Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

You may have read that Yowiewowie has decided to discontinue his celebrity writing activities, but graciously gave his blessing for others to pick up the Holly’s House Party series. I was inspired enough by the series that I’ve decided to have a go at an episode myself. In the vein of the original, I’m going to try to keep it brief and simple, but I’m also putting in some visual mock-ups similar to the ones in my recent Grudge-2-Sludge story.

This episode starts afresh with my own ideas, but if anyone else wants to continue with Yowie’s (or Yowie changes his mind and comes back to writing), then there’s no reason why the two can’t run in parallel. This is likely to be a one-off episode rather than a whole series from me. I should say that even though I greatly enjoyed Yowie’s HHP stories, sadly I didn’t get round to reading them all, so if I’ve repeated a character or a very similar concept, it’s coincidence.

The show opens with Holly standing in front of the waltzer used for the Trip Around the Great House, wearing a revealing yet stylish black dress. She beams into the camera as the audience applauds.

Holly: Hello! Good evening!! Welcome to Holly’s House Party!! We’ve got another packed show for you tonight, with a Gotcha! for Piers Morgan, another NTV surprise for some unsuspecting stooge, and you could be in the money with Grab a Grand! And not forgetting the most popular part of the show, gunge will be flowing by the gallon!!

More cheering.

Holly: [gestures behind her] Speaking of which, I’m afraid you caught me polishing the old waltzer again. Call me obsessive, but I want it spic and span tonight – to start with at least! Because I hope to have some very talented house-guests taking the Trip later on!

Holly walks down the steps and out onto the main stage.

Holly: Tonight, you see, we’re going to settle one of mankind’s oldest and most important questions. A question even more important than whether brown sauce is better than ketchup, or whether toilet paper should wind out from the front or back. We are going to find out which is the more important human attribute – brains, or brawn!

Holly arrives in front of a pair of sofas. Behind one is an Aristotelian statue deep in thought; behind the other is the figurine of a Herculean strongman.

Holly: I’m pleased to be joined by two duos, representing the pinnacles of brains and brawn respectively. You, the general public, will get the chance to send one of those duos on a Trip Around the Great House! So first, let’s meet Team Brains. A warm welcome please for Alice Roberts and Victoria Coren Mitchell!

The audience duly claps and whistles, as the two ladies of intellect appear on the landing. They wave to the audience as they stroll down the stairs.

Holly: Ladies, welcome! Please take a seat!

Holly guides Alice and Victoria to one of the sofas, then seats herself on an armchair.

Holly: Wow, the IQ score of the room has just gone up considerably! Alice, let’s start with you – you’ve presented a wealth of programmes on biology, natural history, and archaeology, and you’re a bona fide professor at Birmingham Uni. You clearly have brains aplenty, so tell me – why are they better than brawn?

Alice: Well Holly, brute strength has been around in the animal kingdom for hundreds of millions of years, but it’s only much more recently that humans have evolved powerful brains. Being smart helps you to solve problems, work towards long-term goals, be successful, get promoted at work, impress people at dinner parties… [Smiles sweetly] not to mention that smart people are very sexy people.

Holly: Hmm, I sense that having a big brain leads to a big head! Victoria, let’s turn to you. You’re one of Britain’s most successful professional poker players, winning a lot of money over the years, and you present Only Connect, which is definitely the toughest quiz show on TV – tougher than Countdown, University Challenge and Who Want to Be a Millionaire put together! I find it thoroughly baffling from start to finish, I have to say.

Victoria smirks smugly.

Holly: But there’s something else that I find even more baffling, and that’s that you’ve agreed to come on the show and potentially end up covered in gunge from head to toe. That doesn’t strike me as very clever at all!

Victoria: Ah, no sweat! Our brains will win out, and we’ll see those brawnies off to a well-deserved gunging!

Holly: Mmm, is Victoria really that confident, or is it a poker face? Anyway, let’s bring on the ‘brawnies’, as she calls them. A fabulous welcome, please, for Katarina Johnson-Thompson and Steph Houghton!

More enthusiastic applause ensues as the sportswomen strut out onto the landing and down the stairs. Both are wearing their usual competition clothes – which means a skimpy Lycra two-piece for Katarina and an England kit with shorts and long socks for Steph.

Holly greets the pair and shows them to the other sofa.

Holly: Ladies, it’s lovely to have you on, and wow – you really are brimming with brawn, both of you! Katarina, you’re one of our finest heptathletes. Last year you took gold at the World Athletics Championships and set a new British points record, so I’m sure you can tell us why it’s brilliant to be brawny!

Katarina: Absolutely Hol. Being brawny means getting cheered on by huge crowds, getting the adrenaline rush of your life, and having a bum that looks fantastic in tight spandex! When does a chess nerd ever get any of that?

Holly: I think the chess championships might be a bit more popular if all that happened! Steph, you’re the captain of the English women’s football team. Not only did your lionesses do the nation proud last summer, you also really raised the profile of the women’s game. What can you say to convince Alice and Victoria that footwork beats bookwork?

Steph: I think if we settled this with a penalty shootout we’d convince them very quickly!

Victoria: [retorts] How about a poker game?

Holly: [puts hands up between the pairs to stop a potential argument] Both good ideas, but instead we’re going to settle this debate with a nice, civilised gunge vote. We’re going to put it to the public as to which of you deserve to take a five-star Trip Around the Great House at the end of the show. And in case you’re not sure what that entails, just take a look at this!

A video montage plays, reliving the messiest moments from the various stages of Trips gone by.

Back in the present, the audience applauds, while Holly gauges the reactions of contestants. Alice and Katarina look rather taken aback by what they have just witnessed, while Victoria and Steph seem a bit more up for it.

Holly: Ooh yes, it’s gonna be one well of a Trip! But will it be the smarties or the sporties who end this show as the slimies? It’s a question for you the public to answer, and the phone numbers you need are on the screen−

      DING DONG, DING DONG!!

Holly: Oh! There’s someone at the door! Please excuse me a minute, ladies!

Holly gets up and rushes over to the front door, while the bell rings out again.

Holly: Coming! Coming!

Holly heaves open the huge door. Cheers go up when the caller is revealed to be property guru Kirstie Allsopp, wearing a typically cleavacious dress.

Holly: Kirstie, hi! What brings you to Crinkly Bottom?

Kirstie: I’ve come to do the valuation.

Holly: The what?

Kirstie: I heard that you’re selling the Great House, so I’ve come to do a valuation of the property.

Holly: [bemused] Uhh… no, the Great House definitely isn’t up for sale, so I don’t know where you got that from…. Ah, wait a minute! I think next door is the address you want. They’re selling up because they’re tired of all these house parties, apparently.

Kirstie: Oh, my mistake. Sorry to disturb−

Holly: No no, it’s alright. Actually, I would quite like a valuation done, just for interest’s sake. The last time this place changed hands it was for twelve Crinkly Bottom groats, and the price must have changed a bit since then.

Kirstie: Ok then, let’s have a look around.

Kirstie steps through the door and surveys the expansive hall. Her cheery disposition slowly fades.

Kirstie: [eventually] Oh dear.

Holly: What do you mean? Oh dear?

Kirstie: Don’t get me wrong – it’s a lovely grand old house. But the decor! It’s like something from a 1990s light entertainment show! Ghastly!

Holly: Huh, charming!

Kirstie strolls across the hall, all the time nearing a familiar device…

Kirstie: Yes, you need to rip all these relics out! Paint everything magnolia! [Stops by the gunge tank] Mmmm! Now this looks a bit more promising. Is it an original fixture?

Holly: [a naughty gleam in her eye] Oh yes, that’s the original, alright! The original, and many would say, still the best!

Kirstie: Victorian or Edwardian?

Holly: Ermmmm… I’d say more Noelian, actually.

Kirstie: [admires the ornate finishing on the gunge tank] It’s exquisite! And I love the splash of colour up there!

The compartment at the top of the tank is filled with swirls of green and yellow.

Holly: Oh! Well if it’s a ‘splash of colour’ you’re after, you really need to view from the inside…

Holly holds open the door and flashes a knowing glance to the audience, who are getting excited about what is about to happen. Kirstie, acting her part, takes the bait, primly seating herself inside the gunge tank. She wiggles her bum on the cushion, nodding with approval.

Kirstie: Oh yes! This is fabulous! Without a doubt the house’s top selling point!

Holly: [shiftly closes the door] Yes, but you have to be careful when buying a house like this.

Kirstie: Oh yes? Why’s that?

Holly: Because you might get gazumpped!!

Holly raps the side of the tank, triggering the release of the gunge, and hastily runs to safety. Kirsty screams, eyes wide, as the first wave of pea-green gunge hits her head. Her body spasms, causing her immense cleavage to wobble. She thrusts forward so that the deluge flows down her back, then jerks back again, causing a wider umbrella of gunge to fan out in all directions, as alternating bands of yellow and green wash over her. After a couple more screams, her exclamations change to cackling laughter, though no less loud.

Eventually the tank is emptied, though it takes Kirstie a little longer to quieten as she continues to reel from the shock. The gunge has turned her hair into a lank, brightly coloured shroud around her head, and has also recoloured her dress, not to mention covered her cleavage.

Holly gingerly approaches. She’d been wise to scarper, as several lashings of the gunge have splashed the floor in front of the tank.

Holly: [trying to keep a straight face] Did we put down a large enough deposit?

Kirstie: [hysterical] I think I’m in negative equity!

Holly: Ah, well it’s all about location, location, location, and yours was bang on! Ladies and gents, Kirstie All-sopping, the first of hopefully several good sports!

The audience show their appreciation as the gunge tank revolves, transporting Kirstie off-stage. Holly wanders over to the sofa area, from where the four women were watching Kirstie’s antics with amusement.

Holly: I don’t know what you’re laughing about, because two of you will be getting far worse than that! Ladies and gents, as I was saying before I got interrupted, the phone numbers are on the screen. Get voting for who you want to see take the Trip Around the House – Team Brains or Team Brawn! More gunge coming up later, but now it’s time for Wait ‘Til I Get You Home!

The vote will end shortly before the final segment is posted (I don’t know when that will be yet, but will confirm closer to the time). You can cast multiple votes in this poll (up to one vote every 24 hours). Remember you are voting for the pair you want to gunge.

Cheers again to Yowiewowie for the concept.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

The girls were lead to a strip of grassland behind Youngs SeaFood Factory and saw what the Fish Guts Grand Prix had in store for them. Three sprint lanes had been marked out but there were several arches over them with what looked like shower heads attached. Followed by a couple of bouncy inflatables again with a shower arch over them and several buckets nearby. Beyond the inflatables was a raised structure like the travelator on Gladiators but with 3 ropes hanging from it. Ominously above this were 3 large tanks.

Lizzie was given an envelope and opened it. She described the course details to the ladies but there was one more surprise in store. After the girls had pulled themselves up the rope they had to dive off the top of the platform into a giant inflatable pool filled with fish guts which was on top of an inflatable bag. “The two girls who will run the Fish Guts Grand Prix out of Lucy, Chloe and myself are Lucy and Chloe. Please note the tanks at the end won’t be emptied onto them as it would not be easy to refill them in time for Alice, Luisa and Tulisa’s race” Lizzie said. “The golden oldie escapes again” Lucy said once more poking fun at Lizzie’s age.

“It’ll be fun babe” Chloe said. “I agree babe” Lucy replied. “I love your leopard print tie top” Chole added. “Yes I’m not getting that completely ruined” Lucy said removing it to display her fabulous breasts. “Are we doing it topless?” Chloe asked. “Yes babe” Lucy replied and Chloe naively took her top off. “You shouldn’t do it topless!” Lizzie shouted well I am as I don’t want to get my top ruined and Chloe if you ask her nicely is always up for getting them out” Lucy replied. “I thought we had to do it topless” Chloe said realising she had been set up.

“Well they are out now and it looks like you spent enough getting them done. They look fantastic, leave them out” Lucy said. “They warned me about you. I might as well stay like this” Chloe admitted laughing. “Alice, is always getting hers out and flashing her bum. She was running around a field yesterday topless harassing sheep. Luisa will whip hers out at a drop of a hat and Tulisa loves to flash her bum out of the Camper Van window” Lucy said. “She is a bloody liar” Alice shouted laughing.

Lucy and Chloe lined up topless on the start line and a horn sounded they sprinted up their lanes as pureed fish guts were spared on them from the shower arches. Chloe was screaming and laughing as she ran with her boobs as expected not moving much. The younger Lucy sprinted ahead and got to the first inflatable as several more buckets of fish guts were thrown at her by the production crew. She crawled through the first inflatable and ran onto the second but slipped and fell flat on her face. Chloe had made it through the first inflatable and began to catch Lucy up as she got back up and made her way through the second. But Chloe seemed to get the brunt of the buckets on the second inflatable as Lucy reached the end obstacle first. Grasping a rope Lucy pulled herself impressively up to the top but she waited for Chloe who had reached the final obstacle. Chloe began to pull herself up the rope but slipped and slid slowly back down to end up in an undignified heap at the bottom. Chloe was crying with laughter at her predicament but Lucy screamed “Come on babe” and willed Chloe to climb up.

Chloe had another go and got so far up and Lucy held out a hand to pull her up but Chloe slipped and pulled Lucy down with her. “What are you like babe!” Lucy shouted mock scalding Chloe who was in hysterics. “We are going to get up” Lucy shouted as she pulled Chloe to her feet and took her back several metres so they could get a good run up in. Both sprinted forward and grabbed their ropes. Lucy held onto hers with one hand and literally dragged Chloe up with the other. Giving Chloe a very undignified shove up the bum Lucy heaved Chloe onto the top platform before hauling herself up. Chloe waited for her and Lucy hugged her but stepped back so they both fell off the back of the platform into the pool of fish guts. As Lucy was first to hit the fish guts she was declared the winner as both ladies emerged covered in smelly fish guts from the pool.

Lizzie threw them their bikini tops. “They will get messy anyway” Chloe said as Lucy put her top back on. “Exactly but it was funnier to run the race topless. I got you babe” Lucy sang to Chloe. “I’m going to have to have my wits about me” Chloe replied laughing. “More like your tits” Lucy added as Chloe put her bikini top back on.

Alice, Luisa and Tulisa lined up in their bikinis on the start line and wished each other luck a horn founded and they sprinted down the course getting sprayed with the pureed fish guts. Alice took a slight lead with Tulisa and Luisa not far behind. Alice threw herself onto the first inflatable and powered on despite being hit by several buckets of fish guts. Luisa was just ahead of Tulisa and threw herself onto the first inflatable but predictably her strapless bikini top came down and her gloriously enhanced chest was on view as she took several buckets of fish guts over her with Tulisa breathing down her neck.

Alice powered through the second inflatable as more fish guts were sprayed or thrown at her and reached the final obstacle. She took a running leap for her rope and as she guessed a tank of fish guts were emptied onto her. She slid back down looking back to see where the other two were. Luisa had literally bounced across the second inflatable as Tulisa took a more serene weave through it and both were just approaching the final obstacle as Alice took her second run up it. Alice grabbed hold of her rope as Tulisa and Luisa grabbed for theirs but their tanks were emptied onto them as Alice hauled herself to the top and victoriously threw herself into the inflatable pool of fish guts.

Luisa was slid comically back down to the bottom in a heap as Tulisa held on for all she was worth. But as Tulisa tried to pull herself further up Luisa took and almighty run and leap and dragged herself up onto the platform just as Tulisa was rolling onto the top of it. Somehow Luisa propelled herself on her stomach across the platform and pulled herself off the other side into the fish guts a fraction before Tulisa had stood up and leapt into the pool.

Alice had emerged from under the mass of fish guts and had sensibly moved to the back of the pool and just turned around as Luisa followed under a second later by Tulisa joined her in the pool. Lizzie looked on from the side and after being given confirmation said “I’m very sorry Tulisa you’ll be leaving us now” as Luisa emerged still topless from under the fish mush and slowly got her barings and pulled her bikini top back up. Suddenly Tulisa emerged from under the fish right in front of Lizzie and taking her by surprise pulled her into the pool. Tulisa took great joy in ducking Lizzie several times under the smelly fish guts as the other girls looked on laughing. Gasping and spluttering Lizzie emerged from the fish as Tulisa stood there laughing at her.

The girls got out of the pool and were allowed a comfort break to wash their hands and faces. Tulisa retrieved her case from the camper van which had Chloe in hysterics when she saw it. “That is really old and clapped out” she said as they climbed in after hugging Tulisa goodbye. Lucy was given the new Sat Nav coordinates and swung the van out just missing the security hut. Tulisa waved them off and yelled “Luisa you’ve got to moon out of the window with that amazing Greek bum”. “Shit, I forgot about that” Luisa said as the girls told Chloe the details of the forfeit.

Lizzie looked through the tapes and found a Best of Demis Demis Roussos and put it on. “Who is this?” Alice asked. “He was a Greek singer, sold a lot of albums back in the day. He wore these big kaftans as he was a huge guy but then he trimmed down. Also he was balding but one of those naturally hairy guys” Lizzie said. “A lot of Greek guys look hairy as their body hair is naturally darker” Luisa said. “That explains why you’ve got such a hairy bum then” Lucy quipped. “My bum isn’t hairy you cheeky bugger” Luisa replied laughing. “Well lets get it out of the window” Lizzie said changing the tape to “Born With A Smile On My Face”. “Go on get those briefs down and that bum out of the window” Lucy shouted honking the horn. Chloe dropped her briefs and moved towards the window. “I don’t know about you calling your Social Media handles Starship everyone will see your Starfish” Lucy suggested. “I’m meant to do that actually?” Luisa said with her briefs pulled halfway down.

“Well she did ask nicely Babe” Chloe replied laughing having pretended to act naive but fully aware of what she was doing. “You can damn well do it now” Luisa said. “I sure will babe” Chloe replied sticking her bum out of the window as the first playing of the song ended. Lizzie switched back to Demis Roussos. “You’ve got to stay there until we play the song again” Alice said. “You cows” Chloe screamed realising she had been set up. “Some speed bumps coming up” Alice said noticing the road sign. “Alice, boobs now” Lucy commanded and laughing Alice took her bikini top off. “Sit back down Chloe and watch this” Lizzie said. Chloe sat back down and laughed as Lucy took the van far too quickly over the speed bumps and Alice’s boobs bounced up and down.

“Chloe bum back out of the window” Lizzie commanded and Chloe did so cussing the girls. They then saw an ice cream van parked up “Let’s all have a 99” Luisa suggested. Reaching into her bag Lizzie got some money out as Lucy parked up out of the way. “Get an extra 99” Luisa whispered to Lizzie. “No let Alice get them” Lucy said. “Okay” said Alice hopping out of the van and taking the money from Lizzie. Alice walked off towards the Ice Cream Van and Lucy laughing pointed to her bikini top. “Got her again” she said as the others laughed expecting Alice to come running back any second.

But a couple of minutes went by and Alice eventually came back with a face like thunder carrying six 99 ice creams. “You bastard” she shouted sticking a couple of the ice creams in Lucy’s face and another in Lizzie’s. “Here let me hold the others” Luisa said as Alice handed them to her. Luisa stuck one on each of Alice’s boobs and said “Do you like the Madonna look”. Alice began to laugh about what had happened. “I went up to be served and the guy said I could have them for free as I had such great boobs and then I looked down” she said. There was one ice cream left and the site of Cleo’s bum stuck out of the window was too tempting for Lucy who grabbed the ice cream and stuck it into Cleo’s bum. “What was that” Cleo shouted “Sorry I forgot to take the flake out” Lucy said.

“I’m going to get us proper ice creams” Lizzie said taking the money from Alice and marching off. Lucy stuck “Born With A Smile On My Face” back on so Chloe could complete her forfeit. Lizzie returned with ice creams and Alice put her bikini top back on. They set off again and soon went over the Humber Bridge and carried on until they reached their next destination.

“A Waste Recycling Centre, we’ve had a Bus Station Toilet, a Sewage Works and now this” Lizzie said laughing. They looked over and saw not one but two girls waving at them. Bianca Gascoigne and Katy Pullinger from QVC. Bianca was in a sexy black bikini and Katy a blue patterned swimsuit.

The girls greeted each other. “I thought it was Katie Price for a second” Lucy said looking at Bianca. “I’m not that old” Bianca replied laughing. “I’m another dopey cow from a shopping channel” Katy said. “I like watching you” Alice replied.

