Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to a new pilot show I’ve had in mind for a while. This is going to be a fun girlie show which I think the guys will like” Storm Huntley said. “You may know me as the cheery Scottish lass who co-hosts the Jeremy Vine Show each morning on Channel 5, But apart from my love of dogs, I’m a big fan of cooking and slapstick. Also I have a naughty side I know you guys like to see me in my white socks but I’m wearing an odd pair today. You will have to guess what colour my panties are. If I’m even wearing any. That is for me to know and you to wonder” She added winking at the camera.

“My guest who will be cooking up a storm with me is a sexy blonde Irish lady who is an amazing chef. Please welcome direct from This Morning the delectable Clodagh McKenna”.

Clodagh walked on smiling in a very open denim shirt and carrying a bowl of cake mixture. “So Storm I hear this show is about cooking and slapstick. I’ve been doing some cooking and now I’ll do some slapstick” she said.

Clodagh took a handful of the dough and stuck it into Storm’s face and hair. “It needs a little more flour” she said and emptied some of a bag of flour onto Storm’s brushed back black hair. “I think it needs another egg or two” Clodagh continued picking up a couple of eggs and smashing them into Storm’s face and hair. “I think the dough needs a nice warm place to rise” Storm responded taking a handful and slipping it inside Clodagh’s shirt. She then took another handful and stuck it inside Clodagh’s bra. “Nice diddies” Storm added looking inside Clodagh’s bra before picking up an egg and placing it in the other bra cup and breaking it. Clodagh grimaced and giggled as the yoke sloshed around her left nipple.

“I think the dough needs a really warm place, a rather hairy one probably” Clodagh said suggestively. She took a handful of dough and went behind Storm. She put her hand up Storm’s dress and the dough dropped to the floor. “She’s not wearing any guys” Clodagh said smiling to the camera. “Shut ye geggie” Storm replied hardly able to stop laughing as Clodagh picked up the dough and this time clearly stuffed it into Storm’s panties. Clodagh then reached for some squirty cream and sprayed it into Storm’s knickers with her hand up Storm’s dress before filling both her socks with cream. Clodagh then got a chair and sat Storm down splat. Cream shot down Storm’s legs as Storm began to giggle hysterically. “You’ll nee guess where it has gone up” she said.

Clodagh took another lump of dough and began to massage it into Storm’s hair adding more flour and a couple more eggs to make Storm’s long luxurious locks a doughy mess. She suddenly picked up a jug of cold milk and emptied it over Storm’s head. Storm screamed with the cold and swapped places with Clodagh. She took the last of the dough out of the bowl and plonked it on Clodagh’s head adding more flour and a couple of eggs to make Clodagh’s a doughy mess too. “This still doesn’t look right” Storm said. “Use your head” Clodagh replied. “I’ll use your head” Storm replied tipping milk, flour and squirty cream into a bowl and mixing it up. “Can you tie my hair back please” Clodagh asked. “If I only had something I could use?” Storm said. Clodagh whispered something to her and corpsing with laughter Storm reached under her skirt and dropped her panties. She picked up the doughy creamy pair of black and white panties and rang them out over Clodagh’s head. Before tying Clodagh’s hair back with them.

“Can you pass me the Squirty Cream please?” Clodagh asked Storm who obliged and Clodagh stuck the can under Storm’s skirt and squeezed. “Right in the eye of the Storm” Clodagh said as Storm pulled a comic face and showed cream slowly running down her legs. Storm picked up the bowl and emptied it onto Clodagh’s head. The mixture ran down Clodagh’s face and inside her denim shirt.

“Of course here are two we made earlier” Storm said reaching over for two large cream cakes. “I think we should try each other’s simultaneously” Clodagh said. “I agree” Storm replied and laughing the ladies stuck their cakes into each other’s faces.

“Well that’s it from the pilot show of Cooking Up A Storm with thanks to Clodagh McKenna for being such a great sport” Storm said as the ladies rubbed the cake into each other’s faces and hair.

I this idea a couple of month’s back and there were a few suggestions for people to use. But I couldn’t get the idea quite write but this came to mind tonight so I decided to try having some of the messing up unseen and to keep the women mainly clothed. Messing up their clothing as well as hair and faces with a bit of bra and knicker filling would be something I could explore in these stories if people want me to.

Any feedback or suggestions please post

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

It was a stereotypically wet evening as the blonde reality star and model stepped out of a taxi at the downtown television studios. She was still fuming that her younger sister’s first stint hosting the show had resulted in her being selected to reappear to host a second match. She didn’t dare think of what the producers had come up with for her messy send-off. She was astonished to see the building’s sides emblazoned with banners advertising that evening’s match. Hurrying through the falling rain, she stepped through the door into the lobby. The smile that was flashed her way by the receptionist made it impossible for her to continue frowning. She waved at the redhead, who was reaching for yet another ringing telephone on her desk, and walked into the changing room with a fresh smirk on her face.

Closing the door, she pulled a towel from her bag and wiped the droplets of rainwater from her face. She grimaced at the feeling of her rain-soaked hair. Damn! I’m going to need a blow-dry before the show even starts!

She rooted around in her bag and pulled her favourite hair-dryer out from underneath her outfit for the evening. After she had plugged it in, she switched it on and luxuriated in the flow of heated air that surged over her scalp and evaporated the water that clung to the strands of her golden locks. With this done she tied her hair into a messy ponytail-cum-up-do and pulled on what she had decided to wear for the evening. Just as she had done this, she heard a knock on the door of the room and a voice informed her that it was time to make her way to the studio. A few short moments later, she stepped onto the darkened stage with minutes to spare before the show would go live.

As the jaunty jazz theme tune played over the studio’s speakers at a volume that could be described as blaring, the lights began to brighten, chasing away the dimness that had enveloped the large room before then. The audience applauded as the stage was revealed, with the usual variety of gunging apparatus arranged seemingly haphazardly around the available space. The familiar logo, suitably altered to inform all of those watching that this was the fifth match, hung on the rear wall while smaller versions had been pasted onto other walls at random. Below the rearmost logo, a busty blonde woman stood. She smiled and waved at the audience before blowing a kiss to the camera. Like her previous appearance on the show, she had opted to wear a one-piece swimsuit. This time, however, she was channelling a previous guest on the show as the swimsuit was a cleavage-revealing red number. The audience cheered for a moment after she blew the kiss before they finally grew quiet.

The swimsuit-clad blonde smiled for the camera. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen,” she said warmly. “Welcome to Immerse the Nurse, Match Five! Yes, we’ve now gone beyond the halfway point in Round One of this season’s competition. I’m Billie Faiers and tonight things are about to get simpler, or at least that’s the theory. Tonight, our two contestants are representing the nurses of Aintree University Hospital, Liverpool and Aberdeen Royal Infirmary. They’ve been on tenterhooks while waiting back-stage. So, I think it’s time we eased the tension. Come on out, ladies!”

Two blonde nurses stepped into view, both of whom were wearing red-belted white tunics. However, one wore sheer white stockings while the other wore black stockings. The nurse in white stockings wore a pair of high-heeled white sandals and the other blonde nurse a more normal pair of white high-heeled shoes. They both walked towards where Billie stood waiting, smiling and waving to the audience who clapped, cheered and wolf-whistled in response. Both nurses blushed faintly at the audience’s attention.

Billie grinned at the two blonde healthcare workers. “Welcome, ladies,” she said warmly. “Please, introduce yourselves, or, as Cylla Black used to say on Blind Date, who are you and where do you come from?” (A/N1: I’m showing my age here as my mum and sisters used to watch this when I was way younger!)

The two nurses chuckled good naturedly at this. The blonde in the white stockings grinned once she stopped laughing. “Hi, I’m Lizzie and I work at Aintree University Hospital!” she said with a smile, her Scouse accent coming through clearly.

The black-stockinged nurse pouted at the good spirits of her opponent. She winked at the camera, trying to play up that she was “cheeky”. “Hello, I’m Lucy G and I work at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary,” she said. She suddenly let out a nervous giggle. “And I wish my colleagues hadn’t signed me up for this!”

Billie chuckled. “Oh, really?”

“Oh, yeah!” replied the blonde Scotswoman, who then jabbed a finger to the camera lens. “Whoever came up with that idea, you’re up for the next series!”

“Ooohhh!” cooed Billie. “I don’t want to be the nurse who nominated Lucy G. Coincidentally, that brings me to my next question, which Lucy’s already answered. Lizzie, what do you think about being on the show?”

The blonde from Liverpool shrugged, her smile staying plastered across her face. “I’m actually up for this, Billie,” she laughed nervously. “Everyone, who knows me, knows I’m pretty quirky in how I do things too.”

Billie laughed. “So, they signed you up fo mir this?” she laughed. “So, are you from the blue or the red side of Merseyside?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “I’ve been a Liverpool fan since I was six!” she replied indignantly.

“Ooohhh!” chorused the audience when they heard this.

“Okay, settle down!” yelled Billie, instantly quietening the audience. “Hmmm, Lizzie, I’m not sure whether or not that will be a good thing for you.”

Lizzie groaned. “Ugh! Just ’cause we finally won the league for the first time in thirty years!”

“Well, yeah, of course it is,” replied Billie with a teasing note to her voice. “So, how will you fare? I don’t know yet, but you’ve both put your fate in the hands of a public vote. We’ll let them know the details at the end of the show.”

Both nurses glanced nervously at each other, much to Billie’s amusement. The blonde Essex woman stepped back slightly. “Now, why don’t you both wait here,” she said invitingly before strutting to the centre of the stage. “I just have to move onto the next part of tonight’s show.”

The blonde hostess smile broadly for the camera. “Well, we’ve just met our two nurses who are going head-to-head in this match and you all know what’s coming next. It’s time for another Healthy Celebrity Dunking! Braving the wrath of your donations is the star of Killing Eve. Please, welcome, Jodie Comer!”

As the audience cheered, a blonde-haired woman walked on-stage wearing a floor-length red dress that was cut so low in front that many of those watching thought her medium-sized tits were going to spill out of it. Smiling she turned through three-hundred-and-sixty degrees, showing that the straps of the dress left her back bare to her waist. The dress’s low neckline also revealed to the audience that there was no way that she could be wearing a bra underneath.

Jodie walked, smiling and swaying her hips, over to where Billie stood waiting and wrapped the blonde in the red swimsuit up in a tight wrap-around hug. When Jodie released her, the reality television star rubbed her sides. “Nice to meet you, Jodie, could I have my ribs back, please?!” she joked.

“Sorry, everyone says I give tight hugs,” apologised Jodie with a teasing note to her voice.

Billie gave her a withering glare. “It’s a bit late for that warning, Jodie!” she huffed. “Now, I hear you’re an Everton supporter, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am,” grinned Jodie maliciously. “So, I know exactly where my vote is going. I’ll give you a hint, it’s not my fellow-Scouser! Support Liverpool? No thanks! I want to see her get really messy.”

The audience cheered when Jodie said this. Billie flashed Lizzie a quick grin. “Oh, dear, Lizzie, it doesn’t seem like there are too many Reds fans in the studio today!”

“Huh!” fumed the nurse in white stockings. “They’re all just jealous!”

“Maybe,” Billie shrugged before winking at the camera. “But, right now it’s time to get things back on track. Jodie, I believe you are making the usual ‘Healthy Celebrity Dunking’ challenge to our studio audience and those watching at home, aren’t you?”

The red dress-clad blonde smiled bashfully. “Yes, I am, Billie,” she said,  taking a deep breath. “Right, everyone, you must know the drill by now. If,  between the studio audience and all of you watching your TV’s, the total donated exceeds one-thousand-five-hundred pounds, then I’ll be getting dunked in my dress. If you donate eight thousand, I’ll be dunked in my underwear. Twelve grand will mean a topless dunking. If donations hit sixteen thousand quid, I’ll be dunked without a stitch on me, except my shoes.”

Billie grinned at the camera. “You heard the lady,” she chuckled. “While our studio audience will be able to donate via our in-house collectors, everyone watching at-home can donate by one of three ways. As before you can ring 0800-486430 or text ‘Donate’ to 48643 to give five pounds. Alternatively, you can log on to the address appearing on-screen now and specify the exact amount you want to donate. Donations will be accepted over the next five minutes, starting… NOW!”

As the dozen or so collectors moved into the audience from the back-stage area, the familiar tally on a big screen in the studio came on, the numbers rapidly scrolling upwards. Jodie’s eyes widened at the rate the donations climbed. They were changing so quickly that neither she nor Billie could tell how much had been donated.

“I don’t like the look of this!” moaned Jodie just before a gong filled the air and the number on the screen stopped changing. The blonde actress gazed at what was displayed on the screen with an open mouth as her eyebrows tried to disappear into her hairline.

Billie giggled at the reaction of everyone around her, especially the evening’s celebrity special guest. “Wow!” she exclaimed. “I wasn’t expecting that! The amount donated from the viewers at-home was nineteen-thousand-six-hundred pounds and we still don’t know what was donated by our studio audience.” The people in question cheered at this.

Jodie’s face, however, had become a lot paler when the total donated by the viewers was revealed. “How did the viewers raise that much in only that amount of time?” she asked, unable to believe what she was seeing.

Billie grinned at the shell-shocked actress. “Well, Jodie, you might be interested in a message that was posted along with one of the donations, remarked the Essex woman. “‘Dissing the champions will she? Here’s ten grand and dunk that Everton-supporting…’ I won’t finish reading what the rest of that comment was from a group calling themselves the ‘Liverpool Fans Club’. Jodie, I do believe you’re wearing far too much after all those donations.”

The blonde actress grimaced at this. While the audience cheered and wolf-whistled at her every move, she slipped her dress’s straps from her shoulders and let the dress fall to the floor. Her breasts sprang from the confines of the silky-looking red dress and everyone watching discovered that she was just wearing a red thong underneath. Even more wolf-whistles screamed through the air from the rowdy, progressively moredrunk audience, as they had hit up the free bar before the show and many still had a drink in their hand. Blushing fiercely and taking a deep breath to steady herself, Jodie slid her thong down her legs and kicked it aside where it was picked up by a drunken souvenir-hunting audience member. As she quickly repositioned her hands to cover her modesty, cheers filled the air again. She looked with disbelief at the audience. How are they still in full voice? They’ve been cheering nearly non-stop since the show started!

Billie gave the other blonde a once over. “Jodie, I think that look suits you!” she teased. “Now,  why don’t you go and take your seat for the rest of the show?”

“Ugh, thanks,” groaned the blonde actress. “I doubt I’ll actually be sitting in it for long!”

Billie laughed. “No, you won’t be!” she gasped out. “Now, get onto that seat.”

The Killing Eve actress shook her head, not quite believing that she was about to do this. Awkwardly trying to preserve her modesty and failing, she clambered up the ladder onto the seat of the slop-filled dunk tank. The murky dark grey goo below her, as she took her seat, made her cringe.

Billie had been handed an envelope by one of the stage-hands. “So, just for the record, let’s see how much was donated by the studio audience,” she took the piece of paper from inside. “Our hundred-strong studio audience has actually donated five thousand pounds! Well, that’s pretty conclusive! Now, we just have to add a few things from the last match to the mix in the tank of muck below you, Jodie. Right, knocked-out nurse Bobbi was turned into a human nacho and was bathed in chocolate. So, we just need to add all of that.”

A couple of stage-hands approached the dunk tank and emptied four buckets of tortilla chips into the awful sloppy muck. These were followed by four buckets of the spicy minced beef and vegetable topping, four buckets of grated cheese, four more of guacamole and finished off with four buckets of tomato salsa. Perched above the pool of goo, Jodie’s face was twisted with disgust. The stage-hands weren’t finished however and poured four buckets of melted chocolate into what was already pooled below her.

The show’s swimsuit-clad hostess grinned up at the actress perched above the surface of the lumpy murky dark gunk. “How is it up there, Jodie?” she asked.

The blonde actress had pinched her nose. “Billie, this literally stinks!” she muttered through gritted teeth, theatrically waving her hand in front of her face. “That slop’s showing it’s age!”

Billie chuckled. “That might be the case, Jodie,” she began with a teasing, taunting tone to her voice. “But, you challenged our audience and viewers and now it’s time to take a dunk!”

“Oh, no!” screamed Jodie as she felt her seat give way. She was flung forwards by the back of the seat slapping against her back and found the lumpy murky-looking surface rushing up to meet her. She splashed head-first into the gooey muck, plunging beneath the surface. When the blonde had disappeared from view, for several moments the only thing that could be seen of her was a flailing arm as she struggled to right herself. Finally standing up again, she broke the surface and emerged as a slop-covered unrecognisable vaguely-human-shaped object. Lumps of slop rolled down her face and dripped from her tits.

Billie grinned at the camera, standing so that Jodie could be seen swimming in the slop behind her. “Well, we’ve just sent yet another celeb into the slop,” she remarked to cheers from the audience. “And it’s almost all we have time for tonight. Lizzie and Lucy await your online votes, so tune in next time when we find out the results of that and I won’t be walking away from that show clean either. So, see you then… good night!”

The credits rolled over a split-screen view of the two smiling and waving blonde nurses. At the same time, a deeper version of the jazzy theme tune could be heard playing.

Author’s note 2: And Match Five has hit the screens. Hope you all enjoy it and as ever the polls are below. (Closing at 18:00 (6:00 pm) GMT tomorrow-11th of July)

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

American model Caprice strolled confidently into the ITV Studios. She may have walked out of Dancing On Ice but to keep her quiet she had been promised they would consider a pilot show for her to star in. Caprice was far too busy to think up something her self confessed multiple talents could do so she was going to see the Head of Light Entertainment to demand ideas.

She put on her shortest Daisy Duke shorts and tasseled Cowboy boots with just a blazer on her top half. Sure she looked great and had an amazing body for someone who turns 50 next year. Of course she got a paparazzi to capture her in all her glory.

