfortable with this as she had in her own words a fabulous bum and didn’t mind flashing it if it protected her artistic integrity.

She put on a sexy summer dress without a bra of course and she waited for her car to arrive. She was even more impressed when she saw a very large people carrier pull up outside her home.

She commanded her PA to carry her bags to the van and elegantly walked to the vehicle ensuring her personal paparazzi was there to photograph her. The vehicle’s door opened and she screamed as she saw Four of Diamonds already sat there.

“I demanded I have exclusive single travel” Caprice yelled. “We know that but we thought a 90 minute plus journey on your own would be lonely. So we arranged for our van to pick you up and cancelled your Mercedes” Yasmin said. “You are just so giving, we had to give you something back and thought we could have some girly fun on the way down” Sophia added. “I really do prefer to travel alone” Caprice replied. “You don’t fart a lot then do you?” Caroline asked. “No I don’t!” Caprice shouted. “Good job as I don’t want competition” Lauren added blowing a raspberry. “The other car has been cancelled and redeployed ladies. So who is traveling with us?” the driver asked.

Caprice looked skywards, sighed and climbed into the van. “I hope you haven’t bought any fishes as my bum is a no fish zone according to my lawyer” she said. “He told me to write No Fish Zone on it” she added failing to have realized he was joking. “That is so funny” Caroline said. “Have you had someone write it on?” Lauren asked. “No I haven’t!” Caprice replied. “We’ll do it for you” Yasmin said. “No it’s okay really” Caprice protested. “It’s the least we can do” Sophia said brandishing a sharpie. “I’m not going to let you do it” Caprice said. “This is why we wanted to travel with you. To have some real fun” Yasmin said. “Get her girls” Sophia yelled as the girls held Caprice down and pulled her dress up to reveal her pert white bum. “So peachy” Caroline said giving it a slap. “You better not do that” Caprice yelled. “You so want us to” Lauren said. Sophia began to write as Caprice whimpered. Sophia sat back to admire her artwork. “Nice work incorporating the hole as the O” Yasmin added as she took a selfie of the girls by Caprice’s bum.

“We could write our band’s name of 3 of our bums?” Sophia suggested. “I’ll write that” Caprice said as Sophia, Yasmin and Lauren lifted their skirts up. All weren’t wearing knickers “A show of unity Caprice” Caroline said showing that she too had gone commando. “You are nice girls really, I just don’t like getting messy” Caprice said. “And we’ve had more than 2 hit singles combined” Sophia added as Caprice wrote Four on her bum, Of on Yasmin’s and Diamonds on Lauren’s. “Write No Entry on mine” Caroline said which Caprice did and actually started to smile. “I need guests for the last two shows, any ideas girls?” she asked. “Someone who isn’t successful but we all know, a bit like us and who portrays a character a bit like you who we can have some fun with?” Yasmin asked. “Well I want to give something back so someone not as famous, beautiful and successful as me” Caprice said. “Kelly Brook !” Yasmin shouted. “Amanda Holden and get Darcy back on for the series finale too perhaps?” Lauren suggested.

“Great suggestions girls” Caprice replied and got onto the show’s producer. “This 3 pool challenge is interesting me?” she added. “It’s just something we suggested to Cesca and it will allow us to perform and star in it if you don’t mind ?” Sophia said. “Oh that’s great Cesca clearly is just going to have a bit of fun with us and then you do the big finale. I’m fine with that” Caprice replied. “Yes in the build up, I think we’ll kop for some mess but you and Cesca won’t and the bum thing will be the pay off joke” Caroline said. “That sounds perfect. I had my big moment with Send in the Clowns” Caprice concluded as they arrived in Newmarket and were met by a smiling Francesca Cumani.

“I hope you have all followed my request” Cesca said laughing. “Stick your bum out of the window Caprice” Yasmin said. Caprice surprisingly obliged and Cesca cracked up as she saw “No Fish Zone” written on her butt. The Four Diamond Girls all did likewise as Cesca clapped. “Now lets see your peachy bum” Caprice teased Cesca. “I’m a lady of my word” Cesca replied turning around and flashing her bare toned bum to Caprice and the girls who cheered.

The girls got out of the van and hugged Cesca as the crew set up. “Okay what are we doing?” Caprice asked. “Well I’ve discussed things with the girls and they are keen to get messy so lets have some fun along those lines and talk about the importance of breeding and class” Cesca said as Caprice beamed with satisfaction.

The first scene involved Caprice and Cesca walking by a large muddy puddle followed by Four of Diamonds. “The posh ladies will walk on the inside of the pavement and with their legs close together” Francesca said as she and Caprice walked past the puddle. “But more rowdy girls just spread over the pavement” Caprice added as a car went past spraying the girls with muddy water. They stood there laughing and screaming as Caprice whooped and clapped with delight.

They then moved to a stables and Francesca and Caprice walked past a chord saying “Don’t pull”. “The posher girls don’t let their inquisitiveness tempt them” Francesca said. “The more urban street girls, sadly do” Caprice said as Four of Diamonds walked past the chord and Lauren pulled it. A load of wet silage cascaded down onto the girls much to Caprice’s delight.

“Are you having fun girls” Caprice asked. “Yes, but we do smell a bit” Caroline replied. “A posh girl knows all about breeding and will feed her horses” Francesca as she and Caprice were filmed feeding one of Francesca’s horses. “Whilst those of lower breeding have to supervise the feeding of pigs” Caprice added as a tractor bucket of pig swill was dumped over Four of Diamonds. They stood there coughing and spluttering as Caprice cheered delighted she was staying clean. “We could have been covered with horse spunk like the girls on Totty” Sophia said. “I wouldn’t dream of covering you in horse semen. What do you think I’m like” Francesca replied laughing. “That is disgusting. You’d never see me in that willingly” Caprice added.

The final scene had all six sat having afternoon tea. “The upper classes like to mix with the lower classes on occasion” Francesca said. “We are benevolent to them too” Caprice said as she emptied a bucket of cold water over each of Four Diamonds and they got up and walked off with their skirts hitched up scratching their bare bums. “We’d never do that” Caprice said. “I agree” replied Francesca as the two of them walked off with their skirts hoisted up and their bums on display. “Can we put in a farting noise when I walk off ?” Francesca asked. “Are you sure that’s appropriate?” Caprice asked. “It’s funny” Francesca replied.

Four of Diamonds trudged back over all wet and muddy. “We are messy but that was fun” Caroline said. “Yes, it’s nice to give something back” Caprice added with a huge smile “I’ve arranged some nice warm showers for you” Francesca said pointing to the nearby converted stable block. “We’ll convene in an hour for the Three Pools Challenge” the Producer said. “Yes that should give me enough time to choose my right bikini” Caprice replied. Throwing a bikini in a plastic bag to each of Four of Diamonds. “Only you and me will be going in the pools. The girls will have their fun on the sidelines” Francesca added. “Perfect I can display my perfect body and lovely wet and shiny as I dive into the three pools” Caprice said. “Exactly” Francesca replied smiling and winking to the girls.

An hour later Francesca emerged still wet from a shower in a high fronted stripped bikini.

Caprice then emerged in one of her own design bikinis. “You should have borrowed one of mine Cesca. That is a bit unflattering on you if you don’t mind me saying so”. “That’s okay we’ll see what they both look like in a bit” Cesca replied smiling.

Finally Four of Diamonds emerged having got cleaned up and changed. “It is so rude to leave people waiting. I’m entitled to do it but I don’t do it very often” Caprice said.

“I’d just like to thank Cesca for being such a gracious host and so much fun and of course I’ve been gracious enough to allow Four of Diamonds to shine and I think they will do so again. I’m really looking forward to the three pools challenge” Caprice enthused. “So once we start filming we have to carry on running. Is everyone okay with that?” the Producer asked. “Of course we are” Caprice said as Francesca lead them to a large converted barn. “How amazing you’ve got an indoor pool in there” Caprice said. “I’ve got three actually” Cesca responded. “I love how you just ooze class like myself. You girls must be learning so much today” Caprice added gesturing to Four of Diamonds. “We need to go and get set up” Lauren said as the girls walked into the barn.

Francesca and Caprice stood outside the barn. “Are you ready?” Cesca asked. “Definitely you try and stop me” Caprice replied. Suddenly the music struck up and Girls on Film intro began to play. “The girls have wanted to do this for a while but I said no. But us going in three swimming pools and parading around all wet is perfect idea” Caprice added as they got the cue to enter the barn.

Caprice barged in front of Francesca and walked through the door. “Please welcome Caprice and Francesca” Yasmin yelled as Caprice froze. “I’m not going in there” she screamed. “This is my jelly, cream and ice cream mix” Cesca said pointing to a large inflatable pool filled with the substances and chucking Caprice headfirst into it as the girls sang on. “First one to remove the others top wins this pool” Cesca yelled as she dived in on top of Caprice and began to dunk her head first into the jelly and stick the mixture down Caprice’s briefs. “I hate you” Caprice screamed and rolled over on top of Cesca and began to pummel at her. “You are really going for it” Cesca yelled as she reached up and pulled Caprice’s top off. revealing her milky white lush breasts.

“Cesca wins the first pool” Caroline yelled as the girls continued singing and laughing. “You need some colour, pool two is mud glorious mud” Cesca cried out. Caprice tried to escape but Cesca dragged her from the first pool and skidded her into the second pool before diving in her self. Caprice emerged totally covered in the mud and wailing. “You’ll pay for this” she cried. Pushing Cesca face first into the mud several times and holding her head under it before ripping Cesca’s top off to expose her perky breasts. Caprice put the top around Cesca’s neck almost trying to strangle her. “Wow you are really extreme. I hoped you would be” Cesca said gasping for breath as Caprice dragged her out of the mud pool.

“It’s all square so it’s down to the final pool. The first girl to stick the fish in the centre of the pool down the other’s briefs wins” Sophia yelled as the song entered it’s last minute. Caprice threw Cesca into the pool. “This is eel jelly” Cesca said struggling to her feet. Caprice stood by the side of the pool and went to walk off but Cesca dragged her into the pool. Suddenly several gallons of a sticky cloudy substance crashed down on you. “My spunk dunk” Cesca yelled as she gasped for air and wiped her eyes. “Spunk!” Caprice screamed. “Yes prime horse semen” Cesca yelled grabbing the fish and sticking it down Caprice’s bikini briefs to win.

Caprice struggled to get out of the pool but Cesca pulled her back by her bikini bottoms and they came off exposing Caprice’s bum again as Cesca stuck the fish up it as the song ended. Four of Diamonds ran down to the pool as Cesca pulled Caprice out of it. “I thought Posh Girls didn’t wear them” Lauren said pointing to Cesca’s briefs. “Of course” Cesca replied dropping her briefs and wiggling her bum to the camera. She hugged Caprice as a load of cold soapy water cascaded over them. Cesca began to shampoo Caprice sexily but Caprice ran out of the barn. Before returning screaming “Where are the showers”

“She’s clean shaven like me but most posh girls are and she was so up for that” Cesca said to Four of Diamonds ringing her hair out as the girls hosed her down. Caprice staggered naked towards the shower room and fell over into a muddy puddle. “She always has to play the fool” Sophia said watching on.

“That was fun, I knew Caprice would love doing that” Yasmin said. “Yes, she loves to have fun and get messy as much as I do” Cesca replied putting a robe on and going to help Caprice out of the puddle.

Cesca showered and changed and finally Caprice emerged totally silent. “A present for you” Cesca said handing Caprice the fish. Caprice took it and threw it across the yard before climbing into her van. On the journey home Caprice never said a word. “She gave so much and had so much fun, still making out she hates it and playing the fool” Caroline texted the Producer.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

Intro

The flashing lights and cheesy music flooded the studio as main host Tom strode on and faced both the TV camera and the audience “Welcome to another edition of ‘Football is Coming Home’. With the end of the 19/20 football season nearing its conclusion, we’re also almost at the end of these series of shows. However we have a bumper show tonight, and to assist me with hosting duties, please put your hands together for Tania.”

A blonde haired woman sashays onto the stage, in a sleeveless blue top, short grey skirt, black stockings and blue high heel shoes.

Tania: “Hi everyone. As Tom has already said, we have a lot to fit in to tonight’s show, and as far as I know there are no plans for me to get messy this time”

Tania glances nervously towards Tom “Is that correct Tom?”

Tom smiles before replying “Don’t worry, there are definitely no plans from the producers or from me!”

The blonde rubs her hands with relief “Good! As you have already said, we have a lot to get through tonight so I had better make a start and reveal the results of my FA Cup quiz.”

Tom: “If you would please….”

Tania’s FA Cup Quiz

Tania: “In what proved to be two surprising results in the FA Cup semi finals, the 8 nominated ladies taking part did not score many points at all. However, I can reveal that 52 year old TV presenter Davina McCall is the overall winner with 20 points courtesy of her viewer nominator picking Patrick Aubameyang as one of the players, and he duly scored two goals. The final points table is as follows:-“

Tania: “Anna Kendrick, Toni Duggan and Laura Keunnsberg were just behind in joint second place with 10 points each, with everyone else scoring ‘nul points’ as they say in Eurovision!”

Tom: “We did extend an invitation for our winner to join us on the show to receive her prize, but she initially declined”

Tania: “How rude!”

Tom: “Yes, it’s almost as if she doesn’t want to get messy! Haha!”

Tania: “Luckily, we wouldn’t take no for an answer, and our security guards visited the restaurant where we found out she was dining tonight, and ‘escorted’ her here to be with us on the show”

Flanked by two security guards, Davina is walked onto the stage. Wearing a stunning long blue dress, and high heel shoes, she receives rapturous applause from the audience.

