Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/10/totty-episode-4-part-1-with-fallon-sherrock-katarina-johnson-thompson-dina-asher-smith-johanna-konta-and-naomie-harris/

“Welcome back to Part 2 of Totty, Don’t forget next week it’s our funny girl special when we’ll be joined by Ellie Taylor, London Hughes, Rachel Parris and Special Guest Emily Atack. The week after we have a Coronation Street theme when Ellie Leach, Julia Goulding, Alexandra Mardell and special guest Samia Longchambon. The week after that it’s an Emmerdale episode with Eden Taylor-Draper, Isabel Hodgins. Roxy Shahidi, Fiona Wade and Rosie Bentham. And then it’s our end of season spectacular featuring Amy Louise Hickman, Harpz Kaur, Saffron Barker, Sarah Keith-Lucas and our special guest Louise Redknapp” a smiling Katie Thistleton said. “No-one that special on Emmerdale then” Maisie Smith chipped in. “Fallon Sherrock, Katarina Johnson- Thompson and Dina Asher-Smith are still here” Amber Smith added as the camera showed the 3 topless and gunge covered sports women were shown waving. “How come we are all topless and messy bar you Katie?” Amber asked. “Well I’ll be playing a game of very messy tennis with our Special Guest Johanna Konta soon and she has promised to get very naughty so I may well decide to follow” Katie giggled.

“Lets hook up with Thandie and Rosamund who are on an LA beach with Miss Moneypenny herself Naomie Harris” Maisie said.

They linked over to Rosamund in her regular pink bikini and Thandie as often topless in her black bikini bottoms.

“Got the tits out early as usual Thandie” Amber shouted. “Yes mine are certainly better than any of the sports ladies you’ve got on the show” Thandie replied joking. “Our muffs are hairier though” Dina shouted back. “Well drop your briefs or leggings and we can play the Hair Bear Bunch Theme over it” Rosamund said. “I’m setting that as a challenge” she added. “Anyway I can see Naomie Harris approaching” Thandie said as she looked out into the sea and saw Naomie in a very sexy yellow bikini sat laughing on a large inflatable pink flamingo.

“Sat with your legs open and something big and pink between it, usual day’s work for you, Naomie” Rosamund shouted. “It reminds me of your partner actually” Naomie replied. “I wondered where he had got that STD from last year” Rosamund fired back as Naomie gasped with laughter as she got off the flamingo and ran over to greet the ladies. A table of buckets, jugs and fun stuff was behind them.

“You’d better have some natural yogurt as that helps with stuff like that” Thandie said and emptied a bucket of the white yogurt over Naomie’s head. It ran down her face and her afro hair with some modest extensions and then down over her dark athletic body. “I’m told this is popular” Naomie said and began to sensually rub it into her body. “You’d better have a bucket too” Thandie added and tipped another bucket of natural yogurt this time over Rosamund’s light brown hair. Rosamund likewise rubbed it in and rubbed bikini top boobs with a giggling Naomie.

Rosamund looked at Thandie and said “Your boobs are beginning to sag a bit” “She said Don’t Tell him Pike when Thandie’s husband asked her about it” Naomie chipped in. “Only one way to find out” Rosamund said as she and Naomie turned Thandie upside down and dunked her head first into a bucket of baked beans. “They do sag a bit but she is 47 and got a few miles on the clock” Naomie said. “She’s spent many miles on many cocks” Rosamund replied as they pulled Thandie’s head from the beans and dunked her back in it again.

“Definitely an A List Slapper just like us” Rosamund said as they dunked Thandie’s head into the beans again. “Yes, she’s up there with us but with a bit more mileage” Naomie added as they dunked a laughing Thandie’s head into the beans again and then sat her back up the right way allowing the beans to run down her dusky toned body. Rosamund dropped and apple smack onto the top of the bucket. “Just checking the Laws of Gravity as a Newton discovered that” Rosamund added as Thandie sat there with the bucket still on her head.

“You’ve been in some sticky situations in the Bond films so you should enjoy this” Rosamund said tipping a bucket of Maple Syrup over Naomie’s head. As if she was having a shower Naomie rubbed it into her hair and slowly and sensually into her toned body. “Lets see some great black boobs” Naomie said laughing and removed her yellow bikini top and exposed her impressive brown boobs. “They are better than hers” said Rosamund taking the bucket off Thandie’s head and sticking a bucket of rice pudding on her head. “You’ve got a good pair of jugs” Naomie said to Rosamund emptying two jugs of custard over Rosamund’s head and pulling her bikini top off. Naomie began to rain custard pies onto Rosamund’s head and boobs. Suddenly Rosamund pulled Naomie’s bikini briefs down. Naomie screamed as she stood there with her neatly trimmed fanny on view. Rosamund stuck a bucket of Semolina on Naomie’s head and shouted over to Thandie.

“Lets make her Miss Itchy Fanny” Thandie shouted grabbing a small tin and sprinkling a bit of a powder onto Naomie’s fanny and into her belly button.They then sat her down on the chair and started unloading buckets of cold yogurt onto her. Naomie was screaming and beginning to scratch. “That was itching powder you cows” she screamed as she was hit by her 6th bucket of yogurt. Naomie made a grab for the itching powder and got a handful. She stuck it down Thandie’s bikini briefs and stuck a bucket of mushy peas on her head. Thandie screaming pulled off her bikini bottoms and began to scratch her muff furiously. Rosamund and Naomie rained custard pies onto Thandie and picked her up and dumped her into a paddling pool of treacle.

Naomie stuck a bucket of Oxtail soup on Rosamund’s head and then stuck some itching powder into her bikini bottoms. Rosamund screamed and pulled her bikini bottoms off as Naomie pushed her into the paddling pool next to Thandie. Naomie then dived in on top of them and began to dunk them both under the treacle before emptying them out of the pool with the treacle on top of them. She left then floundering around in the sticky mess and rubbed her hands down and said “The names Moneypenny, Miss Itchy Fanny” and walked off and got onto her inflatable pink flamingo and pushed off into the sea as they cut back to the studio.

“Join us after the break when I play a game of messy tennis with Johanna Konta” Katie said as they cut to the break.

As the show returned they cut back to a smiling Thandie, Rosamund and Naomie all sat laughing naked on the beach. ” We are friends really” Rosamund said. “Join us next week when we have Whitney Cummings joining us, then its Evan Rachel Wood, followed by Halle Berry and our series finale with Cindy Crawford and Kaia Gerber” Thandie said as the girls all pied each other.

“That is some line up but lets now welcome making a return from her appearance on the Tiswas/OTT revival Johanna Konta” Katie said.

Johanna danced on in a crop workout top and tight workout leggings.

“Welcome back Johanna” Katie said hugging her. “It’s great to be back and I won’t be singing Bright Eyes either tonight” Johanna replied. “Yes you were going to do Compost Corner with Sir Lenny Henry and Charlie Dimmock but Pixie Lott wanted to swap places” Katie said. “Didn’t she end up naked covered in Elephant Spunk and Crap amongst other things” Johanna replied. “Yes she was next to Catherine Duchess of Cambridge and myself” Katie said. “Yes I was still on the phones so I missed the finale so I’ve come back to make amends and could be do a bit of Compost Corner at the end?” Johanna asked.

“Sounds good to me. But first we’ll play a game of messy tennis or what was a game created by Elisabeth Dermot Walsh and Laura Rollins from Doctors on the Tiswas/OTT revival Over, Down or Off. We each get given a bucket of a substance we can have it poured over our heads, down our tops, leggings, knickers or we can say off and the other girl has it poured over her. But the girl saying off needs to remove an item of clothing. The last one wearing anything wins and trainers and socks don’t count” Katie said. “I’m up for that” Johanna replied. “Can the second person say off as well and put the bucket back to the first person?” she added. “Why not, let’s raise the stakes” Katie concluded.

“Maisie will now demonstrate it for us all” Katie said. The topless and messy Maisie walked on in her leggings and 3 buckets were set down beside her. “I’m presented with the first bucket. It’s wet mud from Compost Corner. I’ll take this so I empty it over my head” Maisie said as she emptied the bucket of mud over her already messed up hair. “I’m now the next girl and I look at this bucket, it’s congealed fish guts. I say down so I pour it down my leggings” she continued. Katie held open Maisie’s leggings and Maisie poured the foul smelling fish guts down her leggings. “Now I’m onto the next bucket” she said as she picked it up and nearly retched. “This is rancid kitchen slops and smelly curdled cheese” she said. “I naturally say off” she continued and took her leggings off to stand there in just her thong. “The second person says off” she went on and removed her thong to be stood there naked with her shaved muff and fantastic messy body in view.

“What do I do know?” Maisie asked. “Slide into your splits” Katie said. “Okay” Maisie replied and did so. But Katie walked up to her and dumped the foul smelling mess onto Maisie’s head leaving the bucket on her head. Maisie sat there for a second and then removed the bucket just about able to stop herself retching. “Poor Maisie. She does take a lot” Johanna said. “She loves it” Katie replied. “That was totally rank though” Maisie replied. “No this is totally rank” Katie concluded and an overhead gunge tank dropped about 3 times as much of the rancid mixture onto Maisie.She stood there retching and shuddering, holding her nose. The girl who had taken everything seemed as if she had finally met her match. But she definitely slid into her splits again and said “What Am I Like” as the audience cheered and Katie and Johanna clapped her. Amber holding her nose bought on Maisie her trademark heels and Maisie put them on and tottered off to even bigger applause.

“Right let’s toss a coin” Katie said pulling one from underneath her dress. “I love Head” Johanna said joking as Katie tossed the coin. “Oh it’s tails so you go first” Katie added. “The first bucket is Oxtail Soup” Amber said putting it down in front of Johanna. “Over” Johanna replied and Amber emptied the brown substance over Johanna’s head. Her long dark ponytail was covered in the substance and it ran down her face and onto her body as she wiped her eyes. “Your first bucket is rotten eggs” Amber said to Katie. “Down” Katie replied holding her nose and her dress top open. Amber poured the smelly eggs down Katie’s top and it seeped out of her knickers and ran down her legs. Amber rubbed Katie’s dress and made some splash up into her face.

“Your next bucket is sour smelly milk” Amber said to Johanna. “Off” Johanna replied swiftly removing her leggings to be stood there in just a black thong and her work out top. She had an amazingly toned bum and laughing turned to the audience and flashed her bum cheeks. Amber took the bucket over to Katie who replied “Off” and dropped her white knickers. She did the famous bum flashing tennis poster pose of the 1970’s. Amber took the bucket back over to Johanna. “You take it, get your boobs out which like all the sports girls tonight I’m guessing are small and pert or you flash the Konta Cunta” Katie said laughing at Johanna. “Down my top” Johanna said holding her nose as Amber poured the smelly milk down her top. The lumpy congealed liquid slowly ran out of the bottom of Johanna’s top and down her legs.

“You’ve got baked beans next” Amber said to Katie. “Over” Katie replied as Amber emptied the baked beans over Katie’s blonde hair and they slowly ran down her face and into her dress. “You’ve got runny Marmite liquid yeast” Amber said to Johanna. “I hate that so off” Johanna said and definitely pulled off her cropped top to reveal she was wearing nipple pasties. Amber walked over to Katie who said “Off” and removed her bra from under her dress. Amber walked back over to Johanna who slowly said “Down” and held the back of her thong open as Amber poured the black smelly yeast down it before putting the other half down the front of her thong and giving her a vicious wedgie.

“You’ve got pig intestine smoothie” Amber said to Katie who screamed “Over” as the rancid liquid fat was poured over her head. “You’ve got the rancid kitchen slops and curdled cheese that Maisie had” Amber said to Johanna. She slowly backed away from the bucket and thought for a second. She almost whispered off and removed her pasties to display a medium sized pair of pert breasts. Amber walked over to Katie who said “Off” and took her dress off to reveal her curvy body and breasts but she was wearing a merkin over her muff. Amber took the bucket back to Johanna. “You cannot have it down your thong again by the way” she said. “Over” screamed Johanna holding her nose as Amber emptied the rancid concoction over her head,. She heaved and wretched as it ran down her face and body.

“You’ve got the same now Katie” Amber said to her. “Off” Katie screamed dropping her merkin to reveal her shaved muff and lose the game. Amber walked over to Johanna who was holding one arm aloft in triumph and the other over her nose. “You have to take the bucket to seal your win” Amber said. “Off” Johanna shouted dropping her thong to reveal a neatly trimmed V-shaped muff. “Both ladies are naked so they share this bucket” Amber said. “And this one2 Maisie added tottering on with another bucket of the vile concoction. They threw their buckets at Johanna and Katie respectively as both girls screamed and coughed at the wretched smell.

Still gagging Katie and Johanna made their way forward and took their bows. “You wanted to play Compost Corner didn’t you?” Amber said to Johanna as Fallon, Dina and KJT all walked on carrying a bucket. The 4 sports women all stood in their buckets. “In compost corner we love to use loads of mud” Amber said as a huge amount of watery wet mud cascaded down on all 7 girls. Johanna and Fallon both fell over in their buckets and were rolling around on the floor.

“Join us for our Funny Girl Special next week” Amber said wiping her eyes as Katie and Maisie helped the sports women out of their buckets and everyone waved good night.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

“Welcome to sunny Blackpool Beach” said Lizzie Cundy walking out of the sea in a stunning cutaway swimsuit.

“Each week on Celebrity Coach Dip I’ll be your hostess with the mostest taking a couple of female celebrities on a fun filled and glamorous trip to some obscure and beautiful locations where we will see some local customs and one of the celebs will be voted to take a Lucky Dip in something messy. We will be traveling around in the Cundy Camper Van which I was told was a battered old Camper Van by the producers but I’m sure it is a luxury coach really. I’m also confident we’ll be visiting more glamorous beaches so swimwear is the order of the day. Please meet the only girl who will know where we will be going our High Heels behind the Wheels Lucy Robson” Lizzie said.

Lucy walked over and hugged Lizzie. She was in a bikini top and denim shorts.

“You look amazing Lucy. Please tell us a bit about yourself” Lizzie said. “You look great too considering you are over twice my age. Well I’m 25 years old, I’m a British female golfer who now mainly resides in Florida and I’ve made my name a bit like you. I get photographed a lot looking glamorous on Social Media” Lucy replied. “No need to tell everyone I’m 52. Maisie Smith said you are a very good driver and recommended you to me for this series” Lizzie replied. “Nothing wrong with being 52, my mum will turn 50 next year. Well I can drive a golf ball over 200 yards and I zip around the courses in a golf buggy. I passed my test at the 7th time and hopefully I remember to drive on the right side of the road now I’m back in the UK” Lucy said.

“So you aren’t a professional driver?” Lizzie asked. “Yes I drive a golf ball and I’ve got my drivers’ license. I’ve only crashed 3 times and once wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know this older lady would take so long to cross the road” Lucy replied. “How old was she?” Lizzie asked. “Oh not as old as you” Lucy replied. “Anyway I’m sure I can handle that” she added pointing to a battered old camper van.

“That’s not our vehicle. It was a joke the producers were playing on me” Lizzie stuttered. “No that’s the Cundy Camper Van made in 1969 so nearly as old as you Lizzie. I wonder who has more miles on the clock” Lucy joked. The camera crew were laughing. “We’ll be travelling in that” the producer shouted across pointing to a new SUV. “Okay I get it let’s get the age jokes out of the way. I know I’m 52 but you cannot expect me to travel in that with celebrity guests” Lizzie said. “Don’t worry we’ve got a chemical toilet if you’ve not been able to put your Tena Lady on under that swimsuit as middle aged women like you need to pee more I guess” Lucy said. “I’m not middle aged” Lizzie screamed. “Well not many make it too a 104. What are you late middle aged or pre-retirement” Lucy joked. “That isn’t funny” Lizzie screamed. “Oh I wouldn’t be able to drive that big SUV either plus if I crash that old van, we can easily get another one” Lucy said.

“This isn’t fair” Lizzie screamed. “Oh come on you look good for your age, lets have some fun before we get messy” Lucy said. “Get messy!” Lizzie screamed. “Yes we’ll try out a few things and get messy and then travel onto the next location. I’ve put towels down in the van. I thought this was why we were in swimwear so we could shower off easily at the end of the day. Once I rig the portable shower up before we bunk down for the night” Lucy said. “We’ll be staying in hotels, I’ve seen the booking” Lizzie said. “That’s for the crews. We are in the camper van. It’ll be fun. Take you back to camping in the 1970’s like you used to do. What was it like to have a black and white TV?” Lucy asked Lizzie.

“I’m leaving” Lizzie screamed. “Oh come on, it’s your show. We’ll have some girly fun. At least give it a day” Lucy said. “Okay one day but I’ll be calling my agent ASAP” Lizzie fumed. “Our phones were handed in. You’ll get it back after filming tonight” Lucy said. “So I cannot post on Instagram” Lizzie snapped. “Wow, it’s cool someone your age having Instagram” Lucy replied. “Okay let’s welcome our first guest” Lizzie said opening an envelope she had been given.

“It’s only Sonia from EastEnders Natalie Cassidy” Lizzie said relieved it was someone she had heard of. Natalie walked on in a strapless bikini looking quite glamorous.

“Welcome Natalie” Lizzie said hugging her. “Hi Lizzie and Lucy. Are we ready to go and have some fun. I hope you don’t fart in your sleeping bag like I do” she replied to a horrified Lizzie. “I’ve been given the first destination and we have something for Lizzie to open there. I’ve been told” Lucy said. “Her legs” Natalie joked. “She must have done that a lot in all her years” Lucy added. Lizzie just stood there in utter shock. “Lets carry her to the van” Lucy said as she and Natalie picked up Lizzie and carried her to the camper van and dumped her in the back before jumping in the front as Lucy cranked the engine up and stalled it driving off shooting Lizzie forward. “Be careful” Lizzie screamed. “Put your seatbelt on we don’t want to damage the work you’ve had done” Lucy replied.

Lucy shunted the Camper Van forward screeching through the gears. The one modern appliance they had was a Sat-Nav which Lucy duly followed. “Oh there’s a cassette tape player and some cassettes” Natalie said looking through them. “What have they got there?” Lizzie asked showing some interest. Natalie held up the cassettes. “They are all from the 1970’s” Lizzie added laughing. “Yes they told me this show was going to be gloriously naff, I thought the idea was funny so I agreed to come on it” Natalie said. “But I thought they were joking and I got all glammed up” Lizzie said. “When I got the swimwear memo. I thought why not go for this strapless bikini if I got gunged in that my thruppenies might fall out and I expect mine aren’t as good as yours” Natalie said to Lizzie. “She’s had hers done” Lucy joked. “Do you have to be so rude about me” Lizzie snapped. “Look I’m only joking. I was told you were a good sport and read up on you. If I didn’t think you couldn’t take it I wouldn’t do it” Lucy said nearly swerving onto the hard shoulder.

“I just feel I’ve been set up” Lizzie said. “You need to relax and have fun, you are an outgoing, confident and beautiful woman. If you get a bit messy so what. It’s your show. Just enjoy it” Natalie said. “Would you have gone on Totty if Maisie had asked you?” Lucy said. “Probably” Lizzie replied. “And if they’d stripped you and ridiculed you on that you’d have been okay with it?” Natalie asked. “Well Totty is seen as hip and I’d have given as good as I got” Lizzie said. “Well do that with us and stop being a miserable old cow” Natalie said joking.

This seemed to spring Lizzie into life as she looked into the pile of cassettes and said “Stick this on” handing Natalie a Brotherhood of Man Greatest Hits tapes. The girls began to sing along to the songs with Lizzie teaching the girls the words. “I was 8 when this won Eurovision” Lizzie said as she lead a sing-along to “Save Your Kisses For Me”. “What year was that” Lucy asked just missing a horse box as she cranked through the gears again. “1976” Lizzie said. “I knew the whole dance routine” she added. The girls had a hearty sing to the likes of Figaro and Angelo. Before they switched to a Number 1’s of the 1970’s. “What was number 1 when you were born?. Mine was Think Twice by Celine Dion” Lucy said. “I guess you can manage that” Lizzie replied joking back. “Mine was True by Spandau Ballet” Natalie said. “Oh I loved Tony Hadley. Back in the day” Lizzie said “As Knock 3 Times” came on the cassette.

“What was Number 1 when you were born Cundy?” Natalie asked. “You’ll laugh but you know what I don’t care. It was Louis Armstrong with Wonderful World. He was the oldest person to have a number 1 record at the time. Come on say it was appropriate for me” Lizzie said. “Why would I say that?” Lucy asked innocently. “He played the trumpet like I used to in EastEnders” Natalie said and all the girls burst out laughing. “He had those lips and was known as Satchmo as it was said they resembled Satchel Leather. I’m not just a pretty face” Lizzie said. “A pretty old pretty face. I bet you’ve blown a lot with your lips” Lucy said. “You cheeky cow” Lizzie replied laughing as “Eye Level” came on the cassette.

The girls eventually arrived in Bradford and were having a hearty sing along to “Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep” as Lucy bought them to a juddering halt outside their destination Bradford Bus Station.

“You are having a laugh” Lizzie said with a resigned look on her face as she saw the production crew stood by 3 gunge tanks. The girls got out the Camper Van and Lizzie was handed an envelope. She opened it and read it aloud “As it was said you’d attend the opening of a toilet today you will open your own toilet. The Lizzie Cundy cubicle in the Ladies Toilets of Bradford Bus Station”. “You bastards” she screamed throwing the envelope on the floor and storming over to the producer but she was laughing. “The Cundy Craper. I might christen it” Natalie added. “I couldn’t wait to see your reaction” Lucy said. “You pair knew about it” Lizzie screamed chasing after Natalie and Lucy.

The Mayor of Bradford stepped forward and ushered Lizzie to follow her. She lead Lizzie into the Ladies toilets and handed her a pair of scissors. There was a ribbon across the first cubicle and a couple of female photographers there. Hardly able to stop laughing Lizzie said “I have great pleasure in declaring the Lizzie Cundy Toilet open” and cut the ribbon. She walked inside and screamed “You ****” and came out laughing. The camera moved in and it showed an image of Lizzie in the toilet bowl. There was also a photo of a man hanging behind the cistern. Lizzie went back in and looked at the photo and read out “Ted Bundy!”. The production crew howled with laughter as Lizzie chased after them.

“You’ve well and truly got me” she screamed. “I don’t care I’m going to use it first” she said definitely and locked the door. A farting noise was played via a phone “*** off. You’ve made me pee down my leg now” Lizzie shouted from the cubicle. Lizzie emerged and washed her hands and checked herself in the mirror and walked out of the toilet with her head held high.

Back in the Bus Station Forecourt she was handed another envelope and opened it. “You have now successfully opened the Lizzie Cundy Toilet but to celebrate you’ll play a game of Toilet Roulette. Each Lady will sit on a chair under one of 3 gunge tanks. Two tanks will open but one won’t. The public have been voting via secret text poll on an App since this morning. The two ladies with the most votes get covered in some leftovers from Bradford’s finest Curry Houses. One Lady stays clean. Please all take a seat” Lizzie read out with a horrified look on her face.

“Join us next time to see who gets messy” Lucy said chipping in and hugging a mortified Lizzie.

Please vote below for the two girls you want to see gunged.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Sorry for the delay getting this up. Hope it’s worth the wait!

In the audience-free studio, a large section of the stage is marked out for the final game. The back wall is styled like the outer wall of a castle. Barriers form a safe no-man’s-land between two playing areas, which are identical except for theming in the player colours. Against the castle wall in each area a stately throne overlooks some bizarre apparatus. Dominating the centre of each area is a wooden washtub, three metres in diameter and a metre high, filled with water and a frothy layer of soap suds, and to the side of each washtub is a clothesline. Further towards the font of the stage, an enormous honeypot towers at least three metres high, and beside it a giant toast rack plays host to a dozen triangular slices.

Standing atop the castle wall, Clara peers down on this layout while she chats to her fellow presenter over the live link. Natalie has taken her hair out of the towel turban, but it is still lank and damp.

Clara: I, uh, see your photo of Stuart has gone.

Natalie: [triumphant] Yes, and so has the man himself! I sent him away!

Clara: Wow, that’s serious. You do realise if you change your mind it won’t be safe for him to come back?

Natalie: [turns sheepish] Actually, I sent him to the other room of the flat. But I’m definitely not gonna give him any of my attention until tomorrow …Well, tonight maybe…

Clara: Ooh, our viewers are back! Hello again, folks! You’re watching a very special royal edition of Grudge-2-Sludge!

Natalie: It’s Kate on 29 points, Meghan on 21, and there’s just one game left to decide which duchess will be facing much mess!

Clara: Indeed! It’s called Splat Your Service, and it’s gonna be a classic!

Natalie: Of that I have no doubt. And I must say, Clara, that’s a splendid pair you have there.

Clara: Oh, er, that’s very kind of you to say so. [Puffs out her chest with pride] Normally you make fun of them for being smaller than yours.

Natalie: No, not your tits! I’m talking about that pair of thrones! Surely they’re not for our contestants to sit on!

Clara: Of course not! Those two don’t deserve such pampering! Nope, our thrones are reserved for real royalty, and it’s a great honour for me to welcome the ghosts of two great Queens from history – Elizabeth the First and Victoria!

Some slightly bemused applause sounds from the online viewers as the two ghosts sublime into being on the thrones, slightly glowing and translucent.

Clara: [curtsies] Your Majesties! Thank you very much to taking time out of your busy haunting schedules. It’s great to have you on your rightful thrones, here at Foul-morals Castle in bonnie Scotland!

Ghost of Elizabeth I: [haughtily] I wasn’t Queen of Scotland – that was my cousin Mary.

Natalie: Alright, well don’t lose your head over it!

Ghost of Elizabeth I: [smirks grimly] She did.

Clara: Queen Victoria, you’re not looking amused…

Ghost of Victoria: [sourly] I’m waiting for my bread and honey.

Natalie: But of course, ma’am, and the maids will be along shortly to bring it to you. Clara, where are the maids?

Clara: [sighs in exasperation] Gossiping in the scullery probably. [Rings a bell] Maids! I say, maids! Let’s have some service please!

After a few more impatient rings of the bell, Kate and Meghan plod into their respective playing areas, dressed in frilly French maid costumes. Their evident displeasure increases as they are met with the online audience’s hoots and wolf-whistles, and they stand pouting with their hands on their hips.

Clara: [tuts] Dear me, what dreadful timekeeping! And now you stand there in that petulant manner! You’re in the presence of royalty, if you don’t mind!

Natalie: Disgraceful! [Tuts] Now let’s see a curtsy for our Queens!

Reluctantly, the pair bend their knees to an almost imperceptible degree.

Clara: Oh, you can both do better than that. Let’s have a proper bended knee!

Natalie: Yeah, Trev Rep says that pulling up the skirt is essential for any curtsy. I quite agree!

Taking hold of their hems, Kate and Meghan repeat the action with more gusto. Because their skirts are so short, they can’t avoid revealing their panties, and cameras are on hand to capture all.

Clara: Much better! This is the final round of your contest, ladies, and it brings a much-needed dose of role reversal. No longer are you the pampered princesses; instead you’re the servants and it’s time to get your hands dirty!

Natalie: More than their hands, Clara! Now ladies, I’m sure you know how the nursery rhyme goes − The maid was in the garden, pegging up the clothes − and that’s exactly what you shall be doing! Lurking in those washtubs are your respective monarch’s smalls – although actually they’re not so small – and it’s your job to take ’em out and peg ’em up on your line!

Clara: Kate, for each pair of Elizabethan hose you attach to your line, you’ll get two points, while Meghan gets the same for each pair of Victorian bloomers!

Natalie: But a maid’s work is never about doing one job! Your monarchs are frequently peckish, and when they call for their bread and honey, you better get it to them fast!

Clara: Yes, as soon as you hear the call, you need to go over and fetch a piece of bread, nicely dipped in honey, to deliver to your sovereign.

Meghan: [points to the top of the 3-foot honey pot] And how are we supposed to dip it in honey all the way up there? You gonna give us stilts?!

Natalie: Ooh, that’s a good idea; we didn’t think of that. No, to dip your bread in the honey, you need a bit of robotic wizardry, plus the help of a friend!

As Natalie speaks, two chains descend from the ceiling, each with a magnet on the end.

Clara: Yes, this is where our contestants’ buddies come into play. Assisting Kate, we have her sister Pippa, live from central London…

Natalie: …while Meghan’s best friend forever, Serena Williams, is aiding her from the beach in LA. Ladies, are you still there?

We are shown a split image of Pippa Middleton and Serena Williams, locked inside their perspex tanks.

Pippa: Yes, we’re still here. Can’t exactly go anywhere, can we?

Clara: No, very true, because you and Serena are trapped inside our pressure chambers, the pressure in question being the tanks of Grudge-2-Sludge finest poised above you!

Serena: [lifts a strand of her hair with one hand] Do you have any idea how long it takes to do my hair?

Clara: Nope, but it’s probably nowhere near as long as it’ll take to get that goop out! Ladies, can you confirm that on your screens you can see a bird’s-eye view of your teammate’s toast rack and honeypot?

Pippa and Serena affirm this.

Natalie: And can you give your joysticks a wiggle?

Said action is performed, causing the magnet cranes to swing about.

Natalie: Oh, very good. I sense you are girls with an experienced grip, rather like myself [winks]. Anyway, it’s your job to pick up the bread pieces, hoist them into your honey, and then lower them again for your contestants to grab!

Clara: Yes, better make sure your honeyed bread is ready when the call comes, because Liz and Vick are very impatient. They expect their bread and honey to be laid before them, within the circle marked in front of their thrones, no more than 15 seconds after calling for it!

Natalie: Woah, Clara! Doesn’t this break social distancing?

Clara: No, it’s okay. Ghosts can’t catch viruses.

Natalie: [frowns earnestly] So are ghosts real then?

Clara: Well, no… These are holograms, but luckily holograms can’t catch viruses either. Anyway ladies, lay your bread and honey within 15 seconds, and you shall be rewarded with 4 points. But fail, and a 2-point penalty awaits, plus you’ll incur the ghost’s wrath!

Natalie: And you don’t want to do that. Ghosts can get a bit lairy with the old ectoplasm!

Clara: Two minutes on the clock for this one. Oh, and one more thing – take care because there are some blackbirds flying about!

Natalie: Four and twenty of the buggers, to be precise. Ladies, are you ready? Your time… starts… NOW!!

