“Charly here I will be running down the potential matches we have for you and then conducting a special interview with our lucky…or maybe not so lucky lady who was nominated 5 times”

First up we have a pair of musical themed match-ups….Dua Lipa vs Mabel and a Pussycat clash with Nicole Sherzinger & Ashley Roberts

Next from the world of sports presenting we have Rachel Brookes vs Suzi Perry in F1 vs Moto GP high speed clash.

Next we have our first wrestling clash but interestingly enough featuring NO WWE superstars at all …Its a Beautiful People clash between Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky

Next we have a brain power match as representatives of Cambridge (Rachel Weisz) and Oxford (Victoria Corwen-Mitchell) clash to see who is head of the class

Next out bust out those selfie sticks and do it for the GRAM as 2 Internet breaking celebs clash with Kim Kardashian and Kendall Jenner

Then we have 2 young actresses who got their starts in the Percy Jackson series in Leven Rambin and Alexandra Daddario.

Then we move onto a few British TV presenters in Laura Tobin and Charlotte Hawkins.

Then from one Charlotte to another we move onto the WWE match ups….WE have  our own Ms. Flair vs a newcomer in Scarlett Bordeaux

Then they want to see some “best friends” collie with Bayley and Sasha Banks

And finally we come to the women of the hour who was nominated to face Lana, Maryse, Tegan Nox, Sasha Banka AND Charlotte Flair…the one the only My guest..Five feet of Fury ALEXA BLISS

“So Alexa how does it feel to know you were the RUNAWAY most nominated women who they wanted to see in our Raw Roulette Rumble”

“Well its both a bit shocking…and flattering. I figured for sure some big name celeb would win that honor….but at the same time it does say they want to see me messy and quite possibly a little humiliated…I mean I saw what happened to Billie on one of those shows….and here she is up for another one”

“So lets be honest Alexa being involved in 5 of the 15 possible match-ups does not look good for you. Its 1 in 3 that you end up…..but we are all about the gamble here Alexa so we would like to make you an offer …or you might say a challenge”

“Well I am always up for a challenge but I am sure its not that simple right? ”

“Youre a sharp one Alexa and that is exactly right. So if none of the people who nominated you win then you win. But if you lose then there will be an EXTRA forfeit just for you on top of what the winners will face. Now of course there has to be something in it for you….and there is….Win and you can pick ANYONE you want to get a special messing….and you will be the one delivering it…well anyone you can get in the show at least”

“Hmm well nothing ventured nothing gained and I can think of a few people I would enjoy doing that to so….I am in”

“Ok you hear it here folks Alexa is in on a Double down…Now lets go to Kayla who is with Zelina to talk to her about Summerslam”

Zelina is in catering as Kayla approaches her.

“Zelina lately there has been a lot of controversy following you from tension within your team to the poison….”

“Let me cut you off Kayla…I expect this kind of Trash yellow journalism from Charly….but I thought you were better. Let me set it straight,,..Andrande and Angel are on the same page..and I dont care what that video showed but I did not poison Montez….What I do know…no I gurantee is there will be new tag champs TONIGHT”

“Whoa…whoa…I must not have heard this ratchet skank right. I will beat you down right here ….You cant gurantee nothing but  loss” Bianca screeched as she got in Zelina’s face

“Oh really car to put your money where your mouth is Ms. EST”

“Oh I am down one loser gets RAWly punished by the roulette wheel”

“Oh and one more thing Zelina”

Zelina turns and sees that Bianca has the bowl of guacamole and hefting it to throw…..She ducks out of the way but Kayla is not so lucky and is covered in gooey guacamole.Zelina takes off

Kayla looks dejected as only thing comes to her mind….”Not again”

We cut back to Charly laughing her ass off back in the studio

“Well that’s it for now Check back soon to see results and punishments handed out”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

VCM: Welcome back to Gunge Grid, with me, Victoria Coren Mitchell! The show has got off to a flying start with London Hughes getting covered in semolina. What I forgot to tell you is that London has to sit in her place for the rest of the show… covered in semolina!

A brief shot of London proves the point.

VCM: Chin up, London! Only fifteen boxes to get through! I think for her sake we’d better crack on. The second guess we received was for box 15, so let’s bring that up…

VCM: WamFan101 took a pitch at this one. “This looks very good,” reads the submission. I’m glad you like it. “Can I start by suggesting number 15 is Adele and a pie sandwich?” Yes, indeed you can start by suggesting that, WamFan101. And although you didn’t follow up with the suggestion itself, I’ll take it as though you have. So, is Adele due a pie sandwich, or will an entirely different celeb escape? Let’s bring things into focus…

VCM: Correct!! The Roman numeral for 50 is L, so the clue is saying “add L” − Adele! Adele, a very good evening to you! I see you’ve got a wine on the go. Is that to steady your nerves?

Adele: Oh, it’s grape juice, honest!

VCM: Fair enough, but I wouldn’t blame you if it were fermented, because WamFan101 has correctly guessed your identity, and his reward is to see you take a pie sandwich!

Adele: [cringes] What even is that? Is it a pie between two slices of bread?

VCM: Not quite. I’ll admit I had to look this up in a gloppary, but in a pie sandwich, two pies actually play the role of the slices of bread.

Adele: [nodding slowly] Okay. So what goes between them?

VCM: Adele, I’m not sure how to break this… you do.

Before Adele can respond, two crew members pounce, wielding colossal dustbin-lid pies mounded high with cream, which quickly smother the stunned singer.

VCM: Oh my! As pie sandwiches go, that was a deluxe club sandwich!

Laughing and flapping around, Adele pushes away the cheeky stagehands and their foil tins.

VCM: Adele, do you now understand the concept of a pie sandwich? Adele…? Oh, I don’t think she can hear me with all that cream in her ears. Anyway, a very creamy Adele appears on our updated grid; there she is…

VCM: …and so does the letter I, which along with the L already revealed, forms part of the name of celeb seventeen. Any help to you? [Shrugs mischievously] If not, you’ll just have to wait for more letters, as the game continues…

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/08/23/totty-episode-8-the-series-finale-part-6-the-ultimate-extreme-wax-off-presented-by-thandie-newton-and-rosamund-pike-featuring-emily-blunt-and-her-hairy-maya-jama-london-hughes-julia-goulding/

All ladies are very messy and naked.

“Welcome back to the final part of the Series Finale of Totty” Amber Gill said holding her nose. “Thanks to the efforts of Emily Blunt all of us have ended up covered in manure” Katie Thistleton added. “But now we are just playing for bragging rights, Katie, Amber and myself are going against Rosamund Pike, Thandie Newton and Emily in a Team Totty vs Team Hollywood battle to see which team lasts the longest combined time on the Totty Torture Wheel” Maisie Smith added.

“I competed with, Rosamund and Thandie doing this on the Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival against among others Rachel Burden” Katie said waving over to a fuming Rachel in the Cage. “Anyway lets welcome back Rosamund, Thandie and Emily” Amber said as the three actresses all walked on. “And lets bring on the Torture Wheel” Maisie concluded as the wheel was pushed on in a horizontal position.

“Alternatively a lady from each team will be strapped onto the wheel and spun by one opposition lady and hosed down with recycled gunge by until they can take no more. They indicate this by shouting “Totty” as the safeword” Amber said. “The wheel can be re spun every 20 seconds” Maisie added. “Lets make this fun, you can spray anywhere continually on the body” Rosamund suggested raising the stakes. “Also the last person on each team gets sprayed with the cow manure” Emily suggested. “You are on” Maisie said accepting the challenge for our team mates.

“We need someone to be the first ride on the wheel to demonstrate it” Amber said looking at all the show’s guests. “What about Louise she was our special guest?” Katie suggested. “Fancy a ride Lou?” Maisie shouted. “I’d love to” Louise Redknapp shouted back. “I cannot believe you are willing to humiliate yourself like that” Gal Gadot sneered next to Louise in the Cage. “Gal said she’ll be next” Louise shouted as she left the Cage and walked over to the wheel.

Maisie strapped her onto the wheel and it rose 90 degrees to the vertical. Amber ushered on a large tanker and a hose. “Louise will be sprayed with recycled left over gunge from the show. Eat your heart out Greta. Under 5 months you can join us on the show” Katie said. Maisie gave the wheel a huge spin and Louise screamed as she whizzed around quickly. Amber turned the hose on and began to spray Louise with the grey smelly gunge up and down her body. Amber gave her a few well aimed shots between the legs and several to the face as the overflow tray began to fill up. Rosamund ran over and gave the wheel another spin as Louise screamed louder and yelled “Bitch” so Rosamund spun it again as everyone cheered.

Poor Louise was totally bedraggled hanging off the wheel, her once luxurious hair now a smelly, mushy, matted mess. She eventually slowed down and was lowered back to the ground gasping for breath. Maisie unstrapped her and Louise fell into her arms “Are you okay Lou?” she asked. “****** awesome” Louise stammered as she tried to get her bearings back.

Over in the Cage there was a commotion as Gal Gadot was dragged out by Fallon Sherrock and Laura Carmichael. Gal struggled but was hauled onto the wheel and strapped in. She screamed as it was raised to the vertical. A grinning Emily took hold of the hose as Thandie and Rosamund gave the wheel a huge spin. Gal screamed as she whizzed around whilst Emily sprayed her. “You should be used to spinning around as Wonder Woman” Emily yelled as Gal took am involuntary mouthful from the overflow tray. Thandie gave it another spin and Gal screamed as Emily kept spraying her in the face and between her legs. Eventually the wheel stopped with Gal’s head in the overflow tray but Emily gave her one final pinpoint spray between her legs. There was a yellow liquid running down Gal’s body as Rosamund roared with laughter. “She’s as bad as you Thandie” she yelled. “You made her pee on herself Emily, I peed on Roz” Thandie replied as Gal was slowly lowered back down and unstrapped before being marched back to the Cage yelling in anger.

Maisie looked at Fallon’s bullseye dyed fanny and said “You’ve got to ride the wheel”. “I’ll spin it” Laura volunteered. “I’ll do it if Laura will” Fallon replied. “You are on” Laura retorted. Fallon climbed onto the wheel and was raised into the air. Laura gave the wheel a huge spin and Fallon went whizzing around as Maisie aimed the hose at her bullseye muff and up and down her body. Fallon’s head went through the overflow tray several times. She yelled “Thanks Gal!” before the wheel eventually stopped and she was lowered to the ground totally destroyed. Laura unstrapped her and took her place as Fallon slowly walked over to Maisie by the hose. Amber strapped Laura in and she was raised in the air.

Amber spun the wheel and a screaming Laura went whizzing around. “I’m aiming for that nose” Fallon said as she turned the hose onto Laura directing it at her face. Laura screamed and spluttered as Fallon directed the grey smelly torrent of gunge into her face and gave her a couple of blasts right between her legs. “I like that” Laura screamed but she went through the overflow tray and came out gagging. Before the wheel finally stopped with her upside down and in a very unladylike position. “Let’s leave her there” Fallon suggested. “No we have got a show to finish but we can spare 10 seconds” Amber said as Laura yelled profanities at them and got a blast from Maisie right on her nose.

Finally Laura was lowered a totally, bedraggled, destroyed mess and as she was unstrapped fell into Fallon’s arms giggling. “Right it’s time for Team Totty vs Team Hollywood. Can we have Louise to oversee it and Sarah Keith-Lucas to be the timekeeper” Amber said as Louise rejoined them and Sarah walked over from the Cage. “There are presenters in here” Maya Jama shouted from the Cage. “But you are all shit as well as being covered in it” Thandie yelled back.

Louise produced a coin “I won’t ask where you got that from” Rosamund said. “Okay Team Hollywood call” Louise replied tossing the coin. “Head as always” Thandie replied. “It’s tails, Team Totty can choose who goes first” Louise stated. “We’ll bat first” Katie replied as Sarah scribbled on the other side of the Waxing Whiteboard and took hold of a stopwatch. “Okay you need to choose your order 1,2,3” Louise said looking at the rules on a cue card. “Do you need glasses Lou?” Maisie teased. “No, it’s the shit in my eyes” Louise replied squinting again. “The spinning order will be 2,3,1 in relation to your wheel position” she added.

“What do you think they will do?” Amber asked Katie and Maisie. “Spin the Wheel” Maisie replied. “Cheers brains. They’ll do Thandie and then either Roz or Emily. But I reckon Roz will anchor” Katie suggested. “Okay, we have age on our side, lets go Katie first. Emily or Roz spinning Katie might tire them out a bit. I’m happy to anchor unless you want to Maisie?” Amber said. “I don’t want to anchor but I’ll go last” Maisie replied. “She is so dizzy she could stay up there for an age” Katie replied.

“Right I went first last time but I’m up for anchoring” Thandie said in the Team Hollywood huddle. “No you go first like before, I’ll go last” Rosamund replied. “I’d like to go last as I suggested this challenge but when you two idiots dropped a load of vinegar on my **** after the waxing. It still ****** stings” Emily said. “I’d be happy to do it but if they aim for there I might not last as long as Roz as the last person gets the manure” she added. “What order do you think they’ll do?” Thandie suggested. “They won’t have Maisie spinning last given she is so dippy so likely Katie” Emily suggested. “Maisie has taken such a barrage this series, she’ll go last and could be in her own little world for an age up there” Thandie replied. “Looks like I’ll have to do about 2 minutes then” Rosamund replied laughing.

“Okay have you the order?” Louise asked Team Totty “Thistleton, Gill, Smith” Amber replied. “Team Hollywood?” Louise added “Newton, **** and don’t tell him Pike” Thandie replied. “She’s bloody written it down as that” Emily said looking at Sarah by the board. “I never got Don’t Tell Him Pike. He said don’t tell him but he did?” Maisie added as the audience laughed.

“Okay Katie take your place on the Wheel and Emily prepare to spin. Oh shit I forgot to mention the hosing order” Louise said giggling. “Right who is doing the hosing first, each girl can only hose once” Louise added peering. “Glasses” Katie yelled from on the wheel. “Okay we’ll go me, Emily and Roz” Thandie said thinking if that was feasible. “So 1,2.3 again. That is okay” Sarah replied writing it down. “I’m confused” Maisie said as Katie and Amber conferred. “We cannot use the hose just after being gunged” Katie said. “We’ll go Maisie, myself and Amber” she added. “So 3,1,2 that makes sense” Sarah replied writing it down.

“Anything else you’ve forgotten apart from your glasses Lou?” Amber asked as Louise muttered “**** off” back to her. Katie was strapped onto the wheel. Emily has preparing to spin and Thandie was manning the hose. “Let’s raise the wheel” Louise said as the crowd cheered. Katie was raised into the air on the wheel “In the Tiswas/OTT challenge Katie managed 74 seconds on the wheel, Thandie 65 seconds and Rosamund an amazing 88 seconds. But this time there are no spraying rules and the wheel can be re-spun every 20 seconds instead of 30” Louise added.

Emily gripped the wheel and as Louise dropped her raise hands making her large gunge covered breasts jiggle. Emily gave the wheel a huge spin and Thandie turned the hose onto Katie giving her a steady dousing up and down her body covering her with the grey smelly mush. “20 seconds gone”Sarah announced and Emily gave the wheel and big spin her boobs bouncing madly as she did so. Katie screamed and yelled “Come on” but got a blast right in the face from Thandie who started to spray her on her stomach and between her legs. The overflow tray began to fill up as Sarah announced “40 seconds”. Emily gave the wheel a shorter sharper spin and Thandie rained the spray of sludge in Katie’s face. Katie turned her head to the side to avoid the onslaught and gasped for air as she went through the filling overflow tray. “One minute” Sarah announced. Emily jumped up her gunge covered boobs bouncing in her face and gave the wheel the biggest spin she could.

Katie screamed and started to go pale but braced herself as Thandie aimed the hose and spray right at her belly. Katie grimaced and bit her lip but eventually screamed “Totty” and the wheel slowed and Katie was lowered to the ground. Trembling the totally destroyed Katie was helped off the wheel by Maisie and Amber. “Katie did 79 seconds” Sarah announced as everyone applauded as Katie sat on the floor trying to recover.

