Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment. 

With her skirt stuck to her legs by her fall in the mud outside, an elegantly-dressed blonde woman stepped into the office building’s stylish reception area. The receptionist, a short-haired brunette dressed in a tight black miniskirt, purple blouse, sheer black stockings and black high heels, stood up from her desk and came forward to greet her. “Lorraine!” she squealed. “It’s great to see you so soon! It’s been a long time since we saw each other last.”

“Connie!” exclaimed the blonde, recognising an old school friend whom she hadn’t seen since they had gone to different universities. “I didn’t know you had joined Uncle Alf’s company!”

“Yeah, I applied for the receptionist position eighteen months ago,”  replied Connie. “And I’ve loved every minute since.”

Lorraine smiled. “Good to hear that,” she responded happily. “Look, I want to meet anyone who’s available here in the conference room in about twenty minutes. Could you pass the word?”

“Oh! So, you’re the new owner!” exclaimed Connie, slapping her forehead in mortification. “Will do! We’ve got most of our long-haul flight and cabin crew here at the moment. You want them too?”

Lorraine rolled her eyes at Connie’s ditzy moment. Still need to spell things out for Connie, I see. “Please, Connie, I did say anyone available,” she replied patiently. “See you then.”

Lorraine turned away as Connie began sending off the messages of notification to those who needed them. The blonde woman, with the mud drying into her skirt, wandered through the stylish interior of the office building. A wave of nostalgia washed over as she saw details she remembered from her childhood. She chuckled at the dark wood panelling of the conference room. Mum and Dad did always say that Alf decorated it like an up-market bachelor pad!

A voice behind her snapped her out of her reverie. “I see you’ve fallen for Alfred’s little welcome mat for those who don’t know about how it works around here, ” commented a blonde in a blue mini dress raising her gaze from Lorraine’s mud-splattered bum. “I’m Rachel, the marketing manager, by the way.”

The mud-stained blonde laughed. “Yeah,  I should have remembered Alfred’s little predilection for pranks!” she chuckled. “I’m his niece Lorraine.”

She held out her hand for the other woman shake. Recognition lit up  Rachel’s eyes. “Alfred did tell us a lot about you,” she remarked. “Hear you’re something of a business whizz kid!”

Lorraine blushed deeply. “I wouldn’t go that far!” she groaned. “Uncle Alf always had a high opinion of me.”

Rachel smiled. “So do the business and finance media outlets!” she interjected. “Started a travel agency while in college and sold it for a billion one year after graduation? That took some doing.”

Lorraine did not think her blush could get any redder but it did until her cheeks felt like they were on fire. “Please, stop before you make my head explode!”

The marketing manager let out a high-pitched, tinkling laugh. “Well, that would be a bit too messy!” she giggled. “So, I guess your arrival is the reason for the meeting at ten, right?”

Lorraine gave a lopsided grin. “Yeah, I wanted to ‘meet the team’ so to speak,” she admitted. “See if anyone has any ideas for things going forward. Especially with the competition that’s out there.”

Rachel smiled widely at that. “I can’t argue with that,” she agreed. “We’ve certainly seen a lot of it with the likes of Ryanair and Norwegian.”

A dark blonde-haired woman walked in at that point wearing a black skirt and a red satin blouse. “Oh, I see you arrived for a meeting early as always, Rachel!” she said cheerfully. She then spotted Lorraine. “Hi! Don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Jacqueline, the Human Resources Manager.”

The blonde in the black suit smiled. “I’m Lorraine Hart,” she introduced herself. “And yes, that does make me Alfred’s niece.”

“She wants to see what ideas everyone might have to build on the business we already have,” explained Rachel. “What’s keeping, Katie?”

“She’s our Accounts Manager,” explained Jacqueline. “And probably has buried herself in the accounts again!”

“Very funny, Jacqui!” came a voice behind them. A brunette in a knitted long-sleeved grey minidress stepped into the room.

The three women who were waiting in the room laughed. Rachel grinned. “Katie, this is Lorraine, who Alfred left the airline to,” she said, waving her hand in the direction of the other blonde. “She’s his niece. You probably read about what she was able to do with her travel agency. ”

Katie grinned. “Wow! Yeah!” she exclaimed.  “Alfred wouldn’t shut up about that coup of yours. It’s great that you’re going to be involved here!”

Moments later, a group of twenty pilots and fifteen flight attendants/check-in agents walked into the room, followed by Connie. Lorraine smiled at the group. “Welcome, everyone,” she called out, catching their attention. “Please, take a seat.”

The airline’s blonde-haired new owner waited while the large group of people sat down, chairs scraping on the wooden floor. When they were all seated, she approached a lectern. “Hello, everyone,” she said. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Lorraine Hart. Yes, I’m Alfred’s niece who he left the company to when he died. Now, I’m going to be blunt here. The company has debts of half a million, which will likely grow if we don’t do something.”

One of the pilots raised a hand as Lorraine checked his name from a sheet with employee photos on it. She pointed to him. “You’ve a question, Dave?” she asked.

He shrugged apologetically. “Would I be right to think that the MD-11s are costing us the most?” He asked, tugging at his shirt cuffs.

Lorraine smiled, glancing at the relieved-looking Katie who was sat to her right. “You just hit the nail on the head, Dave,” she admitted. “Any thoughts on them?”

Dave glanced at his fellow pilots. “Well, ma’am, the reality is that most of us pilots have transitioned to the 737s, 747s or 380s,” he said quietly. “The rest of the MD crews have all retired recently, so those aircraft are really just parked in the hangars.”

Lorraine gaped. “So, we’ve got eight planes, that we can’t make any revenue from, just sitting around on the ramp?” she asked disbelievingly. “How do we go about disposing of them?”

Katie spoke up then. “Well, once we take what we want to keep and re-use,” she began. “We just sell them to a component recovery company and they deal with the rest. Any ideas about what we should keep for ourselves from them?”

A blonde-haired check-in agent in a flight attendant’s uniform face-palmed. “There are forty business class seats on those aircraft,” she remarked. “Could we take them out and put them in the dash eight jumbo jets?”

“I don’t see why not, Joanna,” remarked Lorraine, thinking of what that would change in their latest wide-body aircraft. “That would boost the business class seat numbers to eighty, wouldn’t it?”

“Yep!” chorussed the flight attendants together. A buzz began to fill the room at this point as relatively simple upgrades to the aircraft interiors were proposed.

Lorraine decided to get the meeting back on track. “Those ideas are all good ones, everyone,” she cautioned. “But how do we fill these planes?”

There was a sea of stumped-looking faces. A brown-haired flight attendant spoke up at this point. “Err, I’ve got an idea that’s a bit out there,” she said tentatively.

Lorraine shrugged. “Well, let’s hear it, Jill,” she replied, building up the other woman’s confidence having once again checked for her name.

The brunette smiled slightly. “Well, we all have to admit that air travel has got a bit humdrum,” she commented. “So, let’s put the glamour back into it. Also, Rachel, what has been a marketing constant through  the ages?”

The blonde marketing manager frowned in puzzlement. “What do you mean?” she thought aloud. “You don’t mean ‘Sex Sells,’ do you?”

Jill laughed. “Yeah, I do,” she giggled at the shocked faces of the three managers and the company owner. “Let’s have some sexy cabin crew uniforms in an eye-catching colour.”

Lorraine smirked. “So, short skirts in shocking pink?” she asked half-jokingly. To her surprise, the female cabin crew answered in the affirmative.

Joanna grinned. “And the check-in agents could have a tighter version of our current uniform,” she interjected. “By the way,  have you heard about that Mile High Air?”

Lorraine nodded. “Yeah, they’re potentially big competition, ” she added.  “I’ve heard their planes are like strip clubs and from what I’ve heard they’re offering more than that experience.”

Jacqueline cleared her throat. “So, we offer special flights for members of the fetish communities,” she proposed nervously.

The others looked aghast for a long moment before wholeheartedly agreeing to it. The meeting broke up with half of them going off to the company’s hangars to swap seats from the now-retired aeroplanes to their more modern replacements. The others went back to their tasks around the office.

Lorraine walked with Katie, Rachel and Jacqueline towards their offices. “You know, I think I need to get one of our check-in agents’ uniforms,” she murmured, drawing three surprised looks from the others. “Family credo; ‘Don’t expect others to do what you wouldn’t do yourself.’ That was drummed into me since I was a toddler.”

The other three laughed at that. They soon split up to go to their own offices, settling down at their desks to go through the reams of paperwork on their desks. Rachel got started on designing the online advertisements. One was more conventional than the other. A couple of days later, users of a web forum found an advert on the site which was, for them, intriguing.”

Concurrent with these measures was a major rebranding of the airline. With a new name, colour scheme and uniforms, Hot Air was born. The new-look was launched to the press a week later with an example of each type of aircraft in the company’s fleet.

From inside the massive bulk of the A380, walked members of the check-in staff and cabin crew. They walked up to where Lorraine stood next to a lectern wearing her freshly dry cleaned black suit. Photographers jostled each other to capture the line of pink and grey/black-clad women.

As the smaller of the two 747s spooled up its engines and taxied towards the airport terminal, sparking pyrotechnics were triggered back-lighting the seven women.

A day later, Lorraine was going over a set of invoices that Katie had asked her to double-check. She was wearing a black dress and some tasteful jewellery as she had just left yet another unsuccessful date with yet another greedy would-be suitor who had an eye on her personal fortune and had decided to come in and get some work done. Suddenly, Rachel, Katie and Jacqueline burst into the room. The blonde behind the desk looked up in surprise. “Hi, ladies, what’s up?”

Rachel was visibly bubbling with excitement. “Well, we’ve hit gold with offering ‘messy’ in-flight entertainment,” she said proudly, sliding four sheets of paper across the desk. Four bookings, a stag and two hen parties heading to Ibiza on separate 737s and a hen party going to Barbados on the Blue Lady.” The Blue Lady was one of Hot Air’s 747-8s but instead of the lettering in the logos being the company’s usual red, she was bedecked with blue writing except for the web address on the fuselage.

The company owner’s spirits soared. “Really?!” she couldn’t believe it.

The other three nodded in reply. “Yeah!” cut in Katie cheerfully. “Four planes chartered over the next two days.”

Lorraine leaned back in her chair. “Right, when’s Blue Lady booked for?” she asked.

The brunette financial officer glanced at the booking form. “Hmmm, tomorrow by the looks of it.”

“Right, someone who charters a jumbo jet just to have her hen party in Barbados is going to expect a certain level of service,” smiled Lorraine. “I think I better lend a hand at check-in and then escort that group to the gate, maybe?”

The others thought it over. A look of realisation spread across Rachel’s face. “Boss, if that’s the case,” she opined. “And that’s such a ‘high-powered’ group, maybe you should be onboard, just in case?”

The blonde woman nodded thoughtfully. “Does anyone else think so?” She got three nods in reply. “Okay, looks like I’ll be airborne tomorrow.”

Three mischievous smiles spread across the three managers’ faces. They reached out, taking Lorraine by the arms and pulling her to her feet.

“Ladies, what’s going on?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

Katie grinned at her. “Well, Lorraine,” she said quietly. “The check-in staff and cabin crew have a little tradition to welcome newbies to those roles.”

Jacqueline stuck her head out the door and whistled. Ten seconds later, blonde-haired check-in agents Joanna and a brunette in the company’s check-in agent’s uniform walked in rolling a catering trolley between them.

From this, they both picked up a large gooey-looking chocolate cake. Lorraine, with Rachel and Katie still holding her by the arms, could only watch as the two frontline staff advanced on her, raising the cakes as they approached.

With faux-apologetic smiles on their faces, they slowly pushed the cakes into both sides of Lorraine’s head. Thick, soft chocolate fudge icing and chocolate sponge engulfed her gorgeous blonde hair and well-made-up face and fell onto her dress. Chocolate stained her dress while globs of chocolate fudge slipped under her neckline adding streaks of chocolatey goo to her breasts.

Lorraine laughed at the state she was now in. “Now I know why, every now and then when I was little, someone would walk out of here with goo in their hair, ” she giggled. “Thanks,  girls, you got me good! I guess I’m ready for whatever tomorrow might bring.”

The others joined in with Lorraine’s laughter. Joanna wiped a finger through the remnants of the cake that covered Lorraine’s eyes and sucked the icing and sponge off of it. “Welcome to the team, boss!” she said merrily.

After Lorraine had wiped away most of the cake from her face with a towel,  six women left the building. With cheerful waves and jokes between themselves, they climbed into their cars or walked to the nearest bus stop, heading home to get ready for what was sure to be an eventful day.

Author’s note: and that was Chapter Two. Hope you enjoyed it. I’ve tried to catch any spelling/grammar mistakes but if you spot any, please, let me know. Alternatively, just let me know what you think of it, either way I like to read your thoughts. Again, thanks for reading!

Coming up in Chapter Three; Hot Air flight 2020 cleared for take-off! Let the mess fly!!!

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

You Tubers 18 year old Olivia Grace and 19 year old Lovevie (Evie Clark) had been jointly gunged during the second series of Saturday Mash Up. Both had quite enjoyed the experience and after talking to fellow gungee Cleo Demetriou who had apparently researched the art of “Sploshing” as she now called it. Olivia and Evie had finally plucked up the courage to experiment and have a bit of fun with food and gunge. They were both attending a Social Media Comic Con at a Midlands hotel in late February 2020 and it was a few days after Evie’s 19th birthday so decided it was now or never.

The girls had told Cleo about their plans and she had sounded very excited and told them to “Go for it and to send her some photos”.Cleo had sent them an Instagram film of her lying in a bath of gunge being rather naughty. This had shocked the girls as both were fans of Cleo and loved watching her on So Awkward. Cleo had even suggested to the girls that they bring a few items each to empty onto each other as that was the fun of the surprise. Her other handy hint was to bring a plastic sheet to get messy on as it can all be washed off or scrapped into bin bags. Chasing baked beans around the bath for several hours wasn’t as she put it much fun.

They had told their social media following that they would be trying on some new makeup products to wear at the Comic Con the next day and asked whose room they should try them on in. Olivia had narrowly won the vote so Evie had been left to buy the plastic sheet and she thought she had probably bought more items as she looked down at her bags of delights.

Although the younger of the two Olivia appeared more confident and seemed more up for this. She had an excited but nervous feeling of butterflies in her stomach as she began to unpack her bags of delights too. The girls had changed into comfortable hotel robes and were only a few doors apart but gain on Cleo’s advice they weren’t to speak or see each other until the allotted time apart from texting each other to say they had arrived safely. At 7:00pm on the dot Evie knocked Olivia’s door, Olivia took a deep breath and opened it, warmly hugging her fellow You Tuber and friend.

Evie walked in clutching two Waitrose bags and a large sheet of plastic rolled up under her arm. “I hope Dad wasn’t planning on doing any painting this weekend” she remarked. “Well he can’t because you are” said Olivia.

The girls walked into the bathroom and laid out the plastic on the floor. “It could get slippy” said Evie. “Don’t worry said Olivia putting a plastic chair from the balcony bang in the middle of the plastic. Evie glanced across at the stuff Olivia had laid out. She had done exactly what Evie had also done, removed the labels from the tins and covered the cartons with brown paper. “This will be a real surprise” she thought. Evie had put an initial of what each he item was so she could remember what was what. She had even made Olivia leave the room whilst she opened her items to maintain the element of surprise.

“I’m ready” shouted Evie. “Okay babe, coming” said Olivia and walked into the bathroom. “On the count of 3 we drop our robes and whoever hits the floor first they can pour the first item” suggested Evie, “Fine by me” said Olivia dropping her robe on it’s like that said Evie removing her’s. Both girls were wearing rather skimpy bikinis.

“Wow you look amazing” said Evie looking at Olivia’s incredible body. “Yours is very daring too” complimented Olivia. “Shall we message Cleo” for a laugh said Olivia. “Yep bet it will surprise her” giggled and unknowing Evie. “They called Cleo, who recognised Olivia’s number and answered the Skype call excitedly and saw a panning shot of the room with all the food lay out and the chair on the plastic. “Wow you two look like you will be having some fun soon” she joked. As the girls jumped into shot in their bikinis. “Heya Cleo” they yelled. “Hi girls” she said “We are about to start” said Evie. “Can I watch and advise asked Cleo?”. “Ha Ha” said Olivia. “Oh I thought that was why you were in bikinis as you wanted me to watch” said Cleo. “No ” said a shocked Evie “We don’t want anyone to see this” she added. “I could offer advice” said Cleo rather seriously. “No we were just checking in with you Cleo” said Olivia. “Oh that’s a real pity, I’d have loved to have watched and even got Fla (she stopped suddenly) friend or two more to watch” she said sounding a bit sad. “No this has to be totally private£ said Evie. “Fair enough” said Cleo “But one bit of advice if it’s just you two GET NAKED” she shouted and signed off.

The girls looked at each other in shock and quickly looked at the video Cleo had sent them of her lying in the bath of gunge totally covered. “I thought she was wearing a bikini probably a strapless one” said Evie. “No listen how she talks about the gunge against her body in an almost erotic manner” said Olivia. “She is definitely naked” she added. “The naughty little minx” said Evie.

The two girls looked at each other, “I’m game if you are” said Evie. With the less confident Evie” having laid down the challenge Olivia had little choice put to say “You’re on” and removed her bikini top to reveal her voluptuous breasts. “Wow I’m jealous” said Evie removing her top to reveal a pair of smaller but nicely pert small breasts. “Have you got any compost in your choices, it might make them grow” she joked. “Compost goes on bushes, so let’s see yours’ Evie” Olivia jousted back. “Nothing down there, had it waxed yesterday” said Evie removing her bikini bottoms to reveal a perfectly bald vagina. “You dark horse Miss Clark” gasped Olivia. “Okay drop those briefs now” ordered Evie. Olivia confidently dropped hers to reveal a neatly trimmed triangle. “Well I do like toblerone” Olivia joked.

“Take a seat please Evie” said Olivia. Evie rather nervously took a seat and looked at the array of cans and cartons, Olivia had lined up. “Not one of those” said Olivia reaching inside the bath for a bucket. “That’s no really fair” protested Evie. “We agreed cartons and tins” she added. “Well that is what I’ve bought, this came in a mixture packet, it’s classic Saturday Mash Up gunge” said Olivia as she slowly emptied the bucket over Evie’s head.

The coldness of the gunge hit Evie as it ran down her hair, over her face, onto her neck, her breasts, down her stomach and into her lap. The real coldness was down her back as it followed the contours of her body between her bum cheeks leaving her sat in a big pool of gunge which slowly dripped off the side of the seat.

“How was that a bit cold?” asked Olivia cheekily “Bet it hit a few more tender spots than last time” she added with a laugh. Evie had been shocked by the coldness but the gunge next to her skin now had quite a nice feeling. She offered up “Quite nice” to Olivia.

“My turn now” said Evie standing up dripping gunge onto the plastic sheet as it continued to run down her legs on onto her feet. Olivia rather gingerly took a seat on the gunge covered chair. “It does feel quite nice” she joked fidgeting her bum around the chair. “Okay do your worse” she challenged Evie.

” Put your hair down then” Evie said to Olivia. As she did so, Olivia joked “It’s probably a little pot of yoghurt” as Evie was well known for liking a yoghurt for breakfast and being a light eaer.Evie had been planning to start with something safe like a carton of custard but as Olivia had thrown down the gauntlet and jokingly mocked she went for the heavy artillery. She bought out a partially melted large tub of chocolate ice cream and without warning emptied half on Olivia’s head and instantly rubbed two big handfuls into Olivia’s breasts before dumping the rest in Olivia’s lap.

Olivia sat there and screamed as the coldness hit her head, she screamed louder as the coldness hit her breasts and even louder still as it hit her vagina. Her legs went up and down and her arms flayed wildly as Evie continued to rub it in. When Olivia stood up still shaking Evie took a lump of ice cream running down Olivia’s back and rubbed it between her bum cheeks. Olivia ran around the bathroom trying to come to her senses as Evie stood back to admire her handiwork.

Eventually Olivia was able to overcome the cold and looked down at her now rock hard nipples and pouting vagina lips as all the goosebumps on her body stood on end. It had been a real shock to her but she had to admit it was funny saying “You got me good then Evie”. “Never underestimate a little one” replied Evie with a big smile.

Evie took her seat again a bit nervously. Olivia didn’t like to be outdone and Evie wondered what Olivia might produce next. Her question was quickly answered as Olivia thundered a cream trifle into Evie’s face and moved it up rubbing the rest into her hair.

“My turn” said Olivia confidently sitting back down. Evie began to think should she go easy or should she go hard. Olivia was clearly going for speed with her smaller items but Evie was playing a long game. She picked up a carton of custard and Slowly emptied it over Olivia’s head after having asked her to tilt her head back. Olivia sportingly let the custard run down her face and hair and stopped to rub it playfully into her breasts.

Evie took her seat promptly. Olivia began to think this was clearly fun but she did want to try and outdo Evie. She picked up a large carton of Greek yoghurt and emptied it over Evie’s head stopping to rub some into her breasts, belly button and dumping a load on her shaven vagina. Evie did gasp a bit but she wasn’t going to let Olivia see her over react to the cold. Evie stopped to rub it further into her breasts.

Olivia took her seat back on the now covered chair. “No stand up” said Evie producing a large strawberry trifle. ” Is it for my bum” said Olivia bending over and twerking at Evie. “Yes, but you are going to sit on it” said Evie. Olivia was a bit shocked she had really underestimated Evie who clearly had a much naughtier side. However Evie was a friend and Olivia wasn’t going to back out of this now. “Sure” she said as Evie placed the trifle on the chair. Olivia sat down thud on the trifle with such force that some shout up into Evie’s face. The two girls burst into laughter as Olivia took the flattened carton and placed it on her head.

“What did that feel like” asked Evie as Olivia stood up to reveal a trifle covered bum. “Rather nice actually, I think a lot of cream went inside” replied Olivia who was being 100% truthful.

Evie took her place back on the chair and shuffled about a bit in the cream, it felt quite nice on her slender, toned bottom. She looked up and smiled at Olivia who was carefully selecting her next items. “What are the rules on tins, Evie?” Olivia asked. “I’m happy to take one or two at a time but no more” replied Evie. “Hmmmn, do I we make it last longer or go for better coverage, decisions, decisions” she mused. The she picked up two cans of baked beans and emptied then not over Evie’s head put onto her breasts allowing them to run slowly down her body, past her belly button into her lap.

Olivia cupped Evie’s small breasts and rubbed the beans slowly into them working her way down her body rubbing them into the inside and outside of her legs. Finally taking a handful and rubbing them into her face and hair. Before taking a step back to admire her work.

Evie got up silently and gestured to Olivia to take her place on the seat. Evie began to think what to use next. She had bought some beans but following Olivia with the same item would be boring. Olivia was sat there with a smirk on her face and that needed to come off. Evie picked up two empty paper plates and quietly filled them both with whipped from a spray canister She leaned forward behind Olivia and whispered in her ear “Your breasts are amazing”. Assuming that Evie was going to put something on her boobs Olivia looked down at her lush boobs only to have the two paper plates full of squirty cream pushed into her face in a perfect pie sandwich. Evie bought the plates to meet above Olivia’s head and slowly rubbed them around Olivia’s now matted her before they slowly fell off.

Olivia sat there for a second slightly embarrassed as Evie seemed to be getting an advantage in this fun experiment. “That was a good one” she jokingly replied as she got off her seat and Evie took her place.