She sashayed into the reception and demanded to see the Head of Light Entertainment doing the “Don’t you know who I am routine”. Eventually a leading production assistant was sent down to pacify her and he was regaled with stories about her brief singing career and how she had a top 10 selling calendar in 1998. “I was only 4 years old then” he said and Caprice gave him a look that would cut ice.

“Is there anything you’d really hate to do?” he asked her. “Well I went on a show called Ministry of Mayhem and I was gunged at something called the Thank You Desk with a young Holly Willoughby in about 2005. After Holly didn’t acknowledge my gracious exit from Dancing On Ice earlier this year. I wouldn’t want to work with her again and there is no way I would ever want to get my lovely blonde hair messed up again either” she replied

“Well Holly has gone onto better things like This Morning and now of course hosts her House Party on BBC1. I could have seen if we could get you onto something like Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Dip or the way you are dressed today something like Totty. But as you aren’t keen to get messy that rules them out” he replied.

“My career has been as successful as Holly’s has she ever appeared in the West End. I played Maureen in the musical Rent. Let me tell you. I’m dressed this way to show off my amazing body and ageless complexion. It’s not like I’d go on Totty and just take this blazer off, When I played Maureen in Rent. I bared my fabulous buttocks on stage as it was integral to the part” she went on. “Carry on Caprice” he said giving up the will to argue with her.

“Now that has a nice ring to it Carry On Caprice. A fun family comedy, variety show, I could display my talents for acting and singing” she said. “I’d be free all next week if you could shoot my promised pilot then” she went on. “I think this look would be a fun way to start or maybe end the show with” he said indicating to her current outfit. “What a great idea, I could of course wear a very glamorous evening dress and maybe do a song and dance routine. I’m sure you could rustle up a couple of great celebrity guests. I’d contact some of my many showbiz friends myself but I’m far too busy to do that and coming from someone like you sounds better when they find out they will have the chance to work with me” she concluded blowing him a couple of air kisses and departing.

“Send a car 5pm on Monday please” she shouted back as she made someone stop for a selfie with her.

“She hates getting messy and would never do anything like Holly’s House Party or Totty. But when she gets on set she’ll have one hell of a surprise” the Production Assistant thought smiling to himself.

What happens to Caprice on Carry On Caprice. Who should be her spectacularly naff guests either to get messy with her or to get her messy. What should or shouldn’t she wear when she gets messy?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

After a filler montage of snippets from previous episodes of the show, the scene opens with Holly and the four TAtGH candidates standing around the ride’s terminus.

Holly: Some call it the mouth of hell, others the bumhole of botheration. To me, it’s just my faithful fireplace, but what’s for sure is that in twenty minutes or so, two of these ladies will standing victorious to pull the final lever, and the other pair will take the consequences! Welcome back to our debate over whether brains or brawn are better, with Alice Roberts and Victoria Coren Mitchell representing cerebrum, and Katarina Johnson-Thompson and Steph Houghton standing up for sinew. I’m pleased to reveal that tonight’s Trip Around the Great House passes through both the library and the gym, so whoever goes through, there’ll be something to take your fancy!

Holly: But despite your very different talents, there is one thing that unites you and that is nerves. Katarina and Steph, you know all about those pre-competition butterflies, and Victoria, you must have blinked back some sweat during your poker games. [Regards Alice dubiously] And I’m sure archaeology has its hairy moments too. I can sense those nerves are building now as we brace for a score update. Last time the brainies were in the lead to take a gunging, but let’s see if that’s changed…!!

All eyes are on the screens as the infographic pops up.

Victoria: [unimpressed] You haven’t updated your graphic.

Holly: Actually the graphic is bang up to the minute, but what haven’t changed are the scores! We’ve had oodles more votes come in, but the proportions haven’t shifted one percentage point!

Alice and Victoria exchange expressions of dread.

Holly: Ooh, brainies! Thought you said your supporters would turn up to save you! They’d better put down their crossword puzzles and get on with it, or it’s all over for you!

Alice: [winces] It’s all about lulling the brawnies into a false sense of security!

Holly: Well they look pretty lulled right now! Katarina and Steph, very happy with that result, I see.

Katarina: [gleeful] We’re lapping ’em!

Holly: Actually it’ll be Alice and Victoria taking a lap if things stay as they are! [Addresses the camera] Time is slipping away, folks, but there’s a still a chance to save the smarties and the wipe the smiles off the sporties’ faces, so keep those votes coming in! Ladies, I’ll leave you to wax lyrical as you continue the debate, but speaking of wax, it’s time to catch up with Gemma!

Holly crosses the floor of the great house, over to the car wash, inside which the ambushed audience member is still seated, damp in her coat of gunge and foam.

Holly: For those not watching earlier, Gemma Staiton wrecked the paintwork on her dad’s car by using the wrong kind of wax, and she never owned up to it. She’s already had a pre-wash, now let’s bring her out for the wax treatment!

Holly presses a button on the control panel, causing the chair to resume its forward journey through the car wash. It exits the tunnel and spins through a right angle so that Gemma is facing the audience. At the same time a loud beeping heralds the descent of a stout metal chute from above. Gemma looks up to see its opening gape above her head.

Holly strolls over to a plinth that has a big orange button embedded in it.

Holly: Gemma, I know you won’t thank me, but this is for your own good. I sense you’ve suffered a lot of guilt over your wrongdoing, but this should put a soothing sheen over your sins! Ladies and gents, can we have a big countdown? Five! Four!

Gemma hunches her shoulders, mouth pursed into a cringe.

Audience: …THREE!! TWO!!

      DING DONG, DING DONG!!

Holly: Hold it, hold it! There’s someone at the door! Gemma, I’m sorry to delay this further, but I’ll have to see who it is.

Holly goes to the door and opens it to reveal a moustached, middle-aged man. Although he is not a celebrity, it soon becomes clear who he is.

Holly: Mr Staiton! Thank you for coming at such short notice! I know it must be very distressing to learn that your sweet daughter is such a naughty girl, but we’ve got her punishment well in hand!

Holly leads Mr Staiton over to the plinth. Seeing Gemma, he wags a scolding finger. Gemma hangs her head.

Holly: Now Mr Staiton, it’s my opinion, and probably the opinion of most of this audience, that a waxing for a waxing is only fair, and it’s what Gemma deserves! But she is your darling little girl, so I’ll leave it up to you whether or not that button gets pressed. Gemma, perhaps you can sway your dad with a full and frank apology…

Gemma: Sorry Dad! I did mean to tell you; I was waiting for the right moment!

Holly: The right moment didn’t come along in two years!? That is unlucky! [Checks herself] But, as I said, it’s not up to me. [Gestures the button] Mr Staiton… your call.

Mr Staiton: [strokes his chin] Gemma, I’ll forgive you…

Gemma’s eyes light up.

Mr Staiton: …once we’re even. A waxing for a waxing sounds fair to me too!

Gemma’s jaw drops in disbelief as her father’s finger firmly depresses the big orange button. She is swiftly engulfed in a deluge of bright orange goop from the chute above her. Smooth and extremely thick, the colour of mango flesh, it flows over the stunned girl in wave after wave, staining and saturating everything in its path, while a whopping siren struggles to be heard over the cheer of the audience.

Mr Staiton watches the result with a grim smirk under his moustache. Up in the audience, Courtney – the friend who set Gemma up – is clapping wildly.

Holly: My oh my! Now that’s a colour and a half! Punishment served, justice done – let’s drive Miss Staiton off the forecourt!

The car wash revolves, transporting the gawping orange blob backstage. Mr Staiton also hitches a ride and the pair of them disappear behind the wall.

Holly: Gemma Staiton there. And it goes to show – guilty secrets will catch up with you when you visit the Great House! Now, let’s give a warm welcome to Steph’s counterpart on the England men’s team. He’ll be pitting his brawn with the aid of one lucky viewer’s brains – it’s Harry Kane playing Grab a Grand!!

The poll now has a closing time: 10 pm on Friday 17^th July. To notch up the excitement, you can now vote every 12 hours instead of every 24. Remember you are voting for the pair you want to gunge.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Caprice sat at home running through the notes for her pilot show of Carry on Caprice with a sense of smug satisfaction. She was going to sing her second hit single Once Around the Sun. There was a girl group called Four Of Diamonds who were on the X-Factor a few years back who had been booked to perform. Caprice felt a sense of pride that she was able to give something back to a young band who weren’t as well known and famous as she was and it would look good on her CV of philanthropic activities.

Her Addison Lee car arrived to pick her up at 5pm as she had requested and after asking the driver to carry her luggage bags to the car before he opened the door and fastened her seatbelt for her she graciously gave him a signed photo of herself in return.

Caprice had made sure her assistant packed her denim shorts and blazer which had so impressed the production assistant a few days earlier along with some of her most glamorous outfits. She emerged from the car at the ITV studios and was delighted to see the production assistant she had met a few days earlier waiting to greet her.

She even undid her own seat belt as the driver opened the door for her. Elegantly getting out of the car she glanced over to make sure the paparazzi her assistant had tipped off were there as she stylishly walked towards the studio. “Please bring my luggage in darling” she said to the production assistant as she walked past him.

Once ensconced in her dressing room she was delighted to see her list of demands, an ambient temperature of 21c, a selection of Waitrose sushi, a poster of herself and a set of Egyptian Cotton Towels had all been provided. In fact there was an extra set of the towels for some reason.

The show’s producer personally came to see her to discuss the show and run through the script. Caprice would open with a monologue with her life before introducing Four of Diamonds and having a quick chat with them. They would perform a number before Caprice performed Over the Moon from Rent. There would then be a break before Caprice did a sketch on the mobile to her supposed assistant. “So I send myself up as needy?” she asked “Just slightly or be yourself. Play it straight and the public will see the irony of it” he suggested. “Then I sing Once Around the Sun” she added. “For the finale we have a special guest can you come in please Dame Darcy Bussell” the producer said as Darcy popped her head around the dressing room door.

“Caprice this is Darcy” the Producer said. “Darcy, you may call me Caprice. I like to be informal with people on my level of stardom” Caprice said air kissing Darcy. “We have an idea to recreate the Morecambe and Wise signing in the rain number then you end up in a restaurant for the show’s last minute with a couple of lines which will be on cue cards for you to read” the producer said. “The old idiot boards as Brucie called them on Strictly” Darcy said jokingly. “I will not read from idiot boards. I heard that Bruce only had them as his eyesight wasn’t very good and he couldn’t see the autocue when he was in his 80’s. Please ensure they are referred to as bullet point boards. I can ad lib around them if the script editor writes it for me” Caprice snapped.

“Also Darcy, you will look funny as the policewoman getting soaked. I’ll need a mac on as I’ll be wearing that in the finale in the restaurant” she said pointing to her blazer and denim shorts. “I’m thinking we could get a cameo appearance from a couple of other celebs to be the waiter and the chef and the meal will be on the house which will be the punchline. All will become apparent in the end” the producer said smiling to Darcy. “I suppose I can be the policewoman it will make it funny and I’d be game for getting wet” Darcy said. “You understand as the star of the show, I cannot get messed up and the irony of a dancer doing some comedy will be funny. I guess your career has stalled a bit since you left Strictly so doing this might get you a spot on that Totty series” Caprice replied.

“I’ve got an idea. Why not dress Darcy up as a very sexy policewoman like the kiss-o-gram types and when she gets wet the outfit will cling to her skinny I mean slim body. Pair of fishnet suspenders, thrilly briefs, push up bra to do something with those tiny breasts of yours and we could be onto something” Caprice went on. “I suppose I could pirouette into the water trough at the end?” Darcy said sarcastically. “That’s the idea darling. Send yourself up on my show” Caprice replied. “Okay as long as we do the hole number and the restaurant finale I’ll do it” Darcy said. “Can we get wardrobe to source something sexy for Darcy to wear. I’ll need to see her in it to approve it first of course” Caprice added.

“Just one more thing” the Producer said “Like Columbo. See how I can ad lib” Caprice replied. “Can you sign this contract it is for the pilot and an option for a 6 part series of Carry On Caprice” the producer said. Caprice without reading it picked up a pen and signed it as the producer and Darcy smiled on.

(This is complete fantasy, do not do this in real life)

I had always enjoyed watching videos of hot women being pied and slimed but had never had the chance to do it myself, something that I was keen to change.

Eventually I had managed to convince my friend from our University halls to join me, under the pretence we were making a funny gameshow for YouTube, the premise was that we’d ask random people questions and if they got the answers right and won, they’d win a prize.

However, the idea was it’d be rigged against them and they’d receive an unspecified forfeit, which would of course be some homemade slime, Matty agreed to be the cameraman and so after much planning we set about our plan for Saturday afternoon.

I felt a mix of nervous anticipation as we set off with our slime container and camera on the hunt for some attractive fellow students, in the hope that they would be keen to play at seeing a cash prize.

I wasn’t too surprised when the first couple of groups we targeted rejected the idea, with Matty and I agreeing that the girls weren’t short of money with most of them seemingly coming from rich families from the looks of the Villa’s they were staying in for halls.

We headed towards another part of the campus and continued to try and convince the small groups of girls to take part however, it seemed that the group mentality was working opposite of how we had predicted. Instead of egging each other on the group effect ensured our targets talked each other out of it leaving us walking away repeatedly with no success.

As the day wore on, we were on the verge of giving up as we headed to the campus bakery which also acted as a place we could sit and have a snack, and try to re-think our plan of attack. As we walked into the store, I saw a girl from my university course, Tanya, we’d spoken a few times but weren’t exactly friends.

However she smiled at me as she saw us enter, I couldn’t help but check her out as she stood clearly having been the gym for a yoga sessions or something wearing some pink shorts and a tight grey top which hid nothing of her stunning figure and with her mat tucked under her arm as she waited for the girl at the counter to give her order.

I decided to gamble, and just blurted out “Hey Tanya, how do you fancy trying to win £100?” She looked at me as if to ask if I was being serious to which I assured her it was genuine. After a few moments of thought she asked what she would need to do.

“It’s simple, you have to let my friend Matty video it, for proof, and I’ll ask you some questions if you get them right, you’ll win the money. If you don’t, you’ll face our forfeit. But I’m sure you won’t need to think about that, as you’ll get them all right”

To my surprise after pausing to think about it, she said she had some time and agreed to  play, she had no idea what she was getting herself in for. The trap was set and so I asked Tanya the first question, it was an easy one and she quickly said the answer.

“Well done that is one correct, only four more to go to win the prize.”

I again asked her another fairly easy question, Tanya quickly answered it again clearly feeling more confident about the situation. This continued for the next two questions. “Only one more question to go now!” I said egging her on and building her confidence.

She was clearly up for it now and I could tell she was already mentally thinking what she’ll do with her prize as I asked her the final question. “What is the modern-day term for what the Roman’s called ‘mare nosturm’.” I said it with a straight face in the exact same tone I had asked the first four easy questions.

Tanya just stared blankly at me; she not only didn’t know the answer but she also didn’t really understand it, she scrunched up her facing trying to think of an answer, which made her look cuter than ever.  Eventually I suggested she just guess and so she said ‘Grandmother?” explaining her logic of mare being a female horse so figured it was something to do with females.

“Wow that is a great guess” I said to which Tanya’s eye lit up as she believed she had pulled the winning guess out of nowhere. “But unfortunately, that is the wrong answer, I’m afraid you miss out on the grand prize” Tanya looked gutted as I told her to stay still whilst I went behind her and lifted up the container.

As she stood in position, I upturned it and thick chunky green slime flowed out of the container and dropped onto her head, Tanya screamed out in shock as the slime ran down her face and blocked her vision. The chunky bits mixed with her hair and I could see form behind that it was going down the inside of her top.

As I walked around the front I could see bits of the slime clinging to her cleavage and I couldn’t resist upturning the container for a second time to empty all of the remaining contents over Tanya who was frozen in place as everyone’s attention focused on her, I couldn’t help but stare at her breasts which were now very visible thanks to the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra under the top.

As Tanya finally wiped her eyes clean she hadn’t realised I had bought two pies from the store and I stepped forwards completing my fantasy as I pushed the banana and cream pie into her face and mushed it around ensuring total coverage as some of the pie innards dropped down the front of her top and onto the floor.

She cried out in anger as I smashed the second pie into her head from further away to ensure I was out of reach, this time the chocolate pie left a brown imprint as it exploded on her face, her arms were stilled covered in green slime as trickles of it had made it’s way down onto her legs as well. You couldn’t tell what colour her grey and pink top and shorts had been originally now that so much slop coated them.

As she was starting to get over the shock, Tanya began to swear at me as the girl in the bakery suggested we should clean up I looked at Matty who still had the camera rolling and we legged it out of the store. Seemingly leaving the destroyed Tanya to clean up both herself and the large pool of mess that surrounded her on the floor of the shop.

Once the camera was turned off, I felt a bit guilty for the mess in the bakery and decided getting banned from it wasn’t advisable so I left Matty to take the footage home and said I’d go and help clean up.

I didn’t see Tanya as I walked back into the shop, although judging from the messy footprints she’d left in a hurry and the girl from the counter was getting a mop out to start cleaning up. I told her to leave it as I took over and spent the next while cleaning up the mess, which she was seemingly grateful for as she told me that it had been pretty funny to see despite how angry the girl had been.

When I eventually walked home back to my own university halls I was sure that it would be awkward when I next saw Tanya in lectures, but to be honest even if I never go to do anything like it again it had been totally worth it.

Pieing and sliming Tanya had only ensured that reality was just as good as fantasy for me, and the memory and video of it happening would be something I could keep for ever.

A few days later I sat down in the large lecture theatre that seated way more people than we needed, for one of my least favourite modules, the one where none of my main group of friends were taking and so I often sat alone near the back and tried ot zone out and doze.