“Thandie can you take your place on the wheel please?” Louise asked. Thandie was strapped onto the wheel and Amber prepared to spin it with Maisie on hose duty. “This is how you turn it on” Maisie said holding the hose and turning it on so it went right into her face. She then gave Louise a blast up the bum with it by accident. “Please raise Thandie on the wheel. At 47 she is our oldest competitor. Team Hollywood have a combined age of 125 whilst Team Totty’s is only 73” Louise said peering at the cue cards. “We’ve had a lot more cock than them too. We were having it when you could see Lou” Rosamund said winding Louise up,

Thandie was raised into the air and Amber gripped the wheel as Louise dropped her hand she gave it a huge spin. Thandie was yelling “Hardcore” as Maisie sprayed her wildly before settling on her face as Sarah announced “20 seconds”. Amber gave it a slower spin so Maisie could aim better. Maisie continued the deluge on Thandie’s face as the overflow tray filled up and Thandie took a disgusting mouthful. Sarah announced “40 seconds” as Amber gave the wheel a strong spin her boobs bouncing manically as she did so. Maisie directed the torrent of the disgusting mush onto Thandie’s stomach and her fanny with some shots right between her legs as Thandie screamed. “One minute” Sarah stated as Amber gave the wheel a gentler spin. Maisie continued the blast on Thandie;s stomach and Thandie began to gag before she finally gave in and screamed “Totty”.

Thandie was lowered down and Rosamund and Emily helped her off the wheel. “Thandie managed 70 seconds” Sarah announced. “Shit we are nearly 10 seconds down” Thandie muttered gasping for breath as she held onto Rosamund and Emily. “You matched Katie difference wise the same as last time though” Emily suggested. “Right it is Amber on the wheel, Rosamund spinning and Emily **** on the hose” Louise said smiling as Emily pulled a face at her.

Maisie strapped Amber on the wheel and she was raised 90 degrees to the vertical position. Rosamund held onto the wheel and Emily readied herself on the hose as Louise dropped her hand. Rosamund gave the wheel a very gentle spin and Emily aimed the hose and the spray right at Amber’s muff and stomach. Amber grimaced as the wheel went slowly round. “20 seconds” Sarah stated. Rosamund gave the wheel another light spin and Emily continued her aim at Amber’s stomach. Amber clenched her stomach muscles as her head went through the disgusting overflow tray several times. “40 seconds” Sarah announced. Rosamund gave the wheel a short sharp spin and Emily aimed the hose for one blast in Amber’s face before getting her right between the legs with a continuous jet of gunge. Amber tried to last as long as she could bit shouted “Totty” just as Sarah was preparing to speak.

“Amber managed 59 seconds” Sarah announced as Amber was lowered back down. “She kept getting me in my stomach and up there” Amber said pointing to her fanny as Maisie unstrapped her. Katie who had recovered somewhat replied “I’ll get Emily there she had her **** waxed and vinegar doused on it”. “Right Emily on the wheel, Maisie spinning and Katie on the hose” Louise announced. Rosamund strapped Emily in “Last as long as you can. Hopefully Maisie won’t spin you slow as Katie will aim there” Rosamund said pointing downwards to Emily.

Emily was raised into the air and Maisie took hold of the wheel whilst Katie took aim with the hose. Louise dropped her hand and Maisie gave the wheel a huge spin jumping back in excitement.Katie aimed for Emily’s tender muff and Emily closed her eyes and tried to zone out as she winced at the spray hitting her. “20 seconds gone” Sarah announced as Maisie gave the wheel another huge spin. “Slower next time” Katie yelled as she tried to keep the hose deluge on the tender area. Emily went through the overflow tray several times yelling “Hardcore”. Maisie barely gave the wheel a spin as it was still going at a fair rate of knots. Katie bent down and got in a perfect shot on Emily who resisted the first but on the second cried out “Totty”.

The wheel was lowered with Emily downcast. “Emily managed 52 seconds” Sarah stated. “Sorry” Emily said to Thandie who released her from the wheel. “You did better than we thought given you are tender down there and Maisie spun the wheel too fast to start with” Thandie reassured her.

“Right Team Totty are on 138 seconds and Team Hollywood back on 121 seconds” Louise stated looking at the whiteboard. “Now it’s time for the final round. Maisie on the wheel, Thandie spinning and Rosamund on the hose. Please take your places” she added. “No we have to swap the tanks over as the last round is the cow shit” Emily yelled still recovering. “Sorry” Louise admitted. “Please bring on the tank of manure” she added getting a bit flustered.

Alice Fevronia walked on with the large tank. “I was asked to demonstrate this” she said doing her hostess modeling. “I think we can do better than that” Louise said clicking her fingers as Rosamund and Maisie grabbed Alice and stuck her on the wheel strapping her down. Louise took the hose and Sarah spun the wheel. Alice screamed as she was drenched in foul smelling almost liquid lumpy manure. She took a load right in the mouth and tried to spit it out but got another blast right in the face. “They said I couldn’t see for shit now it is Alice” Louise said giggling as the wheel slowed.

A gagging Alice was lowered to the ground. “No hard feelings” Louise said going over to unstrap her and holding her nose as Alice slipped off the wheel into a mucky heap on the floor. “No hard feelings Lou, you are going on again” Rosamund said as she and Sarah hoisted a screaming Louise back onto the wheel and raised it up in the air. They gave it a huge spin and dragged Alice to the hose and turned it onto Louise who was screaming her head off. Alice still a bit disorientated realised what they had done to Louise and began to spray her across her whole body. Maisie gave the wheel another spin as Louise screamed louder and got a disgusting mouthful. “The biggest amount of shit she has been in since Eternal” Rosamund shouted as the wheel finally began to slow but poor Louise ended up with her head stuck in the disgusting overflow tray.

The wheel was lowered and Louise unstrapped. “We’ve got some shit presenters in the cage but the shitiest one is you Louise” Amber said as Louise fell off the wheel gagging and gasping. Maisie climbed onto the wheel and Sarah said “Raise it up please” Thandie took her turn to spin and Rosamund on the hose. Louise staggered back onto the middle of the stage totally covered in the foul effluent and still gagging. She raised her hand and dropped it before falling to the ground in a heap to catch her breath. Thandie gave the wheel a huge spin and Rosamund aimed the hose at Maisie’s face but Maisie just closed her eyes and mouth and went into a trance. “20 seconds” Sarah yelled as Thandie gave the wheel a slower spin. Maisie was now a total smelly mess but didn’t flinch as Rosamund went to spraying Maisie on her stomach. “40 seconds gone” Sarah stated as the overflow tray filled up and Maisie’s head went through it several times. Maisie began to hum “If You’re Happy and You Know It” as Thandie stared at Rosamund in disbelief and gave the wheel another gentle spin as Sarah stated “60 seconds”.

Rosamund reverted to spraying Maisie in the face as she became more desperate but Maisie was unmoved as the overflow tray reached capacity and Maisie passed thorough it yet again. “80 seconds gone” Sarah said. As Thandie gave it a nominal spin to allow Rosamund the best shot. Rosamund got Maisie right in the face several times and she began to squirm more and more. Sarah announced “100 seconds” as Maisie finally stated “Totty”.

The wheel was stopped and lowered. Maisie was the smelliest and most disgusting mess you could imagine. But slid off the wheel and rung the shit out of her hair. “Maisie managed 102 seconds” Sarah announced. Louise who had now somewhat recovered said “What does Rosamund need Sarah?” “Rosamund needs 120 seconds” Sarah replied.

Rosamund stepped forward to the wheel “Don’t hurt yourself or risk it too much” Emily said. “Maisie was mad enough to do that time. She is under half your age” Emily added. “Don’t worry I’ve got this” Rosamund replied smiling. All the ladies bar Rachel Burden, Laura Kuenssberg, Sophy Ridge and Gal Godot left the cage and gathered by the wheel.
Rosamund was strapped in and the wheel was raised. Katie prepared to spin and Amber manned the hose. Louise dropped her hand and it began.

Katie gave the wheel a huge spin her boobs and belly bouncing as she did. Amber turned the hose calmly on Rosamund aiming at her stomach and fanny before switching to her face. “20 seconds” Sarah announced as Katie gave the wheel a medium sized spin. Amber kept the hose on Rosamund’s face as the overflow tray rapidly refilled up. “40 seconds gone” Sarah stated as Katie gave the wheel a reverse spin but this threw Amber off for a few seconds as she had to readjust her aim. “Come On” Rosamund screamed before the jet of muck was trained back on her face. She looked down and tried to focus. “60 seconds” Sarah shouted as Katie gave the wheel a short sharp spin and Amber switched onto Rosamund’s stomach and then between her legs going lower as Katie had done on Emily. “80 seconds” Sarah shouted getting excited. Katie gave the wheel another huge spin as the overflow tray reached capacity and Rosamund’s sodden head went whizzing through it.

Amber switched back to Rosamund’s face and Rosamund began to flounder she looked as if she has about to yell out but just then Amber switched back to Rosamund’s fanny with the disgusting spray. “100 seconds” Sarah yelled. Katie gave the wheel a gentle help on it’s way to allow Amber the best aim as Amber moved back to Rosamund’s face. Rosamund was gasping and retching as the others began to cheer her on. 10-9-9-7-6 the count went as Rosamund took a mouthful and was literally choking spitting it out “5-4-3-2-1” Sarah counted as Katie stopped the wheel with Rosamund’s head in the overflow tray. Katie quickly spun her out of it and Rosamund was lowered. The most disgusting smelly mess ever seen on Totty. She fell into the other girls arms.

“Rosamund 120 seconds so Team Hollywood win” Sarah announced. “Team Hollywood is the winner” Louise added as the other girls held the exhausted and drained Rosamund aloft whilst all the muck drained away. “Well we lost to the better team or effectively Rosamund” Amber said making her way to the front. “Yes well done to Thandie, Emily and the amazing Rosamund” Katie added. “I could have stayed on there longer but I got bored” Maisie said joking sliding into her messiest ever splits.

“Huge thanks to Amy-Leigh Hickman, Harpz Kaur, Sarah Keith-Lucas, Alice Fevronia, Fallon Sherrock, Saffron Barker, Laura Carmichael and Becky Adlington” Amber said. “Special thanks to the legendary John Gorman and our amazing special guest Louise Redknapp” Katie added. “I’d like to thank London Hughes, Julia Goulding, Maya Jama and Roxy Shahidi for enduring our waxing along with Harpz and Emily plus Cindy Crawford and Kaia Gerber for that filmed spot so long ago” Thandie said. “Finally lets hear it for Katie Thistleton, Amber Gill and Maisie Smith who have bared the brunt of the onslaught and held this show together” Thandie added as the other girls cheered the 3 presenters.

“Well you know what I’m like but it has been a blast. Saffron will be hosting a revamped Tweak the Beak coming soon. Emily Blunt I hope your hairy **** grows back and Rosamund. I hold the pie receiving record and you hold the Torture Wheel one. Decider if we get another series” Maisie said. “You bet” Rosamund replied staggering forward and hugging Maisie. “Don’t forget the bitches in the Cage too” Rosamund replied giving the finger to Laura K, Gal, Sophy and Rachel.

“That reminds me can we have Louise congratulating the winning team in front of the Cage” Amber said. Emily, Louise, Rosamund and Thandie all gathered by the Cage as the 4 ladies in the cage looked on in disgust. “Well that is it until whenever” Katie said as they waved goodbye.

“What did happen to all the recycled gunge, manure, spunk and goodness knows what?” Amber asked Maisie. “It went into the giant tank just over the cage. I hope it holds” Maisie said just as the biggest deluge ever crashed down on Gal, Laura K, Sophy, Rachel, Rosamund, Thandie, Emily and Louise. All were knocked off their feet. The girls in the Cage were screaming and crying. Louise was lay on her back in shock whilst Emily, Thandie and Rosamund rolled about in it laughing. “You overfilled the tank!” Katie shouted at Maisie who replied “Oops what am I like” and slid into her splits as she Katie and Amber stood there laughing at the carnage they had caused.

The End

Saffron Barker will be hosting a revamped edition of Tweak the Beak. Who do you want to end up under the huge noses each time?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to Tweak the Beak 2020” Saffron Barker said walking onto the set in a plunging suit and high heeled gladiator sandals. “You will have seen me well you saw all of me when I demonstrated this game on the series finale of Totty. I was asked to do this as I have an impressive beak. But when I was then offered the chance to front the show. I couldn’t turn it down. Also in the interests of equality we will be featuring ladies with noses of all sizes” she added. “As this is an offshoot from Totty all the contestants will be in swimwear or workout gear when they Tweak the Beak but we don’t intend them to lose any items of clothes on the show. At least just yet” she concluded winking at the camera.

“As you may recall Tweak the Beak was part of Gimme 5 on ITV on Saturday mornings in the mid 1990’s. The lady who helped present that show and many others over the years is here to help me oversee the chaos. Please welcome the ever gorgeous Jenny Powell” Saffron said.

Jenny walked on wearing a thin cotton robe which she revealed was hiding a stunning white bikini. The audience whistled and cheered as Jenny and Saffron hugged.

“Bet you never thought you’d be the back on Tweak the Beak after over 25 years” Saffron said. “No way but it was too good to turn down and the chance to show that I’ve still got a fun side at 52 years old” Jenny replied smiling. “No way are you 52” Saffron said eyeing up Jenny’s amazing body. “Well I am, my oldest daughter is only 7 months younger than you” Jenny retorted. “How long did it take you to get all that crap off you after you were on Totty?” Jenny added. “I had to have 5 warm showers and wash my hair 7 times so it took an hour in total. Rosamund and Maisie said they took 90 minutes and they could still smell the muck on them” Saffron replied gigging.

“I cannot believe they covered you in Bull Spunk and Bulls**t!” Jenny said. “Well it was real, we had wanted to use real paint for the blue body print game but it was ruled too dangerous” Saffron replied. “Did you feel nervous getting naked?” Jenny probed. “I was but as all the other girls did so. I was okay with it in the end” Saffron admitted. “What did you think about the jokes about the big noses. Not very PC?” Jenny asked. “Well we all had big noses and when Maisie made the joke about Fallon being Becky. I thought it was hilarious. Becky said she was coming on the show to sort out Maisie and I offered to go on to but then Laura Carmichael was booked but I got the job as the demonstrator” Saffron said. “Becky was a great sport and enjoyed sending herself up. She was effectively sticking it up their noses to the haters!” Jenny suggested.

“Oh my god the fake Dalek with Becky. She was in tears of laughter over that too” Saffron said. “Anyway I’m going back to my hostess days on Wheel of Fortune and I’d like to reveal our exclusive Tweak the Beak 2020 beak” Jenny said.

A giant Saffron head with an enhanced nose was wheeled on with a green plastic hair underneath it.

“Do you like it Saffron?” Jenny asked choking back tears of laughter. “The bastards they have even done my nose ring” Saffron replied standing there with her hands on her hips but unable to stop smiling. “They mocked me up on Totty but not as good as that” she added. “Did you know that was coming?” Jenny asked. “No, I bloody well didn’t!” Saffron shouted back. “Well it’s always fun to have a surprise isn’t it?” Jenny retorted. “Yes it is Jenny “I escaped a gunging on Noel’s House Party and was never gunged on Tweak the Beak up until now” Powell” Saffron replied leading Jenny to the green plastic chair.

Jenny took her robe off and sat down on the chair. She pushed her hair out and smiled. “I would happily demonstrate this myself but when I’ve got former Wheel of Fortune hostess Jenny Powell how can I not ask her to do it?” Saffron said. “Easy” Jenny replied going to get up. “You stay there” Saffron replied keeping her in the seat. “Each lady will be asked three questions and if they get the first one wrong they get gunged from my left nostril” Saffron said as a load of green gunge crashed down onto Jenny. She screamed in shock as her long black hair was covered in the green slime. It ran slowly down over her face leaving big blobs on her cleavage and stomach before forming a pool in her lap and around her feet.

“If you get the seconds question wrong you get gunged from my right nostril” Saffron said and another load of thick lumpy green gunge cascaded onto a screaming Jenny’s head. “Why do you have to have such a bloody big nose” she yelled at a giggling Saffron. The green gunge had plastered her hair to her head and she had to wipe her eyes clear so she could see. She flicked a load of gunge at Saffron who then banged her nose and Jenny got a double gunging from each nostril. “You bitch. I wish I’d taken the ride around the house on Noel’s Party Now” she yelled as the gunge bounced up off her head like water running down a waterfall.