“It is time for the big guns” thought Olivia. She slowly picked up a tin of black treacle, adding a little water to make it a little more runny. Evie sat there and waited but nothing hit her. “This one will take a little longer” giggled Olivia. Finally the treacle hit Evie’s head, it felt neither hot nor cold it was clearly very sticky as Evie tried to work out what it was. The treacle built up on her head and began to run down her face. She stuck out her tongue and recognised the taste. “Treacle” she exclaimed “I hope it washes out” she added rather worried. “I think it should be okay, I left this a fair bit so that your hair would already be messy and so it won’t be on your hair so long” said Olivia squeezing her friends hand. Evie looked up and smiled at her.

Olivia was out to impress but she had thought about her friend and not plonked it smack on her head. As the treacle ran down Evie’s body she began to rub it in. Olivia got the rest out of the tin and asked Evie to stand up. Olivia rubbed into Evie’s back, on her arms, legs and butt cheeks as Evie continued to rub it into her body. “Good job I waxed yesterday” joked Evie. “This would have taken it off otherwise” Olivia replied. The girls took time to look at the state of Evie in the bathroom mirrors and again got the giggles.

Olivia sat back down just hoping that Evie hadn’t also bought treacle as she was worried about the thought of it in her hair. Evie looked at her remaining containers and tins and picked up a large carton of rice pudding. She carefully emptied it onto Olivia’s head and with a remaining squirk of whipped cream proceeded to give Olivia a thorough messy shampoo. This went on for a couple of minutes until Olivia’s hair was a total matted mess.

Olivia got up slowly and looked at the state of her hair “It’s ruined” she shrieked before smiling at Evie and playfully slapping her bum as she sat back down.

Olivia reached for her other two cans of beans and slowly emptied them over Evie’s head watching them run down every so slowly as a large amount stuck to the treacle. Olivia smeared them into Evie’s boobs and stomach. She thought about trying to pop some inside Evie but felt this was too cruel as Evie had taken her gunging well and they were having fun.

Evie wiped her eyes and swapped places with Olivia. Soon Olivia felt Evie’s second and last carton of custard being slowly emptied over her head and this time diverted to run down her back and form a pool of custard that she was sat in. Again Evie took her time rubbing it into Olivia’s body. It was clear she was enjoying herself and she was in no hurry.

Olivia looked at the last couple of items she had left and picked up her one custard. “I hate to be boring” she said as she drizzled the custard up and down Evie’s body. Evie stuck out her tongue to catch some and wiggled her toes as it hit them too. “Original coverage method” complimented Evie.

Olivia took her seat back as Evie picked up two cans of baked beans and slowly let them fall onto Olivia’s head and run down her face. Olivia didn’t like baked beans nor the feel of them on her skin. She was trying not to show this to Evie. “Ooh does she like them” said Evie in a comic voice and rubbed them into Olivia”s face. Olivia scrunched her face up in disgust and Evie moved on to rubbing them slowly into Olivia’s breasts. “You’ve got a great rack” complimented Evie. “Thanks” said Olivia with a little smile.

Slowly they swapped places trying not to slip over. Evie sat there and began to wonder what fiendish item Olivia may have left until last. She’d known Olivia for nearly 5 years and she usually ended with a big statement. “Saved the best until last” said Olivia rather ominously. “I asked your mum what your least favourite soup was and she said this” said Olivia emptying two tins of Oxtail soup slowly over Evie’s head. Evie didn’t wretch or gag as Olivia may have hoped but had to gold her nose as the thick dark soup slowly ran down her face. Olivia rubbed it playfully into Evie’s breasts and like an artist with a final brush stroke flourish ran her hand quickly across her body.

“Final item” said Olivia taking her seat. “Final item” replied Evie. “Did we agree on just food items as you did bring gunge” Evie asked. “Depends what it is?” said Olivia. “Will white school glue wash out” said Evie with an evil laugh. Olivia was panicked, she had used treacle but was fairly certain that it would wash out. Thick school glue was another matter entirely. “The Comic Con tomorrow and Sunday” protested Olivia. “Wear a baseball cap or shave your head, I’ll help you” said Evie seriously,

Olivia thought for a second, did she risk her hair getting seriously messed up with something which might nor wash out. Was Evie bluffing, Evie was a kind, fun loving girl she would joke but she had never lied. “Okay **** it, I’ll take it” said Olivia striking the Flashdance chair pose and bracing herself”

“Got you” yelled Evie as she emptied two final cans of baked beans over Olivia’s head and body. Olivia felt and overwhelming sense of relief as the baked beans ran down her body. Sure she hated them but they were far more preferable to white glue.

“You got me well and proper” she said to Evie playing picking up her smaller friend and wrestling her to the floor. The two girls giggled as they rolled around in the gunge and playfully threw stuff from the floor onto each other.

“That was fun” said Olivia stopping to get her breath. “Yes it was” said Evie panting with her hands on her knees.

The two girls took a few photos of each other and together striking a few fun poses. They even sent a couple to Cleo. “Who asked did you enjoy it” via return message. They replied “Yes it was awesome, sticky hugs Olivia and Evie xxx”. “Now you’ve got to clear up though” replied Cleo. Both girls looked at each other and had one final role and play fight before they did start to clean up.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Chris Tarrant welcomed everyone back to Part 5 of Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival and announced “We would like to apologise profusely for the actions of Miss Rosamund Pike and Miss Thandie Newton abetted by Miss Kate Thistleton. They have been told that they need to tone it down and acts like Thandie urinating on Rosamund as a dare set by Katie should not be copied and are not condoned by ITV. We are also particularly distressed to discover that Rosamund had contacted London Zoo asking if they could bring an elephant to the studio. “Remember the Blue Peter elephant” shouted Rosamund from off camera. “Anyway the girls will now apologise personally” said Chris.

The camera cut across to a head and shoulders shot of Thandie who said “I’m Thandie Newton, I’m irresponsible and very sorry”. It moved across to Rosamund Pike who said “I’m Rosamund Pike, I’m very irresponsible and sorry”. Before finally moving across to Katie Thistleton who said “I’m Katie Thistleton, again very irresponsible and sorry”.

The camera panned out to show a naked Thandie, Rosamund and Katie both in knickers/thongs and topless looking rather worried. Chris with a voice over “Tiswas justice will now be served as 12 buckets of water and 12 custard pies rained down on the girls from Chris, Prince William, Amber Gill, Maisie Smith, Katherine Jenkins and co.

The terrible trio stood there even messier and smiling as Chris ordered them back to the cage. Suddenly “No Diggity” by BlackStreet started to play as Maisie and Amber walked on sexily pulling chairs behind them. Amber sat Chris down on her chair and Maisie sat William down on hers as they proceeded to give them a lap dance. Maisie put her left leg over William’s shoulder and lent backwards doing a stepover before sliding into her signature splits. Instead of tipping dollars the guys had custard pies by the side of their chairs. William looking around wondering where Kate was gave Maisie a pie sandwich in the face and another two onto her bare breasts which she rubbed together before pushing a shocked William’s head into her voluptuous pie filled cleavage. Looking around William saw a bucket of pink blancmange and emptied it over Maisie’s head as she crawled seductively towards him.

Amber meanwhile was getting up close and personal with a shocked Chris going into a twerking pose and doing a handstand so her feet were over Chris’s head. Chris gave her a double custard pie tip whilst she was in the headstand and then as she grinded her butt into his lap he pushed his other two pies into her boobs allowing Amber to sensually rub the pie cream into her boobs in a sodden bikini top. As Amber again straddled Chris he reached for the nearest bucket which was chocolate sauce and as he emptied it over her head, Amber removed her bikini top and rubbed her pert boobs into Chris’s face as the chocolate custard slowly ran down her body. As the audience cheered and whistled Thandie shouted “Chocolate titty tipping time”.

As a shocked and fairly messy William and Chris stood up from the chairs and Maisie and Amber sexily dragged the chairs off as they departed to huge cheers. A rather shocked Chris said “I hope my Mrs wasn’t watching this” “So do I responded” William looking around for Kate. Chris announced that “The total was now £1,282,763 and welcomed Coronation Street actress Ruxandra Porojnicu to the stage.

Meanwhile a few minutes earlier Martell Maxwell, Jo Swinson, Kate Duchess of Cambridge along with Maisie had sneaked out of the studio to look for Rachel Burden from BBC News who had been very disparaging about Maisie on Twitter. As they sneaked towards the BBC News studios, Maisie suddenly realised she was needed on Part 5 and ran back to the studio tottering on her heels. “Bless her” said Jo as she smiled at the other two.

The girls saw a dressing room labeled “Rachel Burden” and quietly opened the door and saw Rachel standing naked looking at herself in a mirror bout to get dressed for her bulletin in a couple of minutes. Martell had taken a custard pie with her and the first Rachel knew someone was in her room when Martell planted the pie hard into her slim bum.Rachel screamed and turned around covering herself up.”What are you doing in here” she demanded. “We’ve here for you to interview us on the news” said Jo. “I’d get dressed if I was you as you are due on the news in about two minutes” said Kate. “My god it is you” said Rachel blinking in disbelief as the treacle covered Duchess stood in front of her.

Rachel went to pick up a towel to wipe the custard off her bum but Martell grabbed hold of her wrist and said “Leave it”. Jo held open Rachel’s knickers and gingerly Rachel stepped into them. Jo suddenly pulled them up into a wedgie making Rachel gulp. Rachel put on her bra, blouse and skirt to be dressed in this outfit.

She got a knock at the door “One minute Rachel” a voice said. “We cannot have her on the news” hissed Rachel towards the topless porridge covered Martell. “Okay interview us two” said Jo pointing to herself and Kate. “Okay” said Rachel reluctantly and lead the girls onto the studio floor. “You stay off camera” she muttered to Martell who cheekily wiggled her breasts at Rachel.

“Rachel, why is there a topless gunge covered woman in the studio” a voice from the gallery said. “She is with the other two and will stay off camera” said Rachel as Kate and Jo waived to the gallery. The gallery went quiet at the site of Kate.

“20 seconds Rachel until the main news pitches over to you” said the gallery. Rachel took a deep breath and sat down uncomfortably shuffling as her custard covered bum hit the chair. “Are you okay Rachel the gallery” said as Rachel had a pained expression on her face. “Yes it’s fine” said Rachel taking a deep breath.

“Cue Rachel” the gallery said as they went live. “It has got the nation talking, acts of debauchery, young females being humiliated and forced to strip and a top actress urinating onto another all in the name of charity” said Rachel. “In 2020 how can this be allowed, here to talk about it is HRH Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and former Liberal Democrat Leader Jo Swinson. I gather both of you have willingly removed your bras for the cause tonight too!” she went on. “First of all Rachel I believe that you were in the audience cheering on the men’s version last night, coating someone with peanut butter” said Jo. “Also if we had our bras removed as part of a sketch, stunt, what is wrong with that” asked Kate. “Well look at the scenes now said Rachel pointing to a monitor showing Wills and Chris getting lap dances from Maisie and Amber. Kate looked at the scenes in shock and giggled “Naughty Wills” wagging her finger at the camera.

“But aren’t you disgusted with him frequenting with a woman like THAT” said Rachel pointing at Maisie on the screen. “That woman is one of the nicest and most innocent young people you could ever meet” said Jo. “She has willingly agreed to get messy and topless tonight and even suggested doing the splits into the cake” said Kate.

A voice from the gallery announced that they were going to do a live link up with Tiswas/OTT on ITV. “Heya Rachel” said Chris stood next to Ruxandra. “Hello Chris” said Rachel nervously. “I see you’ve got some of our escapees there, have they corrupted you or done anything like putting custard down your knickers” he joked. “How did you, (she stopped) no they are behaving themselves so far” she continued.

“Imagine custard in your knickers, it squelching as you sit down and it going up your uptight frigid bum” joked Kate. “I’d never do anything like that, I’m a 45 year old married mum of 4” she added. “Heya Rachel, come down and join the naughty over 40’s mums club in the cage” shouted Thandie. “You’d have a blast” yelled Rosamund waving her boobs at the camera.

“You really all are disgusting” screamed Rachel. “No this is disgusting” shouted Martell jumping onto Rachel’s lap and starting grinding against her. “Cut” yelled Rachel. “No, it’s a joint charity broadcast, said the gallery”. Martell mock lap danced into a disgusted Rachel’s lap and removed her tracksuit bottoms to reveal a pair of porridge stained knickers. She tied Rachel to her chair as Kate and Jo whooped and cheered.

“You don’t want to be left out, sorry left over do you Rachel?” said Martell as Jo emptied a bucket of food left overs which Martell had found and bought into the studio over Rachel and Martell’s heads. Rachel screamed as the gravy and assorted left overs ran down her hair and face whilst Martell rubbed her gravy covered boobs into Rachel’s face.

“This is a BBC owned skirt and blouse which shouldn’t get messy” snapped Rachel. “That is easily solved, we’ll take them off” said Jo undoing the bow on Rachel’s blouse and pulling it over her head. Whilst she was doing this Martell and Kate had unzipped Rachel’s skirt and removed it to cheers.

“Great stuff Rachel, you are a wonderful sport” said the Gallery. “I’m not” pleaded Rachel. “Look at Rachel Burden that naughty little minx wearing custard filled knickers” said Kate pointing to Rachel’s custard filled briefs. “I’m not, they made me do it” pleaded Rachel. “Come on, don’t be so modesty you are a great sport” said Jo to huge cheers.

“That bra looks like it’s BBC issue too” said Martell. “What shall we do with it” shouted Kate. “Take it off” the gallery shouted. “No” shouted Rachel as Kate undid the front of her bra to reveal a pair of small pert breasts.”45 year old, mum of 4, but a great sport and a naughty MILF” said Jo who noticed that a couple of buckets of multicoloured BBC gunge had appeared in the studio. She picked one up and slowly emptied it over Rachel’s head as the gunge ran down Rachel’s head and hair the girls slowly rubbed it into Rachel’s breasts and body. She was still kicking, hissing and protesting.

“Let’s give a big hand to Rachel Burden” said Jo as the girls prepared to leave and hand back to Chris. “You’ll never get” said Rachel. “Me to admit I really want to go further” chipped in Martell. “Those custard filled knickers are they BBC issue” asked Kate. “My own” shouted Rachel. “Who’d like to own these knickers, we’ll auction them on E-Bay” said Martell. “I wonder what they smell like” teased Kate. “Only one way to find out” said Jo. “Take them off” everyone yelled as Kate whipped Rachel’s custard filled knickers off and sniffed them. “Custard with a hint of tuna” she added.

Rachel’s neatly trimmed muff was on display as she protested still tied to the chair. “For a final coat” said Jo emptying the second bucket of multicoloured gunge over Rachel’s head and watching it run down her body. “You’ll never win” screamed Rachel.

“You’ve got a feisty one there” said Chris. “Rachel wants to keep going” said Jo as the girls pushed the gunge covered naked Rachel out of the studio onto an outside balcony. Rachel made a run for it still tied to the chair but stopped suddenly when she realised she had run onto a window cleaners platform. “Great idea Rach” said Martell and started to descend the platform with Rachel still on it to huge cheers. “Rachel has asked to stay on here until the end of the show and be gunged every hour, what a great sport” said Kate.

As Rachel screamed Chris announced that the total was now £1.378,429 which was lit up on the side of TV Centre illuminating a screaming Rachel.

“Can I do my piece now” said Ruxandra. “Of course, here is Ruxandra Porojnicu from Coronation Street with a piece called “My name is Alina Pop”. “Actually it is a piece through the medium of words and actions whereby I exhibit the actions of Alina Pop the character I portray on Coronation Street” said Ruxandra pretentiously.

“She’ll certainly exhibit herself” if this works Rosamund said to Thandie and Katie in the cage. The poem should have read but the girls had made the italic changes:-

My name is Alina Pop

I usually come out on top A bucket of custard down my top

I may get into a mess

But I hope it won’t cause too much distress Now I’ll take off my dress

Alina is who I am

I try my hand at Wam

There may be a surprise

When a pie hits my eyes When 10 custard pies hit my eyes

But I still look very glam And a bucket of soup flavour pea and ham

My name is Alina Pop

I have come out on top Now I’ll take off my top

I’ve been pied in the face Another 10 pies in the face

Which was rather ace And a bucket of baked beans would be rather ace

I may look glum Let me flash you my bum

But I can assure you it was fun 3 buckets of muhsy peas would be fun

I’m happy to be covered in a tin of oxtail soup Please cover me with 5 buckets of oxtail soup

And maybe some other gloop Two more buckets of baked beans and any left over gloop

But my heat still flickers

As I wipe the gunge off my snickers As I end by dropping my knickers!

Ruxandra said to the Phantom “Only hit me with exactly what I say”. She came to the 2nd line and got a bucket of custard down her cleavage. “What was that for” she said to the Phantom and then thought maybe I did write that. She came to the 4th line and was still thinking this seems different but she took off her dress to reveal a sexy bikini.

She carried on as normal until she reached the 8th line and read “Ten custard pies!” as the pies rained down on her head destroying her hair and going into her ample cleavage she turned to Chris and said “I don’t think this is what I wrote!”. “It’s what you submitted” said Chris. “Okay I carry on” she said. “And a bucket of soup flavour pea and ham, what is that” she said surprised and soon found out as the Phantom emptied the contents over her head.

“Now I’ll take off my top!” she continued totally confused. “Maybe I did write this” she thought and duly removed her bikini top to huge cheers. As her impressive breasts were exposed the audience cheered and she carried on thinking the poem was going well. “Another 10 pies to the face!” she exclaimed and before she could say anything the phantom bombarded her pretty face with another 10 custard pies. She paused for a second allowing her time to wipe her eyes and blinking through the cream read out “And a bucket of baked beans would be rather ace”. Again before she could react the Phantom emptied a bucket of baked beans over her head. Ruxandra stood their spluttering a totally bedraggled mess. She looked over at the giggling girls in the cage and shouted “You spoil my poem”. “We haven’t changed a rhyme at all” shouted Katie chewing on her hand to stop laughing. “You humiliate me but I finish” said a defiant Ruxandra. “Go on then” shouted Thandie.

The audience began to slow clap as Ruxandra continued “Let me flash you my bum” “No Ruxandra not do that!” she said. Rosamund started a “Flash your bum” chant which the audience joined in with so Ruxandra turned around and quickly flashed a bit of bum cleavage.

She continued and said “What are mushy peas?” Again this was soon answered as the Phantom efficiently emptied 3 buckets of the green mess over Ruxandra’s head. She struggled on “Five buckets of oxtail soup no, no!” But Thandie, Katie and Rosamund had left the cage and each picked up a bucket as 4 buckets of oxtail soup with one from the Phantom hit Ruxandra. She staggered about totally destroyed as the Phantom emptied the 5th bucket over her.

“**** you” she mouthed at the laughing girls and began to walk off. But the Phantom stood in front of her and pointed her back to the spot. “I’ll read this line for her” said Rosamund as her and Ruxandra were hit with a couple of buckets of baked beans and a couple of buckets of gunge from earlier in the day which had been recycled. Thandie read the next line before Katie read the final line and joyfully dropped her thong to reveal her very mushy muff. Ruxandra just stood there but Maisie had crept up behind her and pulled her bikini briefs down to huge cheers. Ruxandra stood there with a very clean shaven vagina then screamed and ran off falling over her bikini briefs around her ankles which Maisie quickly removed completely to huge cheers whilst the other girls hi-fived again.

“I want to leave” she screamed at Chris. “No contract says that any gunged females must stay on set unless taking appeal calls and in their current attire or lack of it until the end of the show” said Chris. “I’d go over there just outside the cage” said William helpfully. Ruxandra stormed over and sat down on the floor in a huff with her arms folded.

As Chris linked to a break. The girls continued to talk as Martell, Kate and Jo arrived back and were updated on the trick on Ruxandra. “You three are as bad as us” joked Kate who smiled and waved at the still fuming Ruxandra.

Cathy Newman from Channel 4 News wandered up to the girls. She was known for being very posh and had attended the exclusive Charterhouse School so the likes of Martell, Amber, Katie etc weren’t sure what to make of her. “Heya Newman” said Rosamund. “Look at the state of you Pike, what have you been doing” said Katie. “What are you going to do ?” said Maisie. “Wow Maisie you are awesome, that cake stunt was amazing let’s get to £2 million and get that tuppence out. I’m interviewing the Phantom for Flanarama. I expect my hair will get destroyed” she joked touching her tightly curled hair. “So you aren’t here under duress” said Katie. “No it looks great fun” said Cathy. “You know what to expect then” said Thandie. “I’m going to get covered” laughed Cathy “But I’ve got a little surprise” under this dress she said smiling as the 30 second cue for return from break was given.

“No she’s sound, most public school girls are, she was probably dumped naked outside the school and had buckets of water thrown at her by fellow pupils. Plus did you see that tattoo on her shoulder, she is definitely feisty” said Kate to much laughter. “What did happen at your school?” asked a giggling Thandie as they returned from break.

Coming up in Part 5 B

What happens when the mischievous Cathy interviews the enigmatic Phantom

Who wins the Northern Ireland Gunging Jeopardy between Songs of Praise’s Claire McCollum and TV Presenter Christine Lampard.

A bikini clad Lisa Snowdon and Trinny Woodall discuss the latest beach fashion with Katie, Thandie and Rosamund

Plus does Rosamund finally get some more semolina

Everything was in position. Michelle was dressed in her beautiful white frock, her hair was long and had been straightened, the camera was rolling and the contents to be used for the challenge had all been prepared.

Jessica and Natalya were watching live on FaceTime and Mark Wright was about to fulfil the ambition of a lifetime and well and truly gunge Michelle Keegan.

Michelle walked out into the garden, with a mixed sense of part dread and part anticipation. When she saw how everything had been set up, she gulped, and shook her head.

She walked over to Mark, gave him a kiss and whispered something in his ear. She then made her way over to an area of plastic sheeting that had been set up, where she knelt down. The livestream to the rest of the Wright siblings was moved in order to ensure they had full view of Michelle’s humiliation.

The event was about to begin. Mark picked up a red bucket which he tilted towards the camera to reveal the contents. He tried his best to hide the contents from Michelle so that it would be a, not so pleasant, surprise.

He smiled and made his way back behind Michelle. He lifted the bucket up and poured its contents over her head. Michelle was unsure at first what this first substance was, then quickly realised it was her old friend, jellied eels. Familiarity breeds contempt after all. She had been gunged with these before, but this felt different somehow. She stuck her tongue out at the camera as the disgusting fishy substance covered her.

Mark was quick to pick up the next bucket, this was a substance that Michelle had missed out on before, vanilla ice cream. Mark poured half of the bucket of melted ice cream straight over his partner’s head, before walking round in front of Michelle and pouring the remaining cold liquid down the top of her dress.

She shivered as the cold melted ice cream trickled down. It seemed never ending to poor Michelle. But she knew that worse was to come. At least that was it for the buckets, for now. Mark picked up two bottles, one ketchup and one mustard. He walked round in front of Michelle and started to squirt the contents of the bottles straight over her white ball gown. He squeezed and squeezed, and ensured that her dress received a thorough coating in both substances. He took two more bottles and repeated this processs, this time ensuring that Michelle’s hair and face got a degree of coverage too.

Finally, he picked up a bowl of gravy which he unceremoniously dumped on Michelle Keegan’s head. She was now covered in this liquid, and it was safe to say the dress was ruined. Michelle was now pulling all manner of faces, not just at the mess that she and her dress were in, but also at the foul concoction of smells that were coating her.

There were, however, two buckets left. Mark took great delight in picking the first of these up and even further delight as he emptied the contents straight over Michelle. This time he sent a torrent of baked beans cascading down onto the Mancunian actress. She was well and truly covered.

He then went back for the final, slightly larger bucket, and once again was completely accurate in his efforts to get Michelle as messy as possible. He poured the vast quantity of thick, dark chocolate sauce all over Michelle, making sure he coated her head, and the moved onto further coating her once stunning (perhaps now more stunning?) white gown.