As I settled in to relax my eyes I heard someone putting stuff down and preparing to sit down next to me, I turned to look confused at the mystery person taking a large gulp of breath as I did so when it turned out to be Tanya, looking decidedly more clean than last time I saw her, who simply looked at my and declared “You know what Max, you are such an arsehole, I hate you”

To which I shrugged replied “I know” as our lecturer started to speak breaking the silence, as I turned back to my blank notebook wondering why she had decided to stay sitting next to me even after she had said her piece.

Probably you’ve already noticed some changes, but MessySoMessy and I decided it was time for a revamp of the site and this is now underway.

I’ve cleared out the clutter from the bottom of the blog and replaced it with quick-link icons for the most popular pages. I’ve also started from scratch with the links menu, as many of the old links pointed to defunct sites or were of marginal value. New links will gradually be added; if you want your site featured, ask and we’ll consider it.

I’ve also added a gloppary to explain some of the terms used on the site, especially the abbreviations. I expect many of you know them by heart but there might be others who are too shy to ask. I hope it also serves as an amusing overview of our unusual interest.

I’m also in the process of making new banners to feature some of the awesome new WAM we’ve had over the past couple of years. If you have requests or have made a banner yourself, please send it in.

Please do give your comments on the new layout, as well as suggestions for anything you’d like to see.

Cheers,
TG

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Intro

A man wearing a sharp suit, shirt and tie takes the applause of the audience as he beams into the camera.

”Good evening! My name is Tom Marto, and we have the latest Football is Coming Home episode, but as you will see later on, this will turn into something a little different! But before we carry on any further, let me introduce my lovely assistant!”

The camera pans immediately to a rather scantily clad lady who is standing at the other end of the stage.

”Hello! My name is Tania, and yes, you guys voted for me to wear lingerie tonight, so here I am! I tried to dress up as sexily as I could. What do you think?”

Tania flaunts her sexy figure and turns around to give the camera a view of her bottom.

Tom: “I think ‘very nice indeed’. Do you want to crack on with the latest from the Gunge World Cup?”

Gunge World Cup

Tania: “Yes Ok then. We are almost getting to the end of the Gunge World Cup and we now have the results of the semi-final. I can reveal that Holly Hamilton of Northern Ireland dispatched Diletta Leotta of Italy but it was a close match with Holly winning by a narrow margin of only 3 votes. Meanwhile in the other semi final, USA’s Kelly Nash was the easy victor over Venezuela’s Adriana Monslave”

Tom: “So we have at last reached the final which will be battled out between blonde Holly and brunette Kelly. The polls are open now with the winner being revealed next week!”

Mini CSWL

Tom: “For our mini CSWL match this week, the selected game was Crystal Palace against Chelsea, with breakfast TV presenter Susanna Reid representing her Palace team and Tania representing Chelsea”

Flashing up on the overhead TV monitor was the final score from the match

Tom turns to Tania “Well done Tania, you’ve won again!”

Tania fist pumps the air, as Tom carried on.

”We’ll be seeing Susanna a little later on in the show!”

Tania’s Quiz 2

Tania: “Ok, so that takes me onto my little quiz. It proved to be very frenetic with lots of chopping and changing of positions during the week, with some good predictions being made. Ultimately, there were 3 ladies who were tied for first place, all on 100 points each – Sarah-Jane Mee, Alex Scott and Dua Lipa. We’ll be seeing those 3 ladies a bit later on the show.”

Tom: “I see Anna Kendrick came agonisingly close in fourth place. That’s a shame I would have liked to see her on our little show!”

Tania: “Why is that Tom? Do you fancy her?”

Tom: “I suppose you could say I have a soft spot for her…”

Tania smiles and turns to face the camera “Some of you may be wondering why there has been no mess dished out on the show yet!”

Tom: “And some of you may be wondering why I stated at the start of the broadcast, that this episode will be a little different!”

Tania: “So I know you are all thinking ‘what is going on…?’

Tom: “We can announce that we are going to host a very special edition of ‘Slapstick Secretary’. Except that there are no secretaries taking part! Instead we have sports presenters, a breakfast TV presenter and a pop star!”

The curtain behind Tom and Tania is suddenly raised to reveal 6 ladies standing in a line, with their hands above their heads, handcuffed to the overhead beam.

The audience cheer wildly as they recognise the ladies before them.

Tania: “First up we have Diletta Leotta and Adriana Monslave, our Gunge World Cup losing semi-finalists…”

Tom: “Joining them is Susanna Reid after the miserable performance her Crystal Palace put in during the week”

Tania: “And making up the rest of the contestants, are the 3 ladies who ‘won’ my little quiz – Sarah Jane Mee, Alex Scott and Dua Lipa”

Tom: “I am sure that many of you will be familiar with the rules of Slapstick Secretary. Just as a reminder, we will have 7 rounds. Each round we will ask a question which will have a numerical answer. The lady that is the furthest away from the correct answer in each question will get a messy forfeit. As the rounds progress the forfeits get more messier and humiliating”

Tania: “Let’s start with Question 1 – How far away is the moon?”

Each of the six ladies look deep in thought as they contemplate what the answer could be.

Authors Note: The poll will be open for 24 hours and round 1 of Slapstick Secretary will be posted tomorrow……I hope to post 1 round every day this week”

FA Cup Quiz

Tania: “We are also going to hold one final football quiz for the summer. This time, it will be an FA Cup Quiz. Both FA Cup semi-finals will be taking place next weekend (Sat 18th & Sun 19th)”

• Arsenal v Man City

• Man Utd v Chelsea

“All you need to do is predict the score of both matches. An exact score gets you 40 points and a correct result earns you 10 points. In addition, you can nominate any THREE players from any of the 4 teams and if any of those players scores in the semi-finals, then that will earn you an additional 10 points for every goal they score. As usual, you also get to nominate a celebrity lady of your choosing to represent you. The winner will see their lady celebrity appear in a future episode. Entries close Wednesday 15th.”

Tom: “So join us after this short advert break when we’ll see who will get the mess in the first round of Slapstick Secretary!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and scenes of a sexual nature. 

Caprice did a thorough read through of the script for her pilot show. Like true stars she didn’t feel the need to rehearse so did her mediation and chanted her name several times. There was a knock at her dressing room door and Darcy Bussell walked in wearing a short skirt, cut off top and suspenders in her sexy policewoman outfit.

“Will this do?” Darcy asked slightly embarrassed about what she had been asked to wear. “Lose the bra darling” Caprice commanded as she looked over the outfit. Reluctantly Darcy took her top off and removed her bra and stood there topless with her small breasts on show. “Do these pass the test?” she asked rather sarcastically. “Let me see” Caprice said picking up two ice cubes and pressing them onto Darcy’s nipples. “Do this for 20 minutes before my big dance number and you’ll get them nice and prominent” she said. “As Darcy put her top back on and turned to leave Caprice said “Bend over”. Darcy obliged and displayed some thrilly knickers. “No wear these instead” Caprice said throwing Darcy a black thong. Darcy looked at it shocked. “Try it on” Caprice command and reluctantly Darcy dropped her thrilly knickers and put the thong on but still maintained her modesty. “Bend over again please” Caprice asked. Darcy bent over showing a toned pair of butt cheeks. Caprice gave her bum a hard slap and said “You’ll do”. Seething Darcy left Caprice’s dressing room.

It came to recording time and Caprice graciously made her way to the stage and ran through her opening monologue several times before she was happy with it. She dismissively introduced Four of Diamonds by making a lame joke about Ace of Spades. They performed their latest single before Caprice performed Over the Moon from Rent. The show cut to a break but Caprice delayed filming by 20 minutes as she fussed over what outfit to wear for the next sketch of her on the phone to her supposed assistant. The audience laughed but Caprice failed to get the irony of it and demanded it was re-shot 5 times. She then spent another 15 minutes changing into her next outfit before she performed her second single Once Around the Sun from 2001.

She then changed into her denim shorts with just a blazer on top. Before she did her blazer up she looked at her breasts in the mirror and said “Magnificent”. She put her mac on and made her way to the set.

“We need to get this and the finale in one take due to continuity and Darcy getting soaked” the Director told Caprice. As the iconic music started Caprice put her umbrella up and the fake rain started. Darcy walked on gamely in her very revealing outfit and Caprice began to splash the water in her face as she danced. They went under a shop canopy and Caprice emptied a load of cold water from the canopy onto Darcy who stood there a gamely took it. Her nipples clearly visible under her wet top. Caprice danced around Darcy and with her umbrella lifted up Darcy’s skirt and kicked water up her thong covered bum cheeks. Darcy was seething but carried on as all member of Four of Diamonds threw a bucket of water over her as she shuddered. It came to the end and Caprice laughing pushed Darcy backwards into a trough of water. Darcy went under the water with her legs up in the air.

Gasping for air and shuddering with the shock of the cold water Darcy was dragged out of the trough by Caprice and pulled towards a door labeled Restaurant. Caprice walked in dragging the bedraggled Darcy. To Caprice’s surprise Holly Willoughby was stood there dress as Polly her Ministry of Mayhem character.

“A table for two and everything on the House” Caprice said. “Let me take your wet things” Holly said as took Caprice’s mac off her. “What about her?” Caprice said pointing to Darcy and turning around and unzipping her top. Darcy was speechless as Caprice pulled her sodden top off and threw it to Holly. Darcy put her hands other her nipples as they were led to a table. “Irony darling” Caprice whispered pulling Darcy’s hands away to expose her small breasts. Darcy was seated and pulled the tablecloth forward as Caprice took her chair which Holly pulled away slightly Caprice fell to the floor as a starter sound went onto her chest. “Let me clean you up” Holly said grabbing a soda siphon and spraying it right in a screaming Caprice’s face and onto her body.

Darcy walked around and helped Caprice up “Oh you must get out of that wet jacket” she said as she undid it and slid it off Caprice who was protesting as she stood there topless. “I’ll wash the last bit of soup off you” Holly said spraying the cold water onto Caprice’s breasts. Caprice was protesting but the Director was signaling to continue. Darcy knotted the other end of the table cloth around Caprice’s neck to hide her modesty and signaled for them both to sit down. Darcy looked at the cue cards and said “Two trifles please waitress” Holly bought on two big cream trifles and placed them in front of them both.

Looking at the cue cards Caprice read out “What’s that over there” and moved to point in order to drag Darcy’s head into the trifle but Darcy had knotted her end of the cloth loosely and her head didn’t move forward. Caprice looked at her. “Like this” Darcy said pulling the cloth and driving Caprice’s face into the trifle. Caprice screamed as her face went into the trifle. Holly ran over. “Can you give her my trifle please?” Darcy said to Holly who picked up the trifle and stuck it on Caprice’s head. Caprice began to scream “We’ve leaving. No we want our main course of meatballs in gravy. And it has to be on the house” Darcy said. “Just carry on, I’ll get this lot” Darcy whispered to a fuming Caprice. Holly returned carrying a large tureen and emptied the meatballs and gravy over Caprice’s head.

Caprice screamed as the gravy ran down her face and her long blonde hair was plastered to her face. “We are in the wrong seats” Darcy said picking up her chair and pulling it around to the other side of the table and Holly moved Caprice and her chair to where Darcy had been sat. Caprice wiped her eyes and looked at the cue cards “I’ll have spaghetti bolognese this time make sure it is on the house” she muttered. Holly returned carrying a tureen of spaghetti bolognese and walked behind Darcy and then behind Caprice before double checking and emptying this also over Caprice’s head. “I want to see the” Caprice screamed looking for the producer as the spaghetti ran slowly down her face. “Chef” Darcy chipped in. “I’ll fetch her” Holly said.

She returned with top drag Artist Baga Chipz who was in a chef’s apron and carrying a large pot of pea soup that she was mixing up.

“What is the matter darling?” she asked Caprice. “This” screamed Caprice pointing to herself. “I can’t see what’s wrong” he added undoing the tablecloth around Caprice’s neck and leaving her stood there topless in just her denim shorts. “They look fabulous to me darling” he said pointing to her boobs. “This meal was supposed to be on the house” Darcy said. “And so it is darling” he replied as he emptied the pot of pea soup over Caprice’s head and left the pot on it. Before showing that on the back of Caprice’s chair it said “On the house!”.

Holly, Darcy and Baga Chipz took a bow as the audience roared with laughter. Caprice pulled the pot off her head and went to storm off but Darcy and Holly pulled her in to take a bow. “I was humiliated” Caprice muttered. “No more than me darling” Darcy replied as Baga Chipz said “Two custard tarts to got their just deserts as Holly emptied a jug of custard over both Caprice’s and Darcy’s heads.

Caprice stormed back into her dressing room and dived under the shower only to be met with a torrent of lukewarm coffee over her. She looked down and saw a note “And Caprice was fuming. Hope you liked the coffee love Darcy and Holly”. Caprice waited for the coffee to drain away and had a long hot shower. She phoned her husband who had been watching a recording of the show at home with her children. “The children loved it when you got messy and pretended to be mad. You are such a good sport he said. “But I’m not” Caprice pleaded. ” Oh you are, how you feigned being mad but I know you enjoyed it. Maybe we can try it sometime Also ITV want to take up the option of a series the head of light entertainment has just told me” he went on.

Caprice made her apologies and phoned her agent “Great news Caprice ITV loved the pilot and have taken up the option of a full series which you signed a couple of days ago. They loved the slapstick with you and Darcy and want something similar with a top guest each week. They will put it out at 9:30pm so you can get those fabulous boobs out when required. I know you will be okay with that. So I said yes” he enthused. “I’m not doing it” she screamed. “You’ve signed a contract and I’ve got my 20% so I think you are” her agent replied. “They will also screen the pilot” he added. “No, I don’t want my boobs to be seen on TV” she hollered. “Well you haven’t got much choice you revealed Darcy’s breasts without her permission but she has sportingly said she won’t sue or ask for it to be cut as yours came out too so it protects her artistic integrity. You agreed to the content of the series being similar to the pilot in that contract you signed” he went on. “No, No, No” Caprice screamed as she slammed down the phone.

Darcy who had also showered stuck her head around Caprice’s dressing room door. “I think we owned that darling, nice bit of naughty innuendo and I was happy to have my boobs shown as you gamely decided to strip off your top too. I’ve just had a offer for both of us to go on Totty, do you fancy doing it. Also hope you liked the coffee. An old trick Holly showed me. Congratulations too on the series” she concluded as Caprice threw a towel at the dressing room door.

Any other suggestions for guests who could appear on this series. I’ll get Four of Diamonds involved in the slapstick sketch one week.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Continues from https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/12/football-is-coming-home-ep-8/

Tom: “Thanks for staying tuned after our short advert break for our impromptu Slapstick Secretary contest. We have 6 competing ladies behind me, standing in line, with their hands handcuffed to the overhead beam. All of them no doubt hoping that they avoid giving an answer that is furthest away from the correct answer.”

Tania: “Yes, a messy forfeit lies in wait for the lady that has the furthest away answer in each round. And I can confirm the forfeits get messier and more humiliating as the contest progresses.”

Tom: “Let’s get to know the ladies a little bit better before we carry on. I don’t think any of them were expecting to be taking part in our fun little contest, that’s for sure!”

Tania: “First up is Delitta Leotta.

Diletta

The 28 year old from Sicily is a sports TV presenter and came very close to getting through to the final of the Gunge World Cup. However the big boobed blonde will have to make do with a consolation appearance on Slapstick Secretary!”

Tom: “Adriana Monslave is our second contestant and is 42 years young.

Adriana

She hails from Venezuela and is a well known sports presenter in South America, with a liking for wearing sexy knee-high leather boots. Like Diletta, she too was a losing semi finalist in the Gunge World Cup, earning her a place in Slapstick Secretary.”

Tania. “At 49 years of age, Susanna Reid is our oldest contestant.

Susanna

From Croydon, the breakfast TV presenter has paid the price for the poor performances of her Crystal Palace team to leave her in a very unfamiliar position, shackled behind us. The brunette thinks that she is a little to old to play in such a contest but our viewers beg to differ”

Tom: “Sarah-Jane Mee is a former sports news presenter, but now turned general news presenter.

Sarah-Jane

The 42 year old is used to CSWL type shows featuring regularly on them, but this will be her first appearance on Slapstick Secretary. Originally from Birmingham, the strawberry blonde will be keeping her fingers crossed that she doesn’t come last in any of the rounds”

Tania: “Ex-football player

Alex

and now sports presenter Alex Scott will be wishing that she hadn’t been nominated by a viewer for their entry in Tania’s Quiz. That has earned the 35 year old from London a place next to Sarah-Jane. She may end up regretting wearing her elegant ball gown on the show!”

Tom: “Completing the six lady line-up is pop singer Dua Lipa.

Dua

The 24 year old Londoner is the youngest of our contestants so will her inexperience count against her when answering the questions? We shall have to wait and see!”

Tom: “We announced Question 1 before the advert break – How far is it to the moon? Ladies, can you give me your answer in miles please?”

Tom went along the line of handcuffed ladies, and put the microphone up to their mouths so that everyone could hear their answers. Once all 6 had responded, the lights in the studio dimmed, and spotlights were fixed on each of the 6 ladies.

Tania: “Ladies, I can tell you the answer is 6 miles!”

All 6 ladies looked perplexed and astonished at the revealing of the answer. They had all guessed huge numbers.

Tania: “Of course The Moon is one of our local hostelries, and actually is one of my favourite places to drink out. I am surprised you ladies have guessed such large numbers!”

In a mocking tone, Tania continues “Oh, did you ladies think we meant the real moon in the sky? Haha!”

The audience chortled with laughter as Tom brought the microphone up to his mouth “So with an answer of 750,000 miles, the lady whose answer is furthest away is……..Diletta!”

