The studio lights came on, gradually increasing how the large room was lit from almost pitch darkness to the brightness of a spring day. On a wall above various booths, tanks and buckets was a logo which looked like a child’s drawing of a green liquid splash with the words ‘Totally Trashed!’ written inside it, on a red background.

As the lights came on full, the show’s presenter- a slender dark-haired woman wearing a strapless black dress-, walked on-stage. Turning in mid-stride she smiled at the camera. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to the series introductory episode of Totally Trashed, the show where celebrity contestants get very, very messy to go home with lots of cash for their chosen charity, with me Kirsty Gallacher,” she said with a wide smile from ear to ear. “ Our contestants are seated on the stools behind me, and will be spot-lighted as they’re introduced. Now, we have so many contestants for this series that I’m going to need help introducing them all. So, please welcome my co-hosts, Natalie Sawyer, Georgie Thompson, Jill Wagner, Hannah Martin, Amy Diamond, Chanelle Hayes, Abbey Clancy and Jessica Alba!”

With these words nine more women, a slender dark brunette in a floor-length pink dress, a brunette in a floral-patterned white dress, another brunette wearing silvery grey dress, a blonde in a pinky red minidress, a blonde in a floor-length black dress, another blonde in a black minidress, a fourth blonde in a camouflage-patterned minidress, and, finally, a dirty blonde-haired actress in a knee-length grey dress walked onto the stage waving to the audience and smiling into the cameras.

Kirsty grinned at the other two ladies. “Well, Natalie, Georgie, Jill, Hannah, Amy, Chanelle, Abbey and Jessica, are you looking forward to tonight and the rest of the series?”

Georgie smiled . “Most definitely, Kirsty, this should be a lot of fun and also lots of money will be going to some great charities.”

Natalie grinned. “Oh, yes. Although I wonder do our celebrity guests have any idea what is coming their way?!”

Kirsty laughed at this. “Probably not, Nat, or maybe they do. After all, the name of the show is Totally Trashed. Oh, thanks for letting the cat out of the bag, Natalie. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, you heard correctly. A number of celebrities are going to put themselves up for a messy vote-off over the next few weeks to raise money for charities ranging from Children’s Hospitals to Famine and Disaster Relief. They have been paired up for a series of randomly-selected head-to-heads, the winner of each will be selected by you at home, with the loser copping a messy forfeit. Said forfeits will get messier as the competition progresses, with new ones added to what came before. Now, many of our co-hosts are a big hint as to the professions of our guests/contestants. So, Georgie would you announce our first pair of contestants, please?”

“Of course, Kirsty,” replied the blonde Sky Sports presenter. “And I must say it’s nice to be back on a show with yourself and Natalie. Now, getting back on track, our first contestant has been a companion to Dr.Who, starred as Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy Volumes 1 and 2 and also had a major part in the latest Jumanji movie. She is of course Karen Gillan! But, who is she up against? The answer is Lads’ Mag favourite Leah Francis! Who incidentally is no stranger to getting gunged. ”

Two women, a slender redhead in a knee-length black dress with a plunging neckline and a busty blonde wearing a grey minidress that showed lots of cleavage and a pair of black tights, were lit by the first spot-light, as cheers, jeers and wolf whistles echoed around the studio. As they shifted nervously under the attention, Georgie turned to her nearest fellow presenter. “Those are the two contestants for the first competitive episode, who are in Match Two, Natalie?”

The brunette in the pink ball-gown grinned. “Both the ladies in Match Two have a good deal of experience modelling lingerie but very little modelling gunge. Please welcome Cara Brett and Emma Glover!” With this a busty blonde in a strapless black dress and a busty brunette also wearing a black dress were shown in their seats indicated by another spot-light from the roof.

As the two glamour models squirmed at the thought of what might happen later on in the series, Natalie looked at the next presenter in line. “So, Jill, who’s next?”

Jill Wagner grinned into the camera. “Well, Natalie,” answered the Wipeout USA presenter. “The next match features the first lady who I can call a fellow countrywoman. Her debut studio album ‘Sweet Kisses’ sold over four million copies worldwide, she also played the role of ‘Daisy’ in 2005’s ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Jessica Simpson! But who is she facing? Well, I can tell you it’ll be a lady who aged eighteen appeared on Page 3 of The Sun and has done numerous fundraisers for the Help For Heroes charity. It’s Peta Todd! Give them both a big hand.” With these words the brunette Peta, dressed in a floor-length blue dress, was seen sitting in one of the show’s requisitioned bar-stools from a recently-closed neighbourhood pub with a wide smile across her face. At her side, sat the bubbly blonde Jessica wearing a white lace minidress. They both gave a wave to the cameras and studio audience, as they both looked over smiling at the previous four.

Jill turned to the next of her co-hosts. “So, Hannah, who’re the next two volunteers?”

The short-haired blonde smiled back at Jill before turning to look into the camera. “Well, I can tell you we’re back to our model contestants, although one of these ladies did get munched on by a 3D piranha. Please welcome Sammy Braddy amd Kelly Brook!” The two brunettes were lit up by the studio lights, wearing a white minidress and red sundress respectively that were cut low in front to show off a large amount of cleavage.

p>Soon, both models had settled on the show’s signature secondhand bar stools, the glare of the spot-lights illuminating both of them. Hannah Martin then grinned and looked over at the next presenter. “Who’s next, Amy?”

The curly-blonde-haired Amy Diamond walked in her long black dress to centre stage. As the applause died down, she smiled towards a camera that was focussed on her. “Now, we’ve already met the first eight celebrity contestants. Buuuut, who is next?! Well, we’re staying wholly in the Land of the Free for the fifth match, as actress Scarlett Johansson of Girl With A Pearl Earring and Avengers fame takes on singer and former Disney Channel TV star Selena Gomez!”

With that announcement, a short-haired blonde Scarlett was lit up in her seat, dressed in a tight strapless black minidress.The Latina Selena, sitting beside her, wore a navy-blue floor-length dress with a slit to her thigh up the right-hand side and the shoulder of the same side of the dress barefrom mid-chest, exposing the black chemise she wore underneath. With a last wave to the audience they both settled back in their spot-lighted seats and waited with their fellow contestants and the audience to see who would be the next pairing.

Amy glanced back towards her fellow hostesses. “Well, that’s Match Five sorted!” she joked. “Chanelle, who were drawn for Match Six?”

“Well, Amy, this one’s a tough one for our voting public,” said the model in the black minidress. “The Sixth Match pits two of the nation’s top glamour models against each other. Put your hands together for Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers!”

Spot-lights showed the two busty brown-haired models smiling and waving. Both wore dresses with deep, cleavage-showing necklines, Lucy in black and Holly in red. Like those before them, they sat nervously in the spot-lighted requisitioned old bar stools. It was becoming obvious that glamour models were making up a high proportion of the ladies taking part in the competition.

Chanelle Hayes smiled at the latest two future celebrity gungees. Then, she turned to the presenter who had just walked up beside her in a camouflage-patterned minidress. “Well, Abbey, nice colour choice, supporting our boys overseas?” she asked with a chuckle. “Anyway, who’s our next announcer?”

Abbey Clancy grinned. “Thanks, Chanelle. I am,” she revealed. “Now, moving on. It’s Match Number Seven; the Battle of the Kates or rather supermodel Kate Upton versus glamour model Katie Green!”

The busty blonde supermodel sat on the stool like she owned the studio, bringing an unseen grimace from some in the audience. She was dressed in a strapless blue above-knee-length dress sheer tights and black high heels. Waves of blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders just brushing the upper curve of her right breast. Tension rose in the studio, as everyone knew that some of the biggest names in showbiz and fashion were still to come. Right beside her was the brunette glamour model wearing a white dress with a black and brown leopard print pattern.

Abbey looked around the cavernous room and smiled wickedly. “Well, Jessica Alba, would you kindly introduce the next two ladies?” she asked the grey-clad actress.

The star of Sin City smiled. “Our eighth match features a former Miss Wales who has since become one of Britain’s top glamour models against the female lead of the Twilight Saga and Snow White and the Huntsman. Make some noise for Imogen Thomas and Kristen Stewart!”

With this, the brunettes, model and actress were shown on the stage clad in a black minidress with a plunging neckline and a white lace mid-thigh length dress with a modest neckline respectively. They sat next to their fellow celebrity contestants with nervous smiles to the camera.

At this point, Kirsty glanced at her watch. “Well, that’s all for Part One of the Totally Trashed Introduction. Join us after the break, when we’ll be finding out the identities of the next eight pairs of celebrities crazy enough to come on this show.” The Totally Trashed Theme song played as the audience applauded while the lights dimmed.

Soon, the lights came back on and music filled the air. The black ballgown-clad Kirsty gallacher stood in the centre of the stage, her long dark hair falling elegantly over one shoulder. She waited for the music and applause to die down. “Welcome back to Totally Trashed,” she announced, a bit too cheerfully. “The show that could end up being the messiest in the history of television by the end of the series. Now, enough of the plugging of the show’s name. It’s time to reveal the next two contestants for Match Number Nine. Our seventeenth celebrity contestant has been the recipient of an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, a Bafta award and an Emmy. She made her debut in 2001’s The Princess Diaries and has wowed audiences in The Devil Wears Prada, The Dark Knight Rises and brought out the tragedy of Fantine in Les Misérables. Please welcome to Totally Trashed, Anne Hathaway!”

The raven-haired actress was wearing a sequined black minidress and black high-heeled sandals, her slightly-curly hair draped artistically over her shoulders. As she sat on the stool with posture born of the confidence from winning so many awards in the last six years, she smiled widely and gave a wave to the audience.

Kirsty looked on, smirking. When the actress was finally seated, she addressed the camera. “Now, who is Anne going to be facing? This lady is one of the world’s top supermodels. She’s been a Victoria’s Secret Angel on multiple occasions and is an avid computer programmer going so far as to offer a scholarship for young girls interested in computer science and software engineering. Put your hands together for Karlie Kloss.”

The slender blonde model was caught by the camera wearing a flowing blue minidress tucked in at the waist, sheer black tights and blue open-toed high heels. Her signature bob-cut hair shone in the studio lights. She was perched on the spot-lit stool and settled in with a wide grin stuck on her face.

As the supermodel took her seat, Kirsty looked across the stage to the show’s main host. “And back to you Georgie for Match Number Ten!” she laughed.

Georgie Thompson grinned evilly into the camera. “ These next few ladies appear to have only just got here. Well, we all know about London traffic! Our next match-up pits a world-renowned popstar, who’s a favourite among teenagers, against a glamour model who was yet another lad’s mag favourite, when those publications were big. It’s Ariana Grande and India Reynolds!”

Popstar and model stepped out from back-stage, Ariana wearing a white and purple rose print minidress and India wearing a black knee-length pencil skirt with a slit to mid-thigh. They both walked across the stage to the two stools which had been freshly lit up by the ceiling mounted spot-lights. As they sat down, they each gave a nervous smile to the camera.

Seeing this, Georgie gave a quiet chuckle behind her hand. “Well, they seem nervous,” she joked, turning to the short-haired blonde waiting nearby. “Hannah, who’s fighting it out to go through to the next round and earn even more money for their charity in match number eleven?”

Hannah Martin smiled. “Yes, here we are with the ELEVENTH MATCH,” she announced, loudly. “And it’s a battle between two more Hollywood stars. Firstly, is a lady who wowed us as a Navy nurse in Pearl Harbor and recently has been kicking six shades of whatever-you-like out of the Underworld’s Lycans and Vampires. It’s Kate Beckinsale!”

The forty-five-year-old brown-haired actress walked on-stage in a dark red dress that flowed tightly over her curves, a pair of silver high-heeled shoes flattered her legs. She soon sat in the next lit up seat, waving to the audience as she did so.

Hannah grinned. “And she’ll be facing the lady who has faced off against Decepticons and Foot Ninja… It’s Megan Fox.”

The well-tanned brunette took her seat wearing a two-tone grey patterned minidress that showed a mile of leg to the audience. She grinned as she sat down and waved to the camera. Hannah smiled. “Well, that was our eleventh pair. Amy, who have we got next?”

Amy Diamond grinned. “ The twelfth match features an actress who charmed us in Harry Potter before dancing away with our hearts in Beauty and the Beast and one of our nation’s top glamour models. It’s Emma Watson versus Rosie Jones!”

The spots came on and shone on the two newly-introduced ladies sitting next to the previously announced contestants. Emma wore a halter-neck, ankle-length white ball-gown that accentuated her slender curves and left her upper back and shoulders bare. A slit in the skirts showed a tantalising view of her right leg to mid-thigh. It was paired with a matching pair of white heels. Her shoulder-length brown hair was done up in a bun at the upper back of her head. Next to her, Rosie wore a black minidress, tights and matching shoes. The dress was cut low in fron, exposing a good deal of cleavage to the audience. Both gave nervous smiles to the cameras and waves to the audience which were met by cheers and wolf-whistles.

Amy Diamond grinned into the camera. “So, they’re the ladies for Match Twelve. Now, moving on it’s Match Thirteen. Chanelle, who do we have?”

Chanelle smiled and wagged her finger at the other woman. “Well, Amy, I can now reveal that we have another actress versus model face-off. Our first was widely-acclaimed for her role as Gwen Stacey in The Amazing Spider-Man before scooping the best actress award at the Oscars for her role in La La Land. It is of course Emma Stone.

“Our second contestant in this match-up is one who is not a stranger to gunge, as well as being one of the UK’s top glamour models. I’m, of course, talking about Amy Green.”

The lights which turned on at this moment revealed that both women were wearing black minidresses. Emma’s flowing version had a modest neckline and she’d paired it with black high-heeled sandals. Her red hair just brushed her shoulders. Amy Green on the other hand had gone for a tight figure-hugging off-the-shoulder number with sleeves that came to just below te elbow. Her legs were encased in a pair of tights while she’d also gone for black high heels. The two smiled and waved like those introduced before them.

Chanelle , like her fellow presenters on the show grinned to the camera before turning to Abber Clancy. “Right, Abbey,” she called across the stage. “Who’re next?”

“Well, Chanelle,” said the blonde in the camouflage minidress. “Match Fourteen sees a glamour model who is firmly anti-size zero going up against an actress who jested her way into our hearts as Harley Quinn. It’s Lucy Collett and Margot Robbie!”

Another bank of lights came on revealing the next two ladies. The red-haired Lucy was squeezed into a scoop-necked form-fitting red dress while blonde-haired Margot wore a pale-pink dress with a plunging neckline. Their shoes were matched to the colour of their dresses. Abbey laughed, as the pair waved and smiled for the cameras to the cheers and one or two jeers from the audience.

Abbey looked into the nearest camera. “Ohhkaaayy, Jessica, who are up in Match Fifteen?”

Jessica Alba shook back her hair and grinned. “Well, Abbey, we’re going to a movie after a fashion show,” she announced. “We have one of the world’s top supermodels facing off against the star of the Hunger games. Put your hands together for Candice Swanepoel and Jennifer Lawrence!”

The next set of lights revealed the two just announced contestants. Candice wore a light blue long-sleeved minidress that hinted at her cleavage that would have just covered her butt while Jennifer wore an ankle-length dress with a plunging neckline that showed a lot of cleavage. A slit showed off almost the entire length of her left leg. Cheers, jeers and whistles came from the audience, as Candice and Jennifer smiled and waved from where the squirmed nervously on their high-stools. Looking on from where she stood, Jessica couldn’t help chuckling. She was well-aware that the majority of the contestants didn’t have any idea what was coming up.

Jessica looked around the stage. “Well, Kirsty2, back to you.”

Kirsty Gallacher laughed at Jessica’s antics. “Thank you, Jessica,” she said. “And now it’s time for Match Sixteen. One of these ladies has dual Israeli/American citizenship. She debuted as a child assassin in Leon, was one of the the leaders of the Republic’s fight against the Separatists in the Star Wars prequels and recently stepped into the shoes of an American icon as Jackie. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Natalie Portman! But, who is she up against? Well, this other lady has had four albums sell one million copies in a week in the US and has sold over forty milion albums. You’ve probably heard her single ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ among others. Apart from her various concert performances, she’s also twice performed during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. It’s Taylor Swift!”

The lights that came on revealed the brown-haired actress in a knee-length red dress, opaque black tights and matching black ankle boots. Sitting beside her, the blonde-haired singer-songwriter wore a full-length navy-blue dress with thin over the shoulder straps and a plunging neckline. The two ladies shared a smile before smiling and waving for the camera and studio audience.

Kirsty couldn’t believe it but strode to centre-stage. “Well, that’s the end of Part Two. We’re halfway through the night. So, join us after the break when Natalie Sawyer will be introducing Match Seventeen.” Music played as the lights dimmed.

The lights came back accompanied by the theme song. Natalie Sawyer stood fiddling with the skirts of her long pink dress in the middle of the stage floor. She smiled to the audience. “Welcome back to the Totally Trashed Introduction. Where we reveal this season’s contestants. Now I’ve just been told by the producers that we need to get through the match announcements before the next commercial so there will still be time for the final segment. So, without further ado, Match Seventeen pits glamour models Alice Goodwin and Danielle Sharp against each other.”

The two busty models were revealed in dark-blue minidresses. Dirty blonde-haired Danielle’s had a pattern of small white spots on it. Both ladies’ wavy hair flowed over their shoulders. As the audience cheered and whistled, they smiled and waved back, a nervous trembling that they didn’t notice themselves running through them.

A smiling Natalie addressed the camera. “Well, Georgie, who’s next in this wacky event?”

“Well, Natalie, I’m glad you asked,” replied her fellow Sky presenter. “”Match Eighteen is a face-off between Page 3 girl Lindsey Strutt and Victoria’s Secret Angel Elsa Hosk.”

The two models waved as the spot-lights came to life, Lindsey wearing a knee-length strapless black dress, black tights and black high heels, while Elsa wore a long-sleeved white minidress and high-heeled silvery sandals. The audience burst into their now expected chorus of cheers, jeers and wolf-whistles, as the two latest contestants to be announced waved and smiled in response.

Georgie laughed at the recurring reaction of the show’s guests and the audience. “Well that’s number eighteen out of the way,” she chuckled. “Hannah, who are the next contestants?”

Hannah Martin smiled. “Well, Georgie, we’re at Match Nineteen between to ladies who have both walked the runway at the last Victoria’s Secret Fachion Show. Please welcome, Gigi Hadid and Jasmine Tookes!”

The latest set of spot-lights revealed the pale-skinned Gigi in a long-sleeved off-the-shoulder grey dress and white high-heeled knee-high boots. Next to her dark-complexioned Jasmine wore a below-knee-length black dress and matching high-heeled sandals. Their smiles and waves were met by the customary audience appreciation.

Hannah grinned. I’m so glad I’m not a contestant on this show, she joked to herself. “Amy, would you mind introducing Match Number Twenty for us?”

Amy Diamond pushed her blonde curls back behind her shoulders and smiled. “Of course I will, Hannah,” she replied. “Next, we have Victoria’s Secret Angel Adriana Lima versus Victoria’s Secret Model Bella Hadid… and due to an accident back-stage both ladies appear to have had to ditch their dresses! Oh dear!”

Sure enough, to the delight of the audience, the lights coming on revealed two scantily-clad supermodels. Adriana wore a pale pink bra and boy shorts while Bella wore a red bra, waist cincher, thong, suspenders and sheer stockings. The wolf-whistles from the audience were nearly enough to raise the roof, as both ladies waved nervously.

Amy gulped. “Hopefully, for their sakes, there won’t be similar mishaps for the rest of our contestants,” she snarked. “Okay, Chanelle, who’s up next?”

Chanelle Hayes laughed. “Well, Amy, Match Twenty-one features Victoria’s Secret Angel Martha Hunt versus Pirates of the Caribbean and The Duchess actress Keira Knightley. Give them a big hand!”

The lights came on to show two fully-dressed celebrity contestants. Martha wore a red minidress with a plunging neckline, while Keira wore a strapless blue dress, with dark blue lace fringing on the bottom hem, which came to just above her knees. The pair smiled and waved to the audience as cheers and applause erupted from that area of the studio. As the cheers died down, both looked nervous and squirmed as they sat on the high-stools.

Chanelle gave a borderline evil-looking smile to the camera. “Well that was Match Twenty-one,” she laughed. “So, Abbey, who are we looking at for Match Twenty-two?”

Abbey Clancy grinned. “Well, Chanelle, I can reveal that this one is an entirely international affair,” she announced. “Match Twenty-two is between supermodels Cindy Bruna and Sara Sampaio. God knows how either are going to model mess!”

When the spot-lights blazed to life, the two models were seen wearing full-length black ball-gowns. Both ladies smiled and waved as the camera tracked over them. The audience cheered and clapped while the odd whistle also came to the ear.

Abbey’s grin just got wider. “Well, they look eager!!!” she joked. “Next please, Jessica?”

Jessica Alba grinned back at Abbey. “Yes, Abbey, it’s Match Twenty-three, between supermodels Stella Maxwell and Blanca Padilla. I wonder how ready they are for what’s in store for them.”

Once again the garment of choice for the Victoria’s Secret models were floor-length evening dresses, Stella’s in grey and Blanca’s was gold in colour. Stella’s long blonde hair spilling over her right shoulder while Blanca’s brown tresses flowed over both of her shoulders. Like those before, these two ladies waved and smiled at the audience

Jessica laughed to herself. She couldn’t get over the fact that these gorgeous famous ladies were putting themselves into a competition where they were almost certain to get covered in gallons of disgusting slop. She looked over at the other American presenter. “Right, Jill, who’s up next?”

“Thank you, Jess,” replied Jill Wagner, tucking a stray hair back behind her left ear. “And I bet you want to know who is in Match Twenty-four. I can tell you that Brazilian supermodel Gizele Oliveira is against British glamour model Nicola McLean.”

The two models were revealed by a sudden glare of ceiling–mounted lights. They were both wearing long dresses with necklines that showed a lot of cleavage. Gizele’s was sheer black with a black lace pattern while Nicola’s was a solid red scoop-necked number. As the audience cheered and whistled, Gizele and Nicola waved nervously back.

Jill gave a fake shudder and then grinned widely. “Okay, that’s Match Twenty-Four. Kirsty back to you for Match Twenty-five I believe?”

“Yes it is, Jill,” answered Kirsty Gallacher, sweeping her hair back off her shoulder. “Match Twenty-five features the inaugural winner of Germany’s Next Top Model and host of Austria’s Next Top Model Lena Gercke who will be facing Victoria’s Secret model Natasha Poly.”

Both ladies were revealed in long strapless dresses. Lena’s was a dark red almost maroon dress with a slit up the right side almost to her hip. Natasha’s was a bright red that bordered on orange while the slit down the right side only came to mid-thigh. Of course, this meant that most of both ladies’ right legs were on view to a very appreciative audience. They both smiled and laughed, s they waved to the cameras.

Kirsty frowned slightly then grinned. “Well, they seem to have seen the funny side in all of this!” she joked to the audience. “Right, Natalie, who are we looking at for Match Twenty-six?”

Natalie Sawyer grinned into the camera. “Well, Kirsty, this is a long-range match as UK glamour model Carla Brown takes on New Zealand’s Miss Tourism New Zealand and star of Falling Into Black Jessica Nutley!”

The next set of spot-light reveald the brunette Carla in a knee-length, scoop-necked white dress and glittery white shoes and blonde-haired Jessica wearing a black tank top and metallic green shorts with black ankle boots. As they sat and waved to the audience there came the customary cacophony of appreciative noises from the studio audience.

Natalie couldn’t help grinning. “Well, that’s them introduced. Who are in Match Twenty-seven, Georgie?”

Georgie Thompson grinned back, as she brushed an invisible wrinkle out of her dress. “Nice question, Natalie,” she snarked. “This time we have Greek-Irish glamour model Georgia Salpa going up against German model and actress Alena Gerber.”

When the lights came on, raven-haired Georgia was seen in a minidress so short it barely covered her bottom and a pair of silvery open-toed high-heeled shoes, the dress was patterned with blackcurrant leaves and berries. Blonde-haired Alena on the other hand wore a mid-thigh length black dress and black high heels. Their smiles and waves were met with the usual applause, cheers, jeers and whistles from the audience.

Georgie Thompson giggled momentarily but quickly stopped when she realised the camera was on her. “Well, while they settle in for the night, I’ve got one question to ask,” she said. “Who’s next, Hannah?”