“My surprise gungings could happen at anytime” Saffron said. “On the final question they won’t get green gunge but something green and nasty such as this from both my nostrils” she added. A load of smelly green pond slime crashed down onto a shocked Jenny. She sat there a soggy green mess unsure what to do.

“Now prove you are over 50 and fabulous you sexy hot Momma. We give ladies any ages the chance to be sexy and sassy on Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Jenny stood up in her green puddle of mush and rang her hair out, sashayed away from the chair and went to remove her bikini top. “No way to early in the series and I don’t want to put Saffron to shame” she said winking at the camera.

“Please welcome the first ever contestants on Tweak the Beak. It’s BBC newsreader Joanna Gosling and TV presenter Davina McCall” Saffron said. Jenny walked over leaving a trail of green gunge behind her and bought on Joanna and Davina. Joanna was in a red low cut zip up swimsuit and Davina in a red bikini.

The three ladies started humming the Baywatch theme as they walked over to Saffron. “You have 154 years and 8 children worth of MILFs stood before you” Jenny said. “Look at the state of her” Joanna said. “You’ll be looking like that soon hopefully” Jenny retorted as she sploshed off. “We now have Joanna, 49 years old, BBC news presenter, a regular on our screens for over 20 years. Why have you agreed to be on Tweak the Beak?” Saffron asked. “Well I always thought my most embarrassing moment was on BBC Breakfast in 2007 when I showed far too much thigh in a short dress. My children saw the clip recently and said Mum, we are glad you wouldn’t do anything like to us now. Ironically the next day this offer came in so I thought why not?” Joanna replied. “Why the wet hair?” Saffron asked. “I like open water swimming so came straight from one today and had a shower to get the sea salt out of my hair before you cover me with green slime” Joanna replied. “So your children won’t like watching this?” Saffron asked. “No, they will be mortified especially if I do this” Joanna replied pulling her zip down slightly to expose more cleavage to audience cheers.

“You should have been with us on Tweak the Beak on Totty?” Saffron said to Davina comparing her nose to Davina’s. “Not funny” Davina replied. “I thought I’d been booked to demonstrate my hot Yoga on Loose Women” she added. “Okay Davina you’ve been a regular on our TV screens for well over 20 years. On shows like Big Brother and Long Lost Family as well as your amazing fitness videos and advertising hair dye” Saffron said. “Correct” Davina brusquely replied. “I thought you’d be up for this!” Saffron said trying to encourage Davina. “Well I’m here and I’ll try to have some fun” Davina replied breaking into a small smile.

“Right Joanna please take a seat under my nose” Saffron said. The seat had been replaced but Joanna had to walk through the pool of gunge that had been dropped on Jenny. “Okay Joanna your first question is who won the first Big Brother on Channel 4 that Davina hosted way back in 2000. The year I was born?” Saffron asked. “I think it was a guy called Craig from Liverpool, he was a builder or something. Craig Phillips” Joanna yelled. “Okay Joanna please pull the cord to your left as you Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Johanna pulled the chord and nothing happened. “You are correct” Saffron said as Joanna cheered.

“Okay Davina please swap pleases with Joanna” Saffron said as Davina gingerly walked through the gunge and sat down. “All questions today are about the year 2000 by the way. Your question Davina is who did George W. Bush beat in the 2000 US Presidential Election?” Saffron asked. “Bill Clinton” Davina yelled back confidently. “Okay Davina pull the cord on your left as you Tweak your sorry the Beak” Saffron said. Davina gave her a thunderous stare and pulled the cord and got deluged in a load of green gunge nearly knocking her off her seat. “It was Al Gore. Bill Clinton stepped down as President after that election” Saffron stated. The gunge was running down Davina’s face, her hair was plastered down and she wasn’t happy. “How was I supposed to know that” she shouted.

“Right swap places” Saffron said as a messy Davina stood up and a pool of gunge in her lap ran down her legs and she made way for Joanna. “Right Joanna do you fancy unzipping a bit more?” Saffron asked. “I think so” Joanna replied pulling her zip down a bit more as Davina grimaced. “Your question is which woman who was reputed to have the largest breasts in the world sadly died in March 2000?” Saffron asked. “I don’t know but I can push my boobs up” Joanna replied laughing pushing her cleavage up and sticking her tongue out to Saffron. “Okay Joanna pull the chord to your right you know what will happen but Tweak the Beak” Saffron said laughing.

Joanna pulled the chord and looked up as a load of green gunge crashed down onto her head running down her hair and face and into her swimsuit. “I’ve got green tits” Joanna yelled as the gunge cascade stopped and she swapped places with Davina. “Are you enjoying this then tell your face to” Jenny shouted as Davina walked head down back to the seat. “Okay Davina what was the biggest selling UK single in 2000?” Saffron asked. “Westlife Against All Odds” Davina shouted back. “Okay Davina pull the cord to your right and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Davina pulled the cord and got another deluge of green gunge. She was stomping her feet in anger. “How can I be wrong!” she yelled. “It was Can We Fix It by Bob The Builder!” Saffron replied.

“This is stupid” Davina said as she sat there in the gunge fuming. Jenny walked forward and banged the nose and Davina got a double nostril deluge and fell off her seat into the gunge in on the floor. Jenny went to help her up but fell over as well and landed on top of Davina. Jenny tried to help Davina up but pulled down the back of her bikini briefs a bit exposing Davina’s bum crack slightly. “I’m leaving” Davina said fuming. “No you are not” Jenny said setting the chair back up. Sitting Davina down on it and sitting on her lap. “Final question please Saffron” Jenny asked.

“Okay Davina and Jenny where were the 2000 Olympics held?” Saffron asked. “Australia” Jenny yelled. “You better be right” Davina muttered. “I am” Jenny replied. “Okay Tweak the Beak and pull both cords” Saffron instructed. Jenny reached up and pulled both cords and the ladies got engulfed in a torrent of cold green soup. “You idiot” Davina shouted and tried to stand up but she slipped on the mush and she and Jenny fell backwards off the chair and ended up in a heap on the floor. Jenny was in hysterics and Davina sat there with her arms folded and a face like thunder. “Oh come on Davina smile” Jenny said pulling Davina’s face into a smile before helping her up. Davina did hug Jenny and got a decent round of applause.

“Okay Joanna Jugs take your seat” Saffron said. “Yes Beaky Barker” Joanna replied. “Right your question is and this is topical which Canadian Footballer was born on 2nd November 2000?” Saffron said. “I have no bloody idea” Joanna replied pulling both cords and getting drenched in mushy peas. The peas slowly ran down her face and formed a big collection on her head and in her lap. “It was Alphonso Davies who scored the winner in the Champions League Final only a few days ago” Saffron said.

“Right please all come and join me my green gungy MILFs” Saffron said as Joanna, Jenny and finally Davina joined her. “Each week Jenny and myself will nominate a celebrity each we know will be game to come on the show and our two contestants nominate a lady each to form two couples and the public vote who they want to see go head to head” Saffron explained. “Who do you want to nominate Joanne?” she asked. “I’m nominating my BBC News colleague Sophie Raworth. She is up for fun and keeping with the older sexy woman theme” Joanna said. “What about you Davina?” Jenny asked. “I’d love to nominate my eldest as she set me up to be on this but as she likes to keep out of the limelight I’m not going to this time but any stunts like this again and I’ll bloody get you on Totty” Davina said as the crowd cheered her finally. “Right I’m going for fellow hair product advertiser and presenter Claudia Winkleman. She’ll not like it but she’ll turn up” Davina said. “Well if you’ve gone for Claudia. I’m going to nominate another slightly older but definitely sexy woman Tess Daly” Jenny said. “Right let me think” Saffron said. “Rhian Sugden” Jenny suggested as the audience gasped. “Okay as you three have gone for the more mature ladies I’m going younger and putting up my social media friend Amelia Gething” Saffron said in conclusion.

“So it is your choice Sophie and Claudia or Tess and Amelia the voting details will be on screen below. Please thank Joanna Gosling and Davina McCall. My hostess with the mostest Jenny Powell. I’m Saffron Barker until next week when we Tweak the Beak” Saffron said signing off as the other ladies all rubbed green gunge onto her and into her hair.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

Victoria Coren Mitchell: Time moves quickly and so does this game! So far we’ve doused London Hughes in semolina and given Adele a pie sandwich. The third box to be attempted is number 12, so let’s take a look at her and her clue…

VCM: This attempt comes from JohnnyG, who says, “Great idea!” Yes, I think so too. He goes on, straight and to the point, with “12: Emma Bunton. Yoghurt.” Hmm, for sure the person in that image is blonde, but then so is Richard Branson. Let’s sharpen things up to see if it is indeed Baby Spice…

VCM: Ah, yes. She’s trying to hide, but it’s Ms Bunton for sure! A few of you got this clue, which was of course bunting impressed with the surnames of other famous Emmas – making it Emma bunting. Might get some for my next street party. Anyway, Emma, are you alright there? You look a little on edge!

Emma: [hands still outstretched at her face] This was one time I was hoping not to be recognised!

VCM: Ah, bad luck, but really there was no chance the wammers would let you escape. From our focus groups we detected a lot of residual bitterness that back in the 90s all five Spice Girls knocked on the door of the Great House and not one went near a gunge tank!

Emma: [pouts] Then their hopes were way unrealistic. I mean, we were superstars back then! What kind of self-respecting celebrity anywhere higher than D-list agrees to get gunged when they go on the House Party?

Victoria bristles upon hearing this.

Victoria: Well you’ve come down a bit yourself, now that you’re about to get slopped at the request of some random guy on the internet. JohnnyG is his name, and I’ll tell you what he wants, what he really really wants. He wants to really really really see you covered in yoghurt!

Emma screams as a broad column of yoghurt descends, quickly streaming down her hair and dress and glopping over her face.

VCM: [very pleased] Ladies and gentleman, I can announce that a new Spice Girl has been recruited – Dairy Spice!

The aftershot shows that Emma is indeed very white and creamy.

VCM: Emma goes up on the grid… and so does the letter T, joining L and I. Are you lit up with ideas yet, or are you holding fire ’til later? Thirteen boxes left to go; unlucky for some more celebs? Join us later to find out!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Saffron Barker and Jenny Powell walked on “Welcome to episode 2 of Tweak the Beak 2020. Thanks for the good viewing figures last week and the positive feedback with got” Saffron said. “You are looking hot tonight in your Daisy Dukes and tie dye bikini top. Are you expecting to get messy as I might serve some of Jenny’s Justice on you” Jenny replied. “Wow look at you Jenny Powell a strapless bikini, you are really being daring. I hope you don’t end up falling over like you did last week of they might make a bid for freedom” Saffron said. “I wasn’t sure what to wear and my 19 year old daughter said her jaw will hit the floor if my boobs fall out” Jenny replied giggling. “I wonder what will hit the floor quicker her jaw or your boobs. I can always serve Saffron’s surprise on you” Saffron said. “These still look good thank you very much” Jenny replied pushing her boobs up to cheers from the audience.

“You did look a hot mess last week Jenny which is ironic as you host the Hot Mess Mums podcast” Saffron said. “Yep, I’ve had every joke about that. Plus last week Davina didn’t particularly enjoy getting messy but she stayed until the end so fair play to her” Jenny replied. “Yes last week Jenny and myself nominated Tess Daly and Amelia Gething to join us whilst Davina McCall and Joanna Gosling nominated Claudia Winkleman and Sophie Raworth. So lets find out who won the public vote” Saffron said.

“The winning duo are Sophie Raworth and Claudia Winkleman” Jenny announced. Sophie and Claudia walked on smiling arm in arm. Sophie was in a running vest and shorts and Claudia was in legging and a Comic Relief T-Shirt.

“It’s team MILF again with a combined age of 100 and 6 children between them” Jenny said. “Yes us more mature ladies seem very popular and here for some reason don’t we lads” Claudia said winking at the camera. “Okay Jenny please tell us a bit about these two ladies” Saffron asked. “Sophie is a leading BBC Newsreader who has been on our screens for many years. She is incredibly the same age as me 52 years old. She is a huge fan of running and as you can see today she is in her dogging gear” Jenny said. Sophie almost hyperventilated as she snorted laughing. “So Sophie you often film yourself when you are out running through Central London. Is that your favourite place when you go dogging ?” Saffron asked. “I don’t go dogging when I’m out for a run” Sophie replied going red with embarrassment. “You’ll have to tell us when you do go another time” Saffron responded. “I feel like I’m on Totty with these jokes” Sophie stated. “I guess getting covered is spunk something you are used to. You should have come on. The Totty girls got hold of our script and made a few suggestions if you wonder why this is going south like Jenny’s tits” Saffron concluded.

“There is nothing wrong with my tits actually. Claudia is 48 years old and is best known for being one of the presenters on Strictly Come Dancing. Also her quirky fashion sense and having the most famous and the longest minge on British TV. Often you can barely see her eyes from under her minge” Jenny said. Claudia was stood there giggling and replied “I get it trimmed regularly and people comment on how well groomed it looks” “So you are stopped in the street and people say I wish I had a minge as good as yours?” Saffron asked. “It is my fringe I think you will find out” Claudia replied. “Fair enough if your minge has a fringe. Some look like the Beatles moptops” Saffron suggested. “I’d say more the very hairy late 1960’s era Beatles” Claudia replied. “Good job Thandie and Rosamund didn’t get you on their waxing challenge then on Totty” Saffron said. “They’d have never got through mine” Claudia replied. “Just think we all grew up in the 1980’s and Saffron wasn’t born until 2000. Claudia still thinks it’s the 1980’s as she dresses like a Goth” Jenny said.

“Okay on with the game Sophie and Claudia will answer alternate questions and Tweak the Beak. If they get the question right they stay clean. If they get it wrong they will be gunged with something green and slimy. This week the questions are about 1985 as that was when one of the girls lost their virginity” Saffron said. Both Sophie and Jenny pointed to Claudia who mouthed “**** off” back at them. “It was me” Sophie admitted smiling. “Okay bring on the Tweak the Beak seat” Saffron said as she sighed as her giant likeness and a green chair under it were wheeled on.

“Good likeness” Sophie said smiling. “We have to ridicule the millennials as much as us more mature ladies” Claudia said. “Okay Sophie please take a seat under my nose” Saffron said. Sophie sat on the chair and looked up. “It’s a good scale model 1:1” she said. “Right Sophie Raworth celebrity dogger your question is “Which famous Hollywood actor died on 2nd October 1985 ironically just a few days after the 30th anniversary passing of his co star in Giant?” Saffron said. Sophie thought for a bit and then said “Rock Hudson”. “Okay Sophie please pull the cord above my left nostril and Tweak the Beak” Saffron responded. Sophie pulled the cord and nothing happened. She held her arms aloft in triumph. “Do you do that at the end of a brisk dogging session” Jenny yelled over.

“Okay Claudia please swap places with Sophie” Saffron said. Claudia calmly sat down and smiled back. “Your question is who did Mikhail Gorbachev replace as the Soviet Union Leader in March 1985?” Saffron asked. “How the hell would I remember that. Was it the bloke with the big eyebrows?” Claudia replied. “Okay Claudia please pull the cord above my left nostril and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Claudia pulled the cord and got deluged with green gunge. It flattened her hair down completely and pushed her fringe even further over her eyes.as it ran down her face and soaked into her t-shirt. She slowly stood up and walked back leaving a trail of gunge behind her. “It was Konstantin Chernenko” Saffron informed an unimpressed Claudia.

“Okay Sophie please take the seat again” Saffron said. Sophie walked through the pool of gunge and sat down in the green mush pulling a disgusted face. “Okay Sophie what was the biggest selling UK single of 1985?” Saffron asked. “19 by Paul Hardcastle” Sophie replied singing “N-n-n-n-nineteen”. “Don’t risk the Heinz treatment” Saffron replied. “Okay Sophie please pull the cord above Saffron’s right nostril and Tweak the Beak” Jenny said. Sophie pulled the cord and screamed as the thick green gunge crashed down over her blonde hair and face. It ran down and inside her vest top and slowly down her legs as it formed a puddle in her lap. “I wish your nose wasn’t so bloody big” Sophie shouted at Saffron who walked forward and said “Saffron’s surprise” and tapped the nose and Sophie got a double gunging one from each nostril. She sat there totally covered giggling, she slowly wiped her eyes clear and stood up with the gunge dripping off her before giving a screaming Jenny a hug. “It was The Power of Love by Jennifer Rush” Saffron concluded.

