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“Welcome to Part 11 of the Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival” said Chris Tarrant. “I can now confirm that the total raised is an amazing £3,713,189. So I think a few ladies who agreed to get naked when we passed £3.5 million and any other women who also feel the urge to should step forward from the Cage or wherever they have been hiding and do so now” he added.
All the Saturdays bar the already naked Una, Charlie Dimmock, Jo Swinson, Tallulah Riley and Jennifer Metcalfe gamely came forward. The already naked Rosamund Pike, Thandie Newton, Katie Thistleton, Maisie Smith, Amber Gill, Nadia Sawalha, Trinny Woodall, Lisa Snowdon and Una Healy stood the opposite side of them cheering them on.
First up was the gunge covered Tallulah Riley in just a pair of sexy knickers “Are you sure you are okay doing this? Chris asked. “Has Elon Musk my former husband made a nice donation?” Tallulah asked. “Yes he donated £25k and then another £10k if we could pour a bucket of salad cream over your head as you hate that taste” Chris replied. “Why not” giggled Tallulah as she held her nose. Her Westworld co-star Thandie Newton walked up behind her and pulled her knickers down as Chris emptied the thick pale yellow substance over her head. Tallulah clearly didn’t like the smell of it but hopped out of her briefs as Thandie pointed to a thin shaved dark line on her muff. “You are an airplane blonde then Riley” she joked. “**** off Newton” Tallulah replied but stood a mouthful of salad cream and began to cough and wretch. Thandie grabbed a bucket of water and threw it right in Tallulah’s face. Her already destroyed hair was a wet mass of salad cream and water and she looked up dripping and said “Cheers”. She then grabbed a handful of salad cream and stuck it in Thandie’s mouth. Thandie stood there laughing and dribbled it down her gunge covered body rubbing the mess into her boobs even more.
“Next up we have Charlie Dimmock” said Chris. The topless, gunge covered and jean wearing Charlie walked forward laughing. “I have to ask you again, are you happy to do this?” Chris asked Charlie. “Yes this old bird is going to get her ginger muff out” Charlie replied as all the girls cheered. “We want to see Charlie’s ginger muff” The Saturdays sang to the tune of “Just Can’t Get Enough” and everyone else joined in. Charlie unzipped her jeans and slowly pulled them down but as they were mud covered she couldn’t get them off. “Trinny give me a hand” she shouted and the nude gunge covered Trinny Woodall stepped forward and bent over to pull the jeans off but as Trinny was bent over Rosamund sneaked on with a squirty cream and sprayed it right up Trinny’s bum and muff. Trinny screamed and turned around to see the laughing Rosamund. Each then took a leg of Charlie’s jeans and pulled them off. Charlie stood up in just a pair of sagging mud covered white knickers. Rosamund stood one side of her and Trinny the other and they literally ripped her knickers off her. Charlie did have a big hairy ginger muff perhaps the second hairiest seen on the show after Doctors actress Elisabeth Dermot Walsh’s.
Lenny Henry wondered back on doing his David Bellamy expression and looked at Charlie’s muff and said “Lots of wildlife rummaging around in there” then walked over to Chris. “What does it need David?” Chris asked. “Plenty of wet soil and watering” Lenny replied. Suddenly Charlie, Rosamund and Thandie were hit with an onslaught of buckets of wet mud and water. They all stood there bravely taking it and Rosamund and Trinny then massaged the mud into Charlie’s muff. Trinny pushed Rosamund’s face right into Charlie’s muff as revenge for the spray cream earlier. The normally unflappable Rosamund did scream out as her face was pushed right in as Charlie and Trinny laughed. Rosamund got up coughing and pulled a ginger hair from her teeth. “Dare you to do that to me Charlie?” she challenged. “You are on” Charlie replied and Trinny pushed Charlie’s head into Rosamund’s gunge covered muff. Charlie started making rude noises as the audience roared and then got up and asked for a glass of water. She received a bucket of water in the dace from Chris.
Trinny looked at the other two girls, got down on her knees and said “Double muff dive”. As the other girls cheered Trinny stuck her face into the two presented muffs and began to make a gobbling noise. “She has a great technique” joked Rosamund. “She is making me horny” replied Charlie. They then both pushed Trinny’s head right into them. Trinny got up coughing and nearly retching to huge cheers. Amber did give her a bottle of water and she swilled her mouth out several times before she hugged Rosamund and Charlie and they joined the other naked girls.
Next up was the topless, knicker wearing and gunge covered former Lib Dem leader Jo Swinson. “Again are you sure you want to proceed with this?” Chris asked. “Well I’m already topless so they might as well see the rest and I agreed to do it” replied a pragmatic Jo. She pulled her sodden knickers down to reveal a small and surprisingly sexy blue thong. The audience wolf whistled and cheered as she turned and showed her big fat bum cheeks and tried to twerk. “I’ll show you how” said Amber Gill and stepped forward and did a very rude naked twerk to the camera. Jo gamely had another go and did surprisingly well. Everyone cheered as Jo carried on twerking and Amber pulled her thong down. “Now we twerk together and we’ll do a slut drop. Come and join us Una” Amber shouted beckoning the naked Una Healy over. Una twerked very rudely to the camera and then did a filthy slut drop showing just about everything. Jo looked on a bit shocked and suddenly Amber spun her round and declared “Swinson’s bucket” pointing to a fairly well trimmed muff and vagina. “I’m not sure whether I should do that?” replied Jo. Rosamund and Thandie started chanting “Jo, Jo, Swinson’s bucket” and everyone joined in. “You are already naked” Una said gently to Jo as the chant grew louder. Jo took a deep breath as Amber encouraged her “We’ll all do it together”. Jo nodded and the three of them turned around and began to twerk and all dropped into naughty slut drops. “Hold it there” said Una and all three were hit with several buckets of cold lumpy porridge.
This made Jo fall backwards and her legs were up in the air. To lighten the mood Amber jumped on top of her and mimed having sex. Jo was mortified but also unable to stop laughing as Amber reached out and pulled Una over on top of them too. Una and Amber very naughtily rubbed porridge into Jo’s muff as she giggled and screamed thrashing about wildly. She then managed to roll over and get on top of Amber and started rubbing the porridge all over her. Then both girls got Una on the floor and rubbed and tickled her with the porridge before they all got up and took their applause.
“Next up we have Jennifer Metcalfe from Hollyoaks” said Chris as the topless and thong wearing Jennifer stepped forward covered in baked beans and mushy peas. “Are you okay with doing this. I have to ask you?” Chris asked her. “Yes, Bong It’ll be raining baked beans and mushy peas” Jennifer replied repeating her News at Jen lines. Jennifer stepped forward bent over and removed her thong wiggling her athletically pert bum to the camera before turning around to reveal a cleanly shagged but gungy muff. She dropped to her knees threw her arms up in the air and screamed Bong It’ll be raining baked beans and mushy peas”. Den Heggarty ran back on and gave her 3 buckets of baked beans over the head. Jennifer let them all slowly run down her and then began to sexily role around in them. Lisa Snowdon was pushed forward by Katie Thistleton so Lisa grabbed Katie’s hand and they both joined Jennifer in the beans and Den covered them with 5 more buckets of mushy peas. They writhed around in the orange and green mush giving each other shampoos and sticking beans and peas in some rather naughty places. All three then got up and took their bows.
“Now it’s The Saturdays” said Chris. “Are you all okay to do it?” he asked as the topless and gunge covered girls stepped forward. “We’re going to show our Muffs apart from Una who couldn’t get hers out soon enough” they sang in unison. “The stage is your ladies” said Chris. Mollie stepped up. The other girls sang “Mollie is blonde but is her muff, you’ll see soon enough”. Mollie did a sexy walk up and down the stage and took off the leather swimsuit to reveal a leather press stud thong which she popped open to reveal a blonde likely dyed neatly trimmed muff. Una threw two buckets of oxtail soup over her which Mollie sexily massaged into her body. Next up was Frankie as Rochelle and Michelle sang “According to Wayne she Just Can’t Get Enough, But now we’ll see her muff”. Frankie danced sexily up and down the stage and then bent over and pulled her knickers down. She jumped out of them and turned around doing a shocked and surprised look to show a clean shaven muff. Una emptied two buckets of shaving foam over Frankie’s head and she rubbed it into her body especially massaging it into her muff.
Vanessa then stepped forward as Rochelle sang “Vanessa smokes a bong through her big afro muff” Vanessa laughing at what Rochelle had sung sexily strutted around the stage and then dropped her lacy black knickers to reveal a very hairy afro muff. Una emptied two buckets of white sauce over Vanessa who rubbed it in and mock pretended to smoke a joint via her muff. Finally all the girls sang “Rochelle is pregnant, so she clearly got enough, now we’ll see her fishy muff”. Rochelle embarrassed at the fishy joke slowly stepped forward and wigged her growing breasts to the crowd. Mollie pulled her skirt down which she stepped out of. Rochelle turned her back to the audience as Frankie pulled her knickers down and Rochelle stood there wiggling her bare bum. Vanessa bought a chair on and put it in front of Rochelle who sat down on it. Vanessa spun the chair around and Rochelle facing the audience opened her legs to reveal a growing dark curly muff. Una emptied two buckets of custard over Rochelle’s head and she sexily rubbed it into her body and now slightly visible baby bump. The other girls gently rubbed it into their pregnant band mate taking care of her as she giggled away and the audience cheered.
“I can be naughty and messy even when I’m pregnant” shouted a still seated Rochelle. “As long as you feel safe and don’t totter about in high heels like our Maisie” said Chris as Maisie Smith tottered on naked and gunge covered in her heels. “Una used to be able to do the splits but at nearly 40 I doubt she could and if she did her old bones wouldn’t allow her to get back up” teased Frankie. “I bet I still can and I’m only 38” retorted Una. “She can remember seeing the original Tiswas as a baby. She’s that old” mocked Mollie. “I’ll show you, lets do the splits together Maisie” said Una. As the girls all cheered Una and Maisie both slid into the splits. “Una threw a lot of stuff over us” said Vanessa. “Sock it too us” shouted Maisie as Mollie, Frankie and Vanessa threw buckets of custard, oxtail soup, shaving foam and white sauce over Maisie and Una in the splits. Both girls began to laugh as they were covered and then swung around and rolled over in the mush. Vanessa, Mollie and Frankie all joined in the fun before all 5 girls got up and ran over to Rochelle and rubbed the stuff into her face and hair.
“Oh I missed that fun in my condition” said a slightly disappointed Rochelle. “Well we can make up for that as we are now going to hold your baby shower where I believe you’ll receive some lovely gifts” said Chris laughing. “I really wonder what stuff I’ll end up getting” replied Rochelle laughing. “I think this needs to be handled by a woman so please welcome back Martell Maxwell” said Chris.
The naked and gunge covered Martell Maxwell walked back on and thanked Chris. “The rules are simple Rochelle will receive two gifts from each lady but to qualify to present Rochelle a gift you have to be a mum and Rochelle has to be able to see your breasts even if you don’t show them to the camera. Each lady will state her age and number of children she has e.g Martell Maxwell 43 and 3” Martell said.
Rochelle’s seat was moved to centre stage and some baby bunting put around the base of the seat. Rochelle sat back down and looked in mock horror at a line of giggling ladies all armed with two buckets. “The important word here is shower we will all shower Rochelle with gifts. One will be water and the other will be something nice” teased Martell. “I cannot wait” replied Rochelle in a mocking tone but she was clearly loving it.
“First up we have Jo Swinson” said Martell. The naked Jo walked forward hugged Rochelle and said “Jo Swinson 4 and 2”. She wiggled her boobs in Rochelle’s face and emptied a bucket of cold water over Rochelle’s gunge covered head and then a bucket of spaghetti over her. Rochelle screamed but sat there giggling as the spaghetti ran down her. Jo kissed her and gently patted her baby bump. Rochelle wiped her eyes and looked to see who was next. “We now have Rosamund Pike” said Martell. Rosamund walked forward giggling and said “Rosamund Pike 41 and 2”. “I bet it’s something horrible” shouted Rochelle. “Patience” replied Rosamund and emptied a bucket of cold water over Rochelle’s head. Typically Rosamund had added ice cubes. She then picked up her second bucket and said “This needs patience as it’s black treacle for a gorgeous black lady in full bloom”. Rosamund emptied the treacle over Rochelle’s head. Rochelle let it slowly run down her face over her boobs and onto her baby bump. Rosamund gave Rochelle a huge hug and then knelt down and kissed her baby bump whilst Rochelle rubbed treacle into Rosamund’s already totally matted hair.
“Having fun Rochelle?” Martell asked the treacle covered Rochelle who was trying to wipe her eyes. “The next bucket of water will be useful” Rochelle joked. “Next up with have Thandie Newton” said Martell. Thandie stepped forward and said “Thandie Newton OBE 47 and 3”. Thandie hugged Rochelle and said “Lets wet the baby’s head” and threw the water in Rochelle’s lap. She then emptied a bucket of flour over Rochelle’s head. Rochelle coughed with the flour as it stuck to the treacle and turned her into a white sticky mess. “Oh were we doing titles” said Jo popping back in. “Jo Swinson CBE 40 and 2”. “Am I getting double” giggled Rochelle looking down the line at about 20 odd ladies stood there with buckets waving at her. “Here’s some more spaghetti” said Jo emptying another bucket over Rochelle’s head, “And you’ll be pleased to have some water” she added as she tipped a bucket of cold water over Rochelle’s head. Rochelle shuddered but was glad to have some water to help wash a bit of the gunge off.
“Next up we have Jennifer Metcalfe” said Martell. “Bong” Rochelle said jokingly to Jennifer. “Bong,Jennifer Metcalfe 36 and 1” Jennifer replied and emptied a bucket of pleasantly tepid water over Rochelle’s head. “Thanks so much Jen” said Rochelle and reached out and hugged her. Jennifer sat on Rochelle’s lap and said “I bet you can guess what comes next?” . “Baked Beans and Mushy Peas” replied Rochelle. “Bong, exactly” replied Jennifer and emptied a mixed bucket of baked beans and mushy peas over their heads jointly. Jennifer stuck a baked bean in Rochelle’s belly button and kissed her little bump when she left.
“Kym Marsh is up next” said Martell. “Oh it’s now the boob job part of the Baby Shower” joked Rochelle as the topless Kym stepped forward. “Kym Marsh, Ryder, Lomas fake boobs, a Granny 43 and 4” said Kym laughing and referencing her different names over the years. “Here’s so water for the baby” Kym continued and threw a bucket of cold water at Rochelle’s muff and then emptied a bucket of stale ale over Rochelle’s head. “Beer is good for your hair” said Kym hugging Rochelle who was wiping the slightly stinging ale out of her eyes.
“Sheena Easton is next” said Martell as the custard pie covered tartan bikini bottom and retro Tiswas t-shirt wearing Sheena stepped up. “I didn’t know you had children?” Martell asked Sheena. “Well I adopted two in the 1990’s” said Sheena. “Let her do it I want to see those silicone tits” shouted Rochelle. Sheena walked towards Rochelle and began to lift her t-shirt up. “Sheena Easton, tits care of Beverley Hills plastic surgeon best $6,000 I ever spent 61 and two adopted children” Sheena said. She intended to flash Rochelle her boobs but Rochelle pulled the t-shirt off over Sheena’s head. Sheena covered up her boobs in shock. “Once items of clothing come off they cannot go back on” Rochelle reminded Sheena. “Well it was going to come off later on anyone” said Sheena and pushed her bust playfully into Rochelle’s face. She then turned around and showed the cheering audience her boobs. “Money well spent” she shouted. “Have some water” Sheena said throwing a bucket of cold water straight at Rochelle’s head and added “Here is something we are both fans of” and stuck a bucket of custard pie cream right on Rochelle’s head. She removed the bucket and rubbed some delicately on the baby bump and then stuck a handful up Rochelle’s fanny. Rochelle squealed as Sheena said “Payback lassy” then hugged Rochelle warmly.
“Oh it’s me next” said Martell and grabbed two buckets from nearby. “Martell Maxwell 43 and 3” Martell said. She threw her bucket of water at Rochelle’s little bump and then emptied a bucket of chip shop batter over Rochelle’s head. They hugged and Martell resumed her position.
“Next we have Fiona Bruce” said Martell as a topless, knicker wearing and gunge covered Fiona stepped forward. “Fiona Bruce 56 and 2” said Fiona. “Wow you are 56, you look amazing” replied Rochelle complimenting Fiona. “They are impressive” said Fiona putting Rochelle’s hands on her boobs and then knocking them away playfully and adding “I have a don’t touch policy”. “Here’s some water” Fiona said emptying another bucket of pleasantly warm water over Rochelle’s head. “Thanks Fiona” said Rochelle but then Fiona emptied a bucket of strawberry yogurt over Rochelle’s head. Rochelle wiped her eyes clear as Fiona wiped the gunge off Rochelle’s little bump.
“How many more Martell?” Rochelle asked adding “I’ll need a pee soon”. Rosamund ran back on and lay under Rochelle’s chair. Rochelle was laughing and said “Move or you making me laugh may make me pee. “We’ll take a break” said Martell.
The break ended with a portaloo seen being wheeled off and Rochelle sitting back down. “We had to bring the loo to Rochelle as she is so messy” said Martell. The still gunge covered and naked Rochelle replied “I washed my hands” showing about the only none gunge covered part of her body.
“Kate Duchess of Cambridge is next” said Martell. The gunge covered braless, knickerless but skinny jeans and stripped sports shirt wearing Kate stepped forward. “I declared that portaloo open” Kate joked. “I think you used it just before me judging the the smell and please remember to flush seeing a floater when you are pregnant and gunge covered isn’t nice” Rochelle blurted out. Kate’s mouth open and closed in shock and she fell to her knees laughing. “I definitely flushed Rochelle but I did warn the next user to leave it a few minutes” Kate replied. “I can’t believe we are joking about the future Queen of England’s toilet habits” Martell chipped in. “She’s got to show me her flat chested tits too” Rochelle said clearly enjoying trying embarrass Kate. “They are pleasantly petite actually” Kate retorting seemingly to be having a blast. “You need to introduce yourself your Royal Flat Chestedness” said Martell joining in the fun at Kate’s expense. “Okay Catherine, Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge, Future Flat Chested Queen of England, Definite Flusher, 38 and 3 GCVO” said Kate to warm applause. “What’s GCVO?” asked Rochelle “Who gives a ****” Kate replied there was a hushed silence then everyone roared with laughter.
Kate walked up to Rochelle and stuck Rochelle’s head up her shirt and then shone her phone light down her top so Rochelle could see her boobs. “I can’t find them” Rochelle teased. Suddenly Kate yelped “I’ve found them and gave one a little bite” shouted Rochelle from under Kate’s shirt. Rochelle’s head reemerged “Sorry Duchess you are definitely flat chested” she said as Kate gave her a warm hug. “Here is your bucket of water” said Kate and emptied the bucket over Rochelle’s head. “And this is for all the flat chested jokes remember pleasantly petite and this is from the corgis” Kate continued and emptied a bucket of fake dog muck as used on Ashleigh Butler in Compost Corner earlier in the night over Rochelle’s head. Rochelle screamed as she wondered what it was but realising it was fake began to laugh and said “Cheers Kate”.
“Next we have Trinny Woodall” said Martell. The naked and gungy Trinny walked on and embraced Rochelle. “Trinny Woodall, even more flat chested than Kate 56 and 1” she said. “Have some water” she said throwing her water at Rochelle’s breasts. Then she emptied a bucket of eggs over Rochelle’s head before producing a final egg which no one was sure where she stored it and smashing it into Rochelle’s head.
“Next we have Katherine Jenkins” announced Martell as Katherine reappeared having been away helping on the phones foe several parts. She was still gungy and in her belly dancing outfit. “Katherine Jenkins OBE 39 and 2” she said and quickly pulled down her bra like top to flash Rochelle her impressive boobs but kept her back to the audience. “Here is something different Rochelle” she said and emptied a bucket of cheese sauce over Rochelle’s head. “That tastes nice” said Rochelle as the thick yellow substance slowly ran down her face and body. “Here’s some water for the little one” Katherine said and gently emptied a bucket of luke warm water over Rochelle’s stomach.
“Next we have Christine Lampard” said Martell as the treacle covered and skimpy bikini wearing Christine returned from her stint on the phones. “Christine Lampard 41 and 1” Christine said and went to empty one of her buckets over Rochelle’s head. “You have to show me your boobs first as part of this Baby Shower rules” Rochelle reminded her. “Very funny” said Christine. “No you do have to” Martell confirmed. “Okay then” said Christine turning away from the audience and undoing her bikini top and slipping it off but keeping it in her hands. She quickly flashed Rochelle her boobs and want to put it back on. “Sorry you cannot put any item of clothing back on once it is fully removed” Martell stated. Christine looked to the sky and said “Shit I forgot” she tried to keep her boobs covered and pick up a bucket of water one handed but slipped and fell back with the water going over her. “Okay I give up here they are” she said turning around and showing the audience her impressive but treacle covered boobs which were now wet with the water. “You’ve got amazing boobs Christine” Rochelle complimented her. “Cheers Rochelle, Frank says that too and you are and will be an amazing mum” Christine replied but emptied a bucket of thick cold gravy over Rochelle’s head but gave her a huge hug and ran off laughing still carrying her bikini top.
“Next also making a return we have Songs of Praise presenter Claire McCollum” announced Martell as the custard covered but still fully clothed Claire walked forward. “Claire McCollum 45 and 2” Claire said. “Christine made a silly mistake just now” she added as she took her football shirt off to reveal a black sports bra. “Let’s see the Holy boobs” Rochelle joked. Claire with her back to the audience lifted her sports bra up to flash Rochelle before pulling it back down. “Fair pair Claire” Rochelle said. “My husband calls me that” replied Claire getting more confidence. “I’ve bought you some custard” she added and tipped a bucket of custard over Rochelle’s head and then tipped another bucket of lukewarm water over her. “I knew you’d be nice” Rochelle said as Claire hugged her.
