Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to this weeks CSWL with me your host for this week Kirsty Edwards, the game we are featuring today is a London Derby between West Ham vs Chelsea, and we have a battle of the pop stars tonight. exclaims Kirsty.

Kirsty is wearing a dark red mini dress that literally comes just below her bum and leaves a lot to be imagined, and dark red high heeled shoes, and her long blonde hair being worn down and straight.

So shall we meet tonight’s guests first up is pop star and West Ham fan Pixie Lott.

Pixie is wearing a white mini dress, and strappy high heeled shoes with her hair being worn down and wavy.

So Pixie how do you feel about representing your beloved West Ham tonight, asks Kirsty.

Not overly enthralled about it as I have watched the show and I know it can get very messy and humiliating for the contestants, and we are up against a Chelsea team who has won every match so far this season, but we are the home team and I hope they can perform well and prevent me from getting messy and humiliated.

Thanks for that Pixie now let’s move onto our Chelsea representative shall we it is ex Eastender and pop star Martine McCuctheon.

Martine is wearing a short patterened dress, and white high-heeled shoes and her long black hair being slightly curly and being worn down.

So Martine how are you feeling about representing Chelsea tonight.

Well Kirsty we have won all our games this season and West Ham haven’t had a great start but did win their last game and we are the away team so could be tough but I am hoping the boys can continue their run.

Thanks for that Martine now it is time to move onto the forfeits.

For 1 goal it is a trip to the gunge tank, being covered in the opposing teams colours.

For 2 goals it is a trip to the pillories.

For 3 goals it is the bath and all forfeits will have to be one in their underwear. Both Ladies are shocked by this exclamation.

And for 4 or more goals it is a trip to the dunk tank and all forfeits will be done naked. Both ladies are even more shocked by this than they were for the 3 goal forfeit.

And Pixie chimes in but I am not wearing a bra, well you should have thought about that before picking your outfit tonight shouldn’t you, so you just have to hope that your team concedes less than 3 and doesn’t accumulate very many other forfeits or it could be very humiliating.

And talking of the other forfeits, the wheel returns for like yellow and red cards, fouls, possession and other forfeits if they happen during the game.

And I have just been told by my producer that I am somehow being involved in the forfeits of another chosen game of the team I support a dejected Kirsty announced.

So join me Kirtsy Edwards, Pixie Lott and Martine McCutcheon in the results show to find out our forfeits.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

—

A big Mess-tery or what happens when Marshall can’t work out how to do a gunging in his other story and ends up reading old WAM fiction.

—

Emma Watson looked around the room, sat in a circle of chairs, 11 including her own to be precise. All the other celebrities in the room had paired up since arrival but she was alone, she still had no idea what this show entailed but she knew it involved living in this abandoned Hollywood village for a period of time, and the producers had something over most of the girls to get them on the show.

As her eyes scanned around the circle, she observed the 10 women she would be living with. First there was Selena Gomez who was chatting happily with Debby Ryan, next to them were Alison Brie and Hayden Panniteire, Hayden was trying to convince Alison to get her in the next season of GLOW by the sounds of it. Following on from then we’re probably the biggest stars in the room Megan Fox and Mila Kunis, both looking straight out of a magazine, the pair were leaning over and talking to Natalie Portman and Brie Larson. The final two looked younger than the others and were Olivia Holt and Hayley Orrantia, both were chatting nicely. All the stars were dressed similarly, wearing with black trousers or jeans and Yellow T-shirts with Red ?’s on them.

The talking came to an abrupt stop when a metallic voice chimed in through a previously unknown inter-com.

“Ladies” it began “Welcome to the town you shall call home for the next 10 days” Emma scoffed slightly, town? This place was more like a village. “The concept for this show is simple, one of you is the Chosen One, it is up to them who gets Messy, how and when?”

“Messy?” Called out Megan “I never signed up to get messy?”, alot of the other girls nodded or mumbled in agreement.

“Your agents all signed the wavers girls, so please, let me continue with the rules” The voice answered coldly, and the girls once again settled down. “On the 10th day, if you can correctly nominate the Chosen One, the ‘group’ will win however if the Chosen One is not correctly nominated on the final day, then it is her who will be the victor”.

Emma listened intently as the voice added more rules, if the Chosen One was found she would receive a giant gunging but if she won she could pick one other girl to take her place. The Chosen One could decide to gunge anyone at any time but the messings will be delivered by Masked and Robed Stage Hands, who Emma also presumes were here to make sure nothing got too wild. It seemed it was a messy mystery with 10 detective and a traitor, she couldn’t help but feel this would be fun. Her train of thought was cut short however by Haydens voice.

“You keep saying Gunge” the Blonde shouted “but, I don’t even know what that means”. A couple of the other Americans nodded in agreement, Emma considered herself to be at an advantage in that regards, having grown up with Gunge on BBC.

The voice made a noise that sounded almost like a cackle. “Well Hayden you are in luck, as the Chosen One has already picked someone to get gunged”. Emma’s hands tightened around her seat, she had been gunged, well technically slimed not that she imagined there was much difference, before but she was alot younger then and was in no rush to get messy today.

Two robed stage hands wheeled out a large cube with a container filled with neon yellow gunge above it, single chair sat under the container, and soon one celebrity would be sat there too. The stage hands began to ominously walk around the circle, Emma noticed that most on edge were Hayden, Megan and Mila. Most girls were looking around but those three all looked ready to dart out of the room at a moment’s notice. On the other hand Olvia, Debby and Alison looked relatively calm, probably having all been messy in the past and not too fussed if it happened again, or maybe they were just trying to save face.

The voice chimed back in “Miss Selena Gomez, the Chosen One has selected you to get messy first”. The other girls all stared at Selena as she stood up and was escorted to the tank by the stage hands. She sat and brushed a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and nervously glanced up at the gunge above her. She didn’t look terrified, Emma noted, but didn’t look ecstatic either. She decided to mentally note Selena being picked first as a possible clue.

Seemingly without any warning the gunge cascaded down onto Selena who let out out a loud scream, the gunge matted her thick dark hair and cascaded down her face and shoulders, sticking the shows t-shirt to her like a second skin. She kicked her legs a little as the cold gunge slid inside the shirt and flowed over her soft skin, however she made no attempts to hide away from the gunge, no leaning out of the way or putting her hands up, she just sat there staring forwards, letting out the occasional shriek as the gunge covered her. Soon it slowed to a drip, with large viscous blobs of gunge comically dropping down onto the top of the messy stars head.

Emma looked around the room, most girls were laughing or smiling at Selena’s plight, Hayden was more looking terrified to think that might happen to her, Mila was whispering something to Megan and Hayley was looking almost contemplatively at the scene in front of her. Maybe she was the Chosen One, Emma pondered, probably the least amount of star power, being the oldest child on sit-com the Goldberg’s, could make her an unlikely suspect but really she was just as likely as everyone else.

As Selena sat there the familiar metallic voice clanged back into a distance “That ends today’s event Ladies, you have all been given a room key, in which you’ll find wardrobes with spare clothes and whatever you will need, but stay vigilant the gungings can happen wherever and whenever”. With that the voice stopped again, and the girls all nervously stood up, Emma knew that the next 10 days would tense and extremely messy.

—

I will be continuing with Simon Show but let me know if you’re interested in this story as these will be shorter than Simon Show instalments. Would enjoy any feedback or predictions even haha

-M.S

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This story contains nudity.

Welcome back to the results part of these weeks CSWL with me Kirsty Edwards.

Kirsty is wearing the same outfit a she was in the preview show, so a short red mini dress that comes just below her bum, red high-heeled shoes and her hair being worn straight and down.

Let’s meet today’s contestant’s before we get to the result shall we and first up is the lovely pop star and West Ham fan Pixie Lott.

Pixie is also still wearing the same outfit as she was in the preview show, so a white mini dress, white high-heeled sandals, and her wavy blonde hair being worn down.

And now it is time to meet the lady representing Chelsea shall we and that is Martine McCutcheon.

Martine is also wearing the same dress like the other in the preview show and that is a turquoise patterned dress with her long black hair being worn down and wavy.

Now let’s get on to the result now and the match finished West Ham 0-0 Chelsea, both ladies cheer at this, does that mean that we both escape clean.

No Kirsty announces completely the opposite actually there is a special forfeit on this show when a 0-0 scoreline is played out, but before we get onto that shall we do the forfeits for the rest of the game, first up being the home team it is West Ham fan Pixie Lott.

West Ham had 2 yellow cards and that means 2 custard pies for the lovely Pixie here.

Kirsty picks up 2 custard pies and gives Pixie a pie sandwich, covering her face and long blonde hair in yellow custard.

Next up is the off sides and West Ham had 2 of these so that is 2 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Pixie spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on Mud bath.

Kirsty then asks Pixie to enter the mud bath and have to submerge her self under the mud for 10 seconds.

Pixie grumbles to herself before entering the bath, Pixie’s dress rides up even more showing even more of her luscious legs and her white thong is visible as well.

Pixie then submerges her self under the mud and her whole body is then coated in dark coloured sludge that makes her an unrecognisable mess.

Pixie then reappears from the submerging, and exits the bath before going over to the wheel and spinning it again.

This time Pixie spins the wheel and this time it lands on strip x2, this will in fact leave Pixie totally naked bar, her strappy high-heeled shoes, as it has already been announced she isn’t wearing a bra.

Pixie slowly gingerly removes her dress, and then tries her best to cover over her breast trying not to reveal too much to the audience, she then struggles to remove her mud covered thong and tries to wiggle out of it, but she has to remove one of her arms away from her boobs to pull down her thong, before using that arm to cover her shaven vagina, in the hope not to expose it.

The forfeit for off sides is now done and it is time to move onto the fouls, West Ham committed 11 fouls and for every 3 fouls committed it is a spin of the wheel.

Pixie now has a choice to make as she spins the wheel as she will have to either expose her boobs or her vagina to the crowd.

She opts for her boobs, and she then gets a lot of wolf whistles from the crowd as they get a nice view of her pert boobs.

Pixie then spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on Fruit Cocktail, for this forfeits Pixie will be covered in various fruits that are squished to make a fruit cocktail, first up is banana, then apple, orange, melon, lemon, plum, pear and various different berries , leaving Pixie a multicoloured juicy mess.

Pixie then spins the wheel for the 2nd time and it lands on Custard Bottom, Kirsty brings out various, custard pies and, buckets of custard and cream, and starts smashing all of the pies into Pixie’s peachy posterior, coating her cute bum in pie, before grabbing the 2 buckets of custard and cream and starts pouring it over Pixie’s bum, coating it in a yellow and white mess.

Pixie then spins the wheel for the 3rd and Final time and it lands on Chocolate head, where there is a bucket of Chocolate placed on a table and Pixie has to drop her head into the bucket of Chocolate, Pixie does this and coating her face and head into a dark coloured brown, she then pulls her head out of the bucket.

We then move onto the Possession Battle and it was 72% to Chelsea and only 28% to West Ham this is a huge 44% difference and for every 2% possession it will be a pie this is as mammoth 22% to cover the lovely Pixie in.

Kirsty calls Martine over for this to help her apply Pixie’s punishment as there is so many pie to administer. Both ladies grab 2 pies each to start with and start covering the remaining clean parts all over Pixie, the pie range from normal shaving foam, to custard to lemon meringue, black forest gateaux, strawberry, lemon, meringue , the both smash pies over Pixie’s back, legs, feet, over her boobs and vagina, over her bum, on top of her head, pie sandwiches, Pixie is now a multicoloured pie mess and unrecognisable.

Thank you Pixie your forfeits have now been applied, but you will be back for the special forfeit for the 0-0, and now lets move over to Martine, let’s start to apply her forfeits.

Let’s start with yellow cards, Chelsea only had the one so that is only 1 custard pie Kirsty picks up the pie and slams it into Martine’s face, the custard drips down Martine’s face and onto her dress, it has also coated her hair in places.

Now let’s move onto the off sides and Chelsea had 3 here so 3 spins of the forfeit wheel. Martine spins the wheel and it lands on Knickerbocker glory.

Oh this is going to be a fun forfeit Kirsty announces.

She brings over a Knickerbocker glory desert in and starts to hitch up Martine’s dress to reveal some blue skimpy knickers.

Kirsty, then opens the waistband of Martine’s knickers and starts to tip the desert inside of the knickers and all over Martine’s vagina and bum, leaving her screeching at how cold it is, Kirsty then snaps the knickers back into place and they start to bulge with the amount of mess inside them, with the mess starting to run down Martine’s legs now and onto her shoes.

Martine is then asked to spin the wheel again and it lands on gunge time, a gunge tank is wheeled out and Martine is placed inside of it, and red gunge is in the top of it ready to be dispensed over the lovely Martine.

Kirsty pulls the lever and the red gunge starts to dome all over Martine, leaving her a red mess, matting her hair, and ruining her lovely dress, she then exits the tank and walks over to the wheel for her final spin.

Martine spins the wheel and this time it lands on strip x2.

Martine is then instructed to remove her dress, leaving her in a blue matching skimpy bra to match her blue bulging knickers, Martine now has a decision to make does she go for her bra or or bulging knickers as the could break at any time and her vagina is already covered in mess, shockingly she opts for the knickers and whips them off before using her hands to cover her dessert covered vagina.

That’s the forfeits out the way and now it is onto the fouls Chelsea conceded 9 here so that will be another 3 spins of the wheel to inflict on Martine.

Martine spins the wheel and it lands on strip x1.

This of course will leave Martine completely naked, she removes one of her hands from her vagina to unclasp her bra and it drops to the floor, that arm is then used to cover her boobs.

Martine spins the wheel for the 2nd time and it lands on cake surprise, for this forfeit a huge cake is bought out and Kirsty calls Pixie over to help her with this as she can’t manage it by herself, but it means for Pixie that her boobs and vagina will be exposed to help Kirsty lift the cake, they lift the cake before slamming it all over Martine’s boobs coating her boobs in cake and it falls down all over her stomach and onto her vagina as well.

Martine spins the wheel for the final time and it lands on toffee supreme, where a couple buckets of toffee are brought out and is then poured over Martine’s hair which is relatively clean, the light brown substance matts Martine’s hair and turns it light brown before another bucket is brought down and is thrown all over Martine’s back and the back of her legs, in coating the only clean bits left on Martine.