Hannah Martin grinned. “Next up for Match Twenty-eight is the star of The Lovely Bones, Rose McIver, who was also a regular on Power Rangers RPM versus English glamour model Louise Glover.”

The lights came on revealing Rose in a white dress with a pattern of dark blue leaves on the shirt and cutaway panels at waist level paired with white high-heeled shoes. Loise, however, wore a navy-blue minidress with a long left sleeve and bare right arm and shoulder. Rose looked around nervously at first before making eye contact with Louise. Exchanging a brief nod, the two women began waving to the audience as the audience erupted once more in cheers.

Hannah smiled for the cameras, as she waited for the noise to die down. “Right, Amy, could you introduce Match Twenty-nine, please?”

“Sure can, Hannah,” replied the curly blonde-haired Amy Diamond. “For Match Twenty-nine we’ve drawn two glamour models to face-off, Danielle Lloyd and Daisy Lowe.”

The two models were revealed by the sudden glare of the lighting with Danielle wearing a grey minidress and matching high heels. Daisy wore a black leather skirt, strappy black top and black blazer. Both ladies were greeted by the same mix of applause, cheers, jeers and wolf-whistles as the rest of the guests had been.

Amy smiled. “Well, Chanelle, who’s up next?” she asked slyly.

Chanelle Hayes gave a sly grin in response. “Well, Amy,” she began. “We’ve reached Match Number Thirty! This match is yet another battle of the glamour models between Keeley Hazell and Gemma Atkinson!”

When the lights came on revealing them to eyes of the audience and the cameras, Keeley was seen wearing a long black dress and a buttoned-up v-neck cardigan. Sitting beside her, Gemma wore a mid-thigh length red dress with a plunging neckline affording ahinted at view of her generous cleavage. Both ladies smiled nervously at the cheering crowd.

Chanelle smiled, enjoying seeing all their guests squirm. “They’re Match Thirty. Jessica, Match Thirty-one is between who now?”

Jessica Alba grinned back. “Well, Chanelle, Match Thirty-one is a Trans-Atlantic Commonwealth face-off, as Canadian actress Theresa Longo faces English singer-songwriter and model Rachel Stevens.”

The spot-lights unveiled Theresa wearing a golden-brown long-sleeved minidress with brown shoes and Rachel wearing an ankle-length black dress and black high heels. They both smiled and waved nervously at the raucous audience.

Jessica chuckled. “Well, it’s time to introduce our final match pairing. Jill, who is it?”

”Well, Jessica, I can finally reveal that the last two contestants, of a total of sixty-four, are James Bond actress Eva Green and Holloaks actress and glamour model Gemma Merna!”

The last bank of lights came to life with a flash, revealing two more stunning ladies. The raven-haired Eva wore a turquoise dress that was so long no-one could tell what colour her shoes were. Gemma on the other hand wore a tight red dress and matching shoes. The necklines of both their dresses showed an ample amount of cleavage. They nervously smiled and waved to the cameras.

Jill Wagner smiled as the applause and cheers died down. “Well, that’s all of the contestants for the ‘Totally Trashed! Vote-off’. Kirsty, I think it’s over to you to explain what exactly awaits these lovely ladies.”

Kirsty looked deeply into the camera. “Thank you, Jill,” she said with an air of slightly sarcastic graciousness. “Yes, ladies and gents, what are these sixty-four women sitting behind me facing into? Well, let me tell you, not a single woman who you have seen before the camera tonight is going to finish this series clean.”

She paused, as cheers erupted from the audience and a fair few nervous glances were shot towards her by the contestants. “Now, who goes through to the next round is up to the votes of everyone sitting at home. Calls cost twenty pence per minute (or twenty Euro Cent or thirty cents in dollars) and texts ten pence or twenty cent/cents, relevant numbers will be announced at the end of the show. We’ll eliminate the first sixteen who lose the vote against their opponents on the episode next weekend. Now, as you can tell by the name of the show, ‘Totally Trashed!’ if you’ve been asleep for the last hour, the losers will face a messy forfeit. But, they will still go home with the money they’ve raised for charity from the cost of the phoned-in and texted-in votes for them. I just hope none of them have a scenario where no-one in the country votes for them. Anyway, while the losers will face a messy forfeit, those forfeits will get messier as the competition progresses, as the latest forfeit will be added to those from the previous round. In other words, the losers in Round One will face Round One’s forfeit while those in Round Two will cop Round Two’s forfeit and the forfeit from the first round, and so on until the final.

“The Final, will be a rather special double-length episode as we dish out the runner-up’s forfeit and also the ‘Winner’s Prize’, which will feature a number of messy surprises voted for by the public. No, I’m not going to reveal them now, that would spoil the surprise! Anyway, over to you, Natalie.”

“Thank you, Kirsty,” replied Natalie, smoothing out her pink dress, as Kirsty and the other presenters fell into line with her. “Now, those of you at home are probably wondering what Kirsty meant by no-one leaving the show clean… Well, here it comes…” As she said this, there was a sound like a rush of high-pressure air through a tube and nine custard and cream pies flew through the air and hit each presenter square in the face, leaving cream, custard and pastry to engulf their features and drip down onto their shoulders and chests.

Natalie cleared the creamy mess from her face with her fingers. “Wow! That was sloppy! Let me tell you, this is only three percent of what the Round One losers will face in the PIE BARRAGE. The lines have just opened, please call 0800-48643437 from the UK, 1800-48643437 from the Republic of Ireland and 0860-48643437 from the rest of the world to see who you want get through to the next round. Hopefully, we’ll see you next Sunday for the first of two Round One episodes where we’ll be saying a sloppy, messy goodbye to sixteen of our lovely contestants. See you then. GOODNIGHT!”

As Natalie and her co-hosts waved, the camera zoomed out, revealing their once pristine dresses dripping with cream and custard that was slowly running down their fronts. As the Totally Trashed theme song filled the air in the studio along with the audience’s applause, the camera passed over the thirty-two pairs of nervous-looking celebrity contestants. After passing down the line of seated ladies, the lights in the studio faded out once more.

Author’s note:Finally… This took a bit longer get posted than I thought! On another note, some of the suggestions that I got in the poll for the “Winner’s Prize” had a somewhat sexual leaning. Could someone give me a bit of direction as to how far I should take these, please? I don’t want to violate site rules with my first… ugh… grand finale. Anyway, hope you liked this introduction, hopefully it won’t take me as long to get the next episode up.

I’m not entirely happy with this story.

If I’m honest, I’m not happy at all with it, but I’m also fed up of staring at it for weeks on end, so now someone else can stare at instead, if they want. It was something I started about a week or so after publishing When Tori Forgot, and it was meant to be a short, simple story… instead it turned into a sprawling monstrosity that was originally longer than the aforementioned! I’ve already trimmed about four pages and one character from it to get it down to this length, but I’m not sure I can cut any more without just giving in and re-writing the whole thing, and, as it’s not a story I’m too keen on now, I doubt I’d ever get around to giving it a re-write, so I’m just posting it and moving on…

This is cybernetic barrister, Robot Tinder. He’s spent his career fighting injustice, and now he’s ready to rule in the Tinder Court!

Judge Tinder was a late night show and blatant parody of Judge Rinder, which in itself was a rip-off of Judge Judy. Judge Tinder had made its name by not only being an exceptionally poor copy, but also by being off-the-wall crazy. As the name suggested, it was in-part sponsored by the Tinder app, and it dealt specifically with relationships, one-night stands, occasional STDs and all the other muck that decent television wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. The people producing it knew this too, but that didn’t affect the show in any way, and so it had gained a bit of a cult following for being ridiculous, over-the-top and utterly dreadful in every way.

“Anna is in court today claiming that the defendant’s bizarre sexual desires ended their relationship and left Anna an emotional wreck,” declared the show’s introductory voiceover as Anna entered the court from the left. “She claims that his lack of interest in conventional sex and the weird things he put her through left her feeling used, abused and unattractive.”

Anna was a woman in her mid-twenties, with a natural-looking tan. She was a little on the tall side for a woman, even taking her high heels into consideration, and she had a good figure that she knew how to dress. Anna’s hair was thick, black, glossy and straight, running just past her shoulders and framing her face. She had attractive features, but with a stony gaze that suggested she was here on business, and business alone, though it was possible that she was just someone who looked grumpy by default. Either way, Anna was wearing a pair of crimson red high-heeled ankle boots, with black tights, a matt black leather miniskirt and a dark red sleeveless top. The top was low-cut and tight to Anna’s chest, and she complimented it with a black choker and several black leather bracelets worn on her left arm. Her fingernails were painted crimson too, but her lipstick was a brighter red, and all the make-up was applied flawlessly, making it very clear that Anna was a woman who knew how to look and dress well.

“Defendant Mark is in court today because he thinks that’s whack and that the relationship ended because of Anna, not him. He counter-claims that, had she been more open to new ideas in the bedroom, things wouldn’t have become so stale between them.”

Mark was a thirty-something lad of about average height, with a slim physique and a strong orange-y tan. He had bleach blonde hair, styled in a messy side-swept fashion, coupled with a clean-shaven jawline and a stud in each ear. He was wearing a very sharply-pressed, tightly-fitted white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows and several buttons undone to expose his chest, paired with dark jeans that finished just above his ankles and a pair of brown leather brogues with no socks. He had the look of a fairly typical jack-the-lad, it was easy to imagine him knocking back shots in a nightclub with his mates, walking like there was a stone in his shoe, with a cocky smirk plastered across his face.

“All rise for the honourable Judge Tinder,” announced the show’s bailiff, whose voice made it clear he was also the show’s voiceover announcer. His name was Kenneth Wayne and he had the look of a more serious Terry Crews about him, making him appear to be someone you would not want to split a trifle with, much less pick a fight.

The final entrant to the court room was the illustrious Judge Robot Tinder himself. In keeping with the show’s general theme, Robot Tinder was a man of around 6’4” with a well-toned, well-tanned physique and a hairless upper body. He wore a pair of black dress slacks with freshly polished black Oxfords and just a white collar with black bow-tie and white cuffs on his upper half, with a red sleeveless judicial robe over the top that was left open. The outfit was completed by the kind of robotic helmet that wouldn’t have looked out of place on a member of Daft Punk, with a visual display in place of a visor. The show’s judge made his way out to rapturous cheers from the studio audience and then moved to his seat of judgement at the top of the court room, where he sat down and then motioned for the rest of the court to be seated too.

Once the court’s audience had sat down, Judge Tinder spoke through the robotic voice modulator in his helmet. “Complainant,” he said, looking to Anna, “Please outline your case.”

Anna cleared her throat and looked across at Mark, stood in the dock. “Mark and I had been dating for around four years,” she said, her Essex accent coming through, but sounding somewhat clipped, as if she was putting on a slightly posh phone-voice to address the court. “And we had been living together for just over eighteen months when we split up.” She shuffled slightly behind her pulpit, looked down at her hands and then continued. “Obviously things went well for most of the relationship, we wouldn’t have lasted for as long as we did or even considered moving in together if we weren’t getting along and we did have a lot of good times, but as we started to get more serious and there was talk of marriage, Mark’s… interests… became weirder and weirder. When he first brought up a few of them, they sounded innocent enough and some even sounded like a bit of fun, so I was willing to consider them, but each time he brought them up, they got more and more perverse and I felt like I was trapped in an abusive relationship with someone sick, instead of the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”

The audience in Judge Tinder’s court were always prone to overreacting, it was part of the theatre of such a show, so they gave an appropriate gasp of shock and horror as Mark shook his head in the dock.

“By the end, we weren’t having sex at all, he wasn’t interested in it.” She looked over to Mark as her nostrils flared and she looked back to the robotic judge, “He only wanted to indulge his stupid fetishes! When we split up, it felt good to be out from under Mark, but it took me a long time to get over what he did to me. His sick obsessions left me feeling like I’d done something wrong, as if I was the freak! I was made to feel ugly and I think Mark should have to pay for that!”

Anna sneered over at Mark before continuing, “Anyway, because we lived together and had sort of mixed our two groups of friends together, it made things really difficult all around and we couldn’t just walk away. When people asked why we had split up, I couldn’t really tell them – it wouldn’t be right for me to tell them how much of a freak and a pervert Mark is, but I also couldn’t bring myself to admit that he wasn’t willing to sleep with me any more, because of how much that cut me up inside. He got close to me, made me trust him and then tried to abuse that trust to manipulate me into fulfilling his sick desires.”

The LED display on the judge’s helmet showed a red dot moving in a circular pattern as he processed this information for a moment. “Complainant, please confirm who ended the relationship.”

Anna looked over at Mark and then back to the judge, “I ended it, your honour. I didn’t feel like I could continue living with, or dating, a man that didn’t find me attractive.” She narrowed her eyes and gave a little huff, “I deserve better than that.”

“That’s not for you to decide,” retorted the judge, cutting Anna’s pity party short. “Now confirm how long ago the relationship ended.”

“It’s been about eight months,” replied the dark-haired woman. “I broke up with Mark at the end of February.”

The judge nodded and then turned his attention towards Mark. “Defendant, please outline your defence,” he demanded.

And so Mark stated his defence, his case being based entirely on the idea that all he ever got out of Anna was vanilla sex and that it was boring. The court wasn’t too heavily in favour of him, though nothing was stated about Mark’s own preferences at this point. Mark reiterated several times that there was a lot of sex in their relationship, but it was always done in the same way – the missionary position, in the dark, and generally after Anna had had a few drinks, with him complaining that there was no variety or spice and that after four years together, he thought it was only natural to try a few new things in the bedroom to keep it interesting. He made clear that he’d never pushed any of his fetishes on Anna, but had simply asked her to consider them and made clear that they were things he wanted to try doing with – and to – her.

Throughout, Anna looked far from impressed. She didn’t look embarrassed to have their sexual history recanted before an audience and, if anything, she looked confident – there was a clear steel in her eyes and she didn’t even blink over what Mark had to say. She just looked irritated, as if the whole of Mark’s defence was a web of lies and she was frustrated that the court was even listening to them. Her long crimson nails rapped against the pulpit as she rolled her eyes at Mark’s comments about not forcing anything on her, as if that somehow made him any less of the bad guy here!

The judge tapped his chin and then looked back to Mark, “If you two lived together, and the relationship ended in February, where do you both live now?”

“Well,” said Mark, “She kicked me out, right, so I went and stayed with our Gaz for a couple of weeks until I could get me a new place. We’d been renting that flat together, so without both incomes, we had to leave, but we’d paid a month in advance so even though I was straight out of the door, right, Anna stayed on until the end of March.”

Anna gave a small shrug of the shoulders to confirm what Mark had said. “Seemed a shame to waste it! I wasn’t the problem in the relationship, so why would I move out?” She huffed and folded her arms, “And that flat was really lovely too, I hated having to move out.”

The rest of the court case carried on in much the same vein. Anna gave further testimony about how good their relationship had been, and how she really believed that Mark was “the one”, even sharing a diary extract she’d written shortly before Christmas, where she was convinced that Mark was going to propose to her, because he’d booked a weekend away for the pair, in Rome, at a five-star hotel overlooking the Trevi Fountain. Photos from the weekend break were shown, including them eating dinner at a very expensive restaurant, with very expensive wine on the table, along with general sightseeing and a few showing a lot of shopping bags and Anna’s new collection of Italian leather goods – to which Mark’s only comment was “No whips, mind.”

Further interrogation revealed that Mark worked in sales, so he spent a lot of time on the road, visiting clients and attending product launches. He cared a lot about his job, was very knowledgeable and was also very well paid and while Anna complained of the hours, she did not complain about the parties or the income. By contrast, she had been working part-time as a receptionist for the same company, but only because Mark had managed to get her a job with part-time hours, so that she could work towards a degree in Psychology on her days off. She was only two years into the course, and still had four to go before completion. She had since left the job, claiming that she was unable to face seeing Mark any more and had now taken another job to make ends meet. She also made it very clear that this was Mark’s fault too, because of his weird fetishes, and that it was just another way in which he had ruined her life.

“So, in summary,” said the judge “You’re claiming that because Mark’s sexual fantasies were getting more and more bizarre, you had not choice but to dump him. As a result, you had to leave the job Mark had got for you, and you had to move out of the flat you two shared, because you couldn’t afford it alone. Is that right?”

Anna nodded, “Yes. Mark had made me solely dependent upon him and tried to abuse his position by forcing me into more and more disgusting sexual acts, because he knew I needed him to support the lifestyle we had.”

“And did Mark ever force you into anything?”

Anna folded her arms, “He wanted to, but I wouldn’t let him!”

The judge turned to Mark, “Did you ever force Anna into anything against her will?”

“No, mate,” he replied, shaking his head. “I asked about a few things, maybe more than a few, but never forced her, I’m not that kind of guy, right?” He looked to Anna, then back to the judge, “She did try one or two things to begin with, but she was willing – I never forced her to do anything.”

“But you kept asking!” she snapped, gripping the pulpit with one hand whilst pointing at Mark with the other. “I felt guilty each time I refused and I was afraid you’d force me into worse things if I ever agreed an-”

“ORDER!” boomed the voice of Judge Tinder. “So all of this is because Mark asked you to indulge some of his sexual fantasies,” said the judge, “Please, complainant, name the defendant’s fetishes for the court.”

There was a loud cheer and whoops from some sections of the crowd as they finally neared the juicy meat of the case!

Anna unfolded her arms and leaned forwards to grip the pulpit with both hands, grinning wickedly from ear to ear – this was her time and she was going to use it to humiliate Mark completely. “Well, your honour, it started out innocently enough – he wanted me to wear a few costumes in the bedroom, stuff like a nurse or a maid, the usual kind of thing, and I was fine with that, but then he wanted to try anal and oral, but I have too much respect for myself for that, and then it got worse. Next he wanted to fuck me somewhere public and I refused because I’m no slut and then he asked about being tied up and me dominating him!” She sighed, “Just because I have the boots for it, doesn’t mean I’m going to indulge his depraved little obsessions! He wanted me to whip him and stomp on him, what kind of a man wants that? Oh, and then he wanted me to eat some whipped cream from his chest,” Anna paused and looked across to Mark and back to the judge, “I did it. Once. After that, he wanted me to eat from other parts of his body, or let him do it to me, then he wanted to shove a pie in my face, he wanted to slime me too, and then he wanted to do some really weird stuff with stockings! Like, I know he loved them and always said they made my legs look incredible, but then he wanted me to jerk him off with my feet while wearing stockings and he wanted me to let him suck my toes through the nylon and to rub them in his face.” She sighed and shook her head, “There’s probably a bunch of other stuff too that I’ve repressed, but it’s all equally weird. He’s just a one-man sexual freakshow.”

The crowd had murmured throughout Anna’s list with a few pointing or smirking, but not too many looked disgusted by what they’d heard. Judge Tinder coughed and turned his head towards the man in the dock, “Defendant, do you deny any of these fetishes?”

The whole time that Anna had been making her list, Mark had been listening, even nodding a few times, but he’d never once shook his head. “No mate, these are all things I’d asked Anna to try, so that we could spice things up in the bedroom.”

The judge nodded, “And you thought that your bedroom life needed spicing up?”

“Absolutely,” he said, even giving a wry smile. “Anna’s an attractive woman, but she’s so boring in the sack. It’s missionary or bust and sex is a pretty important part of a relationship, so it needs to be enjoyed, right?” He looked to the crowd and there was already more support for him than for Anna. “And what Anna’s not told you is that while she might not be up for giving a blowjob, she’ll gladly let you lick her out!”

Anna gasped, silenced for just a moment before she screeched, “OBJECTION!”

“On what grounds?” asked the judge.

“The- this- I-” she stammered, “This is getting a bit personal!”

“It was personal before,” replied the judge. “You rattled off as many of Mark’s fetishes as you could remember and now you’re complaining that he’s telling people he went down on you?” He shook his helmeted head. “Objection overruled. Continue with your testimony, defendant.”

Mark smirked, he enjoyed seeing Anna get knocked back like this. “Well, she enjoyed it, so I did it a few times, even if she she never repaid the favour. And, right, even if she wouldn’t domme, or use a whip, she loved digging her nails in and biting after she’d had a few drinks. I had cuts, from where she’d actually drawn blood, so she sure didn’t mind doing what she wanted!”

Kenneth the bailiff nodded, “We actually have a few photos here, from Mark.” The photo was displayed on a screen behind the bailiff, showing Mark’s bare back, with several red cuts and the tell-tale curved indentations of a bite mark. The second image then flashed up, showing Anna looking sheepish as she held a white mattress cover in her hand, with red marks on it. She looked a little embarrassed, but there was also a clear smile on her face, and while her nails were far from bloody, they were long, pointed and painted red. “These images are from last October, when the two were still a couple and the court accepts them as mighty fine evidence.”

By now, Anna was livid and it was a surprise to everyone that there hadn’t been another outburst from her. The audience had been on her side at the start of the day, but the longer this went on, the more it seemed like they were siding with Mark and not her. She looked every bit the spoilt brat as she simmered on the stand, clearly not at all happy with how this was playing out. Whatever her reasons for bringing Mark here, whether it be for the money, or for revenge, or to just out his fetishes to the world, it wasn’t really working, and now she was left more red-faced than he was.

The court then heard more about the pair’s relationship and what they had been up to since the split. Neither one had gone back to the other since the relationship ended, there weren’t even any drunken late night texts,and while both were single now, Mark had been on a few dates and Anna had claimed not have been on any, because of how much she still hurt from what Mark did to her. When it was noted that she had a few dating and hook-up apps on her phone, and that she’d been regularly updating her Match.com profile, she explained that she wanted to date, but couldn’t trust again after what Mark had done to her.

Eventually, the farce of a court case began to wind down, and both complainant and defendant were asked to give their closing statements.

Anna went first. “Your honour, noble people of the court,” she paused for a moment, “I was a loyal girlfriend, genuinely committed to a relationship that I believed was going somewhere, up until Mark started pushing his weird sexual desires on me. I had no choice but to end things and get out of there fast – something any woman would do in the context – and because of what Mark did, I’ve been made to feel ugly. He abused his position and I now find it hard to trust again, as I’ve lost my job, my flat and some of my friends to him. I’m not claiming for the money, simply for the vindication that I’m right and that Mark’s a freak, and if there’s any justice in the world, it’ll be conclusively agreed here and now that I deserved better than him!”

Mark rolled his eyes and then cleared his throat, “She’s a snake.” He said before shrugging his shoulders, “I came here with a bit of an open-mind, figured if it helped her get closure then fine, but the longer it’s gone on, the more I see it’s nothing to do with anything. We had a good relationship, and it got sour just after Christmas… which was about the time she thought I was going to propose and then didn’t. I was thinking about, I was actually saving up for a ring with a massive diamond, since I know that’s what she likes, but then she got really nasty about it. She’s a princess, she’s always wanted expensive stuff, and she does that degree part-time as an excuse not to have to work a real job, her money came from me and now from her parents and frankly, she just needs to grow up a bit. I never forced her to do anything, right? I let her do what she wanted, but she never repaid the favour, and listening to her today, she just came here to try and make me look bad in front of everyone.” He looked over his shoulder at the crowd, “She’s a money-grabber, she’s a spoiled brat and if nothing else, today’s made me realise how lucky I am to be away from her. It was all give on my part and all take on hers, and that’s why it ended – and you know what? She never once said she missed me, just that she missed the flat, and the lifestyle.” He shrugged again, “Says it all, right?”

The bailiff then turned to Judge Tinder. “Your honour, how do you find the defendant, on the weight of today’s evidence and testimony?”

“COMPUTING,” boomed the judge as the display on his visor sprung to life, filling up from one side to the other like a loading bar. Once it filled up, the court’s lights immediately dimmed, save for spots on Mark, Anna and the judge himself.

“The court finds the defendant… Not guilty!”

Mark threw his arms up in celebration as the audience clapped and cheered to celebrate his victory,  and their reaction made it clear that the grand majority were on his side. Anna, meanwhile had slumped forwards, her head in her hands, buried into the stand as she wished she could be anywhere else right now.

The lights came back up as the judge spoke again, “Further to that, I find Mark exonerated on all charges of forcing anything on Anna and even if he’s into some kinky shit, it’s all perfectly legal, and as long as there’s consent, then there’s nothing wrong with any of it. The only thing I find Mark guilty of is not manning up sooner and dumping Anna first!” The audience cheered as Mark smirked before the judge continued, “Additionally, I find Anna to be a miserable bitch. She brought Mark here to humiliate him for her own amusement, simply because her life is too hollow to allow her to move on and be happy!”