Lizzie was handed an envelope and was pointed to 3 gunge tanks. She read out “The public vote over who is the last girl to join Celebrity Coach Dip was a tie. So you have the power to choose who it is. Both Kay and Bianca will get gunged along with one of you and that person could potentially have the casting vote. Please decide which one of you will be gunged. Then gunge the 3 ladies and decide who joins you out of Bianca and Katy. This is just a stop over point you will proceed to the final destination today with 6 ladies where one will leave the show”

Continued from A Welcome Return

Once Nikki was in position, she started speaking to the viewers directly.

“As we leave Andrea’s drink to be drained away, it is time to welcome our next guest.

She is a huge football fan, and more specifically a Liverpool fanatic. So, you’ll be unsurprised to hear she is over the moon at the moment, at the beginning of the season as reigning Champions League winners we had a nice little conversation.

She said she would be happy to come and get messy on a TV show if Liverpool had won the league for the first time in 30 years, and fortunately or unfortunately for her that day has come.

Liverpool have been the runaway leaders all season and can finally tell all their rival fans to shut up when they bring up the ‘Premier League’.

Who is our guest, I hear you asking?

Please give a warm welcome to Sam Quek, former England and Great Britain hockey player” Nikki said with great enthusiasm, as the audience started to clap loudly.

Sam walked out onto the stage area and gave Nikki a hug, Sam was wearing some blue jeans with her very own red Liverpool shirt on, with the word ‘Champions 20’ emblazoned on the back, which she proudly displayed to the camera.

The two women chatted to each other for a bit before Nikki steered the conversation back to the gunge.

“You said you’d be willing to get messy if Liverpool won, so here we are. How do you feel?”

Sam gently laughed, “To be honest I’m a little unsure. But then I wouldn’t have it any other way we’ve been waiting so long and therefore a bit of mess is nothing compared to all those heartbreaks along the way” She confidently added before being instructed to climb up onto the seat position above the gunge.

Nikki explained they thought it would be fun to do a Liverpool based quiz for Sam, and explained that for every correct answer she would be getting dunked into red (for Liverpool) gunge. Additionally, for every dunk the show would be donating £1,000 to a charity of Sam’s choice.

This extra incentive further relaxed Sam, who was far too happy celebrating Liverpool’s title to be scared of the gunge now perilously close to her feet, she confidently nodded her head in Nikki’s direction indicating she was ready for the quiz.

As Nikki asked Sam the first question, the camera angle panned to show Andrea still in her chamber, but with the messy mix of slop reducing slowly ensuring part of her gunge ruined top was now visible once more.

The gunge tank was large and had a nice layer of still gunge on the top, which whilst it hadn’t formed a full skin it was definitely on it’s way having been mixed up several hours prior to the show beginning.

“That is correct, Mo Salah is the top scorer this season” Nikki stated as the chair Sam was sat on gave way and the attractive hockey star was dropped into the red gunge below, she disappeared under the surface squealing as she did so.

When she reappeared, Sam was instructed to climb back out and sit back on the seat, which gave Nikki the chance to make a bad joke about Sam being such a big Liverpool fan she had gone for the full body colour coating.

On her second dunking Sam managed to stay above the gunge with her head something that Nikki scorned her for and announced they’re be an additional forfeit if she avoided any full head dunking in the future.

As she sat on the seat Sam wiped her eyes clear and started to pull funny faces towards the nearest camera, as she successfully answered Nikki’s next question, she kept looking at the camera as she felt the seat give way.

This meant that when Sam was dunked for the third time she completely disappeared under the surface and allowed herself to be engulfed by the slimey substance for as long as she could hold her breath. By this point she could feel the gunge pressed against her skin as it had soaked through the thin shirt material which now clung tighter to her body than ever.

Nikki was loving her role as she looked between the two ‘victims’ grinning wildy at the messy state they were in.

Andrea was now almost completely visible in her tank, with only her ankles still under the messy level, she had tried her best to wipe the slop off her face and arms but was still a complete state.

Sam was also trashed as she dropped down into the gunge for the fourth time, sending another wave of gunge crashing against the side of the tank, with Nikki grateful for the high walls protecting her from any overspill. A slow-mo replay showed Sam disappearing under the surface as the gunge swallowed her from her bum upwards until the sinkhole closed in around the sexy star.

As Sam climbed up for the final question, she was still in great spirts finding the situation amusing. Nikki assumed her time in the jungle had helped with that, as Sam dropped down into the mess for the final time, with her arms in the air cheering “We are the champi….” Before the last bit was muffled by the gunge.

After this Nikki went to release Andrea and the daytime TV presenter stepped out of her chamber, sending a ton of slop down onto the floor that had been gathered on her lap. Nikki however revealed to a surprise Andrea that she should get washed off and put on the dress that had been left for her in the changing room.

A confused Andrea shuffled off the stage leaving a trail of mess as Nikki returned to Sam who had climbed out of the tank and jokingly teased Nikki with a gungey hug, but the presenter moved out of the way in time.

“Thanks for being a great sport, Sam. How would you like to stick around and help me out after our advert break?”

“No problem, whilst I was a bit unsure initially it was kinda funny, I hope everyone enjoyed watching it.” she said as she waved at the camera.

“And of course, £5000 to help out my charity is a great cause along with celebrating the title.

I’ll be happy to stat and help out after I have a shower” she said as she wiped gunge from her long dark hair.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

Holly wraps up the “Wait ‘Til I Get You Home” segment and steps out onto the main stage.

Holly: Whew! Young Oliver was quite a little sh…sugarlump, wasn’t he? I swear that kids are getting naughtier and naughtier as time goes by. Anyway, I hope we’ll see nothing but best behaviour in this classic Q&A – it’s time for Panel Beaters!!

The audience cheers as Holly walks through a wall section and into the Panel Beaters area of the stage. Seated behind her at the desk are three familar faces, while there are four not-so-recognisable women standing behind another board.

Holly: Yes, the Great House has many fine panels, as Kirstie would surely tell you, but none is finer than this one, so let’s meet them! Our first panelist is always up bright and early, so let’s hope it’s not past bedtime for Louise Minchin!

Louise smiles and nods in response to the applause.

Holly: Also on the panel – she’s a celebrity; will she get out of here clean? We’re under an Emily Atack!

Emily responds to the introduction with bubbly laughter, as the audience applauds.

Holly: And finally, the panel’s captain. You know for sure it’s a Saturday night, cos here’s Frankie Bridge!

Frankie beams radiantly as the audience shows their appreciation.

Holly: Those are the panel; now let’s meet our prospective panel beaters. We have the pleasure – or at least I hope it will be – of hosting an up-and-coming rock band called… [raises an eyebrow] Kettle Throat!

The audience applauds the four women standing behind the other board, who are dressed in various forms of ‘alternative’ attire.

Holly: An interesting lot, eh? But all is not as it seems, because we have replaced one of the band members with an actress. The task falls to our panel to suss out this musical misfit, and it’s a task they won’t undertake lightly. Make the wrong choice, panel, and that partition behind you will slide open and you’ll be transported away into our dreaded tunnel of gunge!

The three panelists play up their cringes, while the audience chuckles.

Holly: But, panel, nail the imposter and you’ll be relieved of your current seating, and instead the band will be singing in the rain!

This time, it’s the four standing women who respond with nervous facial tightening.

Holly: In a minute it’ll be question time, but first, let’s see a bit more of the band members, courtesy of my good friend, Mr Introducer Man!

A series of short clips commences, showing poses from the four contestants in a recording studio while a man with a smooth, deep voice narrates.

B-Linda

Mr Introducer Man: Let’s lead from the front, and this girl’s got front aplenty! B-Linda is the band’s lead vocalist and bass player, so she can scream and growl at the same time!

Gayle

Mr Introducer Man: Check out Guitar Gayle – she knows every scale! Whether it’s a stimulating lick or a soulful blues solo, this Gayle is blowing strong!

Kyung-mi

Mr Introducer Man: From the warm hum of a Hammond organ to a space-age synth, if it’s got keys, Kyung-mi’s on board! She’s classically trained, so there’s plenty of Bach to her bite!

Davina

Mr Introducer Man: Davina is famed for her enormous tom-toms… and her drumkit’s pretty impressive too! She’ll whack anything with a skin, and she’ll make you jump out of yours!

The scene returns to the studio, where the band are lapping up the attention.

Holly: Well! I feel like I already know more about, uh, Kettle Throat than I could ever care to, but we’ve still got the questioning to get through. Panel, it’s all yours!

Frankie: Right then… [waves her pointing finger from side to side, choosing a band member to question first] Gayle. Where did the name ‘Kettle Throat’ come from?

Gayle: It’s because B let’s off a spout of hot air when she sings!

B-Linda flashes moody eyes at Gayle in response to this answer.

Holly: I can kinda see that! Next question!

Emily: Davina, how long ago has the band been together, and how did you form?

Davina: Two years. I was in the studio doing some drum practice, and Linda and the others were next door, and we ended up chatting.

Louise: It’s a shame we can’t get you to play your instruments, but B-Linda, or whatever your name is, at least you can sing something for us…

B-Linda: I thought you’d never ask! Actually I wrote something especially for the occasion! [Clicks her fingers a couple of times]
It’s a HOUSE PARTY!! Everybody’s invited!
HOUSE PARTY!! People gettin’ excited!
HOUSE PARTY!! Let’s get the building ignited!
Burn it right down to the ground – woo!! Yeah!

There is some modest applause as B-Linda takes a bow.

Holly: [hurriedly] Can I− Can I just make clear that this programme does not condone arson! Next question!

Emily: Kyung-Mi, I notice your attire’s a bit different to the others’. It’s like you didn’t get the memo to wear black. Any reason for that?

Kyung-mi: [slightly evasive] Yeahh… y’know… I’m my own person. Laid back. Cool. The eye of the storm.

Frankie: Gayle, do you know what a capo is?

Gayle: Yeah, it’s the lame headwear B wears in rehearsals!

B-Linda glares at Gayle.

Gayle: Only kidding! It’s a thing you strap around a guitar neck to play in a higher key.

Louise: Another one for Kyung-mi. It said in the introduction that you’re classically trained; what’s your favourite piece to play?

Kyung-Mi: Ermm… it depends on the mood I’m in. But I guess it’d have to be Clair de Lune. You’ll know it from Ocean’s Eleven.

Frankie: Davina, who are the great drummers that have most influenced your playing?

Davina: Oh… Keith Moon, John Bonham, Roger Waters… [Lowers her voice] And don’t tell anyone, but I have the occasional guilty Phil Collins moment!

Emily: B-Linda, it’s clear that you’re the frontwoman, but are you actually in charge of the band?

B-Linda: You better believe it!

Gayle: [rolls eyes] She believes it.

Holly: Sorry to stop you in your flow, but we’re almost out of time. So how about one last question for all of the band to answer?

Frankie: Okay then… What is the essential item you take with you when touring? For me, it’s a make-up compact. What about you?

Davina: Plenty of spare plectrums – I get through a lot!

Kyung-mi: A selection of herbal teas.

Holly: Ooh! How rock and roll!

Gayle: Earplugs. Not for performing, but for sharing a hotel room with B! [Whispers] She snores!

B-Linda is wearing a face of thunder.

Holly: B-Linda, what’s you essential item?

B-Linda: A new guitarist, I think!

Holly: And there we have it! Panel, I hope you got the answers you needed there, because it’s time for you to point the finger. Which band member is not quite the full repertoire? Is frontwoman B-Linda a façade? Does Gayle pull all the wrong strings? Could Kyung-mi be the key that doesn’t fit? Or does Davina drum up your suspicions? You have one minute to deliberate. Choose wisely!

Frankie: [pulls an apprehensive Louise and a doubt-ridden Emily towards her] So girls. What do we think?

So, to recap, three of the panel beaters are genuine members of Kettle Throat, while one is an actress who has been swapped in for another band member. You are now playing the role of the celebrity panel in trying to work out who the imposter is. The option that gets the most votes will be the panel’s final decision, and will determine whether the celebrity panel takes the ride or whether it’s the band members and imposter that go through. If you think you’ve spotted a clue, please keep it to yourself for now. (And if you really want to play fairly, you’ll try to do so without looking anything up!)

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/28/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-9-from-youngs-seafood-factory-grimsby-with-special-guests-alice-fevronia-tulisa-luisa-zissman-and-chloe-sims/

The ladies were surprised to find that the public vote between Bianca Gascoigne and Katy Pullinger had been tied and they had to decide who would join them on the show. Also the girl who had been voted to have the potential casting vote would be gunged as well. They looked across at 3 gunge tanks each containing black gunge and labeled bin dregs.

“It’s just gunge not actual recycled waste. Well I hope it is” Lizzie Cundy said. “I hope it’s real bin dregs” Lucy Robson replied. “If you get covered it in then maybe yes” Lizzie countered as she was handed an envelope by the production crew. She opened it and read “The lady with the most votes from the current Celebrity Coach Dip van mates is Luisa Zissman. Can Louisa sit in the first gunge tank. Bianca in the second and Katy in the third. Also as you like to know who has the second most votes for a game you play in the van. I can confirm that Chloe Simms and Alice Fevronia came equal second”.

“There will be 3 bums being mooned out of the Camper Van Window” Lucy said laughing. “Full Moon tonight then” Lizzie added. “Ironically it will be an actual full moon” Alice said looking up to the sky. “You must have led a really boring life before I got you being chased by sheep around a field only wearing a thong bikini bottoms. She has the most amazingly natural bouncy tits too” Lucy said to Bianca and Katy as she loved teasing Alice.

Bianca and Katy sat under their gunge tanks and without warning Luisa was gunged. The thick black gunge cascaded onto her already matted and fishing smelling hair after the previous fish guts task. Her long hair was completely covered and the force of the gunge made her strapless bikini top come down and show her beautifully enhanced boobs again. Her erect nipples were covered in gunge as it slowly ran down her body. “Cover your boobs up Luisa” Lizzie said laughing. Luisa pulled her top back up. “No leave them out” Lucy shouted and Luisa pulled her top down right to the top of her nipples laughing.

Then suddenly Bianca’s gunge tank was emptied on her. It crashed down onto her long blonde hair plastering it to her face and ran on down her curvy body as she sat there laughing. Katy’s gunge tank went off and she screamed as the thick oozing gunge obliterated her and turned her into a black sticky mess. Both ladies wiped their eyes and sat there with the last of the gunge dripping onto both of them.

Lizzie was given another card and read out “Each lady can ask Bianca and Katy a question about what they would bring to the show and must then write down who they want to join the show. These results will only be disclosed when the four ladies have voted and Luisa can then ask any question she may have and must verbally cast her vote if required” Lizzie said as she handed a marker and a card to each lady. “Chloe may have an issue if she has to write” Lucy quipped. “Okay dumb Essex Girl joke. Very funny babe” Chloe replied.

“Okay would you both be up to take part in our Van challenge which might involve you mooning out of the van window for over 5 minutes when we are driving along?” Lizzie asked. “I guess so, the other girls seem up for doing it or have probably done it. As long as I could keep my fufu covered” Bianca replied. “That’s not the sort of thing I’d really feel comfortable doing so I’d want to see how the others handled it first” Katy replied. Lizzie thought for a second and wrote down her choice.

“Why would you be a good person to choose?” Chloe asked. “Well I’ve done fun shows like this before and I do know a few of you indirectly,. I think I’d fit in well and I’m up for a fun gunging as you can see” Bianca said. “I’m a mum like about 3 of you and whilst I may not be as gorgeous as Bianca is. I think I can still have fun and you may see my naughty side” Katy replied as Chloe wrote her choice and stuck her tongue out at Lucy.

“Do you see yourself more in the enhanced boobs group or the natural boobs group?” Alice asked. “Well I’ve had mine done and I reckon that all bar you and Lucy have had yours done. But I’d be drawn as much to say Lucy than I would say Luisa or Chloe and there is no reason I wouldn’t interact with you Alice” Bianca said. “Well after a couple of kids I’m in the saggy group. But as a mum I think I’d have lots in common with Lizzie, Luisa and Chloe. I think I’d click with Alice but Lucy may be the interesting one. I’ve heard a lot about you already” Katy said as Alice wrote down her choice.

“Okay we do some crazy things on this show so flash your tits or give a damn good reason why not” Lucy asked untying her top to display her magnificently succulent breasts. “Well I’m an extrovert and I’ve managed a lap dancing club. So here they are” Bianca said untying her top to display her impressively enhanced breasts to the other girls before doing her bikini top back up. “Well if you want to see my breasts, you’ll have to vote for me to join the show” Katy said pulling a face at Lucy who wrote down her choice.

“Okay I voted for Bianca. I do know her a bit and whilst Katy is clearly a lovely lady. I think Bianca will naturally click with the other girls and can cope with Lucy when she causes chaos” Lizzie said displaying her card. “Well babe, I know Bianca too, seen her down the Sugar Hut” Chloe said in an enhanced Essex girl voice. “Actually I’ve voted for Katy. Bianca would be great but Katy is a bit more interesting and I want to see if she has a naughty side” Chloe said showing her card. “Both girls are lovely but I feel that Bianca perhaps fits in a bit better with the others and it allows me to keep my slightly different identity more” Alice said showing she had written down Bianca. “We all know that Bianca would be a scream, she has been gunged, got her boobs out. Will throw herself into games and be a great laugh. But Katy I think I’d have more of a challenge getting you to bring your naughty side out but I’ll get you mooning out of the van and I want to see those tits” Lucy said showing she had written down Katy and drawn a comic pair of saggy boobs.

“I hoped it wouldn’t come to me. I’m not going to ask a question as I’ve heard enough to make my mind up” Luisa said. “Bianca is the safe choice but Katy intrigues me and getting her out of her comfort zone is something I’d love to do. But I just feel she may not be comfortable with some of our antics and we really don’t want to have to rein it in and I don’t think some would either. So for that reason alone I’m choosing Bianca” Luisa added. “I’m so sorry” she said to Katy as they all hugged. “It’s okay honestly” Katy said. “I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable or insecure” Lucy said hugging Katy. “Look I’ve got gunged in a swimsuit and you can see them here” Katy said pulling her top forward so Lucy could glance down at her boobs. “Nice pair actually” Lucy replied. “I’d have been up for fun but I’m just not as full on as Bianca and some of you are” Katy added. “Pity we hadn’t got you earlier in the trip and given you time to settle in” Alice suggested.

“If we get another series next year. Promise you’ll come on” Lizzie said to Katy. “Definitely” Katy replied. “But you’ve got to promise to wear a bikini each day” Lucy added. “Well I’ve got time to get into shape” Katy said. “We’ll have fun if you’ve got wobbly bits. Plus I want to see you in a thong bikini at least one day” Lucy said. “My god, that is not something you’d want to see” Katy replied giggling. “The wobblier the better” Lizzie said as she again consoled Katy.

“We’ve apparently got a farewell gift for you” Lizzie said to Katy as 6 buckets were bought on by the production crew. The buckets were labelled Hull Patty. “Take a seat Katy” Chloe said. Smiling Katy sat back down in her gunge tank. Chloe picked up her bucket and emptied what was pureed Hull Patty over Katy’s head. Alice picked up her bucket and slowly poured it over Katy’s head. Katy was laughing as the brown mush ran down her head and body. Lucy picked up her bucket and walked over to Katy and pulled her swimsuit top open and emptied her bucket down there, Katy squealed as the mush ran down her boobs and inside her costume. Bianca picked up her bucket and Luisa shouted “Over your own head B” and without thinking Bianca emptied her bucket over her own head. “Got her” Luisa yelled as Bianca stormed over to her laughing. She pulled Luisa’s top down and emptied Luisa’s bucket over her head and rubbed the mess lavishly into Luisa’s breasts. Lizzie picked up her bucket and quickly threw it over Katy as she could see Lucy beginning to advance towards her.

Luisa and Bianca were allowed to wash their hands and face as the girls had a quick break at the centre before returning to the van. “That is old and clapped out” Bianca said seeing the 1969 Camper Van. “But she is still in good working order” Lucy replied smacking Lizzie hard on one of her thong covered bum cheeks. “They really wobbled” Alice said laughing. “The one place she hasn’t had botox” Luisa replied. “Okay enough jokes at my expense” Lizzie said as she climbed into the van but Chloe goosed her and then pointed to Lucy. “I’ll report you all to Age UK” Lizzie replied laughing. Lucy was given the new Sat Nav coordinates and programmed them into the van and revved it up as Luisa was still trying to get in. “Bloody hang on” Luisa shouted as she scrambled to get in the van.