Now it is time to move onto the forfeit for a 0-0 draw and an over hanging beam has been set up, and both ladies will be attached to it, but as Kirsty calls the ladies over to get attached they make a beeline for her, and both ladies grab Kirsty pick her up and throw her into the mud bath obviously ruining her hair and dress and her dress rides up to reveal a red thong underneath, both ladies then proceeded to strip Kirsty while she is in the mud bath, first they remove her dress, and then her red skimpy bra and thong, both ladies then help Kirsty out of the bath, and now a 3rd slot on the over head beam has been set up for Kirsty and as she is going to be taking part in the final forfeit we are going to need another presenter for this, so while all 3 ladies are going to be strapped in let’s bring out the presenter for the final part of the show.

And that lady is Sky Sports Clare Tomlinson, and Clare is wearing a black top with a dark blue jacket and black trousers with black boots and her hair, is being worn down and part to the left hand side.

Now that all 3 ladies are strapped in and everyone can see how revealing they all are shall we get onto the forfeit exclaims Clare.

There has been various buckets bought out and they consist of different coloured gunge, some, mud pig slop and manure.

Clare brings in the crew to help her administer the punishment to all 3 ladies, and they start with the gunge buckets, which are red, blue, yellow, green, orange, light blue, pink, purple, gold, silver, brown and black, and Clare and all the crew dispense all of the buckets over all 3 hapless ladies coating every inch of their body so they are unrecognisable, and turning them into a rainbow coloured mess, before the buckets of mud are bought and doused all over the 3 ladies hair making it really heavy and a right mess, before they finish with the pig slop which is a darky yellow colour and again is dispensed over the lady’s hair, and again the buckets of manure is brought and again finally dispensed over the lady’s hair and face and they are all gagging now at the smell of the manure.

Kirsty is then unstrapped from the over hanging beam by Clare who then leave to allow Kirsty to wrap up the show.

Thank you for joining us on this weeks episode of CSWL and thank you to my guests Pixie Lott, Martine McCutcheon for taking part and getting humiliated and also they made sure to humiliate me as well by making me take the final forfeit with them, and Clare Tomlinson for inflicting the final forfeit, so it is goodbye from me Kirsty Edwards and join us again real soon for another CSWL

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to this midweek Carabao Cup special of CSWL with me your host for tonight Bianca Westwood.

Bianca is wearing a yellow mini dress showing plenty of cleavage and a lot of leg, yellow high-heeled shoes, and her long black hair being worn down and straight

Let’s welcome our Arsenal representative shall we it is TV presenter Denise Van Outen

TV Presenter Denise Van Outen took time out of her hectic schedule to launch Bellamianta Luxury Tan Christmas Sets in to Boots Stores across the country just in time for Christmas. (Picture: Brian McEvoy)

Denis is wearing a red lace mini dress with beige high-heeled shoes and her short blonde hair being worn down with her fringe over to the left hand side.

So Welcome Denise I understand it is your first time on the show so how you do you feel about representing Arsenal tonight, well Bianca we are the home team and we are playing a team in a league below so we have a very good chance of progressing.

Thank you for that Denise now let’s move onto our Brentford fan shall we she is a familiar face to the show and an ex colleague of mine and new Talksport drive time host Natalie Sawyer so shall we bring her out shall we.

Natalie is wearing a black mini dress, with a white colour, dark black tights and black high-heeled shoes.

Welcome Natalie you are of course a familiar face to the show and not what to expect so how do you think Brentford will do.

Well Bianca I just hope that Brentford can compete and can manage to keep the score down and don’t occur to many forfeits as I have been humiliated plenty of times on this show already and I don’t want it to happen again.

Ok thanks for that Natalie let’s move onto the forfeits shall we,

They are slightly different tonight, we still have the same forfeits but they will be doubled for Denise as Arsenal are in a higher league.

Denise is shocked by this exclamation.

So for 1 goal it is the gunge tank,

2 goals is a trip to the pillories

3 goals is the bath

4 goals is the dunk tank

and if we get 0-0 and with it being a cup match and has to finish on the night the 0-0 will be after 120 minutes not the normal 90 minutes and there will be more forfeits if it does indeed go to penalties and if they are scored or missed.

And also with it being my first time presenting I also have to do the messy and humiliating initiation every presenter has done before me , Bianca says glumly.

So join me Bianca Westwood and my 2 guests Denise Van Outen and Natalie Sawyer in the results show to find out the result of the match and what forfeits each lady will occur.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

The producers of the CSWL were keen to transfer the show’s format to other sports. They had successfully held 2 editions of WMMP (Women’s Motorsport Messy Prix) but were looking for other ideas.

The Ryder Cup which pitted the best golfers from USA against those from Europe was the next big sport event in the sporting calendar. The venue for this years Cup was Paris in France, and the producers thought that with actresses used to attending the Cannes Film Festival in the same country, that they would easily be able to attract some famous actresses to enjoy an all expenses paid weekend in Paris and to take part in the show….

Roll forward to 2 days before the start of the Ryder Cup…..

“Good evening. I am Kirsty Gallacher, and I will be your host for the inaugural Wet and Messy Ryder Cup. We are here in the lovely city of Paris, where we will be broadcasting our show.”

Kirsty is wearing a dark blue t-shirt, trousers and high heel shoes, and is twirling a golf club in her hand.

“I am delighted to announce we have 8 actresses who will be representing their teams during the Cup. Firstly, lets introduce the 4 ladies from Team USA – Anna Kendrick, Victoria Justice, Jennifer Lawrence and their captain, Kate Upton.”

The 4 American ladies walk on to join Kirsty, and wave to the audience. They are all wearing dresses and high heel shoes.

“Welcome ladies. Are you looking forward to the show?”

Kate responded “Yes, we’re supremely confident and think Team USA can replicate the victory achieved in the last Ryder Cup in 2016.”

Kirsty replied “I guess if you do, then you’ll be mostly saved from any mess.”

“Now let’s meet the 4 ladies from Team Europe – Alice Eve, Helen Flanagan, Georgia May Foote and their captain Kelly Brook.”

The 4 European ladies walk on and stand on the other side of Kirsty so that they are facing their American counterparts.

“Hello ladies, and how do you rate the chances of Team Europe?”

Kelly responded “Whilst Team USA did win the last Ryder Cup, that was hosted in America. It’s a completely different situation when the Cup is hosted in Europe. If I have got my history correct, Team Europe have won the last 5 times when the Cup has been played in Europe. So we think home advantage will secure a large victory and save us from any mess”

Kirsty turns to the camera “It seems we have 2 teams that think they will win. Unfortunately, one of them will be wrong.”

“I will now go through the rules. The Ryder Cup takes place over 3 days from Friday to Sunday. There are 28 matches in total, with 1 point for a match win or half a point to each team for a drawn match. There will be 8 matches on Friday, 8 matches on Saturday and 12 matches on Sunday.

The captain from each team will nominate a team member for each day, and their teams score on each day will decide which lady wins and which losing lady will have the pleasure of receiving a messy forfeit. The severity of the forfeit will be directly linked to the actual score on the day. For instance a 7-1 match result will mean a much messier forfeit than a much closer 5-3 result.

In addition, the cumulative points scored over all 3 days will be used to see which team wins the overall WAM Ryder Cup and which losing teams captain will have to suffer a severe and humiliating messy forfeit.”

“So, Kate who are you nominating for the Friday matches?”

“Hmmm! I think I will choose Jennifer.”

“Ok, and Kelly who are you going to pick to represent Team Europe for the Friday matches?”

“Looks like we will be having a battle of the blondes, as I will nominate Alice.”

“Thank you ladies” Kirsty turns to the camera “So our match-up for Friday is Jennifer Lawrence versus Alice Eve. Who will come out on top? Who will give their team a good start to the competition? And who will be getting messy? These are all questions which will be answered on the Friday highlights show, so make sure you tune in.”

The characters in this story are fictional and any resemblance to real persons in coincidence.

The segment opens with a camera view from the seat of the medieval-style catapult. From this elevated position the pool of sludge stretches forth in all its green glory, with the yellow ‘G2S’ text seen upside-down. If this sight isn’t already toe-curling enough, it is accompanied by bubbling and squelching sound effects.

Beyond the pool are the many rows of seated audience members, whose presence will make the loser’s humiliation a very public one, although nobody will get a better view than the victor, who will be seated in the throne to the side of the pool. Between the pool and the eager audience, four figures stand with their backs to the camera: the presenters Natalie and Clara in their glamorous and revealing dresses; and the contestants, Abby and Isabella, dressed in their casual gymwear.

The scene switches to another camera, located in front of the stage, to which the four women face.

Natalie: Hello again! She’s Clara Quick!

Clara: And she’s Natalie Lloyd!

Natalie: This is Grudge-2-Sludge, the brand-new score-settling show!

Clara: This evening we are tasked with resolving a domestic dispute between two flatmates from Bristol – Abby Myers and Isabella Martinez. Abby is at her wits’ end with Isabella’s untidiness and frivolous attitude, while Isabella feels browbeaten by Abby’s hyper-cleanliness and control-freakery!

Natalie: Both have passionately put their case, but only one can be in the right. And by the end of the show, one of these ladies will get to settle the grudge in spectacular style, by slinging her opponent into this [gestures behind her] – our sloppy, slimy, smelly sludge!

Clara: After two rounds of games, Isabella is sitting pretty, with 28 points against Abby’s 14! But fortunes can change, with another round to play, plus the votes of our audience!

Natalie: Yes, at the beginning of the show we asked our audience to give their backing to one or other of our contestants – red for Abby, or blue for Isabella. Now it’s time to see how they voted!

The studio lights dim and a buzzer chimes. Each individual seat in the audience is illuminated by either a red or a blue light. Abby and Isabella anxiously survey the sea of colours before them; the amounts of red and blue appear to be close to equal.

Natalie: It’s a close one! But I can reveal that Abby got 51% of the vote, while Isabella got 49%!

Clara: Mmm. It’s so close, in fact, that upon dividing the percentages by 5 and rounding, it works out at 10 points apiece, meaning that Abby goes up to 24 points, while Isabella’s lead is undiminished with 38 points!

Natalie: However, because Abby was the winner, she will get the tiebreaker advantage. That means that if the match ends with tied scores, the grudge will be settled Abby’s way and Isabella will go in the sludge!

Abby’s face shows that she considers this a very minor consolation.

Clara: [sighing] Yes, I know, Abby. You really needed a big vote in your favour to level things with Bella, and you didn’t get it.

Natalie: But don’t get too crabby, Abby! There are two reasons not to lose hope. The first is that Round Three is a big scorer; the second is that you won’t be facing it alone. Because here comes a completely new feature of the show – not seen in the pilot episode – called Find a Friend!

Clara: We are going to randomly select, from our studio audience, someone who voted for Abby and someone who voted for Isabella, and those people are going to assist their respective players in the final round!

There’s a mixed murmur of excitement and apprehension from the audience.

Natalie: Computer, do your thing!

Futuristic music plays, and the red and blue lights over the seats begin to switch off – first in blocks, then on an individual level. This continues until only one seat of each colour is left illuminated, at which point the music stops with a loud chime.

In the red-lit seat, the camera shows a girl with long, straight, light-brown hair. Looking about herself, she puts a hand over her face as she realises the light is on her.

The shot then cuts to another girl, sitting under the blue light, whose hair is also long, but loosely curled and a darker shade of brown. She wears a surprised smile, while friends on either side excitedly nudge her.

Natalie: Come on down to the front, you two! That’s it folks – make room to let them out!

The two girls hurry out of the rows where they were seated and down the aisle towards the front, where stagehands guide them up a set of steps. The straight-haired girl has a short, stocky figure, while the curly-haired girl is taller and slimmer. Natalie and Clara direct the former to stand with Abby and the latter to stand with Isabella.

Natalie: [to the straight-haired girl] Welcome to Grudge-2-Sludge! What’s your name?

Straight-haired girl: [with a slightly reluctant air] Katie.

Natalie: Katie, you voted in support of Abby. Care to tell us why?

Katie: I used to live with an untidy flatmate and I know how annoying it is.

Clara: Well Katie, get to know Abby. She isn’t much of a team player, allegedly, but on this occasion she needs all the help she can get! [Turns to the curly-haired girl] And your name is?

Curly-haired girl: [in a strong accent] Ana, with one ‘n’.

There follow a few whoops from Ana’s friends up in the audience.

Clara: Welcome to the show, Ana with one ‘n’. Hang on a minute – are you Spanish? Is that why you backed Isabella?

Ana: [laughing] No, I’m Portuguese, so really I should be Isabella’s rival. But I agree with her that Abby needs to be more laid-back, to stop being so fussy…

Natalie: Well let’s hope you and Isabella can put national rivalry aside when you team up!

Clara: Katie and Ana with one ‘n’, we’re sure you’ll do as well as you can to help your respective contestant stay out of the sludge. But for some extra incentive, whichever of you helps your player to gain more points in Round Three – regardless of whether they win overall – will take a home a £250 cash prize!

A ‘wooo!’ sounds from the audience. Katie suddenly seems less reluctant about the whole thing.

Natalie: But, whichever of you gets less points…

Clara: Fewer points.

Natalie: …will face a punishment!

Katie puts her hand over her face again, while Ana grins nervously.

Clara: Did either of you bring a change of clothes?

Katie: Uh, no.

Ana: No!

Natalie: Well lucky for you we provide the costumes! Off you all go to get changed!

ROUND 3: Pizza the action

After some brief titles, the show resumes in an expansive set that resembles a commercial-scale kitchen. Along one side is a conveyor belt, along which discs of dough, a metre in diameter, are being moved, while the other side is dominated by two ‘stone-bake ovens’ (as with everything in this show, one has a red decor, the other blue). Along the back wall is a large board on which a list of ingredients is printed, with the word “ORDERS” in bold at the top. Somewhat unusual is an array of chains with pull handles that hang down above the empty floorspace in the middle. As the camera rises, it is revealed that these chains are connected to various nozzles and hoppers, each labelled with an ingredient.

Natalie and Clara step out into the playing area.

Natalie: Well hello there! Here we are in the Grudge-2-Sludge pizzeria, where everything is ready for our all-important final round!

Clara: We hope this game will suit both Abby and Isabella – Abby because it’s based in a restaurant and Isabella because it involves fast food!

Natalie: [tutting] But as usual our contestants are being slow to arrive. Any idea where there are, Clara?

Clara: I think they might be tied up with their partners, Nat. Ah look, here they come now!

The two teams make their cumbersome entrances. Abby is strapped to Katie, and Isabella to Ana, at the ankle and thigh, like in a three-legged race. Each pair also has their inner arms bound together, so they are essentially three-armed. They are wearing pizza chef outfits, comprising of checkered trousers, white double-breasted shirts, and neckerchiefs in their team colours.

Natalie: That’s it, come on over here! Good to see you getting so cosy with your partners!