Tom: “Thank you for joining us tonight Davina”

Davina: “I didn’t have much choice. I should be having dinner with my friends at a Michelin-starred restaurant, but I’m now here instead, and I shudder to think what my winners prize is going to be”

Tania joked “You won’t be eating any food here. In fact you’re more likely to end up wearing it!”

With daggers, Davina stared at Tania.

Tom: “Do you have anything to say to the viewer who nominated you?”

Davina looks sternly into the camera “Yes I do! How dare you nominate me for this programme! I’m 52 years old and I don’t belong here at all. I am sure most of the viewers would much prefer to see a lady half my age get all messed up rather than me!”

Tania: “I’m not sure about that Davina. You look great for 52 years old, by the way.”

Rubbing his chin, Tom has something to add “It seems you think that a gunging is beneath you, is that correct!”

Davina “Yes it is!”

Tom: “Hmmm, I think we need to teach you a lesson. Guards, can you cuff our winner to the overhead beam please”

The security guards marched the brunette a few yards, before raising her arms and securing her hands in the handcuffs that were dangling down from the overhead beam.

Davina rattled the cuffs with her arms as she exclaimed “This is preposterous! Let me out of these this instant!”

Tania: “All in good time Davina, but first we do need to give you your winners prize”

Suddenly a gurgling sound could be heard from a suspended cylindrical vat which was situated above Davina’s head, and a torrent of thick white gunge gushed out and splashed all over the hapless TV presenter. Girly squeals were heard as the gunge continued to flow until it had given her a thorough coating.

Tania followed up by slapping a custard pie in Davina’s face, before the camera turned to Tom.

Gunge World Cup Final

Tom: “We’ll be back to see Davina a little later on. Moving on, I am pleased to say that we have reached the conclusion of the Gunge World Cup. The 24 contestants have been whittled down to the final two where Northern Ireland’s Holly Hamilton faced USA’s Kelly Nash.”

The camera panned to a large dunk tank with two seats above it, one at each end. On the left was Holly and on the right was Kelly.

Tom: “The polls are now closed and the votes have been counted…….and the winner of the Gunge World Cup for 2020 is………Holly!”

Tania: “Congratulations Holly, well done on your achievement. We have good and bad news for you. Which would you like first?”

Holly: “Er, the good news?“

Tania: “The good news is that you won’t be going in the dunk tank”

Holly: “Great, I wasn’t looking forward to getting dunked if truth be told. What’s the bad news, though?”

Tania: “The bad news is that you’ll receive a very special winners prize on the next show. We simply don’t have enough time to give it to you tonight. Isn’t that something for you to look forward to?”

Holly: “Er, I don’t think I like the sound of that….”

Tania gives Holly a wicked look before turning her attention to the American “Commiserations Kelly! I just need to press this button here to give you your losers prize…”

One of the large red buttons on a console adjacent to the tank was duly pressed by Tania which violently jerked Kelly’s seat forward, sending the baseball presenter sprawling into the tank. The brunette emerged from the beneath the surface, coated in the gloopy and viscous honey, and frantically tried to re-style her ruined hairdo, with little success.

Tom: “A sweet dunking for a sweet lady! Safe travels back to USA, Kelly”

Tania: “….and we’ll see you on the next show, Holly!”

More mess for Davina

The camera took in Holly’s worried look on her face and then panned back to the gunged and handcuffed Davina.

Davina: “My lovely dress is ruined. This gunge will never come out!”

Brandishing a pair of scissors, Tania replies “If that’s the case, then I may as well get relieve you of it”

Much to Davina’s astonishment, Tania started to cut through her dress until it was unable to hang any more on Davina’s sexy frame, and fell to the floor in tatters. The audience cooed as this revealed that Davina was left wearing a matching blue bra and knickers set.

Before Davina could protest about her impromptu stripping, the floor directly below her retracted to reveal a concealed vat. As Davina peered into the vat, she realised that it had been filled with sloppy mud.

Davina: “Oh f…”

The brunette was unable to complete what she was about to say, as the handcuffs she was in automatically flew open which meant there was only one direction that Davina could go – downwards!”

The former Big Brother host squealed as she dropped feet-first into the mud, and there was a loud squelchy noise as she went completely in. Tom and Tania couldn’t help but laugh as they saw a muddy pair of hands appear from the brown sludge and watched further as Davina pulled herself out of the disgusting vat. As the audience expected, Davina was now covered in sloppy mud from head to foot.

Tania: “Hey Davina, I think you’ve got mud in your eye! Haha!”

The camera lingered on a dishevelled Davina for a few seconds before switching to show Tom, who was ready to move onto the next segment.

Mini CSWL Match

Tom: “Our mini CSWL match featured one of the FA Cup semi finals, and both our players actually requested to appear on the show, as part of their friendly banter concerning which team would win.”

Tania: “Model Rosie Jones was supporting her Arsenal team and she joins us now.”

A pretty brunette walks on to join the hosts, wearing a long flowing skirt, skimpy black vest top, and black high heel shoes. She is clearly in high spirits with an alcoholic drink in her hand.

Tania: “Hi Rosie, and I bet you are very pleased with yourself?”

Rosie: “Yes indeed I am. My team Arsenal won 2-0 which means I get to see my friend get all messy!”

Tania: “Haha! Just to confirm that Arsenal did beat Manchester City by 2 goals to nil, which means glamour model Holly Peers has lost the mini CSWL match.”

The camera panned to a large dunk tank which has a scantily clad busty brunette seated on the edge of a precarious looking plank, above the tank.

Tania: “Hi there Holly. Do you have anything to say to Rosie?”

Holly let out a small smile “Yes! You may have won this game Rosie, but I want to bring you back on the next time the two sides meet, because City are going to make amends and thrash your team into oblivion!”

Tania: “Oooh fighting talk there from Holly! Do you accept Rosie?”

Rosie: “Too right I accept! It will be hilarious to see Holly get messy for a second time”

Tania: “Ok, it’s time for you to take a dip into our tank, but I think there is something else Rosie needs to do first. I’ll let Rosie explain”

Rosie is smiling as she is seen to be holding onto two long pieces of string. It becomes apparent the other end of the strings are attached to Holly’s bra and knickers “Holly and I agreed that whoever lost would be getting messy NAKED, so if I do this, then that should do the trick…”

The strings were pulled firmly, and both flimsy articles of underwear were instantly stripped from Holly to leave her wearing only a pair of high heel shoes. As Holly used her hands and arms to cover her modesty, the plank gave way and plunged the naked model into the tank. She landed with a splash into the waiting green-grey slop. After a second or two, the gunked model re-appeared from beneath the surface and stood in the tank with the gunge up to her waist. Rosie put her hands to her mouth as she tried to control her giggling as she saw her mucky friend with gunge dripping from her nipples and the undersides of her large tits.

Tom: “Another great gunging there, and Holly pays the price for the below-par performance put in by her beloved Manchester City. Let’s see where Davina is…..”

Even more mess for Davina

The camera pans to a new area of the studio to find that the mud-coated and underwear-clad 52 year old is in a bent forward position with her head and hands secured in a wooden type structure.

Tania: “I’ve found her Tom, she’s in the pillory!”

There is a close-up of Davina’s face which had been cleaned free of gunge and mud, and so was able to clearly show an expression of utter disbelief at the predicament she now found herself in.

Davina: “Let me out this instant!”

Tom: “You aren’t taking your sploshing very well at all! I think we might need to get out the rotten tomatoes”

Davina: “Don’t you dare…”

No sooner had the brunette uttered those words, a rather squelchy tomato splatted onto her forehead and broke into several pieces, sending a splatter of thick tomato juice over her face. Davina looked up as best she could from her pilloried position to see that it was Tania that had thrown it, and was cocking her arm again, about to launch another one.

SPLAT! With unerring accuracy, the tomato found Davina’s forehead again, giving her face another tomato juice shower.

Tom joined in, and between him and Tania they threw a score of tomatoes at their target, succeeding in making Davina even more messy.

Tania rubbed her hands with glee “That was fun! Tom, I think you are going to tell us about some more imminent fun”

Another mistake from the IT department

Tom: “Yes I am. Viewers may recall that during the previous episode we gunged Becky from our IT department for somehow managing to accidentally delete the vote results for the Gunge World Cup causing a revote. Well, a few more IT errors have since been uncovered and it’s only right we get Becky back on the show to discipline her again.”

Tania slowly walked to another dunk tank, which showed the sexy IT geek sitting on top of it. Glancing upwards to the spectacled and very short skirt attired brunette, Tania queried “Hello again Becky. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Becky: “It’s not fair. Hands up, I deserved the gunging on the previous show for the deleted votes, but I haven’t made any more errors and I don’t think I deserve to be sitting up here”

Tania: “According to the IT manager, you have made a few more cock-ups.”

Becky: “My IT colleagues have been teasing me all week about me getting gunged on the last episode, especially my manager. I wouldn’t put it past them to have made the errors themselves and then frame me for it!”

Tania: “Really! In that case I think we’ll have no option but to conduct another investigation into the issue”

Becky: “Great! Am I allowed to get down now?”

Tania: “Do you know what, given that you are already up there and the audience is already getting excited at the thought of you getting all mucky again, I don’t really want to disappoint anyone”

As she finished her sentence, Tania grinned as she pressed down on a button on a console that was adjacent to her. Becky squealed as her seat tipped her forwards, sending her spread-eagled into the slop below. She landed on her front and made quite a splash as she delved underneath the surface. The audience waited with bated breath until Becky re-appeared. Now standing up in the tank, the IT geek was covered in sticky chocolate sauce, with the sauce level in the tank coming up to her waist. The 22 year old ran her hands through her sticky hair and took her glasses off so she could see the enthusiastic responses she was getting from the audience at seeing her get dunked in chocolate sauce”

Tania’s Quiz

Tom joined Tania at the dunk tank console “We don’t have much time left, so do you want to introduce your next quiz?”

Tania: “Oh, I had completely forgotten about that. Yes, we will be having another quiz but sadly this will be the last one of the season!

It’s going to be a little different than normal, and if a viewer wants to take part, then they have to complete the quiz questions set out below.”

Authors Note: Trying out the ‘survey’ style in crowdsignal for the first time, so let’s see if this works! There is a section to include your tellygunge username and also to nominate a lady celebrity. For each question that is answered / predicted correctly, 10 points will be awarded. The viewer with the most points will see their nominated celebrity receive a messy prize. All the questions are based on the final round of Premiership matches to be played on Sunday afternoon. Deadline for entries will be 3pm Saturday (BST) and a short show will air on Sunday before the matches begin, to reveal all the entries and their answers / predictions.”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to the penultimate episode in the series of Totty. It’s our Emmerdale Special with Rosie Bentham, Isabel Hodgins, Roxy Shahidi, Eden Taylor Draper and Fiona Wade and maybe another surprise or two from the show” Katie Thistleton said stood there in a sexy pink summer dress. “Also Rosamund and Thandie will be having some fun with Oscar Winner Halle Berry in LA. We know Halle has been slimed at the KCAs and has an amazing body. So she’ll likely be up for some fun with those two later on” Amber Gill sporting a new long braided hairstyle and wearing a stunning black thong bikini added. “I thought it was the last but one episode and when was Halle ever in the Woolpack unless that is some sort of Hairy Muff gang” Maisie Smith in her usual tight workout gear added.

“If I was Lady Penelope then she certainly wouldn’t be Brains” Katie added giving Maisie a custard pie in the face. “You haven’t been on the Ganja again have you?” Amber asked Maisie ( who has been filmed this week smoking a rather dodgy looking cigarette in real life). “No it was only a herbal cigarette but it did relax me” Maisie replied laughing. “Great new hairstyle Amber” Katie said. “I was approached to have these done as part of BLM campaign” Amber said. “I thought it was to show how resistant to damage they were too?” Katie replied. “Yes that too” Amber replied laughing knowing what was about to happen. Maisie emptied a bucket of cold cream over Amber’s head as she screamed and jumped around with the cold. It ran slowly down her face and her long braids and onto her body. Katie then tipped a bucket of baked beans over Amber’s head and they even more slowly ran down her hair and face before Maisie and Katie rained half a dozen pies into her hair and face. Amber stood there spluttering with her braids tangled together. “They have passed” she said laughing.

“Of course Totty is all about equality” Amber continued emptying a bucket of cream over Maisie’s head and a bucket of baked beans over Katie’s head. Both stood there laughing as the items ran down their faces and bodies. “We also endorse Equality, I usually get my boobs out first but tonight Amber will” Maisie said as she pulled Amber’s top off and exposed her fabulous dusky breasts. “If we take it off, it stays off” Maisie yelled along with the audience. “Here have some more cream” Katie said pouring another bucket over Amber’s head as she stood there laughing and rubbing it into her boobs. “You have some too” Amber replied tipping another bucket of cream over Katie’s head. “What about me?” Maisie asked so Amber and Katie stuck a bucket of cream and beans over Maisie’s head. “What Am I like” she added sliding into her splits.

Wiping her eyes Katie said “Please welcome Rosie Bentham, Isabel Hodgins, Roxy Shahidi, Eden Taylor Draper and Fiona Wade” and the Emmerdale Ladies all walked on to cheers and whistles.

Rosie and Isobel were in very short skirts and skimpy tops, Roxy in sexy cropped workout gear, Eden a stunning pink bikini and Fiona a barely there black bra and knickers. “Wow girls you’ve really sexed it up and we’ve got little Rosie who doesn’t turn 19 until next week right up to super sexy Fiona who is 41” Amber said. “Also last week Samia Longchambon not only took the biggest celebrity gunging in Totty history but also had a ride on the Totty Torture Wheel. This week not one but two of our Emmerdale hotties will be taking a spin on it” she added.