Lucy set off at a brisk speed and saw some traffic bumps coming up “Boobs everyone” she shouted as she undid her top and the other girls removed theirs as they went over the traffic bumps. All were looking at Alice to see how they bounced. Lizzie stuck “Born with A Smile on My Face” on the cassette player and said “Alice you first”. The still topless Alice pulled down her briefs and stuck her bum out of the front passenger window. Her boobs were dangling and Lizzie produced a feather from her bag and began to tickle Alice’s boobs. Alice giggled uncontrollably as Luisa reached out the back window and began to smack Alice’s bare bum. Lizzie pulled Alice’s briefs down to flash her clean shaven muff and then got out a jar of vaseline and began to rub it into Alice’s face and hair. “I thought you’d be neatly trimmed sensible Alice. Stick a load of vaseline on it” Lucy shouted as Lizzie stuck a handful of vaseline on Alice’s fanny. Chloe reached over and began to tickle Alice as well as she cried with laughter but completed two playings of the song before being allowed to pull her bum back in and put her bikini back on. Alice sat back down with a loud squelch. “You naughty Fevronia Fanny Farter” Lucy quipped. “I didn’t honestly” Alice protested as she moved and made another squelching noise. “Stop it babe” Chloe said as Alice went red with embarrassment.

The girls chatted and played some music before Lucy said “Chloe bum out of the window now” Chloe pulled her briefs down as Lizzie started the song again. Luisa and Bianca pulled out lipsticks and began to draw on Chloe’s face and body. Luisa picked up the vaseline and stuck a big handful down the front of Chloe’s briefs as Chloe screamed and giggled as the second playing of the song began. Smiling Alice produced a strawberry trifle from her bag and took the covering off. Handing it to Bianca with a wicked smile on her face Bianca stuck the trifle in Chloe’s face and on her head. Alice got the vaseline and leaning out of the front window liberally applied it to Chloe’s bum. Eventually Chloe’s ordeal was over as she was allowed to pull her bum back in. She pulled her briefs back up but as she sat down she slid off her seat due to the vaseline and sat there in a heap crying with laughter. “Babe!” all the girls chorused at her. “Fuck off Babes” Chloe replied trying to regain her seat and her composure.

“You could strap me to the roof naked” Luisa said jokingly. “That’s a great idea” Lucy replied slowing the van down. “No that is against the law and dangerous” Lizzie said killing the idea. “I’d do it” Lucy still offered. “No, that’s crossing the line” Alice stepped in saying. “We could do it stationery” Lucy said. “Yes then you’d drive off with one of us up there” Luisa replied. “You sussed me out damn” Lucy concluded starting the van back up and sticking Girls Talk on as they sped along the North East Coast.

“Luisa get naked and bum out of the window” Alice suddenly said. Laughing Luisa pulled her bikini top off and dropped her bottoms to reveal another cleanly shaven muff. Alice put the song on again and they set off. Nothing happened on the first playing but as they started the song again. Bianca and Chloe produced two sharpies and began to draw and write on Luisa’s body. Luisa was laughing unsure what they were writing or drawing. “I didn’t know you knew words like that” Lucy said glancing back to what the girls had written. Alice produced another couple of trifles and handed one to Chloe and kept the other one herself. Chloe stuck her’s in Luisa’s face and head whilst Alice stuck her’s on Luisa’s bum reaching out of the front passenger window. Just when Luisa thought her ordeal was about to end Lucy suddenly took the van off road and onto a muddy field she went flat out as the song ended and mud splashed up on Luisa’s bum. She suddenly stopped the van and Luisa shot forward onto Chloe and Bianca. Alice reached back and opened the back door as Chloe and Bianca pushed Luisa out into a pool of mud. They pulled the door to and Lucy drove forward revving up the van to cover Luisa with loads more mud. Luisa struggled forward to try to get in the van but Lucy drove off.

Luisa ran a naked bedraggled mess behind the van as it moved across the field after about 200 metres they stopped at a gate. Luisa eventually caught up with them out of breath. They all jumped out of the van and laughed at her as panting she reached them. Suddenly Alice and Chloe picked Luisa up and dumped her into a water trough to clean her up a bit. Luisa emerged wet and bedraggled as the cold water made her nipples beautifully erect. Lizzie handed Luisa her bikini back but Luisa reached out and pulled Lizzie headfirst into the trough. “I didn’t do any of that” Lizzie screamed as Luisa dunked her in the trough. Suddenly they heard a shout from a farmer on a tractor not that far away. Chloe and Bianca pulled Lizzie and Luisa from the trough and bundled them back into the van soaking wet and dived in after them. As Alice slammed the doors shut and jumped in alongside Lucy who cranked the van up and sped off past the angry farmer on his tractor”

A mile down the road Lucy stopped so Luisa could get dressed and her and Lizzie could dry off and everyone retake their places. Eventually they arrived in Whitby. “Wasn’t Bram Stoker the guy who wrote Dracula from here?” Alice asked. “I wouldn’t have a clue babe” Lucy said mocking Chloe. “No I don’t have a clue about anything babe” Chloe replied fluttering her eyelashes self mocking her Essex Girl persona. Lucy drove them along the seafront until they reached their destination the Dracula Experience.

“I hope it’s not too scary” Bianca said. “Lizzie don’t take your makeup off or you’ll scare the exhibits” Luisa quipped. “I’d suck the blood out of Dracula for eternal youth” Lizzie replied. “You haven’t had much recently then” Alice chipped in as they all laughed at Lizzie.

Lucy parked up and they were met by the venue’s manager a tall man in a black top hat and cape. He gave Lizzie and envelope and kissed her hand. She read out “You will visit the Dracula experience and then all be subject to a gunging of some local products. You will all then spend the night camping in the grounds of Whitby Abbey which will be extra spooky as it is a full moon. The public are voting and one of you will leave the show in the morning”.

“That sounds fun” Lucy said. “I reckon I’ll freak out” Bianca said. “We all get to spend a night together though” Chloe said. “Full moon, Luisa and Alice will be sleeping with their bums out I guess” Lucy chipped in. “How about the two girls who leave the Experience first have to sleep with just a thong on their bottom half or a naked bum if they are brave enough as it is a warm night?” Lizzie said laughing. “That sounds like a great idea” Lucy said as Chloe and Luisa nodded. Bianca smiled as Alice said “My god imagine a bare bum there all night. I dread to think what Lucy would do to it”. “Exactly and I really hope it’s you” Lucy replied smiling at Alice.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/01/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-10-from-hull-recycling-plant-and-whitby-bay-with-special-guests-alice-fevronia-luisa-zissman-chloe-sims-bianca-gascoigne-and-katy-pullinger/

The ladies made there way into the Dracula Experience but on the way in Lucy Robson quietly picked up a couple of ice cubes from an empty glass and kept them hidden in her band. The ladies were shown the cape that Christopher Lee wore in several of the classic Hammer Dracula films before moving onto the darker interactive parts of the exhibition. All were making each other jump and scream but as the tour reached a part where a 3D Dracula hologram appears and flies at visitors Lucy put her ice cold hand on Luisa Zissman’s neck. At the same time Chloe Simms had made Luisa jump and having realised that Chloe was messing about the cold hand took her by surprise and she literally ran screaming from the room as the other girls howled with laughter.

“One down, One to go” Bianca Gascoigne said as the next lady to run out of the Experience scared would join Luisa in having to sleep in just a thong or totally naked on their bottom half with their bum on view in the open air that night at Whitby Abbey.

The tour continued and people dressed up as Ghouls jumped out on the girls. They were all screaming but when one of the Ghouls saw Lizzie Cundy they screamed and ran off. The girls roared with laughter as they had asked one of the guides to arrange this. Lizzie stood there with an angry look on her face but then began to laugh as she had half expected this. The tour got towards its conclusion and it mentioned about Whitby Abbey where the girls would stay that night and how you might feel Dracula’s breath on your neck the second before he sank his fangs in. Just as this was being said Chloe and Lizzie both breathed on Alice Fevronia’s neck.

This freaked Alice out and she charged out the end of the exhibition in panic. The other girls followed her out laughing. “Just the two girls I hoped it would be” Lucy said. “I’m making a rule it’s thong bikini bottoms all round for the final day tomorrow” Lizzie said. “But I’ve only got the one pair like that!” Alice said. “Looks like your bum will be on view tonight au natural” Lucy teased Alice. “I’ll not wear anything on my bottoms either” Luisa said. “Tell you what I’ll join in too. No we all do it Cundy’s aged bum will scare any ghosts away” Lucy said giving Lizzie’s thong covered cheeks another hard smack. “We all sleep naked but our bums have to be on view” Lizzie stated. “Sounds fun” Chloe said. “I’m in” Bianca added. “Okay that’s fair” Alice concluded as the other girls conferred.

Whilst the girls had been in the Dracula Experience a large Perspex tank had been set up with a huge gunge tank above it. Lizzie was given a card and read out “All Ladies will be gunged together with a fixture of Whitby Fish Batter and Whitby Seaside Rock mixture. You will then proceed from here to Whitby Abbey where you will use the Camper Van water supply, camping stove and chemical toilet for amenities overnight. A Chemical Toilet with a wash basin may be supplied in the morning”. The girls groaned as there would be no proper shower facilities that night and food would be fairly bland camping rations.

“We’ll be sticky and mucky until we leave the show then” Alice said. “There is water down there” Lucy said pointing to the sea not far away. “It makes sense” Lizzie said. “Yes we’ll grab our stuff and sprint down to the water afterwards” Bianca said. The girls walked into the tank one by one and gathered together laughing in the centre. They squealed and hugged each other as the local Mayor pulled the lever and the sticky mass cascaded down onto them. Chloe lost her footing and slipped pulling the other girls down with her as they were covered with the sticky wet mess. Lucy typically reached across and pulled Luisa’s top down to expose her enhanced boobs one more as Alice slipped and slid around the tank. Suddenly Lizzie and Bianca dived onto Lucy and pulled her tie top off and threw it out of the tank as the other girls rubbed the mess into Lucy’s head and boobs. Alice and Luisa reached across and pulled Lucy’s briefs off and threw them out of the cage too.

The girls then picked up the naked giggling Lucy and carried her out of the cage onto the beach and into the sea before dumping her there and running back giggling to the Camper Van to collect their stuff. Lucy stood there in the sea leisurely washing her hair and fantastic boobs off as the other girls returned. “We finally got you” Alice said. “Well I’d have stripped naked in the sea anyway” Lucy said being nonchalant as ever. “I see you aren’t a natural blonde” Lizzie said looking down at Lucy’s dark neatly trimmed muff. “You don’t shave it. How square” Alice added. “I shave” said Bianca. “So do I when I remember babe” Chloe added. “So do I” Lizzie said. “Fancy Lucy being the odd one out” Luisa concluded as they dunked Lucy under the water.

The girls washed off in the sea and gave Lucy a towel as a teenage boy had run off with her bikini. “I’m going to drive us to the Abbey like this” Lucy said getting back in the Camper Van and dropping her towel. “It’s only 7 minutes” she added as she revved up the van as the other girls climbed in. “Stop winking at me” Lizzie said as Lucy’s feet moved from pedal to pedal.

They made the short journey to the Abbey ruins and changed in the camper van with a few bums in faces. Alice and Lizzie got the Chemical Toilet set up with it’s privacy sheet around it and they looked at the supplies. “Sausages and Beans, they are having a laugh” Alice said as she was designated cooking duty whilst most of the other girls chilled out. Bianca and Lucy got the temporary water supply up and running and they had to make do with just coffee and tea. It was a warm night as the sun went down and the girls thought about turning in. Lucy decided to show Bianca and Chloe how the Camper Van extended by opening the roof and laying out the sleeping bags. It went a bit colder and Alice said “Sleeping nude outside might be a bit chilly” “Okay have a sleeping bag but I want to see your bums sticking out of them” Lucy said passing Alice and Luisa a sleeping bag each.

Laughing they climbed into their sleeping bags under the van canopy and took off their clothes and both poked their bums out. Chloe got a lipstick and wrote “No Entry” on Alice’s bum and “Two Way System” on Luisa’s. The other girls then dived into the Camper Van and locked the doors. As Alice and Luisa swore at them they stripped off and stuck their bums up against the window taunting them. They all settled down for the night but were a bit wary of the spooky surroundings. At about 3am Alice woke up with a jolt as she felt something cold touch her bum. She assumed it was Lucy but as she panicked and looked up she saw a pair of shining eyes. She began to scream hysterically as Luisa reached for a torch and the other girls woke up with the commotion. Alice was running around naked in a hysterical state as Luisa shone the torch at a fleeing fox. “A fox sniffed her bum” Lucy hollered. “It’s not funny” Alice screamed literally shaking as Lizzie tried to calm her down. “Okay bums away. I know that will disappoint you Luisa” Lizzie said. “I’ll sleep outside with Luisa and you can go in the camper van. Bianca has been farting away anyway” Lucy said. “It wasn’t me it was Chloe” Bianca said laughing. Chloe nodded. “Right if you survive you are doing a moon out of the van window in the morning” Bianca replied to Chloe. “Alice you’ll have to do one too as I’ve swapped places with you” Lucy said. “That’s not fair” Lizzie chipped in. “You can do it instead if you want” Luisa said joking. “We’ll do a song each” Alice said beginning to calm down a bit.

The morning came and a row of portable toilets had been set up not far away. One was open for the girls to use and on closer inspection they noticed that the other 4 weren’t proper portaloos. They all gathered by them wondering what was going on before they decided to have breakfast first and then change into their thong bikinis for the last day.

The production crew arrived and gave Lizzie a card to read “Alice, Luisa, Chloe and Bianca. The public have been voting who will leave Celebrity Coach Dip since yesterday. You should all choose a cubicle out of the four that have just been opened and when you hear the horn you must all pull your chains. It will become clear who will be leaving” . Laughing the girls hugged each other and chose their cubicles. All were dark inside and they nervously sat down and took hold of their chains as the doors were pushed to.

Lucy was given the horn and laughing she gave it a huge blast there was a sound of flushing and some screaming as eventually the cubicle doors opened one by one. Alice’s opened first and she was clean. Luisa’s opened second and she was clean too. Chloe’s opened next and she stepped out covered in red gunge dripping slowly over her face and down her ponytail. “Looks like I’m going home babes” she said laughing. However when Bianca’s cubicle opened she too stepped out looking like a drowned rat with the thick red gunge running down her curvy athletic body. “I’m going home–” she started to say and then saw that Chloe was messy too.

The girls all stopped as Lizzie was given another card. “You have several choices. You can decide amongst the other 4 girls who should leave now with Lizzie having the casting vote. You can eliminate both and Luisa and Alice fight it out at last two venues who wins the show, you scrap this vote and all girls stay in but two leave at the next venue or Chloe and Bianca fight it out at the next venue to see who leaves with Alice and Luisa getting a bye to the final.

The girls looked at each other. “We cannot vote someone out here or dump them both” Lucy piped up. “I agree that would be unfair” Alice added. “Losing two at the next venue could mean Alice and Luisa go” Lizzie said. “Do what you think is best” we don’t mind Bianca shouted over. “Chloe is still trying to work out what day it is” Lucy chipped in as Chloe was locking around avoiding eye contact. “The last one seems the fairest I know Alice and me may get a bye but allowing Chloe and B another chance seems most fair” Luisa suggested. “I agree” Lizzie stated. “Plus one will have to moon out of the van” Lucy typically suggested. “I don’t really want a bye. But if the rest of you want to do that. I’ll go along with it” Lucy added quietly.

Bianca and Chloe rushed over to hug the girls as they began to load up the van and Lucy was given the new Sat Nav coordinates. They set off eventually once they had managed to pack the chemical toilet away. Lucy put her foot down as Lizzie put “Born With A Smile On My Face” on the cassette player. “You are going first Lizzie” Luisa said laughing. Lizzie pulled her thong bottoms down and stuck her bum out of the window as Lucy slowed down, hit the horn and swerved across a country line taking the camper van and Lizzie’s bum into a holly hedge. “You bitch” Lizzie screamed pulling her bum back in as Alice removed a couple of Holly leaves from it. Sportingly Lucy stuck her bum back out for the rest of the song.

Lizzie and Alice swapped places before they went onto a motorway and Alice did her mooning forfeit, Unfortunately a big convoy of lorries went past them and all were blowing her horns at Alice’s shapely bum. Alice was clearly enjoying it and began to wiggle her bum about but suddenly she screamed as someone in a passing lorry had thrown his coffee dregs over her bare butt.

Bianca and Chloe were giggling in the back of the van as Luisa got out a lipstick and wrote “Hello boys” on Bianca’s butt cheeks as she decided to do a moon as the girls sped up the east coast singing along to cheesy 1970’s hits.

They eventually reached their destination as they moved inland and arrived at a Petrochemical Plant near Middlesbrough

The girls were met by a plant worker and given an interesting tour of the site with everyone making sure that Lucy didn’t flick any switches she shouldn’t. When they got back outside 4 gunge tanks had been set up and Lizzie was handed a card. She read out “As you can see the middle two gunge tanks both have a ladder behind them. Chloe and Bianca will gunge themselves and then have to run around the back of the tank and empty two more buckets into the tank before running back into the tank and gunging themselves again. Whoever gunges themselves the most times in two minutes joins Alice and Luisa in the final. Also Alice and Luisa will be playing the same game against Lizzie and Chloe in a relay using the outside two tanks which both are now having a ladder placed against them too. If Alice and Luisa win they will get a useful advantage in the final but if Lizzie and Lucy win then the winner out of Chloe and Bianca gets the advantage for the final”

“Sounds fun” Lucy said. “The gunge tanks will contain a mixture of local delicacy Parmo which has been pureed along with its usual toppings Béchamel sauce and cheddar cheese” Lizzie concluded mopping her brow.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Intro

Tom: “Welcome to this weeks episode of Football is Coming Home. Please put your hands together for my assistant host, Tania”

Tania enters to rapturous applause and joins Tom on stage.

Tom: “Err…Have you forgotten something Tania?”

Tania could see Tom staring at the lower half of her body “No I haven’t and why do people keep asking me that when I wear this outfit! This is a shirt-dress and I can tell you it’s all the rage in fashion at the moment”

Tom: “Fair enough Tania, I’m not going to argue with you as I’m sure our viewers won’t mind you wearing that tonight. That kind of gives me an idea, shall we get the viewers to vote for which outfit you will wear on the next episode?”

Tania rolls her eyes and smiled “If you must!”

Tom: “Great! I’ll have a think of some ‘suitable’ outfit options during the show and we’ll put that up for the vote later. Tania, do you want to tell us where we are with the Gunge World Cup”

Gunge World Cup

Tania: “Yes Ok. We are getting towards the business end of the Gunge World Cup for sports presenters. Last week we introduced the quarter final matches and the polls are now closed. I can tell you that Northern Ireland, USA, Italy and Venezuela all won their respective matches which means Holly, Kelly, Diletta and Adriana are now through to the semi finals. The actual scores are shown on the TV monitor”

•Holly Hamilton 32 -30 Sylvana Ijussmeiden

• Kelly Nash 40 – 21 Renee Young

• Diletta Leotta 46 – 16 Mel McLaughlin

• Adriana Monslave 40 – 21 Ines Sainz

The camera follows Tania as she begins to walk over to an area which has 4 perspex gunge tanks side by side. There is a lady inside each of them and it becomes evident that it is the 4 losing quarter-finalists that are in each of them, standing behind the locked doors and glancing nervously above their heads at the plastic nozzles pointing down on them.

Tania: “Thank you for participating ladies, but we must give you a consolation prize before you can go on your way!”

Tania grins as she pulls a lever which releases the contents of the overhead compartments over the hapless ladies. Gallons of thick green gunge engulf each lady as they scream and squeal. Their hair, faces, and bodies become a sludgy green mess as the gunge cascades over them. When the doors are all opened, four gungey blobs appear and wave to the audience as they very slowly walk off stage, leaving a gunky trail behind them.

Tania turns to face the camera “And if you think that’s messy, then there’s a lot more mess in store for our losing semi finalists next week and there might be a bit more skin on show!”