“Okay Claudia please retake the seat” Saffron said. “What date did Live Aid take place in 1985?” she asked. “I know this, it was 13th July” Claudia yelled. “Okay Claudia please pull the cord above my right nostril and Tweak the Beak” Saffron replied. Claudia pulled the cord and nothing happened. She leapt up in triumph before any additional gunging could be administered.

“Right it’s time for Jenny’s Justice. Sarffon Barker millennium child. Please sit under your nose” Jenny said. Laughing Saffron took her seat under the Beak. “Right what programme on which I got my first big TV break began in July 1985?” Jenny asked. “It was Without Limits” Saffron shouted. “Okay Saffron please pull both cords above your nose and Tweak your Beak” Jenny said smiling. Saffron pulled the cords and got a huge deluge of green gunge destroying her long blonde wavy hair. Running slowly down her face and into her ample cleavage and down her toned stomach and on down her legs. “That was so close. It was No Limits” Jenny replied laughing at the messy Saffron as she trudged back to join them.

“Right final round where each lady risks getting a gunging of a surprise green substance” Saffron said wiping her eyes and shaking gunge off her hands. “Sophie please take your position and Jenny Powell you can join her” Saffron said. Sophie sat down and Jenny giggling sat on her lap. “This beats Dogging” Sophie shouted. “Right you two 52 year olds who were naughty teenagers in 1985. What major find was located on 1st September 1985?” Saffron asked. “It must be something in Egypt” Jenny said. “No I think it was the O Zone layer given all the hairspray we used back then. Final Answer” Sophie stated. “Okay please pull a cord each on my nostrils and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Sophie and Jenny pulled the cords and got hit by a deluge of Pea Soup. Jenny slipped off Sophie’s lap and fell to the floor which unfortunately made her bikini top fall down. Her dusky impressive breasts were briefly on view before she pulled her top back up and sat on the floor crying with laughter. Sophie bore the brunt of the gunge and wiping her eyes stood up and tried her best not to laugh at the site of Jenny covered in Pea Soup trying to maintain her modesty. “It was the Titanic which was discovered” Saffron informed them.

“Let’s see a rerun of when Jenny’s boobs and her daughter’s jaw hitting the floor” Saffron said as the replay was shown and even Jenny laughed at it. “Sorry Connie, Mum won’t embarrass you again I promise” Jenny said but nearly slipped over again on the floor. “Okay Claudia please take your seat” Saffron said as Claudia walked over and sat down smiling. “Right Claudia your question is which famous model and now actress was born on 30th April 1985?” Saffron asked. “Amanda Seyfried” Claudia said guessing. “Okay Claudia please pull the cords above my nostrils and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said.

Claudia pulled the cords and screamed as she got hit by a torrent of pureed Brussels Sprouts. “I bloody hate sprouts” she yelled as she took an involuntary mouthful as the smelly mush descended over her face and hair and down her body. She slowly got up ringing out the bottom of her t-shirt and pretended she couldn’t see under her plastered down fringe before rejoining the others. “The correct answer was someone we ironically saw on Totty but who wished she hadn’t stormed the set it was Gal Gadot” Saffron said. “This week is an honourable draw” she added.

“Right it’s now up to the Millennial and my green gungy MILFs to nominate a celebrity each who we know will be game to come on the show. Jenny and my choice will go head to head in a public vote with Sophie and Claudia’s choices to see which duo joins us next week ” Saffron explained. “Who do you want to nominate Sophie?” she asked. “I’m nominating Jenni Falconer. She is another celebrity dogger and we met on the London Marathon course a couple of years ago. She keeps up the vibe for sexy over 40’s ladies and will wear some really tight Lycra ” Sophie said. “What about you Claudia?” Jenny asked. “It would be easy to put Tess up but you might but I’m sticking with the Strictly and sexy older woman vibe also. Our Head Judge Shirley Ballas turns 60 next month. So lets put her up. She’ll put a bikini on for it as we are all sponsoring her to do so for a charity she is patron of” Claudia. “Right I’m going stick with Tess Daly. We will get at least one sexy older lady from Strictly messy that way” Jenny said. “Right lets mix it up a bit we haven’t had a BAME lady on the show yet and I’ll stick with the Strictly theme Emma Weymouth now the Marchioness of Bath was with me on Strictly last year. She has an amazing body and will wear cropped Lycra or a bikini. So I’m nominating her” Saffron concluded.

“So it is your choice Jenni and Shirley or Tess and Emma the voting details will be on screen below. Please thank Sophie Raworth and Claudia Winkleman. The ever sexy and embarrassing her daughters. Wear that bikini for the series finale and I’ll wear similar Jenny Powell. I’m Saffron Barker until next week when we Tweak the Beak” Saffron said signing off . Jenny replied “Deal” as all the ladies stood looking at the skimpiness of Jenny’s bikini.

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Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

“Welcome to week 3 of Tweak the Peak 2020” said Jenny Powell as she walked on stage wearing a stunning white crochet bikini and green robe. “I’m the hottest hostess with the mostest and please welcome the host we’d love to roast the gorgeous. The girl with the most Saffron Barker” she added as Saffron walked on in a sexy stripped bikini.

“Are you up for fun Jen?” Saffron asked. “You bet Saffy, I think this week is going to be good as I hear that you have got a bit of a surprise for this weeks guests?” Jenny replied. “Yes it’s something we couldn’t turn down the chance to do. I don’t know how much the ladies will like it or maybe even you Jenny” Saffron countered. “You have Saffron’s Surprise but I have Jenny’s Justice that can be handed out. I don’t think that we will both be this clean at the end of the show” Jenny said. “What did your daughter say when she had picked her jaw up off the floor after your bikini top fell down last week?” Saffron asked. “She has pleaded with me not to wear a strapless bikini again” Jenny replied. “What about the series finale?” Saffron asked. “I said I’d have to do it topless and she refused to talk to me for a couple of days. No I’ll wear one then as promised” Jenny responded. “We could do it topless?” Saffron said joking. “I’d be up for it but my daughters wouldn’t” Jenny concluded laughing.

“Okay lets welcome tonight’s contestants. The winning ladies from last week’s vote are Strictly Come Dancing host Tess Daly and Emma Thynn, Marchioness of Bath” Saffron said. Tess walked on in a white bikini top and pink shorts whilst Emma was in a very skimpy leopard print bikini. Tess was carrying a set of helium balloons too.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

VCM: Bank holiday weekend, but how many more celebrity gungings do you lot have in the bank? After nailing number 12, we move back one to number 11. Let’s have a blurry first look at her!

VCM: The first claim on number 11 came from Tomato70; presumably the other 69 tomatoes were otherwise engaged. Tomato70 says “This looks great…” Okay, the flattery is getting a little boring now. “…I’m not usually very good at these…” Words Miss 11 must be delighted to hear “…but I think 11 is Isla Fisher. I’ll nominate chocolate sauce.” Well, it’ll be nice to have a dark-coloured substance after three whitish ones, unless of course it’s white chocolate, which isn’t really chocolate. But I digress. Has Tomato70 become a fisher of Fishers, or is another celeb off the hook? Let’s find out!

VCM: And it is Isla Fisher! Bit of a mathematical start to this clue: the square root of minus one is i, the imaginary unit – unreal, eh? Next we have Laa-laa the Teletubby – don’t pretend you didn’t know it – but only half of her, which is Laa. So I-Laa, and the final part is a fisher – a kingfisher, to be specific. Isla, how are you doing?

Ilsa: [chuckling] I’m okay, but I was hoping an Aussie like me might slip by unrecognised.

VCM: No chance of that! They’re an internationally minded lot, these wammers – probably the only people in the UK to know about Esto Es Guerra and Chega Mais. And now you find yourself down under our giant gunge hopper! Maybe this is a stupid question to ask a woman, but Isla, do you like chocolate?

Isla: Hmm… I prefer to eat it than wear it!

VCM: Oh, we’ve got so much you’ll be able to do both! Enjoy!

The chocolate is dispensed upon Isla in a broad sheet, and it is hard to conclude that she is not enjoying the experience.

VCM: See, Isla? Plenty to eat! And I see you’re getting stuck right in! What’s your verdict?

Isla: Mmm!! It’s good!

VCM: Of course it is! I’ve been told it’s got a high cocoa content – only the finest quality on this show. We’ll leave Isla to indulge herself and take a look at how the grid is shaping up…

VCM: And Isla’s unmasking leaves us with the letter W. Wilt thou take a guess at this juncture?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature.

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/08/19/carry-on-caprice-episode-6-the-set-up/

Caprice arrived at the studio at a strangely punctual time for the filming of the final episode of Carry on Caprice and had a fun request. “Lets all go and film the show on the nearest beach it’s a nice day” she suggested. “It will cost a bit extra but as the ratings were up another 50,000 last time I think we can justify it” the Producer replied. So everyone jumped on a couple of scrambled coaches and dashed down to Brighton just over 50 miles away. Caprice sat in the back of her Addison Lee car and spoke enthusiastically to Becky Vardy. “Your idea worked a treat getting away from the studio they cannot transport all the gunge with them surely Darling” she said. “Of course not. You’ll be safe and you can run along the beach looking amazing” Becky reassured her.

On the coach her show band Four of Diamonds were discussing the change in logistics. “Good job we are using natural products this week” Caroline said. “Yes, Kelly Brook will do her gardening sketch from one of the local botanical gardens. She has been able to switch it to there” the Producer said. “We can perform On the Beach” Yasmin suggested. “That is an old song but it would fit” the Producer replied. “No I meant we did a song on the beach. Is there a song called that too?” Sophia asked. “Yes in the mid 1960’s by Cliff” the Producer replied. “Cliff by the sea a perfect fit we’ll perform that song” Lauren concluded. “I’ve spoken to Cesca Cumani and she has been in contact with Brighton Race Course we can get some muck from there and Kelly will provide some from her garden site” Caroline said.

The they all arrived at Brighton Beach and the filming began after Caprice had spent an hour deciding what bikini to wear. She had Four of Diamonds hold a towel up each around her and said “Don’t drop the towels until I say so”. Naturally they dropped the towels immediately and Caprice screamed as she stood there naked. “Great stuff we got that shot by chance” the producer shouted over.

Caprice decided she would emerge from the sea and have her Ursula Andress moment. “Be playing with a beach ball as near to be as you can” she told Four of Diamonds

Caprice in a stunning pink and black mismatched bikini emerged from the water and seductively walked out of the sea. The water dripping off her toned body. But she wasn’t watching the beachball and got hit on the back of the head with in and fell face first into the sand. “Perfect” the Producer shouted as Caprice lay there in the sand.

Caprice got up and looked around for the culprit but none of the girls owned up. She did her opening monologue and then said “I’ll leave this outfit on for the Kelly Brook sketch”. “She is on fire today” Lauren said to Yasmin as Four of Diamonds set up and recorded their song. 

The shoot moved onto Leonardslee Lakes and Gardens in Brighton where they were met by a bikini wearing Kelly Brook  

“Darling you look amazing nearly as good as me. I hear we are going to do some gardening” Caprice said. “Yes I’ve found out I’m good at gardening I lost every other job I’ve ever had. I believe the sketch sends that up” Kelly replied giggling. The ladies took their position in the garden and Kelly demonstrated how to use a spade. “Now follow me she” said and both her and Caprice went to dig a hole but screamed when their bare feet hit the spade. Kelly had done hers gently but Caprice had done hers full force. “That bloody hurt” Caprice screamed. “They told me she was committed” Kelly said to the Producer as Caprice stood there rubbing her foot in agony.

“Okay lets show you how to water the flowers” Kelly said as she gave her and Caprice a watering can each. “How do we fill these?” Caprice asked. “I’ll get the hose” Kelly replied. “No there is one here” Caprice said noticing a rotating garden sprinkler. Kelly looked at it and said “I don’t think we should turn it on it is very powerful”. “Nonsense this will fill the buckets quicker” Caprice responded and turned the sprinkler on full force. A huge spray of cold water shout out swirling around and drenching the screaming girls.

Caprice pushed Kelly forward as Kelly said “We’ll have to run around with it to fill the cans” and proceeded to chase a screaming Caprice around in circles as they tried to fill their cans but both got totally soaked. Kelly huge boobs bounced up and down as she ran before eventually coming out. Caprice accidentally fell and Kelly crashed down on top of her and pulled Caprice’s top off by accident. “We need to turn it off” Kelly yelled. “You do it” Caprice screamed back as she pushed Kelly forward hiding behind her. Caprice pushed Kelly too hard and Kelly stumbled but Caprice fell smack onto the sprinkler and screamed as the spray of cold water engulfed her. Kelly eventually managed to turn the sprinkler off.

“That wasn’t funny” Caprice yelled. “No it was hilarious the old Jacques Tati idea” he replied. As Caprice stormed off Kelly said “She is so naturally funny putting on the sprinkler instead of using the hose provided, pushing me forward to run around after the sprinkler and then falling on it” “Right we are doing the final scene in the potting shed” the Producer announced as Kelly put her bikini top back on and Caprice was tracked down already in the potting shed topless. “Let’s just get it finished” she muttered to the Producer. “She clearly wants to stay topless” Kelly said to him.

Caprice as usual was working from cue cards and the first scene in the potting shed involved both ladies treading on a rake on the floor and it’s handle shooting up. Kelly’s rake stopped against her bikini top snugly between her breasts but Caprice’s went between her boobs and hit her smack on the nose. “My bloody nose” she yelled as everyone laughed thinking she had planned it. “We re pot our plants in here” Kelly said. “So you’ve lost virtually every job you’ve ever had?” Caprice asked. “Yes, bad luck seems to follow me around ” Kelly said. “You’ve not got much soil in here” Caprice replied. “I’m waiting for a bulk delivery of my special super growing mud. Plus I love the sun roof to this potting shed” Kelly replied as a helicopter hovered overhead. Kelly reached up and opened the roof and they saw the helicopter low overhead.

“I ordered special air delivery. They said they would bring it directly to me in the shed” Kelly enthused. Kelly’s phone rang and she took the call. “Our delivery is being dropped off now” she said as Caprice looked up.. A big water bucket of several hundred litres was hanging from the helicopter. “Where is it then” Caprice snapped and a mighty deluge of mud and water was released from the water bucket.

It crashed through the open roof of the potting shed engulfing the two screaming ladies. The amount and wait of the mud and water caused the shed to collapse outwards and Caprice and Kelly were swept out in a muddy torrent. The onslaught caused Kelly’s boobs to fall out of her bikini top as both ladies lay there totally destroyed and be dragged on the grass next to the destroyed shed. “Not again” Caprice screamed as she slowly staggered to her feet. “Yes looks like I’ve lost yet another job” Kelly replied looking up from being face down in the mud. Caprice a wet muddy mess turned around and tripped over Kelly going face first skidding back into the mud.

“Perfect, cut” the Director shouted as Caprice finally got to her feet and screamed “Where are the showers”. Sophia from Four of Diamonds approached Kelly as she slowly got up. “Kelly, I know it is as big ask but can you stay muddy as we need you in our next sketch we are doing with Francesca Cumani” she pleaded. “Of course, after doing that with Caprice. How she took that whack right on the nose and was game for all that mud. I had no idea it was coming but she clearly had” Kelly replied. 

Cesca was sat not far away in the gardens and Yasmin went over to greet her.

“Wow you are looking gorgeous as always Cesca” she said. “I cannot wait to do this. I had a scream recreating Girls on Film video with Caprice a few weeks ago and that water bucket stunt was amazing” Cesca replied. “The other girls are getting changed but here is Caroline with Kelly” Yasmin said as the other two ladies walked over. “No doubt we will be as messy as you are soon. I certainly hope so and you are a big girl” Cesca said grinning to Kelly. “Yes, I’m always up for fun and these big boys like the limelight” Kelly replied pushing her huge boobs upwards.

The rest of Four of Diamonds all arrived changed for their sketch. They had gone for a more urban glamour look to compliment Cesca’s classic glamorous look.

“Okay I’m going to show these Four rather edgy Urban young ladies how to enjoy the refinement of a beautiful English Garden as I embrace my life bible “The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady” Francesca said holding up a book with her hand over the bottom of it. They all walked around the garden looking at the flowers before they came to a lake. “There is no need to take the bridge. An elegant Edwardian lady just knows how deep the water is and this is merely an inch deep” Cesca said stepping into the water and she was right. The girls followed. “If you have style and grace it goes a long way” Cesca went on as the girls followed her. Suddenly the Girls all plunged into the water screaming and disappearing below the surface as Cesca walked on across the lake. The rear shot showing her naked bum on display. She turned around and said. “I just ooze class” as she scratched her bum giggling.