As he stepped away to admire his handy work, Michelle wiped her eyes to see her two sisters in law laughing uncontrollably on the webcam. She scowled at them and order Mark fetch her a towel.

Mark obliged and quickly returned with a towel, they four family members had quick chat on the webcam and Mark made sure some photos were taken to include in a later Instagram post.

After the FaceTime had ended he carefully helped Michelle out of her dress and into the house. It was safe to say the gown was well and truly beyond repair. As for Michelle, she had seen the funny side, but was keen to make sure this wasn’t a regular occurrence. She went and got cleaned up, and when she came downstairs she agreed to watch the video back with Mark. The two of them laughed, Mark wondered what he might be able to get away with next, while Michelle couldn’t help but try and convince herself that she really hadn’t enjoyed it at all.

authors note – hope you enjoyed this. Please feel free to comment and feedback as always. The next participant will be Jesy Nelsonn.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Chris Tarrant welcomed us back to Part 5B of Tiswas/OTT Charity revival. He announced that the total was now £1,506,684 which was lit up on the side of TV Centre also illuminating the naked and gunge covered Rachel Burden trapped on a window cleaner’s platform. Realising that she was highlighted in all her naked glory Rachel lay on the platform. This was a mistake as Jo Swinson and Martell Maxwell had sneaked up onto the roof a few floors up. Looking down at Rachel’s naked body Jo turned to Martell and said “I think she needs reviving” and emptied a bucket of ice cold water right onto Rachel’s body. She screamed as it hit her boobs, belly and muff sitting up in shot. As she looked up, Martell shouted “Hiya Rach” and emptied a bucket of baked beans onto her head. Rachel sat there bedraggled and fuming as the beans ran down her hair, face and onto her body.

Chris welcomed Channel 4 News’ Cathy Newman onto the show. Cathy had a cheeky smile on her face and was clearly up for some naughty messy fun. “What are you doing for us tonight, Cathy?” Chris asked. “I’m interviewing the Phantom on a segment called Flanarama, I believe you did it originally in 1981” she said to Chris. “Yes I got very messy then” he said. “The messier the better” she said with a glint in her eye. “Are you going to do a Rachel Burden and have custard in your knickers” asked Chris joking. “Depends” said Cathy. “Depends on what Cathy Newman? said Chris in his over the top jokey voice. “Depends if I’m wearing any, you know what they say about posh girls, just ask Kate over there!” she said pointing at Kate – Duchess of Cambridge.

Kate who had turned bright red but was trying to stop herself corpsing shouted back “I’m definitely wearing some” giving Cathy a one fingered salute. Rosamund Pike reached down the back of Kate’s slim fit jeans and gave her a wedgie. “Definitely wearing some” she shouted over as Kate shook her head virtually crying with laughter.

Chris handed over to Cathy to was sat down on one chair with another opposite it. “Welcome to Flanarama and please welcome my guest the Phantom Flan Flinger” she said. The Phantom walked on to warm applause waving to the crowd and took a seat opposite Cathy.

“Welcome Phantom” Cathy said and the Phantom gave her a custard pie to the face. Cathy sat there and let it fall off. “That wasn’t a very warm welcome” she said trying to contain her giggles. So the Phantom stood up and gave her his famed double pie sandwich rubbing them in and bringing them up into her curly hair. Stopping to wipe her eyes slightly Cathy continued “Where does this country go from the top”. The Phantom stuck a pie on the top of her head rubbing it in. “Do you advocate saving for a rainy day” she asked. The Phantom again stood up and emptied a bucket of water over Cathy’s head. Her curly hair was now a bedraggled flat mess.

“But can you have your pie and eat it” Cathy continued pressing the Phantom and got hit square in the face with her 5th custard pie. “We really are in a sticky situation” she asked hardly able to control her giggles as she was having so much fun. The Phantom picked up a bucket of honey and slowly emptied it over Cathy’s head. She sat there smiling as it ran down her hair and covered her dress before settling in her lap.

“I put it to you that your strategy is just pie in the sky” she said. The Phantom picked up a bucket of comedy foam and placed it on top of Cathy’s head before slowly removing it and admiring his handiwork. Cathy just sat there stoically taking it to warm applause.

“Thanks to you Phantom we soon won’t own the clothes on our back” said Cathy removing her dress to reveal a basque and nipple tassels.

The Phantom screamed and ran off as Cathy gamely made her nipple tassels spin.

“Well I never” said Chris returning to the set and hugging Cathy. She then gave her tassels another spin to thunderous applause. “Will you join in the Greatest Show on Legs for our finale” asked Chris. “You betcha” said Cathy to more cheers. “Can I go in the Cage now” she asked. “Of course” said Chris as she departed to be congratulated by the other girls.

As we are running a bit late we must press on and welcome competing in Northern Ireland Gunging Jeopardy from Songs of Praise’s Claire McCollum and Loose Women’s Christine Lampard. The ladies entered to a rousing reception.

Both were wearing Irish green and Christine was in a cheeky school girls uniform. “A little tribute to Sally James ” she said. Sally rejoined via video link and said “Thanks Christine, your legs are better than mine”. “Claire McCollum, presenter of Songs of Praise, what are you doing here?” asked Chris. “I think she is wondering the same£ chipped in Sally. “We’ll my children dared me to do it and an 89 year old man Walter McColgan who worships at my local church has promised to sponsor me if I came on” said Claire gamely.

“Hiya Walter” shouted Thandie Newton, Kate Thistleton and Rosamund Pike from the cage pushing their breasts towards the camera. “I don’t think he’d stand the excitement” said Claire. “Well he’d go with a smile on his face” shouted Thandie jokingly.

“They need subduing” said Chris as he lead Claire and Christine over to the cage and the 3 of them unleashed a dozen buckets of water over the grinning girls in the cage. ( Thandie, Katie, Rosamund, Kate, Martell, Jo and Cathy). Coronation Street actress Ruxandra Porojnicu was still sat naked sulking outside the cage after her poem had been sabotaged in the previous part. Claire threw a bucket of water over her and shouted “Don’t want to leave you out”. “What was that for, I am still very annoyed” shouted Ruxandra and stormed off to a corner of the studio,

“Now ladies what are you going to do for us? asked Chris. “Well I’ll do an Irish dance and get covered in some traditional Irish products” said Christine. “I’ll be ceremonially dunked in a giant font of custard 5 times” said Claire. “It is Jeopardy, so you now have a chance to raise your bet” said Chris. “I’ll strip to my bikini at the end” said Christine. “I’ll be dunked 10 times” said Claire. “Final time to raise your bid” said Chris. “I’ll do the whole routine in my bikini beginning with a cheeky striptease” said Christine. Claire began to think she didn’t want to strip off that was for sure. “Thandie will pee in the font for you” shouted Rosamund. “I was going to ask you to do it actually” quipped back Claire. “No I’ll be dunked head first and suspended from my feet” she said to warm applause.

“Well to decide who wins please welcome back Maisie Smith and Amber Gill” said Chris. The two topless gunge covered beauties strolled on and Chris greeted them both with a pie to the face. “Who do you think should win girls” he asked. “Both of them” Maisie and Amber chorused together to cheers.

Chris announced that Christine would go first and as the Riverdance Music struck up she began to do an Irish Dance as she comically stripped down to her bikini.

She began doing some fairly impressive high kicks as the Phantom walked in and dumped a bucket of stale Guinness over her head. She gulped as the stout hit her head and poured down her body and carried on dancing to cheers from the crowd. The Phantom returned with a bucket of Irish Stew which was a bucket of gravy and slowly emptied it over Christine’s head. The think dark gravy encased her hair and ran down her face and toned body. Christine somehow kept her hands by her side and carried on dancing.

As she was getting towards the finale the Phantom returned with a bucket labeled Irish Cream which was a bucket of cold whipped cream. He swiftly emptied it over Christine’s head and she shuddered as the cold hit her and began to playfully punch the Phantom as she tried to carry on dancing. She did her final flourish as the Phantom returned with another bucket labeled “Really Strong Stout” this was a slightly watered down buck of black treacle. As Christine took the applause she felt the black sticky liquid began to run through her matted hair and down her body. She stood there as it encased her and playfully rubbed it into her toned belly and breasts to even louder cheers.

“Christine Lampard what a great sport” said Chris as Christine ran to the side of the stage smiling and blew a kiss to the ladies in the cage. “That will be tough to beat Claire” said Chris turning to a smiling Claire McCollum. “I’ll do my best” said Claire positively.

A 3 foot high by 4 foot long by 4 foot wide by 1 foot deep giant font filled with custard was wheeled on along with an over head mini crane winch which rather worryingly for Claire it was announced that Maisie would be operating. Chris fitted the straps on the end of the crane hooks around Claire’s feet and she was winched into the air.

Chris asked Maisie “Are you qualified to operate this”. “Maisie replied I think so”. “You need a refresher course” said Chris reaching under the font and picking up a bucket of custard and emptying it over Maisie’s head. She stood there letting it run down before wiping her eyes and playfully rubbing it into her amazing breasts.

“Ready Claire” shouted Chris. Claire gave the thumbs up and she was slowly lowered into the custard and the crane then pulled her through the custard before she was slowly winched back up gasping for air and dripping with custard. Claire gave the thumbs up and her return journey began. Again she was lowered into the custard and dragged long before reemerging to loud cheers. She completed the next 4 journeys without problem getting more and more covered with custard. As some custard had been displaced from the font Chris filled it back up with another 3 buckets and tipped another one over Maisie’s head. Claire dangling in the air and dripping with custard gasped “Can I go a bit faster” to thunderous applause.

“Just speed it up a bit” Chris said to Maisie who turned it up 10 percent. Claire was more swiftly dropped into and dragged through the custard before completing an equally rapid return journey. “How was that Claire” asked Chris. “Fantastic, can I go a bit faster still please Maisie” she shouted.

Maisie went to turn it up by another 10 percent but slipped on the custard in her heels and knocked it up to max speed. Claire was dropped into the custard and pulled along very quickly through it before reemerging and being dropped back in for the return journey. As Maisie was just getting back to her feet the crane carried on and gave Claire an eleventh dunking as she screamed. Maisie tried to stop it but couldn’t and reached out to try and stop Claire physically. But was dragged into the custard along with Claire as the 11th dunking was completed. Luckily Prince William ran on from the side and switched the crane off as Claire and Maisie were dropped back into the custard.

Chris rushed to see if they were alright as Claire and Maisie lay laughing in the custard. “I’m fine” said Claire who was a bit out of breath but gamely helped Maisie out of the custard and hugged her. Ruxandra Porojnicu stormed onto the set shouting “She is an idiot” at Maisie. “You find this funny, I not like any British humour not even Monty Python” she continued to loud boos. Rosamund walked from the Cage and confronted her “You don’t find Python funny not even the Fish Slapping dance” she asked. “What is fish slapping?” asked Ruxandra. “This” said Rosamund as Thandie emptied a bucket of fish guts over Ruxandra’s head. Ruxandra screamed and tried to wipe the smelly fish guts off her as Thandie handed Rosamund a large fish and she whacked Ruxandra across her bare bum very hard with it leaving a red mark. “That is fish slapping” said Rosamund as she took a bow whilst Ruxandra walked off cursing in Romanian and rubbing her bum to howls of derisive laughter.

Chris thanked Christine and Claire who both went off to help answer the appeal phone lines but promised they would go in the Cage later on.

“The total is now £1,787,964” said Chris as it was highlighted on the side of TV Centre and the horrified Rachel Burden was again illuminated naked on the window cleaner’s platform. Rachel looked up to see Jo and Martell waving down at her but they didn’t drop anything on her and she relaxed thinking they had gone away only to have a bucket of fish guts dropped on her also. She screamed and nearly slipped on the guts and comically held onto the side of the platform as Jo and Martell howled with laughter.

Chris welcomed fashionistas Lisa Snowdon and Trinny Woodall. The bikini clad duo came on to lots of wolf whistles.

“Both of you dressed for summer then” said Chris. “I’d have it no other way” said Lisa. “I really hope my top stays up” said Trinny shaking her head in a joking manner. “Well what are you going to do for us?” asked Chris. “We are going to act out a day in the life of a fashionista but we’ll be voiced by Thandie, Rosamund and Katie” said Lisa as the naked Thandie and Katie and Rosamund in only a pair of knickers joined them. “We also need two people to be our hands so can we have Maisie and Kate please” said Trinny.

Maisie and Kate joined them as Lisa took off her robe and Trinny removed her sunglasses. Maisie stood behind Lisa and Kate behind Trinny and put their arms through the other girl’s arms so Maisie was Lisa’s arms and Kate was Trinny’s.

“A good fashionista likes nothing better than to do some pottery making” said Thandie as two wet lumps of clay were placed in front of Lisa and Trinny on a table. Maisie picked up the clay and began to rub it into Lisa’s face as Lisa tried not to laugh. “A good fashionista like Lisa appreciates a good facial and hair wash” said Rosamund as Maisie continued to rub the clay into Lisa’s face and hair. “My name is Lisa Snowdon, I’ve got fantastic breasts and I love to rub them with clay” said Katie. Maisie got some of the clay and began to massage it into Lisa’s breasts barely keeping them in the bikini. “My breasts are better than Maisie Smith’s and I’ll prove it by showing them to you” said Thandie. Maisie pulled open Lisa’s bikini top and wobbled her massive breasts as Lisa giggled with laughter. “I’m much brighter than Maisie too” said Rosamund jokingly “You could ask the phantom to pour a bucket of custard over us to prove it” said Katie. The Phantom emptied a bucket of custard over the two giggling girls heads as they collapsed into giggles.

“Lisa likes custard” said Thandie. “She likes it so much she rubs it into her amazing tits” said Rosamund as Maisie rubbed the custard into Lisa’s breasts as they roared with laughter.

“Meanwhile Trinny has a problem, she has very small breasts, nearly as small as Kate’s” said Katie. “Bitches” shouted Kate and Trinny crying with laughter. “See they are really small” said Thandie as Kate pulled down Trinny’s bikini top to reveal her small pert breasts. “Rubbing them with clay or rubbing wet clay all over yourself and putting it down her knickers is Trinny’s solution” said Rosamund to roars from the audience. Kate picked up the clay and rubbed it into Trinny’s face, hair and breasts before depositing a big lump down the front of her bikini briefs. This made Trinny squirm. “Trinny’s favourite food is tapioca” said Katie. “She loves to share a bucket of it with fellow flat chested posh bird Kate” said Rosamund as Thandie emptied a bucket of tapioca over their heads. Kate held Trinny’s bikini bottoms open so some ran into there too.

“Now both fashionista’s have worked up a sweat, they need a cold shower” said Thandie as Rosamund and Katie threw a bucket of water over Lisa and Trinny respectively. ” “After a busy day a fashionista likes to have a light meal before bed, Lisa likes baked beans, she likes them so much she can eat a bucket full” said Katie as the Phantom emptied a bucket of baked beans over Lisa’s head. “They are great for her skin” said Rosamund as Maisie rubbed the baked beans into Lisa’s breasts and put some down her bikini bottoms, The girls began to play fight to wild applause and took their bows.

“Now Trinny being skinny, prefers a lighter food, something nice and light like a bucket of blancmange” said Thandie. The Phantom emptied a bucket of blancmange over Trinny’s head. “She also bathes in it and rubs it into every crevice” said Katie. “Trinny has a rather smelly fanny and tries to disguise the smell with blancmange” said Rosamund. “You cow” screamed Trinny almost doubled with laughter. Kate rubbed the blancmange around the side of Trinny’s bikini bottoms. But as the audience cheered, she cheekily dropped Trinny’s bikini bottoms to reveal another fully shaven muff. Trinny stood there frozen with embarrassment before turning and wiggling her pert bum to the raucous audience. “Did you think that was funny” she said turning to Kate who was in hysterics. “No I’m sorry” said Kate with tears of laughter running down her face. “See how you like it” said Trinny with a mischievous look on her face. She dived on top of Kate and forced her band down the back of her skinny jeans and in a swift motion ripped Kate’s white but now treacle stained knickers off. “The future Queen of England’s scutty knickers, any bidders” shouted Trinny.

The audience went quiet as Kate slowly got up. She looked at Trinny and said “I’ll bid £10K” to huge cheers as her and Trinny collapsed into each other’s arms laughing.

Chris walked back on and said “Let’s thank some fantastic ladies” as the girls all went into the cage. “Not you Rosamund” said Chris. Rosamund stopped and stuck her tongue out at Chris playfully. “You have been waiting for something haven’t you” he asked. “You mean Semolina” she shouted but nothing hit her. “We have done better than that” said Chris as Amber and Maisie wheeled on a bath full of Semolina. “Daniel Craig agreed to pay a final £20,000” said Chris to wild cheers. “Can I get in it” said Rosamund. “Be our guest” said Chris. “No winch me in it” said Rosamund. “We cannot do that Health and Safety” said Chris. But Thandie and Katie had ran and got the winch.

As everyone gathered round the bath, Thandie naughtily mixed the straps around Rosamund’s sodden knickers. Maisie hit the winch and Rosamund was hoisted into the air with the mother of all wedgies. “Newton you bitch” she screamed” but at that moment her knickers snapped and she plummeted into the Semolina. Thandie worriedly looked into the bath for Rosamund but Rosamund dragged her into it and they began to roll around in it. “Tip the bath over” shouted Rosamund as Thandie dunked her in the Semolina. Without thinking Maisie, Amber and Katie turned the bath over but it went right over trapping Rosamund and Thandie under it,

Everyone quickly lifted the bath off and as the Semolina poured out Thandie slowly got up signaling that that was okay. Rosamund lay on the floor lifeless naked in a pool of Semolina. As everyone crowded around to see if she was okay she began to do a mock butterfly stroke across the floor before getting up slightly winded but giving the thumbs up to say she was fine.

“Let’s hear it for the incredible Rosamund Pike” said Chris as Rosamund began to comically remove bits of Semolina from her vagina and throw them at the rest of the girls.

“Join us for part 6 where a mystery female celebrity will sing “Bright Eyes” with a messy twist. Sir Lenny Henry returns with two surprise guests in an all new Compost Corner. Talluah Riley will pay tribute to another of Sally’s famous Tiswas moments and The Saturdays reform to sing the Tiswas theme in what will likely be a chaotic performance and we will hopefully reach £2 million and see Maisie go naked and do her cream cake splits again” said Chris as everyone waved to the camera.

Which female celeb do you want to sing Bright Eyes – most popular or most original will win. Other surprise guests have previously been voted on.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This was going to be the biggest Comic Relief ever. The UK and US had joined forces and they needed something extra special to kick start their collaboration. They looked to the past for inspiration, spotting two recurring themes: celebrities and gunge. Perfect. In the months leading up to Comic Relief, numerous celebs from both sides of the pond were approached and gradually whittled down until only two remained. There was some mess involved, it was tradition after all. Little did they know what they had let themselves in for…

“Hello, I’m Kirsten O’Brien and welcome to Comic Relief 2020!”

Kirsten was delighted to accept this gig and even more so when she was told how the mess would be administered. “Just like old times” she thought. Behind her were a chair and sofa, for the host and guests respectively and it appeared to be a small set, albeit with a large cheering audience.

“Thank for your votes in our big celebrity gunge poll. They’ve been counted and the results confirmed. Please welcome our finalists Emma Stone and Sam Quek!”

The ladies entered a little apprehensively, Emma in an all-black dress and Sam in a sparkly red number. Both were perfectly made up, knowing that one would be rather less immaculate before the evening was out. They took a seat on the sofa.

“Ladies, thank you so much for risking a messing for a great cause”

“Well, I’ve been very lucky in my life and this is an opportunity to help out those less fortunate” said Emma.

“I missed the boat for Sport Relief!” Sam added.

“Aren’t you a little worried about the mystery of the mess?” asked Kirsten, “it could be anything!”

Sam shook her head confidently, Emma simply shrugged.

“Excellent, we’ve already raised plenty of money too. I won’t hold you in suspense any longer, some archive footage should give an idea of what’s in store…”

Footage of Kirsten’s GYOB gunging played.

The crowd went wild. The ladies were gobsmacked. Before they could fully react, the screen behind them was hoisted away to reveal a huge pool, partly set into the floor of the studio. On either side were plastic seats at the bottom of steep ramps. Dry ice obscured the contents for now so the full effect of the gunge could only be imagined. Emma clapped one hand to her mouth whilst Sam seemed more composed, for now.

“That’s right, back and messier than ever it’s time for the Gunk Dunk! Don’t forget to join us after the break where we might just have a few more surprises in store”

The Gunk Dunk logo dissolved away, to show Sam and Emma, still perfectly dressed but shoeless, poised above the tank. The dry ice had cleared revealing the slop, thick, opaque and gloopy. It was a spiral of lime green and bright pink with “Making a Splash for Cash” in white on the surface. The studio lights glinted off its uneven top, showing just how viscous it was. Emma eyed it nervously but Sam looked calm in spite of her predicament. Kirsten stood at a podium between the ramps but two other podiums either side of the pool were unoccupied.

“Welcome back. You can see our lucky victims; I mean volunteers are in position for a drop in the glop. However, viewers of the original Get Your Own Back may remember there’s a little more to it than that. Sam, you probably watched the show when you were growing up. Any memories?”

“Well, I think it was all about revenge by kids on adults. I had a coach once who needed to be brought down a peg or two and this would have been perfect. I remember the grown-ups being cranked up higher too. I never thought I’d be in that position myself though” she added ruefully.

“Absolutely right, we need a couple of contestants seeking vengeance! Emma, any dark deeds in your past?”

Emma smiled sweetly, she had calmed down over the break. “Nothing at all that I can think of. That can be mentioned on a family show anyway,” she tittered.

“We’ll just see about that girl, please welcome from Modern Family Sarah Hyland and former Strictly and I’m a Celebrity star Ola Jordan!” They entered from either side of the stage, both grinning broadly. Sarah took position by Emma and Ola next to Sam. “Welcome, welcome. Now, you both know why you’re here so let’s enlighten the finalists. Ola, why don’t you start?”

“Gladly Kirsten. I think Sam may already have an idea of my beef, she was sooo untidy when we were on I’m a Celeb. Never did the dishes, left her clothes everywhere. We didn’t have much so I have no idea how she made such a mess. She deserves a bushtucker trial she can’t get out of by being flung into the gunge!”

“Strong words. Sam, how do you answer the charges?”

“This is a complete exaggeration, Ola is such a neat freak that one sock out of place would set her off! It’s so mundane that it didn’t even make the cut for TV. It’s just an excuse to get me messy,” Sam stated confidently.

Meanwhile, Emma was gradually flushing. She knew where she’d seen Sarah before and was getting more uncomfortable by the second. It wasn’t just that uncushioned seat. Then Sarah was invited to speak, jolting Emma’s attention from her quickening pulse. “Thanks Kirsten, Emma definitely knows why I’m here. A few years ago, she won a Kid’s Choice Award but totally avoided her sliming. I won an award too and took the consequences fair and square. I think you’d agree the punishment should fit the crime so Emma deserves a long overdue trip to the slime!”

“Emma, that sounds like an open and shut case?” queried Kirsten. “Not quite,” she replied “It wasn’t my choice, I just followed the script. If Sarah’s co-star hadn’t mentioned green slime she might have avoided it too!”

Kirsten addressed the audience: “You’ve heard the accusers and the accused, now it’s over to you. There’s a keypad under each of your seats to choose who you side with, you’ve one minute…Go!” The studio lights flashed as the votes were cast, accompanied by rapid bleeping. “Okay, time’s up! We’ll keep the results under wraps for now but in the meantime there’s plenty more fun in store. Please welcome Rachel Riley!”