I’ve got great tits and so have you” Maisie said grabbing Fiona by the hand to play the first game. “As you are wearing the skimpiest outfit we are going to play Bundock’s Bouncy Castle named after Slutty Sally Bundock from BBC Business who played this in a far too skimpy bikini and had her boobs falling out all over the place” Maisie added. “Why did I agree to come on here?” Fiona said giggling. “Well Isobel Steele was hesitating and we realised Mimi Slinger is under 18” Maisie replied laughing. “Sally was hilarious when she played this game and got covered in Horse Spunk. Her reaction was priceless” Fiona said. “Yes Sally really let everything go, I’m hope you’ll be as game” Maisie replied. “Well I’m the oldest lady on here and I’m in the skimpiest outfit” Fiona countered. “You are in it for now” Maisie concluded smiling as Fiona shook her head laughing.

The bouncy castle was wheeled on. “Okay you will see seven chords hanging from the roof of the castle we have to run and jump and pull them alternatively before we jointly figure out how to reach the final higher chord . Stuff will fall on us when we pull the chords and I’ve a feeling the rest of the girls will be sending some goodies our way” Maisie said. “I’m good to go” Fiona replied clapped her hands and laughing.

“Okay go” Maisie shouted and Fiona ran bouncing across the castle giggling as her boobs bounced up and down. Isobel appeared over the side of the castle and threw a buck of ice cold milk over Fiona who screamed as it ran glistening off her athletic olive skinned body. She jumped for her first chord and pulled it as a load of natural yogurt fell on her. The thick white substance fell splat onto her long black hair and ran down her body as she ran back and took another bucket of milk from Isabel. Maisie ran laughing and bouncing across the castle and Amber appeared and threw a bucket of blancmange at her. Maisie jumped for her first chord and pulled it getting covered in natural yogurt. She laughed as it covered her already messed up hair and ran back taking another bucket of blancmange over the back of her head.

Fiona ran for her second chord and Rosie popped up and threw a bucket of custard right in her face. “You bitch” Fiona screamed as she wiped her eyes and jumped for her second chord but as she did Rosie threw another bucket of custard perfectly over her. Fiona slipped over and her boobs fell out of her bra. She stood up and leapt up pulling the chord and got covered in a load of baked beans. She stood there as they ran over her long messed up hair, down her face, over her boobs and belly but Rosie landed another bucket of custard right in her face as she began to run back making her fall over flat on her face again. Rosie rained a forth bucket of custard perfectly over her bum and back as Fiona literally crawled back.

Maisie hoisted Fiona up by her bra but it snapped and came off in Maisie’s hand and Fiona fell back down face first onto the bouncy castle in hysterics. “If it snaps off it stays off” Maisie yelled sprinting across the slippery bouncy castle and taking a bucket of cold milk from Katie in the face. Maisie leapt and pulled her cord and got drenched in baked beans before rolling back and mainly avoiding another bucket of milk. Fiona now topless ran across the bouncy castle her pert boobs bouncing up and down as Roxy appeared over the side of the castle and launched a bucket of blancmange over her. Fiona leapt for her next cord her boobs bouncing up and down manically and pulled it getting drenched in rice pudding and falling over as Roxy launched another bucket of blancmange right in her face. Fiona literally skidded back avoiding a final bucket of blancmange.

Maisie raced across the bouncy castle as Eden launched a bucket of custard at her which hit her mainly on the back. Maisie leapt for her chord and pulled it getting doused in rice pudding and skidded back skillfully avoiding another bucket of custard. Maisie and Fiona looked at the higher final chord and charged towards it as Amber and Katie turned two foam hoses on them. Maisie dragged the smaller Fiona along with her and then hoisted her onto her shoulders as the foam rained down on them. But Fiona got hit in the face by a foam onslaught and reached down to steady herself but grabbing hold of Maisie’s top to steady herself fell backwards and pulled Maisie’s top up exposing her large orb like breasts.

Maisie threw her top off and grabbed Fiona up and hoisted her up by her hips and briefs to pull the chord. Fiona reached up to pull it but screamed as she was in a painful wedgie. Maisie just powered her further up and as she pulled the chord her briefs literally snapped and as she plummeted downwards the briefs shot up her body ending up stretched and split under her armpits as a load of pig swill engulfed both the ladies and they fell down in a heap with Fiona showing everything. Maisie struggled up and helped a rather shocked Fiona up who stood there with a clean shaven muff and her petite bum on display. “At least you’ve still got your knickers on” Maisie said laughing. “Around my armpits not my fucking arse” the totally destroyed Fiona replied still trying to comprehend what had happened.

“Please thank the amazingly petite and beautiful but an incredible sport Fiona Wade. Stop winking at me” Maisie said as she and Fiona took a bow to huge applause.

“Now we are going to see who ends up on the Totty Hot Spot below our Chute to the Pies with the other four girls whilst Fiona gets her breath back” Katie said. “We have really upped the budget and added a fourth lane” Amber added pointing to 4 initial stars on the floor. “If the answer to the question is yes you move forward onto the next star” she added. There were 4 lots of 4 stars on the floor and then a big Red Star at the end. It was under a builder’s chute attached to a raised platform. “If you end up on the Totty Hot Spot you may wonder what will happen. We’ll show you” Katie said beckoning Rosie to join her as Amber stood on the raised platform.

“This” Amber said stood on the raised platform and emptied a bucket down the builder’s chute. Katie was hit by a barrage of salad cream . She stood there with the thick pale yellow emulsion dripping off her hair and running down into her ample cleavage “Or This” Amber added laughing and emptied a bucket of oxtail soup down the chute just as Katie pulled Rosie under the chute. The dark liquid cascaded over Rosie’s long fair hair and over her face and turned her white top an unpleasant dark colour. “Or finally this” Amber said emptying a bucket of ice cold yogurt down the chute as Katie pulled herself and Rosie under the chute. Rosie screamed as the cold yogurt hit her and ran a lumpy white mess down her back and cleavage.

“There are other ways to take it . You could take it over your boobs” Katie said as Maisie and Fiona walked back on and stood under the chute. Amber emptied a bucket of Semolina down the chute and it went into both girls’ faces and over their boobs. “Haven”t I had enough muck on me?! Fiona screamed. “You are going into Samia Longthingy territory” Maisie replied. “Or down the front of your trousers, skirt, bikini briefs” Amber said laughing as Maisie pushed Fiona out of the way and pulled the front of her Leggings open and Amber emptied a bucket of custard down the chute. It went on Maisie’s stomach and down her leggings. Maisie looked at the chute and then back at the naked Fiona. “This chute reminds me of your fanny” Maisie said to Fiona who pushed her out of the way and got a bucket of mushy peas on her head.

“There is one final way to take the mess. Maisie said.“You can take it on your bum but you have to lift your skirt up or pull down your trousers. I need a bum to demonstrate” she adding smiling at the destroyed and messy Fiona. Slowly Fiona walked forward and Maisie pointed Fiona’s bum under the chute and bent her over as if she was touching her toes. Amber emptied a bucket of ice cold water down it. Fiona screamed as the water hit her bum and hopped about comically. “That was bleeding cold” she shouted. “It wasn’t” Maisie said as she hugged her but Amber emptied another bucket of cold natural yogurt down the chute right over their heads. “Look at my nipples” Fiona shouted as she pointed to them pert with the cold. “Nearly as odd as mine” Maisie replied pushing her boobs into Fiona’s face. “Let’s hear it again for Fiona and Maisie” Katie said as Rosie took her place back on the start line with the other girls.

“Lets welcome a surprise guest Isobel Steele” Katie said. Isobel walked on smiling dressed up as if she was going out for the night.

“What have you done to poor Fiona?” Isobel asked as she looked over at the state of Fiona. “If you’d have agreed to be a full contestant, we’d have done the same to you” Amber replied. “God, I hope not. But I recommend you all vote for Rosie Bentham to go on the Torture Wheel” Isobel said. “You bitch” Rosie screamed sticking her tongue out at Isobel. “That may not be a good idea Rosie as Isobel will be our guest gunger on this game” Katie said as Isobel walked up onto the platform.

“Okay first question is. If you are in Emmerdale please move forward the next star” Amber said. All the girls moved forward onto their second stars, “Okay the second question is move forward if more than one other girl has played your character on the show” Katie said. All the girls bar Roxy moved forward to their third stars. “Okay third question is move forward if you are wearing a skirt” Amber said. Rosie and Isabel moved forward and the bikini clad Eden stayed put. “Okay move onto the Totty Hot Spot if you appeared on Crackerjack with Isobel Steele” Katie said. Rosie slowly stepped onto the Totty Hot Spot as Isabel stayed on her fourth star.

“So you and Isobel were on Crackerjack and I hear that one person got messy when the other one should have done?” Katie said. “Yes Izzy’s balloon wouldn’t burst properly so they gunged me instead” Rosie said. “What were you gunged with?” Amber asked “This” Isobel shouted emptying a bucket of Cadburys creme egg filling down the chute onto Rosie’s head. Rosie stood there as the white and cream glop formed a messy mass on her head and slowly ran down her face and into her top. “What would you have been gunged with?” Katie asked Isobel “This” she replied emptying a bucket of mushy peas down the chute onto Rosie’s head. Rosie stood there spluttering and said “I know how Caprice feels”. “So you’ll take the next on your bum?” Katie asked. “I never said that” Rosie protested as Katie hoisted her skirt up to display a pair of quite sexy white knickers.

Laughing Isobel emptied a bucket of custard down the chute and it splashed over Rosie’s bum and back. “What do you think Rosie should have been gunged in?” Amber asked Isobel. “This” she replied emptying a bucket of baked beans down the chute over Rosie’s head destroying her even more. “Okay Rosie where do you want the next bucket?” Katie asked. “Down my top and over my boobs” Rosie replied wiping her eyes. Katie looked down Rosie’s top and said “No bra. I have a proposition for you” and whispered something to Rosie who looked up at Isobel and smiled. Rosie positioned her boobs and face under the chute as laughing Isobel emptied a bucket of cold natural yogurt down the chute. Rosie screamed as it went splat in her face and down her top and started jumping around with the cold. “Maybe let it out” Katie said as Rosie untucked her top and yogurt fell to the floor. She began to ring her top out. “Let me help you” Maisie said walking on and lifted Rosie’s top up a bit more and then pulled it over her head and off completely.

Rosie screamed and put her hands over her young pert breasts as Isobel gasped but emptied another bucket of cold yogurt over Rosie giving her another white covering. “I’m so sorry Rosie. What Am I like” Maisie said. “Do you think that was mean Isobel?” Maisie shouted up the chute and Isobel emptied a bucket of oxtail soup over Maisie’s head. “Now that was mean Isobel” Maisie said wiping her eyes. “Can you tell me why Rosie?” she added. “Well Isobel laughed when I was gunged in her place on Crackerjack, she is an amazing singer and I was told by Katie if I got my boobs out then Izzy could play a bonus game of Maisie I’m Amazed” Rosie said laughing as Isobel screamed.

Maisie ran up the stairs of the platform her boobs bouncing majestically and took Isobel’s hand. “Please come with me” she said leading Isobel down the stairs. “I cannot believe you set me up” she yelled at a laughing Rosie who wiggled her boobs in Isobel’s face. “What do you think she should sing?” Maisie asked Rosie. “She does a great version of The Winner Takes It All” Rosie replied as Isobel stood there shaking her head in disbelief.

“But this dress is hired” Isobel protested. “I’ll lend you my knickers” Fiona shouted over pointing to the pair of ripped knickers still around her armpits. “Well Izzy, I think you have 3 choices, you do Maisie I’m Amazed in that dress, you take the dress off or we take it off for you?” Katie said as the other Emmerdale girls formed a circle around her. “Okay I’ll take it off as I don’t want to get it messy” Isobel said taking her dress off to loud wolf whistles. She handed her dress to Roxy who took it from her for safe keeping. Isobel slowly stood up in a matching strapless bra and briefs trying to cover her modesty.

“Nice pair Izzy” Maisie said. “Don’t embarrass me more” Isobel replied. “As if I’d do that” Maisie replied smiling. “Just promise me you won’t pull down my knickers or bra” Isobel asked. “I promise but they could fall down on their own” Maisie replied. Isobel groaned. “Are you sure you want to do Maisie I’m Amazed, we can just stick a bucket or two of something over your head and you can bugger off” Maisie said joking. This made Isobel laugh and she said “I’m not that much of a square” as the other girls chanted “Izzy, Izzy”.

Laughing Maisie lead Isobel across the stage as Isobel walked across a grid a spurt of blue gunge shot up her skirt. Isobel screamed and began to laugh. Maisie walked her back and nothing happened. Maisie called Katie, Rosie and Isabel over and they all walked over the grid and got a spurt of gunge up their skirts. “That felt nice” Katie said laughing. “I think it effects girls who are wearing knickers. Take yours off and see what happens? Maisie said jokingly to Isobel. “No way, I know your rules” Isobel replied laughing. “Okay lets do this together” Maisie said as they both walked back across the grid and several spurts of gunge hit them.

Isobel took her place on the stage and the music started. She looked around nervously as Maisie hovered behind her pulling on a crash mat and then carrying on a step ladder and a couple of buckets as Isobel began to sing. Maisie climbed up the ladder and emptied a bucket of semolina over Isobel’s head. The white lumpy substance slowly ran down her face and hair before nestling into her ample cleavage, Isobel screamed and began to giggle as Maisie climbed the ladder again with the second bucket. But as Isobel got to the line “The loser’s standing small” Maisie fell off the ladder and stuck the bucket “accidentally” over her own head. She crawled around with the bucket on her head and found Isobel and felt her way up her body. Isobel screamed as Maisie put her hand on Isobel’s boobs. “My boobs” Isobel shouted. “My tits” Maisie replied putting Isobel’s hands on her boobs as Amber threw another bucket of semolina over them.