Tania: “Which takes us nicely on to the match-ups for the semi final. One will be an all-Europe affair and the other will see North America against South America.”

Tom: “Yes, the first semi final will see Holly face off against Diletta. Will the Irish beauty come out on top or will the buxom Italian prevail?”

Tania: “Our second semi-final sees Kelly pitted against Adriana. Will the long legged American win, or will that honour go to the boot wearing Venezuelan? Tune in next week to find out!”

Tom: “The mini CSWL match featured Watford against Southampton, with Kelly Somers representing her beloved Watford team, and Kelly joins us now.”

Wearing a yellow dress, Kelly joins Tom and Tania on stage, looking a little disconsolate.

Tom: “I think we all know the score, but just to confirm for the viewers, the match ended up as a victory for Southampton by 3 goals to win”

Tania looks exceptionally pleased with herself “Which means I win yet again! This is so easy! Haha!”

Tom: “Well done Tania!  You certainly are on a roll! But that does mean Kelly has lost, and will have to pay a forfeit…”

A couple of stagehands wheel on 2 trolleys and park them at the side of Tom and Tania. Kelly gulps as she sees they are laden with creamy custard pies and jugs of custard.

Tania picks up 2 pies and sandwiches Kelly’s head with them. The sports presenter gasps as custard and cream slop over her face and into her hair. As she tries to clear her ears, Tom follows up with a pie on top of her head, making sure to wipe the pie remnants around in her long brown hair. Custard splashes onto her pretty face.

With a jug of custard in her hand, Tania continues the sploshing and pours it ever so slowly into the inviting cleavage of Kelly. She squeals a little as the custard soaks into her bra and gives her tits a custardy coating.

Cheekily, Tom raises the hem of her dress so that her skimpy white knickers come into view. This allows Tania to pull out the elasticated top of her knickers with her forefinger and pour a jug of custard into them. This makes Kelly squeal even more as she feels the cold custardy sensation on her muff as her knickers get filled up.

Tom swivels Kelly around so that her back is facing the audience and pulls the back of her dress up to reveal her shapely bottom. Tania slaps a custard pie against it, before pouring yet another jug of custard inside the back of her knickers.

Tania: “Ha! Not only are you wearing yellow on the outside, you’re now wearing it inside as well!”

The audience chortles as that comment and also continue to enjoy the view of a sexy sports presenter getting sploshed with custard.

Turning Kelly back round again by the shoulders, Tom and Tania grab the remaining custard pies and splatter them all over Kelly’s front.

Tom: “Thank you Kelly, for playing mini CSWL and being such a good sport”

As Kelly wipes yellow goo from her eyes, she utters “No problem, but don’t put me up for this again please!”

Both Tom and Tania laugh as Kelly staggers off stage, before the camera pans back to Tom.

Preview of next mini CSWL match

Tom: “For our next mini CSWL match, we are doing something a little different and you the viewers will get to choose which celebrity lady will be playing, and representing their favourite team in one of this weeks midweek football matches. There are 6 to vote for, with polls closing end of Monday.“

Tom: “The lady that gets the most votes will be playing mini CSWL on our next episode with Tania representing their teams opponents!”

Preview of Tania’s Quiz 2

Tania: “Let’s hope I keep my winning run up! Anyway, it’s time for me to confirm the entries in the very imaginatively names ‘Tania’s Quiz 2’. We have 8 entrants that have been nominated, and the predictions are shown on the TV screen above me”

The camera pans upwards to take in the graphic, before switching back to Tania.

Tania: “As you can see we have some returning guests of previous shows, notably Amanda Holden and Yvonne Strahovski, and I am sure they are thrilled at being nominated by their respective viewers (ahem!)”

Tom: “Messy fan Lucy Zara has been nominated again so could it be second time lucky for her?”

Tania: “Singer Dua Lupa and actress Anna Kendrick will be hoping their respective viewers don’t fare that well with their predictions, and the quiz line-up is completed by breakfast TV presenter Charlotte Hawkins and sports presenters Alex Scott and Sarah-Jane Mee.”

Tania: “Remember it’s 40 points for an exact score, and 10 points for a correct result. The lady who gets the most points will be getting their messy prize on next weeks show.”

Finale

Tom: “Thank you Tania, and I think I hinted earlier on in the show that we would set up a vote to see which outfit Tania wears on the next episode”

The vote flashes up on the screen

With her hands on her hips, Tania let’s out a wry smile “I wonder what will be chosen”

Tom turns to face the camera “That’s about all for this week folks. Make sure you tune in to next weeks show!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

The panelists are deep in discussion.

Louise: Cor! Bit of friction between B-Linda and Gayle, isn’t there?

Emily: Yeah, makes me wonder if Gayle’s the fake. Can’t imagine a guitarist dissing her frontwoman like that and getting away with it for long!

Frankie: Meh! That’s just typical band banter.

Louise: Is that what things were like between you and Mollie?

Frankie: No comment.

Emily: Or perhaps B-Linda’s the fake. Maybe that’s why Gayle can get away with it. Perhaps it’s all a ploy to trick us!

B-Linda: Gah! This is worse than listening to music journalists!

Holly: Silence from you four!

Frankie: I think we should concentrate more on the other two.

Louise: Yeah, Kyung-mi’s the one who doesn’t fit style-wise. Completely different to the others.

Emily: She was very hesitant answering the questions too – must be making it up on the hoof!

Frankie: [shakes her head] I think she’s just shy. What do we think about Davina?

Louise: [shrugs] Looks like she’s into heavy rock.

Emily: [guffaws] Two heavy rocks!

Frankie: Yeah, she looks the part, but there’s something she said earlier that made me think she wasn’t very music savvy.

Emily: You mean liking Phil Collins?

Frankie: Well yeah, there’s that…

Louise: Hey! I like Phil Collins!

Frankie: Case in point – not very music savvy!

Holly: Ladies, ladies! I hate to break break up your verbal cat-fight, but I’m afraid your minute is up! It’s time for you to decide which you these girls is not a member of Kettle Throat, but is instead a planted actress. Get it wrong, and you’ll be whisked away on a magical mystery tour [makes a sweeping motion]. Get it right, and the four rock chicks will get a ticket to ride instead!

Deep breaths all round.

Holly: Ooh yes. Tense, isn’t it? Panel, let’s have your answer. Who do you believe is the imposter – B-Linda the singer and bassist, Gayle the guitarist, Kyung-mi the keyboard player, or Davina the drummer?

Emily: I think it’s Kyung-mi!

Louise: Yeah, I’m going with Kyung-mi as well.

Holly: Final confirmation from the captain…

Frankie: [looking very uncertain] Well, looks like we’ve got a majority decision already, so yeah, Kyung-mi.

Holly: Okey dokey. Kyung-mi, you’ve been collared. So please tell us – are you the imposter?

Kyung-mi hesitates, shrugs her shoulders wearily, and replies…

Kyung-mi: No.

A trio of groans sounds from across the way.

Holly: Oh dear! That didn’t go very well! It’s not Kyung-mi, so please would the actual imposter reveal herself!

Davina: [steps forward] It’s me!

Frankie: I knew it!

Holly: Well you didn’t say it, did you? [Turns to the camera] Did you guess correctly?

Clenched fists and high-fives ensue among the relieved band, while the celebs exchange worried glances.

Holly: Thanks for coming on, Kettle Throat! You’re certainly an… interesting band, and we wish you every success. Speaking of success, congratulations on beating the panel, which means you get to stay clean and dry. Kyung-mi, you can have a herbal tea backstage, but don’t go anywhere yet, because you’re in a perfect viewing spot for the panel’s forfeit! Everyone, please give it up for Kettle Throat and our decoy Davina!

The audience members duly applaud while the four girls continue to congratulate each other. The panelists are also clapping, nervous grins etched on their faces. Holly now turns to them.

Holly: Oh, that’s very gracious of you to clap the winners, panel – especially in view of what’s going to happen now!

Louise: [makes to get up] You know, actually it is past my bedtime. I’ve just remembered I’m doing an extra early breakfast show tomorrow!

Holly: Ha ha, nice try, but all three of you can stay exactly where you are! You were looking for a stairway to heaven, but instead you’re on the highway to hell!

With that, the lights dim, gears grind into action, and behind the three tensed-up celebs, the partition begins to rise. In the void beyond lies a green monsoon, together with several jets of more concentrated green slime, which snake back and forth.

Emily is the first to look over her shoulder and reacts with an “Oh my God!” Frankie looks next, and cringes when she sees what’s in store for her. Louise decides it’s better not to look.

Holly: Alright, take ’em away!

The bench glides backwards, and all three celebs shriek as they move into the downpour, which is evidently rather chilly. The swinging green jets slap against their bodies and within seconds the ladies are drenched through to their underwear, their hair matted with the translucent green goo.

Momentary relief comes when the bench arrives at the back of the tunnel, but this is soon broken by three columns of individually coloured gunge, descending neatly upon the victims. This gunge is thicker than the green slime and gloops heavily down their figures. Louise, who is leaning back to stay clear of the storm, gets pink gunge down her face, front and legs. Frankie cops a yellow torrent to the head and shoulders, crowning her already ruined designer hairstyle. Blue is Emily’s colour, and it falls off-centre to coat one side of her torso and hair.

We see a quick shot of the four rock girls as they look on in amusement, not to mention relief that it isn’t them getting the treatment, then it’s back to the suffering celebs as the bench trundles forwards again, giving them a second coating of the green slime. This it is joined by flurries of foam from the sides, which catch Louise and Emily, although Frankie is shielded from this particular mess. The camera pans along the row so we can get a good look at each laughing, shrieking celeb in turn.

The bench stops just inside the entrance of the tunnel and the partition begins to close, although there is no easing of the downpour to be seen.

Holly: [holding out an arm] Ladies and gents – Louise Minchin, Frankie Bridge and Emily Atack!

The audience cheers the good sports, while Holly walks off to the other side of the house, leaving the bandmates to continue their celebrations.

Holly: I hope Louise can get cleaned up in time for the morning bulletin, tee hee! Anyway, now that we’ve solved that muscial conundrum, it’s time to revisit the evening’s big debate!

Holly heads over to the two sofas, where Alice and Victoria are in engaged some contrived discussion with Katarina and Steph.

Victoria: …so that’s the difference between a synonym and a homonym.

Steph: Yeah, but do you understand the offside rule?

Holly: Ooh, it’s getting philosophical over here! We’ve had loads of calls in our phone-vote on whether to award a Trip Around the Great House to our ladies of brain – Alice Roberts and Victoria Coren Mitchell – or our ladies of brawn – Katarina Johnson-Thompson and Steph Houghton. Let’s get a picture of how things are shaping up so far. Remember, people are voting for the duo they want to see gunged.

The four contestants watch anxiously as an infographic shows the state of play.

The audience gasps.

Holly: Ooh! That’s quite a lead! Sixty-six percent, almost two thirds, two to one… Brainies, I’m sure you can go do the maths better than me, and it’s not looking good, is it?

Alice and Victoria do indeed look quite shocked.

Alice: [Blurts] There’s a very simple explanation! Brawny people move faster than brainy people, so the brawny supporters got to their phones first!

Holly squints sceptically.

Victoria: Yeah, that’s it. Our fellow brainies are going to show up later. [Flashes a pleading look towards the camera]

Holly turns to Katarina and Steph, who are happy and relaxed.

Holly: All smiles over here, but maybe Alice has a point. There’s a still a long way to go, and this is a marathon not a sprint, eh?

Katarina: It can be hurdles, long jump and a pole vault for all I care. We’re still gonna win!

Steph: [nods in agreement] Back of the net.

Holly: Ooh, they’re getting pretty big for their brawny boots, these two! But you the public have plenty of opportunity to deal them a upset; just keeps those votes a-coming! But don’t step away from your living room, because you could be the star of NTV, coming up next!

FYI, your votes in Panel Beaters were as follows:

Kyung-mi 22
Gayle 19
Davina 14
B-Linda 9

Did you spot Davina’s slip-ups?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :-

https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/27/totty-episode-5-part-1-the-funny-girl-special-with-ellie-taylor-rachel-parris-london-hughes-whitney-cummings-and-emily-atack/

“Welcome back to part 2 of the Episode 5 of Totty” said a naked and very messy Katie Thistleton. “Yes there are only 3 episodes left in the series after this. Next week it’s our Coronation Street theme when Ellie Leach, Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell and special guest Samia Longchambon join us with maybe a familiar former face or two from the show.. The week after that it’s an Emmerdale episode with Eden Taylor-Draper, Isabel Hodgins. Roxy Shahidi, Fiona Wade and Rosie Bentham. And then it’s our end of season spectacular featuring a returning Fallon Sharrock, Amy Louise Hickman, Harpz Kaur, Rebecca Adlington, Sarah Keith-Lucas and our special guest Louise Redknapp. Also on the final episode the winner of Lizzie Cindy’s Celebrity Coach Dip will be on the show” a topless and messy Maisie Smith said. “Talking of that final episode there is someone who wants a word with you Maisie” the equally messy and topless Amber Gill said.

Double Olympic Gold Medalist Rebecca Adlington appears on screen in a low cut summer dress.

“Hiya Maisie, its Becky Adlington here. You were very rude about my rather prominent nose a couple of weeks ago but when you mistook Fallon Sherrock for me, it was funny. So as I’m a good sport I’ve agreed to come on the last episode in the series when Fallon and myself can compare our beaks. No doubt you will be having some fun at our expense but Maisie Smith you better be on your A Game as I’m a 70kg Olympic Amazonian and these bad boys ( pushes up her boobs) may well take you out. They certainly have more power than the small pert breasts you reckon a lot of female athletes have. I want something funny and original otherwise I’ll be holding you upside down and dunking you into a bucket of something nasty single handedly” Rebecca said as she signed off.

“I was going to do something with the Jaws music” Maisie said. “You better think up something original to do with Becky” Katie replied. “I’ve got one good idea, I was going to do it next week but I’m saving it for you, Becky Adlington” Maisie concluded.

“We’ll be playing the Totty version of Celebrity Cyclone with our special guest Emily Atack soon which will no doubt also feature Rachel, London and Ellie. But first let’s check in with Rosamund Pike and Thandie Newton on a beach in LA with their guest this week US Comedy Star Whitney Cummings” Amber Gill said.

Rosamund was in her signature pink bikini and Thandie as usual topless in her black bikini briefs. “I see you girls were back to your crazy best in Part 1” Rosamund said. “You’ll need to up your game for the season finale as we’ll be filming our insert and then joining you all live in the studio on the night” Thandie added pushing her boobs into the camera. “We will also be inviting another previous guest from the series back. It could be Cleo Demetriou, Holly Hamilton perhaps?” Rosamund said. “Cher Lloyd and Sally Bundock were also fun” Thandie hinted. “Plus you never know what evil gunging concoction I might have us all covered in” Rosamund concluded with a wicked glint in her eye.

Suddenly the bikini clad Whitney Cummings sneaked up on Thandie and Rosamund and gave them both a pie in the face taking them by surprise.

Whitney went into a comedy routine mocking Rosamund and Thandie who looked at each other and picked up a custard pie each and stuck them into Whitney’s face. “Wasn’t Whitney a singer?” Thandie asked “That was Britney” Rosamund replied as Thandie emptied a bucket of baked beans over Whitney’s head. Whitney stood there screaming and laughing as the beans ran down her face, long dark hair and over her slender athletic body. “What did she sing?” Rosamund asked. “Oops I Did it Again” Thandie said emptying another bucket of baked beans over the screaming Whitney’s head. “Baby One More Time. Hit Me Baby One More Time” Rosamund said sticking several custard pies into Whitney’s face.

Whitney stood there totally bedraggled and destroyed wiping her eyes and shaking the mess off her hands. “I’m not Whitney Houston or Britney Spears. I’m Whitney Cummings a stand-up comedian, actress, producer, writer, director, and podcaster. I don’t like being messed up for no good reason” she said. She picked up a bucket of spaghetti hoops and stuck it over Rosamund’s head leaving the bucket on her head as the sauce and shapes ran down Rosamund’s toned body. She then picked up two custard pies and gave Thandie a pie sandwich before picking up two cans of squirty cream and covering Thandie’s breasts with them before squirting the rest down the front of Rosamund and Thandie’s bikini briefs.

“That wasn’t a wise thing to do Britney” Rosamund said taking the bucket off her head and sticking a big cheese cake into Whitney’s face. Thandie put a bucket of Maple Syrup on the floor and the two of them turned Whitney upside down and dunked her head first into the maple syrup several times before standing her up with the bucket on her head so the sticky liquid ran down her body. Rosamund pulled Whitney’s bikini top up and Thandie pulled her briefs down to reveal a nice pair of pert breasts and a neatly trimmed muff respectively. Rosamund took the bucket off Whitney’s head and said “We are going to make a cake but you will be the main ingredient Whitney”.

Thandie emptied a couple of bags of flour over Whitney’s head and Rosamund emptied a couple of litres of cold milk which made Whitney scream. Thandie broke several eggs into Whitney’s matted hair and gave her a shampoo so her hair was a doughy mess. Rosamund emptied a bucket of thick cream slowly over Whitney’s naked body before Thandie put whipped cream on both her boobs, her muff and a strawberry in her belly button. “You created Two Broke Girls but I see one broken girl Britney” Thandie said as she and Rosamund stepped back to admire their handiwork.

“I can see Two Broke Girls actually” Whitney said as the stars of the show Kat Dennings and Beth Behr approached.

“Hello girls” Rosamund said looking at Kat’s 34DD bust. “Impressive aren’t they” Kat replied smiling. “Better than mine” Thandie added pushing her boobs into Beth’s face.”What have you done to Whitney?” Beth asked laughing looking over at Whitney stood there totally messed up. “This ” Rosamund replied sticking a bucket of Maple Syrup on Kat’s head as Thandie did the same to Beth. “We have to watch this” Rosamund said pulling Kat’s bikini top up to reveal her lucious large juicy breasts as the syrup ran down her body. Rosamund massaged it into Kat’s breasts and then took off her own bikini top and rubbed her breasts into Kat’s. “Don’t want to leave Beth” Rosamund said as she removed Beths’s bikini top and said “Not bad” looking at her pert breasts. They took the buckets off both girls heads. “Well Whitney did this to us” Rosamund said giving Kat a double pie sandwich on the face and Thandie did the same to Beth. Rosamund picked up a bucket of cream and emptied it over Kat’s head before putting squirty cream on her breasts into her belly button and down her bikini briefs. “I like your fringe” Thandie said to Beth. “Her minge?” Rosamund replied “Don’t you dare!” Beth said laughing. But Thandie pulled her briefs down to reveal a neatly trimmed dark bush. “Not a natural blonde then” Rosamund said.

“Lets check Kat’s out” Rosamund said pulling Kat’s briefs down to reveal a clean shaven but creamy muff. Rosamund turned her around and gave her bum a hard spank before sticking a cream cake into it and Thandie did the same with Beth before a bucket of baked beans were dumped over both girls’ heads. “That is pretty much what we did to Whitney” Thandie said. “Now we’ll do something to you” Whitney said grabbing two custard pies and giving Thandie another pie sandwich as Kat did the same to Rosamund. Beth sneaked behind Thandie and Rosamund and pulled their briefs down to reveal two shaven muffs. Kat threw a bucket of cream over Rosamund and Whitney did the same to Thandie as the threesome backed Rosamund and Thandie up to the finale a giant cheesecake. The three girls threw Thandie in headfirst and then Rosamund and looked on laughing as Rosamund and Thandie floundered around in it. Kat and Beth dived in and pushed them down into it and then pulled Whitney in as all the girls rolled around creating a creamy mess and laughing before they handed back to the studio.

“A little bonus for you there with Kat and Beth. When we got Whitney we had to get Kat and she said she’d bring Beth along” Rosamund said. “You English girls are crazy but we held our own I think” Whitney said. “As your name is Whitney Cummings. This is appropriate” Thandie said having reached outside the giant cake and grabbed a bucket and empted the sticky mass over Whitney’s head. “What is that screamed” Whitney. “Here you try” Rosamund said emptying another bucket over Kat as Thandie emptied one over Beth. Finally Rosamund and Thandie emptied one over each other so all women were covered in the sticky cloudy substance. “Courtesy of an Elk breeding programme” Rosamund said as Whitney, Beth and Kat looked at each other screamed and started laughing. “I hear London and Katie got covered in a similar thing courtesy of an Ostrich” Thandie said as she saw a laughing and naked Katie and London stood there.