The girls slowly emerged from under the water gasping for air and bedraggled as they reached for the Perspex walkway that Cesca had used to get across the lake. They slowly emerged dripping wet from the lake giggling. “An early morning lake swim is what I tend to use to clean up but you’ve done it the wrong way” Cesca said. “Why do you need to clean up?” Lauren asked “Well my lifeguide is The Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady Mud Wrestler” Cesca replied showing the full title of the book. “Here is Kelly my sparing partner” she added as she walked to where the topless and muddy Kelly Brook was stood.

Cesca leapt at Kelly and they crashed into the mud rolling around. Cesca’s dress rode up displaying her perk bum as she sat astride Kelly and heaped mud onto her as Kelly screamed and giggled. Cesca reached down and pulled off Kelly’s bikini briefs before turning her over and spanking her bare bum as Kelly submitted. Cesca stood up in triumph waving Kelly’s bikini briefs around. “The Edwardian Lady Mud Wrestler wins again” Cesca yelled. Kelly stood up displaying a clean shaven muff and Cesca pushed her backwards into the mud.

“The Edwardian Lady Mud Wrestler takes on all comers” Cesca yelled as Four of Diamonds removed their jackets and jumped in the mud. The all dived on Cesca and threw her face first into the mud and pulled her dress and hat off to reveal she was totally naked. Cesca jumped back up and threw herself onto the girls and they all rolled around in the mud giggling. Kelly dived onto them knocking them all back over.

Lauren and Caroline picked up Cesca whilst Kelly, Sophie and Yasmin all grabbed a couple of buckets of mud. They ran around to where Caprice was doing her yoga after having showered and cleaned up and dumped the totally destroyed and muddy Cesca at Caprice’s feet as Caprice was doing a leg stretch

“Your husband must give you a good time” Cesca said as she looked up at Caprice who had just stopped mid pose. “Not you again” Caprice yelled and she screamed even louder as the girls dumped the half dozen buckets of mud over her and Cesca. Just then the helicopter landed. “All in the chopper” Lauren shouted. “I love a big chopper” Kelly replied as Caprice stood there screaming as she was totally muddy again. “I’m not going in that chopper” Caprice yelled. Sophia looked across at the giant water bucket still attached to it. “She wants to go in there” she said.

The girls hauled up a screaming Caprice and heaved her headfirst into the muddy giant water bucket before running to the chopper and jumping in. The chopper took off with Caprice in the bucket with it hovering in the air Caprice peeped over the top of the bucket and screamed “Let me out”. Cesca looked out and said “She wants to be dropped into the water it must be 50ft below. What a trooper”. “Empty the bucket then” the co-pilot said and released the bottom of the bucket and Caprice went crashing down screaming into the water.

On the ground the producer shouted “That was amazing a perfect shot. How she just pushes herself is amazing”. He ran to the side of the lake and saw a dazed and soaked Caprice emerge and fall into his arms. “No more” she whimpered. “Yes I know there is more to come but that is an amazing first half done” he replied as she slumped to the ground.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

VCM: Allow me to indulge my day-job by showing you a little connection puzzle. There’s no prize or reward; it’s just for fun… if that’s your idea of it. I’ll give you the answer later in the show.

VCM: Now, back to the Gunge Grid, and we have a second submission from WamFan101, who this time is trying his luck with box thirteen. You know, I was toying with not having a box 13, lest any viewers should suffer with triskaidekaphobia, but then I remembered that’s superstitious bollocks. Anyway, box 13 is very much real and not imaginary, so let’s examine it…

VCM: WamFan101 says, “Perrie Edwards – Pear E, and a little MIX.” Well aren’t you a clever boy, WamFan101. His request is for molasses. Let’s get confirmation…

The revelation of Perrie is accompanied by raucous cheering from female persons off-camera, to whom Perrie’s attention is evidently diverted.

VCM: Perrie! Sounds like you have a full house! Might I hazard a guess that you’re joined by the other Little Mixers?

More cheering follows Victoria’s correct determination.

Jade Thirlwell: [off-camera] We wouldn’t miss this for the world!

VCM: Perrie, I’m sorry. We had to pick on one of you, and your name happened to make for the best clue. Indeed, WamFan101’s pretty much done me out of a job in explaining it, other than to clarify that MIX is 1009 in Roman numerals. I hope you feel better that it’s nothing personal.

Perrie: Not really. Doesn’t change the fact there’s a tank of goodness-knows-what about to be dropped on me.

VCM: Molasses! You weren’t paying attention! Now I’m sure your band-mates will oblige us with a nice loud countdown from three…

Jade, Jesy and Leigh-Anne: THREE!   TWO!   ONE!!   GUNGE HER!!!

Squeals of shock from Perrie, and delight from the other three, ensue as very thick and shiny black molasses gloop down, crawling slowly down her figure as she fruitlessly ducks.

Eventually the deluge stops, but the whoops and cries of “yes!” continue off-camera. Straightening up, Perrie playfully flicks some of the black goo at her gleeful bandmates.

VCM: Perrie, would you like to shout out to your ex at this particular time?

Perrie: [ruefully shaking her head] Nah, I think I’ll pass.

VCM: Thought she might. Poor Perrie has to stay covered in molasses while being teased by her bandmates for the rest of the show! Up she goes on the grid, and so does another letter, which is…

VCM: …an E. Hmm. Not the most enlightening addition, I’d have thought, but who knows? Perhaps it’s unlocked the whole puzzle for you. Anyway, until next time… [waves]

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

VCM: We now go right to the last position in the grid, namely box sixteen. Let’s take a look…

VCM: This submission comes from Karlosf1234, who says “I think n. 16 is Sally Nugent – Purple gunk.” [Cocks her head slightly] Mmm, looking at that photo I’m not sure the hair colour tallies, Karlos, but perhaps it’s a trick of the light. There’s only one way to find out…

VCM: Oooh noo!! Sally Nugent that ain’t! Karlos, I can see where you were going with the clue: you correctly identified the Greek letter nu, and the male gender symbol could stand for ‘gent’, but in this case it means ‘man’. The first picture is a continental-style coffee, or caffè, as they call it. I’m not sure how you could get Sally from that, but I’d be interested to hear your reasoning. Anyway, what I’m saying is that celeb 16 is world-famous internet meme and little-known Channel 4 newsreader Cathy Newman! Cathy, good evening!

Cathy: Victoria, good evening! In fact, may I say it’s a most splendid evening!

VCM: I’m sure it is for you, because you’ve escaped getting gunged! Cathy, have you been enjoying the show so far?

Cathy: No, I think it’s an outrage – women being served up like pieces of meat to be garnished with sauces for the pleasure of anonymous internet pervs! Really Victoria, I’m very disappointed that you got involved with this!

VCM: [shrugs] You’ve got involved as well.

Cathy: Only so I could beat the system, which I’ve duly done! So let me say to your viewer… Karlos, is that his name?

VCM: Karlosf1234, in full.

Cathy: Mmm, Mr and Mrs f1234 must be so proud of their son. [Points at the camera] Now let me say to you, Karlos, you wanted to see me covered in purple gunk… [smiles smugly] but instead you’ve got blue balls!

VCM: Actually he wanted to see Sally Nugent covered in purple gunk.

Cathy: [annoyed] Well I’d look just as good covered in purple gunk! …Not that it matters.

VCM: So you’re saying that you do want to be covered in purple gunk?

Cathy: [alarmed] No! Absolutely not!

VCM: What you’re saying is you want to be in a Jacuzzi filled to the brim with purple gunk…

Cathy: That’s not what I said at all!

VCM: …with Sally Nugent, in bikinis, snogging. That’s what you’re saying.

Cathy: That’s a disgusting suggestion! …I mean, not the bit about two women, y’know… I’m fine with that, even though I’m not…

VCM: Cathy Newman, thank you for your time.

Cathy continues to argue herself in knots as the link goes down. Victoria turns to the camera and sighs heavily.

VCM: Commiserations, Karlos, but I hope this shows we aren’t bluffing. If the guess doesn’t fly, the celeb stays dry! No purple gunk shall be deployed this episode – either on Kathy Newman or Sally Nugent – and I’m afraid the bad news continues. Box 16 becomes greyed out on the grid, meaning it can’t form any row, column or diagonal, and what’s more – whatever letter was behind it shall remain hidden!

VCM: So. It’s wammers 5, celebs 1. Will the wammers’ winning streak resume? Stay tuned to find out!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story will contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature.

This follows on from :- https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/08/29/carry-on-caprice-episode-6-the-filming-part-1/

Having already suffered indignities at the hands of Kelly Brook, Four of Diamonds and Francesca Cumani that day. Caprice managed to compose herself for the rest of her filming. She did her monologue call to her PA from her portable dressing room but as before this was actually her on the phone to her PA ranting about the injustices she had continually had to suffer. She ended the call with the line “At least I haven’t had a fish shoved up my bum this week”.

She then left her dressing room and traveled the short distance to the Theatre Royal Brighton where she was to film a spoof of Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairy with Prima Ballerina Dame Darcy Bussell who had appeared in the first episode of the series and had been booked to appear again. Caprice had humiliated Darcy and undressed her and got her messy but Darcy had got revenge and since then Caprice had just been getting messier and messier and everyone thought she was game for it but she hated it.

“Hi Darcy, I just want to get today over with Caprice” said rushing in. “We’ll go for sexy ballerina look. Is that okay?” Caprice asked turning back. “Yes, that’s fine I’m happy to do what you want” Darcy replied grinning. A while later both ladies emerged in strapless ballet tutu dresses and Darcy had even added sexy leggings.

“You look good for someone your age Darling” Caprice said to Darcy. “Well you turn 50 next year don’t you?” Darcy replied. “I am in my 40’s” Caprice stormed back. “Okay you do the dance and I’ll work around you” she added.

They walked out onto the stage and there were a large amount of cream pies made to look like sugar plum cakes around the stage. “Okay we need to do this in one take” the Director said. “I’ve got this darling” Caprice replied. The music started and Darcy started doing the dance. Caprice picked up two pies and gave her a pie sandwich on her face. Darcy carried on dancing and Caprice stuck two more pies on Darcy’s head rubbing them into her hair. Darcy trying not to laugh carried on dancing as the pies fell off her. Caprice gave her yet another pie sandwich on her head. Darcy had to stop and wipe the cream off her eyes before carrying on dancing. Caprice then walked behind Darcy and pulled her ballet dress down. Darcy was totally naked and screamed. “No knickers” Caprice yelled. “I’m a posh girl” Darcy replied gamely carrying on dancing showing her small pert breasts and exquisitely neatly trimmed muff. Caprice gave Darcy a pie sandwich on her boobs and then one on her bum and muff as the dance ended.

“I love a pie sandwich” Caprice said as she gave Darcy yet another two pies to her head. “Here have one” Darcy replied giving Caprice a pie sandwich to her head. Pulling Caprice’s dress down to expose her boobs and thong. She pushed Caprice face first into the Orchestra pit into a giant cream pie. Caprice screamed as she smashed into the pie and rolled over covered in cream throwing a fit. “Here have the other half of the pie sandwich” Darcy yelled as the first pie with Caprice in raised up on a hydraulic lift and the flatbed spun 180 degrees crashing Caprice face first and the pie into another giant pie next to it. Caprice lay there face first in the pie whimpering. “Good things come in threes” Darcy concluded as Caprice looked up and another giant pie crashed down from the ceiling onto her. Darcy brushed her hands off, did a curtsy with her hand hiding her modesty and elegantly walked naked off the stage.

Caprice slowly emerged from the cake completely covered in cream. “I wasn’t expecting that” she said as she silently walked back to her dressing room. “Perfectly understated as always” the Producer said as they heard shouting and screaming coming from the room. “She is no doubt psyching herself up for the big series finale” he added as Darcy appeared now wearing a robe. “That was a shock when you were starkers dear” the Producer said. “Posh Girls never wear any. Our golden rule” Darcy replied walking off giggling. “7pm on the beach for the Cell Block Tango” he shouted. “I’ll be there don’t worry” Darcy yelled back smiling and flashing her bum by lifting the back of her robe.

Caprice eventually showered and composed herself in her dressing room. She slowly emerged and the Producer told her he had laid on a luxury yacht for the wrap party. “Don’t worry Becky Vardy won’t be on it so you don’t run the risk of having anything dumped on you” he said. “That wasn’t funny, we both hated getting mucky as I tell you all the time” Caprice moaned. “No it was hilarious and we know how you feel about it” he reassured her. “Just tell me that I won’t need to get messy again” she went on. “No don’t worry” he added as Caprice got into the car. He phoned on ahead “She is up for it, she was worried it would just her getting messy but she need not worry as all our guests will be” he concluded.

Caprice arrived back at Brighton beach and made straight for the luxury boat and was finally a bit happier as she changed into a sexy lime green bikini. The series finale was going to be Caprice and Amanda Holden performing the Cell Block Tango number from Chicago which Caprice thought woulds also include Darcy and Four of Hearts.

Caprice lounged on the boat’s deck as Amanda emerged from the sea in a minuscule red bikini as the filming began. “We are like Thelma and Louise or maybe Roxy and Velma from Chicago” Amanda said as the water dripped off her glistening lissome body. “Yes you look amazing for someone approaching 50” Caprice replied. “You are heading up the Highway 50 at a rate of knots just behind me” Amanda responded as she and Caprice met on the beach and the music started.

Caprice and Amanda started singing and they moved across the beach and saw Kelly Brook sat there smiling in a bikini. “Is she in it?” Caprice asked. “Yes, we have put everyone in in” Amanda responded as Darcy danced on as a sexy prison officer as Francesca Cumani emerged from the sea. “Not her” Caprice yelled as they all sang “He had it coming”

The girls danced around as Four of Diamonds were shown singing on the boat. “This is the number I want but I want it to feature me” Caprice yelled as each lady grabbed a chair and gyrated on it.

The chairs were placed in front of 3 large diggers as the the girls gyrated extra sexily especially Kelly as she did her verse. Darcy walked up behind her and pulled Kelly’s bikini top off as the other girls pulled the string on her bikini briefs. Kelly giggled as her huge breasts and clean shaven muff were on display. Darcy clicked her fingers and a load of thick dark smelly mud was dumped onto Kelly. It made her fall off her chair with her legs up in the air as the other girls threw the mud onto her.

Cesca sang the next part and elegantly moved around her chair as she removed her bikini top and sexily kicked her briefs off and sat down on the chair doing a very naughty leg spread as Caprice and Amanda shrieked in shock as Darcy clicked her fingers and a load of Horse Semen was dumped onto Cesca who still sat there motionless on the chair as the cloudy sticky gunk slowly ran down her body. “Good job I included her” Caprice said to a grinning Amanda.

Caprice, Amanda and Darcy continued singing and dancing whilst Four of Diamonds did likewise on the boat. Darcy held her truncheon against Amanda and pulled Amanda’s bikini top off displaying her pert breasts. She walked up to Caprice and pulled her bikini off too displaying Caprice’s impressive milky white breasts. She pointed for then to stand under the third digger which they did and she clicked her fingers but nothing happened. Amanda grabbed the truncheon as Caprice pulled Darcy’s top off exposing her breasts. Amanda handcuffed Darcy to a chair and pulled her briefs down to reveal her neatly trimmed muff. Caprice stood next to Amanda giggling and they both dropped their bikini briefs to reveal clean shaven muffs and clicked their fingers as the song ended.

Caprice jumped out of the way as a load of watered down dog food crashed down onto Darcy and Amanda. They were both knocked over and floundered about in the mush as Caprice ran across the beach laughing. “You had it coming” she yelled. Amanda got up and ran after her but fell into a hidden hole dug in the beach full of sandy slurry. She disappeared under the mush before emerging gasping for air. Caprice ran across the beach in all her naked glory. She felt clean and confident and jumped into the back of a sign posted van in triumph.