Maisie took the bucket off her head and wondered off as Isobel continued to sing. It got to the line “Their minds as cold as ice” and Maisie dumped a bucket of cold natural yogurt over Isobel’s head. Isobel screamed with the cold and as Maisie liberally rubbed it into her hair, boobs and stomach. She even stuck some down Isobel’s knickers which made Isobel scream louder than ever as the song finished. Maisie gave Isobel a kiss and a hug. “Maisie is amazed” she said as the crowd chanted “Izzy, Izzy”.

“Isobel you were as incredible as your tits” Maisie said as she and Isobel took a bow. Rosie walked over to congratulate Isobel who wiped her eyes and began to ring her hair out. “Do you think you’ve got even with Izzy?” Maisie asked. “Definitely” Rosie replied. “Worth getting them out to do it?” Isobel joked. “Definitely” Rosie screamed again pushing her boobs into Isobel’s face. “Hang on don’t you have a birthday next week?” Maisie asked Rosie. “Yes I turn 19 next week” Rosie said. “How old are you Izzy?” Maisie asked. “I’m 19” Isobel replied. “That is funny I’m 19 too. When Rosie turns 19, it will be 19+19+19 making 57. Didn’t something happen with Samia when we mentioned 57 last time?” Maisie asked innocently. Suddenly a huge deluge of Heinz products, baked beans, soups, spaghetti, sauces, salad creams and dressing crashed down on all three teenagers as Amber, Katie and the other Emmerdale girls unleashed additional buckets onto them.

Maisie, Rosie and Isobel stood there totally covered and in shock. “Whoops what am I like. I must never mention 57 again” Maisie said sliding into her splits as a second deluge hit the girls. Rosie was knocked off her week and pulled Isobel down with them. Maisie struggled to get up as Isobel tried to scramble up her and Rosie up Isobel. However Maisie’s leggings conveniently came down and she stood there with them around her ankles with her shaven muff and peachy bum on display. However as Isobel had slipped her bra had been pulled loose and her large jugular breasts were on display. Rosie instinctively pulled Isobel’s bra off and threw it into the cheering audience. “You ****** bitch” Isobel yelled and reached down pulling Rosie’s skirt off and spinning her around by her feet. Rosie grimly held onto her knickers but displayed a fair amount of bum cleavage as Maisie tried to separate them but they pulled her down again and spun her around naked in all the gunk. Rosie pulled the back of Isobel’s knickers down displaying her peachy bum briefly as the other girls cheered and laughed.

Slowly all three stood up and regained some composure. “I am so equal with you” Rosie screamed at Isobel. “I so hope she goes on the Torture Wheel and I wish I could spin it” Isobel retorted. “Okay Izzy, I’ve got a dare for you”. “These aren’t coming off” Isobel said holding onto her sodden off colour briefs. “No they stay on and you stay on” Maisie said. “I’m assuming you were hoping to go off and get cleaned up now ?” Maisie asked Isobel. “Yes of course” she replied. “Well you stay on Totty, messy and topless until the end of the show like Rosie is going to do. If Rosie is voted on the wheel. You can spin it” Maisie said. Rosie was sticking her tongue out at Isobel and goosing her. “You know what I’ll do it” Isobel replied ticking Rosie back as everyone cheered. “Just one more thing Izzy. Do a star jump. I want to see them bounce” Maisie dared her starting an “Izzy’s tits” chant. Unable to stop laughing Isobel did it and her melon like breasts bounced up into her face.

“How many times will I have to do this?” Isobel asked. “Whenever we feel like it” Katie said cutting in. “Okay Isabel, Roxy and Eden. In part two a couple of you will be playing a game created by Elisabeth Dermot Walsh and Laura Rollins from Doctors on the Tiswas/OTT revival called Over, Down or Off and I played it with Johanna Konta a couple of weeks ago” she added. “The remaining girl will with Katie and myself take part in a transatlantic like for like sketch with Rosamund Pike, Thandie Newton and Halle Berry!” Amber said. “Damn, Halle is one of my heroines” Fiona screamed as Roxy, Eden and Isabel looked at each other. “Whilst they think, Izzy star jump” Katie commanded. Isobel giggling did another star jump as the audience cheered and chanted “Izzy’s tits”.

“Over, Down or Off is extreme but you just wonder how far Rosamund and Thandie will go with Halle. I hear she is game for most things” Amber suggested laughing. “Okay as I’ve got short hair and Halle was famous for having short hair. I’ll be your cut price Halle” Isabel said shaking her head wondering what was likely to happen. “So Roxy and Eden will play Over, Down or Off?” Katie confirmed. “Yes wearing a bikini wasn’t a good idea to play that game” Eden replied laughing. “I’m terrified what Thandie and Rosamund might do and we have to do it too, so I went for the other game” Roxy concluded.

“Okay join us in Part 2 where Roxy and Eden will be playing Over, Down or Off” Katie said. “Isabel will be joining Katie and myself to mirror and decide what Thandie, Rosamund and Halle Berry do in LA” Amber added. “Then we’ll have some messy finale game featuring all the Emmerdale girls and Isobel. Izzy Star Jump” Maisie said as Isobel shaking her head did her third star jump to the chorus of “Izzy’s tits” as they bounced up and down. “How many more?” she asked. “Wait until Roz and Thandie get started with you!” Amber said.

“Plus it’s your last chance to vote for which Emmerdale girl goes on the Totty Torture Wheel. The two girls with the most votes take a spin into sin” Katie said as part one ended.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(As this is the final episode in the series, this story contains excessive nudity)

Intro

Tom: “Welcome to what will be the final episode of ‘Football is Coming Home’. As a result we have an extended show tonight to go out with a big bang. Normally, Tania will be by side as assistant host, but not tonight. Don’t worry as we’ll be seeing Tania a little later on in a rather different role for her, but more about that later. Deputising for her tonight and fresh from her appearance on ‘A Welcome Return’ and also from the first couple of episodes of this show, it’s none other than Nikki!”

Rapturous applause greeted the buxom brunette as the estate agent-turned-presenter joined Tom on stage, sporting a sexy orange dress showing plenty of cleavage, black stockings and black high heel shoes.

Tom: “Hi Nikki. I see you have cleaned up well since I last saw you a few days ago on the  ‘A Welcome Return’ TV show.

Nikki: “Yes, I got well and truly sploshed in the Gunge Mixer! But enough about that, I am really looking forward to this show.”

Tom: “Hah, I suppose that wouldn’t have anything to do with Tania, when she appears later on in the show?”

Nikki: “You bet it is!”

Tom faces the camera “More about that later, but it’s time to give Holly Hamilton some more of her prizes for winning the Gunge World Cup.  Will you be able to help me give these out, Nikki?”

Nikki rubbed her hands with glee “It would be my pleasure”

Holly’s Prize Continues

Tom and Nikki start to walk over to another part of the studio, where the camera captures a close up on a pretty blonde’s face.

As the camera pans out, it can be seen that the sports presenter is stood upright with her back against a strippers pole. As the picture pans out further, it becomes glaringly obvious that Holly is attired in just a pair of skimpy black knickers, black stockings and high heel shoes and has a rope around her waist which is tied around the pole. As the 33 year old is topless, she has her hands firmly grasping her tits to desperately protect her modesty.

Tom: “Hello Holly. Fancy seeing you here! Haha!”

Holly flashed Tom a sarcastic smile “Yeah, what a surprise!”

Nikki joined in “Hiya Holly. I don’t think we’ve met before. You don’t look very comfortable at all!”

Holly: “No we haven’t met, but i’ve seen you on these type of shows before and to be honest, I’m surprised I’m meeting you with you wearing clothing. Normally you seem to have your tits out, and have a knack of getting covered in some sort of mucky slop!”

Seemingly taking offence at Holly’s description of her TV show career to date, Nikki crosses her arms and taps her left high heel shoe on the floor “Is that right, let’s see if you like flaunting your goods to the viewing public?”

With a quick movement, Nikki grasped Holly’s arms and drew them behind the pole and quickly snapped a pair of handcuffs on her wrists to leave the petite blonde topless and exposed. Holly’s cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

Nikki: “Let me show you some of the things I’ve learned from being on these types of shows!”

Grabbing a nearby tub of partially melted ice cream, Nikki used the forefinger on her other hand to pull away the elasticated top of Holly’s knickers and began to pour the cold ice cream inside. The shackled blonde squealed as her underwear flooded with the cold dessert and gave her a strange sensation as it came into contact with her most sensitive areas. Not satisfied with that, Nikki turned to the back of her knickers and dumped the remaining ice cream in. Holly squealed again as the cold slosh swarmed over her bum cheeks. The feeling of her knickers being filled with ice cream was suddenly overtaken by the sinking feeling that her knickers were straining to stay in position and started to sag downwards. Holly looked downwards and could see the flimsy garment starting to slip, as the ice cream  streamed down her stockinged legs and pooled around her high heel shoes. Being cuffed, there was nothing she could do to prevent more exposure.

Holly: “Oh no, I’m going to be totally naked on primetime TV!”

Nikki seemed strangely concerned “Don’t worry Holly, let me try and stop that from happening”

Moving behind Holly, the expression on Nikki changed from a helpful one to a mischievous one, as she grasped the sides of Holly’s knickers and pulled sharply upwards. The 33 year old had already squealed a few times, but the squeal she emitted this time was much louder, as she was given an ice cream wedgie. Holly felt the ice cream go everywhere as Nikki giggled behind her, and continued to pull her knickers upwards to maintain the wedgie in place. With Holly’s legs floundering to try (unsuccessfully) to alleviate the force of the wedgie, Nikki whispered into her victim’s ear “Do you want me to stop?”

Holly gasped “YES YES please”

Nikki: “You’ll have to ask me nicely”

Holly: “Eh, what do you mean?”

Nikki: “You have to say ‘Nikki, can you pull my knickers down please’ “

Holly: “Eh, Ok then anything to make this stop. Nikki, can you pull my knickers down please?”

Nikki smiled with an evil grin “Whatever you say Holly!”

Nikki relented with the knickers pulling and Holly let out a huge sigh of relief. However that didn’t last for long as Nikki began to pull the flimsy knickers down, past her bottom and down her stockinged legs.

Agahst at being exposed further, Holly complained “Hey, what do you think you are doing?”

Nikki: “You specifically asked me to pull your knickers down and that’s exactly what I am doing!”

Nikki pulled the flimsy garment completely down until it nestled around Hollys ankles and Hollys cheeks went a further shade of red as her shaved and ice cream covered muff was revealed to all. With her hands cuffed behind the pole, there wasn’t anything that Holly could do to cover herself, a fact that made Nikki chortle.

The busty presenter tottered off stage, only to return seconds later holding a hose. Standing in front of Holly, she switched it on and a blast of white circus-type slosh splattered over Holly’s front. Nikki took great delight in directing the hose up and down the blonde’s body, ensuring she was fully coated with the slosh, before switching the hose off.

With Holly panting at receiving her naked gunging, Nikki turned to Tom “Is that enough?”

Tom: “Hmmm not quite, we’ll come back to see Holly a little later on. But we do need to announce the results from Tania’s Final Day Premier League Quiz. Given that Tania isn’t around, do you want to tell the viewers about the Quiz?

Tania’s Quiz Results

Nikki: “With pleasure Tom! A total of 24 viewers entered the quiz and each nominated a celebrity lady. There were some very high scores with most viewers predicting that Leicester would finish outside the top 4, Villa would avoid relegation, and that Liverpool would win their match against Newcastle. However there were 2 viewers who definitely know did remarkably well and they got 7 out of 8 questions correct and scored 70 points apiece to end up as joint winners of the quiz. The TV monitor above me shows the final scores of all the entries.”

Nikki: “As you can see from the graphic, the two ‘winning’ nominated lady celebrities are Coronation Street’s Lucy Fallon and breakfast TV weathergirl Laura Tobin.”

Tom: “And it is with immense pleasure that I can announce both ladies are with us tonight.”

On together walked a blonde lady and a brunette lady, as they join the hosts on stage. One seems unperturbed about being on the show and enjoys the applause from the audience, whilst the other seems a little annoyed. Lucy seemed the happiest of the guests and is wearing a very short light blue dress with buttons down the front and a tie around the waist to keep the dress in place. The camera did a full length shot of the actress showing her shapely legs, and a pair of open-toed high heel shoes.

Meanwhile, grumpy Laura is wearing a floral patterned dress. The 38 year old complements this with a pink buttoned up shirt, black tights and black high heel shoes.

Tom turns to Laura first “Tough luck Laura. Looks like being nominated by 2 viewers didn’t really turn out well for you!”

Laura snorted “No it didn’t! I’m really annoyed I was nominated, let alone nominated twice.”

Tom directs his next question to Lucy “How are you feeling about being on the show?”

Lucy: “Do you know what, I’m actually looking forward to getting messy! I think my fans are going to love seeing me receive my winners prize.”

Tom: “That’s more like it Lucy! Why can’t all our guests be like you?”

Lucy giggled and shrugged her shoulders. It appeared that the actress may have had a few drinks before the show as she also hiccuped before asking Tom “Do I take my dress off now?”

Nikki answered for Tom “It’s a bit early, but if you want to, go right ahead!”