The full studio lights came up again as the blonde Italian quietly cursed to herself, as a trolley was wheeled on by a stagehand and parked to the side of the 28 year old. Diletta glanced down to see that the trolley was laden with custard pies and jugs of custard.

Lingerie-clad Tania sexily walked over to the shackled Diletta and picked up a custard pie. After teasing her by waving the pie in front of her face, Tania smushed the pie into the Italian’s face which left her gasping. The next pie was splatted onto the top of her head, causing custard to splash over her long blonde hair.

Picking up a jug of custard, Tania looked menacingly at Diletta’s white dress before pulling out the top of the neck with her left hand and pouring the jug inside with her other hand. Diletta squealed as the cold custard flowed inside her dress and down the front of her body. Tania kept the dress open and poured another jug inside for good measure. The audience were laughing as they saw custard streaming down Diletta’s legs, as the yellow slop made its way down her body.

Tania turned her attention to the bottom of Diletta’s dress and yanked the hem up until the bottom of the dress was bunched up around Diletta’s waist, revealing that she was wearing a skimpy white thong. This caused a few wolf whistles from the audience.

Picking up 2 more custard pies, the assistant host smiled wickedly before slapping one on Diletta’s curvy bottom and the other against the front of her thong. The Italian gasped as she felt the coldness of the custard and cream soaking into her flimsy thong.

Tania rubbed her hands with glee and returned back to Tom. Diletta wasn’t pleased that Tania had left her dress bunched up around her waist so everyone could still see her custardy thong. As she was handcuffed, there was no way she could pull the dress down herself, so had to grin and bear it.

After witnessing Diletta get her custard sploshing, the other ladies seemed shocked at how messy and potentially humiliating it could be for them.

Tom faced the camera “Well done Tania, you did a good job there. That takes us quite nicely onto around 2 and Question 2 – How many trees are there in the world?”

As the ladies were open-mouthed at the announcement of the question, the show went into a short advert break….

Author’s Note: Ok, who gets the messy forfeit this time. Will it be Diletta again? Or will it be another lady this time? You decide!

Polls will close in 24 hours with round 2 of the story up tomorrow. For info, voting for round 1 was as follows:-

Continued from A Welcome Return – Part 2

Nikki walked into Andrea’s changing room and the mature TV presenter looked up laughing. “you want me to wear this on TV?” She said incredulously, Nikki couldn’t help but grin as she nodded her head, appreciating the site of the woman in her very tight dress that would offer very little protection.

A few minutes later Nikki was back out on the stage area and ready to resume hosting the show, as she received a countdown from her producer.

“Welcome back everyone, we now move onto another part of our show and fortunately before we left Sam Quek” as Nikki said her name Sam walked out onto the stage now showered and wearing a hockey outfit and stick.

She looked more relaxed than ever before as Nikki explained that during this part of the show Sam would be hitting hockey balls towards a goal, in the goal instead of a keeper a series of targets had been set up, and each target would be worth some points.

“But not only are they randomly worth points, they also will also have a name associated with them, so please give another warm welcome once again on the show Andrea McLean, at this Andrea walked out to a roar of cheers as everyone enjoyed the view of her wearing a dress she would have dreamt of wearing on TV.

Andrea did not look as relaxed as Sam, as Nikki carried on speaking.

“In order to make this a competition to see who will get messy we need to introduce an opponent for Andrea, and we make the move across terrestrial TV divide from ITV to BBC with our next guest. She can usually be found predicting the weather forecast, I wonder if she’ll be able to predict her own potentially messy forecast, it is the lovely Abbie Dewhurst.

Abbie walked out onto the show and waved politely to the camera before hugging Nikki, she was wearing a bright yellow top and a colourful dress that matched her upbeat personality. “Thanks for joining us on the show Abbie” Nikki said.

Abbie replied that she was happy to come on as it felt like it would be a laugh when her agent had brought it up, she did say she was hoping to avoid getting too messy however as she really liked her top and was afraid it wouldn’t take a beating in the gunge.

“Now the producers felt it wouldn’t be fair if just the two of you were up for this challenge.

So you’ll be pleased to know that I also have my name on some of the targets, which means that we all have a 1 in 3 chance of getting the most points” Nikki said, jokingly pretending to curse the producers with fake shock at her being put into a potentially messy situation.

Both Andrea and Abbie were pleased to hear that the odds of them staying clean had improved, as Nikki continued to explain what would happen to the one with the most points. “She will be taking a seat inside our gunge mixer and get a full coating of mess; will Andrea be making her second trip to it or will Abbie get the showering instead?”

At this a timer appeared on the screen and Nikki instructed Sam to start to take her penalty shots…

—

Vote for the one that got the most points (and therefore gets messy)

Also, vote for what substance you might want added to the mixer.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to our Coronation Street special edition of Totty” said a smiling Amber Gill in a sexy Lime Bikini. “Yes incredibly we will be having some very naughty and messy fun with a host of Corrie females past and present” Katie Thistleton in a red toweling bikini added. “First time we’ve seen you in a bikini on Totty” Maisie Smith in a strapless boob tube and shorts commented.

“You’ve seen enough of me each week each as it is” Katie replied. “Look at her little belly, not sure if it is like a jelly” Amber said wobbling Katie’s stomach and then emptying a bucket of runny jelly over her head. “Wobbles more like a blancmange I reckon” Maisie added tipping a bucket of the pink substance over Katie’s head. “Only a minute in and my belly has been insulted and I’m messy” Katie stormed. “Actually it wobbles more like a trifle, several trifles in fact” she added as she smashed several trifles into Amber’s face and afro hair leaving her a creamy mess. “As for you Maisie you look like an Oompa Loompa you are that orange. Here courtesy of Willie Wonka” Katie went on sticking a bucket of chocolate sauce on Maisie’s head and pulling her boob tube down and rubbing the sauce in as it ran across her stupendous breasts.

“Anyway please welcome our first 3 guests from Coronation Street Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell and Ellie Leach” Amber said. The girls walked on to lots of whistles and cheers. Julia was in a vest top and denim shorts, Alexandra in an orange bikini and Ellie in a thong swimsuit.

“Welcome girls” Katie said as Maisie stood there with the bucket on her head and her boobs on display. The Corrie girls looked at her and burst out laughing. “I’m going to stay like this” Maisie said as she began to feel her way around. She put her hand on Alexandra’s boobs and said “These are good” and felt down her body. “Is that you Amber, no the arse isn’t big enough” Maisie went on “And the hair isn’t messy either” she concluded. “We’ll soon fix that” Amber said as she gave a giggling Alexandra a double trifle sandwich on her face and hair.

Maisie reached out and grabbed Ellie’s bum cheeks “These are peachy” she said giving them a slap. “Sit her in a cake I reckon” she went on. Katie bought on a chair and put a cream cake on it and pushed Ellie splat down onto it before sticking another cake in her face and up into her hair.

Maisie reached out and found Julia. She put her hand up her top and said “No bra, typical Northern Slapper” and then touched her long dark hair. “She’s got really hairy armpits, this fish wife. Give her a bucket of rotten fish guts” she added. Amber emptied a bucket of smelly liquidized fish guts over Julia’s head as she screamed.

Maisie took the bucket off her head and said “I’m so sorry. What Am I like” and slid into her splits as all the other girls all hit her with a custard pie in the face. Laughing Maisie got up and noticed Ellie’s tanlines and said “She needs some sunscreen” as Katie emptied a bucket of orange gunge over Ellie’s head. Ellie stood there speechless as the gunge ran down her long dark ponytail over her eyes and into her low cut swimsuit. “Rub it in” Maisie said putting her hands inside Ellie’s costume and massaging the gunge into her breasts as we got several sightings of her nipples.

“What is she on” Ellie screamed. “I’m on EastEnders” Maisie replied and then looking at the girls added “You are from Corrie aren’t you?”. “Yes” Julia replied. “What have we let ourselves in for?” Alexandra asked. “Full Totty experience” Katie replied. “But Evan Rachel Wood wasn’t in Corrie unless she had a brief spell as a papergirl for Rita?” Maisie asked. “No she is meeting up with Rosamund and Thandie in LA in part two when we’ll also be joined by Samia Longchambon” Katie replied. “My mum used to like him when he was in Duran Duran Samia Simon Le Bon” Maisie responded looking puzzled. “God help Samia” Alexandra chipped in laughing.

“Plus we’d got 2 mystery guests who are or were in Corrie until brains over there” Amber said pointing at Maisie “Revealed they were Tracy Shaw and Faye Brooks” she added giving Maisie another pie in the face. “Have you found another surprise guest with a Corrie connection?” Katie asked Maisie. “Well we’ve got 3 replacements over there as Brooke Vincent is on maternity leave, Sair Khan wouldn’t come on and the other women are a bit past it” Maisie added. “Brooke is my cousin and Julia actually had a baby after Brooke” Ellie said. “I guess Julia needed the money as she was soon back at work. I guess it beats doing Telly Sales. Everyone watches stuff on a phone or PC these days. So I wouldn’t envy you” Maisie went on.

Julia stood there in shock but unable to stop laughing. “I’m going to take a break” Maisie said beginning to walk off but throwing her top right off yelling “If I Take It Off, It Stays Off” as she walked off to huge applause. “Okay now it is a bit calmer, I’m going to play the first game as we take Ellie Leach onto The Beach” Katie said as she lead Ellie onto a beach set with sand and deckchairs.

“Do you fancy an ice cream?” Katie asked Ellie. “Yes please” Ellie replied as Katie lead her over to an ice cream machine. “Oh there aren’t any cones” Katie said “What shall we use?” Ellie asked laughing guessing what was coming next. “I’ll dispense some into your mouth” Katie said. Hardly able to stop laughing Ellie stuck her head under the pipe and Katie pulled the lever ice cream began to go into Ellie’s mouth and she began to spit it out. Katie moved Ellie’s head forward so her hair and face got covered in runny ice cream. Ellie was spitting out ice cream choking as she was laughing so much. “You’ve got ice cream in my ****** ear” she screamed. “Oh sorry lets swap over” Katie said as she turned the machine off. Ellie pulled her head out from under the pipe covered in ice cream. Katie stuck a flake in her mouth and one in her left ear before covering her head with raspberry sauce.

Katie stuck her head under the pipe and Ellie pulled the lever. Katie’s mouth began to fill up with ice cream as she spat it out as it ran over her face. Ellie moved her back and covered Katie’s head with ice cream and added some raspberry sauce. Ellie went to pull the lever back up but it broke off in her hand. “Look what you’ve done” Katie shouted pulling her head out from under the flow of ice cream. “It wasn’t my fault” Ellie replied guessing it was meant to break. “Quick catch the ice cream in something” Katie said. “Like what?” Ellie asked. “This” Katie said pulling Ellie forward and sticking her boobs between the pipe so the ice cream ran into her swimsuit. Ellie screamed as the cold runny ice cream ran down her body and the ice cream began to ooze out of her crotch. “It’s gone up my ****** fanny” she screamed.

“Okay turn around” Katie said turning Ellie around and putting the pipe down the back of her costume. Ellie screamed as the ice cream ran down her back. “It’s gone up my bleeding bum” she yelled. “I don’t suppose you want a flake up there?” Katie asked. “Don’t you ****** dare” Ellie shouted. “Take a seat” Katie said bringing a deckchair over and sitting Ellie down in it. Ice cream oozed out from under her Ellie’s costume as she stood up to reveal to ice cream covered bum cheeks.

“I’ll collect some in my bikini top” Katie said putting her boobs under the pipe. Her bikini top began to fill up and overflow. “What shall I do?” she asked. “Try covering the hole with something” Ellie suggested pointing to Katie’s bikini top . “That’s an idea. If I take it off it stays off” Katie yelled pulling her bikini top off to display her impressive boobs. She tried to cover the hole put ice cream spurted out into Ellie’s face. “Maybe try your boobs against it?” Ellie suggested. Katie stuck her boobs under the pipe and covered them with more ice cream. “No good try yours” she shouted as she scooped Ellie’s boobs out and pushed then under the ice cream. Ellie scream and giggled as her boobs were covered with ice cream. “Here have a flake” Katie said sticking one in between Ellie’s boobs.

“I’ve got a deep belly button” I can put some in there” Katie said laughing lying under the pipe and filling her belly button with ice cream as Ellie rubbed the ice cream into Katie’s boobs and body. “What is your’s like?” Katie asked Ellie who slipped out of her costume and pulled it down to her waist to reveal a cute belly button. Katie filled Ellie’s belly button with ice cream and stuck a flake down her costume. Just then the machine began to comically smoke and a loud bang went off and a few gallons of runny ice cream cascaded down over the girls. Katie and Ellie stood there laughing and began rubbing the ice cream into each other’s hair and boobs as they rolled about on the sand and sprayed the last of the raspberry sauce onto each other and crushed the remaining flakes on each others head and boobs.

“Please give it up for Ellie Leach a natural clown, she took her costume down so it stays down” Katie said as Ellie giggled and took a bow.

“Right Alexandra you are going to have some fun with me” Maisie said grabbing hold of the bikini clad Alexandra who was wondering what crazy Maisie had in store for her. “You play Emma on Corrie who is wonderfully dippy. In many ways she reminds us of Maxine who also used to work at the hairdressers and wore pink before Richard Hillman bopped her on the head. Please welcome one of our supposed mystery guests but I revealed who she was. What am I like. It’s only Tracy Shaw” Maisie said as Alexandra gave her a custard pie in the face.

Tracy walked on to huge wolf whistles in a very sexy blue bikini.

“Looking amazing Tracy. What have you been up to over the years apart from not aging” Maisie asked “Well thanks, I’ve had a couple of children and taken a bit of a step back but I’m still doing some theatre work” Tracy replied. “You look great in blue, perf as a smurf” Maisie said. “Perf as a smurf?” Tracy replied as Maisie emptied a bucket of blue gunge over Tracy’s head. Tracy was laughing as the gunge ran down her blonde hair and onto her still impressive breasts. “Perf as a Smurf?” Alexandra asked as Maisie emptied a bucket of blue gunge over her too. “Didn’t you do that with Dani Dyer?” Tracy asked as Alexandra wiped the gunge out of her eyes. “You’ve got a great pair” Tracy said looking at Maisie’s superb bare breasts. “They are perf as a Smurf” Maisie replied as Tracey and Alexandra both emptied a bucket of gunge over Maisie’s head. Maisie stood there as the gunge ran over her hair and face and down her body. Tracy pulled Maisie’s shorts open and stuck some gunge down there. “Right up my tuppence” Maisie said. “The dirty cow isn’t wearing any knickers. Bad as those chav girls they dunk into buckets” Alexandra said. “Let’s do that to her then” Tracy suggested.

Tracy pulled in a bucket of spaghetti as she and Alexandra turned Maisie upside down and dunked her head into the spaghetti several times. Maisie’s boobs bounced up and down as she was dunked into the spaghetti before she was turned upright with the bucket on her head as the spaghetti ran down her boobs. Taking the bucket off her head Maisie said “That has made me feel more intelligent. You two ought to try it?”. “I’ll give it a go” Alexandra replied laughing. “Try this” Maisie said getting bucket of custard as she and Tracy turned Alexandra upside down and dunked her head into the custard. Alexandra’s boobs bounced up and down as her head went into the custard. “Do you think she has had them done?” Maisie asked. “I don’t know?” Tracy replied. “Only one way to find out” Maisie said pulling Alexandra’s bikini top off and her large dusky boobs bounced free. “No they are natural I reckon” Tracy replied as she and Maisie turned Alexandra the right way up and let the custard run down her boobs. “Definitely natural” Tracy said copping a feel. “I agree” Maisie replied feeling her other boob as Alexandra giggled under the bucket.

“Do you feel more intelligent?” Maisie asked “Not really” Alexandra replied. “Must be the spaghetti” Tracy said getting another bucket as she and Maisie turned a screaming Alexandra upside down again and dunked her headfirst into the spaghetti. They did this several before turning Alexandra the right way up and letting the spaghetti run down her body. Maisie banged on the bucket “Do you feel more intelligent now?” she asked. “That bloody hurt. Yes I do actually” Alexandra replied removing the bucket.

“Right upside down into a bucket of spaghetti and you need to be topless. Here is where life experience pays off” Tracy said removing her bikini top to display her still impressive breasts. “If I take them off, they stay off” she yelled. Hardly able to stop laughing Tracy was turned upside down by Maisie and Alexandra and dunked head first into another bucket of spaghetti several times. “Her boobs are still ***** natural too” Alexandra said as Tracy boobs bounced away. They turned her back upright and the spaghetti ran down her body. Alexandra banged the bucket. “Are you feeling brighter Tracy?” she asked. “No, I’m not” Tracey replied removing the bucket.

“Lets try with the custard?” Maisie suggested. She and Alexandra turned a laughing Tracy upside down again and dunked her headfirst into the custard as she spluttered before turning her the right way up. “We need to feel her boobs too” Alexandra said as she grabbed one boob and Maisie the other. “Very good surgeon actually. My mistake” Maisie said “*** off and I do feel more intelligent now” Tracy replied pulling the bucket off her head.

“Right do me in the final bucket of custard. Get me by my shorts and dunk me right into it” Maisie instructed them. Tracy positioned the final bucket of custard as she and Alexandra turned Maisie upside down again and dunked her into the custard. “Harder, I need to get wise” Maisie spluttered as they lifted her higher and dropped her into the custard. But as they went to pull her back Maisie grabbed hold of Alexandra’s waist to stop herself moving and her shorts came down in Tracy and Alexandra’s hand’s. Maisie was effectively doing a naked handstand in a bucket of custard and swung over somehow showing everything into her signature splits but pulled Alexandra’s bikini briefs down at the same time. Alexandra stood there screaming as her neatly trimmed bush was on display as Maisie took the bucket off her head and said “Whops what am I like” Tracy looked on laughing and pulled the other string of Alexandra’s bikini bottoms loose throwing them into the audience yelling “If you take them off, they stay off”. Alexandra chased after Tracy trying to pull her briefs down as Maisie got back up and got in between them.