Suddenly the sides of the van fell away and Caprice realised she was in a clear perspex tank. She looked up and screamed as above her was a cement mixer lorry and it began to empty it’s load onto Caprice into the tank. It was a mix of all the stuff Kelly, Cesca, Darcy and Amanda had been gunged with. Caprice fell over in the tank as the disgusting sticky deluge hit her covering her long blonde hair and engulfing her body. She staggered around hammering on the side of the box as the deluge continued. She sat down on the floor of the box totally humiliated and destroyed. She looked up and saw the other girls and Four of Diamonds joining her on the back of the lorry as the deluge finally finished with it up to her neck as she was sat down.

The lorry started up and it went on a tour of Brighton for what seemed like and eternity as Caprice moaned, wailed and hammered on the side of the tank. Worse was to follow the helicopter from part one hovered over head and the tank was hooked to it’s winch rope. “Just stay there Caprice” Darcy yelled. But in a panic Caprice tried to climb out of the tank and had straddled the top with her right leg as the chopper gained height and the tank was lifted into the air. “My god she is such a pro. If she had stayed put the bottom would have been released due to her weight and thank of the gunge” Darcy shouted as Caprice screamed as she went further into the air and the helicopter flew out over the sea.

“Keep filming. This is amazing Michael Crawford as an Angel had nothing on this” the Producer yelled. Caprice was screaming her head off but the helicopter crew were unaware she was still straddling the tank. She lost her grip and crashed backwards into all the mush but her extra weight made the bottom release and she and the gunge fell down into the sea.

She emerged from under the water and screamed “Am I supposed to swim ashore” she screamed. No one came to rescue her and 20 minutes later she finally reached the beach exhausted and collapsed before the cheering crew. “That’s it” she screamed. “Yes that is in the end of a series and what an end. Three cheers for Caprice” the producer said. “You didn’t try to rescue me” she cried. “You said you wanted to swim ashore” so we let you Darcy added as she and the other ladies now showered and in bath robes congratulated Caprice. “But I hate being gunged” Caprice yelled. “Sure you do, you hate it as much as me” Cesca said smiling at her and winking. “You won’t believe it” Amanda said walking behind Caprice and pulling a fish from between her bum cheeks.

“It’s a sole which was stuck up her arsehole” Lauren from Four of Diamonds shouted as everyone cheered and Caprice sank to the ground almost in tears. “I know the series end is emotional but the contract allows for a Christmas Special and the option is being taken up by ITV” the producer announced as everyone cheered. “No more, no more” Caprice screamed. “She is already thinking bigger for the Christmas Special. We’d all love to appear again” Amanda said as Caprice threw a tantrum. “She’s just letting off steam after all the effort she has put in across the series, These method type performers do” Amanda concluded as everyone raised a glass whilst Caprice continued beating her fists into the sand and screaming.

The End

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

Victoria Coren Mitchell: Having faltered with box sixteen, we now hope for better luck at the opposite end with number one. Let’s bring that lady and her clue up…

VCM: This submission comes from R2A4, who I hope is a real person and not an automated script. R2A4 says, with suspiciously scriptesque terseness, “Number 1 Laura Tobin and baked beans”. Well, R2A4, sounds like you’ve got your finger on the pulse, but let’s hope your idea’s not half-baked. One way to know for sure…

VCM: Ah yes, that is indeed the Tobe-ster! A number of you sussed this clue, as it was a fairly straightforward syllable-by-syllable affair: a judge’s gavel representing law, a cheerleader going “Rah!”, and I trust even the dullards among you don’t need me to explain the toe and the bin. Laura, I’m pleased to see your weather summary is on the screen there! Did you forecast this one?

Laura: Well Victoria, I did factor in some kind of precipitation – as you say, it was an easy clue − [winces] but I really hoped I wouldn’t get the beans!

VCM: Ah, tough luck, Tobes! You should have come prepared with a brolly!

Laura: I did, but your crew confiscated it.

VCM: Oh that’s right. Well, there’s nothing left to do but spill the b− Oh, hang on a minute! Tobes, you’ve got a momentary reprieve. Stay right where you are and we’ll come back to you.

The link cuts and Victoria addresses the camera in an official manner.

VCM: I’ve just been informed that a viewer has invoked the one and only opportunity to name Superslop Celeb Seventeen, so let’s go to her…

VCM: There’s Ms Seventeen, waiting in the wings. To remind you what is at stake here, if the viewer’s guess is correct, this celeb will be on the receiving end of all the substances that are dished upon the other celebs from this point onwards, starting with a big batch of beans, and will surely end the show in a very messy state. But should the guess be wrong, then Seventeen stays clean. Now, with only the letters L, I, T, W and E revealed, we have received a guess from a, um, TerroristPie… [turns to the director] Are we allowed to say that word?

VCM: [frowning] Right, it’s okay apparently. TerroristPie says, “Forgive me everyone… is celeb 17 Emily Ratajkowski?” Okey dokey then – Emily Ratajkowski is the first, final and only proposal. Now let’s bring up the lights and reveal the superslop celeb…

VCM: Yeowzer!! I think the aforementioned forgiveness might be called upon! That looks rather more like Charlotte Hawkins then Emily Ratajkowski, but I guess we should check by asking her. Charlotte Hawkins, are you Emily Ratajkowski?

Charlotte Hawkins: No, I’m Charlotte Hawkins.

VCM: Thought as much. [shrugs] Oh well, folks. That… is that. Let’s go back to Laura Tobin.

VCM: Tobes, some good news for you. Since the viewer failed to nail Ms Seventeen, and what with it being St Heinz’s Day, we’ve decided to show goodwill and not dump the baked beans on you.

Laura: [eyes light up] Oh wow! Thanks, Victoria! That’s really kind of−

VCM: Who am I kidding? Give her the beans, for goodness’ sake!

Laura grimaces as an avalanche of baked beans in tomato sauce rains down on her. They are dropped from slightly off-centre, but the effect of the wind has been factored in to ensure a near-perfect hit.

VCM: And there you have it! Bean there, done that, got the orange-stained dress!

Laura: [screwing her face] An orange-stained dress with beans inside it, thank you very much!

VCM: Oh, those are beans in there, are they? I thought that was something else poking through.

Laura’s eyes widen and she claps her hands over her chest.

VCM: [eyebrow raised] Tried to smuggle an umbrella in, yet she forgot to wear a bra! Charlotte, you must feel a tad sorry for your GMB colleague there, but you could have faced the same fate, and much more besides, had TerroristPie not bummed it. Tell me, where exactly on the reliefometer are you right now? Pretty much indifferent, slightly solaced, considerably consoled, uttering your gratitude to whatever deity you believe in, or ready to break out the Champers?

Charlotte: [with a beatific smile] Ready to break out the Champers!

VCM: Ahh! Well in that case you should make your way next door to our Champagne lounge where you can watch the rest of the show in blissful and very smug cleanliness. TerroristPie will pick up the tab. Ladies and gentleman, Charlotte Hawkins!

Charlotte takes her leave while Victoria returns her attention to the camera.

VCM: [shakes her head] It was always a gamble to shoot one’s bolt so early, and alas it didn’t pay off. A beany Laura Tobin goes up on the gird, from which we’ve removed the letters – pretty irrelevant now, eh?

VCM: Tough luck, wammers! But look on the bright side: there are still nine boxes on the gird left to uncover. That’s nine messes Charlotte Hawkins won’t be getting! Oh, am I not a tease!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story contains nudity and scenes of a sexual nature.

For the final time, the familiar champions league music starts up and the flashy graphic fills the large TV monitor situated at the back of the stage.

Once the music dies down, the camera focuses on two seated ladies. The hosts introduce themselves and seem to be in particularly good moods (much better than they were at the start of the previous episode)

Kirsty: “Welcome to this, the final episode of the Gunge-tastic Champions League Show. We will be finding out which team has won this elite competition, we will also see how Diletta got on in her challenge and of course we will find out the winner of our quiz”

Hayley: “But first, we can report another cheeky attempt by the 5 university students to try and get Kirsty and I messy. They may have succeeded last time, but they came a cropper a couple of evenings ago”

Kirsty: “Yes, it was a pretty pathetic effort and we saw it coming a mile off! Trying to get us to go to the circus seemed very suspicious and we subsequently found out they had arranged for Hayley and I to be ‘volunteered’ to help with a clown routine.”

Hayley: “I guess they thought it would be extremely funny to see us get plastered with custard pies and buckets of circus slosh! But they didn’t get there way!”

The hosts smiled at one of the rows in the studio audience which the camera shot revealed were the 5 university students.

Kirsty: “Nice try guys, but you have to get up pretty early in the morning to outwit us! Moving on to someone who no doubt was up early today to get ready for tonight’s show, it’s Diletta!”

Challenge Diletta

On walks the Italian 28 year old, wearing a black t-shirt, black PVC shorts and silver high heel shoes. She knows she looks sexy as she flaunts her long legs as she sashays along the studio floor.

Hayley: “Hi Diletta, thanks for joining us again”

Diletta cheekily responds “Thanks for having me, I do hope I win my challenge this time”

Kirsty: “Well, we’ve had lots of comments from our viewers saying how much they enjoyed seeing you receive a naked dunking on the last episode. So I think they are hoping you might lose again!”

Secretly, Diletta enjoyed her messy experience, as there was nothing more she loved than being the centre of attention. Despite what she had just told Hayley, she was also hoping she lost her challenge again this time so her fans could get another treat”

Hayley: “Let’s bring out your challengers – it’s none other than the Chega Mais girls!”

12 Brazilian ladies entered the studio, all wearing little black dresses and black high heel shoes. They were accustomed to getting messy, having experienced it many a time on the Chega Mais shows, so all seemed at ease with the situation they found themselves in.

Kirsty: “Let me give you a reminder of the challenge. Diletta had to predict who would win the Champions League Final. If she succeeds then it’s the Chega Mais girls that will suffer a forfeit. If she fails then she will get the forfeit herself”

Hayley: “As the match has just finished and we have kept you all away from any TV or social media for the past couple of hours, you lot don’t yet know what the result is”

Kirsty: “I can tell you that Diletta predicted that Bayern Munich would win the final, and that proved to be………….CORRECT! Congratulations Diletta, you win your challenge!”

Hayley: “Yes, the German giants beat Paris Saint-Germain by a solitary goal, and that means the Chega Mais girls have lost. To help us with theit forfeit, we have invited back some guests from an earlier episode. Please put your hands together for Billie Kay, Rose Leslie and Vicky Gomersall”

The 3 ladies walked confidently on, wearing smart evening dresses and high heel shoes. After being sploshed on a previous episode by the Chega Mais girls for ‘winning’ the spot prize, the threesome were eager for some revenge, particularly the Australian wrestler Billie.

The Chega Mais girls were shown into a large contraption on stage which resembled a jail. There were metal bars for walls and a metal floor. The sound of Portuguese expletives were distinctively heard as the sexy ladies were herded through the jail door. Once all 12 were inside, Billie slammed the door shut. There was just enough room for all of them to stand upright but only just as they were packed in like sardines. At the front of the jail, Billie, Rose  and Vicky were holding a bucket each and giggled as they threw the contents at the jail inmates. Lots of squeals ensued as the occupants got doused in thick green gunge.

Everyone looked above the jail as a high pitched sound rang out, and it could be seen that the top of the jail had chains attached and these were being hoisted upwards by a motorised mechanical device. The Chega Mais girls gripped the bars as they were lifted upwards and moved horizontally until the jail was directly above a large vat.

Billie: “You have 2 choices ladies. The first choice is that you accept your fate, and the jail will submerge itself into the vat below. The second choice is that you all take off your dresses, throw them out of the jail and you won’t get dunked in the vat”

After some debate between the ladies and the confirmation that the vat was filled to the top with gravy, they decided that they would strip, and began to wriggle out of their tight dresses, and throw them out of the jail. The audience gasped as they saw that 6 of the ladies were left in skimpy bra, thongs and high heel shoes, whilst the other 6 were in a similar state of undress but with no bra’s. These 6 ladies used their hands to clasp their naked tits to protect their modesty.

With the caged ladies squirming around, Billie moved to a nearby console and moved her forefinger until it was hovering above a big red button.

On seeing the wicked smile that had appeared on the Australian wrestlers face, the Chega Mais girls feared the worst and started shouting out to her in Portuguese.

Billie turned to Vicky and Rose “What do you think they are saying?”

Rose: “I don’t know, I don’t speak Portuguese!”

Vicky: “Nor do I, but perhaps they are asking to be dunked after all?”

The 3 ladies laughed as Billie replied “Yes, I think you are right!”

Billie presses down on the button which started the downward movement of the jail. The caged ladies squealed as they started to be submerged in the thick brown gravy. The squealing continued until it was just their heads above the surface, but all went quiet for a couple of seconds when their heads dipped below the surface. The jail reversed its movement and began to pull out of the gravy, revealing 12 very messy and disgruntled Chega Mais girls. The jail was moved upwards until it was hovering just above the surface.

Hayley: “Well done Billie, Rose and Vicky. We’ll come back to you a little later for some more fun with the Chega Mais girls, but it’s now time to reveal the results of the Quiz we have been running throughout our shows. Over to you Kirsty”

Quiz Results

Kirsty: “First, I would like to thank all the viewers that entered the quiz. Although I’m not quite so sure their nominated celebrities have enjoyed it as much!”

Hayley: “Let’s get to the news that everyone wants to know about – who has won the Quiz? The last question of the 8 has now been scored, and with Bayern Munich winning the Cup means that anyone who predicted the winners would come from Germany gets 10 points. There were 14 of you that selected that and so those have now been added to the scores, and the final quiz table is shown behind me on the TV monitor!”

Hayley: “As you can see, we have a three-way tie for top spot. Achieving 50 points apiece were Anonymess, R2A4 and ilovetights2810, so well done to you”

Kirsty: “Their nominated celebrities are Miranda Kerr, Lois Toulson and Natalie Sawyer. I am pleased to say that all three ladies are with us on tonight’s show.”

The camera panned to a darkened section of the studio, and suddenly spotlights were switched on to reveal the three winners. They were standing in three separate enclosed perspex cubicles.

The audience whooped with delight as all 3 ladies were wearing the identical outfits of tight white t-shirts, white bikini briefs and white high heel shoes.

Hayley: “Welcome ladies, and congratulations on winning the quiz! Or should I say commiserations? Haha!  We have a range of ages between you. Australian model Miranda is 37 years old, British Olympic diver Lois is 20, and our Natalie is 40.”

Kirsty: “We do have some good news and also some bad news. Which do you want first?”

Rolling her eyes, Natalie answers “The good news!”

Hayley: “Ok, so the good news is that there can only be 1 winner so we will be using a tie-breaker to decide which one of you it’s going to be. The other 2 will be able to leave the show immediately and mess-free!”

Natalie: “…and the bad news?”

Kirsty: “Haha, the bad news is that the lady that wins is going to get a really messy prize!”

Hayley: “So I wonder who will win. Will it be a lady in her 20’s, 30’s or 40’s? I can reveal that the tie-breaker to be used to decide the winner will be based on the 2 questions in the quiz where viewers were asked to predict the time of the first goal scored. We will take the answers for these and work out how far away they were from the actual time of the goals scored. The lady who has the lowest combined number will be deemed the winner.”

Kirsty: “Ok, so starting with Miranda, the guesses were 3 minutes away in the first match and 27 minutes away in the second match, so that gives her a total of 30 minutes”

Hayley: “For Lois, the guesses were also 3 minutes away in the first match, but 10 minutes away on the second. This calculates as a total of 13 minutes, so this means Lois has a lower score than Miranda, so the Aussie escapes!”

The perspex door of the cubicle that Miranda was in, opens automatically and the model skips out excitedly with her hands in the air and jogs off stage.

Kirsty: “So this means it’s now between Lois and Natalie. How well did Natalie’s viewer do for these two questions? Let’s find out now – for the first goal, they were only 2 minutes away, and for the second goal they were spot on, so that gives a total of 2 minutes for Natalie, which beats Lois’s 13 minutes.”

Lois gives a huge sigh of relief as her door swings open and she swiftly runs off stage before anything can happen to her.

Hayley: “I think Lois seems very pleased that she isn’t the winner!”

Kirsty: “Yeah, and I think we have someone that is feeling quite the opposite over there!”

The camera pans back to the remaining cubicle and focuses in on Natalie’s face, and shows an expression of disbelief that she is yet again going to be on the wrong side of some messy substances.

Hayley: “Unlucky Natalie! You do seem to have lots of misfortune when it comes to these kinds of shows”

Natalie tuts “Yeah, tell me about it!”