Lucy hiccuped again before beginning what seemed to be a well rehearsed striptease routine. Her dress, bra and knickers ended up in a heap on the floor, as Lucy cavorted in front of the audience in just a pair of high heel shoes.

As the audience applause died down, all eyes now turned to Laura.

Laura: “If you think I’m doing the same, then think again!”

Lucy and Nikki smiled at each other as they ambushed the weathergirl and started to strip her until she was wearing just her black tights and high heel shoes. Using her hands to cover her tits, Laura looked daggers at the duo, before tutting loudly “I should have guessed I’d end up topless on this ghastly show!”

Nikki: “Ok ladies, time for your prize. If you can make your way to our gunge tank please.”

Whilst Lucy skipped to the tank, Laura grudgingly followed with a slow walk. They were heading for a perspex gunge tank which was just about large enough for two people to stand up in, and the duo were ushered inside and Nikki closed the door. Counting down from 10, Nikki put her hand on the lever and when it reached zero, she pulled down hard. The large nozzle above the ‘winners’ gurgled into life and thick purple gunge splurged all over them. Lucy appeared to be having immense fun as she let the slop cover her all over, with he arms at her side, whilst Laura did her best to use her arms to cover her face but only succeeded in revealing her naked tits to the viewers and still getting coated in the squishy mess.

As the flow of gunge slowed to a trickle, the door was opened and Lucy bounded out and did a twirl for the audience showing off her purple gunge coated body, whilst Laura stepped out gingerly, moving her hands back to cover her modesty.

Nikki: “Did you enjoy that ladies?”

Lucy nodded enthusiastically while Laura sighed “The guys at breakfast TV are going to love this! They teased me for weeks after the last time I got stripped and messy on late night TV”

Tom: “An excellent prize for our winners! I think we need to see how our Holly is getting on.”

More mess for Holly

Tom and Nikki stride over to the still cuffed, naked and slopped sports presenter.

Nikki is handed the hose again and grins wickedly at Holly as she braces herself. A jet of water sprays out and soaks the petite blonde from top to bottom, washing away most of the white slosh and ice cream. With a squeezy bottle of chocolate sauce, Nikki squirts the whole bottle into her black stockings causing sauce to slowly trickle down her legs. Holly fidgeted uncomfortably as her stockings trapped the sticky sauce against her sexy legs.

Both Tom and Nikki picked up a tray of large eggs and simultaneously started to crack them on the top of Hollys head and against her forehead. As the blonde yelped with each crack, her sodden hair became matted with egg, and eggy blobs dripped from her nose and chin.

Buckets of multi-coloured gunge were brought on and placed in front of Holly. Nikki and Tom took it in turns to throw the contents at point blank range, coating the blonde Irish lady in gunge.

Tom: “Please put your hands together for the winner of the Gunge World Cup!”

As the audience applauded, the camera went in for a final close-up of the gunked sports reporter before switching back to Tom.

Present for Villa Fans

Tom: “We’ve reached the part of the show which I think Nikki is looking forward to the most. Behind this curtain is someone who will be very familiar to many viewers of the show….”

Tom takes a couple of steps back and pulls the curtain back to reveal that a scantily clad blonde has her arms above her head with her hands secured in handcuffs dangling from the overhead beam.

Tom: “Hello Tania, and thanks for joining us, albeit you are a little late!”

Tania: “Very funny Tom! I knew you guys would be planning something for me on the last show, and here I am!”

Tom: “That Aston Villa shirt on you looks very fetching!”

Tania: “Huh, you mean my half-shirt! Whose idea was it to cut the bottom half off! It doesn’t even cover all of my breasts! And these claret knickers are far too small for me”

Tom: “I think that maybe something to do with the lady next to me.”

Nikki smiled at her mini CSWL opponent from the first couple of episodes when it was Nikki that ended up losing and getting messy whilst Tania remained clean “Yes I have to admit, I did that! Anyway I think the Villa fans (especially the male ones) will prefer my specially adapted version of their teams kit. As Villa did so well in avoiding relegation with a miraculous unbeaten run in their last few matches, we thought we would extend their fans survival celebrations a little further. So there are a few people very eager to meet you!”

41 Villa fans, all over 18 years old, trooped onto the stage and formed a line to the side of Tania. Each fan was holding a Vanilla cream pie, which had been artificially coloured with the clubs colours, claret and blue.

Tania: “Oh no, this is going to get messy!”

What followed was a pie smushing frenzy as one by one, the fans deposited their pies all over poor Tania. Halfway through, Nikki decided to increase Tania’s embarrassment and pulled her Villa shirt up further to reveal her large bouncy tits and pulled down her claret knickers, to give the rest of the fans fresh targets. It was no surprise that the remainder of the pies were smushed on her tits, muff and bottom.

After the final fan had delivered his pie, the blonde host was a complete creamy claret and blue mess.

Nikki clapped in delight at the state of her nemesis “41 pies for Tania, one pie for each goal scored by Villa in the Premier League this season. Superb!”

As the audience applause died down, the camera focused back onto Tom, who had a serious look on his face “It is with regret I have to tell you all, that the scoring for Tania’s Quiz had to be done manually because the automated system that our IT employee Becky devised, couldn’t cope with all the goals being scored on the last day.

IT Geek gets messy yet again!

All eyes turned to the side of the studio as a large dunk tank is slowly wheeled on.

Sitting over the top of the tank is a 22 year old brunette. She is wearing slightly less than she would be in the office, attired only in a cute blue and white polka-dot bra, a pair of blue knickers under a pair of white tights. The cute IT worker swayed her legs playfully as the contents of the tank underneath her lapped against her tights-clad feet.

Tom spread his arms wide “What happened?”

The IT geek nervously re-positioned her glasses on her head, before replying “I just don’t know. It should have worked perfectly as I had done lots of tests on it, but I have a funny feeling that  my system was tampered with on purpose so that it would fail…”

Tom: “You mean so that you would end up exactly where you are now, in just your underwear!”

Becky: “Yes!”

Tom shakes his head from side to side, before letting out a wry smile “I can’t think of anyone who would do that!”

Without any further warning, the large red button on the side of the tank was pushed, which jerked Becky’s seat forward, sending her flying into the air in a spread-eagled fashion before falling into the waiting contents of the tank. She landed with an almighty splash and couldn’t prevent herself from delving beneath the surface. The camera focused on the tank as Becky re-appeared, clawing at the green gunk in her hair and face “Hey, what is this disgusting stuff?”

Tom: “It’s pea soup, but we’ve made it extra thick just for you!”

Becky: “Gee, thanks!”

Wrapping Up

Tom looks down at his watch “That’s just about it for the show, so we hope you enjoyed the series where we managed to gunge and slop quite a few attractive ladies. It just leaves me to say a big thank you to all our guests and of course to Aston Villa fans favourite TV presenter, Tania. Make sure to tune in to a new show featuring the final stages of the Champions League in a couple of weeks or so, to be hosted by Kirsty Gallacher and Hayley McQueen.”

As the credits rolled, a cleaned up Holly, Lucy and Laura who are all wearing matching white silk dressing gowns and white high heel shoes storm onto the stage and wrestle a protesting Nikki to the floor. It didn’t take them any time at all to remove her dress to leave her topless, and they frog-march the TV host to a space next to the still handcuffed and pied Tania.

Nikki looked upwards to see a spare set of handcuffs dangling from the overhead beam and gulped as the three ladies secured her hands in them to leave her tits exposed yet again. Holly smiled “I think I’ve seen those beauties before! Haha!” before Holly, Lucy and Laura started a custard pieing frenzy, splattering the big boobed brunette with umpteen pies all over her body until she was dripping with custard and cream.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/26/carry-on-caprice-episode-4-the-set-up-and-vote-at-end-of-story/

Caprice seemed in a happier mood as she arrived at the studios to film episode 4 of Carry On Caprice. She got out of her Addison Lee car and gave the driver a signed photo of herself to show her gratitude. She was wearing a red checked shirt, denim shorts and was bra-less as usual and this was teamed with some thigh high boots. She heard a yell “The hotel is around the corner love” and looked around to see Four of Diamonds her show band stood there. “I didn’t know it was you Caprice” Yasmin admitted. “Who else would dress like this?” Caprice demanded. “We honestly thought it was an escort. We didn’t recognize you without a fish sticking out of your bum cheeks” Sophia joked. “An escort, they wouldn’t be able to afford boots like these” Caprice yelled. “You’d make a great leading lady in panto wearing them” Lauren said. “I nearly did panto once” Caprice admitted. “You’d be great doing your slapstick stuff” Caroline added. “If you ever do decide to do it we could go as a package deal to do Cinderella. One of us as Cinders, one as the fairy godmother and the other two of us as the Ugly Sisters” Yasmin suggested. “But I’d have to be the Fairy Godmother” Caprice insisted. “No you’d need to be the Wicked Stepmother to be able to do your comedy slapstick and at your age” Lauren concluded as they walked with Caprice to her dressing room.

Caprice settled down in her dressing room she had decided to sing “Seasons of Love” from the musical Rent as one of her solo numbers. Her other number was the title song from Anything Goes she thought she would be performing with Ronan Keating and Amber Davis. Like a true star Caprice never bothered to read her script, she just relied on cue cards. The Producer knocked on her door. “Come in Darling” Caprice said beckoning him in. “Okay it’s my opening monologue, the girls do their number, we have a bit of banter with the first two guests. We do Anything Goes. Let’s go for swimwear for that I can plug my brand After the break, I do my monologue to my PA, perform Seasons of Love and The Apprentice with the other guests. Let’s be ironic and wear swimwear for that too” she rattled on. “I guess you’ve summed it up, pretty well” he replied. “You know how I hate getting messy, so lets just go for gentle humour” she added smiling.

Four of Diamonds saw the Producer leaving Caprice’s dressing room. “She seems happy, just rattled off what we will be doing. Even joked about not getting messy as usual” he said. “I love how she doesn’t like to know what will happen and just reacts so naturally as if she really does hate it. But we know she is just playing us” Lauren said. “Yes, I reckon you are right. She has demanded swimwear for both sketches. So clearly knows what the A Pie Twice is and wants to make it better” the producer concluded as he returned to the gallery.

To cheer herself up Caprice went out for a walk and of course ensured that she was photographed by her personal paparazzi.

On the way back into the studio she was greeted by Missy Keating the daughter of Ronan Keating and Love Island star Mollie May Hague who were taking part in the Anything Goes sketch. “Hi Caprice, love the show. I’m Missy Keating” Missy said “And I’m Mollie May Hague” Mollie Mae added. Both were in thong bikinis as they had got Caprice’s instruction for swimwear.

Caprice quickly gave them both a signed photo of herself and hurried back to her dressing room. She called Lauren from Four of Diamonds to her room. “It’s a coincidence that you said my stylish outfit was escort like as I’ve seen two real ones brazenly wondering around the corridor. They even introduced themselves to me, a Missy Keating which is ironic given Ronan Keating is supposed to be on the show and a Mollie May Vague” she said. “That’s hilarious and why not wear your current outfit for Anything Goes number and reference that?” Lauren suggested. “Great idea, I’ll do that with Ronan and Amber Davis” Caprice replied.

Lauren returned to Four of Diamonds dressing room “Caprice is in great form tonight. She saw Missy and Mollie Mae walking about and has decided they look like escorts too. She’ll wear her hooker like gear she arrived in and will pretend she expected Ronan Keating and Amber Davis. She has even changed Mollie Mae’s surname from Hague to Vague” she said. “They will find that funny when she springs it on them. Mollie Mae does admit to being a bit dippy and Missy will love the reference to her Dad” Caroline replied.

Caprice thought about things and called the Producer to her dressing room. “Can we flip the Apprentice sketch with Anything Goes?” she asked. “Of course we can end with Anything Goes” he replied. She looked out of the dressing room as he left and saw Missy and Mollie Mae stood around chatting. “We are doing swimwear in the Apprentice sketch, can you get those two escorts in it” she said gesturing towards the girls. “Of course” the Producer replied laughing as he thought Caprice was merely joking about Missy and Mollie Mae given how they were dressed.

Caprice prepared for the show by doing some yoga and chanting her name as she looked at herself in the mirror. Yasmin from Four of Diamonds came to her dressing room. “I hear you’ve decided to put Mollie Mae and Missy in the A Pie Twice sketch. With us in it will that be too many with you and Lottie?”” she said. “Good point do you mind sitting it out?” Caprice replied. “You’ll be doing some sitting down I hear” Yasmin added. “Yes, we’ll be sat down in the boardroom” Caprice concluded.

Caprice changed into her evening gown and took to the stage she did her opening monologue and then introduced Four of Diamonds who performed their number enthusiastically. Caprice then spent 30 minutes deciding which bikini to wear for A Pie Twice. Being a true star she never rehearsed or read the script just relying on her cue cards held up for her.

She took to the stage in a stunning pink bikini and welcomed Lottie Lion who walked on in an emerald green thong bikini. “Welcome to Carry on Caprice, I’m Caprice” she said. “You should carry on then” Lottie replied. “I hear that you were a bit of a madam of The Apprentice. Which is ironic as we have got two legit working girls to join us on this Apprentice spoof. Please welcome Missy Keating and Mollie May Vague” Caprice said deciding to ad-lib.