“Let’s hear it for Alexandra Mardell who will now enjoy spending the rest of the programme naked like me and the still gorgeous Tracy Shaw” Maisie said as they took their bows and Tracy ran off as Alexandra shouted abuse jokingly at her.

“Whose turn is it now?” Maisie asked looking at Amber and Katie. “It’s you again. You’re doing another Maisie I’m Amazed as you buggered up the mystery guests” Amber shouted. “I’m getting confused is it the girl I’ve booked or Faye Brooks?” Maisie asked. “It’s Faye” Katie shouted. “Okay welcome Faye Brooks” Maisie said.

Faye walked on in a strapless white bikini you could see her nipples through.

“Looking very sexy Faye” Maisie said. Faye looked the naked Maisie up and down unable to stop laughing. “I didn’t wink at you did I?” Maisie asked. “No not yet” Faye replied. “So what are you going to do for us?” Maisie asked. “Well before I joined Corrie I played Princess Fiona in Shrek so I’ll sing “I’m A Believer” Faye said. “Didn’t you get painted green every night too?” Maisie asked. “Yes” Faye replied laughing. “So guess what I’m going to do to you” Maisie replied. “I guessed it would be something like that so that was why I wore white” Faye said. “No skids I hope” Maisie responded looking at Faye’s bum. “Well you’ve got spaghetti hanging from yours” Faye responded slapping Maisie’s bum so a piece of spaghetti fell off. “By the way I’ll become Shrek” Maisie added.

The song started and Faye began to sing as Maisie came on with a bucket of green poster paint and brush and began to paint Faye’s arms and legs. Faye sang along trying not to laugh when Maisie got a roller and did it over her face and boobs. Faye continued to sing well as Maisie rollered her all over and tipped some paint down the back of Faye’s briefs as the song reached it’s first chorus. Maisie emptied the rest of the bucket over Faye’s head and then bought another bucket on and put it down in front of Faye and bent over showing Faye everything. Faye kicked Maisie up the bum and she went head first into the paint doing a forward roll to be sat there with a bucket on her head. Faye roared with laughter as Maisie took the bucket off her head and walked off to get another bucket of green paint. She threw this one right in Faye’s face to make her completely green but then stepping back to check where needed more green. Moved forward again and pulled Faye’s bikini top down to expose her shapely pert breasts.

Faye went to pull it back up as Maisie returned with two more buckets of paint she dumped the first over Faye’s head and pulled her bikini top down to her feet so she had to step out of it. Faye struggled on to sing as the paint ran down her then Maisie emptied the second bucket over her own head and pulled Faye to the floor and rolled them both around in the green paint. As Maisie went off to fetch something else Faye struggled to her feet unable to stop laughing as the song neared its end. Maisie returned carrying a Shrek head just as Faye finished the song several gallons of mushy peas crashed down onto them as they both gasped. Maisie put the Shrek head on and Faye leapt into her arms but they fell to the floor.

They comically rolled around in the green mush before they struggled to their feet. “The head is stuck” Maisie yelled. Faye wasn’t sure if she was joking or not but tried to pull it off but it wouldn’t budge. Amber walked on and said “Only you could do that” Maisie gave her a thumbs up and shouted “I’m going to leave it on” as the audience cheered. Luckily Maisie did have eye holes and a mouth opening but the sight of her naked and covered in green mess with a Shrek head on had the audience in stitches.

“Please thank the very talented and beautiful Faye Brooks” Amber said stepping in for Maisie.

“Okay mega MILF Julia Goulding it is your turn” Amber said as a smiling Julia walked on. “I think we’ll save Maisie’s mystery guest for Samia as she may have got the head off my then” Amber said as Maisie wondered in front of them still with the Shrek head on.

“Right Julia you only had a baby last November so please don’t squirt any milk in my face like Victoria Fritz did on the second show” Amber said. “I’ve no real idea what to do with you Julia apart from I’ll get you messy and hopefully get you to flash a bit of flesh” Amber added. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been told will happen” Julia replied. “Your name is Goulding, your married name is Silver, your baby has the middle name Wolf. GSW Golden State Warriors – the basketball team. We’ll have a slam dunk pie contest” Amber said as a load of pies on tables were pushed on behind the girls.

“Not so spontaneous then?” Julia replied picking up a pie and smacking it into Amber’s face. “There is only one person who can judge this contest” Amber said as she wiped the pie off her face. “Please welcome the Phantom Flan Flinger” she added.

The Phantom walked on and gave Amber his famed pie sandwich. “So you’re the Phantom Flan Flinger?” Julia said introducing herself to the Phantom who gave her a double pie sandwich. “Don’t say his name or this happens” Amber reminded Julia as she gave Julia another pie sandwich. “I didn’t say Phantom Flan Flinger” Julia replied and got another pie sandwich off the Phantom. Julia stood there covered in custard pies spluttering for breast. “Are you okay to judge this?” Amber asked the Phantom and he gave her another pie in the face.

“We’ll do two rounds and whoever does the best pie slam dunk as decided by him ( as she pointed at the Phantom) will win and the loser will face an ultimate gunging from the Phantom” Amber said and realized her mistake as the Phantom gave her another pie in the face.

“Do you know that Julia has a really hairy fanny” Alexandra shouted over. “Bugger off Alex” Julia replied. “Actually Alexandra you can help us” Amber said beckoning her over. Alexandra still naked and covered in spaghetti and custard walked over giggling. “Read that Alexandra” Amber said pointing to the cue cards. “This is what an ultimate gunging from the Phantom is like” she read out as Amber ushered Julia out of the way.

The Phantom started to rain custard pies from the table onto the screaming Alexandra. Her head was buried beneath a dozen custard pies with another dozen or so plastered onto her boobs and belly. About 6 more went onto her bum. Two buckets of oxtail soup were emptied onto her head followed by two buckets of custard and finally a bucket of honey was emptied over her head followed by a bag of feathers.

Alexandra stood there barely recognisable and slowly wiped her eyes clear only to get another pie right in the face. “Thanks Alexandra” Amber said as Katie walked on to lead her away as the audience cheered.

“Okay you go first Julia” Amber said as the Phantom stood watching. “I’m going to do a jazz hands pie shuffle” Julia said picking up two pies after positioning Amber. Julia began to do a comedy dance and did a jazz hands movement as she double pied Amber in the face. The Phantom shook his head unimpressed.

“Okay I’m doing the slut drop pie spot” Amber said picking up two pies and placing another two on the floor. Amber walked up to Julia and giving her another double pie sandwich before hitting a slut drop and planting her bum cheeks into the other two pies. The phantom gave this a thumbs up.

“Looks like I’ve won the first round” Amber said. “Right I’m going for a Milky Way Pie Bonanza” Julia said pulling her vest top off to reveal her large white breasts. Julia stood Amber there and pushed her boobs together and lactated milk into Amber’s face before drilling 10 pies quickly into Amber’s face and spraying her with milk again. The Phantom clapped his approval.

“Okay I’m going for the quickfire whammy with a fun ending” Amber said removing her bikini top to reveal her large dusky breasts. Amber instructed Julia to lie on the table and climbed on standing over her. She picked up two custard pies and wedged them between her boobs as she grabbed another couple of pies and fell to her knees planting her two pies on Julia’s boobs but the two pies balanced between Amber’s boobs fell onto Julia’s neck and missed her face. The Phantom shook his head.

“Looks like it’s a draw” Amber said as she sat up. The Phantom clapped his hands and a deluge of rice pudding crashed down onto Amber and Julia as the Phantom rained the remaining pies onto them before grabbing a foam hose and dousing them down.

Completely covered and destroyed Amber and Julia were flailing about on the table trying to get up. Maisie still with the Shrek head on walked in front of the hose spray and got covered as well. She fell into the table knocking Amber and Julia off the other side before comically falling over the table on top of them.

The girls hid behind the table as the Phantom turned the hose off and took a bow. Slowly Amber crept out from behind the table to make sure the coast was clear and called Julia and a slipping Maisie out too. “We may have to find out if you are up there with Maya Jama, London Hughes and Emily Blunt in the hairy muff stakes later on” Amber said as she and Julia took a bow.

“You need to check out Samia’s. Talk about Welcome to the Jungle” Julia suggested. “Yes Samia Lombombom will be our special guest in part two and Rosamund and Thandie will be having fun with Evan Rachel Wood” Katie said walking on.

Suddenly the camera cut to Samia in her dressing room wearing a sexy white bikini.

“Oi Goulding you bloody liar. I’ll dare you that mine isn’t as hairy as yours” Samia said as she handed back to the studio.

“There is only one way to settle this in Part 2 one out of Julia and Samia will have to ride the Totty Torture Wheel” Maisie shouted from under her Shrek head. “The most of least hairy one?” Katie asked. “I don’t know” Maisie replied as she slid into her splits. “You’ve never been on the torture wheel Maisie lets throw you in the mix too” Amber suggested as Part 1 ended.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

continued from https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/13/slapstick-secretary-round-1/

Tom: “Welcome back and we last left our 6 ladies pondering the question, just how many trees are there in the world?”

Susanna: “Hold on a minute. Is this going to be another trick question?”

Sarah-Jane: “Yeah! Like how many Trees are named as pubs?”

Tom: “No, I can guarantee there are no tricks with this question”

Meanwhile, Tania had sauntered over to stand next to Diletta who was still covered in pie and dripping with custard and cream from round 1.

Tania: “How are you feeling Diletta?”

Diletta: “I’m a little custardy! Can you pull my dress back down please? I can feel the draught of the studio on my bum”

Tania: “But if I did that, then no one would be able to see your cute white thong! I think we’ll leave your dress bunched up around your waist for now! Haha! Anyway it gives me easy access to your thong if I have to pour some yucky stuff inside or perhaps give you a wedgie!”

Diletta: “No, you can’t do that. I’m already messy!”

Tania: “You had better make sure you don’t come last in any of the other rounds, hadn’t you!”

Diletta glared at the lingerie-clad host but chose not to respond.

Tom glanced at his watch, and prompted each lady to give an answer to question 2. As they provided their answers one by one, it was obvious that none of them were confident that they were anywhere near the true number.

There was a little bit of dissent as Susanna tried to test Tom and Tania, by initially refusing to provide an answer. However she soon changed her mind when she was told failure to give an answer would mean that she would automatically lose the round and have to immediately receive the appropriate messy forfeit.

As the studio lights dimmed, the 6 spotlights were fixated on each of the ladies as suspense-type music filled the studio.

Tom: “Who’s about to get messy……….?”

Tania: “The correct answer is 3 TRILLION trees!”

There was some confusion from the ladies.

Alex: “Hey, so what’s the definition of a trillion?”

Adriana: “I’m pretty sure it’s a 1,000 million”

Dua: “I thought it was a 100 million?”

Tom: “Actually you are both wrong. A trillion is a million million. So let’s see, who is the furthest away with their answer. Oh, it’s you Dua! Your answer of 250 million is by far the lowest, although Susanna’s answer of 450 million was easily the second lowest.”

Tania: “You know what that means Dua?”

Dua cringed in her cuffs “Messy time for me?”

Dua

Tania: “Yes indeed! For your forfeit, you will see a suspended vat above your head”

The 24 year old directed her eyes upwards to confirm there was a cylindrical metal vat above her, with a tube coming out from the bottom and pointing directly down on her.

Tania: “Tell me Dua, do you like rice pudding?”

Dua: “Yeah, I guess I like it…..”

Dua cut short her answer as she realised why Tania must have asked her that question. Quickly, she looked upwards, and was immediately met with a gush of rice pudding as it began to splatter down onto her.

The musician squealed as the milky substance splashed all over her pretty face and hair, before making its way quickly down her body. The white pudding contrasted nicely with the black hair and black attire of Dua. She started to rue the choice of her outfit for the evening, as the runny milk and rice easily streamed inside the top of her sparkly black dress and coated her tits. Just as the downpour was lessening, Dua let out a sigh of relief as she thought her messy ordeal was coming to a close, but Tania had other ideas.

A trolley was wheeled on by a stagehand and Dua noticed that there were numerous opened tins on it, all with the words ‘rice pudding’ on them.

Dua: “Oh no, not more!”

Tania smiled as she grasped the hem of Dua’s dress and scrunched it up until it was bunched around her waist. The audience cooed with joy as this revealed that Dua was wearing tights patterned with polka dots. A black pair of knickers could also be seen through the tights.

Opening up the top of the tights with one hand, Tania picked up a tin with the other and positioned it precariously above the open gap between Dua’s tummy and her outstretched tights.

Dua: “You’ve got to be joking, you can’t pour that stuff in there…..!”

The high pitched yelp that instantly followed, confirmed that Tania had indeed done what she was threatening to do, and the audience roared with laughter as the milky pudding flooded the front of Dua’s tights. Tania continued the pouring, until she had used 10 tins, and Dua’s tights had been pretty much filled up. Streams of milk were running down the insides of her legs with clumps of rice here and there.

Tania reached for the final tin. She also let go of her grip of Dua’s tights, but this was only to re-grip again, and this time she had the tights and the elasticated top of Dua’s black knickers in her grasp.

Dua closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable. She didn’t have long to wait as she felt squelchy rice pudding filling up her knickers. She let out a high pitched squeal, as she felt the milky pudding reach her most sensitive areas.

Once the whole tin had been poured in, Tania let go of the tights and knickers and they snapped back into their usual positions, and she wandered back over to where Tom was standing.

Tom: “Wow! What a fun messing that was for Dua!”

Tania: “As is always customary with Slapstick Secretary, the forfeits will be getting a little more daring from now on, with clothes stripping now included!”

There was a universal groan from the 6 handcuffed ladies as they heard the word ‘stripping’.

Tom: “Join us again after the break when we will be asking Questions 3 and 4. Will Diletta or Dua be getting more mess, or will it be the turn of one of the currently clean ladies?”

Authors Note: Who do you want to lose rounds 3 and 4? The lady with the second highest votes will lose round 3 and the lady with the highest votes will lose round 4. 

Polls will be open for 24 hours and the next part will be posted tomorrow

Click Here to start at night 1Click Here to start at night 1

We start our second day in the manager’s office of a small town centre supermarket. Rather unremarkable really, just your desk, paperwork and computer and a few minor personal touches. There doesn’t appear to be a manager around, but there are two young girls there currently getting changed. I believe their names were Bridget and Kelly.

Of more interest to us though is on the shop floor area, where the lights are dimmed, to signal the store is closing. In fact the last customer is at the till now, and we see two familiar faces. We see Eva behind the till, and “Richard” is her last customer, chatting, and resuming what started least night before they were interrupted.

“Don’t worry” said Richard, “I’ve got far more sense to involve myself with a gold digger like her. Tell me though, are you here everyday?”
“Oh no” replies Eva. “Just the weekends, and one evening a week. During the week I’m studying for my performing arts degree.”
“Sounds interesting” replies Richard. “You’ll have to tell me more some time. Why don’t I give you my number so we can arrange to meet up some time.”

Before this little scene can continue we’re interrupted as Kelly and Bridget have emerged from the office, walking at a very fast pace, not even looking in the direction of our stories heroes.

“Bye Eva” shouts Kelly.
“Bye” responds Bridget.
“Wait! What!” Calls out Eva. “Where are you going?”
“The stores closed” answers Bridget. “We’re going back to my place.”
“But we’ve not cashed up, or done the stock records yet” replies Eva.
“Well it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do you loser” replies Kelly.
“Yeah, why should we give up our evening to help you out?” says Bridget.
“But …” stammers Eva.
“But what?” says Bridget. “What are you going to do? Tell Steve the Manager?”
“Like he’d do anything” sneers Kelly. “That creeps hot for us, he doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Such abhorrent behaviour, but don’t worry. In this story such behaviour is going to be suitably punished. As Kelly found out later when she popped out for some cigarettes, and was bundled in to the back of a van by a host of Demonic Minions. Don’t worry, they all wore hooded tops so their outwards appearance wouldn’t cause a panic in the physical realm.

This brings us to Kelly’s current predicament. She is laying on a weeded gravel bed on the ground at the base of a large black elaborate headstone. Her sun bed tanned, skinny body and long dark brown hair exposed for all to see. Her only modesty comes in the form of chains, wrapped around her ankles, knees, waist, torso, neck and arms. The other end of each chain is anchored to the railing around the gravel bed, meaning she is held in place, barely able to even wriggle.
Doesn’t look like she’ll be on her own for long though, as we hear a set of familiar stilettoed footsteps walking down the cemetery path.

“Ah, Hello Kelly” grins Ruby. “I see my minions have made you nice and comfortable.”
“Who are you? What do you want?” cries Kelly.
“Who am I? Well I’m a Succubus Demon, that rules over her own small island, populated by lost souls in the seas of Limbo in the spectral realm” says Ruby.
“Where?” Asks Kelly.
“You probably think of it as the afterlife” muses Ruby. “Mexican Land of the Dead, Isle of Valhalla, giant continent of Hell, all there on the seas of Limbo, along with my own small island. Above all that is the cloud kingdom where you’ll find places like Olympus and the Pearly Gates Kingdom.”
“What are you? Some kind of fruitcake?” Yells Kelly.
“Don’t believe me?” Laughs Ruby. “Aren’t the giant wings a clue? Doesn’t matter your about to get a little taste of my powers. You probably can’t see, tied up as you are, but the old cemetery clock is about to strike midnight. On every second strike of the clock a portal to the swamps of despair will open above you, covering you in the swamp mud.”
“What!” Cries Kelly.
“Well I say mud” smiles Ruby. “Creatures do exercise their horses and hellhounds there quite a bit, so watch out for that.”
“Look just let me go” begs Kelly. “I won’t tell anyone I promise.”
“Oh look at that” continues Ruby. “It’s now two minutes to Midnight. I wouldn’t want to get mud on these boots. Don’t worry I’ll send some more of my Minions along in about half an hour to take you to slightly more comfortable accommodation in one of the mausoleums here.”