The klaxon blasts. Clara ducks out of sight behind the battlements. Kate and Meghan spur into action. They charge towards the washtubs, where their first challenge is surmounting the metre-high sides. Kate tries to get a leg up, but hesitates, realising she can’t do so without flashing her princessly panties to the nation again. Meghan levers herself up with her arms and lurches over the edge, splashing headfirst into the soapy water. She re-emerges cross and sopping, her maid costume plastered to her figure and her hair full of white suds. But remembering the urgency of her challenge, she puts aside her annoyance and starts searching for the bloomers. They are at the bottom of the tub, and she has to stoop up to her neck just to reach them.

Kate, after a couple of failed attempts and some very undignified pantie-flashing, manages to perch on the side of the washtub. She slides off the edge, squeaking as she splashes up to her midriff in the frigid wash-water. Meghan, meanwhile, is already clambering out of her tub, a couple of pairs of bloomers draped over her shoulder.

Further down the playing area, Pippa and Serena are getting to grips (or not) with their magnetic cranes. Serena is carefully maneuvering a bread triangle over her honeypot, but Pippa, struggling with the basic concepts such as forward and reverse, has failed even to pick up a piece of bread up yet.

Meghan bungles herself onto the ground and runs over to the washing line to peg out the bloomers. As she does so, a pair of blackbirds swoop in to circle above her, bombing her with little splodges of white.

Meghan: Euugh! What is it with you Brits and bird poop!

Ghost of Victoria: [rings a little bell] Bring me my bread and honey!

Alongside the main countdown clock on the screen, a smaller, blue number ticks down from 15 seconds.

Serena: Meg, that’s us!

Meghan completes her pegging up and rushes over to the toast rack, issuing a legal warning to the blackbirds before she goes. Serena hurriedly dunks the bread triangle in the honey, lifts it and swings it over the side. Honey drips off, dousing Meghan as she waits.

Ghost of Elizabeth I: [rings a bell of different tone] Bring me my bread and honey!

Kate: Oh cripes!

Kate has only just clambered out of her washtub and is forced to postpone pegging out the Elizabethan hose she has collected, instead draping it over her shoulder as she rushes over to her honeypot. She needn’t have bothered; Pippa is no closer to picking up a piece.

Pippa: Dreadfully sorry for the holdup, sis!

Pippa, increasingly panicked, jerks her crane in frantic motions that cause the magnet to swing wildly. Kate, despairing, picks up a piece from the toast rack herself and affixes it to the magnets. She winces, half-expecting a reprimand from Natalie and Clara, but the action wasn’t explicitly forbidden and, accordingly, no reprimand comes. Already though, the time on the red clock is running out…

Meghan, meanwhile, deposits her honeyed bread in front of the Ghost of Queen Victoria. Wordlessly, she turns and runs, evidently not to Victoria’s pleasure.

Ghost of Victoria: Your Majesty, if you don’t mind!!

Victoria raises her spectral arm and fires a jet of ‘ectoplasm’ – milky white and gloopy – at the back of Meghan’s head. Meghan swears.

Meanwhile, things are looking increasingly desperate for the reds. Pippa tries to dunk the bread triangle in the honey, but instead bashes into the side of the pot, causing the triangle to fall from the magnet. Kate groans as her clock runs to zero.

Ghost of Elizabeth I: Too late! Forget it!

Raising her arm, Elizabeth fires a long-range jet of ectoplasm at Kate. Pippa pulls a guilty face.

The game continues in a similar vein. Kate incurs Elizabeth’s wrath on a second occasion, thanks to her sister’s complete lack of coordination, while Serena and Meghan get a good rhythm going. On the other hand, Kate manages to take a slim lead regarding her washing-line, casting aside her dignity to climb in and out of the tub as quickly as possible, no matter what she exposes. To her relief, Pippa starts to get the knack of the crane, and she is able to deliver the third requested bread and honey to Elizabeth in the nick of time.

Natalie: Fifteen seconds left!

The two ghosts simultaneously: Bring me my bread and honey!

The countdown is on as Kate and Meghan dash from their washing-lines to attempt their final bread-and-honey delivery. Serena has a honey-dipped piece of bread ready and waiting for Meghan, who eagerly snatches and runs over to present it to Queen Victoria. Pippa, on the other hand, is making a meal of skirting the honeypot with her triangular piece.

Online audience: …TEN!! NINE!!…

Kate: Come on come on come on!!

A flustered Pippa plunges the bread into the honeypot, but now she has to get it out again. She raises it jerkily, but it catches on the side of the pot, nearly falling off the magnet into the honey.

Online audience: …SEVEN!! SIX!!…

By this time, Meghan has successfully deposited her bread and honey at Victoria’s feet, and is collecting a last-second pair of bloomers from the washtub.

Online audience: …FIVE!! FOUR!!…

Again Pippa’s bread piece catches on the rim, but this time it falls off on the outer side of the pot. Kate clumsily catches it and sprints towards the throne.

Online audience: …THREE!! TWO!! ONE!!…

Kate dives and makes a rugby try at Elizabeth’s feet, just as the klaxon blasts. Elizabeth tuts at the bedraggled girl at her feet and squirts a dollop of ectoplasm to show her disapproval.

Clara: [pops up from behind the battlesments] STOP!! Time’s up! Meghan, drop those bloomers!

Natalie: I bet Harry’s said that a few times! Anyway, Kate, you may not have impressed Liz with the presentation there, but you’ll be pleased to hear the marshals have confirmed that that piece of bread and honey touched down just in time. Absolute photo finish!

Kate picks herself up from the ground and shakes herself off. Meghan, similarly, tugs at her French maid costume to pull it back into place. The atmosphere is tense, and both duchesses are sober-faced. It’s clear that Meghan has done better than Kate in this round, but it’s far from clear whether it’s enough to overturn Kate’s lead.

Clara: [chuckles] I see you’re anxious to know the scores, and all shall be revealed in good time. But first, let’s bid farewell to our spooky sovereigns so they can return to the other side.

Natalie: What, ITV?

Clara: The spirit world, Nat! Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria, Your Majesties. I hope our games amused you.

Ghost of Victoria: [granite-faced] They did not.

Clara: [shrugs] Ah well. Glad you had the stomach to take part, nonetheless.

Ghost of Elizabeth I: I have the stomach of a king!

Natalie: Ah yes, I can see that. Never mind – you can sign up for Jodie’s fitness sessions. Anyway, thanks for popping by, and maybe when this virus business is over we can all meet up at a séance. Ta-ta for now!

The ghostly figures fade away, leaving the thrones empty.

Natalie: [shivers] Brrr!! Right then, let’s get on with the scores. Kate, you delivered two pieces of bread and honey on time, but you failed on two occassions, so overall you get just 4 points from that. Let’s hope you did a bit better with the washing!

Clara: We’ll soon find out!

Wielding a long pole with a hook on the end, Clara sifts through Kate’s clothesline garment by garment.

Clara: …Five, six, seven, eight, nine! Kate, you pegged up nine pairs of hose, which makes your total for this round… 22 points!

Kate swallows heavily.

Natalie: Hmm, not great, Kate, is it? But then again Meghan entered this round a long way behind; has she done enough to catch up and overtake? Meghan, you got four out of four on bread and honey deliveries – well done! So that gives you 16 points.

Clara: [extends her poles] Looking at your clothesline, you have one, two, three, four… that one’s only half on – I’m not counting that!

Meghan: My lawyer will say otherwise!

Clara: …five, six, seven! Not as many as Kate, but a nice number, giving you a total of 30 points for the round!

Meghan wrings her hands, a shade of optimism coming into her manner, but she’s not sure it’s enough to celebrate. Kate, on the other hand, looks very fearful.

Natalie: And that means that we end this spectacular showdown with the overall scores as follows…

A massive gasp from hundreds of online viewers.

Natalie: My, oh my! Even Stevens!

Clara: Well ladies, you may be poles apart, but when all is done, we can’t get a postage stamp between those scores!

Natalie: Not that we’d do such a crass thing with your granny-in-law’s face anyway.

Kate: [very pale] P-pity we don’t have a winner. I-I guess we’ll have to go to a tiebreaker question, or m-maybe even another round.

Natalie: Oh, nice try, Kate! Nice try indeed! But from that waver in your voice I think you know how we resolve a situation like this!

Clara: Yep, we haven’t had to invoke this rule before, but it’s always been made clear that if the scores end on a tie, the audience’s say holds sway, and so, with 51% of the vote against 49%…

Meghan: [leaping up and down, not caring that she is showing off her foamy panties] YES!!! Ha ha!! Oh yes!!

Kate: [dread-ridden] Oh, now come on! That vote was too close to be decisive!

Natalie: A win is a win, and we’ll take it by a single vote if needs be. And so, tonight’s winner of this incredible royal tournament, issss… Meghan, Duchess of Sussex!

Kate: Nnnnoooooooo!!!

Meghan: WOOOO-HOOOO!! Oh yeah!! Allllriiight! [Pumps her arm in the air] Katy girl, you are kissing my ass!

Meghan turns her back in Kate’s direction and bends over, sticking out her pantie-clad bum. She presses her hand between her bum-cheeks and then sweeps it away, as if blowing a kiss. Kate is distraught.

Natalie: Oh dear, poor Kate can’t believe it! She was so sure she was going to win! But before we deal with our duchesses, let’s go back to Pippa and Serena!

Pippa: [wincing] Aww, hard luck, Kate! Sorry I couldn’t be more help!

Clara: I think that’s putting it mildly. Pippa, by anyone’s assessment, you lost the game for Kate, and the tabloids will be forever speculating whether you deliberately sabotaged your sister…

Pippa: Certainly not! I tried my best! Using that crane was even harder than reversing a Range Rover into a Mayfair garage!

Natalie: Ah, I do sympathise with the struggles you face in life, but I’m afraid we’re going to add to your woes. Enjoy!

A siren blares. Standing in the middle of her perspex chamber, Pippa braces as a broad column of turquoise gunge plunges down on her. The gunge fans off Pippa’s head, soaking her thin dress while Pippa squeaks in squeamish laughter.

Natalie: Ooh, I think she quite enjoyed that. Fair play to her!

By the time the deluge is done, Pippa is blue-green and dripping from head to toe. We see another angle of her from a camera across the street, standing inside the splattered cubicle.

Clara: The colour really suits you, Pippa! It’s a shame you can’t wear it to Wimbledon this year, but you can at least take it home with you; luckily you don’t have far to go. Serena, you must be relieved to have avoided that! You and Meghan proved quite the dream team there.

Serena: Well you know there’s sisters and then there’s sistas! Love you loads, Megz!

Natalie: As we said previously, there’s no cash for you, Serena. But on reflection, Clara and I do feel bad to leave you without a prize, so we’re going to send you a special English delicacy to sample.

Clara: Yep, it’s a custard flan.

Serena: Aw, that’s very sweet of you. When will I get it?

Natalie: Right now!

A Flan-o-matic bursts out of a hidden compartment and springs a special delivery into Serena’s face and upper torso. The shaving foam of this flan is white, but as described by Natalie there is also an underlayer of custard. The pie tin drops to the floor, while lumps of the white and yellow plop down Serena’s body. Gawping in shock, she slowly removes her sunglasses.

Clara: You didn’t think we’d let you get away clean, did you Serena?

Natalie: You’ll both find towel-and-toiletry packs underneath your consoles, with our compliments as always. Thanks for being great sports and taking part in Grudge-2-Sludge! Ladies and gents, Pippa Middleton and Serena Williams!

The online audience applauds. Serena, finally regaining her wits, starts to say something, but is cut off as the link ends and she and Pippa disappear from the screen.

Clara: Oh, that was fun. Speaking, of which, we have a very fun part of the show coming up next! Meghan, do you know what it is?

Meghan: [gleeful] Ohhh, yeahhh!! Iiiiittt’sss sludge time! [Points both hands at Kate, who whimpers.]

Natalie: [grave] Actually, I don’t think it is. I’ve just received some very bad news from the director.

Clara: [alarmed] Huh? What is it?

Natalie: Well… it looks like Harry called the lawyers, and they took out an injunction against the show… [Sighs] I don’t know how to break this… The sludging isn’t going ahead.

Groans sound from across cyberspace. Kate turns her head skyward and exhales in relief.

Meghan: Excuse me? What do you mean, not going ahead?

Natalie: Cancelled. Curtailed. Cut. We’re under a court order to empty the sludge pool forthwith!

Kate: [ecstatic] Oh thank God!

Meghan: Uh, NO! We made an agreement here! Winner takes all, loser tastes the sludge! [Stamps foot] I demand you honour it!

Clara: Love to, Meghan, but it’s out of our hands. We can’t afford the kind of expensive lawyers you have, so we had no option but to cave in to them. This is a mess of your own making!

Natalie: Or non-mess, as it turns out.

Meghan: [seething] Oh I’m gonna kill Harry.

Natalie: Well folks, this isn’t the end to the show we wanted, and I’m sure you don’t want it to end this way either, but thanks for watching and goodbye. She was Clara Quick!

Clara: And she was Natali−

Meghan: No!! I won’t accept this! [Points at Kate] She’s going in the sludge even if I have to put her there myself!

With that, Meghan storms towards Kate. Kate stands her ground, squaring up for a fight. Luckily, Clara is ready, and dispatches a powerful blast of foam from her wrist, which catches Meghan full on in the face and stops her in her tracks.

Clara: Social distancing!!

Natalie: JOKE!! Meghan, calm down! It was a joke! Of course the sludging is going ahead!

Cheers erupt from the online audience. Kate responds with a forlorn groan, her chin falling to her chest.

Clara: There’s no injunction, Meghan! Did you really think Harry would come to your rescue?

Meghan: [clearing foam from her eyes and nostrils] Nah, of course not! …I mean, yeah, he should have done! Why didn’t he?! I’ll have words when I get back to LA!

Natalie: Kate, my dear, don’t look so crestfallen. Speaking as the last person to go where you’re going, I can tell you you’re in for a splendid time – NOT, ha ha ha!!

Clara: Oh yes, folks! Stay glued to your laptop or telly, cos Kate’s getting slimy and smelly! Back by slopular demand, it’s time for…

Natalie and Clara simultaneously: [throw up their arms in joy] THE SLUDGE SLING!!!

After the infamous title sequence has played, the climatic final section of the show begins. The camera rests on the word ‘spoil’, dully glinting in the piped gold gunge, which has by now partly sunk so as to make the writing extra spindly. Around it, the outer surface of royal blue has turned a tad grey as a crust continues to harden, wrinkling into ridges and the odd crack, beneath which a brighter, wetter porridge-like paste lies waiting. As the camera zooms out, patches of red and white come into view, a mocking play on the Union Jack. The words ‘By’ and ‘appointment’ are next to appear, followed by the stylised crown.

The camera roves to the end of the pool and rises, focusing in on the fulcrum of the giant Medieval-style catapult. A bit higher up and we see the footrest and a pair of bare feet that rest upon it. The feet are motionless except for the nervous twitching of the big toe on the right foot, its scarlet varnish catching the light as it squirms up and down. Next we see the lacy hem of a sequinned red dress, slightly up the calves in this seated position. Kate’s hands are pressed to her knees, the knuckles showing small patches of white. Despite the lack of support offered by the tiny seat, Kate’s back is straight, her stomach in, her shoulders square in the stately posture of a true princess. It appears that she is taking her predicament with decorum and calm, but then the camera arrives at her face…

Natalie: [voiceover] Oh wow, look at that face! Talk about Her Majesty’s displeasure! Folks, you’re watching history in the making! Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, future Queen of England, all-round prim and proper Princess, is about to face a coronation of sludge!

As Kate continues to the grimace, the camera swings across, settling on the victor in the battle. Meghan’s seating arrangements couldn’t be more different – she nestles comfortably on the plush throne of gleaming gold and purple velvet – and neither could her disposition. She clasps her hands together in glee as she flashes a winning smile at the camera.

Clara: [voice coming from out of shot] Well things looked doubtful at times, but ultimately, by the thinnest of whiskers, the Markle sparkle shone through! Meghan, you may have married the spare not the heir, but tonight the throne is yours! You must be pleased!

Meghan: [imitates an English accent] Spiffing, Clara! And what do you mean – in doubt? I never doubted I’d win.

Natalie: Mmm, sure. That’s why you wanted to take out an injunction. But of course, Kate never doubted she’d win either. What was it she said now…? [Points nose in the air and speaks in a prim voice] There’s absolutely no chance it’ll be me in that sludge!

Clara: [chuckles] Famous last words from Kate there! Unless, of course, she’d like to update them. Kate?

Kate responds only with a whimper between her grimacing lips.

Clara: Nope, there seems to be a royal seal on her lips there. And just to think, Kate, if you hadn’t have cheated and disobeyed me in Round One, you wouldn’t be where you are now!

A louder groan emanates from Kate.

Natalie: Ah, cheating never pays on Grudge-2-Sludge! Kate, you can sit there and rue the error of your ways a little longer before the inevitable happens, but actually it’s not all despair for you. While there’s no royal pardon, there is a touch of British fair play, cos we’re giving you the chance to tarnish Meghan’s smugness before she pulls the chain. Clara will… [frowns] Come to think of it, where are you, Clara? I can hear you but I can’t see you!

Clara: Up here, Nat!

A faint whirring accompanies the descent of a rectangular platform suspended from a cable at each corner, similar to those used by window cleaners on high-rises. Clara stands authoritatively on this platform, while at her feet are three ornate silver receptacles – a stately tureen, a stout serving dish, and a stylish jug.

Clara: [flourishes] Ta-da! Service at a social distance!

Natalie: Ah, very good, Clara! You see, Kate, every prisoner condemned to the sludge, be they princess or pauper, is entitled to a good meal before their send-off. Not a six-course slap-up as you’re accustomed to at the palace, mind, but a good solid three-course meal. Or should that be a…

Online audience: …THREE-COURSE ORDEAL!!

Clara: Good to see they haven’t forgotten. Yes indeed, we have our signature Gloop of the Day [gestures with her foot], our exceedingly Manky Mains, and of course, here in this jug lurks somebody’s oh-so Just Desserts – I only wonder whose.

Natalie: We shall soon find out! Kate, these three courses could soon be Meghan’s for the wearing; all you have to do is correctly answer the multiple-choice questions I’m about to put to you.

Clara: But for any question you get wrong, Meghan’s glee will only increase, as dinner comes sploshing down on your own head. Understand?

Kate shuffles on her meagre seat, pointing her chin upwards to avoid looking at the sludge so she can concentrate. She answers in the affirmative.

Natalie: Okey dokes. Then let’s unveil the Gloop of the Day! Clara…?

Clara: Viewers may remember the ‘Princess and the Pea’ game from the end of the last series. Well, we kept a little bit of the Pea Gloop and it’s a good thing we did, now that we’ve got some actual royalty to dump it on!

Natalie: Mmmm, extra-stale Pea Gloop! Now pay attention, Kate, here comes the first question… [Clears her throat] You may think that Meghan has caused a big upset in the Royal Family, but she’s nothing compared to another American divorcee – Wallis Simpson – whose marriage to King Edward VIII forced his abdication. But Wallis was actually her middle name; what was her real first name? Was it…
Bessie?
Hessie?
or Jessie?

Kate furrows her brow, forcing the sludge out of her mind in order to concentrate on getting something back on Meghan.

Kate: Uhh… well I don’t think it was Hessie – although the pair of them were Nazi sympathisers – so, either Bessie or Jessie… Hmmmm [puffs out of the corner of her mouth] I’m gonna go with… Bessie.

Natalie: [sharply] And why do you think that?

Kate: [anxious] Well, uh, it’s a name of that particular time, whereas Jessie is a bit more modern.

Natalie: Hmm, interesting piece of working out, Kate, and it’s correct!

Kate: Yes!

Natalie: Wallis Simpson’s real first name was indeed Bessie…

Clara: …And that means Meghan gets messie!

The platform glides over to the side of the sludge pool, carrying Clara into position over the throne while she brandishes the silver tureen.

Meghan: Now wait a minute! I haven’t ruled out legal action… It would be very unwise for you to… EEEEEK!!

Meghan hunches her shoulders and ducks her head, while Clara tilts the tureen and empties its lurid green contents over the railing of the platform. The first dollop hits the decorative features of the throne, splashing against Meghan’s back but leaving her largely unscathed. Clara quickly shifts her aim, and a sopping mass of peas rains onto Meghan’s left shoulder and arm, running down the front of her dress. As Meghan screams, Clara leans forward, landing the remainder of the lumpy goo onto Meghan’s head, covering her glossy hair.

Natalie: Oh wow! Nice shot!

Meghan gawps as a lump slides down her cheek, and the stuff starts to seep wetly through her dress against her bust. Kate claps a couple of times, delighting in the spectacle.

Meghan: EEUGGHHHH!! It’s disgusting!!

Clara: Glad to be of service, ma’am! [Puts the empty tureen on the floor of the platform]

Natalie: Lovely wholesome Pea Gloop there! Kate, you’ve got this Ordeal off to a flying starter – boom boom – can you keep it up with the Manky Mains? Clara, what’s on the menu?

Clara: [inspects the serving dish] For Manky Mains we have a staple of the royal household – game stew!

Natalie: Ooh, and we’re most certainly game! Kate, let’s hope you are too. Here’s another question: Anne Boleyn, second wife of Henry VIII, was another woman to fall out with the throne, and she really got it in the neck as a result! It didn’t help that she was rumoured to have a certain characteristic that marked her as being in league with the Devil! What was it?
A birthmark on her left buttock that spelt ‘666’?
An extra finger on her right hand?
Or a Geordie accent?

Kate: [instantly] An extra finger on her right hand!

Meghan: These questions are too easy!

Natalie: Indeed, Ms Boleyn was not famed for saying “Why aye man!” in the royal court, and if there was anything on her bum, Henry kept that detail to himself. An extra finger is the correct answer, and that means Meghan gets game stew!

Meghan: [fumes] Too easy! Even after I won, you’re still trying to rig this against me! [Shouts up at Clara] You dare and you’ll be hearing from my− plleeeurrgghhh!!

Because Clara is already in position above the throne, she is able to act much quicker. She inverts the serving dish, and the thick brown slop hits Meghan square in the face. The nasty mixture of game, veg and gravy splashes all over the duchess’s front, covering the exterior of her blue dress and sliding down her neck to slip inside it too. Meghan jerks her head forward, so that her hair gets a second coating to mix with the green peas.

Kate: [giggling] Hee hee! It looks like horse do-do!

Natalie: Well it’s you posh people who eat this stuff! Spiffing shot, Clara!

Clara: [proudly puts down the serving dish] You know, delivering it from this height is actually better. Allows for much more splatter!

Meghan: [panting in disgust] My lawyer… is gonna take you to the cleaners!

Natalie: I think you need a trip to the cleaners more than we do, ha ha! Kate, you must be pleased. You’ve made Ms Markle marvellously mucky, and there’s still a chance to give her her Just Desserts to boot! Speaking of which, Clara, what have we got?

Clara: [takes lid off the silver jug] After the game stew we’re going to balance things out with a working-class classic – bread and butter pudding with custard!

Meghan: [incredulous] You put bread and butter in a sweet?! You Brits get weirder by the day.

Natalie: Maybe you’ll learn to like it. Kate, one more question to score a perfect three against Meghan, and this one’s pot-luck general knowledge: Glossophobia is the fear of what?

Stuart: [calls] Frogs!

Natalie: Oi you! Stay in the doghouse! No, actually, it isn’t frogs; it’s one of the following:
Bottles?
Zips?
Or public speaking?

Kate: Can you say the word again please?

Natalie: Glossophobia.

Meghan: Stop helping her!

Kate: Hmmm. Well ‘gloss’ sounds similar to ‘glass’, so I’m thinking it might be bottles. Yeah, fear of bottles.

Natalie: Oh Kate! You’ve fallen for the obvious red herring. Glossophobia is in fact the fear of public speaking!

Kate: Oh no!

Meghan sighs with relief.

Clara: And that means that you will be getting your Just Desserts!

The platform glides diagonally above the sludge pool to where Kate is sitting. The duchess screws her face, hands clutching her knees even tighter. Above her, Clara pours the jug. The custard, being at the top, comes out first, streaking a yellow column through the air. A scream escapes Kate’s mouth as the column connects with the crown of her head, fanning and flowing outwards. Kate’s voluminous hair soon becomes flattened and plastered to her scalp, while the custard flows onwards to permeate her delicate sheer dress. Now it is Meghan’s turn to delight in the spectacle.

Triangular slices of buttered bread, adorned with spiced raisins, tumble out in pursuit of the custard, some bouncing off Kate, while others stick to her. When she is sure that the deluge has stopped, Kate opens her eyes, but her face remains drawn into a cringe.

Natalie: Oh nice! Just like my gran’s bread and butter pudding! Look on the bright side, Kate; it could have been spotted dick! [winks]

Kate: [whining] You could have taken the chill off the custard!

Clara: If you think that was cold, you ain’t felt nothing yet! Because the dinner is over and now it’s time for the royal gala event!

Natalie: Yep, a swimming gala! Kate, you’re excused from standing due to your precarious seating position, but would everyone else please be upstanding for the National Anthem!

The familiar fanfare begins. Natalie gets to her feet, disappointing everyone by revealing a pair of dull jogging bottoms on her lower half. Clara stands to attention on the platform. Meghan reluctantly gets to her feet, causing a load of goo to splatter to the floor. As the anthem plays, the infamous blingy toilet chain descends from the ceiling at the right-hand of the throne.

Natalie: [half singing] …happy and glorious. Daa da da da da mmmmm hmm hmm, God save the Queen!

The chain comes to a stop at a convenient pulling height beside the throne. Meghan seats herself, an eager smile growing on her face despite all the mess. On the catapult seat, Kate is now twitching. Her feet wriggle on the footrest and she rubs her hands up and down her thighs. Her lips are clamped shut, but from her throat a squeamish bleat escapes.

Clara: Oh my, look at Kate! She knows what’s about to happen! Meghan, this is your moment to savour. Your sister-in-law tried to show you up for a lack of class, and told tales on you to the press. She gave you the cold shoulder; now give her a cold bath! Take hold of that golden chain…

Natalie and Clara together: …AND SLING HER IN THE SLUDGE!!!

The platform whizzes upwards, whisking Clara to safety. Natalie dashes away from her computer, then returns, looking sheepish. Meghan, ever the consummate actress, composes her poise for the big moment, never mind the green and brown slop oozing over her person. Exuding both business and pleasure, she reaches out and tugs the chain, her triumphant gaze locked on her rival. As for Kate, she lets out an equine whinny as fountains of sparks erupt either side of her, and the closing bars of the National Anthem are reprised.

A column of classic Nickelodeon-style green slime drops from above, causing Kate to scream as it umbrellas outwards off her head. The bar of the catapult lurges backward, giving Kate’s front and legs their splash of the slime as she passes through. The catapult pauses in its horizontal position, and there Kate sits, facing upwards towards the empty seats in the back row, the corners of her mouth pulled back in an uber-grimace.

A pyrotechnic charge explodes beneath Kate’s bottom, shooting up golden sparks as the catapult fires. The G-force of acceleration pins the screaming duchess in place as she whizzes upwards, the chair unfolding so as to force her into a standing posture. Then the bar hits the vertical and a sudden stop, while Kate speeds onwards, over the pool of glistening blue goo. Her limbs flail in ungainly fashion, the tasseled hem of her dress riding up her legs as they widen apart. She turns her neck to see Meghan wave a sardonic goodbye, just before her bare feet pierce the surface of the slop, either side of the stylized golden crown. The cold sludge whooshes between her spread legs, and Kate has but a split-second to gasp before her chest and head follow into murky depths.

Natalie: [in hushed awe] Oh wow! We’ve really done it! We’ve dunked the duchess!

Clara: I hope this isn’t classed as treason on the statute books.

Sludge slides across to fill the Kate-shaped hole in the dead-centre of the pool, though a ring-shaped crater remains. The crown has been smashed to smithereens (perhaps symbolic of the way this contest has gone). On her throne, Meghan clasps her hands together, her face the picture of a giddy child waiting to see what presents Santa has brought. A series of bubbles rises up at the site of impact, each breaking the surface with a flatulent slurp, and then, slowly, the crater rises, turning inside-out to become a mound…

The mound swells and then breaks up. A large chunk slips away to reveal a face, although not one anyone would recognise as the delectable duchess who plunged in just seconds ago. Eyes blink open to view the alien sludgescape around her. A mouth likewise opens to gasp – a second too earlier, earning Kate a swig of the stale sludge. Her hair is caked and infused with the lumpy slop.

Meghan: Oh yeah! Awesome!! This is better than Double Dare!!

As Kate continues her rise, the slop clings to her shoulders, arms and torso. Her flimsy dress offers so little protection the stuff might as well be on her bare skin. With her feet on the base of the tank, Kate’s bust barely clears the surface, a strapping lass though she is. A streak of the gold goo hangs off her shoulder, swooping like a sash across her front, while a ridge of white arcs over her forehead. But apart from that, she is completely blue, not only coated but dyed with the inky, regal sludge.

Natalie: Ladies and gents, I’m pleased to announce that despite the lockdown, filming for the latest sequel of Avatar is going to schedule!

Kate’s all-blue hue is not to last, however. As she gasps in stunned silence (greatly contrasted by Meghan’s cackling celebration), a downfall of green sludge engulfs her – the same colour as the Nickelodeon slime that assailed her earlier, but the same consistency as the awful morass she is mired in. Caught off-guard, she stumbles backwards, getting a faceful of the green as she falls up to her neck in the blue. This time the silence is broken and she issues a piercing scream.

Clara: [coming back into view as the platform] Oh wow! Talk about the trooping the colour! She’s totally−WWWOOOAHHH!!

A stream of pink slop comes down, narrowly missing Clara on the platform. It surges over Kate, thwarting her efforts to rise from the slop.

Clara: [wags a finger at the rafters] Oi! That was a bit close for comfort!

Natalie: Kate well and truly crowned there – what a fantastic sludging! Getting some great reaction too.

We flip through a selection of webcam shots, in which the viewers clap and cheer, before stopping on three familar figures…

Clara: Obviously that last clip is archive footage, as the princes are not social-distancing, but it does seem that Prince William was paying close attention, as we’ve just received a transfer of a million pounds from his Coutts bank account, which will all go to our carers’ good causes!

Natalie: A man of his word − thanks, Wills! But all congratulations are due to the show’s winner. Meghan, just look at the state of your rival down there! Is this everything you could have hoped for?

Meghan: [purrs] And more, Natalie! [Points a condescending finger down at Kate] Filthy!