Rachel strode to the letters and numbers boards from Countdown, which had been added to the set. “You weren’t too far from the gunge yourself, I bet you’re glad to be in more familiar territory!”

She looked and sounded relieved. “Absolutely Kirsten, I’m very happy appearing in this capacity even more so after the Gunk Dunk was revealed. I’ll get a fantastic view of the result as well!” she giggled.

Kirsten explained the Countdown rules, which would form the initial rounds. “So, Emma and Sam will be playing but don’t think we’re leaving out Sarah and Ola.” She gestured to a bank of levers in front of their podiums. “Each of these releases one of the many substances which make up the dreadful sludge before you. The green is snot! (“Eurgh!” shouted the audience). The yellow is school custard! (“Eurgh!”). The blue is to be particularly avoided, R.A.W., that’s Really Awful Waste (“EURRGGHH!!!”). The white, you’ll find out and the golden one I think you can guess. Don’t forget, the first celeb to be cranked right to the top will take the plunge into that revolting gunge”

Emma reddened further and stuck out her tongue in disgust. Sam squirmed in her seat, some of her earlier confidence had left her. The letters and numbers had been randomly pre-selected, so the clock began immediately. As it ticked inexorably on, Sam began to feel the pressure. It was clear that she was at almost a complete loss. The 30 seconds seemed much longer and it was almost a relief when the time was up.

“How many letters do you have Sam?”

“3” she replied resignedly.

“Emma?”

“6” she said perkily.

“Okay, what’s your 6?”

“Gladly”

“And very appropriate it is too. What do we do with Sam?”

“Crank her up!” yelled the audience.

Sam’s seat rose one notch, jolting into place when it got there. “Not doing much for the unintelligent, sporty stereotype are you?” laughed Kirsten. “One more thing, Ola. Pull that green lever!” Smugly, she yanked it back causing a stream of green slime to catch Sam right on top of her head. It domed over her for a second splattering into her lap before it stopped, revealing sodden hair and a blob on her nose. She screwed up her face, the swagger was gone and she was absolutely disgusted. “Eww, it went down my back!”

“Believe me, it could get a lot worse” Kirsten reminded her. This seemed to re-energise Sam and she won the next letters round.

“What do we do with Emma?”
“Crank her up!” Emma cradled her head in her hands, shuddering as she came to a halt.

Sarah eagerly reached for her green lever. “Not so fast. I’m afraid there’s only enough goo in those tanks for one messing. Whoever gets to that level first cops it” At this, Emma and Sam became even more competitive but once again, Sam won the round.

“Great solution Sam” smiled Rachel.

“I take back what I said earlier, you seem to be finding your groove. What do we do with Emma?”

“Crank her up!”

Once again the seat ratcheted into place, once again Sarah reached for a lever, yellow this time. A sheet of custard coloured muck splashed into Emma’s lap, catching her chest on the way down. Her grimace morphed into a look of shock as it soaked through her dress. “Looks as if that thin material was a mistake Em” smirked Sarah.

“Next, it’s the Countdown Conundrum. Ola, Sarah buzz in when you see the hidden words”

A R M A C E K E C

Both stared quizzically at the letters, Sam and Emma looking on helplessly from their ramps, willing their opponent’s contestant to answer first.

BZZZ! “Sarah?”

“Is it cream cake?”

“Absolutely right”

Emma’s chair rolled upwards and she already braced herself for what was coming next. Blue gunge rained down, catching her shoulder first before moving across her head to the other side. She was striped blue with a band of yellow across her front. Somehow her face had avoided the worst of it, just a small dribble slid down her cheek.

It had looked as if Sam was safe but somehow she was level once again at notch 3.

“This is getting exciting isn’t it?” said Kirsten casually.

The unfortunates above the ooze were getting increasingly agitated, their tastes of mess and the receding view of the gunge made them more eager than ever to dodge the final comeuppance. In her state, Sam barely heard Ola’s buzzer or answer only registering the further rise of her seat and its jerking halt. She’d forgotten about the white lever until SPLAT. A large pie engulfed her unsuspecting face. She froze momentarily before wiping cream and crust from her eyes. At the same time her mouth dropped open, revealing a third gap in an otherwise unbroken slab of white. More of the pie dropped into her lap before she scraped her mouth and nose clear, regaining a little composure.

“That’ll teach her to pay attention. Now, a question from a special guest, via video link, the one and only Mr Dave Benson Phillips!!”

“Thank you, thank you so much. I’m coming to you from my home but that keeps me extra safe from any mess. Kirsten, you’re doing a grand job those celebs look suitably scared, HAHAHA! Onto my question: What year was Comic Relief founded?”

Sam guessed closer, perhaps as a Brit she had an advantage. Emma’s seat eased into life, level pegging once more.

“It’s a dead heat! Now what do we do? Ah yes, those audience votes will be crucial.” Kirsten was handed a golden envelope. It went dark except for spotlights illuminating the five figures and the Gunk Dunk.

Emma bowed her head, a sheet of gooey hair obscuring her expression.

“The winner, or perhaps loser, of the Great Gunge Poll…”

Sam gripped her knees until the knuckles turned white. Her creamy features creased with worry.

“…is…”

Ola and Sarah waited expectantly.

“…EMMA STONE!”

The lights went up. The audience went crazy. Sam sank back in her chair in relief. Emma looked up resignedly, shaking her head in disbelief and pushed aside the slimy curtain that had been her flawless hairdo. She knew there was much worse in store.

“What. Do. We. Do.?”

“CRANK HER UP!” roared the studio.

Her seat ascended for the final time, coming to rest with an ominous clunk. She went bright red, stuttering some syllables before Kirsten cut her off.

“Sarah, Emma, we’ll deal with you in a moment.” She turned to Sam, “you’ve escaped the gunk by the skin of your teeth; how does this rank amongst your achievements?”

“The elation nearly tops getting a gold medal, I just wish I had stayed completely clean.”

“Don’t be ungrateful, remember you’re still on the ramp! Ola, close but you did still manage mess Sam up a bit. Satisfied?”

“Satisfied enough, we had some fun in the jungle too and I reckon I looked better in the shower than Sam did!”

“As for you Emma, you know the rules! You reached the top first so prepare to be chucked in the muck!” She was stunned into silence, contemplating the ghastly mire far below. “Sarah, this is the lady who somehow sidestepped a trademark Nickelodeon sliming but there’s no escape this time. Show her that karma can repay a hundredfold, pull that lever and get your own back!

With an enormous smile and a dismissive wave to Emma, Sarah grabbed the golden lever and wrenched it back. Sparks jumped up behind Emma’s seat and it began to move, slowly at first but soon gathering speed. She held down her dress with both hands to prevent the draft robbing her of any last shred of dignity. Her eyes widened as she neared the slop, a torrent of purple gloop causing her to lift one hand over her head and shriek. All at once, the seat slammed to a halt, hurling her into the two-toned gunk. Her knees struck first, swiftly followed by her upper body and face, cutting off her cries. Her bare feet and hair were last to disappear, leaving only ripples in the swirling cauldron.

Seconds later, a figure erupted from the centre of the pool absolutely slathered in sludge. The glamorous A-lister was completely unrecognisable, her trademark ginger locks a lump of green over one shoulder, most of her features were neon pink but she gasped through a thick layer of emerald glop on her mouth and chin. Standing waist deep in the morass, a generous coat of lime and fuchsia completely obscured the black of her close-fitting dress. Her arms were splayed out, as if to say “why me?” Then she raised her hands to her face wiping from her eyes down her cheeks. She could see once more and her opened eyes revealed utter disgust.

Clearly, this only shifted some of the muck but before she could carry on two enormous pies exploded from either side of the tank. Emma was caught totally unaware, her head and shoulders sandwiched with a splodge. A muffled groan escaped the creamy mass – the local circus had donated a batch of its finest slosh so it clung on foamily and mixed in places with the garish gunge.

The noise was deafening but stilled as Kirsten raised her arms for silence. “Wow, what an incredible gunging! Sarah, how do you feel?”

“Awesome, justice has finally been served! My expectations were blown away, I don’t think Emma will live this down for a while.”

“Fantastic, or should that be flan-tastic?” The audience groaned. “Come on, that wasn’t even scripted! Here’s something you will want to hear, let’s enjoy an instant slow-motion replay!”

Screens repeated Emma’s descent, allowing a full appreciation of her expression as she hurtled towards the gunk. Goggling eyes gave way to shock as the purple slime caught her right in the face. The chair collapsed beneath her, momentum tilting her forwards to splat into the vat. Her legs destroyed the white writing before one last glimpse of her violet countenance demonstrated the full horror of the mess. She sank below the surface, leaving only ripples in the thick slop. Next, she emerged totally drenched in repulsive muck.

No sooner did the replay finish than more purple goo mixed with white slosh cascade onto Emma. This partly cleared the fluffy pile on her head and shoulders but merely replaced it with a slimier mess. “Goodness, rather her than me. Emma, how are you down there?”

She scraped her eyes and face. “Ugh, this is even worse than I expected it to be. Cold as well. It’s so sticky, I don’t know if I’ll ever be clean again! I’m glad we raised so much for charity and I just want to thank the folks at home for GLUB!” Another wave of mess domed over her head, once again covering her in frothy lilac goo.

“Well, I think that says it all. Thank you to everyone at home, our wonderful studio audience and all our guests, especially Emma Stone! I wonder how many willing stars we’ll have next year…” The crowd clapped and cheered, the ladies around the gunk dunk continued enjoying Emma’s humiliation before the screen cut to replays of the messings on the ramp, Emma’s pie sandwich and slimings in the tank finishing with one last view of her revolting, gloppy immersion.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

The 5 foot Latina spitfire was in the locker room working on a deal to add another asset to her growing stable of young up and coming talent. Her feet, in a very stylish pair of fashionable Jimmy Choos, were propped up on a table, phone in hand. If you dared her skirt was at an angle you might be able to gain a flash. Most of the women knew not to disturb her when she was in business mode…but there is always some mofo who wants to ice skate uphill.

Lana came out with a microphone to a rather hostile reaction. Even though both ladies were heels the crowd definitely was on Vega’s side today.

Zelina woke and although she didn’t feel like she had been out long she could feel a massive change had happened. The first thing she noticed was she was cold…and wet. Had she slipped on the floor. Then she realized she could barely move her arms or legs. As she groggily opened her eyes her predicament quickly became apparent to her. She was restrained by sets of handcuffs tied to the walls of the shower divider. This also accounted for her wetness and rapid wake up as her captors had turned on the shower soaking her to the bone. At first she attributed her coldness to this but then she realized it was more than that, while she was out she had been stripped right down to her lingerie. She seethed with anger if they hoped to embarrass her she would not let on…she would not give them the satisfaction despite what she might feel. And she knew who to direct her wrath at. Lana and a person who had made a very big mistake today by getting involved Maria Kanellis.

So I wanted to do something since it seems Wrestlemania is going to be a bit of a clusterfrak this year. And this story wont be abandoned since its already written and I am just bringing it over and adapting it slightly from its original source. This first part isnt overly messy but the second part will be much more so. 

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

BBC Sports Reporter Eilidh Barbour had been filming a piece for Football Focus with England Lionesses Steph Houghton and Toni Duggan joining them in training. After they had completed a light training session Eilidh had been asking the girls what is was like to be a lioness unaware they were going to have some fun with her under the style of an initiation.

The cameras had stopped rolling and the three sweaty girls had gone back to their own changing rooms. When Eilidh was asked if she wanted to join the other two for a warm down and some off camera chat she thought nothing of it and collected her stuff and joined Steph and Toni in the main changing room.

As she walked in she saw that Steph and Toni were stripping out of their gear ready to have a shower. “Oh I’m sorry girls” said a rather surprised Eilidh walking in to see Steph taking her sports bra off and Toni stood there topless doing some stretches. “Don’t worry Eilidh, we always get changed together and strip off once the male coaching staff have left” said Toni. “Have you ever had any embarrassing incidents?” asked Eilidh looking for a fun story. “No we have a female staff member posted outside the door” said Steph. “Phil Neville has a rule that the ladies have to have their sports bra and shorts on if a man is in the changing room” said Toni. “Very sensible” said Eilidh.

Eilidh looked across rather shocked to see Steph drop her knickers and touch her toes a couple of times. Steph noticing that Eilidh was a bit stunned bent over even further so Eilidh got a really good view and joked “It doesn’t bite”. Toni also removed her knickers and headed for the shower with Steph. “Are you coming to join us Eilidh” Toni joked and winked at Eilidh.

Eilidh began to get undressed removing her top and trousers and as she was about to remove her bra she was wolf whistled by a giggling Steph and Toni looking around the door. “Get em off Eilidh” Steph shouted. Eilidh was a bit embarrassed but guessed the girls were just playing her up. Eilidh removed her bra to reveal a pair of firm pert breasts. “Not bad for your age” jousted Toni. “I’m only 37” replied a smiling Eilidh. Steph and Toni reemerged into the dressing room their bodies wet and soapy and began to soap each other up trying to embarrass Eilidh. She smiled and said “You pair are funny and you have fantastic bodies”. “Thanks Eilidh” said Steph as she cupped her athletic breasts.

Eilidh turned around to remove her thong. “I’d have thought you would have worn tartan knickers Eilidh” Toni joked. “No I prefer thongs” said Eilidh. “You are a bit of a minx” then retorted Steph. “Are we going to have a shower then” asked Eilidh. “She’s a one, looking for a threesome” teased Toni. “Her bonny wee growler, might need a trim though” added Steph pointing at Eilidh’s neatly trimmed muff and the two lionesses who were both clean shaven. Eilidh was getting a bit embarrassed but knew that the girls were renowned jokers and had known them for several years. “I have it waxed every couple of months” said Eilidh deciding that to answer back was better than to just take it.

“If you want to shower with the lionesses then you have to follow certain rules before you can join the pride” said Toni. “A sort of initiation ceremony” said Eilidh thinking she could have a fun scoop here. “Yes” replied Steph realising that Eilidh was falling for it.

The 3 ladies walked into the shower and bath area. “First we need to take an ice bath” said Steph pointing to a bath full of ice cold water and ice cubes. “What is the best way to get into it” asked Eilidh. “This way” said Toni as she and Steph picked up Eilidh and threw her head first into the icy bath. Eilidh screamed as she hit the water and emerged shivering and jumping up and down in the bath in shock. “Always better to go in quickly” said Steph. “Very funny” said Eilidh stood there her teeth chattering in the cold. “You have to stay in for 5 minutes” Toni said. Eilidh gamely stayed in the water for about 3 minutes before asking “Are you going to join me”. “She is” said Steph pushing Toni into the water. “You ought to join us” said Eilidh reaching up and pulling Steph into the water.

Steph and Toni adjusted to the water and then picked up a couple of ice cubes each and began to rub them into their nipples. “This improves circulation” Toni said. “It doesn’t, you are pulling my leg” said Eilidh. “How do you know if you don’t try it” replied Steph. “Okay then” said Eilidh and rubbed a couple of ice cubes on her nipples. “She’s done this before” said Toni winking at Steph. “Look at how hard are nipples” are said Steph. “Stop it you two” said Eilidh with a laugh. She knew she was being teased but decided to go with it in case any good stories came out.

The girls got out the water and Eilidh headed for the shower. “Where are you going” asked Steph. “To shower” replied Eilidh. “No we do other things first” said Toni and walked into the physios room. Steph climbed upon the physios table and Toni started to give her a massage with oil. Eilidh joined in and then Toni was massaged. “Your turn Eilidh” said Toni. Eilidh climbed on the physio’s table unaware that Steph had found a massive tin of goose grease a former physio had left behind. Steph and Toni began to slap the goose grease all over Eilidh’s back and bum. “That isn’t oil” said Eilidh as the cold grease hit her body. “No we use this on non professional athletes, helps warm them up after the ice bath” said Toni. They covered Eilidh’s back and bum with the grease them got her to stand up and covered her front. Steph took a big handful and rubbed it into Eilidh’s muff whilst Toni playfully rubbed it into her breasts. Toni then took a huge handful and rubbed it into Eilidh’s face and Steph took and even bigger handful and rubbed it into her short hair. Both girls stood back laughing at what they had done as Eilidh turned around and saw her self covered in goose grease in the mirror. She knew she had been had and began to laugh too.

Unnoticed to her Toni had picked up a recycling bag nearby which was full of grass cuttings and emptied it over Eilidh’s head. Eilidh just stood there in shock in one way angry but in another unable to stop laughing at her predicament. “She looks like the Hulk” said Steph corpsing in fits of giggles with Toni. Eilidh let out a roar and chased the two laughing girls into the catering area of the changing room.

Eilidh looked around the catering area for Steph and Toni but saw them sneaking out of a fire door. She slowly followed them letting out a playful roar or two as she went. She came to a door marked “Groundsman supplies” and carefully entered it. But as soon as she entered the room a tin of white pitch marking paint tipped onto her head. She slowly wiped the paint away from her eyes as Toni and Steph stood there naked giggling at her. Without hesitation she saw a much larger bucket of pitch marking paint picked it up and threw it full force at Toni and Steph. As the white substance hit them both square in the face and covering there boobs Toni and Steph were a bit stunned but had to admit it was a fair cop. Eilidh locked the door behind her and turned to them and said “You are both very naughty” with a little chuckle. “Sit on the floor” she ordered them as they obeyed her like two naughty little children being told off.She looked around the room and saw a giant 10 litre bottle of liquid fertilizer. Reading the instructions that it was safe to use. She walked up to Toni and emptied half of it over her head and half over Steph’s. Both girls sat there giggling and began to rub the messy liquid into their hair and onto their breasts. She saw a bag of manure and emptied that atop the two girls before sitting down next to them and saying “Are we even?”.

“I think so” said Steph sat there with a load of manure on her head which made Eilidh burst out laughing. “You present the golf too” said Toni to Eilidh. “Yes, after football it’s my favourite sport” Eilidh replied. “Do you play?” asked Steph. “A bit but I end up in the bunkers a lot” said Eilidh. “So you like sand” said Toni emptying a bucket of sand over Eilidh’s head as her and Steph ran to the door unlocked it and escaped.

“I’ll get you” shouted Eilidh as she looked around for the girls and saw two bouncing naked bums heading into the kitchen. Eilidh picked up a catering sized tin of baked beans from a shelf and opened them up. However she was hit in the face by a jar of pasta sauce from Steph as Toni squirted tomato ketchup from a plastic bottle over her head. Toni and Steph stood there laughing as Eilidh circled them and then slowly emptied the huge tin of baked beans over Steph’s head. Steph let the beans run down her face and onto her breasts and down onto her toned stomach. Toni stood there giggling at her so Eilidh opened another tin and handed it to Steph. With a flourish Steph slowly emptied it over Toni’s head as the beans encased Toni’s hair and ran down her face Steph waited for them to cover Toni’s breasts before slowly rubbing them in.

Steph looked around and picked up a 750g packet of custard. She opened it and carefully poured it over Toni’s head stopping to rub it into her already messy hair and ruining it completely. She then rubbed it into Toni’s stomach and smacked some into her taut bum. Eilidh handed Toni a packet of custard, Toni opened it and clapped her hands together forcing the majority of the custard into Steph’s face before emptying the rest of it over her head and slapping some of it onto her bum.

Eilidh was stood there laughing but suddenly Steph picked her up and lifted her into a large sink. Toni went to the nearby fridge and fetched some eggs, flour and milk. “Let’s make an Eilidh cake she said. Eilidh sat in the sink kicking her legs up with laughter letting out a loud squeal as a cold litre of milk was poured over her head. Steph emptied a bag of flour and Toni broke several eggs into Eilidh’s hair and they gave her a messy shampoo and stood back to admire their handiwork. “What about a topping” joked Eilidh. “Good idea” said Toni returning to the fridge and emerging with a jug of cold gravy. She broke the skin and emptied it over Eildh’s head. The cold lumpy substance ran down Eilidh’s face and onto her boobs and belly. Steph picked up a stick of celery and began to tickle Eilidh with it starting under her arms, working down her body until she they found she was very ticklish around the waist. Eilidh was unable to control herself as tears of laughter ran down her face.

Unknown to Eilidh, Toni had noticed an old pillow on a chair and had opened it up. Suddenly a load of feathers was dumped onto an hysterical Eilidh. Steph and Toni stood back and shook hands. “I think Eilidh, has passed her Lionesses initiation?” said Toni. “Nearly ” said Steph. “Oh come on what do you want me to do, squawk like a bird” said Eilidh throwing a few feathers up. “What a great suggestion” said Toni. “Squawk like a bird or we’ll leave you here” threatened Steph in a joking manner.

“Okay you got me good and proper” said Eilidh who then went into a comical chicken dance as Steph and Toni stood watching in total hysterics. “It’s the Eilidh bird” shouted Toni. Steph and Toni helped Eilidh out of the sink and the girls all hugged and sneaked back to the changing rooms where it took them half an hour under a warm shower to get all the muck off each other.

Eilidh said her goodbyes and caught her train back to London. She had been embarrassed but she had given as good as she got and mentioned a possible Lionesses initiation in her final piece about training with the girls. The next time she interviewed the girls they smiled at each other but the rest of the crew couldn’t understand why the 3 ladies were in hysterics when Steph mentioned seeing an Eilidh bird a few weeks earlier.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend its enactment.

A woman had just parked her car when the Samsung smartphone she left on the passenger seat rang. The dark brown-haired woman gingerly picked up her mobile phone and slid her finger over its “answer call” icon on the touch screen after seeing that it was a call from her agent.

“Hi, Jessica, what’s up?” she asked.

“Hi, Hayley, how’s it going?” came the reply from her bubbly red-haired agent.

“It’s going fine,” replied Hayley, frowning. Why is Jess stalling? “This must be big ‘cause you seem to be stalling for time.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to work out how best to tell you this,” answered Jess. “Do you remember agreeing to a nomination for this year’s Gunge Grand Prix?”

A feeling of apprehensive anticipation brought beads of sweat to Hayley’s brow. “Yeeess,” she answered. “What’s happened?”

“Well, Hayley, you’ve made it through to the final,” Jessica’s voice echoed over the phone connection. “Which is a live show tomorrow evening.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” asked the incredulous actress. “How?!”

“Well, you were able to beat Sam Quek, I believe, by three votes,” came a reply she wasn’t liking the sound of.

“Oh, right, I’ll be there,” Hayley muttered. “Can’t believe it though.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to enjoy what’s left of your evening,” said the cheerful agent. “Bye, Hayley.”

“Bye, Jessica,” replied Hayley. She knew that she was not going to be very excited by the prospect of what was to come. When she finally climbed into her bed some hours later, her sleep was fitful. When she finally awoke the next morning, she felt nearly as tired as when she went to bed.

Meanwhile, at London’s Heathrow Airport, a blonde woman had just walked through customs and was looking around for the driver she had booked when her phone also rang. “Hello, Dani” she answered the call, recognising her agent’s number.

“Hey, Scarlett,” came the serious voice at the other end. “I’ve got some slightly crazy news for you.”

“What do you mean by crazy news?” replied the blonde, absentmindedly playing with a lock of her hair.

“Well, babe…” there was a long pause. “All right, I’m just going to say it. You made it through to the final of this year’s Gunge Grand Prix.”.

“Oooh, nuts!” Scarlett groaned. “So, when is the results announcement?”

“It’s tomorrow evening,” said Dani.

“Well, I guess I’ve nothing much else to do, ” frowned the well-endowed blonde actress. “God, I’m not looking forward to what could happen!”

“Oh, you’ll be great. After all, it does improve celebrities’ popularity.”

“If you say so,” griped Scarlett. “Goodbye, Dani.”