We look down on Kelly as she cries and struggles in the chains holding her in place, then our view changes as we observe the old clock tower as a haunting melody chimes out. The minute hand clicks round to midnight, as the first loud bong chimes out, and our view changes to one looking down on Kelly.
A second loud bong chimes out, and Kelly lets out a sharp scream as a large amount of dirty, gritty looking brown mud suddenly materializes and splashes down on her feet, leaving everything up to her knees coated in the mud.
Kelly gasps as the third bong chimes out, then the forth signals another deluge of mud, this time falling higher up on her body, leaving her covered up to just above her belly button.
There’s a fifth bong, followed by a sixth, signalling another deluge, falling even higher, leaving her covered up to her neck, and now wallowing in a shallow pool of the mud. She looks up, and lets out a gasp as the seventh bong chimes out, grimacing and closing her eyes as the eighth bong chimes out, and a deluge of mud cascades down on her. She spit’s a mouthful of mud out, and coughs and wretches, her face covered in mud, and her hair completely saturated by the thick dirty mud.
She looks around and continues to wriggle and struggle as the ninth bong chimes out, and then a tenth. This signals the opening of the four previous portals that release a darker black coloured mud that falls on all part of Kelly’s body, washing of some of the old brown mud, but replacing it with the new black mud, ensuring Kelly is now completely covered in mud of one colour or another.
Kelly desperately wriggles and squirms, in the pool of mud she now finds herself in as the penultimate bong chimes out. She has no respite though as the twelfth bong chimes out, and the four portals open once again. This time though it’s not mud that appears, but four large piles of flour appear in the air, and then fall down hard on the prone Kelly below. We see a huge cloud of white cloud of powder engulfing Kelly and the area around her. As the dust settles Kelly can be seen coughing and spluttering, her prone body now completely caked in a mixture of mud and flour.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story includes nudity)

Continues from https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/14/slapstick-secretary-round-2-3/

The show returns again from the advert break to see Tom grinning into the camera “Welcome back again to Slapstick Secretary or should I say Slapstick Celebrity! Our 6 contestants remain handcuffed to the overhead beam and it’s now time for Round 3.”

The camera pans to lingerie-clad Tania who is sexily walking along the line of ladies, smiling at each of them as they wriggle about in their cuffed positions. Diletta and Dua in particular are wanting to at least wipe the mess from their faces but are unable to. “I wonder which one of you will be getting the next forfeit? You may also end up with less clothes, a little like me! Haha!”

As she reached the end of the line, Tania noticed that there was a spare pair of handcuffs dangling from the overhead beam. Turning around sharply, Tania sported a worried look on her face “Tom, why is there another pair of handcuffs?”

Tom smiled “We might be getting a special guest later on in the show”

Tania: “How come I didn’t know anything about this? I am supposed to be the assistant host after all!”

Tom: “I think it’s a last minute thing. I hear the producers are trying to get a certain sports news reporter to come on the show, straight after they have finished their shift on the sports news channel”

Tania’s mood lightened “Oh, that’s ok then. For an awful moment, I thought you were going to say I was going to be joining the contestants!”

Tom: “Don’t be silly Tania! Now, we do have to move onto Round 3 and Question 3. Are you ready ladies?”

A few groans and murmurs could be heard as Tom proceeded to ask a mathematical question “Take the number of players in a netball team, multiply by the number of minutes in an ice hockey match, and then divide by ‘half a dozen’. What is the answer?”

Each lady provided an answer. Some were more confident than others – Sarah-Jane and Susanna seemed fairly sure that they had worked it out correctly.

Tom: “I can tell that the correct answer is 70. Let me see, the answer that was the furthest away came from……..Dua!”

Dua: “Oh no! Not me again!”

Tania smirked “You don’t seem to be very good at this game.”

Dua

Brandishing a pair of scissors, Tania surveys the rice pudding covered 24 year old “Before we get to the mess, I need to cut one article of clothing off. Which would you prefer?”

Dua looked down on herself. She knew she hadn’t chosen well for a game like this. “Perhaps my tights?”

Tania: “Or how about that sparkly short dress?“

With a quick snip of the scissors, Tania set about cutting off the dress, until it was in tatters on the floor. Gasps from the audience were heard as this revealed Dua was toplesss underneath, and her rice pudding coated tits sprang into view.

Tania: “Are you wishing you had worn a bra this evening?”

Dua: “You could say that”

Tania: “I suppose that is the price for fashion! Anyway, we have re-filled the suspended vat above your head with another mucky substance, so hope you enjoy!”

Tania stepped back as a downpour of sloppy baked beans descended on to Dua, and splatted on her head, running down her face, tits, and down her tights. The beans were in a particularly thick tomato sauce and the orange gunky stuff coated Dua very quickly.

As the beans continued to pour over the hapless singer, Tania gingerly reached in to grasp the top of Dua’s tights, and pulled them slightly away from her body. Baked beans gushed inside and made Dua squeal as she received another tights-filling.

Once the vat had released all of the beans, Dua shook her slimey head to try and rid her hair of at least some of the beans. But the tomato sauce and previous rice pudding had soaked into her hair and she had been properly sploshed. Picking up a bowl of baked beans, Tania giggled as she poured it into the back of Dua’s tights. The singer got a strange sensation as the beans gushed around her knicker-clad bottom and began to descend down the back of her legs. By this point, a lot of rice pudding and beans had been poured into the tights, and they had started to sag. Dua took evasive action and crossed her legs to prevent them from slipping down her legs.

Meanwhile, Tom took up the microphone. “Lets move swiftly onto round 4. Ladies, what is the answer to this question.  How many pints of lager did I drink last week?”

The 6 ladies all gave the host an incredulous look. It was going to be pure guesses on their part. Tom collected their answers, before announcing who the unlucky loser was.

Tom: “The actual answer is 0 pints. I prefer real ale to lager, so that was a bit of a trick question! Now, who has lost this round? It is……Susanna!”

Susanna

The breakfast TV presenter cursed under her breath as Tania advanced towards her.

Susanna: “I shouldn’t even be on this show! You should get ladies younger than me to take part. I’m sure your viewers would prefer seeing them rather than me!”

Tania: “I wouldn’t be so sure about that Susanna!”

The 49 year old glanced upwards to see that she too had a cylindrical vat above her head.

Tania: “I wouldn’t worry too much about the vat overhead”

Susanna: “Eh?”

Tania: “It’s the vat below, you need to concern yourself with!”

At that moment, the section of floor that the TV presenter was standing on, retracted. Susanna gasped as she was now literally hanging from the handcuffs, with her high heel shoes waving about in the air. However she felt something lapping up against her shoes, and she peered downwards to see that there was a vat with a clear type of substance immediately below her

All of a sudden, the section of overhead beam that she was handcuffed to, started to move downwards. This has the effect of dunking the brunette into the vat below. She squealed as the mechanism dipped her completely into the vat, even her head, until it reversed and began to pull her out.

The audience cheered as they were greeted with the sight of Susanna covered in sticky clear honey. Her outer clothing was saturated with the gooey stuff, as Susanna shook her head to try and remove some of the excess honey, with very little success.

Tania showed the scissors to Susanna “Oops, I forgot to use these before we dunked you. Not to worry, as I’ll do it now. For round 4, its 2 articles of clothing that need to come off! Pity, because I do like that outfit you are wearing, even though it’s now coated in honey!”

Using the scissors, Tania made quick work of strategically cutting through Susanna’s colourful top and satin skirt, leaving her in matching white lacey underwear of bra and knickers.

Thinking that her forfeit was over, Susanna raised her eyebrows at Tania, as if to say ‘thanks for nothing!” but she quickly developed an expression of shock, as the overhead beam started suddenly to drop her into the vat for a second time. The lingerie-clad presenter was dunked back into the viscous substance, before she was slowly pulled out again. When she reached her original position, the floor underneath slotted back in place so she could stand with her high heels again. The audience roared with laughter as they took in the view of the honey slathered presenter, with honey dripping off most of her sexy body. Her white underwear appeared shiny as it had absorbed a lot of honey.

Tania: “How does that feel Susanna?”

Susanna: “Very sticky!”

After a few more lingering seconds focusing in on Susanna, the camera panned back to Tom “Another great forfeit there! We have another 3 rounds to go, so please join us again after another short advert break!”

Authors Note: “Ok, so Diletta, Dua (twice) and Susanna have received forfeits so far. Will it be one of them again, or will one of the clean ladies get messy this time. You decide! The lady with the second highest votes loses round 5, and the lady with highest votes loses round 6.”

Polls will be open for approx 24 hours with the next part of the story posted tomorrow morning.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

Holly: …Well Kev, you’ve won a tidy sum there. Pity the Crinkly Bottom groat was devalued this morning or it would have been worth even more. Harry, are you sure I don’t need to rummage in your shorts again?

Harry: No ta, Holl. You’ve grabbed my grand enough times already!

Holly: [blushes] Alright, enough of that! Ladies and gents – our lucky winner Kev from Barking, and Harry Kane!

Harry goes off to chat with Steph, while Holly goes over to the staircase, which Kirstie is presently descending. She is wearing a silk dressing gown and has wet hair, following the clean-up from her gunging.

Holly: Oh hi, Kirstie! Found the bathroom, I see. Have a good rub-a-dub-dub?

Kirstie: Fabulous, Holly! I love your bathroom!

Holly: Mmm, I take it you found my extra-long loofah. Really hits the spot, doesn’t it?

There are few chuckles and woos from the audience.

Holly: [sternly] For rubbing one’s back! Dear me, a few dirty minds in the Great House tonight!

Kirstie: [in a mild mania] Love your bathroom! And I love that landing, love these stairs, love this grand hall, love the Grab-a-Grand… Holly, I know you said you weren’t putting the Great House up for sale, but I just have to put in an offer!

Holly: [raises an eyebrow] Hang on now, Kirstie. Better think this through. You say yourself – location, location, location – and Crinkly Bottom ain’t got a lot going for it. There’s no work to be had unless you want to shovel muck for Farmer Brown, and as for amenities…

Kirstie: But I saw a charming pub on my way in. The Liszt and Newt, I think it was called. Looks to be a gastro!

Holly: [pulls a face] Only if you’re thinking of gastroenteritis. And as for the butchers… Really Kirstie, I don’t think Crinkly Bottom is the right location for you.

Kirstie: Well I don’t care! Location shmocation − that’s my new motto! My heart has fallen for this house. Name your price, and I’ll pay it!

Holly: But you haven’t even seen the whole house! Really, you ought to take a Trip Around the Great House before you commit!

Kirstie: Ooh! Can I?!

There are cheers from the audience at this prospect.

Holly: No no, I’m afraid that’s reserved for our brainies or brawnies! But I tell you what – I’d hate to take advantage of you in your slightly delirious state, so I’m going to give you a cooling-off period.

By this time, the pair have wandered over to the gunge tank again, which has been cleaned off since Kirstie’s last spell in there.

Holly: [to audience] Do you agree that Kirstie needs a cooling-off period?

Audience: YES!!

Holly: [holds open door] Come on, Kirstie. It’s for your own good.

Kirstie: [shrugs] If you insist, but I won’t change my mind.

Kirstie seats herself in the gunge tank for the second time and Holly closes the door.

Holly: Well you just sit there and mull it over, because you might find doubts creeping up on you.

As Holly says this, pink foam begins to fill the tank from the bottom, rising up Kirstie’s legs and over her lap.

Holly: [stepping away] And before you know it, you’ll feel the full weight of the decision upon your shoulders!

With the foam now bubbling around Kirstie’s bust, a column of gunge, striped yellow and turquoise, descends squarely onto Kirstie’s upper body. Kirstie’s reaction is little more contained than the last time, her dulcet squawks piercing above the wailing gunge siren as the stripy slops plasters her hair and runs over, and no doubt inside, her silk dressing gown.

When the deluge is over, Holly approaches and gingerly enquires…

Holly: So… do you still want to buy the Great House?

Kirstie: No!! I’ve got cold feet!

Holly: Is that all?! Still, with that colour scheme no wonder you’ve been put off. Ladies and Gents – a lady who’s not afraid to do it twice in one night – Kirstie Allsop!

The gunge tank revolves, Kirstie playfully flicking foam in Holly’s direction as she goes backstage again.

Holly: [walks away muttering] Must be the foam. It’s always the foam that puts people off. Get a lot of bad reviews about the foam…

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/14/totty-episode-6-part-1-coronation-street-special-with-alexandra-mardell-ellie-leach-julia-goulding-evan-rachel-wood-and-samia-longchambon-plus-poll-at-the-end/

“Welcome back to part 2 of our Totty Coronation Street Special” a topless and messy Amber Gill said. “In a few minutes we’ll be playing what is probably the most spectacular game we have ever tried to do when we meet our special guest Samia Longchambon” a topless and slightly less messy Katie Thistleton added. “As you can see Alexandra Mardell, Ellie Leach and Julia Goulding are still with us and we might just bring Tracy Shaw and Faye Brooks back for the finale” Amber went on. “Plus hopefully my mystery guest will turn up” Maisie Smith still naked, very messy and with a Shrek head stuck on her head added.

“We’ll also find out who enjoys a spin of two on the Totty Torture Wheel out of Maisie, Samia and Julia” Katie said. “Next week after it’s our Emmerdale episode with Eden Taylor-Draper, Isabel Hodgins. Roxy Shahidi, Fiona Wade and Rosie Bentham. And then it’s our end of season spectacular featuring a returning Fallon Sherrock, Amy Louise Hickman, Harpz Kaur, Rebecca Adlington, Sarah Keith-Lucas, Alice Fevronia the winner of Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip and our special guest Louise Redknapp” Amber added.

“But now with link up in LA with the delinquent duo aka Randy Thandie and Raunchy Roz better known and they should know better at their age our Executive Producers Thandie Newton and Rosamund Pike” Maisie said.

Rosamund was in her usual pink bikini and Thandie as normal now was topless in her black bikini briefs. “Only a couple of weeks time and we’ll be back with you in the studio for the series finale” Thandie said. “What the ****** hell have you done?” Rosamund said laughing at Maisie in the Shrek head. “It has got stuck, they will probably cut me out of it at the end” Maisie replied. “Only you could do that” Thandie added.

“I see you have been getting the Corrie girls nice and messy” Rosamund said looking at the screen. “Ellie Leach an amazing arse and nice tits” Thandie said looking at Ellie on the screen topless and messy with her swimsuit pulled down to her waist. “Julia Goulding a MILF with a rumoured hairy muff. We’ll have to get one of you or Samia back on for our end of series extreme waxing. We are going to try and get Maya Jama and London Hughes back on the show. Plus Emily Blunt has demanded to appear and Poppins is hardcore” Rosamund said looking at the topless and messy Julia. “Cheers but I’m not really that hairy” Julia replied. “Well not compared to Emily Blunt who has that famous hairy ***” Rosamund replied. Julia went silent in shock and burst out laughing. “Alexandra Mardell in all her naked glory” Thandie said looking at the totally destroyed and naked Alexandra. “Hi Thandie, I’m such a fan” Alexandra replied. “Thanks here is a little present from us” Thandie added as a load of gravy cascaded down onto the three girls.

“Just a little reminder of Betty’s hotpot there” Rosamund said. “Don’t forget next time we’ve got Oscar Winner Halle Berry. Then it’s mother and daughter Cindy Crawford and Kaia Gerber in a recorded feature for the series finale. When we’ll be back with you in the studio” Thandie said. “But now please welcome our special guest, Thandie’s co-star on Westworld, I certainly would as it’s the amazing and beautiful Evan Rachel Wood” Rosamund said.

Evan Rachel walked on wearing a barely there leopard print bikini. “I’ve come in my Bet Lynch tribute bikini” she said laughing. “You deserve a reward” Thandie said emptying a bucket of beer over Evan Rachel’s head. “I hope that was from Newton and Ridley” Evan Rachel replied as the beer ran down her luscious curves. “You’d have breakfast in Roy’s Rolls” Rosamund said as she emptied a bucket of Baked Beans over Evan Rachel’s head. She stood there unable to stop laughing as the beans ran down her luxurious hair over her face and onto her impressive breasts. “I spent an hour in ****** make up” Evan Victoria said shaking beans off her hands and wiping her eyes. “Well you really are a dopey cow, Have a helping of this” Rosamund said as she emptied a bucket of rotten eggs over Evan Rachel’s head. Evan Rachel screamed as Thandie picked up another bucket of baked beans and emptied them over her head. “You pair!” Evan Rachel screamed. “This pair” Thandie said pointing to her own bare breasts. “No this pair” Rosamund said and exposed Evan Rachel’s big breasts.

“What a hotpot” Thandie said as she emptied a bucket of hotpot gravy over Evan Rachel’s head. Evan Rachel stood there amazed at what they were doing to her but going along with it. “I put on this bikini especially. I don’t know why I bothered” she said sarcastically. “Neither do we” Thandie said as she took hold of one of the bikini strings and Rosamund the other. “You wouldn’t dare” Evan Rachel said hardly able to believe what they were doing to her. “A really hairy one” I reckon Rosamund said. “Hairiest one of the series” Thandie replied. “*** Off” Evan Rachel screamed as they pulled the strings and revealed a clean shaven fanny. “What a let down” Thandie said as she picked up a bucket of Curry and emptied it over Evan Rachel’s head. “Compliments of Speed Daal” Rosamund added as she emptied another bucket of Curry over Evan Rachel’s head and left the bucket on her head giving it a hard smack.