“Yes the bastards did” London replied. “Check out that squatch” Thandie said seeing London’s hairy afro bush on the monitor. “That is something else” Whitney said. “We’ll have to have a wax off London against Maya Jama and I may even try to get Emily Blunt along as she had that hairy c**t which we waxed a few weeks back but it might have grown back come the series finale” Rosamund said. “How many people are you inviting onto the series finale?” Amber asked. “As many as we damn well like we are the Executive Producers” Thandie said. “Remember next week it’s my Westworld co-star Evan Rachel Wood” Thandie said. “Then my nemesis in Die Another Day Oscar winner Halle Berry” Rosamund added. “Before we have Supermodel Mother and Daughter Cindy Crawford and Kaia Gerber in a recoded finale when we’ll be live with you” Thandie said signing off.

“They just push it further and further each week” Amber said. “Yes but now lets welcome our special guest Emily Atack” Maisie said as Emily walked on in a sexy off the shoulder snake print bikini.

“You are being brave with off the shoulder” Maisie said. “I expect you lot will get it off completely soon enough” Emily replied. “You’ve got a deep belly button here have some ostrich spunk in it” Katie said wiping some off her naked body and sticking it in Emily’s belly button. “You nearly won the Jungle but I did win Love Island so let’s take a Jungle Shower together” Amber said leading Emily over to a fake waterfall shower setting. “We need some water” Amber said as several gallons of ice cold water crashed down onto the girls. Emily was stood there shaking with shock totally drenched. “That wasn’t supposed to happen” Amber said. “I don’t need a shower I’m not messy” Emily said then realising what she had said. “You might have to eat this in the Jungle” Amber said emptying a bucket of pureed vomit fruit over Emily’s head. Emily stood there gagging and retching as the disgusting mush ran down her curvy body. Plus you’d get loads of this Amber said emptying two buckets of jungle slime over Emily’s head and leaving the second bucket on her head.

Emily slowly removed the bucket from her head to reveal her long blonde hair was now a smelly green slimy mess. “You need to be messy too” Emily said to Amber throwing a bucket of jungle slime in her face and then dumping a bucket of vomit fruit on Amber’s head leaving the bucket on Amber’s head. Amber stood there with the disgusting mush running down her body. She finally took the bucket off and was gasping for air and trying to not retch. “Time for the shower now” Emily said as she took her bikini top off to reveal her impressive large breasts. She stuffed her bikini top in Amber’s mouth as both stood under the shower. “We need some shampoo” Emily said and a load of blue gunge cascaded down on them followed by a stack of dead mealworms as both stood there.

“I’m ready for the Totty Celebrity Cyclone now” Emily said as Maisie and Katie ushered her and Amber over to two converted skateboard ramps covered with padding and plastic. The second ramp had a rope hanging from it. They were a couple of metres apart on a raised platform with a pool of black liquid in between the two. London, Ellie and Rachel were stood by the side with a load of buckets and a couple of hoses. Maisie, Amber, Katie and Emily climbed up the steps to the first ramp. “We have to make it from the top of this ramp to the top of the other” Katie said. “London, Ellie and Rachel will try to slow us down but once we have made it they have to join us and the crew will then be trying to stop us all” Maisie added.

“When I blow the whistle we can start” Amber said producing a whistle from her bikini briefs and blowing it. “Who is going first?” Katie asked. “You” Maisie replied pushing Katie headfirst into the treacle. Katie screamed as she went splat into it and emerged like Frank Spencer when he had ended up in the supposed tar completely black. London started her hose and it blew wet feathers onto Katie as she struggled out of the treacle as Ellie turned a foam hose onto her and Rachel threw buckets of mashed rotten vegetables at Katie who was trying to pull herself up the rope. “I’m going to help her” Amber shouted as she slid down the first ramp and jumped over the treacle and got hold of the rope below below Katie who was now covered in foam and feathers. A load of pie foam crashed down on them from above as they hung on with Amber’s head virtually up Katie’s naked bum. Amber gave Katie a huge shobe and got her onto the platform of the second ramp. Katie reached back and hauled Amber up as a load of oxtail soup crashed down on them.

Emily slid down the first ramp and laughing waded knee deep through the treacle pool as London, Ellie and Rachel sprayed and threw stuff at her. She climbed out of the treacle and began to pull herself up the rope as Maisie set up sliding down the first ramp and leaping impressively across the second one and made a grab for the rope but just then a load of cold yogurt crashed down on the girls and struggling to hold on Maisie caught hold of Emily’s bikini briefs by accident snapping them off and exposing Emily’s peachy bum as she slid slowly down the second ramp. “What am I like” she shouted as she stood knee deep in the treacle.

Maisie hauled herself out of the treacle and pulled herself up the rope behind Emily who was just corpsing with laughter at what had happened. Maisie gave Emily’s bum a big shove as Amber and Katie pulled her onto the platform. Emily rolled over onto her back to show a clean shaven but gungy muff. Maisie pulled herself up the rope just as a load of muddy cascaded onto the 4 girls.

Ellie, London and Rachel ran laughing to the first platform as crew members replaced them. The leggy Ellie topless in a pair of stretch jeans slid down the first ramp and leapt across to the second one as the hoses were turned on her. Rachel pushed London off the first platform into the treacle London sat there in the treacle with her arms folded as Rachel laughing slid down to join her. Rachel offered London a hand up put London pulled Rachel down and dunked her into the treacle before pulling her up by her sports bra and pulling it over her head to expose Rachel’s nice perky breasts. Rachel stuck a load of treacle into London’s afro muff as Ellie reached the top and a load of baked beans crashed down on the girls on the platform and another lot onto London and Rachel. London shoved Rachel up the second ramp and onto the rope and kept pushing her up. The girls pulled Rachel onto the platform as a load of semolina crashed down onto them all. London was very slippy and could get a grip on the rope. “Hold me over the side” Maisie said and the girls lowered her down holding onto her feet and leggings as she tried to pull London up just then however the super deluge of a mixture of recycled gunge crashed down on them all. The girls held onto Maisie’s leggings as Maisie held onto a flailing London.

But somehow Maisie came out of her leggings and as London slipped down the ramp a naked Maisie followed her headfirst as they both went into and under the treacle. London emerged first followed by a spluttering Maisie both totally covered in treacle. “Which is which” Amber shouted. London and Maisie looked at each other and burst out laughing as they were sprayed with feathers. London clambered out of the treacle followed by Maisie who literally shoved her up the rope as the other girls hauled London and then an exhausted Maisie onto the platform as the last deluge of jungle slime hit them all.

“That was ****** mental” London screamed as she hugged Maisie. “Thanks so much to London Hughes, Ellie Taylor, Rachel Parris and our Special Guest Emily Atack” Amber said. “Also a huge thank you to Rosamund Pike, Thandie Newton with Whitney Cummings, Kat Dennings and Beth Behr” Katie said as the 5 ladies waved from the giant cheesecake on the LA beach. “Join us next week for our Corrie special with Ellie Leach, Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell and special guest Samia Longchambon join us with a couple of former faces from the show Tracy Shaw and Faye Brooks” Maisie said. “You weren’t supposed to reveal the last two names they were meant to be a surprise” Amber said pushing Maisie back into the treacle. “I’ll book another one then” Maisie shouted up. “Also Roz and Thandie meet up with Evan Rachel Wood and I’m sure they will” Katie said. “Just one more thing Away We Go” Amber yelled as all the girls slid down the ramp to join Maisie in the treacle.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

Holly: Thank you Brian for being this week’s star of HTV! Everyone else, you can breathe easy, but only until next Saturday, when it could be you!

Wrapping up the HTV segment, Holly leaves the stage and strolls up the aisle separating the rows of audience seating.

Holly: It’s just occurred to me how rude I’ve been, not greeting all my house party guests! How is everyone? Having a good time?

The audience replies in the affirmative.

Holly: Excellent! So am I! You know, I love this time of year – barbecues, beaches, and of course we recently had Fathers’ Day. I hope everyone remembered! [Addresses a young man in the audience] Sir, did you remember Fathers’ Day?

Man: [shifty] I did, yes.

Holly: Glad to hear it! And you, madam? Did you remember Fathers’ Day?

A nervous thirty-something woman hurriedly nods, and is relieved when Holly passes on by.

Holly: And of course, I know that you always remember Fathers’ Day… Gemma Staiton!

A young woman in a light-coloured jumper and glasses, sitting in the row directly in front of Holly, blinks.

Holly: In fact, Gemma Staiton, could you stand up, please? Yes, I’m talking to you, Gamma Staiton! How many Gemma Staitons do you think are in here? [Clicks her fingers] Come on – on your feet!

Gemma looks over her shoulder to confirm that Holly really is referring to her. Reluctant and blushing, she stands up.

Holly: Thank you, Gemma. I think everyone should take a good look at you, because you are something of a model daughter. While some folk are very half-hearted about Fathers’ Day, you’re always willing to go the extra mile. Take, for example, two years ago, when you decided you’d surprise your dad by washing his car!

On hearing this, Gemma issues a desolate groan and buries her face in her hand.

Holly: Oh yes, it’s a heartwarming story. You got up at the crack of dawn to give your dad’s nice new motor a five-star spruce-up. And you decided to give the car a wax treatment using some wax you’d found in the cupboard. Only it wasn’t wax for cars, was it?

Gemma says nothing, continuing to hide behind her hand.

Holly: What kind of wax was it, Gemma? Come on, let’s hear about it!

Gemma: [through gritted teeth] It was leather furniture wax.

Holly: Yes, and it completely ruined the paintwork on your dad’s car. But hey, we all make mistakes; the important thing is facing up to them. So what did you do next, Gemma? Did you go to your dad and say “Sorry Dad, I was trying to give you a nice surprise, but I screwed up”? Or did you put away the car-washing things, sneak back to bed, and pretend you had nothing to do with it? Which of those was it, Gemma?

Gemma: [mumbles] The second one.

Holly: Yes, the second one. And your dad never found out it was you who’d caused the damage, did he?

Gemma: I think he just has.

Holly: Very true, very true! But at the time he thought it was some kind of inherent defect with the car, so he spent months − months! − phoning and writing to the car manufacturer. He even went to Trading Standards over it! The car company insisted they weren’t to blame, and indeed they weren’t, so eventually your dad had to claim for the repair on his insurance, which cost him his no-claims. And throughout all of that – all those months of hassle for your poor father – you never told him what had really happened. You did, however, tell your friend Courtney when you were drunk once, and she’s done the right thing by reporting your bad behaviour to Auntie Holly!

Gemma glares at the gleeful blonde girl who is seated beside her.

Holly: So I have a question for the audience, and especially for all our car-loving dads. Does this young lady deserve punishment?

Audience: YES!!!

Holly: I was hoping you’d say that. Well, I’m pleased to say I have the perfect punishment in mind!

Holly rings a little hand-bell, and down on the stage, part of the wall section revolves to reveal a familiar machine. The audience cheers keenly.

When Gemma sees what it is, her knees buckle and she falls back into her seat.

Holly: Oh yes, it could only be the car wash! [Looks down at Gemma] Don’t know why you’ve sat down again, sunshine! You’re coming with me!

Holly cajoles the horrified girl to her feet and marshals her down to the stage.

Holly: Seat yourself down there, Gemma. Hmm, that jumper and jeans combo’s gonna get a bit heavy. Oh well…

Gemma ruefully eases her bottom onto the chair, while Holly stations herself at a control panel. Facing the audience, Gemma has a quick opportunity to flash another glare up to the blonde companion who set her up, then the chair rotates 90 degrees and jerks forward into the perspex tunnel. Gemma is slightly dampened when she passes through the revolving brushes, but emerges through them largely unscathed, knowing she won’t be staying that way for long.

Holly: Aww bless! Like a frightened rabbit, isn’t she? But I’m afraid punishment is punishment, so let’s begin with a pre-wash…

Holly presses a button. Two jets of soapy foam spray in from either side of Gemma and a sheet of light-blue gunge descends, to loud cheers from the audience. Gemma’s eyes and mouth gape as the frothy combination washes over her.

The gunge downpour abates, while the foam guns give Gemma a few teasing after-squirts. The girl is thoroughly doused in blue and white, and in utter disbelief.

Unlike what usually happens, the car wash does not resume its journey, but remains where it is, inside the tunnel.

Holly: [laughing heartily] Nice one!! The moral of the tale is if you screw up, own up. Or risk being shown up, like Gemma Staiton here! Actually, this sets the scene for tonight’s Grab-a-Grand question: What type of wax did Gemma put on her dad’s car? Was it candle wax? Hair wax? Or furniture wax? The phone numbers are on your screen; give us a call and you could be in the money! But now, the time has come for that much talked-about Gotcha for Piers−

Gemma: [calls] Excuse me! Can I get out?

Holly: [chuckles] Can she get out, she says. Cute! [Turns to Gemma] Honey, that was only the pre-wash! We need to give it some time to soak in before we do the wax treatment, so you can stay exactly where you are!

Gemma’s soapy jaw drops.

Holly: [wkins] She deserves it, folks! We’ll come back to Gemma later, but now it’s Gotcha time, so please give a big welcome to Piers Morgan!!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Tom: “Welcome to a bonus update of Football is Coming Home. With me tonight, as usual, is the lovely Tania!”

Tania: “Thank you Tom. This is just a short and snappy episode, to primarily provide an update on my messy little quiz, called Tania’s Quiz 2”

Tom: “Yes, you’ve really put a lot of thought into the quiz title! Not!”

Tania: “Cheeky!”

Tom: “I think there have been 2 matches played so far in the quiz. Is that correct Tania?”

Tania: “Yes. Chelsea beat Watford 3-0 yesterday evening, and 3 viewers got the exact score so achieved the maximum 40 points for their respective ladies. The other 5 entrants all predicted a home win for Chelsea so they all get 10 points each.”

Tom: “And what happened in the second match?”

Tania: “As expected, champions Liverpool we’re victorious against relegation threatened Aston Villa. All viewers predicted a home win, but only 1 predicted the exact 2-0 scoreline so they get 40 points whilst everyone else gets 10 points each.”

Tom: “Sounds like a high scoring quiz so far. So who’s in the lead at the moment and in line for a particularly messy time on next weeks episode?”

Tania: “The monitor will show the scores as they stand….”

Tania: “….We have 4 ladies all tied in first place with 50 points each – Dua, Sarah-Jane, Alex and Anna. And we have the other 4 ladies all tied in last place with 20 points apiece, so Yvonne, Charlotte, Amanda and Lucy will be breathing a sigh of relief at this stage.”

Tom: “So it’s all to play for with 4 matches to go! I wonder who will come out on top?”

Tania rubs her hands “I do hope it’s Amanda! It would be funny seeing her get all messy yet again! Can you imagine how stroppy she would be!”

Tom: “We’ll see! On yesterday’s episode we put up a vote for viewers to select the mini CSWL match for this week. There was a choice of 6 ladies and their respective teams and I can announce that with 29% of the vote, Susanna Reid was voted to represent her Crystal Palace team in their match against Chelsea on Tuesday evening.”

Tania: “So does that mean I am representing Chelsea?”

Tom: “Correct!”

Tania: “Ok, that doesn’t sound too bad. Chelsea are a good team, aren’t they?”

Tom: “Let me put it this way. I would rather be in your shoes than Susanna’s! In fact, we told Susanna of her impending participation in the CSWL match, and we have a picture of her immediate reaction…”

Tania: “Haha! I think she knows she’s going to lose!”

Tom: “Perhaps, but we also told her what she would be wearing on next weeks show when the messy forfeits are dished out for the loser”

Tania: “Oh yes, and what is that going to be then?”

Tom: “You know we held a vote for the viewers to choose what you would wear on next weeks show.”

Tania raised her eyebrows and lightly tapped her foot on the floor “Yes!”

Tom: “Well, we’re going to get Susanna to wear the same as you”

Tania: “Ok then. What did the viewers vote for?”

Tom pointed to the TV monitor and a graphic flashed up

The audience burst out laughing as Tania let out a wry smile as she saw which outfit had come out on top.

Tania shook her head “Why am I not surprised?”

Tom turned to face the camera “Be sure to join us next weekend for a bumper episode. We will have the results of the semi-finals from the Gunge World Cup. The lady who ‘wins’ Tania’s quiz will get her prize, and we will have the result of the CSWL match between Susanna and Tania. Until then, goodbye!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature.

It was a windy thundery evening. The unseasonal inclement weather for the time of year was keeping people off the streets on this weekend evening. While most taxis were ferrying tourists to hotels throughout the city, one was carrying an Essex woman with long blonde hair to the city centre television station’s studios. When it pulled up outside the large building’s entrance, the driver turned sideways to look at his passenger. “‘Ere you go, love,” he said in a cockney accent. “That’ll be a tenner.”

The curvy blonde woman handed him a folded banknote. “Here you are.”

“Thanks, darling,” replied the taxi driver. “You know, you’re the second lass I’ve dropped off here in the last couple of weeks.”

The blonde shot him an inquisitive glance. “Oh, really?” she asked conversationally.

“Yeah, a right curvy lass she was too,” he commented. “I think she was Mexican, didn’t understand our nicknames for the banknotes and got real embarrassed by it.”

The blonde chuckled. “Oh, the poor thing,” she said just as she reached for the door handle. “Well, bye! Have a good evening!

“You too, love!”

The curvy blonde got out of he taxi and walked up through the building’s revolving door, smiling at the sight of the banners decorating the building which had been modified with still shots from the previous episode. The red-haired receptionist grinned at the curvy blonde reality TV star. “Hi, Sam,” she said in greeting. “D’you like the banner?”

The blonde chuckled. “Just as well I’ll be wearing the same outfit tonight then, Betty!” she laughed. “Anything I need to know?”

“Oh, I heard that the viewer numbers for the other three matches have Yanet in the hot seat for the gunging resulting from that bet you four made,” remarked the receptionist, reaching for the desk phone which had just started ringing.

Sam looked worried at this news. “Well, I hope that it stays that way!” she said hotly. She wanted to avoid getting messy as much as possible. I certainly had enough of it before this season! 

With a wave as she saw Betty put the phone to her ear, the blonde woman pushed open the door of the familiar changing room and found her outfit from the previous episode hanging from a clothes rail in the corner. The scent of steaming hot freshly-brewed tea reached her nose from a teapot sitting on the coffee table. Changing into her outfit for the night’s show, she walked back to the coffee table and poured herself a cup of tea, adding milk and sugar as she liked it. She curled up on the couch and took a sip from her cup.

About this moment, her mobile phone’s strident ringing filled the air and she picked it up and tapped the call answer icon, after seeing the caller ID was that of her sister Billie. “Hey, sis,” she said. “You there with all the girls?”

“Sure am, Sam! You’re on loudspeaker!” came the voice of her older sister. “How do you think tonight’s going to go?”

Sam chuckled. “I can’t wait to find out, Billie!” she laughed. “I wonder was Sarah right with her prediction of a landslide for Bobbi.” This made the other six women burst out laughing.

“So, how is our little bet going?” asked a Mexican-accented voice.

Sam laughed. “Well, Yanet, it’s funny you should ask,” she giggled. “They don’t know the stats for tonight, so, as things currently stand if they stay as they are, you’ll be the one being gunged for a second time during the final.”

“Oh, no!” exclaimed the curvy Mexican brunette. “That wasn’t what I wanted to hear!”

Sam could hear laughter at the other end of the line. “I suppose it wasn’t, Yanet!” she remarked, before glancing at her watch. “Sorry, girls, I gotta go. I’ll need to be on-stage in a couple of minutes.”

“Bye, Sam!” chorussed the other six just before the line went dead as Sam bade them goodbye.

Sam had just put the phone back in her handbag when there came a knock on the door. She left the room and followed the stage-hand to the studio for that evening’s show.

Jaunty jazz music filled the air while the audience cheered their lungs out, as the studio lights’ glare bathed the studio in harsh white light. The familiar logo hung on the back wall. Either side of this were various dunk tanks, booth-like gunge tanks, bathtubs and tables laden with a veritable smorgasbord of pies and buckets of gunge and other gooey substances which made up the rather crazy paraphernalia of Immerse the Nurse. From between the rearmost dunk tanks, and underneath the show’s logo, came the previous episode’s curvy blonde presenter who had a broad smile on her face as she waved to the audience as she walked out to the centre of the stage. She was wearing the same pink satin leotard, tutu, tights and ballet slippers as she had for the previous episode.