“Next we have Elisabeth Dermot Walsh” said Martell as the naked and gunge covered Elisabeth stepped forward. “You have got a big bush” said Rochelle looking at Elisabeth”s bushy growth. “Elisabeth Dermot Walsh hairiest muff on show 45 and 2” said a laughing Elisabeth. “Water for the baby” Elisabeth stated emptying her water on Rochelle’s bump and muff. “Try this Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup. I had it down my boobs and knickers earlier” Elisabeth said and emptied the unusual soup over Rochelle’s head. “Agh it’s disgusting” said Rochelle. “Good I use it to grow my muff” joked Elisabeth as she hugged Rochelle.
“We now have Cathy Newman” announced Martell. Cathy bounded on gunged and in a topless basque and frilly knickers. “Cathy Newman, Posh bird newsreader but an amazing shag 45 and 2” Cathy announced joking. “Who told you that?” asked Martell. “All the guys I’ve ever shagged” Cathy replied still clearly up for having fun. “How many husband’s have you had?” Rochelle asked. “Only one of my own” Cathy replied. “Right here are my boobs” she added pushing them right into a laughing Rochelle’s face. “Here’s your water” Cathy said and threw a bucket of ice cold water right in Rochelle’s face. She then produced a big cream cake from her other bucket. “That’s different” said Rochelle. “Yes you are going to sit in it” Cathy replied. “Shit in it?” Rochelle responded joking. “You can do what you like once you’ve planted your bum in it” Cathy concluded. “Fair enough, it’ll be different” said Rochelle and stood up as Cathy put the cake on her seat. Rochelle sat firmly down and the cream shot out. “Feels quite nice I might try that again” Rochelle said wiggling around in the cream as she embraced Cathy.
“Next we have Nadia Sawalha” said Martell as the naked and cake covered Nadia Sawalha bounced onto the set. “Nadia Sawalha should really know better at my age 55 and 2” Nadia said. “Here’s some water” she added emptying a bucket of pleasantly chilled water over Rochelle’s head. “I thought you’d do something really naughty so thanks” said Rochelle. “Funny you should say that here are some very cold baked beans” said Nadia knowing Rochelle didn’t like these. She slowly emptied the beans over Rochelle’s destroyed hair and rubbed them all into her boobs and gently into her bump before giving Rochelle a long hug.
“Next we have Gwen Stefani” said Martell as the baked beans and mushy pea covered bikini wearing singer stepped forward. “Gwen Stefani 50 and 3” Gwen announced and turning to face Rochelle whipped her boobs out and then put them back in. “Here try this fruit smoothie” she said and emptied the thick liquid over Rochelle’s head. “Tastes nice” Rochelle joked. “Here is some water too” Gwen said and threw the water high over Rochelle’s head to leave her messy. “What a silly blonde I am” Gwen joked as she congratulated Rochelle but Rochelle had undone Gwen’s bra and whipped it off over her head. “You bitch” said Gwen laughing and ran off with her pert boobs bouncing but she returned with a bucket full of icy water with ice cubes in it and threw it at Rochelle’s muff. Rochelle screamed as the ice hit her but got two ice cubes and iced up her nipples.
“Next we have a last minute addition Danielle and Jodie Nicholls” announced Martell. The topless and gungy sisters bounced on. “Danielle Nicholls 41 and 5” Danielle said and Jodie added “Jodie Nicholls 38 and 2”. “Five, you must have one hell of a bucket” joked Rosamund. “Well I’ve got a bucket of this mushy peas” said Danielle and emptied it over Rochelle’s head. “Here’s the water” added Jodie and threw it at Rochelle cleaning her down a bit. The three ladies generously embraced.
“Next we have I think there was been some mistake it’s Maisie Smith” said Martell as Maisie tottered on. “Maisie Smith 18 and no kids that I know of” said Maisie. “Then why are you here?” asked Martell. “What am I like” said Maisie and emptied a bucket of water and oxtail soup over her head, hugged Rochelle and tottered off again. Suddenly Sally James appeared on video link. “You were supposed to do it for me Maisie” she said. “Oh yes I remember now” said Maisie as everyone laughed and chanted Maisie. “Sally James 69 and 3” Sally said and quickly flashed her still impressive boobs to huge cheers. “Love you Sal” shouted Rochelle. “I’ll give you her buckets” said Martell and emptied another bucket of water over Rochelle’s head and then a bucket of gunge surrounding Rochelle she had quickly grabbed into a bucket. “Good to recycle” Rochelle joked.
“We finally have your bandmates Una Healy and Frankie Bridge” said Martell. The two naked ladies walked on and hugged Rochelle. “Frankie Bridge 31 and 2” Frankie said. “Una Healy 38 not 67 as Rochelle says and 2” said Una. “Firstly you’ll produce lots of this” said Frankie and emptied a bucket of cold milk over Rochelle’s head which made her scream. “This is for all the old jokes” said Una and tipped a bucket of fish guts over Rochelle’s head. “They are rank. Can I have the water now” pleaded Rochelle. “We have no water status as bandmates” Una said. “You’ll see lots of this in a few months” said Frankie and emptied a bucket of pureed carrots over Rochelle’s head. “And finally if my elderly bones can lift this” joked Una and emptied a bucket of baby food over Rochelle’s head. They both hugged and kissed Rochelle and gently tickled her belly button and bump. “I love you two” Rochelle said. “We love you too, you are an incredible mum and a wonderful sport” replied Una as everyone cheered Rochelle.
“Let’s give Rochelle and her little bump other huge cheer. She has taken over 20 buckets of water and 20 different items of gunge” said Martell. Everyone cheered Rochelle as Maisie walked back on and emptied a bucket of confetti over Rochelle’s head. “Thanks so much I’m proud to take as good a gunging as anyone else here tonight and it meant a lot for it to be from so many other amazing mums” said Rochelle getting a bit emotional.
Chris Tarrant walked back on applauding “That was a fun segment and I’m delighted to announce that we have now raised £4, 023,667”. Everyone cheered and gathered around Rochelle. “Can I have some water please Chris” she pleaded. “Okay” said Chris and emptied a cup of water over her head as the other girls left the stage. “A bit more water than that” Rochelle joked. “Well tell me what apart from buckets of water was Tiswas most famous for?” Chris asked. “Custard pies of course” replied Rochelle. “Well funny you should say that” replied Chris as each girl ran back on with a couple of custard pies and stuck them on a screaming Rochelle’s head and boobs. Flanderella ran back on with two more pies and hurled a couple of buckets of water at Rochelle and the girls.
A totally destroyed Rochelle sat on the chair laughing at the state of herself before wiping her eyes clear and standing up totally destroyed but tenderly cradling her little bump. Sheena and Martell had caught hold of Flanderella as the other girls warned the Phantom Flan Flinger off when he came onto try and rescue her. The struggling Flanderella was bought forward. “Would you do the honours please Rochelle” Chris asked. Rochelle walked forward and took the wig and mask off. Everyone looked trying to recognise who it was. “It’s Michael Jackson” Maisie announced and got yet another pie in the face from Chris. “I know her, it’s British Actress Jaimie Murray” said Thandie. “What are you doing here you were doing well in the US” she added.
Jaimie said nothing but smiled a wicked smile as Martell and Sheena kept hold of her and marched her off to the cage. Stepping forward Chris said “Please stay with us for Part 12 and maybe longer on the Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival to find out just why Jaimie Murray was dressed as Flanderella as we delve into the Phantom’s private life. The Tiswas Torture Wheel Challenge featuring Rosamund, Thandie and Katie. A musical number featuring Gwen and Sheena plus the Greatest Show on Legs”.
As Chris signed off the Phantom was seen skipping in the background with a seemingly second Flanderella or a similarly dressed person.
Why do you think Jaimie was Flanderella and what should happen to her?
Who could the additional member of the Phantom’s Family be any why?
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
The sports news producers were pleased at the interest that their Alternative Euro 2020 had generated, and had duly made it their featured TV show in the evenings. They were also happy at the response from many companies who clamoured to get one of the TV advert slots immediately before and after, and during the shows.
The online voting for the Group Stages had now concluded, and the producers wanted a big name to be the presenter of the forthcoming shows, to capitalise on the show’s popularity.
They chose Countdown presenter Rachel Riley as she was sexy, popular, knew a lot about football and had previously presented similar types of programmes, notably Messy Countdown. At first, Rachel was hesitant about agreeing to the offer, but the producers kept upping the financial package until it became a relatively easy choice for her to make, even if it would probably mean that she would inadvertently get messy at some stage of the competition.
Fast forward to the present, and the blonde mathematician opened up the results show for the Group Stages. With her hair tied up at the back and wearing a silky and strapless blue dress and high heel shoes, Rachel strode onto the studio floor and took in the applause from the audience.
”Hello and welcome to the Alternative Euro 2020. I am your host Rachel Riley, and we have a fun-packed show for you tonight, with the results from all 6 groups, a preview of the match-ups in the Round of 16, and a few messy surprises for a couple of the ladies who didn’t make it through to the next round!”
”Let’s crack on with the show! Before we reveal the full results from the group stages, we’re going to have a little fun with the 6 ladies who finished in third position in their respective groups.”
”As we know, the winners and runners-up of each group will progress automatically through to the next round, as will the 4 third placed ladies who attracted the highest votes.”
The leggy blonde slowly walks over to an area of the stage which has a large curtain in front of it. With a flick of her heels and her girly walk, Rachel started to pull the curtain back which revealed a row of 6 wooden pillories. The audience cheered as they took in the view of 6 sports presenters secured in each of them. They were all slightly bent over at an angle of 45 degrees with their heads and hands poking out of the circular holes in the pillories, and facing the audience. As the camera zoomed in for close-ups of the captive ladies, it became clear that each of the 6 ladies were attired identically:-
•A tight white t-shirt which was several sizes too small, with their names emblazoned on the back with the number 3.
•A pair of skimpy white bikini briefs with ties at the sides
•A pair of white high heel shoes
A gleaming Rachel stood to the left of the row of pillories “Hello ladies, and let’s see who we have from left to right:-
”Four of you have advanced to the next round, but two of you will be eliminated. If you are one of the four, then you will be immediately released from the pillory and be able to leave the stage clean and dignity intact. However, if you are one of the two ladies who have gone out of the competition, then you will be remaining in your respective pillory so that you can receive a few consolation prizes.”
”Ok then, I can tell you that there were 2 ladies with the most votes and that was Alex and Laura with 18. Close behind and collecting 16 votes was Reshmin.”
The tops of the announced ladies three pillories automatically opened and allowed the relieved looking trio to stand upright, wave to the audience and make their way off the stage.
Rachel turned to the remaining three pilloried ladies and smiled “Only one of you will be free to go, but who will it be……?”
The main studio lights dimmed and three spotlights focused onto the heads of Emma, Kate and Rachel B. Dramatic music started playing as the tension mounted before abruptly stopping and allowing Rachel to speak “I can announce that Emma received 15 votes, Kate got 12 and Rachel B attracted 8 votes! Which means Emma is free to go!”
The top of Emma’s pillory opened and the blonde stunner let out a huge sigh of relief before skipping off the stage. The audience certainly enjoyed the view as it was evident she was bra-less, as her chest wobbled about freely inside her tight t-shirt.
”So that leaves us with Kate and Rachel B who will be departing the competition tonight, but before they do, we have a little something for them.”
From the side of the stage, walked on 5 male university students aged between 19 and 22. Rachel explained that they had recently won a sports team quiz on the sports channel and their ‘prize’ was to deliver ‘consolation prizes’ on the Euro 2020 shows.
Each of them held 2 items in their hands. Rachel B screwed her head to the side so she could see them approaching. ‘I can’t believe it’ she thought to herself ‘It’s bad enough that I’m going to be sploshed, but to be sploshed by guys half my age makes it even more embarrassing!”
”Are you ready for your prizes ladies?” quipped Rachel.
Grunts and groans could only be heard from the duo, as Rachel gave the eager students the sign to begin.
The first student had 2 eggs and proceeded to slap each of them onto the tops of the ladies heads. Egg yolk made a mess of Kate’s and Rachel B’s hair, as it dripped onto their foreheads and down their faces.
“Yuck!” exclaimed a disgusted looking Kate, whilst Rachel B stared solemnly at the camera with egg dripping off her nose and chin.
Student number two had two tins of cold tomato soup and carefully poured each can over the presenters heads. The orange slop was thick and quickly matted their hair.
The third student took a different approach and decided to walk around the back of the pillory. Both Kate and Rachel B looked concerned as they now couldn’t see what the student was doing. However, they soon felt a gloopy splash on their backs as two jugs of cold gravy was simultaneously poured. The student directed the jugs so that the slimey substance covered not only their backs, but also gave their bikini brief-clad bottoms a generous coating. This had the added bonus of creating slow gravy drips down both ladies legs. Their thin tight t-shirts became plastered to their backs, and both ladies hoped that nothing was going to be splashed on the front of their t-shirts, as that would likely reveal a lot more than they would have ideally wanted to.
It was time for pudding, and the fourth student poured a bucket of thick chocolate sauce over both their heads. The sweet stuff engulfed them, and Rachel B was no longer a blonde! Kate shook her head violently in an attempt to stop the chocolate sauce flow, but it was all to no avail, as it still ended up covering most of her pretty face.
The final student showed that he was holding two large creamy custard pies and teased both ladies by waving them about in front of their faces. He looked like he was enjoying seeing the sports presenters squirm as they waited for the inevitable.
”Let them have it!” quipped Rachel
The student obeyed the blonde Countdown presenter and slapped both pies into the already messy faces of the ladies. Custard and cream engulfed their pretty features.
“Thanks guys, you did a good job there. Hope you like your prizes ladies! Haha!”
The slop covered duo raised their heads as best they could and gave the host a glare.
Rachel smiled before turning and facing the camera. In an excited tone, the blonde moved seamlessly onto the next part of the show “You know how much I like figures and stats, so let’s see the full voting results from the Group Stages!
“With a click of her fingers, a large TV monitor flickers into life and displays the full results from the Group Stages, which causes a few whoops and cheers from the audience.
”The 16 ladies highlighted in yellow can all give themselves a pie on the head, oops sorry, I meant a pat on the head as they all advance to the next stage. Natalie S, Anna and Kirsty were the most voted for ladies with 44, 38 and 33 votes respectively. It was very tight in Group C with 1 vote separating winner Jo and runner-up Jules. Vicky can count herself very unlucky in coming last in Group F, with only 2 votes separating second to fourth place. Rachel W and Reshmin advance to the next round at her expense. In Group B, Gabby was also unfortunate in being only 1 vote behind Emma.”
”Therefore, as well as Kate and Rachel B, we will be saying farewell to Bela, Gabby, Jacqui, Kelly, Orla and Vicky. Don’t be too despondent ladies, as I hear that the sports news producers are planning a special one-off show for all Group Stage losers.”
Swivelling around to face the still pilloried Kate and Rachel B, the blonde mathematician teased “That’s something you can both look forward to, eh?”
Without waiting for an answer, Rachel giggled and turned to face the camera again “It’s time to preview the Round of 16, so let’s see what the match-ups are.”
Match 1
In a battle between new and not-so-new presenters, it’s Alice against Hayley. Which lady will come out on top?
Match 2
Boxing presenter Anna will hope to show some fighting skills against Brighton fan Jules. Will Jules be able to put up a strong enough defence to be victorious?
Match 3
In a battle of the blondes, it’s Scottish Jo against English Laura. Will fans north of the border be cheering, or will it be fans south of the border?
Match 4
Some London rivalry in the fourth match as West Ham fan Bianca is paired against Spurs fab Reshmin. Will it be the Hammer or the Spur that will be smiling after the votes are in?
Match 5
Brunette Michelle goes up against F1 presenter Natalie. Could Michelle make it through or will it Natalie drive to victory?
Match 6
41 year old Sarah-Jane faces a tricky opponent in ex-footballer Alex. Who will come out on top?
Match 7
Scotland’s Kirsty faces Ireland’s Rachel. Which side of the Irish Sea will be celebrating?
Match 8
And finally, and similar to Match 1, this is another match up featuring a not-so-new presenter in Natalie and new presenter Emma. Will experience count, or will youth win?
”So there you have it! Voting is now open, so who do you want to see progress to the next round? The choice is yours! Polls will close Tuesday 6pm (BST).”
As the credits started to roll, the camera focused on Kate and Rachel B who were still in the pillory. Meanwhile, Rachel had walked over to them and unfastened the top of both pillories before walking away. The messy Kate and Rachel B stood up and used their hands to wipe the muck from their faces. They were so busy doing this, they didn’t notice that the five students had returned carrying two buckets of water each.
One of them blurted out “We feel really sorry to have messed you up, so we thought we would come back on and help you clean up!”
Both Kate and Rachel B suddenly looked up to see the 5 laughing students in front of them. Before they could do anything, the students started to energetically throw their buckets over the two presenters. The duo squealed as the water splashed their fronts. Whilst it helped clean their faces a little, it also ensured their tight t-shirts became quickly plastered to their chests like a second skin, which revealed their bouncy tits in all their glory. The final credits rolled and the programme ended as a shocked Kate and Rachel B, frantically used their arms and hands to cover their modesty.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
An eerie silence hangs in the air. A camera glides high over a similarly eerie spectacle – row after row of dimly-lit empty seats. The stage is also shrouded in shadow, but the playing areas laid out with game apparatus indicate that someone is expected in the studio. Back-centre, the medieval catapult protrudes hauntingly from a deep blanket of dry-ice fog, which obscures any view of the dreaded sludge pool. But there is no reason to suspect the pool is empty.
The camera view tilts upwards, capturing the two winding staircases that lead to the red- and blue-rimmed archways. A giant screen that hangs between these archways – a new fixture to the studio.
A stark white spotlight clinks on, trained on the blue-rimmed archway. While the silence persists, a petite, olive-skinned brunette steps out.
Clara is attired in a shimmering thin-strapped dress – blue of course – that nestles loosely about her small but very pert bust and reaches but a third of the way down her toned thighs. Her olive-green eyes fix the camera, the smallest of smug smiles upon her small mouth. The only sound is the soft clicking of her high heels as she gracefully takes the stairs.
Marked out on the stage are three circles, widely spaced. One circle is red, lined up with where the red staircase terminates. Another is blue, likewise aligned with the staircase that Clara is currently descending. The third circle, between the two but at a generous length from either, is white. It is this circle in which Clara goes to stand, the spotlight trained on her.
Clara: [Deep breath] So. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be back in the studio, and I never imagined it’d be under circumstances such as these. But here I am and it’s great to be here. [Looks around] But hey folks, why so quiet? Make some noise!!
Around the studio, lights snap on. Fountains of confetti explode. The giant screen at the back of the studio bursts into life, displaying a tiled view from many different web-cams and phone cameras. Hundreds of people – alone or in couples – in living rooms and bedrooms and back gardens and balconies – clap and cheer, the tiles switching to show even more.
Clara: That’s more like it! Hello everyone! The auditorium may be empty but this is the biggest audience we’ve ever had, as thousands of you log-in amid the lockdown! Never mind the pandemic, Grudge-2-Sludge has gone vir− err, it’s spread far and wide. I’m Clara Quick, keeping you entertained during these troubled times with some very high-profile contestants, a deep-festering grudge, some stupendous silly games and of course… [gestures behind her] A great big dollop of our signature sludge!
Clara cringes and wriggles in an exaggerated manner at this last one.
Clara: Thanks everyone for logging in, and please do share your thoughts via our instant-messaging system. I see already people are asking about Natalie’s whereabouts. I understand your concern, especially since she left the last series in something of a slurry, tee-hee! But I can report that she’s clean and well, and joins us by live link from her flat in North London. A big welcome please for Natalie Lloyd!
The tiled view on the big screen is replaced by a single web-cam image of Natalie. The radiant blonde is dressed in a smart scarlet suit-jacket, though she has ‘forgotten’ to wear a blouse.
Natalie: [waving zanily] Hi everyone!! Here I am – remote but not revoked! I’m really sorry I can’t be at the studio in person, but as Clara will tell you, there’s a very good reason I have to stay away from other people!
Clara: Yep, it’s cos she still stinks after her plop in the sludge!
Natalie: [pouts] Not funny, Clara. You know very well I have to isolate because I have a health condition that puts me at high risk!
Clara: [more serious tone] Yes of course, Natalie. I understand this is a worrying time for you. But hey, I see you’ve got a nice photo of Stuart to stop you feeling lonely.
Natalie: Oh, better than that – I’ve got the real thing! Stuey-kins, say hello!
Natalie reaches over and pulls Stuart into the shot by the scruff of the t-shirt he is wearing. He looks decidely tireder and less carefree than the photograph on the wall.
Natalie: Stuart is spending the shielding period in perfect isolation with me – it’s the best! [She squeezes Stuart’s cheek together] It’s just me and Stuey-kins, all alone in my flat – twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for as many months as is necessary! Isn’t that right, Stuey-kins?
Stuart looks wearily at the web-cam and answers with a very weak nod.
Natalie: Stuey-kins, could you make me a cup of tea please?
Stuart: [sighs] Of course, sweetheart. [Gets up and walks off]
Natalie: Oh, and Stuey-kins.
Stuart: Yes, honeybunch?
Natalie: Don’t forget the bickies – a digestive and a bourbon, if you don’t mind.
Stuart: Of course, darling.
Natalie waits until Stuart has gone, then rubs her hands together, grinning slyly.
Natalie: Oh yes, I think he regrets being so mean to me!
Clara: I can see that. Still, I wouldn’t mind being in the comfort of my own home myself right now. Have to say, Nat, I’m really nervous; we’ve never had such important guests on Grudge-2-Sludge before! I’ve been practicing all afternoon. What do you think?
Clara takes hold of the sides of her dress and lifts it up slightly while she bends her knees. She straightens up and releases the dress, waiting expectantly for Natalie’s response. Natalie just stares blankly out of the screen, so Clara repeats the motion.
Natalie: [frowning] Clara, if you need the toilet, you should nip backstage and use the facilities. Just because the studio’s empty, doesn’t mean you can squat and−
Clara: [snaps] It’s a curtsy! We’ve some very distinguished contestants appearing shortly − royal guests − and must accord them the proper respect. You should curtsy as well!