“A job well done I think Rosamund” Thandie said as she and Rosamund shook hands. “I think we gave young Evan Rachel a nice taste of Corrie” Rosamund added. Evan Rachel removed the bucket from her head spluttering. “So you think that was funny. How would you like it if I did this to you for example” she said wiping her eyes clear. She picked up a bucket of pancake mix and emptied it over Thandie’s head. The white mixture ran over Thandie’s afro hair down over her face and shoulders and onto her bare breasts. “Pancake mixture is appropriate but I love mine with maple syrup” she said as she emptied a bucket of Maple Syrup over Thandie’s head and vigorously rubbed it into Thandie’s breasts. “Let’s get a load down there” Evan Rachel added sticking a load of syrup in Thandie’s briefs.

“As for you Rosamund. You may think I’m all Cherry Pie. Well you can have one, you can have another, and another and another” Evan Rachel said as she rained half a dozen Cherry Pie flans onto Rosamund’s face and head. “I love Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for lunch” Evan Rachel went on. Picking up a bucket of the mixture and dumping it on Rosamund’s head. Before pulling her bikini top off and massaging it into her breasts. “I love Macaroni and Cheese sauce for my tea. Here have a really big helping” Evan Rachel went on dragging out a large paddling pool full of it and throwing Rosamund and Thandie both headfirst into it. Before emptying several buckets of it over them as they floundered around.

“She is quite feisty” Rosamund said to Thandie. “Yes I’m impressed. She’s got lots of spunk” Thandie replied. “She’s going to get a lot more” Thandie said getting out of the pool and dragging another pool full of a cloudy substance over. “You wouldn’t dare” Evan Rachel screamed. “Yes we Evan Rachel Would” Rosamund said as she and Thandie threw Evan Rachel into the pool and turned a hose of the mixture onto her. Evan Rachel tried to get up slipped over as she was doused in the sticky liquid. “Courtesy of Buffalo” Rosamund said. “A Buffalo Farm in Utah actually” Thandie added. “Bitches” Evan Rachel screamed pulling Rosamund and Thandie both into the pool as the hose continued to spray them.

Evan Rachel pulled off Rosamund and Thandie’s bikini briefs but Rosamund stuck Evan Rachel’s head into the gunk and then into Thandie’s muff as she spluttered for breath. Finally the 3 ladies all fell back into the pool laughing and hugged each other.”That was ****** extreme. I never thought you’d cover me with Buffalo spunk for ***** sake” Evan Rachel said. “You deserved our ultimate honour as you are hardcore” Rosamund replied. “I knew she would be fun. But she exceeded it all Thandie” added. “I just want to know one thing when will the Rovers Return?” Evan Rachel concluded as they handed back to the studio.

“Well huge thanks to Rosamund and Thandie and Evan Rachel Wood for being such an incredible sport” Amber said as they headed to a break.

“Welcome back to Totty and please welcome our special guest Samia Longchambon who has played Maria on Coronation Street for an incredible 20 years now” Katie said. Samia walked on waving in a very sexy white bikini.

“I cannot believe you’ve done 20 years on the Street?” Katie said. “You’d think she’d be able to afford a place to live now ?” Maisie chipped in walking into the shot still wearing her Shrek head. “How much do you charge?” she added. “£20 for a cut and blowdry with extras optional” Samia replied hardly able to stop laughing. “Just ignore her. She’s not all there” Katie said as Maisie rested her Shrek head on Samia’s shoulder. “I wonder if she could fix me up with her brother Kirk? But with him being a bit you know. Wouldn’t you get up the housing list being his carer?” Maisie asked. Samia completely corpsed up at that.

Suddenly Rosamund and Thandie with Evan Rachel came back on the screen smiling still sat there in the pool full of Buffalo spunk. “Hiya Samia will we find out if Longchambon has a hairy one?” Thandie said. “Julia Goulding you are a lying cow, no I haven’t and no doubt it will be proved soon enough” Samia replied. “Anyway Maisie I’ve got a friend with a message for you” Rosamund added.

Suddenly the star of Downton Abbey and The Secret She Keeps Laura Carmichael appeared on the screen

“Hiya Maisie, I hear that you have been knocking the size of Becky Adlington and Fallon Sherrock’s noses and they will have a face off in the series finale. Well I’m proud of my hooter too so I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring and enter whatever challenge you’ve got lined up for Becky and Fallon. I’ve got hawklike abilities as well as a profile and we’ll see who wins the battle of the hooters and most likely our hooters too. I’m game for whatever you’ve got planned” Laura said signing off.

“Well that will be fun. I’ve still no idea what I’ll do with them but if Laura is game. Then I’ll have to figure something out” Maisie replied. “Samia is on the Street, Laura is on the game, Julia plays a slapper in Corrie. We could recreate Band of Gold right now” Maisie added. Laura buried her head in her hands as Samia shook her head in disbelief.

“Just one more thing we’ve got a Tiswas legend to judge the big hooter challenge” Rosamund said as she signed off.

The legendary John Gorman appeared on the screen.

“It’s fun to be asked to appear on Totty and Maisie that is very kind of you to do an impression of me” John said as he looked at Maisie in the Shrek head. “I’m famous for my nose so it’s an honour to be asked to judge your end of series game” John added. “Cheers John, it will be great to see a true Tiswas legend in the studio again” Maisie replied. “I might just do it remotely as with all those nubile bodies there it might be dangerous for my blood pressure at my age” John replied laughing. “How old are you?” Maisie asked. “Well I’m 84 now, my youthful good looks have slightly faded and with my nose in the studio alongside Laura, Fallon and Becky we might bump into each other” John said. “Oh by the way I heard that you and Samia both had a birthday over the last week?” John added. “Yes I turned 19 last week” Maisie replied. “And I turned 38” Samia replied. “So 38 plus 19 is 57. Maisie can you please take that head off as it’s like looking in a mirror for me” John replied. “Of course John” Maisie added taking the head off. “I’ve been thinking Heinz was famous for 57 varieties so have these as a birthday present from me to both of you” John concluded blowing the ladies a kiss.

A mixture of Heinz beans, soups, salad creams and sauces crashed down onto a screaming Maisie and Samia knocking them both to the floor. Amber, Katie, Alexandra, Julia, Tracy and Faye all appeared with a couple of buckets of baked beans each and launched them over the floundering girls. “What have you done to me ?” Samia screamed at Maisie as she tried to get up. “I’ll help you” Maisie said trying to drag Samia up but pulling her bikini top off to expose her nice pert breasts. “Why not pull my briefs down as well while you’re at it” Samia yelled sarcastically. “If you want me to” Maisie replied sliding into her splits and pulling the strings on Samia’s bikini briefs. Samia screamed as she was hit in the face by a couple of buckets of baked beans as she stood there totally naked. Just as a final deluge of Heinz products cascaded down on both ladies knocking Samia off her keep and on top of Maisie.

They rolled around in the mainly orange mush rubbing the beans, spaghetti and other stuff into each other. Samia stuck a load of beans into Maisie’s muff whilst Maisie got a mini sausage and tried to shove it up Samia’s bum. “For ***** sake no” Samia screamed in fits of giggles. “Wrong hole sorry” Maisie replied as they struggled to their feet as the other girls whistled. “Oh Lombombon you have got a fairly hairy one” Maisie said sticking the sausage into Samia’s muff. “I was right” Julia shouted and started singing Welcome to the Jungle with Faye. “Okay fair enough but Julia definitely has a hairier muff” Samia responded.

“I’m not saying anything” Maisie said putting her Shrek head back on. “Well I’m naked I’ve had my muff ridiculed. I’ve certainly had the Totty experience” Samia replied ringing her totally destroyed hair out. “You’ve just had a bit of warm up fun. It’s now time for your main game and then we find out who goes on the Torture Wheel” Amber said. “I’ve got to do more?” Samia asked. “Yes, and guess who you are playing with” Katie replied. “No way” Samia screamed as Maisie stepped forward.

“We are going to recreate Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street as you are the Demon Barber of Coronation Street” Maisie said as the two naked and gunge covered ladies ran up ta flight of steps to a hairdressing Salon set. The theme from the Sweeney played. “I even chose the theme song” Maisie added.

“Please welcome your first customer and my surprise guest it’s the gorgeous Bhavna Limbodancer” Maisie said as Bhavna walked on in a stunning read and black bikini.

“My surname is Limbachia not Limbodancer” Bhavna replied. “Now you tell me” Maisie countered bringing out a limbo pole and putting “Hot Hot Hot” on the radio. Maisie despite being completely covered in gunge successfully limboed under the pole. Samia had a go but slipped over so Maisie gave her a double pie sandwich. Bhavna went to have a go. “Topless at least” Maisie said. “Fair enough. If I take it off, it stays off” Bhavna shouted removing her bikini top to display her lovely pair of light brown breasts. Hardly able to stop laughing she began to limbo under the pole but Samia hit her with a double pie sandwich and she fell to the floor. Maisie rained a couple of pies more down onto Bhavna as she screamed on the floor.

“Would you like to try our pie tanning bed?” Samia asked. “Why not” Bhavna replied as Maisie wheeled on a tanning bed which was open. The bottom was filled with pie cream. Hardly able to contain her giggles Bhavna lay in the pie cream as Samia slammed the lid also filled with pie cream shut on top of her. Maisie then hit a lever and the bed raised about 4 foot in the air and Maisie gave it a spin one way and Samia the other. Bhavna’s screams could be heard from inside. Maisie gave it another spin before hitting the lever to bring it back down to the floor. She opened it and a pie covered and giddy Bhavna stumbled out.

“Would you like anything done to your hair?” Samia asked Bhavna. “A bit of a tidy up please” Bhavna replied wiping the pie cream from her eyes. Maisie ushered Bhavna to a chair and sat her down in it. Two clips on the arms were attached to Bhavna’s bikini briefs as Samia tipped the chair back and the headrest and footrest rose up to lock Bhavna in place. Suddenly a load of Curry cascaded down over Bhavna who screamed and lay there covered. “You’ve ruined my hair” Bhavna screamed. “I don’t deal in that kind of hair” Samia replied as the headrest extended out and a tunnel opened up behind Bhavna’s head. Suddenly the footrest shot forward propelling Bhavna out of her bikini bottoms and naked down the greased tunnel. You just heard a scream and a splat from below.

“Another victim a quim on a whim at my barber shop” Samia said with a maniacal laugh. “Give me her blood” she added as Maisie emptied a bucket of ketchup over her head. Faye Brooks was the next girl to walk into the Barber’s shop set. Maisie pegged Bhavna’s briefs onto a line as Faye took a seat in the Barber’s Chair. Maisie turned around and saw the green Faye and leapt onto her lap and pretended to mate with her as she clipped Faye’s briefs to the chair’s arms. The headrest and footrest rose up to lock a giggling Faye into the chair. “Has Bhavna been in here?” she asked. “Yes she sadly met a sticky end” Samia said as a load of treacle toffee crashed down over all three ladies. “How much more have I got to take?” Samia shouted as she stood there a dark sticky mess.

“Don’t let this discourage you mistress. We all must meet a sticky end” Maisie said as another deluge of treacle toffee hit all three of them. “I’m not even a main guest” Faye pleaded as she lay there pinned into the chair. “Did you prefer being green?” Samia asked her as she tried to wipe her eyes clear. “I did actually” Faye replied. “It would be my pleasure” Samia replied as Faye’s chair tipped up and moved up into a near vertical position with Faye upside down as a load of Green Soup crashed down onto her. She was allowed to fall forward a couple of meet as her headrest slowly lowered and she fell out of her briefs as the tunnel opened up. Faye’s clean shaven muff was on display. “Damn there is no hair there. She is no use to me” Samia cackled as the footrest shot forward propelling Faye down the tunnel. We heard a scream and a splat and then laughter as the tunnel closed and the chair moved back to its normal position.

“Okay who is my next prey” Samia said cackling as Maisie hung Faye’s briefs up next to Bhavna’s. A laughing, messy and topless Tracy Shaw walked into the Salon. “Would you like a go on our pie tanning bed?” Maisie asked. “I’d love to” Tracy replied. “You need to get an all over tan” Maisie added. “Good idea” Tracy replied hardly able to laugh as she dropped her briefs. “Damn clean shaven” Samia murmured as Tracy’s clean shaven muff was on display. Tracy climbed into the new replenished Pie Bed giggling uncontrollably as Samia slammed the pie filled lid shut on top of he. Maisie pulled the lever and the bed rose up into the air. Maisie spun it one way and then Samia the other as Tracy screamed from inside. Maisie pulled the lever and the bed descended down to the ground.

As Maisie opened the bed the tunnel opened up again and Samia and Maisie helped the giddy and custard pie covered Tracy out of the tanning bed before launching her down the tunnel. We heard several screams and a splat before the tunnel closed. “I need quim hair” Samia cackled as Maisie hung up Tracy’s briefs. Just then Amber walked into the Salon. “I have hopes for this one” Samia said looking at Amber’s curly afro hair. “Don’t get your hopes up too much mistress” Maisie said from beneath her Shrek head. “Take that off Maisie” Amber said and Maisie obliged as Samia sat Amber in the chair. Samia clipped Amber’s bikini briefs to the side of the chair as the headrest and footrest rose up to lock her into place. The chair tilted backwards and the tunnel opened. “I hope I don’t meet a sticky end” Amber shouted as the footrest shot forward and propelled her down the tunnel leaving her briefs in situ.

A load more treacle toffee crashed down on Maisie and Samia and they stood there both totally covered and destroyed. “She foiled me” Samia screamed hardly able to stop laughing as Maisie hung up Amber’s briefs. Just then Katie walked in. “I’ve heard that Sweeney Todd the Demon Quim Barber of Coronation Street is on the loose” she said. “There is nothing to interest you here my dear” Samia said as she stickily moved around the set. “What’s that I heard a shout” Katie said as she walked behind the salon chair. Suddenly the tunnel opened up and Katie looked down it but Samia and Maisie bundled her down it and pulled off her briefs as they did so. Katie’s big wobbly white was on show as she was propelled down the tunnel screaming. “These smell of fish” Samia said throwing Katie’s briefs down behind her.

The naked and laughing Alexandra walked into the Salon. “I can remember Ruxandra Porojnicu being on the Tiswas/OTT revival and she met a very sticky end” Alexandra said as an extra large deluge of treacle toffee crashed down onto all three of them. Samia totally covered was stood there unable to stop laughing. “Does Sylvain give you a sticky ending as good as this?” Maisie asked as the fifth lot of treacle toffee crashed down onto them. “For **** sake don’t say that again please” Samia pleaded collapsing on the floor in a sticky heap.

Struggling to move under the sticky treacle toffee Samia and Maisie sat Alexandra in the messy chair as the headrest and footrests locked her in. The chair tilted backwards and Alexandra’s messy neatly trimmed muff was on display as the tunnel opened. “Oh what I crave” Samia said as Alexandra cried with laughter as Samia tickled her lips and emptied some talcum powder onto them. “This might help?” Maisie said picking up a can of hairspray and giving Alexandra’s muff a good squirt of it. As it was actual hairspray unbeknown to Maisie it made Alexandra let of a pained scream and the footrest shot forward propelling her down the tunnel.

“Foiled again” Samia screamed. “It shouldn’t sting” Maisie said spraying Samia on her toffee covered muff with it. “That does ****** sting” Samia replied grabbing the can from Maisie and throwing it away. Just then Ellie walked into the salon. “Take a seat” Samia said with her eyes still watering as they fixed Ellie into the chair. Without warning the chair tipped backwards and shot Ellie down the tunnel with her swimsuit attached to the chair. “There was hair there” Samia shouted as we got a brief view of Ellie’s neatly trimmed muff. “She didn’t want to be on total display but was game for doing that” Maisie said as she lead a round of applause for Ellie.

Finally Julia topless in a pair of denim shorts walked in. “Would you like to have a pie tanning bed my dear. It is really good of you have one naked?” Samia said. “I’m not sure” Julia replied. “Would it help if the Mistress demonstrated it for you?” Maisie suggested. “That would be helpful I’d not want to come to a sticky end” Julia said as the 6th deluge of treacle toffee hit Maisie and Samia and Julia got her first. “You’ve ***** set me up” Samia shouted as she wiped her eyes and was lay in the pie tanning bed. Maisie closed the lid on her and pulled the lever and it rose up into the air. Maisie spun it once and then Julia spun it before they both spun it again before it was bought back to the ground. The sticky and now pie covered Samia staggered out of it. “You spun it extra you bitches” she muttered.

“I don’t fancy going on that now. But I’d love to have my bush trimmed” Julia said hardly able to stop laughing as she removed her shorts to reveal a rather hairy bush and she sat in the chair. “I have triumphed. I’m the Demon Barber of Coronation Street” Samia shouted in triumph as the headrest and footrest locked Julia in place. Suddenly the tunnel opened and she was propelled down it screaming. “No thwarted again” Samia screamed.

“She’s met a sticky end” Maisie said as she pegged Ellie’s swimsuit and Julia’s shorts up next to the other briefs and the seventh lot of treacle toffee deluged onto Samia and herself. Samia screamed and sat in the chair as the headrest and footrest locked her into position. “Fear not Mistress” Maisie said as the chair tipped backwards and Maisie applied a piece of waxing paper to Samia’s toffee covered muff. Suddenly the tunnel opened again and the footrest shot forward propelling Samia down the tunnel and giving her a painful waving. She could be heard screaming and then a splat.

“Oops what am I like” Maisie said holding the waving paper before pegging it up next to all the briefs. “I’m Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Coronation Street that’s what I’m like” she added with a demonic laugh as her eyes turned red and she threw herself down the tunnel headfirst.