After finding the car she had booked and travelling to her hotel in Central London, passing the historic landmarks of the city, she settled into her room for the night. Eventually, she too fell into a fitful slumber.

The following evening, two separate limousines pulled up to the television studios. Each of them disgorged a familiar face from the Marvel film franchise. Each woman was shown into her own dressing room for the night, where she found the outfit that had been chosen for her for the evening by the show’s producers.

The brunette actress turned to the stage-hand who had shown her to the room. “Okaaayy, what’s with the bikini?” she asked, holding up a yellow bikini which had “GGP 2020” printed in red on the left cup and also on the rear of the bottoms.

The stage-hand smiled bashfully. “Well, Ms. Atwell, they tried to get GYOB-style t-shirts and black shorts but apparently that look is trademarked. So, instead we’re going for blue and yellow bikinis.”

Hayley rolled her eyes. “Oh, right,” she muttered. “Thank you very much.”

A similar question and answer session happened in a changing room down the corridor. After a while stage-hands came to escort both actresses to the studio being used for the show.

After a rather cheesy theme song ended with viewers’ screens showing a brightly-coloured “Gunge Grand Prix 2020” logo, the studio was lit up with what looked like a dozen megawatt lightbulbs. A large tank with two familiar ramps leading down to it, filled the centre of the studio floor. The tank was filled with many different colours of lumpy-looking slime with “Who meets goo?” written in white foam on the surface.

A slender brunette walked into view wearing a pair of skin-tight denim hot-pants and an equally tight white t-shirt emblazoned with the logo that hung from the studio roof with the words “Dunked in ‘09” written below it. The whole outfit flattered her boyish figure. She placed a hand on her hip and grinned at the audience and then for the camera. “Hello!” she said as the audience’s applause died down. “Welcome to the final of the Gunge Grand Prix for 2020, with me Emma Watson. You may remember that I got dunked by Dave Benson Phillips eleven years ago. Dave was unable to make it here for tonight, so they asked me to fill-in for him. Yes, as you probably can tell by what’s behind me, the gunk dunk has returned to engulf the winner of this year’s charity voting competition. Now, let’s meet our two finalists. We have the feisty girlfriend of Captain America and SHIELD’s equally feisty Russian super-spy. Please, welcome Agents Carter and Romanoff, Hayley Atwell and Scarlett Johansson!”

A blonde in a blue bikini walked on-stage next to a brunette in yellow. Their swimwear was emblazoned with GGP 2020.

They both walked up to Emma and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Hayley, Scarlett,” said the skinnier hostess. “Well, you probably weren’t expecting to be here, were you?”

Both bikini-clad actresses shook their heads, throwing furtive glances at the tank behind them. Scarlett wrung her hands in worry.

Emma chuckled. “Yeah, you’ve got a good reason to be anxious about this,” she intimated to them. “We’ve combined both types of Get Your Own Back dunk tanks and swapped the snot, school custard and RAW for mustard. Better one of you than me!”

Emma paused as the two finalists looked horrified. “This will only be dropped when our finalist is at the appropriate spot on our ramp. Which will be determined by a question I will ask the winner of the public vote. How do you feel, ladies?”

Hayley shrugged. “Terrified,” she replied simply.

“More nervous than before anything I did before this,” answered a visibly quivering Scarlett.

“Well, then I think we should put you both out of your misery,” chuckled Emma. But, first, let’s find out how much has been raised for children in need.”

A screen in the studio came to life with the figure of two million pounds written across it. The audience broke out in spontaneous applause. Amazed looks crossed the faces of all three actresses.

“Wow!” gasped Emma. “That’s a lot of cash! Hayley and Scarlett, you probably noticed the two ramps we have for tonight. Could you each take a seat in one of the chairs mounted on them, please?”

Nervously, the two actresses walked to the back of the stage and climbed into position, the camera getting flattering views of their bikini-clad bodies.

Emma grinned at them when they were finally perched on the identical chairs. While they were getting into position, she had been handed an open envelope. “Okay, ladies the time has come,” she started, pulling the contents from inside the envelope. “I can reveal that the winner with fifty-one percent of the vote is… Hayley Atwell!”

The brown-haired actress in the yellow bikini shrieked in shock. How could I beat, Scarlett? She’s got a far higher profile!

Emma and Scarlett chuckled along with the audience at Hayley’s stunned expression. Suddenly, Emma smirked at Scarlett’s giggling face. “But we can’t let Scarlett go home empty-handed. Can we?”

The audience chorussed back “No!”

Emma grinned. “Right, folks, let her have it!”

Two stage-hands had crept up behind the blonde actress and slapped a pair of custard pies into the sides of her head. Thick whipped cream and custard covered her blonde hair and pretty face. The creamy goo dripped down onto her full breasts. The Black Widow actress sat looking completely shocked as bits of pastry pie crust tumbled down her curves.

Emma now turned to Scarlett’s opponent. “Hayley, congratulations on winning this year’s Gunge Grand Prix.”

“Er, thanks, Emma, I think,” replied the other brown-haired actress. “I’m not sure about the prize though!”

Emma chuckled. “Yeah, it’s a bit more gross than any other award,” she said with a smirk. “Hayley Atwell, it’s time… for the Gunk Dunk!”

Deep ominous music briefly filled the air. Hayley nervously chewed her bottom lip.

“Hayley, I’m going to ask you one question. Get it right, you stay where you are before dropping into the green, yellow, purple and red slop below. However, if you get it wrong, we crank you up to the top of the ramp before dousing you in mustard. After which, you will go splat into the vat! Are you ready?”

The supporting actress from the Duchess shrugged apprehensively. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be!”

“That’s the spirit!” laughed the Harry Potter star. “Now, your question which will decide your fate comes from the engineering world…”

“Oh, joy!” interrupted Hayley.

Emma shook her head. “The ‘Mallard’, officially the world’s fastest steam train, reached a top speed of one hundred and twenty-six miles per hour. To the nearest decimal, what is that in kilometres per hour?”

Hayley just looked blankly at Emma. “I haven’t a clue,” she said mournfully. “Two hundred point five?” The audience cheered at this answer, briefly getting Hayley’s hopes up.

“Oh, Hayley,” said Emma in commiseration. “That was incredibly close. The correct answer is two hundred and one point six kilometres per hour. You were off by only one point one kilometre per hour! Now, what do we do with you?”

At this the audience roared out. “CRANK HER UP!”

Hayley squeaked in surprise as her seat jerked into life and rolled slowly to the top of the ramp. Hayley cringed as it came to a halt and she looked down on the vile-looking gunge below. Her shoulders suddenly hunched up and she ducked her head, jiggling her breasts as she did so, as a deluge of pungent mustard splashed over her head and shoulders, running down over her chest and upper back after it stopped falling from above.

Emma had approached a large golden lever. “Wow! This reminds me of watching Saturday TV!” she joked. “Hayley Atwell, the world voted. It’s now time to take a drop in the slop, a dunk in the gunk!”

After mimicking Dave Benson Phillips, Emma pulled hard on the lever. A shower of sparks burst from behind Hayley’s chair and it began rolling down the ramp. She couldn’t help screaming in disbelief as it rolled forwards.

As the chair neared the bottom, a downpour of orange slime fell from the ceiling. It splashed over her face and hair, briefly turning her head orange before she felt the chair drop out from under her and she plunged head-first into the lumpy gunk. The erstwhile Peggy Carter disappeared from view, rippling gunge closing over where she splashed down.

As Hayley finally broke through the surface and emerged streaked with slime of nearly all the colours of the rainbow, Emma turned to the camera. “Oooh!” she squealed. “I think we need to see that again in slow-motion.”

The screen filled with a view of Hayley rolling down the slope. Her terrified-looking scream earned her a mouthful of the orange goo which fell on her before she fell in ty o the gunk.

Emma looked at the slimy woman. “How do you feel, Hayley?”

“It’s cold and stickily disgus…mmmph!” replied the brunette. A fall of thick black gunge cut her off mid-sentence as it changed the colour of her head once more.

Emma chuckled once more. “Well that’s all we have time for, I’m afraid,” she announced to moans of disappointment from the audience. “Thank you to everyone who voted this year and also a big thank you to Scarlett and Hayley for being such great sports. And thank you to everyone at home for watching. This was the Gunge Grand Prix 2020,good night! And I’m out of here before someone gets any ideas about getting me messy!”

The credits rolled as Emma ducked under a well-thrown custard pie. The screen faded to black as the camera showed her disappear backstage still looking pristine.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Chris Tarrant welcomed everyone back to Tiswas/OTT Charity Revival and announced that the grand total was now £2,013,364. “The bidding for Kate -Duchess of Cambridge’s knickers, has gone past £25k and Rachel Burden’s are at £32. Trinny Woodall’s are at £385 and those belonging to Katie Thistleton, Rosamund Pike and Thandie Newton are still being decontaminated” he said as the girls laughed on from the Cage. “Thandie’s will take 2 years to be safe” shouted Rosamund. “Yours would stink out a fish mongers” said Thandie as her and Rosamund had a play fight in the cage.

“Well we’ve passed £2 million so Maisie Smith it’s your turn to shine” said Chris. Maisie tottered in just her heels and bikini bottoms covered in gunge. Amber Gill wheeled on a 4ft high by 4ft wide giant cream cake and pointed to her own bikini bottoms. “Hit £2.5 million and these will come off in a really sexy dance”. The girls left the cage and gathered around to cheer on Maisie. “I guess it’s tuppence time” joked Maisie. “Who do you want to help you remove them” Chris asked putting his hand up jokingly. “I’d like Claire McCollum to, as I nearly drowned her in custard” said Maisie. The custard covered but fully clothed Claire stepped forward rather shyly. “I’ve never done anything like this before” she said. ” The girls started a “Claire, Claire” chant. So Claire stood behind Maisie grabbed hold of her knickers and whipped them down. “I’ll start the bidding at £500” she said to loud cheers as Maisie hopped out of them, displayed a very clean shaven vagina shouting “My tuppence” and gracefully slid into the splits right in the middle of the cake. She grabbed hold of Claire and pulled her into the cream and they began to roll around. Claire was a bit shouted but was laughing and was soon rubbing the cream into Maisie’s athletic body as the other girls picked up the cream and threw it at each other. Maisie and Claire emerged covered in the cream, hugged and took a bow to enthusiastic applause.

“Can anyone remember Matthew Butler singing Bright Eyes on Tiswas?” said Chris as the original clip was shown. “Well we are going to do better than that tonight” he added as he introduced Pixie Lott who was wearing a very sexy laced swimsuit.

Chris picked up a bunny tail and ears and handed them to Pixie who put them on to lots of whistles. She cheekily turned around and wiggled her bum to the camera. “So you are ready to get messy then Pixie?” asked Chris. “Messy!” said Pixie. “Not really” she continued. “So you’d be happy doing this” said Chris putting a custard pie in Pixie’s face “And this” emptying a bucket of water over her head. Pixie stood there rather in shock her hair dripping wet as she wiped the custard pie off her face. “I agreed to take that at the end of the song” she said. “We’d expect you to take more than that” said Chris. “Well I agreed to take a custard pie and a bucket of water” said Pixie. “I wanted to help with the cause, is there anything else I could do?” she asked. “We’ll you could take part in Compost Corner (the audience shouted back Compost Corner) with Lenny Henry and Charlie Dimmock” said Chris. “Is that a gardening feature” said Pixie. “Sort of” said Chris. “Sir Lenny Henry and a gardening expert, that sounds much more acceptable. What would I have to do?” Pixie asked. “You’d just have to stand in a bucket, dressed as a sunflower” said Chris. “Stand in a bucket and look pretty, I can do that” said Pixie. Who left the stage to a few jeers from the girls in the Cage.

“Well if Pixie is doing Compost Corner ( Audience shouted back Compost Corner) then I guess we’ll have to welcome Tennis Star Johanna Konta” said Chris. Johanna walked on waving in a sexy swimsuit.

“Are you any good at singing” said Chris. “I’ll give it a go” said Johanna. “It will be more fun than being stood in a bucket being pelted with things and having soil pushed into my costume” she said. “Don’t tell Pixie” said Chris. “I won’t” said Johanna. “It will be fun to watch” said Chris. “I know” giggled Johanna.

Typically the girls in the cage were being rude about Johanna’s surname. “We are comparing Konta’s” shouted Katie. “I’ve got the biggest one” shouted Rosamund pointing to her vagina. “Mine is the smelliest” said Thandie pointing to hers. “Mine is the poshest on view” shouted Trinny. They looked over at Maisie who not quite getting the joke said “My tuppence is creamy at the moment” to huge laughs.

Chris went off stage and came back with the bunny ears and tail which Pixie had taken off. Johanna put them on and took her place on a piece of grass which had been placed on the set. She began to sing Bright Eyes and suddenly smoke bombs started going off around her and an overhead fake rain shower began to soak her. She gamely continued as loud bangs went off around her and the water rained down on her more fiercely.

As she was getting towards the end the phantom sneaked on behind her and emptied a bucket of chocolate sauce over her head. Johanna carried on singing as the chocolate encased her long dark hair and ran down her face. She hit the last note very nicely as the phantom emptied a jug of caramel over her head.

“Johanna Konta, a marvellous sport and a surprisingly good singer” said Chris as the crowd applauded loudly. “Are you up for our finale?” asked Chris. “Maybe” smiled Johanna. “I’d love to help on the phones too” she added. “Come into the cage” shouted Lisa Snowdon jiggling her huge breasts cheekily in Johanna’s direction. “If we reach £3 million I’ll join you” promised Johanna who left to warm applause.

Chris introduced the legendary Sir Lenny Henry. “How are you Lenny?” said Chris giving him a big hug. “Oooookaaaaay” replied Lenny repeating one of his famous Tiswas catchphrases. “Are you up to giving us one last Compost Corner ( the audience shouts back Compost Corner) said Chris. “Of course, but first may we have a minute’s silence for Dr David Bellamy” said Lenny. Everyone gathered on set with their head’s bowed including the Phantom.

A classic clip of compost corner aired before we returned to the set which was now set up like a Greenhouse. Lenny was in an Hawaiian shirt and shorts wearing a fake beard doing his David Bellamy impression including his distinctive Rhotacism speech impediment where he said Rummaging around as Wummging around.

Pixie Lott was stood in a bucket with a flower head on smiling thinking she had escaped a bigger gunging. Lenny welcomed Charlie Dimmock who came on in a typically bra less top.

“Looks like rain” said Lenny. “Certainly does” replied Charlie with a smile as she was hit with a bucket of water making her nipples very prominent. “It looks very wet” said Lenny as another 3 buckets hit Charlie and made her top virtually see through. “Plants like rain too especially Sunflowers” said Charlie as Pixie was hit with 3 buckets of water nearly knocking her over luckily Lenny caught her. “No more buckets of water” protested Pixie but as she was stood in a bucket she couldn’t move. “The sun has come out now” said Lenny. “It’s rather warm said Charlie taking off her vest top to reveal a massive pair of breasts and an ample belly. She pulled out a tube of sun cream and started rubbing it into her breasts to huge cheers.

“Plants like the sun too and need feeding with fertiliser” said Lenny handing Charlie a bucket of wet soil. Charlie took a handful and put it into the bucket Pixie was stood in. Took another handful and rubbed it into Pixie’s legs as Pixie grimaced. “The body needs attention too” said Charlie taking another handful and sticking it inside Pixie’s costume in the crotch area. Pixie protested but Charlie took another handful and stuck it literally up Pixie’s bum. Pixie let out a high shriek and tried to move but her feet were stuck in the bucket. Charlie stuck two big handfuls down each of Pixie’s boobs before rubbing some in her face as Pixie pulled a disgusted face.

“It’s better to use more liquid fertiliser” said Lenny as Charlie and Pixie were hit with two buckets of muddy water. Pixie screamed louder as Charlie rubbed the mud into her breasts and pushed them into Pixie’s face. “We need to plant the Sunflower now” said Lenny and revealed a large paddling pool full of mud behind them. “No” screamed Pixie but Charlie gave her a gentle push and Pixie wobbled around comically in the bucket before slowly falling into the mud. Charlie jumped in on top of her and the two began to wrestle in the mud. Pixie’s feet came out of the bucket and she tried to escape but Charlie pulled her back in and emptied a bucket of the mud of Pixie’s head as the sketch finished.

Pixie slowly got out of the mud and protested to Chris “Well you didn’t get another bucket of water or a custard pie” said Chris. “You can now join the others in the cage or answer the phones” said Chris. “I’ll answer the phones” said Pixie running off. “I’ll go in the cage and the ginger minge will come out for the finale” said Charlie as she ran to the cage and joked with the other girls.

Chris was about to thank Lenny when he realised that Martell Maxwell and Lisa Snowdon had entered the mud pool and were having a fun wrestling match. The two topless girls rolled around as the naked Rosamund, Thandie, Katie and Trinny cheered them on. “What are you girls doing” said Chris. “They are having a fight, winner is first one to remove the others knickers shouted Rosamund. The naked Maisie ran over to cheer on too put predictably got pulled into the mud. As she spluttered and tried to get up Lisa pulled Martell’s knickers off and threw them up in triumph. “Well here is one ginger minge” shouted Martell standing up to reveal her neatly trimmed muff. Lisa was stood there laughing but as Maisie tried to get up she slipped and pulled Lisa’s bikini bottoms down. Lisa stood there laughing as her clean shaven vagina was on display. She turned to Maisie and started play fighting her. Rosamund, Thandie and Katie dived into the mud and began to fight. Jo and Kate had picked up a screaming Ruxandra Porojnicu and dumped her in the mud.

“You girls are something else” said Chris. Lenny announced that the total was now “£2,297,787”. This was again displayed on the side of TV Centre illuminating a naked Rachel Burden still suspended naked on the window cleaning platform. She looked up and saw Charlie waving at her as she dumped a bucket of mud over her from the building’s roof.

Meanwhile in the studio as Ruxandra tried to escape the mud the other girls kept pulling her back in as the play fighting continued.

Join us after the break when we’ll have Hollywood star Talulah Riley paying her own tribute to Sally James and playing Plastermind and The Saturdays reform to sing a classic hit and their own take on the Tiswas theme and they will be wearing the same outfits they did on an early FHM photoshoot” said Chris

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Hello, and welcome back”, proclaimed Noel Edmonds, “Tonight, we find out our winner, and send our last team home. Now please welcome those teams, first, Team Smackdown!”

“Next, Team OVW!”

Now, the time has come to announce a winner. The team to remain, with % of the vote is,

“Team Smackdown!”

Michelle, Kristal and Jillian threw their hands up in victory. Katie Lea, Milena, and Maryse all cringed in defeat. “And there it is,” exclaimed Noel, “Team Smackdown wins the Battle of the Brands, while Team OVW came up juuuuust short. But this is neither horseshoes nor hand grenades. Ladies if you’d please follow me…”

Team OVW followed Noel to three separate gunge tanks next to each other. “Now if you could please find a seat.” Katie Lea, Melina, and Maryse did as they were told.  “So here’s how it works. Suspended above your head is some gunge. Colorful, thick, and quite unpleasant to get covered in. Now the only way to not get covered in it is to get your question correctly. Lets begin with… Katie!”

Katie shook her head while waving her arms to indicate “no.” Noel continued regardless “Katie, how many bridges are there in the country of Ireland?” Katie looked highly confused. “What, how am i supposed to…” she whined. “3 seconds” shouted Noel, causing Katie to become frantic “Uh, uh, 200.” Noel frowned sarcastically, “Im sorry to say, thats incorrect. And that mean one thing.”

Katie cringed in anticipation, and moments later, thick yellow and green gunge landed with force in her brown hair, flattening it. It began to run down her head, further coating her hair, and then her face. She sat still in a state of shock as the gunge ran over her, she was unfamiliar with the thickness of the substance, and even more unfamiliar with it sticking in her hair and running over her skin.

By the time the gunge ceased, it had begun to cover her toned stomach and legs. “How do you feel Katie?” inquired Noel. “Its not often I get to look like this” answered Katie, with just a twinge of annoyance.

“Now”, continued Noel, “Milena.”

Milena shrunk in her seat, dreading what was to come. “What is the names of Queen Elizabeth’s third favorite Corgi?” Milena began to panic “No this isnt fair, come on, its isnt…” Noel spoke over her “3 seconds”. Milena continued to panic “Please, let me out, you cant…”. Her pleas were interrupted by a deluge of thick blue and white gunge that landed in her hair and rapidly covered her hair and face. Due to her pleas, the gunge landed in her mouth, causing her to recoil in revulsion. Milena’s enviable body was covered in the gunge, dripping into her shoes. She sat still, but of anger and disgust. While her face was covered in gunge, one could see the anger.

“And now,” continued Noel, “Maryse.”

Maryse smiled teasingly. “Spell the capital of Azerbaijan backwards.” Maryse laughed, and threw up her hands. “Just do it!” she yelled out. Noel laughed “Well, we might as well”. Maryse tilted her head upward, as thick green gunge flew downward onto Maryse’s head. It landed with force onto her face, coating its beauty in mess. She tilted her head back down, and her head was covered. The gunge ran all over her body, down her cleavage, and into her lap. She was left a green mess. Team Smackdown, still remaining, laughed at the misfortune of the losers.

Maryse was laughing when Noel asked her how she felt. “I thought it was fun.” Noel shook his head in disbelief. “Well there you have it”, he continued, lets give a big round of applause to our winners, Team Smackdown!” The crowd did just that while Team Smackdown soaked in the cheers. “And lets give a big round of applause to our runners-up, Team OVW!” The crowd applauded, while Maryse clapped, Katie begrudgingly waved, and Milena stood still, continuing to fume.

Tamina rolled in and then Maria slid in a massive cream pie. Tamina approached Zelina looking to savor the moment….but sometimes you can be too cocky. Sure Zelina’s arms were restrained….but not her legs. And sure enough as Tamina drew near Zelina lashed out with a perfectly timed kick that sent the pie flying up and into Tamina’s face. Not only did it blind Tamina but her thrashing had finally freed Zelina from the ropes. Then stealing a page from one of her arch rivals Rey Mysterio she delivered a drop kick to her knees that laid her out on the ropes. but rather than a 619 she had something else in mind. Now she restrained Tamina in the ropes and yanked down her pants and unfortunate for Tamina she chose today of all days to go commando.Zelina then grabbed the pie tin and went to town spanking her butt hard. 1.2..3…4….5. Lana and Maria quickly ran around the ring to extricate Tamina from the ropes and help her out as they knew if they did not they would pay for it later. Tamina quickly pulled up her pants and let out a guttural howl. She had came out here to dominate…not to be embarrassed. But strangely enough she didn’t blame Zelina…she blamed the two knuckleheads beside her who got hr into this. She shoved them both to the ground and stomped off back to the back in a huff. Maria and Lana both got to their feet knowing they now had to face the Puerto Rican spitfire themselves and they turned thinking surely they could handle her 2 on 1….right?

Zelina takes advantage of the distraction provided to launch herself over the top with a tope suicida wiping out both girls. Maria attempts and escape but Zelina is on her quickly and grabs a hold of her by the shorts. Maria though is so committed to escaping that she inadvertently strips herself leaving the skirt in Zelina’s hand. As soon as she realizes this she stops and turns back thinking to get her skirt back but then she realizes that Zelina has it. Zelina does not give her time to think and spears her and then drags her over the restraint and locks her in. Now its is down to just Lana and Zelina the two that started it all. Lana knew she couldn’t run so her only chance was to attack. While Zelina was dealing with Maria she slid under the ring and crawled . When Zelina went to look for hr she could not find her….until Lana popped out and jumped her from behind slamming her into the guard rail. She rammed her head into the barrier twice and then she got cocky and decided to emulate Bobby Lashley and go for a spear…..except had about 200 pounds of muscle on her. So when she charged Zelina got out of the way and Lana crashed head long into the barrier and knocked herself out.