Clara: Ladies, this round is called Pizza the Action, and you will be getting more than a slice! Take a look, if you would please, at the board above you…

Clara gestures the board on the back wall, which lists two dozen entries, each comprising a pair of ingredients:

Natalie: Those are the pizza toppings that have been ordered. Some are mouthwatering, others are stomach-turning, but either way it’s your task to make as many of them as possible!

Clara: Each pizza begins life as a dough base, which you must pick up from the conveyor belt. Be careful because things can get a bit floury over there!

Natalie: Next, every pizza must have a pre-topping of tomato sauce, which you can get from one of these. [Points to a pair of pull-chains dangling from red canisters.]

Clara: Then you must apply the correct toppings. [Gestures the rest of the pull-chains.] Note that while there are two chains for tomato sauce, there’s only one for each other ingredient – and pushing and fighting aren’t allowed! So you may choose to make a different pizza to whatever your opponents are working on.

Natalie: Yes, you can tackle the list in any order, but take care not to make more than one of any pizza, cos we’ll penalise that!

Clara: Once you’ve topped your pizza to your satisfaction, it needs to be placed on your stone-bake oven. Each pizza made correctly to order will score you 4 points, but take care – any incomplete, incorrect or duplicate pizza will lose you 2 points!

Natalie: Oh, and we take hygiene very seriously in this restaurant, so if your pizza touches the floor at any time, it must be discarded. [Looks pointedly at Abby] We’ll be watching very carefully!

Clara: So, are you clear on everything?

The four women nod.

Natalie: Two minutes on the clock for this one. AWAY YOU GO!

And away Natalie and Clara go, jogging to safety. The three-legged pairs amble their way towards the conveyor belt, Abby and Katie having a slight speed advantage on Isabella and Ana.

As forewarned by Clara, clouds of flour puff out at the players as they approach the conveyor, dusting them with white. They grab at the passing pizza bases, which being uncooked, are rather floppy and fragile. Straight away Isabella and Ana’s falls on the floor. Instinctively, they reach to pick it up…

Clara: Uh-uh!

Meanwhile, Abby and Katie have reached one of the tomato sauce dispensers. They hold the pizza base outstretched with their outer arms, and reach up to the pull-chain with their collective inner hand. Bright red sauce splurts out, mostly hitting the floor. They move closer and try again; this time the sauce mainly hits them, splattering their hair and turning their pristine white shirts red.

Natalie: [sighing] I just washed those…

On the third attempt Abby and Katie hit the target. Scanning the board and the array of hoppers, they make for the hopper marked ‘pepperoni’, precipitating a shower of the pink-red slices onto their pizza. Meanwhile, Isabella and Ana have reached their sauce dispenser. Because Ana is taller than Isabella, they try the strategy of holding their pizza with their inner hands and Isabella’s outer hand, while Ana reaches up with her outer hand, but this method proves hard to get the sauce on the pizza without Ana getting heavily splattered.

The game progresses, and so the players’ costumes, not to mention hair, become an increasingly colourful medley of sauce, toppings and flour. Abby and Katie are relieved to discover that the eggs are of the boiled variety, but less delighted by the wet and slimy nature of the spinach. Isabella and Ana find out that while the regular cheese is grated, the cream cheese is basically a sloppy white goo.

Knowing that she is under the cosh, Abby dashes around like a demented thing, and at times Katie is lifted off her feet and carried around. Isabella and Ana take a more mutual approach, and at times their pan-Iberian cooperation breaks down in disagreement. Only at one point do the two teams clash, in a fight over sweetcorn, but Natalie quickly resolves the dispute by barking orders from the sidelines.

Clara: Your friendly notification that time is almost up! Ten! Nine! Eight!!

Abby: [to Katie] Come on!

Frantically Abby reaches up to the hopper of mushrooms and pulls the chain. The mushrooms mainly miss but she carries on to the oven regardless. Meanwhile, Isabella and Ana decide to go in opposite directions, which results in them losing their balance and tumbling to the floor.

Natalie, Clara and audience: …SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR!

Isabella and Ana try to stand up, but slip on the food-strewn floor. Abby dives towards the oven, causing Katie to stumble with her, and successfully throws their pizza onto it.

Natalie, Clara and audience: …THREE! TWO! ONE!!

The klaxon blasts.

Natalie: [stepping carefully through the mess on the floor] STOP!! Everybody stop what you’re doing and move away from the ovens!

Abby and Katie obediently take a couple of steps back, while Isabella and Ana pick themselves up off the floor. Clara follows Natalie onto the scene and snootily inspects the offerings. Abby and Katie have delivered 8 pizzas, while Isabella and Ana have racked up 5. The tension is clear on the faces of Abby and Isabella as they survey their handiwork and try to do the sums in their heads.

Clara: Hmm… well you’re not going to get any Michelin stars for this, but I suppose it’s a reasonable effort. Natalie, why don’t you check over Abby’s pizzas?

Natalie: Sure thing. You can unbind the contestants while I’m doing it.

Clara doesn’t look particular happy at this, but she complies, bending down to release the straps that tie each contestant to her partner. The four players wipe themselves down.

Natalie: Right, let’s have a look shall we? We’ve got Pepperoni and cheese – my personal fave but you don’t get extra points for that – check! Bacon and spinach – check! Egg and green olive – yuck, but check! Chicken and pineapple – check! Tuna and sweetcorn – check! Beef and… uh, what’s this meant to be, Abby?

Abby: [indignantly] It’s beef and mushroom.

Natalie: Yeah, I know it says ‘mushroom’ on the board, but we didn’t actually mean a single mushroom! [Points at the pizza while the camera does a close-up] Look at this, there’s literally one mushroom there! Your boss wouldn’t accept that in the restaurant, Abby, and neither will we. So you lose two points!

Abby opens her mouth to protest, but remembering her penalisation from Round One, thinks the better of it.

Natalie: Ham and pineapple – check! Anchovy and aubergine – [pulls a face] who comes up with these toppings? – check! So all in all, seven correct pizzas and one wrong gives you 26 points for the round, which means you finish with 50 points overall!

Abby nods, but is not minded to celebrate. She can do the maths and it is not encouraging.

Clara: Isabella, you have 38 points so far, and because Abby has the tiebreaker advantage, you need 13 to win. Now, you have five pizzas here, so you should be able to work out that things are looking promising for you…

Abby lets out a groan.

Clara: But are your pizzas valid? That’s the crucial question! Let’s have a look, shall we? Sausage and red onion – check! Pepperoni and cheese – check! What’s this – chicken and black olive? Well you’ve got the chicken and the black olives, but you forget the tomato sauce, so we’re going to penalise you 2 points.

Isabella sticks her tongue into her check. Abby’s face flickers with hope.

Clara: Smoked salmon and sweetcorn – check! That brings you up to 10 points so far. Everything rests on whether this final pizza is valid. Let’s have a look…

Isabella bites her lip and Abby swallows heavily while Clara makes a drawn-out play of painstakingly examining the last pizza.

Clara: Okay, you’ve gone for the classic double cheese. The tomato sauce is there – check! The cream cheese is there – check! The grated cheese is there – check! Isabella, you’ve got four valid pizzas and one invalid, giving you 14 points. That makes your final score 52 – you’ve won the match!!

Isabella: [doing a victory dance] YES!! Woo-hoo!!

Abby: [with her hands pressed to either side of her face, in a weak voice] Is it too late to appeal your decision on the mushroom pizza?

Clara: It’s always too late, because there are no appeals on this show! We’ll see to you shortly, Abby and Isabella, but first, let’s deal with our two participants from the audience!

Natalie: Katie, although you didn’t save Abby from the sludge, you and she were the higher-scoring team in Round Three, which means you win the £250 prize money – well done! [Hands over a golden envelope] Have you enjoyed yourself?

Katie: [wiping tomato sauce and bits of olive from her cheek, and looking like in truth she will enjoy the money more than the experience] Yes I have, thanks. Feel a bit sorry for Abby, but I did my best.

Clara: Well, don’t feel bad about yourself, cos Abby was deep in a hole, and you did well to get it as close as you did! [Turns to Ana] But as for you – Ana with one ‘n’ and no prize money and a forfeit to take – come with me! [Leads Ana away]

Isabella: [calling] Aww, sorry Ana! I really appreciate your help!

Clara leads Ana – already splattered with tomato sauce and sweetcorn and dusted with flour – to a corner of the restaurant. Here waits a chair, encircled by several pipes and nozzles, which Ana eyes with a nervous grin as Clara instructs her to sit down. What Ana doesn’t expect is that the chair starts rapidly revolving, as well as pogo-ing up and down to increase her disorientation.

Natalie: Now this is what they call fast food! Ana, there were a few toppings that we didn’t use in the game, so we’re going to give you a taste of them now!

Clara: First of all, barbecue!

Jets of shiny, dark-brown sauce fire from the nozzles in random short bursts, assailing Ana high and low as she spins around.

Natalie: How about some sour cream?

The nozzles switch from bursts of dark sauce to continual streams of white, which coat the hair and face of the screaming and laughing Ana.

Clara: And of course, this wouldn’t be a pizzeria without a big helping of mozzarella!

Right on cue, a wide, squat glob of whitish yellow falls on Ana, enveloping her like a canopy. The chair comes to a stop, revealing that the mozzarella is incredibly stringy and elastic, but nonetheless very liquid. Ana laughs as she raises a stringy hand to wave at her friends.

Natalie: And she’s still smiling! Ana, for being such a good sport you get a Grudge-2-Sludge towel and toiletry pack. Let’s have a big hand, everyone, for Ana and for Katie!

The audience duly applaud while Clara and Natalie direct Katie and Ana offstage. The presenters then return to Isabella and Abby, the former of whom is wearing a big, relaxed smile, while the latter is in a fraught state.

Clara: They’ve gone to get cleaned up and changed, and you two should go and join them. Because we’ve got an important part of the show coming up next! [Rubs hands together] Isabella, do you know what it is?

Isabella: Oh yeah!

Natalie: And Abby, do you know what part of the show is coming up next?

Abby offers only a very meek nod and a strangled giggle from deep in her throat.

Clara: [addressing the camera] Oh yes, Abby knows! And I’m sure you know too. The next part of the show is none other than…

Natalie and Clara together: THE SLUDGE SLING!!

The scene opens with the camera hovering over the yellow ‘G2S’ at an oblique angle. Over the course of the show, the yellow colour has bled into the surrounding forest-green sludge, so that the text is less sharp than it was. The camera begins its epic journey across the lumpy and bumpy surface of the green gunk, encountering patches of turquoise and muddy green-brown on its way, all put to a soundtrack of bubbling and glooping.

Eventually the camera arrives at the pool’s end, at which point it rises, sweeping up the beam of the medieval style catapult. The foot-rest comes into view, together with a pair of bare feet that barely touch it, raised as they are on tiptoe. The shot continues up a pair of tight, light-grey yoga pants, gripped by a pair of hands around the knees. On Abby’s upper half, her red sports halterneck leaves her tensed mid-rift and goose-bumped arms exposed. Her light-blonde hair has been washed and dried, and is tied in a ponytail as before. Abby’s mouth is drawn into a grimace, and her eyes alternate between closed and staring upwards towards the back of the audience, so as to avoid looking at the sludge before her.

Natalie: [speaking from out of shot] Oohhh… You really do have to feel for poor Abby here. She strives for perfection, but she didn’t do very well in tonight’s games! She likes to be in control; she certainly isn’t in control of this situation! She loves everything to be clean and tidy… [sucks in] Oh my oh my, she’s soon to be anything but!

Abby draws her knees even tighter to herself and lets out a muted, slightly weepy giggle from between her grimacing lips.

Natalie: Oh dear, and now she’s got the delirious laughter! No point looking up there, love; down here’s where you’re going!

As Abby continues her strange giggling, the camera zooms out, revealing Natalie standing beside the catapult. The shot widens further, and we see Isabella lording it up on the throne, dressed in her blue vest top and black gym shorts, while Clara stands in attendance beside her.

The ambient studio lighting has been dimmed, with isolated spotlights on Abby and Isabella, while overhead lights bear down upon the sludge itself, making it glisten most grotesquely.

Clara: Isabella, many congratulations on your win. You got an early lead in Round One, thanks to Abby’s dodgy footwork and her answering back, and then you stormed ahead in Flan the Frauds. Abby did win the audience vote, but only by a smidgen. She also made a fightback in the final round, and tried to quibble her way out right til the end, but Nat and I were having none of it! How does it feel now that Abby’s reign as Queen of Clean is about to end with a spectacular splat?

Isabella: [wearing a blissful expression] Absolutely fantastic, Clara. Absolutely the best day since Ab and I moved in together!

Natalie: Ooh, Bella’s happy, and who wouldn’t be in her position! But Abby, while we at Grudge-2-Sludge may be harsh, we’re not entirely heartless. Just as a condemned prisoner is granted their last meal, so we have cooked you up a Three-course Ordeal!

Out of the gloom of the dimmed stage, Clara wheels a serving trolley, on which sit three pieces of ornate silverware: a tureen labelled “Gloop of the Day”, an Indian-style serving dish labelled “Manky Mains”, and a tall jug labelled “Just Desserts”.

Clara: Ta-da! Grub’s up! Abby, this is your chance to get some small measure of revenge on Bella, and make her less smug and comfortable on her throne. It’s also a chance for us to see how good you really are at pub quiz!

Natalie: I’m going to ask you three multiple-choice questions – one for each course of the ordeal. Get a question right, and Clara will gladly serve that course all over your flatmate!

Isabella pulls an unamused face at the camera.

Clara: But get a question wrong, and you can guess where the course will be served, can’t you?

Abby nods. The prospect of having her general knowledge put to the test has snapped her out of her cringing and giggling, and she is intensely focussed on the task at hand.

Natalie: Right then, let’s get dining! Clara, what is the Gloop of the Day?

Clara: [pulls the lid off the tureen] It’s pea!

Natalie: That’s pea with an ‘a’, before people accuse us of overstepping the line. Abby, here’s your first question: When it comes to housemate feuds, few have been more explosive – or public – than those in the Big Brother house. Now, we all instantly recognise the distinctive Geordie voice of the Big Brother narrator, but what is his name? Is it,
Johnny Austin?
Marcus Bentley?
Or Kevin Ford?

Abby: [face falling] Agh. Big Brother isn’t something I watch. Ermmm… [puffs through her cheeks]. Can you read out the names again, please?

Natalie: I shouldn’t really, but as I’m feeling kind: Johnny Austin, Marcus Bentley, or Kevin Ford.

Abby: I’ll go with Kevin Ford.

Natalie: Well Abby, considering you don’t watch Big Brother that was a good guess.

Abby begins to smile.

Natalie: But not a correct one! The answer is in fact Marcus Bentley!

Abby groans.