Clara: I’d say! [Grins as she peers down from the platform] Kate, you may have delighted in your childish pranks, but this time the joke is well and truly on you! And while your tale-telling may have got Meghan in the papers a few times, there’s no doubt who’ll be splashed all over tomorrow’s front pages! How you feeling, hon?

Kate, now a slimy mixture of blue, green and pink, and still in a state of shock, wipes her mouth and musters
Kate: Yyyeeeuurrrgghhh!! I can’t believe this has happened!

Clara: I don’t think any of us quite believe it has happened, either. Thanks for being a spiffing sport, Kate, and though we can’t stretch to a royal valet, it’s our pleasure to gift you a Grudge-2-Sludge towel-and-toiletry pack. Meghan, I think you’ll need one too.

Natalie: Everyone, please give it up for our raucous royals – Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, and a very sludgey Kate, Duchess of Cambridge! Wahey!

Cheering, whistles and more erupt from the remote watcher. A column of metallic gold drops from the rafters – again passing Clara at closer than comfortable range – to give Kate a very shiny topcoat.

Natalie: Ohhp! Must be a jubilee!

Clara: [again flashes a warning glare towards the rafters] And that brings us to the end of this extra-special episode of Grudge-2-Sludge! Nat, it’s been nice to see you again; shame it can’t be in person. Still, the sight of the sludge must have brought back bad memories for you, even from where you’re sitting!

Natalie: [stiffly] I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Clara: Oh come now, Nat! Kate got it bad, but your sludging is still by far the worst the show has ever seen! Oh yes, definitely the worst… but in my opinion, also the best, ha ha!

Natalie only glowers at the screen.

Clara: Tell us, Nat – what lingered longer? The brown staining or the pigsty smell?

Natalie: [Face of thunder] No comment. [Looks sideways] And you can keep out of it, Stuart! Go away!

Stuart: Sweetheart, I’ve brought you a present to say sorry.

Natalie: Not interested.

Stuart: But darling, you really will like what I’ve got for you.

Stuart seats himself next to Natalie. Tenderly, he holds out his top-hat. Natalie, tempted, extends her hand towards it. Then she draws it away.

Natalie: [suspicious] This isn’t the rabbit’s arse trick again, is it?

Stuart: Darling, I assure you this gift will be nothing but pleasant… for you at least.

Wary but intrigued, Natalie dips her hands into the hat and snatches out what is inside. It is a remote control, wrapped in a red ribbon.

Natalie: Huh. I’d have preferred jewellery, Stuart.

Stuart: Try it and you might change your mind.

Still wary, Natalie taps one of the buttons. Clara exclaims as the platform she is on jerks downwards by an inch.

Natalie: Ooh! Did that do what I think it did?!

Natalie presses the button again. This time the platform drops by a foot, causing Clara to shriek from the dropping sensation in her stomach.

Natalie: Oh, Stuart, this is a good present! [Reaches over to kiss him] You’re gonna get a whole lotta Lloyd lovin’ tonight, you wonderful man!

Gripping to the railing, Clara glances down at the sludge beneath her. She gulps.

Clara: N-Now what’s going on here? Stop this fooling around!

Natalie: [twirls the remote control in her hand] Well well well. Looks like Miss Smartypants has been outsmarted! Looks like I’m gonna get my revenge!

Natalie selects another button. This time the platform whirrs downwards at a steady pace. Clara, for all her olive complexion, has turned decidedly pale.

Clara: No! I won the contest between us fair and square! The grudge is settled; you don’t get to have revenge!

Natalie: Well let’s ask the audience if they agree! Ladies and gents, do you wanna see Clara in the sludge?

A unanimous roar resounds from bedrooms, living rooms and back gardens around the country. Someone starts a chant of “Sludge Clara!! Sludge Clara!!”, and soon hundreds of voices are shouting in unison.

Natalie: [shrugs, a sardonic grin on her face] Looks like the people have spoken!

Natalie touches yet another button, and the platform tilts violently. The empty silverware tumbles into the slop below, as Kate swims clear to a corner of the pool. Clara is flung off her feet, but manages to snatch onto the railing to halt her fall. She is now dangling, legs kicking. Meghan ducks as a blue stiletto flies through the air.

Clara: [panicking] Nat! Don’t do this! Please!!

Natalie: [sharply] You know I hate that name.

Clara: Natalie, I meant to say Natalie! I’ll always call you Natalie from now on, I promise!

The platform continues to descend, bringing Clara’s flailing feet ever closer to the goo.

Clara: Natalie, Natalie, Natalie! Lovely Natalie! Beautiful Natalie! Clever Natalie!

Natalie: Oh Clara, my ears are burning! But I’m afraid it’s too little, much too late! Now Stuart, how about a nice song to send Clara off!

Stuart: Certainly, my dear.

A funky backing track starts up, and Stuart breaks into song.

Stuart:
Kate is in our sludge lagoon,
Clara’s due to join her soon,
And then it’s time for us to go awwwwaaayyyy!!

Natalie: [waving] Bye everyone! It’s been a blast!

Stuart:
But please be friendly to your neighbours,
Don’t be mean, don’t rattle sabres,
Cos we might come sludging back some day!!

Stuart and Natalie: [in (dis)harmony]
Grudge To Sludge!
We are the jury and the judge, judge, judge!
Grudge To Sludge!
We are the jury and the judge, judge, judge!

The platform makes another violent swing. Clara finds herself flung up onto the base of the platform, sliding on her chest, her head now pointing downwards. Clara stares at the vivid blue sludge, only a couple of feet away from her face. The foul broth is still resettling after the disturbance from Kate’s landing.

Natalie: Oh yes! Face first − perfect!! Come on folks, sing it for me!

Online audience:
GRUDGE TO SLUDGE!
WE ARE THE JURY AND THE JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE!

Natalie: [maniacally] Time to kiss the sludge, Clara! Pucker up for a nice big sloppy one!!

The royal blue fills Clara’s vision. Her face is lined up with a particular large and rancid lump, which registers as rotten spinach to her twitching button nose.

Clara: Oohh nooo!! Natalie, I’m begging you! Pleeeassee!!

GRUDGE TO SLUDGE!
WE ARE THE JURY AND THE JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE!
GRUDGE TO SLUDGE!
WE ARE THE JURY AND THE JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE!
GRUDGE TO SLUDGE!
WE ARE THE JURY AND THE JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE!
GRUDGE TO SLUDGE!
WE ARE THE JURY AND THE JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE!…

Clara’s eyes blink open. Sweat runs off her cheeks, dampening her hair against her pillow. Early daylight filters through a crack in the curtains. On the bedside table, Clara’s phone is ringing.

Ringtone:
Grudge To Sludge!
We are the jury and the judge, judge, judge!

Taking care not to ‘wake’ Mr Cuddly, Clara reaches across and answers the phone.

Clara: Stephanie, hi! … Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit breathless… [frowns] No, I haven’t “finally got a man”, as you put it… Actually I’ve just had the weirdest dream … I dreamt that Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle came on an episode of Grudge-2-Sludge… Yeah, I know, as if! … Kate, as it turned out… Oh, and I also dreamt that I’d invented this special machine to flan people remotely… Yeah, it was called a Flan-o-mat…

Clara halts mid-syllable. Her eyes widen as she stares towards the foot of her bed.

Stephanie: [voice tinny through the phone] Clara?

The phone drops from Clara’s hand as she shrinks into her pillow, drawing closer to Mr Cuddly.

Stephanie: Clara, are you there? … Clara, I can’t hear you… Clara…?

And so ends our tale, which surely leaves more questions than it answers. Was any of it real? Will Kate ever live it down? Will the show return for a second series? Will Clara’s date with the sludge ever come, or will she escape its embrace forever?

I know little more than you at this time, but thanks for watching, and I hope you enjoyed.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip Episode 1 visiting Bradford Bus Station Special Guest Natalie Cassidy

Lizzie, Lucy and Natalie stood facing 3 gunge tanks. “It’s only fair you choose first as you are the host” Natalie said. “And because she is the oldest” Lucy chipped in. “Respect your elders” Lizzie replied giving Lucy a playful slap on the bum. “I don’t like the thought of getting covered in Curry Slops but you know what I’m going to do it and I’ll stay sat on the seat and if I get messy I can always get cleaned up” she announced as the crew clapped her. “You cannot shower until tonight don’t forget” Lucy said. “Don’t remind me” Lizzie replied sitting on the middle chair. “Two of us will be smelling of curry whatever happens” Natalie chipped in laughing and sat on the first seat. “I hope this stays up” she added making sure her strapless bikini top is secure. Lucy sat on the third seat and jokingly crossed herself.

Lizzie was handed another envelope and opened it “Please say who you hope gets gunged first” she read out. “Well I clearly hope to stay clean and whilst Natalie is a lot of fun and I hope her boobs stay in. I want Lucy to get gunged first. It’s not because of the age jokes or her dodgy driving but I think she’ll be well up for it and the thought of her washing that blonde hair in a portable shower would be funny” Lizzie said. “I almost hope it’s me as I love curry and Lucy has to drive. But I’m going for Lizzie. She has taken a lot of stick but has risen above it. I think she has realised that she will get messy sometime or probably several times on this series. So she may as well get it over with. But it will be funny” Natalie said. “I want to see Lizzie get messy as it will be funny and I think whilst she may moan about it. I know she is a good sport really and will take it well. But I hope Natalie gets it first as that skimpy bikini may well fall down and I think Natalie trying to cover her boobs up will be hilarious and she’ll just laugh it off” Lucy said.

Lizzie looked at the autocue and read out “The lady with the most votes will now get a curry slurry. Will all ladies please pick up their buttons and press them”. They all picked up their buttons under their chairs. Lucy and Natalie were smiling and Lizzie had a worried look on her face. “I know it’s going to be me” she said. “On the count of three, all press” she added. “One, Two, Three” she almost whispered and they all pressed. A siren went off on Lucy’s gunge tank and several gallons of brown, orange runny curry cascaded down onto her. Covering her face and long blonde hair, running down her shoulders onto her bikini top and pert boobs past her toned stomach and cute belly button and onto her pink shorts. As the last of the mess descended a pool of curry overflowed her chair and ran down her athletic legs. She gasped and slowly wiped her eyes clear, pushing her straggled curry soaked hair out of her eyes. Lizzie was a bit shocked but was laughing “Are you okay Lucy?” she asked. “Yes I’m fine but driving will be interesting” Lucy giggled. Natalie was looking over smiling. “Well it’s you or me now Cundy. I really hope it’s you” she said joking. “I hope it’s you and that your tits fall out” Lizzie replied.

“Tell you what come and sit on my lap and we’ll share it” Natalie said. “That’s kind but if they want me gunged in curry, it’s only fair they get it and 2 girls covered in curry in the van is better than 3” Lizzie said. “The Cundy Curry Camper Van” Lucy said getting out of her pool of curry and walking to the side of the camera to watch the other two girls await their fate. “Okay we press the buttons again on the count of three and the girl with the second most votes gets the Curry Slurry. You do the count Nat” Lizzie said. “One, Two, Three! Natalie said and both ladies pressed their buttons.

The siren went off on Natalie’s gunge tank and several gallons of stagnant curry rained down on her head flattening her hair which was put up completely down. Unfortunately the curry hit her with such force it made her slip off her chair and as she fell smack on her bum her bikini top fell down exposing her sizable rather fat breasts. Unable to stop laughing Natalie sat there in a pool of curry as the last of it ran down her face and onto her nipples. “Put your tits away Cassidy” Lizzie shouted roaring with laughter at Natalie’s predicament. “My thrupennies” Natalie shouted pulling her bikini top back up. “More like several pounds” Lizzie joked. “Yours probably cost several thousand” Lucy chipped in and looked behind Lizzie’s ear for signs of a facelift. Lizzy laughed this off and helped Natalie up.

“Well we will all use the Cundy Toilet Cubicle and whilst the girls can wash their hands and faces they have to stay messy for the rest of the day as we proceed on Celebrity Coach Dip” Lizzie said. The ladies had a comfort break and all emerged with Lucy and Natalie still pretty well covered in stale curry. “I’ve got a bit of meat in my belly button” Natalie said pulling a small chunk of meat from it and sticking it down the front of her bikini bottoms “Need to keep her fed” she joked.

Lizzie was handed another envelope and opened it. “Please welcome our newest Cundy Camper Van Passenger from 2019’s Great British Bake Off Alice Fevronia”. “Never heard of her” Lucy joked as Alice walked on.

Alice was in a white see through shorts playsuit with a red a bikini underneath.

“You didn’t watch Bake Off! Alice said rather shocked to Lucy. “I’m based in Florida but I know who you are” Lucy said shaking Alice’s hand. “Hiya Alice, loved you on Bake Off. I hear that you’ve got your claws into Henry you cougar” Natalie said warmly shaking her hand. “Yes we are together” Alice said. “I expect all Lizzie’s blokes are younger than her given her age” Lucy said joking. “I dated a Chelsea Pensioner once, he went with a smile on his face though” Lizzie retorted with renewed confidence as she had escaped a gunging. She warmly hugged Alice. “I see you’ve gone for the swimwear vibe too” she said. “Yes there is a chance I’ll get messy and my body isn’t too bad. So I went for a bit of a compromise” Alice replied. “Will you go down to your bikini when you face a potential dip or gunging?” Lizzie asked. “Wait and see, but I think there is a good chance” Alice said smiling.

“Just hope you don’t pop out like I did” Natalie said joking. “I put the extra layer on just in case but I think my straps are fairly tight” Alice replied. Lucy was handed an envelope with the next location in and advised details had been added to the Sat Nav. “Not too far” she said. “I put towels on the front seats. So if Nat and myself sit upfront and Lizzie and Alice in the back. Is that okay?” she added. “Fine with me” Alice replied. “With her driving you are safer in the back” Lizzie added. “We take the piss out of each other and sing along to naff 1970’s cassettes. Are you up for that?” Natalie asked Alice. “I’m a secondary school teacher. So I’ve heard most things so I don’t scare easily” Alice replied. “What until you see Lizzie minus her makeup” Lucy chipped in as Lizzie again slapped Lucy’s bum as the ladies made their way to the Cundy Camper Van.

Lucy and Natalie sat on the towels in the front with Lizzie and Alice in the back. Lizzie reached over and selected “Boney M’s Greatest Hits” from their supply of tapes as Lucy cranked the van into gear and they took off. “How old is this van?” Alice asked. “A year younger than me” Lizzie replied. “Similar amount of miles on the clock” Lucy added joking. “How old are your children Lizzie?” Natalie asked. “25 and 20” Lizzie replied. “Don’t say anything Lucy” she added laughing. “You could have a grandchild who is a teenager” Alice innocently suggested. “Don’t you start” Lizzie said as Rivers of Babylon came on. “I sense there are a lot of age jokes flying around here” Alice said. “I just like winding Lizzie up. She does look amazing though and I think she is awesome” Lucy replied going twice around a roundabout. “Watch the road” Natalie shouted.

“How do you make things rise in the kitchen?” Lucy asked Alice. “A very delicate touch” Alice replied. “I like to get my hands on it and give it a good kneading” Natalie said. “I prefer to gently caress and blow on it” Lizzie said. “Do you take your false teeth out first?” Lucy asked. Lizzie nearly fell out of her seat laughing as Rasputin came on the tape.

The girls had a good singalong and then found another tape of random 1970’s hits including Girls Talk by Dave Edmunds. “This should be our theme song” Lucy said as the ladies began to sing a long to it and put it on repeat. “You are doing 90mph” Natalie shouted at Lucy who was bopping along to the song with one hand leaning out of the window. “I’m not doing 90mph, I’m doing 103mph” Lucy said as she released and started to hit the breaks. The sudden slowing down made Natalie’s bikini top fall down again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4TzjRFfsJs

“Put them away Fat Tits Nat” Lizzie said. “I like that name. I’ve been called far worse Nicholas Lyndhurst in drag was one when I was younger” Natalie replied pulling her top back up. “How many children have you got?” Alice asked Natalie. “Two last time I counted” Natalie replied as they played Girls Talk for the 4th time. Alice pulled off the motorway. “That’s one thing I’m good at pulling off” she said. “You girls are such fun and so naughty” Alice said. “I like flashing my rear indicator” she said. “Moon out your window then Alice” Lucy said. “Oh my god what have I said” Alice replied. “Alice, Alice” the girls chanted. “I’ve got a playsuit on” she said. “Stick your butt out the window then and we’ll call it quits” Natalie said. Undoing her seatbelt Alice stuck her bum out the side window just as Lucy turned a corner and Alice’s head ended up in Lizzie’s lap. All the girls laughed and hi-fived. “If I survive the vote off. I’ll do a proper moon tomorrow” Alice promised.

“We are here” Lucy said as they pulled into the Heinz factory in Wigan.

Lucy parked up and the ladies got out. The film crew had sent a unit ahead but it only just arrived as Lucy had been driving so fast. The floor manager handed Lizzie and envelope. “Welcome to the Heinz Factory Ladies. You will have a tour of the factory before you can enjoy a leisurely soak for 30 minutes” Lizzie read out. One of the factory foremen took the girls on a fun tour of the factory before leading them into an area by some skips and tankers. There were 4 baths set up, one contained baked beans, one contained lentil soup, another contained tomato ketchup and the final one contained alphabetti ( alphabet spaghetti).

Lizzie was handed another envelope and read it out. “Please enjoy a nice relaxing soak at Heinz’s pleasure. If you all stay in your baths for 30 minutes. You’ll win a classic 1970’s meal of Chicken in a Basket for your evening meal at a campsite. If you don’t you’ll stay here overnight and use the Camper Van’s Chemical Toilet and cooking facilities and only have a cold water hose to shower with. Plus the public will be voting who out of Lizzie and Lucy will face 10 seconds under the factory sluice and who out of Natalie and Alice will also suffer the same fate. Also the loser out of Natalie and Alice will face possibly leaving Coach Dip tomorrow as they will be going up against your newest Coach mate and Day Dipper it’s Fashion writer Amber Butchart and here is an extra bath containing Curry Beans. You can decide who sits in which bath “

Amber who was dressed in a Victorian bathing outfit warmly hugged all the girls and said “Who fancies which tub”.”I’ll have the curried beans if I can as I already smell of curry” Lucy said. “I’m happy to take the baked beans” Lizzie said. “I’ll have the Alphabet Spaghetti” Natalie said. “Lentil Soup sounds fun” Alice added. “So it looks like I’ve got Tomato Ketchup” Amber concluded.

Lucy went to get into her bath slipped on the way in and fell in head first. Spluttering she emerged from beneath her Curry Beans as the other girls howled with laughter. Lizzie carefully got into her bath and sat down relaxing and smiling. Natalie stepped into her bath and lay down with her toes rising out of the Alphabet Spaghetti. Alice took her playsuit off to reveal a sexy red bikini. She had a nice pert pair of breasts and a long slender body. Just as she was climbing into her bath Lucy shouted “Your Vag is showing” Alice looking down fell bum first into the bath with her head and legs sticking up in the air. She slowly spun back round and lay down in her bath rather elegantly. “You got me Lucy” she replied smiling. Finally Amber climbed into her tomato ketchup bath and settled down.

“What do you do Amber as I’m sure I’ve seen you presenting on TV??” Natalie asked. “I’m a fashion writer,historian and do a bit of TV presenting too” Amber replied. “How far do you go back in fashion history as far as Lizzie’s youth?” Lucy said. “I really loved your series A Stitch In Time” Lizzie added. “Is everyone okay?” Alice asked. “I’m fine thanks” Natalie said taking her bikini top off but keeping her boobs under the Alphabet Spaghetti. Lucy reached out to try and grab the bikini top but the baths were too far apart. Alice started to do a meditation chant and so did Amber, Lizzie also joined in whilst Lucy and Natalie tried not to laugh. Eventually Alice finished and Lucy said “What’s your favourite size Amber, I like large”. Amber started talking about the size of the female body and Lucy burst out laughing. “I see it’s teenage humour here” Amber replied laughing. “I actually prefer a nice tight fit that slides on and off with ease” she continued winking at the other girls.

A gong went and the 30 minutes were up. Natalie put her bikini top back on but as she got out of her bath the top of both her nipples were showing. “Fat Tits” Lizzie shouted as Natalie laughing readjusted her bikini top. All the girls dripping with the contents of their baths stood there as a crew member gave each a hand towel. “You can wipe hands and faces only” she said. “Amber can’t dry her dick then” Lucy shouted as Amber creased up. Lizzie was handed another envelope and opened it. “You’ve past your test so will get a meal and a warm shower at a caravan site. But the votes are in and out of Lizzie against Lucy and Natalie against Alice. The two ladies who have to stand for 10 seconds under the factory sluice are” she said as another envelope was handed to her.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! Wow, can you believe we’re already half-way though the season? What a trip its been. Now as you know, you were given a choice as to who should come back for a return trip to the House Party. Now, its time to find out who is up for the gunge.” Holly walked over to where the gunge tank spun out from the wall. Two ladies were sat in the chairs next to it. In one chair sat Georgia May-Foote

and on the other side sat Lindsey Russell

Holly continued “Folks, both of these ladies have escaped from the gunge in the past. But once again, theyre in danger of getting messy.” Georgia and Lindsey both looked nervous and galnced at the tank and the gunge that was placed above it. They knew that in just a bit, that gunge would be on one of them. “Place your votes on who should get gunged!”

The tank spun away as Holly walked away while talking “But theyre not the only ones who could face the gunge.” She walked over to the three chairs where three females sat. The three consisted of Saffron Barker

Natalie Sawyer

And Anna Woolhouse

Holly continued “Now, here are our three other escapee’s. Folks, once again you will decide their fate. Whichever two ladies end up with the most votes are going for a trip. How does that sound?” The crowd applauded loudly while Saffron, Natalie and Anna looked tense. All three had watched their opponents suffer a gungey fate. Saffron laughed while Amelia Gething and Holly H were bathed in mess, while Natalie and Anna watched Laura Tobin and Lucy Verasamy get turned into masses of gunge of foam. Now they were once again in danger of experiencing that fate.

Holly finished as she walked away. “These ladies that are here tonight have gotten lucky before, but I dont know if they will now. Tune in later to find out who gets it, and make sure to tune in after the votes for a little bonus content…”

Voting ends Thursday at 11:59 PM Est.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

Lizzie Cundy’s Celebrity Coach Dip Episode 2 from Bradford Bus Station the Gunging Result and visiting the Heinz Factory in Wigan with Special Guests Natalie Cassidy, Alice Fevronia and Amber Butchart

Lizzie Cundy opened the Envelope nervously and read out “The winner of the vote between Lizzie and Lucy is Lucy again and the winner of the vote between Natalie and Alice is Alice. Both Lucy and Alice will now have to stand under the factory sluice pipe for 10 seconds and Alice will be up against Amber in the vote off tomorrow” Lizzie said almost smiling with glee.

“Well I’m going to get messy again” Lucy said giggling. “My god what will they dump on us” Alice said looking very worried. “It’s only going to be a mixture of what we have just had to sit in the baths with” Natalie said trying to reassure her. “Your body is already messy. Just think of it as you’ll need to wash your hair afterwards” Amber added. “People must really hate me” Alice said getting a bit upset. “I got gunged in curry and my tits fell out. I don’t think people hate me” Natalie said trying to be positive. “People have voted for me to get messy and Lizzie thought people would have voted for her. We’ll do this together, sure we’ll get messy and it may be a bit smelly but we’ll be showered soon and have a laugh about it” Lucy said.

Lizzie looking at another card said “We need around the corner to find the sluice pipe apparently” She added “You’ll be fine Alice. Lucy will look after you and I expect a lot of your pupils have voted for you to get messy as they think it will be funny”. “I was gunged for Comic Relief at my school a couple of years back” Alice admitted. “Well you can handle this. Just make sure your boobs are well in your bikini” Amber said joking. “My god they might fall out!” Alice replied getting even more worried. “Mine did earlier and I’ve had two kids” Natalie added joking. “We’ll hug each other so nothing falls out” Lucy said putting an arm around Alice.

The ladies walked around the corner and saw a big plastic pool set up where a portable waste tank would normally be situated. Above it was a large pipe a couple of foot square and there was a large cross directly underneath it in the centre of the plastic pool. Laughing Lucy removed her shorts to reveal skimpy black bikini bottoms and she took Alice who was in her red bikini by the hand. Lizzie hugged them both as they climbed into the pool and laughing nervously stood on the cross. “We’re ready” Lucy screamed hugging Alice.

Without warning the sluice pipe opened and a deluge of dark heinz, bean, ketchup, spaghetti and assorted other sauces and filling crashed down onto Lucy and Alice’s heads. Both screamed loudly as the torrent hit them and ran down their bodies covering and engulfing them. Like a fast flowing river running over a weir the downpour went on. Just as it neared the end Alice lost her footing and holding onto Lucy to try and steady herself caused them both to full backwards into the sludge. The deluge was turned off and as the last of it cascaded onto the two girls you could see Lucy on her back in the pool with Alice on top of her and the mess nearly covering them both. Alice reached out to try and get a grip of anything but accidentally pulled Lucy’s bikini top down exposing her impressive mainly bean covered boobs. Lucy who was laughing at their predicament picked up a big handful of beans/spaghetti etc and stuck it down the back of Alice’s bikini briefs. Alice screamed and started flailing about and as Lucy sat up Alice slid down her body and face first into the mess.

Putting her boobs back inside her bikini top Lucy slowly got up and reached down to try to help Alice up but they fell back over into the sludge. Lucy was in hysterics but Alice was almost crying as both totally covered and destroyed with Heinz products dripping from them tried to get up again. “Wait there we’ll come in and help you up” Lizzie said climbing into the pool. Amber and Natalie gamely followed and waded in with the mess halfway up to their knees. They helped Alice up first and then Lucy and slowly made there way to the side of the pool.

“Thank you so much” Alice said as she quietly climbed out of the pool with a pile of the mush dripping out of her bikini briefs and the top of her bum crack showing. “You’ve got builder’s bum cleavage Alice” Natalie said as Alice pulled her bikini briefs up and was nearly in tears. “Why did you do that Lucy?” she asked. “Because you pulled my top off” Lucy replied. “It was an accident I slipped” Alice quietly replied. “Oh come on it was funny Alice” Lucy responded. “It wasn’t funny” Alice said. “No it was bloody hilarious” Amber said. “You took that well Alice and Lucy you are a great sport” Lizzie said. “I would have started wrestling you in it and pulling the other girls over but I could see you were upset” Lucy said to Alice.

“I must seem really wimpy” Alice said. “No you took one hell of a gunging and when you see it back you’ll be howling with laughter” Natalie said. “I suppose so” Alice said retrieving a handful of baked beans from her bikini briefs and throwing them at Alice. “I’ll be finding beans up there for days to come” she said smiling for the first time since her gunging as the other girls clapped her. “Good job Lizzie wasn’t in that pool the size of her bucket. She’d have got half the factory’s supply up there” Lucy quipped as Lizzie stood there with her hands on her hips. “Her bath level went down by 2 inches too” Natalie added. “I was storing supplies for breakfast” Lizzie replied laughing.

The girls were given towels to wipe themselves down and Lizzie read out the next card. “Your campsite is only 15 minutes drive away and you can nominate another driver as Lucy has driven all day and taken two gungings” she said. “I’m happy to still drive” Lucy said. “No, I’ll take the wheel” Amber said as she stopped dead as she saw the state of their dilapidated Camper Van. “You have got to be joking” she said. “No” all the others chorused.

With towels on the seats Amber and Lucy and sat in the front and the others in the back. “The Sat-Nav has been programmed with directions to your campsite. Have a nice evening ladies” a note on the dashboard said. Lucy took a lucky dip in the tape pile and pulled out “The Dooley’s Greatest Hits”. They had a bit of a singalong as Amber drove them to their campsite.

They were greeted on arrival by a rather bemused site owner to see 5 messy women in bathing costumes or bikinis in a battered 1969 Volkswagen Camper Van. They were directed to their pitch where a production crew member was waiting with their one allowed suitcase each. “The shower block is over there and towels are inside” she said. The ladies grabbed their cases and ran to the showers. They all got cleaned up and changed into their casual clothes. Back at the camper van a chicken in the basket meal had been provided for each as the sunset. They got the camper stove lit and had either a tea or a coffee. Then they realised they needed to set up the camper van for sleeping.

Luckily Alice had been camping several times with her school and she and Amber managed to raise the van’s roof and get the pull out part open. They then realised that one of them would have to sleep outside under the canopy. “I’m happy to do it as I’ve camped a lot” Alice said. “No I was last to join” I’ll do it Amber replied. Eventually they drew lots and it was decided Alice would sleep outside. The ladies changed for bed in the washroom. Onesies were the order of the day except Lizzie and Lucy who had both opted for sexy camisoles which were almost similar. When they saw each other they burst out laughing.

“Who is going to sleep in the roof part?” Natalie asked “I’m happy to go up there” the ever perky Lucy said. “You know what I’ll join you” Lizzie said. “Remember to take your teeth out first” Lucy joked as Lizzie again slapped her on the bum as she climbed up into her sleeping bag. Lizzie followed her and Amber and Natalie settled down in the lower part with Alice in her sleeping bag outside. They were all dozing off when a loud fart was heard. “Lizzie” Lucy shouted. “That was you” Lizzie screamed laughing as Lucy replied “Too many beans”.

The girls were up and about the next morning after a decent night’s sleep. Amber and Alice did yoga, Natalie cooked a fry up whilst Lizzie and Lucy did their make up and choose their outfits for the day.

Lizzie emerged in a tiny green and black thong bikini but a minute later Lucy emerged in an even more miniscule white thong bikini.

“I hope you two don’t get messy today as they won’t stay in” Natalie said biting on a sausage. “My thoughts exactly. If I’m going to be made a mess, I’ll wear less and less” Lucy replied joking. “I have to give the younger girls a run for their money” Lizzie added. “You both look amazing” Amber said. “I wish I was confident enough to dress like that” Alice said. “I could lend you one” Lizzie replied. “No way” Alice responded as they all settled down for breakfast.

After eating and washing up they packed up and loaded up the van. Natalie, Alice and Amber chose the following outfits. Natalie went for an outrageously low cut swimsuit. Amber for quirky t-shirt, tights and shorts and Alice for a black bikini covered by a blue lace overtop.