The camera switched to a large pool and showed Bhavna, Faye, Tracy, Amber, Katie, Ellie, Julia Samia and Maisie all careering headfirst down the tunnel into a pool of sticky black goo. Each one was shown emerging from beneath the black goo and making their way to the side in preparation for the next girl to arrive. “This is a mixture of gunge, ink, treacle toffee and custard apparently” Amber said as she looked over from the side of the pool. “They all met a sticky ending” Maisie said emerging from beneath the goo but nothing cascaded down onto them. “Thank goodness for that” Samia said.

Suddenly Thandie, Rosamund and Evan Rachel appeared on screen “Have a real sticky ending courtesy of the Buffalos” Maisie said as several gallons of Buffalo spunk cascaded down onto all the girls. And knocked them over in the goo. “Julia you are coming back for our end of season waxing” Thandie said. “Try and stop me” Julia shouted emerging from below the goo. “Samia Longchambon won’t be” Maisie said waving the strip of wax paper with Samia’s muff hair on it. “Emily Blunt would be proud of that and we all know she has a hairy ****” Rosamund said. “You got my name right for once though Samia said.

“Yes because the public have been voting and you Samia Longchambon are going on the Totty Torture Wheel” Maisie added. “No” Samia screamed as the wheel was pushed on. Suddenly a load more recycled gunge cascaded down onto the girls as Maisie climbed out of the pool followed by Katie and Amber who had Samia by each arm. Maisie threw the end of a pump hose into the pool and started the pump as Katie and Amber strapped Samia onto the wheel and it rose 90 degrees. Samia was helpless fixed to the wheel totally naked covered in black goo and goodness knows else what. Katie and Amber gave the wheel a huge spin as Maisie turned the hose on Samia and began to cover her with the goo from the pool. She screamed as her head went through the filling overflow tray and Maisie gave her a cheeky spray been the legs. The wheel revolved several times before stopping but Maisie handed the hose to the girls in the pool who began to spray Samia whilst she gave the wheel a spin herself.

Poor Samia went whizzing around again as she was sprayed down before the wheel finally stopped and it returned to the horizontal. The other girls cheered her as she was released from the straps and fell into Maisie’s arms. “Please thank Ellie Leach, Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell, Faye Brooks, Tracy Shaw, Bhavna Limbachia who all got totally naked and messy on the show” Amber said. “Plus Evan Rachel Wood with Rosamund and Thandie” Katie said. “Plus finally the amazing Samia Longchambon who has taken the biggest ever celebrity gunging on Totty. She loves a sticky ending” Maisie concluded as a final lot of treacle toffee crashed down on Samia and herself. Samia smiled a resigned smile a waved goodbye alongside Maisie.

I pushed the boat out a bit and expanded the story. I hope you liked Samia’s epic gungings and her ride on the torture wheel you voted for.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

Continues from https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/15/slapstick-secretary-celebrity-rounds-3-4/

Tom: “Welcome back to Slapstick Celebrity. Before we ask our fifth question, we are going to do a quick summary of what has happened so far. Diletta got custard pied in round 1, and her dress is still bunched up around her waist showing her custard stained white thong. Dua is topless, wearing only her tights and knickers, and has been sploshed twice, with rice pudding and baked beans. Those tights are pretty much filled up as well! Finally, Susanna has been stripped to her underwear and has been dipped into the honey vat twice.”

Tania rubs her hands “So let’s crack on with question 5 please, as I want to continue dishing out some more mess to these lovely ladies.”

Tom: “Ok then. Question 5 is all about sheep and New Zealand. We all know that the country is famous for having a lot of sheep but exactly how many do they have?”

All 6 ladies squirmed around in their handcuffed states, at another ‘impossible to know’ answer and each provided Tom an answer of some sort.

Tom: “Thank you ladies. I can reveal that there are 29 million sheep in New Zealand, so with her dismal answer of 500,000, it is Sarah-Jane is the furthest away!”

Sarah-Jane let her head drop slightly at the news as Tania ambled over towards her.

Sarah-Jane

“Oh dear Sarah-Jane, you probably thought you were going to get away fully clothed and clean. Sadly that isn’t going to happen.”

The news presenter gulped as Tania brought out her scissors and promptly cut through her top and skirt until they dropped to the floor. The audience wolf-whistled as this left the 42 year old in a skimpy black bra and knickers which matched her high heel shoes.

Sarah-Jane heard a gurgling noise overhead, and looked nervously upwards, only to be met with a torrent of thick green gunge from the cylindrical vat that was above her. She cursed as the green gloop slopped all over her face, and turning  her strawberry blonde hair green very quickly. She gasped as felt her bra fill up with the gunge and some even streamed into her knickers.

As the gunge downpour slowed to a trickle, the floor compartment beneath her gave way to reveal another vat. Before she could protest, the section of overhead beam she was secured to, started to lower her into the waiting vat. The presenter went fully into the vat, before she was brought back out, revealing the contents of the vat was more thick green gunge. There wasn’t a single part of Sarah-Jane’s underwear clad body that hadn’t turned green. As the gunge continued to drip off her body, Tom began to ask the sixth question.

Tom: “Ladies, can you tell me how many kangaroos are there in Australia?”

The audience laughed out loud at yet another question which would mean the ladies would have to answer with a complete guess. Once Tom had received answers from each lady, he carried on.

Tom: “The answer I was looking for was 50 million! So that means the lady whose answer is furthest away is…….Alex!”

Alex groaned as she heard her name and then had the sight of the lingerie-clad Tania grinning directly in front of her

Alex

“I do hope you have a lot of clothing under that very nice ball gown you are wearing, otherwise it could get quite embarrassing for you.”

A worried expression on Alex’s face gave away that she in fact wasn’t. The scissors came out again and with a few strategic snips the gown fell to the floor, revealing that the only underwear that Alex had on underneath was a sexy pink thong. Unable to cover her modesty, the audience gasped as they took in the sight of the now topless sports presenter.

There was more bad news for Alex as Tania indicated she needed to remove a second item. With only her thong left, the 35 year old knew that she would soon be naked. With a snip on each side, the flimsy garment fell away to reveal her shaved muff and pert bottom.

As Alex squirmed with embarrassment at being stripped naked on TV and now wearing just a pair of pink high heel shoes, a couple of clowns entered from the side of the stage. They were pushing a trolley between them which had a variety of things on it.

Tania: “Don’t worry Alex! The clowns will help cover you up. Haha!”

Alex gulped loudly as the clowns started to perform what appeared to be a pre-planned clown routine. Almost a minute elapsed until one of them turned to her and delicately placed a bowler hat on her head. The other clown patted hard down on the hat which had two effects. The bowler hat was now fitted on her head properly, but the force of the pat meant the contents of the hat had sloshed all over her hair and face. Alex squealed as she realised the hat had been filled with thick custard.

The next part of the routine saw the clowns blame Alex for doing something wrong, and they proceeded to spank her bottom with custard pies. Each time she was spanked her body wobbled with her tits jiggling about to comical effect. Alex was made to count each spank, and when she got to 10, the clowns stopped.

A sudden blast of icy water hit her in the face, as one of the clowns squirted a soda syphon at her, whilst the other began to sway a bucket to and fro, in front of her. The clown shouted to the audience “Shall I?”. The audience roared with positive approval and the bucket of white circus slosh was thrown over her front. A few more buckets followed to leave Alex covered, and then a few more custard pies were thrown at her. By the end, the 35 year old was a complete mess, with slosh, custard and cream dripping off her.

Tom: “A good couple of forfeits there! Sarah-Jane and Alex receive their first messings if the contest. We have only one more round to go, so I wonder which lady will receive that forfeit. As it’s the last forfeit of the contest, it’s a very messy one!”

Tom: “Hey Tania. Have you watched previous episodes of Slapstick Secretary?”

Tania: “Er, no I haven’t actually. Why?”

Tom: “Ah ok! I need to tell you that there is a bit of a tradition where the host gets involved in the latter stages of the competition, just for a bit of fun”

Tania looked blank as she waited for Tom to continue.

Tom: “Obviously the viewers don’t really want to see me play in the game, so luckily for you, we’re going to include you in the final round.”

With her hands on her hips and looking cross “I knew it! Those spare handcuffs were for me all along!”

Tom: “Yes I am afraid they were! Let me help you into them.”

Reluctantly, the lingerie-clad Tania walked to the end of the line and stood next to the topless and gunked Dua, and raised her arms above her head. Tom cuffed her hands to the overhead beam and resumed his presenting duties.

Tom: “We will be taking a short break for some more messages from our sponsors. Join us again in a few minutes to see which lucky lady will receive the final messy forfeit”

Authors Note: The lady with most votes gets the forfeit! You choose!

Polls close in approx 24 hours and final part of the story will be up tomorrow.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Hiya Maisie Smith here. I’m just out for a jog. A man asked me if I liked jogging and when I went to the location I saw lots of people stood around watching a steamed up car window. So I tried to organize a big tik-tok dance off but no-one wanted to join in.

Anyway I finally managed to get clean after the last episode of Totty our Coronation Street special where I took my biggest gunging since the Tiswas/OTT Revival. Although I think the end of series finale of Totty will top what happened on the Corrie Special. Poor Samia Longthingy took our biggest ever guest gunging on Totty and had a ride on our Torture Wheel. It took her 65 minutes to shower and get clean after getting covered in about 8 lots of treacle toffee, baked beans, buffalo semen and a few other treats. Plus yours truly gave her a surprise waxing downstairs. This week it’s the girls from the dales as Eden Taylor-Draper, Isabel Hodgins. Roxy Shahidi, Fiona Wade and Rosie Bentham join us for our Emmerdale Special. So I’ve decided to up the ante not one but two of these sexy ladies will enjoy the spin of a lifetime on our Torture Wheel. Please vote below to have your say and the two girls with the most votes will be in for the ultimate joyride.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

With the inside of the largely-empty racecourse grandstand decorated with banners proclaiming the inaugural Horseracing Splatstakes, the programme’s hostess, dressed once more in her red trouser suit, wandered through the open space. She smiled at the people around her, sharing more than a simple “hello” with those she new from her everyday professional life. After she had been wandering around for a few minutes, a stage-hand called out to warn her that they were going live in two minutes. She plucked a make-up mirror out of her hand-bag and checked that none of the heavier-than-she-was-comfortable-with make-up she was wearing had smudged. Seeing that nothing was out-of-place, she walked over to her position for the start of the show. The theme tune from the Onedin Line filled the air as the small audience applauded

Katie Walsh

politely. As they did so, the red suit-clad presenter stepped into view behind a combined gunge tank and dunk tank. She smiled brightly while she waited for the applause to die down. Eventually, the audience grew quiet. “Hello, I’m Katie Walsh and this is the Horseracing Splatstakes,” said the red-suited brown-haired woman. “As you may have gathered, declarations to run for Irish Oaks day at the Curragh Racecourse were released earlier today. So, we’ll now be able to not only reveal who has been nominated to pair up with one of the runners in the Group One Irish Oaks but also who has been put forward for the ‘How Far does the Winner of the Curragh Cup Win By?’ contest. Also, a little later, we’ll be announcing the details of Game Three of our little three-game extravaganza.”

She walked over to a series of darkened stools on which were perched a group of human-shaped objects. “Who has been nominated, you ask?” Katie grinned. “We’ll find out in a moment or two.”

“In the meantime, you may remember last time that I mentioned a third game connected with the big races on Irish Oaks day,” continued the brunette horseracing pundit. “Well, I think now is a good time to explain that. Appearing on-screen now should be the list of declared runners and riders for Saturday’s GAIN-sponsored Railway Stakes, a Group Two stakes race over six furlongs, that’s twelve-hundred metres for Continental Europe, Asia and Australia and to use the North American jargon, a Grade Two stakes race over six-eighths of a mile. Anyone who wants to enter this third game has twenty-four hours to simply pick which horse they think is going to win the Railway Stakes and nominate a celebrity to get gunged if that horse wins.”

The bloodstock agent-stroke-former jockey strolled through the various pieces of “stage furniture”. The pretty brunette grinned into the camera. “Now, let’s see how the other two games look,” she intimated. “We’ll start in reverse order with Game Two. Just to refresh everyone’s memory, this involved picking the winning distance in the Curragh Cup. Let’s reveal the nominees for this.”

Katie reached to the top of a pivoting board and turned it forwards so that the audience and the cameras could see what was on it. “I can reveal that should they have guessed the correct distance that the winner has won by, then the nominator will be able to decide how we make a mess of their nominated celebrity,” she announced. “And just to be clear, as Stuart chose the same winning margin as a previous nominator, his choice has been amended by the producers from 4 lengths to the 4.5 lengths shown on the screen. Now, I believe our nominees for this game are waiting backstage. Come on out, ladies!”

With that, ten beautiful women walked out onto the stage. They were led by a slender

easily-recognised brunette actress in a white floor-length dress which had a slit up each side to allow tantalising views of her legs. She was followed by a blonde singer in a sparkly gold-brown dress and two busty brunettes, an actress and a TV cookery show hostess, in two shades of red knee-length dresses. Behind these four were a petite brunette sports presenter in a pair of black trousers and a white high-collared sleeveless top, a curvy dark-haired woman in a tight white cleavage-revealing mini-dress and four more brunettes in various styles of dresses. The slender white-clad brunette gave a shy smile and wave to the camera as the group of women walked to their assigned on-stage positions.

Katie grinned at the ten newly-introduced women. “Welcome, ladies,” she said warmly. “I hope you don’t mind possibly getting messy. I’m not even going to ask you, Emma! We all saw what happened to you during your Messy Six Nations appearances. (Messy Six Nations Week Two Results, Part Two of the Week Five Results) Hayley, somehow through the power of the Gunge Grand Prix I remember multiple events of that competition’s results show. Emma Stone may have won it, but I can remember Emma dunking you into the gunk.”

The two actresses blushed at these reminders. Hayley could be heard muttering. “Don’t remind me, I owe Emma a pie in the face on Scarlett’s behalf!”

“Oh, no! You wouldn’t!” squeaked the actress two spaces along from where Hayley stood. Everyone laughed at the by-play between the two.

Katie glanced at her watch. “I’d better hurry this along,” she remarked. “Now, we’ve had ten celebrities nominated for Game One. However, only eight horses have been declared to run. So, as a result of this, two of the runners will each represent two of our nominees. To decide this, we have borrowed the roulette wheels from Immerse the Nurse and placed eight numbers on each of them. These will be spun by our two extra nominees. Who are they, you ask? Please, welcome BBC Radio One and Channel Four television presenter Alice Levine and English flat jockey Megan Nicholls!”

The red-haired radio and television hostess walked on-stage next to the pretty brown-haired horse

rider. The redhead wore a black trouser suit while the brunette wore a blue dress and a pink fascinator. They each took their positions next to the required numbered and segmented wheels.

Katie grinned. “Okay, Alice,” she chuckled. “Please spin your wheel and let’s find out which filly your fate is riding on.”

With a deep breath, Alice reached out and pulled the first wheel into a spin. When it finally slowed down, the pointer was aimed squarely at the blue number ‘5’ segment.

Katie glanced at the paper in her hand which bore the list of the runners and riders for the Irish Oaks. “Well, that answers the first half of this issue,” she chuckled, throwing a knowing look at the camera. “Now, Megan, could you, please, spin that wheel and let’s find out which three-year-old filly holds you fate on her hooves.”

The pretty English jockey rolled her eyes at the Irishwoman, before, as with Alice before her, she pulled on the roulette wheel she stood beside and watched it spin rapidly, a high-speed clicking filling the air. It slowed to a stop eventually, the built-in pointer protruding over the yellow number ‘1’ segment.

The dark-haired hostess in her red suit grinned at the camera. “Well, we now know which two fillies will have the added burden of holding two ladies’ fates in their hands each,” she smirked. “But, now, I think we need to find out which horse will be running for which of our wonderfully brave celebrity guests.”

The brunette turned to a large screen nearby which came to life showing the runners in the big race with details as to their riders, trainers and owners, while another column revealed the celebrities and who nominated them. The audience wolf-whistled as this extra information was revealed.

Katie’s eyes widened when she saw who had been nominated for number six “Passion”. “What the hell?!” she exclaimed. “Oh, this is going to be bad!”

A bank of spot-lights came on to reveal the other nine nominees. “Welcome, ladies,” called out the flustered Kildare woman, trying to regain her composure. “So, I see some of you are not unfamiliar with getting messy. I believe Dua and Pixie wound up a right mess during the first series of Immerse the Nurse. Victoria, how was the KCA slime?”

There were a series of bashful smiles from the ladies that Katie had just mentioned. Victoria Justice brushed a lock of her dark hair behind her ear and simply mouthed the word “Gooey!” at the camera.

Katie grinned for the camera. “Natalie Sawyer, how do you feel about being on yet another Messy Sports Show?” she asked cheekily. “You have been a regular on the Celerity Supporters WAM League after all.”

The brunette in the yellow dress shrugged. “At this stage, I’m mostly passive about it, Katie,” she said. “As you say, it’s yet another of these types of shows.”

“Indeed,” murmured Katie, exchanging a wink with her fellow horse racing presenter Francesca Cumani. “Now, I’m afraid that’s all we have time for. Join me after racing on Saturday, when we find out who out of the nominees gets messy and who stays clean. Don’t forget if you want to enter our third game, simply pick the horse you think will win the Railway Stakes and nominate a celebrity to get messy if you’re right. Before then, I’m going to have a word with the producers about this. See you then, good night!”

Author’s note: well, a “fun” day at the races awaits Katie et al in a few days’ time. In the meantime, here’s a shot of the list of runners and riders for the Railway Stakes again. Please, leave any nominations for Game Three in the comments section, nominations will be accepted for 24 hours (not after 23:30 GMT on 17th of the 7th 2020, please). Thanks for reading.