Anna looked very angry now and was about to say something when the judge cried out, “SILENCE!” and stopped her in her tracks.

“I’m not finished yet,” addied the judge, “As Anna came here to claim money from Mark in damages, she receives nothing and now owes Mark repayment instead. In light of her sob stories about having no money, I have decided that she can pay Mark back by indulging one of his fetishes right here and now, for the court’s entertainment.”

Mark let out a chuckle as the audience gave a mix of shocked gasps and excited whoops to see Anna get her just desserts.

“What? No! You can’t, I won’t, this isn’t right!” shouted Anna as Kenneth stepped towards her. “This wasn’t in the contract, I’ll sue, I’ll fucking sue all of you!”

“Bitch, please,” replied the bailiff. “It’s nothing that hasn’t been seen on television before and you agreed to follow any judgment made by the robot when you signed up. Get over yourself.”

“But I didn’t expect him to find in that twat’s favour!”

“Well aren’t you a damn fool then?” he replied, as two more bailiffs approached from behind and grabbed Anna, frog-marching her to the front of the courtroom. She struggled and fought against it, trying to dig her heels in, but with no success at all as she was easily overpowered and hauled up to the front of the courtroom where she was turned around to face the audience. She tried to crane her neck to see what was going on behind her, but wasn’t very successful and her face made it clear that she was furious right now.

That expression changed a little when the audience began to cheer and laugh, some of them pointing to something going on behind Anna, but as much as she struggled, she wasn’t going to be turning around until the bailiffs let her. The audience’s reaction and their apparent delight left Anna wondering just what the hell was in store for her, biting down on her bottom lip and shutting her eyes, as if she could wish herself away from here. While Anna couldn’t see behind her, she could hear something being dragged out from the back, it sounded heavy and even though she could hear the squeak of wheels, it didn’t sound like it was moving easily, given the grunts and strains of the men bringing it out.

The lights in the court then dimmed. Anna found herself in low-level darkness, with only a single spotlight from the ceiling shining down on a spot behind her. Blinking in the darkness, her eyes just started to adjust when she was forcibly turned around to see what all the fuss was about…

In front of her now stood a large glass shower cubicle of some sort and, as she studied it, her mouth opened in an involuntary gasp. Suddenly, the full force of realisation hit her and she recognised what this was – it was something Mark had shown her once before – it was a gunge tank. She was about to be gunged, on television, in front of a fake courtroom of idiotic clods who found it all very amusing. Shock and confusion very quickly gave way to anger once more and she struggled, futilely, to escape from the grip of the two bailiffs. Behind her,the audience had hushed with the introduction of darkness and so the most prominent noise was that of Anna fighting against her captors.

“But-but,” she stammered, still angry, but now looking slightly more panicked, “But-what-my-” she still struggled and tried to pull away, “My boots!” she exclaimed, “They’re worth a fortune! I’ll sue for real if you ruin them!”

“Then take the damn things off,” replied Kenneth, his voice making no attempt to hide his exasperation. “It ain’t rocket science.” And with that, he knelt down, unfastened the zipper and stood back up, “Now you can slide ’em off and get in the tank.”

Anna snarled and kicked them off one at a time. She was still livid, but she wasn’t going to risk ruining one of the most expensive items of clothing she owned for the sake of this farce of a television show. That said, she still wasn’t getting in the tank though, struggling against the bailiffs and trying to pull her arms free. Her hair was a little dishevelled from the effort and her knuckles were white from clenching her hands into fists but, without her heels, she had far less grip and her nylon-clad feet just slid pathetically on the courtroom floor every time she tried to move. Anna was dragged inch by inch towards the tank, hoisted over the tray that formed its base (much like a shower cubicle) and given a fairly rough shove from behind as the bailiffs slammed the door shut, leaving Anna trapped inside the tank with only a small wooden stool for company.

“Fuck you!” she shouted, turning and snarling. “Fuck all of you, this is bullshit, I never signed up for this, I’ll sue! This is a breach of my human fucking rights!”

“Not if you consented to it,” said Kenneth as he folded his arms and looked Anna in the eye. “You agreed to come on here, you agreed to accept the judge’s decision and you also accepted that sometimes we do stuff that’s been done on television before. You’ve seen the show before, right?”

“Once or twice,” she replied, looking a little less angry and a little more concerned. Like a little girl that had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “But the defendant never won!”

Kenneth chuckled, “Well, damn. No wonder you’re being so ridiculous!”

Anna sulked, “Fuck you, you douchebag!”

“Nuh-uh,” replied Kenneth. “You’ve been acting like a spoiled bratty child with a foul mouth the whole time you’ve been here so maybe it’s time I said something.” He turned off his microphone, opened the tank door just a crack and continued. “That includes before we started filming too. You’ve pissed off pretty much everyone you’ve met today and we don’t know you or owe you a damn thing. If you go through life being a bitch and acting like the whole world owes you one, you’re never going to grow up and take charge of your own life, you’re just going to get bounced from one disaster to another when people tire of your shit and give you your marching orders. Boyfriends, bosses, friends, they don’t have to put up with your attitude and neither do I or this courtroom,so just sit yourself the fuck down, accept you lost and try to take it with a little good humour and grace.” He shook his head, not frustrated or angry now, but with the look of disappointment that a parent gives an ill-behaved child. “Maybe if you took a little more responsibility for your own failings instead of blaming everyone else, you’d get further in life, and this kind of thing wouldn’t happen to you. You clearly came here to try to embarrass Mark, by airing all of your dirty laundry in public, and you hoped to be well paid for your efforts. All you’ve really done is show the world what a horrible little girl you are and worst still, all this shit’s been recorded. It’ll go out on television, it’ll be up on YouTube and then everyone will know exactly what you’re like, so you’d better change and change fast, or you’re going to find life gets a whole lot worse for you.”

By now, Anna’s face had changed entirely. She looked even more like a scolded child, her eyes wide, but free from anger, and her hands dangling limply at her sides. She wasn’t crying, but her lower lip was having trouble staying still as she listened to Kenneth’s verbal destruction. By all accounts, it was sinking in, and she was certainly listening when Kenneth leaned in and spoke much more quietly, “You should be glad we only use first names on this show. Any time you go for a job interview, they’re going to search for your name online. Imagine if this was the first result they found…”

Anna swallowed hard, and, looking back over her shoulder, she slumped onto the stool, folding her arms in a still-petulant huff and then sneering at the bailiff. She hesitated for a moment and then slid her leather skirted ass back into the well of the seat and pulled her knees up, resting her feet on the cross-bar of the stool, curling her nylon-clad toes around it. At the same time, Mark was brought up to the side of the tank where there was a chain, much like an old-fashioned toilet flush, just waiting for him. He was grinning from ear to ear obviously not bothered by too much of what had gone on so far and clearly delighted by what was now being presented to him. He gave Anna a playful wave, to which the dark-haired girl responded predictably, by sticking up her middle finger and telling Mark to go fuck himself.

“In your own time, defendant,” said the judge as Mark looked up to him for approval.

“I reckon we need a good old-fashioned countdown, right?” asked Mark, turning to the audience and lifting his arms. “So, in three…”

The audience were quick to jump on board, shouting in unison as Mark turned back to the tank and took hold of the chain. “Two!”

Mark had tight hold on the chain with both hands, arms lifted, elbows bent, all set to firmly yank down on it. “One!” called the audience in a single voice, baying to see Anna suffer.

Inside the tank, the brunette’s eyes widened. “No! Wait!” she shouted, “Stop!”

Almost immediately, Mark sighed and loosened his grip on the chain. “What now?” he asked, his voice heavy with frustration.

Anna bit her lip and looked up at Mark, trying to look as innocent and doe-eyed as possible, “Couldn’t I just apologise? You know I mean it and you know how much I don’t want to be… gunged…” she added, with a shudder, “So please, reconsider, maybe give me a chance?”

Turning to face the judge, Mark looked up at him for guidance. “It’s your call,” replied the judge, “I have given my verdict.”

“Fine, fine,” he sighed, before shaking his head, still with one hand on the chain as he looked back over to Anna, “Go on, then,” he urged, “But make it good!”

She smiled and brushed her hair back off of her face, tucking it behind her ears to hold the thick, dark locks in place, before then shuffling to get comfortable on the seat, leaning back a little so as to press her nylon-clad soles to the front glass of the tank, while also tugging her top down just a little to emphasise her considerable cleavage. Anna glanced to Mark, then to her toes, to make sure he was aware she was presenting to him, and then fluttered her eyelashes.

“Than-” she said and was then immediately cut off by a stream of thick green and yellow gunge pouring straight down into her cleavage. Her top instantly ballooned out, swelling with the wet and lurid goop, which was now bubbling back up and out of her top too, such was the force of the downpour. Anna gave a shocked gasp, threw both hands over her cleavage to try to protect it from the gooey onslaught. “You shit!” she shouted, peering up at Mark as the gunge carried on streaming down over her. “You absolute piece of garbage shit!” she shouted again as Mark let go of the chain and stepped back to get a better view.

Despite Anna’s efforts, the gunge was still oozing down into her her top and over her breasts, causing it to swell further, sagging and tugging the material down with its weight. Her hands and forearms were coated in greenish goop as she tried to deflect the gunge away from her cleavage futilely, only for the deluge to bounce from her hands onto her chest and slide down, or to just ooze through her fingers, with only hints of crimson left on her nails as the bright green and yellow gunk spread out over her chest and shoulders. The weight of it was causing her top to sag further and from where he was stood, Mark could see what was coming next. His eyes widened and he gave Anna a quick, urgent wave to catch her attention, before pointing to his own chest. The girl’s eyes opened wide too and she quickly grabbed at the material of her red top, tugging it back up before she revealed a little too much. As she looked to Mark, she saw a genuine little smile – he might not have been reluctant about gunging her, but he clearly hadn’t wanted her to suffer anything too humiliating she thought, and shutting her eyes, she leaned ever so slightly forwards, pushing her head under the gooey deluge as she tugged her top up again with both hands and pressed it to her breasts, forcing the gunge to rise up out of the top, cascading down over the outside of the red material instead.

To the audience, it just looked like Anna had given in, taking the gunge to her cleavage, swearing, stomping her feet and then just leaning in to accept her fate. They didn’t quite notice how close she’d come to catastrophe, because of how quickly she moved her head under the deluge. What they did notice, however, was the long, drawn-out wail of disgust, accompanied by a shivering, shuddering gooey mass as Anna’s perfect black hair was coated in a layer of thick gunge. She shuffled forwards a little on the seat as the deluge began to slow down and flicked her head and hair back, splattering the back wall of the tank with gunk as she both hands back through her hair, scraping it from her face and tucking it back behind her ears, slicked with gunge and a mottled mass of black, green and yellow.

“I hate you, I hate you,” she continued to mutter, her nostrils still flared as she kept looking down at the floor where a puddle of gunge had formed that was soaking through her black tights to squelch between her toes and under the soles of her feet. Anna gave a bit of a growl as a bit more gunge dribbled down onto her forehead and nose, having managed to protect her face well enough so far, but as she brought her hands up to wipe it away, she end up smearing gunk from her palms onto her cheeks. She sighed loudly, making no effort to hide her frustration at what she’d just done, and then tried to wipe her hands on the side of her top, under her arms, where there was still some clean material. Once her hands were a bit less gungey, she wiped her face again and then stuck a finger in her left ear to scrape out some of the gunge that had wound up there. She looked over to Mark and shook her head, “You suck, Mark. You suck so much!”

Mark just shrugged and then strolled forwards, opening the tank door with a grin. “Then let’s all get a good look at you too, loser!” He stepped back to reveal Anna’s gunged body to the court and the cameras, “Since you did lose, right? So that makes you the loser.”

Anna was sat with her ankles crossed and her legs tucked slightly under her, some toes pressed to the floor supporting the rest of her nylon-clad legs. Her thighs were together, though the gunge was squelching between them, and her miniskirt was covered, too. The dark red top was soaked inside and out, and there was a clear sag where it was tucked into her skirt, showing that plenty of gunge was still gathered inside the material, pressed to the girl’s bare skin. Her chest was slathered in it and her arms and hands had a fair coating, too, though she had rubbed at her bare arms to try to scrape away the worst of it already. Anna’s face may not have been too mucky, but it certainly wasn’t happy either, judging by the scowl she was sporting. She may have appreciated Mark sparing her any more significant blushes, but she was obviously disgusted, humiliated and outraged by what had happened, and she mouthed the phrase “fuck you” directly into the camera before huffing and folding her arms, going back to looking every part the spoilt brat as Mark pushed the door shut to trap her inside.

Kenneth came back into the fold, patting Mark on the back and congratulating him on dishing out justice, commenting that, much like revenge, it was best served cold. He wrapped up the show, thanked everyone for watching and then let them roll credits as he shook hands with Mark again. The studio lights dimmed as the robotic judge danced along to the synth-electro-pop that was the show’s closing theme.

Anna was left sat in the tank for the duration, and for a good ten minutes longer as Mark went backstage with Kenneth and the judge, and the other bailiffs escorted the audience out, leaving the girl sat, alone, covered in slime. The longer she sat there, the colder she felt as the gunge oozed between layers of material and soaked through to her skin, leaving her to squirm uncomfortably as it found its way into various nooks and crannies where gunge shouldn’t go. By the time the crew came back with towels to help Anna out of the tank, she felt quite sorry for herself and was markedly quiet compared to how she had been all throughout the show. There was no audience to play to now, and she’d not only lost, but she’d been humiliated too, and now she just wanted to go home, curl up in bed and pretend it had all been a bad dream. In a week or two, the episode would be broadcast and she’d never live it down, that much she knew for sure… how much would it cost to get a ticket to Estonia or Lithuania or one of those other forgotten countries where she could just disappear forever? Anna hung her head low and walked alone down the corridor, squelching as she went, leaving small drops and puddles of gunge behind her, thoroughly regretting her choice to ever apply for this show, along with a few other life choices she’d made to get her here…

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(Apologies for the delay)

The mid-week update had suffered some scheduling issues and so aired later than the producers had intended, however once it finally began Jules was standing on the stage wearing black high heels and a royal blue dress.

She smiled the camera and introduced herself.

“Hello and welcome to another edition of Celebrity Gunk Time, we are here for the mid-week update of course this week things are a little different as we left you viewers at home voting with 5 candidates rather than three”

The screen cut away to show the faces of Frances Bishop, Jessica Cunningham, Luisa Zissman, Michaela Wain and Jade English before it cut back to Jules who had walked over to a different area of the studio in front of a gungetank and pillory.

“I am able to now reveal that with 35% of the vote Luisa will definitely be going into the final show, whereas with 12% of the votes please welcome our first loser it is Jessica Cunningham”

The dark hair sexy woman walked out onto the stage she waved to the camera as she took a seat on the sofa next to Jessica’s large red chair, Jessica was dressed in a tight figure-hugging white dress that had a split down one leg showing a lot of skin and black heels.

“So, you are the first loser and that means you will definitely be getting messy however the good news for you is that you’ll avoid going on the ‘Gunk Ride’ and won’t have to wear our lovely micro-bikini”

“Yes, I’m disappointed to not stay clean but if I had to get messy I guess I’d rather it was now in this show than on the main one for the big event” Jessica replied.

“I can now reveal the second lady who will be in the final it is Michaela Wain with 21% of the votes so a fairly comfortable second place for her which leaves us with the beautiful Frances Bishop and striking Jade English one of them will be joining Jessica on the sofa tonight and one will be back for the final show”

Jules paused as a loud drum-roll occurred before she welcomed out onto the stage Frances Bishop and as she walked onto the stage in a tight green dress which covered more than Jessica’s, Jules confirmed to the viewers at home that Jade had made it to the final.

“Unlucky Frances you failed to make the cut by a small margin and will join Jessica in getting messy tonight.

As you can both see behind me we have a pillory and a gungetank now it won’t take a genius to work out one of these contraptions will be home to one of our losers and the will get to try out the second one.”

Both Jessica and Frances looked at the contraptions and each other mentally deciding they’d much rather go into the gungetank than in a pillory, but they wondered if they’d actually get to choose.

“I will ask the pair of you a series of questions and you will gain a point for every correct answer provided, the first to score 5 points will win our little mini game.

The winner will be allowed to choose which forfeit she would like to face and then after that the loser will endure the other option.”

Both girls listened intently to Jules first question and when Frances shouted out the answer she was annoyed to have been pipped slightly by Jessica which meant Jessica had taken an early lead.

“Trivia time, did you know Frances that you joint hold the record for most losses for team tasks in an Apprentice series with 8 losses. And not only that but also the most consecutive losses with 6, lets see if you can actually win something now” Jules quipped.

This extra motivation pushed Frances on when she successfully managed to guess the correct year that the UK Apprentice launched.

Jules then moved onto the next question this time was regarding music, Frances was once again the quicker of the girls and so moved into the lead for the first time which seemed to make her much happier as Jessica got somewhat more frantic.

This was exacerbated after the next question with Frances quickly shouted the answer before Jessica could react and the long dark haired women realised she was in trouble of losing the quiz.

Jules confirmed the scores were 3 points to Frances and just the solitary point for Jessica however it was not over yet and this was proven when Jessica correctly blurted out an answer before Jules had even finished the question, fortunately for her Jules confirmed she had successfully answered it.

Jessica relaxed a little as she had got lucky and was now back in the game as Jules moved on and asked the sixth question.

This time neither girl was quick to answer, after a long pause Frances quietly suggested an answer and Jules confirmed she had guessed it correctly, Frances cheered briefly knowing she was now just one question away from winning.

“Okay girls, this could be the final question if Frances gets it correct, Jessica you need to get the next three questions correct in a row to win”

She was able to make a start on closing the gap as she pulled one back with a confident answer leaving the scores at 4 for Frances and now 3 to herself, Jessica then continued the comeback by answer the next question correctly.

“So now we move onto what will definitely be the final question whoever gets this answer correct will get to pick which messy forfeit they would like to face”

Remarkably Jessica managed to answer the question correctly and actually jumped up off the sofa to celebrate her victory as Frances put her head in her hands and Jules somewhat mocked her for throwing the lead away.
“Well Frances you just can’t stop losing, can you?

“Jessica, congratulations which contraption would you like to face?”

“Thanks Jules, I’ll definitely pick the gungetank and send Frances to the pillory”

Jules then stood up and instructed the miserable looking Frances over to the pillory, she made her bend over and put her head and arms through the holes before she secured the wooden beam back in place, Frances was now locked securely in place as the attention turned to Jessica.

She stood up and walked over to the large gungetank and stepped inside she sat down on the stool and attempted to cross her legs revealing even more thigh than had been previously visible.

As Jules teased her for a bit she slowly started to countdown from 10 and called out slowly 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 and then on 3 she pressed the button causing gunge to flow down onto Jessica from above it struck the top of her head and domed over her.

Jessica could be heard squealing as the cold goo had taken her completely by surprise, more jets of gunge sprayed her this time from either side of the tank mixing different colours over her.

Blue gunge now started to rain down on her from above again and she actually lifted her head to look at the gunge as it slowly covered her face and slid down her front she wiped her arms ensuring the gunge was covering her completely.

In a somewhat surprising turn of events Jessica had got into it and was enjoying the mess, she revealed to Jules that it didn’t feel as bad as she had expected however she was completely soaked through and her dress was ruined and so she stepped out of the tank and after jokingly pretending to hug Jules she walked off the stage and went to have a warm shower.

Jules who had survived the scare from Jessica turned her attention back towards Frances who had been forced to watch on at Jessica’s gungey adventure, she however was not looking forward to getting messy.

Jules picked up two custard and cream pies and walked over to Frances she pushed the first one into her face and then pushed it up onto the top of her head, the second one was then smashed into Frances face again.

As custard dripped off her face Frances was unable to see the next bucket which contained baked beans being poured over her head until she could feel it, she cred out in shock and disgust as the cold orangey mess cascaded over her head.

However, things got worse for her as a bucket of mushy peas was the next item poured over her, this time the target was her hair and her back, Jules invited a couple of the stagehands to help dish out the mess as they had a lot of buckets.

As one stagehand plastered Frances with yet another pie to the face, Jules had gone around Frans back and had lift her somewhat clean hem of the skirt up over her back revealing a very skimpy turquoise blue G-string Frances realised what was happening but was helpless to even call out as another pie smashed into her face.

Jules initially slammed two pies into Jules pert but cheeks, she then smeared the mess around for a little bit giving Frances a cheeky spank before moving onto some more items.

By the time Jules and the stagehands had run out of mess Frances was basically unrecognisable with a mix of pies and savoury food stuff covering her from head to toe as she stood bent over in the pillory.

What she didn’t realise was more was yet to come as the pillory began to slowly rotate on the spot giving the camera a great shot of her exposed bottom as jets of gunk sprayed at her from all angles Frances was left squealing as Jules began presenting to the camera once again.

“Thank you for joining us tonight where we lost two contestants, but don’t forget we will be starting the voting now for the three remaining candidates who have made it through the “interviews” and will be onto the final”

Get ready to vote for either Luisa Zissman, Michaela Wain or Jade English.

One of these lucky women will be taking a messy ride before having a nice trip into the Gunk Tank”

I’ve been Jules Breech and thank you to Frances for being a great sport and Jessica for clearly having a lot more fun.

The camera faded to black as the rotating pillory slowly stopped moving and a stagehand helped Frances out of the pillory, Frances wasted no time in grabbing to blonde girl and wiping some mess onto the helpless stagehand as Jules made a quick exit.

Ok, after Black Polish’s comments about the story I directed her to (and they were way too kind about), it got me thinking. What stories from the archives would you recommend people go read? It could be for good reasons, or to show off why other types of stories work. There are plenty of great stories written over the years, and plenty that were not so great (and I include some of my own stories in that category).

I will add one rule to this discussion. I don’t want to turn this into an exercise of self-promotion, I want to get to finding some of the best stories we have on here.

So, what are the best that this site has to offer?

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This story contains nudity.

Welcome to the results show of this weeks episode of CSWL with me Rachel Wyse.

Rachel is wearing the same white dress, beige high-heeled shoes and her gingery-blonde hair is being worn down.

Let’s bring out our Chelsea representative shall we and that is Eastender’s Charlie Brooks.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Ben Wyeth / Rex Features (1755324l)
Charlie Brooks
Mark Jermin Stage School 20th Year Anniversary at the Grand Theatre, Swansea, Wales, Britain – 23 Jun 2012

Charlie is wearing the same knee-length black dress, black high-heeled shoes and her short blonde hair is curly.

Welcome back Charlie how do you think today went. asks Rachel.

Well Rachel I think we done enough to win and hopefully incurred not many forfeits for me to suffer this week.

Thank you for that Charlie now let’s move onto Manchester United’s representative shall we and that is Coronation Street actress and former Hear’say singer Kym Marsh 

Kym is wearing a sparkly grey mini dress, black boots, and her long black hair is straight and being worn down.

So Kym how do you think Manchester United has done tonight.

Well Rachel I think that being the away team and not being in great form we gave it our best shot, and performed well and hopefully not incurred to many forfeits.

Thank you Kym shall we move onto the forfeits first up shall we, and being the home team it Chelsea’s up first so come on over Charlie.

First up is the yellow cards Chelsea had 2 of these so it is 2 custard pies for Charlie.

Rachel picks up to custard pies and then gives Charlie a pie sandwich coating her blonde hair and her face in creamy custard and it then drips down onto her dress.

Now that forfeit is over it is time to move onto the forfeit for off sides.

Chelsea again had 2 of these and that means to spins of the forfeit wheel.

Charlie spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Mud Bath’.

Charlie gingely walks over to the bath before entering the bath and Rachel asks her to submerge herself under the bath for 10 seconds.

Once Charlie has  done this she can exit the bath, and moves over to the wheel again to spin it for the 2nd time.

Charlie spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Shower Surprise.

A shower cubicle is then bought out and Charlie is instructed to enter the cubicle.

Now that Charlie is in the cubicle, Rachel then pulls the lever to release a sloppy surprise all over Charlie which is a roast dinner, which contains bits of vegetables, like carrots, potatoes, peas, broccoli and cauliflower, also then there is some Yorkshire puddings, and bits of roast beef as well, before finally finishing with gravy.

Those forfeits are now over now it is time to move onto the forfeits for fouls, Chelsea conceded 9, and for this every 4 fouls committed is a spin of the forfeit wheel, so that means to more spins of the wheel for Charlie.

Charlie then spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on ‘Gunge Tank’.