“I wonder who will ping first?” Amber said joking. “Well I’m here to have fun, so why not be a bit naughty” Natalie added as they all climbed into the camper van this time Natalie and Lizzie upfront with Lucy and Amber and Alice in the back. Lucy cranked up through the gears as Lizzie put another 1970’s hits tape on and Edison Lighthouse blasted up. “The directions are in the Sat Nav. I guess. So I’ll follow that. I just hope we don’t end up back at the Heinz factory” Lucy said as she swung the van dangerous out of the campsite making an elderly couple almost dive for cover.

They were driving along when Alice suddenly began to get a bit emotional and said “One of me and you” will be leaving the show soon to Amber. “Don’t worry whichever one of us goes we’ve all had a great time” Amber replied. “If you survive you are so doing that moon out of the window. If I have to pull those bikini briefs down myself” Lucy said to Alice. “I’ll help you” Natalie added. “It would be up to you though” Lizzie chipped in. “I’ll do it” Alice shouted as they all cheered and sang along to Girls Talk.

Lucy swung the camper van into what looked like an industrial complex as Lizzie noticed the sign “St Helens Sewage Plant” she screamed as they all burst out laughing.

“I know these destinations are supposed to be shit but this is taking the piss” Natalie said. A pungent smell hit the girls as they got out of the van and were greeted by a plant worker. They were taken on a smelly tour of the sewage plant and when they returned to their camper van they were met by the site of two smaller tankers with hoses being held by workers and a familiar face.

“That’s Kitty Brucknell” Natalie screamed as Kitty hugged and greeted all the girls. Kitty handed Lizzie a card who read out the following “Kitty is your new Camper Van mate and Day Dipper but she will be replacing one of Alice and Amber. The public have been voting who to save. The lady with the most votes will get a dowsing in authentically recreated effluent and leave the show. The public have also been voting who out of Lizzie, Lucy and Natalie will get a dowsing too. Then you will proceed to your next location where one of the winner out of Alice and Amber and either Natalie or Kitty will leave Celebrity Coach Dip”

Lizzie was then handed another card labeled Results by a production crew member. She slowly turned it over and began to read it out.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/17/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-3-from-the-heinz-factory-in-wigan-the-gunging-result-and-visiting-st-helens-sewage-works-with-special-guests-natalie-cassidy-alice-fevronia-and-amb/

Lizzie Cundy looked at the card and read out “The lady getting doused in the fake sewage out of Natalie, Lucy and myself is Lucy. The lady getting doused and leaving Celebrity Coach Dip out of Alice and Amber is Amber!”. Lucy started laughing and screamed “Not Again”. Amber and Alice hugged “You deserve to stay” Amber said to Alice. “I’ll miss you and you’ll get an awesome gunging send off” Alice replied.

There were two crosses marked on the car park “It looks like Lucy and Amber will have to stand on those” Natalie said. “You are perceptive whatever that means?” Lucy replied. Lizzie read from another card “Lucy and Amber will be hosed down for 10 seconds but they can choose which lady will hose them down”. “You can do me Cundy, at your age getting your hands around a hose that size will bring back happy memories” Lucy said turning around and wiggling her thong covered bum cheeks at Lizzie. “I’ll have Alice as it will psyche her up for when she has to moon out of the camper van” Amber said. “Oh shit I forgot that” Alice said. “You are so doing it and sticking that sexy bum out of the window. I’m going to toot the horn and drive extra slow when you do” Lucy said rubbing her hands with glee. Alice groaned and looked skywards “I promised to so I’ll stick to my word” she said.

Lucy stood on her cross and was wiggling her bum and pulling faces at Lizzie. “This is her third gunging. But she just doesn’t care” Natalie said to Kitty. “She seems like fun and she is stunning” Kitty replied. “She is cruel to Lizzie but it is all done in jest and she was amazing helping Alice yesterday with their joint gunging” Natalie added. “What is her driving like?” Kitty asked. “Better on the golf course than on the road” Natalie replied laughing.

Lizzie was shown how to turn to the hose on and off and told a whistle would start and end the task. A production member blew the whistle and Lizzie turned the hose onto Lucy dousing her with a thick black smelly sludge. She rained it down on Lucy covering her head then gave her a blast between her legs which made Lucy scream. Lucy stood there and took it as she was turned into a black, sludgy, swampy mess. As the last few seconds came she began to advance towards Lizzie when sprayed her right in the face. The whistle went put Lizzie continued to spray an advancing Lucy. Suddenly Lucy sprinted at Lizzie and made her drop the hose. The pressure of the sludge made the hose fly about wildly showering both Lizzie and Lucy. It came to rest between the two girls as Lucy jumped on Lizzie and they slid on the tarmaced floor. The hose was spraying up covering both of them. Lizzie was rapidly turning into a similar black muddy mess as Lucy was.

Lizzie tried desperately to turn it off before Lucy grabbed it and after ensuring Lizzie got a blast right in her face managed to turn it off. Both ladies sat there totally covered in the dark fake effluent trying to get their breath back. Lucy was laughing and Lizzie was screaming shaking her hands and trying to wipe her eyes. Both their respective long brunette and blonde hair was a lank bedraggled and matted mess. Their thong bikinis not visible. “Bet this takes you back to mud wrestling at the Circus Tavern circa 1992?” Lucy said. “You never told us about that Lizzie” Natalie shouted. “I ****** well didn’t. But I am now” Lizzie screamed and threw herself at Lucy and both rolled about in the sludge. Lizzie got Amber over her knee and started to spank her bum cheeks “Look what you’ve done to me you bitch” she screamed as Amber’s peachy gunge covered bum cheeks wobbled with the force of each smack.

Amber grabbed a handful of sludge and stuck it in Lizzie’s face to make her stop. As Lizzie gagged and coughed Lucy rolled off and slowly got to her feet. She held out a hand to Lizzie who gratefully accepted it and was helped up. “Quits” Lucy said. “I agree” Lizzie replied hugging Lucy. “Look at the ****** state of us” Lucy said shaking some of the sludge off her. “Yes I know” Lizzie replied ringing her hair out. “You’ve definitely mud wrestled before” Lucy added. “I bloody well haven’t” Lizzie replied collapsing with laughter as she saw her reflection in the Camper Van wing mirror. “You asked for that though carrying on beyond the whistle” Lucy said. “I’m sorry and but I knew you were coming for me” Lizzie replied. ” It looks like I’ll get gunged everytime I’m up for a vote so I’m going to damn well make sure you get messy too” Lucy replied smiling. “I cannot wait to see it back” Lizzie responded. “Are you okay with me messing you up?” Lucy countered. “I knew it was going to happen and probably will again but I’m okay and I’ll give as good as I get. How is the bum now?” Lizzie said. “It’s fine honestly and you were impressive doing that to me” Lucy replied laughing.

Natalie was given a card and read out “You may be interested to know you were covered with a mixture of mud, pond slime, gunge, food coloring, water, custard and with a authentic swampy water smell added”. “Cheers thanks for telling us” Lizzie replied standing there with her hands on her hips.

“Now I know what I’ll be covered in” Amber said standing on her cross. “I’ll only do 10 seconds I promise” Alice replied as she listened to the instructions. Amber started doing a comedy tap dance just as the whistle blew. Alice carefully doused a dancing Amber up and down her body but then Amber began to do a slow Monster type walk towards Alice who had completely covered Amber in the sludge. Alice turned the hose away from Amber and ran towards her as the whistle blew again. Suddenly Alice stuck the hose down Amber’s short sleeved top and ran off.

The girls were in hysterics as Amber struggled to retrieve the hose from her top as the effluent poured out of the neck and arm holes of her top and seeped down her shorts and flesh coloured tights. Eventually she got hold of the hose and turned it on the laughing girls as they all ran away. She switched it off and trudged like the Creature from the Black Lagoon towards the girls. Her immaculate ginger bob and quirky outfit were unrecognisable beneath the smelly dark sludge. “Here Alice” she shouted wagging her finger at Alice. Laughing Alice walked towards her. “I went to a private school where corporal punishment was allowed and I’ll miss your mooning” Amber said. “What do you want me to do?” Alice asked. “Bend over” Amber ordered her. Laughing Alice did so as Amber suddenly lifted up Lucy’s blue lace overtop pulled down her black bikini briefs to expose her pert white bum cheeks and gave her a very hard slap across it.

Amber dusted her hands off and walked off leaving Alice stood there bent over with her bum sporting a muddy red handprint still on display. “You can put your arse away for now” Natalie shouted as Alice realising that her punishment was over stood up and pulled her bikini briefs back up. “I was stood there 20 seconds longer than I needed to” she screamed as the other girls laughed at her.

“I’m very sorry that we now have to say goodbye to Amber who certainly made a mark on us all especially on Alice’s bum” Lizzie said. The girls all hugged Amber not worried about who got what sludge on each other. Natalie unloaded Amber’s suitcase as she was the cleanest and they said their goodbyes to Amber. “It’s been a fun time and I gave as good as I got and went out with a bang” Amber said as she stood there a total mess and the other girls proceeded towards the van. Each girl was given a wet towel to wipe themselves down and were allowed to wash their hands and faces in several provided bowls of lukewarm water. Lucy and Lizzie were still very muddy. “I’ll ride upfront with Lucy and Lizzie” Natalie said putting several towels across the front seats. Lucy was given the coordinates for the next location and put it into the Sat Nav.

The girls climbed into the van and the muddy Lucy swung the van out of the car park nearly taking a waving Amber out by accident. “I see what you mean about her driving” Kitty said. “I can drive about as well as you sing” Lucy replied. “I’m a good singer actually” Kitty replied. “Who told you that Louis Walsh and Tulisa?” Lucy responded. “Yes why?” Kitty added. “I’m covered in shit, I smell of shit, I’ve got shit up my fanny. So I don’t want to listen to shit. Just promise you won’t sing unless it’s along with our tapes” Lucy said. All the girls laughed and Kitty sat there rather awkward silently.

“Let’s find something really cheesy” Lizzie said looking through the tapes. “Lucy’s boyfriend’s cock” Kitty blurted out. All the girls laughed and Kitty sat there in the back looking worried. Lucy reached back and shook her hand as she went through a red light and said “We’re quits now”. Kitty smiled as she realised Lucy had been testing her and she needed to give as good as she got. Lizzie stuck on a 1970’s Novelty Hits Tape and My Ding A Ling came on. “How did they allow this?” Alice asked as the girls changed the lyrics to feature a male partner of each of theirs. Then The Streak by Ray Stevens came on. “Alice get that arse out of the window” Natalie said. Laughing but rather embarrassed Alice pulled down her bikini bottoms opened the window and stuck her bum out of it. Lucy slowed down and kept blasting the horn as they drove down a main road. “Don’t Look Alice” they shouted as the song ended. “You can pull your bum in now Alice. I reckon whoever survives lowest out of our 3 guests has to do this after we leave the next location” Lizzie said. “I’m up for it but how I’d do it in this swimsuit I don’t know” Natalie replied. “Count me in” Kitty said quickly flashing her bum to the other girls. “That is the whitest arse I’ve ever seen. I’ve heard of anal bleaching but that is ridiculous” Lucy said. “I’ve just heard of anal” Natalie chipped in. “You can pull your bum in Alice” Lizzie said.

“I can’t I’m stuck” Alice said worriedly. “That is a good one” Natalie said. “No I’m really stuck. My bum is wedged in the window and the window won’t budge” Alice shouted. “I’ll try to free her” Lucy said violently swerving the van from side to side. “Just pull over” Alice pleaded. “Okay” Lucy said slowing down and pulling into a side street. The girls piled out the van and Kitty produced a mobile phone. “You should have handed that in” Natalie said. “I will at the next destination” Kitty said. “No way” Alice screamed as Natalie, Lizzie and Lucy stood outside the van pointing to Alice’s bum stuck out the window. “I vote we leave her like this” Lucy said. “No please” Alice said beginning to cry.

“Don’t worry. We’ll get you out” Lizzie said hardly able to start laughing. Natalie and Kitty tried pulling her but she was stuck fast. “Pull her again on three” Lucy said. “One, two, three” Lizzie said as Lucy threw a shoulder at Alice’s bum and she shot forward onto Kitty and Natalie. “You’ve either got the knack or you haven’t” Lucy said climbing back into the van.

They set off again and entered the Mersey Tunnel a few minutes later “I know how a bloke shagging Lizzie must feel” Lucy said. “I was waiting for that one” Lizzie replied laughing. They carried on and Lucy began to get excited “I think I know where we are visiting next” she said as they started playing Girls Talk once more.

Lucy was right as they arrived at Royal Liverpool Golf Club and were met by the club pro who was shocked to see two every muddy ladies get out of the front of the Camper Van followed by 3 slightly messy ones. The girls had a few fun golf lessons. Lucy was hilarious teeing off in her mud covered thong bikini and wiggling her bum as she lined up the shot. Lizzie too was a proficient golfer whilst the least said about Natalie, Alice and Kitty the better. Natalie provided the highlight when she swung her driver and her swimsuit popped open displaying her big fat breasts. “Put them away Fat Tits” Lizzie said dryly.

The girls returned to their Camper Van to see two gunge tanks set up and a well known face stood next to them. It was Tulisa in a sexy black bikini. She had been swimming in the club’s pool and was still wet. The water glistening off her athletic olive skinned body.

Kitty screamed and ran up and hugged her. “Your singing may be preferable after all Kitty” Lucy quipped. Tulisa looked at Lizzie and Lucy and burst out laughing at the state of them. She handed Lizzie a card who read out “Tulisa is your new Camper Van Mate and Celebrity Day Dipper. The public have been voting who will get gunged in a mixture of golf club sand, grass cuttings, water, compost and other goodies. The voting categories were Lizzie against Lucy and Natalie against Alice and Kitty. Whoever gets the most votes in each category will get messy and in the case of Natalie, Alice and Kitty that lady will leave the show”

Another gunge tank was then wheeled on and Lizzie handed another card “If Tulisa agrees to be gunged in here you will have use of the club’s showers and they will provide you with a meal otherwise you’ll have to use an outdoor hose and the camper van stove and basic rations” she said. Tulisa looked shocked as the other girls laughed.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Continues From https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/12/football-is-coming-home-ep-3/

Tom Marto strides onto the studio floor as the audience applaud this specially arranged bonus edition of Football is Coming Home

”Hello everyone. We have a short bonus show for you tonight where we will be previewing the CSWL match that was announced during the last episode. Our CSWL match is Spurs v Man Utd to be played on Friday evening. As you already know, we have actress Gemma Atkinson representing her United team with my assistant Tania representing their opponents. You may recall that this will be a ‘schoolgirl uniform’ edition, so both ladies have dug deep into their wardrobes to find appropriate outfits, and here they are now….”

Gemma and Tania walk on to roars of approval from the audience. They are both dressed similarly with Gemma sporting a black and white tie, with Tania opting for a red and black tie.

Tom: “Hello ladies, and I do like your outfits!”

Gemma: “Thanks Tom”

Tania: “Yeah, thanks Tom. I’ve just about squeezed into it!”

Tom: “Would you ladies like to know what is at stake if your team loses?”

Gemma: “You can do, but it’s merely academic for me, as United will definitely win.”

Tom: “You seem very confident Gemma. How do you feel about the game Tania?”

Tania: “I’m not really sure if I’m being honest. I’m not sure I like this competition rule that I have to represent the ‘other’ team that the celebrity’s team is playing against.”

Tom: “If it helps, Spurs are playing at home and their manager is Jose Mourinho and I’m sure he will be itching to win against his former team.”

Gemma: “No chance Tom! United will have too much firepower for them. Especially if Daniel Rashford plays, oops, I mean Marcus Rashford. Haha!”

Tom: “Well, I can tell you that the loser will be treated to their very own ‘recibida’!”

Tania: “Huh, what does that mean?”

Tom: “It’s an Argentinian university graduation tradition. If you look up there at the TV monitor, we’ve got a clip to show you…”

Tom: “Apparently the tradition promotes good luck for future endeavours after accomplishing graduation!”

Gemma gulps “You’re not going to cut hair as well, like in the clip?”

Tom: “No don’t worry, we won’t do that Gemma. We will though replace that with more cutting up of clothes!”

Tom winks to the camera as he says the last part of the sentence

Gemma looks over to Tania: “Looks like you’re gonna get really messy!”

Tania rolls her eyes before a puzzled look appears on her face “But hold on what happens if the match ends in a draw?”

Tom: “Good question, and I am pleased that you have brought that up. We have a very special guest that will also be playing our CSWL game as well. Please welcome onto the stage, Nikki!”

The busty presenter enters, also in a sexy schoolgirl outfit, and waves to the audience.

Tom: “Hi Nikki, and I understand your agent specifically asked for you to appear on our new show”

Nikki: “Yes indeed! I’ve been incredibly bored at home and when I saw Tania get continually dunked in custard during the last episode, I got the urge to join in all the fun so I instructed my agent to get me on to the next episode of the show”

Tom: “I think our producers snapped your agents hand off! Haha!”

Nikki smiled sweetly and nodded.

Tom directs his attention to Tania “To answer your question, if the match is a draw, then it will be Nikki that gets the ‘recibida’.”

Turning to the camera, Tom concludes the show “There we have it, one football match with the fortunes of 3 ladies dependent on the final result. Who will be graduating and getting their very own recibida? Will it be actress Gemma, host Tania, or estate agent-turned-presenter Nikki?

Tune in on Saturday evening to see the sploshing being administered, together with the latest on the Gunge World Cup and a progress update on how the celebrity contestants are getting on in Tania’s Predictions”

As the credits rolled, an online vote appeared for the viewers to take part….

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

This follows on from :-

https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/06/18/lizzie-cundys-celebrity-coach-dip-episode-4-from-st-helens-sewage-works-the-gunging-result-and-visiting-royal-liverpool-golf-club-with-special-guests-natalie-cassidy-alice-fevronia-amber-b/

Lizzie Cundy was handed another envelope and opened it. She read out “The lady who will be getting gunged with Golf Course Delights out of Lucy and myself is you’ve guessed it Lucy” Lizzie mock punched the air with glee and laughed at Lucy who was already taking her seat in the first Gunge Tank. “Let’s face it I’ll win every vote” she added not worrying about getting even messier.

Lizzie went on “The girl getting gunged out of Natalie, Alice and Kitty and who will also leave Celebrity Coach Dip tonight is Natalie”. “I don’t believe it” Alice shouted having assumed that she would be the next to go. “I can also confirm that the girl with the second most votes and who will have to flash their bum out of the Cundy Camper Van tomorrow is Alice again” Lizzie added. “I’m going to write a W on each cheek so she spells Wow” Lucy shouted. “No way” Alice said. “We can do it the hard way or the easy way. We should have done that when she got her bum wedged or stuck a daffodil up it” Lucy shouted. “I’ll let you write a message but no daffodils” Alice said. “I only said one, so I’ll assume that’s fine” Lucy countered. “No way” Alice shrieked but then realised that Lucy was just winding her up.

“Finally can Tulisa confirm whether she is prepared to be gunged too so all the ladies get a warm shower and a meal provided by the Golf Club Restaurant?” Lizzie said. All the girls looked towards Tulisa who stood there thinking and then smiled and said “Of course I will”. The girls ran up and hugged her.

Natalie sat in the second Gunge Tank and Tulisa the third one. “Okay I’ve been asked to do the honours for the most deserved gunging in history. Lucy Robson is covered in shit, she smells of shit and the little shit covered me with shit today” Lizzie said laughing as she pressed the button on Lucy’s gunge tank. The mixture of grass, cuttings, water, sand and fertilizer cascaded down onto the already very messy Lucy. The mess ran down her face onto her succulent large breasts and down the rest of her hourglass figure. She sat there totally mess up again and Lizzie walked over to her and held out a hand of friendship to Lucy who suddenly grabbed a handful of the mush and rammed it down the front of Lizzie’s bikini briefs and then grabbed more of the mess and started throwing it at a screaming Lizzie who ran off with grass sticking out of her bikini bottoms.

Regaining her composure Lizzie asked Natalie “Who would you like to press the button on your farewell gunging?”. “It has to be Slack Alice” Natalie replied nodding towards Alice who slowly walked forward and stood by the side of Natalie’s gunge tank. “I want you to watch my farewell gunging. So please stand in front of me” Natalie said. Alice naively did so but as she pressed the button Natalie reached out and pulled a screaming Alice onto her lap. The mess cascaded down over both their heads and a bigger amount went down the cleavage of Natalie’s low cut swimsuit. Alice was face to face with Natalie and screamed as Natalie grabbed a handful of the mess and stuck it down the back of Alice’s bikini briefs. “Got you again” Natalie said. Suddenly Alice pinned Natalie to the back of her seat and scooped her big fat breasts out of her swimming costume and began to massage all the mess into them. Natalie was shocked but was also laughing as the other girls cheered. Alice then started to give Natalie a lap dance and finished off by wiggling her bum right in Natalie’s face.

Putting her boobs back inside her swimming costume Natalie hugged Alice and said “You’ve got a feisty side”. Tulisa sat in her gunge tank and called Kitty over to press the button. “It’s a bit unfair you’ll be the only one of us who will be clean” Tulisa said to Kitty and patted her lap and said “Good Kitty”. Laughing Kitty obediently sat on Tulisa’s lap and pressed the button. Unfortunately for Tulisa, Kitty had the awareness to make sure Tulisa’s head was pushed right back and she took the full brunt of the gunging. Tulisa screamed as her long black hair was reduced to a mushy green sandy mess and it went all down her bikini clad body including inside her top. Tulisa grabbed as much of the mess as she could and rubbed it into Kitty’s hair as the girls hugged.

“It’s a great shame we have to say goodbye to Natalie” Lizzie said as Lucy used a towel to retrieve Natalie’s suitcase. All the girls hugged Natalie and said their farewells as she trudged off a gungy mess pulling her case behind her. The girls were lead into the nearest set of showers in the club and all eventually got themselves cleaned up. Lizzie actually waited until Lucy had showered and was getting dried as she was wary that Lucy might just try to do something crazy and got Alice to keep watch in case Lucy made a dive at her. “Are you scared of her?” Alice asked. “I’m just on my guard. I love her to bits but she has that devil may care attitude and I just don’t want to take any chances” Lizzie said.

Kitty once more showed the girls the photo she had taken of them stood next to the Camper Van pointing at Alice’s naked bum stuck out of the window. “That is so going on Twitter” Kitty joked. “I’ve got a fantastic bum. I’m not bothered” Alice replied calling Kitty’s bluff as Kitty handed her phone over to the Production Crew. “I wouldn’t really post it. But all the other girls will be sent a copy” Kitty said. “Cheers” Alice replied. “You called my bluff well and you got Natalie back” Kitty added. “Yes I’ve realised with these girls you have to give as good as you get and my bum getting stuck was hilarious” Alice responded. “You’ve got to do it again tomorrow” Kitty replied. “I’ll have to grease it” Alice said laughing. “Your bum or the window?” Kitty asked. “Both, I’m taking no chances” Alice concluded as they collapsed with laughter.

The girls were all showered and changed and went back to the Camper Van. Tulisa seeing it for the first time said “Holy shit it’s old”. “Not as old as Lizzie” Lucy chimed in with Lizzie finishing it off with her. Their meal was delivered on an elaborate platter but they opened it to discover it was classic 1970’s Quiche, Pineapple Chicken and Carrot Cake with a Babycham or Orange Juice as a complimentary drink. “This is gloriously naff” Tulisa said laughing. “Yes, that’s the point of the show, we visit naff places, get gunged and have a laugh” Lucy replied. “Sounds good to me” Tulisa responded. “Thanks for taking the gunging” Alice said to Tulisa. “I had to and if I didn’t I’d have just been voted to be gunged next and I probably will be anyway” Tulisa replied.

It was a nice warm evening as the girls changed into their nightwear in the club loos and returned to the camper van. “Shit we haven’t expanded the van” Lizzie said. “Lets just put the canopy up and sleep under it in our sleeping bags” Alice suggested. “Great idea but just be warned Kitty and Tulisa our Lizzie sleeps on her back and you can see right up her hairy nose” Lucy said joking as Lizzie shook her head once more.

The girls had a decent night’s sleep and were provided with toast and packets of mini cereal as well as tea and coffee for their breakfast by the Golf Club. Then it began to start to rain and the temperature began to fall. “Is the swimwear dress code still in force?” Alice asked. “Of course but just put a jumper on top maybe. But we’ll be playing the games in swimwear” Lizzie replied. “Poor Alice is going to get a chilly bum with it stuck out of the window of the van” Lucy teased Alice. “How long do I have to stick it out for?” Alice asked. “One song” Lucy replied. “One song!” Alice groaned. “It is now two songs” Lucy went on. “I can sing one and Kitty the other ” Tulisa suggested. “I’d rather kiss Alice’s arse than listen to you two sing” Lucy replied. Kitty snorted with laughter as Tulisa stood there indignantly. “There is nothing wrong with my singing” Tulisa snapped. “Not much right with it from what I’ve heard” Lucy went on.

“What is your problem with me?” Tulisa fumed. “Nothing as long as you don’t sing” Lucy retorted and burst out laughing. Tulisa realised she was being wound up and began to laugh. “She is a serious piss taker T” Kitty said to Tulisa. “What is her comeuppance?” Tulisa asked. “I get gunged every ******* time” Lucy said. “I’ve got a fun challenge if Alice sticks her bum out of the window for two songs then Lucy has to kiss it.” Lizzie said. “Only if it’s both cheeks and she puts on one of our thong bikini bottoms” Lucy said. “I’ll do it but I’m wearing my own briefs” Alice said. “That’s fine” Lucy said laughing.

The girls got changed ready for the day’s fun. Lizzie put on a strapless bikini coupled with a mac and a see through umbrella while Lucy put on a stunning tie bikini.

They looked at each other and smiled. “Ties will be pulled or a top will be pulled down for sure” Alice said quietly to Kitty. “Fancy wagering sticking your bum out of the window for 4 songs?” Kitty replied. “Only if you do it for 5” Alice retorted winking.

Tulisa, Kitty and Alice then went and got ready and emerged. Tulisa had a very sultry pink tie bikini on. Kitty was in a crop tip and denim shorts and was braless under her top. Whilst Alice emerged wearing a halter neck bikini top and back thong bikini bottoms.

“We are really flashing the flesh today” Lizzie said. “We’ll be flashing a lot more if I have my way ” Lucy warned smiling. “No throwing tops out of windows or exposing the girls in front of male crew members” Lizzie replied. “No Natalie did enough of that sort of exposure” Lucy concluded.

“You said you wouldn’t wear thong bikini bottoms. A few minutes back I’m impressed” Tulisa said to Alice. “I only said I wouldn’t wear someone else’s I never mentioned my own” Alice replied naughtily.

The girls piled into the van and found the coordinates for the next location had been left there for Lucy. “This van really smells” Lizzie said laughing. “Bikini Van Wash tonight?” Lucy suggested. “You are on” Lizzie said adding “I expect most of the water will go over me though” laughing. Talk turned to I’m A Celebrity, Lizzie admitted she’d had offers for the jungle and so it Tulisa. “I’d love to do it” Lucy said. “You’d be a scream” Alice replied. “Yes I could see her getting loads of trials and then lots of waterfall shower scenes” Kitty added. “You know me too well” Lucy responded swinging blindly onto the main road.

“I nearly did the jungle but it was coming face to face with an ostrich which would freak me out” Lizzie said. “Why?” asked Lucy. “Imagine coming face to face with a manky looking bird with long legs and a tiny brain” Lizzie said. “Luckily the ostrich didn’t have to face that as you didn’t go in” Alice blurted out. The girls roared with laughter as Lizzie nearly choked as she snorted with laughter. “I’m really liking you Alice” Lucy said. “I’m not so much now” Lizzie replied. “It was funny though” Tulisa said. “Anyway Alice, Arse, Window” Lizzie said as Lucy pulled in. “What have you stopped for?” Kitty asked. “This” Lucy replied reaching into her bag for her lipstick. “Bend over Alice” she commanded as Alice did so laughing. Lucy wrote a big W on each bum cheek and said “There you go” and gave her a kiss on the right cheek. “I know you’ll do it. So I’m doing my part of the bet first” Lucy concluded.

“Lets find an appropriate song” Lizzie added rifling through their tapes. “Perfect” she said loading one as Lucy started the van up again and Alice dropped her thong and stuck her bum out of the window. “Born with a Smile On My Face” by Stephanie De Sykes came on and they all roared with laughter. Lucy drove slower than usual and sounded the horn when they passed anyone just to further embarrass Alice. Lizzie looked at the track listing on another cassette and stuck on “Funky Gibbon” by The Goodies. “Wiggle your bum to this Alice” she said as Alice red with embarrassment did so.

“They made some crap records in the 1970’s” Tulisa said. “You were born 40 years too late” Lucy shouted as she went across part of a traffic island. “Watch the road” Kitty screamed. “Her driving is worse than our singing” Tulisa joked. “And you pair are terrible singers” Lucy replied. The song finished and the girls all cheered Alice. “They do pick on you a bit” Tulisa said. “They pick on me a lot” Alice replied. “No this is all good fun and it could have been Kitty with her bum out of the window as easily as me” she added.

“We are here” Lucy shouted as they arrived at Aintree Racecourse.

They saw someone stood there who they recognised and another girl they didn’t. “Isn’t that Miquita Oliver ?” Kitty said. “I think so” Alice said peering from the back of the Camper Van. “I don’t know who the other girl is but she looks hot” Lucy commented.

The girls got out of the van and greeted the two ladies. “I’m the next girl joining the show. But this lovely lady is Leonna Mayor” Miquita said. “Yes, as I’m a former jockey and now do some TV work. I’ve been asked to come here and demonstrate your next challenge” Leonna said pointing to a racing training simulator a few metres away with a large plastic sheet under it.

“Leonna is going to show you how to ride a 6 furlong sprint in which you may face some interesting weather conditions” Miquita said. “When I heard you were all dressing to impress by wearing less I decided to join in” Leonna said pointing to her sexy bra and pants combo. “As you all enjoyed getting messy yesterday you are all taking part in this challenge. The girl who wins won’t have to take part in the next challenge and for Alice, Kitty and Tulisa. It will mean extra immunity as the lady who finishes last out of you three will leave the show” Miquita said.

“What are me and Lucy playing for then?” Lizzie asked. “To get messy you dopey cow” Lucy snapped. “And for gratuitous male pleasure” Kitty suggested. “That’s fine with me” Lucy said giggling. “Sounds a valid reason too” Lizzie added smiling at Lucy.