Natalie: Me!? How can I curtsy when I’m sat down in front of a computer?
Clara: Mmm, good point. Ah! We’ve had an instant message from someone called Trev Rep, suggesting that you bow instead!
Natalie: Like this?
Natalie leans forward, causing her jacket lapels to droop and her cleavage to become even more prominent in the flimsy bra she is wearing.
Clara: Ooh yes, some very positive feedback to that. But Trev says you need to practice a few dozen times. He also says that the closer to camera you are, the more respectf− Oh, screw it! I’ve just got word that they’re ready to come out!
Natalie: Righty ho! Our first contestant is 38 years old and originally from Berkshire, though now lives in Kensington with her husband and three children. Her job mostly involves shaking hands and opening sports centres, so she’s at a bit of a loose end right now, which is how we got her on the show! Please welcome, from the red corner… [pauses and frowns] Eh? It says ‘Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge’ here; I thought we were having Kate Middleton on.
Clara: [hisses] That’s her proper title! Now behave yourself!
While the online viewers clap and whistle, Kate walks out of the red-rimmed archway, wearing a very expensive wine-red dress with sheer sleeves and sequins. Her chestnut hair hangs loose about her shoulders. Apprehensive but determined, she descends the staircase with the poise befitting a future queen.
Kate goes to stand inside the red circle, a safe distance from Clara.
Clara: Y-Y-Y-Your M-M-Ma-Ma-Majesty! I mean, Y-Y-Your R-R-Royal Hi-Hi-Hi-Hi…
Clara’s trembling hands clutch at her dress, pulling it up roughly, and she bends her knee while keeping her eyes fixed on Kate. Unfortunately, she stoops too far and loses her balance, falling flat on her face before the Duchess. Her dress is hitched up, revealing her bum clad in a pair of tight black panties.
Natalie facepalms.
Kate: Please, call me Kate.
Clara: [sheepishly picks herself up and gets back within her circle] Kate, right.
Natalie: Welcome to Grudge-2-Sludge, Kate! I expect everyone already knows the answer to my next question, but for the purposes of good TV, I’ll ask it: Who do you have a grudge against?
Kate: Well Natalie, cast your mind back to January and you might remember a certain woman making the headlines. Certain woman called Meghan, do you remember…?
Clara: It seems like a lifetime ago but I do remember those headlines from January. It was the biggest royal upset since the time Prince Philip needed a tea-towel during a state visit to Abu Dhabi; now let’s meet the woman behind it! Our contestant from the blue corner, also 38, was born in Los Angeles. She’s flown across the Atlantic from wherever it is she and Harry live these days. Please welcome the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle!
Clapping – perhaps with a frosty edge, it’s hard to tell – issues from the home viewers as Meghan appears at the blue-rimmed archway. The actress is attired in a plainer but equally expensive dress in electric blue, which hugs tightly to her figure, short on the arms and long on the legs. Her black hair is drawn behind her head in a loose ponytail. Meghan flashes a dazzling smile and walks confidently down the staircase, to take her place in the blue circle.
Clara: [Directs a very careful curtsy at Meghan] Your Royal Highness, welcome!
Kate: [smugly] She’s not called Her Royal Highness anymore! She’s been stripped of that title!
Meghan: Yes, and it’s yet another example of the Royal Family’s petty vindictiveness towards me.
Natalie: Alright, we’ll get to hear those allegations in a moment. But first, Kate, tell us why you have a grudge against Meghan?
Kate: Thanks for the opportunity, Natalie. It goes like this…
Some genteel string music accompanies a video-reel, in which we zoom in from an aerial view onto Kensington Palace, the Cambridges’ official residence. We see Kate standing at the main door of the palace, gazing out over the stately lawns, holding a very delicate bone-china cup and saucer. Kate smiles at the camera, speaking in a haughty and slightly nasal voice as she strolls to a terrace, where William and Harry are seated, drinking tea. She seats herself between the pair of them.
Kate: The Royal life’s one of grace and charm,
Much loved by Wills and me.
We got on well with Harry too;
We were a happy three.
The three Royals relax and share some good-natured banter in the afternoon sunshine. Kate is midway through regaling Harry with an anecdote, when suddenly Meghan strolls onto the scene from the other side of Harry. Harry throws a casual glance in Meghan’s direction, but as soon he claps eyes on her he freezes and cartoon hearts begin to rise from his eyes. Kate’s face falls as her yarn-telling trails off. She tries snapping her fingers in front of Harry’s face, but can’t break his trance. While Kate and William exchange worried glances, a pleased smile rises on the face of Meghan, the entrancer.
Kate: [voiceover] But something changed four years ago,
When Meghan came along.
And though it seemed a sweet romance,
I knew something was wrong.
The next scene shows Meghan and Harry walking out of Buckingham Palace, flanked by servants carrying suitcases (with stickers such as “Headin’ Stateside”). Meghan is a step ahead of Harry and looks especially smug as the flashbulbs snap furiously around them. Cut to Kate sitting alone at a dining table. On the table is a birthday cake with smouldering candles and some uneaten party food. Looking very glum, Kate blows a deflated party blower out of the corner of her mouth.
Kate: [voiceover] In January came the day,
My fears were all confirmed.
And MY BIRTHDAY [angry emphasis] was the day they chose,
To break this to the world!
Over in America, Meghan and Harry are living it large. Meghan turns on the ready-made emotion as she pours out her heart on a chat-show sofa. Harry is doing business deals with shadowy suit-clad figures. All around them are piles of tacky merchandise bearing their grinning faces and the brand ‘Sussex Royal’. Meghan grins as she counts a big stack of money.
Kate: [voiceover] She’s cashing in on royal ties,
And that just will not do.
She wants to scoff her Windsor cake,
Yet get to keep it too!
Back at the palace, the butler brings Kate a parcel that has been delivered by air mail. Kate excitedly opens it, but her face falls when she pulls out a mug with Meghan’s mug on it.
Kate: [waving the mug at the camera] To show the Queen such disrespect
Can’t be too harshly judged.
The Tower is too good for her,
So SLING HER IN THE SLUDGE!!
Back in the present, the big screen shows assorted viewers booing and giving the thumbs-down to Meghan. She stands her ground, hands on her hips and a petulant expression on her face.
Clara: Oh dear, oh dear! Meghan, your antics haven’t gone down well with our online viewers! It’s interesting – last series we had an edition of Flan The Frauds featuring lookalikes of yourself…
Meghan: You’re lucky I didn’t take legal action over that.
Clara: [ignoring Meghan] …And even the wackiest things the frauds came up with didn’t come close to what has actually happened. Tell me, do you derive some kind of egomaniacal pleasure sowing discord in the world’s most famous family?
Meghan: [rolls eyes] This has nothing to do with the Royal family. It’s about Harry and I doing what’s best for ourselves, and that means escaping the glare of the press!
Natalie: A fair point, don’t you think, Kate? If Meghan and Harry want to escape of the media goldfish bowl and live an ordinary life – trademarking their faces, doing interviews with Oprah Winfrey, flying to climate conferences by private jet… – then they’re as entitled to do that as the next Average Joe, are they not?
Kate: Well you just made the point yourself, Natalie – they’re basking in media attention more than ever! And they’re dragging down the good name of the monarchy in the process! Sussex Royal – it sounds like a brand of apple!
Meghan: Actually, we do do a line in apples! [Pulls an apple out of her pocket and holds it up, making sure the sticker is facing the camera].
Clara: Oi! No product placement! The same goes for you, Nat!
Natalie hurriedly hides a can of Clincha she was taking a cheeky sip from.
Clara: Meghan, you can’t deny that these tacky products are an abuse of your royal connections! The Queen is far from happy!
Meghan: Yeah, well Liz is a feisty old girl and doesn’t need her [jabs a finger towards Kate] to fight her battles for her! Kate should keep her nose out; it’s none of her business!
Natalie: Apart from the fact that you chose her birthday to drop your bombshell! A bit spiteful!
Kate: Yeah!
Meghan: [rolls eyes again] Newsflash – the world doesn’t revolve around Princess Kate and the sanctity of her precious birthday!
Clara: Indeed it doesn’t. That’s why you’ve now got the chance to put your side of the story!
Meghan: [self-pitiously] It’s a story seldom told.
Kate: [mutters] Except on every chat show down the east coast…
Kate’s muttering fades out as another video-reel commences. This time we see Meghan strolling in the grounds of the palace, under some trees. Across the lawn she sees Kate, William and Harry sitting at the terrace having a jolly time. Meghan remains in the shadows, brooding, before addressing the camera:
Meghan: The press have not been fair to me;
A witch-hunt I did face.
But peer beneath Kate’s saintly air,
You’ll find she’s lacking grace.
Meghan approaches the terrace. Kate, who has been talking animatedly, falls quiet as Meghan arrives, her lip curling in distaste. This time, Harry is seated between Kate and William, so Meghan has to sit down beside Kate. She tries to impart a friendly comment to Kate, but Kate turns away, angling her chair so she has her back to Meghan. Frowning, Meghan tries to speak to Harry and William, but Kate blocks her, restarting the trio’s conversation. Meghan looks downhearted, but cheers up when she sees a plate of biscuits. But as she reaches a hand to them, Kate snatches them up and offers them to the boys.
Meghan: [voiceover] I’ve tried hard to be friends with Kate;
Cold shoulder’s all I’ve got.
That girl has got it in for me,
I do not know for what.
Later on, Kate, William and Harry are playing croquet. Meghan walks over, and is pleasantly surprised when Kate hands her a mallet and invites her to take a shot. Meghan takes careful aim and swings, but upon hitting the ball, the mallet crumples and squeaks loudly – it is an inflatable joke mallet. Kate sniggers behind her hand.
Next, a spot of shooting. Meghan is wary of the gun Kate hands her, but it looks real enough. She squints through the telescopic sight and pulls the trigger. She lowers the gun, pleased with her effort, but Kate and William begin to chortle, much to Meghan’s confusion. Unknown to Meghan, a ring of ink around the gun sight has left her with a ‘black eye’.
Later, Meghan leaves the bathroom, having wiped off the ink. The other three are having another round of tea on the terrace. Joining them, Meghan sits down in the most decorous manner she can muster, but is mortified by a loud farting sound from her chair. Kate and William burst into laughter, and even Harry smirks until Meghan’s glare chastens him. She reaches under her chair and pulls out a whoppee cushion.
Meghan: [voiceover] It’s true that I’m a humble Yank,
And British class I lack.
But Kate won’t cease to rub it in
With pranks behind my back!
Later on, a shifty-looking Kate sneaks off towards the bushes, unaware that Meghan is watching her from behind a tree. A stereotypical newspaper reporter in a pork-pie hat pops up in the bushes, and Kate furtively whispers to him as he scribbles away in a notebook.
Meghan: [voiceover] She plays the sweet and innocent,
And you might never guess,
That on the sly she’s telling tales
To members of the press!
At her home, Meghan picks up a newspaper. On the front is a montage of her embarrassing moments arising from Kate’s pranks, together with the headline “Meghan’s Palace Faux Pas”. She glowers into the camera.
Meghan: This future queen is very mean,
And from her perch won’t budge.
So prim and posh, she needs to splosh,
So SLING HER IN THE SLUDGE!!
Back in the present, boos echo across cyberspace. The mood has turned against Kate, who shakes her head and can be seen to mouth “complete fabrication”. Meghan looks very pleased with herself.
Natalie: Oh dear, Kate, Kate… you’ve really lost the public there. Nobody likes a telltale!
Kate: [tuts] Believe me, I have far better things to do with my time than spread tittle-tattle. I don’t know where these leaks keep coming from, but it isn’t me!
Meghan: Oh how convenient!
Clara: Right, no time for tittle-tattle, but plenty of time for silly pranks!
Kate: [smirking] Oh, that was just horseplay.
Natalie: There’s a line where horseplay becomes bullying, Kate! Especially when you make Meghan feel unwelcome! You’re a bit of a stuck-up snob, aren’t you?
Kate: Well as I said earlier, Natalie, I never quite trusted Meghan, and with good reason as it turned out. And besides, the Royal family is kinda exclusive, [casts a disparaging look in Meghan’s direction] and not everyone has enough class.
Clara: Whew, this is strong stuff she’s saying against you, Meghan.
Meghan is indeed looking knives at Kate.
Meghan: She’s just envious, Clara. Envious that I made my own way in life and had a successful acting career, whereas she went to university for a crash course in gold-digging and retired straight after!
Kate: How dare you!!
Kate storms towards Meghan, fists clenched. But she only takes a few steps before she is hit in the face and front by a flurry of white foam. She shrieks.
Clara: [arm raised] Social distancing!!
The source of the foam is a small device strapped to the underside of Clara’s wrist. Kate splutters incredulously as she wipes her face. Meghan giggles at the sight.
Clara: [showing off the device] Like it? I made it myself! And I’m not afraid to use it against anyone who breaks the rules! Back in your circle Kate!
Crossly, Kate complies.
Natalie: Coo! I wish I had one of those! Anyway Clara, things are looking dire between these dueling duchesses, and I shudder to think where it might lead!
Clara: So do I. History warns us that when Royal feuds are left to fester, it usually ends with someone losing their head!
Natalie: I think these two have lost their heads already.
Clara: You could be right, Nat, but luckily Grudge-2-Sludge is at the rescue like a prince in shining armour! Kate and Meghan, tonight you will do battle to settle your grudge in a sensational showdown! But don’t think we’re going to go soft on you because of your fancy titles, because the games you’ll face will be more frantic than the steeplechase at Ascot…
Natalie: …More gruelling than a window-cleaning shift at Buckingham Palace…
Stuart: [pops into shot] …And more dangerous than a party at Prince Andrew’s!
Natalie: Away!! [Shoves Stuart off-screen] And don’t expect to get a prize either, ladies, because let’s face it, you’ve already got pretty much everything money can buy. Instead a prize will go to those who really deserve it; we’ll be donating all the advertising revenue from tonight’s show in support of our NHS and care workers!
Clara: And not only that – your husbands, Princes William and Harry, have agreed that they’ll donate a million pounds to the same cause if their wife loses!
Kate and Meghan nod, while the online audience applauds.
Natalie: Wow, that’s really generous of them.
Stuart: [placing a cup and saucer on Natalie’s desk] Or perhaps they’re just willing to pay a lot of money to see their wife gunged! It’s a fantastic feeling, and I say that from experience!
Natalie: [scowling] We don’t need your input, Stuart. And what’s up with these biscuits? I wanted a ginger nut and a rich tea!
Stuart: You asked for−
Natalie: Don’t answer back when I’m doing a broadcast! Now go and change them! [Waves him away]
Clara: Well as Stuart mentioned, though there’s no prize, there’s certainly a punishment. Because one of you faces some right royal ruination – in our reservoir of rancid refuse! Nat, you were the last person to take a ride on the Sludge Sling – what’s it like?
Natalie: [sullen] I don’t wanna talk about it.
Clara: And you don’t have to, because we can show the footage instead!
Natalie: [Goes pale] What!? No!! There’s no need for that!
Clara: [grin broadening] Oh, I think there’s every need! Let’s ask the audience; who wants to re-see Nat go splat?
Lots of yeses, both spoken and typed, come through via the audience link-up. Natalie shakes her head, protesting.
Stuart: [pokes his head into the shot] I definitely want to see it!
Natalie: I’m warning you, Stuart! Now on come on, Clara! You’ve already had your fun! Please don’t show it again! Please please please…
Alas for the Natalie, the footage plays, showing the blonde struggling to hold her strapless dress together as she is rudely twanged from the catapult. Her emergence from the depths follows, minus her dress and plus a very thick coating of manure-like goop.
Clara: [grinning from ear to ear] You know, it’s funny, but I never tire of watching that clip!
Natalie has her hands over her eyes and is shaking slightly.
Natalie: Is it safe to look yet? [Slowly removes hands] Euughhh!! It was bad in there! Ladies, you really want to avoid losing!
Clara: That you do! But just to make sure you get the message, let’s take a look at what’s in store for the loser this time! Ladies, come with me but keep your distance!
Clara guides the duchesses towards the back of the stage, making sure that they and she stay level with their circles to maintain a good separation. The sludge pool is still blanketed with a dense layer of dry-ice fog, but fans whir to displace this as the trio approaches. A deep and mesmerising blue confronts them, speckled with patches of red and white. Streaks of gold also glint under the studio lights. As the wisps of mist continue to disperse, the gold is revealed to be a handwritten script, finely piped in metallic gunge. In the dead centre of the pool, the gold forms a stylistic crown, around which are the words “By Spoil Appointment”.
Clara: Ah yes! We though a nice royal blue would suit you well! Ladies, I hope you like it!
Kate betrays a touch of regret as she wipes a blob of foam out her hair, looking around as if for an exit. Meghan on the other hand, rummages in her pocket, making sure her lawyer’s number is at hand on her phone. Although the sludge is a glaring blue colour, it has a coarse and pastelike texture akin to porridge, and a wet and sloppy consistency made all too clear by its gleam under the lights.
Natalie: By the end of the show, the loser among you will be trooping plenty of colour as she is unceremoniously twanged to her mucky fate! And it’ll be the winner, sitting pretty in our blingy throne, who’ll get to pull the chain!
The throne is indeed even blingier than usual, spruced up in preparation for its stately occupant.
Clara: Audience, it’s too bad you can’t be here in person, but you too will have front-row seats to this sludge spectacular, from the comfort of your own homes. And we wouldn’t want to leave you out of the decision-makings, so here’s your chance to have your say on which duchess should be ducked!
Natalie: All those of you logged in via our streaming service will shortly see a voting box pop up on your device. So if you’re on Kate’s side, and you think that Meghan is an upstart from across the pond who needs a spell in our pond, then choose the red option that says ‘I side with Kate’.
Kate nods vigorously, appealing to the audience with a hopeful smile.
Clara: But, if you feel that Meghan’s been mistreated, and that snooty Kate deserves a gloopy fate, go for the blue option marked ‘I side with Meghan’.
Meghan responds with a firm nod, pointing downwards with her hand while she mouths “You’re going down!” towards Kate.
Natalie: Fingers and mice at the ready! You’ve got 15 seconds, and remember you’re voting for the lady you want to spare the sludge. Go!
The giant screen shuffles through the various home-based spectators, as they lean into their devices to cast their vote.
Natalie: That’s it! The votes are in, but we’re gonna keep them under royal seal!
Clara: They’ll be revealed midway through the show. Following our usual rules we’ll divide each of your percentages by 5, and the nearest whole number will be added to your points tally.
Natalie: In the meantime, you better clinch that all-important head-start in our first two rounds! But before that, to make sure our playing field is as level as the Windsor polo lawn, we need both of you to take the pledge.
Meghan: Uh-uh! We’re not doing your pledge! We’ll be playing by the contractual terms drawn up by my lawyer!
From somewhere inside her dress, Meghan produces a hefty stack of papers.
Meghan: You media types are not to be trusted! That’s why I’ve laid out my rights, clause by clause, term by term, line by−plleeeughh!!
Meghan is cut off by a jet of foam emanating from the gadget at Clara’s wrist, which catches her square on the upper chest, spraying up to her face. Amid her shock, the papers go flying, landing in the sludge pool.
Clara: [sweetly] You were saying?
Wiping her mouth, Meghan looks at the pages slowly sinking into the sludge. She briefly considers trying to retrieve them, but realises that end very badly for her, so she scowls and says nothing. Kate titters at the spectacle.
Natalie: So, the pledge: Kate and Meghan, do you pledge to put up a fair fight tonight, to bow to the adjudication of Clara and myself in all matters, and to accept the outcome as settling your grudge, once and for all?
Kate: [takes a deep breath, wondering if she’s making a big mistake] I do.
Clara: Meghan?
Meghan: I’ll need to consult with my lawyer first.
Clara raises her wrist menacingly.
Meghan: Alright, alright! I do! Happy?
Clara: Spiffing. I won’t ask you to shake on it, for obvious reasons. [Turns to the camera] And that concludes the first segment of the show. There’s nothing more to say except…
So here are our groups. For this one, Im gonna take the Top 4 from each group to get 16, and then we’ll do 1 vs. 1 from there.
There were some nominated gungings that I couldnt find any clips of and that I could find no evidence from. Apologies to those who nominated those. Of course, there are clips that involve kids, so when you vote and you see a clip doesnt have a video or photo attached, thats why.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature.
“Welcome back to Brighton beach and Part 2 of the last episode in the series of Slime Splosh Roadshow” said the smiling bikini clad and partly cream pie covered Michelle Ackerley. “Now let’s welcome our first 3 contestants for today and goodness knows what will happen in a cheeky strapless bikini challenge Kelle Bryan, Stacey Solomon and Andrea McLean from Loose Women” Michelle added.
Kelle, Andrea and Stacey all ran on, typically Stacey’s bikini top nearly fell down “Oh my god” she shrieked as she just about maintained her modesty.
Michelle welcomed the 3 ladies and they hugged each other. She then gave Kelle a cream pie in the face and ran it up into her hair. Kelle giggled as Stacey and Andrea laughed at their co-presenter getting pied. But Michelle picked up another pie and stuck it right in Andrea’s face this time running it down her body over her boobs and onto her stomach. Stacey seized her chance and gave Michelle a pie right in the face and running it right up into her hair making it all fall loose. Stacey was stood there laughing but suddenly received a triple cream pie sandwich on the head from the 3 other ladies. Andrea and Kelle ran their pies hard down Stacey’s body ensuring her bikini top came down and her big bouncy boobs were on display. Stacey screamed and laughed as she tried to pull her bikini top back up but each time she did Andrea and Kelle pulled it back down again and rubbed cream into her boobs. Finally she was a gibbering laughing wreck and the other girls allowed her to regain her composure. “Oh my god you pair are so evil, you had my boobs bouncing all over the place” she gabbled.
Trying to restore some over Michelle asked Eddie Hall to carry on the two sets of foot stocks.
“The two ladies who have received the most votes will receive 3 buckets each from Eddie and myself. Their will be the option of a wildcard bucket to be put over the two ladies and then each lady will receive an individual victor’s bucket chosen for them by the lady who escaped the foot stock vote” Michelle said.