Charlie is led over to the gunge tank, sits inside of it, waiting to be covered in slimy goo.

Rachel then pulls the lever to release slimy green gooey gunge all over a helpless Charlie, it soaks her hair, covers her dress, goes all over her legs and over her shoes.

Once the gunge has subsided Charlie is then led out of the tank and makes her way over to the forfeit wheel to spin for her final time.

Charlie then spins the wheel for the final time, and this time it lands on ‘Custard Bottom’.

Rachel then picks up a jug of custard, and then lifts up Charlie’s dress to reveal a simple black pair of knickers, Rachel then proceeds to pour the jug of custard inside of Charlie’s knickers, and all over her private areas, she then picks up a custard pie and slams it into the back of Charlie’s knickers, coating her bum in creamy pie.

Rachel then pulls Charlie’s dress back down and reveals to Charlie that her forfeits from the wheel is over but now it is time for the goal forfeits, and like normal it is a trip back to the gunge tank.

Charlie is then led back over to gunge tank, and is then sat back inside, and will be covered in colours of the opposing team and that is Manchester United which is of course red.

Rachel then pulls the lever, to release the red gunge over a helpless Charlie it domes all over her coating her in a red gooey mess., once the gunge stops Charlie is led out of the tank and over the pillories for Charlie’s final forfeit.

Charlie is then locked in the pillories, her dress then rides up and you can then see her custard coated knickers in the air for everyone to see.

Then Rachel then picks up a variety of buckets containing a multitude colours of gunge, these include red, blue, yellow, green, gold, silver, brown and black, Rachel then starts to pour all of the buckets all over Charlie turning her into a rainbow coloured mess.

Once Rachel has emptied all of the buckets over Charlie, she then releases her from the pillories.

Thank you Charlie that is all of your forfeits completed you can now go and sit down and watch Kym’s punishment’s as there are still no showers for you to get cleaned up in.

Now Kym would you please come over here.

First up is the forfeit for yellow cards, and Manchester United amassed a mammoth 5 so that means 5 custard pies for Kym.

Rachel brings of the trolley that contains all of the pies on and then picks up the first pie and slams it into Kym’s face, coating her face in creamy custard that coats all of her face.

Rachel then picks up 2 pies and gives Kym a pie sandwich this time coating Kym’s black hair and each side of her face and the pie then drips onto her short dress.

Rachel picks up the 4th pie and plants it on to the top of Kym’s head crowning the top of her hair in pie.

Now Rachel picks up the 5th and Final pie and then lift’s up Kym’s dress and plants the pie into the grey thong clad bottom of Kym coating her bum in creamy pie.

Now let’s move onto the forfeits for off sides shall we, Manchester United only had 1 of these so that means 1 spin of the forfeit wheel.

It lands on ‘Mud Bath’

Kym is led over to the Mud Bath before entering the bath and having to submerge herself under it for 10 seconds just like Charlie had to do.

Once she has done it, she is allowed to exit the bath.

The forfeits for off sides are now done now it is time to move onto the forfeit for fouls and Manchester United had a mammoth 17 fouls the conceded, that 4 means for spins of the wheel.

Kym spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on strip x2.

Rachel then asks Kym to remove her dress.

Kym then gingerly and slowly starts to remove her dress, and is then left in her skimpy grey underwear and her black ankle boots.

Before Rachel instructs Kym to remove her bra.

Kym then removes her bra, but making sure that she covers her modesty with her free hand.

Rachel then asks Kym to spin the wheel again and Kym uses her free hand to spin the wheel.

The wheel lands on ‘Gunge Tank’.

Kym is then led over to the gunge tank waiting to be gunged in green gunge.

Rachel then pulls the lever, releasing the gunge all over Kym then it domes all over her coating her boobs, and her bare upper body, onto her thong, all over her legs and inside her boots.

Once the gunge stops, Kym is led over to the wheel and spins it for the third time.

The wheel then stops on strip x2 again.

This means Kym has to remove her thong and her boots Kym is shocked by this as it will mean she is totally naked and when the pillories forfeit takes place all of her will be on show, but we will get to that later.

Kym then spins the wheel for the final time and it lands on ‘Absolute Mess’.

3 buckets is then brought out and they consist of, Manure, Pig Slop and Mud.

Rachel then pours the bucket of mud all over Kym, coating her hair, her face, and the rest of her body in sticky brown mud.

Rachel then picks up the next which contains the pig slop and then pours that on top of the mud and the colour of it is a dark yellow colour and coats Kym all over again.

And then Rachel picks up the final bucket of Manure and again pours it all over Kym and makes her gag.

Those forfeits are now done it is time to move onto the possession and as Manchester United has less 22% that means 11 pies for the lovely Kym here.

Rachel starts obliterating Kym with pies all over her body, turning her into a creamy mess.

Now it is onto the first goal forfeit and the gunge tank is back and a naked Kym is led over to it, sits inside trying to conceal her modesty, before being covered from head to toe in blue gunge to represent Chelsea colours.

The gunge domes over Kym coating her whole body in blue slimy gooey gunge.

The gunge then stops and Kym is then led out of the tank and over to the pillories for the final forfeit.

Kym is then locked in to the pillories and is revealing her gungey body for they whole time and unable to cover up.

Rachel then grabs, the buckets of red, blue, yellow, green gold, silver, brown and black gunge. and proceeds, to cover all of Kym’s body in a rainbow coloured mess.

Kym is then released from the pillories and then Charlie joins Kym and Rachel together on the stage, before they drag Rachel over to the pillories locking her in, and then they proceed to strip Rachel so now that she is fully naked just like Kym.

Then both ladies seek revenge on Rachel, and they proceed to cover her in buckets of gunge that consists of red, blue, yellow, green, brown, black, gold silver and the mud, pig slop and manure.

Both ladies then talk Rachel into a rainbow coloured smelly mess as the manure makes her gag.

Rachel is then led out of the pillories to wrap up the show.

Thank you for joining me a messy, naked smelly and humiliated Rachel Wyse, and my 2 guests this week an equally, messy, naked smelly humiliated Kym Marsh and a messy and humiliated Charlie Brooks.

The featured match for next week is Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester City.

Now I am going to lay on a little bit of interactivity for everyone, it is out of 4 Sky Sports presenters not been used yet this year on CSWL

Chris De Burgh once sang about a lady in red, but we’ve got thirty-two of them in the third round of the GGP. One of them even had a song and an album called Red. You can check out how she and the other thirty-one vote winners did in the Challonge bracket – here if you somehow don’t have the link!

Hype contest stuff and picture theme suggestions are open again, as usual. Three reasons why one of the 128 nominees deserves a good messing (regardless of who nominated them and whether or not they can actually still win) for the former; ideas for a unifying theme for the pictures in a future round for the latter, please!

Speaking of future rounds, I did a bit of number crunching about when this is going to actually finish if I keep the week-on-week-off thing going. Thankfully, no phone box/gunge tank hybrids were involved – they might feature later though! Point is, we’re looking at a mid-to-late December finish before we can even start the story contest. For me, that’s not quick enough. Since it’s relatively easy to prep each round and only takes less time each time, I’m putting the third round up at midnight tonight (UK time). Same process as always, mobile-friendly matchup list link here, with the individual links getting added sometime after midnight. If people like the week-on-week-off system then I’ll happily go back to it starting with round 4. I just thought it would be cool to have some stories up for the Wammies, if they’re happening this year.

Voting closes at midnight on Wednesday.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Tess Daly walks onto the stage, wearing a short white dress and white high heel shoes.

“Welcome to Strictly Dance for Charity, where we have a great show for you tonight. Not only will we see a celebrity attempt to dance whilst getting messy, we will also see a messy surprise for one of our professional dancers.”

Tess begins to walk to a corner of the stage, where there is a large drape covering what seems to be a large object.

“But before we go any further, we have a very special announcement to make.”

The drape is hoisted upwards by an attached rope to reveal a wooden pillory with a scantily clad lady bent over at 45 degrees with her head and hands locked into the holes.

Tess leans her arm on top of the pillory and faces the camera “Yes, we have the lovely Katja Jones locked in the pillory.”

The camera takes a close up of Katja’s sorrowful face and then does a complete circle of the pillory to show the bent over 29 year old dancer from every angle. Katja is wearing a silver and black dress, black fishnet stockings and black high heel shoes. As she was bent over, this meant her dress was riding up her body and her black skimpy knickers were on full show.

Tess is handed a box of eggs, and with her other hand she selects one of the eggs.

“As we all know Katja has been very naughty having been caught kissing her celebrity dancing partner. Katja’s husband wasn’t best pleased of course, but he is prepared to forgive Katja as long as she gets punished for her naughtiness. Therefore we agreed with him that Katja would go in the pillory for tonight’s show.”

Tess looked down towards Katja’s head and proceeded to smash the egg onto the top of her head.

Katja let out a squeal as the slimy egg and yolk streamed over her hair and started to drip down her face.

“What do you have to say for yourself Katja?”

“I’m really sorry for any hurt that I have created, and I’m prepared to accept my punishment tonight.”

“That’s good Katja, because it’s going to be a long night for you!”

Tess picks up another egg and cracks it on Katja’s head. “Do you like eggs Katja?”

“Err, I guess so but mostly when they are in cakes.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to the cakes later on tonight, but let me just finish with this box.”

In quick succession, Tess picks up the 4 remaining eggs from the box and splats each one on Katja’s head. Katja exhales sharply as her hair becomes matted and more egg and yolk drips down the front of her face.

Tess tosses the empty egg box to one side and walks to the centre of the stage. Katja has no choice but to stay in the pillory with egg dripping down her, as Tess carried on with the show.

“Ok, we shall now reveal the results of our online vote to see which celebrity will get to do a dance with a difference.”

“In third place with 15% is Georgia May Foote. The runner up is Gemma Atkinson with 20%, but the winner is Rachel Riley with 22% of the vote. Please welcome her onto the stage as we have a chat with her before she gets to perform her dance.”

Rachel walks on wearing a short sparkly blue dress and gold high heel shoes.

“Congratulations on winning the online vote. You are the lady that most people want to see dance.”

Rachel was smiling “Of course I am very flattered by being voted the winner, but I am just a little nervous at having to get messy whilst I do my dance. However, it is for charity and I am pleased that a lot of money has been raised.”

“I’m sure you will be fine Rachel. I guess it’s a little different from your normal presenting job on Countdown.”

“It is a bit. I like putting the words and numbers out, and solving the numbers puzzle. This is going to be completely different.”

Tess turned to the camera “Rachel found out yesterday that she would be dancing tonight and has been practising her dance ever since.”

Tess turned back to face Rachel “Ok Rachel, there is about 5 minutes until your dance. So we’ll see you back on stage then.”

Rachel flicks her heels and sexily walks off, to lots of cheers from the audience.

Tess addressed the audience and pointed to a section of the stage behind her, where there were 3 large objects with drapes over them. As she pointed, the drapes were lifted to reveal 3 professional dancers sitting on seats above separate dunk tanks.

“As you can see we have Ola, Aliola and Oti seated above dunk tanks, wearing some sexy dancing costumes.”

The 3 professional dancers enthusiastically waved to the audience as Tess pointed to a large red button which was on the side of the stage. “As part of her dance, Rachel will press this red button. This will release the mechanism of one of the seats above the dunk tanks and drop someone into their tank below.”

“I know what you are all saying, which one of our dancers will be getting dunked. Well, as you know we have been conducting another online vote and the winner of the vote will be the dancer that gets dunked. I’m not going to reveal who that is, as you will all find out very soon when Rachel pushes the red button.”

The 3 professional dancers giggled and playfully kicked out their legs, as they peered down into their respective dunk tanks.

“What I can reveal now is the contents of the dunk tanks. If Ola gets dunked, then she will be going into a tank full of slimy mud. If Aliola is the unlucky one, then she will be dunked in thick green gunge, and if Oti is the most voted lady then she will be getting the pleasure of being dunked in thick yellow custard.”

Tess waves to the 3 dancers “See you later ladies”

Tess walks back over to Katja in the pillory.

“Before Rachel begins her dance, we will have some more fun with Katja.”

Neil Jones, professional dancer and husband of Katja, enters the stage pushing a trolley laden with custard pies and jugs of custard.

Katja sees him approaching from the corner of her eye and gulps, as Neil parks the trolley at the side of the pillory.

“Hello darling! Fancy seeing you here”

“Hi Neil.” replied a sheepish Katja.

Neil picks up a custard pie and waves it in front of her face.

“Do you think you deserve this?”

Katja gulps again before nodding her head.

Neil splats the pie firmly into Katja’s face and moves the pie around so that all of her features are covered in the cream and custard. Neil picks up another pie and smashes it on top of Katja’s head, causing cream and custard to cover her hair and stream down her face.

Tess turned to Neil “Do you want a clean target?”

“Yes please” was the answer, as Tess pulled a lever at the side of her which slowly swivelled the floor underneath the pillory 180 degrees, to leave Katja’s knicker clad bottom and fishnet stockings-clad long legs facing the cameras.

Neil picked up a jug of custard and with his forefinger on his other hand, he hooked it into the elasticated top of Katja’s knickers and pulled it slightly away from her body. He quickly started to pour the custard inside.

Gasps were audible from Katja as the cold custard filled her knickers and started to seep through the flimsy knicker material and stream down her thighs and fishnets.

After pouring the whole jug in, Neil places the jug down and took a grip of both sides of her knickers.

“I’ve always wanted to do this!”

Neil then sharply pulled the knickers upwards to give Katja a squelchy custardy wedgie. Katja squealed as custard and the knicker material went into her bottom crack and her most sensitive areas. Neil was chuckling as he watched Katja squirming before him.

After a few seconds, Neil relented and put her knickers back into their original position. Neil then picked up another custard pie and slapped it onto her knicker-clad bottom, followed by another and another.

Neil rubbed his hands with glee as he looked at the messy state his wife was now in.

Tess pulled the lever at her side again which swivelled the pillory 180 degrees, so that Katja’s head was back facing the cameras again.

Tess smiles “Did you enjoy your custard wedgie and custard pie spankings?”

Katja grunted, as Neil pushed another custard pie in her face and picked up the final jug of custard and poured it directly over her head, shoulders and back.

“Thank you Neil. I think you’ve suitably punished your wife for her naughtiness.”

“Thanks Tess, I enjoyed that. See you later darling!” Neil waved to the clapping audience and walked off the stage.

Tess smirked “Don’t go anywhere will you Katja? We’ll be back to see you later.”

Katja let out a sarcastic laugh as she knew full well that she had no option but stay where she was, locked in the pillory, covered in custard and cream.

Tess walked away from the pillory and faced the camera “Its now time for our special dance, which will be performed by our vote winner, Rachel Riley.

The camera panned to the middle of the stage where a giant sized martini glass had been placed. There was a stepladder to the side of it, and inside the martini glass was Rachel, wearing her blue sparkly dress.

As the music started, Rachel started to move around and it became apparent that the glass was half filled with water. Rachel did her best to sexily move around inside the glass, whilst splashing herself and gradually getting her dress more and more saturated with water. Rachel kneeled in the water and then dipped her head beneath the surface a few times to wet her beautiful blond hair and slicked it back over her head.

Rachel stood up and started to climb down the steps of the stepladder to get to the stage floor, and started to twirl her way towards the red button that Tess was showing the audience earlier on.

Sharp intakes of breath could be heard from the audience as Rachel got nearer to the red button. The 3 professional dancers above the dunk tanks watched with anticipation and prepared themselves, as they watched the 32 year old Countdown presenter approach the red button.

Rachel did a final pirouette and thrust her hand out to give the red button a big push. A loud siren could be heard as the seat underneath Ola gave way and dropped the 36 year old Polish dancer into the squelchy mud below. Ola screamed as her whole body delved into the mud and she frantically thrashed her arms and legs around until she found the bottom of the tank with her feet. Gradually Ola recovered her balance and stood up inside the tank. The mud level came up to her waist, and every inch of her was covered in mud. Ola ran her fingers through her hair and slicked back her mud coated locks.

Ola smiled to the camera and posed sexily with her hands on her hips. Aliola and Oti were clapping as they were relieved at not being the dancer that got dunked. The camera panned back to Rachel as she continued her dance.

At both sides of the dancefloor stood 3 professional male dancers, and Rachel danced towards the first dancer on the left. As she got to him, she took his hand and did a sexy dance move. Whilst she did this, the dancer reached into his pocket, pulled out an egg and quickly splatted it onto Rachel’s head. Rachel’s face showed a little disgust as she felt the eggy contents explode over her hair, and then stopped holding the dancers hand and danced towards the next dancer. Rachel proceeded to do the same sexy dance move with each of the other 5 male dancers, and they all followed suit and cracked an egg onto her head. After she had finished dancing with the sixth male dancer, Rachel’s blond hair was matted with egg and yolk, and there were drips down her face and onto her sparkly dress.

Rachel then began to twirl towards the pillory and stopped when she was directly in front of Katja. Rachel picked up the final custard pie from the trolley and smushed it into Katja’s face. Rachel dropped the pie tin to the floor, smiled to the camera and rubbed her hands, before she danced towards the middle of the dancefloor.

Rachel continued to dance sexily on the spot, as the 6 male dancers slowly approached her from both sides. Each was holding a bucket. Rachel gulped as she continued to dance, and prepared herself as the first dancer lifted his bucket over Rachel’s head and started to pour. Rachel let out a squeal as runny sticky honey enveloped her head and streamed down her face and body. Each of the other 5 male dancers followed suit with their buckets full of honey, until Rachel was now finding it difficult to carry on dancing as she was now completely covered in sticky, runny honey. The honey had streamed down her body and down her legs and onto her high heels.

Rachel suddenly slipped and almost fell over, but was caught by 2 of the male dancers. They hoisted her into the air and carried her over to a nearby high walled tank and threw her in. Rachel squealed as she flew in the air and into the tank. The walls of the tank were high enough so that the audience couldn’t see what was inside. There was a cushioned thud as Rachel landed in the tank and she started laughing as she got to her feet and stood up. Rachel was now completely covered in glitter and sequins. The tank had been filled with them and had easily stuck to every inch of Rachel’s honey coated body.

The male dancers helped Rachel out of the tank, and carried her to where Tess was, and put her back on the ground.

The studio lights shimmered off the glitter and sequins, as Rachel stood sexily, appreciating the applause from the audience.

“Well done Rachel! I think we all enjoyed that dance of yours. You seem to have gone very sparkly, which is very Strictly-like.”

“Thank you Tess. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.”

“So how did you find getting messy?”

Rachel giggled “It’s going to take a few washes to get all the egg and honey out of my hair, but it’s all for charity isn’t it.”

“Yes it is. Now, we need to ask the judges to score your dance Rachel. Let me remind everyone that if Rachel gets an average score of 5 out of 10 or less, then she will also be going in one of the dunk tanks.”

Tess points to the 3 dunk tanks, which Ola, Aliola and Oti has previously been sitting above, but the seats were now vacant.

“Let’s get the thoughts from our professional judges.”

The camera panned to the 4 judges seated behind a desk.

Craig was first “Well darling, I thought that was glorious. You do look a picture, covered in honey, sequins and glitter. However you did slip over near the end.”

The audience booed at Craig’s criticism.

Darcey: “You can’t really blame her for slipping over Craig. She had honey flowing down her legs and onto her high heels. I think Rachel did very well under the circumstances. I’m not sure I could have carried on with eggs being cracked in my hair.”

Shirley: “Its not the most technical dance I’ve seen and some of those twirls weren’t executed correctly. But hey, it’s for charity after all, and it was a good effort.”

Bruno stood up from his chair to deliver his verdict in his usual outlandish style “That was fantastic Rachel! I loved seeing all that honey cascade down your body, very sexy! And when you were chucked into the tank of sequins and glitter, that was the best finale I have seen for a while”

Tess thanked the judges and asked them for their scores. In turn they raised scorecards and stated the score they had given.

“That’s a score of 24, and an average of 6 out of 10, which means you avoid going in the dunk tank. Well done Rachel, are you pleased with that?”

“I’m happy with the scores, especially the 8 from Bruno, and even happier that I don’t get to go in one of those dunk tanks. I think I have been messed up enough already.”

Tess carries on “It’s such a shame for the dunk tanks to go to waste, now that Rachel won’t be going in.” Tess rubs her chin “I wonder who could we get to take her place?”

Tess looks over to Katja who is still in the pillory, and laughs. To roars of approval from the audience, two of the male professional dancers unlock her from the pillory and escort her to the dunk tank which Oti had previously been dunked in. Katja makes her way up the ladder and the custard covered dancer positions herself on the seat above the tank.

Katja covers her face with her hands as Tess begins a countdown.

“5….4….3….2…..1……”

The seat mechanism gives way and drops Katja into the thick custard below. She gets completely covered and stands up in the tank as the camera gets a close up of her custardy features. The two male professional dancers pull Katja out of the tank and frog match her back to the pillory.

“Am I going back in there?”

“Yes you are Katja!”

Katja is duly locked back into the pillory with her head poking out of the larger hole, with custard dripping off every part of her body.

Tess pondered again “Hmmm, we haven’t used the green gunge dunk tank yet. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.”

“Who else could we dunk? How about our runner-up in the celebrity vote. Let’s bring on Gemma Atkinson.”

Gemma is frog marched onto the stage by 2 male professional dancers. She is wearing a white t-shirt, short leather skirt, black stockings and black high heel shoes.

“Hi Gemma. I bet you thought you had gotten away with getting messy tonight?”

“Yes I thought I had.” Gemma peered over to the dunk tanks. “Which one am I going in?”

Tess smiles “I think green gunge would suit you very nicely!”

The audience roars with laughter, as Tess continues “I can also tell you that we have had an extra request, and that a number of viewers have pledged to double their charity donations if you go in the tank in your underwear!”

Gemma looks a little startled “What? I’m not sure I can do that.”

“But if you don’t the charity will lose out. You don’t want that, do you?”

“I guess not! I can’t believe I’m having to strip!” Gemma takes off her white t-shirt to reveal a black bra and a generous amount of cleavage. She unzips her leather skirt and lets it fall to the floor. This reveals black knickers, black stockings and suspenders.

“Ooohh very sexy Gemma, now if you wouldn’t mind taking your seat please.”

The camera focused in on Gemma’s knicker-clad bottom as she walks to the middle dunk tank and climbs the steps to take her seat. Gemma peers down to see the thick green gunge beneath her, and shakes her head.

Tess looks up to Gemma “Are you ready for the plunge?”

Gemma shakes her head again.

“Well that’s too bad, because you’re about to get that pretty black lingerie you are wearing all green and messy.”

Gemma gingerly holds on to her seat, as she watches Tess press the red button. The seat gives way and drops the squealing 33 year old actress into the gungey slop beneath. Gemma hits the surface and causes big plashes of gunge. She delves completely underneath the surface, before standing up in the tank, with the gunge level around her waist. Gemma is completely covered in the green gunge, and her blond hair is matted with the sticky stuff.

Gemma rubs her eyes and wipes her face, as Tess shouts up to her “How does it feel in there?”

“Sticky and disgusting! Perhaps you would like to join me?”

“Ha Ha, nice try Gemma, but I don’t think so.”

Tess turns to the camera “Unfortunately tonight’s programme will be finishing very soon, so we just have enough time for this……”

Tess walks over to the pillory, and picks up a nearby bucket. She smiled at Katja as she upturns the bucket and melted chocolate envelopes her head. Tess moves the bucket over her her head and down her back to give her a nice coating.

“There you go Katja! I think you’ve been punished enough for your infidelity, and thank you for being one of our star guests tonight.”

Katja utters a muffled response, as the credits begin to roll, and the other guests on the show wave to the audience.

With the first new clip in years recently surfacing on Youtube, now seems like a good time to run down all the ladies who have been in the GYOB gunge tank. I will include any bits of information that might be of interest and list them in near enough chronological order. To clarify this is the main BBC show and doesn’t include promotional slots, Comic Relief specials or summer road shows. So if you’re sitting comfortably we’ll begin…..

The first season had grown ups being dropped into a tank of water and as this blog is about gunge, so I’ll skip over it.

The gunge tank proper was first introduced in season 2 with the first episode having Helen brought on by Vicky. Not much is known about Helen, from her accent she was a northern lass but her relationship to Vicky or the reason for being brought on the show are unknown to me . Helen played as the yellow team and from the stains on her shirt got quite a soaking during the proceeding rounds before being dropped into a shallow vat of of yellow gunge with orange coming form above.