After a few moments, she waved her hands in a downwards motion and the audience gradually quietened down. “Hello!” she called out. ” Good evening and welcome to part two of the fourth match of this season of Immerse the Nurse with me, Sam Faiers. Tonight, we find out who goes through to the Quarter Finals and who gets covered in an awful lot of mess. Who are our contestants? They are Cumberland Infirmary’s Bobbi and Countess of Chester Hospital’s Sarah. They’re both waiting backstage, so, let’s meet them once again. Come on out, ladies!”

Bobbi

Sarah

The two nurses in white tunics walked out from behind a dunk tank on the righthand side of the stage. Brown-haired Bobbi wrapped an arm around the waist of redheaded Sarah, who followed her example. They both waved to the audience as they walked over to where Sam stood waiting.

Sam grinned at the two nurses as they both briefly pulled her into a three-way hug. “Welcome back to the show, ladies,” she beamed. “Are you ready for tonight’s festivities?”

Bobbi smiled nervously “I guess I am, Sam!” she shrugged. “I’ve been getting a bit of a ribbing from my friends at work.”

“Oh, weren’t they naughty to be like that!” chuckled Sam. “What about yourself, Sarah?”

The shy redhead waved her hand in a waffling motion. “I’ve been nervous about this all week, Sam!”

Sam put on a fake look of sympathy. “Really? You poor thing! Let’s put you both out of your misery and find out what way the viewing public has voted.”

The large screen blazed to life showing the familiar blue and green pie-chart and descriptive legend. Both nurses gasped when they saw the result displayed on the screen. Less than five percentage points separated the two women.

“Well, well, well,” murmured Sam. “You were right to think it would be close, Bobbi! Sarah, you got the result totally wrong. Congratulations on getting through to the next round.”

Bobbi grimaced in disappointment, while a look of elation crossed Sarah’s face before the redhead commiseratingly hugged the brunette. But while her actions were those of comforting the brunette, the redhead couldn’t stopped grinning.

Sam smiled at the two nurses. “Right, Sarah, why don’t you go and take a seat to enjoy the rest of the show,” she said, turning to the redhead’s brown-haired opponent. “Bobbi, step this way. We’ve swapped our old hat filled with bits of paper, with forfeits written on them, for a roulette wheel, the ‘Wheel of Forfeits’. So step up and give it a spin!”

Looking decidedly uneasy, Bobbi sidled up to the multi-coloured segmented wheel and tugged strongly on it, sending the wheel spinning until it stopped with the pointer aimed squarely at one of the two orange segments. The brunette recoiled in disgust when she read what was written in that segment.

Sam looked at the wheel and raised her eyebrows as she looked at the camera. “Human Nacho?! Someone out there has an interesting imagination!”

Bobbi nervously looked over at the curvy blonde. “What exactly does that mean?”

Sam chuckled. “Bobbi, you know how nachos are made with a base of tortilla chips?” she paused as the brunette nodded. “Well, with this forfeit, you’re about to replace one of those tortillas!”

A look of disgusted comprehension slowly washed across the face of the brown-haired nurse. “That… is just… yuck!” exclaimed Bobbi eventually.

“Really?” enquired Sam. “Sounds rather tasty to me!”

“If you think so, why don’t you join me?” snarled back the increasingly angry nurse.

“Sorry, it’s too early in the series apparently,” retorted Sam cheekily. “I guess it’ll be rather messy. Now, step over to our rather large baking tray. But, before you do, do you want to preserve your tunic?”

“Yeah, I do not want to get this messy,” replied the pretty nurse. She unbuckled her red belt and then unbuttoned her tunic. She then pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her white coloured tunic and let it fall to the ground. This left her wearing just a red and black bra, a matching thong, black suspenders and sheer pale brown stockings. Wolf-whistles rang out from the audience as the nurse showed off her sexy lingerie.

Sam took Bobbi by the hand and led her over to the large tin tray, which actually looked more like a nineteenth century tin bath than a baking tray! The curvy blonde in the ballerina’s dance costume gestured towards the “baking tray” and grinned at the lingerie-clad brunette. “Okay, Bobbi, in you get and our stage-hands can turn you into a delightful Tex-Mex snack,” she said, barely able to keep the laughter out of her voice.

The brunette glared at the blonde presenter before she walked over to the tub and nervously stepped into it and sat down, nervously clasping her hands together in her lap.

Two stage-hands approached the bathtub that Bobbi was sitting in. Each of them then emptied two bags of tortilla chips into the bath, surrounding the lingerie-clad nurse’s legs with them. This was followed up with buckets filled with a mixture of spicy minced beef, onion, peppers and beans. These were liberally poured over the brown-haired nurse and the tortilla chips.

Bobbi quickly found herself and  the tortilla chips covered in the mixed-together meat and vegetables. She squirmed as the warm sloppy topping surrounded her hourglass-figure body. After this, the stage-hands upended buckets of grated cheese into the tub. The pieces of cheese stuck to and partly melted on the meat mixture, giving the brunette nurse a cheesy meaty coating. This was followed by another layer of tortilla chips, which stuck firmly to the meat and cheese covered woman below. A look of disgust twisted the pretty nurse’s features.

Sam chuckled at the nurse’s predicament. “Don’t worry, Bobbi,” she taunted the brown-haired nurse. “They’re not finished yet!”

“Oh, no!” groaned the pretty brown-haired nurse.

Sure enough, the two stage-hands had bent over and picked up another set of buckets  filled with steaming-hot mixed-together minced meat and vegetables. The contents of these buckets were quickly spread over the recumbent brunette, further covering the previous layers of tortilla chips, minced beef, vegetables and cheese. The inside of the bathtub became a sea of brown slop bound together by the stickily semi-molten cheese underneath. Over this mass of very hot tortilla chips, meat, vegetables and cheese, the two stage-hands poured another four buckets of grated cheese. The contents of these melted within seconds of touching the hot meaty sauce that Bobbi was covered in.

The lingerie-clad nurse found herself engulfed in cheesy meaty goodness. The molten cheese was so glue-like, she was barely able to move. A moan of frustration escaped from her lips before she stopped trying to move and lay in her nacho cocoon, gasping in breaths of air. The stage-hands then finished Bobbi’s ordeal off with buckets of bright green guacamole and vibrant red tomato salsa.

Sam surveyed the nurse who had been deluged with Mexican-style food. She whipped out her mobile phone from goodness-knows-where and snapped a couple of photos of the nurse as she lay virtually buried in the vibrantly-coloured mucky food. “I’ll send these to Bobbi as a souvenir,” she joked to the audience. “Doesn’t she look good enough to eat?!”

A mix of groans and laughter reached her ears. Briefly pouting comically, Sam strutted over to the roulette wheel. “Well, I think Bobbi won’t be able to spin the wheel to find out her second forfeit,” she smirked and pointed to where the stage-hands were struggling to extricate the nurse in-question from her cheesy meaty confinement. “So, I’ll do it for her!”

With those words, the busty blonde hostess reached up and gave the roulette wheel a hard pull. A rapid whirring filled the air as the wheel spun. After what seemed like ages to everyone watching, it clicked to a halt, the pointer hovering over a segment blaring the words “Naked Chocolate Bath with Lucy”. Sam looked at the wheel and turned to the camera with a wide grin on her face. “Well, I guess Bobbi’s had the main course,” she giggled. “A ‘Naked Chocolate Bath with Lucy’ sounds like a delicious dessert! However, this means that we’re missing someone. Please, welcome back, Lucy Fallon!”

The platinum blonde actress walked into view wearing the yellow and black-spotted one-piece swimsuit she had worn for the match’s advertisements. She smiled for the cameras as she approached the tutu-clad blonde. She moved in a sexy hip-swaying manner that drew the attention of the camera to her gorgeous arse. She and Sam embraced in a friendly hug when Lucy drew near.

The woman in pink smiled at the other blonde. “Welcome back, Lucy,” she said with a chuckle. “What do you think of this situation? Bit different from Corrie, I’d say!”

The curvy blonde Coronation Street actress gave Sam a look that would have made lava freeze. “I can’t believe this, Sam,” she fumed. “Is there at least one viewer of this show who likes to drag anyone who takes a ‘Healthy Dunking’ back for more?!”

Sam couldn’t help laughing. “That certainly seems to be the case,” she giggled. “Now, however, I believe that both Bobbi and you are over-dressed. So, ladies… strip!”

With a sigh, Lucy slid the straps of her swimsuit from her shoulders and pushed it down her ample curves until it fell to the floor and ended up as a tangled lycra mess around her ankles, which she kicked away to slide across the floor. She quickly covered her tits and shaven muff with her arms while the audience cheered and wolf-whistled. Next to her, Bobbi had peeled her bra from beneath the gluey covering of cheese and meat nacho topping. Taking off her bra caused some of the stringy cheese and meat to come away with it, leaving her chest bare while her head and shoulders remained covered in the yellow, green, red and brown muck. Excavating her thong from under the cheesy slop had a similar effect on her arse and hips and left her trimmed muff momentarily exposed before her hands dived down to cover that area. The whir of rolling shopping trolley castors drew everyone’s attention too a large “marble” bathtub which was pushed into view by three stage-hands. A dark liquid filled the tub almost to the brim.

The rich scent of dark molten chocolate wafted up from the bath’s contents and reached the noses of Sam, Lucy and Bobbi. Sam’s eyes widened. “Wow!” she exclaimed. “That smells like some amazing chocolate! Right, you two, in you get!”

Bobbi and Lucy exchanged a look before Lucy took the initiative and stepped into the chocolate-filled bath and sitting down. She moaned as the chocolate engulfed her arse and muff before rising over her belly and chest. The upper curves of her tits were barely above the surface of the thick, bittersweet, dark liquid which lapped against the blonde woman’s body.

Seeing the effect the chocolate was having on Lucy, the brown-haired nurse stepped into the bath as well. As Bobbi sat down with her back to Lucy’s front, she too couldn’t help letting out a moan of unexpected pleasure at the feeling of the chocolate flowing around her body.

A sly glint came into Sam’s eye. “Ladies, I think you’ve forgotten something,” she taunted the two chocolate bathers, who looked quizzically back at her. “This forfeit-type has a traditional five-second total submersion.”

Bobbi’s eyes nearly popped out of her head on stalks. “What?!” she yelled.

Tucked in behind the busty nurse, Lucy rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms across the meat-and-cheese-covered brunette’s chest and, letting herself fall back into the thick chocolate, dragged her under as well. The two women stayed under the melted chocolate for the required time, Bobbi thrashing around, trying to loosen Lucy’s grip. When the five seconds were up, the two women popped back into view. Chocolate dripped viscously from their faces.

Bobbie half-turned and playfully swatted Lucy’s shoulder. “Did you have to do that?” she asked incredulously.

Lucy grinned, her pearly white teeth shining from her chocolate-covered face. “Seen as you were so hesitant?” she asked rhetorically. “Yes, I did.”

“Why you?!” cried out Bobbi, who then twisted around and lunged at the blonde actress, plunging them both back under the dark fragrant chocolate, which engulfed them both completely once more.

Sam raised an eyebrow at the antics of the two in the bath. “Right, I think I’ll leave them to it,” she commented as the camera swept over the two women wrestling in the chocolate, which periodically splashed out of the bath onto the floor. “And re-join Sarah for the last part of tonight’s show.”

The blonde hostess wandered back across the stage to where the victorious nurse had been sitting and sat down beside her. “So, Sarah, what do you think of what’s happened tonight?” asked Sam cheekily.

Sarah had been waiting for this and rolled her eyes. “It’s been amazing to watch from here, Sam,” she admitted. “I’m very happy to be this far from tonight’s main events butI have to agree with you, Bobbi and Lucy do look good enough to eat.”

Sam chuckled. ” I’m glad you think so!” she laughed. “Now, please, go over to our two roulette wheels to your right and give them a spin. It’s time to find out who will host our next match and who will be taking a ‘Healthy Dunking’.”

The red-haired nurse grinned and walked over to the two vertical roulette wheels. Reaching up to near the top of the wheel that had names written on it first, she gave it a sharp tug and sent it spinning. After a while it stopped spinning, pointing at a name the was very familiar to Sam.

The blonde reality television star laughed. “Oh, dear, my big sister won’t like having her second appearance this early in the season,” she said sarcastically and giggled. “Yes, ladies and gentlemen, hosting our next match will be my older sister Billie Faiers! Crazy what chance can do, isn’t it, Sarah?”

The redhead laughed nervously. “It definitely is, Sam!” she remarked. “I wonder what your sister is going to say to this?!”

Sam groaned, the colour seeming to vanish from her face. “Oh, damn!” she swore. “I’m not going to be able to forget this moment! Anyway, if you spin the second wheel, we can begin to finish up tonight’s proceedings.”

“Gotcha!” grinned Sarah. The victorious nurse turned to the second of the wheels she was standing beside and pulled hard on the upper part of it. The wheel, once more, began spinning rapidly. It finally slowed down, it’s pointer winding up sticking out into the wheel segment emblazoned with the number nineteen.

“Ooohhh!” cooed Sam. “Who is behind number nineteen? You’ll have to wait for the ad for the next match to come out in order to find out. I’m afraid that’s almost all we have time for tonight. Join Billie Faiers next time when she introduces two more nurses and yet another celebrity braves the Healthy Celerity Dunking. So, from the messy Lucy Fallon, tonight’s messy nurse Bobbi, our victorious nurse Sarah and me, Sam Faiers, good night!” With these words Sam waved gaily to the camera as the audience cheered and applauded. The lights dimmed as the camera swept over the on-stage scene, flashing past the clean duo of Sam and Sarah to linger on Bobbi and Lucy who were still wallowing in the thick molten dark chocolate. As the camera swept over the cheering audience, the shot faded to black.

Author’s Note: Well, with Match Four completed, Season Two’s first round has reached the halfway point. As ever, I hope you all enjoyed it and thanks for reading even if you didn’t.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. 

The usual boring bombardment of advertisements for who knows what anymore, as most people have either pre-recorded what they are watching, have browsed something on Netflix or left the room to make a cup of tea, was disturbed by something that caught people’s attention by being a little bit different. The view of those watching at home was of the darkened Immerse the Nurse studio. A single spotlight lit up an area of the stage where an Immerse the Nurse logo had been spread over the floor. The two roulette wheels, which had been used at the end of the previous episode of the show, stood nearby. Beside the logo stood a slender, blonde-haired, medium-busted woman wearing a floor-length white dress with cut-out sections on her shoulders and a plunging neckline which made it rather obvious to those watching that she was not wearing a bra underneath, as the curves of her breasts were visibly through the fabric. This, however, made some of them wonder if she was wearing any underwear at all. Her outfit was rounded out by a pair of strappy black leather high-heeled sandals.

The blonde smiled for the camera. “Hello, I’m Jodie Comer,” she began. “Yeah, you’re all probably rolling your eyes at that line. Anyway, as you may have guessed, I’ve been selected by the roulette wheel behind me to be the next person to take on the challenge of a ‘Healthy Celebrity Dunking’ in the first of the Fifth Match shows. Billie Faiers will return to host the face-off between representatives of Aintree University Hospital, Liverpool and Aberdeen Royal Infirmary. Their fate as always will be down to your votes. Also, as this will be Billie’s second appearance as a host she will be facing the producers’ messy send-off.”

The blonde woman wandered around the stage as the spotlight followed her. “Now, you all know what I’m facing. Depending on your donations, I could be getting messy in anything from the lovely red dress I’ll be wearing when I walk on-stage first to wearing nothing at all. That will be up to you!” she said pointing at the camera. “So, see you in a few days time for more messy antics on Immerse the Nurse. Bye!”

The final shot was of Jodie holding out her hands and squealing in a vain attempt to ward off the six buckets of water that had been hurled over her. In seconds, her hair long blonde hair was plastered to her head, neck, shoulders and back. The deluge of water also turned her white evening dress see-through, revealing her nipples to the world and showing the viewers that she had in fact worn a pair of knickers. Just as everyone watching began to appreciate her look, the shot faded to black.

Author’s note: Here we go again!!! A slightly different to normal poll is below. I wonder will there be any difference in the result. Sorry to those who like to vote multiple times, repeat voting is blocked, so pick wisely. Poll will close at 15:15 GMT tomorrow (3:15 pm GMT, 7/7/2020) 

Author’s Note: This is something a little different that I’ve been thinking of since horseracing in Ireland restarted on the eighth of June. Hope you all like it.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

The sound of birdsong filled the air before a dozen straining thoroughbred racehorses thundered past the camera at full gallop, their riders perched seemingly precariously on their backs.

Katie Walsh

When they had passed, an elegant athletically-built dark-haired woman, dressed in a red trouser suit, matching hat and metallic silver high heels, stepped into view . “Hello,” said the brunette in the red suit. “Welcome to Horseracing Splatstakes. I’m Katie Walsh.”

Katie smiled for the camera as she walked through what was plainly a rather deserted horseracing racecourse complex. “Irish horseracing is currently in the middle of the delayed Flat Season and we’re only twelve days away from the fourth Irish Classic, the Irish Oaks which is the second leg of the Fillies’ Triple Crown and run over a distance of a mile and a half,” continued the red-clad jockey-turned-horseracing pundit, as she walked inside the grandstand. “And we’ve a way for you watching at home to join in the on-course, behind-closed-doors action. There are three little games we’re going to play. Firstly, please, nominate a celebrity. We’ll assign her one of the runners in the Oaks, based on time of nomination, and, depending on where that horse finishes, she may have a messy fate. For example the filly who wins will earn her assigned celebrity a victory sliming!” Katie had to pause as the audience, who were gathered in the stand.cheered.

The dark-haired ex-jockey waited a moment before continuing. “However, the celebrities assigned to the last three finishers will face an even worse mess.”

“Our second game is up to you even more, but features a different race on the same day. Simply nominate a celebrity and pick how far will be between the first and second place finishers in the Comer Group International Curragh Cup. Nominations for these two contests will be accepted until final declared runners are announced on the Sixteenth of July, at which point details of our third game will be revealed. Good luck in your decisions. Incidentally, if more nominations are received for the first game than there are declared runners, then some of the horses will be assigned two celebrities. That’s all we have time for, I’m afraid. Join me on the sixteenth when the runners and their assigned celebrities will be revealed as will the details of our third game. See you then, good night!” A brief fanfare played as the studio went dark.

Author’s note: well here’s a one-off inspired by tomato70’s Horseracing Roulette and modified by me. So just to be clear, if you want to, for Game One; nominate a celebrity and she’ll be assigned to one of the runners in the Irish Oaks. For Game Two, nominate a celebrity and state how many lengths of a horse will be between the winner and runner-up in the Curragh Cup over a mile and three quarters. Game One and Game Two nominations close on the 16th of July.Good luck!

It’s Maisie Smith here what am I like. I only went and gave away that Faye Brooks and Tracy Shaw will be surprise guests on the next Episode of Totty alongside current Coronation Street cast members Ellie Leach, Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell and Samia Longbonkbon thingy why did she have to change her name from Smith!

Anyway I’ve been tasked with finding another Corrie current or former star to join us on the show. So you now have the chance to vote between Natalie Gumede, Tanisha Gorey and Bhavna Limbachia who joins us on Totty for a very messy and naughty time!

Please get your votes in as I’ve got some great gunging ideas lined up and I’ll likely be doing my signature splits in the nude a few times. Plus I’ve got Becky Adlington after me in the series finale as I made fun of her distinguishing feature

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This story follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-11-from-whitby-abbey-and-a-petrochemical-plant-near-middlesbrough-with-special-guests-alice-fevronia-luisa-zissman-chloe-sims-and-bianca-gascoigne/

The six ladies on Celebrity Coach Dip – the four remaining contestants along with host Lizzie Cundy and driver Lucy Robson looked at the four gunge tanks. Each containing a mixture of local delicacy Parmo which had been pureed along with its usual toppings Béchamel sauce and cheddar cheese. Behind each gunge tank was a ladder and the production staff were standing by with replacement buckets.

First of all Alice and Luisa would race against Lizzie and Lucy in a relay to see who could gunge each other the most times in two minutes to gain an advantage in the show’s final for either Alice and Luisa or the winner out of Chloe and Bianca. Chloe and Bianca would then compete in a similar race to see who would advance to the final alongside Alice and Luisa.