“The two ladies facing the footstocks are Stacey and Andrea” Michelle announced. They both hugged each other and smiled whilst Kelle pointed and laughed at them. “Before Stacey and Andrea face their fate. Would they like to give Kelle her consolation prizes?” asked Michelle. Eddie carried on two buckets of thick yellow custard and handed them to Stacey and Andrea. Kelle held her arms up in triumph as Stacey and Andrea emptied the thick yellow, lumpy custard over her hair. It engulfed her hair and covered her face running down her dark athletic body. The yellow custard showed up perfectly against Kelle’s dark skin. Kelle began to sexily rub it into her boobs but her bikini top fell down and as she giggled and covered her modesty Stacey undid her bikini top and threw it across the sand. Kelle embarrassed but laughing ran after it her right arm still covering her boobs however Andrea got there first picked it up and ran off with it again.
Realising running covering her boobs was slowing her down Kelle released her boobs to huge cheers and sprinted after Andrea with her juicy black boobs bouncing manically up and down. Kelle rugby tacked Andrea and pulled her bikini top down but Stacey dived onto the two of them and pulled Kelle’s bikini bottoms down exposing her big curvy back bum and sticking sand down her bum crack. In all the melee Stacey got hold of the bikini top again and was swinging it around. Suddenly a seagull swooped down and attacked Stacey before flying off with Kelle’s bikini top. Stacey was screaming, Andrea was in hysterics and Kelle had a resigned look on her face as she saw her bikini top disappear into the distance.
All 3 girls got up and walked back over to Michelle and Eddie with Kelle covering her boobs. Eddie gave Kelle a towel to cover her modesty. Kelle turned to the crowd and said “Do you think I should use this” and they shouted back “No”. Kelle wiped her face with the towel and discarded it and gave another flash of her boobs but tried to keep them covered, “Am I okay being a bit naughty?” she asked Michelle. “I’ll do my best to keep my hands over them” she added with a smile on her face. Michelle consulted with the Producers and said “As this will be going out after the Watershed they have said okay as long as you don’t keep flashing them”. “Like this?” said Kelle and flashed her boobs again.
Eddie led a laughing Stacey and Andrea to the foot stocks and secured them in. “I could whip their bikini tops off now but I’ll wait until near the end of their gungings” Kelle whispered to Michelle. “That should be okay” Michelle replied laughing.
Eddie wheeled on a grocer’s barrow full of buckets, a bin and two churns. Michelle looked at the buckets and selected one “You are Scottish and used to work on Breakfast TV so have some porridge Andrea” she said and threw a bucket of thick cold lumpy porridge over Andrea’s head. The substance hit her as she held her bikini top up and she pulled a disgusted face as it ran down her slim body and nestled in her bikini top. Eddie looked at the buckets and said “Hi Stacey”. “Hi Eddie” she replied waving to him. “We’ve got something breakfast like for you too” and threw a bucket of mixed Ready Brek full force at Stacey. She screamed and it made her bikini top come down. Typically Stacey didn’t realise this and it was only when she began to massage it into her boobs and felt her nipples she realised and pulled it back up making the Ready Brek ooze back out her bikini top. “Staying with you Stacey here is a fun one” said Michelle and threw a bucket of Minestrone soup over Stacey’s head. Stacey this time held onto her bikini top but sat there looking like a drown rat as the soup plastered her hair down and ran down her curvy body. “It’s gone down my butt crack” she shrieked.
Eddie looked at the buckets. “You choose one for Eddie” Andrea shouted to Kelle who walked over to the barrow and nodded towards one. “Lift it down for him too” shouted Andrea. Kelly automatically reached to lift down a bucket of spaghetti and Andrea shouted” Your boobs”. Kelle realising her boobs were on show again automatically tried to protect her modesty but dropped the bucket of spaghetti and fell backwards with the spaghetti going all over her body. She sat there laughing and massaged some into her boobs before putting her left arm across them. “That was a good one Andrea” she acknowledged. “Luckily we have something similar” said Eddie and threw a bucket of spaghetti hoops at Andrea. She again maintained her dignity and let them run down her body and even opened the front of her bikini briefs for a few to go in.
“Staying with you Andrea, you are very saucy” said Michelle and threw a bucket of white pasta sauce over Andrea’s head. Andrea was turned into a white mess but again kept her bikini top up and wiped her eyes clear. “That would have looked so good on me” joked Kelle. “Well we have something similar” responded Michelle. “Can I have it?” Kelle asked. “Why not, if you would do the honours Eddie” Michelle said. Eddie lifted down a bucket of white sauce and emptied it over Kelle’s head. The thick white liquid cascaded over her dark body and she held her arms up in triumph when it had completely covered her boobs. “You are the cream of the crop Stacey so have some salad cream” said Eddie and threw the yellow sauce over Stacey’s head she screamed “Oh my god” as it ran down her face and body with just her toothy veneer grin visible.
“What about the wildcard bucket do you think they deserve it Kelle? Michelle asked. “Let me have a closer look please” Kelle replied. She walked up to Stacey and looked at her then quickly unfastened her bikini top and threw it out of Stacey’s reach. Stacey screamed and covered her boobs. Andrea had a resigned look on her face as Kelle approached her. Andrea wrapped her arms around her bikini top as Kelle tried to remove it as they struggled Andrea nodded to Stacey and both reached for Kelle’s bikini bottoms and ripped them off breaking the chain link. Kelle was stood there totally nude but with Andrea’s bikini top in her hands. Kelle’s big black curvy custard covered bum was again on display as was her neatly trimmed afro muff. Kelle walked back towards a shocked Michelle who handed her a towel. “You cannot be totally nude Kelle” Michelle said. Michelle held the towel in front of Kelle and she put on Andrea’s bikini top but had a bit of one nipple still sticking out as her boobs were bigger than Andrea’s.
“You can put the towel round your waist” Michelle said to Kelle. “No I’ll just hold it in front of me” said Kelle adding “I love to be a bit cheeky” as it kept her bum on display. Michelle then noticed that Jessica Plummer was sneaking towards the barrow. “I can see you Jessica” Michelle said turning towards the barrow with Kelle. They both laughed when they could see Kelle’s bare bum stood next to Michelle on the big screen. However unknown to Michelle, Sophia Peschisolido had sneaked up off camera behind her and Kelle. Sophia nodded to Kelle who pulled down Michelle’s bikini bottoms and Sophia planted two big cream pies on either cheek. Michelle screamed and pulled her bikini bottoms back up his enabled Jessica to grab a bucket of porridge and empty it over Michelle’s head.
Jessica and Sophia run off as Michelle stormed “I don’t believe it my bum has now been seen on national TV”. “We can show a reply” said Eddie. “No” screamed Michelle but it was shown anyway. Michelle did laugh when she saw it especially when it freeze framed on Michelle and Kelle’s naked bums next to each other. Kelle was laughing hysterically about it so Michelle got the last nearby cream pie and stuck it smack on Kelle’s bum. Kelle wiggled her bum to the camera and then decided to put her towel around her waist.
“We are sat here with our tits out” a giggling Andrea shouted. “Give them the wildcard bin” said Kelle. Eddie took the bin down and stood behind Stacey and cascaded mushy peas over her head. “Oh my god that is so funny” she shouted and rubbed them into her boobs which were fairly gunge covered. Eddie then emptied the rest of the green mush over Andrea’s gunge covered head she waved as it covered her.
“Winner’s choice churns what have you chosen for Andrea?” Michelle asked Kelle. “She loves her yogurt so some very cold thick Greek yogurt” said Kelle. Eddie lifted the churn down and stood behind Andrea who braced herself. The white cold thick yoghurt hit her and made her scream. Kelle ran over and pulled open the back of Andrea’s bikini briefs to get some down her bum. But Andrea took a big handful and stuck it under Kelle’s towel. “You’ve frozen my snatch” screamed Kelle laughing. “What have you chosen for Stacey cowgirl?” added asked as Kelle did a wide legged walk back to him and Michelle. “Something quite nice, it’s not too cold and it’s not too messy either” said Kelle. “Thank’s Kel” shouted Stacey. Eddie stood behind her with the churn and cascaded a load of water over Stacey. “It’s cleaned me off cheers” shouted Stacey. “And your boobs too” laughed Kelle. Stacey looked down to see her juicy bouncy boobs now on display. She laughed and shook them dry how a dog shakes themselves dry before covering herself up.
Eddie released both ladies from the foot stocks and they ran over to Michelle and Kelle keeping themselves covered. “There is just one bucket left” Kelle noted. “Give it to us Eddie” the 3 ladies screamed as Kelle dropped her towel with her back to the camera and the 3 ladies hugged. Eddie picked up the bucket and emptied a load of cold cream over the 3 giggling women. He then handed them all fresh towels. Andrea and Stacey put theirs over their top and Kelle hers over her bottom. They all hugged Michelle and Eddie and waved as they walked off to huge cheers.
“Please thank three incredibly naughty Loose Women, Kelle Bryan your bum is amazing nearly as good as mine (Kelle mooned Michelle being cheeky). Stacey Solomon gloriously chaotic and we just knew they would come out and Andrea McLean looking fabulous and having fun at 50” Michelle said.
“Please now welcome our next two competitors. I cannot believe I’m saying this. Geri Horner and Victoria Beckham” Michelle said.
A happy waving Geri walked on in her Wanabee video leotard and a pouting sullen Victoria walked on in her 1997 Brit Awards outfit of bra top and white mini skirt. Victoria had heels on and they stuck in the sand. Geri was wearing sandals.
Eddie had to go and carry Victoria over before she eventually took her heels off. “Nice to feel the sand in your toes Victoria” Michelle joked trying to set her at ease. “Not Really” replied Victoria.”She prefers porridge in her knickers like you do Michelle” Geri joked. “Don’t be rude Geri” Victoria scolded her. “Where is your sense of fun like the time we were hurrying to an airport and we removed your knickers and threw them from the car window and all your luggage had gone on ahead and you had to fly from LA to London commando” said Geri. “That was the most embarrassing day of my life” Victoria snapped. “You were laughing about it all the flight and joking that if all the stewards weren’t gay you’d have been upgraded” Geri said . “Well I’m more mature now” replied Victoria.
“Well you are both here on Slime Splosh Roadshow so lets get on” Michelle said. “As it’s last show of the series we give all our guests a little present” Michelle added and gave Geri a cream pie in the face. Geri screamed but laughed. “Don’t you dare put one pie in my face” Victoria snapped. “Why how many do you want?” joked Michelle. “Here’s a couple” said Geri and stuck a double pie sandwich on Victoria’s head and hair. Victoria stood there in shock and screamed that wasn’t funny but the audience were roaring with laughter. The big screen showed David Beckham and their daughter laughing in the VIP area. “Eddie is going to have a word with David” said Michelle and we cut over to Eddie and David.
“Victoria doesn’t seem too happy to be here?” Eddie said. “She isn’t but she signed the contract so she has to be here” David replied. “Do you want to see your mummy get gunged?” Eddie asked Harper. As Victoria was shown shaking her head Harper replied “Yes it will be funny as she’ll hate it”. The audience cheered as Victoria seemed really angry. “Imagine if we swapped voices” Eddie joked to David and technology had Eddie saying in David’s little voice. “I’m Eddie Hall former World’s strongest man. I can deadlift over 1,000lbs”. Everyone including David was laughing the only person not was Victoria who still had a face like thunder. David said off camera to Eddie “Have some fun at her expense she needs to get her fun side back”. “Don’t worry we will” replied Eddie.
“That cake sitting was fun” Geri said to Michelle. “Have you done it yet?” Geri continued. “No but I expect I will by the end of this show” Michelle replied. “Do you fancy becoming an honorary Spice Girl and do it with us?” asked Geri. “You bet” said Michelle. “I’m not sitting on any cakes” snapped Victoria. “No we all are” said Geri.
Eddie bought 3 seats back on and Michelle welcomed Sophia Peschisolido back on. Covered in custard and barely staying in her miniscule thong bikini Sophia bounded back on and made a beeline for Victoria. “I love your VB clothes” said Sophia giving Victoria a big hug. Victoria tried to edge away and squirmed when Sophia got custard on her. “Are you going to warm up again?” Michelle asked Sophia. “Of course” giggled Sophia. Eddie gave her a pie in the face and Sophia started doing some bends with her big juicy bottom cheeks going up in the air. Michelle slammed another cream pie so hard into Sophia’s bum it knocked her forward and her big bouncing boobs sprang free. Sophia laughing pushed them back into her bikini top. “I won’t need mine done like you did Victoria” she joked. “I didn’t have mine done” snapped Victoria. “Come on you did just admit it Vick” teased Geri as Victoria fumed
Eddie bought a couple of cakes on and asked Sophia “One cake or two?”. “Two please Eddie” she replied. Eddie placed two cakes on the middle chair and Sophia walked forward laughing. She slapped her bum cheeks and lined them up with the cakes and sat down splat on them to cheers. “That’s how to do it” she said.
Eddie then went off and placed two cakes on each chair and beckoned Michelle, Geri and Victoria forward. Michelle and Geri ran over but Victoria didn’t move. Sophia ran over and got her by the wrist saying “You’ve got to try this”. Geri started a “Victoria, Victoria” chant which the crowd joined in with. Reluctantly Victoria made her way over to the chairs with Michelle and Geri. “You need maximum butt cheek visible to do this properly” Sophia said. Geri pulled her costume up to reveal her tight covered butt cheeks. Michelle pulled her bikini bottoms up to give her a diy thong. Victoria just stood there but suddenly Sophia pulled her skirt up to reveal a very sensible pair of white knickers. “I thought you’d be a thong girl” Sophia said and pulled Victoria’s knickers up into a wedgie putting her thin butt cheeks on view.
Sophia beckoned the 3 women to the front of the chairs. Michelle and Geri put the reluctant Victoria in the middle of them. “On the count of three all sit down” said Sophia. “1,2.3” she added and Geri and Michelle took Victoria by a hand each all 3 sat down. Geri squealed with laughter and wriggled around on her seat. Michelle joked “It feels better than porridge” whilst Victoria just sat there pouting and looking mad. “That’s the furthest you’ve gone into a cake in years” Geri said to her. Victoria got up with her skirt still up around her waist and her cake covered bum cheeks showing and stormed off. Eddie stood in front of her and beckoned her back to where Michelle and Geri were now stood. “This is humiliating and degrading and I refuse to take part” she shouted. David was shown on the big screen looking worried.
“Suddenly Geri grabbed the mic and said. “We have all had enough of you being a sullen, pouting, up her own arse, stuck up woman. If you’d bothered to read the original email then I would not have nominated you to go up against me. Plus you signed the contract without reading it and blamed poor David. Take a chill pill and have some fun. And do you know your skinny arse is still on view” as she pointed to the big screen and Victoria’s pulled up skirt and her wedgie were still showing. “You had tights on to do that cake thing. It’s just not fair” screamed Victoria “Plus this skirt cost a lot of money” she added.
“I’ll tell you what Vic, I’ll do you a deal as you Will have been voted to face that gunging and WILL be getting about 7 buckets. I’ll join you in the stocks and take 3 of them if you take the other 4. We will laugh about it otherwise you will be going in those stocks alone for one hell of a gunging and if you pout once more I’ll damn well pull your knickers down” snapped Geri as Victoria stood there open mouthed. “And before you say anything I’ll strip down to my bikini if you drop that skirt if it’s expensive and take your gunging in those pair of fairly skanky knickers and your bikini top” Geri added and dropped the mic.
Geri stripped out of her Wanabee outfit to reveal her impressively toned body in a white string tie bikini and held out her hand.
Victoria close to tears thought for a second and very meekly held out her hand and shook Geri’s. “The skirt too Vic” Geri added and Victoria carefully took her skirt off and handed it to Michelle before pulling her knickers out of her bum crack.
“I can announce that the winner by an overwhelming margin is Victoria” said Michelle. “You’ve got a good deal Vic” said Geri playfully squeezing Victoria’s left bum cheek. “Thanks Geri but you were really nasty what you said about me” Victoria quietly replied. “It needed saying though” said Geri. “Everyone will laugh at me” replied Victoria. “If you’d stormed off and then had to be dragged back on and gunged then they would have done. But together we’ll have a bit of fun. Don’t you think David would have said something if he thought you didn’t need this to get your fun side back?” suggested Geri. “I never thought of that” replied Victoria.
Eddie had needed to go and retrieve the second pair of foot stocks which had been removed for what was supposed to be a solo gunging and had also wheeled on a replenished grocer’s barrow of goodies. “Are you okay now Victoria?” Michelle asked. “Yes I’m a bit better now” replied Victoria. Sophia who had been stood there all this time asked “Can I throw a couple of buckets at you Victoria as you are my style icon?”. Victoria didn’t say anything so Geri gave her another wedgie. Victoria yelped and said “Yes I’d like that”.
“First of all the person who escaped the foot stocks has to receive a bucket of custard over the head but I don’t know who should get it out of you two?” Michelle said. “We’ll share it” said Geri and she nudged Victoria who added. “Sophia should empty it over us”. Eddie handed Sophia the bucket of custard and excitedly she emptied it over Geri and Victoria’s heads. Geri screamed and laughed, Victoria clearly didn’t like it as the custard covered her immaculate hair and ran down her skinny body. Geri’s long ginger hair was weighted down as she smiled and hugged Sophia. Victoria gave her a rather gentle hug but Geri smacked Sophia’s bum really hard. Sophia thinking it was Victoria said “Cheeky” and laughed as she walked away rubbing her bum.
Geri pointed to Harper laughing with David at her and Victoria actually smiled. “Time for two Spice Girls to be locked in the Slime Splosh Roadshow foot stocks” announced an excited Michelle. “See what it means to her to have us on here Vick” Geri said as they were lead by Eddie to the foot stocks. “Just promise you won’t pull my bikini top down” Victoria asked Geri as Eddie secured them in the foot stocks. “I never said I would. I just threatened to pull your knickers down” joked Geri. “You do that and I’ll pull your bikini bottoms off too” said Victoria gently tugging at the string tie on Geri’s briefs. “That’s more like it Vick” replied Geri and held her friend’s hand. “This is going to be fun” she whispered to Victoria and then shouted it out loud and added “What’s it going to be Vick?”. Without thinking Victoria shouted out “fun”.
The crowd cheered and started chanting “Geri, Geri” and then “Victoria, Victoria”. Geri nudged Victoria and they both smiled. “We are sorry this part is running over. We’ve got to go for a weekly weather update but we’ll be back to see a Spice Girls gunging and we’ll be joined by two gunging legends to oversee the gunging Eddie, Neneh Cherry, Jessica Plummer and me, Michelle Ackerley” will receive said Michelle signing off part 2.
“So we sit here for about 5 minutes?” Victoria said to Geri. “Any problem with that Vick?” asked Geri. Before Victoria could reply Geri started a new chant with the crowd – “Ginger Spice” when she pointed to herself and “Skanky Knickers” when she pointed to Victoria. A horrified look came over Victoria’s face but when she saw Harper and David chanting it on the big screen she said “You bitch” to Geri but actually laughed and began to point in time to the chant. Michelle walked over to the foot stocks and said “Sorry about the delay ladies”. “It’s okay” replied Victoria before Geri could say anything.
And so, the project that started with a tentative discussion on 21st January is at its end – another Gunge Grand Prix is over. Having now run the contest myself, I truly appreciate the huge amount of work put in by those who’ve run it in years gone by.
It’d be good to get feedback so that improvements can be made for future contests (not that I’m making any promises!) Was the pace too fast, too slow or about right? Did the group stage work well? How did the four-winner format compare to the usual single winner setup?
In terms of achieving my aim of getting better participation in the story contest, I count this contest a success, and many thanks are due to the eight writers who submitted stories. Thanks to Volvoedable (Story A), Glooprr1 (Story B), the Flarf (Story C), Wamfan101 (Story D), Geodasponge (Story F), Unkked (Story G), and Oobleck (Story H). Thanks also to the writer of Story E, who only gave their real name, so I won’t divulge it unless they say it’s okay.
It was an engaging, entertaining and varied selection of stories, but there can only be one winner (actually, the scores were very close so it could easily have been a tie, but it isn’t). And that winner, the winner of the 2020 Gunge Grand Prix iiizzzzzzzz…
Volvoedable, writer of Story A.
Volvoedable gets our congratulations and a copy of Sloppy Servings (I’ll be in touch shortly). Thanks again to all the other authors.
The question of which celebrity has actually won is a little a murkier (though nowhere as murky as the gunk dunk itself). While Emma Stone is the star of the winning story, Scarlett Johannson was dunkee in the most stories, and (trying not to give away too much about the individual scores) Sam Quek received the most votes combined across her stories. This ambiguity was one of the potential pitfalls I identified when devising this format; I guess the best way to resolve it is to leave it to individual interpretation. The most important thing is that all four have got thoroughly messy! If I run the GGP again in future (and that’s only an if!), I’ll probably bar all of them from running again.
But for GGP2020, there’s only one thing left to do, and that’s to enjoy the winning story one more time. Sorry Emma, you’re not gonna like this… Crank! Her!! UP!!!
This was going to be the biggest Comic Relief ever. The UK and US had joined forces and they needed something extra special to kick start their collaboration. They looked to the past for inspiration, spotting two recurring themes: celebrities and gunge. Perfect. In the months leading up to Comic Relief, numerous celebs from both sides of the pond were approached and gradually whittled down until only two remained. There was some mess involved, it was tradition after all. Little did they know what they had let themselves in for…
“Hello, I’m Kirsten O’Brien and welcome to Comic Relief 2020!”
Kirsten was delighted to accept this gig and even more so when she was told how the mess would be administered. “Just like old times” she thought. Behind her were a chair and sofa, for the host and guests respectively and it appeared to be a small set, albeit with a large cheering audience.
“Thank for your votes in our big celebrity gunge poll. They’ve been counted and the results confirmed. Please welcome our finalists Emma Stone and Sam Quek!”
The ladies entered a little apprehensively, Emma in an all-black dress and Sam in a sparkly red number. Both were perfectly made up, knowing that one would be rather less immaculate before the evening was out. They took a seat on the sofa.