“Okay I’ll climb on the simulator. Please watch this and save your big beast between the legs jokes for when you all have your turns” Leonna said elegantly climbing onto the simulator. “This is how you switch it on” she said pressing one button and showed the girls how it worked. “Okay now for your race simulation” she added as Miquita and the production team unloaded several ominous looking buckets of goodies. “Each lady will be drawn against a random fellow lady whose job is to make the ride fun” Miquita said. “No stepping beyond the red line” she added pointing to a line about 2 metres outside of the simulator in a horseshoe shape. “If you do you get a 5 second penalty” she continued.

“Okay let’s go” Leonna said starting her simulator race as Miquita threw a bucket of cold water into her face, followed by another from the side. Miquita picked up two foam spray cans and started to spray them into Leonna’s face and hair. Her long blonde wet locks were covered in the spray before Miquita launched a bucket of green gunge right over Leonna’s head. Leonna screamed as it hit her right in the face and slowly ran down her delectable body. She rode harder as Miquita threw a bucket of shaving foam followed by a bucket of wet grass which clung to Leonna’s body followed by another two buckets of green gunge and ending with a bucket of muddy water as Leonna finished her race in 1 minute 27 seconds.

Slowly she climbed off the simulator totally destroyed and joined Miquita. She wiped her eyes clear and rung out her hair. “That was an interesting ride” she said laughing. “Like what Georgie Best said when he shagged Lizzie in the 1980’s” Lucy quipped. “I ignore it as I am the older woman” Lizzie replied trying to keep a straight face.

“What about the horse getting slippery?” Alice asked. “It’ll be dried down after each girl has used it. Now it’s time to draw lots to see who will be gunging you?” Miquita said and held out a velvet bag to Lizzie who stuck her hand in. She pulled out a folded piece of paper and undid it and said “Shit!” as she held it up to show Lucy’s name. Lucy merely smiled and put her hand in the bag and pulled out her piece of paper and opened it showing Tulisa’s name. Tulisa stuck her hand in and pulled out a piece of paper and opened it to display Alice’s name. Alice then drew her piece of paper and got Kitty who then drew Lizzie.

“Is that the order we go in?” Lizzie asked. “No it’s reverse order so Kitty is first on the simulator and you are making her ride fun” Miquita said to Lizzie.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

The show begins and Tania is on stage, wearing a sexy schoolgirls uniform.

Tania

”Good evening everyone and welcome to the show. We have lots to pack in tonight, so we had better make a start.”

”But before we do, you may be wondering where Tom is…..”

Tania walks a few yards to her left, where there is a curtain. Pulling the curtain to one side, reveals a perspex gunge tank with a suited Tom inside.

Tania: “Hi there Tom. Fancy seeing you in the gunge tank. What the devil are you doing in there?”

Tom: “I’m just trying out the size of our new style gunge tank, and I can confirm it’s very roomy and we could probably fit three ladies in here quite easily, as long as they are standing up.”

Tania: “Is that right Tom?”

The assistant host cheekily grabs hold of the lever at the side of the tank “I wonder what will happen if I pull this?”

Tania smiles at Tom as she pulls it down, but instead of seeing gunge pouring down onto Tom as she expected, nothing happens. With a perplexed expression, Tania pulls the lever again and again nothing happens.

Tom: “I don’t think you are doing it right Tania”

Tania: “I think I am. It must be broken!”

Tom opens the door of the tank and strides out “Let me try. You get in there!”

Tom gently nudges Tania so that she stumbles a few steps and into the open gunge tank. Tom quickly shuts the door and pulls the lever. This time a loud klaxon sounds, and a torrent of baked beans descends over Tania.

Tania: “Yuck! I hate baked beans”

The downpour fizzled out eventually, leaving the brunette sticky with beans and tomato sauce all over her. She opens the door to applause from the audience before putting her hands on her hips and faces Tom.

Tania: “That didn’t go as we planned in rehearsals!”

Tom: “Haha! We thought we would surprise you Tania!”

Tania tutted loudly as she was given a towel and she started to use it to wipe away some of the mess from her face and hair. Whilst she was doing her best to clean herself up, Tom continued with the show.

Gunge World Cup

Tom: “This week we can announce the contestants and countries in Group D which is the fourth and final group in the Sports News Reporters Gunge World Cup.”

“Representing Ireland is horse racing presenter Sally Ann Grassick. What is for sure, is that she won’t be allowed to wear that hat if she gets the vote to get the gunge.“

“Spanish football host Sara Carbonero will be hoping that she can attract enough votes to get to the next round.”

“Venezuela is represented by Adriana Monslave.  Anyone who wears such a short dress with tights and boots deserves a good gunging.“

“Finally we go down under, with Mel McLaughlin of Australia. I’m not sure if that skimpy top would stay in place under a torrent of thick gunge!”

“The polls are open now, and we will reveal the results on next weeks show, together with the Quarter-Final line-ups”

Tania had cleaned up as best she could in the time given, as the camera panned back to her

Tania: “Time to find out how the 4 sports news reporters fared in Group C. The results are in and I can reveal that Italy’s Diletta Leotta proved very popular and pulled in exactly half of all the votes”

Tom: “It was a very close thing for the remaining places, and Ines just about pipped Jane and Kristina to claim the runners-up spot, so it will be Ines and Diletta who progress to the next round”

Tania: “We caught up with Jane just as she finished her slot for sports news presenting earlier today. Have a look at what happened on the TV monitor…”

The monitor flickers into life and shows Jane wearing a low cut blue dress, sat at her desk. Her presenting is interrupted mid sentence by her male presenter colleague who announces that Jane has come third in the Group and has been eliminated from the Gunge World Cup. He further explains that Scotland fans are hugely disappointed at being knocked out at this early stage and that they deserve a small consolation – and it would only be right for Jane to do the right thing and to go into the gunge tank.

Jane sports a wry smile as she hears this, and taps the desk with her fingers. She realises she has been set-up.

Two stagehands help her to her feet and walk her to the the next studio where a gunge tank is ready and waiting for her. They bundle her in, lock the door, and pull the lever at the side of the tank. Jane looks upwards at the wrong moment as gallons of green gunge splashes on her face. As Jane squeals and puts her hands to her face, the torrent of gunge relentlessly covers her from head to foot, with some of the gunge finding its way inside her low-cut dress.

As the gunge flow slows to a trickle, the door is opened and out walks a thoroughly gunged Jane. Her hair is matted with the thick gunge and is hanging in clumps, not a strand of blonde hair in sight.

Jane: “Thanks a lot for that!”

The monitor shows a lingering shot of Jane trying to wipe her eyes, before the screen goes blank. The camera focuses back onto Tania who has her hand inside her shirt.

Tania’s Predictions

Tania: “I think I’ve got beans in my bra! Just trying to get them out!”

The brunette pulls out her hand which had collected quite a few mucky beans and she threw them away to one side.

Tania: “That feels a lot better now!”

Tom taps his watch impatiently, which prompts Tania to hastily return to the next part of the show

Tania: “Sorry Tom, let me crack on. So far, we have had 2 matches played of the 6 matches that feature in my little competition, Tania’s Predictions. As a quick reminder, we have had 7 viewers enter who have also nominated a lady celebrity to represent them.”

A graphic appears on the overhead monitor showing the points scored for each lady, together with the predictions for the 4 remaining matches.

Tania: “Alesha Dixon is leading at this juncture with 1 exact score and 1 correct result, giving her 50 points. Hayley Atwell is close behind with 40 points after successfully predicting a 1-1 draw in the Spurs v Man Utd match. Third place is shared by Lucy Zara and Rose Leslie with 10 points each, and the other 3 ladies have yet to score”

Tom: “I guess that Alesha will be biting her fingernails, as she is currently in pole position to get the gunge. I would think she’s hoping that her viewer nominator doesn’t get any other predictions right!”

Tania: “Yes Tom, I think you are right. We’ll have the final results on next weeks show, and the lady who comes out on top will get a very messy comeuppance. Who is it going to be?”

Mini CSWL Match

Tom: “That takes us nicely onto the mini CSWL match for this week. Gemma Atkinson was representing her Manchester United team in their match against Spurs, represented by the lovely Tania here”

Tania: “Don’t forget the draw, Tom!”

Tom: “I was just coming onto that. If the match ended in a draw, then that result would mean our special guest Nikki, would be the one getting messy”

Tania: “….and thankfully for me and Gemma, and as I have already announced, the match ended in a 1-1 draw, so it will be Nikki to receive a recibida. A very special recibida for a very special guest.”

From the side of the studio enters both Gemma and Nikki, in respective schoolgirl outfits.

Both ladies look happy and enthusiastically wave to the audience.

Tom: “Well Nikki, you asked to appear on the show, so I guess you have only got yourself to blame for what’s about to happen”

Nikki giggled “Why do you think I volunteered to come on the show? I haven’t been on TV or got messy for quite a while, and I was getting extremely bored at home.”

Tom: “Fair enough! That just leaves me to ask Gemma and Tania to carry out your recibida. Enjoy!”

A grinning and very relieved Gemma and Tania walked menacingly towards Nikki and took hold of her arms. She was marched to an area of the studio where there were a pair of overhead dangling handcuffs. Nikki smiled, as this was nothing new for her, as she had been placed in similar handcuffs on many occasions on previous CSWL themed shows.

Nikki voluntarily held her arms above her head to allow Gemma and Tania to put her hands in the waiting cuffs.

The duo then revealed they each had a pair of scissors and started to cut away at Nikki’s outfit. Her shirt, tie, skirt and bra were all snipped off, to leave the estate agent-turned-presenter wearing knickers, stockings, suspenders and high heel shoes.

There were loud gasps as Nikki’s fullsome tits were revealed. Nikki played to the camera and quickly moved her body from side to side, making her tits jiggle about.

Tania replaces the scissors she was holding with a tube of lipstick and wrote ‘GUNGE ME’ on Nikki’s forehead.

That made Gemma giggle as she poured a pot of bright pink paint over Nikki’s head, making sure to rub it fully into her hair. Eggs followed, and there was lots of eggs as they were cracked on the top of her head and against her forehead. Nikki’s face and hair became eggy and very sticky.

Buckets of green and grey slop were then picked up by the duo and thrown over the topless beauty. Nikki gasped as the sludge coated most of her top half, with slimey sludgy bits dripping from her nipples and the undersides of her tits.

It was then she saw the packets of flour that were destined to cover her.

Nikki: “Err, actually I would prefer you didn’t use the flour as that’s going to be a nightmare to wash off, with all this other gunk on me!”

Gemma: “Sorry Nikki, but you lost which means you must receive a full recibida, and flour is a very important part of it.“

Before Nikki could respond, her world went white as flour was thrown all over her. As Nikki expected, the flour stuck to all the mess that she had already been covered in, turning her into a white powdery figure!

Tania: “Do you fancy some wine with that Nikki?”

A bottle of wine was poured over her face, and splashed down onto her tits.

Gemma used a napkin to help clean some of the mess away from Nikki’s eyes, before Tania threw more packets of flour over Nikki’s front.

Gemma turned to Tania “Remind me, but did the viewers vote for a naked recibida?”

Tania: “Yes they did, it was a landslide with 68% voting for it”

Grinning, Gemma bent down and grasped the sides of Nikki’s knickers, and promptly pulled them down her stockinged legs until they nestled around her ankles.

Tania: “Ah cleanly shaven, I see you have come prepared!”

Nikki winked “I always shave before I come on these types of shows. You never know what state of undress you will be left in!”

Bowls of gravy were next and they were chucked over her head and her front. Tania picked up a squeezy bottle of tomato sauce and emptied the contents in her hair and over her tits. More flour was then thrown to further encrust all the gungey slop on Nikki. 

Tom walked up to Nikki and asked “Are you still glad to be on the show?”

Nikki: “I think so, but this flour is going to take some removing. Anyway I am sure my fans will be very glad to see me on your show”

Tom: “Yes, your fans have certainly seen a lot of you……again! Haha!”

Tom produced a creamy custard pie from behind his back and smushed it into Nikki’s face, before he walked to the centre of the studio, as the cameras focused on him.

Preview of next mini CSWL Match

Tom: “For our next mini CSWL match, we have picked the Merseyside Derby which pits Everton against Liverpool on Sunday evening. We have a lifelong supporter representing Everton – it’s none other than TV personality Amanda Holden!”

A shapely blonde woman in a very tight red catsuit walks on to join Tom.

Tom: “Hi Amanda. Wow! What an outfit!”

Amanda: “Thanks Tom! If I’m going to get messy then I wanted something that was going to cover a lot of me and protect me. Look, I’ve even brought a helmet!”

Tom: “I’m not entirely sure helmets are allowed, and I don’t think they are in the spirit of the show. We’ll have to check the rules carefully later, to see if we can allow you to wear that. Anyway, you may not have to worry about it, if your Everton team is victorious”

Amanda: “Hmmm! I’m not that confident. Liverpool are clearing all before them this season and I fear that my team will be on the wrong end of the scoreline. Hence the reason I brought a helmet”

Tom: “And your opponent will be Tania, who will represent Liverpool. How do you feel about that, Tania?”

Tania: “Yeah, I’m happy with that. The producers have told me that Liverpool have only lost 1 League game all season, so I’m very happy with my nominated team”

Tom: “I have just thought, we need a lady to represent the draw…..”

A wide grin appeared on Tom’s face as he turned to face the still handcuffed, naked, and sploshed Nikki “Nikki, do you fancy coming on next weeks show?”

After a few seconds pause, Nikki said “Yes” which made Tom rub his hands with glee.

”Fantastic. I wonder who will be getting messy. Will it be Everton’s Amanda, or Liverpool’s Tania, or will Nikki get another sploshing?”

Tom: “That’s just about it for this episode. Hope you have enjoyed it at home. Don’t forget to tune into next weeks episode!”

As the credits rolled, Gemma and Tania were seen to be having more fun in the background with the cuffed Nikki, and were splattering her with numerous custard pies, her bottom and muff being prime targets.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

Kitty Brucknell slowly took her place on the horse racing simulator as the production crew bought out a large number of buckets for Lizzie Cundy to chuck at her. One bucket was covered and marked “+ 5 seconds”. “If you throw that at the girl riding it will add 5 seconds onto your time” Miquita told Lizzie. “I thought this was my show” Lizzie replied joking. “It is. But I was just asked to point that out” Miquita replied. Lizzie went to look under the lid of the covered bucket. “No peeping, if you lift the lid you have to use it” Miquita added.

“I wonder what it i?” Alice said to Lucy. “Well horses race here so I know what I hope it is” Lucy replied. “I wouldn’t be would it?” Alice responded. “I doubt any of myself, Tulisa or Kitty will risk using it and getting 5 seconds added as it could cost us our spot on the show” Alice said. “I don’t have that problem” Lucy replied giggling. “So you’d throw horse muck over Lizzie?” Alice whispered. “She’d do it to me” Lucy responded just as Kitty started her simulation race.

Lizzie grabbed a bucket of water and threw it right in Kitty’s face swiftly followed by another. Kitty’s vest top became sheer and her nipples were erect with the cold water. She wasn’t very coordinated and the simulator didn’t seem to be moving that fast. Lizzie grabbed a bucket of pink gunge and threw it at Kitty from the side and then another this time at her saddle. “I love pink” Kitty shouted but as the saddle was slippery she began to fall off and desperately clung on as Lizzie started spraying the foam cans at her followed by another bucket this time of green gunge which knocked Kitty off the simulator onto the crash mats. Laughing she got back up and slid back on as Lizzie sportingly stopped throwing stuff over her. She began to ride again as Lizzie launched a bucket of minestrone over her head. The thick soup plastered her hair down as she was hit by another two buckets this time of green gunge as she finally completed her race in 2 minutes and 13 seconds.

Kitty got her breath back and rang out her hair. Ever the show woman she took her top off and rang it out displaying her impressive white breasts. “I think I’ll do my throwing topless” she said laughing. “No you have to put your top back on as this might not go out late night like Totty” Lizzie said. “Okay, but it would have been funny” Kitty replied putting her top back on. “Your top is go going to come down with the ferocity of me gunging you” Lucy said. “You wanna bet” Lizzie replied laughing. “I want something better than mooning out of the window as that is Alice’s domain” Lucy said. “I’ve got a good one, its funny but not too explicit” Alice said. “Don’t tell us. But I’m up for it” Lucy replied. “Seems fun, count me in” Lizzie added.

Alice walked forward in her thong bikini as the buckets were laid out in front of her as the horse simulator was dried off. “I’m sure I’ve seen that bum stuck out of a Camper Van window” Lucy shouted. “She has still got the W on each cheek” Lizzie added laughing. Alice climbed onto the horse simulator. “You just winked at me” Lucy shouted as Alice cocked her leg over. “She’ll do a fanny fart when she gets off” Tulisa added. Alice just smiled sweetly but had a look of steely confidence as Kitty positioned herself by the buckets.

Alice’s race started and she really went for it with her bum stuck up in the air as she pounded away on the simulator. Seeing her thong covered bum Kitty started aiming buckets of water and blue gunge at Alice’s bum cheeks. Alice squealed but seemed to be enjoying it as her shapely butt cheeks took the brunt of the gunging. Realising this wasn’t working Kitty switched to a front on attack covering Alice’s face and head with a bucket of tomato soup and a bucket of muddy water. They plastered Alice’s hair down and ran down her lissome body as she completed her race in an impressive 1 minute 33 seconds.

“I’m in trouble” Kitty said congratulating Alice as she climbed off the simulator. “Alice is getting more impressive” Lizzie said to Lucy. “Yes, she’s come out of her shell and is really competitive and funny. I think she’s enjoying the challenges and has a secret naughty side” Lucy replied. “You don’t stick your naked bum out of a van window if you are that prudish and she has an amazing body” Lizzie added. “Like you, but she didn’t pay for hers like you did” Lucy replied. “No my husband did actually” Lizzie retorted as they laughed together.

The horse simulator was dried down and a laughing Tulisa with her olive coloured skin looking sexy in her pink bikini climbed on. Alice had rung her hair out and wiped her eyes and took up her position as Tulisa’s race started and Alice straight away went for the mystery bucket and pulled the lid off thus adding 5 seconds to her own time. She threw it at Tulisa, it was curdled milk. Tulisa screamed as the rank smelly lumpy substance hit her right in the face. Alice rained bucket after bucket of red and yellow gunge over Tulisa as she rode away. Tulisa’s hair was totally destroyed as she spluttered as the gunge went right in her face. Alice aimed her foam spray directly at Tulisa’s face and then two buckets of water hit Tulisa side on causing her to lose her momentum. A bucket of oxtail soup and a bucket of shaving foam scored good hits on Tulisa as she completed her race in 1 minute 54 seconds.

Totally bedraggled and with her bikini bottoms falling down and displaying the top of her bum cleavage Tulisa staggered off the simulator and hugged Alice. “You were one feisty Momma” she said as they walked back over to the other girls arm in arm. “Alice really went for that and I liked how she went for the mystery bucket straight off” Lizzie said. “Yes she was safe too but she really wanted to win” Lucy added. “It looks like I’m going home” Kitty said smiling as the other girls commiserated her. “We’ll miss you” Alice said as she hugged Kitty.

The horse simulator was wiped down and dried off before Lucy sexily climbed onto it. She went to undo her bra straps saying “I could be Lady Godiva”. The buckets for Tulisa were laid out before her and Lucy’s race was started. Knowing she was safe Tulisa went straight for the mystery bucket and threw it over Lucy’s head as Lucy furiously rode away. Her ample breasts bouncing up and down. The bucket was left over slops of animal food and the brown mush ran down Lucy’s lush blonde hair and race. Tulisa went for 4 buckets of orange and blue gunge completely covering Lucy as Lucy rode away energetically. Lucy was totally covered and destroyed as Tulisa went for her buckets of water and lashed them into Lucy’s face making her scream with the cold before grabbing her cans of spray foam and aiming them at Lucy as she finished her race in an impressive 1 minute 38 seconds.

Smiling Lucy got off the simulator and pushed her boobs together and ran her hair out. “We are joint top so we could both avoid a gunging at the next venue” Alice said. “Yes you’d probably like an event off” Lizzie said trying to make Lucy think about using her mystery bucket and not getting 5 seconds added to her time. “Throwing something I know is nasty over Lizzie or avoiding another gunging that is a hard one, not” Lucy replied to Alice as the horse was dried down. “I’m going to make her top come down with the gunging as we have a bet resting on it too” she added.

With the horse simulator wiped and dried down. Lizzie gingerly climbed onto it. “First time she has ever been unsure getting her leg over” Tulisa shouted as the buckets were lined up and Lucy walked forward laughing. “Strapless bikini top wasn’t a good idea Lizzie. I’m going to make sure your surgeon’s impressive work is revealed” she said taunting Lizzie.

Laughing Lizzie gave Lucy the finger and her race started. Lucy went straight for her buckets of water and scored two direct side on hits on Lizzie’s bikini top. She then went for two buckets of pink gunge and lashed them over Lizzie’s long brown hair making it stick lankly to the sides of her face. Lizzie was riding away energetically and her bikini top edging lower. Lucy grabbed her mystery bucket and launched it hard at Lizzie’s face. Lizzie screamed as it hit her. “That was pig swill” Miquita said looking at the notes. “I wanted manure” Lucy screamed “So did I” Lizzie shouted back dripping with the lumpy brown mush. Lucy grabbed another bucket and scored a perfect face on it with baked beans as Lizzie rode away and her bikini top slid down over her surgically enhanced shapely breasts.

Lucy held her hands up in triumph as Lizzie still rode on. “Your boobs Lizzie” Kitty shouted laughing as Lucy landed her final two buckets of blue gunge over Lizzie’s head as Lizzie completed her ride in 1 minute 52 seconds. Lucy ran over and dumped another bucket of water she had found right over Lizzie’s head and left the bucket on it as everyone laughed. This gave everyone a clearer view of Lizzie’s boobs as they clapped her. Lizzie removed the bucket and looked down and saw her naked boobs. She screamed and burst out laughing before pulling her bikini top back up.

“Not bad for an old bird” Lucy said as she hugged Lizzie as a sign of mutual respect. “My boobs or my riding?” Lizzie asked. “Both” Lucy replied as Lizzie rung her hair out as the girls all regrouped. “Sadly this means that Kitty leaves us here, Alice has immunity from the next gunging and vote off and as the second lowest finishing contestant Tulisa has to moon out of the van window” Lizzie said. “I’ll do it if you play Born with a Smile on My Face again” Tulisa promised.

“One more thing” Alice said bringing a box out of the camper van and pulling a nearby chair over. She opened the box and placed a big cream cake on the chair. “As Lizzie lost the bet with Lucy as her bikini top came down she has to pay the Fevronia forfeit and sit on this cake” Alice said as the other girls cheered and Lizzie groaned. “We should have done this in the van and does she need to pull her bikini bottoms down?” Lucy asked. “No this will suffice” Alice said pulling Lizzie’s bikini bottoms into a wedgie exposing her athletic butt cheeks. “You need to sit over the cake like this” Alice said placing her thong covered bum directly above the cake. “I’ll do it” Lizzie said psyching herself up.

“Then you sit down splat” Alice said. “Like this” Lucy said as she winked at Lizzie and they pushed Alice downwards onto the cake. The cream oozed out from around Alice’s bum cheeks as she had a surprised look on her face. Lucy sat on her lap and Lizzie wiggled the chair. Lizzie and Lucy hi-fived as Alice sat their smiling. “You got me” she said standing up to show her cream covered bum. “Tell you what if we pass a supermarket we’ll get Miquita to nip in and get a cake and I’ll do it properly in the van” Lizzie said. “Make it two. I’ll join you if we both agree to drop our bikini briefs and sit on them with our naked bums” Lucy said. “Challenge accepted” Lizzie replied.

The girls hugged and said their farewells to Kitty whose case Miquita unloaded. Tulisa and Alice placed the towels on the camper van seats as the girls took a comfort break and washed their hands and faces as allowed and climbed into the van. Alice with her creamy bum still in all its glory rode upfront with Lizzie and Lucy with Tulisa and Miquita in the back. Lucy was given the new coordinates for the sat-nav. “A slightly longer journey” she said. She swung the van out past a waving Kitty making her step backwards and nearly fall into a mile of manure.

The girls settled down and chatted as Lucy drove the Cundy Camper Van out of Aintree. Lizzie found a cassette they hadn’t yet played and put it on. The theme to Hawaii 5-0 blasted out as the girls began to do mock canoe paddling. Lucy had to be told to stop doing it as she was supposed to be driving. The Black Beauty theme came on and Lucy started to speed up nearly hitting 50 in residential airs. Lizzie quickly switched the tapes and put Born With A Smile on My Face on. “Time to drop your briefs T” Alice said as a laughing Tulisa exposed her bum and stuck it out of the window. Lucy sounded the horn and slowed down and started yelling to anyone to maximize Tulisa’s embarrassment. They then saw a Morrison’s supermarket and as she swung in Lucy asked Miquita to close the window with Tulisa’s bum stuck out of it slightly. Miquita not knowing the window could jam innocently did so.

“I’m pulling my bum in as we are in a car park” Tulisa said and then realised she was stuck. Lizzie, Alice and Lucy roared with laughter as Miquita apologized. “You ****** bitches” Tulisa screamed as she tried to free herself. “Just stay still and don’t draw attention to yourself” Lucy said as she parked up and they all got out the van. Lizzie put a coat over Tulisa’s bum and sent Miquita into the shop with an instruction. Miquita returned with a bag. “Did you get what I asked?” Lizzie said. Miquita nodded laughing as Lizzie took the coat off Tulisa’s bum and emptied a load of talc over it. Alice opened a jar of vaseline and smeared it liberally over it. Tulisa was screaming and swearing at the girls. Lucy had found a daisy growing nearby and placed it between Tulisa’s butt cheeks. “Let’s set up a selfie store” she suggested. ” £5 a photo £10 a smack, £20 a kiss have your photo taken with Tulisa’s bum more famous than Dappy’s dick” she said rather loudly as people looked over at a load of messy girls in bikinis and assumed it was a hen party as the girls took selfies by Tulisa’s bum.

“Look can you free me please” Tulisa pleaded. “Why didn’t you say earlier?” Alice asked. “We thought you were enjoying it by the look on your face” Lucy added smashing a trifle into Tulisa’s bum. “You ****** bitch” Tulisa screamed. “That wasn’t very nice” Alice said sliding a choc ice between Tulisa’s bum cheeks and pushing them together. “Shall we set off now girls?” Lizzie asked. “Please get me out” Tulisa screamed. “Sure” Lucy replied giving her bum a hard slap and smacking a cream gateau into it with such force it freed her.

Tulisa stood there barely able to comprehend what they had just done to her as she pulled her bikini briefs back up and sat down squelch. She then began to laugh as Miquita showed her the pictures they had taken on her phone she had slipped onto the Camper Van. Tulisa burst out laughing at the site of them smiling at her naked bum and it being covered in the stuff. She then slid forward accidentally on her seat due to the vaseline and ended up in a heap on the camper van floor. She was literally crying with laughter. “They did the same to me earlier on in the show” Alice said. “You are a load of cruel bitches” Tulisa said getting up off the floor.

“How many cakes are left?” Lucy asked Miquita. “Three” Miquita replied. “Perfect one for you, Lizzie and me to sit on with our naked bums” Lucy replied. “I never agreed to do that” Miquita said. “Well we’ve agreed for you” Tulisa replied. “Okay I’ll do it” Miquita said reluctantly. “We sit like this for rest of the journey too” Lucy said. “Agreed” said Lizzie as they all got back in the Camper Van.

Tulisa got the first cream gateau out of its box and placed it on Miquita’s seat. “You are going first” Alice said laughing, Miquita slowly undid her denim shorts and pulled them down to display a pair of rather sensible white knickers. She slowly inched them down hiding her modesty and sat down splat onto her cake. The other girls cheered as Miquita laughing wriggled about and got comfortable. She then put a towel over her lap and settled back smiling. “It feels quite nice” she said shuffling around a bit. “Cundy drop em” Lucy ordered as Lizzie put her cake on her seat and in a swift movement pulled down her bikini briefs and sat down on her cake pulling her bikini briefs back up at the front.

“This feels strange but fun” Lizzie said. Lucy undid her bikini brief ties and pulled them off as Alice placed her cake in the driver’s seat and Lucy sat down splat onto it. “Can you drive like that?” Tulisa asked. “We’ll soon find out” Lucy retorted as she cranked the Camper Van up and they set off. She drove them deeper into the country as they sang along to the 1970’s TV themes. They were well out the other side of Manchester as Lucy followed the directions and they could see a big shape looming. Lucy began to get confused and drove around almost in circles for about 20 minutes before stopping and saying I think this is it as the girls looked up at Emley Moor Mast.

“How could you miss that?” Alice asked as the girls peered up at the over 300 metre high mast. “To make us spend longer sat in the cakes” Lucy replied reaching down for her bikini bottoms. “Flip I nearly got out of the van with my briefs down” Lizzie said. “Bet you’ve done that enough times” Alice chipped in as Lizzie pulled her bikini briefs up and Miquita pulled her knickers and shorts up.

They were met by a member of the production team who said they had expected them 20 minutes ago and seen them whiz past a couple of times. “We were just having fun” Tulisa said smiling as they were introduced to the site manager. He lead them towards the mast. “Are you all okay with heights?” he asked. “I’m not that great” Lucy admitted as he lead them inside the mast and to a lift. “Are we going to the top?” Miquita asked. “Well 892 feet up” the site manager said as he ushered them into the lift. “It takes nearly 7 minutes to reach the viewing platform and cabling room” he replied. “You better not fart Alice” Lucy said in a rather nervous voice. “I don’t” Alice replied as Tulisa smacked her thong covered bum cheeks. “What happens if the lift breaks down?” Tulisa asked. “It’s his lucky day” Lizzie said sidling up to the site manager.

The lift eventually reached the top and they disembarked and were lead into the main viewing room where a smiling and stunning bikini clad Luisa Zissman greeted them.

The girls warmly greeted Luisa but Lucy was much quieter than usual as her fear of heights was evident. Luisa laughed at the state the girls bar Miquita were in and gave Lizzie an envelope. Lizzie opened it and read out “Ladies this afternoon you will achieve the highest gunging ever in the UK. You will all be gunged bar Alice including you Luisa as your gunging will earn the girls a night at a local caravan park. The public have been voting who will leave the show next out of Tulisa and Miquita but as a bonus they will be allowed to stay overnight, However one of you needs to be gunged on the roof above this viewing platform at over 900 ft and the public have been voting on this too” Lizzie said.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

The falling rain had sent commuters scurrying for shelter as they waited for buses and trains home. One of the city’s ubiquitous black taxis rolled through the streets, its wheels splashing through puddles that spread across the street. It stopped outside the downtown TV studio.