Alice and Luisa conferred about tactics. “Who do you think is the quickest out of us?” Luisa said. “Well I go down the gym several times a week” Alice replied. “So do I and running after my 3 girls keeps me active” Luisa said smiling. “I’ll take the first gunging” Alice said. “Fair enough, hope we get as many in as we can. Remember to tip the buckets right up to full the tank back up and then bang the side for the girl seated to pull the lever” Luisa concluded.

“You gunge me first. That gives me more chance to get the tanks refilled as many times as possible” Lucy said to Lizzie. “I thought you’d want to maximize my gungings” Lizzie replied laughing. “No I’m younger and likely a bit quicker we’ll do it this way” Lucy insisted.

Lucy and Alice took their seats in the end two gunge tanks with Lizzie and Luisa stood slightly to the side of the openings. A production crew member sounded the horn and both Alice and Lucy pulled their levers and were deluged with a sticky orange mush. They both sprinted out of their gunge tanks as Luisa and Lizzie took their respective places. Running around the back of their tanks and up a small ladder they signaled for a crew member to hand them their first bucket of gunge and refilled the tank which automatically closed after being emptied. They both signaled for their second bucket and poured that into the tank. Lucy banged her tank slightly ahead of Alice as Lizzie pulled her lever followed a second later by Luisa. Both were covered with the sticky orange mess as Lucy and Alice sprinted back around the tank to swap players. Luisa ducked under Alice and legged it back round the back of her tank. Lucy took a wide route to allow Lizzie a clear run.

Luisa and Lizzie reached the back of their tanks at virtually the same time and got handed their first refill bucket and emptied them into the tank before grabbing their second buckets and tipping them into the tank and banging the sides. Luisa leapt down her ladder her boobs nearly bouncing out of her bikini top as Lizzie virtually kept up with her much younger opponent. Alice and Lucy had pulled their levers to take their second gungings as the first minute neared completion. Alice and Luisa seemed to know exactly which way to move whilst Lucy literally skidded around Lizzie. Alice reached her ladder first and was emptying her first bucket into the tank as Lucy leapt up her ladder and grabbed her first bucket. Alice got her second bucket in and banged her tank just as Lucy was emptying hers in. Lucy banged her tank and the bucket fell down with the gunge hitting Lizzie on the head. “My head” Lizzie screamed as Lucy and her swapped places just behind Alice and Luisa. “Your boobs” Lucy shouted pulling down Lizzie’s top to wind her up. Lizzie sprinted topless her boobs bouncing still not far behind Luisa who was pouring her first bucket into the tank.

Lizzie dumped her first bucket into the tank as Luisa was grabbing her second. Luisa got her second in the tank just as Lizzie was putting her second one in. Luisa banged the tank and Alice pulled the lever for her third gun gunging as the final 30 seconds arrived. Lizzie got her second bucket in and banged the tank sprinting background as quick as she could her boobs bouncing around impressively. Luisa arrived back round the tank a bit quicker than Alice expected but Alice instinctively did a forward roll out of the tank to avoid them colliding and sprinted for all she was worth back around the back of the tank with her thong covered butt cheeks bouncing sexily. Lucy was just behind as Alice reached the top of her ladder grabbing her first bucket and sticking it in and then getting her second one as Lucy emptied her first bucket in. Lucy grabbed her second bucket banging the bottom to empty it quicker the last drop was just coming out as Alice banged her tank just as the horn ended the game and Luisa got gunged for the third time.

Lucy banged her tank right on the whistle so Lizzie got her third dunking. She looked down into the tank and gave Lizzie a wolf whistle. Lizzie pulled her bikini top back up as all the girls gathered around the front of the tank each of them an orange sticky mess. “We are more orange than you babe” Lucy said to Chloe who along with Bianca had been watching intently. “So Alice and Luisa just shaded that game and will get some specified advantage in the final” Lizzie said wiping the gunge out of her eyes.

“Speed looks like being the key” Chloe said to Bianca. “Yep I’ve got my game plan. May the best lady win” Bianca replied hugging Chloe. “Feeling confident B?” Luisa asked Bianca. “Chloe is only 4 years older than me and we are both fairly fit. So making no mistakes will be crucial” Bianca replied. “Best of luck Chloe” Alice said. “Bianca is very fit but I’m going to go steady and try to pressurize her” Chloe replied as both girls took their places in the middle two gunge tanks.

Lizzie sounded the horn and both Chloe and Bianca pulled their levers and the orange mess crashed down onto them. Both sprinted from their gunge tanks around the back and up their ladders. Bianca grabbed her first bucket slightly ahead of Chloe as they scrambled to the top of their ladders. Chloe swiftly emptied her first bucket into her tank as Bianca got her second bucket and poured it into her tank. Chloe got her second bucket and emptied it calmly into her tank as Bianca descended her ladder. Chloe jumped down her ladder and began sprinting back to her gunge tank still slightly behind Bianca. As Bianca jumped into her gunge tank and pulled her lever getting her second gunging Chloe slid back onto her seat and pulled her lever to receive her second deluge.

As the first minute expired Bianca leapt out of her gunge tank and sprinted back around to her ladder. Chloe paused for a second to get her breath before calmly jogging back around as Bianca took her first bucket. Chloe swiftly climbed her ladder and took her first bucket as Bianca reached for her second one. Bianca finished emptying her second bucket just as Chloe took hers. Bianca climbed down her ladder and put on a sprint her boobs bouncing expressively as Chloe emptied her second bucket. Chloe jumped down her ladder and began to sprint very quickly back around as Bianca sat back down and pulled the lever giving herself a third gunging. Bianca was about to exit her gunge tank as Chloe ran into hers and pulled her lever getting her third gunging too.

Bianca sprinted as fast as she could breathing hard as she tried to extend her lead and reached her ladder just as Chloe was exiting her gunge tank. Chloe suddenly made her move and sprinted back around to her ladder as Bianca finished emptying in her first bucket. Chloe took her first bucket before Bianca took her second but Bianca nearly lost her grip just saving her bucket as she began to empty it in the tank as Chloe reached for her second bucket. Bianca concluded emptying her second bucket and slid down her ladder and began to run back but was tiring. Chloe emptied her second bucket, threw it down as she jumped down her ladder with her right boob bouncing half free. Chloe raced back closing on Bianca who rounded her final corner as Chloe had her in her sights.

Bianca threw herself face first onto her seat reaching out for her lever and pulling it just before Chloe who dived and pulled her lever as both collapsed on their seats as the horn blew to end their game. Both were panting as they were deluged with their fourth lot of gunge and slowly got up a bit unsure who had won.

Hugging each other they made their way over to the other girls who were cheering them. “I’m so sorry Chloe but Bianca has just edged you out” Lizzie said. “Plus your right tit is hanging out babe” Lucy chipped in. “And my left one is now babe” Chloe replied pulling her bikini top up and pushing Lucy’s head into her enhanced boobs. “Babe, Babe, Babe” Chloe shouted as Lucy head bounced between Chloe’s boobs. “I’ll miss you babe” Lucy responded removing her head and hugging Chloe.

“You were amazing” Alice said to Chloe. “So close, you were an awesome contestant and a great laugh” Luisa said giving Chloe a warm embrace. Chloe retrieved her bag from the camper van as the girls took a quick comfort break before saying their goodbyes to Chloe and setting off for their final destination.

Lucy programmed the new coordinates into the Sat Nav as she swung the van into gear and revved it up as they waved goodbye to Chloe. “Lucky dip for the tapes” Alice said reaching into the pile of tapes and pulling out “The Best of Tony Christie”. The girls began to sing along as they saw some speed bumps coming up. Without being asked Alice took her top off and they all laughed as her boobs bounced as they went over the speed bumps.

“Who is doing the final mooning” Lizzie asked as she put on “Born with a Smile on My Face” for the final time. !I’ll do it” Lucy shouted putting the van into neutral and pulling her bikini briefs down and sticking her bum out of the window as she stood up and still somehow drove along for a few seconds. “For Christ sake” Luisa screamed as Lucy sat back down. “I’ll do it” Bianca said sticking her gunge covered bum out of the window and pulling her briefs down as they drove along. Lucy sounded the horn and there was a shout from a passing car “Howay it’s Gazza’s girl” as the driver saw Bianca’s bum. All the girls collapsed laughing as Bianca said “I have no idea how”.

After nearly an hours driving the girls reached their final destination the Quayside Newcastle.

They were greeted by a local business leader who gave Lizzie and envelope. She read out “Alice, Luisa and Bianca will all run the Geordie Gauntlet and then the first two ladies home will undertake the Apprentice Initiation which Lizzie and Lucy will also have to complete. Alice and Luisa will have a 5 second head start on Bianca as they won their race in Middlesbrough”

“Sounds fun” Luisa said. “I’m up for it” Bianca added. “Bring it on” Alice concluded as they looked at what lay ahead of them.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. May contain disturbing nineties flashbacks.

Holly: …Piers, thanks for being a fairly good-humoured Gotcha victim, though I fear the swear-word bleeper will be demanding overtime after this. Ladies and Gentlemen, Piers Morgan!

There’s an awkward moment when Piers leans across the coffee table to kiss Holly on the cheek, but then a “Ding dong! Ding dong!” chimes throughout the studio.

Holly: Ooh, saved by the bell! Sorry Piers, you’ll have to kiss me another time! Do help yourself to Wotsits from the finger buffet!

Holly gladly extracts herself from Piers’ company and hurries over to the front door. She opens it to discover model and social media influencer Cara Delevingne, who steps into the Great House in a somewhat agitated state.

Holly: Cara, hi! Enjoying the, uh… [glances down Cara’s very low-cut top] evening breeze, I see. Why don’t you come in and join the party? Piers Morgan’s tackling the finger buffet if you want a chat with him.

Cara: Cheers Holly, but fun and enjoyment are the last things on my mind right now!

Holly: Then you should definitely have a chat with Piers Morgan.

Cara: [twitches a couple of times] Fact is, I’m in a terrible spot of bother!

Holly: [voice turns grave] Oh no! What’s happened, Cara?

Cara: [puts a hand to her forehead] It’s a complete disaster!

Holly: Whatever is it?!

Cara: My phone! I went out and left my phone on the kitchen table!

Holly: [tuts] Oh really! For a minute you had me worried something dreadful had happened!

Cara: It is dreadful! I haven’t been able to post anything on Instagram in nearly three hours! Me! One of the UK’s top Instagram influencers! If I don’t post soon, I’ll slip down the rankings!! Ohh, this is torture – I can’t even see what my rivals are saying about me! [Paces back and forth] How did I let this happen? I never go anywhere without my phone! Even in the bathtub I have my phone on me!

Holly: Ta for the image.

Cara: I need to use yours. Please let me use yours!

Holly: My bathtub?

Cara: [fit to explode] Your phone!!

Holly: Oh sure. You’re welcome to use my phone, but do bear in mind it’s not the latest model. We’re a bit behind the times on technology, here in Crinkly Bottom.

Cara: [hands clasped together, pleading] Where is it?! I must have it! Give it to me!!

Holly: I’ll show you. [Glances over to the car wash] Oh, but first let me check Gemma’s not getting up to any mischief. Turn my back and she might fill Pru’s organ pipes with antifreeze or load coins into the Grab-a-Grand!

Holly strolls over to the car wash, leaving Cara to pace up and down by the front door.

Holly: [pokes her head around the tunnel exit] How you doing in there, Gemma? Is the pre-wash soaking in okay?

Inside, Gemma is still sitting on the ride, looking extremely uncomfortable and fed up.

Holly: Ooh yes, looking good, but I’m not sure we’re quite ready for the wax yet. Sorry, but we can’t rush these things or someone’s car might get wrecked. You’d know all about that, of course!

Cara: [beside herself] Never mind that! I need to use your phone! Oohh, I bet my followers have dropped by several k!

Holly: Coming, Cara! Gemma, I’ll give you a top-up of soap to tide you over.

Holly presses a button on the control panel, causing the foam guns to blast Gemma with a fresh coating. She then returns to Cara.

Cara: Phone! Please!!

Holly: Alright! This way! [Struts out of the front door].

Cara: [stares after Holly] Why you going outside??

Cara breaks out of her stupor and hurries after Holly. The pair of them weave a path through the gardens of the Great House until they come to an iconic piece of street furniture.

Holly: Ta-da!!

Cara: What the hell is that?

Holly: It’s a phone. You can use it to make phone calls – remember them?

Holly opens the door of the phone box and steps back to let Cara view the interior. Cara takes a suspicious step towards the phone box, extremely unimpressed.

Cara: It doesn’t exactly look digital-ready.

Holly: To the contrary, it’s something of a Number Cruncher. [Winks at the camera]

Cara: [steps half inside the box] But does it do Tumblr?

Holly: Certainly. A fair bit tumbles out of there on occasion.

Cara steps fully inside the phone box and gingerly lifts the receiver to her ear.

Cara: Well there’s a dial-tone, at least. Is it a good line?

Holly: It can be a little squelchy.
[Perusing Cara’s low-cut top again, she breaks character to murmur] Hope you’re well taped in, love, or OfCom will have us for breakfast. …But Cara, there’s one thing you have to watch out for with this phone.

Cara: What’s that?

Holly: Sometimes the call gets dropped!

Holly scurries away as three torrents of red gunge – the same scarlet shade as the phone box – surge down from a compartment at the top. Cara, still holding the receiver, screams. With a central torrent nailing her head, while two side ones take her back and shoulders, the stylish model is soon covered from head to toe in the bright red gunge.

Holly: Oh no!! It must have been a nuisance call!

Cara lets the phone dangle and her body slump, continuing to pant from the shock. Fortunately for the show’s regulatory standing (but unfortunately for many viewers), her top has held in place, though a large amount of gunge has slipped its way inside.

Holly: [takes a smartphone from her pocket and snaps Cara] That’ll be a great one for your Instagram!

Cara: [eyes widen] A phone! You’ve got a proper phone! Give it to me!

Cara lunges after Holly’s phone, but Holly closes the door of the phone box, trapping Cara inside.

Holly: Uh-uh! Don’t want you getting gunge on this beauty! Hmm, think we better reverse the charges!

The phone box starts to rotate. Cara bangs a red hand against the panes, while her eyes stay locked on Holly’s phone.

Holly: Ladies and gentlemen – Cara Delevingne!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This story follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/07/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-12-from-a-petrochemical-plant-near-middlesbrough-and-newcastle-quayside-with-special-guests-alice-fevronia-luisa-zissman-chloe-sims-and-bianca-gasc/

Alice Fevronia from Great British Bake Off and media personalities Luisa Zissman and Bianca Gascoigne were stood on the Newcastle Quayside alongside show host Lizzie Cundy and their celebrity driver golfer Lucy Robson. All the women were covered in gunge and were wearing thong bikinis. Alice, Luisa and Bianca looked at the Geordie Gauntlet which lay ahead of them.

“Alice and Luisa get a five second headstart as per the last challenge. But this will be a trying and very messy course for the three of you to run. So Bianca will have plenty of chance to make the time up” Lizzie said as they all began to walk the course. “First of all you will wade through a pool of Newcastle Brown Ale. You will then have to run through a shower of chip shop batter before crawling through a tunnel as you are covered in Saveloy Dip fat and then sit in a gunge tank and get covered in Saveloy Dip sauce before wading through a mixture of pureed Greggs pasties and Stottie Cake before you enter the night club by removing your bikini top and pulling the lever of the gunge tank to cover yourself in blended Pease Pudding” Lizzie added. “I put the nightclub bit in as the Geordie lasses wear even less than us” Lucy piped up.

“Is everyone fine doing this gauntlet?” Luisa asked. The three girls nodded. “Will we get our bikini tops back?” Alice asked. “Eventually” Lucy replied as the ladies walked back to the start of the course. “Alice and Luisa you will go on my first whistle. Bianca you will go on my second whistle” Lizzie said. “When Lizzie bends over we all see her whistle” Lucy added. “Typical an important part of the show and you poke fun at me” Lizzie replied. “Do you think Lizzie would make a good Geordie Girl B?” Luisa asked Bianca. “No we have standards” Bianca replied. “You are cruel to Lizzie she is far too old to be a Geordie Girl” Alice suggested. “Okay fair enough, we’ve all poked fun at Cundy” Lizzie concluded as the girls clapped her.

Alice and Luisa braced themselves to start as Lizzie put her whistle to her mouth and blew. They both sprinted to the large garden pool full of brown ale as Bianca prepared to set off. Lizzie blew the whistle releasing Bianca as Luisa climbed into the pool and began to wade near waist high deep across it. Alice threw herself headfirst into the pool and came up spluttering as she swam the short distance across it. Bianca rolled into the pool as Alice and Luisa were clambering out both dripping wet with brown ale glistening off their athletic bodies. They sprinted on towards the overhead showers of chip shop batter as Bianca crawled out of the pool beginning to close slightly.

Virtually neck and neck Alice and Luisa sprinted screaming through the chip shop batter showers both had a tick white covering on them as they got to their tunnels whilst Bianca skidded through the shower still closing slightly. Alice dived onto her knees and began to crawl through her tunnel as smelly Saveloy Dip fat was emptied on her through openings in the tunnel by crew members. Luisa wasn’t far behind but screamed when the rancid fat hit her right in the face. Bianca dived into her tunnel and began to power through as Alice came towards the end of hers with Luisa in the middle. Alice emerged covered in greasy fat and almost slipped running to her gunge tank. Luisa emerged visibly gagging but running pushed her matted hair out of her eyes as Bianca emerged maybe only 3 seconds behind now.

Alice sat down splat in her gunge tank as fat splashed off her bum cheeks but she calmly waited as Saveloy Dip Sauce cascaded down onto her. She paused for a second to wipe her eyes and catch a breath before setting off again. Just as Luisa leapt into her gunge tank her magnificently enhanced breasts nearly bouncing into her face as she was obliterated with the thick sauce. Bianca panting heavily crashed onto her seat and was drenched in the gravy like sauce as Luisa set off after Alice who had now opened up a couple of seconds lead.

Alice came to another large inflatable pool filled with pureed Greggs pasties and Stottie Cake and literally dived in headfirst emerging totally covered as she waded through the thick clingy mush. A low beam had been put at virtually gunge level across the pool and Alice holding her nose disappeared under the mush as Luisa climbed in the pool followed by a closing Bianca now only about two seconds down. Alice finally emerged from under the mush and literally rolled out of the pool. Luisa stopped to duck under the beam and lost a bit of momentum as Bianca took a deep breath and almost crawled through the mush and quickly got under her beam. Luisa climbed out with Bianca only about a second down.

Alice ran down the course pulling her bikini top off as she came to a door frame manned by a security guard who on accepting her top stuck a huge pie made of Greggs Custard Slice Custard in her face. Luisa was running steadily as she literally ripped her bikini top off her boobs bouncing magnificently. Bianca powered on almost level with Luisa as she pulled her top off too. Luisa reached her door and screaming took a huge pie in her face and on her boobs. Bianca nearly knocked her Security Guard over as she ran into her pie full force.

Alice was sprinting the last 50 metres as her boobs bounced naturally up and down and the crowd cheered. She looked back and had time to almost smile as she powered onto her final gunge tank. Breathing heavily she sat down and pulled the lever and punched the air as she was deluged in thick yellow Pease Pudding mixture. She slumped down and looked back as Bianca and Luisa sprinted nearly neck and neck their enhanced chests bouncing to the cheering crowd with gunge flying off them as they both neared the end.

For a moment Bianca looked as if she might be ahead but Luisa went back in front as Bianca’s earlier efforts perhaps caught up with her. Both entered their gunge tanks almost equal as Bianca sat down and reached for her leaver but Luisa dived reaching up for her lever and pulled it possibly just before Bianca. Luisa’s momentum made her and her chair crash into the back of her gunge tank and she lay there in a heap as she was covered in the yellow mush as Bianca sat there totally knackered taking her final gunging of the game.

Alice looked into Luisa’s tank and helped her up. “Are you okay she asked?” “Apart from being covered in loads of crap and having my tits out I’m ****** great” Luisa replied collapsing into Alice’s arms panting heavily. Bianca heaved herself out of her gunge tank and wiped her eyes as suddenly Lizzie and Lucy threw a couple of buckets of cold water over them to coo, them down and clean them up a bit. They all watched the replay on a monitor and it was confirmed that Luisa had just shaded it.