The week after had Annie. who was a dentist brought on by Lisa Jane for saying her teeth were crooked. both were gunged with Annie being soaked in green gunge.

The week after Angela was brought on by her daughter Louise for making her eat her greens. Angela was dropped into a vat of blue gunge with milky white gunge coming from above. This was the first time we saw Dave talking to the adult afterwards instead of the quick whip-pan from previous shows and the whole gunging was repeated on the closing credits.

Next up was Sue who was brought on by Gareth whose father owned a petrol station where she worked and would make the boy clean the pumps. Sue wore yellow and was gunged in green.

Then came Sheila who is listed on Youtube as Katie and was brought on by her grandson Ben for reasons unknown. Sheila was a thin woman and was dropped into a very shallow vat of yellow gunge with blue water coming from above.

Then came Jacqueline who was a dance teacher brought on by Lynn for reasons unknown. Jacqueline was the first woman to go right under her head emerging covered in blue gunge as yellow water came down from above.

The video ‘Three GYOB gungings from 1992’ has a woman in yellow who spoke with a Birmingham accent, That was Tracey who was brought on by her son after turning his shirts pink in the washing machine. She was dropped into a vat of yellow gunge, yet the shot of her lying against the side of the tank as the second wave came down was cut from the live broadcast but shown in its entirety on the closing credits, if you watch the clip you can see the edit.

The Christmas special had Philippa Forrester gunged thus rounding of season 2. 13 episodes, 8 women gunged.

Season 3 began with Carolyn being brought on by her daughter Lorian for making her do her homework. Carolyn was the first black woman to be gunged and was completely submerged in one of the best gungings in GYOB history.

Next was TV gladiator Scorpio, brought on by her step son Sam for making him get dressed up whenever they went out. Scorpio wasn’t the last female gladiator on the show. Falcon, real name Bernadette was also a contestant but escaped clean.

Then came Sally, a chiropodist from Bristol who’d been disparaging about challenger Adam’s feet.

Emmerdale producer Morag Bain was brought on by Christopher Smith one of the child actors on the soap. Despite the tank being filled to the brim she still managed to keep her head above the surface.

Mrs Dean who I always thought was called Ginean was next, a big round lady gunged in red.

The Christmas special that year was Timmy Mallet against Lucinda Cowden AKA Melanie from Aussie soap Neighbours brought on because of her annoying laugh. Thus concludes season 3. 13 episodes, 6 women gunged.

Season 4 had Emma, a horse riding instructor brought on by Helen who stepped back from the gunge but Emma went in regardless. The opening titles of season 5 featured an un-broadcast reverse angle shot of Emma going in.

Next came Jo, who was a black BBW with big round glasses and short dreadlocks and very soft spoken. Being a big girl she wasn’t dropped into the gunge but appeared to fall off the seat when hit by the wave from above going right under, emerging as the second wave from above hit her and seemed quite humiliated by the experience. But afterwards was all smiles even offering to shake Dave’s hand. To my knowledge this clip has never surfaced anywhere online as of writing this post.

The season finale had Grange Hill actress Rachel Victoria Roberts being brought on by her cousin Joe for being a goody goody. Thus concluding season 4. 13 episodes, 3 women gunged.

For season 5 the producers changed the format by having the grown up answer 3 question to avoid 3 gungings before being dunked properly. The First was Cassie brought on by her sister Candy for locking her out of the house whilst wearing only a bathrobe. Cassie worked in a fish ‘n’ chip shop, hence Dave’s taunt about her being “well and truly battered”.

Next was Julie Grey a dentist from Northern Ireland who was brought on by Aidan for making him have injections.

Them came Julie Gate a vet brought on by Jessica because she owned a horse.

The mid-season celebrity guest was Josie D’Arby brought on because she got to spend time with Toby Anstis, I believe the first time sexual jealousy was cited as a reason to gunge someone. Josie was determined not to get messy, wearing a baseball cap and practically stepping down off the seat. That concludes season 5. 13 episodes, 4 women gunged.

With season 6 the format was changed again, this time the stooge was cranked up before a long drop into a tank of thin watery slop, which makes these the most unsatisfying gungings of the series.

The first was Merva, a black woman brought on by her daughter Charlene, best remembered for being the only woman allowed to wear a hair bag.

Next was Jean, who was a school governor brought on by a friend of her son. Hers is probably the best of this season purely for her reaction to going in the gunge.

Finally Roxy, was brought on by her sister Sudaf, and was the first Asian woman gunged on GYOB although it was a poor effort. That concludes season 6. 15 episodes, 3 women gunged.

For season 7 the format stayed the same but the gunge was thicker and deeper. The first to find this out was Carole Clapham, a wannabe theatre director, brought on by her daughter Claire. The gunging itself features some rather awkward editing with Carole beginning her descent then cutting to her plunging head first into the tank and there was no footage of Dave talking to her afterwards.

Jane Nobel was brought on by her son Dominic after shaving his hair without putting a guard on the hair clipper.

The mid-season celebrity special was Kirsten O’Brien against Mark Speight.

The androgynous Laura McDonald was brought on by Lara after Laura sent a tape of Lara singing to a local radio station. Laura is the only instance I know of where someone actively sought to lose. After the ‘Squeal on the Wheel’ she moved a tennis ball onto her team colour and during the ‘Tidy Up’ game she purposefully wedged large items in the holes hoping they would count against her even drawing Dave’s attention to them when counting. I wouldn’t be surprised if she even prompted her young charge into applying to the show. The gunging itself saw her jump head first into the tank as if from a diving board.

The last woman of this season was Gill, the pear-shaped ice skating instructor used her balance to avoid going right in. Season 7. 13 episodes, 5 women gunged.

Season 8 began almost immediately after the last one in January with Fozia Abdul being the second and last Asian woman to be gunged and the only woman of the season.

Season 9 saw the big deep tank introduced, filled with thick blue gunge. The first episode had Anne McGuinness being plunged into it. Eight other women appeared that season all of whom escaped clean.

Season 10 retained the deep tank but this time the child was seated next to the tank. Only 2 women were gunged that season, Lynne the scout leader and Shona, the Scottish mum brought on by her daughter.

Season 11 reverted back to having the child standing behind the button. First up was Sue Collison brought on by her daughter for the annoying habit of sticking fruit stickers to her face thus inspiring Dave’s joke about her looking “peachy”.

Next came Meg White, brought on by her son because of her Rod Stewart obsession.

Then there was Denise who used her son as an unpaid courier for her make-up supply business.

And finally Helen Groom the rotund dinner lady.

Seasons 12 and 13 had both adults poised above the gunge, you’ll be familiar with these later ones so I’ll quickly list them.

The first was Sophie, a pretty school teacher brought on for reasons unknown.

Then came Francis brought on by her sister Danee followed by Alyson brought on by her son Dave.

Sarah the horse riding instructor.

Then Auntie Pat who tried converting her Arsenal loving niece to a West Ham fan.

Finally Michelle, a manly looking fat woman.

Season 14 would see the last of GYOB, the season began with Karen, a chunky MILF.

Lesley a mum and task master.

Sara the hairdresser

And finally Heather, BBW head mistress.

So there it is folks. Get Your Own Back, 177 episodes, 47 women gunged, 1 still tantalizingly lost.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Imagine a struggling TV Channel wanting to try and find ways to increase viewing numbers, and they desperately need good numbers for October to maintain their advertising contracts. They come up with a new format, and decide to buy airtime on other channels to show a short teaser for the forthcoming programme……..

“Hi there! My name is Rosie Jones, and I will be your host for a brand new show which will be aired on the evening of 31st October. As this will be Halloween, I thought I would appear in fancy dress, and as you can see, I have come dressed as a sexy schoolteacher.”

Rosie is wearing a black jacket, white shirt which is partly unbuttoned showing glimpses of a white bra and Rosie’s impressive cleavage. The ensemble is completed with a short black shirt, black stockings and black high heel shoes.

The former page 3 model continues “However, we need the viewers to help us decide which one of our celebrities we are going to dunk in some disgusting gungey slop. But first let’s see who we have got sitting on both sides of the dunk tank. To the left we have former Coronation Street star Helen Flanagan, and to the right we have former Hollyoaks star Gemma Atkinson.”

Both ladies are wearing sexy schoolgirl costumes with white shirts, ties, short grey skirts, black hold-up stockings and black high heel shoes. Both ladies looked very merry, as if they have consumed a few glasses of wine already. Helen playfully kicks out with her legs and smiles at the camera, whilst Gemma poses sexily sucking on a lollipop.

“So viewers, all you have to do is vote for the celebrity you wish to see get dunked. In addition, there will be extra forfeits for the winning celebrity depending on the number of total votes cast. Let me explain.

* If there are more than 20 votes cast overall, then they will not only get dunked, but also have to take part in a couple of messy Halloween themed games
* If there are more than 40 votes then they will also have to strip to their underwear
* If there are more than 50 votes then they will have to do it naked
* and if there are more than 60 votes, then (ahem!) apparently I will be joining in on one of the Halloween themed games with the winner”

Rosie smiles sexily and concludes the teaser clip “Voting closes at midnight on Tuesday 30th October. Will you choose the big boobed brunette or the large chested blonde? The choice is yours!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to this weeks instalment of CSWL with me your host Anna Woolhouse.

Anna is wearing a black mini dress, black high-heeled shoes and her light brown hair being worn down and is straight.

Now let’s move onto this evenings guests shall we representing Tottenham tonight is Great Britain Olympic Badminton Player Gail Emms.

LONDON, ENGLAND – MAY 02: Gail Emms attends Sport Industry Awards at Battersea Evolution on May 2, 2012 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage)

Gail is wearing a black sparkly mini dress, red high-heeled shoes and her platinum blonde hair being worn down and is straight.

So Gail I understand it is your first time on the show how are you feeling, well Anna we are at home, well i say home we are the home team tonight playing at Wembley of course, but I think we can at least get a point and it is not too humiliating for me.

Thank you for that Gail now it is time for us to meet our Manchester City representative shall we.

And that lady is current WWE Wrestler and Smackdown Women’s Champion Becky Lynch.

Becky is wearing a white sparkly sequined dress, her orange hair is being worn down and is wavy, and is wearing white high-heeled shoes.

So Becky how do you rate your teams changes tonight.

Well Anna we are currently the best team in England by far, and yes we are going away to a top 6 team, but with our team we can put any player in and beat any team on our day so I expect the boys to do well and not get me that messy.

Thank You Becky now let’s reveal the forfeits shall we.

We obviously have the forfeit wheel back again for things like off sides, possession, yellow cards, red cards, fouls, and other indiscretions that may occur.

Now for the goal.

Like normal for 1 goal conceded it a trip to the gunge tank and to be gunged in the oppositions colour.

For 2 goals conceded it will be a trip to the pillories.

For 3 goals it will be a trip to the bath and all forfeits will be done in there underwear, both ladies are very worried by this but that isn’t the worse of it.

For 4 or more goals conceded it will be a trip to the dunk tank and all forfeits will be done naked, both ladies are extremely worried by this and hope it doesn’t get to this stage.

And like any new presenter I will be taking on some mess, but depending on the result and how humiliated the ladies get will determine how humiliated I get.

So join me Anna Woolhouse and my 2 guests in the results show, so join us for that it is goodbye for now.

DisclaimerAlthough this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may feature scenes of nudity/a sexual nature.

The Totally Trashed theme song played over the studio speakers, as the lights came on revealing the main presenter for the series, Kirsty Gallacher, standing in the middle of the stage. She was dressed in a black ball-gown that was so similar to what she’d been wearing in the introductory first episode that many of those in the studio audience and watching at home thought she’d either bought an exact copy of that dress or had got her dry cleaners to do a rush job on it.

Kirsty smiled, as the music faded out and the applause and cheers from the audience died down. “Hello and welcome to the second episode of Totally Trashed, sponsored by Victoria’s Secret! Who, as a condition of their sponsorship, have provided sets of lingerie for all the ladies who have either walked their fashion show’s runway or performed some music during it,” she greeted the viewers, to more cheers from the studio audience. “This may be the second episode, but it’s the first episode where we will be eliminating some of our celebrity contestants based on the votes of all of you watching at home. I’m joined tonight by only one of my co-presenters from last episode, Jill Wagner.”

“The others will be switching in and out over the next few episodes. In this episode, we will be announcing the results of the voting in the first eight matches. But first, let’s meet those sixteen lovely ladies again! Jill, could you start us off, please?”

“Certainly, Kirsty!” replied the brown-haired American presenter, who was again clad in her silvery knee-length dress. “Match One is actress Karen Gillan versus glamour model Leah Francis!”

Both contestants were revealed by the studio’s spot-lights wearing the same dresses they had been wearing for the previous episode. Jill smiled at them both. “Welcome back, ladies,” she said. “Feeling nervous?”

She got a pair of nods in reply. “Well, you’ve good reason to be! Back to you, Kirsty.”

“Thank you, Jill,” replied the black-haired presenter. “Now, Match Two is between glamour models Cara Brett and Emma Glover!”

With these words, two more spot-lights turned on, revealing the two celebrities wearing the same outfits as before. As the audience cheered, they smiled nervously.

Kirsty grinned. “Welcome back, Cara and Emma. I hope you both are ready for this!”

The two glamour models shook their heads vigorously. “No, we’re not,” they replied together.

“Well, that’s too bad,” Kirsty’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Because it’s happening anyway!! Who’s next, Jill?”

The sassy American laughed. “Match Three is singer and actress Jessica Simpson versus glamour model Peta Todd!”

Both ladies were soon unveiled by the ceiling-mounted lights wearing the same dresses as previously. Bright smiles on their faces couldn’t quite hide their nerves, which were quite evident in how they waved to audience.

Jill grinned at the two of them. “Welcome, ladies, and I won’t ask how you’re feeling. I can tell you’re very nervous. Right, over to you, Kirsty!”

The lady in black smiled. “Thanks, Jill,” she said with a grin. “Next up in Match Four, we have glamour model Sammy Braddy going up against model and actress Kelly Brook!”

Sammy and Kelly were seen wearing the same white and red dresses, respectively, as they’d worn for the preview show. Wide smiles lit their faces, but they only just hid the nervous glances they shot to the air cannons that surrounded eight green crosses that were painted on the circular grated sections of stage floor.

Kirsty grinned. “Well, they don’t look nervous,” she joked. “Okay, Jill, back to you.”

Jill Wagner chuckled at her co-presenter’s antics. “We’re onto Match Five,” she said. “Actress Scarlett Johansson versus singer Selena Gomez! Welcome back, ladies.”

Another pair of spot-lights came on and both contestants were seen once again, Scarlett wearing the same as she had done in the previous episode while Selena wore a black bra, a black thong and a pair of sheer black tights. They smiled nervously at the cameras while waving to the audience.

Jill laughed. “Ah, yes!” she smirked. “Another pair of nervous celebrity contestants. What awaits one of them? We’ll find out later! Over to you, Kirsty!”

“I doubt that they’ll find it as funny or enjoyable as us, Jill,” said Kirsty with a grin, laughter filling her voice. “Anyway, Match Six pits glamour models Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers against each other.”

Lucy and Holly were dressed in knee-length dresses with plunging necklines in black and red, respectively, as they had been during the episode before. With somewhat anxious smiles on their faces, the two brunettes gave the audience a wave and settled back into their seats.

Kirsty smiled encouragingly at the two busty ladies. “Two buckets of nerves there, I think, ladies and gentlemen,” she joked with the studio and home audience. “Back to you for the next pair, Jill.”

“Thank you, Kirsty,” cut in Jill, smiling broadly. “Right… now… Match Number Seven features two lingerie models from either side of the pond. Please, welcome back Katie Green and Kate Upton!”

The cameras swung right just as two more spots glared into life revealing the two models in the same dresses as they’d worn in the previous episode of the show. Applause and cheers filled the air once again as it had for the contestants who’d been announced before. Katie and Kate acknowledged this with smiles and waves, as they settled into their seats. As the noise from the audience died down, the two ladies shot an anxious glance toward the air cannons on stage. After all, they had been informed at the end of the introductory episode that the forfeit for this round would be a Pie Barrage.

Jill Wagner grinned to a nearby camera. “Well, all I can say is, back to you, Kirsty.”

“Oh, thanks for that, Jill,” Kirsty replied snarkily. “Cat got your tongue all of a sudden?” Jill pouted back at her while Kirsty continued. “Well, everyone we have reached Match Eight and with these last two names we close out this segment and move onto finding out the results. This time we have glamour model Imogen Thomas taking on actress Kristen Stewart!”

Both ladies blinked in the sudden glare of two more spot-lights. Their dresses, as noticed by the audience were the same as they’d already worn on the preview show. Cheers and wolf-whistles greeted their smiles and waves.

Kirsty grinned. “Looking good, ladies. For now,” she taunted. “And we’d better leave it there for now. Join us after the break, when we find out which of these lovely ladies behind Jill and myself will be facing the Pie Barrage and elimination!” After this, the camera followed Kirsty’s arm as she waved it across the contestants sitting behind her. Their expressions ranged from pure terror right through to nervous excitement. As the camera view passed the last of the ladies, the studio lights dimmed.

After a short wait, the studio lights came back up to full strength. Kirsty and Jill stood at a podium to the side of the stage with their arms linked, holding an A4-sized brown envelope with various shades of green spots on it along with the show’s logo.

As the camera panned onto them, both presenters grinned. Jill gave Kirsty a go-ahead gesture. “Welcome back to the second part of this episode of Totally Trashed!” said Kirsty after waiting for the applause and cheers to die down. She held up the envelope for all to see. “Now, in this envelope we have the results of Matches One to Eight. Jill, would you be a dear and tell us all what the result of Match One is, please?”

Jill sniggered. “Of course, Kirsty,” she said, opening the envelope. “So, Karen and Leah, which of you goes through to the next round and who takes a volley of thirty pies?” She paused and looked over at the two ladies. “Well, I can reveal, that the contestant with fifty-two percent of the vote and going through to the next round is Karen Gillan!”

A shriek filled the air, as the Scottish-born actress threw her hands in the air in a show of victory. Kirsty laughed. “Eh, Karen, you do know that this just means you’ll be getting even messier later in the series, don’t you?”

The red-haired Scot smiled nervously. “Yes, I do, Kirsty,” she admitted. “And while the idea of that does scare me slightly, it also means more money for charity.”

“That’s a very good answer,” Jill interjected. “You can escape backstage, Karen. Leah, hard luck. Your forty-eight percent has netted you fifty thousand pounds for your chosen charity, but it means you have to go and change into a rather fetching Union Jack one-piece swimsuit.” Both contestants were escorted backstage by stagehands where Leah was shown into a small changing and found the very bodysuit Jill Wagner had been talking about, lying on a shelf.

Well, I’ve been gunged in far less before, Leah thought, as she pulled her dress off rolled her stockings down her legs and slipped her knickers off before undoing the clasp on her bra. With a sigh, she pulled the one-piece swimsuit up her legs and over her belly and chest, slipping her arms through the shoulder straps.

While Leah was changing, Kirsty turned to the next pair of contestants. “Right, moving on, it’s Match Two!” she announced. “So, Cara Brett and Emma Glover are you ready for this? Well, to be honest, I don’t really care if you are or aren’t!” An explosion of jeers came from the audience at this taunt. Kirsty just shrugged in reply. Kirsty continued, regardless. “I can reveal that, in another close-run count, Emma Glover will be going through to Round Two with fifty-one percent of the vote. Sorry, Cara, but it looks like you’re getting hit with a Pie Barrage!”

Cara Brett brushed her long blonde hair back off her shoulders with her hand and a stagehand escorted her backstage to change into another of the show’s specially purchased one-piece swimsuits. As she did so, Kirsty gave Jill a nudge. “Huh?! What?” muttered the distracted American. “Oh, sorry. I must have zoned out there. Anyway, time for the result of Match Three. Jessica, Peta, how are you feeling, after all, as far as we are aware, you both are gunge virgins?”

Both contestants glanced nervously at each other, before Jessica spoke up. “I think I speak for Peta as well as myself when I say I’m both looking forward to it but also really nervous,” she said with a fake shudder. “After all, whoever out of the two of us gets the least number of votes will be facing… thirty pies?” She received a nod from both presenters.

At this Peta spoke up. “Yeah, I think Jessica pretty well summed it up for me as well,” she said with a small laugh.

Jill laughed at this. “Well, I’d better put you both out of your misery so,” she joked, earning a pair of nervous laughs. “With fifty-five percent to forty-five percent, the woman going through to Round Two is… Peta Todd!”

“Yaayy!” exclaimed the dark-haired glamour model.

Both presenters chuckled. “Settle down, Peta,” giggled Jill. “Now, Jessica, how do you feel about wearing your national flag as a swimsuit?”

The bubbly blonde singer laughed. “I’m up for it,” she said, her voice filled with nervous mirth. “Although, I’m not as sure of all the pies you’re going to throw at me.”

“That may be true, Jessica, but it’s time to change into this,” said Jill, holding out a one-piece swimsuit with the stars-and-stripes front and back.

Jessica took the garment from Jill’s outstretched hand. After this, a stagehand escorted her backstage to change, like the ladies before her.

Kirsty grinned. “Well, moving swiftly on, it’s Match Four,” she began. “Sammy and Kelly, the girl going through to the next round is…” she let the tension build to a crescendo. “Kelly Brook, with fifty-six percent of all votes cast on this match.”

At this point, Jill cut in. “Also, Sammy, by a separate public vote, you have been selected to take this forfeit in your underwear.”

Sammy Braddy gaped, a look of shock on her face. “What?!” she exclaimed, nervously twirling a lock of her long dark brown hair around a finger. “Damn, I wasn’t expecting to have to strip this early in the competition!”

Kirsty just smiled. “Yes, you are going to have to strip,” she said, gleefully. “So, if you wouldn’t mind, get on with it! We do have to get this episode done within an hour.”

As a feeling of resignation swept over her, Sammy stood up and undid the zipper on her long-sleeved white minidress. Taking a hard swallow, resulting in the microphones picking up the sound of an almost cartoon-like gulp, she slid her arms from the sleeves before sliding the dress down her body, over her bum and down her legs. Sammy was left standing in a pale purple lace bra and matching boy-shorts, dark purple suspender belt and black stockings. Turning around, she showed off her body to the now-cheering audience.

Jill then took over. “Well, just take a seat for the moment, Sammy,” she said. “You’ll have to wait for the others to change and us to reveal the results of the other matches. So, take a seat, while I move onto the all-American Match Five between Scarlett and Selena. And the star going onto Round Two is, with fifty-one percent of the vote, Selena Gomez! Better luck next time, Scarlett!”

The face of the Avengers actress fell, as she realised what was about to happen. Selena, on the other hand, let out a yell of relief at not being knocked out as early as this. But, the audience cheered.

Sorry, Scarlett,” commiserated Jill, as the noise died down. “You’re a somewhat surprise early exit in this competition, but we have to lose people at some stage otherwise we’d never find a winner. Selena, well done! You’re the first lady in this competition to have performed at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion and you’re through to Round Two. So, you can sit here and watch what happens to this round’s losers. Scarlett, if you wouldn’t mind, please, head backstage to change.” The two presenters waited, as the dejected-looking actress made her way backstage to change into the same style of swimsuit as Jessica Simpson had only five short minutes before.

“Well, we’re now getting to the two bustiest of tonight’s matches,” announced a smiling Kirsty Gallacher. “Match Six was between Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers. And the winner going through to Round Two is; Lucy Pinder!”

Kirsty had to pause here, as the audience again burst into applause, cheers and whistles. Lucy and Holly turned and gave each other a wry smile.

As the noise level dropped, Kirsty finally managed to get a word in. “Yes, yes, congratulations, Lucy, on reaching the next round,” she said sarcastically. “Holly, I’m sorry to say that, of all the ladies here tonight, you’ve lost by the widest losing margin of fifteen percent! Now, as a punishment for that bad of a defeat, you are to face the Pie Barrage topless.”

“Eek!” squeaked Holly, she hadn’t been expecting that. Not wanting to prolong the moment anymore, Holly stood and stepped away from the bar-stool she had been seated on. Okay, Holly, it’s not like you haven’t done this for the cameras a hundred times over at this stage, she thought. As she walked out more towards the middle of the stage, she unzipped the back of her red dress. Then, standing centre-stage, Holly slid the straps down her arms and let the dress flow down her body onto the floor. Kicking the dress away, she was left in just a lacy black bikini brief and a pair of black-soled, patent leather, red high-heeled shoes; her 30G breasts bared for the cameras and studio audience. She shook her mane of long dirty blonde hair so that it fell like a dark golden waterfall over her shoulders and around her breasts. Wolf-whistles and jeering cheers came from the audience. At a gesture from Kirsty she retook her seat.