Missy and Mollie Mae walked on giggling at how Caprice had described them. “Who has booked you?” Caprice asked. “The producer” Mollie Mae replied. “No wonder he was happy to include you on my show” Caprice replied. “It is a great opportunity” Missy added. “Yes, it is to be able to work with someone as famous and talented as me” Caprice replied quiet seriously as the audience laughed. “It’s ironic that your second name is Keating as I’ve got Ronan Keating booked for later” Caprice said to Missy. “Yes, he’s my Dad” she replied. “I’ll do the jokes, thanks” Caprice shot back. “How much do you make an hour if you don’t mind me asking?” she said. “Well I can make £3k per hour but that is to be on stage in front of several hundred lads at a Nightclub” Mollie Mae replied. “You do gang bangs?” Caprice asked thinking on her feet. “Occasionally if I’m lucky” Mollie Mae replied assuming Caprice was just joking.

“We’ll lets welcome the person overseeing A Pie Twice I think that should be Apprentice. It’s Karen Brady’s daughter Sophia Pesky Dildo I mean Peschisolido” Caprice said in a rather stunned voice misreading Sophia’s name.

Sophia walked on wearing a blue thong bikini. “Is this some sort of wind up having all these escorts on here. Are Ant and Dec hiding somewhere or have those bloody Four of Diamonds girls set me” Caprice said. “I have been told I look like a porn star before” Sophia replied laughing. “Anyway I’m here to oversee A Pie Twice, mum has warned me about you Lottie” she added. “It’s the Apprentice” Caprice repeated.

“Anyway ladies you need to pick a girl to be on your team so Missy and Mollie Mae lets see those bum cheeks as it will be important in the task I’m setting you” Sophia said. Laughing Missy and Mollie Mae turned around to flash their thong covered bums,

“The Irish filly comes from a good bloodline and has an excellent pedigree” Lottie said. Caprice looked at Mollie Mae’s bum and said “I’d definitely recommend liposuction, there are several lumps in it and I’d drop some weight if you want to get lucrative overnight bookings”. “You are harsh, I should have gone on Totty” Mollie Mae replied laughing. “I’d never go on that show” Caprice replied and the audience loved it as they thought she was being ironic.

“Anyway please choose your team member, Caprice you go first” Sophia said. “I’ll have Mollie Mae as there is only room for one natural blonde on my team” Caprice said. “Well I’m with Lottie” Missy replied laughing. “Okay to avoid being fired, you have to impress me doing this” Sophia said as she bought out a chair and carried on two big cream cakes. “This is so a set up” Caprice said convinced it was a joke. Sophia to huge wolf whistled bent over touching her toes and doing some twerks to the audience. She placed on cake on the chair and positioned her bum cheeks over it and sat down splat on it as cream shot out and up her bum cheeks and she smashed the other cake into her face.

Standing up and wiping her eyes before showing her cream covered bum to the camera. “To win A Pie Twice you have to all do that” she declared. “Come on, we’ve seen her party trick will the blonde fire ping pong balls out next” Caprice yelled as the audience cheered. Lottie was given two cakes and put one on the chair and handed the other to Missy. Lottie sat down splat on her cake and Missy stuck the other in Lottie’s face and hair. Lottie stood up and showed her cream covered bum to Sophia who took notes.

“I’m not doing that” Caprice protested. “Okay I’ll go next Mollie-Mae” replied. “Here have a cake” Caprice said slamming one into Mollie Mae’s face. Mollie Mae was laughing and said “Can you place the other on the chair please” Caprice went to place the cake on the chair but as she did so Mollie Mae sat down Splat on it sending a load of cream into Caprice’s face and then giving her a stink-face. Caprice screamed and spluttered as the audience roared with laughter.

“We go in reverse order this round” Sophia said. “No, I’m not doing it. I refuse to be part of a fetish game” Caprice screamed. “Oh be quiet” Mollie Mae said picking up one cake and putting it on the chair and pushing Caprice back onto it and sticking the second cake splat on Caprice’s head and face. Caprice sat there in total shock. “I’ll improvise” Lottie said placing a cake on Caprice’s lap and pushing Missy onto it before sticking the other cake smack in Missy’s face. Missy sat laughing on Caprice’s lap as Sophia thought for a minute. “Missy and Mollie Mae, you were amazing. So you are both through to next week please enjoy your treat” Sophia said as she walked over to Lottie and Caprice who was still sat on the chair. “You two are fired A Pie Twice style” she yelled as Mollie Mae and Missy turned a hose of whipped cream onto the threesome.

Laughing Lottie and Sophia wiggled their bums to the camera as they were showered with cream. Caprice suddenly jumped up screaming “No” but took the onslaught of cream right in the face and stumbled backwards onto the chair falling off the back of it with her legs up in the air. Lottie and Sophia tried to help her up but they slipped over too as all three floundered about in the cream all totally covered. Caprice eventually scrambled up and ran back to her dressing room screaming.

Lottie and Sophia hugged and congratulate Mollie Mae and Missy. The Producer came onto the set. “That was brilliant girls” he said. “No Caprice totally made that, making out she hates this but staying on the chair and then falling off it was hilarious” Sophia said. “How she maintains that aloof persona but totally nails the comedy slapstick” Lottie said. “How she kept up the idea that we were escorts and accused Mollie Mae of having a gangbang” Missy said. “She was near the knuckle about my bum but I know she was joking” Mollie Mae added.

“She even made the audience think it might be a set up and dragged me into it” the Producer said. “Do we stay with the cakes on us for the Anything Goes sketch?” Missy asked. “I’d say yes, when Caprice has said she is going to sing Anything Goes, you know she’ll go way over the top” The Producer replied. “We’ll just follow what she does. No doubt she’ll play off thinking my Dad is coming on and will expect us to lose our tops at least” Missy said. “I’m going to have so much fun. How she put her head right there knowing I was going to sit on the cake and allowed me to give her a stink face, she has almost telepathic comedy skills but I am Mollie Mae Vague” Mollie Mae concluded laughing.

Caprice had locked herself in her dressing room and was saying “Why, why. I’ve been humiliated with escorts, cakes and cream. If this is a wind up. I won’t let Ant and Dec show it”

Now for something a bit different, I needed a break from work and stuff so came up with this funny little idea, probably not going to be the most in depth story telling, but let me know if you like it (or not) and if I should add to it. (P.S apologies for editing, I was just going to post the intro and then results separately, but changed my mind and decided to include the league results in this one)

Nikki stood on the stage; she was grinning broadly.

“Welcome viewers, the football season might be drawing to a close, but we have something lined up.

I’m pleased to introduce you to the TG Football Manager Challenge, hosted online for your viewing pleasure whenever you decide.

We have twelve volunteers, with varying degrees of keenness, who will be competing to see who will win the season.

With our loser facing a special forfeit.

Along the way other potential forfeits or rewards are up for grabs, such as a forfeit for the worst disciplined team.

So, who are the lucky twelve I hear you asking?” Nikki said turning to look at a large screen which popped into life displaying a league table.

The twelve ladies all sat on little bar stools with a desk and a laptop in front of them, as the camera panned along the line, they all looked into the camera and waved.

Natalie let off a sigh for the camera, showing that she was aware of the joke that with almost every sports themed messy show she would appear at some point.

Katie meanwhile was grinning even more than Nikki had been at the start, clearly thinking the idea would be a laugh and to help build her UK reputation.

“We have ensured that all of the teams have the same level of reputation and finances so they are all starting from an even point. Additionally all will be based in the same city of Valletta in Malta, who will be the host of the competition, and our winner will get a free holiday to the city once normal life resumes.”

“Further to this we have a cup competition for the 12 women, and it is sponsored by TG’s very own Gunge Grand Prix the ladies have been split into 4 groups of 3 for the 1^st round with the top 2 in each group moving onto the Quarter Finals”

 As Nikki said this the screen changed to move from the League table to the Cup Group stage.

“We’re going to leave the women to play the game and we’ll return later on with our first mess as we find out who our champions are come the end of the season.

Don’t worry we will have lots of mess lined up to come when we resume”

With that the video ended and people were told to look out for the second part which would show the results, and some of the forfeits on offer.

1. Finishing bottom of the league
2. Worst discipline (Yellow and Red cards)
3. Negative GD
4. Loser in the cup final
5. Biggest defeat

“Welcome back viewers” Nikki exclaimed, she was still wearing her grey business woman styled outfit, with a tight skirt and jacket over her shirt.

She was excited for the show, as the producers had managed to get her a great line-up, and with so many potentially messy forfeits on display she had now doubt it was going to be a fun experience for her.

Meanwhile the twelve women who had been competing on their laptops now sat with the lids closed down, listening intently to Nikki’s introduction knowing that they could do nothing to improve their chances now.

All of them however had been told to keep a straight face until the results were revealed in order to not let the viewers watching at home find out too early.

“Now it was a dream season for one of our ladies, I can reveal that the Season 1 champion is Sarah-Jane Mee with an incredible 83 points, thanks to 15 wins and 4 draws from your 22 matches. With 5 points per win and 2 for every draw, please join me over here.

A league table popped up on the big screen as Sarah-Jane walked over towards Nikki, ensure whether the ‘prize’ was going to be a trick.

However, to her surprise Nikki lifted up a large trophy and handed it to Sarah-Jane so she could lift it above her head as confetti rained down onto her from above, a far nicer outcome than she could ever had imagined when she walked towards Nikki.

Nikki left Sarah-Jane to pose with her new trophy and gold medal as she walked towards Jules Breach. “Jules well in comparison to Sarah-Jane that was a rather pathetic season from you, just the one win and five draws mean you have only scored 15 points, and even more embarrassingly for you Natalie who finished 11^th one place above you had more than double your points total.”

Jules looked concerned as she nodded. “Yeah I made a bad start with my transfers and unfortunately was never able to recover so I was on a bit of a hiding to nothing in the end”

“Well it is about to get worse Jules, if you can please walk with me to the gunge tank”

Jules stepped down form her stool and made her way over to the gunge, Nikki opened the door and she stepped inside and sat down on the small seat inside.

Once the door was shut again, Nikki pulled the cord and a torrent of green gunge, which matched the colour of her chosen team, rained down on her from above. She was helpless as the thick substance flowed down slowly coating her hair and then her face as it made its way inside her top.

She shivered a little the cool slimy substance chose its favoured path down inside her top towards her private parts, eventually pooling in her lap as she sat rigid in position. The gungeflow lasted for a few minutes before it finished and Nikki turned her attention towards the league table which remained on the screen.

“Well it’s time we look at the goal difference, and well five ladies ended in the minuses, all of them finishing in the bottom five positions, now for every negative 3 numbers our competitors will be getting a pie in the face. And for those of you not so quick on the maths front I can tell you Hayley McQueen here will be getting these lovely two pies in the face” Nikki said as she gestured to two large banana cream pies that she was holding as she approached Hayley.

Whilst Hayley new she was getting off fairly lightly she still didn’t enjoy it as the two cream pies were smashed forcefully into her face by Nikki sending the creamy innards all down the front of her top and some flying behind her in the studio.

Nikki then moved towards Diletta, who would be facing three pies, the Italian was teased by Nikki who admitted she had been hoping to see her bottom of the table and taking a turn in the gungetank, the Italian took it as a compliment and flirted with Nikki, she was however unable to sway Nikki from pieing her.

This time Nikki used chocolate pies and she slammed two of them into Diletta’s face like she’d done to Hayley, before turning Diletta around so she could pie her ass, with Nikki’s hand lingering on her bum for longer than necessary before she moved onto the 10^th place Laura Tobin, who also received 3 pies to the face.

Natalie Sawyer was next on the list with -12 Goal Difference ensuring she would be getting four pies, something Nikki was looking forward too. “Hey Nat, I’m glad you could come along. Despite all your complaints about being regularly on the shows, I heard a rumour you’ve been actively keeping your schedule free to fit around these shows since leaving Sky” and before Natalie could make her defence Nikki smashed a cream pie straight into the former TV presenters face.

Two more pies followed in quick succession before Nikki instructed Natalie to turn around and she too got a pie on the bum, with the pie innards sailing up her back and coating the back of her hair as well after Nikki hit it with a high amount of force. Natalie turned around and started to wipe her eyes clear of the pie as Nikki headed towards Jules in the gungetank.

She opened the door the green covered Jules stepped out and headed back to her bar stool as Nikki called Sarah-Jane over. “would you mind taking care of the pies to Jules, with -28 she needs to be pied 9 times and we don’t have enough time, call it one of your bonus prizes for winning”

“we now need to have a look at our disciplinary records for the league season” Nikki said as the screen changed to show a new table, this time with yellow and red cards listed, this time it was a surprise to contestants as they had been unable to view the information during the season.

Vicky let out an audible groan as she saw her name comfortably adorning the top of the table.

“Oh, dear Vicky, 30 yellow cards and an incredible 5 reds, 3 more than anyone else means you are by far the run away leader in poor discipline and for that you must face a forfeit. This one carries a different penalty to finishing bottom of the table, and that is bad behaviour will not be tolerated and lessons need to be learnt.

Please can you strip down to your underwear thank you” Nikki said gleefully as Vicky looked at her,  before the blonde and eldest competitor reluctantly stripped down to her blue thong and bra with her black stockings and suspenders left on she was led to a wooden cross and her arms and legs soon secured spread apart.

Nikki walked over towards a cannon and aimed it in Vicky’s direction before starting to fire it, sending rotten tomato after tomato towards Vicky, the blonde presenter closed her eyes as the tomatoes relentlessly splattered around her, even the ones that didn’t get a direction hit exploded sending horrible sticky juices over her scantily clad body.

In the meantime, whilst Vicky was being covered by the tomato cannon fire, Sarah-Jane was finishing up with pieing the extremely trashed Jules who was a mix of green and yellow and brown and did not resemble the usually stylish person seen on TV.

“Now before we move onto the GGP Cup Final, we have one final league forfeit to sort out, our biggest defeat of the season.