Clara: That means Gloop of the Day is coming your way!

Clara picks up the tureen and carefully carries it to behind the catapult, where she climbs a set of steps to stand over Abby. Abby has reverted to her cringing and giggling, her shoulders hunched and her chest heaving. Opaque and light-green, the soup pours onto the crown of Abby’s head, rapidly covering her blonde hair. Abby screams as it spills down her forehead and covers her bare shoulders. As Clara tips the tureen further, the smooth liquid gives way to mushy peas, which splatter wetly onto Abby’s head and run down the sides of her face. Isabella claps enthusiastically as she watches.

Natalie: Mmmm! Pea Gloop! How did you find that, Abby?

Abby: [wiping her cheeks] Yuck!

Natalie: Well look on the bright side; it has plenty of antioxidants! Now, onto the Manky Mains. Clara, what’ve we got?

Clara: Think we’ve got some sort of curry. [Pulls the lid off the ornate serving dish] Yep, it’s tikka masala!

Natalie: Right Abby, seeing as one of your complaints about Bella was her selfie snapping, here’s a question on the topic: In which year did Oxford English Dictionary designate ‘selfie’ as their Word of the Year? Was it,
2012?
2013?
Or 2014?

Abby: Hmm… [adopts a philosophical pose even as mushy peas plop down from her head onto her shoulders] Yeah, I remember when everyone started using the word. 2012 is too early, definitely. 2013? Was it that long ago? Or 2014 maybe? [Puffs] Nah, I’m gonna go for 2013.

Natalie: [sucks in] Abby, Abby, Abby. If you’d gone for 2014…

Abby winces.

Natalie: …you would have been wrong! 2013 is correct!

Clara: One tikka masala for the lady on the throne there!

Clutching the serving dish, Clara goes over to the throne and ascends a set of steps behind it. Isabella does her characteristic sticking of her tongue into her cheek as she waits for the pour. Clara inverts the dish, and a copious amount of bright-orange and very lumpy curry plops onto Isabella’s head, completely burying her dark auburn hair including her bun. Isabella sticks out her tongue as dollops of the curry slide down her face and back, while it’s Abby’s turn to laugh at her.

Natalie: Oh yes, orange is definitely Bella’s colour! Let’s see if Abby can give her some Just Desserts too. Clara, what are they?

Clara: [inspecting the jug] Seeing as Abby is really into yoga, we have some yoghurt!

Natalie: Abby, here comes your final question, and it’s a pot luck. Black Republican, Emperor Francis, and Royal Ann are all varieties of which fruit?
Cherries?
Grapes?
Or blackberries?

Abby: [immediately and confidently] Cherries. I eat lots of them!

Natalie: Alright, no need to show off! Cherries is indeed correct.

Clara: Which means that Bella will be getting her Just Desserts!

Isabella pulls another face at the camera while Clara lifts the jug from the trolley and returns to position behind the throne. The thick white yogurt flows smoothly onto Isabella’s head, creating a marble effect with the orange curry. Clara leans forward as she continues to pour, making sure plenty of yoghurt splashes over Isabella’s face, the front of her vest top, her lap, and finally her legs. Isabella holds up her arms in frustration at the mess.

Natalie: Two out of three – not bad! Abby, you’ve got Bella fairly messy, and you’ve vindicated your pub quiz skills to some extent. But you can forget being smug, because the meal is over, and your fate is nigh!

Abby is all too aware of this; she hugs her knees to herself, clamps her eyes shut, and resumes her delirious giggling.

As Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus resounds around the studio, the golden toilet-style chain, complete with its ‘jewel’-studded grip, descends to the right-hand side of Isabella.

Clara: Bella, I guess the curry-yoghurt combo is not something you’re thrilled about, but trust me, this will make you completely forget your discomfort. Take a good look at your flatmate Abby there. Think about the times she’s inconvenienced you by clearing your stuff away or even throwing it out. Think about her fussiness and her nitpicking, how she pushes health foods onto you and takes over the pub quiz team. And in your own good time, take hold of that golden chain…

Natalie and Clara together: [as they scarper to safe distances] AND SLING HER IN THE SLUDGE!!

By this time, Abby has bunched up her knees and is leaning forward so as to curl up in a ball. Isabella, licking her lips as she relishes the moment, gives the chain a concerted tug.

Fountains of sparks erupt either of side of the catapult. The beam jerks back to a horizontal angle, eliciting a squeal from Abby. At the same time, an irregular column of pink gunge begins to fall from the ceiling directly in front of the catapult, splashing into the green sludge close to the edge.

The catapult fires with a satisfying twang. The seat unfolds and straightens during the upshot, but Abby’s curled up position means that she doesn’t straighten with it. Instead she is fired like a cannonball, splashing through the downpour of pink, to slam into the pool dead on the ‘2’ of the ‘G2S’, sending out a forceful splash of virid goo that splatters far across the floor and into the bottom of the throne near Isabella’s feet. The ‘G’ and the ‘S’ are completely destroyed along with the ‘2’, reduced to fragments of yellow that dance on the irregularly churning surface.

The audience raucously cheers. Isabella raises both fists and grins as she looks down from her throne, eagerly awaiting the re-emergence of her flatmate.

A misshapen, sludge-coated object – possibly a foot – briefly pierces the choppy surface. Next, a green hand extends itself out of the depths, then retracts. Then, what can only be Abby’s face – though is not recognisable as such – breaks through the surface. Abby takes a gulping breath, loses her balance and sinks again. Her feet make contact with the floor of the tank and she raises herself on a steadier foundation, her head and shoulders lifting the sludge with them as they rise into view.

Abby takes another gulp of air and this time her mouth stays wide open in shock. Her eyes blink themselves clear. Her head is layered in a veritable palette of green, with some turquoise down one side. There is no indication of her hair, save a sludgy rope which is what her ponytail has become, and no clean skin can be seen on either her face or shoulders.

Abby continues to rise until she is standing upright, with the level of the sludge at her bust. Her halterneck has swelled with the cold gunk that has flowed liberally inside it, and Abby rues not wearing a bra underneath. Lower down the sludge is seeping through her yoga pants to embrace her legs and panties, and she can feel it squish under the soles of her feet as she fights for traction on the pool floor. Abby raises her gunge-coated hands in front of her, fingers spread in disbelief. Her mouth continues to gape; it is as if her jaw has locked open.

Isabella, taking in the full messy extent of her dishevelled flatmate, is in hysterics, slapping the arm of the throne. Abby’s eyes turn up towards her, mouth still gaping. Another column of pink descends from the rafters, splashing onto Abby’s shoulder and causing her to jerk. As Abby tries to chart a path through the sludge, a second column, the same shade of yellow as the text, catches her straight on the head.

Natalie: [stepping onto the scene as the main lights go on] Oh wow! Oh wow! That was utterly fantast–WOAH!!

A deluge of light-blue gunge, larger and more powerful than the previous two, engulfs Abby, who ducks up to her neck in the sludge, hands wrapped over her head, accompanied by another fit of cackles from Isabella.

Natalie: And it isn’t over!

Clara: [joining Natalie] Spectacular sludging, Nat, and richly deserved too! Worth seeing again in slow motion, I’d say!

In the action replay, Abby silently screams as the catapult draws back, while either side of her the spark fountains erupt, and in front of her the pink gunge starts to fall. The catapult fires upwards, and while the seat unfolds away from Abby, she remains tucked up in her ball, with her knees high and her legs bent upwards around her buttocks, so it looks as if she is performing one of her yoga positions in mid-air. When the catapult reaches the vertical position it comes to a sudden stop, while Abby is fired forward. She splashes through the shower of pink, which adds another layer of colour on top of the pea soup. She does a forward roll in the air, a whirl of pink and green goo and grey yoga pants, completing 360 degrees so that bombs into the gunge butt first, plunging like a stone into the morass.

The scene returns to the present, where the multicoloured mess that is Abby has managed to narrow her mouth by a few degrees but is still shocked and bewildered.

Clara: [standing by the throne] Isabella, you’ve done it! You’ve settled the grudge; you’ve turned the Queen of Clean into Lady Muck! How are you feeling right now?

Isabella: [grinning as she continues to regard Abby] Awesome! Absolutely awesome!

Natalie: Well, something else that’s absolutely awesome is your prize weekend with me and Clara in London! You’ll be enjoying a boutique shopping spree courtesy of the Grudge-2-Sludge credit card; a curry in Brick Lane – not in your hair this time, you’ll be relieved to hear; a night’s stay in five-star luxury; and, of course, you’ll get to model all your purchases in an extended photo session with top fashion snapper Hester Groome!

Isabella: Woo! Looking forward to it!

Clara: So are we! But let’s not forget the real prize! [holds a giant certificate up to the camera and reads it out]

 

This is to certify that

 

 

has had the grudge with her flatmate

settled in her favour, and that accordingly:

 

‣ Isabella has the right to greet Abby in any manner she deems suitable.

‣ Isabella may leave her possessions out around the flat and Abby will not clear away or dispose of them.

‣ Abby will not critique Isabella’s diet or try to push health foods on her.

‣ Abby will be a team player in the pub quiz.

‣ Isabella may take as many selfies as she wishes, whenever and wherever she pleases.

 

Signed,

 

Natalie Lloyd               Clara Quick

 

 

 

 

 

Natalie: I’m sure this will look great in the living room of your flat! [Points to the bottom of the certificate] There’s a space there for you to insert your favourite photo of Abby in the sludge!

Clara: Speaking of photos, we think it’s only appropriate you mark your victory in the way you like best. [Hands a selfie stick to Isabella] Snap away my girl!

Isabella duly holds out the selfie stick and takes multiple poses of herself on the throne with her certificate, not seeming to mind that she is still covered with tikka masala and yoghurt. She then turns around so she can take selfies of herself with Abby in the background.

Natalie: Everybody, let’s have a huge hand for Isabella!

The audience cheers as Isabella continues to snap herself.

Clara: [Takes selfie stick off Isabella] Alright, that’s enough!

Natalie and Clara step up to the edge of the pool and chuckle as they look down at its occupant. Abby has recovered from her shock and musters a sporting smile for the camera.

Natalie: Abby, I hope you heard all of that. Your days of clearing away Bella’s stuff are at an end… though I reckon you’ll be too busy cleaning yourself to care about the flat!

Clara: Speaking of which, although you’re not getting that luxury yoga weekend in Totnes, we are going to gift you a Grudge-2-Sludge towel and toiletry pack!

Natalie: [brandishing the selfie stick] We need a photo for Isabella’s certificate, but I think it’s best you don’t take it yourself in your state. Would you mind posing for me?

With a wry and slightly resentful smile, Abby obligingly lines herself up to Natalie.

Natalie: Perfect… now say cheese!

A big dollop of white-yellow ‘mozzarella’, similarly to that which fell on Ana earlier, drops onto Abby, blanketing her.

Clara: The old ones are the best – and that was very old cheese!

Natalie: Let’s hear it for Abby – a very good sport!

The audience applauds, while Abby tries to pull the elasticky goop off her face. Natalie and Clara walk to the front of the stage.

Clara: That brings us to the end of the first episode of our new series.

Natalie: We’ve still got some slots available, so if you need to settle a score with someone, or you know two people who do, then please get in touch! You might win eternal bragging rights and a fantastic prize!

Clara: [while she and Natalie gesture to Abby and pull disgusted faces] …Or you could end up deep in our sludge!

Natalie: But for now, thanks for watching, and be sure to tune in again next week! She was Clara Quick!

Clara: And she was Natalie Lloyd! Good night!

The outro music begins and the audience breaks into sustained clapping. The camera returns for one more close-up of Abby, as yet more ‘mozzarella’ gloops down on her. It sweeps past Isabella, who has resumed snapping selfies on her throne, and then zooms out from the stage as Natalie and Clara stand waving.

While the credits continue to roll, a montage of the show’s highlights plays, starting with excerpts from the video reels, continuing through highlights of the games, the flannings of the librarians, and Ana’s forfeit at the end of Round Three. The montage culminates with Isabella yanking the chain, a side-on view of Abby being fired into the sludge, followed by a final shot of her shocked reaction.

Thanks once again to Sploshmonster for commissioning this series and providing the excellent characters and grudge.

Here’s the schedule for the forthcoming episodes:

Episode 2 (Oct): Worker Simon vs boss Sarah
Episode 3 (Nov): Fiancées Juliette vs Bec
Episode 4 (Dec/Jan): Sisters Kate vs Ellie

As Natalie said, I’m still taking commissions for this and it would great to have some episodes, so if you fancy commissioning an episode please see messycommissions.wordpress.com/. Ta, TG.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This story contains nudity.

Welcome back to CSWL with me your host Bianca Westwood

Bianca is wearing the same yellow dress that she had on in the preview show, yellow high-heeled shoes and her long black hair being worn down.

The ladies have been locked away in a room and have no idea of the scores or the forfeits that they have occurred so shall we bring them out, first up is the Arsenal representative, Denise Van Outen.

TV Presenter Denise Van Outen took time out of her hectic schedule to launch Bellamianta Luxury Tan Christmas Sets in to Boots Stores across the country just in time for Christmas. (Picture: Brian McEvoy)

She is also wearing the same red lacy mini dress that she was also wearing in the preview show, with beige high-heeled shoes, and her short blonde hair being worn in a bob and parted to the left hand side.

And now representing Brentford is of course Natalie Sawyer so let’s bring her out.

Natalie is wearing the same black mini dress with white colour, dark black tights with black high-heeled shoes, and her long dark black hair being worn down but slightly tied up.

So ladies how do you think the match went tonight, well Bianca I think Arsenal won and they were given a game though but we were relatively clean during the match, and what about you Natalie ,I just hope we didn’t concede to many goals and again we didn’t occur to many forfeits.

Thank you ladies so shall we start with the forfeits shall we first up is the yellow cards, Arsenal had 2 of these so that means, to custard pies for lovely Denise here.

Bianca picks up the 2 custard pies and slams them either side of Denise’s face giving her a pie sandwich, coating all of her facial features in pie, and it drips onto her dress.

So next up is Offsides and Arsenal had 5 of these so that means 5 spins of the forfeit wheel, Denise spins the wheel and it lands on ‘The Stocks’.

Bianca leads Denise over to the stocks before locking her in, and there is a bucket of rotten tomatoes ready and waiting for Bianca to toss at a helpless Denise.

Bianca tosses all of the tomatoes all over Denise’s body, over her hair, head, over her bottom which is hanging in the air, down her front, and all over her back and her legs as well, once the tomatoes have all gone Denise is then released from the stocks and is then ordered to spin the forfeit wheel for a 2nd time by Bianca.