***********************************************************************************************************************

When Lana woke up she found herself stripped to her bra and panties and restrained . She knew she had lost…and now she was dreading what was to come. After all the abuse she heaped on Zelina, the insults, the assaults …the threats. What limits…if any would Zelina have in her. She only had one chance …..maybe she could offer her something in order to get mercy. She called out to Zelina

“Can we work out deal to let me go…I don’t care what you do to Maria but I have jewelry, nice furs, expensive french lingerie. Name your price just have mercy and set me free”

“So you think you can bribe us, after everything you did …and said you would do. Hell you even tried to throw your so called friend under the bus to save yourself. You know what lets ask Maria what she thinks…So Maria do you think we should let Lana go and give YOU all the punishments? ”

“Hell no screw that witch she deserves it all herself let me go”

“Now where would be the fun in that? Now I recall you girls had three punishments planned for us…..a human burrito, being stripped and oh yeah….a hair cut…So Maria I am going to give you the option. You pick one for yourself….and the other two. Go To Lana.”

Maria was flabbergasted…She didn’t really want any of them. Well she knew right off the hair cut was out no way was she losing her luscious hair. So then it was a choice between being stripped or having beans and guac dumped on her she knew what she had to do…After all anyone who wanted to had already seen her naked in Playboy. “Strip me” she said

Zelina handed Sarita a pair of scissors and Sarita was more than happy to get her own back. With a few snips Maria was in her birthday suit.

“Ok you got what you wanted now let me go…ok?”

“Honey we just said we wouldn’t subject you to anymore of YOUR punishments. but we still have a few of our own we had planned. And I think we will start with a few bare butt spankings.”

Zelian got behind Lana and Sarita behind Maria. Zelina pulled down Lana’s thing enough that her bare butt was showing. They then proceeded to give each lady ten spankings reddening both ladies cheeks.

“Now Maria the good news is you just have one more thing before we let you go….the bad news is we got inspired by big RIKISHI himself.,….but with a special twist. ”

With that Zelina actually pulled her own pants down showing off the very same leopard print thing she had last week when they stripped her in the shower Zelina and Sarita then each grabbed a pie from the cart and rather than smashing them into Lana and Maria’s faces they slammed them in their own thong clad behinds. They made sure to rub it in fully thoroughly covering their glorious booties. They then assumed the position in front of the captive ladies and slapped their thighs. They then back their ass up right into the horrified faces of Maria and Lana rubbing their butts and the cream in for a good 30 seconds. before letting them up for air. True to their word they then released Maria who took no time running off to the back no doubt heading for the shower. That left just Lana and now the real fun began in Zelina’s mind….time to take Lana down a peg …or a hundred

“Now next I am going ti be nicer than you would have….see I don’t have a Razor so you aren’t going to be bald….but you are definitely losing some hair” and with that she used the scissors that had been used to strip Maria to cut and snip and leave an irate Lana with a pixie cut…Only the gag in her mouth kept her from screaming like a banshee.

“Now what was that last thing you said…oh yeah turn us into human burritos and with that Sarita reached under the ring and pulled out a small cart containing massive jugs of baked bean, guacamole, salsa and last but not least nacho cheese.

Zelina grabbed the container of beans to start with and Sarita pulled out the front of Lana’s panties for Zelina to pour them in. After she emptied about half the jug they spun Lana around and repeated the process with her backside thoroughly weighing down her underwear. Next she went to the guac. Rather than pouring this in she scooped handfuls of it while Sarita held open Lana’s bra and Zelina rubbed them on and into her boobs. As this was going on the the inevitable happened as gravity took over and began to slide Lana’s panties down her ankles. Finally Zelina and Sarita each grabbed one of the jugs of Salsa and Cheese and poured them over Lana coating every still clean surface especially her hair. They then finally showed mercy and released her and Lana took off and never looked back. It would be a long time before she could live this down…if ever.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Cleo Demetriou was getting very bored during lockdown. Her 19th birthday party in a couple of weeks was likely to be on hold. Filming of So Awkward was on hiatus and she hadn’t heard from Flame since the Gunging orgy 10 days earlier when she had partaken in Splosh Sex and accidentally lost her Anal virginity. Her bum was still a bit red from where Flame had spanked her with a plimsoll to test her loyalty. To keep herself entertained she had poured herself a glass of wine and put her best clubbing dress on and posted it on Instagram.

Suddenly her phone rang, as if by magic it was Flame. “Hello darling, would you be able to help me out” said Flame. Cleo’s heart skipped a beat wondering what Flame wanted. “How is your bum now?” asked Flame joking. “It’s still a bit red” said Cleo. “Practice it a few more times and you’ll get used to it” teased Flame. “I don’t want to be spanked again thank you” said Cleo. “No I meant your tight little bumhole when it had a big throbbing shock” said Flame laughing. “It’s still adjusting thanks” responded Cleo with a giggle.

“Anyway darling, I’ve got a client tonight, his name is Mason. Real big shot, late 40’s divorced, no kids, runs a distribution company and is worth over 8 figures” said Flame. “So?” asked Cleo. “Well he is the guy who introduced me to sploshing over a decade ago and we met up again by chance about 6 months ago, he’s a real gentleman, likes a bit of no strings fun after a stressful day at work” Flame continued. “Well where do I come in?” asked Cleo. “Well he has booked a two girl sploshing session for tonight, I’ve got all the stuff in the boot. Cash and Carry now selling catering sized food supplies to the public is a godsend” said Flame. “But what is this to do with me?” asked Cleo.

“Well my regular partner is up in Manchester and cannot risk driving down with good reason” said Flame. “So exactly what are you asking?” said Cleo. “Would you take her place, it’s a local boutique hotel only 10 minutes or so from where you are based, you’d be doing me a huge favour. I’d do the naughty stuff with Mason. You’d just have to be gunged with food along with me and maybe help with the clearing up. I’ll give you £230” Flame said. “How much are you making?” asked Cleo. “That is between me and Mason, darling” said Flame. Cleo began to think quickly this excited and intrigued her but last time she’d walked away with £2.5k. The extra money would be useful to pay for her overheads but Flame had contacted her so she must be in a pickle. “Give me £500 and I’ll do it” said Cleo. “That is way too much, the other girl wasn’t on anything like that ” said Flame. “Okay make me another offer” said Cleo. “£280” said Flame. “I’ll go down to £400” said Cleo. “That is still over half what we’d make after buying the stuff” said Flame who realised she had let the ballpark price slip. “Okay £350, that’s as low as I’ll go” said Cleo. Flame’s blame went into overdrive, that was more than she’d have paid the other girl after all she had bought all the stuff out of Mason’s fee and she was the one who Mason booked with the proviso of her bringing another girl, But if she went solo then Mason would only pay her £300. This way she made £350 and she had bills to pay. “You’ve got a deal you little minx” said a slightly reluctant Flame. She gave Cleo the address and said “Be there at 10pm and wear that dress you are wearing now, it looks so sexy”.

Cleo was very pleased with herself, she showered, did her hair and makeup and jumped into her Renault Clio and drove to a discreet upmarket hotel just over 10 minutes from her flat. She walked in confidently to the lobby and saw Flame sat there. Flame went over to her and kissed her and ushered her to the booked room.

“Mason will be here in 10 minutes” Flame said. “He’s very nice, he likes to watch and pour the food over the girls, I’ll kiss him and give him a hand job. You may need to take a spunk shampoo but he is clean and tested like all my clients, He loves to see girls messed up but likes to stay clean himself” Flame reassured her. Cleo was a bit nervous and also excited. “I hope he doesn’t recognize me” said Cleo. “He’s a workaholic and doesn’t have any children, so I very much doubt he has ever watched So Awkward” joked Flame.

The room was very nice and candles had been lit. In the bathroom, Flame had put some plastic sheeting on the floor and there was a vast array of food opened and ready to be poured on Flame and Cleo.

Mason arrived on time, he was a distinguished greying man, perhaps a bit overweight but he was teetotal and despised drug use according to Flame. He kissed Flame on the lips when they embraced and Flame introduced Cleo as “Lily” after her So Awkward character. He kissed Cleo gently on the cheek and complemented her on her figure. He paid Flame the money. “I always pay upfront” he said jokingly. Flame discreetly handed Cleo her cut as Mason got undressed and went into the bathroom.

Flame disrobed and despite being in her late 30’s still had an amazing body. Cleo took off her dress, removed her thong, wiped her makeup off and smiled at Mason and Flame. “Have you sploshed before” Mason asked Cleo. “A few times” said Cleo. “Mason introduced me to sploshing and then I moved away, started running my own sploshing nights and by chance he booked me again last year” Flame said. “I didn’t recognise Nat at first” said Mason. “Nat?” said Cleo. “She used to work under the name Natalie and was a bit bigger then, Weren’t you Fat Tits Nat?” said Mason as he hugged Flame.

“Can we try something a bit different ?” said Mason “Would Lily lie in the bath and let me pour some stuff over her” he continued. “Sure” said Cleo. “Get in the bath then Lily” said Flame. “Oh said£ Cleo forgetting she was Lily. She sot in the bath and lay down. “Please tell me if you want to stop or wipe your eyes” said Mason. Cleo began to think that whilst he was used to getting his own way he was a gentleman and had been respectful towards her.

Cleo got in the large bath lay down putting her hair out behind her, Mason picked up a catering sized tin of baked beans and slowly emptied them on Cleo starting with her hair and moving onto her face. Cleo spluttered as the beans went in her mouth causing Mason to empty even more onto her face before carrying on and covering her pert breasts before finishing on her belly button. “Cute little belly button” you’ve got he said to Cleo. “Mason has always liked belly buttons as well as sploshing” said Flame. “I watched Tiswas as a kid and other gunging shows” said Mason jokingly, Cleo lay there covered in baked beans, not sure what to do. “I think she needs some more baked beans” said Flame, “Great idea, would you sit up please” he asked Cleo. Slowly Cleo sat up and Mason steadily emptied another catering tin of baked beans over Cleo’s head. She’d probably never had this many beans on her before but she was used to it and quite enjoyed the sensation of them slowly running down her body into her lap. “A bit of custard I think ” said Mason and emptied a carton of custard over Cleo’s head. “Would you rub it in now” he added.

Cleo gave herself a custard and baked beans shampoo until her hair was a matted mess. Flame and Mason got into the big round bath. They began to snog and Flame began to pleasure Mason. “What would you like to pour over Nat?” Mason asked Cleo. Seeing a large tub of greek yoghurt, Cleo picked it up and emptied the white cold mass onto Flame’s head ensuring a load landed on her muff. Flame shot up with the cold and yelled “Bitch” as Mason and Cleo laughed. “I think she wants some more” Mason said. Cleo picked up another catering sized tin of beans and slowly emptied them over Flame’s head. Flame lifted her head up and let them run all down her. She then turned to Cleo and began to kiss Cleo’s nipples as she knew this made Cleo horny, Cleo was shocked but was enjoying it too much to complain. “Have you got sensitive nipples too” asked Mason. “Yes she has” said Flame and began to caress one of Mason’s nipples.

Mason picked up two tins of oxtail soup and emptied them over Cleo and Flame’s heads, He challenged them to see who could take the most. Flame took 4 greek yoghurts, 4 tins of oxtail soup, 2 bottles of tomato ketchup and 3 cartons of custard all while kissing Mason’s nipples. Cleo took her place and instinctively started to kiss Mason’s nipple, equally instinctively he started to play with Cleo’s nipples and stopped suddenly. “Saying I’m so sorry”. Cleo thought for a second a realized that she had triggered this and said “It’s okay”

As Mason caressed Cleo’s nipples as she kissed hers, Flame emptied 6 cartons of custard, 4 tins of ham and peas soup, 3 cartons of greek yoghurt before emptying the final catering sized tin of bins over Cleo’s head. Cleo sat there a bedraggled mess but was getting hornier and hornier. “You have beaten my record” Flame joked as Cleo and Mason paused for breath. Mason picked up two trifles and gave Flame a pie sandwich with them. “I remember the first time he did that. The bastard surprised me” laughed Flame. He then picked up a treacle and slowly emptied it over Cleo’s head. The treacle engulfed Cleo and she rubbed it into her breasts as Flame wanked Mason off and gave herself a spunk shampoo.

Cleo felt a bit disappointed as she hadn’t reached climax herself. She looked around and saw one more treacle left. She picked it up and emptied it over Flame’s head. Noticing Mason was still hard, she straddled him and began to play kiss his nipples as she forced his hands on hers. Then she began to snog him. Flame looked on amazed but got an empty container and started to pour the mush from the bath over Cleo’s head. Cleo stuck Mason’s cum covered dick in her belly button and started saying “You love belly buttons fill mine” Cleo began to groan with pleasure and as she threw her head back to orgasm she felt Mason’s warm sticky spunk in her belly button. Flame scooped it up and gave Cleo a warm spunk shampoo.

“That was amazing” said Mason as Cleo and Flame smiled on. “Only a few times has she ever made me shoot twice” he said to Flame. “I told you she was good” said Flame looking to Cleo. “You two get showered and I’ll start clearing up” said Mason. “He is a gentleman” whispered Cleo to Flame.

As the girls were showering they were discussing Mason’s love of sploshing going back to when he watched Tiswas as a kid. “I’ve always enjoyed seeing ladies getting messed up ” said Mason. “The Saturday Mash Up Gungings are good” said Flame to a shocked Cleo. “Yes when that Cleo girl from CBBC show got it down her top but you could see how horny it made her” said Mason. Cleo went cold with panic and put a towel over her head. “Imagine her doing something like this, that would never happen though” said Mason. “Ironically Lily does look a bit like her though” he concluded as the girls giggled in the shower as they got cleaned up.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Chris Tarrant welcomed us back to the rest of Part 6 of Tiswas/OTT Charity Special and linked up with Sally James via Skype who had now gamely found out and put on her classic schoolgirl gear from the Tiswas era.

“Still looking good Sal” said Chris. “I know we’ve had Christine Lampard as a surprise schoolgirl but I’ve got an official tribute to myself booked for the show. Please welcome Miss Talulah Riley” said Sally. To warm applause Talulah skipped on in her St Trinian’s costume, sticking her tongue out and pretending to pick her nose.

From the Cage Trinny Woodall shouted “Posh girl alert”. “I’m breaking the code” joked Talulah flashing her gym knickers to cheers. She looked over at the naked gunge covered Thandie Newton her Westworld co-star and exclaimed “Look at the ******* state of you!”. Thandie left the cage and hugged Talulah. “We’ve got Newton and Riley there like the Coronation Street Beer” joked Sally. At the mention of this Corrie actress Ruxandra Porojnicu stormed onto the set to complain. “I play Alina Pop in Coronation Street don’t compare it to people like her pointing” at Thandie who was pulling faces at her with her vagina. “Alina Slop more like” joked Thandie and walked off stage and wheeled on a bath of recycled gunge mainly from Rosamund Pike’s semolina soakings and Maisie Smith’s cream cake splits. Maisie tottered on naked in her high heels to model by the bath of slops but Amber Gill sneaked up behind her and pushed her in.
Ruxandra turned and said “I’m not going in there” and pointed to a red mark on her one bum cheek where Rosamund had hit her with a giant fish earlier in the evening. “This isn’t right either she” pointing to her red bum cheek. “I agree” said Thandie unknown to Ruxandra taking the giant fish from Rosamund and hitting Ruxandra with such force it knocked her head first into the bath of slops. Thandie dived in after her and with Maisie they started dunking the screaming Ruxandra in the slops and throwing it at each other as the bath was wheeled off.

“That was fun” said Chris. “Now what are you going to do as a tribute to me Talulah?” asked Sally. “I’m going to be playing Plastermind” said Talulah. “But I feel a bit overdressed” she added. Removing her wig and schoolgirl outfit she stripped down to this sexy bra and pants set to lots of wolf whistles.

The classic Mastermind music played and the lights in the studio darkened. Chris put on a pair of glasses and said “Welcome to Plastermind, can we have our first and only contestant, stating your name, occupation and specialist subject”. Talulah walked on and sat on a plastic chair in the middle of the stage. “My name is Talulah Riley, I’m a posh bird in her underwear who is mainly an Actress but i’m here to have some fun, raise some money getting messy. My specialist subject is the history of Tiswas”. “Talulah Riley, you have one minute on the history of Tiswas. Right answers earn one point and one custard pie, wrong answers earn a bucket of icy waters and passes even a Phantom’s surprise” said Chris. “So I’m basically going to get whatever happens” giggled Talulah sitting cross legged on the chair.

“You have 90 seconds starting now” said Chris. “In what year was the last regular episode of Tiswas” broadcast. “1982” replied Talulah. “Correct” said Chris. The Phantom stuck a custard pie right in Talulah’s face. “Who created Tiswas?” asked Chris. “You” screamed Talulah. “No it was Peter Tomlinson” said Chris. The Phantom hit a giggling Talulah square in the face with a bucket of cold water. “In what year was the first episode of Tiswas broadcast” asked Chris. “1974” said Talulah and got hit with a custard pie on her head. “Correct” said Chris “What is this classic Tiswas gunging substance” asked Chris. Talulah got hit with a bucket of spaghetti and was knocked off her seat. Laughing she said “Pass” and got a bucket of cold coffee over her head. “Which Tiswas presenter was once a police cadet?” asked Chris. “Bob Carolgees” Talulah replied still sat on the floor and took another pie in the face. “Correct” said Chris “How many pies will you have received after this” said Chris as the Phantom it her with his pie sandwich. “Five” shrieked Talulah receiving another pie to her head. “Correct” said Chris. “No sorry that is six now” he added and Talulah took another bucket of water. “What is this the Phantom is pouring over your head” said Chris. Talulah looked up pulled her bikini top open and took a bucket of Cherry yogurt over her already destroyed hair and began to rub it into her breasts” to huge cheers. “Cherry yoghurt” she replied tasting a bit from the end of her finger. “Who received the most” said Chris as the buzzer went.

“I’ve started so I’ll finish” Chris continued “That is what my ex husband Elon Musk” used to say shouted Talulah. “Incorrect” said Chris as Talulah threw her arms out and took another bucket of water. “Well done Talulah Riley, you have scored Five points and just one pass. The substance was spaghetti” said Chris as the Phantom emptied another bucket of spaghetti over Talulah’s head. “Ladies and gentlemen Miss Talulah Riley” said Chris as Talulah stepped forward and gave him a gungy hug. “Are you up for the Cage or answering the phones?” Chris asked “The Cage, plus here is a challenge to my Ex Elon, get us past £3.5 million and the knickers come off” Talulah shouted to warm cheers as she went to greet the other girls in the Cage.

“Before we bring on The Saturdays” said Chris. “Look at this” he added as Maisie and Amber wheeled on a flat giant large wheel with hand and ankle straps on it. “Behold the Tiswas Torture Wheel” said Chris. “People will be strapped to this and spun, whilst being sprayed with recycled gunge items from earlier in the night” pointing to a large tank and hose. “I think this needs to be officially opened, Prince William would you do the honours please” Chris said. Prince William walked back on to warm applause and said “Thank you, Chris it gives us great pleasure to declare the Tiswas Torture Wheel open” and threw a bucket of water over it. ” We know need someone to make the maiden ride” said Chris.

In the cage Rosamund Pike, Trinny Woodall and Cathy Newman all started chanting “Kate, Kate, Kate!”. Kate – Duchess of Cambridge had tried to duck out of the way but knew she had no choice when William shouted “You’d be great darling”. Kate gamely left the Cage ensuring her tied up t-shirt wouldn’t reveal her bra-less boobs underneath. To deafening applause she was strapped onto the wheel but began to scream as the wheel suddenly raised 90 degrees and she was upside down with her head in a large overflow tray. “William would you do the honours” said Chris pointing the hose at Kate. “Sure Chris” said a laughing William and gave it a mighty spin. “You ******** bastard” shouted Kate as she whizzed around and was hit with a messy grey, brown deluge of gunge. Chris expertly aimed the hose up and down her body as she spun around having to take a breath as her head went under the liquid in the now filling overflow tray. Finally she came to a stop and Chris turned the hose off and the wheel descended to the floor. Slowly getting her breath back Kate was unstrapped and sat up totally covered to huge applause.

Chris announced that the total was now £2,463,161. “Lets get it above £2.5 million” shouted Rosamund Pike and jumped on the Torture Wheel. As she was naked everyone got a good view as she was strapped on. The wheel raised up to 90 degrees and Thandie with help from William gave it a huge spin. Thandie grabbed the hose from Chris and totally annihilated Rosamund from close quarters. “You need to stand back” shouted Chris as Rosamund gasped as the gunge was blasted into her and her head went through the already full overflow tray. Eventually Rosamund came to a stop but Thandie gave her another 5 seconds worth of gunging from the hose. The wheel slowly dropped back to the horizontal and a winded Rosamund collapsed into Thandie’s arms. “Are you okay” asked Chris. “Yes” replied a panting Rosamund. “Can anyone beat that” she shouted.

Katie Thistleton gamely stepped forward as she had dared Rosamund and Thandie in an earlier episode so this time she was going to step up again. For someone who had hated being gunged at the beginning of the show but had undergone an epiphany when she’d had a bucket of semolina dumped on her muff by Rosamund and Thandie and was now nearly as daring as the other two. She lay on the wheel naked and rudely opened her legs even wider than the straps, causing the cameraman to pull away. She was strapped to the wheel and it was raised. Everyone literally put a hand on the wheel and gave it it’s hardest spin yet. Katie whizzed around screaming as the hose was turned on her and ran up and down her body by Chris. After what was over 25 seconds, it came to a stop with Katie’s head in the overflow try. She was quickly lowered gasping for air and literally fell into Rosamund and Thandie’s arms. Everyone checked if she was okay and she said “I just need a bit of fresh air”. “You can leave the studios in emergencies” said Chris as Thandie took Rosamund and Katie outside for a breather and he linked to a break.

Whilst all this had been going on Ruxandra had sneaked out of the studio and had spotted the naked Rachel Burden suspended on the Window Cleaner’s platform. Rachel waved frantically at Ruxandra who decided to dial 999. Ruxandra made her way out onto the balcony and shouted up to Rachel “I’ve called the fire brigade”. “Just get me down from here please” pleaded Rachel. “I already call 999” shouted Ruxandra. “Just press the button and get me down” shouted Rachel pointing to the controls. “I do that” said Ruxandra. She pressed the controls and the platform came down. Rachel went to get off just as Thandie, Rosamund and Katie came onto the balcony. “Going somewhere?” said Thandie as the 3 of them forced Rachel and Ruxandra back onto the platform. Thandie reached down and hit the controls sending the platform with 5 naked women on it back into mid air.

Meanwhile as the show returned from the break Chris welcomed The Saturdays who walked on wearing these outfits they wore for an FHM photo shoot several years ago.

“You’ve certainly not come overdressed” said Chris. “No we wanted to give the guys a treat” said Frankie. “Our partner’s dared us to wear them” said Mollie. “We managed to squeeze into them” giggled Rochelle. “Not bad for 5 ladies in their 30’s” said Una. “You are 40 next year” said Mollie teasing Una. “Don’t remind me, I’ve got grey hairs coming” joked Una. “Where” shouted Trinny from the Cage. “Those girls look game for fun” said Frankie smiling at them. “Some of them are old enough to remember Una recording Downtown” joked Rochelle. “They always wind me up as I’m a bit older” said Una. ” A lot more like” joked Vanessa.