“Ladies, thank you so much for risking a messing for a great cause”
“Well, I’ve been very lucky in my life and this is an opportunity to help out those less fortunate” said Emma.
“I missed the boat for Sport Relief!” Sam added.
“Aren’t you a little worried about the mystery of the mess?” asked Kirsten, “it could be anything!”
Sam shook her head confidently, Emma simply shrugged.
“Excellent, we’ve already raised plenty of money too. I won’t hold you in suspense any longer, some archive footage should give an idea of what’s in store…”
Footage of Kirsten’s GYOB gunging played.
The crowd went wild. The ladies were gobsmacked. Before they could fully react, the screen behind them was hoisted away to reveal a huge pool, partly set into the floor of the studio. On either side were plastic seats at the bottom of steep ramps. Dry ice obscured the contents for now so the full effect of the gunge could only be imagined. Emma clapped one hand to her mouth whilst Sam seemed more composed, for now.
“That’s right, back and messier than ever it’s time for the Gunk Dunk! Don’t forget to join us after the break where we might just have a few more surprises in store”
The Gunk Dunk logo dissolved away, to show Sam and Emma, still perfectly dressed but shoeless, poised above the tank. The dry ice had cleared revealing the slop, thick, opaque and gloopy. It was a spiral of lime green and bright pink with “Making a Splash for Cash” in white on the surface. The studio lights glinted off its uneven top, showing just how viscous it was. Emma eyed it nervously but Sam looked calm in spite of her predicament. Kirsten stood at a podium between the ramps but two other podiums either side of the pool were unoccupied.
“Welcome back. You can see our lucky victims; I mean volunteers are in position for a drop in the glop. However, viewers of the original Get Your Own Back may remember there’s a little more to it than that. Sam, you probably watched the show when you were growing up. Any memories?”
“Well, I think it was all about revenge by kids on adults. I had a coach once who needed to be brought down a peg or two and this would have been perfect. I remember the grown-ups being cranked up higher too. I never thought I’d be in that position myself though” she added ruefully.
“Absolutely right, we need a couple of contestants seeking vengeance! Emma, any dark deeds in your past?”
Emma smiled sweetly, she had calmed down over the break. “Nothing at all that I can think of. That can be mentioned on a family show anyway,” she tittered.
“We’ll just see about that girl, please welcome from Modern Family Sarah Hyland and former Strictly and I’m a Celebrity star Ola Jordan!” They entered from either side of the stage, both grinning broadly. Sarah took position by Emma and Ola next to Sam. “Welcome, welcome. Now, you both know why you’re here so let’s enlighten the finalists. Ola, why don’t you start?”
“Gladly Kirsten. I think Sam may already have an idea of my beef, she was sooo untidy when we were on I’m a Celeb. Never did the dishes, left her clothes everywhere. We didn’t have much so I have no idea how she made such a mess. She deserves a bushtucker trial she can’t get out of by being flung into the gunge!”
“Strong words. Sam, how do you answer the charges?”
“This is a complete exaggeration, Ola is such a neat freak that one sock out of place would set her off! It’s so mundane that it didn’t even make the cut for TV. It’s just an excuse to get me messy,” Sam stated confidently.
Meanwhile, Emma was gradually flushing. She knew where she’d seen Sarah before and was getting more uncomfortable by the second. It wasn’t just that uncushioned seat. Then Sarah was invited to speak, jolting Emma’s attention from her quickening pulse. “Thanks Kirsten, Emma definitely knows why I’m here. A few years ago, she won a Kid’s Choice Award but totally avoided her sliming. I won an award too and took the consequences fair and square. I think you’d agree the punishment should fit the crime so Emma deserves a long overdue trip to the slime!”
“Emma, that sounds like an open and shut case?” queried Kirsten. “Not quite,” she replied “It wasn’t my choice, I just followed the script. If Sarah’s co-star hadn’t mentioned green slime she might have avoided it too!”
Kirsten addressed the audience: “You’ve heard the accusers and the accused, now it’s over to you. There’s a keypad under each of your seats to choose who you side with, you’ve one minute…Go!” The studio lights flashed as the votes were cast, accompanied by rapid bleeping. “Okay, time’s up! We’ll keep the results under wraps for now but in the meantime there’s plenty more fun in store. Please welcome Rachel Riley!”
Rachel strode to the letters and numbers boards from Countdown, which had been added to the set. “You weren’t too far from the gunge yourself, I bet you’re glad to be in more familiar territory!”
She looked and sounded relieved. “Absolutely Kirsten, I’m very happy appearing in this capacity even more so after the Gunk Dunk was revealed. I’ll get a fantastic view of the result as well!” she giggled.
Kirsten explained the Countdown rules, which would form the initial rounds. “So, Emma and Sam will be playing but don’t think we’re leaving out Sarah and Ola.” She gestured to a bank of levers in front of their podiums. “Each of these releases one of the many substances which make up the dreadful sludge before you. The green is snot! (“Eurgh!” shouted the audience). The yellow is school custard! (“Eurgh!”). The blue is to be particularly avoided, R.A.W., that’s Really Awful Waste (“EURRGGHH!!!”). The white, you’ll find out and the golden one I think you can guess. Don’t forget, the first celeb to be cranked right to the top will take the plunge into that revolting gunge”
Emma reddened further and stuck out her tongue in disgust. Sam squirmed in her seat, some of her earlier confidence had left her. The letters and numbers had been randomly pre-selected, so the clock began immediately. As it ticked inexorably on, Sam began to feel the pressure. It was clear that she was at almost a complete loss. The 30 seconds seemed much longer and it was almost a relief when the time was up.
“How many letters do you have Sam?”
“3” she replied resignedly.
“Emma?”
“6” she said perkily.
“Okay, what’s your 6?”
“Gladly”
“And very appropriate it is too. What do we do with Sam?”
“Crank her up!” yelled the audience.
Sam’s seat rose one notch, jolting into place when it got there. “Not doing much for the unintelligent, sporty stereotype are you?” laughed Kirsten. “One more thing, Ola. Pull that green lever!” Smugly, she yanked it back causing a stream of green slime to catch Sam right on top of her head. It domed over her for a second splattering into her lap before it stopped, revealing sodden hair and a blob on her nose. She screwed up her face, the swagger was gone and she was absolutely disgusted. “Eww, it went down my back!”
“Believe me, it could get a lot worse” Kirsten reminded her. This seemed to re-energise Sam and she won the next letters round.
“What do we do with Emma?”
“Crank her up!” Emma cradled her head in her hands, shuddering as she came to a halt.
Sarah eagerly reached for her green lever. “Not so fast. I’m afraid there’s only enough goo in those tanks for one messing. Whoever gets to that level first cops it” At this, Emma and Sam became even more competitive but once again, Sam won the round.
“Great solution Sam” smiled Rachel.
“I take back what I said earlier, you seem to be finding your groove. What do we do with Emma?”
“Crank her up!”
Once again the seat ratcheted into place, once again Sarah reached for a lever, yellow this time. A sheet of custard coloured muck splashed into Emma’s lap, catching her chest on the way down. Her grimace morphed into a look of shock as it soaked through her dress. “Looks as if that thin material was a mistake Em” smirked Sarah.
“Next, it’s the Countdown Conundrum. Ola, Sarah buzz in when you see the hidden words”
A R M A C E K E C
Both stared quizzically at the letters, Sam and Emma looking on helplessly from their ramps, willing their opponent’s contestant to answer first.
BZZZ! “Sarah?”
“Is it cream cake?”
“Absolutely right”
Emma’s chair rolled upwards and she already braced herself for what was coming next. Blue gunge rained down, catching her shoulder first before moving across her head to the other side. She was striped blue with a band of yellow across her front. Somehow her face had avoided the worst of it, just a small dribble slid down her cheek.
It had looked as if Sam was safe but somehow she was level once again at notch 3.
“This is getting exciting isn’t it?” said Kirsten casually.
The unfortunates above the ooze were getting increasingly agitated, their tastes of mess and the receding view of the gunge made them more eager than ever to dodge the final comeuppance. In her state, Sam barely heard Ola’s buzzer or answer only registering the further rise of her seat and its jerking halt. She’d forgotten about the white lever until SPLAT. A large pie engulfed her unsuspecting face. She froze momentarily before wiping cream and crust from her eyes. At the same time her mouth dropped open, revealing a third gap in an otherwise unbroken slab of white. More of the pie dropped into her lap before she scraped her mouth and nose clear, regaining a little composure.
“That’ll teach her to pay attention. Now, a question from a special guest, via video link, the one and only Mr Dave Benson Phillips!!”
“Thank you, thank you so much. I’m coming to you from my home but that keeps me extra safe from any mess. Kirsten, you’re doing a grand job those celebs look suitably scared, HAHAHA! Onto my question: What year was Comic Relief founded?”
Sam guessed closer, perhaps as a Brit she had an advantage. Emma’s seat eased into life, level pegging once more.
“It’s a dead heat! Now what do we do? Ah yes, those audience votes will be crucial.” Kirsten was handed a golden envelope. It went dark except for spotlights illuminating the five figures and the Gunk Dunk.
Emma bowed her head, a sheet of gooey hair obscuring her expression.
“The winner, or perhaps loser, of the Great Gunge Poll…”
Sam gripped her knees until the knuckles turned white. Her creamy features creased with worry.
“…is…”
Ola and Sarah waited expectantly.
“…EMMA STONE!”
The lights went up. The audience went crazy. Sam sank back in her chair in relief. Emma looked up resignedly, shaking her head in disbelief and pushed aside the slimy curtain that had been her flawless hairdo. She knew there was much worse in store.
“What. Do. We. Do.?”
“CRANK HER UP!” roared the studio.
Her seat ascended for the final time, coming to rest with an ominous clunk. She went bright red, stuttering some syllables before Kirsten cut her off.
“Sarah, Emma, we’ll deal with you in a moment.” She turned to Sam, “you’ve escaped the gunk by the skin of your teeth; how does this rank amongst your achievements?”
“The elation nearly tops getting a gold medal, I just wish I had stayed completely clean.”
“Don’t be ungrateful, remember you’re still on the ramp! Ola, close but you did still manage mess Sam up a bit. Satisfied?”
“Satisfied enough, we had some fun in the jungle too and I reckon I looked better in the shower than Sam did!”
“As for you Emma, you know the rules! You reached the top first so prepare to be chucked in the muck!” She was stunned into silence, contemplating the ghastly mire far below. “Sarah, this is the lady who somehow sidestepped a trademark Nickelodeon sliming but there’s no escape this time. Show her that karma can repay a hundredfold, pull that lever and get your own back!
With an enormous smile and a dismissive wave to Emma, Sarah grabbed the golden lever and wrenched it back. Sparks jumped up behind Emma’s seat and it began to move, slowly at first but soon gathering speed. She held down her dress with both hands to prevent the draft robbing her of any last shred of dignity. Her eyes widened as she neared the slop, a torrent of purple gloop causing her to lift one hand over her head and shriek. All at once, the seat slammed to a halt, hurling her into the two-toned gunk. Her knees struck first, swiftly followed by her upper body and face, cutting off her cries. Her bare feet and hair were last to disappear, leaving only ripples in the swirling cauldron.
Seconds later, a figure erupted from the centre of the pool absolutely slathered in sludge. The glamorous A-lister was completely unrecognisable, her trademark ginger locks a lump of green over one shoulder, most of her features were neon pink but she gasped through a thick layer of emerald glop on her mouth and chin. Standing waist deep in the morass, a generous coat of lime and fuchsia completely obscured the black of her close-fitting dress. Her arms were splayed out, as if to say “why me?” Then she raised her hands to her face wiping from her eyes down her cheeks. She could see once more and her opened eyes revealed utter disgust.
Clearly, this only shifted some of the muck but before she could carry on two enormous pies exploded from either side of the tank. Emma was caught totally unaware, her head and shoulders sandwiched with a splodge. A muffled groan escaped the creamy mass – the local circus had donated a batch of its finest slosh so it clung on foamily and mixed in places with the garish gunge.
The noise was deafening but stilled as Kirsten raised her arms for silence. “Wow, what an incredible gunging! Sarah, how do you feel?”
“Awesome, justice has finally been served! My expectations were blown away, I don’t think Emma will live this down for a while.”
“Fantastic, or should that be flan-tastic?” The audience groaned. “Come on, that wasn’t even scripted! Here’s something you will want to hear, let’s enjoy an instant slow-motion replay!”
Screens repeated Emma’s descent, allowing a full appreciation of her expression as she hurtled towards the gunk. Goggling eyes gave way to shock as the purple slime caught her right in the face. The chair collapsed beneath her, momentum tilting her forwards to splat into the vat. Her legs destroyed the white writing before one last glimpse of her violet countenance demonstrated the full horror of the mess. She sank below the surface, leaving only ripples in the thick slop. Next, she emerged totally drenched in repulsive muck.
No sooner did the replay finish than more purple goo mixed with white slosh cascade onto Emma. This partly cleared the fluffy pile on her head and shoulders but merely replaced it with a slimier mess. “Goodness, rather her than me. Emma, how are you down there?”
She scraped her eyes and face. “Ugh, this is even worse than I expected it to be. Cold as well. It’s so sticky, I don’t know if I’ll ever be clean again! I’m glad we raised so much for charity and I just want to thank the folks at home for GLUB!” Another wave of mess domed over her head, once again covering her in frothy lilac goo.
“Well, I think that says it all. Thank you to everyone at home, our wonderful studio audience and all our guests, especially Emma Stone! I wonder how many willing stars we’ll have next year…” The crowd clapped and cheered, the ladies around the gunk dunk continued enjoying Emma’s humiliation before the screen cut to replays of the messings on the ramp, Emma’s pie sandwich and slimings in the tank finishing with one last view of her revolting, gloppy immersion.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
“Welcome, everyone, to the the winner-take-all matchup that will decide the Wednesday Night Wars. Now, each team has chosen a champion, lets find out who they chose.”
The crowd pretended to do a drum roll before the PA Announcer spoke again. “Representing Team NXT, it is Stephanie McMahon.”
“And representing Team Independents it is Brandi Rhodes.”
“Now, let’s see what the competition will be…”
The camera panned to a ring. There was a ramp that led into it, and in each corner of the ring was a bucket of slime. On one side of the ring was a large pool of neon-green slime.
The PA Announcer spoke, “Welcome to the first ever ‘Slime Match” in wrestling history. The only way to win is to throw your opponent into the pool of slime before they throw you in. You are more than welcome to use any of the buckets to your advantage as the match goes on. Now for this match, we need to make sure there is order. So, please welcome AEW referee, Aubrey Edwards!”
“But, we understand it wouldn’t be fair to only have an AEW official, so, please welcome our guest enforcer from NXT, Candice LeRae.”
Stephanie and Brandi entered the ring, followed by Aubrey and Candice. The bell rang and the match began. Stephanie and Candice began with sinple pushing shoving. Brandi used her experience and prepared to throw Stephanie into the corner. However, she may have underestimated her opponent, as Stephanie reversed the move and Brandi was launched into the turnbuckle, leaving her momentarily stunned. Stephanie used the distraction to pick up a bucket of slime, and dump it all over Brandi’s head. Brandi’s hair and face was covered in slime, and
Stephanie once again continued to seize the opportunity. She grabbed Brandi and dragged her to the ropes and prepared to throw her in the slime. Brandi, however, was able to power out and she grabbed Stephanie. Now Stephanie was in danger of going into the slime. But yet again, Stephanie was able to push Brandi away. Stephanie momentarily paused to voice her displeasure and getting some excess slime from Brandi on her.
Stephanie then ran after Brandi, but Brandi ducked out of the way and launched Stephanie into the ropes on the other side of the ring. Stephanie tried to stop, and she found herself caught in the ropes. Brandi smirked at the opportunity, grabbed a slime bucket and walked over to Stephanie. Stephanie pleaded for mercy, but Brandi ignored her, and dumped the slime bucket all over Stephanie’s head. Now it was Stephanie drenched in gunk.
While Brandi showboated, Stephanie shoved her from behind. She grabbed a third slime bucket, wound up, and pitched the slime forward. Brandi dove out of the way, and the slime landed all the face and body of Candice LeRae. Candice was shocked and tried to clean herself while Stephanie tried to apologize. Brandi grabbed the distracted Stephanie and and began to pull her towards the pool again.
But Candice interjected herself, shoving Brandi down. When Aubrey tried to reprimand Candice, Candice and Stephane grabbed Aubrey and pitched her into the slime. Aubrey bobbed to the surface covered in slime. When Brandi tried to go after Candice, Stephanie dumped a second bucket of slime over Brandi. Candice and Stephanie then grabbed Brandi and began to push over the top rope. Brandi clung to the top rope, however, and thus prevented herself from going in.
Brandi then got help from below, and Aubrey emerged from the slime and grabbed ahold of Candice, and was able to pull her into the slime. Meanwhile, Brandi was able to recover and push Stephanie away again. Before Brandi could get back into the ring, Stephanie came charging again, but Brandi was able to prepare just enough to pull the top rope down. Stephanie already moving at full speed, launched herself over the top rope, and face-first into the slime pool.
“Stephanie is in the pool! Team Independents wins!” bellowed the PA Announcer. Stephanie shot up to the surface, covered in slime and quite unhappy. Brandi celebrated in the ring and was joined by Aubrey, who had climbed out of the slime pool. Aubrey raised Brandi’s hand while the PA Announcer spoke for a final time. “Congratulations to our champions, now, it is time for them to receive their prize…”
With this, jets of slime shot forward, coating Brandi and Aubrey further. The two didnt really seem to mind, while Stephanie and Candice pouted in the pool of slime. “Some enjoy slime, some dont, but thet key difference comes to down to winning and losing. Good night everybody.”
No big build up, just a set of clues. Guess the celeb correctly and you can choose their fate. Guess incorrectly and you wipe the correct answer out of the game entirely.
1. Music teacher describes their group of skinny students.
2. Opera song. Sodium. Big. East.
3. Singer almost rearranged radiator.
4. Initially leading up Corrie’s youthful feel. Actress left. Little older now.
5. Is it just the one show she could be gunged on? Probably.
6. Football? Bad theme. Messed up!
And one that some of you may not know
7. Don’t know “weather” Rebecca would do this?
Comment below. Remember a wrong answer wipes the person from the game entirely so guess carefully. Game closes at 6pm on Wednesday UK time.
Frank closed the door and sat down around the table with the three ladies.
“Thank you all for coming, I know it must have been a surprise at first”, he said, “shall we start with some introductions?”
The girls sat around the table looked at each other and nodded.
“So, I’m Frank, I run a number of modelling agencies across the south of England, and I’ve recently set up a new venture, MAD Models, this is the fifth agency I’ve been involved with but the first of this kind. Shona?”
“Hi, I’m Shona, I’m 28, and I’ve been modelling for six years now. I’ve worked in this kind of modelling for two years, and have known Frank for the last five years. I’ve been helping him find new recruits for MAD”.
Frank nodded and pointed at the girl sat to Shona’s right.
“Oh, ok, I’m Millie, I’m 20, and I’ve never done any modelling before. I’m studying for a degree is music and think some modelling might help get my career off the ground”.
“Thanks Millie, lovely to meet you”, said Frank, who then pointed at the final lady and encouraged her to introduce herself.
“Hey, I’m Veronica, I’m 25, and I’ve never really been interested in modelling by when the opportunity with MAD came about, I just couldn’t say no!”
Frank smiled.
“That’s great. Thanks everyone. I’m sure you’ll all get chance to get to know each other a little better over the course of the next few weeks. Now, did Shona explain to you what we are all about here at MAD?”
Millie and Veronica nodded.
“OK, great. So are you both up for giving it a go?”
Millie and Veronica nodded again.
“Ok, well, we like to do a trial with everyone that comes to meet us, so you’re both going to be doing that with Shona today if that’s ok?”
They all looked at each other and agreed, and plans were put into place for the two shoots to take place that afternoon.
“I’m going to make sure everything is ready”, said Frank, “why don’t you three go off and get a coffee and get to know each other a little more?”
The girls agreed, and Shona took Millie and Veronica round the corner to the local cafe. The girls started chatting, and Shona tried to put Millie and Veronica at ease. This was especially needed for Millie who was very nervous.
A plan was agreed for when they would return to do the shoots. Veronica would go first, and Millie would watch, before doing her shoot second.
Half an hour later, they made their way back, and Frank had got everything ready.
“So I understand Millie is going to be going first. As this is Messed and Dressed, MAD, we have a lovely outfit for you Millie, how does a Disney princess sound?”
Millie smiled, if anything, this relaxed her a little, she went off to go and get changed.
“What have you got for me?”, Veronica asked eagerly.
“US cheerleader?”, Frank checked.
Shona nodded and Veronica applauded excitedly, she really couldn’t wait now.
Veronica went to have a look at her outfit. Shona followed her.
“So, how do you know Martin?” Shona asked.
Veronica looked puzzled, “how do you know his name is Martin?”
“I know him! Sorry, knew him. We were at school together. He was a nice lad, I think he had a bit of a thing for me”.
“Really? Oh my God! When was the last time you spoke to him?”
“I haven’t seen him since we left school 12 years ago but we’re friends on Facebook. I was amazed when I saw him on your video. How did you meet?”
“We house share. He is friends with the couple I rent a room with”.
“Oh wow. I assumed you were an item, sorry hun”.
“That’s ok, what a coincidence eh?”
“Definitely. I loved your video though. Frank had asked me to try and find some possible models and when I saw this I just had to get in touch. The one thing I don’t understand is why you did it?”
“It’s a long story, the short version is that I asked him to!”
“Oh wow, ok, cool!”
Shona and Veronica had now made it to the changing area and Veronica took a look at her outfit and seemed impressed.
“I’m sure Martin will like it!” Shona teased.
Meanwhile, Millie had made her way back to the studio and was now dressed as a Disney princess, he long hair flowing down her back. She felt great, and looked pretty great too. Shona went to check on her.
“Everything OK Millie?”
“Yes thanks, I think so.”
“Ok great, we’ll make a start in the next few minutes. Can I ask more about your recent video?”