It involved Natalie Sawyer and Michelle Owen, with Michelle coming out the victor by 4 goals to nil. And that means once again Nat you will be getting messy…” Nikki said with obvious relish at the thought of getting to mess Natalie up once more.

Natalie jokingly swore at Nikki as she climbed up the ladder and sat down on the edge of the dunk tank seat, peering down below at the red gunge that awaited her. Natalie didn’t have to wait long before the sound of the chair given way sent her dropping down into the gunge pit.

She disappeared beneath the surface before reappearing completely coated in red, and the only evidence of her earlier pieing now being the mix of colours left in the red gunge surrounding her.

“As we leave Nat to float in the gunge it is time to take a short advert break, please join us again afterwards for the cup results” Nikki said smiling to the camera.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/29/carry-on-caprice-episode-4-the-recording-part-1/

Caprice sat quietly in her dressing room covered in cream in a bikini trying to work out what had happened in the first part of Episode 4 of Carry on Caprice. She had thought that she was filming a spoof on The Apprentice with recent contestant Lottie Lion and Karen Brady. But having not read the script she had failed to realize it would actually feature Karen’s daughter Social Media Influencer Sophia Peschisolido and be called A Pie Twice. She had then mistaken Sophia and her other co-stars Love Island’s Mollie Mae Hague and Social Media star Missy Keating for escorts given they were dressed in thong bikinis at her request . Also wrongly assuming her co stars were Missy’s Father Ronan Keating and Love Island winner actress Amber Davis along with Karen.

She had also thought she had been set up as part of a hidden camera stunt by Ant and Dec and that was why people she thought were escorts had been involved. The rest of the crew just thought that Caprice was joking and yet again her true hatred of getting messy had been seen as just an act and everyone thought she game as always to get covered. She had been made to take part in a cake sitting contest and had been covered in cream along with Sophia and Lottie. She was still totally covered as she sat trying to make sense of things.

The show’s Producer knocked on her dressing room door. “Please come in” she said quietly. “You were amazing in the first half, taking that cake sitting to another level and saying that Sophia, Mollie Mae and Storm were escorts it was hilarious” he said. “Well they are and I hear you booked them, I know this is some sort of joke at my expense. I don’t feel like doing the rest of the show” she snapped. “Look this is no set up and we have got the second part to do where you do your monologue to your PA, your number from Rent and the big Anything Goes finale” he pleaded. “I just don’t get the idea of me pretending to speak to my PA, I might as well just get her on the phone and you film that. Let’s do that” she snapped. “I’ll come out and do the call now if you want as I’m so mad about everything” she added.

She stormed back onto the stage and got her PA on the phone and began to herang her about how she was unhappy about getting messy again, having escorts on the show and not doing a proper Apprentice spoof. The Producer had quickly arranged for this to be filmed as Caprice stood there still covered in cream in her bikini and ranted down the phone also ending up in tears before running back to her dressing room. “That was amazing, she made it so realistic and to be up for doing it whilst still messy and in a bikini shows the dedication she has to the show!” the Producer said to the show band Four of Diamonds. “She is really on form tonight, Missy, Mollie Mae and Sophia loved how she sent them up and you know she’ll continue it when Mollie Mae and Missy appear in the final sketch and she thinks she’s booked Amber and Ronan” Yasmin replied.

Caprice having had a good rant to her PA composed herself and had a shower but like a true star kept everyone waiting until she emerged looking her glamorous best to sing Seasons of Love. She then changed into her outfit for the Anything Goes number which was the outfit she had arrived in the studios in and Lauren from Four of Diamonds had suggested she wear it to be ironic as Caprice thought Mollie Mae and Missy were escorts.

She walked confidently onto the set which had been created on a stage to resemble a 1930’s Ocean Liner where Anything Goes mainly took place. Four of Diamonds were dressed as passengers on sun loungers and Lottie was a stewardess. “Excellent effort” Caprice said. “We are going for this in one take as the set will rock a bit to simulate the liner and things may move about a bit” the Director announced from the gallery. “I’ve not dressed in period clothing because as the star I have to stand out as well as being outstanding. Just remember folks Anything Goes” Caprice said clapping her hands. She was rather shocked to see Sophia walk across the shot as a sexy waitress. “The escort is back again” she said as everyone laughed assuming she was joking. Without looking at her cue cards she said “Please welcome my special guests Amber Davis and Ronan Keating” but instead the still pie covered Mollie Mae Hague and Missy Keating walked on in their thong bikinis.

“This joke is wearing a bit thin now keep sending these escorts on. I’m expecting Amber Davis from Love Island and Ronan Keating” she snapped. “I’m from Love Island” Mollie Mae said. “I don’t care what escort agency you work for” Caprice retorted as Mollie Mae laughed. “I’m really Ronan’s daughter too” Missy added. “Where are Amber and Ronan” Caprice demanded breaking the forth wall. “Keep going” the Producer said as the audience roared with laughter. The music to Anything Goes started and Caprice began to sing along with Missy. “Sing you bitch” she yelled at Mollie Mae who replied “I’ve only done Karaoke before” “Well do something” Caprice snarled back. Mollie Mae reached over and picked up a tureen of cold tomato soup and emptied it over Caprice’s head. Screaming Caprice reached for a large cream cake and stuck it smack in Mollie Mae’s face. Sophia walked on with a food trolley and Mollie Mae grabbed a large lemon flan and stuck it into Missy’s face before they sat each other into cakes.

Caprice ever the professional tried to carry on singing as the set began to sway. She got to the lines “In olden days, a glimpse of stocking, Was looked on as something shocking” as Mollie Mae and Missy undid her jacket and removed it to reveal her impressive milky white breasts before Mollie Mae gave Caprice a pie sandwich on her head and face and Missy pushed two pies into Caprice’s breasts. To cheers Mollie Mae slid out of her bikini top and let her impressively large breasts swing free as Missy emptied an ice bucket full of custard over her head. Mollie Mae sexily rubbed it into her breasts as Caprice stumbled about and reaching out against Missy to steady herself pulled Missy’s briefs down to reveal a clean shaven muff. Missy screamed and fell backwards onto a large cake Mollie Mae had placed on a chair. Mollie Mae grabbed another tureen this time of gravy and emptied it over Missy’s head and pulled Missy’s bikini top off to reveal her deliciously pert breasts. Caprice screaming began to rain any pies she could find onto the giggling Missy and Mollie Mae.

The set began to sway more to replicate a boat at sea as Lottie and Sophia walked across the stage carrying a giant cake. Caprice turned around and staggered right into it as the set suddenly lurched one way and Caprice went careering across the floor in the cake. Four of Diamonds began to throw buckets of water and custard at Mollie Mae, Missy, Sophia and Lottie before joining in to complete the song. The topless and cake covered Caprice staggered back up the set. “This is my show I demand a big ending” she yelled as the eight other girls launched a barrage of buckets and water and custard over her. Lauren even stuck the signature fish down the back of Caprice’s shorts as she threw what they thought was a mock tantrum.

She ran back to her dressing room totally destroyed and sat down on the fish. Pulling it out she screamed and threw it across the room. As Four of Diamonds and the guests all put on toweling robes and discussed the show. “She was really naughty pulling my bottoms down but how she pushed me back into that cake was genius” Missy enthused. “Yes the escort joke and thinking it was all a set up plus breaking the forth wall was impressive too” Sophia added. “Great show girls, but I’ve got to go and thank Caprice” the Producer said.

Caprice was meanwhile sat slumped a destroyed mess in her dressing room wondering what else they could do to her on this blasted show. “Caprice great show, you were amazing as always. Plus I’ve got some great news” the Producer shouted through the door. “What the show has been cancelled” she yelled. “No we’ve managed to get Melanie Sykes for next week too” he responded. “They have got Melanie Sykes, Melanie Sykes, Melanie Sykes” Caprice repeated in a daze. “She is really excited about getting Melanie, she kept repeating her name” the Producer reported back to the rest of the crew.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

The filming of the latest series of A Place In The Sun had been completed and the presenters and crew were holding a wrap party at a swish hotel in the Algarve. Presenters Laura Hamilton and Danni Menzies got along fabulously and were always playing jokes on each other. At the wrap party on a warm balmy evening they had been having a few drinks and admiring each other’s bikini bodies

“Amazing to think you’ve got two children and still got that amazing body” Danni said. “Yes it’s better than yours” Laura replied as the girls walked into the bar. The free bar provided had been going down a storm but the buffet laid on had barely been touched as the tipsy duo walked into the side room where it was situated. “Such a shame someone spent all this time laying on a buffet, probably done as much laying as you in your single days” Laura said to Danni. “I love you Laura” Danni said putting her arm around Laura “I bet you’ve been laid on a few tables in your youth Mrs Hamilton?” she added. “Look at this lovely Quiche, such a waste. Here you have some” Laura said pushing a quiche right into Danni’s face. “No you have some, I insist” Danni replied reaching for another Quiche and pushing it right into Laura’s face and up into her blonde hair.

“Oh look there are some Frittatas too. My children love them” Laura said. “Take some home for them?” Danni suggested. “I’ve not got a doggy bag” Laura replied drunkenly mimicking a dog begging for food as Danni threw bits of the Frittata’s at her. “Store them somewhere?” Danni suggested. “That’s a great idea” Laura replied and grabbed handfuls of it and stuffed it down Danni’s bikini top. “There is room in yours too” Dani replied grabbing another one and beginning to fill Laura’s bikini top with it too. “Plenty of room down there” Laura said grabbing a handful and sticking a load down the front of Danni’s bikini briefs. “I’ll fill yours too” Dani replied standing Laura up and pulling down the back of her bikini briefs to expose her peachy bum before pushing all the remaining Frittatas into it and pulling her briefs back up.

Laura looked at a large serving bowl which contained what they thought was soup but on smelling it she said “It smells like cheese”. “Here let me have a smell” Danni replied putting her head by the bowl but Laura slipped and Danni’s face went into the bowl. She lifted her face out and wiped her eyes of the pale yellow liquid. “Definitely cheesy” she replied. “Here let me have another taste” Laura pleaded. “I’ll feed you some” Danni replied picking up the bowl as Laura put her head back and opened her mouth. Danni emptied the contents over Laura’s face and head. “It’s cheesy no doubt about it” Laura replied as the mixture ran down her face hair and body.

“It’s labelled Queijo da Serra da Estrela” Danni said looking on the label on the serving bowl. Laura picked up another bowl and tipped it up to look at the label but all the contents went in Danni’s face and over her head. “Oh look there are sardines here” Danni yelled picking up a tray of them and sticking a handful in Laura’s hair. “Are these good for the hair?” Laura replied slurring her words. “I think so” Danni replied squashing a load more into Laura’s hair. “I’ll do your’s too” Laura replied grabbing handfuls and mashing them into Danni’s hair. “Take some home too” Danni said shoving some into Laura’s bikini top. “There won’t be room” Laura said. “I’ll make room” Danni replied scooping Laura’s breasts out of her bikini top and filling it with sardines. “You’ve got every nice breasts, they deserve some sardine’s too” Danni said slurring her words as she rubbed sardines into Laura’s impressive breasts.

“I expect yours are beautiful too” Laura replied lifting Danni’s bikini top up to display her pert breasts. “They are nearly as good as mine, maybe some sardines would help them” she continued as she mashed a load of sardines into Danni’s breasts. “They wobble” Danni said bouncing Laura’s boobs. “Lets see what else wobbles” she added looking around the table and seeing some Creme Caramel Puddings. Danni picked one up and wobbled it by Laura’s boobs. “I want to try that” Laura said. “Here be my guest” Danni replied pushing it into her face and up into her hair. “You’ve got to try this” Laura enthused grabbing the second pudding and pushing it into Danni’s face and up into her hair.

“This needed a bit more cream” Danni said picking up a jug of cream and emptying it over Laura’s head. “Cream and Sardines I’l get my two to try that” she said staggering around as her cocktail intake really kicked in. “Here you need some” Laura went on emptying the second jug of cream over Danni’s head before she began dancing with her. Danni noticed one last big tureen of a red sauce and picked it up. “No let me take it” Laura insisted as the girls fought over control of it. Needless to say it ended up going right in Laura’s face and over her head. “Piri Piri Sauce I love that” she yelled as it ran down her head, face and over her breasts. She then noticed another tureen on the floor and lifting it’s lid noticed it was also Piri Piri Sauce. “You’ve got to try this Dan” she insisted picking it up and dumping it over a giggling Danni’s head. Danni stood there as the sauce ran down her body and began to sexily rub it in and pretended to give Laura a lap dance as Laura sat on the table dropping her briefs and to expose her bum cleavage as a giggling Laura used sardines as tipping dollars. Danni went to jump onto Laura’s lap but misjudged it and went crashing into the trays and dishes on the table.

The girls heard voices and sprinted out of another door as they heard a hotel worker enter and scream in Portuguese about the mess they had created. They hid behind a couple of bushes as Laura pointed to a swimming pool about 30 metres away. The girls giggling ran towards there and carefully climbed in and bobbed around washing the muck off each other and beginning to sober up. A hotel employee and the show’s Producer walked up. “Thank goodness you two are both okay. The buffet got trashed and thrown all over the floor. The hotel think it was a group of stag party lads who are staying there. When we couldn’t find you. We were worried they might have done something to you” he said. “Those lads were heading into the club area I think they said” Danni suggested not wanting to implicate some innocent lads. “It would have been more what we would have done to them” Laura concluded pulling a sardine out of her bikini briefs which only Danni could see as the men walked off.

Click Here For Part 1:

Welcome back my creatures to what is the fifth night of our little tale, and we find ourselves in the familiar surroundings of Northbrook Cemetery, earlier than normal. To be more specific one of the main roads running from one of the entrances to the main chapel. We look down it, and walking down it we see a pair of figures holding torches. As they come closer we can see them more clearly as Eva and Mai.