Kirsty: “Right then, let’s make a start with giving you your ‘prizes’. Can you guess what will happen first?”

Looking down at her skimpy white attire, Natalie suggests “Am I getting wet par chance?”

There was no time for either of the hosts to provide a reply as tiny jets inside the cubicle started spraying water all over Natalie. The sports presenter squealed as she got doused very quickly and her tight white t-shirt turned transparent and served as a second skin as it became plastered to her magnificent orbs.

The jets stopped for a second to give Natalie time to catch her breath after being drenched, but they soon started up again and this time they were spurting tomato sauce. The busty brunette was soon covered in sauce from head to foot. The jets stopped again and the cubicle door was opened and out stepped the 40 year old. Waiting for her was Kirsty and Hayley and they took an arm each and escorted Natalie to a vacant pair of dangling overhead handcuffs. Natalie sighed as she had been in similar handcuffs many times before and allowed the hosts to raise her hands and cuff them in place.

With a tissue, Kirsty wiped Natalie’s forehead clean and then used a tube of lipstick to write the following on her forehead ‘PIE ME’.

Billie, Rose and Vicky re-appeared wheeling on a trolley each, and they parked them in front of the cuffed brunette. Natalie gulped as all 3 trolleys were laden with custard pies and jugs of custard. With Kirsty and Hayley joining in, all 5 ladies started to splatter Natalie with the pies, covering her from head to toe. Vicky took great delight in spanking Natalie’s bottom with pies, and Billie used the jugs of custard and poured them inside Natalie’s t-shirt and into her bikini briefs, both front and back to leave poor Natalie squirming.

At the other end of the studio, the jail that the gravy covered Chega Mais girls were in, had been set back down on the studio floor. Natalie was uncuffed and marched towards the jail. The door was opened and Natalie was shoved in to join the Portuguese models. Hayley took the opportunity to grab hold of a smirking Diletta who was lolling around, and shoved her into the jail as well. Kirsty quickly locked the door shut before any of the Chega Mais girls got any ideas of storming out. The mechanism started to lift the jail off the floor and proceeded to make its way to the gravy vat again. Whilst in motion, the Chega Mais girls decided to relieve Natalie of her t-shirt and bikini briefs, leaving her naked apart from a pair of white high heel shoes. Diletta suffered the same fate as her shirt and shorts were stripped from her, leaving her wearing just high heel shoes as well. As the jail descended, all the occupants were dunked into the gravy again, although it was a first time for Natalie and Diletta. Once fully submerged, the jail’s motion reversed and pulled out 14 ladies in various stages of undress, coated in thick gravy.

Wrap Up

Kirsty turned towards the camera “Thats all we have tonight for you, so we hope you enjoyed this special Champions League programmes live from Portugal”

Hayley: “Yes, it has been lots of fun, apart from the (ahem) mud wrestling. See you all soon!”

The programmes theme music started up, and as the credits rolled, Billie cheekily pressed the big red button on the console again, to send the caged squealing ladies back into the waiting gravy.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Saffron Barker and Jenny Powell walked out onto the set giggling and arm in arm. “Welcome to Week 4 of Tweak the Beak 2020. We have just been filming a Tik Tok video together and were doing silly hairstyles so decided to do the show like this” Saffron said as they looked at each other and burst out laughing. Saffron was wearing blue lycra shorts with a cropped black workout top and bra. Her hair was in an exaggerated top knot. Jenny was in white shorts, a black tie bikini top and her hair in two cheerleader bunches.

“We both look like 20 year olds” Jenny said laughing. “Well, I am only 20. But tell the audience how old you are Jenny?” Saffron asked. “I’m bloody 52. But I’m having fun” Jenny yelled as the audience cheered. “I see you are displaying the beak” Jenny added pointing to Saffron’s distinguished nose whose appearance was heightened by her hair being up. “Also you are showing plenty of cheek” Saffron said turning Jenny around to show just how skimpy her shorts were and giving one of her bum cheeks a playful smack.

“How long did it take you to shower after the Longleat treat last week?” Jenny asked. “40 bloody minutes to get that animal **** off me” Saffron yelled. “I only took 30 minutes with the animal spunk. Plus it seemed to do my skin good although my cat stays away from me now” Jenny replied laughing. “Poor Emma Weymouth will never be able to look at her elephants the same again” Saffron said. “Tess Daly will never be able to say Come the same again” Jenny replied as both girls collapsed into fits of giggles.

“This week we are back to normal Tweak the Beak substances so please welcome the winning ladies from last week’s vote. It is Tik Tok superstar Holly H and the star of Downton Abbey Lady Mary herself actress Michelle Dockery!” Saffron said.

Holly walked on in a cropped green vest top and shorts whilst Michelle was in a matching black bra and knickers. The audience cheered and whistled as they walked on.

“Our choices from last week won” Jenny said hugging both ladies. “Yes Holly H, you got gunged on HHP when I escaped so invited you back for second helpings” Saffron said. “Yep, no doubt you have something horrible in store for me tonight” Holly replied giggling. “Very daring there Michelle” Jenny said pointing to Michelle in her underwear. “I forgot my gym gear otherwise I’d be in shorts and t-shirt” Michelle replied laughing. “I packed spare underwear but bloody Laura Carmichael stayed over last night and unpacked my gym gear this morning. So I’ve got two sets of underwear and Laura has sponsored me to wear this on the show” she replied smiling. “Yes, you dared Laura go go on Freaky Beaks on Totty. If I recall?” Jenny said laughing.

“Yep, when they did the Becky Adlington and Fallon Sherrock nose joke. We were having a few wines and we always joke about Laura’s distinguished nose. So I dared her to put herself forward. She had a bit too much wine, texted the production office and next thing she was on the show” Michelle said . “Yep, they really put her through it. The Heinz gungings, cakes, paint, spunk, **** the lot she had on her” Jenny replied. “Plus she ended up on the torture wheel butt naked” Michelle added in hysterics. “She was, she was __” Michelle continued cracking up completely “Finding stuff up dark orifices several days later. She blew something sticky down her nose” she concluded collapsing to the floor in laughter.

“Okay lets get on with the game Holly and Michelle will be answer alternate questions and Tweak the Beak. If they get the question right they stay clean. But if they get it wrong they will be gunged with something green and slimy in the first two rounds. Plus I have the discretion of using Saffron’s Surprise” Saffron said. “I can also dispense Jenny’s Justice” Jenny added. “I said the show was back to normal. It isn’t quite. In the last round both ladies run the risk of getting covered in Downton Delights” Saffron added. Holly and Michelle looked at each other and shrieked. “It’s not like the Treats from Longleat which came from animal orifices. But something vaguely related to Downton Abbey as we were running out of green food choices to use” Saffron said. “Okay bring on the Tweak the Beak seat” she added expecting her own giant likeness and a green chair under it to be wheeled on. But instead it was one of Laura Carmichael with an enhanced nose as used on Totty.

“We couldn’t resist digging this out for you Michelle” Saffron said as Michelle gasped in laughter. “Oh this is a new nose. We’ll have to test it out” Jenny said “I’m calling Jenny’s Justice. Please sit under the beak and pull the left nostril Saffron” she said. Saffron sat under the nose and looked up saying “Laura’s is bigger than mine!” and pulled the cord she got hit with a deluge of green gunge which ran down her top knot, over the back of her head and face and down her tanned athletic body. She wiped her eyes and shook her hands off. “Right Jenny, Saffron’s surprise you test the right nostril” she said. Jenny laughing sat down on the chair and reached up pulling the right cord and got hit by a deluge of thick green gunge. She pulled a face as it ran over her eyes and nose having flattened her hair down and it continued down her dusky toned body. She again wiped her eyes and stood up with a pool of gunge falling off her lap.

Suddenly Laura Carmichael came on screen smiling.

“We really need a lady to test the Downton Delights. I can think of no better than Lady Mary Crawley herself Michelle Dockery!” she said grinning. “I guessed you’d set me up” Michelle shouted back as Laura held up her gym t-shirt and shorts she had removed from Michelle’s bag that day. Michelle smiling sat in the gunge and looked up. “Your nose is really ****** huge Laura” she shouted as she pulled the cords and screamed. Michelle got deluged in a load of thick lumpy gravy from both nostrils. She yelled as it ran down her hair, face and body giving her a thick brown coating and soaking throw through her bra and knickers. She sat there gasping as her hair was bedragged and platered to her face. “Mrs Patmore’s finest lumpy gravy” Laura said. “And it was bloody cold” Michelle screamed back flicking it at Saffron and Jenny. “Lady Mary was a bitch” Laura said. “I agree” Jenny replied and banged the nose again. A load of feathers fell down coating a screaming Michelle.

“Courtesy of the estate chickens” Jenny said. “Michelle once showed me a video of her doing the Birdie Song when she was 2 years old. As you have Social Media stars I think you should all do it there with Michelle leading it” Laura said. “You bitch” Michelle screamed from under the feathers. “Excuse me Michelle, I took a couple of heinz gungings, crashed throw a giant cream flan hitting my nose on the floor, got covered in paint, stripped naked, had spunk and shit dropped on me and I was spun and hosed down on the Totty Torture Wheel thanks to your dare. Plus they aimed for my nose!” Laura yelled. “They couldn’t ****** miss” Michelle yelled back standing up and walking to the front of the stage to huge cheers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESViOhqRdlE

“I cannot believe I’m doing this I’m an actress” she yelled almost crying with laughter as the Birdie Song music started. Michelle dripping wet with cold lumpy gravy and covered in feathers started flapping her arms a wriggling her bum showing her knickers were covered in gravy too. Saffron, Jenny and Holly eventually joined in as the audience cheered louder and clapped along. Finally the music ended and all the girls hugged. “I think Michelle has received a decent payback for now” Laura said as she signed off.

“Right questions this week are about time as Downton a long time ago and a clock can go Tik-Tok. You are up first Holly” Saffron said as Holly sat on the gunge covered seat. “Your question is if it is if it is 12 noon in London what is the time in Cape Town South Africa?” Saffron asked. “I haven’t got a damn clue” Holly replied reaching up to pull the cord to her left. “Okay Holly tweak the beak” Saffron said, Laughing Holly pulled the cord and got covered in thick green gunge. She smiled as it ran down her face and long highlighted hair. “It is a bit cold” she yelled. “Has it gone down your tits?” Michelle shouted. “Yes it has” Holly yelled back. “Good” Michelle concluded as Holly tried to scoop gunge out of her cleavage.

“Okay Michelle please swap places with Holly” Jenny said. “Look at her gravy stained knickers, as bad as Laura with her grey Primark ones” Holly shouted as Michelle sat down in the pool of gunge. “Right Michelle, your question is how many seconds are there in a day?” Jenny asked. Michelle thought for a bit working it out. “86,400” she replied. “Okay please pull the cord above Laura’s left nose and Tweak the Beak” Jenny said. Michelle crossed herself and pulled the cord. Nothing happened. “You are correct” Jenny said as Michelle punched the air.

“Okay Holly your turn” Saffron said as the girls swapped places. “Okay Holly what time would you associate with US Rapper Stanley Kirk Burrell ?” Saffron asked. Holly thought and said “Summertime. Is that Will Smith’s sidekick’s real name ?” she said hopefully. “Okay Holly please pull the cord to your right and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Holly reached up and pulled the cord and got hit with another deluge of cold thick green gunge. She sat there completely covered in the green gunge and slowly wiped her eyes clear as she stood up. “Hammer Time” Jenny, Michelle and Saffron yelled at her. “He was MC Hammer so it was Hammer Time” Saffron confirmed.

“Okay Michelle “Gravy Knickers” Dockery please take your seat under the Beak” Saffron said. “We can see your bum cleavage Michelle” Jenny shouted joking with Michelle who pulled her knickers up but gave herself an accidental wedgie. “**** off” Michelle shouted back laughing as she sat down in the gunge. “Okay Michelle in what year was Time Magazine first published?” Saffron asked. “It was mentioned once in Downton so I’m going 1920” Michelle said. “Okay Michelle please reach up and pull the cord to your left and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said. Michelle reached up and pulled the cord and got hit with a cascade of green gunge. “It was 1923 so not far out” Saffron said as Michelle composed herself and wiped the green gunge off her face.

“Right Holly you take her place and Saffron you join her as we offer you both a Downton Delight” Jenny said. Holly sat on the chair and Saffron sat on her lap. Jenny looked at the question and giggled “No chance” she said laughing. “Which legendary UK actor appeared as a hologram in the 1980’s musical Time?” she asked. Saffron and Holly looked at each other blankly “Richard Burton” Saffron said plucking a name out of the air. “Okay ladies please each reach up and pull a cord and Tweak the Beak” Jenny said. They both reached up almost knowing their fate and pulled a cord each and got hit by a load of honey. The sticky yellow substance fell steadily onto their heads as they laughed and began to rub it into each others faces. “That is Mrs Hughes’ Honey and the correct answer was Laurence Olivier” Jenny said as Saffron and Holly sat there with the honey still dripping on them. They slowly got up and trudged back over the Jenny and Michelle.

“Okay Jenny you will be joining Michelle for this question” Saffron said wiping the honey out of her eyes. “I’ll sit on the chair if you like” Jenny said as she and Michelle walked forward. Jenny sat on the chair and Michelle on her lap. “Are you going to give us a chorus of your song?” Jenny asked Michelle. “What?” Michelle said. “Well you look like Orville” Jenny replied. Michelle nearly fell off Jenny’s lap laughing. “I better make sure my hand is in place” Jenny said grabbing hold of Michelle’s knickers. “If you pull them down your top is coming off” Michelle shouted as she stood up before sitting back down but Jenny pulled the back of her knickers down flashing the top of her pert gravy covered bum. “Okay who had a 1982 hit with Time (Clock Of The Heart)?” Saffron asked. Michelle looked at Jenny “You were 14 then I was one, come on think” Michelle implored her. “Tears for Fears” Jenny said guessing. “Okay Michelle and Jenny please each reach up and pull a cord and Tweak the Beak” Saffron said.

They looked at each other and pulled a cord and got deluged in thick brown coffee cream. Michelle screamed as the substance hit her causing her to lose her balance and knock her and Jenny backwards off the chair. They grabbed hold of each other but as they hit the floor Michelle had her legs up in the air with her bum exposed and she had somehow pulled Jenny’s bikini top up exposing her pert dusky boobs. They looked at each other and shouted “You!” and began to roll around in the cream play fighting. “The correct answer was Culture Club” Saffron said walking forward and banging the nose again so Jenny and Michelle got a second deluge of the coffee cream. Saffron was pulled into the brown mush and when Holly went over to help them up she was pulled into it too. All four rolled around in it a bit rubbing it into each other before they all got up giggling.

Michelle pulled her sagging knickers back up and helped Saffron up. Whilst Holly helped Jenny up and all four ladies walked away from the gunge to huge cheers. “The correct answer was Culture Club” Saffron said. “Okay Michelle you were this week’s winner so you can nominate first a celebrity each who we know will be up to coming on the show next week” Saffron said “I’m going to nominate Lily James. She was with me and Laura when we convinced her to go on Totty. Laura got messy and now I have so I want to see Lily covered in shite” Michelle said clapping and singing “Lily covered in Shite” to the tune of Sloop John B which the audience joined in on. “Okay Holly what about you?” Jenny asked. “Your boobs are still on display Jenny” Holly said rather nervously. “***** hell” Jenny yelled pulling her bikini top back up. “We can now hear the sound of Jenny’s teenage daughter’s jaws hitting the floor” Saffron said. “Okay as Lily James played Cinderella on film. I’m going for the girl who will play her on stage soon in the new musical and she is also a social media star Carrie Hope-Fletcher” Holly said.

“Right it is Lily James and Carrie Hope Fletcher as one couple and they will be going against a couple nominated by Jenny and myself” Saffron said. “Now you have stopped flashing your boobs Jenny who are you nominating?” Saffron asked. “Well if yours are as good as mine when you reach 52. You’d probably be happy to flash them” Jenny replied. Saffron pulled Jenny’s bikini top down again once more exposing her boobs. She pulled it back up but Michelle pulled it back down again. “****** stop it” Jenny yelled pulling it back up again. “I’m going to nominate someone who has had her boobs on display nearly as much as me. It’s another Holly, glamour model Holly Peers” Jenny said. “I’m going to nominate Amelia Gething. She has escaped the vote once on this series. So lets put her up again” Saffron said.