“I’m gutted for you B” Luisa said still panting. “You so deserved to be in the final” Lucy added. “So sorry to lose anyone at this stage” Lizzie said hugging Bianca. “You were awesome today, you’ve been amazing on the show. Such a great laugh too” Alice concluded.

“Look Alice has put in hell of a stint on this show and Luisa is one of the most entertaining and devil may care ladies I could ever meet. They deserve to be in the final. I want you to give me a Geordie Night Out send off” Bianca said nodding towards the Tyne River.

“We cannot really do that” Lizzie said. “I go in or you do” Bianca retorted. “Let’s do both” Lucy said as she grabbed a screaming Lizzie whist Alice and Luisa walked over with Bianca. To cheers Alice and Luisa pushed Bianca into the river. Whilst Lucy let go of Lizzie on the edge of the bank.

“We’ll have a bit of a breather then we all do the Apprentice Initiation. First of all Lucy and myself do it and then Alice and Luisa compete to see who will be the inaugural winner of Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip” Lizzie said. “A Celebrity Dip” my pleasure Lucy said pushing Lizzie into the river alongside a laughing Bianca. Lizzie screamed as she hit the water and emerged with a furious look on her face as Bianca swam back to the bank pulling her along.

I’m thinking of doing another version of this as there were a lot of places suggested to visit originally and I can potentially do one in each of the other home nations. There are lots of reality show stars and Z-Listers I have in mind. Also ideas for new hosts or contestants would be welcome. I’m looking for slightly obscure suggestions and not the TV regulars such as Holly, Rachel Riley etc. If I did a Scottish version someone like Heather Suttie might host it for example.

Any suggestions of naff places to visit, fun gunging ideas, people to feature please post below. The original suggestions are all saved, so I’d certainly use them so no need to repost them guys

If there is interest in this then I’ll look to kick off another series shortly

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/07/07/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-13-from-newcastle-quayside-with-special-guests-alice-fevronia-luisa-zissman-and-bianca-gascoigne-contains-chance-to-vote-on-the-series-winner/

Lizzie Cundy was helped out of the River Tyne with the topless Bianca Gascoigne getting out behind her. “Why did you push me in?” she demanded to a laughing Lucy Robson “I don’t know ?” Lucy replied. “Maybe to see if the Witch floated?” Luisa Zissman chipped in. “I suppose you thought it was funny too?” Lizzie asked a giggling Alice Fevronia “It did make me smile” Alice admitted. “Well see if this makes you laugh?” Lizzie replied picking up Luisa and Alice’s bikini tops they had discarded in the previous game and throwing them into the Tyne.

“It doesn’t bother me” Luisa said pushing her gunge covered boobs up into Lizzie’s face. “I really don’t want to compete the final topless” Alice said. “Oh come on you’ve had your boobs out up Emley Moor Mast and in Newcastle no-one will bat an eyelid” Lucy said. “Here I’ll join you as a show of solidarity” she added taking her bikini top off and throwing it into the Tyne to put her stupendous breasts on display. “I think Lizzie should do so too” Alice said. “No way after I got thrown in the Tyne. I need to maintain some dignity” Lizzie replied. “You’ve got three choices, you remove your bikini top, we remove your bikini top or we throw you into the Tyne after we remove your bikini top if you moan” Luisa said joking. “We could throw her into the Tyne naked?” Lucy suggested.

“That’s a good idea?” Bianca piped up as she was watching from the side. “You are out of the game now” Lizzie yelled at her. Suddenly Luisa and Alice grabbed Lizzie as Lucy yanked her bikini top off and threw it triumphantly into the Tyne. Just as they were considering what to do with Lizzie they heard a familiar voice. “Babes” said Chloe Simms as she walked up still messy and in her bikini after she had left the show in Middlesbrough an hour or so earlier.

“I’m here to help with the final. I think I’m overdressed though” she said looking at the other ladies all topless in their thong bikini bottoms. “Take your top off and throw it in the river then” Alice said. “Only if you ask me nicely” Chloe replied mocking what Lucy used to say to her. “Okay Chloe compute this with your lonely little brain cell, behind all the cow fat you’ve had pumped into your lips, the amount of bum lifts you’ve had second only to Lizzie, the amount of times you’ve had your starfish bleached, the amount of times you’ve been shagged up against a wall in the Sugar Hut, take your top off and get those balloon pumped tits out again. Please!” Lucy said. Chloe thought for a second and said “As you said please, okay then babes” and burst out laughing as she took her top off and threw it in the Tyne. “That was ****** brutal” she added to Lucy as she hugged her knowing that Lucy was only sending her up.

The production crew spoke to Lizzie and she groaned. “Okay ladies it is now time for the Final of Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip. Alice and Luisa will compete for the title in Apprentice Initiation. A game based on the brutal initiations that Apprentices used to face many years ago. Lucy don’t you dare say anything” Lizzie said. “Didn’t some apprentice once die when an air compressor was stuck up his bum?” Alice asked. “Yes that’s how Lizzie got her boobs inflated” Lucy added. “Right apparently Lucy and myself demonstrate the first part of the game before Luisa and Alice run the full course in the Final. They will need to choose which two out of Bianca, Chloe, that bitch ( pointing to Lucy) and myself help each of them. As Alice won the Geordie Gauntlet she gets the first pick” Lizzie said.

“I’ll pick Lucy” Alice said. “I’ll pick Chloe as she is fresher and B has done a lot of running today” Luisa said. Alice stood there thinking and said “I’ll take B to stop Lizzie throttling Lucy”. “I’ll have the vintage wine which is Lizzie Cundy as both improve with age” Luisa concluded.

“Okay let’s get this underway” Lizzie said as she and a grinning Lucy walked to the start of the Apprentice Initiation. “You lost in an Apprentice final didn’t you?” Alice asked Luisa. “I finished runner up like you did on The Great British Bake Off” Luisa replied. Lizzie groaned as she saw the first part of the task. There were two big buckets of Lanolin grease. “We have to be covered in this by our team members” Lizzie said as Bianca picked up a big handful and smeared it into her face and messy hair. Luisa took another huge handful and rubbed it into Lizzie’s boobs. Lucy took a huge handful and stuck it down the front of Lizzie’s bikini briefs as Alice covered Lizzie’s butt cheeks. Soon Lizzie was totally covered in the grease like a Channel Swimmer. The girls then covered a laughing Lucy in the grease before they moved onto the next part.

Two sacks of flour were suspended from a support. “The girls will need to use those spears to cut the bags open but we’ll demonstrate with” Lizzie said as Lucy and Bianca both dumped a bucket of flour over her head and Chloe threw another one right in her face. Alice emptied the final bucket of flour over Lucy. “There was supposed to be two each” Lizzie protested. “I respect my elders” Lucy replied

They walked onto the next part and Lizzie groaned again there were two bathtubs full of treacle. “Each girl will need to submerge themselves in this” Lizzie said. “Like this” Lucy replied jumping into the bath and disappearing under the treacle to emerge totally covered in the thick black substance. “Okay we can move on” Lizzie said. “No way you do it too” Luisa insisted as Chloe and Bianca lifted a screaming Lizzie into the treacle and dunked her under it a few times. Lucy had climbed out of her bath and went to help Lizzie out of hers but deliberately fell back into it with her. They rolled about in the treacle with Lizzie screaming but beginning to laugh. “Look at the ****** state of us” she shrieked.

“Look what’s coming next” Lucy said pointing to a pool filled with feathers as they were both helped out of the treacle. “For **** sake” Lizzie screamed waving her fist at the laughing production crew with a resigned look on her face. “Come on, let’s do it together” Lucy said as she took Lizzie’s hand and they ran laughing to the pool and threw themselves into it and started rolling around. They both emerged covered in feathers. “Okay I’m a scrawny old bird” Lizzie said as Lucy began to make arm flapping gestures and they walked onto the next part.

Two barrels padded out but filled halfway up with rotten fruit were there. “Alice and Luisa get into the barrels and are rolled down to that marker” Lizzie said pointing to about 50 metres away “Then they are rolled back to there” she said pointing to a marker about 25 meters away. “The girls then get out and sprint all the way back” she went on as she walked past the various initiation parts. “Until they reach here where their team members must chuck them in there” Lizzie concluded pointing to another pool full of all the recycled gunge from the earlier game and topped up with stuff from the final game. “Like this” Lizzie said as she and Chloe picked up a laughing Lucy and chucked her in. Alice and Bianca then picked up a screaming Lizzie and threw her in. Lucy began to wrestle Lizzie in the mush and when Lizzie finally struggled up Lucy pulled her thong bottoms down put Lizzie was so messy no-one could see anything. Lizzie pulled her bottoms back up and pushed Lucy backwards into the mess one final time.

Wiping her eyes Lizzie said “Is everyone okay with the rules”. All the girls nodded. “Okay let’s play the final” Lizzie added. Alice and Luisa lined up on the start line with Lucy and Bianca and Chloe and Lizzie respectively waiting for them by the Lanolin grease. A horn was sounded and both girls sprinted to the area. Lucy and Bianca rubbed handfuls of the grease onto Alice. Lucy did the front and Bianca the back. Typically Lucy stuck a load down Alice’s briefs. Chloe and Lizzie calmly applied the grease to Luisa who screamed “faster, faster” as Lizzie stuck a load in her face.

Both well greased up slid onwards to under the flour. Picking up their spears they jabbed at the sacks without much initial success. Finally Alice split her sack as flour began to pour onto her but Luisa split her sack wide open and was drenched in a cloud of flour as Alice eventually succeeded in opening hers completely.

Taking a slight lead Luisa ran onto her bath of treacle and climbed in and submerged herself completely. Alice dived headfirst into her bath as both girls emerged a sticky black mess at the same time. They sploshed onto the pool of feathers neck and neck both diving in and emerging the other side totally covered at the same time.

They ran as fast as they could onto the barrels. Lucy and Bianca lifted Alice into hers before tipping it onto its side and beginning to role in down the course. Whilst Chloe and Lizzie had already tipped theirs on it’s side so Luisa could clamber in and they set off in hot pursuit. Lucy and Bianca were trying to go as fast as they could and Alice’s barrel went a slightly zig zag route. Whilst Chloe and Lizzie went more steady with Luisa’s barrel in a straighter line. Alice’s barrel reached the end of the course first but Lucy instinctively tried to turn it around whilst Chloe pushed Luisa to a standstill with Lizzie going on ahead slightly ready to start the journey back. This tactic worked as Luisa’s team took a slight lead but Lucy rolled like a woman possessed as Bianca began to almost lag due to her huge efforts earlier in the day. “Sprint to the end B” Lucy screamed knowing Bianca needed to be at the finish with her. Bianca ran on as Lucy pushed the barrel the last 5 metres or so on her own.

Lizzie had gone on ahead slightly to the end of the barrel roll but that was to help pull Luisa out of the barrel ASAP. Both barrels stopped almost at the same time as Lizzie helped Luisa out Lucy literally dragged Alice from her barrel. Both Luisa and Alice were covered in rotten fruit as the sprint to the end began. “Go” Lucy screamed to Alice as she began the sprint. Bianca was a fair way back and turned around to encourage Alice on. Lizzie and Chloe ran with Luisa all in tandem. It was neck and neck as they passed the start of the barrel roll. Lucy had waited back slightly sprinted strongly catching up with Alice screaming “Come on”.

The race was still tight passing the various parts of the initiation challenge. Luisa and Alice were so mucky that the other girls almost had to go at their pace but there were several pairs of boobs all bouncing almost in unison. Eventually Alice and Lucy caught up with Bianca as they passed the Lanolin grease area and entered the last 25 metres heading towards the final pool. It was still too close to call. In the final 10 metres Lucy screamed” Pick her up now” Lucy and Bianca grabbed hold of Alice as they approached the pool and threw themselves forward projecting Alice forward. Meanwhile Lizzie and Chloe almost suplexed Luisa forward towards the pool. Alice went headfirst into the pool as Luisa was projected backwards into it whilst Lucy and Bianca’s momentum also took them hurtling into the mush.

Alice emerged first her arms in triumph as Chloe and Lizzie slumped against the side of the pool exhausted. Luisa then emerged spluttering and looked over at Alice a couple of metres in front of her. Bianca then emerged right by Luisa’s feet before Lucy finally emerged right at the other side of the pool. Lizzie looked at the reply screen and said “Alice you just won it. You are the Queen of Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip”. Alice screamed in triumph and hugged Luisa as Lucy and Bianca pulled Lizzie and Chloe into the pool. All the girls hugged and congratulated Alice and applauded Luisa. “Well there is just one more dip for our winner Alice Fevronia to take” Lizzie said as they all climbed out of the pool and she pointed to the River Tyne. “Let’s make this spectacular” Lucy said pulling down Alice’s thong bottoms before removing her own. Suddenly Luisa, Chloe and Bianca pulled down Lizzie’s thong bottoms. Alice and Lucy each took one of Lizzie’s arms and they ran screaming with her and all jumped into the river followed by Luisa, Chloe and Bianca.

They all emerged from under the water spluttering. “Congratulations to Alice, thanks to our runner up Luisa, Bianca, Chloe and all our other contestants. Lucy Robson I hate you and love you. It’s goodbye from Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip” Lizzie concluded as Lucy ducked her under the water.

The End

Our tale starts looking out upon the floor of a lively nightclub. A pretty typical scene, teens and young adults in their best clothes, DJ doing her best to keep the energy up. For our story though we need to ignore the hustle and bustle and look around the edges. Sitting at one of the tables on her own we find a rather plain looking girl, mid length charcoal hair, plain flat black shoes, and a modest burgundy dress, sitting their looking a little tired. Thankfully it doesn’t look like she’ll just be sitting their for long, she’s approached by a youthful and pretty looking brown skinned Asian girl in a smart blue and gold dress.

“Come on Eva” says the Asian girl. “It’s Saturday night, and your 21st birthday in 5 days. You want this to be one to remember.”
“Sorry Mai” replies Eva. “I’m just not feeling it tonight.”
“Come on, I’m worried about you” says Mai. “You’ve not chilled out once recently, it’s all university or day job.”
“This just doesn’t feel like my scene” says Eva. “I only ever seem to end up dancing on my own.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen tonight” smiled Mai. Have you not noticed that hot vamp boy who’s been eyeing you up all evening?”
“No” answers Eva.
“Well he’s coming this way” answers Mai.

Our attention now should turn to a rather debonair young man, with jet black hair, wearing a vintage suit, who is indeed approaching our two lady friends.

“Hi, I’m Richard” he says.
“I’m Mai, and my friend here is Eva”
“Charmed” says Richard, gently stroking Eva’s hand. “Can I buy you two beauties a drink?”

The more observant of you might notice a subtle look from Mai to Eva, almost to say don’t screw this up, luckily she gets the first question right with a yes. Before this joyous unity can continue an unwanted interruption has the audacity to inject itself in to proceedings.

“Hi there. I’m Mandy”

Our unwelcome interruption is blonde, and wearing white stilettos and a tight pink, pvc effect dress that leaves little to the imagination. Her heavy make up sort of makes her attractive, if deeply artificial is your thing.

“Do I know you?” Asks Richard.
“Everyone should know me honey” replies Mandy, draping herself around Richard, despite his indifference. Seeing this Eva gets up and walks off, Mai gives Mandy an evil look before going after her.

“Looks like it’s just you and me” smiles Mandy.

The details of what happens next are rather trivial, and predictable, so I won’t bore you with them, you can fill in the blanks I’m sure, so lets skip forward a couple of hours. We find ourselves in a wooded area in another part of town. When looking just off one of the paths we can see some old gravestones randomly placed on the ground among the trees and weeds, dimly lit by the moonlight. As our view shifts we see a dirt path running through this beautifully creepy place. Sadly the ambiance is broken by a rather out of place individual in pink.

“Richard where are you?” demands Mandy. “I thought we were just sneaking in here for some privacy, not to go on some weird ass creepy ghost hunt.

Mandy struggles a little further, stumbling in her stilettos on the less than even ground, before coming to a halt.

“You know what, screw it” she cries. “I’m leaving. Enjoy your weird games without me. Hey!!”

As we look down we see the source of Mandy’s surprise. A thick vine has wrapped itself around Mandy’s right ankle. Suddenly another vine snaps out, wrapping itself around her left ankle, then another around her waist, then one wrist then another, pulling tight and holding her in place.
As she struggles we see a silhouette appear further down the path. At first it looks like Richard, but as it slowly approaches we can observe a metamorphosis. The silhouette gets taller, morphing in to a more buxom feminine shape. As the silhouette becomes clearer we see a new apparition. She is wearing a tight leather corset, which barely contains her ample cleavage, the black leather continues below her waist, where she wears a black leather thong, and thigh high boots, with 5 inch stilettos. Her skin is pale and blemish free, she has blood red lips, and dark purple eye shadow. She has long strait jet black hair, with a red streak on one side. She holds a long mahogany coloured staff, with a skull carved at one end.

“What?” stammers Mandy. “What are you?”
“Well you’ve been calling me Richard all night, but the name I usually prefer is Ruby?”
“What do you want? Let me go” replies Mandy.
“Hey, you started it” smiles Ruby. “You’re the one who interrupted me when I was trying to introduce myself to my new friends.”
“I was just saying hello” claims Mandy.
“Really! Laughs Ruby. “If that was your hello what do you do with someone you really fancy?”
“So what?” Says Mandy, “why can’t I flirt with someone if I like?”
“Oh come on” laughs Ruby. “You only started flirted with me when you saw me go up to another girl. Would your fragile ego not let you accept your not everyone’s first choice.”
“Come on” screams Mandy. “You were talking to a total loser. I was doing you a favour taking you away from her.”

There’s a brief pause as Ruby studies Mandy, an mischievous smile on her face.

“I knew exactly who I was trying to talk to” smiles Ruby, “and now, any chance I’d show you any mercy has now gone. What should I do to you?”

There’s a pause again as Ruby looks at Mandy, a whimsically evil smile on her face.

“Oooo, I think a portal between here, and a fun place I know in the spectral realm should do the trick” says Ruby.

From our viewpoint we see the stunning Ruby raise her staff in the air. A flash of light shoots out of it, coming to a stop above where Mandy is secured. As the flash fades a torrent of white liquid pours from a portal. We see Mandy as she desperately struggles to escape the vines holding her. It’s to no avail though as the liquid pours down on her, soaking her hair, and pouring down her body, seeping in to her dress. Her previously pristine hair becomes ragged and matted, her already tight dress clings even tighter at some point, but at others we see lumps forming as the liquid gets trapped beneath her clothes. Mandy starts gasping, forced to tilt her head down to ensure she can breath, causing much of the liquid to flow down her back and arse.
It’s a good 40 seconds or so before the portal closes and the torrent ends. We see a bedraggled looking Mandy gasping for air, and coughing as she wretches at the smell.

“What was that” gasps Mandy.

“Milk that‘s been left out, and as you can probably smell has gone seriously off” replies Ruby. “The Demon’s in the ironic punishment division have a whole pit of it, which they sometimes use to punish one of your former prime ministers. I’m sure they won’t mind me borrowing some.”
“Oh my God” cries Mandy. “Your in so much trouble! Just wait until my Daddy hears what you’ve done”.
“Oh, I’ve dealt with much worse” muses Ruby. “Your right about one thing though. There would be trouble if word of this got out. I’ll have to keep you here for a bit.”

With that we see Ruby raise her staff again. A beam comes out, and creates a transparent orb around Mandy, and lifts her off the grown. She struggles in vain as she is moved along the path, until she comes out in a large clearing, where there are numerous headstones and statues, and a large mausoleum building. The door of the mausoleum creaks open, allowing for Mandy to be carried inside, before the door closes behind her.

“Help” is the muffled cry from Mandy.
“Oh don’t waste your breath” replies Ruby. “I’m going to put a perception filter up, so no one, or at least no one human will hear you anyway.”
“You can’t just leave me here” cries Mandy.
“Oh, you’ll be let out in a few days” says Ruby. “I’ll make sure you get some food and drink, and if your good I might provide you with some entertainment as well. Until then I don‘t want you interfering with my plans.”

So as the fiery red sun peaks it’s way over the horizon we leave this scene. Looks like Mandy’s not going anywhere for a while, but with our succubus friend having big plans in store, who knows what‘s going to happen next.