The taxi driver turned sideways to look at his passenger. “‘Ere you are, luv,” he said in a cockney accent. “That’ll be a tenner.”

The exotic-looking brunette in the backseat looked at him with a puzzled expression for a moment. “Oh, you mean ten pounds!” she exclaimed as realisation dawned and she handed over a crisp banknote with a light blush of embarrassment colouring her cheeks. “Here you go.”

The cabbie smiled. “Thank you, my darling,” he replied. “Good luck tonight.”

“Thank you!” replied the curvy woman, opening the door and stepping out into the rain which had eased off to a light drizzle. She wore a puzzled expression as she walked towards the door. Hmmm, first time I’ve been recognised for an appearance on a possibly messy show!

With her long hair dampened by the weather, the brown-haired woman stepped into the lobby of the television studios. As before, she was greeted with a smile from the receptionist.

Waving to the receptionist in reply, the brunette walked into the now-familiar changing room. She dropped her duffel bag on the floor and briefly flopped into the soft cushions of the thickly-upholstered sofa. After a few moments to collect her thoughts, she opened up the small bag on the floor and pulled out her skimpy outfit for the evening. Paying no attention to the pot of coffee in the corner of the room for a moment she quickly changed.

After the curvy woman got the lacy-looking garment sitting comfortably on her curves, she caught the scent of the freshly-brewed coffee and poured herself a large mug of the dark bittersweet liquid. She sighed deeply as she took a sip of the aromatic hot drink. As she sat down once more, she was startled by the shrill sound of her mobile phone’s ringtone.

Recognising that the number was that of one of her fellow Immerse the Nurse presenters,  she slid her finger over the green “answer call” icon on the touch-screen. They had become close friends due to the show. “Hi, Billie!” she answered, wondering why the blonde woman was calling her. “What is happening?”

The blonde’s cheerful voice chuckled in her ear. “Hi, Yanet! Nice to hear from you!” replied the Essex woman. “While you’re in the studio, we all decided to meet up in the hotel to watch tonight’s show. “Anyway, we were chilling out when the producers called to ask if we were willing to repeat the presenters’ bet from last season.”

“What?!” asked the incredulous Mexican. “You mean whoever’s episode has the lowest viewership gets gunged, don’t you?”

The sound of six women’s laughter reverberated down the phone line to her ear. “Yes, we do!” laughed two Essex-accented voices.

Yanet glared at the ceiling for a moment. “That’s going to be nasty!” she groaned before bursting out laughing. “Especially if the producers hit upon something really gooey for it!”

The others could only join her in laughing at the possible fate of one of them at the end of the series. “Oh, yeah!” they all cried out in unison.

A shiver crawled down the brunette’s spine. “Well, that is at least a while away, ladies,” the Mexican weather presenter reminded the others. “In the meantime, I have a results show to get through!”

Billie’s voice came through clearly. “Okay, Yanet, we’ll leave you to it,” she said cheerfully. “I wonder what the result of the public vote will be? I can’t wait to find out.”

Yanet chuckled. “Neither can I!” she laughed. “Talk to you later, ladies! Bye!”

“Bye, Yanet!” called the other six.

Yanet had just hung up when a knock at the door brought her mind back to the here-and-now. Moving to the door, she followed the waiting stage-hand to the show’s darkened studio.

As the familiar theme tune filled the air, the studio lights brightened to reveal the familiar sight of the various gunging apparatus and large glass tubes with what looked like slime flowing through them. The familiar Immerse the Nurse logo decorated the back wall, with smaller versions stuck to other surfaces. Below this stood the curvy brown-haired Mexican weather presenter dressed in the same lacy-looking red swimsuit with a plunging neckline as before. She smiled broadly and waved as the audience broke into a raucous round of applause and cheering.

“Hello!” the curvy brunette called out as the audience quietened down. “Welcome to the results show for the third match of Immerse the Nurse with me, Yanet Garcia. The phone lines are now closed and I’m sure everyone is anxious to find out which of our lovely nurses gets messy tonight and who goes through to the next round as the mess increases. Please, welcome back, Amanda and Cynthia!”

A brown-haired and a blonde-haired nurse walked out from back-stage, waving to the audience as they both smiled bravely for the camera. As before, the brunette wore a dark-blue tunic while the blonde wore a white tunic. Yanet walked over and gave each of them an encouraging hug. They both smiled gratefully in response to the kindness of the Mexican woman. After this, the Mexican weather presenter grinned into the camera as she had spotted a stage-hand approaching. “So, ladies, are you ready for tonight?” she asked cheekily.

“No!” burst out both contestants together. They cast a nervous glance between themselves, each of them hoping that the other would be gunged.

The stage-hand walked up to Yanet and handed her a familiar (to those watching) glittery envelope. The curvy brunette smiled as she looked at what was written on the card inside. As she read the result, a screen on one of the walls flashed to life with a graphic of the result that made the audience gasp. “Well, as you can see,” began Yanet. “The public vote resulted in a tie between our two lovely nurses. So, you’re all probably wondering, who is going to be getting gunged? Well, to decide that, we need to flip a coin.”

Yanet picked a pound coin up from a nearby table. She turned to the two nervous-looking nurses. “Right, based on how close to the south coast your hospitals are, I’ll give Amanda the choice,” she announced. “Amanda, heads or tails?”

The busty raven-haired nurse thought for a moment before she blurted out her decision. “Tails!” she almost yelled.

Yanet raised an eyebrow. “Huh, don’t people normally pick ‘Heads’?” she asked rhetorically, earning a few wry chuckles from the audience. Amanda nervously tried to bury her face in her hands. With a flick of her thumb, Yanet tossed the coin spinning into the air. Every eye in the studio tracked the coin as it slowed its ascent before falling to the floor with a clatter.

Yanet looked at the coin where it lay on the vinyl floorboards . “And that is ‘Tails’!” she said warmly. “Which means that the gorgeous Amanda goes through to the quarter finals. Cynthia, step this way, please.” The curvy Mexican woman led the shell-shocked blonde nurse towards the dreaded forfeit-filled “Hat of Fate”, which was still festooned with purple glitter.

The blonde gulped when she gazed at the over-sized glittery purple top hat. “Ooh, help!” she gasped.

Yanet snorted and turned to look at the nurse who had been victorious on this particular evening. “I’m sure you’re happy with your win tonight, Amanda!”

The dark-haired nurse grinned. “You got that right, Yanet!” she laughed. “I am so glad I’m not the one picking forfeits out of the hat!”

“I bet you are!” chuckled the Mexican brunette. “Now, Cynthia, please, reach into the hat, pull out to balls of paper and let’s see what you have coming your way.”

The blonde nurse sighed and reached her right arm into the hat and pulled out two of the balls of paper that filled it nearly to over-flowing. With furtive motions she handed these to the swimsuit-clad presenter. Cynthia chewed her bottom lip nervously as Yanet unfolded the first piece of paper.

The curvy weather girl grinned after she had unfolded and read the piece of paper. “Well, Cynthia, to start you off we’re going to be covering you in gloss paint,” she announced, making the blonde cringe with apprehension. “By which we mean pouring paint inside and outside your uniform, underwear and shoes!”

“But that’ll ruin my uniform!” exclaimed the pretty blonde nurse.

Yanet merely shrugged in reply as a stage-hand pushed on a trolley laden with paint tins clearly labelled with “Gloss Paint”. “It probably will,” she said nonchalantly. “And to help us out, we have a couple of ladies returning to the show tonight. Please, welcome back, Amy Willerton and Jade Jones! I don’t know how either of them were able to get those swimsuits clean!”

The audience cheered as the blonde model-turned-television presenter and brown-haired martial artist stepped out from behind a dunk tank. True to Yanet’s word, they were both wearing the swimwear they had been dunked in during their previous appearances. Amy wore her cleavage-enhancing red swimsuit once again while Jade’s athletic frame was encased in the same rather sexy blue number from the show that had introduced Amanda and Cynthia. They smiled for the cameras as they approached whilst waving cheerfully to the audience.

Yanet grinned at the two swimsuit-clad returning guests. “Welcome back, ladies,” she said warmly, a welcoming smile on her face. “Are you ready to get Cynthia really messy?”

Amy and Jade shared a look as identical sly grins spread across their faces. “Oh, yes, we are, Yanet!” they replied excitedly.

Yanet nodded. “Well then, she’s all yours!” she chuckled.

Sniggering, the pair of ladies in blue and red each picked up a five-litre tin of shiny yellow gloss paint. Both swimwear-clad women converged on the blonde nurse, who cringed away from them as they drew near They quickly poured the paint over the shoulders of Cynthia’s tunic. Thick yellow paint quickly flowed over the white cotton of her tunic and dripped off the hem onto her white stockings. The pretty blonde nurse squirmed as the paint soaked into her hosiery to the pale skin of her legs.

By this point, Amy and Jade had emptied the paint from the first two tins and now they both picked up a tin of green paint. Smirking at each other, they upended these over the blonde’s shoulders. This had the effect of washing the rest of the paint further down Cynthia’s stocking-clad legs. Yellow and green paint washed over her formerly red high heels. Her face fell as she realised that her shoes were now totally ruined. Her swimsuit-wearing tormenters at this point had picked up tins of blue paint which they poured inside the open collar of her tunic, one tin down her front and the other down her back.

Around this moment, as the pretty nurse continued to squirm at the feeling of the paint now washing over her skin, Yanet walked up to her and ripped open the buttons of Cynthia’s formerly-white tunic. This exposed the blonde woman’s now-paint streaked red bra and knickers and suspender belt. With an evil-looking smirk on her face, Jade hooked a finger into the left cup of Cynthia’s bra and filled it to overflowing with bright shiny purple paint. She repeated this with the righthand bra cup. With three quarters of the purple paint still in the tin, the Taekwondo medallist splashed it over Cynthia’s medium-sized breasts and now-bare shoulders, coating them solidly in shiny purple paint.

Seeing this, Amy hooked a finger into the  waistband of Cynthia’s skimpy red thong and, after about two seconds of pouring the purple paint into it, filled the scrap of red lace to overflowing. She then pushed the blonde nurse onto all fours and emptied the rest of the purple paint over her sexy upturned arse.

Amy then noticed a single tin of black gloss paint was left. “What will we do with that, I wonder?”

Jade had momentarily vanished backstage, but now returned with a glass mixing bowl. Receiving puzzled looks from the two blondes, she placed the bowl on the floor and poured the paint into it. She then gave Cynthia a hard look. “I think this will do wonders for your lovely blonde hair,” she grinned at the blonde nurse. This brought a long “ooh” from the audience.

Cynthia’s mouth dropped open as she placed her hands protectively around her long blonde locks. As she did so, Amy and Jade took her by her shoulders and elbows and gently lowered her until she was sitting on the floor and leaning backwards over the bowl of paint, supporting her weight on her elbows. She gave the two women a wide-eyed look.

“Come on now, Cynthia,” said Jade, as she knelt down beside the blonde and gently placed a hand on her forehead. “Dunk your hair in it.”

Grimacing, the paint splashed blonde nurse let her head drop. Her hair seemed to pile up on the surface of the thick glossy paint until her head made contact with the chemically-smelling gunk. The camera zoomed in as Cynthia’s long blonde hair disappeared under the gooey black paint. A moment later, the only bit of her head that wasn’t beneath the surface of the paint was her pretty face.

Jade winked at the camera and dipped her hand into the paint before smearing it over the blonde’s face. Cynthia squealed as her face was turned black. The audience gasped at what had happened to the previously lovely-looking blonde nurse.

Yanet had, at this point, unfolded the second balled up forfeit-bearing paper. The other women on-stage waited with bated breath as the curvy Mexican beauty read what was written on the paper. Her eyebrows rose as she finished reading it. “Well, this is something some wouldn’t have been expecting,” she announced with a sly grin, making both Amy and Jade recoil in shock. “It’s time for a ‘Naked Gunk Dunk with Amy and Jade’. That will be messy for all three of you!” The audience’s rowdiness nearly lifted the roof off with their cheering.

From where she had just sat up again, Cynthia gaped at the curvy brunette. “A gunk dunk?!” she half-shrieked. “You must be joking!”

Yanet smiled condescendingly and showed the nurse what was written on the piece of paper. “As you can see, Cynthia,” she taunted the paint-covered blonde. “I was not joking!”

Both Amy and Jade had become a bit paler-looking as they looked over at the large spot-lit pool of multi-coloured dark gunge. Three seats mounted on rails waited at the foot of an upward sloping ramp.

Yanet grinned. “Okay, ladies, I think you’re all a bit over-dressed right now!” she teased them.

Jade glanced at Amy before she slid the straps of her swimsuit from her shoulders and rolled it down her athletic body until  it dropped to the floor. Placing a hand on her hip, she smirked challengingly at Amy. The blonde dressed in red rolled her eyes and flicked her hair back over her shoulders. She then slipped her arms out of the straps of her swimsuit and pushed the red lycra garment down over her sexy curves until gravity won out and she found a puddle of red lycra tangled around her ankles. By this point, Cynthia had peeled her paint-soaked bra away from her breasts and was sliding her equally trashed formerly-red thong down over the paint-covered curves of her arse and legs.

The audience cheered and wolf-whistled as the three naked women made their awkward way to the seats on the ramp above the gunk-filled pool, with a few cat-calls thrown in by the rowdiest members  of the audience.

The three sexy nudes, one paint-splattered and two clean, perched on the ramp-mounted seats, nervously biting their nails as they could now see clearly just how thick and lumpy the gunge below them actually was.

Yanet gazed smugly at the three who were about to be dunked. “Right, ladies, I’m sure you know how this works as I’ll be filling Dave Benson Phillips’ shoes for the next few minutes by the way, ” she gloated. “I will ask each of you a question. Answer correctly and the three of you stay where you are. Give me the wrong answer though and you move up the ramp and get one of three mucky substances dropped on all three of you. Are you ready?”

The three seated women shook their heads frantically. Amy and Jade wrung their hands in nervous anticipation while Cynthia had gone nearly as stiff as a board.

The curvy Mexican brunette grinned, not caring about their reply to her question. “Amy, we’ll start with you,” she picked up a  question card. “Ooh, Jade will definitely know this but will you? When was the first Olympic Games to include Taekwondo as an official sport for which medals were awarded?”

Amy’s jaw dropped. “Err, I don’t know… nineteen-seventy-six?” she answered warily, at which point Jade face-palmed and Amy knew she had got the question wrong.

Yanet chuckled. “Well, Jade’s reaction will have told you what that answer means!” she laughed. “The correct answer is the year two thousand! You weren’t even close! So, audience, what do we do now?”

“Crank them up!” yelled the boisterous crowd.

The sound of grinding gears filled the air as the three women’s seats were dragged one third of the way up the ramp. Above their heads was a perspex vat filled with green liquid. This suddenly tipped, pouring lumpy green slime over the three helpless ladies. All three shrieked in shock as it splashed over their heads and shoulders. It engulfed their heads and dripped in great big globules from their noses, chins and breasts.

Yanet sniggered. “That was, as you can guess, the ‘Snot,'” she teased the three now-gooey women. “Next question is for Cynthia.”

“Excellent…” muttered the nurse sarcastically.

“What year was the inaugural Miss Universe pageant held in?” asked the curvy brown-haired weather-girl.

The paint- and slime-drenched nurse shrugged. “Nineteen-fifty?” she replied.

“Oooh!” groaned Yanet theatrically. “So close, yet so far. It was actually held in nineteen-fifty-two! What do we do?!”

“CRANK THEM UP!” shouted the audience in reply.

Again the gears could be heard grinding ad the three women were pulled up the ramp until they were two-thirds of the way up. Almost immediately, gallons of thick yellow goo fell over them in a similar manner to the “Snot”. The yellow gunk dripped from their protruding body parts as the audience cheered and jeered in equal measure.

“Yes, that was the “School Custard” of course,” laughed Yanet. “Last question, Jade. Florence Nightingale is reputed to have set the template for modern nursing methods after she returned from the Crimean War where she had assisted in the treatment of wounded soldiers. On what date did the Crimean War end?”

A frustrated look crossed Cynthia’s face as Jade looked very puzzled, before her face lit up as realisation dawned just before she answered. “The thirtieth of March, eighteen-fifty-six.”

Yanet gaped. “I don’t believe it!” she exclaimed, leaning a hand on a golden lever beside her. “That’s the right answer! Do we have a closet history buff in the building?!”

Jade chuckled in reply. “Not really, I just remember hearing it on a documentary in the last couple of years,” she admitted with a grin.

The curvy presenter smirked at the trio who still sat on the ramp. “Well, ladies, you may not have been cranked up to the top of the ramp and as a result avoided the R. A. W,” she announced tauntingly. “Which is…”

“Really Awful Waste!” yelled the audience in reply.

“Yes, you’ve escaped the Really Awful Waste, ladies,” Yanet gave a fake groan of disappointment but the three soon-to-be-dunked women cringed in anxiety. “But, now you’re going to take a ‘Splat in the Vat’ as you three take a ‘Drop in the Slop’. It’s the Gunk Dunk!”

With that, Yanet pulled the lever and sparks flew from the sides of the ramp. The cart, which the seats that the three women were sat upon were bolted to, accelerated down the ramp. They were a quarter of the way from the bottom of the ramp, when a torrent of thick brown gunge fell from the ceiling. It quickly covered their legs and splashed over their upper bodies, adding a fresh layer of thick sticky muck to what already covered them. With a clunk, the cart slammed into the end of the ramp and hurled its three occupants headfirst into the swirling gunk. They plunged into the goo with a large splash, disappearing beneath the surface.

For a few moments, the only thing those watching could see was the occasional flailing arm and leg as the three women thrashed around under the thick lumpy gunge, trying to regain their footing. Eventually, one by one, they were able to stand up, their heads shoulders and chests breaking the surface with each of them unrecognisable due to practically being smothered in a kaleidoscope of thick blue, purple, pink, red and green slime. Large drops of slime dripped from their upper bodies and splatted noisily into the pool of goo surrounding them up to the bottoms of their breasts. Just as they were about to reach up and wipe the slime from their eyes, three buckets of orange slime poured down from above and added yet another colour to what was covering them. This made them shriek in surprise as they were not expecting the sudden deluge.

Yanet giggled and winked at the camera, or was that aimed at the cameraman? “Well, those three look like they’ll have to spend a while washing all that off!” she laughed mockingly. The curvy weather-girl walked over to where Amanda had watched proceedings from. She smiled and wrapped an arm around the busty dark-haired nurse. “Well, Amanda, did you enjoy watching that?” she asked.

The Welsh nurse chuckled. “I certainly preferred watching it to experiencing it, Yanet!”

The brown-haired weather presenter laughed. “Well, perhaps you’d like to help out with the set-up for the next match, would you?”

The dark-haired Welshwoman smiled. “Sure thing, Yanet.”

“Excellent!” proclaimed the Mexican woman. “We have our usual roulette wheels set up in the corner. One has the names of the potential hosts while the other has a set of numbered segments, each one of which corresponds to a possible special guest. Please, spin the wheel with the presenters’ names on it.”

Amanda walked over to the roulette wheel in question, swaying her hips sexily from side to side as the camera tracked her across the stage. Standing beside the roulette wheel in question, she reached up and gave it a hard pull, setting spinning round rapidly. When it eventually clicked to a stop, the pointer built into the frame of the wheel was pointing squarely at one segment.

Yanet clapped her hands together gleefully. “Well, I can now reveal that the host of our next match is the woman who roped the rest of us into this,” she giggled. “Yes, it’ll be Sam Faiers! Now, Amanda, spin the other wheel and let’s find out who our next special guest willing to take a Healthy Dunking will be.”

The dark-haired nurse grinned. “Okay, Yanet,” she replied while turning one hundred and eighty degrees around and spinning the other wheel. This came to a stop with its pointer hovering over the fifth segment.

Yanet smiled once she saw this. “Well, that wraps this episode up,” she paused for a disappointed “Aaaawww” from the audience. “Join Sam next time when another two nurses will put their fate in the public’s hands and you’ll find out which celebrity will take a Healthy Dunking in an ad sometime soon. All that’s left to do is to say good night from the gunk- and paint-covered losing nurse Cynthia, the gunk-covered Amy Willerton and Jade Jones, our victor Amanda and myself. So, see you again, good night!”

Author’s note: Here’s Match 3 concluded, hope you enjoyed it. Next up; Match 4 and the competition’s halfway point.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

At the top of Emley Moor Transmitter in the viewing platform room Lizzie Cundy opened the envelope and read out “The girl who will be gunged on the roof of the viewing platform is Luisa. We’ll let you know who leaves the show out of Tulisa and Miquita tomorrow morning. Also as you have stated you need to wash the Camper VAn when you leave here you will host a bikini car wash for charity in a local village.” “Wow that will be a lot of fun” Luisa said. “We’ll raise a load of money and have some sexy moments with the hoses” Lucy added.

“Luisa will be gunged first as the other ladies may wish to go up on the roof and watch it and this wouldn’t be safe if they are all wet and slippery” Lizzie read on. “I’m going to watch this” Alice said. “Count me in” Miquita added. “You’ll all need to put a safety harness around your waist and be clipped onto a support when you get on the roof there will be one engineer up there with us to oversee and the cameraman” Lizzie concluded. “I’m going up” Tulisa said. “I can’t miss this” Lizzie added.

Lucy was unusually quiet as she had a clear fear of heights but took a deep breath and said “I’m coming”. The engineer showed the girls how to put their harnesses on and went up the ladder from inside the viewing room. He took the camera from the cameraman who followed and then an excited Luisa went up the ladder followed by Tulisa, Miquita, Lizzie and then Alice who stopped suddenly half way up the ladder and got Lucy’s face right in her thong covered butt cheeks. The girls were all clipped to a support rail and stood there being buffeted about in the wind.

Lizzie looked over the side and went wow, slowly the other girls followed her all bar Lucy who was clearly terrified. “Come on Lucy” Lizzie shouted as Lucy hung on for dear life. “Lets do what they do at the top of mountains” Tulisa said pulling her bikini top up to reveal her impressive olive coloured breasts. Miquita lifted her top up to show her nice pair of dusky breasts. Lizzie pulled her strapless bikini top down to reveal her surgically enhanced breasts. “You’ve had yours done too” Luisa said as she pulled her bikini top up to show her beautiful large post boob job boobs. “Yours are amazing” Lucy said to Luisa and pulled her bikini top right off and waved it in the air flashing her large succulent pair of breasts. Alice was stood there and said “You come and look over with us Lucy and I’ll join in” slowly Lucy edged her way forward as Alice lifted her top to reveal a wonderfully pair of pert breasts.

Lucy waived her bikini top as she closed her eyes as the girls all looked over the side topless. Alice decided to take her top right off and wave it over her head in a show of solidarity to Lucy. “Open your eyes Lucy” Alice encouraged her as the wind buffeted their faces and boobs. Lucy bravely did so but as she did so and looked 900 ft below her she screamed and grabbed hold of Alice to steady her and both their bikini tops were blown away and sailed down into a field of sheep way below. Lucy moved back from the side and began to laugh. Alice desperately put her hands over her boobs as the other girls all covered their boobs up and burst out laughing.

“You did that deliberately” Alice screamed. “I hadn’t even realised that you had taken your top right off” Lucy pleaded still clearly scared of heights but unable to stop laughing at what had happened. “It had to be you two” Lizzie said. “Well I’ll be gunged topless” Lucy added. “I’m going to bloody well do it too” Alice added. “Good we’ll get more views of your fantastic boobs” Lucy replied. “We really need to get on with gunging Luisa” Lizzie said as the wind all buffeted them.

Two buckets of gunge were passed up from inside the viewing platform. Lizzie reached down for one. “You get the other one Alice” Tulisa said. As Alice was nearest the hatch she had little choice but to reach down and take it. The girls wolf whistled as Alice bent over with her thong covered butt cheeks in the air and her boobs dangling down almost into the bucket of gunge. “This is a nice bonus” the engineer said as Alice placed the bucket down.

Luisa stood there as Lizzie emptied a bucket of pink gunge over Luisa’s head. It cascaded down over her face and lush chestnut hair. It slowly ran down over her boobs and onto her dark tanned stomach. “Can you throw the second bucket Alice?” Lizzie asked. “I guess I’ll be doing a fair bit of gunging up here” Alice replied. “Yes, you can do all the gungings” Lizzie added. “But I’ll be exposing my boobs” Alice protested. “Exactly” Lucy added as she wiggled her large boobs at Alice. With a resigned smile Alice emptied another bucket of pink gunge over Luisa’s head who squealed and laughed as it ran down her body. “What about the mess up here?” Tulisa asked. With all the rain we get it will soon wash off the engineer said.

Lucy climbed back down first with her boobs bouncing up and down followed by Miquita, Lizzie and Tulisa before the camera was handed back down and the cameraman followed them down. Very embarrassed Alice climbed back down to a rather shocked waiting production crew. “Don’t ask” she said. “I’m going to try and find my bikini top in the field when we get back down” she definitely added. “I’ll help you look for it and try to find mine” Lucy added. “Alice and Lucy topless in a field of sheep. What could go wrong?” Lizzie suggested laughing. “Anyone would think we’re accident prone” Lucy said leaning on a switch. “You’ve just knocked out most of Yorkshire’s television” an engineer shouted. “Sorry” Lucy replied flicking the switch back on. “You’ve created a possible power surge now” the engineer added running to the panel. “It’s okay” he added looking very relieved.

A paddling pool had been set up whilst the girls were on the roof and 8 buckets of gunge were beside it. “Okay Miquita, you are far too clean apart from the creamy bum” Lizzie said. Laughing Miquita sat down in the paddling pool. “Alice do the honours” Lucy said standing there brazenly topless whilst Alice had her hands across her boobs. Rather embarrassed Alice stepped forward and picked up the first bucket. Tulisa wolf whistled Alice as her boobs were on show. “Nothing for a pair. Not in this game” an Engineer shouted. Alice tipped the first bucket of blue gunge over Miquita’s curly hair as she sat there laughing. Alice picked up the second bucket and stuck it straight on Miquita’s head. The gunge ran down her face inside her braless top and on into her shorts.

Miquita rung her hair out and accepted a towel to wipe her eyes. Tulisa took her place in the pool and Alice picked up a bucket of red young and slowly emptied it over Tulisa’s head. She then picked up the second bucket and dumped it again on Tulisa’s head. As the red gunge ran down Tulisa’s toned body, she removed the bucket from her head and went to get up put slipped and pulled Alice headfirst into the pool. Alice’s head was virtually in Tulisa’s lap and Alice’s bum cheeks were up in the air. Tulisa rubbed the gunge into Alice’s bum as Alice began to laugh and the pair struggled up.

“It’s not my day” Alice said hardly able to laugh. “Well I had my bum wedged in the van window whilst you lot had fun with it” Tulisa replied. As they walked back to the other girls. Lizzie sat in the paddling pool laughing as Alice emptied a bucket of green gunge over Lizzie’s already messy hair. Alice feeling more confident playfully rubbed her nipples against the top of Lizzie’s head and stuck the second bucket on Lizzie’s head and then removed it and pushed Lizzie over in the paddling pool. “Please keep the gunge in the pool” the site manager shouted.

Finally Lucy bounced forward and stuck her naked breasts up against Alice’s “You like that don’t you” she whispered as Alice pushed her back into the pool and threw the first bucket of multicoloured gunge over her. She picked up the second bucket and went to throw it at Lucy but Lucy pulled her into the pool and the gunge went over them both. Alice turned out to be very feisty pushing Lucy’s face and head into the gunge several times as they rolled around. Inevitably they spilled out of the pool and Lizzie had to seperate them.

The site manager bought a mop and bucket out. “I think you should clean the floor” Lizzie said handing a laughing Lucy and Alice the cleaning utensils. Lucy couldn’t stop giggling but Alice sportingly mopped up some of the mess before Lucy did a quick stint.

They thanked all the staff and were lead over a trail of newspaper back to the lift which had plastic sheeting on the floor. “Well you’ve become a topless cleaner” Luisa said to Alice. “Did you ever do that?” she replied. “It was a business pitch but they said I couldn’t do it on The Apprentice” Luisa added laughing.

The girls got in the lift and it began it’s near seven minute descent. As the lift began to move downwards Tulisa looked towards Alice’s boobs and said “Those began to move downwards when the lift started”. “What is the interest in my boobs?” Alice asked as she stood there with her hands over them. “They are quite magnificent” Lucy said casually stood there with her boobs on display. “Mine haven’t moved at all have they?” she said to the site manager who didn’t know where to look. “If I was a bloke I’d look at them too” she added teasing him.

“The original mast on this site was built in 1956 and replaced in 1969 but that fell down due to ice in March 1969 and this current tower was built to replace it and opened in 1971” the Site Manager said trying to change the subject. “It’s not as old as Lizzie then and what has that to do with my boobs being fabulous and Alice’s being magnificent. Lets all have another look at them Alice” Lucy went on. Alice was embarrassed but sportingly moved her hand out of the way. “They do move about in the lift” Miquita said as all the girls and the site manager looked at Alice’s boobs. Alice completely broke down laughing and turned her back on the others. “Her bum cheeks wobble to” Tulisa said. “Stop it” Alice shouted playfully hitting Tulisa as the left finally reached the ground with everyone watching Alice’s boobs.

The girls piled out of the lift and walked out of the Tower. “That was where I think your bikini tops went” Luisa said pointing beyond a hedge. Laughing Alice and Lucy went walking over to the hedge and found a gate they opened and closed behind them. There were at last a 100 sheep in the field and the girls began to look for their tops. Lucy found her top first and put it back on. They searched for Alice’s and began to wonder into the middle of the flock. Alice spotted her top but it was on the back of a sheep. Lucy crept up and grabbed it and shouted got it. But this startled the sheep and they began to run about wildly and several towards the girls. Lucy began to run with Alice behind her boobs bouncing up and down manically as she ran. Suddenly the sheep charged directly at them and they had to dive for cover Lucy into a hedge and Alice face first into a water trough.