“Well, it wasn’t MY video, was it?”
“Ok then, your friend’s video?”
“Well, I lost a bet to her and that was the forfeit.”
Shona nodded, as Millie continued.
“She agreed not to put the video on Facebook but I guess she never said that she wouldn’t put it anywhere else”. Millie frowned as she said this.
“OK”, said Shona, “so Lacey has never got messy before?”
“Not to my knowledge”, Millie replied.
Shona got her phone out and appeared to type some notes in.
“Cool”, she said, “thanks Millie, I’ll go and check on Veronica then we can make a start”.
Shona left the studio, she got her phone back out. Millie could still see her through the glass, she watched as Shona dialled a number in her phone, and the walked off.
“Hello, is that Lacey? It’s Shona from MAD, hi. You know how you put me in touch with Millie, well, I was wondering if you were interested in helping us out too…”
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
It was 9pm, and many viewers had tuned in to watch the latest Alternative Euro 2020 show on the sports channel. A blonde lady in a short gold patterned dress with matching high heel shoes, walked onto the stage “Hi everyone, I’m Rachel Riley and welcome to the Alternative Euro 2020 show. Tonight we will be announcing which ladies have made it through to the quarter-finals, there will be a consolation prize for a couple of ladies who didn’t make it through, the university students will be introducing a brand new feature, and we will be revealing the draw for the quarter-final matches.
The 5 university students from the previous episode joined Rachel on stage. They were all aged between 19 and 22 and were clearly excited at the prospect of dishing out more mess to attractive older ladies.
Rachel: “Hi guys. I hear that you enjoyed the last episode so much, that you have come up with your very own segment. Do you want to explain more?”
Student 1: “Sure! The producers have asked us for ideas to lengthen the shows, so that they command more advertising time, and we came up with a great idea”
Rachel: “I’m sure you lot must have been in your element generating ideas to mess up even more ladies”
Student 2: “We certainly were! In fact, there were a couple of ideas that involved you Rachel!”
Rachel: “What!”
Student 2: “Don’t worry, the producers vetoed those!”
Rachel: “Phew!”
Student 3: “On each of the forthcoming shows, we have decided that we are going to have a special guest and they are going to be helping advertise a product on behalf of one of the shows sponsors.”
Student 4: “Yes, and our guest this week is the lovely Miss Cook, who is one of our university tutors”
Onto the stage, walks a well dressed blonde woman. She seems at ease with being on the show, as she stands next to the students with a knowing look and her hand on her hip. There is some friendly banter between the students and the tutor, as a large tin bath is brought on and placed in front of them. It transpires that Miss Cook had lost a bet with the 5 students and her forfeit was to appear on tonight’s show. Rachel smiles as she advises Miss Cook that she will be sitting in the bath for the rest of the show. With a wry grin, the blonde tutor steps into the bath and sits down. She looks up to the students, who are grinning inanely at her, before they go to the back of the stage to collect a trolley each. Miss Cook gulps as she sees that each trolley is laden with multiple opened cartons of custard.
Rachel confirms what will happen “The sponsors of today’s show is Creamy Custard Limited, and to showcase their delicious product, all of these cartons will be poured over the delectable Miss Cook. I think you guys are going to really enjoy that!”
Student 5: “You betcha!”
Straight away, each student poured a carton over their tutor’s head which made her gasp in shock as the creamy dessert flowed down her hair and face.
Rachel: “Haha, that’s just for starters! I think Miss Cook is going to be in a right state by the end of the show!”
As the students continued to pour carton after carton over Miss Cook, Rachel turned to the camera “We’ll come back to Miss Cook later in the show. It’s time now to announce the results from the Round of 16. Which sports presenters will be going through to the next round, and who will be going out?
The blonde mathematician walks to her left, where there is a curtain which is hiding what is behind. With her sexy walk, Rachel grabs hold of the end of the curtain and pulls it across to reveal a very large metal barred cage. Inside are the 16 sports news presenters, all in the same clothing – a tight white t-shirt several sizes too small with their names emblazoned on the back, a pair of white bikini briefs with ties on the side, and a pair of white high heel shoes.
Rachel: “Welcome ladies. I see that you are all wearing your cute football outfits! Now, 8 of you will be going through to the next round, and if you are one of those 8, then you will be allowed to leave the cage and return backstage. However, if you are one of the 8 that have lost, then you will have to stay in the cage a little while longer, whilst we work out what to do with you.”
“Without further ado, let’s announce the results”
The large TV monitor flickers into life and displays the graphic below:-
“The winners of each match are highlighted in yellow, and will advance to the quarter final stage”
The cage door automatically swings open and Rachel congratulated Hayley, Anna, Jo, Bianca, Natalie P, Sarah-Jane, Kirsty and Natalie S as they walk off. They seem fairly relieved that they won’t be getting messy, at least not tonight.
The cage door then automatically shuts trapping the 8 losers inside.
”We’ll be back to see you very soon ladies, so you just hang out in there. Haha!”
As Rachel starts to walk back to join the students and a now very custardy Miss Cook, small sprinklers situated at the top of the cage are suddenly switched on and give the unsuspecting cage occupants a good dousing. There are lots of shouts and squeals as the ladies get soaked through.
Back at the bath, and Miss Cook has been practically covered from head to foot in custard. Rachel uses her forefinger to pick up some custard from the tutor’s cheek, places her finger in her mouth and sucks provocatively “Mmmm. Good custard!”
“Guys, you are going to have to leave Miss Cook alone for a while, as you are needed to administer a couple of consolation prizes.”
The boisterous bunch duly followed Rachel back to the cage where inside there were 8 very damp presenters.
Rachel: “Ok ladies. I have some good news and bad news. What would you like first?”
Jules: “Errr, the good news I guess”
Rachel: “The good news is that we are going to allow 6 of you to depart now. The bad news is that 2 of you are in for some fun!”
Rachel: “We had a bit of a chat with the producers about how to make this tricky decision. We noticed that there were a couple of very tight matches in the Round of 16, where there was only 1 vote between winner and loser. So……. we have decided that Alice and Michelle should get a consolation prize for coming so close to going through.”
The cage door automatically opened and everyone apart from Alice and Michelle quickly departed, waving to the audience as they did.
Alice and Michelle were surprised when they were also ushered out of the cage as well. They had thought they would be the subject of some mess whilst locked inside, but their hopes rose as they hopped out. Both of them crossed their arms across their chest to protect their modesty as their t-shirts has gone transparent from the sprinklers earlier.
The university students escorted the two presenters to another area of the stage which also had a curtain in front of it. Once that was pulled across, the two ladies gasped as a large dunk tank came into view with two plastic seats positioned precariously above the tank. After some prompting, both Alice and Michelle climbed up to each of the seats and sat on them. Peering down beneath them, they were confronted with a tank full of creamy semolina.
Rachel: “The sponsors have been very generous and have filled up the tank with one of their other products. I am sure it will be as good as, or even better than the custard.”
At the side of the tank were two levers, which two of the students grasped firmly and waited for further instruction.
Rachel: “Ladies, we are going to be generous, and we will only dunk one of you. The person that will be dunked is the lady that received the fewest votes in the Round of 16……”
Gasps from the audience could be heard, as all eyes diverted to the large TV monitor. It could be seen that Alice had attracted 25 votes, but Michelle had received exactly the same number.”
Michelle: “Hey, does that mean we aren’t going into that disgusting slop?”
Alice’s hopes were raised a little as she immediately looked to see the reaction from Rachel.
Rachel shook her head “Nope, you are both going in. You always were! I just thought it would be fun to throw in a little suspense. Haha!”
The levers were promptly yanked down which violently jerked both seats forward and downwards. The result was 2 flailing sports presenters, spread-eagled in mid-air, before they splatted into the waiting semolina and delved beneath the surface. A few seconds elapsed until 2 semolina smothered ladies emerged from the gloop and stood in the tank up to their waist in the thick dessert, as the audience cheered wildly.
Meanwhile, Rachel had turned to the camera and announced the Quarter Final line-ups.
Quarter Final 1
Our first quarter final sees Sarah-Jane up against Natalie P, one of two Natalie’s that have made it through so far. How many Natalie’s will get to the semi-finals?
Quarter Final 2
It’s a battle of the brunettes next, with Bianca facing off against Anna. I think I’d like to see them fight it out in a mud wrestling ring, but we’ll have to settle for online votes!
Quarter Final 3
In contrast, the third match sees a battle of the blondes. Will Hayley be victorious, or will Jo storm through to the semi-finals?
Quarter Final 4
Finally, we have old favourites Natalie S and Kirsty up against each other. They are very used to these type of shows, so I’m sure they will be prepared, whatever happens.
“Polls are open now, and will close Thursday 6pm (BST)”
As the credits rolled, the university students could be seen returning to their special guest and tipping the remaining cartons of custard over her. One of them was particularly cheeky and poured a few cartons inside her pink shirt which caused the blonde tutor to gasp as the cold substance filled her bra.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature.
“Welcome back to Brighton Beach for the 3rd and final part of the season finale of Slime Splosh Roadshow” said an excited bikini wearing and gungy Michelle Ackerley. “Before the big series ending showdown between my co-presenter Eddie Hall and Eastenders Actress Jessica Plummer vs. Legendary singer Neneh Cherry and myself. We still have the little matter of gunging two Spice Girls Geri Horner and Victoria Beckham” Michelle said.
A custard covered and white bikini wearing Geri waved enthusiastically to the cheering crowd from one set of foot stocks. Victoria Beckham gave a more muted wave. Victoria was in a white bra top and a pair of white knickers she hadn’t wanted to be here and had a total meltdown when she got messy and would have faced a severe gunging but Geri gave her some harsh home truths to try and get the fun Victoria of old back and had agreed to take almost half the gunging along with Victoria. After seeing her husband David and her daughter Harper laughing at her predicament Victoria had begun to lighten up a bit but still wasn’t looking forward to her gunging.
Eddie Hall wheeled on the grocer’s barrow filled with buckets, a bin and a giant churn. Michelle looked at the buckets and chose one, Geri held Victoria’s hand and said “Just treat it as fun like when you and David were interviewed by Ali G”. “Yes I even laughed at the football chant about me taking it up the arse” Victoria replied managing a full smile. “That’s the Vick I want back” added Geri tickling Victoria under the arm and making her shriek out. “What’s that Victoria?” asked Michelle putting the bucket down. “We were just talking about when Vick and David were interviewed by Ali G and he asked Victoria about the rude football chant fans sang about her. Tell Michelle what it was Vick?” said Geri out to embarrass her former band mate but also to bring her fun side again. “What was it ?” asked Michelle. “They used to chant “Do I Take It Up The Arse!” said Victoria very embarrassed. David Beckham was seen laughing but covering his daughter’s ears on the big screen. The crowd began to do the chant and Victoria turned bright red. “Does it bring back memories?” asked Michelle joking as Victoria sank her head into her hands but was beginning to laugh. “Memories of last night more like” said Geri. “Geri, it was a bit longer ago than that” said Victoria without thinking. She then realised what she had said and began to smile. Geri gave a laughing David a thumbs up.
“In honour of Victoria I’m going to use presenter’s prerogative and amend the rules to these gungings each Spice Girl will take a jug of the food stuff we will be throwing at them down their bikini bottoms or knickers. We’ll call it “Does she take it down her arse” said Michelle to huge cheers. Victoria looked horrified again but when the crowd started chanting “Can she take it down her arse” she did have to laugh. Geri who had called Victoria’s knickers skanky after they had done some cake sitting in the previous episode started a “Down her skanky knickers” chant which the crowd loved directing at Victoria. “You ****** cow” Victoria whispered to Geri but in a fun manner. “I’ll show you” she added and started a “Down her ginger arse” chant at Geri’s expense. Geri joined in with it delighted to see Victoria was starting to lighten up.
Michelle was now back in position and first bucket in hand. “I didn’t know you could be so naughty” she said to Victoria. “She’s a bad influence” replied Victoria pinching Geri’s left breast. “Anyway you are rumoured to be fond of a bit of lettuce, so try some lettuce puree” Michelle said and threw a bucket of the thick green food substance over Victoria’s head and body. Victoria screamed as it knocked the wind out of her and it plastered down her hair and ran down her face and onto her rumoured surgically enhanced boobs. It then continued down her stomach before forming a big pool in her lap and dripping slowly down her legs. Michelle then suddenly popped up behind Victoria and bulled the back of her knickers open “You’ve got quite a hairy crack” teased Michelle. Where once Victoria would have ranted about such a joke she replied “I had to cancel my crack waxing to come here”. Michelle emptied the thick green gunk into Victoria’s knickers. Victoria squirmed with horror and when Michelle lifted her up a bit and sat her thud back down the green puree splattered out of Victoria’s knickers at all angles. Victoria remained silent and gave an almost enigmatic smile.
Eddie looked over the buckets and selected ones. “Can you remember slush puppies?” he asked Geri. “I can remember these puppies” joked Geri pushing her amble bust up. “I always liked the orange flavour” said Eddie and threw a bucket of orange slush puppy over Geri. The coldness of it sent her into shock. “******* hell” she yelled as she shook with the cold. “Official warning anymore swearing a you get a penalty bucket” warned Michelle. “It’s so ****** cold, I don’t care” Geri snapped back laughing. “Right penalty bucket” said Michelle and picked up a bucket and stood behind Geri. “Keeping with the orange theme have some carrot soup” she said and emptied the orange mess over Geri’s head. Geri was sat there bedraggled her long hair plastered to her body as the orange mess ran over her boobs and onto her impressive six pack. Michelle pulled open the back of Geri’s bikini briefs and emptied a jug of carrot soup and orange slush puppy down them. The mess oozed out of the side and the coldness made Geri hop about in her seat. “I’ve got a frozen arse and fanny” she screamed. Victoria began to laugh at her friends plight.
“Now for you Victoria we were going to get you some truffles but we could afford them so we’ve got the wet soil they were dug up from” said Eddie and threw a bucket of watery mud over Victoria’s head. She was destroyed beyond recognition a dark muddy mass. She slowly coughed the mud out of her mouth and wiped her eyes but before she could try to regain her composure she felt Michelle pulling the back of her knickers open and a jug of mud being pushed into her bum cheeks. She was ready to vent but she took a couple of deep breaths and said nothing. “Staying on an earthy theme how about a bucket of wet sand from Brighton Beach?” Michelle asked Geri “What about it?” replied Geri as Michelle threw the bucket of wet sand over Geri. This made Geri gasp and try to avoid it going in her eyes however suddenly Victoria reached over pulled the string on the back of Geri’s bikini and whipped it off over her head and threw it away. Geri screamed and covered her bust but then wobbled her sand covered breasts to the camera. “Vick that was so naughty” Geri said laughing, embarrassed but happy as her friend was clearly having fun. “Victoria Beckham!” said Michelle laughing as she walked behind Geri and emptied a jug of wet sand down the back of Geri’s bikini briefs.
“Before you get your last bucket do you think Victoria deserves the wildcard bin?” Michelle asked Geri. “What do you think, she’ll love it” said Geri covering her boobs. “Please make it something dark” Victoria pleaded guessing what Geri was going to do. Eddie selected the bin and said “You are in luck it’s melted dark chocolate” and stood behind Victoria and emptied it over her head. The mass of chocolate engulfed her as Geri reached over and pulled her bra top off. Victoria guessed this was coming but was still mortified to be topless although she was so covered in gunge you could only see the outline of her boobs. “Please give it back Geri” she asked as Michelle poured the jug of chocolate down her knickers. “Should I give it her back?” Geri asked the crowd. They all yelled no even David and Harper. “Harper come over here” Geri yelled and David bought Harper forward before she ran over to Geri and Victoria. Harper stood there laughing at Victoria and Victoria began to laugh back. “Do you think your Mummy deserves her bra top back” Geri asked Harper. “No” shouted Harper. “I’ll give it you back if you tell the truth about your boobs” said Geri reaching over and tweaking one of Victoria’s boobs. “Okay I admit it I had them done year’s ago” said Victoria to cheers. “Here Harper give Mummy back her top when this game is over” said Geri and handed Harper the top. Victoria held out her hand desperately but Harper skipped off back to a laughing David. Victoria had a look of horror on her face but really began to laugh. “That was a good one Geri” she said as she tried to cover her boobs.
“For your last bucket you have treacle” Michelle said to Geri and stood behind her and emptied the black mass over Geri’s head, Geri looked up and let it run down her slowly and began to massage it into her boobs and stomach as the crowd cheered. “Now for down your bikini briefs said Michelle. “We’ve had enough of that” replied Geri and she pulled the tie string on one side of her briefs and Victoria on the other and she pulled her sodden bikini bottoms from under her and threw them to the floor. “Get around that Michelle” she said. “I’ll put it down Victoria’s knickers then” said Michelle but as she tried to do so Victoria knocked her hand away saying “No more”. “Right punishment bucket for you both” said Michelle. “
“We are running a bit low on buckets the producers have told me so it will be one bucket between the pair of you” said Michelle retrieving the last bucket from the barrow. She stood behind Geri and Victoria and lifted the bucket up but suddenly Victoria said “Now” and she and Geri pulled Michelle’s bikini briefs down to reveal a fairly bushy afro muff. “Now that is Scary” said Geri. Michelle screamed and automatically reached down to pull her bikini bottoms back up but dropped the bucket of baked beans over herself and fell backwards. She sat there in a pool of baked beans covering her modesty. Geri and Victoria high fived and sang “We baked beaned your muff” to the tune of Spice Up Your Life. Michelle was very embarrassed but couldn’t help but laugh. “Well at least I was debriefed by a couple of Spice Girls” she joked and hugged both Geri and Victoria after pulling her bottoms back up.
Regaining her composure Michelle asked Geri “What have you got for the winners churn” as Eddie lifted the milk churn down. “Well Vick tended to squawk when she sang so this is appropriate” Geri replied just as another seagull flew over and did a dropping on the top of Victoria’s head. “Even he thinks you were a crap singer” Michelle joked. “Yes I was a crap singer and Geri still is” replied Victoria laughing out loud to huge cheers. Eddie stood behind Victoria and emptied a load of wet feathers over her. Victoria hadn’t been sure what to expect but this was a shock. “That was a good one Geri” she admitted. Michelle stuck a load of feathers down Victoria’s knickers and gave her a fun wedgie.
Eddie released Geri from the footstocks but she stayed there and said “I want Victoria to squawk and flap her arms like a bird before she is released. We’ve got the fun Victoria back and this is her final test otherwise she stays here”. “No way, come on” said Victoria. “We do need the stocks again in a minute” Eddie said. Everyone was chanting “Victoria, Victoria”. “Okay then I’ll do it” said Victoria. She flapped her arms and made a squarking noise for several seconds before Eddie released her to huge applause. Geri got out of her foot stocks and hugged Victoria warmly as the crowd cheered lead by Michelle. “Two amazing ladies Ginger Spice Geri Horner and fun Posh Spice Victoria Beckham OBE” said Michelle as everyone cheered them again. Victoria laughed and pointed to Geri’s waist. Whilst Geri was covering her boobs she had forgotten she had taken her bikini bottoms off and her muff with a shaved landing strip was partly visible though the mess on her. “You can talk” said Michelle pointing to the fact that the weight of the gunge had made Victoria’s knickers sag around the top of her legs and her shaven muff was visible but covered with gunge. Victoria pulled her knickers back up but they nearly fell back down again as Eddie quickly bought both giggling women a towel to protect their modesty.
“That was Spice up your muffs” Michelle said joking. “Victoria had put the towel around her just as her knickers fell down around her ankles. “Damn skanky knickers” she joked. “What happens now?” Geri asked “You can shower off but only at the end of the show” Michelle said. “I can stay messy a bit longer” Geri replied. “I guess I can too” added Victoria as they walked off to another big cheer.
“Please welcome to oversee our team battle from BBCs Crackerjack at it’s gunging peak Stu Francis and Sara Hollamby” said Michelle. Stu and Sara walked on to a nice applause.
Stu bounded on with his still youthful enthusiasm despite being nearly 70. Sara walked on serenely and was still an attractive lady at around 60. Michelle greeted them both and said “Welcome to Slime Splosh Roadshow ” and gave both of them a cream pie in the face. “Ohh I could crush a grape” said Stu to cheers from the older crowd members. “It’s nice to be here and to help oversee a big grudge gunging” added Sarah. “It must be over 35 years since you lasted worked together?” Michelle asked. “I could jump off a doll’s house” said Stu and jumped over the nearby footstocks to laughs from the crowd. “Yes we hosted a show called Ultra Quiz in 1985 after Crackerjack finished but I don’t think we have worked together professionally since although we’ve remained good friends” Sarah said. “What have you been doing since then?” Michelle asked. “Well I’ve done other bits of TV work, took some time off to have my children now I do a lot of work on QVC and corporate presenting” Sarah replied. “Ohh I could shag a Spice Girl” Stu joked. Both Geri and Victoria laughed at that and waved at Stu. “Well like Sarah I’ve done other TV work and you probably saw me helping promote the return of Crackerjack this year. Plus I’ve done far too many pantos to mention” Stu said. “You probably got more gungings on Crackerjack than even I’ve had this series” Michelle said to Stu. “Yes I don’t know who had the most in TV history myself, Chris Tarrant or Holly Willoughby?” Stu replied. “Yes he pulled me under the gunge once” Sara chipped in. “We’ve got the clip here” said Michelle.
“Anyway I’ve got to prepare for my gunging so I’ll hand over to you two” said Michelle and she ran off. “Well you have been voting for Michelle and Neneh Cherry against Eddie Hall and Jessica Plummer” said Stu. “Each team will get 3 buckets and the team with the most votes will get the wildcard bin and the victor’s churn” said Sarah. “Can you bring on the extra foot stocks please Eddie?” Stu asked. Eddie carried on the two additional pairs of foot stocks.
“You should be doing this” Eddie joked. “I can arm wrestle an action man” Stu replied. “Can you also wheel on the barrow?” Sara asked Eddie. “Sure” replied Eddie and wheeled on a laden grocer’s barrow. “Can we welcome back on Michelle Ackerley, Neneh Cherry, Eddie Hall and Jessica Plummer” said Sara. Jessica was in a strapless boob tube, thong and was covered in porridge, Neneh was in her Raw Like Sushi album cover bra top, thong and was covered in Cherry Trifle. Eddie in his Speedos and Michelle was in her bikini. ( Photos are in Part 1 of this story).