“Okay you can now vote which duo joins us next week Lily James and Carrie Hope-Fletcher or Holly Peers and Amelia Gething” Saffron said as the show ended and the girls all chased after Jenny trying to pull her bikini top down yet again. Michelle was running and holding her sodden knickers up at the same time to avoid further embarrassment.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature. 

Hi this is Isa Guha here. You may know me best as the presenter of the BBC’s Cricket Coverage. The greatest game played with a bat and a ball not like baseball which is glorified rounders. Anyway this maiden is prepared to be bowled over. My local cricket club is raising money for it’s new pavilion so I have agreed to be gunged with 10 buckets of coloured gunge or food stuffs as chosen by you.

“I haven’t decided what I’ll wear to be gunged in yet. But I have a naughty side and a body I don’t like to hide. It won’t be Totty level naughtiness but you might get a surprise right before your eyes. Nominate my gunging fate before it is too late. No semen or s**t but anything else I’m up for it”

https://hitster1.survey.fm/untitled-survey

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. Non-celebrity characters are fictional and any resemblance to real persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may contain nudity and scenes of a sexual nature.

A/N: Something quick and fun for the weekend

A blonde woman appears on the TV screen wearing a little black dress and heels, and smiles sweetly into the camera.

“Hi, my name is Jenni Falconer and it’s great to be asked back to present a very special preview edition of the Euro Millions Lottery Draw. It was 5 years ago since I last presented the lottery show, and it seems the format has changed somewhat!”

The sexy Scot winks at the camera as she continues “Not only will the show make someone a millionaire, an unlucky female celebrity will also be getting gunged live on the show, hence the newly assigned name for the draw – Euro Gungings”

A big blue graphic flashed up on the TV monitor next to Jenni.

“The draw will be made at 20:45 BST this Friday, and the gunging will be decided by a combination of viewer nominations and the ball numbers drawn. Let me explain in more detail:-

• Viewers can nominate a lady celebrity, together with a number between 1 and 50.
• If a viewer selects a number that has already been taken, then I will automatically assign them to the nearest available number
• The first number to be drawn in the EuroMillions lottery will determine the celebrity who will get gunged. In the event of that number not being chosen by a viewer, then the second number will be used to determine who will get gunged. If necessary, the third, fourth or fifth numbers to be drawn will be used (in that order) until we have a chosen celebrity.
• Only 1 entry per viewer allowed
• Two lucky stars will also be drawn, and they will be numbers between 1 and 12. The first lucky star drawn will denote the gunging substance. Take a look at the monitor for all the options:-

• The second lucky star drawn will determine what the celebrity will get to wear. Again, the monitor is displaying all the available options. As you can see, it could get quite embarrassing for the gungee! Especially if the ball is number 7!”

“If you want to take part, put your number (between 1 and 50) and chosen lady celebrity in the comments below. Deadline for entries will close promptly on Friday at 20:00 (BST)”

Jenni pauses for a couple of seconds and takes a bit of a reluctant sigh before continuing.

“As an (ahem) added bonus, viewers are also asked to vote on whether the first number drawn will be an even or an odd number. If the majority of viewers are correct then I get to be gunged on the show as well! If the majority are wrong then I get to stay clean. I’m not sure I signed up to that when I agreed to host the show, but apparently it’s included within the terms and conditions in the contract I signed, so I’m 100% blaming my agent for that!”

“I’ll definitely be having words with her! Anyway back to the draw, and I’ll keep a track of the numbers and celebrities selected below, and I’ll try and keep this regularly updated. All that leaves me to say is Good Luck, and see you very soon for the inaugural Euro Gungings Draw”

List of Numbers & Celebrities:-

…to be updated…

Bianca and Zelina were backstage awaiting the official spinning of the wheel to find out what messy fate awaited. On the wheel could be seen things like PB&J Punishment, Fish guts Surprise, Human Pie-nata, Tar and Feathers and In Custardy. Bianca spun the wheel hard wanting Zelina to squirm for the maximum time possible. After what seemed like an eternity to Zelina it stopped and Charly announced the result.

“Zelina you will get the SNICKERS KNICKERS treatment.”

“What the hell does that mean” Kayla leaned over and Whispered to Zelina and her eyes nearly bugged out in anger as she stormed off to get ready.

We return to see Bianca sitting on a chair beside a paddling pool like the proverbial cat who ate the canary. Zelina was next to enter in a satin robe. Bianca stood up as if she wanted to snatch the robe off her and add to Zelina’s embarrassment but Zelina would have none of it dropping it herself.

She shot a glare at Bianca that would vaporize if she had that power. She seated herself with a scowl on her face and just awaited for it to be over.

“So we got the knickers …now Bianca its up to you to add the Snickers. ”

Bianca starts with a bucket of melted nougat slowly pouring over her head and when the bucket is 3/4 empty she hauls back and throws the rest into Zelina’s face. Zelina sputters and spit as she swallowed a mouthful of the creamy substance.

Next to come was the caramel and for this she beckoned Charly over. She motioned for Charly to pick up the bucket as she pulled  out the back of Zelina’s panties. Charly poured the warm sticky caramel down the back and then they repeated the process in the front. After they finished they each grabbed one side and pulled giving Zelina a sticky wedgie.

“Now normally we would finish you off with some buckets of chocolate….but it seems our crew forgot to fill any”

Zelina sighed thinking it was over but then Kayla suddenly appeared pulling on a rope

“No worries Zelina we can just use this” And as she said this you could see rolling behind her was a giant clear glass tube with a a flexible pipe attached on top.

“NOOOO” was all Zelina could muster knowing that amount of chocolate would take hours to wash out

Bianca and Charly ushered her over and tossed her into the tube and slammed the door shut. They pushed the big red button together and unleashed the deluge turning Zelina into a chocolate blob. After the torrent stopped the door clicked opened and Zelina attempted to charge Charly but only manged to slip and land on her butt and began to throw a tantrum.

##########################################################################

“Now onto our main event of the evening. Now our predictors had some very close results with many of the same results predicted. On the question of would Rey be in his son’s corner and whether a match would end due to outside interference everyone picked the same….and due to horrible real life circumstances the hair vs hair stipulation was canceled. Therefore we had a 3 way tie for first and rather than go with a tiebreaker we decided to just up the antes and make this a battle royal.”

“So without further adieu lets bring out our gambling lady Alexa Bliss and her plus one Nikki Cross”

“Now Nikki do you know exactly why you are here”

“Yeah Alexa told me she wanted to have some fun with me and then watch some wrestling.”

“Well I suppose some fun will be had but I am not sure by who. Now see Nikki if Alexa wins and avoids the ring and a messing…..its YOU who will be taking her place and facing the forfeits”

Nikki looks a bit shocked and turns to Alexa expecting a denial but Alexa merely shrugs

“Well you did say you wanted to do more stuff with me”

“Well, before we go any further lets put Alexa and Nikki out of their misery. The results are in and we have a three way tie. And shockingly not one of the mainstream celebs made it….its an all wrestling showdown.

First in was Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky…So far so good Alexa….but your luck end there as not only were you nominated by ONE of the other contestants but by BOTH Of them. The other two winners nominated you and Sasha and you and Tegan Nox. And as you recall for losing you earned a punishment which will now be doubled. ”

“The first part is that while the rest can choose whatever ring gear they like…you will be wrestling in a bikini…so be ware the wardrobe malfunction. As to the second part well we will deal with that in our second part when we have the other ladies out here for our rumble. ”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. This story may contain nudity and/or scenes of a sexual nature.

BBC Cricket Commentator Isa Guha had sportingly agreed to be gunged with what she thought would be 10 buckets of substances chosen by the public in a sponsored gunging to support the building of a new pavilion for her local cricket club. However the response had been bigger than she had expected. Isa arrived at the club on the day of the event and was greeted by her former England Ladies team mate and fellow commentator Ebony Rainsford-Brent. She had asked Ebony to oversee and administer the gungings as she was a friend and would ensure that nothing illegal would be poured over her or so she thought.

Ebony greeted Isa warmly when they met up.

“Are you up for this?” Emily asked smiling. “I guess so, I’ve been asked to go on Totty, HHP, Tweak the Beak even the Champions League Gunging Games where poor Natalie Sawyer always seems to get it” Isa replied giggling. “I don’t think either of us can compete with Natalie” Ebony countered looking down at her boobs. “Poor Fallon Sherrock really got it on Totty but she was an amazing sport” Isa replied. “Yes those girls are seriously crazy they throw anything over everyone. They take diversity and inclusion to new levels. I don’t think that getting a load of horse spunk dumped on me helps me be a role model though” Ebony said bursting out laughing. “The waxing one was painful but fair play they had white, black and Asian girls. They were asking around the sporting community who was a bit hair bear down there” Isa said pointing to her muff.

“Hair bear down there?” Ebony replied laughing “We all know who that would be?” she continued. “I’m saying nothing” Isa replied opening a bottle of wine as they sat on the grass talking. “You have gone for a vest top and shorts to take the gunging in?” Ebony said. “Yes some said wear a bikini others said wear your old cricket kit so I went in between” Isa replied. “Yep you always look so beautiful but this is fun and not extreme but they want to see you covered in gunge not your body covered in clothes” Ebony replied. “You have bought something to change into haven’t you?” she added. “Yes I’ve got an old t-shirt and leggings even after I shower I might still smell a bit interesting” Isa replied. “The old club showers still work?” Ebony asked “I hope so” Isa replied. “We could always hose you down with the ground hose” Ebony joked. “I hope not” Isa replied laughing.

After a couple of glasses of wine. Ebony could see the crowd had gathered and the Club President had set a chair out on some plastic sheeting in the outfield. “Are you ready Isa?” Ebony asked. “Let’s do it” Isa yelled. “You won’t be needing this”Ebony replied removing Isa’s baseball cap as they walked forward to a nice applause.

“We’d like to thank Isa Guha for being such a great sport and agreeing to be gunged with whatever the clubs’ supporters have voted for her to receive” the Club President said. “Actually we have had entries in from all over the world even non cricket playing countries” Ebony said. “I only agreed to take 10 buckets worth” Isa protested rather worried. “Oh come on once you are messy you are messy 10 buckets or 100 won’t make any difference” Ebony replied giggling. “100 buckets, I might as well have gone on Totty and shouted the Heinz number!” Isa shouted as everyone laughed and began to chant her name.

“I’m vetting everything, I know what you are allergic too and won’t put anything on you I think is unsuitable” Ebony said. “Okay, lets do the first 10 and see how it goes” Isa said sitting down on the chair and sighing. Ebony was handed a list and there was a line of well over 20 buckets. She looked at the list and said “We cannot do that as there are no horses about” grinning at Isa. “No horses. That is one of two things and I said no to both of them” Isa yelled starting to get up off the chair. “I wouldn’t do that to you Isa” Ebony replied patting Isa on the head. “Your lovely hair won’t be this shiny soon” she added as Isa rolled her eyes.

“Right the first choice is blue gunge” Ebony said as she picked up the first bucket and held it over Isa’s head. “We can do this” Isa yelled as Ebony emptied the blue gunge slowly over Isa’s head. Isa’s scream could be heard over 100 metres away as the gunge was ice cold. She shuddered and her teeth almost chattered as the cold blue gunge slowly ran over her long shiny dark hair, into her eyes, over her nose and on down her face. Worse was to follow as it made the inevitable entry into her vest top which made Isa scream again. “My boobs” she yelled. “Yes they are still very nice” Ebony replied unable to stop laughing at Isa’s plight. “They are very bloody cold” Isa yelled back as she rubbed her boobs to try and warm them up a bit.

“The next choice is. No we’ll leave that for a bit” Ebony said. “The next person nominated two items so it is only fair to do a bucket of each” she added. “No it isn’t” Isa shouted protesting. “No we’ve decided a bucket of each” Ebony reaffirmed. She picked up the bucket and emptied cold spaghetti hoops over Isa’s head. Isa sat there grimacing as they oh so slowly ran down her hair, face, back and front into her top and formed a pool in her lap. “The other choice will go on a lot quicker” Ebony said as she swiftly emptied a bucket of cold baked beans over Isa’s head and ran around to watch Isa’s discomfort as the beans trickled over her face, plastering her hair down and carrying on inside and outside of her top. Isa un-tucked her top and a load of gunge, spaghetti hoops and baked beans fell out. “There is even one in my belly button” she wailed as everyone burst out laughing.

“Oh this one isn’t too bad” Ebony said looking at the 4th bucket. “It’s alright for you” Isa replied wiping her eyes and ringing her hair out. Ebony suddenly emptied a bucket of cake batter mixture over Isa’s head and left the bucket on her head. Isa sat there with her arms folded as the white batter mixture ran down her body. Ebony eventually removed the bucket and Isa sat there a white gooey mess. “You look like Casper” Ebony said as Isa flicked some of the gunge at her.

“Oh this is a good one. Something else cold lumpy and sticky” Ebony said emptying a bucket of rice pudding over Isa’s head and giving her a fun shampoo with it so her hair was a matted, tangled mess. Isa was scooping handfuls of rice pudding out of her bra but then realised it had gone inside her shorts. “It’s all in my knickers now” she yelled as everyone laughed. “No comment” Ebony said winking at Isa.

“The next suggestion came from our Ashes foes in Australia” Ebony said “Australia you are having a laugh” Isa whimpered. “Yes we are all having a laugh. I’m not sure you are though” Ebony responded. “Another gunging classic” Ebony continued dumping a bucket of wallpaper paste on Isa’s head and leaving the bucket there before slowly removing it.” Isa is stickier than a Brisbane wicket in the 1950’s” Ebony said as Isa scowled at her.

“You certainly have global appeal Isa. The next one is from Germany” Ebony said unable to contain her joy. “A new one on me but here is a bucket of blue ink” Ebony added dumping the thick blue ink over Isa’s head. Isa screamed and stamped her feet in shock as the blue ink engulfed her. A chorus of “Blue is the colour” broke out from Chelsea supporters in the crowd.

“Oh another colour now. Probably from a Tweak the Beak fan in the UK” Ebony said as she emptied a bucket of green gunge over Isa’s head. Isa sat there totally destroyed her head bowed. Gunge dripping from her face, hair, arms, body, legs and ever bigger pool forming around her feet.

“Another cold one for bucket number 9” Ebony said picking up a bucket of ice cubes and emptying them down Isa’s top. Isa screamed with the cold as Ebony held the bottom of Isa’s top against her body so the cubes couldn’t drop out. “Will you take it away” Isa pleaded “Of course” Ebony replied and pulled Isa’s top up off and over her head as a load of ice cubes fell to the floor. “This needs to be washed” Ebony said throwing it away.

“No” Isa wailed trying to cover her modesty as she was only wearing a black bra which was severely discoloured and her pert gunge covered brown boobs and taut stomach was on display. Ebony picked up a baked bean and put it back into Isa’s belly button. “You bitch” Isa yelled unable not to laugh at her plight as Ebony backed away, But as Ebony did she slipped on the gunge and seizing her chance Isa dived on Ebony and rolled her around in the mush. Rubbing as much as she could into Ebony’s head and hair.

Satisfied with her work Isa sat back on her seat as Ebony staggered up in a messed up state. “Fair play I probably deserved that” she said. “You bloody well did” Isa yelled back much happier. “Well you deserve this bucket number 10. We are then taking a 10 minute break. But you can take a selfie next to Isa for a quid. But no tickling her as she is very ticklish” Ebony said. “You are a bitch” Isa yelled. “For a fiver she’ll give anyone who wants one a gungy kiss on the cheek. Of the face!” Ebony added. Blokes started to wave fivers about. “No” Isa wailed. “How about Ebony does that too” the Club President said brandishing a fiver at Ebony. “Okay I will” Ebony giggled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Are you up for doing it Isa?” Ebony asked. Isa meekly nodded to big cheers.

“Right the last bucket before we pucker up is molasses” Ebony said. “What is that?” Isa asked from under all the gunge. “This” Ebony replied and tipped a bucket of thick dark substance over Isa’s head. “Not black treacle!” Isa yelled. “No molasses” Ebony replied as the black treacle engulfed poor Isa and turned her yet another colour that afternoon. She was literally stuck to the seat under the stickiness of her onslaught as she slowly wiped her eyes and saw a queue of people for selfies and kisses longer than the remaining line of buckets.