Laughing Lucy picked herself up and looked around for Alice who slowly emerged from the water trough completely soaked. Lucy went to help her out put Alice slipped and fell backwards into the sheep’s feeding trough pulling Lucy with her. “You pair are comic gold” Lizzie shouted from over the hedge. Slowly Alice who was now covered in sheep feed got up along with Lucy. They began to walk towards the gate but heard a shout and looked around to see a ram charging at them. Lucy threw herself over the gate literally into the other girl’s arms as Alice manically scrambled over the gate with the ram right behind her and as she was pulled to safety as the gate was swung open she looked back to see her top disappearing attached to the ram’s horns as the ram charged down the field.

Alice was straddled across the gate topless with her thong clad bum up in the air. The other girls cheered her as she gracefully climbed off and brushed herself down. She silently walked to the van and found a replacement bikini top in her suitcase. When she returned to the other girls they were gathered around one of the show’s monitors which was showing her and Lucy’s mishaps in the field with the Benny Hill theme being played over it. “I don’t believe it you bastards” Alice screamed as she broke down laughing watching the footage. “This will be TV Gold” Miquita said.

The girls showed Luisa their 1969 VW Camper Van and after a quick comfort break and permitted hand and face washing in the site’s facilities they all piled back into a rather cramped van. Lucy, Lizzie and Alice upfront with Tulisa, Miquita and Luisa in the back. Lucy nearly reversed the van into the Transmitter Tower whilst programming the new Sat-Nav coordinates. “I didn’t see it there” she claimed innocently. “Right it’s bikini Car Wash, then onto Campsite before Day 4 tomorrow” Lizzie said. “So one of T and myself will leave in the morning at the campsite or maybe the next location where you get one more new girl. Another out of T, Alice, Luisa and myself will definitely leave at that venue. Then those of us who are left and the new girl go onto the next venue where one of them will leave and the final girl joins?” Miquita said. “Yes then two venues on the final day if Lucy’s driving hasn’t killed us all by then where we lose one girl at first venue then last two battle it out at final venue which I reckon may be in Scotland or near the border” Lizzie suggested.

“We’ve got a new tape I was offered Gilbert and Sullivan or Abba earlier on” Lucy said waving a tape. “Oh Abba will be awesome” Alice said. “No I went for the cultural one and chose Gilbert and Sullivan” Lucy added. Lizzie put the tape in and a tune she was familiar with came on. “This is Clair. You’ve chosen Gilbert O’Sullivan” she said staring at Lucy. “What Am I Like” Lucy replied laughing. “No wonder Maisie Smith recommended you” Lizzie replied. “How do you know Maisie?” Luisa asked. “We liked each other’s bikini pictures on Instagram” Lucy replied going the wrong way around a roundabout. “I’m a golfer and social media influencer but when Maisie heard me saying I liked driving a golf ball. She got confused and after speaking with Lizzie recommended me for the show” she added. “You are certainly entertaining” Miquita added as they swung into a country fire station to do their Charity Bikini Car Wash.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. 

The usual evening bombardment of advertising for cosmetics, insurance companies and supermarkets was interrupted by something far more interesting.

A single spotlight lit up the centre of the stage in the  Immerse the Nurse studio. A pretty platinum blonde stood in the middle of this pool of light. She was wearing a backless yellow-and-black-spotted halter-neck one-piece swimsuit. This showed off her ample cleavage and highlighted her other curves, an intricate tattoo was visible on her upper right thigh.

She smiled as the camera panned across to her and zoomed in for a close-up. “Hello, everyone, I’m Lucy Fallon and thanks to the Immerse the Nurse roulette wheel, I will be the next celebrity to take on the ‘Healthy Celebrity Dunking!'” she revealed. “My fate will, like those who’ve done this before me, be in your hands as public donations will decide my state of undress when I get dunked in the rather smelly slop they’ve filled that dunk tank with! So, get ready for the weekend’s show when Sam Faiers will host Match Four. See you then… Bye!”

At this point, the floor appeared to drop out from under her as Lucy dropped out of view and, with a large splash, was submerged in a pool of water. The screen faded to black as she swam back to the surface.

Author’s note: Please, find the usual poll below. (Closes at 11 am GMT (6 am EST for those in the Americas or 8 pm Sydney time for anyone in Australia) on Thursday June 25th)

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story may contain scenes of nudity and humiliating damage to celebrity egos

The ladies woke early at their campsite not far from Huddersfield and after a crazy day yesterday decided to start with a full English Breakfast. “I hope you will get those magnificent boobs out again today Alice” Lucy Robson said typically teasing Alice Fevronia. “Well you made sure everyone saw plenty of them yesterday” Alice replied smiling. “I wonder what your pupils at the school you teach at will think?” Tulisa added. “Well I’m now a full time baker so only do very occasional teaching” Alice replied. “Why the fascination with my boobs. Everyone else had theirs out on top of Emley Moor Mast and for the Charity Car Wash” she added. “You seemed embarrassed when yours came out but I reckon you enjoy people seeing them as you have a very naughty side” Miquita said.

“You don’t run around a field in a thong topless chased by sheep if you are that quiet” Lucy said. “I’ll never live that down” Alice admitted laughing at the thought of it. “It was fun yesterday with Tulisa’s bum stuck in the van window too” Miquita added. “What tell me more?” Luisa replied. “Whoever survives the vote off with the second lowest votes has to moon out of the Camper Van back window to two playings of “Born With A Smile On My Face” Miquita said. “That’s not in the contract” Luisa said choking back laughter. “No it’s something I dreamt up as a fun extra” Lucy added.

“Would you be up to potentially do that?” Alice asked Luisa. “Of course, it sounds naughty so I’m up for that” Luisa replied. “Just don’t get your bum stuck like I did or when we deliberately did it to Tulisa” Alice replied. “They wrote WOW on my bum and took selfies next to it” Alice added. “Well I had talc, vaseline, a couple of cream cakes, a daisy and a choc ice stuck on or between my butt cheeks” Tulisa chipped in. “You girls are a scream, I’m going to have such fun with you” Luisa concluded as Lizzie served the full English Breakfast.

The girls dressed for the day after breakfast. Lizzie had another thong bikini on, Lucy a leopard print tie top with thong bottoms and Tulisa a sexy white bikini she had put on still wet from her morning shower.

“My hair is almost certain to get messy so I’m leaving it wet” Tulisa said.

Luisa also went for the wet haired look in a strapless multicolured bikini, Miquita was in crop top and shorts and had even done herself a packed lunch and Alice was in a black bikini with a light lace cover top over it.

“It looks like we know whose top will fall down today” Alice said. “Yours when I pull your top off to expose those magnificent boobs yet again. You’ll never know when I might strike” Luisa replied teasing Alice. “What is your heritage if you don’t mind me asking?” Miquita said to Luisa. “I’m actually Greek but a lot of people think I’m Jewish but Zissman was my first husband’s name my maiden name was Kalozois. With the prominent nose in both races it’s an easy mistake to make” Luisa replied joking and indicating her pointed nose. “Don’t let you near any plates then” Lucy added. “My daughters say that as I’ve dropped a few over the years” Luisa replied. “Another Greek on the show, I’m Greek Cypriot” Tulisa added. “Yes Dappy was on CBB with me” Luisa added. “He’s a little bloke but with a big ****” Luisa replied. “I’d love Alice to see it” Lucy added “She could make a sausage roll with it” she continued. “I didn’t know you’d got children” Alice said trying to change the subject with Luisa. “Yes I’m a MILF x 3 girls” Luisa replied pushing her boobs up.

The girls were about to set off for the day when Lizzie came up holding an envelope and the production crew bought a screen on. The screen was switched on and Marina Berry appeared.

“It’s the dopey cow who used to be on the shopping channels. She’s knocked up now” Lucy screamed. “Don’t be so rude” Lizzie said. “Oh is she your daughter” Lucy went on. “I’m 35 actually” Marina said. “Old enough to be Lizzie’s daughter! ” Lucy went on. “Yes I am that dopey cow who used to be on Bid-TV and I had been asked to join you on Celebrity Coach Dip where me and mum could have had some quality time together. But as you can see I’m due to give birth soon so it wouldn’t have been practical” Marina replied laughing. “I am not your Mother” Lizzie shouted in a mock EastEnders voice. “I was apparently conceived after a Wham concert in 1984, can you remember it mum” Marina went on. “I’ve got another running joke at my expense” Lizzie sighed laughing.

“Anyway I’m gutted I cannot join you but if the show gets a second series, count me in. I’ll still have big post birth boobs and I’ll get in shape and be in my bikini to join you next year” Marina promised. “Anyway I’m here to announce who out of Tulisa and Miquita will be leaving the show. They will be identified like this!” Marina went on as her husband had crept up behind her and emptied a bucket of baked beans over her head. Marina screamed as she was taken by surprise but was laughing as the beans ran down her luxurious long dark hair and face carrying on down her cleavage and inside her summer dress. Lizzie picked up a provided bucket of beans and hovered over a laughing Tulisa and Miquita before dumping the bucket over Miquita’s head as Marina said “It’s Miquita”.

The beans ran down Miquita’s face and hair and onto her crop top before carrying on down across her stomach. Tulisa picked up a handful and stuck them down Miquita’s shorts. Laughing Miquita stood up and wiped her eyes. She hugged the other girls as they climbed into the camper van to carry on as Lucy entered the new Sat Nav coordinates.

Lucy swung the camper van out of the campsite but realised she was going the wrong way and did a sudden 180 degree turn which propelled the girls virtually on top of each other. “What tapes haven’t we played yet” Lucy said rummaging in the tape pile and putting on one labeled “24 Greatest Dumb Ditties” as she barely kept her eye on the road. “For goodness sake watch the road” Lizzie screamed. “That album is an appropriate title for us lot” Lucy said joking. “Or 5 pairs of fabulous titties” Luisa suggested. The girls drove along singing and laughing for the next hour as the headed East before Lucy said “Tulisa arse out of window and lets have a tits flash from Luisa and Alice”. Laughing Luisa pulled her bikini top down and Lucy said “Money well spent”. Alice rather slowly took her over garment off and took her bikini top off. Lucy reached across and grabbed it throwing it out of the window. “Not again” Alice groaned. “I like looking at your magnificent tits it gets me horny and I think it turns you on too” Lucy added teasing Alice yet again. “I won’t lose any more of your bikini tops if you stay topless until we reach next destination” Lucy added. “I suppose it’s a deal” Alice admitted as Lucy went over a speed bump. “See how they bounce” she went on as Alice just smiled.

Lizzie put “Born with a Smile On My Face” on the cassette tape and Tulisa sportingly pulled her bikini briefs down. Louisa pulled them down around Tulisa’s ankles and said “Step out of them T”. A rather resigned Tulisa stepped out of her bikini bottoms showing a v shaped shaved landing strip on her muff. Lucy swung the camper van around a sharp corner and Tulisa’s muff went right into Luisa’s face. “Perfect timing” Lucy quipped. Removing her face from between Tulisa’s legs Luisa got a lipstick out of her handbag and wrote “Kisses on the” with a line pointing to Tulisa’s butt crack on Tulisa’s bum cheeks. Tulisa stuck her bum out of the campervan back window as they drove along. The song finished and Lucy put Girls Talk on the tape cassette. Tulisa went to pull her bum back in but Lizzie said “It stays there until we play Born with a Smile On My Face again” Lizzie said. “Or she could do another forfeit maybe a streak across the carpark at the next venue” Alice said. “More like she gets gunged naked” Lucy suggested. “That’s a good idea” Luisa added. “Okay I’ll leave my bum out of the window” Tulisa concluded laughing as she had been set up again.

The girls left Tulisa with her bum out of the camper van window for 10 minutes before Lizzie played Born with a Smile On My Face again and Tulisa was able to pull her bum back in again. “Fairplay to you for leaving your bum out of the window for 15 minutes T” Alice said. “Stick your boobs out of the window then” Tulisa challenged Alice who sportingly agreed to do so. Just then Lucy swung them into their destination Youngs Seafood Factory in Grimsby.

Screaming Alice pulled her boobs back in as the production crew waved to them. All the girls piled out of the van apart from Alice. “You’ll need to get your own case” Luisa said as all the girls whistled Alice as she ran to the back of the van and retrieved her case quickly putting on another bikini top. “She is such an exhibitionist” Lucy said to the show’s producer as the topless Alice ran to the van.

The girls were greeted by the newest lady to join Celebrity Coach Dip Towie’s Chloe Sims who appeared in a very sexy lime bikini.

“Babe” Luisa shouted mimicking Chloe’s Essex accent as Chloe ran over to greet them. “I got the memo wear less to dress to impress babe” she said as she hugged the girls. “Did you all go to the same boob surgeon babe” Lucy said noticing Chloe’s enhanced chest. “I went to Transform in Manchester babe” Chloe said “Did you babe?” Lucy replied. “Why do you keep saying babe?” Chloe asked. “Because you keep saying babe, babe” Lucy replied. “Very funny” Chloe said laughing. “Yes we take the piss a lot” Alice said. “That’s fine. I like a laugh” Chloe said flicking her hair. “Aren’t you related to Joey Essex?” Tulisa asked. “Yes he’s my cousin” Chloe said. “Do you get carers allowance for him?” Lucy asked. Chloe burst out laughing and said “No babe”. “Fair enough babe” Lucy replied.

Lizzie was given an envelope and opened it. She read out “After touring the factory all the ladies will sit in a bath of fish heads for 30 minutes. Then Alice, Tulisa and Luisa will run the Fish Guts Grand Prix and the lady who finishes bottom will leave Celebrity Coach Dip. Also two out of Lucy, Chloe and myself will run the Fish Guts Grand Prix. The public are voting which two that will be”.

“Okay let’s get any fishy fanny jokes at my expense out of the way before we enter the factory” Lizzie added laughing as the girls went on a tour of the factory. After an hour they were lead back out to the company car park where 6 baths had been filled with fish heads. Slowly each girl got into their bath. Lucy typically jumped straight in. Luisa was quickly in hers whilst the others rather squirmed. “Everyone put a pair of fish heads in your bikini top or you’ve got to streak across the car park afterwards” Luisa said. Lucy and Luisa did this straight away followed by Tulisa then Chloe who was laughing at the girls’ naughty antics. Eventually Lizzie and Alice did likewise and Alice suddenly suggested “We put another down our bikini briefs”. “You are my kind of girl” Lucy shouted as the girls started doing it. “You are such a bad influence” Lizzie said to Lucy as Tulisa shouted. “Let’s all chuck fish heads at Lizzie”. The girls did this targeting each other in turn to pass the time until their half hour was up and they climbed out very smelly to find out what the Fish Guts Grand Prix held in store.

“We leave the fish heads in our tops and briefs” Chloe suggested. “You are getting the hang of this game babe” Lucy said giving her a cheeky goose on her bum.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity. 

As the humid day gave way to a thundery evening, people could be seen heading for pubs and restaurants to begin their nights out on the town. While most of its black-painted counterparts were dropping passengers off at the various hospitality venues, a single taxi advertising a local newspaper rolled to a halt outside a downtown television station’s studios. After paying her fare and saying good-bye to the cabbie, a curvy blonde woman stepped out of the taxi and looked at the familiar building once more.  The side-walls of the studio building were draped in banners advertising the current episode of Immerse the Nurse. She shook her head and laughed as she noticed the pictures of herself taken from a recent photo shoot.

Still smiling, she pushed open the door to the building’s lobby and stepped into the air-conditioned comfort of the studio building. She waved at the receptionist and quickly walked over to the changing room that was assigned to the show’s presenters and slipped through the door. As the door clicked shut behind her, she was briefly cocooned in an oasis of calm from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the building. She opened the small roll-along bag she’d brought with her and took out the outfit inside. She grinned to herself as she felt that this was sure to get a positive reaction.

A few minutes later, after the blonde had pulled on the satiny outfit, there was a knock on her changing room door. Taking a deep breath she walked over to the door and stepped outside once more to follow a stage-hand through the maze of corridors to the show’s studio. She couldn’t help smirking as the stage-hands eyes widened  when he saw what she was wearing.

As the jaunty theme tune filled the air in the studio for the umpteenth time, the audience applauded and cheered as the studio lights brightened to reveal the familiar apparatus. On the rear wall of the studio hung the usual Immerse the Nurse logo, suitably altered for the evening’s episode. Standing below the logo was a curvy blonde woman wearing a pale pink sleeveless leotard, a pale pink tutu, dark pink tights and a pair of white ballet slippers. She smiled warmly as the camera panned over her sexy body in her rather skimpy outfit.

The blonde waved to the audience as the noise began to die down. “Hello! And welcome to tonight’s preview of Match Four of the second season of Immerse the Nurse,” she said in welcome. “I’m Sam Faiers. This match will see a nurse from Cumberland Infirmary, Carlisle face off against Countess of Chester Hospital’s representative. We’ll also be catching up with Lucy Fallon once more but, first, let’s meet tonight’s two nurses. Come on out, ladies!”

The two nurses walked into view from opposite sides of the stage. From the right came a shoulder-length brown-haired nurse in a red-belted white tunic, sheer beige stockings and red high-heeled shoes while a long-haired redhead approached from the other side wearing an unbelted white tunic, sheer black stockings and black patent leather high heels. Both nurses waved cheerfully to the audience as they strutted across the stage.

Sam grinned when the two women came close. “Welcome to the show, ladies,” she said giving them each a friendly hug. “Would you care to introduce yourselves?”

The brown-haired nurse smiled and waved towards the camera. “Hi, I’m Bobbi and I’m a Casualty Department nurse at the Cumberland Infirmary,”

Sam then smiled at the red-haired nurse. “And how about you, dearie?”

“Hello, I’m Sarah and I’m a Chardio Department Nurse at the Countess of Chester Hospital,” replied the redhead with a nervous smile.

“Great to meet you both,” continued Sam. “Hmmm, Sarah, did something happen to your belt?”

The pretty red-haired woman gave a bashful smile. “Yeah, it broke on the way here unfortunately,” she admitted with a shrug.

“You poor thing!” commiserated Sam half-heartedly. “Well, ladies, you’re both putting your fates in the hands of the viewing public. How do you fancy your chances? Bobbi?”

The brown-haired nurse with the shoulder-length hair grimaced slightly. “I’m a little unsure at the moment,” she admitted. “The voting between blondes and brunettes have been too close to call until the polls closed but, this time, it’s a brunette nurse versus a ginger nurse. So, this could go either way.”

Next to her, Sarah snorted. “Pull the other one,  Bobbi,” she retorted. “Everyone knows people always pick on the ginger. You’ll be going through to the next round with a landslide!”

Sam chuckled. “So, you heard it from them,” she laughed. “These two lovely nurses are not confident in their own chances. Are they reading too much into previous voting patterns? That’s up to you at home. Voting opens at the end of tonight’s show, one vote per voter. Now, ‘what’s next?’ I hear you ask.”

The audience yelled out raucously in reply. “WHAT’S NEXT?”

Sam grinned. “It’s time to for a Healthy Celebrity Dunking,” she answered. “And braving the public’s donations is… none other than Coronation Street star… Lucy Fallon!”

A platinum blonde-haired woman walked on-stage in a pink and green bikini. While the bottoms were solid pink, her bikini top was green with pink-edged black spots. This had the effect of showcasing her breasts and bum to full advantage. She smiled widely as she walked out from backstage,  her hair tied into an untidy ponytail. When she walked up to Sam, she wrapped the bustier blonde in crushing hug. This brought a flurry of wolf-whistles from the audience.

The blonde presenter from Essex grinned at the soapstar. “Welcome to the show, Lucy,” she said while looking the other blonde over. “Did something happen to the swimsuit you wore for the ad?”

Lucy laughed. “No, it’s just still wet after my unexpected swim,” she admitted. “Besides I think this bikini might do the job better.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Might it?” she asked rhetorically. “You’ve put yourself up for the weekly Healthy Dunking, Lucy. Do you have a challenge for our audience and the viewers at home?”

The blonde actress smirked. “As a matter of fact, I do, Sam,” she laughed. “Ladies and gentlemen, as usual if your donations exceed fifteen hundred pounds, I will of course be getting dunked. However, if donations hit eight grand, then I’ll be dunked while topless and letting Sam fill my bikini bottoms with custard. Lastly, sixteen thousand pounds being donated will mean I’ll be dunked while naked.”

Sam grinned into the camera. “Well, you heard her, everyone. The amount of time during which donations will be accepted is five minutes from my mark. For those watching at home donations can be made by calling 0800-GUNGE-HER, that’s 0800-48643-437, or text Nurse to 68259 to automatically donate five pounds. Audience, as ever some of our stage-hands will be circulating to collect your donations. Collectors, time starts… Now!”

It all seemed to happen at once, as the habitual dozen stage-hands walked hurriedly on-stage with collection buckets in-hand, the large screen to the side provided another running tally of the donations from the television viewers.  This climbed steadily upwards.

Sam and Lucy gazed anxiously at the screen. Suddenly, with a beep, the tally clicked past the eight-thousand-pound mark. Sam slapped Lucy on the shoulder. “Well, you know what that means, Lucy, don’t you?!”

Lucy merely nodded and reached back and unclasped her bikini top while Sam moved briefly out of sight, returning with a large plastic jug of thick yellow custard in each hand. At this point,  the Coronation Street actress whipped her top off and flung it theatrically into the depths of the audience’s seating. As her tits were revealed to the world, the audience cheered.

While Lucy covered her breasts with her hands, Sam hooked one of her fingers into the other blonde’s waistband until there was enough space for her to pour a jug of custard over Lucy’s bum. Sam tipped the jug and Lucy found the rear of her pink bikini bottoms bulging around her arse as they were flooded with custard. She gasped as the gooey yellow dessert sauce sloshed around and over her buttocks.

Sam then pulled out the front of the other woman’s bikini, causing some custard to trickle down Lucy’s shapely legs. When Sam then emptied the second jug of custard into the front of Lucy’s pink bottoms, the blonde actress let out a shriek of shock.

“Eek! That’s really cold!!!” cried Lucy, squirming as her bikini bottoms bulged out and overflowed with the thick custard. The feeling of the custard sloshing against her most sensitive areas had made her squirm almost uncontrollably. The camera’s zoomed out view showed her with custard spilling over her waistband and leaking down her thighs.

Still feeling very uncomfortable from the custard that filled her bikini bottoms, Lucy joined Sam in watching the steadily rising tally of donations from those watching remotely. She felt a rising sense of foreboding as she did so. That’s rising a bit too high for me to have any chance of wearing anything later tonight.

After the five minutes ticked away, the reverberating clang of a gong filled the air. The on-screen tally flashed the final tally of at-home donations.

The blonde-haired reality television star grinned at the nervous-looking actress. “Wow, Lucy!” she blurted out. “Fifteen-thousand-eight-hundred?! I think that will mean that you’re going to be wearing far less when the audience’s contribution comes in.”

The blonde actress rubbed her hands down her face. “You don’t have to tell me twice, Sam!” she retorted. “This is bad enough as it is.”

A stage-hand walked up and handed Sam a glittery envelope. The blonde Essex woman smiled her thanks to the catsuit-clad woman and opened it up. “Well, well well,” she chuckled. “This is certainly going the way everyone expected. The audience has donated a nice round four grand which brings the total donated this evening to nineteen-thousand-eight-hundred pounds. So, Lucy, please, take off your bikini bottoms and take the hot seat.”

The blonde actress sighed and undid the string side-ties on the scrap of lycra in question and pushed it down her legs. This had the effect of exposing her custard-covered muff and arse. She quickly used one hand to cover her muff from th he camera’s gaze as she moved over to the slop-filled dunk tank that had seen plenty of celebrities plunged into its depths. Trying to ignore the cheering and jeering audience, she clambered onto the dunk tank’s plank-like seat.

Sam grinned at the other blonde. “Right, Lucy, before you wind up in the muck below, we need to add something to it!”

“Oh, wonderful,” muttered the blonde actress sarcastically.

Two stage-hands approached pushing a trolley laden with tins of paint and buckets of slime. They quickly poured tins of yellow, green, purple and black gloss paint into the tank and followed this up with buckets of green, yellow, blue, red, pink, purple, black, brown and orange slime. Adding these to what was already in the tank had the effect of diluting the contents so it looked a bit runnier rather  than lumpy. With the way that Lucy wrinkled her nose, the slop was still as smelly as ever.

Sam looked up at the nervous actress. “How are you feeling up there, Lucy?”

“Now that I’m up here, I’m terrified, Sam,” replied the curvy blonde soapstar. “Yuck! This stinks!”

Sam laughed. “Yeah, after the final of last season, I know exactly what you mean!”

(If you want to see what Sam is talking about, click here.)

Lucy gave a wry chuckle. “I’m sure you do!” she laughed. “But wasn’t your dunking even worse, as it was during the first part of the final?”

Sam shuddered. “Don’t remind me! Uuugh!” groaned the blonde hostess. “Well, let’s get this back on track! Lucy Fallon, you’ve challenged the audience and our viewers who rose to the challenge. Now, it’s time to get dunked!”

Before Lucy could do much more than gasp, she felt the board she was sitting on drop out from horizontal. She splashed into the swirled mass of slop below her and plunged below the surface to be engulfed by the somewhat lumpy slop.

When the actress was finally able to find her footing and stood up, her head broke the surface covered in a psychedelic swirl of different-coloured slop. Slowly she reached up and scraped the gooey mess out of her eyes. “Yuck! This is so gross!” she moaned.

Sam grinned into the camera. “Well, I can definitely say that it is better to watch that happen than experience it first-hand,” she remarked jovially. “Now,  that’s all we have time for this evening. Join us next time when we find out whether Bobbi or Sarah emerges victorious. Polls are open from now and don’t forget we want your ideas of what we should do to the loser. But, for now, it’s goodbye from Bobbi, Sarah,  a rather messy Lucy Fallon and, of course, me. Good night!”

The camera panned through the studio studio before focussing its attention on each of the four ladies on-stage as Sam said their names. The show’s final shot was the now-traditional split screen between the versus view of the two contestants and the rolling credits.

Author’s note: hope you enjoyed this installment. Polls are below as usual (restricted to one vote in each poll per person). They’ll close at 10 am GMT tomorrow (Saturday 27th of June 2020)/5 am EST/4 pm Sydney time on the same date. 

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story includes nudity)

Intro

Tom: “Welcome everyone to the latest instalment in our ‘football is coming home’ shows. Tonight is a dunk-tank special where we have 4, yes 4 dunk-tanks ready and waiting for some sexy ladies to get dunked in them. To help me with the show please put your hands together for my assistant host Tania and special guest host Nikki!”

Tania and Nikki join Tom on stage. Both are wearing snazzy red dresses.

Both ladies do twirls to the obvious appreciation of the audience.

Tom: “Hi girls. Have you been enjoying watching the football back on our TV screens?”

Tania: “I didn’t used to follow football that much, but I’ve watched a few of the games recently and I’m getting really into it.”

Nikki: “Not really. I’ve been spending a lot of my time topping up my tan in the garden, so I’ve not had much time for football. In fact I couldn’t tell you which teams are doing well or not doing well!”

Tom: “Oh I see. Then don’t you know the result of the Everton v Liverpool game?”

Nikki: “Nope!”

Tom winked to the camera “That should prove to be interesting later on! Anyway, more about our 4 dunk tanks. Each tank has a number 1 to 4 above them, and each tank is filled with a different substance which has been suggested by our viewers. As we go through the show, any ladies that are deemed to deserve a messy forfeit, will have to choose a number between 1 to 4, and that is the dunk tank they will be assigned. Is that clear?”

Tania: “Seems clear to me. Are you going to tell us what’s in the dunk tanks?”

Tom: “Ok I will, but for obvious reasons I won’t tell you which number relates to which substance. So we have in no particular order bright blue gloss paint, baked beans, raspberry jam and (ahem) methylcellulose“

Tania frowns “What’s methylcellulose?”

Nikki smiles at Tania, as she is all too familiar with that substance “It’s a gooey substance that is an artificial substitute for cum!”

Tania: “Yuck! I don’t want any of THAT anywhere near me!”

Tom: “I bet that’s not what you said when you were chatting up that footballer the other day!”

Tania: “Tom! You can’t say that! How cheeky!”

Tom just smiled as he moved the show onto the next segment.

Gunge World Cup

Tom: “In the last show we opened the voting for Group D in the Gunge World Cup. The polls are now closed and I can reveal that going through to the quarter-finals will be Adriana Monslave and Mel McLaughlin. Adriana topped the group with 38% and Mel was runner-up with 30%.”

Tania: “Sally Ann Grassick will be disappointed because of 2 reasons. Firstly, she got the lowest amount of votes throughout all the groups. And secondly, she is with us tonight to pay a messy forfeit for that very dubious honour.”

The former jockey turned presenter slowly walks on, with her head in her hands.

Sally Ann

She is wearing a green dress, nude high heels and a fancy hat.

Tania: “Errr, no hats allowed on this programme so you can take that off straight away!”

Sally Ann obliged, tossing her hat to one side.

Tania: “Not a great showing – only 5 votes!”

Sally Ann: “Yes I agree, that is disappointing”

Tania: “Some good news for you Sally Ann. You do get to choose which dunk tank you will go on. Choose a number between 1 and 4.”

Sally Ann: “I’m not sure that is good news for me! I’ll go for number 4.”

Tania: “Ok, if you can make your way up the ladder at the back of tank 4, and sit on that precarious looking seat above it please.”

The Irish lady did as Tania asked, and sat on the seat with her legs dangling above the tank. Peering down beneath her, she was unable to see what the contents of the tank was, as a cover was obscuring it.

Tania did a short countdown before pressing one of the big red buttons on a nearby console, and this had two effects. Firstly the cover of the tank retracted, and secondly, the seat violently tipped forwards sending the horse racing presenter flailing into the air. With gravity doing its thing, Sally Ann fell and landed with a squelchy splat into the tank. Bits of red gunk flew out from where she hit the surface, and it took a few seconds until she regained her balance and was able to stand up. The audience clapped with appreciation at the sight of the presenter up to her waist in raspberry jam, and her top half coated in the sticky stuff.

As Sally Ann was cursing her luck, and threw her arms around in disgust, the camera panned back to Tom.

Tom: “We have now reached the Quarter-Final stage, so let’s remind ourselves which ladies have made it through, and more importantly who is playing who”

Nikki: “In the first QF it’s an all-blonde affair with Holly Hamilton of Northern Ireland up against Sylvana van Ijussmeiden of Holland.”

Nikki: “And in our fourth and final match, it’s the battle of the boots wearing ladies featuring Venezuela’s Adriana Monslave against Mexico’s Ines Sainz”

Tania: “Polls are now open and will be closed shortly before next weeks episode where we will reveal the results and find out who is going through to the semi-finals.”