Stu and Sara gave Neneh and Jessica a cream pie in the face each respectively. They then did the same to Michelle and Eddie. “We are sticking with the season finale rules then” Michelle joked. “Well I can announce that the duo with the most votes are Michelle and Neneh” announced Stu. “I knew it” said Michelle. “First of all the winners have to receive their prizes” said Sarah she picked up a bucket of custard and threw it in Eddie’s face. Stu picked up another bucket and emptied it over Jessica’s head as she held onto her boob tube to stop it falling down.
Stu and Sara lead the 4 competitors over to the foot secured them in. Eddie’s huge ankles just about fit inside them. Stu and Sara looked at the buckets and selected a couple each. “You may be Neneh Cherry but I crushed grapes” said Stu and threw a buck of crushed grapes over Neneh who screamed and smiled as the mushy grapes hit her. Sara threw her bucket of crushed grapes over Michelle who laughed and rubbed them grapes into her body. Sara looked at the buckets and selected one. “You clearly need foods to maintain your fitness Eddie” she said and threw a bucket of pink protein shake over him. Eddie just smiled as it didn’t bother him. Stu picked up his bucket and launched the pink mess at Jessica. It messed up her porridge and custard covered hair even more totally flattening her blond curly afro. “It’s running down my boobs” Jessica yelled. “Lucky they are so small, you should ask Victoria for the number of her boob surgeon” Michelle joked to her.
Stu looked at the buckets and selected one. “A gunging classic” he said and launched a bucket of bucket of baked beans over Michelle’s head. Her hair had now come down and she screwed her face up as the beans ran down her body. Jessica who was sat next to her reached out and pulled the back of Michelle’s bikini briefs open so the beans would go down her bum. “Sorry Neneh but you’ve got beans too” said Sara and threw her bucket of beans over Neneh her big afro was also flattened down and the beans soon ran down her bra top. She naughtily massaged them into her boobs and pushed them up. Stu picked up a bucket and said “I’m so excited I could bash a banana” and threw a bucket of banana puree over Eddie who roared when it hit him Stu jumped into Sara’s arms in fright. After putting Stu down Sara picked up her bucket and threw the banana puree over Jessica. As it hit Jessica in the face Michelle reached over and pulled Jessica’s boob tube down exposing her petite boobs and rubbed the banana mush into them. Jessica laughed and pulled her top back up.
“That’s a penalty bucket for you Michelle” said Sara. “You can throw it over her Stu” she added. Sara stood by Jessica and Michelle but they grabbed her by the wrists and Stu emptied a bucket of oxtail soup over Sara’s head. She screamed as the brown soup flattened down her curly hair but then did her catwalk poses the same as she’d done on the above clip from November 1984. “Got you” Stu shouted and ran off. “Right I’ll do it myself” said Sara laughing as she saw her gunging replayed on the big screen. She selected a bucket and stood behind Michelle and Jessica but they pulled Sara’s leggings down revealing a pair of sensible white knickers. Sara corpsed in laughter as she put the bucket down with her trousers around her ankles. “What no thong” teased Neneh. Sara pulled her leggings back up and walked around in front of Michelle and Jessica and threw half a bucket of spaghetti over both of them.
Stu looked at the buckets and selected one. “I thought you could keep your clothes on at your age” he said to Sara so she threw another bucket of spaghetti in his face. “Oh I could pop a balloon” he said. “There are two over here” Geri shouted pulling down Victoria’s towel to expose her boobs. “Right” said Victoria and pulled Geri’s towel off and threw it into the crowd, Geri covered herself as best as she could whilst Sara ran over to her and gave her a hand towel which she could hold in front of her. Geri turned with her back to Sara so everyone could see her gunge covered bum.
Stu selected another bucket and said “Interesting” and threw a bucket of flour over Neneh’s head. The flour dust made her cough and clung to the gunge on her body. Sara picked up her bucket and threw her flour over Michelle but as she did it Neneh and Jessica reached across and pulled Michelle’s bikini top down. Michelle’s impressive boobs were on display for all to see as she was hit with an onslaught of flour dust. Some went up her nose and as she coughed her boobs bounced up and down. The audience cheered and whistled. “Okay you’ve seen them” said Michelle joking to hide her obvious embarrassment as she put her boobs back in. “I never thought your boobs would be so pale” Jessica joked as Michelle’s boobs had been covered in white flour.
Sara looked at the buckets and said “Try this one for size Eddie” and threw a bucket of chicken gravy over Eddie who just laughed back at her, Stu picked up his bucket and threw Jessica’s last bucket at her. The dark gravy hit her smack in the face and ran down her body. Michelle reached over and tugged on Jessica’s thong giving her a stiff wedgie. Jessica was pulled backwards off her seat and her legs and foot stocks went up in the air as she fell back onto the sand. “Are you alright, I didn’t mean for that to happen?” Michelle asked showing obvious concern for Jessica. “I’m fine Michelle” said Jessica laughing as Stu and Sara ran over to her. “Leave me like this” she said to them when they went to help her up.
“I guess you’ll want Michelle and Neneh to have the wildcard bin?” Sara asked Eddie. “Of course” Eddie replied. Sara and Stu lifted the bin down and took the lid off. “Half goes on Neneh and then the other half on Michelle” Stu said they stood behind Neneh and emptied half a bin of fish guts over her. “Talk about Raw Like Sushi” Stu joked. The smell of the slimy guts hitting her head preoccupied Neneh so Michelle reached over and popped her left boob out. “Why is your left boob out Neneh?” she asked innocently. “It must be lonely” Neneh joked and popped her right boob out and wiggled her impressive breasts before popping them back in. Stu and Sarah stood behind Michelle and lifted the bin up. Michelle held onto her bikini top but Neneh reached over and pulled down the back of her bikini bottoms so the top of Michelle’s bum was showing. As Michelle endured the fish guts hitting her and holding her bikini top with one had and nose with the other Neneh stuck a load of the slimy substance right down Michelle’s butt crack. Michelle screamed and wiggled uncomfortably in her seat as Neneh stuck another handful down. “You were one of my heroines” she pleaded.
“What have you chosen as the victor’s churn?” Stu asked Eddie releasing him from his footstocks so he could do the honours. “Michelle has always hated sprouts so it was a clear choice” he said lifting the churn down and standing behind Neneh. He took the lid off but emptied the mass of sprout puree over Michelle’s head, Michelle screamed and thumped her chair as the disgusting concoction hit her. “I hate you Eddie Hall” she wailed as she tried not to wretch. Eddie sat Jessica back up so she could enjoy Michelle’s distress. “I’ve hated these for 30 years” Michelle protested. “Oh we’ve found another couple of buckets of them” said Eddie running back to the barrow and picking up the final two buckets. He placed them down in front of Michelle and then picked the first one up. Michelle held her nose and her bikini top but Eddie threw the first bucket of Sprout mush right in Neneh’s face. “I hate sprouts too” she yelled as the disgusting substance ran down her already gunge ridden body. Eddie picked up the second bucket and aimed it at Jessica who screamed “No”, He then aimed it at Michelle and Jessica began to laugh but he moved slightly and threw the mess right in Jessica’s face. She hated it and started to cough as the green mush ran down her face. She was squirming so much her boob tube fell down exposing her pert breasts again. Michelle laughed at her but kindly pulled her top back up for her.
Stu released Neneh, Michelle and Jessica from the stocks and they hugged each other and Eddie. Neneh and Jessica tried to pull Eddie’s Speedo’s down but Michelle saw it and pulled their thongs down. Luckily both got their hands down in time and jokingly wiggled their bums whilst Sara ran over and pulled their thongs back up for them. “I’ll always watch out for a friend” Michelle said to Eddie. “Well this was a post watershed series finale to the Slime Splosh Roadshow which looked like it ended with a double full moon” said Michelle. “I’d like to thank Bianca, Sophia Peschsolido, Kelle Bryan, Andrea McLean, Stacey Solomon, Geri Horner and the ever smiling Victoria Beckham” said Eddie as the camera panned over to them all waving from the VIP area still gunge covered but with towels around them. Luckily Geri had been given another bath towel. Victoria did a big cheesy grin to the camera and hugged Geri.
“I’d like to thank Crackerjack legends Stu Francis and Sara Hollamby” said Michelle as the audience shouted “Crackerjack” back. “I’d also like to declare a truce with Jessica Plummer” she added as they warmly embraced. “Let’s also hear it for the legend, an amazing sport with an even more amazing body Neneh Cherry” Michelle continued. “But most of all I’d like to thank our Overseer Eddie Hall” she concluded as Eddie picked her up and put her on his right shoulder. “Let’s have the biggest cheer for Michelle Ackerkley, she has taken everything–” Eddie said. “And shown everything” Michelle chipped in. “She is an amazing fun lady who I love to work with” Eddie added as everyone cheered Michelle. “It’s been a crazy few weeks, I’ve done things I never thought I would with people I could only dream of. Until next series it’s goodbye” an emotional Michelle said signing off as they all waved bye as all the gunge and pies had been used up.
With this series out of the way I’ll get the last part or couple of parts of the Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival finished too along with the Strictly story I have ongoing. I can then look to get the “Totty” series mentioned in the Tiswas/OTT stories up and running. Cleo Demetriou and friends may appear in a few new stories and mainly I’ll look to concentrate on more one off none programme based fun stories either featuring a few celebs I have in mind or people have suggested to me or fictional characters I think up. Again any suggestions or ideas you may have but haven’t got around to or don’t have the time to write post them on here and I’ll try to write them for you or someone else may be able to do the honours.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature.
Katya, Karen, Janette and Amy had been set up and given a stronger spray tan than normal by Kim the Strictly Spray Tanner. This had been arranged by fellow dancers Dianne, Nadiya, Oti, Luba and Nancy along with Oti’s sister and Strictly judge Motsi. This was in retaliation to Katya’s aloof attitude and her allegedly getting former spray tanner Carl moved on. Although the day Katya and Carl had an issue was the day Katya’s phone had been hacked and nudes placed online. Karen and Janette were seen as being in their own little clique and Amy was sometimes seen as being their lapdog. Karen and Janette had begun to wonder if this was a wind up too.
What had started out as being an idea to try and humiliate the foursome was now more how far they could push it before it was sussed out or everyone cracked up laughing. In the room with the spray tanning booth in, Carl was hiding in a store room pretending to be a few minutes away driving over. The pretext was that the excess tan needed to be removed by covering the person with a food item. But Carl couldn’t remember what it was only some had been stored away. Katya, Karen, Janette and Amy had already been covered in baked beans and sprayed with a mixture of soups. They had also been lead to believe that maintaining a sweat could help remove the excessively dark tan. Nadiya had lead them through increasingly rude and ridiculous exercises to make it funnier and Katya had been told she needed extra applications of food as she was chief target with this prank. Nadiya, Dianne, Nancy and Luba had also got messy to varying degrees. All girls were naked as they had received or were under the pretext to the victims that they had received a spray tan and Kim was filming it via phone so Carl could allegedly advise but in reality for it to be watched back and laughed at.
“What should we try next” the sweaty and disheveled Katya asked rather worriedly. “I think we should maybe try custard” Oti said and handed Katya two cartons of custard. Katya bit them open and tipped them over her head. Nadiya had convinced Katya that applying directly over the head saved time in order to get her long dark hair messy. “I need more” pleaded Katya as the custard ran down her face onto her boobs and downwards onto her stomach. Nadiya took another two cartons of custard and emptied them over Katya’s head making sure every bit came out of them. She rubbed the custard firmly into Katya’s face making her pull ridiculous faces. The other girls could hardly contain their amusement as custard went up Katya’s nose. Nadiya then rubbed it energetically into Katya’s bust bouncing her boobs all over the place. “Nadiya give your boobs a really good massage to rub custard in and stop them beginning to droop. Nadiya massage her own boobs twice daily. You do this too and get your boobs as fabulous as Nadiya’s” Nadiya said. Katya was watching her boobs being massaged in the mirror on the room’s front wall and couldn’t help but smile and she never understood why Nadiya always spoke about herself in the third person. Her and Nadiya didn’t really get on but she thought Nadiya was really trying to help her and didn’t yet think Nadiya was making her look as ridiculous as possible albeit in a fun way.
“My boobs are not drooping” Katya said semi annoyed at Nadiya’s comment. “Nadiya not say they droop only they start to droop. Look at Motsi’s big boobs you’d think they’d droop of sag but they hang like a pair of melons in a hammock” Nadiya replied and pulled Motsi forward and started massaging her boobs to display this to Katya. Dianne was crying with laughter and had to turn away “Poor Katya, Nadiya will have her totally paranoid by the end of this” she whispered to Oti. “Do I need more custard? Katya asked. “Yes a couple more” Nadiya replied. “You need to lie down on the floor on your back, Nadiya does this a lot” Nadiya said. Oti nearly choked with laughter at this comment. “Maybe all the other over tanned girls lie next to Katya?” Oti suggested with an idea. Amy lay next to Katya followed by Janette and Karen. Oti, Dianne, Motsi, Nancy and Luba all picked up two cartons of custard each and emptied them mainly over Amy, Karen and Janette whilst Nadiya rubbed the custard in.
Amy who was very ticklish had to be held down by Katya and Janette as she would have jumped up as the custard was rubbed in and it made her laugh out loud. Nadiya being naughty rubbed a load into Amy’s muff going a little underneath. Amy literally shot up as Katya and Janette held onto her. “You nearly stuck a finger up me” Amy giggled. “Nadiya not do that unless you specifically ask” Nadiya replied. “This is what Nadiya did” Nadiya added and demonstrated the same thing on Janette who went “Ohh”. “No she definitely didn’t” Janette confirmed. “Well it felt to me like she did” Amy insisted. “Nadiya thinks we let Katya” Nadiya said and before Katya could say a word she demonstrated it on Katya. “No she certainly didn’t” Katya confirmed. “Nadiya show the difference” Nadiya said and stick a finger right up Katya’s bum. Katya literally jumped a foot in the air and screamed as all the watching girls cried with laughter. “Nadiya willing to demonstrate again? Nadiya added. “No it’s okay” Katya said lying back down. “Does Karen want Nadiya to show her” Nadiya asked Karen. “No it’s okay” said Karen. “Nadiya assume you are used to this sensation then?” Nadiya suggested as the other girls literally chewed their fists to stop laughing.
“Any news when Carl will be here?” pleaded Katya. “I’m literally under a minute away and try rubbing the custard in more” Carl said lying from the store room. “I’ve an idea” said Oti. “Lets use Motsi to literally rub the custard in”. “What do you mean?” asked Motsi. “Gently lie on the girls” Oti told her and took hold of Motsi’s feet as Motsi lie on her back on top of the other 4 girls. Oti massaged Motsi up and down the girls as Luba and Nancy poured another couple of custards each over the girls and also ensuring Motsi took a good load over her head and pendulous boobs. “It’s not supposed to go on me” said a laughing Motsi. Oti maouvered Motsi over the girls deliberately getting her big bum right in Karen’s face. Karen laughed at this as she gasped and said “If this is a wind up I’ll kill you” as Motsi bum cheeks went right in her face. Oti did the same briefly to Janette and Amy who laughed uncontrollably. Then she moved onto Katya, the sight of Katya gasping for breath as Motsi’s big bum cheeks went into her face which Kim caught on zoom made them all corpse. “Nadiya has a great idea” Nadiya announced and handed a custard carton each to Dianne, Luba and Nancy as well taking one herself and started emptying it over a squealing Motsi completely covering her head and body. All this time Motsi’s big bum was pushed into Katya’s face.
Suddenly Carl slipped out of the cupboard and sneaked out of the room before bursting back in yelling “I’m here tell Katya not to worry” he shouted. Katya began hitting the floor as Motsi’s bum was still in her face and she was gasping for breath. “My god I’m sorry” said Oti and pulled Motsi’s bum off Katya’s face. Katya took a few deep breaths as Nadiya said “Nadiya suggests Motsi now turns over”. Motsi rolled over and Oti took hold of her feet and moved her over the girls. Oti ensured that Motsi’s huge custard covered boobs were rubbed right into Janette’s and Amy’s faces. Amy in particular could not stop laughing. Oti ensured that Karen got Motsi’s custard covered muff right in her face and then did the same to Katya. “Nadiya thinks the girls should role over” Nadiya said so that Oti left Motsi’s muff right in Katya’s face. Again Katya banged the floor as everyone tried to stop laughing. Oti helped Motsi up as Katya again gasped for breath.
The girls rolled over onto their stomachs. “I think we need someone else to rub the rest of the custard in” Carl suggested. “I’m really hopeful that this will work” he enthused. “Lets use Oti her boobs will help rub it in” suggested Dianne as she, Carl, Nancy, Luba and Nadiya picked up the remaining 12 cartons of custard. Oti lay face down on top of the girls and the rest of the custard was emptied over the girls bums and a large amount went over Oti’s head. “Roll over Oti” said Motsi “We need to get some custard on your front” she added. Oti rolled over and Motsi dumped her two custards right into Oti’s face and onto her impressive 36DD boobs. “Thanks Sis” Oti spluttered as she tried not to laugh and rolled back over. Dianne held Oti’s feet and rubbed her up and down the over girls backs. “Put your arms out Oti” Motsi suggested and Oti did so. Dianne moved her over them for about 5 minutes before they stopped.
“Is there anything else you can pour on us” pleaded Katya. “Nadiya will look” Nadiya said and returned with half a dozen tins of black treacle. Carl took out a key and opened them up. Katya grabbed a couple and started rubbing it onto her body. Nadiya grabbed another 2 and started emptying it over her head but it dripped out very slowly. “That’s a waste” Katya said worriedly “Nadiya not realise this is so sticky” Nadiya replied and added “Nadiya think you need to lie back down”. Katya lay back down and Nadiya picked up the last two tins of treacle and stuck each hand in it and plonked a double dollop right in Katya’s face. “Nadiya thinks this need to be a team effort” she implored as Oti and Motsi took a tin. “I can help if you want Katya?” asked Carl. “Yes please do pleaded” Katya. So Carl took a tin and they all rubbed the treacle into Katya’s body. “I really don’t want to touch your boobs darling” Carl said. “It’s fine, I know you aren’t interested in me or any woman” Katya replied. So Carl took a big handful of treacle and rubbed them into Katya’s boobs. “They are not beginning to droop or sag” he said to Nadiya. “Nadiya take another look” Nadiya replied and started to play with Katya’s boobs. “Maybe Katya’s boobs now settle as she has been on her back for longer now. Nadiya thinks Katya clearly spends a lot of time flat on her back” Nadiya said. Everyone just collapsed with laughter. Katya who was still stressing wondered what was so funny.
“Maybe we should try showering Janette and Karen as they are darker skin tone and we’ll see if this has worked?” Carl suggested. Luba, Nancy, Oti and Motsi took them to the showers and helped soap them up and they had a warm shower washing all the gunk off. Janette and Karen looked at each other and were relieved to see that they were back to their correct spray tan colour. “Something has clearly worked Oti” hardly unable to stop laughing. “What’s so funny?” Janette asked. “Nothing” Oti replied. “It was a wind up I knew it you bastards” screamed Karen throwing herself at Luba, Nancy, Oti and Motsi. “I don’t believe it, I’ve been covered in soup, baked beans and custard, had Nadiya leading us in mad exercises and had Motsi’s bum and muff in my face and I ****** well fell for it” Janette screamed as she began to laugh with the other girls. “Poor Amy and what about Katya?” said Karen as everyone collapsed in laughter at the thought of Katya’s reaction.
Meanwhile Nadiya had got Katya and Amy rubbing up against each other and massaging the substances on their body into each other. “Nadiya thinks you need to get really close, intimate and sensual, imagine you were making love to someone as sexy as me” Nadiya said. Dianne, Kim and Carl had to turn away as they were laughing so much. Amy was giggling but Katya was intently following Nadiya’s instructions. Oti stuck her head around the room door and said “We are still waiting to see whether Karen and Janette are going back to normal. Can we try showering Amy now” she partly lied. “What about me?” asked Katya. “Nadiya thinks that as your tan is worse you need to work up a bigger sweat for this to work” Nadiya said.
Oti took Amy to the showers, Janette and Karen waited until the food covered Amy walked in. “Look at the state of you” Karen screamed bursting out laughing. “Oh it worked then?” said Amy. “Of course it does when you shower” Janette added. “So Katya being covered in that extra treacle and be erotically rubbing against her had no difference” Amy replied. “I wonder if it was the custard or the baked beans which worked as Carl said the mixed soup wouldn’t” Amy said innocently. “It might have been Nadiya getting them to do those exercises, Motsi and Oti rubbing their bodies all over you but that is really stupid. I’d guess a warm shower might be what is required” said Oti letting Amy know it was a wind up. “I don’t believe it” Amy shrieked in her strong Welsh accent. “Why did you choose me?” she continued. “We misjudged you as you are just so nice, we knew you’d be hilarious and because you are so Welsh” Oti said smiling and giving Amy a big hug. Luba picked up a towel and wiped her gungy hands and got her phone and started showing Amy, Karen and Janette the footage of them being gunged and exercised. “Oh my god that is so funny. But what about Katya?” said Amy. “You have a nice warm shower and we’ll think about Katya” said Oti and conferred with the other girls.
Meanwhile Nadiya had got Katya doing more lunges and star jumps and jogging on the spot. “Nadiya says you must go faster” Nadiya stand jogging on the spot her fantastic breasts bouncing as she did so. “I’m knackered” pleaded Katya gasping for breath. “Your energy leaving are sagging Nadiya not surprised your boobs begin to droop” said Nadiya trying to implore one last effort out of Katya as Kim, Carl and Dianne all looked on. Katya collapsed to the floor panting as Motsi stuck her head around the door and said “Quick bring Katya”. Nadiya, Carl, Dianne and Motsi literally picked up Katya by her arms and legs and carried her to the changing room. Katya saw Amy, Karen and Janette back to normal spray tan colour and felt relieved. “What worked?” she gasped. “We’re not sure but this got it off” said Oti pointing to an ice bath. “Nadiya thinks we she act quickly” Nadiya said and pushed Katya head first into the ice bath. Katya screamed and went under the water before reemerging shivering and a wet gunged mass. “She needs someone to wash it off her” Oti said and pushed Dianne into the bath. Dianne screamed with the cold and began to wash Katya down in the ice bath.