Jill Wagner grinned. That was hot! “Well, here’s our second Trans-Atlantic face-off. It’s Match Seven, Katie Green versus Kate Upton, and with fifty-eight percent, it is Kate Upton who goes through to Round Two.”

Cheers from the studio audience drowned out the groan of disappointment from Katie and the quiet cheer of triumph from Kate. Jill smiled at the reactions of the two busty ladies. “Well, Katie, I’m afraid it’s time for you to go and change into something a bit more patriotic,” she mocked the British glamour model. “Kate, congratulations. You’re through to Round Two. Sit back and relax, enjoy the rest of the show. For now!”

Katie Green walked off the stage, as Kirsty looked down at the sheet of results she’d pulled from the envelope earlier in the night. “Well, we’re finally at the last of tonight’s match results,” Kirsty crowed, walking into centre-stage. “This was, in case you’ve been confused by all that’s been going on, Match Eight; between Imogen Thomas and Kristen Stewart. The winner of this match, with fifty-three percent, is… Imogen Thomas!”

A gasp came from the studio audience, they obviously hadn’t expected that. Kristen sat stunned, then suddenly she actually grinned! Imogen yelled out in triumph, she knew this would mean more money for her favourite charity.

The two presenters shared a slightly-shocked look, before looks of understanding crossed their faces. Jill grinned back at Kristen. “Well, Kristen,” she said, with a cheeky look at the camera. “I was going to ask why you were grinning, but then I remembered what you said at the 2013 Kids’ Choice Awards. You wished then that you hadn’t wimped out of getting slimed. Well, will a whole load of pies be OK, instead?”

Kristen joined in with the laughter of the studio audience. “Well, Jill,” she started, once she was able to control her giggles. “I dare say it will have to. It should be fun and like with all these other ladies, there’s a sizeable donation going towards a great charity.”

“Yes, there is,” replied Jill. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind going to change, we’ll go to a commercial break.” Kristen walked off the stage where she’d be changing into the same one-piece swimsuit as Jessica and Scarlett had had to change into earlier.

At this point, Jill looked at an over-sized clock mounted on one of the walls of the studio. “Well, those are the results of Matches One to Eight of the Totally Trashed Vote-off. Join us after the break, when we’ll unleash a pie barrage on our eight lovely losers. Don’t go away!” With these words, the lights in the studio dimmed, as the show took a break for five minutes of advertisements from the sponsors

Shortly after, the studio lights came back on at full strength and the . Kirsty Gallacher stood in the centre of the stage, while arrayed either side of her were a total of eight raised platforms with the top surface being a wide mesh grate with a green cross painted on it. Aimed at the platforms were forty-eight air cannons, each loaded with multiple pies. But, unknown to the contestants, these were not just ordinary shaving foam-filled “custard” pies as seen on children’s TV shows. There were pies filled with custard and topped with cream, chocolate-filled pies, and all manner of pies with sweet fruity fillings.

Kirsty smiled as the audience’s cheers and applause began to die down. “Well, now is the moment that the world has been waiting for. The first eight celebrities eliminated from Totally Trashed are about to face the Pie Barrage. So, please welcome back Leah Francis, Cara Brett, Jessica Simpson, Sammy Braddy, Scarlett Johansson, Holly Peers, Katie Green and Imogen Thomas.”

The eight women stepped onto the platforms, each on a different one and finding six air cannons pointed at each of them. Leah, Cara, Katie and Imogen were dressed in Union Jack bodysuits, Jessica and Scarlett wore bodysuits printed with the stars-and-stripes. Sammy stood on her platform wearing her purple bra, knickers and suspenders and black stockings as seen earlier. Holly on the other hand was looking slightly embarrassed, clad as she was solely in a pair of lacy black knickers. As she stepped up onto the platform on the far-right of the stage as the audience and cameras looked at it, a series of wolf-whistles came from some of the rowdier members of the audience.

Kirsty flashed the eight women a smile of encouragement. “Well, we’re going to do this in match order,” she revealed. “Which means, we’ll be starting with Leah Francis and finishing up with Imogen Thomas.”

Leah heard this and cringed. She was going to be the one prospective pied lady who would not know what was coming. As she stared at the gaping maw of one of the air cannons that seemed to be aimed right at her face, she was vaguely aware that the audience were counting down. Before she realised exactly what was happening, she heard the sound of rushing air. A custard and cream pie soared out of the cannon she’d been looking at, hitting her with enough force to make her instinctively flinch backwards. Her facial features were engulfed in bright yellow custard and the stark whiteness of the cream. The custard and cream began to drip from her face along with bits of broken pastry. Just as she recovered from the first pie’s impact, two more were shot at her. These landed on each of her large breasts, adding a layer of sticky yellow and white liquid and crumbled pastry to her chest.

Before she could even blink two pies shot out of air cannons behind her and another one from one in front of her. These landed, much to her initial shock, square on each of her buttocks and in her crotch. Cream and custard soaked into her thong and oozed into the crack of her arse and over and into her shaven pussy, sending a momentary involuntary shudder through her.

Leah again heard rushing air, but this time was surprised as a pie hit on either side of her head, chocolate and apple fillings obliterating her wavy blonde hair. Another rush of air and the back of her head was hit by a the fourth pie aimed at her head, adding the cream, lemon curd and meringue of a lemon meringue pie to the mix of fillings and pastry covering her head. Yet another rush of air landed a rhubarb pie on the top of her head, completely encasing her head with sticky, sweet, fruity mess. But, the air cannons didn’t stop with the first volley. Four more pies smashed into Leah’s body piling more slop on top of what was already covering her. The end result, after the impact of all thirty pies, was that a giggling Leah Francis was stood with pie debris almost two inches thick covering almost her entire body, the only areas still bare were her lower legs and a one inch-wide strip of skin on her upper back.

Things continued in this fashion with the next two ladies, turning Cara Brett and Jessica Simpson, once they got over the initial shock of the first couple of impacts, into giggling, multi-coloured, slop-covered blobs. But, when Jill began the countdown for the release of the pies at the lingerie-clad Sammy Braddy, something that was not quite expected happened.

Sammy Braddy looked at the slop dripping from Jessica Simpson’s curves and shuddered. I don’t want to be hit with all of that gunk, she thought. Deciding on a course of action, as soon as she heard the initial rush of air, she ducked. As a result, the first three pies sailed harmlessly over her head.

Jill Wagner scowled furiously. “Sammy!” she shouted across the stage. “For every pie that doesn’t hit you, you will be given a worse forfeit.”

With a pout, Sammy stood back up and allowed the remaining pies to turn her into a white, brown, yellow and purple blob. After the final cannon-fired pie had hit, Sammy cleared the gloopy mess from her eyes and saw Kirsty and Jill walking towards her, carrying three lemon meringue pies each. Behind the two presenters was a table laden with four large pitchers filled with Spaghetti Bolognese.

Jill wagged her finger almost in Sammy’s face. “That was very naughty, Sammy!” she scolded her, teasingly. “Now, you will have to face the consequences of trying to dodge a forfeit. Right, Kirsty?”

“Yes, indeed, Jill,” replied the dark-haired Scotswoman. “You dodged a pie to the face and both of your tits. So, now, you’re going to get two pies to the face and four to your boobs. But, that’s before we fill your knickers.” Kirsty waved behind her indicating the jugs of spaghetti. After she said this, Kirsty thrust one of the pies, a chocolate ganache torte, into Sammy’s already pie-covered face. Dark brown chocolate mixed into the morass of cream, custard, fruit chunks and broken pastry that had already obscured most of her features. Almost before Sammy had recovered from this, Kirsty slapped the two remaining in her hands into Sammy’s chest.

At the same time, Jill flung a Key Lime pie into her face, spattering the lime juice-flavoured filling across the brown of the chocolate pie. Jill then, like Kirsty before her, added two identical pies to the collected mess in Sammy’s generous cleavage. Sammy wiped her eyes and glanced down at her gloop-covered body. She sighed, this was going to be a long clean-up. The moment was broken by Kirsty speaking up.

“Sammy, don’t even think of believing we’re done with you yet,” said Kirsty, grinning maliciously as she lifted one of the jugs of pasta and meaty tomato sauce from the table. “Hold your knickers’ waistband away from your front.”

Sammy did so, sliding her thumbs into her boy-shorts and pulling outward until there was about an inch between her skin and the silken fabric of the formerly purple underwear. When Kirsty saw this, she tipped the jug she was holding. Noodles, minced meat, tomatoes and vegetables flowed over Sammy’s intimate areas, making her squirm with discomfort. As Kirsty turned to pick up a second jug of pasta, Jill pulled open the rear of rear of her knickers and poured the contents of her own jug of tomatoey pasta all over Sammy’s pert arse. Both presenters repeated this process once more.

Jill gave Sammy a hard look. “You can let go of your knickers now, Sammy,” she said sarcastically.

Sammy slowly did and found that the accumulated pasta and sauce that remained in them made her knickers bulge away from her skin. Noodles and lumps of meat were forced into her pussy. A shudder that was part disgust and part over-stimulation from the noodles sloshing around her crotch, passed through her.

Kirsty turned and looked at the remaining four eliminated contestants. “Let that be a warning to all of you,” she stated matter-of-factly, almost all of her previous joviality gone. “Try to lessen the impact of a forfeit and you just get made even messier! Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. A pie barrage for Scarlett Johansson.”

Scarlett tried in vain to block some of the pies flying towards her, with her hands and arms. Fortunately for the viewers’ pleasure, the pies were moving so fast that she couldn’t get her arms raised in time and quickly gave up as the pie-loaded air cannons turned her into a white, yellow and brown blob.

Kirsty smiled, as Scarlett tried to wipe the remains of the five pies from her eyes with equally cream-covered fingers. ” Are you, OK, Scarlett?” Kirsty asked the blonde-haired actress. “You look like a human-shaped meringue!”

“Very funny,” muttered the Avengers star.

“Oh dear,” chuckled Kirsty. “I don’t think she enjoyed that so much! Selena, are you happy?”

“Well, Kirsty,” replied the dark-haired former-child-star-turned-popstar. “I think it’s safe to say that this is looking a little daunting right now. But, hey,
the further I go, the more money goes to charity.”

Jill Wagner laughed, then looked at the slightly glum-looking Holly Peers. “So, Holly,” she mused. “You’ve seen what everyone before you has gone through. Are you ready?”

Holly gulped, absentmindedly playing with a lock of her dark blonde hair. “As I’ll ever be.”

“That’s the spirit!” laughed Jill, enjoying herself immensely. The mess from the single pie that had hit her at the end of the Introductory Episode was minor compared with what was happening to the eight eliminated celebrity contestants. “Now, let’s have yet another countdown, please audience… Five…”

When the audience’s count again reached one, that all too familiar sound of rushing air could be heard as an anticipatory hush settled over the studio. Holly let out a surprised squeal, as the first pie practically exploded in Holly’s face, giving her a coating of sweetened mushy autumn fruits. Then came the stinging impacts of a pair of lemon meringue pies, as they hit her bare breasts, sending lemon curd and soft, gooey meringue splattering over her chest, up her neck and down over her stomach. More pies smashed into her arse and crotch, completely hiding her black knickers under a layer of sticky chocolate cream. The sequence of pie hits would repeat itself another four times, eventually turning Holly into yet another sloppy blob cover to an inch of depth in a mixture of white, yellow, brown and purple slop. Holly had, at this point, got over the shock of the first impacts and was outright laughing at the state she imagined she was in.

Kirsty at this point smiled and turned to the visibly-shaking second last eliminee. “Well, Katie Green, I can tell you’re on edge,” she teased. “So, let’s not keep you waiting much longer. Audience?”

Following the audience’s countdown, Katie disappeared under pie after pie. Like the others, she was now barely recognisable as a human being, as the layers of creamy and sticky pie fillings and pastry had completely obscured her features.

Jill grinned at the mess-covered ladies, before turning to the last, giddy contestant. “Well, Kristen, after all that, I have one question,” she said. “Are you still feeling as eager about all these rather tasty pies as you were before they started flying?”

“Well, if I’m being honest, Jill, I’m kinda shocked at the amount of gunk that is actually in a pie,” replied the star of Twilight. “I’ll never look at mum’s apple pie in quite the same way again.”

“You might want to include your ‘Grandma’s Pumpkin Pie’ in that statement, Kristen, “Because this time, we’re taking a North American slant with the ammunition in our special pie air cannons. These are loaded with apple pies, Key Lime pies, chocolate pies and as, I’ve just said, pumpkin pies.”

Kristen’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “You’re reminding me of Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s! Although, I never thought I’d be wearing the dessert!” The studio erupted at the wise-crack from the Los Angeles-born actress.

Jill grinned. These sort of moment’s, with a star who thought the whole thing was going to be fun, were half of the reason why she was doing the show. They helped to bring everything together. “Well, prepare yourself, sweetheart, because your about to be! Now…” She was cut off by the audience beginning an unprompted countdown.

The production team must have agreed with the audience because as soon as the early countdown finished, the first pie, a chocolate cream pie, flew through the air. Kristen had been looking nearly right at the air cannon it came from when it was launched. She was rewarded with the pie hitting her face straight on, engulfing her face and fringe with chocolate custard and whipped cream. This was followed by two pumpkin pies to the chest, one disintegrating against each breast and combined coated her upper torso in orange-coloured pulped squash. A pair of apple pies hitting each butt-cheek, drew a shriek of surprise from her before a key lime pie slammed into her crotch, lime-flavoured creamy pie filling engulfing her bodysuit-cover intimate region. A pair of pumpkin pies then sandwiched her head and, along with an apple pie that hit the back of her head, completed the destruction of her blonde chin-length hair. As with the ladies before her, subsequent pies piled more creamy, fruity, pulpy layers in white, brown and orange onto her until, like the others, Kristen Stewart became an unrecognisable blob.

Jill Wagner smiled as Kristen wiped her eyes with two somewhat clean fingers. “So, Kristen,” she asked. “Did that live up to your expectations?”

“Erm, yes, I’d have to say that it did,” came the reply. “Hell, I must look like some weird piece of sculpture that just happens to be made from cream, chocolate and pumpkin pie fillings!”

A chuckling Kirsty Gallacher walked over looking at each of the pie-covered celebrities from head to foot. Turning she addressed the camera. “Well, they’ve been well and truly pied, don’t you think?” Her question was answered by an affirmative murmur from the audience’s section of the studio. “So, with Leah, Cara, Jessica, Sammy, Scarlett, Holly, Katie and Kristen out of the competition, things are about to start rolling. Join us in a few days time when we will reveal the results of matches nine to sixteen and give the losers a nice covering of yummy pies. See you then, Good Night!” Kirsty and Jill waved and were joined by the gunk-covered ladies standing behind them.

Author’s note:Yes!!! I finally have that done. It’s only taken three days longer than I thought (whoops!). Anyway, feedback is always appreciated.

Happy Halloween!

So, here’s the result of my efforts at a week-long story. I was talking to Vanilla over the weekend and asked him if he had any guesses as to what I would be writing, and he thought I’d take the pragmatic approach – write something a bit shorter, maybe based on a real television show so that I had more of a formula to follow, so that it would be less taxing, given the self-imposed time limit…

Instead of that, which would have been sensible, I’ve damn-near killed myself writing this monstrosity of a story. It’s not based on a TV show, and it’s about twice the length of my previous efforts… the only thing I’ve cut corners on here is the editing and tidying up that I would normally do, simply because I was determined to do this in a week and put it up on Halloween, and I’m fast running out of time. It’s largely inspired by what I thought was a great idea for a Halloween themed story and PML’s thread about old favourites, which reminded me of some the WAM epics like the Industrial Zone and Slimecore stories, and in some ways, this is my attempt at something similar, albeit with a different agenda.

To anyone that hasn’t read it yet, this is a follow-up to When Tori Forgot… because people seemed to like those characters and wanted to see Tori take a stab at getting her own back on Izzy.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. I’m going to have a stiff drink and then lie down in a darkened room…

“Welcome back to The Breakfast Show on 105.4 Radio Neptune, I’m Tori and this is Johnny,”

“Morning!”

“And it’s 8:09 on October 31^st. No sightings of ghosts or ghouls yet, but it’s still early, so we will keep you posted with that on our spook watch, and you can follow it live through our Facebook and Twitter feeds.”

“Can ghosts even go out in the daylight, or am I just thinking of vampires?”

“I think that’s just vampires.”

“And some zombies, I think. I guess it depends on the director. Maybe there’s a horror buff out there that can clue us in?”

“We can only hope! Now, we’re asking you about your plans for tonight – are you a Happy Halloweener, out for fun and mischief, or do you just stay in, barricade the doors and treat the whole thing like a bad horror move come to life? We want to know what you’re up to, so get in touch through the usual ways and let us know what you’re doing, especially if you’re doing anything special for the kids during half-term that you want to advertise.”

“What about you, Tori? Got any plans for tonight?”

“Well, Jonny, I’m out with the girls – or should that be ghouls? We’re doing one of those escape rooms that everyone seems to be doing. I’ve never done one before, but it’s Halloween themed and I’m sure it’ll be a good laugh!”

“So I might be presenting on my own tomorrow if you don’t get out before the zombies get you?”

“You should be so lucky! No, Johnny, if I get turned into a zombie, you’ll be the first person I hunt down!”

“How am I going to tell the difference? Groaning, unable to talk properly, shambling walk, dead look behind the eyes… that’s just you before you’ve had your coffee.”

“Like you’re one to talk!”

So, it’s Halloween. A time for tricks and treats, a night when magic does happen and things you thought only happened in fiction can come true. It’s a night where you have to be on guard, as nothing is quite what it seems…

Of course, some parts of it are quite mundane, and sitting in traffic on King Street is one of them. It doesn’t matter how you’re dressed or what day it is, King Street is one of the main roads through Whitton and it’s busy from morning through to night, only easing in the small hours when no-one is around anyway. Izzy and I were sat in the car, on the way to the escape room, which was being hosted out of one of the old industrial units down by the train station, where rent was low and space was in abundance. Many of the old warehouses had already been converted, mostly into big retail units or offices, but some were still vacant. The escape room was a pop up job for Halloween, but there had been a lot of demand for one previously, so with a bit of luck, they might become a more permanent feature.

As this was for Halloween, it ran for about a week either side of today, but tickets for Halloween night were like gold dust and it was by pure luck that Rhiannon had managed to get us booked in. We were right at the end of the night, with our session due to start at nine. It wasn’t exactly ideal, considering that I have to get up early in the morning for a living, but sometimes you just have to suffer through in the name of good fun, and neither Izzy nor I have ever done an escape room before, so it’s going to be a new experience for us. Plus, it’s been a while since we got the five of us out together, especially just as the five of us. The last time I saw Joanna was when she got back from her honeymoon and that was almost three months ago now, so it’ll be great to see everyone together and to do something a bit different to just meeting up for dinner and drinks.

Rhiannon had kept her cards close to her chest on just what the escape room would involve. It was called “Mutant Madness”, she’d let us know that much, and that they had advised us to wear practical clothing that we weren’t too attached to, as the themed room involved a bit of “Halloween goo” that shouldn’t stain, but they wouldn’t be liable for destruction of clothing if it happened. We had also been told to wear something practical, given the physical nature of some of the tasks, so, naturally, I was dressed as a zombie airline hostess. You see, despite the common sense regarding practical costumes, we’d already agreed that our theme was going to be “unusual zombie costumes”, taking the trend of adding the word zombie on to a normal Halloween uniform costume, like zombie nurse and zombie schoolgirl to its illogical end. The challenge was to come up with the most unconventional zombie costume, far from the nurses and police officers that were seen all too regularly, but at the same time, no-one wanted to risk ruining anything fancy, so Izzy’s costume had been assembled from items she already owned, and I’d picked mine up second hand on eBay, with both of us just adding some grey face and body paint and a few scars for the zombie element.

We eventually made it to the old industrial area on the outskirts of town, before parking up and heading to the entrance. There were a couple of teenagers stood at the door, dressed as more conventional zombies and our costumes seemed to get a smile out of them as they looked up at us. “Hello ladies, welcome to Whitton Massey’s premiere Escape Room! Which themed room are you pair booked in for tonight?”

“Mutant Madness,” I replied, “The booking would have been made under the name of Rhiannon Jones.”

“Ah, great,” he replied, “Two of your group are already here. Just head inside and take a left, then you’re right down the bottom of the hall. The room name’s on the door, so just keep walking until you find it.”

We nodded our thanks and stepped inside, listening to the sound of my high heels clipping on the corridor’s corrugated metal floor as we made our way to the room. In full, my costume was red high heels heels, bare legs and a short red skirt, with a matching red blazer over a low cut white blouse and a red cap, with my hair left straight and loose. The costume had a bit of wear and tear, hence the bargain price, but for something I was going to “zombie up” anyway, it was perfect. Izzy’s costume was thrown together from clothes she already owned, consisting of black three-quarter length lycra leggings, a tight hot pink lycra vest top, wrist bands, head band and a pair of trainers. She was dressed as a zombie aerobics instructor, which was just her old gym gear in truth, but it ticked the box for being an unusual zombie costume. We were both quite pleased with our outfits, and though I don’t doubt that both costumes have been done before somewhere, I think we’re picking up a fair few points for novelty value – how often do you see either in the usual Halloween costume shops?

We could hear noises around us and the former warehouse echoed like nothing else, which probably added to the creepy Halloween feeling. We could hear screams and squeals, roars and shuffling. The first door we saw was for “Alien Assault”, but then the other doors we passed were unmarked as we worked our way down to the end to find our room.

“Mutant Madness,” scoffed Izzy, a small smirk on her face. “Where do they come up with this crap?”

I just smiled back and opened the door as we entered a dimly-lit waiting room.

“There you two are!” shouted Rhiannon, standing up and huffing. She had her dark brown hair tied up in a very tight little bun, which wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary for her. “Trust you to be late, Tori, how on earth did you ever wind up presenting a breakfast show on the radio?”

“No-one can see her on the radio, she doesn’t have to get dressed,” replied Joanna as she stood and moved towards me for a hug. “She spends ages messing with that bloody hair of hers, that’s why she’s always so late.”

I hugged her back and then swapped places with Izzy to give Rhiannon a hug. She smiled and stepped back, “So… zombie airline hostess for you, red, and zombie gym instructor for Izzy?”

“Not bad,” I replied, “Though Izzy’s technically an aerobics instructor, but I think we can let you off.” I rubbed my chin and sized up Joanna’s outfit, “Hard, hat, hi-vis jacket, jeans,” I leaned around to look at Jo’s back, “No arse hanging out, so you loose a few points but you’re clearly a zombie builder!” I then turned my attention to Rhiannon and sucked the air through my teeth. She was dressed in dark brown pumps, black tights, a brown tartan skirt and cream blouse, with a green cardigan and over-sized glasses on a chain around her neck. “Some kind of zombie.. librarian?”

Rhiannon huffed, “No. Izzy?”

Izzy tapped her chin thoughtfully as she bit her bottom lip and hummed. “Uh,” she murmured, “Zombie historian maybe?”

She sighed and shook her head. “I can’t believe neither of you got it. Nor did Jo, you’re all rubbish.”

“Zombie teacher was my guess,” said Jo, before shrugging her shoulders.

Before Rhiannon could answer, the door swung open to reveal a truly wonderful sight. Stood before us all now was tall, athletic woman, with sun-kissed skin, beach-blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, full lips and the most incredible pair of natural breasts I’ve ever seen. More than that, though, she was wearing a red one-piece swimsuit, with flip-flops, a yellow zip-up hoodie and a plastic whistle on a cord around her neck.

“Holy Hell Lena,” said Rhiannon, breaking the silence. “Look at you.”

“I’m a zombie lifeguard,” she said, before shrugging her shoulders and shutting the door behind her. “…zombie accountant?”

Rhiannon huffed and rolled her eyes as we all took turns to hug Lena, with Izzy perhaps spending a little too long with her face pressed against the blonde’s phenomenal assets before I had to pull her away. “So, a Baywatch fan?” I asked.