“Are you still sure about this?” Asks Mai.
“This is definitely where Richards text said we should come” replies Eva. “There must be something up here.”
“Well how long do we just wander around here?” Asks Mai.

Rather than respond we see that Eva has suddenly been distracted by something.

“Do you not hear that?” Asks Eva.
“What?” Asks Mai.
“How can you not hear that?” Replies Eva. “It’s a girl calling for help.”

Mai pauses herself for a second, concentrating. Suddenly we hear someone calling out in the distance.

“Hello! Is someone out there. Help! I’m trapped!”

We see Mai and Eva quickly jogging down the path towards the source of the cries. They come to a large stone mausoleum, about the size of a small garden shed on the side of the road.

“Is someone there” calls Mai.
“Hello! Can someone actually hear me?” Someone calls out.
“Who’s there?” Asks Mai as she tries the sturdy door. “What are you doing in there?”
“My name’s Kelly” she replies. “I was grabbed by a load of strange creatures, then I was chained up and tortured, and eventually locked in here.”
“What!” Exclaims Mai. “Hang on. We’ll get help.”
“Okay! Nobody Move!”

If we look up the path we can see the source of that last voice. Coming down the path, shining a torch at Eva and Mai is officer Hendrix. She takes a few more steps towards them.

“What are you doing here?” Asks Mai.
“I should be asking the same thing” replies Hendrix. “I knew I needed to keep my eye on you, and I end up catching you sneaking in to this cemetery, and what’s that I hear from that building?”
“HELP!” cries out Kelly. “I’ve been kidnapped!”
“What!” cries Hendrix. “That’s it you two are under arrest.”
“But we just got here” pleads Mai.
Hendrix replies; “A likely sto….”

Before she can continue she is interrupted as a portal opens above her, and a torrent of bright blue coloured sludge falls down on Hendrix, quickly covering her in a thick layer, and leaving her down on the ground, gasping for air out of shock.
There’s a rustling in the bushes adjacent to the road, and out steps Richard, holding on to a familiar staff.

“Sorry about that” he says. “I saw things were getting out of hand, so thought I’d better step in. Just give me a second.”

With that a pale white beam emits from the staff, flowing out until it surrounds Hendrix’s head for several seconds, before she faints down to the ground.

“Is she alright?” Asks Mai.
“A combination of very cold blue raspberry ice cream, and a little mind manipulation” answers Richard. “She’ll stay asleep now until morning, and won’t remember any of this.”
“What? How do you do that?” Asks Eva. “Are you the one responsible for these girls disappearing?”
“There’s quite a lot to explain” says Richard. “There’s something I should show you before I start.”

We see Richard dip his head, and he starts to metamorphosise, growing taller, his clothes changing, adopting a more buxom shaped body, and sprouting a large pair of bat wings, until he’s become a she, in the familiar form of Ruby. Eva and Mai look on in shock for several seconds before one of them speaks.

“You’re a succubus” says Mai.
“Correct. The name’s Ruby” comes the response. “If you come with me I can explain everything. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure Hendrix is moved to somewhere safe and comfortable until the morning.”
“What about Kelly?” Asks Mai.
“She’ll be OK where she is” replies Ruby. “I’ll make sure her and the other girls out at sunset.”

At this point Ruby starts to walk up the road. Eva walks up alongside her. Mai pauses looking at Hendrix and the door of the Mausoleum, before catching up to just behind Eva and Ruby.

“Sorry about all that” says Ruby. “I forgot the perception filter wouldn’t work on you Eva.”
“So Kelly’s there. Do you have the other girls? Why would you want them?” Asks Eva.
“Well I’ve seen the vile they treated you, and thought they deserved to be taught a lesson” replies Ruby.
“Why?” Asks Eva.
“Do you not think they deserved to be knocked down a peg or three?” Asks Ruby.
“Well yeah” says Eva, “but why help me?”
“Can’t a girl help out her daughter?” Answers Ruby.
“What?” Cries Mai.
“Hang on that can’t be true.  I know my mother” says Eva. “You can’t be her.”
“Well technically I fathered you, which I know sounds a bit weird” explains Ruby. “It was at a rather wild, hedonistic party, about nine months before you were born. Lots of people were sleeping with other people, including your mum who was quite happy to let someone with a suitably skilled tongue service her.”

There’s a pause as Ruby briefly sticks out her long, snake like forked tongue.

“Eeeeew” says Eva.
“Hang on” says Mai. “I thought Succubuses were famous for seducing men.”
“Afraid that’s one of many details left out of history and legend, by the predominately strait white men who write it” says Ruby. “To be fair to the historians this is the first time a succubus has ever got a female pregnant. We haven’t quite worked it out, but we reckon it’s a very narrow time gap in terms of planets aligning, and a woman being on the right moment of her cycle for the magic necessary to happen. The result was my life force enhanced one of your mother’s eggs.”
“So how come you’ve not bothered to get in touch before?” Asks Mai. “Eva’s Mum had to raise her on her own for a few years, until she met her step dad.”
“The honest answer is I truthfully didn’t know” answers Ruby. “Your succubus side Eva has remained mostly dormant until now, and you were only detected by the forces that monitor things in the physical realm recently. Even then it took a few months to work out I was your parent. If I’d known I would have made myself known earlier”
“So what happens now then?” Asks Mai.
“Well obviously I’m hoping I can have a relationship with my daughter” says Ruby. “There is another issue though. We’ve had human hybrids such as yourself Mai before. You’ll be glad to know they’ve all remained human by appearance. A lot though do develop some traits and powers. As a succubus your likely to gain increased powers of persuasion, manipulation and even seduction. You’ll will change a bit physically as well. That’s one of the reasons I’m here tonight. It can be a little disconcerting, and even painful for that to happen over several years. You can avoid that though if you come in to close contact with something magical from the spectral realm, which will speed things up. That’s why I’ve made special arrangements tonight.”
“What do you mean physical changes?” Asks Eva.
“Hard to predict, but usually  it’s nothing that’s bad” replies Ruby. “People will still recognise you easily enough. It will be a bit like you’ve had a major makeover. We’re coming up to the place now.”

As we look down the path we see we’re coming out in to a large clearing, that is still well lit, despite being after dark, thanks to numerous glowing orbs that dance overhead. Under them is a large pool of richly coloured chocolate, with a little steam rising from it.

“Molten chocolate from one of my own personal suppliers down in the Spectral Realm” explains Ruby. “If you bathe in that you’ll become your true human-succubus hybrid form.”

Eva pauses to take in what’s before her. A pleasant smile comes across her face. She glances at Ruby, before slowly stepping forward.

“I’ve hung a swimsuit up just behind that tree there” says Ruby.

Eva steps behind the tree.

“So will you be sticking around with us now?” Asks Mai.
“I wish I could stay a little longer” answers Ruby. “Firstly though there will be the fall out of the last few days. Chances are a few interested parties, will turn up, ones that even me being in disguise won’t be enough for me to remain incognito. Not that I couldn’t handle them, but it will be a lot safer for everyone if I go to ground. Secondly being in the physical realm, especially using my powers so much, has drained me magically, so I will need to return to where I can recharge in the spectral realm. The good news is I should be able to establish a dream link with Eva, and you if you like, pretty quickly so we’ll be able to meet up that way. In a few months it should be safe for me to visit you up here again.”

At this point Eva steps out from behind the tree, now wearing a revealing black leather bikini.

“Are you sure about this?” Asks Mai.
“Yeah” replies Eva. “Ruby said this is going to happen to me anyway, plus how often do you get a chance to bathe in a pool of chocolate.”
“Well about once a month on the Isle of Chaos where I live” answers Ruby.

We see Eva step forward to the edge of the pool. She slowly tips her toe in, then her foot. She slowly walks to the centre, where the chocolate comes up to her knees. Slowly she bends down on to her knees. She scoops up a handful of chocolate, and lets it drip down her front. She suddenly lets out a sharp cry of shock.

“Are you alright Eva?” asks Mai.
“I’m getting some aches in my legs” replies Eva.
“That’s your body changing” explains Ruby. “It will be a little sore, but it’s better it all happens tonight, rather than you feel all these pains over the course of five or so years. You need to cover your entire body to ensure every part of you changes.”

Eva lays back in the pool, so the chocolate covers her hair, and all that remains unsubmerged is the front part of her face. We see her close her eyes, and take a breath, before leaning back so she is now completely submerged in the chocolate. We see the rippling surface of the chocolate for about thirty seconds, before Eva emerges, sitting up, we see she is now entirely covered in chocolate. She lets out an ecstatic groan of pleasure, as she spends the next minute or so breathing in and out deeply as her body subtly transforms.
At the end of the minute she slowly stands up, and even with her entire body coated in a thick layer of chocolate the change is notable. She’s a couple of inches taller, and her proportions have become more flattering, legs longer in proportion to the rest of her, her hips much more shapely, and her chest has become a lot more buxom. She walks over to the edge of the pool where Mai and Ruby wait. Ruby raises her staff and a shower of fresh clear water appears above Eva, and delicately washes off the chocolate. This reveals her new porcelain white, perfect complexion, and her hair has gone from ash black to a stunning jet black.

“Wow” says Mai. “You look amazing.”
“I feel it” says Eva. “Thank you so much Ruby.”
“Think nothing off it” relies Ruby. “Now why don’t you get changed back in to your regular clothes, then we can all head out for a drink somewhere. We’ve still got a few hours before I have to head back to the spectral realm.”

So this brings us to the end of our little tale. Ruby, Mai and Eva went on to have a great night, and soon built up a close relationship. Ruby’s victims were a little shocked and upset at first, but over time they recovered, although some of them did end up a little better disposed to other people.
Maybe that’s a lesson to us all, be nice to others, because you never know exactly who’s watching, maybe one day your actions will get the attention of a certain Secret Lesbian Succubus.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

      DING DONG, DING DONG!!

Holly: COMING!! Give me a minute – I’m not an Olympian, you know!

Holly opens the front door to find champion curler Eve Muirhead standing on the doorstop, wearing her Olympic gear and a stern expression.

Holly: But this lady is! Eve, welcome! What can I do for you?

Eve: Ah’ve a wee bone to pick with you, Holly.

Holly: Oh dear. That’s not a good start.

Eve: Ah’ve seen the gunge vote you’re holding tonight, and ah’m nae impressed ah have to say. The north of England, versus the south… of England! Where’s the representation for Scotland, huh?

Holly: [pulls a face] Well it looks like she just arrived! Actually Eve, I’m very pleased you’ve dropped by. You see, ever since I moved into the Great House, I’ve been looking for someone to try out the curling rink.

Eve: [raises an eyebrow] This hoose has a curling rink? You serious?

Holly: Am I ever not serious? Oh yes, the Great House has a curling rink, in the basement. Noel had it installed because he thought it’d be a good pursuit to keep Mr Blobby out of trouble, but poor old Blobs never got the knack of it. Come this way and I’ll show you!

Holly leads a sceptical Eve through another door and down a spiral staircase. They emerge into a spacious room with wood panelling, though all is not as Eve expected.

Eve: What’s that?

Holly: I believe that’s called a curling stone. Really Eve, you ought to know more about this than I do!

Eve: That’s nae like any curling stone ah’ve seen before.

Holly: Ah yes, well here in Crinkley Bottom, we play a rather obscure variant on the sport. Crowned green curling, it’s called. Why don’t you have a go?

Eve: Right… so how do ah play it?

Holly: Well you just sit yourself up here, and I’ll see to the rest!

Without enthusiasm, Eve clambers onto the giant curling stone and sits on the chair that protrudes from the top.

Holly: Here we go!!

Holly gives the curling stone a shove, setting Eve into motion. As the stone glides along, Holly gets in front of it and proceeds to mop the floor.

Holly: Don’t mind me! I haven’t been down here for a while and it’s got a bit dusty. Hmm, I think you’ll need some more ummph to reach the target!

Holly gives the curling stone another shove, and this time stands back to watch Eve go.

Holly: A good steady glide here from Muirhead! Coming into range nicely now!

A large target of red and blue rings looms ahead on the floor. The curling stone begins to slow.

Holly: [getting increasingly excited] And it looks like Muirhead has paced this one to perfection! Coming in for the final approach now! Can she set a new world record, right here tonight in Crinkley Bottom!? Can she do it?! The crowd holds their breath!! CAN SHE DO IT!?!

The curling stone comes to a halt over the target.

Holly: YES!!! SHE’S DONE IT!! THAT’S SURELY A NEW WORLD RECORD!! EVE MUIRHEAD IS BANG ON TARGET!!!

A siren begins wailing, even louder than Holly’s giddy yells, and in short order the predictable happens…

The slime keeps flowing for some time, until it comes to a sudden stop to reveal Eve in her new brilliant hue. Putting on an act, Eve pulls a cross face to the camera as she flaps her arms a couple of times. Holly gingerly approaches from behind.

Holly: Understand why it’s called ‘crowned green’ curling?! Eve, I’m really sorry, but actually you didn’t quite manage to set a new record. You were slightly off-centre, see? [Gestures Eve’s relatively clean left-hand side]

Eve: Ah’m reporting you to the governing body for gross irregularites!

Holly: Ahh, there’s no need to be a sore loser! Why don’t you try another sport?

Holly gives the curling stone another push. It and Eve glide off in the direction of a set of skittles.

Holly: Ladies and gents, Eve Muirhead! A top sportswoman and a sterling sport!!

The curling stone hits the skittles, knocking them all over.

Holly: STRIKE!!