Denise does as she is told and spinning the wheel for a 2nd time and this time it lands on ‘The bath’ a bath is then wheeled out and it contains some lovely gravy.

Bianca orders Denise into the bath, and orders her to submerge her self under the gravy for 1o seconds.

Denise submerges herself in the gravy and matts her short blonde hair and turns it a dark brown colour, also turning her red dress a darker shade of brown as well and coats the rest of her body in a dark brown colour as well, after Denise has submerged herself in the gravy for 10 seconds she gets out of the bath, and goes over to the wheel for her 3rd spin.

Denise spins the wheel and it lands on strip x2, oh dear Denise looks like you will be showing a lot of  gravy coated skin now, laughs Bianca who orders Denise out of her dress.

Denise slowly removes her dress to reveal some very skimpy lacy lingerie, that shows a lot of her bum and her boobs, but Denise will be showing even more of her boobs as Bianca orders Denise to remove her bra.

Denise reluctantly and very slowly removes her bra, and making sure she doesn’t show too much over gravy coated naked boobs to the audience, by using her arms to cover them.

Denise is then ordered to spin the wheel for the 4th time and it lands on ‘Tar and Feathers’, a bucket of honey is bought out as they are not going to use real tar and a bucket of feathers have been bought out as well.

Bianca picks up the bucket of honey and slowly but surely starts to pour it all over Denise’s hair and all over the rest of her body and making sure that there is maximum coverage all over Denise’s body so that the feathers will stick to her body, Bianca then picks up the bucket of feathers and indeed does dump them all over Denise’s body coating her in feathers and turning her into a chicken.

Now Denise is led over to the wheel for her final spin here, and it lands on strip x1, oh dear Denise looks like you are going to be completely naked, mocks Bianca, but at least you have the feathers to hide your indignity.

Haha very funny Bianca, just you wait till the end of the show, Denise snaps back sarcastically.

Get them off then Denise and hurry up about it, Denise gingerly and very slowly removes her red lacy feathered covered knickers from her body, and moves one hand down to cover her modesty.

Thank you for that Denise now let’s move onto the fouls committed Arsenal committed 10 here and 4 every 4 fouls it is a spin of the wheel so that means another 2 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Denise spins the wheel and choosing to remove her arm that is covering her breasts to do this, and it lands on ‘Shepherds delight’ a big shepherd pie is bought out and is dumped all over Denise, and it splats every where making sure Denise is well covered, in bits of vegetables from the pie and the mince and the cheese topping as well, turning Denise into a right mess.

That forfeit is now over and Denise spins the wheel for the final time here and it lands on ‘Angel surprise, where various different types of Angel delighted is bought out in banana, strawberry, chocolate and butter scotch, and they are all in 4 different buckets 1 of each type and they are then thrown all over Denise’s body the strawberry one over her boobs and stomach, the butter scotch one over the front of her legs and vagina, with the banana one going down her back and back of her legs and bum, with the final bucket the chocolate one dispensed over Denise’s head.

Thank you for that Denise now it is onto the goal forfeits, and you did know that if Arsenal conceded any goals then in fact would be doubled, and they did indeed concede so that means it is a trip to the gunge tank first up for you, so please enter the gunge tank where you will be covered in the colours of Brentford but as they were in their away kit that is going to be black.

The black gunge than domes all over Denise coating her in a black gungey mess all over her body, turning her blonde hair black.

Bianca then opens up the door and instructs Denise out of the tank and onto the forfeit for 2 goals conceded as it is doubled and that is a trip to the pillories.

Bianca then locks in Denise into the pillories, and now she is helpless and is very exposed even though very messy she has no way to protect her modesty now.

Bianca then proceeds in pouring some mud all over Denise while she is helplessly in the stocks and unable to prevent it, before 2 more buckets are bought over and they consist of a bucket of pig slop and a bucket of manure, they are poured over Denise, and she then gags at the smell that is consuming her, Bianca after pouring the last bucket over Denise releases her from the stocks.

Thank you Denise that is all of your forfeits paid for now Natalie your turn would you come over here please.

Natalie gingerly walks over to Bianca now knowing what is going to happen to her, having seen what has happened to Denise and with being on the show before knowing what to expect.

But before we get onto the forfeits, Natalie you know what happens when 3 goals is conceded don’t you.

Natalie meekly nods her head at Bianca and removes her dress uninstructed, and as she has done this she reveals a very skimpy black and thong number but is still in her tights and her high-heels, she then passes her dress to Bianca who then throws it into the mud bath.

Hey what was that for Bianca, well we can’t have you going home in any clean clothes can we now Natalie.

So let’s move onto the yellow cards, Brentford only had the one here, so Bianca slams the custard pie into Natalie’s face.

Now onto the possession Brentford only had 2% less than Arsenal so that is another custard pie and with this one Bianca slams it on top of Natalie’s head and giving her a nice  custard crown all over her dark hair.

Now let’s move onto off sides, Brentford had 2 of these so that means to spins of the forfeit wheel for Natalie here, Natalie spins it for the first time and it lands on ‘Fill my tights’.

Oh this is a new one and a very fun one I am going to enjoy announces Bianca.

Bianca then opens up the elastic of Natalie’s tights before pouring a bucket of custard inside Natalie tight’s and coats her legs, and the front of her thong, before moving onto the next item which is some caramel, Bianca then pours the light brown substance this time down the back of Natalie’s tights coating her bum and the back of her legs, before moving onto the final bucket which is some dark chocolate and this one is poured down the front and the back of Natalie’s tights.

Natalie is then led over to the forfeit wheel for the final time for this forfeit and it lands on strip x2, oh dear Natalie looks like you are going to be in your birthday suit once again on CSWL, so time to get it off.

Natalie unclasps her bra and removes her thong really quickly, but choosing not to cover up as everyone has seen her in this state plenty of times and is used to it by now.

Now it is time to move onto the fouls committed and Brentford conceded 6 so that means another 2 spins of the wheel for Natalie.

She spins it the first time and it lands on ‘Cover Me Quickly’, this forfeit consists of covering Natalie in different substances on her body where she is remaining clean.

So Bianca gets some multi-coloured gunge buckets and pours them over the front of and back of Natalie coating her boobs, stomach, back and bum in multi-coloured gunge, before pouring the last bucket over Natalie’s hair and face.

Natalie is then led over to the wheel for the final time and this time it lands on strip x1 and Natalie only has her tights to remove, she removes her dessert covered tights and is just left in her black-high heeled shoes.

Natalie is then led over to the gunge tank where she will be covered in red gunge to represent Arsenal’s home kit, Bianca then pulls the lever to release the red gunge all over Natalie coating every inch of her body.

Natalie is then released from the gunge tank and led over to the stocks, where again she will be covered in the same substances as what Denise was, so a bucket of mud is then upended over Natalie, before Bianca grabs the pig slop and again upends it over Natalie coating her in a dark yellow colour, before finishing with the manure and again Natalie just like Denise gagged at the smell of it.

Natalie is then released from the stocks, before being led over to her final forfeit of the mud bath where she has to submerge herself under the mud for 10 seconds, once Natalie has done this she then exits the bath.

Thank you Natalie that is you done, but as you lot know just like every presenter presenting for the first time they need to have their messy induction, so now it is my turn, but there is a huge twist the forfeits I was going to suffer I am not as I was going to do it on my beloved West Ham in there match with Macclesfield, but as we won 8-0 didn’t have no yellow cards and by far the more possession and no off sides looks like I won’t have no forfeits to suffer.

Not so fast Bianca you will suffer forfeits as your team West Ham committed 4 fouls and we are going to be ultra mean here and make every foul committed a spin of the forfeit wheel.

Bianca grumbles at this but did expect it so she spins the wheel and it lands on ‘trifle surprise’.

A chair is then bought out with a trifle on top and a bucket of trifle mix also has been bought out, and Denise places the chair behind Bianca before Natalie pushes Bianca into the chair and into the trifle, which in turn rides Bianca’s dress up and coating her red thong in trifle, before Natalie and Denise then grabs the bucket of trifle mix and then start to proceed dumping it all over Bianca.

After the forfeit is done Bianca is then led over to the forfeit wheel again and starts spinning it again and this time it lands on ‘strip all items of clothing’ Bianca is shocked by this as the ladies over writ one of the other strip forfeits so they could make her be naked just like this as well.

Bianca then takes off her dress and passes it to one of the ladies before they chuck it into the mud bath where the rest of her clothes will be chucked once removed, before she removes her bra and knickers she is left in them and they are very racy and over little protection not that it matters anyway as she will be out of them in a second, Bianca then unclasps her bra and then uses one of her arms to cover her breasts, before wiggling out of her trifle covered knickers and using her other hand to cover her vagina.

Now that Bianca is only left in her yellow coloured high-heeled shoes she then has to remove her arm covering her breasts given the audience a nice look at her big buxom boobs to spin the forfeit wheel once again, she spins it and it lands on ‘gunge time’.

Bianca is then led over to the gunge tank where she will be covered in brown gunge, both ladies then proceed to pull the lever and cover Bianca in brown sludge, that domes all over her coating every inch of her body, once the gunge stops she is led out of the tank and onto her final spin of the wheel.

Bianca spins the wheel and it lands on ‘pillories’, Bianca again like toe 2 ladies inflicting the punishments on her strapped into the stocks and helpless and revealing all of her modesty to the world, and she then groans at this at how humiliated she is.

And the same 3 buckets that had mud, pig slop and manure in that was used on Denise and Natalie have been refilled and now going to be used on a helpless Bianca both ladies start with the mud coating all the clean parts of Bianca’s body in mud, before moving onto the dark yellow coloured pig slop, that matt;s her hair and covers her facial features which has been kept relatively clean so far, before moving onto the stinky smelly manure that she inflicted on her 2 guests they now get revenge on her, before releasing her from the stocks and allowing her to wrap up the show.

Thank you for joining me a very humiliated naked Sky Sports news reporter Bianca Westwood, a messy humiliated TV presenter and Arsenal fan Denise Van Outen and ex Sky Sports turned Talk Sport Presenter and Brentford fan Natalie Sawyer now CSWL will be back at the weekend with Sky Sports Presenter Olivia Wayne who is going to be your host for this weekends lash between Chelsea and Liverpool, who after some crowd participation has been roped in to present this weekend episode

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. Contains nudity.

Jules Breach stood on the stage she was still wearing her pink dress and smiled to the camera, the producer gave her the nod and she started to introduce the show.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight at home and welcome to everyone who has made it to see the show live in the studio”

A loud roar and applause could be heard from behind the camera as it panned to show the audience in all of its glory.

“On tonight’s show we will be finding out which one of our lovely contestants will be facing a trip into the ‘Gunk Tank’ following the public vote, as you may remember the midpoint had Alex a long way off in 3^rd place before Holly leading Angela with a fairly comfortable margin.

Please welcome them back onto stage it is Alex Jones”

Alex walked out onto the stage she was a little bit nervous following Jules threat that she would be getting messy if she received less than 10% of the mess and wasn’t sure how the voting would play out she tried to look calm however as she waved to the audience.

She was still dressed in her heels, thigh grey jeans a casual mint coloured top as she and Jules spoke politely before Jules moved on to introducing Angela Scanlon.

Angela who also had the same outfit on as in the update show calmly stepped out onto the stage and walked towards Jules, she waved to the audience.

“Finally, please welcome back onto the stage our current leader Holly Willoughby, Jules shouted a loud cheer was heard from the audience for the woman that was currently looking like she would be facing a messy trip.

Holly despite leading didn’t seem nervous although it wasn’t clear if she had accepted her potential fate or just was up for anything following her times on the old Saturday shows.

Jules then quickly moved the topic on the votes revealing that a large number of votes had been counted following the midpoint update.

“However, despite this Alex I can confirm you have ended up with just 7% of the votes which is actually less of a share than you had previously and therefore you will be facing a messy forfeit”

Alex looked somewhat unsurprised if disappointed that her score was so low, she remained hopeful however that her forfeit would be much less severe than either Holly or Angela would be facing later.

Now this is where it gets interesting viewers at the midpoint Holly led, however following some solid votes for Angela we have had a huge turn around and I can reveal that with 44% of the votes it is Holly and therefore getting messy in our bikini tonight will be Angela who takes home a 49% share of the votes!”

Holly cheered wildly and jumped up and down whilst Angela just looked stunned as she stared into the audience not quite believing what she had heard.

“Congratulations Holly, how do you feel?” Jules questioned.

“Thanks Jules, this is absolutely amazing thank you so much to all the people that voted to see Angela get messy I love you all, this is going to be amazing!”

“Whilst we let Angela take stock and she gets changed into the winners costume its time for Alex to come and join me over here”

Alex was ushered into a large perspex tank and then secured with her legs spread apart and hands raised into the air spread tied to the corners of the tank, Jules explained she’d be facing five questions for each one she got correct she’d get to choose whether to strip and item or to get messy if she gets it wrong however she’d be facing both forfeits.

Unfortunately for Alex she got the first question wrong and so Jules stepped into the tank with some scissors and carefully cut off Alex’s top leaving her in her jeans and stylish black bra.

Once Jules had stepped out of the tank the door was shut and gunge rained down on Alex who shrieked in surprise as the cold substance flowed down over her head and body.

Jules then moved onto the second questions, Alex again incorrectly guessed the answer and so found herself quickly stripped down to her black thong with her clean legs on display despite the upper half of her body having a gunge covering.

Once Jules had safely stepped out of the tank gunge again erupted inside the tank this time spraying upwards at Alex from the grown and when some of the gunge sprayed directly into her private area she bounced around at her shackles unable to escape the flow of multicoloured gunge.

Alex did however manage to answer questions three and four correctly and on the basis, she was now just in her bra and thong she went for the messy forfeit and so for the first question she faced a deluge of custard and cream which left her a soft yellow colour before the fourth question mess of milkshake sent her to Siberia as she screamed as the cold substance coated her from all angles.

Jules asked the final question however Alex was unable to make it three correct answers in a row and so Jules gingerly stepped inside the tank to cut off Alex’s bra which the Welsh presenter was not happy about having her breasts exposed without any chance of covering them up.

Luckily for Alex this was about to change as the shackles holding her in place automatically unlocked and so she was able to put one arm in front of her breasts to shield them when a klaxon sounded she looked around but didn’t feel the trap door open beneath her until she was already falling.

She soon disappeared into a large tank of gunk below and eventually reappeared looking completely bedraggled as the tank lift up into the air enabling her to climb out of the tank and for Jules to commiserate her before Alex was sent off to the showers to get cleaned and dry.

“Please welcome back onto the stage Angela Scanlon” Jules announced.