“I guess it’s true,” nodded Joanna, “All Germans really do love David Hasselhoff…”

Lena rolled her eyes and folded her arms, an act that made her already enviable bust only even more impressive. “Guys,” she said with that cool tone that let us know she wasn’t too amused. Lena was the newest member of our group, and she was German, and her accent gave it away, but for all of our ribbing, she was very game, very spontaneous and she was always up for a drink, so she fitted in very well with the rest of us and was frequently the instigator of rowdiness and bad behaviour when we went for a night out.

After about five minutes of hanging around, we were approached by a twenty-something girl dressed as a witch and a slightly older back guy, maybe in his late twenties, dressed as an old-school vampire, complete with glow-in-the-dark fake teeth. “Hello ladies,” he said, managing to talk quite clearly despite the mouthpiece, “Zombie builder? That’s a new one.” He smirked and then looked to Lena, “Zombie life guard, zombie airline hostess, zombie fitness instructor and… uh…” He shook his head, “Zombie frumpy secretary?”

Rhiannon gasped, putting on a mixture of mock and real indignation at the comment, but our host fortunately had enough charm to just flash a smile and get away with it. His witch partner squinted, “Zombie.. Conservative MP?”

“Now I’m just getting offended!” huffed Rhiannon as she folded her arms indignantly.

The vampire chuckled, “Still, I love it when people make an effort, especially on Halloween. I’m sure you ladies will have a great time, but firstly, we need to run through a few bits of housekeeping.”

He then explained his name was Chris, and his companion was Abby, and the two of them would be our game masters for tonight. They would be overseeing things and might offer the odd hint, but were there as facilitators rather than anything else. They went over the usual, with warnings about epilepsy, people with heart defects, pregnancy and so on, reminding us that at no point would we be put in any genuine danger… the usual. He also took any phones, cameras or watches too, so that no-one could try to cheat once inside.

After his speech was over, Chris flashed his cocky grin once more and turned to Rhiannon, “So, who’s your patsy tonight?”

“Patsy?” I asked, before Lena echoed the same sentiment. “What are you on about?”

Chris’ eyes widened and he turned around with a bemused grin on his face. “You never said anything huh, Rhiannon?” he shrugged his shoulders, “Well, this is a less conventional escape room, in that you’ll all be working together on some level, but four of you will start off trying to escape, so that you can save the fifth member from a gruesome destiny. The fifth will be trapped, unable to save herself, but she will be able to see how the rest of you are getting on. She might even be able to help a bit, but essentially, it’s up to you guys to save her from becoming just another of Dr. Braun’s experiments!”

Abby smirked, “So, who’s your patsy?”

“It’s got to be Rhiannon,” said Joanna. “She tried to stitch us up, so it has to be her.”

“Hold on,” said Rhiannon, “I arranged this and paid for it, and so far, only Lena’s give me her share. That’s why I’m so confident it’ll be one of you that-”

I wasn’t going to hang around, so I’d already started rooting around in my handbag and cut Rhi off by thrusting my money in front of her face. Jo quickly followed suit as Izzy buried her face in her hands. “Shit,” she muttered, “I didn’t bring my purse… Tori said she’d pay for any drinks or anything like that tonight.”

“And I will,” I replied gladly, “But for tonight, you’re our patsy!”

Izzy sighed and let her head hang. “Fine, fine, bully the youngest one into it.”

“That’s what we are doing,” I retorted, before putting my arm around her shoulders. “So, we’ve got our patsy sorted – what now?”

“You come with me,” replied Chris as Abby opened up a door out of the room. “And may I say again, ladies, I do appreciate the efforts you’ve gone to with your Halloween costumes.” He smiled and locked eyes with Lena as she passed him, “Especially you, zombie life guard.” Lena just smiled and flipped her hair as she brought up the rear of our group.

We followed Abby down the corridor until she stopped in front of a doorway. “Patsy!” she shouted, much to Izzy’s chagrin as she moved front and centre, being led through the door by Abby first, while the rest of us were left to follow.

What awaited us took my breath away.

We entered a circular, domed room, full of metal floors and grills, with flashing lights and metal panels all over the wall, making it look like something from an old science-fiction movie. One wall was adorned with nine monitors, presumably to allow Izzy to keep watch over us, and the whole room was basked in a somewhere eerie green glow from the overhead lights, but all of that paled in comparison to the room’s centrepiece…

In the middle of the floor was a raised vat of bright, glowing green gunge. It was about three metres in diameter and the gunge bubble and splattered of its own volition. The vat came to maybe a metre above ground level, but it was hard to tell how deep it went below ground, though either way, it held plenty of bubbling green goo.

“That…” muttered Izzy as she seemed to freeze up on the spot.

“Yes?” asked Abby, grinning cruelly. “That’s right, patsy, it’s slime and it’s all for you!”

Izzy groaned and hid her face behind her hands, her cheeks blazing bright red as she stared intently at the vat of gunge. I, meanwhile, was hanging back and hoping I wasn’t smiling too much! It had been a little while since Izzy and I had our private fun in the NHP studio, and I’d promised revenge, but I’d never gone anywhere with the idea. All of a sudden, the stars were aligning for me and now Izzy was going to be risking a very messy gunge bath, and all I would have to do was make sure we didn’t win. It’d be easy – after all, these things are meant to be challenging, so I shouldn’t have any problem making out that it’s really challenging and that I’m struggling with it, all just to run down the clock until bath time! I bit my bottom lip, staring at Izzy’s pert bum through the back of her lycra leggings and imagined how she’d look covered in green gunk and thinking about how much fun it would be to take my revenge here and now, with three of our closest friends on hand to watch it happen!

Abby moved over towards the vat, and a small set of stairs at the back that led up to the top, where was a platform at the back of the tank. She beckoned Izzy to follow her and, reluctantly, the brunette did as we all moved in closer for a good look. “Take a seat,” said Abby, pointing to the only object on the balcony – something akin to a nightmarish dentist’s seat with wrist straps. “This is where you’ll be trapped, waiting to be dunked in our vat of mutant-making muck… let’s hope your friends get you out in time, right?

Izzy turned to look at us and I felt her eyes boring into me. “Yeah,” she muttered quietly as I gave her a playful wave.

“So, this is the end game,” said Chris, holding his arms out wide to show off the room. “If you make it back here, then you’re well on your way to winning! Now, I did send Rhiannon the back story, but just as a reminder, the five of you have all been abducted by the nefarious Dr. Braun, who intends to mutate you all into his loyal legion of unholy abominations, and dear old patsy is up next. The vat is controlled by one of Dr. Braun’s machines, and the four of you will have to escape your prison and shut down his machine to save the world! No pressure, right? And, of course, if you manage to do it in under an hour, then you’ll still have time to save your friend from a seriously slimy ending.”

“You better had save me!” shouted Izzy as she pointed down at us, me especially. “If I mutate, you’ll all be sorry!”

“Right,” said Chris, as if Izzy’s outburst was about par for the course, “Abby will help our patsy into place and the rest of you can come with me and we’ll get you in position, too. Stay close, too, as it’s dark in this next bit.”

“Hey, hold on!” shouted Abby. “Health and safety – any of you wearing heels or anything around your neck that might be a choking hazard will need to take them off. We’ll keep them all safe, but we don’t want any sprained ankles or worse if we can help it!”

Chris nodded, “That’s you trolley dolly and… boring geography teacher… heels off.”

Rhiannon and I obliged, while Lena also took off her flip-flops, whistle and hoodie too. “It’ll be easier to move without them,” she commented as she handed them to Chris, standing before him in just a red one-piece that certainly put a smile on his face. Rhi also took off the over-sized glasses as Jo and I removed our hats too,all while we watched Abby helping Izzy into place.

“What about my shoes?” asked Izzy.

“What about them?” replied Abby.

“I don’t want to ruin them in the gunge.”

“Oh,” Abby said, smirking, “Well, If you don’t trust your friends to save you in time-”

“I’ll take them off,” she quickly replied, removing her shoes and then sitting place to let Abby strap her in, tapping her dainty toes on the seat’s footrest. “It’s cold,” she muttered.

“The gunge is warmer, want to go for a dip?” asked Abby with a wicked grin.

“No, no,” Izzy replied quickly, before forcing a smile. “I’m good, thanks!”

“Right, come on, with me,” called out Chris as he waved us over to an exit on the far side of the room and a set of stairs. “You’ll see the patsy before long, but she may not be as you remember her if the evil Doctor Braun has his way!”

“Bye Izzy!” I called out, waving and blowing her a kiss.

“Bye Izz!” shouted Lena, “Good luck!”

Izzy blinked, “Shouldn’t I be wishing you guys good luck?”

I laughed out loud and shook my head, “Seriously? Take a look down, babes, who do you really think needs luck on their side more?”

She sighed loudly and hung her head. “I hate you all!”

“Love you! Bye!”

—

Five or so minutes passed and we were all in place. Chris was to be looking after us for the duration of the session, if only so that he could continue checking out Lena, something that he made not attempt to hide. Abby would stay with Izzy in the other room. We started in a very dark room, almost pitch-black, but not quite, and all had one ankle chained to a weight in the middle of the room. Sat at the four points of a compass to each other, our only light source was a narrow shaft of blue light in the middle of the room, pointing down at the central column where all of our chains were tied.

Chris hung off for a few moments before letting us start and, as I blinked, it dawned on me that this was to allow our eyes to adjust to the darkness. With each passing second, I could see a little better, first following the chain to the central block, then to Lena and Rhiannon at the sides of the room and finally to Joanna sat opposite, with Chris stood just to the side of her. We were allowed to look around, but not to move or speak until the game started, so I took in as much as I could – which wasn’t a whole lot. The floor was cold and metallic, making me jealous of both Rhi and Jo, who had tights and shoes respectively to at least protect their feet somewhat from the cold floor. Maybe I should have paid more attention to the “practical clothing” part of the invite.

“Alright ladies, you have an hour, starting… now. Good luck!” said Chris as we all heard a shrill beep followed by some haunting techo-synth music starting up. “If the music ends, your game is over,” he added as the four of us stood up. Lena and Jo moved to the middle of the room instinctively, standing under the skylight and over the weight.

“Reckon we can lift it?” asked Jo. “One way to find out, I guess?”

Lena nodded and the pair started trying to lift the weight, but with no luck. I moved closer too and tried to help, but it didn’t make any difference at all. “It’s not budging,” I said, before giving up and stepping back. “It’s probably fixed to the floor,” I added, and then crouched down to study the point where our four chains were connected to the block. There was a metal rod through all four chains, buried deep into the block, with the end tightly coiled, so that the chains couldn’t just be pulled over the top of it. A quick tug suggested that it would move, but something at the bottom was holding it in place.

“Should I try?” asked Lena.

“No,” called out Rhiannon, who hadn’t ventured far from her starting position. “They want us to find the right answer, so you should never need to force things – if it doesn’t come easily, it means it’s either not going to come at all,” she paused for dramatic effect, “Or it’s part of a puzzle.”

So we got to work on following Rhi’s orders. She’d done a couple before, one with Jo, in fact, and she’d managed to escape each time, so she had enough experience to make me trust her. She was also naturally bossy, so barking orders came easily to her. I guess that’s what having three children under the age of eight does to a person!

It took a little while to find the answer, but Lena stumbled upon the solution by luck more than anything. She had grown frustrated with the lack of progress made scouring the room and returned to the central weight, deciding to try brute-forcing it again. She had lifted her chained leg on to the top of the column for leverage so that she could try pulling the rod free and, as she struggled and moved about, Rhiannon spotted a glint coming from the clasp around Lena’s ankle. It turns out that each of the restraint had something like a prismatic rod running through them and lining them up in the shaft of light would cause the clasp to release. We weren’t being told how long we had, so we didn’t know if we’d taken too long or got to it quickly, but we were free from our shackles at least, and the next challenge was to get out of the room now that we could move around more freely.

We immediately began inspecting the corners of the room, as these were the parts we couldn’t reach earlier and, sure enough, our next clue was there. Each corner had something akin to a fire poker propped up, and, bringing these back to the centre of the room, we found four holes in the top of the weight that could be depressed and, with all four depressed at the same time, the weight clunked and sank down into the floor, revealing a tunnel leading down further into the darkness.

“I guess this is it,” I said, looking for confirmation. “I mean, like Rhi said, it’ll be obvious enough if we find it…”

“And this is pretty obvious,” replied Lena as we all stared down at the abyss, none of us quite wanting to go first. “Tori should go,” she added, putting her arm around my shoulder. “After all, it’s your Izzy we’re trying to save… or do you want a mutant girlfriend?”

I sighed and shook my head. “Fine,” I muttered, stepping into the tunnel and lowering myself down to crawl through the passageway. It was pitch-black inside the chamber and it had been slicked with some sort of watery slime that didn’t make it any more difficult, but did add to the unpleasantness of the whole thing and made me think back to the funfair Haunted Houses of my childhood. I crawled through on my stomach, for what felt like it might have been a minute or two, before I came to a grate above my head and a dead end in front of me. Again, logic dictated that I should go through the grate and, while it wasn’t too heavy, it was still made out of metal, so moving it was a little easier said than done. Still, I thought, my best odds of getting Izzy dunked would be to stall at moments like these, so I pushed it around, making a few scraping noises to add to my cause.

“Are you alright down there?” asked Joanna. “Do you need help?”

I probably hadn’t wasted enough time, in truth, but I couldn’t really let them know. “I’m alright,” I shouted back, but there’s a grate here and it’s pretty heavy. Maybe Lena could help me move it?”

“Coming!” she shouted and, a minute or so later, I found myself pressed up against the wall as she appeared in front of me. “You could have warned me that it was wet down here,” she said, and I wondered if she could see my grin in the darkness.

She moved the grate off with relative ease and hauled herself out in the next room, before helping me up. “You need to spend more time in the gym,” she commented, lifting the grate again to check its weight as Jo and Rhi made their way through the tunnel to join us.

“Yeah,” I said, shrugging, “I guess I’ve not been on the weights much recently.”

“That was a bit gross,” said Rhiannon as she emerged out of the tunnel to join us. “Thanks for the warning.”

“You’re welcome,” replied Lena with a smirk. She wasn’t so above it all herself, clearly.

The next room was considerably better-lit than the first one, so we could see much more easily in here, and there was quite a bit more for us to see in here, too. This room appeared to be storage area, filled with shelving units, crates and bits of wood, with pipework and metal propped up all around us. There was an obvious door at the far end of the room, singled out by an overhead light, so we tried that first and, to our surprise, found that it opened. It led to a moment of paranoia and delay as we speculated on whether or not it was too easy, but under Rhi’s instructions, we pressed on to the next room.

And that’s when we caught out first glance of Izzy in a while. From where we were, we could see down through a window, overlooking the downstairs stage where my dear girlfriend was poised, all ready for a plunge in the gunge. The others moved straight over to start banging on the window, trying to catch her attention, but for just a moment, I stared down at the sight of her over the green goo and felt butterflies in my stomach. Was it turning me on? I knew Izzy was into it, she’d made that clear before, but was I coming around to it too, or was it just a giddy thrill from knowing I’d get my revenge? However messy she’d made me before, that had just been us two, in private, this was going to happen with an audience and, while she might not be naked, she wasn’t exactly covered up, so she was sure to feel it get everywhere. Yes, it was just excitement at seeing that troublesome brunette get her just desserts.

“Come on guys,” said Rhiannon, “We’ve got to save her… however we do that.” She rubbed the back of her neck, “We still need to stop that machine, don’t we?”

“We need to find it first,” I added, taking one last look at Izzy sat over the muck, before turning around to face the rest of the room.

We were in some kind of futuristic science fiction laboratory. There were a few work benches lined up against the walls, some whiteboards and a few plastic beakers and flasks scattered around. Undoubtedly, they were meant to be glass, but health and safety had overruled that one. In the middle of the room was a well, filled with murky green goop, not so dissimilar to the stuff Izzy was sat above. “I don’t see a way out,” I said, noting that the only door in the room was the one we’d come through.

Lena sat down on the edge of the well and dipped her finger into the green gunk with a slight giggle. “I can think of one way down,” she said, wiping her finger against her top.

“You might be on to something,” said Rhi, as she grimaced at the thought. “We’d need to get the slime out first though.”

“What’s that at the bottom?” asked Jo, pointing to the side of the well, where a something was protruding. “It looks like a valve or something,” she said as she stooped down to check it out. “Maybe we can drain the slime out somehow?”

“We’d need a pump,” said Rhi, “And some pipes, but there were loads back in that storage room…”

“On it,” I called, grabbing Lena’s hand and dragging her back into the storage room with me. “Right, grab all the pipes you can and keep your eyes open for something that could be a pump.”

A few minutes passed until Lena and I returned to the room with a clutch of pipes each. Various lengths and widths, some were solid plastic pipes, like those used for plumbing, and others were flexible, more like the kind of you get in a vacuum cleaner. Rhi and Jo had been looking around the room for a pump and had found something in the far corner that had a similar valve to the one on the slime well, so things were looking encouraging. We laid out the pipes on the floor, some straight pieces, some corners, and set to work on finding the right size to fit the valve on the well.

It didn’t take too long to find a fit, and a quick check confirmed it plugged into the valve on the far side of the room too.

“Right,” said Rhiannon, “Joanna and I will work on the pipes we have here, but we’ll need more than these to reach the corner, so you two need to go back and grab more.”

“So… leave you and the builder to do the plumbing?” I replied, “Makes sense.”

“Oh!” shouted Joanna, having a genuine eureka moment. “You’re a zombie architect, aren’t you?”

Rhiannon’s weary sigh said more than words ever could, and Lena and I quickly made our way back into the storage room once more. More pipes were gathered and brought back to the room, to find Jo worked from the well and Rhi working from the pump, with a gap in the middle. Lena and I set the pipes down and started working too. They could only fit one way around, with one end larger than the other, and then they twisted to fit, so confidence was high that we were on the way to getting this up and running.

Except… draining this well was obviously a part of our greater task, and doing so would bring us one step closer to saving Izzy from getting dunked. I was having a lot of fun, working as a team, solving puzzles, and it was easy to get caught up in the thrill of it, especially when the others were giving it their all, but I really wanted to see Izzy get dunked. Was it petty? Was it wrong for me to want to make us all lose, just to see her get dunked? I’m sure I could find a way to mess her up too, but this was just too perfect – a dunk tank full of the stuff and three of our best friends on hand to see it too? I was facing a crisis of conscience, so I just tried to slow it down.

“Tori!” shouted Jo, looking across at me, “You’re trying to screw it in backwards!”

“Oh!” I replied, shaking my head, “Sorry! I’m rushing.” I paused, took a deep breath and then turned the pipe around, screwing it up the right way. Perhaps I had wasted a few seconds, but I couldn’t make it too obvious what I was doing.

Rhi and Lena had finished their bit and had gone back to the contraption in the corner. Letting Jo take over, I moved to join them too. It was a large cylindrical unit, a bit like a giant coffee urn from a caterer’s, and it was embedded into the wall, with a pressure gauge on the front of it. Running off to either side were smaller pipes, leading to a pair of crank-handles. Lena took one and Jo took the other, turning them in unison, in the same direction, but as Rhi and I watched the gauge, nothing seemed to happen. “What’s wrong?” called out Lena. “Why isn’t it draining?”

“The bar’s only half-full,” replied Rhi. “We aren’t getting enough pressure.” She groaned, “Alright, everyone spread out, there must be more cranks or something, we’ve just got to find them!”

So we did, and a few seconds later, we found out the problem.

“Aw, shit,” called out Joanna. “Over here,” she called from the opposite corner of the room, where she’d moved some boxes. “We’ve got another pump thing, and another valve.”

“So we have to build more pipes?” asked Lena. “Was there another valve on the well?”

“No,” she replied, “Just the one. We checked for that, which is why when we found one pump, we were so sure. Now we’ll need a T-shaped bit of pipe too, and some more lengths.”

I felt a little giddy. This was wasting time and it wasn’t my fault. “Why don’t you and Rhi get on with what we have here, and Lena and I can go get more pipes?” I asked, looking to the German. “I don’t remember seeing any T-shapes though.”

“I did,” she replied with a smile. “They just didn’t seem relevant at the time. There was a box full of them!”

So Lena and I went back to the storage room. She immediately went for the box of connectors and I set about grabbing more pipes. Having worked with them, it was a little easier to spot the size we wanted, plus they all seemed to be the same shade of light grey, but it was still easier to grab a bunch of pipes and let the others sort them out. We returned to the room to find Joanna working on the new contraption, having got a few pipes hooked up to it already, while Rhi was assembling some straight pipes to be slotted into the finished pipework.

“Great,” called out Rhi, seeing the connector. “Does it fit the pipes we’re using?” she asked, holding up her straight for Lena to confirm the two were the right size.

“I’ll put this in place,” said Lena, leaving me to start connecting up pipes with the others. She went back to the well and knelt down, so she could start disconnecting the corner piece we’d put in, to replace it with the three-way joint.

“Oh, that’s gross,” she complained a moment later, holding up the corner which now had some gunge inside of it… or had had some gunge inside of it, most of which was now on Lena’s hands and thighs where she was sat with the corner still dripping. “We got some slime out of the well,” she added, before sticking her tongue out and dropping the corner piece.

“At least it works,” I called out, smirking slightly. The other two couldn’t help smirking either, and I wondered if they’d deliberately left that job, just in case it was a messy one. Still, Lena carried on working and fitted in the connector, as we all hooked up our bits of pipework to finish the job. She only then started trying to wipe her thighs clean, by which point the goop had started to become a bit stickier and tackier, much to her disgust. Pipework done, Jo and Rhi went to the far side as Lena and I took up our positions and all four of us started working the crank-handles, turning them in unison.

“It’s working,” shouted Rhi as she checked her pressure gauge.

“Working here, too!” I called back as the four of us could hear some gurgling noises coming from the middle of the room, along with rattling in the cylinders, too. I wasn’t expecting them to actually drain the slime properly, but for all the world, it sounded like that was what we were doing. It took a bit of time to fully drain the well, but we knew when we were done as all four handles stopped working simultaneously.

Returning to the centre, we could now see that the well led down to a diagonal chute, and it was covered in slime still, even if we’d drained the bulk of it out. “That looks grim,” said Rhiannon, shaking her head.

“Ugh, such babies,” said Lena as she stepped up into the lip of the well. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she said, grinning for a second, as she stepped down, pressing her bare foot against the bottom of the chute with an audible squelch. “Mm, lovely,” she said, her voice coated in as much sarcasm as the chute was coated in slime, before taking a deep breathe and sending herself down the chute. She gave a bit of a squeal, presumably from a mix of the descent and the slime and at the bottom, she landed with a bit of a damp squelch and a thud, though we couldn’t be entirely sure from the top.

“Is it safe?” I called out.

“Don’t go yet,” she replied, “I need to open the door first.” There was a moment’s silence, followed by what I assumed to be some colourful German language. “I need a key!”

“A key?” repeated Joanna. “So she’s stuck down there?”

Rhiannon sighed. “I should have thought about this. If we’re making a vacuum to drain out the slime, then it must be sealed at the bottom too, or the slime would have drained out of there. Or the entire first-floor is flooded, either way.”

“Not helping!” shouted Lena back up the tunnel. “It’s not a proper key. It’s a star-shaped item, maybe the size of your hand. There’s a slot for it to press into on a red panel.”

So the three of us set about searching for such an item. Jo and I went back to the storage area while Rhi started checking the lab area. There was plenty to search, boxes, crates, shelves… all sorts of things, but as I began rooting around in a box full of straw, I found exactly what Lena needed – a red metal star. Of course, this was a perfect opportunity to slow things down… so I put it back, pushed it over to the other side of the rack and pretended to carry on looking.

Rhi soon put her head around the door. “I’ve gone through every drawer that opens and every cupboard, there’s nothing in there,” she said, sounding just slightly out of breath. “And Lena’s in trouble – she says that the chute’s starting to fill up again, she’s already ankle-deep in slime!”

“Well, I’m checking this left set of racks,” said Jo, “And Tori’s doing the ones on the right. Do you want to go down the middle and just double-check? I’ve been pulling stuff out and just leaving it on the shelves, so you can see if I’ve missed a box.”

Well, that was that. I carried on searching but knew it wouldn’t take long for Rhi to find the red star and, sure enough she did. “I can’t believe you missed it, Tori,” she said, shaking her head.

“Sorry,” I replied, “I just through it was straw and moved.”

“Good job I’m here,” she huffed and turned around. “Oh!” she exclaimed “Sacks!”

“Sacks?” I replied, moving back over to her.