There was a screen above the bath and Kim had quietly plugged her phone into it and began to play footage back of Katya’s ordeal. Her teeth chattering with the cold and gradually seeing the ridiculousness of what she had been through made Katya begin to think. “My goodness I looked a prat but it luckily worked” she said smiling as she saw her skin begin to turn to his normal colour as Dianne used ice cubes to wash her down with. “I really wonder what worked?” she asked when an incoming call from Shirley Ballas flashed up on the screen. “Hi girls” said Shirley going onto video call mode and seeing Katya and Dianne in the bath. “Lots of naked bodies there oh and Carl. Good job he’s not like Brendan Cole used to be” she joked. “I’m happy with my partner Bobby darling” Carl replied laughing. “Well I’ve decided to call as I’ve seen this great comedy clip online and want to share it with you” Shirley continued and the clip of the girls being gunged and exercised was shown as everyone burst out laughing at Katya.
She sat there in the bath trying to take it all in. “You mean being exercised having why holes on view in a mirror, being covered in beans, soup, custard, treacle, nearly getting suffocated by Motsi’s bum and vagina, having Nadiya exercise me to the point of exhaustion and tell me my boobs are beginning to droop is a ****** wind up” she screamed. “No Nadiya still thinks your boobs are beginning to droop” said Nadiya. Katya looked down and said “They are ****** not” and then realising that she had been well and truly had reached for Dianne and dunked her under the ice but pulled her back up before beginning to laugh. “We are sorry Katya” spluttered Dianne “But you do seem aloof and the Carl incident we didn’t like but we now understand”. “I know I’m a bit quiet and not as extrovert as Nadiya but with my phone being hacked, the Seann Walsh issue. I do tend to be a bit more guarded than some of you. But you were harsh to me but I’m going to try and be less uptight” Katya replied before dunking Dianne under the water again and pulling her back up. Nadiya reached out to offer a hand of friendship to Katya but Katya pulled her into the ice bath. “Nadiya go all cold and tingly and your boobs aren’t beginning to droop they are fine just not as good as Nadiya’s” Nadiya replied after she emerged from under the water. “You well and truly got be but whose idea was this?” Katya asked. Dianne stuck her hand up and Katya dunked her under the water again. Can I just ask one more thing before I get out of this ****** freezing bath and have a laugh watching Amy, Karen, Janette and myself being made total fools of. Why was the water so clean if they’d been in this ice bath before me?” Katya asked. “Well they had a nice warm shower instead” admitted Dianne. So Katya dunked her head under the water again. “Nadiya thinks that it is ice bath that made your boobs pert and not starting to droop” Nadiya said and dunked Katya under the water and tried to get out the bath laughing as Katya and Dianne pulled her back in.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
(This story contains nudity and a very little bit of male WAM at the end)
The time had just turned 9pm, which meant only one thing – the latest edition of the Alternative Euro 2020 Show was about to air. As the audience clap enthusiastically, the camera focuses in on Rachel Riley who is standing at the side of the stage. The blonde mathematician is wearing a sexy black dress and sparkling silver high heel shoes as the camera follows her as she walks slowly to the middle of the stage. “Hello again, and we have another exciting show for you tonight. We will get to find out which sports news presenters have made it through to the semi final stage of our fun competition, we will be having a little fun with the quarter final losers, the university students have persuaded another special guest to appear, and we’ve got a viewer competition for you at home, where you will get the chance to choose which female celebrity will be the special guest on the next show.
Rachel stops walking, and the camera slowly pans out to show the rather busy and sexy scene behind her. Wearing their ‘football outfits’ of tight white flimsy t-shirts, white bikini briefs with ties at the side, and white high heel shoes, are all 8 quarter finalists standing in a line. From left to right:-
What made the audience gasp and cheer even louder than usual, was the fact that each lady had their hands cuffed into a pair of dangling handcuffs directly above their heads. The 5 university students from the previous shows were teasing the ladies by threatening to use the water pistols that they were holding in their hands and were playfully aiming them at the presenters heads and chests. The 8 ladies were standing uncomfortably as they knew there was nothing they could do to prevent themselves getting wet if the 19 to 21 year olds decided to use the water pistols on them.
Rachel smiled as she watched the teasing continue, and giggled uncontrollably when one of the students decided to tickle Kirsty’s armpits which made the busty brunette laugh out loud as she jerked her body around to try in vain to avoid the tickling. This had the effect of jiggling her large tits about inside her white t-shirt, confirming she wasn’t wearing a bra.
The camera panned to the opposite side of the stage, where there was a table with a blonde lady bent over at 90 degrees, with her bum in the air.
She was wearing the universities football cheerleading outfit of maroon mini-dress, white socks and white pumps. The university students trooped over to join her, and announced that her name was Katie and she was 20 years old, and they proceeded to further explain that Katie had been voted by the university football team as the most popular cheerleader. Her ‘prize’ was about to be administered on live TV. Her skirt was flipped up to reveal a pert bottom and white knickers. Each student picked up a large creamy custard pie and formed a line behind her. One by one, they smacked her bottom with their pies, causing custard and cream to splatter everywhere, and emitting excited yelps from the blonde stunner, as each pie hit.
After the fifth and final pie had been slapped on her behind, Katie slowly stood up. Custard and cream had soaked into her knickers, and the backs of her legs were covered with custard splashes and drips. As she turned around to face the audience, she was met with a custard pie sandwich which engulfed both sides of her head. This was complemented with a further pie which was slapped down on top of her head, making sure all her hair got splattered. The students duly thanked Katie for being such a good sport, and the sploshed cheerleader waved to the audience as she walked off with a sexy twirl, seemingly enjoying being the centre of attention.
After a short advert break, the show resumed with Rachel standing to the left of the 8 handcuffed sports presenters.
”Ok, it’s time to announce the results from the quarter-final matches. I wonder who is going through to the semi finals?”
The large TV monitor flickered into life and displayed the following graphic:-
“Well done to Anna, Jo and both Natalie’s. You ladies can go back to your dressing rooms to get changed before coming back on at the end of the show, when we will be previewing the semi-final matches.”
The university students seemed disappointed to have to uncuff the winners from their respective handcuffs, whilst the 4 ladies seemed mightily relieved as they walked off the stage.”
Sarah-Jane, Bianca, Hayley and Kirsty were not at all relieved as they remained cuffed as the students began to tease them yet again. The good news for the ladies was that the students no longer had water pistols. The bad news was that instead they now had a powerful super-soaker each.
Kirsty: “Come on, you might as well get on with it!”
Bianca: “Yeah, we know you can’t wait to get us all wet.”
Hayley: “Completely agree. We’ve gotten wet before, and we’ll no doubt get wet in future. Do your worst!”
Rachel turned to the students “It appears the ladies are asking to be soaked, so let them have it guys.”
The triggers on the super-soakers were pressed and jets of water splashed over the 4 cuffed presenters. The students ensured that the ladies got completely soaked by directing their super-soakers up and down their bodies, and the inevitable wet t-shirts ensued, leaving very little to the imagination.
Rachel: “Well done guys. Now, there is another part of the consolation prize, but only two ladies will receive it. Guys, do you want to choose which two?”
Student 1: “Hmm, a difficult choice to make”
Student 2: “How about we choose the 2 ladies with the largest tits?”
Student 3: “Sounds good to me”
After some thoughtful debate, and viewing of each ladies chests through their now transparent t-shirts, it was unanimously decided that Hayley and Kirsty were on the larger side compared to the other two.
Hayley: “OMG, it’s like being in a wet t-shirt competition.”
Kirsty: “I guess, but at least we won!”
Hayley: “I don’t think you wanted to win, did you?”
Kirsty: “Ah yes you’re right. That’s just the competitive side coming out in me. Drat! What are we in store for?”
As Hayley and Kirsty sighed with dismay, Bianca and Sarah-Jane let out sighs of relief as they were uncuffed, and allowed to go and get dry back in their dressing rooms.
The students grinned at the busty duo, who were thinking what kind of messy prize was awaiting them.
They didn’t have long to find out, as Rachel pressed a button on a panel to the side of her, which revealed that the floor beneath Hayley and Kirsty was in fact retractable as the floor mechanism started to move outwards to reveal that there was a hidden pit embedded in the floor beneath.
As Hayley and Kirsty peered downwards, Rachel explained that the pit was six foot deep and was filled with black molasses. Both ladies gulped as they realised they were going to get completely messy in the black syrupy gloop below. Considering their shackled positions, they would normally be thankful for their hands to be uncuffed, but not so much in their current situation. As 2 of the students reached up and released their hands from their respective handcuffs, there was nowhere else for the ladies to go apart from downwards. Like a shot, both ladies squealed as they dropped into the pit of molasses below, and were quickly submerged. After a few seconds, two pairs of black gloopy hands could be seen as they frantically gripped at the sides of the retractable floor. Both ladies were athletic and found it easy enough to pull themselves up and out of the molasses pit. Once back on terra firma, the audience cheered wildly, as Hayley and Kirsty wiped their eyes and faces, before looking down on themselves to see their bodies had been plastered with the gloopy substance. They didn’t have long to think about the situation they found themselves in, as 2 custard pies were slapped in their faces, and 2 more splatted on their bums.
Rachel smirked as she surveyed the two destroyed presenters “Thank you Hayley and Kirsty. We hope you enjoyed your consolation prizes as much as we did. Haha!”
Hayley and Kirsty are forced to run off the stage, as they are chased by the university students who are holding even more custard pies in their hands. From the girly yelps that were heard off stage, the audience assumed the students had been successful in catching up with their targets and delivering their pies.
After another short advert break, Rachel is joined by the 4 semi-finalists, who have used the time to change into more appropriate clothing.
“We are now at the semi-final stage, so let’s see the match-ups. In the first semi final, we have formula 1 presenter Natalie Pinkham up against boxing presenter Anna Woolhouse”
“Our second match will see two football presenters facing off against each other – blonde Jo Wilson versus busty brunette Natalie Sawyer.”
”I wonder whether we are going to get an all-Natalie final? Or could it be a Natalie-less final? We shall have to wait and see. Polls close Saturday at 6pm (BST)“
As the show continues, a molasses and custard coated Kirsty re-appears from the side of the stage. In her hand is a custard pie, as she makes a bee-line for the university student who had been tickling her earlier, whilst she had been handcuffed. With a very quick athletic action, Kirsty smashed the pie in his face, and made sure to smear it around his face and into his hair for maximum coverage. The astonished student looked utterly surprised, as Kirsty smirked and commented “You deserve that!” before walking back off stage.
Rachel was also stunned at the turn of events “Well, that certainly wasn’t planned! But maybe the students had it coming? After all, they are getting to mess up a lot of sexy and attractive ladies on these shows!”
The university students look daggers at the blonde host. Rachel notices their glares, and starts to wish she hadn’t made that comment, but quickly dismisses the thought out of her mind, as she knows there is not a lot of time to go before the show has to end.
“Anyway before we go, I have to let you all know about our viewer competition. All you have to do is:-
(1) predict which two ladies will get to the final;
(2) guess the total votes that will be cast for Jo Wilson;
(3) nominate a lady celebrity of your choosing
To win the competition, you need to correctly predict the finalists and out of the winning entrants, you need to have the closest guess for the number of votes that Jo Wilson gets. Your prize will be that your nominated lady celebrity will be the special guest on the next show, and will be subjected to whatever devilish messy plan the university students concoct. Good luck!”
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
In the year 2020, the BBC has decided to revive a classic show, “Noels House Party”, but with a new host. Seeing as how she had experience in the field, the BBC has chosen Holly Willoughby!
The show will bring back many classic elements, from Gotcha’s, to audience participation, but most importantly, gunge. The BBC would like to ask viewers what celebs of 2020 they would like to see. Youtubers, IG stars, actors and actresses, soap stars, presenters, TV personalities, just anyone over 18. Leave a name in the comments and we’ll see if we can book em!
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature.
“Welcome back to what we hope will be the final part of the Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival” said Chris Tarrant. “First of all we are trying to clear up what is going on we were promised one Flanderella but we now seem to have two” he continued. He pointed to the unmasked Jaimie Murray in the Cage with a lot of the other girls and then to another Flanderella who was dancing around the Phantom. “I know that the Phantom had an extended family in the last series of Tiswas but this is getting strange” Chris said. “We will be delving into this later but first we have Rosamund Pike, Thandie Newton and Katie Thistleton trying to stay on the Tiswas Torture Wheel for a combined time of 3 minutes and 47 seconds in their challenge against Rachel Burden and Ruxandra Porojnicu” Chris continued.
The naked and gunge covered ladies all walked on, Katie Rosamund and Thandie were making rude signs and constantly trying to wind up Rachel and Ruxandra. “I want to do the waxing challenge first” Ruxandra said “We’re fine with that “said Rosamund and started making faces with her vagina lips at Ruxandra. “You disgust me, I’ll wax you first” said Ruxandra.
The Phantom and Flanderella bought on a waxing table but the Phantom deliberately stood on Katie’s foot. “Watch where you are going Phantom” Katie said rubbing her foot. The naked and totally destroyed Amber Gill and Maisie Williams tottered on in their heels bringing on the wax and the spatulas to apply it with. Rosamund climbed up on the table and opened her legs saying “Does Alina Pop want to kiss my lips again”. “Your vulgarity has no effect on me or Alina” replied Ruxandra in reference to her Corrie character. “We’ll need to clean the area first” she said and clapped her hands and the Phantom and Flanderella ran on with two buckets of water and emptied the water right onto Rosamund’s gunge covered fanny. “That water was lukewarm what’s going on?” joked Rosamund but Flanderella accidentally hit Rosamund over the head with her empty bucket as she and the Phantom walked off.
Ruxandra took a towel and dried off Roasmund’s fanny area and then applied a lot of wax and ripped a big strip off. Rosamund didn’t scream but Ruxandra waved it in her face, Rosamund grabbed the strip and stuck it in Ruxandra’s face. Ruxandra screamed and pulled the wax away from her face spitting out a couple of pubic hairs. “I need some water” she screamed and the Phantom ran on with a glass of water for her to drink. “Something isn’t right here” Thandie whispered to Katie. “Yes he’d have just thrown a bucket of water in her face usually” Katie replied.
Ruxandra applied an even bigger amount of wax and tugged it off. “Fucking hell, that stung” Rosamund yelled but she still smiled at Ruxandra. Katie and Rosamund swapped places as the Phantom and Flanderella walked on with two more buckets of water but Rosamund waved them away as her and Thandie grabbed another two buckets of cold water and emptied them on Katie’s crotch. “That was more exciting than when I get six inches” Katie joked as she gasped with the coldness. “Again your crudeness I find childish” Ruxandra said. Rosamund and Thandie fingered their vagina lips in a mocking manner towards her. “Fucking hell it is smarting” Rosamund yelled laughing.
Ruxandra applied the first lot of wax and pulled it off really hard but Katie didn’t flinch. She applied another lot this time to the other side and tugged hard again. “Bring it on” screamed Katie. Ruxandra applied the last and biggest lot of wax right down the middle remaining line of Katie’s muff and ripped it off as hard as she could. The Phantom ran on with a bottle and Ruxandra emptied it on Katie’s bald muff. Katie screamed and Rosamund grabbed the bottle off Ruxandra as Katie winced in pain. “Vinegar that isn’t funny” Rosamund snapped. “Well you had someone pee on you” Ruxandra retorted.
Suddenly Doctors actress Elisabeth Dermot Walsh stepped forward and said “Can I have a wax as there has been a lot of jokes about my hairy muff”. “No I have to do Thandie’s sac and crack” Ruxandra protested. “You are doing me!” Elisabeth demanded and swapped places with the still wincing Katie. Elisabeth clicked her fingers and Maisie and Amber tottered on with a couple of buckets of cold water and emptied it on Elisabeth’s crotch. Ruxandra looked at it forlornly and applied the first lot of wax and pulled it off. She applied another and another and another and removed them. “Keep going” Elisabeth implored her and after applying about 10 strips Elisabeth now had a hairless muff.
“I want to see it in the mirror” Elisabeth said and Maisie bought on a hand held mirror. Elisabeth stuck the mirror between her legs giving such rude images that the camera had to cut away. “I’d like a photo taken to commemorate this occasion” she continued and pulled Ruxandra next to her and Maisie stood the other side as Kate Duchess of Cambridge came on and took a couple of photos with her phone. “Watch out Ruxandra” Rachel screamed as Amber, Rosamund and Thandie sneaked up behind the trio of women and emptied a buck of baked beans over each of their heads. Ruxandra didn’t get away in time and Thandie left her bucket on Ruxandra’s head. Maisie and Elisabeth laughed and rubbed the beans into their boobs. “I wish my boobs were as young and succulent as yours” Elisabeth said to Maisie. “Well I hope my muff never gets as hairy as yours” Maisie replied joking.
Chris returned to the set and said “This item is running long, we need to wrap it up fairly soon”. The Phantom and Flanderella ran on to remove the waxing table but Thandie and Rosamund put their hands on it and there was a standoff. “Not so fast” Thandie said as neither side would budge but as the naked and gunge covered Martell Maxwell and Lisa Snowdon left the cage and approached the table the Phantom and Flanderella ran off and Ruxandra and Rachel tried to do likewise. But Martell and Lisa caught hold of Rachel and hauled her onto the table as Elisabeth, Amber and Maisie all left the stage. The Phantom and Flanderella threw their buckets of water at the girls in the cage and stood there. “You cannot do this unless I’m cleaned first” Rachel protested. Thandie looked around for a bucket of water but couldn’t find any. “We really need to wind this up” Chris implored them.
Rachel tried to get off the table but Katie still holding her crotch said “You are going nowhere” and stood in her way. Suddenly Maisie tottered on with a button and said “I wonder what will happen if I press this?” “No” shouted Chris and jumped back. But Maisie pressed it and about 100 gallons of ice cold water cascaded down from the ceiling over her, Rosamund, Thandie, Katie, Martell, Lisa and the prone Rachel who probably took most of it. Rachel screamed as loud as she had done all night. All the other girls were in a bit of shock and shivered with the impact of the coldness of the water on them. “Whoops What Am I Like” giggled Maisie as Chris gave her a custard pie. “You are priceless” said Thandie hugging her.
Rosamund emptied the rest of the wax onto the still screaming Rachel’s fanny and said “Chris said we need to be quick”. “No please” begged Rachel as Rosamund got hold of the edge of the wax but with a swift sharp movement Rosamund pulled the wax off in one and removed most of the hair on Rachel’s muff. Thandie grabbed a bucket of porridge and emptied it over Rachel’s head as Rosamund waved around the large piece of wax and pubic hair she had removed. The Phantom, Flanderella and Ruxandra all hurried back on and carried the table off with a still whimpering Rachel on it.
“Something is right with the Phantom and Flanderella” Thandie said to Rosamund and they looked across at Jamie Murray who was being held in the cage by Cathy Newman and Jo Swinson. Jaimie just smiled back at them. “She knows more than she is letting on” Rosamund said.
“To allow Rachel and Katie more time to recover we’ll have to leave the Torture Wheel challenge for a bit” Chris said. “We’ll now delve a bit deeper into the Phantom’s private life as he seems to have two Flanderellas and has proposed to Sheena Easton tonight” he continued. “Would the Phantom, the current Flanderella and Jaimie Murray all come forward?” Chris asked. Cathy and Jo marched the unmasked but all in black Jaimie over to Chris but the Phantom and Flanderella didn’t come forward. The girls tried to circle the Phantom and Flanderella and gradually backed them towards Chris. “What is going on I had been told there was only going to be one Flanderella?” he asked Jaimie. “All will become clear have patience” she said and smiled enigmatically. Chris frustrated stuck a pie in her face.
As the Phantom and Flanderella were edged ever closer to Chris and Jaimie yet another person in a Phantom costume ran on and tried to free the Phantom and Flanderella but was caught by the girls and edged forward with the other two. “This really is getting ridiculous” said Chris, Then Professor Kate Williams walked back on, she had been helping answer the phone pledges after being gunged in Pie the Prof. “Have you found them then?” Jaimie asked her. “Yes I managed to track them down with a little help” Prof Kate replied. Yet another person dressed in black this time in a black cloak held in front of his face and wearing a top hat walked forward. “Don’t tell me another Phantom?” Chris said. “I’m confused” said Maisie. “For once you aren’t the only one” Chris replied.
The person in the top hat and cloak unveiled themselves as Prince William who had also been helping on the phones recently. “William, good to see you again” said Chris. “It’s good to be back Chris but behold the Real Phantom Flan Flinger” William replied and yet another Phantom walked on to more surprised noises from the audience.
“We are going to have to take a break and come back with further parts” said Chris and the show went to a break.
This story will now stretch for another couple of parts I wasn’t sure how I was going to figure out the Flanderella issue but I have now got a solution even if it means adding yet more Phantoms. All will become clear in the next part. I was going to make this a longer part but I decided to put this up as a smaller chapter and leave it at an interesting point.
Thanks for the few suggestions for one off stories or new Ideas I’ve been sent. I’ll be looking to write some of these once I’ve finished this marathon and tried to come up with some fun original gunging ideas
With her hair tied up at the back and wearing a silky and strapless blue dress and high heel shoes, Rachel strode onto the studio floor and took in the applause from the audience.
A blonde lady in a short gold patterned dress with matching high heel shoes, walked onto the stage “Hi everyone, I’m Rachel Riley and welcome to the Alternative Euro 2020 show. Tonight we will be announcing which ladies have made it through to the quarter-finals, there will be a consolation prize for a couple of ladies who didn’t make it through, the university students will be introducing a brand new feature, and we will be revealing the draw for the quarter-final matches.