Angela stepped out onto the stage in the tiniest black bikini possible, as she reached Jules she was forced to perform a twirl to show of her body and the audience clearly approved of what they saw as the bikini left nothing to the imagination.

Jules walked Angela over to the cart and helped her sit inside before she secured her arms down to the sides of it to stop her from wiping her face at anymore, the now completely helpless and almost exposed Angela sat awaiting her messy fate.

The cart began to move along its rails after Jules had pressed the button to start the process and Angela looked around wondering where the first bit of mess would come from.

She didn’t have to wait long before the cart went around a corner towards two large spinning brush like objects usually seen in a car-wash, unfortunately for her they weren’t clean and mud was being splatter around all over the place.

As the cart brushes passed the bristles Angela felt them apply a coating of mud all over her as they continued to slap against her skin applying more and more muck whilst the cart slowly trundled along the rails.

Angela was unable to see by this point and so shrieked in surprise when some jets of ice-cold water sprayed her face washing the mud out of her eyes she was able to see Holly and Jules controlling the water jets clearly enjoying themselves.

After this the cart began to enter the tunnel of mess where it soon stopped and Angela felt a torrent of what turned out to be a mix of various different soups pour down on her head, the mixed messy cascaded down her head and started to pool in the bottom of the cart, some of the tomato soup had managed to find away inside her skimpy bikini and was now up against her privates.

Angela was in for a further surprise when the cart reversed back out of the tunnel and she unsuccessfully tried to look over her should to see where she was heading. Once it stopped she was in direct firing range from some of the audience who had been provided with some paint balloons, at the instruction of Jules who had jokingly put a commander’s hat and jacket on for this bit.

The audience launched balloon after balloon at the helpless Angela who’s back was a canvass that was turned into a coloured abstract art piece soon the cart moved on once more this time she was facing towards another part of the audience who had been provided with a different kind of ammunition.

Jules popped up again now seemingly dressed as a medieval leader and shouted “Mess the Wench” as the audience volleyed their Eggs and Tomatoes towards Angela, the sitting duck she was meant that almost every good shot directly hit her and exploded sending yet more mess down her face and front and into the disgusting slop she now had to sit around that was up to her ankles.

Egg yolk slid down her mouth and into the bikini top, it was now barely covering her nipples due to the weight of the mess it had taken on throughout the ride so far, and Angela was concerned it make pull down too far if she wasn’t dunked into the gunk soon.

Luckily for her the cart moved on and she soon found herself at the top of the ramp where the shackles automatically released and the cart drained the mess down some tubes that fed into the gunk tank below soon to be reunited with Angela.

Angela sat poised for a minute before a klaxon sounded, however much to her surprise the seat didn’t slide down the ramp instantly instead three tubes, one above her and two to the sides sprayed with her runny cream before some strawberry juice rained down on her.

Angela was already covered in a thick layer of mess when the seat began to move down the ramp, the crowd stood up eager to see as Angela was launched across the gunk tank pool and splashed down sinking beneath the surface after breaking the thick mucky skin that had formed onto the pool whilst it had sat waiting for its victim.

The audience cheered as she appeared sending all kinds of mess everywhere some of it splashes over the sides of the tank, Angela quickly looked down to pull her bikini top up to ensure it covered her breasts, fortunately for Angela one would have been visible had it not been so completely covered in gunk.

As she tried to wade her way over to the edge she was caught by surprise by a further deluge this time made up of cafeteria waste she lost her footing at the sheer amount of the mess piled onto her and disappeared under the surface once more much to the delight of the watching audience.

After her humiliation was complete some steps were lowered into the tank and Jules invited her to climb out, once she had done so Jules thanked her for being a great sport, Angela turned to wave to the audience before quickly hurrying off the stage partly to not take any chance of being called back for more mess and partly to just get clean at last.

“So, another fantastic messing for Angela there, but we have more candidates coming up next time and to celebrate The Apprentice returning for yet another series of people failing at business we’ve invited some former candidates along.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t convince any winners as apparently, they are too busy working however we do have five girls all ready to get messy.

This time you will be able to vote for more than one candidate and I can reveal the bottom 2 of the 5 will be eliminated in our mid-point show of course we will be having a messy forfeit for them. The remaining 3 will then go onto the finals where one will remain clean and another will face the trip of a lifetime in the ‘Gunk Tank’

Please get ready to vote for Jessica Cunningham, Frances Bishop, Luisa Zissman, Michaela Wain and Jade English. All five women are desperate to win as we’ve told them they’ll be winning a cash prize to help them start up a new company.”

The show ended and Jules waved to the audience and camera as the screen faded and the usual credits ran.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to this weeks CSWL with me your host Olivia Wayne and our featured match is a big top 6 class between to unbeaten teams in the league and they have just met on Wednesday night at Anfield in the Carabao Cup with Chelsea coming out on top on that occasion, it is also the top 2 going against each other in the league as well.

Olivia is wearing a grey jumper with a black leather skirt that comes down to her knees and black high-heeled shoes.

I have done the introduction let’s bring out the ladies representing their clubs this week shall we.

And representing Chelsea this week is ex-spice girl and Chelsea fan Geri Halliwell,

Geri is wearing a black mini dress with a pair of black boots to complete the outfit, with her ginger hair being worn down.

Welcome Geri, I understand it is your first appearance on the show tonight.

Yes Olivia it is my first time here and with us being the home team I hope we can have a positive result against one of the best attacking teams in the league, but we are unbeaten as well and have been playing some awesome football under Sarri so I am hoping we can do well and pick up 3 points with limited forfeits and no goals conceded.

Thank you for that Geri, now lets move onto our Liverpool representative for this evening shall we, and that is pop star Joss Stone.

Joss is wearing a silvery shiny mini dress, no shoes and her red hair is curly.

Joss how do you feel about representing Liverpool tonight, well we are unbeaten in the league winning every game and scoring loads of goals and have the best attack in the league, we did lose to Chelsea in midweek though but that wasn’t our strongest team so hopefully we can beat them this time around.

Thanks for that Joss now lets move onto the rules shall we.

Of course the forfeit wheel is back for things like off sides, possession, fouls.

And for the 1 goal it is of course the gunge tank.

For 2 goals it’s the pillories.

For 3 goals it’s the bath and all forfeits in underwear.

and Finally for 4 or more it is the dunk tank and all forfeits naked.

Both ladies are shocked by this as they don’t want to be showing any skin.

I of course like normal will be joining in for an end of shoe forfeit exclaims Olivia, hoping it isn’t to messy and humiliating for me.

So join me Olivia Wayne and my 2 guests to see how the match plays out although they won’t be seeing much as they will be locked away in the results show it is bye for now

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

“Hi. I’m Kirsty Gallacher and welcome back to the WAM Ryder Cup. It’s the first day of the three day tournament, and we will be reviewing the scores from Friday’s matches.”

“Let’s welcome back the nominated representatives for today’s matches. Jennifer Lawrence for Team USA and Alice Eve for Team Europe.”

Jennifer is wearing a long white dress with matching white high heel shoes. Alice is wearing a short grey dress with fancy red high heel shoes. The 2 blondes look elegant as they stand either side of Kirsty, getting admiring looks from the audience.

“We’ve kept both of you away from finding out the scores from today’s matches, but I can tell that there has been some exceptional golf played at Le Golf National, here in Paris.”

“Before I go through the results, I would like to welcome on to the stage Juliette and Lucie, who will be helping out administering the forfeits during the shows.”

To lots of wolf whistles, on walks a 21 year old brunette called Juliette and a 22 year old blonde called Lucie, both are wearing sexy French Maid uniforms and stand at either side of the Forfeit Wheel.

“And as we are in Paris, then obviously we have dressed our French helpers in French Maid costumes. Hello ladies and welcome to the show.”

“Merci!” both ladies answer in unison.

“Ok then, lets get back to the results from today’s matches.” Kirsty looks at Jennifer and then Alice.

“Are you both looking forward to this ladies?”

Jennifer shrugs her shoulders “I’m sure that USA will win, and even if they haven’t then what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe a custard pie in my face? I think I can handle that.”

Kirsty looks surprised “I’m not sure that the forfeits will be that lenient, but we will soon find out. How about you Alice?”

Alice seemed confident as she spoke “If I have to get a little bit messy then fine. It’s worth an all expenses weekend here in Paris. And anyway, I reckon Team Europe will win, so I don’t think I have anything to worry about.”

Kirsty looks down at her papers “I can tell you that today’s matches were split into 4 in the morning, and 4 in the afternoon. I can tell you that the score after the morning matches was 3-1 to Team USA”

Jennifer let out a small cheer as Alice looked a little despondent and shook her head.

Kirsty continued “However there was a significant change of fortunes in the afternoon matches and Team Europe won all 4 of them. Which means that the days score was 5-3 to Team Europe, and that means that Jennifer is the losing lady.

Alice’s mood suddenly changed and raised her arms in jubilation, as Jennifer was left a little gobsmacked at the turnaround of the scores.

Kirsty beamed as she looked over to the French Maids. “As Team USA have lost by 2 points, then this will mean 2 spins of the Forfeit Wheel for Jennifer. Could one of you do the first spin?”

“Oui” replied the dark haired Juliette, and she gave the wheel a strong spin.

Jennifer watched nervously as the wheel landed on a segment called ‘Milk Bath’

Juliette and Lucie strode off the stage and returned moments later pushing a bath on wheels. They parked it on the centre of the stage and beckoned Jennifer over.

Gingerly Jennifer walked the few steps to the bath and looked at Kirsty.

“In you go please Jennifer, and you have to submerge yourself under the surface for 5 seconds. I’m afraid it’s a little bit more messy than just a custard pie in the face!”

Kirsty smiled as Jennifer gave her an evil look. Jennifer took a deep breath and stepped inside the bath and lowered herself down until she was sitting, with the milk level around her chest. At least the milk was warm she thought, as the 28 year old American actress then pinched her nose with her fingers and dropped her upper body and head under the surface so that she was completely submerged in the milk.

After a few seconds, a spluttering Jennifer re-appeared from underneath the milk and immediately slicked back her hair to rid herself of any excess milk, and clambered out of the bath. Her dress was soaked with milk and clung even more to her gorgeous body and curves.

Kirsty was quick to comment “Hope you enjoyed your bath Jennifer!”

Kirsty didn’t give Jennifer any chance to answer as she continued “Before we get to the second and final spin of the wheel, I have been told that this is the first time Team Europe have won all 4 matches in an afternoon session since 1989. We obviously can’t let this achievement pass without some kind of appropriate acknowledgement and we will celebrate this by giving Jennifer an extra forfeit of my choosing.”

“And I will choose a stripping forfeit. Let’s say 2 articles of clothing.”

“Hey, you can’t do that?”

“I can, and if you check the small print of the contract you have signed as part of the all expenses weekend you are having here in Paris, then you would know that I am right. Oh, and by the way you can’t count your high heel shoes as 1 of the articles.”

Jennifer looked down at herself as if counting the articles she has got on “Hang on, as I’m not wearing a bra, that means I’m going to be naked!”

“Sorry Jennifer but if you choose not to wear a bra, then that’s not my fault.”

Jennifer sighs and starts to remove her elegant white dress and lets it fall to the floor. Skilfully she is able to keep her tits covered with her left arm and hand as she used her right hand to pull down her white skimpy knickers. This reveals her shaved muff which she quickly covers with her right hand.

The vulnerable and sexy X-men actress was now in front of the audience and on national TV wearing just a pair of white high heel shoes.

Kirsty nods to Lucie, who spins the wheel for the second and final time. It lands on ‘Chocolate Sauce Shower”

Juliette and Lucie walk up to Jennifer and take an arm each, which reveals Jennifer’s naked tits and muff to the audience. They walk her over to a gunge tank, with the audience also getting a great view of her naked bottom.

They sit her down inside the tank and Jennifer resumes covering herself up with her arms and hands.

Juliette puts her hand on a lever and starts a countdown “Cinq, Quatre, Trois, Deux, Un, Zero” and pulls hard down on the lever.

Jennifer squeals as thick chocolate sauce hits her head and streams down her long blond hair and face. The sauce engulfs her upper body and thighs and runs down her legs. Jennifer looks completely bewildered as she gradually gets coated more and more in the sticky chocolate sauce.

Meanwhile Alice is having a chuckle to herself as she witnessed her opponent getting truly humiliated, and was thankful that her team had spared her this ordeal.

The shower eventually came to a stop and a chocolate covered Jennifer stood up and stepped out of the tank, to lots of applause from the audience.

“I can’t believe I’m naked and covered in chocolate!”

Kirsty was quick to respond “Not to worry Jennifer, I’m sure the viewers at home don’t mind seeing you in this state. Perhaps this could be a new look for you in your next movie! Ha Ha! Anyway, you will be pleased to know that’s the end of the forfeits for you, so it’s time to say thank you Alice and Jennifer. You both may now leave the stage.”

Off trudged the clean Alice who waves to the audience, followed by the messy and naked Jennifer, who leaves a chocolate trail behind as she walked.

Kirsty continued “Now it’s time to see who the captains have nominated for saturday’s matches.” She quickly opened an envelope and read its contents. “Ok, so it’s going to be Anna Kendrick for Team USA and Helen Flanagan for Team Europe. Tune in tomorrow night to find out what’s in store for our unlucky loser! Until then, it’s goodbye from me, Juliette and Lucie.”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

“Good evening, and welcome back to the WAM Ryder Cup. My name is Kirsty Gallacher and I am your host. Before we begin with the review of today’s scores, let take a recap of what happened yesterday…”

The large monitor above the stage flickered into life and showed a naked Jennifer Lawrence receiving a messy chocolate sauce shower.

The audience cheers at the sight of the Hollywood actress in this state, as the VT ends, and the camera pans back to Kirsty.

“Will we have a similar humiliating forfeit for one of our ladies tonight? We will find out very soon. Let’s bring on the representatives for today’s matches, Anna Kendrick for Team USA, and Helen Flanagan for Team Europe.”

Anna walks on wearing a pink low-cut dress showing a lot of cleavage, and black high heel shoes. Helen is behind her, wearing a short white dress showing a lot of leg and white high heel shoes.

“Welcome ladies. Like yesterday’s opponents, we have kept you from the scores today, but before I reveal the results, how are you both feeling about being on the show?”

Anna was first to reply “I was really looking forward to coming on, but then I saw what happened to Jennifer yesterday. I just hope that my team wins today!”

Helen was next “A bit like Anna. I really don’t want to get messy or take any clothes off, so I am crossing my fingers for a Team Europe win.”

Kirsty turned to the camera “We will shortly be revealing the scores and put these girls out of their misery. However before we do that let’s welcome back Juliette and Lucie, our favourite French Maid helpers.”