“Anyway what are you girls going to do for us tonight?” asked Chris. “Well we are going to perform Saturday Is Tiswas Day” said Mollie. “Then we’ll perform Just Can’t Get Enough” said Rochelle. “That song was released originally be Depeche Mode in 1981 when Tiswas was still on the air” said Vanessa. “It’s an old song” said Una. “Actually older than you Una, so it must be really ancient” teased Vanessa as Una rolled her doe eyes.

“During the breaks in Just Can’t Get Enough, can you shout out the running totals please?” asked Rochelle. “The more we raise, the more we’ll surprise” teased Frankie.

The Saturdays took their place to a cheering crowd and started singing the Tiswas theme. Suddenly the Phantom ran on and double pied Frankie who screamed and threw one of her pies at Mollie. As Mollie was giggling the Phantom double pied her. Una and Vanessa rubbed it in totally messing Mollie’s hair. Vanessa unable to stop laughing was double pied but still sang along. Rochelle was next double pied with some falling onto her cleavage which Frankie cheekily rubbed in. Una was the last one to be double pied. The others ensured it was rubbed into her flowing locks. As the song went on the Phantom threw several buckets of water and cream foam over the girls as they play fought with each other. They were all a creamy messy and Una had stuck a load down Vanessa’s shorts in revenge for the jokes about her age. The song ended and the girls stood there laughing to rapturous applause.

“The total is now £2,629.727” announced Chris. The Saturdays went into Just Can’t Get Enough but added Mushy Peas to the first chorus and got hit by a couple of buckets of Mushy Peas. They added Honey to the next chorus and the Phantom emptied a couple of buckets of Honey over them. To huge cheers the girls sexily rubbed it into each other as Chris announced the total as £2,654,723. Mollie and Vanessa came forward singing “Salad Cream, We just can’t get enough, We don’t think you’ve seen enough”. Vanessa removed her bra top as Mollie slipped out of the top of her outfit. Both bared their impressive breasts. Vanessa knelt down in front of Mollie who stood behind her throwing her head back whilst the other 3 girls emptied a bucket of salad cream over the other two girls. Vanessa maybe copped for more of it but her and Mollie sexily rubbed the cream into their bare breasts as it dripped off their drenched hair to deafening cheers.

“The total is now £2,691,647” announced Chris. Frankie and Rochelle came forward singing “Whipped cream, We just can’t get enough, Are our breasts pert enough?” They both whipped off their bra tops as the other 3 girls each poured a bucket of whipped cream over Frankie and Rochelle. The white cream fell off Frankie’s short hair and ran down her totally toned body “This is for you Wayne” she shouted as she rubbed it into her breasts and stomach. The cream had made Rochelle’s long dark curly hair go white and lank. She rubbed it into her body and looked into the camera blowing a kiss saying “This is for you Marvin”. The two girls rubbed their breasts together and shared a cheeky kiss.

Una walked forward and sang “I think we’ve had enough, I think you’ve seen enough”. The crowd went quiet but Chris announced “The total is now £2,752,576″. As the music played on Una walked forward again singing ” Baked beans, I just can’t get enough, you’ve raised enough to see an old bird in the buff”. She dropped her leather swimsuit to reveal a fantastically athletic naked body with a v shaved muff. “No grey hairs there” she yelled as she threw her hands above her head in triumph as the other girls all emptied a bucket of baked beans over her head. Una stood there letting them run down her body as the other girls rubbed them into her body. A large custard pie was slid between her legs and she did a sexy slut drop into it as the other girls stood behind her to take their applause.

The other 4 then picked up Una and carried her over to a 6ft long by 1ft deep giant custard pie and skidded her head first into it. Una rolled over and the other Saturday’s piled onto her and started rubbing the pie cream into each other. They finally emerged all totally covered to one of the biggest cheers of the night. It had become clear that Una was going to be the star of their performance and the age jokes had just been to build it up.

“That was something” said a slightly shocked Chris. “We aim to please” said Frankie wiping her eyes clears. Vanessa and Mollie broke into an impromptu version of issues “Some teenage lads will have reached for their tissues” they sang laughing. The five girls then turned with their backs to the camera and the other 4 dropped their shorts/costumes to reveal their bums alongside the already naked Una and sang “Raise £3.5 million and you’ll see all our muffs” whilst wiggling their bums naughtily.

As the girls readjusted their costumes and turned back round Chris thanked them to thunderous applause. “Join us next time where we will see which CITV legend will amply fill Sally’s denim waistcoat, Maura Higgins does a naughty headbanger on Ice” he said. Suddenly the Crossroads theme started playing” I need a Doctor” he joked “Luckily the stars of Doctors Elisabeth Dermot Walsh and Laura Rollins will join us and what will happen when Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog meet Ashley Butler and Sully. Plus also more Tiswas Wheel of Torture and much more mayhem” he said. Looking around he noticed that Thandie, Rosamund and Katie hadn’t returned and he thought to himself “I wonder what that mad trio are doing?”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Hi, my name is Sarah and you may remember me from my appearance on Slapstick Secretary a while back. It was a tad bit embarrassing for me, but you can re-read the final round yourselves, save me having to do it…..”

https://tellygunge.wordpress.com/2020/02/26/slapstick-secretary-final-round-or-is-it/

“Anyway, I’m at home with my boyfriend and not being able to go out over this Easter Weekend, we ended up playing a game of cards last night. We got a little tipsy and we agreed that the loser of the game would had to do a forfeit of the winners choosing!”

“I’m not very good at cards, so I blame the wine for agreeing to the bet, and it won’t surprise you to learn that I lost! This explains the reason for my current attire as this is part of the forfeit. I hope you like the outfit? My boyfriend thinks I look very sexy in a bunny costume. He especially likes me wearing pantyhose”

“Anyway, my boyfriend has been particularly bored over the last couple of weeks and he’s built a makeshift dunk-tank in the garden, which brings me nicely on to the second part of my forfeit which you will decide the outcome for me. We are going to be putting out an online vote, and quite simply you have to vote for whether I get dunked in the tank or not. We will screen the result on Sunday via this webcam.”

Sarah looks into the camera, does a sexy pout and and starts to teasingly pull off one of her white gloves with her teeth, before stopping, pointing into the camera and declaring “The decision is up to you!”

The screen is then replaced by the online vote, with a note to say there is no block on repeat voting and the more ‘yes’ votes received will have a direct correlation to how messy Sarah gets pre- and post- dunking (or not as the case may be!)

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature. 

Chris Tarrant welcomes everyone back to Tiswas/OTT Charity revival. He was still wondering where Thandie Newton, Rosamund Pike and Katie Thistleton had disappeared to. “Thanks to The Saturdays our total is now £2,821,362” he announced. The total was shown on the side of Television Centre and the Window Cleaning Platform containing Thandie, Rosamund, Katie along with Rachel Burden and Ruxandra Porojnicu was lit up. “What are you doing up there?” asked Chris. “Keeping an eye on these two” shouted Thandie pointing to Rachel and Ruxandra who were both shouting for help. “Five, naked, gunged women on a Window Cleaning Platform, I’ve seen it all now” joked Chris. “No you haven’t” shouted Rosamund putting one of her legs on the safety bar of the platform as if it was a ballet bar and bending over to give everyone a very rude view. The camera quickly cut away. “You are disgusting” said Ruxandra to Rosamund. “I know” said Rosamund giggling with Thandie and Katie.

Chris welcomed back his assistants Maisie Smith and Amber Gill. Maisie tottered on nude in her high heels and slipped over. “What are you like?” said Chris and gave her a custard pie in the face. Amber was giggling so she got one too. “Anyway what do you pair want ?” asked Chris. “I’ve got a surprise for you” said Amber and sat Chris down on a chair. Let’s Get It On by Marvin Gaye started to play and Amber began to give Chris a very sexy lap dance rubbing her gunge covered bare breasts in his face. Then she went behind Chris and did a handstand over him with her head and shoulders resting on his lap, she reached up and removed her knickers and did a semi splits in mid air. Maisie emptied a bucket of icey water over Amber’s clean shaven muff and bum making her scream. Amber stood back up to thunderous applause. “That deserves a tip” said Chris and emptied a bucket of tomato soup over Amber’s head. Amber playfully rubbed it into her naked body. “What about me” asked Maisie. “Oh sorry” said Chris and emptied another bucket of the substance over Maisie’s head leaving the bucket on her head. Amber lead Maisie off as Chris said “Amber and Maisie, my two lovely assistants”. They left the stage to a nice round of applause. Maisie bumped into a camera as she still had the bucket on her head.

Chris linked back up with Sally James via Skype. Sally was now wearing her iconic denim waistcoat. “It still looks good on you Sal” joked Chris.

“Thanks, Chris. People still write to me about it after all these years. It is random but still very flattering” said Sally. “Yes when you stepped back from the limelight to have your family, it disappointed a lot of guys” said Chris. “Well I’ve got someone else who stepped away from the limelight to have a family to return and amply fill one of my old waistcoats. Please welcome CITV legend Danielle Nicholls” said Sally. Danielle walked on wearing one of Sally’s old waistcoats and a pair of tight jeans.

Danielle’s ample bust barely stayed in the waistcoat as Chris greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Long time no see Danielle, what have you been up to over the years?” he asked. “Well after I left CITV and co-hosted Night Fever on Channel 5, I did a fair few pantos and things. Then I married Footballer Dean Holden in 2006 and we had a family. He went into coaching and I became a full time mum to our growing family” said Danielle. “It’s great to see you back and I hear you are a bit naughty on Twitch these days too” said Chris. “Yes my sister Jodie and myself do an Online Gaming platform called Biig Noobs” said Danielle pushing up her huge bust which was barely contained in the waistcoat. A clip of this was shown with Danielle and Jodie gaming but clearly having their cleavages on view. “We like to be a little naughty” giggled Danielle. “I hope you’ll be a lot naughty” shouted Sally.

“What are you going to do for us Danielle?” Chris asked. “Well Sally did a Shape Up and Dance Record in the early 1980’s. So we’re going to recreate that” said Danielle. As it cut back to Sally holding up a copy of the said record. “I’ll read out the exercises and Danielle and a few friends will perform it” said Sally.

“I’d like to welcome my sister Jodie. She is a qualified fitness instructor and will lead the workout” said Danielle as they welcomed Former Playboy Model Jodie Nicholls.

“Your tits are as good as mine” shouted over a naked Lisa Snowdon from the Cage bouncing her huge breasts up and down. “Nearly as good as mine too” joked the also naked Trinny Woodall wiggling her pert small breasts.

“This is going to be an inclusive, higher quality workout class, so no naked women” said Jodie to boos. “But we’ll have topless ones” she said to cheers. “Can we have Jo Swinson, Charlie Dimmock, Cathy Newman,Talulah Riley , and all the Saturdays bar Una out here please” said Danielle. “What about me?” shouted Kate-Duchess of York. “You fart when you bend over” Prince William shouted out from the sidelines to lots of laughs. “Cheers love” said Kate giving him the middle finger. “All other girls will help create the atmosphere” said Jodie. So Martell Maxwell, Lisa, Trinny, Una and Kate all gathered by a large pile of buckets along with Chris, William and the Phantom Flan Flinger.

As a dance track started Sally announced “Would all ladies stand with their legs apart and reach down trying to touch their toes”. There was huge laughter as Charlie Dimmock’s massive breasts swung freely into her face. “If it was an outdoor workout, rain is forecast” said Sally as buckets of water were thrown over the girls. “Really reach up and touch those toes” said Sally. Jo Swinson’s breasts swung freely beneath her t-shirt as she tried to stop laughing. Danielle reached up and bent down and the top button of her waistcoat popped open. “More torrential rain on the way” said Sally as the Phantom turned a water hose on the girls getting Jodie right down her cleavage and nearly knocking her over. The hose was turned on Cathy Newman knocking one of her nipple tassels off, she pulled the other one off and shouted “They are free”. The Saturdays bar Una and Talulah carried on touching their toes and their pert breasts bouncing freely as they giggled as they were soaked. “Now for some Barbara Windsor chest stretches” said Sally. “”Put your hands together and pull your arms back, pushing that chest out” said Sally. “Damn, I should be doing this” shouted Lisa Snowdon.

As Danielle pulled her arms back her waistcoat popped fully open exposing her huge breasts and nice little belly. Danielle took her waistcoat off and stood next to Charlie and both yelled “Topless girls in Jeans”. “Whip your top off and join us Kate” shouted Charlie to a shocked Kate who shook her head with a smile. Jodie was laughing about Danielle’s boobs being on display so Danielle scooped Jodie’s ample breasts out of her top as the girls continued to do arm pull backs and push their chests out.

“People who don’t behave get taken into custody” said Sally and each girl had a bucket of custard emptied over their heads. Danielle and Jodie very naughtily rubbed their breasts together and licked custard off each other’s breasts as it ran down their bodies.

“Now some jogging on the spot” said Sally. The sight of Danielle and Charlie’s huge breasts bouncing up and down had everyone in hysterics. Lisa also joined in for extra effect. “Now in tribute to Maisie everyone do the splits” said Sally joking. A few of the girls looked on shocked and Jo shouted “No way”. “No you have all worked hard and deserve a drink, everyone take a bucket of banana milkshake and put it in front of you” said Sally. “Now all bend over and place your head in it and stand up with the bucket on your head” said Sally. A bucket of banana milkshake was placed in front of all the girls and they all bent down sticking their heads in it and coming up with the bucket on their heads allowing the contents to slowly empty over them.

“Now rub the banana milkshake into your breasts” said Sally. Martell had sneaked up behind Jo and whipped Jo’s t-shirt up over her head. “No” screamed Jo as Martell stood behind her rubbing the banana milkshake into Jo’s pendulous breasts. “You can take them off now” said Sally meaning the buckets but Martell pulled Jo’s t-shirt off completely so there was no way she could put it back on. Jo was shocked but was also laughing. “I was waiting until we reached £3.5 million, you cow” she said indignantly to Martell but also pushed her tits into Martell’s face.

The song came to an end and Chris thanked Danielle and Jodie who went off to help answer the phones. “The total is now £2,961,726” he announced. “Let’s make the big push to £3 million” he said. The girls on set were all now naked or topless bar one – Kate. They all looked at her and she went “No” but quickly added “I’ll go on the Tiswas Torture Wheel again and then I’m due a stint on the phones”

Maisie and Amber pushed on the wheel and Kate was strapped onto it. Slowly it raised 90 degrees with her upside down. Everyone gave it a huge spin as Kate whizzed around screaming. Whilst a laughing William hosed her down with the recycled gunge. Kate rotated several times before slowly coming to a stop. Trinny took the hose from William and shoved it down the back of Kate’s jeans. She screamed even louder as the cold gunge cascaded down her legs and out of the bottom of her jeans. When the wheel was lowered back to the horizontal Trinny finally removed the hose. Kate was slightly dazed as William and Trinny helped her off the wheel but she was aware enough to grab the hose and turn it briefly on Trinny yelling “Take that, you cow” whilst laughing.

Meanwhile on the Window Cleaning Platform the fire brigade had arrived and they had elevated a platform up to the ladies. “Please rescue us” pleaded Rachel pointing to Ruxandra and herself. “Have you got a big hose” Katie shouted to the smiling fireman. “Which of you ladies called 999?” the fireman asked. “I did”said Ruxandra. “You could be done for wasting Emergency Services’ time” he said. “But we need to get off here” pleaded Ruxandra. “If your hose is in working order, I’d love you to soak us all with it” said Rosamund giving the fireman her naughtiest face. “I’ve got foam or water” said the fireman. “I’d love to make your hose foam and water” said Thandie reaching over and giving the fireman a huge smacker on the lips. “Please just get us off here” asked Rachel again. “Is that Rachel Burden, I never knew you were up for this Tiswas fun” said the fireman. “I’m not” said Rachel. “She’s not happy unless you completely soak us all” said Katie. “She’s a great sport, wore custard filled knickers, the lot” said Rosamund. “Okay fair enough” said the fireman and turned the water hose onto the 5 ladies before switching to foam and covering them completely. “You are a darling” said Rosamund giving the fireman a kiss and putting his hand on her bum and jokingly slapping it away going “naughty”. “The lads at the station will be jealous” said the fireman as his platform descended. “Don’t worry, Rachel will visit the station and give all the men a big smacker” shouted Katie as Rachel screamed for the fireman to return.

Back in the studio Chris linked over to an ice rink where Love Island and Dancing On Ice star Maura Higgins was with her professional partner Alexander Demetriou.

“Hi, Maura and Alexander” said Chris. “Hi Chris” shouted Maura. “It’s Alexander Meerkat” shouted Trinny and waved at them. “I’ve never heard that before!” said Alexander smiling. “I hear that you got messy for a good cause recently, Maura” said Chris. “Yes I was the Queen of Spring on a small island off Ireland and got rather plastered” said Maura thinking back when she had tried to set up Alexander’s wife Carlotta Edwards to take her place.But Carlotta turned the tables on Maura and taught her a valuable lesson. ( See story Carlotta’s Revenge or Brianne’s Bridal Shower). “I hear that footage of this has emerged” said Chris. “Yes, I’ve arranged for it to be a extra for when this show is released on DVD” said Maura sportingly. She had initially hated this gunging but when everyone thought she was a great sport she had embraced it and her and Carlotta were now best friends.

“What are you going to do for us tonight?” asked Chris. “Well we are doing a messy version of the headbanger” said Alexander as the camera panned out to reveal Maura and himself stood inside a circle of large cream cakes. “Plus it will have a naughty twist” teased Maura.

Maura lay on the ice and Alexander picked her up by her skates and began to spin around lifting Maura up in the air as they completed rapid circular motions. He kept Maura’s head a few inches off the ice but was able to plant it in the cream cakes. As they spun faster, Maura’s head went through all the cream cakes covering her face and destroying her luscious locks. As the rotations were coming to an end Maura dropped her top allowing her pert breasts to also pass through the cream. Alexander bought her safely down to the ice and to a standstill. He then plastered the remnants of the cake on Maura’s head whilst she rubbed the cream into her breasts.

Chris thanked Maura and Alexander and announced that the total was now £3,097,927 which has highlighted on the side of Television Centre again highlighting the five naked ladies on the Window Cleaning Platform. He then welcomed Doctors stars Elisabeth Dermot Walsh and Laura Rollins to the show. Elisabeth was in a low cut vest top and jeans whilst Laura was sporting a sexy mini-dress. Both entered to loud applause and whistles.

Chris greeted both girls and said “Thanks for coming, what are you going to do for us”. “Get messy and have some fun” said a laughing Elisabeth. “Why dress to impress when you can wear less to undress” teased Laura. “I’m a 45 year old mum of two but tonight I’m going to be naughty!” shouted Elisabeth. “Girls on here wearing jeans seem to lose their tops apart from you Kate hint, hint” said Laura. “Doesn’t look good for me then” joked Elisabeth cupping her breasts upwards. “I still don’t know what we are doing” said Laura. “Well luckily I’ve devised a game called Over, Down or Off” said Elisabeth.

“Please tell us the rules” said Chris. “Well a bucket of substance is bought on and one girl has to decide whether it goes over the other”s head or down their top” said Elisabeth. “What about the off bit?” asked Laura. “Well if the person receiving the item doesn’t want to take it they can say “off” and the other person receives it. But the first person has to remove an item of clothing” said Elisabeth. Laura mentally counted up what she was wearing before saying “You’re on”.

Chris flipped a coin and Laura won the toss. Maisie bought on a bucket of ice cubes. Laura looked into the bucket and said “Down”. Elisabeth gave Laura and evil look as Maisie emptied the bucket of ice cubes down Elisabeth’s vest top. Elisabeth shrieked and danced about as the ice cubes hit her bust and stomach and filled out her top. Amber bought on a bucket of gunge. “Over” Elisabeth said and Amber emptied the bucket over Laura’s head. The purple gunge enveloped Laura’s head and ran down her face and body. She wiped her eyes clear with a smile. Maisie bought on a bucket of thick cold gravy. “Over” Laura said. Elisabeth thought for a second but decided to take the bucket over her head. She gasped as the cold lumpy gravy destroyed her hair, ran down her face and down her top. Amber bought on a bucket of Carrot and Coriander Soup. Laura had a look of horror on her face, she hated carrots so said “Off” before Elisabeth could decide. She stripped off her dress to reveal a strapless bra and thong. She had an amazingly toned body which she was clearly proud of. Amber went to empty the bucket of soup over Elisabeth who quickly shouted “Off” and removed her vest top with all the ice cubes falling on the floor to reveal a toned midriff and a gravy stained bra. “That’s not fair” shouted Laura protesting. “Well I invented the game Laura, take your top off, take the bucket or show us your bucket!” challenged Elisabeth. Laura paused and then indicated for Amber to empty the bucket over her head. She held her nose as the soup engulfed her head and ran over her face and down her body.

Maisie bought on a bucket of flour. “Over” said Laura Elisabeth said “Off” and removed her jeans to reveal a nice pair of slightly gravy stained white knickers. Laura nodded to Maisie who emptied the flour over her head and rubbed it in making Laura’s hair a matted mess. Amber then bought on a bucket of Chicken and Sweetcorn Soup. Elisabeth said “Over” and Laura replied “Off” and removed her bra top to reveal an impressive pair of breasts she playfully compared to Amber’s. Elisabeth hated Sweetcorn and joked “Are Heinz having a sale”. “Boot is on the other foot now Dermot Walsh, take or display” teased a laughing Laura. “Down” shouted Elisabeth as Maisie poured the soup down her bust and opening her knickers down the back of her knickers. Laura ran over and gave Elisabeth a soup wedgie.

Maisie returned with a bucket of mud from the Compost Corner sketch. “Over” said Laura smiling”Off” shouted Elisabeth removing her bra to unveil a pair of impressively large breasts. “Off” said Laura removing her heels. Elisabeth who was barefoot gave her an evil glance as Laura smiled at her and repeated “Over”. Elisabeth took the mud over her head. She closed her eyes and mouth but rubbed it into her breasts and allowed some to fall into her knickers.

Amber bought on a bucket of Baked Beans “Over” said Elisabeth. Amber slowly emptied the bucket of Laura’s head. Laura threw her head back and allowed the beans to engulf her, sexily rubbing them into her breast, stomach and bum. Ironically Maisie also bought on a bucket of Baked Beans. Sinking to her knees and leaning back Elisabeth awaited Laura to shout “Over”. She theatrically washed herself with the beans as Maisie poured them over her and the audience cheered.

Amber bought on a bucket of sticky liquid which Chris identified as Bull’s semen. “What?” said Amber. “It was meant for Rosamund but she isn’t in the studio” said Chris. Elisabeth smirking said “Over”. Laura took one look in the bucket and said “Off” removing her thong to reveal another clean shaven muff. Elisabeth took a long hard look in the bucket “Stop winking at me Rollins” she shouted at Laura. “I wasn’t looking at you” retorted Laura. “Well tell that to your fanny” shouted Elisabeth to loud laugher. She looked again into the bucket and said “Off” removing her knickers to display an impressive bush. “That should have been on Compost Corner” quipped Chris. Elisabeth and Laura looked at each other and began to laugh. They called Maisie over and all shouted “Over” as Amber emptied the sticky substance equally over their heads. They pulled Amber into them and began to rub stuff all over each other. “We’re going to the Cage” shouted Elisabeth.

Chris announced that the total was now £3,189,654. Johanna Konta emerged and joined the other girls in the Cage as promised. “Let’s celebrate by putting a couple of girls on the Tiswas Torture Wheel” Chris shouted. Maisie and Amber pushed the wheel back on. “Who should go on there girls?” Chris asked. “I’ll go on” said Trinny. The other girls chanted “Trinny, Trinny” as she was strapped on and the wheel lifted to the vertical with her upside down and her legs apart in a rather unladylike position. Charlie was on the hose and gave Trinny a blast of it between the legs before she was spun around. Trinny gasped and said “That made my eyes water!”. The other girls spun the wheel as Charlie doused Trinny with the used mush. “I’m sure I just tasted Thandie’s pee” joked Trinny as she was hit in the face with the mess. The wheel slowly came to a rest as Charlie continued to spray Trinny. As the wheel descended back to the floor, the crowd cheered as Trinny gasped to get her breath back. “Not bad for a 56 year old” she panted as she was helped off the wheel.