Mini CSWL

Tom: “That brings us nicely onto our mini CSWL game that was contested between Everton and Liverpool last Sunday evening and here to join us on the show is Amanda Holden”

In her tight red catsuit, Amanda joyously trots on to stand next to Tom, Nikki and Tania, holding a red helmet in her hand.

Tom: “You seem to be in high spirits! I wonder why that is?”

Amanda: “Haha! I’m not getting messy and humiliated so I’m in very good spirits”

Tom: “Yes, as the match ended in a goalless draw, this means both Amanda and Tania avoid the mess, but as Nikki was representing the draw, it’s going to be her that is the real loser of this mini CSWL match.”

As it had become clear in the opening segment of the show, Nikki hadn’t been following the results, so the fact that she was the loser was brand new news for her.

Nikki: “Me again? I was hoping to get to mess up Amanda or Tania this week.”

Tania smirked “As a matter of interest how long did it take you to wash all that sticky flour off last week?”

Nikki: “It took absolutely ages. I keep finding bits of flour here and there, and everywhere”

Tom: “So Nikki, you will have the pleasure of going in one of our dunk tanks. Can you choose a number between 1 and 4?”

Nikki: “I’ll go for 1”

Tom: “And can you now choose the number of the dunk tank you are to go in?”

Nikki: “Huh! I thought I’d just answered that.”

Tom: “No, that number was for how many articles of clothing you have to take off. Did I not mention that?”

Nikki stood with her hands on hips “No, you did not!”

Tom: “Haha! Get stripping please!”

Nikki begins a sexy striptease in front of the watching audience and pulls her red dress slowly down her body to reveal that she is bra-less, and is wearing matching black stockings, suspenders, knickers and high heel shoes.

Tania giggles “Blimey! Your tits seem to be spending more time out than in, on these shows”

Nikki: “Haha, very funny”

Tom: “And you still haven’t chosen the number of the dunk tank. Which is to be please?”

Nikki: “Erm, I’ll go for 3”

Tom: “Ah Ok, so dunk tank number 3 is a little different from the others and rather than sit in a plastic chair on top of the tank, there is a plastic slide which goes directly into the tank.”

Tania: “Oh, and one more rule. You have to go down the slide face first.”

Nikki gingerly climbs the steps at the back of dunk tank number 3. Once at the top, she slowly and carefully lies down on the slide, which incidentally has been greased up, to make it easier for the ‘dunkee’ to slide down.

Nikki holds onto to the sides of the slide to prevent herself from prematurely slipping down it.

Tom: “Are you comfortable up there Nikki?”

Nikki: “As much as I can be!”

Tom: “Tania, can you take off the cover of dunk tank number 3 please”

Tania does as she was asked, to reveal the tank is filled with baked beans. Nikki smiles as she recognised the slimy substance straight away.

Tania: “If you can let go of the sides please Nikki”

The busy brunette stopped gripping the sides which began her descent down the slide. It had been greased up so much, that she built up a lot of speed as she reached the bottom of the slide. As the slide flattened out, Nikki was propelled into the air briefly with her arms and legs flailing around, until she splashed into the beans front-first, delving completely beneath the surface. After a few seconds, Nikki re-appeared with beans up to her waist, and her top half coated in bean sauce and beans. The audience cheered again at the sight of another dunking, but the cheers were slightly louder than the first, probably because this was a topless dunking. Playfully, Nikki wiped her boobs with her hands and did a body jiggle to please the audience even more.

Tom: “Wow! That was an erotic dunking. Thanks again to Nikki for being our special guest host. Not sure if she will be too keen to come back again, as she’s not having much luck with avoiding the mess or keeping fully clothed! Over to Tania now to reveal the results of her little quiz”

Tania’s Quiz – Result

Tania: “Thanks Tom. All the matches in the quiz have now been played and I have great pleasure in announcing that Alesha Dixon is the nominee of the winning viewer!”

Tania: “It turned out to be a close affair, with Hayley and Jodie only finishing 10 points behind. Michelle gets the wooden spoon with no points at all.”

The camera pans to dunk tank number 2 to show that a nervous Alesha is already sitting above it.

Tania: “Hello Alesha and welcome to the show. How do you feel about being the winner of our little quiz?”

Putting her hands up, the tv personality shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

Tania: “It’s time for your prize Alesha. Hope you enjoy!”

Another big red button was pushed which automatically removed the cover of the tank and Alesha gasped as she saw a bright blue substance beneath her. Her seat then violently jerked forward and sent her squealing and sprawling into the tank. Alesha landed with an almighty splash and Tania needed to move quickly to avoid the blue paint splashes that were lapped over the sides of the dunk tank.

After a few seconds, a bright blue coated Alesha appeared, with her hands running through her hair “I can’t believe it! This is blue gloss paint, and it’s going to take me ages to get this washed out of my hair!”

Tom and Tania smiled, and even Nikki, who was still in the adjacent tank, smiled at Alesha’s reaction to being dunked in paint.

Mini CSWL Preview

Tom: “For our next mini CSWL match, we look no further than the match between Watford and Southampton to be played on Sunday 28th. Representing her beloved Watford team will be sports presenter Kelly Somers.”

Kelly walks on in a sexy yellow dress and looks a little nervous as if she is isn’t too sure that she really wants to be playing in the game.

Tom: “Welcome Kelly, and if my memory is correct, this is the first time that you have appeared on a CSWL-type show?”

Kelly: “Yes it is Tom. I’ve managed to avoid them up until now, but I kind of knew I would have to appear on one at some stage”

Tom: “Well, we are delighted you are making your debut on our show. How do you rate Watford’s chances of keeping you nice and clean?”

Kelly: “I’ve got my fingers crossed that the Watford boys will put in a good performance and they have got home advantage as well.”

Tom: “Good luck Kelly, and as always, Tania will represent the other team”

Tania tuts loudly.

Tom: “For that reaction, you can also represent the draw!”

Tania tuts loudly again, before sighing, regaining her composure and faces the camera for the next segment.

Tania’s Quiz 2

Tania: “We will launch another of my quizzes which I have imaginatively called ‘Tania’s Quiz 2’. Same rules as for last time, but Sophie will give us a reminder of how to play…”

The TV monitor explodes into life and shows a curly haired blonde lady explaining the rules.

As she finishes, the picture pans out to show she is sitting in a gunge tank and she is suddenly deluged with thick blue paint.

Tania: “Thank you very much to Sophie for that reminder, and the 6 matches that have been selected this time are as follows:-“

Tania: “If you want to enter, put your predictions and chosen lady celebrity in comments below. Deadline for entries will be Wednesday 1st July, with the quiz starting on Saturday 4th July with the first match seeing the Hornets paying a visit to the Pensioners.”

Finale

Tom: “Do you know what Tania, we’re almost at the end of the show and dunk tank number 1 hasn’t been used yet“

Tania started to fear the worst “….and?”

Tom: “It seems a bit of a shame that the tank will go to waste”

Tom looks towards Amanda “What do you think Amanda?”

Amanda Holden was sitting at the side of the studio, watching the proceedings feeling very smug that she had avoided any mess in her mini CSWL game.

Amanda: “Yeah, I guess so”

Tom: “As you came on the show with a helmet to wear, our producers have been reviewing the rules for the show, and I am afraid to say that there is a penalty that you have to pay for doing so”

Amanda: “What do you mean?”

Tom: “Can’t you guess?”

A horrified look appeared on Amanda’s face as she realised what he meant.

Before she knew what was going on, Amanda was escorted to dunk tank number 1 and was ushered up the steps. In her sexy red catsuit, she proved to be quite a sight as she perched on the precarious looking seat.

Amanda: “I shouldn’t be in this position! I didn’t lose the mini CSWL game!”

Tom: “But you DID break the rules of the show. Enjoy your dunking!”

The big red button was pressed for the final time as the cover came off the tank to reveal sticky white gloopy contents. The seat tipped forwards and sent Amanda into the gunk below. As the TV personality re-appeared from beneath the surface, she had a disgusted look on her face as she looked down on herself to see what a messy state she was in.

Amanda: “Ugh! What is this? It looks like….”

Tania interrupted “Don’t worry it’s not what you think. It’s called methylcellulose. It does look like the real thing, doesn’t it!”

Amanda: “Yes it does! And it feels disgusting!”

Tania: “That’s all we have time for today folks, so tune in again for next weeks episode. And a reminder, if you wanted to enter my quiz, put your predictions and nominated lady celebrity in the comments below”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to Episode 5 of Totty” said Amber Gill in one of her signature sexy bikinis. “Yes, it’s our Funny Girl Special, so we all have to be on our toes” said Maisie Smith who was again in her usual workout gear displaying her fabulous figure. “Yes we’ll probably get cut down a lot but will our funny girls take all we’ve got?” Katie Thistleton in a short summer dress concluded.

“Later Rosamund and Thandie will be getting messy and naughty with sexy US comedy star Whitney Cummings and we’ll be joined by our Special Guest star Emily Atack” Amber said. “Whitney is a bit of a come down from Naomie Harris and with that surname I can just imagine what Raunchy Roz and Randy Thandie will have her getting sticky in” Maisie said. “Don’t be rude” Katie said emptying a bucket of custard over Maisie’s head. It ran down her long auburn hair over her face and down her cleavage. “We’ve started early tonight then?” Maisie replied picking up a jug of rice pudding lifting up Katie’s skirt exposing her white knickers. Opening the top of the front of her knickers she emptied the rice pudding into a grimacing Katie’s knickers. The pale lumpy mush oozed out of her knickers and ran down her legs.

Maisie and Katie then looked over at a giggling Amber. Maisie picked up two custard pies and Katie another one. Katie stuck her pie in Amber’s face then lifted up Amber’s bikini top to display her large dusky breasts and Maisie stuck a custard pie on each. Maisie then lifted up her top and rubbed her fabulous breasts into Amber’s custard pie covered boobs and kissed Amber on the lips.

“Whilst those two get down to some HLA please welcome Ellie Taylor, Rachel Parris and London Hughes” Katie said.

The three funny girls walked on, London in a stunning orange bikini covered by a loose robe, Rachel in workout gear and Ellie in a short sleeved top and jeans

Maisie looked at London and said “I love watching you at Wimbledon. How is Venus doing?”. “Very funny, I’m more bootylicious than her ” London replied. Maisie walked behind London and lifted her robe up and said “Yes your bum is definitely bigger”. London pushed her butt into Maisie knocking Maisie over onto the floor and making her do a backwards roll.

“A range of clothing I see” Amber said. “Well we haven’t got London’s curves so we’ve gone a bit more practical” Ellie replied. “I figure we’ll be getting messy so I stuck on some old workout gear” Rachel added. “We’ll hopefully get you out of most of it by the end of the show” Katie replied. “We are up for some fun and these puppies will be bouncing around” London said. “I don’t know if we’ve got the bouncy castle game this week but we may have to put it in for you London. But I can tell you we will be having some messy Karaoke as you are going to play that with me now Rachel” Amber said taking Rachel by the hand.

“So you aren’t going to mess us up yet?” London said. “Excellent idea” Katie said as she bought on a bucket of porridge. Maisie and Katie hoisted London upside down and dunked her head first into the porridge. After about 5 seconds they pulled her out gasping for air and her head and long extensions covered in the grey mush. “Katie only got it down her knickers” she screamed as her head was dunked in again. Amber walked on carrying another bucket of porridge and emptied it downwards over London’s crotch. It ran down her body over her belly button and onto the bottom of her bra as her head reemerged from the porridge. Her head went back in again as Amber produced a big fish pulled London’s bikini bottoms into a thong wedgie and whacked her big brown butt cheeks very hard with the fish as Maisie and Amber let her go. London well to the floor with the bucket still on her head and sat up slowly rather dazed and slowly removed the bucket as Amber stuffed the fishes head down her bikini bottoms. London was lost for words and sat there smarting but also giggling in shock.

The girls turned to Ellie each picking up a custard pie and gave her a triple pie sandwich on her head and face rubbing it up right into her long brown hair. Maisie then emptied a bucket of oxtail soup over her head and left the bucket on. Ellie slowly removed the bucket and stood there with the brown soup running down her face and hair and onto her T-shirt. “Your ****** big mouth” she said turning to a giggling London.

Amber lead the still clean Rachel into place for her game. “We hear you have written a number of comedy songs so we’ll do a classic Karaoke duet I Got You Babe” Amber said. “I wrote the Hen Do Song to the tune of Vincent by Don McLean whose girlfriend Paris Dylan you featured a few weeks ago” Rachel said. “Very diverse to write a song about a Hindu” Amber replied. “No a Hen Do, it’s a about a Hen Do Party on a Train” Rachel continued. “We need a great mind to understand this. Maisie can you help?” Amber said as Maisie tottered on. “I wrote a song about a group of girls celebrating one of them getting married A Hen Do” Rachel said. “I went to a Hindu wedding once it was a wonderful celebration” Maisie said. “No a Hen Do going out for the night on a train” Rachel stated.

“So it was on a train possibly from Bakerloo to Waterloo when you saw a Hindu and a Hen Do or was it a Hindu Hen Do or a Hen Do converting to Hindu to whom you all said how do you do. I’m going to throw a bucket of custard over you” Maisie rattled out and picked up a bucket of custard and emptied it over Rachel’s head. Rachel stood there totally bewildered as the custard ran down her blonde hair and onto her cleavage and down her sports top. “Anyway would you like to perform the song for us before you do your duet” Maisie added as she tottered off. Laughing Rachel wiped her eyes and took her place behind a provided keyboard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URyAFqzRrKE

The girls let Rachel perform her song which was well received then Amber returned dressed almost like a caveman mocking Sonny Bono’s 1960’s look and attire and pulling a chair behind her and instructing Rachel to sit on it. Amber began to grunt and mock making a fire but as the music started she displayed a decent singing voice as they allowed Rachel to sing the young seriously. Amber then went and fetched some wood and actually lit a fire as Amber got to the line “I got flowers in the spring” a load of water crashed down on them followed by a deluge of flour. The girls stood there in a white cloud and tried to carry on. When Rachel got to when “And when I’m sad , you’re a clown” Amber gave her a double pie sandwich. Rachel trying to wipe her face clear carried on “And if I get scared, you’re always around”. A large explosion went off behind them and the fire suddenly began to flare up. Katie and Maisie walked on with fire extinguishers and began to soak them. Amber threw off her caveman wig and fur covering and jumped onto Rachel’s lap. When it got to “Don’t let them say your hair’s too long” Katie and Maisie stuck a trifle on both the girls heads. On “Then put your little hand in mine” Rachel scooped Amber’s boobs out of her bikini top. Then “There ain’t no hill or mountain we can’t climb” a load of slush crashed down onto them.

They both stood up and Amber pulled her bikini top off completely and rubbed her big brown boobs in Rachel’s face and then pulled Rachel’s vest top over her head exposing a pink sports bra and her cute belly button. Amber grabbed a jug of porridge and emptied it down Rachel’s leggings. Rachel picked up a bucket of minestrone soup and emptied it over Amber’s head letting it run down her curves before lavishing rubbing it into her breasts as they continued to sing the songs closing lines. Amber picked up a bucket of semolina and stuck it over Rachel’s head then pulled down her leggings to reveal a pair of Calvin Klein sports briefs. Rachel picked up a bucket of baked beans and dumped it over Amber’s curly hair before standing behind her and rubbing it into her boobs again.

The song finished as both girls gave each other several custard pies and they hugged and took a bow. Rachel nearly fell over with her leggings around her ankles. Amber pulled them off her and yelled “If you take them off they stay off”.

“Right London, it’s no good we’re going to have to play the bouncy castle game plus I’ve never played it before” Katie said taking London by the hand and leading her across the studio floor but as they walked over a grill a load of gunge shot up at them. “Sorry I forgot about that” Katie said. “That made my eyes water more than most men I know can” London replied. “You are still single then?” Katie asked. “It would take a special man with a special weapon to satisfy me” London said sassily. “Rachel’s husband’s a Big Cock” Maisie shouted. “His name is Brigstocke” Rachel yelled back hardly able to stop laughing. “We’re discussing his size not his name” London quipped in.

“Now London last episode we played this game with Dina Asher-Smith and we have previously played it with Sally Bundock. How do you think you’ll compare?” Katie asked. “Well I’m a mixture of the two, I’m black athletic and I’ve got big tits” London replied. “Yes all the sports girls had smallish pert boobs” Katie added. “Well my big juicy watermelons will put them to shame” London added pushing her boobs up. “We’ve renamed the game The Tower of London in your honour” Katie said pointing London towards a bouncy castle being pushed into the studio. “Above the castle you will see some plastic containers sort of like our own Totty Pinatas we have to jump up and pull the cords on each. . Plus there is going to be some goodies thrown at us by whoever is on duty at the Tower along the way” Katie added. “So I’ve got to jump up and down in this bikini. All you male virgins better set your DVRs now” London replied.

Laughing Katie and London took their places on the bouncy castle. “How about a test bounce?” Katie asked. “No I’ll knock myself out” London replied.There are 10 cords to be pulled when I blow the whistle we start. We do it in unison as relay would take too long” Katie added.

Katie blew a whistle and she and London both jumped for their first cords with London’s boobs bouncing up and down. They looked at each other and burst out laughing. “Keep hold of them with one hand and jump” Katie suggested. She jumped up and pulled her first cord and a load of green gunge cascaded onto her. “Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Katie said joking as she was covered in the green mush. London took a huge leap for her first chord with her boobs barely staying in her bikini. Pulling the string it unleashed a load of red gunge over her porridge covered hair and ran down her dark curvy body. Katie took a mighty leap her dress riding up exposing her rice pudding stained knickers and pulled her second chord “Cleo Demetriou eat your heart out” she screamed as a load of flour fell onto her. Suddenly Maisie appeared over the side of the castle and threw a bucket of spaghetti over both girls.

London took a mighty leap and her boobs flew out as she pulled her chord and got covered in a load of flour just as Maisie threw a bucket of water right in her face. London was a stodgy mess and trying to put her boobs back in as Katie leapt for her third chord and pulled it to get covered in a load of Macaroni Cheese sauce as she fell to the floor. She then received a bucket of custard in the face from Maisie and was sprawled on the floor of the bouncy castle covered in yellow mush. London had regained her composure and put her boobs back in as she leapt for her third chord but just as she pulled it Maisie got her perfectly in the face with another bucket of custard just as London was drenched in Macaroni Cheese Sauce too. London fell backwards and slipped her boobs again coming loose and she lay on her back with her legs up in the air but in perfect range for Maisie to empty a bucket of baked beans right onto her face and naked breasts. London was flailing and spluttering as Katie leapt for her fourth cord and got covered with pureed vomit fruit blended with smelly blue cheese. Katie was literally heaving as Maisie threw another bucket of the mixture over her head. Katie pulled her dress over her head exposing her white bra and rice pudding filled knickers. London pulled her bikini top off and stuck it in her mouth knowing what she was going to get covered in “If you take it off, it stays off” Katie screamed still heaving. London leapt for her fourth chord with her stupendous boobs literally hitting her in her face as she pulled it. The disgusting mixture cascaded over her as Maisie threw another bucket of it over her head. London bit into her bikini top and frantically wiped her face with it to clear as much of the mess away as she could.

London and Katie looked at the last two higher cords as Maisie turned a foam hose on them. “Lift me up when I jump” Katie said to London and began to jump up and down. London tried to hoist her up but as both were so slippery she only succeeded in grabbing hold of Katie’s bra and snapping it exposing Katie’s big bouncy breasts as Maisie continued to cover them with foam. “Lets swap “ London said and began to jump for the chords as Katie tried to hoist her up. Predictably Katie grabbed the ties on London’s bikini bottoms and they came undone in her hand as London fell to the floor face first with everything on display. Giggling London got up and displayed a very hairy afro bush. “Maya Jama. Eat your fucking heart out she screamed” Katie made another mighty leap and London literally hoisted her up by her knickers as she stretched into a rather painful wedgie as Katie pulled the chords just as her knickers snapped exposing her shaved muff and a load of sticky clear gunk engulfed them. “What is that?” London screamed lifting her gunge covered sticky hands and looking at her naked glistening body. “It came from an Ostrich Farm” Maisie shouted. “It’s not Ostrich Eggs” Katie shouted. “No it came from the males” Maisie added. “You mean I’ve been covered in ostrich spunk!” London spluttered. “I’ve been covered in ostrich spunk, she repeated and began to thump her fists into the bouncy castle and rolling around trying to get up alongside an equally floundering Katie.

Slowly Katie and London got to their feet both naked, sticky shiny messes and began to ring out their hair. “My extensions are fucked” London screamed laughing. “That is up there with Elisabeth Dermot Walsh’s” Maisie said pointing to London’s big afro muff. “Well you are not shaving mine, no way” London replied going into street mode. “Well it looks like Totty is back to its extreme best. Please thank the amazing and sexy London Hughes” Katie said as both girls took a bow.

“Now Ellie, it’s your turn to play and you are with me” Maisie said taking a nervous Ellie by the hand. “I’ve no idea what we are going to do. We had something planned but I’ve forgotten what it was. What am I like” Maisie said and slid into her signature splits. “I’m stuck help me up. I’ve pulled a fanny muscle” she shouted. Ellie went to help her up but Maisie pulled her down onto the floor and began to tickle her. “You know I’m ticklish” Ellie screamed. “Oh that’s it we are going to play Totty Tickler Time. You enjoy reading spoof news on the Mash Report so you can do it with me” Maisie said. “Who will be playing with Emily then?” Ellie asked. “All of us probably” Maisie replied as she lead Ellie to the Totty Tickler Time Desk.

Maisie and Ellie sat behind a desk with two chairs and gave Ellie was given a laminated piece of paper. “Read for as long as you can” said Maisie said to Ellie. “My name is Ellie Taylor, I am a bit like an Ostrich as I’m a tall bird with knobbly knees and I enjoyed seeing London Hughes getting gunged with Ostrich sperm that I’d love us both to be covered with Ostrich Eggs and Feathers first of all” Ellie said as about 4 buckets of rotten ostrich eggs were thrown at the girls and a load of feathers were dropped on them. “Ostriches like burying their heads in the sand but I personally prefer sticking mine into a bucket of honey and sitting back down with it on my head is my party trick” Ellie continued to read out. Groaning as a couple of buckets of honey were placed in front of her and Maisie by Amber. Ellie took a deep breath and plunged her head into the honey as Maisie did likewise. Both sat down with the buckets on their heads as the honey slowly ran down their bodies. Ellie slowly took the bucket off her head her long hair was a sticky mess as Maisie did likewise. “The weather in the Totty Studio is getting extreme” Ellie read on as she wiped her laminate clear as Wind Machines, Water hoses, a foam hose and several buckets of gunge were turned on them. “The deluge is so strong it has blown an item of clothing off our tops” Ellie read out. Sportingly she removed her top to display a sexy black bra. “Not bad but nothing compared to these. If I take it off it stays off” Maisie said as she pulled her sports bra over her head and displayed her amazing breasts.

The deluge subsided and Ellie continued “I present the Mash Report on BBC so I love soggy mash” as several buckets of wet runny mash was thrown at them. “With Mash you need gravy, several gallons of it” Ellie continued. As an overhead gunge tank of gravy crashed down onto them. “I had my darling daughter in 2018, she loves mashed carrot puree when she was a baby” Ellie read out with a resigned look on her face as several buckets of the orange mush hit them both. Struggling to see and wiping her eyes Ellie gamely read on. “Totty Ticker Time is interactive so we sit on the desk” Ellie went on as she and Maisie sat next to each other on the gunge covered desk. “The world tickling championships were held today and it was discovered that a female’s belly button is very ticklish as Maisie will demonstrate on me!” Ellie read out, Maisie started to tickle Ellie’s belly button as she screamed and the foam hoses were turned on them again. Crying with laughter Ellie was pointed to a large card Amber was holding. “The victim surrenders by waving and item of clothing over their head for the game to cease and for you to pass Totty Tickler Time by getting covered with a bucket of treacle each” Ellie read out. As Ellie still squealed as Maisie tickled her she bravely removed her bra and waved it above her head displaying her nice pert breasts as Amber and Katie emptied a bucket of treacle over both girls heads.

Slowly the treacle ran down their hair covering their faces and onto their breasts. Maisie began to rub hers in and Ellie sportingly did likewise as the audience cheered. “I can do the splits sideways too” Ellie whispered to Maisie. “Great let’s do them on the count of 3 after we’ve created enough space” Maisie said “1,2,3” she added as both ladies took a couple of steps apart and slid into a synchronized splits. “What are WE like!” they shouted in unison as they took the applause. Maisie swung up and helped Ellie up. “London can do the splits too” Ellie said. “London isn’t doing the splits when she is stark bollock naked and she won’t if Maisie or even you offer to join her” London shouted across laughing.

“Join us in Part 2 when Rosamund and Thandie will be going wild with Whitney Cummings we will be playing a Totty Version of Celebrity Cyclone with our Special Guest Emily Atack” Amber said as she signed off Part 1

Hey guys,

So for a variety of reasons, Im gonna be done writing stories for the foreseeable future and probably forever, at least ones that involve actual people. I dont wanna get into why, its a personal choice that has nothing to do with anyone or anything on this site. I just feel like I want to let people know that Im done and not just ghosting everyone. I will also be deleting any past stories.

If anyone wants to pick up the series for me, feel free. If youre wondering, Georgia was selected over Lindsey, and Saffron and Natalie beat out Anna for the trip around the house. Some ideas that I had also tossed around in my head were brunettes vs. blondes with Kendall Jenner and Madison Beer going against Gigi Hadid and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Another one was a 2 vs. 2 vote between the 4 members of Four of Diamonds. I was also considering doing Karen Gillan vs Jenna Coleman in a Doctor Who battle. So if anyone wants to steal those and continue thats fine. But Im gonna be done. I’ll still be posting in alerts and find and discussions, just not as a writer.

Thanks for your attention and comments and for being an audience.

Hope everyone is coping all right with life at the moment, I won’t lie it’s tough at times for me, and have been feeling with uninspired to write. So apologies for leaving stories unfinished.

Nikki was excited as she stood in her changing room, her recent double appearance on Football is Coming Home series where she had been the messy victim twice in a row thanks to back to back draws in the games featured had ensured that she and her large breasts were very much back in the public eye once more.

However tonight was going to be different, she was hosting a mini show by herself and was intending to stay clean whilst getting the chance to mess up someone else, the producers had told her about the new gunk tank they would be trailing on the show.

Twenty minutes later once she was fully dressed in her heels, thigh high stockings and a smart black skirt and shirt, opened enough to ensure eyes were drawn to her cleavage Nikki walked out onto the stage.

“Thank you all for joining us tonight, we have a short slot in the schedule but don’t worry we will be waiting absolutely no time at all, because I know exactly what you are all here to see” the audience cheered as she announced this.

“Now several months ago I was doing some other TV work and got chatting with one of the stars, we made a bet and where the loser would face a forfeit of the winners design.

You’ll be pleased to know that I won, and I’ve chosen to share my win with all of you wonderful people, both in the audience tonight and at home.” She announced to a louder cheer once again before continuing on as she walked over to a large curtain which hid something from the viewers.

After a brief tease Nikki reached up and tugged on the material, it fell to the floor and revealed a perspex chamber, inside was none other than Loose Woman host Andrea McLean, the mature presenter nervously smiled at Nikki.

Andrea was wearing a loose grey top along with skinny black jeans and matching high heels, perched on a small seat inside she had a bad feel about what would be occurring to her, even before Nikki started to tease her.

After this Nikki moved onto explaining the chamber to both Andrea and the watching viewers, “do you know those drinks machines they have at McDonalds and other fast food places?”  Andrea starred at Nikki blankly.

“I guess not, obviously someone is too posh to go to a fast food restaurant” Nikki said in jokingly mocking tone which caused Andrea to blush, failing to think of a witty response before Nikki had moved on.

“Well anyway, at some of the establishments they have a drink mixer where you put your drinks holder in a little chamber and then press a button on a touch screen for whatever you want to be poured into your cup. Some people like to stick with one liquid like a Coke, others prefer to mix it up for different tastes.

Well our brilliant crew have enlarged that concept and you will be taking on the role of the ice in the cup, and not that you Andrea can see it I have a nice touch panel over here” Nikki said pointing to a currently blank screen for the audiences information.

“Are you ready?” she asked knowing the answer just by looking at Andrea’s nervous look as she shook her head.

Nikki however was not going to waste any time, “oh well, I think it’s time for me to select my first substance lets start with some cream” she tapped a button on her device and a torrent of white cream cascaded down onto Andrea’s dark hair. She squealed as the cold substance took her by surprise. After holding down the button for a few seconds Nikki let go and stood back to enjoy viewing Andrea with her white creamy dousing.

She then selected another button which turned out to be custard ensuring that Andrea turned a yellow colour as the thick but smooth textured substance flowed down onto her head and down her back, as she had shuffled forwards in the seat accidently.

This meant the custard was able to flow down the inside of her top and nestle inside her jeans, unfortunately for Andrea, Nikki had no plans to stop as she selected two options at once to see if it would do anything.

To her enjoyment a mix of baked beans and soup poured out of the tube above Andrea’s head and splashed down onto her, Andrea cried out as she felt the small beans slide down her face, a number of them successfully getting inside her top which was now sitting much lower on her body than it had down at the start of the show.

A further few more substances were deposited onto Andrea with gravy being followed by rice pudding and then porridge which caused the daytime TV presenter to gag as the level of mixed food was now rising up inside the chamber and was sitting at her chest.

Andrea felt disgusted by the sloppy mess that she was now surrounded by, and she knew her colleagues would be absolutely loving watching her at that moment.

She could feel the cold substances soaking through all of her clothes which had caused her nipples to erect, she was at least glad to have decided to wear a bra, once the mixed sloppy layer had reached her chin she looked up thinking that it was over only to be shocked when a deluge of think lumpy brown gunge smashed into her face.

The gunge continued to fill up the chamber until Andrea had completely disappeared engulfed by  the slop for a few moments before a hole opened up at that bottom of the chamber and to drain away some of the mess ensuring she was able to breath again after spitting out some of the gunge she had swallowed by mistake.

Andrea expected the mess to be all drained away, however it slowed dramatically once it was back to under her chin as Nikki teased that it would take a while for the mess to drain away completely, as she revealed a second guest was about to join them.

She walked away grinning at the shocked Andrea, who had never expected her part to be as long, Nikki headed towards a large dunk tank.