The French Maids saunter onto the stage and stand either side of the Forfeit Wheel.

Kirsty carried on “I can reveal that of the 8 matches played today at Le Golf National in Paris, Team Europe played the better and secured a score of 5-3, which takes the overall score so far to 10-6 to Team Europe. Therefore today’s winning lady is Helen and the unfortunate loser is Anna.”

Anna looked rather solemn as she took in the sad news, as Helen was jubilant and jumped up and down on the spot with glee.

“So as Team USA have lost by 2 points today, this means that there will be 2 spins of the Forfeit Wheel for Anna.”

Kirsty looks over to Juliette “You know what to do”

Juliette grins as she spins the wheel. Anna looks nervous as all eyes are on the wheel as it slows down and eventually settles on a segment called ‘Creme Brûlée Dunk Tank’

“Oh no! Does that mean what I think it means?”

“I’m not sure what you are thinking Anna, but it means you will be taking a trip to our dunk tank where you will dropped into a large vat of creme brûlée.”

Juliette and Lucie take Anna’s hands and walk her to the tank and ask her to climb the steps at the back and to take the seat which is suspended above the tank.

A nervous Anna sits down and looks down to see the caramelised sugar top layer which covers the thick custard beneath.

“You can’t dunk me in this?” pleads Anna, but Kirsty is defiant “Sorry Anna, but your team lost again and now as their representative you must pay the price. Lucie, can you press the button to the side of you?”

“Oui” Lucie duly pressed the button, and Anna’s seat suddenly jolted forward and downwards and deposited the flailing Anna into the creme brûlée below.

A shriek was heard as Anna dropped into the tank and couldn’t prevent her whole body being submerged under the creamy dessert in the tank.

To a loud cheer, Anna finds her feet in her tank and stands up showing that she is completely covered in the custard based dessert. Anna looks down and sees that her cleavage is now all creamy. Anna slowly clambers out of the tank to reveal that her dress is sodden with custard and has custard dripping down her shapely legs.

“Before we get to the second spin of the wheel, I can announce that today we have seen a unique achievement in Ryder Cup history. The Team Europe pairing of Tommy Fleetwood and Francisco Molinari are the first European pairing to win 4 matches out of 4 in Ryder Cup history. Obviously we can’t let this excellent feat go without some kind of acknowledgement, and so I will choose an additional forfeit for Anna.”

Anna was still wiping her face clear of the creamy custard dessert as Kirsty announced her choice of forfeit.

“I will choose a stripping forfeit, so Anna can you please take off 2 articles of clothing.”

“No, you can’t make me do that!”

“Let’s not have the same theatrics as I had with Jennifer yesterday. You are aware of the contract you have signed so please get stripping.”

Anna solemnly started to pull down her custard soaked dress straps from off her shoulders and wiggles her sexy body as she pulls the dress down until it falls and nestles around her ankles. This leaves the 33 year old American actress in a skimpy pink bra, pink thong and black high heel shoes.

The audience start clapping as Anna reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra and lets it fall off her body, and immediately holds her naked tits with both her hands to protect her modesty.

Kirsty smiles as she nods to Juliette, who gives the wheel another spin. This time it lands on ‘Pillory’.

A startled Anna is led by Juliette and Lucie to the pillory and reluctantly has her head and hands locked into it.

This leaves Anna’s beautiful rounded breasts exposed, as Juliette and Lucie start picking up rotten tomatoes from a nearby bucket and splat them on Anna’s forehead, and on top of her head.

“Yuck!” exclaims Anna as tomato bits and juices drip down her face and hair.

Unfortunately for Anna it only gets worse as Juliette and Lucie turn their attention to a nearby table which is laden with lots of creamy custard pies and start to splatter the pies in her face and on top of her head. Anna squeals as Lucie splats 2 custard pies against her naked tits, and Juliette splats a pie on her knicker-clad bottom.

”Can I pie Anna please?” asks Helen.

Juliette smiles and beckons Helen over. A delighted Helen picks up a custard pie and faces the already messy and humiliated Anna.

“This is for Team Europe” as Helen thrusts the custard pie into Anna’s face.

Meanwhile Lucie and Juliette had walked behind Anna, and Lucie pulls the elasticated top of Anna’s thong out slightly as Juliette begins to pour a jug of custard into them.

Anna’s eyes widened and she was open-mouthed as she felt the cold custard seep into her thong and into her most sensitive areas. Once Juliette had finished pouring the contents of the jug in, she placed the jug down and took a grip of both sides of Anna’s thong and pulled sharply upwards to give Anna a wedgie.

Anna shrieked as she felt custard and her thong go further into her most sensitive areas.

Kirsty interjected “I think Anna has had enough now. Can you let her out of the pillory please?”

Lucie unlocked the pillory and a rather distraught Anna was able to stand up, re-adjust her thong and cover her naked custardy tits with her hands again.

“That’s it for another great day of golf. Thank you to Helen and Anna for joining us today. Please tune in tomorrow night when we will review the scores of the 12 matches that will be played on Sunday, where we will have Victoria Justice representing Team USA and Georgia May Foote representing Team Europe. Also, we will review the overall score across all 3 days and the losing teams captain will receive a special losers forfeit. With a 10-6 lead it’s looking good at the moment for Kelly Brook, but not so good for Kate Upton. Join us tomorrow tonight for some more fun!”

A topless and messy Anna struts off the stage as she receives applause from the audience, while a clean and fully dressed Helen waves enthusiastically as she also walks off.

So after it being mentioned to me recently, I’ve just made a quick adjustment in the sites rules regarding images and videos posted here. As a lot of you will know, we have some great pages and contributors of alerting us to potential scenes, and finds from from anywhere such as YouTube to articles etc. And long may it go on, who knows of the untold treasures we may find or be unaware of – I think we all can agree that those who post such finds are greatly appreciated!

But, I have updated a slight change in policy regarding said videos and images. From now on, for any images and videos posted to the site, that include people getting messy, those people getting messy must be 18+.

As it happens, much of our content already includes people getting messy that are 18+, so it shouldn’t really affect the content we display. The rule has been updated on the following page also:

https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/site-rules/

If you aren’t sure of the age of those getting messy, it’s probably best not to post it. It’s better to be safe than sorry after all, and having this age boundary just makes it more safe. As for posts already up over the site that may contain under 18s (Banners, Alerts, finds, etc), if you notice any of these please let me know so I can adjust accordingly – as I said there won’t be many but if you do notice any that have been on here in the past please let me know – for consistency in line with the new age.

Any issues or if anyone wants to discuss this, feel free to email me – I’ll happily discuss it with anyone who wishes: MessySoMessy@hotmail.com

Also, if there are any rules or guidelines you feel could be updated, or any new ones you think should be considered and brought in, please don’t hesitate to contact me. After all this blog is for all of us who enjoy WAM and I wish every reader, contributor and the like to be happy whilst browsing the blog!

MsM

Morning, campers! I’ve got some big news. First of all, I was teasing the Rogues’ Gallery before and it’s finally complete! Go check it out through this link.

Second, I can announce that the first round votes will start this Friday, the 5th of October. I’m keeping the predictions open until Thursday, so if you haven’t made your predictions yet or want to alter your current predictions, go here to check out the bracket. Remember – the highest score will win a custom episode of Suzi’s Slop Drop. That means you can pick any two GGP-eligible celebrities, plus make any two civilian characters for the mid-point chapter (with the same 18+/female only rules).

Third, while the details haven’t been completely hammered out just yet, I’m in talks with a few people about running some additional contests. I’m not going to get too deep with the details just yet, but you’ll hear soon enough! What I will say is that as far as I know, there’s never been a contest in the style I’m thinking of doing in the history of TellyGunge…

Sorry for leaving you all in the lurch, but things should start moving a lot faster now. Remember: It all kicks off on Friday…

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

“Hi. I’m Kirsty Gallacher and welcome back to the WAM Ryder Cup. It’s the final day of the three day tournament, and we will be reviewing the scores from Sunday’s matches.”

“Put your hands together for today’s contestants, it’s Victoria Justice representing Team USA and Georgia May Foote representing Team Europe”

Victoria walks on wearing a sexy strapless blue top and matching blue skirt, and black high heel shoes. Georgia follows, wearing a revealing white minidress showing lots of cleavage and pink high heel shoes.

“Welcome ladies, and we’ve kept you both away from the thrilling golf today, so you don’t know the scores yet.”

Victoria responded “No I don’t, but I am a little worried given that Team Europe have won the first 2 days. I really hope that Team USA pull their finger out and win today’s matches. I don’t want to end up in a similar state to Jennifer and Anna.”

Georgia seemed confident “Team Europe are so much better than Team USA. There’s no chance we’re going to lose today.”

Kirsty smiles as she turns to the camera “That’s fighting talk from Georgia! Let’s not forget that we will also be reviewing the overall score from the three days, and the losing teams captain will be enduring a severe and humiliating forfeit. Let’s bring the captains out now, welcome to Kate Upton and Kelly Brook.”

Kate walks on wearing a strapless sexy turquoise dress showing lots of cleavage and black high heel shoes and Kelly is sporting a sexy pink dress with pink high heel shoes.

Kelly seems to be in high spirits, whereas Kate appears to be quite glum.

“Welcome ladies, and I see that you are not too happy Kate. Is there a reason why?”

“Team USA are losing 10-6 going into today’s matches and I’m not very confident that they can pull that deficit back. I think I’m going to get very messy and probably naked.”

Kirsty tried to sympathise “You never know Kate, Team USA may have had a fantastic day and recovered the lead meaning that Kelly will be our unlucky losing captain.”

Kate looked a little more hopeful, as Kirsty introduced her French helpers onto the stage. With us again this evening are our French Maids, please welcome Juliette and Lucie, who will be helping administer any forfeits.”

“So, without further ado, lets reveal today’s result. There were 12 matches and 12 points up for grabs and with a score of 7.5 to 4.5, today’s winning team is…………..Team Europe.”

Victoria sighed and shook her head as Georgia jubilantly celebrated.

“As Team Europe won by 3 points on the day, then its 3 spins of the Forfeit Wheel for Victoria. Juliette, can you do the first spin please?”

Juliette obeyed and the wheel landed on a segment called ‘Champagne Dunk Tank’.

Juliette and Lucie led Victoria to the dunk tank and asked her to climb the steps at the back and to sit on the seat which was suspended over the tank.

Lucie started a countdown “cinq, quatre, trois, deux, un, zero” and pressed the button which released the mechanism holding the seat in place, and propelling Victoria into the champagne beneath. A loud splash was heard as Victoria hit the surface and delved underneath. A bit of thrashing around ensued until Victoria found the bottom of the tank with her feet and slowly stood up. A drenched Victoria had champagne up to her waist, as she wiped her eyes to rid them of the bubbly alcoholic liquid. Her blue top had turned a darker shade of blue and had plastered itself to Victoria, so that it was easy for the viewers to make out the shape of her tits.

“Enjoy that Victoria?”

“I would rather be drinking it, than being dunked in it!”

“Ha Ha. If you can get out of the tank, and while you are doing that Juliette will spin the wheel for a second time.”

Just as Victoria had finished clambering out of the tank, the wheel slowed to a stop and pointed to a segment called “Gunge Tank”

Juliette and Lucie escorted the 25 year old American actress to a nearby gunge tank and sat her inside. Victoria looked up to see a nozzle directly above her head, and it was Juliette’s turn to do a countdown. On zero, the lever was pulled, and gallons of thick green gunge rained down on Victoria.

A shocked Victoria was taken aback by the verocity of the gunge flow and she frantically grabbed her blue top to keep it in place on her body, for fear of it being pulled down by the force of the gunge and revealing her naked tits to the audience. She had grabbed her top at just the right time and managed to maintain her modesty somewhat, whilst she got completely covered in the thick green gunge. The flow eventually stopped, and Victoria still clutching her top gingerly stepped out of the tank, dripping of gunge.

Kirsty smiled as she surveyed how messy the actress was. “We have 1 more spin left, but before we get to that, we must mention the special achievement from Team Europe at winning each of the 3 days. This does deserve acknowledgement and what better way than for Victoria to do an extra forfeit of my choosing.”

Victoria looked worried as she listened to Kirsty, and knowing that her fellow team mates Jennifer and Anna had also received an extra forfeit chosen by Kirsty and both had involved stripping articles of clothing off.

Victoria’s eyes closed and she mouthed “Oh no” as Kirsty announced her choice “The forfeit I will choose is for Victoria to remove 2 articles of clothing, and of course high heel shoes are not counted.”

Victoria slowly unzips her skirt and pulls it down her gorgeous legs to reveal a skimpy black thong. Next she starts to remove her top, but skilfully moves her hands over her naked tits to make sure no one is able to see, and let’s the top drop to the floor.

“Lucie, could you spin for the third and final time please?”

“Oui” replied Lucie and did an extra strong pull of the wheel. It landed on ‘Wine Bath’

“Another alcoholic themed forfeit for you Victoria” smirked Kirsty as the a bath full of red wine was brought onto the stage.

Still keeping her hands covering her tits, Victoria stepped into the bath and slowly sat down as the wine seeped into her thong. She closed her eyes as she obeyed Kirsty’s instruction to submerge herself and sank beneath the surface. After a few seconds, Victoria returned to her previous sitting position and shook her head to rid it of any excess wine. The now wine-stained actress stood up and stepped out of the bath to receive lots of applause from the audience.

“Thank you Victoria. You’ll be pleased to know that’s the end of your forfeits so you can go and get cleaned up now.”

Victoria half smiled to the audience as she appreciated the applause and began her walk off the stage and directly to the showers.

Kirsty turns to the camera “We’re going to an advert break now, but stay tuned, as when we come back we have got the small matter of Kate Upton’s special forfeit for being the losing team’s captain, plus we may have time for a few extra surprises up our sleeve before we finish this last episode of the inaugural WAM Ryder Cup.”

The camera shows a shot of a very worried looking Kate, as the picture fades out and the adverts start.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to the results show of these weekends CSWL with me your host Olivia Wayne.

Olivia is wearing the same grey jumper, black leather skirt and black high-heeled shoes with her dark hair being worn down.

We have locked both ladies away and have no idea what the result is so shall we first of all bring out our Chelsea representative, first up it is Spice Girl and Chelsea fan Geri Halliwell.

Geri is wearing the same short black mini dress and black boots she had on in the preview show, with her ginger hair being worn down and slightly curled at the bottom.

And our Liverpool supporter let’s bring her out it is singer Joss Stone.

Joss is wearing a glittery silver mini dress, but isn’t wearing any shoes, and her red hair is curly.

Now it is time to move onto the forfeits and being the home team let’s bring over Geri shall we.