Johanna Konta volunteered to go on next. She was strapped on as Trinny joined Charlie on the hose. The wheel was raised to the vertical and Johanna was spun quickly. She screamed as she was hit with the force of the mess as Trinny and Charlie aimed it at her head in particular. As the wheel stopped and descended back down Johanna was laughing as the gunge dripped off her. “That was a rush” she shouted as Chris cut to a break.

Chris welcomed everyone back and reintroduced Bob Carolgees this time with Spit the Dog.

“Hi Bob, Hi Spit” said Chris. Spit did his spit back at Chris who pretended to wipe his eye. “What are you going to do for us?” Chris asked. “We are going to teach him some tricks” said Bob and welcomed Ashleigh Butler onto the stage.

Chris left the stage to Bob, Spit and Ashleigh. “Where is Sully?” asked Bob. “Oh he’s shagging a nice border collie outside” joked Ashleigh. “Have you met Spit?” asked Bob and Spit did his spit. “So this is Spit?” said Ashleigh and got hit with a bucket of green gunge. “How come when you say Spit, he just spits but when I say it I spit that happens” she asked as she wiped the gunge from her eyes. She was then hit with two more buckets of gunge. Spit made out as if he was going to have a pee and Ashleigh was hit with a bucket of yellow coloured water. “He has drank a lot” said Bob. “What is his diet?” asked Ashleigh trying not to look up as she could see something being hoisted over her head. “This” said Bob and a load of watered down dog food descended onto Ashleigh. She stood there smiling wiping it off her face and ringing out her hair. “What are his messes like ?” asked Ashley and a mass of slightly runny brown substance as well as a fake dog turd cascaded down on her. Ashleigh screamed thinking it might actually be real but then burst out laughing realising it was just a runny version of what fake dog turds are made out of. “You had me going there Spit” she said and got hit with another bucket of green gunge. “What tricks can he do?” she asked Bob. “He likes to ride the Torture Wheel” said Bob.

Maisie and Amber wheeled on the Tiswas Torture Wheel again. “Would you ride the wheel with me Spit” asked Ashley and she got hit with another bucket of green gunge. Ashleigh was strapped onto the wheel and said “Aren’t you joining me Spit?” and got yet another bucket of green gunge. The wheel began to rise. “You are very naughty Spit” said Ashley barely able to stop laughing as she was hit with bucket number 7 of green gunge. Maisie and Amber spun the wheel whilst Bob and Spit manned the hose. Ashleigh was thoroughly doused with the reused mush and as the wheel stopped she shouted “You win Spit” and got bucket number 8 of green gunge. She got off the wheel and took her bows with Bob and Spit before going to man the phones.

Chris returned to the stage and said ” Join us in Part 8 for the return of News at Den with Den Heggarty, a look into the Phantom’s private life, comedy cooking with Amber, Maisie and a mystery celebrity, more Tiswas Torture Wheel plus someone who appeared as a guest on the original run of Tiswas wants a rematch with the Phantom”

The camera cut to outside and a load of the fake dog mess was dumped on the girls on the Window Cleaner’s Platform. Rachel and Ruxandra screamed louder than ever whilst Thandie, Rosamund and Katie all began to rub it in. “Did they get that Elephant here in the end?” joked Rosamund realising it was just fake stuff.

Who should the mystery celebrity cook be?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may well contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature

“Welcome to Slime Splosh Roadshow” said a smiling Michelle Ackerley. “This is a fun show whereby two celebrities put their dignity on the line for the purpose of laughs, to raise money for charity and to settle petty squabbles. Also two rather wayward members of the public have agreed to join them in a public vote rather than face the local magistrates” she added.

It was a hot day and Michelle was dressed casually in workout gear showcasing her athletic figure.

“The losers of both public votes will go in the Slime Splosh Foot Stocks and the public can throw approved substances over them. Keeping order will be the “Overseer” former World’s Strongest Man Eddie Hall” Michelle continued.

Eddie greeted Michelle and said “I’ll be here to oversee that things are fair but also fun. Justice is a dish best served cold and sticky”. “Sounds like fun Eddie” Michelle giggled.

“The first celebrity vote is between Alex Jones and Alex Scott” said Michelle.

They cut to a video of the two Alex’s explaining what their gripe was about. “Alex Jones is just so pleasant, happy and Welsh” said Alex Scott. “She is always so positive and up for doing things, always chattering away in that lovely Welsh accent. I want to get her annoyed by putting her in the Slime Splosh Roadshow Foot Stocks and I think she’d be up for the challenge” she added.

“The trouble with Alex Scott, is her name” said Alex Jones. “I’m the main Alex on BBC 1 and I don’t want to be confused with a namesake. She is a great sport and I urge you to vote for her to go into the Slime Splosh Roadshow Foot Stocks as it would raise money for charity and we could mess up her perfect hair” she continued.

“Next week one of the Alex’s will be facing a very messy time. Here are the numbers to call” said Michelle as they cut to a voice-over for details.

“Also you can vote on these two wayward young ladies Bianca Wilson-Jones and Amy-Jade Matthews” said Michelle.

“Bianca has been arrested for constantly playing loud music which annoys her elderly neighbours and Amy-Jade ran off from her local hairdressers without paying for her latest cut. Both girls were told to submit a photo of what they think is their best outfit they would be prepared to wear to face the Slime Splosh Roadshow Foot Stocks. Here are the numbers to call” said Michelle.

“Eddie could you show us the Slime Splosh Roadshow Foot Stocks please” asked Michelle.

Eddie effortlessly carried on the stocks and placed them down. He opened them up and said ” Do you want to try them Michelle?”. Pausing for a second Michelle said “Why not” as the auto cue said “Michelle tries stocks”. She put her feet in and Eddie locked her in. “Then what would happen?” Michelle asked again reading the autocue which then said “Eddie releases Michelle and takes her place”. “This” said Eddie wheeling on a large market barrow full of buckets and rotting food. “No” screamed Michelle as the crew all laughed. “The public would stand about 6ft away and throw them at the victim. I guess that’s you Michelle. But as we haven’t got the full set. I’ll have to improvise and empty it over your head. Remember when you put deep heat in my jock strap on World’s Strongest Man a couple of years ago during the demonstrations. Well this is payback” he said grinning. “Come on Eddie that was a joke” pleaded Michelle. “I had my hair done yesterday, I wondered why I was told to dress very casually. You complete load of buggers” she shouted but also trying not to laugh as she knew she had been set up perfectly.

Eddie picked up a bucket of raw eggs and emptied them over Michelle’s head. The jokes ran down her face and hair glistening on her dark skin. Eddie undid her pony tail and emptied a bucket of flour over Michelle who coughed as the flour covered her. “Now for some sour milk” he said laughing as he emptied a huge churn of cold milk over Michelle’s head. Michelle screamed as the milk hit her and ran down her sports bra. “We nearly have an Ackerley cake but we need butter” said Eddie picking up a bucket of melted but stale smelling butter. He emptied it slowly over Michelle’s head and began to rub everything into her hair making it a totally matted mess.

He then picked up a bag of rotten fruit and squeezed everyone slowly over Michelle’s head. “Lets try from 6ft away” he said and picked up a bucket of stale ale and threw it right into Michelle’s face. She closed her eyes and grimaced but then stuck out her tongue and shouted “Is that the best you can do?”. “What’s this?” said Eddie picking up a bucket of pureed rotten fruit and throwing it full force at Michelle. The impact of the mush hitting her face made her gasp. “People used to throw potatoes and cabbages but I’ve had it blended into potato and cabbage soup” said Eddie picking up another bucket and throwing it right in Michelle’s face. The mush ran down her face and into her sports bra and workout leggings. “It’s in my knickers, you sod” she shouted. “But I love the taste” she retorted. “That is good as I made an extra batch” said Eddie picking up an enormous churn and walking back behind Michelle. The churn was the size of about 6 buckets and only someone of Eddie’s size could lift it. “Say goodnight Michelle” he said. “Goodnight Michelle” she replied as Eddie slowly emptied the mass over Michelle’s head totally covering her and sticking a handful down the back of her leggings.

Michelle gamely rubbed the mess into her hair and pretended to wash in it as Eddie released her from the stocks. Laughing she playfully hit him and chased after him trying to hug him and throw bits of stuff off her at him as the programme ended.

Who wins out of the two Alex’s and Bianca and Amy-Jade. You decide?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Hi everyone. It’s Sarah here again, and I can’t believe how the time has flown since I announced my little Easter forfeit. My boyfriend has been very busy in the garden preparing it all, over the last couple of days and I’ve not been allowed to go outside and see what he is up to. So I’ve been lounging on the sofa catching up with some TV.”

”I’ve had one or two private messages from some of you out there, and apparently one of you would very much like to pie me on my bottom!” Sarah adjusts her position on the sofa until her sexy bottom is prominent and she wiggles it about teasingly whilst looking into the camera “Would you really dare slap a runny custard pie onto my cute bum?” The bunny giggles at her own comment before sitting back down on the sofa.

”Anyhow, I’ve been told that there have been a total of 509 votes and 502 of them were for me to be dunked.”

Looking into the camera, the bunny pulls a face as if to say she was fully expecting that the ‘yes’ vote was going to win. “I have to say though, I am a bit staggered about the number of votes that were cast. I am very flattered, but there seems to be a lot of people out there that want to see me getting dunked! Or quite a few of you repeatedly voting! You naughty lot!”

She puts her hand to her ear “Aha, I think my boyfriend is calling for me to join him in the garden, so I’d better go and see what he has been so busy with…”

The webcam stream cuts off for approximately 10 seconds and starts up again from another webcam which is situated in the garden, focusing on the French windows which are promptly opened by the 21 year old Sarah. The brunette walks out and is confronted by her boyfriend holding a garden hose pipe.

”Hey, why have you got the hose out Tom?”

A grinning Tom replied “I haven’t told you, but there are going to be extra forfeit surprises for you, if the votes reached certain levels. And the first voting milestone was 50, and if that was reached you would get a hosing down”

With a gasp, Sarah puts her hands on her hips “You mean you are going to blast that hosepipe at me, and get me all wet….” Just as the bunny finished her sentence, Tom flicked the hose switch and aimed the pipe directly at Sarah’s midriff. The icy cold water splashed onto her satin outfit and soaked it immediately. With Sarah squealing and still in shock at what was happening, Tom directed the hosepipe up and down his girlfriend’s body until she was dripping wet all over. Her wet pantyhose gleamed in the sun as Sarah tried to defend herself from the water with her outstretched hands but failed miserably.

”OMG, that is soooooo cold Tom!”

”It’s a good job it’s a nice sunny day, and I’m sure you’ll warm up very soon. However things may get a little colder first!”

”What do you mean?”

”One of the other voting milestones that was reached means I get to pour these 3 cartons of custard into your costume”

”Seriously?”

”Yes, now stop moaning and come over here”

The soaked bunny took a few steps to reach her boyfriend. She was asked to turn around and hold open the back of her costume. Sarah grimaced as she prepared herself for what was to follow. Tom slowly poured the entire contents of the first carton down her back. The custard streamed over her back and pooled around her bottom, with some of the custard escaping through the legs of her costume and some custard making its way into her pantyhose and slowly running down her legs.

The second carton was poured inside the front of her outfit and Sarah let out a gasp as the cold custard smothered her tits and dripped down her tummy and into the front of her pantyhose, coating her knickers.

”That’s made my nipples go hard!” giggled the brunette.

Tom threw the carton away before picking up the third and final carton before promptly upturning it over her head.

”Yuck!” was the girly response, as the thick custard slopped over her hair and started to drip down her face. “I thought that they were all going to be poured into my costume?”

”Haha, I couldn’t resist pouting the last one over your head. You look so cute with custard on your face! Anyway, stop complaining as it’s time to put my newly made dunk-tank to good use, and you Sarah have the great honour of being the first ever dunkee on it!”

Tom led the custard soaked bunny to a large rectangular structure which resembled an industrial vat. There was a plastic chair precariously placed above the tank, with a pair of stepladders at the back.

”You have been busy Tom! You naughty boy!” Sarah made her way up the stepladder and plonked herself down on the seat, before peering down to see what was beneath her. It seemed to be some kind of splodgy substance with a murky brown colour.

”What is that?”

”I was originally planning to fill it full of melted chocolate as I know how much you love that, and with it bring Easter as well, I thought that would be very apt! However, it would have been too expensive to do that, so I’ve made my very own dunk tank substance”

”Ok, but what is in it?”

”There is some chocolate in there, not a lot, but there is some. I’ve also cracked a few eggs in there as well, but the majority of it is squelchy mud from the garden”

Sarah pulled a face as she looked down again at the muck below her.

”Are you ready darling?”

”I guess so!”

Tom pressed down on a big red button in front of the dunk tank which triggered the mechanism under the seat to violently tip it forward, sending the bunny momentarily into the air, before splatting into the mud-chocolate-egg mixture below. She landed with a wet splat as her whole body was submerged. Tom laughed as there was some frantic movements beneath the surface until his girlfriend re-appeared, completely coated in the mucky brown slop.

”Tom! This is soooooo disgusting!” Sarah reached for her hair and felt the soft clingy gunk. “This is going to take ages to wash out!”

The bunny made her way slowly out of the tank and Tom ensured the webcam got some close-ups of his messy girlfriend, before taking her hand and leading her to yet another hastily made piece of kit.

Sarah wiped her eyes, and looked at the contraption that Tom had led her to. “What is that then?”

”Have you not heard of a pillory? Let me show you!”

Gently, he lowered her upper half,  so that she was almost bent at a right angle, and could place her head and hands in the three waiting semi-circles. With her bottom protruding sexily, Tom brought down the top of the pillory to secure Sarah in place.

”You see darling. This makes you a little helpless and a good target for the final part of the forfeit. As it is Easter, what could be better than a good old fashioned egging!”

Going back into the house, Tom swiftly returned carrying a large basket of eggs. He showed them to the bent over Sarah before teasing her “All of these are going over you! Are you going to say thank you for your Easter eggs?”

It was difficult to tell, but there was a smile that appeared on the 21 year olds face, underneath all the mucky slop, as she giggled “thank you”

Tom was relentless as he began to slap the eggs one-by-one on top of Sarah’s head. The bunny squealed with joy as her mud-caked hair gradually got an eggy coating. After all the eggs had been used up, Sarah was left with egg all over her face and dripping off her chin.

Tom turned to face the camera with the pilloried Sarah in the background “That’s all for today folks. I’ve enjoyed this so much that we’ll be having another messy session with Sarah tomorrow. You get to decide which outfit she wears!”

”In the meantime, I’m going to have some more fun with my girlfriend whilst she’s in the pillory. Now, where did I put those rotten tomatoes?”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may well contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature

“Welcome Slime Splosh Roadshow live from London with me, Michelle Ackerley and our Overseer Eddie Hall” said Michelle.

“Glad to see you have got cleaned up after you very kindly agreed to test run the Slime Splosh Roadshow Roadshow foot stocks for us” said Eddie as they showed a clip of Michelle being locked in the stocks and not released when she expected to be and Eddie gunging her. “It took me 30 minutes in the shower to wash all that muck off me and I had to get my hair redone too” said Michelle. “You were a good sport and did see the funny side of it though which is the main thing” said Eddie. ” I thought the crew might put us up against each other in a vote on the last episode of the series but you got me good and proper” admitted Michelle. “We can still do that” said Eddie holding out a huge hand for Michelle to shake. “Come on twice in a series would be a bit much” said Michelle but then as the watching crowd encouraged her she added “You are on” and shook Eddie’s hands to loud cheers.

“There were two votes last time the celebrity battle between Alex Jones and Alex Scott and to dispense some justice on either Bianca Wilson-Jones and Amy-Jade Matthews” said Michelle. “I am delighted to announce that our celebrity winner is Alex Scott. Please welcome her” she continued. A smiling Alex Scott walked on playing keep up with a football.

“How are you feeling Alex?” Michelle asked. “I thought it might be me as everyone loves Alex Jones and no doubt Wales voted in force for me” Alex replied. “We have a message of support from our victor Alex Jones” who joins us from Wales said Michelle. They linked to a smiling Alex Jones “I would have loved to have been there to see Alex Scott get well and truly gunged. I hope you really hate it and it goes all down your knickers” said Alex Jones. “No only joking the vote has raised money for charity and Alex is a lovely lady and well up for her fate. I’ve even sent a little surprise with a Welsh twist you may enjoy” she added.

Eddie carried on Slime Splosh Roadshow Roadshow foot stocks.

“Please take your place Alex” said Michelle as Eddie opened the stocks. “We can swap places” Alex joked to Michelle. “No thanks” said Michelle as Eddie locked the stocks. He then wheeled on a large market barrow containing goodies to throw at Alex. Michelle stood on a line a couple of metres away from the stocks and said “This looks so much better”. “I expect it does” retorted Alex.

Michelle looked on the barrow and picked up a bucket. “What’s in there?” asked Alex. “Wait and you’ll find out” Michelle replied and threw a bucket of discoloured water over Alex flattening her hair and making her vest cling to her body. “Lucky I own a good sports bra” joked Alex. “That was Eddie’s bath water from this morning” said Michelle. Eddie looked at the barrow and picked up a large bucket and sniffed it. “Rotten liquidised fruit my favourite” he said and threw it full force at Alex. It hit her face and body full on and took her breath away but she was laughing as it ran down her face and body. Michelle looked at the barrow and picked up a lighter bucket. “This is good for you, porridge” she said and threw it surprisingly firmly at Alex covering her face and most of her hair. Alex wiped her face and shouted “Come on” as the crowd applauded her. “We’ve had this suggested by Toni Duggan and Steph Houghton” said Eddie. “What have those bitches got in store for me” shouted Alex. “This” said Eddie throwing a bucket of muddy water and grass cuttings at Alex. She spluttered as the grass went into her mouth. “For my last bucket, can I have an audience suggestion?” asked Michelle. There were cries of various food substances and some prohibited items. “I’m sure I heard baked beans” said Michelle taking hold of another bucket and aiming the baked beans perfectly at Alex’s head and chest. Alex laughed as the beans hit her and shouted “They have gone down my top”. “Good you know how I felt last time ” replied Alex. “Now for Alex Jones’s surprise” said Eddie lifting a giant churn from the barrow and walking over to Alex. “Can you guess what it will be?” Michelle asked. “Something Welsh like Leek Soup?” said Alex. “Not far off, it’s Welsh Broth” said Michelle as Eddie emptied the think brown lumpy substance slowly over Alex’s head. She gamely looked up and let it run down her face as it totally destroyed her long hair flattening it to her head. The deluge finally ended with Alex chucking a lump of meat that had landed in her lap at Michelle.

Eddie released Alex from the stocks as Michelle handed her a towel to wipe her eyes with. “It has gone down my knickers” said Alex showing the waistband of a pair of women’s Calvin Klein Women’s pants. “Alex Scott, an English Lioness and a great sport” said Michelle. “Will you stick around for the rest of the show?” she added. “I’m sticky all round and I’d love to” said Alex.

“Now our other vote was between two wayward young ladies Bianca Wilson-Jones and Amy-Jade Matthews. Who agreed to be on the show rather than face the Magistrates. Bianca has been arrested for constantly playing loud music which annoys her elderly neighbours and Amy-Jade ran off from her local hairdressers without paying for her latest cut. Both girls were told to submit a photo of what they think is their best outfit they would be prepared to wear to face the Slime Splosh Roadshow Foot Stocks” said Michelle. “I’m pleased to announce the winner by an overwhelming margin is Bianca” she added.

A sullen pouting Bianca walked on.

“This isn’t fair” she protested in a strong Essex accent. “Well Amy-Jade would be here to support you but she is doing her Community Service” said Michelle. “My hair will be ruined and I won’t be able to post on Instagram for 5 minutes” Bianca continued. “You knew the rules and agreed to them” Michelle said. “Eddie please do the honours” she added.

Eddie took Bianca gently by the wrist she began to struggle but was no match for Eddie as he locked her in the stocks. “I’ve only got a Thong on underneath what about my modesty” Bianca continued as she was locked into the stocks. “Surprised she wears one” someone shouted from the crowd to laughter. “Get lost” shouted Bianca. “Her legs haven’t ever been that close together” another person shouted out. “**** off” shouted Bianca. “Any more language like that and you’ll get extra buckets. Also audience please just enjoy it” said Michelle to warm applause.

Eddie wheeled on a freshly restocked barrow as Bianca continued to moan. “You were arrested for playing loud music I believe?” Michelle asked Bianca. “So” Bianca retorted. “I like bands such as the Black Eyed Peas and you may like this” said Michelle taking a bucket and throwing the contents at Bianca who let out a loud scream as the lumpy contents hit her and went down her ample cleavage. “My hair” she screamed. “That was Black Eyed Peas Stew” Michelle said. “I preferred Mod bands like The Jam” said Eddie throwing a bucket of liquid jam very hard at Bianca and getting her right in the face. “My false lashes are ruined and it has gone down my tits you *******” yelled Bianca. “Right I warned you, please give her a punishment bucket Eddie”. He looked at the barrow picked up a bucket and walked over to Bianca. “It’s not fair he’s not behind the line” Bianca protested. “Punishment buckets go directly over the head as most things probably do in your case” said Michelle to loud applause. “I don’t get that?” said Bianca. “Well you are getting this, rotten eggs for a rotten egg” said Eddie and emptied a bucket of raw eggs over Bianca’s head. The eggs plastered her hair down and she threw a tantrum as they ran down her face and onto her chest.

“You were arrested and taken into custody” said Michelle and threw a bucket of lumpy custard right into Bianca’s face as she continued to wail and flay about. “You know what I like with custard is rhubarb” said Eddie and threw a bucket of liquidised rhubarb so hard at Bianca that it made one of her boobs pop out her dress. She struggled to put it back in and accidentally knocked the other one out. The audience roared as she struggled to regain any modesty. Again she yelled “**** off”. “Punishment bucket number two” said Michelle. “Alex Scott would you like to do the honours” she added. A still gunge covered Alex Scott walked back on. “You need to learn some manners young lady” she said to Bianca picking up a large cream trifle and planting it in Bianca’s face and dragging it up over her head to loud cheers.

“Now your neighbours have chosen a special surprise for you” said Michelle. “They are all old and lived during the war” said Bianca to more boos. “Well that is surprisingly astute of you” said Eddie. “I’m not stupid, I’ve got 2 GCSEs and I sign on every couple of weeks, so who is the thick one now” shouted Bianca. Michelle had really had enough of her constant protesting and cheek. She picked up a bucket and said “Thick, well this is” and walked over to Bianca and emptied a bucket of thick chocolate sauce right over her head leaving the bucket on her head, Bianca removed the bucket and threw it at Eddie. “Big mistake” he said and picked up a massive churn. “You talked about the war, well people had real hardship then. My gran survived on sardines for years” he continued and emptied a pile of fish guts over Bianca’s head again making her boobs come out of her top and she fell off her seat and flayed around on the floor a sodden destroyed mess with her boobs bouncing about.

“******* well, let me out” she screamed. “That’s an extra five minutes you’ll stay there now. Shut up or it will be longer” said Eddie to loud cheers. Bianca continued to pound the ground as people took photos and laughed at her. “Join us next time on Slime Splosh Roadshow” said Michelle as Eddie, Alex and her waved goodbye.