First up we have the forfeit for yellow cards, and Chelsea had none here so let’s move on shall we next up is off sides, Chelsea had 2 of these so that means 2 spins of the forfeit Now it wheel.

Geri spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Milk Bath’.

Geri is instructed to enter the bath and submerge herself for 10 seconds into the bath, Geri does as she is instructed covering her dress and her boots in milk, the milk also get’s inside Geri’s dress and boots coating her legs and seeps inside her underwear.

Once the 10 seconds is over Geri’s slowly get’s out of the bath and walks over to the forfeit wheel and spins it again, this time it lands on ‘Champagne Dunk Tank’

Geri is led over to the Dunk Tank and is then sat at the top of the dunk tank ready to be dunked into the champagne.

Olivia press the button to release Geri into the Champagne, Geri goes completely under saturating her dress even more.

Now it id time to move onto the fouls, Chelsea conceded 7 here so that means another 2 more spins of the forfeit wheel.

Geri spins the wheel and it lands on strip x1.

Geri is then instructed to get out of her dress.

Geri is then left in her skimpy black bra and knickers combo before spinning the wheel for the final time.

Geri spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Knickerbocker Glory’

Olivia then grabs a Knickerbocker glory dessert opens up the elastic of Geri’s knickers and proceeds to pour it inside of Geri’s knickers, making them bulge and  Geri then has to try to hold up her knickers to prevent them from falling down, and the dessert goes all over Geri’s sensitive areas.

Chelsea also conceded 6% less possession than Liverpool so we have 3 custard pies for you Geri, firstly Olivia gives Geri a pie sandwich before giving Geri her final pie and planting it on the top of her head, giving her a nice crowning glory.

Geri that is all of your forfeits completed there now it is for the sole goal that Chelsea conceded so please can you get into the gunge tank please.

Geri enters the gunge tank ready to be covered in red gunge which is the colour of Liverpool’s home kit. Olivia then pulls the lever to release the gunge all over Geri, the gunge then domes all over Geri coating her in a red mess, coating her ginger hair, her body and legs in red gunge.

Thank you Geri that is you all done now Joss can you come over here please it is now time for your forfeits.

Joss then makes her way over to Olivia and the wheel so Olivia can inflict Joss’ punishments on her.

First up we have yellow cards, Liverpool had 2 yellow cards so that means we have to 2 custard pies for Joss here.

Olivia then picks up 2 pies and gives Joss a pie sandwich and then rubs it into Joss’s hair matting her curls and leaving her a creamy mess.

Now let’s move onto the off sides shall we Liverpool also had 2 of these so that means it is another 2 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Joss spins the wheel and just like Geri the wheel land on ‘Milk Bath’

Joss just like Geri get’s into the bath before submerging herself in the milk for the mandatory 10 seconds, this coats her whole body in white milk, and it seeps into her dress and into her underwear, she then gets out of the bath then moves to the wheel again and spins it for a 2nd time.

And again just like Geri it lands on the ‘Champagne Dunk Tank’, Joss is led to the Dunk Tank and is waiting for the inevitable dunking into the champagne.

Olivia then presses the button to dunk Joss into the tank, Joss is then covered from head to toe in champagne.

Thank you Joss that is your first lot of forfeits completed, now it is time to move onto the fouls, Liverpool conceded 3 here so this means another 3 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Joss spins for the first time and this time it lands on strip x1.

Olivia then asks Joss to step out of her dress, she does this and is then left in her sparkly silver underwear.

Joss then spins the wheel for the 2nd time, and like Geri she is having the Knickerbocker Glory forfeit.

Olivia then opens up Joss’ underwear and just like she did with Geri she proceeds to pour the Knickerbocker glory dessert  inside of Joss underwear making it bulge and it goes all over her sensitive parts, and Joss is having to try to hold up her underwear.

Joss then spins the wheel for the final time and this time it lands on ‘Chocolate Shower’.

Joss is then led over to a shower cubicle, get’s inside of the shower cubicle waiting for her punishment.

Olivia then releases a special mechanism that releases all of the chocolate out of the shower head and all over Joss coating her in dark chocolate, and turning her into a chocolatey mess.

Joss is led out of the shower cubicle and over to the gunge tank where she will pay the forfeit for the only goal Liverpool conceded.

Joss is now sat inside the gunge tank, and Olivia releases the lever  all over Joss where she is coated in blue gunge to represent Chelsea’s home kit.

The gunge then domes all over Joss coating her in a blue slimy mess and all down her hair and face and over the rest of her body.

Joss then exits the tank, and follows Geri in chasing after Olivia, they both give Olivia a slimy hug before they both proceed to strip her to her underwear, and then lead her over to the gunge tank by both ladies who grabs an arm each, sits her in the gunge tank and pulls the lever coating Olivia in green gunge, coating her hair, face, body in slimy green gunge.

Olivia then exits the tank and both ladies have a custard pie each and they slam it either side of Olivia’s face giving her a pie sandwich.

Olivia is then allowed to wrap the show up.

Thank you for joining me an underwear clad gungey slimy Olivia Wayne for this episode of CSWL, and thank you to my 2 guests also underwear clad in Geri Halliwell and Joss Stone, join us next week where Liverpool will be featured again but this time in a clash against the Champions Manchester City.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

Continued from part 1…..

Kirsty greets the viewers “Welcome back and in the first part of the show, we have sorted out the results from today’s matches, and Victoria Justice has been bathed in milk and in red wine, and been gunged, and stripped topless. Now let’s turn our attention to the overall score across all 3 days. So as I have already announced that Team Europe have won all three days, then it doesn’t take a genius to therefore conclude that Team Europe are the victors and won the Ryder Cup by a score of 17.5 to 10.5. Which means it’s Kate Upton who is the unlucky losing team captain.”

The camera shows Kate looking worried in her sexy turquoise dress.

The camera then pans to an area of the stage where there is a slightly raised platform. Overhead there is a low hanging beam with a pair of handcuffs dangling down from them. Juliette and Lucie take Kate’s hands and walk her to the area and raise her arms and lock her wrists into the handcuffs.

The 26 year old American actress was now helpless as she watched the 2 sexy French Maids wheel on 2 trolleys laden with custard pies and jugs of custard.

Kate sighed as she mentally prepared herself for what was about to happen. Juliette picked up a jug of custard and smiled sweetly at Kate, before pulling out the top of her dress slightly and pouring the custard into her cleavage. Kate gasped as the cold custard slithered down her tits and streamed down her stomach.

Juliette picked up another jug and poured the custard over Kate’s head, coating her beautiful long blond hair.

Lucie picked up 2 custard pies and splatted them on both sides of Kate’s head to give her a creamy pie sandwich.

Juliette quickly followed with a custard pie slapped on top of her head to give her a custard crowning.

Lucie wiped Kate’s eyes clear of custard so she could see, and Lucie and Juliette paused and stepped back so they were either side of the handcuffed actress.

Kirsty looked at Kate “We have had some viewers write in to say that the CSWL has had too much nudity recently, so the producers have agreed that it won’t be as frequent in the future as it has been recently.”

Kate’s hopes were raised, and she thought that she might not be stripped of any clothes. However these were soon proved to be false hopes as Kirsty continued “However as you are the team captain of Team USA that lost so badly, we need to make sure the forfeits adequately reflect this.”

Kirsty nodded to the French Maids “You know what to do ladies”

Juliette and Lucy took hold of Kate’s dress and pulled down sharply. Once the top of the dress had descended down enough to let out Kate’s gorgeous tits, gravity did the rest and the dress ended up nestling around her high heel shoes.

This left Kate in just a pair of skimpy white knickers. Juliette and Lucy picked up another jug of custard each and poured them into the front and back of Kate’s knickers.

Kate gasped as the coldness of the custard seeped into her most sensitive regions, and then got that sinking feeling as the weight of her custard filled knickers meant that they started to slip down her legs. Without being able to use her hands, Kate cavorted her legs in a vain attempt to keep her knickers in place, but much to the audience’s amusement, she wasn’t able to stop the descent and her knickers soon joined her dress, nestling around her high heel shoes.

The audience gasped in amazement as they took in the nude actress with her bouncy tits and shaved muff on full show.

Juliette and Lucie then proceeded to splat custard pies all over Kate, paying most attention to her face, hair, tits, muff and bottom. After a barrage of 20 pies, Kate was a complete custardy mess.

Kirsty smiled “The delectable Kate Upton has received a very messy and naked forfeit. Please put your hands together for Kate!”

The audience clapped wildly as Kate was released from her handcuffs and allowed to walk off the stage to get cleaned up.

Kirsty continued “We are almost at the end of the show, but before we go, we’ve had lots of requests from viewers for the same thing.”

On walked Jennifer Lawrence and Anna Kendrick wearing dresses, and also Victoria Justice who had cleaned up and put on a clean dress since part 1 of the show.

They walked to the raised platform where Kate had been handcuffed, and took hold of both Juliette and Lucie. They handcuffed one of their hands to the overhead cuffs so that both French Maids had one arm above their head and cuffed, and one arm free.

The shackled French Maids looked shocked as the 3 actresses brought out lots of buckets of gunge and started to throw them over the squealing Maids, until they were completely soaked with gunge.

Jennifer and Anna then approached Juliette and Lucie directly “You stripped us during our forfeits, so its only fair we return the favour.”

Juliette and Lucie were gobsmacked as their French Maid outfits were pulled down their body, their bra’s unclasped and whisked away from their body, and their knickers taken down. This left both saucy maids wearing just stockings and high heel shoes, and trying to cover themselves up with just one arm and hand free.

The actresses smiled as they started another gunge throwing barrage to cover the Maids naked bodys in gunge.

Kirsty started to wrap the programme up “well that’s all from the inaugural WAM Ryder Cup. Hope you all enjoyed it at home. Don’t forget to tune in at the weekend when CSWL returns with Liverpool against Manchester City, where hopefully I’m not asked to represent Liverpool….”

Kirsty was stopped mid sentence as there were more squeals from the Maids as the actresses began to smack their bottoms with custard pies which made their gunge covered tits bounce around.

“…..it appears the Americans are taking out their anger in losing the Cup on our French helpers. In fact I think I had better get off stage before anything happens to me. Goodbye everyone!”

Kirsty swiftly exits the stage and the camera pans for a final shot to the handcuffed French Maids who are still getting their bottoms spanked.

Five things:

#1: The month: I got it right first time this time!

#2: The votes: So, you may have seen the votes are up. If you haven’t, mouseover where it says “Gunge Grand Prix 2018”, then mouseover “Round 1” and you should see a list of the votes. Alternatively, there is a list if you click “Round 1”, or this link here. The votes will be open until next Thursday, 11th October, but whatever time I get around to closing them. I’ll announce when they’re all closed. Speaking of things being closed…

#3: The predictions: These are now closed, and have been for a few hours now. Good luck to all taking part in that – you will need it if you want me to write a story for you! Last I checked, there were sixteen predictions made, plus my own one that I’m just doing for shits and giggles.

#4: The side-competition I’ve been hinting at: It’s going to be a story contest, but not the story contest. I’m still in talks with potential judges and a potential prize. Basically, write the best story you can about one of the GGP nominees getting gunged on a real-world messy TV show. I’m looking at having a panel of three or four judges, and we will be rating on technical accuracy, how believably the celeb in question behaves and how enjoyable we found the story overall. I know that’s a bit wishy-washy so far, but there are still quite a few kinks that need ironing out with it.

#5: A side-competition I’m just dropping on you now: It’s a Hype Contest! In the comments, I want you to write three reasons why you want a specific celebrity to win the GGP. I will write a mini-story about each celeb for the most passionate set of reasons, the funniest set of reasons, and the most successfully generated buzz. Funniest and most passionate are entirely my own judgment, but don’t feel that you have to go with someone who’s my “type” – I will be separating the subject from the shilling. Most successful is more objectively measurable – whoever gets the furthest in the tournament gets the story. If shilled celebs get equally far before getting knocked out, whoever gets the most votes across the GGP wins. There are other tie-breaking measures that I have in mind, but hopefully, I won’t need to use them. You have until I start closing the votes on Thursday.

I think that’s everything covered. All that’s left for me to say is GLHF.

Totally Trashed Series Info

Hey, in middle of writing the introductory chapter/episode of my Totally Trashed series. For this, I picked 64 celebrities, assigned a playing card to each(eg. Contestant1 was Ace of Hearts etc), and picked them out of a shuffled deck to pair them into matches. I then flipped a coin to find the results. The losers of each match will be gunged, getting messier as it progresses. Now, while the forfeits for the rounds apart from the final “winner’s prize” are already decided, I want to let you have your say.

So, here’s the poll: a couple of ideas of my own and the option of suggesting your own. If you do select “Other”, please feel free to, in 1 sentence, be as crazy with the idea as you like, hopefully I can do justice to what you suggest.

Poll closes Tuesday 9/10/2018

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to another instalment of CSWL with me your host for this week Lynsey Hipgrave, the live game we have on offer for you this weekend is against last season’s top 2 and that is Liverpool vs Man City who are also both still undefeated in the league this season as well. So shall we bring out the ladies who are going to be representing their teams this weekend.

Lynsey is wearing a short red mini dress that shows plenty of leg, and red high-heeled hoes and her long blonde hair is being worn down and curled at the bottom.

So first let’s meet our Liverpool representative shall we it is Danish tennis star and form world number one Caroline Wozniaki.

Caroline is wearing a white all in one mini dress, black high-heeled shoes, and her long blonde hair is being worn down.

Now let’s move onto our Man City representative it is actress Michelle Keegan.

Michelle is wearing a white mini dress also, with black high-heeled shoes and her black hair being worn down and is wavy.

So Caroline how do you feel about your sides chance’s this weekend.

Well Lynsey we finished behind City last season and it was a high scoring affair at 4-3 to us, but I hope for my sake we can win but don’t want a repeat of last season.

Thank you for that Caroline and what about you Michelle.

Well I hope we win to avenge last season, but don’t want it to be the same as last season as I would be ending up naked and I don’t want that.

Many thanks ladies now it is time to shield the ladies away from the result and let’s see what happens.

We have met the ladies now let’s see what is in store for them shall we.

First up for 1 goal like normal it will be the gunge tank and the other teams colours they will be gunged in.

For 2 goals it will be a trip to the pillories.

For 3 goals it is the bath, and all forfeits are done in their underwear.

For 4 or more goals it will be a trip to the dunk dank and all forfeits will be done naked.

And as it is my first time hosting I will be up for the mess and depending on the outcome of our ladies, I could be naked but I seriously do not hope I don’t

So let’s join us in the results show and see what happens, shall we so join myself, Caroline, and Michelle for that shall we.