“Empty sacks! We can ride these down and save getting covered in slime,” she said, picking up one from a pile on the floor. “Like a sort of toboggan thing!”

“Genius,” replied Joanna as she did the same and then handed me one.

“We’re here,” called out Rhi, “And I found the key. Somehow Tori completely missed it. I’m starting to wonder if the ginger hair’s just a dye job to cover up her blondeness.”

“Hey!” replied Lena, “I’m blonde, and I’m almost up to my knees, so if you don’t hurry, I’ll have green hair!”

Rhi threw the key down into the chute and it clanged about before reaching the bottom with a splash that told us Lena wasn’t kidding. There was the sound of sloshing and scrambling, all of which echoed up the chute, but a few moments later, we heard a clang. “I’m out,” shouted Lena, “You can come down now!”

So Jo went first, placing her sack down and sitting on it, sliding down to the bottom, followed by Rhi and I was last to go down. I followed the example I’d seen – placing the sack down, stepping onto it and then sitting down. The top of the chute was level, so even if the slime made it a bit slippery, it wasn’t like the sack would slide out from underneath me, so I was able to lower myself into position easily enough. I stretched out my bare legs, letting my heels rest in a patch of slimy goop on the side of the chute with little smile before touching some of it with my hand. It brought back a lot of strong memories of that fateful night a few months ago, and it wasn’t an entirely unpleasant sensation, either. Cold and slimy, yes, but maybe it was because of a sense of nostalgia, thinking back to that night, that it somehow didn’t feel nearly as gross to me as it did to everyone else. I pushed off, traveling down the dark chute and feeling bits of slime flying up and splattering against my legs and even a bit on my face too.

Landing at the bottom, I was on another flat section, and there was a bit of room to get up before reaching the doorway. The floor here was thick with slime, which carried on as a puddle in the next room, spreading out from the door that Lena had already opened. As I felt the gunge ooze between my toes and squelch under my soles, I couldn’t help smirking. This did feel a little more gross, and immediately my mind raced to thoughts of Izzy being dunked and having to feel this all over her body.

The sight at the bottom was something to behold too – Lena’s back and bum were coated in slime, there was plenty streaked in her hair, and her feet and shins were covered from where she had been stood in the rising slime earlier. She was trying to dry herself with one of the sacks when I landed at the bottom, and while she she was smiling, you could tell she wasn’t enjoying the sensation.

“Looking good,” I called out, smirking. “Green’s a good look for you!”

She huffed and threw the sack at me, which narrowly missed. “It’s so gross, and this thing,” she said, motioning to her red swimsuit, “Stupid thing rode up my ass on the way down. I never want to do that again.”

The room we were in had a simple puzzle, with four pressure panels on the floor needing to be pressed simultaneously to open the lock. The floor panels were all varying shades of black, white, grey and slate blue, but only four of them were the same shade of grey. Three were easy enough to find, but one was underneath the slimy puddle, though some clever use of the sacks helped clear that up so that we could open the lock.

The room afterwards was also quite straightforward, and it seemed like we were making up the time we’d lost upstairs, with the pipes. We hadn’t found the machine to shut down yet, or a way to save Izzy, but given that we were snaking back along the ground floor and under the rooms we’d been in, there couldn’t have been a whole lot left. Chris was still following us, though he clearly had some back access, as he hadn’t come down the chute or the tunnel, and he remained a silent spectator. He did check his watch from time to time, but I could never manage to see what it said.

The next room we entered downstairs had an elaborate set of cogs, that ran over all four walls, linked up to a large crank-handle beside the exit door. Several cogs were missing from the system, but they were easily located in a pile in the middle of the room. Under Rhi’s instructions, we all took a wall each and, as a cog would only fit in its proper position, we couldn’t put the wrong cog in the wrong place, so it was just a case of grabbing a handful and trying to fit them. We’d then dump any we couldn’t fit back in the middle of the floor and take a new batch.

Everyone dived in, grabbing some cogs and setting to work. I was starting to feel a little guilty now, the others were working hard and I was trying to sabotage that for my own gain when perhaps I should just be working hard. If it had been Rhi or one of the others on the dunk seat, I’d be giving it my all and I wouldn’t appreciate it if I found that one of the others had been trying to scupper my efforts, just to see Rhi get gunged. This was the last time I was going to do it, I told myself, as I picked up all the small cogs I could find and went to my wall. I fitted a couple and then dropped the pile to the floor. It made a bit of a noise as the others looked up, “Sorry, sorry!” I shouted.

“Rushing again?” asked Lena, her eyebrow cocked as she studied me.

“Don’t rush,” said Rhiannon calmly. “If you’re going slow, that’s fine, just make sure you get it right first time. If one of use finishes first, we can help you, that’s why it’s a team game.”

“Sure, sure,” I replied, gathering up all bar one of the cogs, which I nudged towards the darker corners of the room. “Sorry,” I added, though I did wonder just what I was apologising for, considering that I was deliberately withholding one of the cogs that someone else would need. I then returned to the middle, grabbed a fresh stack of cogs and went to work on my wall again.

It was Jo that finished first and she then came across to help me with my wall, as I was still behind.

“Help!,” shouted Rhi as she rooted through the cogs left in the middle of the room. “I’m missing one of those small cogs and there aren’t any left in the pile. Have you guys got one?”

I looked up, and found Lena staring back at me from across the room.

“Here,” I said, passing my clutch of cogs to Joanna, “I don’t have any small ones left, but you can finish the wall and I’ll help Rhi look for it… It probably rolled away when I dropped them earlier.” Lena caught my gaze again and raised her eyebrows as I look away and went to the opposite corner to where I’d kicked the cog. Dropping to my hands and knees, I began rooting around in the darker corner, finding it to be dusty, but unsurprisingly devoid of any cogs. “Nothing here,” I called out before moving to the opposite corner as the other three carried on fitting their cogs into the wall.

“Got it!” I shouted, moving across to Rhi as she pointed out the gap in the system. “Sorry.”

“This is what I meant about rushing,” she said quietly. “Don’t worry if you’re not as quick as the rest of us, just try not to make mistakes.”

It didn’t take long for the rest of the walls to be completed, and Jo then started turning the handle as the cogs spun and the door eventually slid to the side, allowing us into the next room.

“This is it!” shouted Rhiannon. “This has to be the control room,” she said, pointing to the various lights, buttons, consoles and so on. “And there’s Izzy!” she shouted, pointing to the window next to the door on the side of the room.

There was a large central column in the middle of the room, with four terminals around it, and in each corner of the room was a floor-to-ceiling tube filled with green slime. There were monitors on the walls, along with all the future-computer stuff that you got in every old sci-fi movie, full of blinking lights, toggles and the rest. The slime in the tubes was moving up constantly, and one of the monitors on the wall showed what appeared to be details for the vat – or at least, it had something that looked like the vat and a few numbers and percentages to the side of it.

“I’ll take the monitors,” shouted Rhi. “You lot check around the rest of the room for any other clues, but don’t touch anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a trigger here that would just dunk Izzy anyway. Poor thing.”

“I’ll check the terminals,” I called out, moving towards the nearest one and sitting down at it, as Jo and Lena began exploring the room.

“Guys… according to this, the vat is 82% ready,” said Rhi. “If my maths is right, that means we’ve got about ten minutes to save Izzy.” She turned back around, “Uh, 83% now. There aren’t any controls or buttons here, but there are four inputs to the vat and it’s still mixing. I guess it needs to be more mutate-y or something.”

“That’d be these four things then?” asked Lena, tapping one. “Huh, it’s warm,” she said.

Jo pressed her hand to one on the far wall, “Yeah, it is,” she replied, seeming just as surprised. “Wait, didn’t that goth woman say the gunge under Izzy was warm?”

“So these probably are being fed into the vat beneath Izz, but we still need to find a way to switch it off. That was the objective,” Rhiannon sighed, “Let’s just look for clues.”

“Well there’s something here,” I said. “I’ve been poking around on this terminal and there’s an option to shut down the machine, but it’s password-protected.”

“So we just need the password,” called it Jo. “Then let’s find it. This is a game, right? It’s going to be hidden somewhere in this room. Does it give you any ideas on what the password might be?”

“Just that it’s four digits long,” I replied. “And digits only, too,” I added, “I’ve only got a keypad with numbers here, no letters.”

“What’s on the other keyboards, Tori?” asked Rhiannon as she turned from the monitors.

“Looks like this one’s all letters,” I said, moving around the four terminals, “And this one’s just got four arrows – up, down, left, right, and the final one’s a load of shapes, like triangles and squiggly lines and circles and stuff…”

And so we all started scouring the room for the four codes required. We each took a wall and worked along, checking shelves, desks, posters and the like in hope of finding the codes we needed. Rhi was the first to find one, picking up the four-digit number code from a series of equations on one of the whiteboards. The alphabetical code was actually the name of a country, “Cuba”, which Lena identified as the only country on a world map with a red pin in it. I found the symbols, they were on a piece of paper sticking out of a book on some shelves near the door, and the last one was the directional code. Jo wasn’t having any luck on her wall and moved over to give Rhi a hand as Lena gave up on her wall and moved across to help me rummage through a load of papers in a filing cabinet. I was searching the top drawer, so she ducked down and began rooting through the bottom.

After a few moments, she stood up, holding a piece of orange paper in her hand and, sure enough, there was the code. Up, up, left, right. She then held it in front of her chest and turned so that the other two couldn’t see us, before speaking in a hushed tone to me. “Do you want this code, or do you want to see Izzy get slimed?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice going a little high as I protested, “Of course I want the code! We’re trying to win, aren’t we?”

“Are you sure?” she asked, her voice still hushed. “Only I know you’re quicker than you have been today. The others might not have noticed, but I get what you’re doing.” She glanced over her shoulder to check the other two were still busy and then looked back to me. “I get it, too, if I had the chance to slime any of my exes, I’d take it, I think it would be fun… it might even be a little hot, thinking about the power and domination, so, I ask again, do you want this code, or do you want me to hide it back in the drawer and say we can’t find it?”

I sighed. Lena was quite open sexually, and wasn’t afraid to discuss such things… maybe she would understand what I was going through, but did I have time to explain it all to her? “I’ve been conflicted,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “I’d love to see Izzy get messed up like that, just for fun, but I made my mind up already not to ruin this for the rest of you when you’re trying so hard.” With that, I snatched the paper from her hand and ran to the last terminal, before punching in the code.

“SYSTEM DISACTIVATED” announced the computer as the four columns of slime around the room drained and the monitors faded to black.

“That’s it,” cried Rhiannon. “Let’s get out of here and get Izzy down! Did anyone see what percentage the vat was at?”

“It was at 91 the last time I saw it,” replied Joanna as she rushed over to the exit, “Which doesn’t leave us long!” she added as she turned the handle and left the room first, with the rest of us following her out.

“Hey!” shouted Izzy as the door swung open and we emerged triumphantly from the control room back to where we parted ways. There were mutual high-fives and cheers as we sauntered over to the dunk tank where Izzy was still sat over the sludge. “Get me down from here!” she shouted, tugging at the wrist restraints, “I don’t want to be mutated!”

“Relax,” replied Joanna, “The machine’s been shut off, so you’re fine.”

“Then why is the music still playing?” asked Izzy.

There was a penny dropping moment as we all realised that the music was still playing, so ambient that it had gone unnoticed since it began. Jo started to move towards the stop only for Izzy to shake her head. “You need a key to undo the lock around my waist!”

“Not this again,” complained Rhiannon as she looked around. “There’s nothing here to search though – no shelves or boxes – so where’s the key? Did we miss it?”

“I was thinking this too,” said Izzy, “But look around – there’s a bunch of stuff on the walls, like over there, there’s something with some hand-prints, and then there’s one under the monitors that’s got a bunch of shapes in it.”

“So it’s puzzles within puzzles,” I said, before moving towards the monitors. “These are slots to fit shapes into! There’s a circle, a square, a triangle, a star, a heart, a diamond, a cross, a crescent moon, a V-shape and a ring.” I groaned, “We need ten things? This has to be where the key is!”

So we all fanned out to the various panels. The first one I found was a sequence puzzle. There were a dozen lights laid out in a grid, and when I hit start, they flashed in a pattern that I had to repeat. After three different patterns, and three successes, I was rewarded by a panel opening up to reveal a blue plastic cross. Rushing over to the monitors, I plugged it in, just as Rhi arrived with a blue triangle. “Two down!” she shouted.

Behind us we heard a yelp and turned to see Joanna being sprayed in the face by a thing stream of green goop. She spluttered and wiped her face, “Wasn’t expecting that,” she commented and then shook her head. “It’s one of those wire buzzer games… I’m not great, but I didn’t expect to get slimed for touching the wire!”

I looked to Chris, who continued to say nothing, then to Rhi and shrugged. “Well, final room and all, I guess things are tougher here.” Craning my neck, I called out to Lena, “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I get slimy if I don’t get a puzzle right first time,” she replied, her voice a bit abrupt. “Don’t ruin my concentration, please. I need to focus.”

I was loathe to get slimed, but I had a steady hand and these kinds of buzzer games rarely posed a problem for me, so I took over from Jo and let her move along to another puzzle. I thought back to what Rhiannon had said earlier, about taking it slow and getting it right the first time – there were three others working on different puzzles, and I’d already earned one of the tokens, so I was pulling my weight and a second would be good. With that in mind, I went steadily along the wire, up and down, taking it carefully until I reached the end, letting the ring slide down over the base, which caused a panel to open up, revealing a bright red crescent moon.

I ran back to the monitors to plug it in as Lena arrived with a token of her own. “We’re up to five!” she shouted loudly.

“Halfway!” shouted Izzy, her voice wobbling with nerves. Maybe she wasn’t so keen on getting slimed herself, but she just enjoyed doing it to others – to me – I thought. Surely she shouldn’t be so worked up if she wanted to be dunked? “Come one guys, keep it up!” she shouted, curling her fingers and toes as she wriggled and squirmed on the seat.

I glanced around, looking for something to do as Lena moved over to the hand prints. “Hey Tori!” she shouted, “This needs two people!”

Moving across to the blonde, she waved to a series of hand prints and foot prints on the floor and wall. “We must have to press them all at the same time,” she said, before stepping forwards and placing her feet on two of the foot prints. She leaned forwards to put her hands on two panels on the wall, but before she could make contact, a stream of green slime poured out from a chute above her in the wall, straight into her face as it plastered her hair to her head and then started running over her back, undoubtedly soaking through her swimsuit. She spluttered a bit but reached out for the two hand prints anyway and found them, even as the slime carried on pouring.

“Hurry!” she said to me, “You need to press the others too!”

I looked to the nearest one on the wall and was about to press it when I noticed it had three dots, lined up in the shape of triangle. “No,” I said, “Let go, move off, you’ve got it wrong!”

Lena pulled her hands back and stepped off of the panels, looking to me quizzically. “What?” she asked, before wiping her face. As I looked up at her, I could see that a lot of the slime had coursed down into her cleavage and, continuing its journey, had flowed into her swimsuit too, and she now had a bit of a bulge sloshing around her crotch and stomach. She must have seen me staring, because her face turned into a grin and she leaned in to whisper to me, “It’s cold, and it’s gross, especially down there, but I kind of like it.”

“You’re mad,” I blurted, my cheeks turning red as she tugged open one of the leg holes and expelled the slime from her costume, both of us watching the green goo oozing down her long, toned legs.

“Maybe,” she replied giddily. “Now why did you make me stop?”

I blinked, feeling flustered for a moment, before turning to point at the hand print. “Look, three dots on this one,” I said, before moving to another, “and six dots here. You got slimed for pressing more than one at a time, but I think it’s a sequence.”

“Right, right,” said Lena, before squatting down to look at the floor, an act that squeezed a bit more goop out of her swimsuit, dribbling from between her thighs to the floor below. “I’ll do these ones at the bottom, you do the ones on the wall!” she paused and looked up at me, “And if you want Izzy to get dunked, you’ll just have to waste time here, getting slimy with me.”

I bit my bottom lip, my cheeks flushing red before I turned my back on her. She was only a pitchfork and horns away from being in a devil costume and she was certainly acting like one right now. I scanned the four hand prints, and then pushed in the first one, “One, and, two,” I called out, pressing in a second.

“Three,” replied Lena, “And I can see up your skirt. A thong’s a nice choice, what are you expecting to happen tonight?”

“Four,” I replied, feeling my cheeks burn even brighter and my heart starting to beat faster.

“Five… sex… sorry, six,” she said, grinning.

“Seven,” I said, trying to hold it together as she started brushing her slimy hair against my thigh. “Last one, Lena.”

“And eight,” she said, as a panel slid back at the base of the wall. She leaned forwards and grabbed the yellow item from inside, leaving me stood with my legs apart atop the blonde. She moved back slowly, making sure to brush her slimy hair and shoulders against my bare legs as she did, before rushing back to the monitors just in time to join Joanna.

Joanna looked somewhat taken aback by just how slimy Lena was right now, after all, her long blonde hair was almost entirely green. Lena didn’t seem at all bothered and just slotted in her token as Jo regained her composure and did the same. “We’re up to eight,” she called out as I looked around the room to see Rhi working on something. “We just need the square and the star now.”

“Over near the door,” called Izzy. “There are only two puzzle things left, Rhi’s doing one and the other’s by the door we came in at the beginning. Hurry!” She stomped her feet on the chair’s footrest, digging her fingernails into the arm of the seat as the tension got to her. “There’s not long left!”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your knickers in a twist,” I replied, before folding my arms and looking up at her coolly. “We don’t have to rush, you know…”

“Hurry!” she shouted, pouting hard and look every bit like a petulant child. She really didn’t want to get gooped, and I couldn’t help enjoying the sight, knowing that her fate was still in my hands. I could fumble or get something wrong and waste valuable seconds…

So I just moved over to the panel near the doorway instead, reminding myself that I owed it to my other friends more, and so I needed to do my bit. This final puzzle, left until last by chance, consisted of a monitor showing a photograph of the far section of the room and a lever beneath it. As I studied it, I heard the slap and squelch of wet bare feet on metal and turned to see Lena arriving as I spotted Jo moving towards Rhiannon on the other panel.

“Need some help?” she asked. “Not like there are any other puzzles to solve.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t just going back to the solved ones and trying to get covered in slime again,” I replied, smirking.

“Maybe later,” she shrugged, though I noticed she had started wiping her face and trying to scrape the gunk from her hair. “So what’s this?”

“I’ve no idea,” I replied. “It’s just a photo, I don’t really get it.”

“Well, did you try the lever?”

I grinned and stepped back, “Be my guest!”

Lena gave me a look that couldn’t quite kill, but might have maimed a bit, before stepping up and pulling the lever down, which opened up a panel beneath the monitor. “I don’t get it,” she said bluntly.

“It’s like one of those drawers you get at the bank, or in a post office,” I said, “So we must have to put something in there to get our token, but I’m sure we can’t just put anything in there.”

“So what do we do?”

“It must be tied to the picture,” I said, before turning to look at that section of the room. It was the set of monitors, and the slots below, and the resolution was good enough to show each shape clearly. It also featured the two panels on either side, one of which was a puzzle Rhi had solved and the other was the buzzer game I’d taken over from Jo.

“It’s just the other side of the room,” said Lena, who I could tell was getting frustrated with it already. “Do we need to go over there and get something? It’s not pointing to anything!”

“Oh!” I said, joining up the mental dots. “It’s not pointing to anything, because there’s something missing in this picture. Or maybe more than one thing. It’s like spot the difference and what’s not in the picture is what needs to go in the drawer. I hope.”

“Me too,” said Lena. “I’ll go over here, you shout me what’s missing.”

As she turned, we heard a squeal and saw both Rhi and Jo engulfed in a deluge of green slime from a pipe above. Rhi was bearing the brunt of it, stood at the front of the panel, especially once Jo stepped back out of it and started wiping her hair. “Yuck,” she muttered, scraping it from her face as the deluge stopped and Rhi went back to work.

“That’s the last time I listen to you!” she exclaimed before solving whatever puzzle it was. “I’ve got the square,” she shouted, “That just leaves it to you, Tori!”

Lena looked back over her shoulder at me, “I won’t tell them if you really want to slime Izzy. I promise.” She then moved off before I could respond and walked towards that section of the wall, joining up with the other two as Rhi slotted in her token.

“So what are we looking for?” shouted Jo.

“I’m still working it out,” I replied, and I was. It was hard, because I’d have to try to memorise the picture, or at least part of it, and then turn to look at the room, and then look back to the picture to confirm if it was the same. My head was on a swivel. The left-hand side of the photo looked right, the panel was exactly the same as it looked from here, there was nothing out of place that I could identify, from the overhead gunge chute to the floor, to the panel, it all looked the same.

“Here,” said Rhi, still covered in gunge, “I’ll help. You look at the left side, I’ll do the right, there’s got to be something.”

Having already checked the left, I was really looking at the centre now, in the area around the monitors, but I wasn’t going to just argue with Rhi now. She still looked a bit pissed at having been slimed already, whether or not it was Jo’s fault was what I really wondered, though.

As I looked back over, I saw something red on the front of one of the monitor screens. They were all black and white, and a quick glance back showed nothing red in the picture. “Hey, Lena,” I called out, “Is there something red on one of the monitors? The one top centre?”

Lena turned around and looked at it, “No,” she replied shaking her head.

“Yes there is!” shouted Izzy. “It’s been bugging me all evening, but it’s not on the monitors, it’s on a rope dangling down. I don’t know what it is, it’s like a red Christmas bauble, I don’t care, but just grab it Lena!”

Lena pushed her tongue against the roof her mouth and sighed, “If I end up covered in slime again, you will all be sorry!”

“Hey!” shouted Izzy, “I’m about to get mutated here!”

“If I get slimed again, you are definitely getting mutated,” replied the German, flashing a grin that looked even whiter than usual with all the slime on her face as she grabbed the red handle and pulled the rope.

Sure enough, a stream of green gunge poured down over Lena from above. She muttered something in German, and I could easily guess what it meant, as the slime washed over her hair, face and shoulders once more. Giving up completely, she just held her arms out to the side and stood there, letting it wash over her, even as it started to fill up her swimsuit again. “You’re getting this too, Izzy!” she shouted, looking directly up at the nervous brunette.

“Not when we’re this close,” said Jo as she snatched the bauble out of Lena’s outstretched arm and rushed across the floor towards Rhi and myself. She threw the bauble, which I found, thankfully, wasn’t made of glass when I caught it and then placed it into the deposit. Rhi cranked the handle and, sure enough, we were rewarded with the final token, a yellow plastic star.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I grabbed it and chucked it to Jo, who ran across the room to the monitors and fitted it into place. There was a shrill beeping noise before all of the monitors turned off, the lights brightened and a drawer opened, revealing the key we needed to release Izzy. This was compounded by the tannoy, which cried out the phrase “SUCCESS!” to our delight.

We all celebrated our victory and moved towards the metre-tall dunk tank where Izzy was still sat. Lena was leaning over it, peering down at the bubbling mass of green goo and flicking bits of it at Izzy’s bare feet and lower legs.

“Quit it,” she hissed, curling her toes as if trying to get away. “Untie me already!”

“Only if they want to,” said Abby, who had been stood silently beside Izzy for the game. “I mean, maybe they think you should get dunked.”

Izzy’s eyes widened and she looked down at the four of us, who had gathered around the tank, along with Chris. He shrugged, “It’s up to the group.”

Rhi and Jo immediately looked to me, as Lena did the same, dripping gunge from her hands back into the pool. “She’s your girlfriend,” said Jo, shrugging her shoulders.

“I won’t be if she dunks me!” shouted Izzy, still struggling against the restraints. “Come on Tori, get me down! I don’t deserve this!”

So here I was. We’d won the game and I could still dunk Izzy in front of everyone and, somehow, as I looked up at her pouting face… I sighed. “She’s right, she doesn’t deserve it, let’s get her down,” I said, before nodding at Jo to pass the key up to Abby.

Izzy grinned and kicked her legs happily as Abby reached over and unfastened her wrists first, then her waist. “I’d have dunked her,” she said, as she helped Izzy down from the seat. “Seems like a waste of perfectly good slime, especially at the end of the night.”

Chris nodded, “I agree. It would be shame not to dunk someone. We can’t keep the slime overnight, so we’ll be chucking it either way.”

“Tori!” shouted Lena, as my jaw pretty much hit the floor. “She’s given in to romance and decided not to dunk Izzy. What is this, Valentine’s? No, it’s Halloween, and she should get her own little fright!”

“She did slow us down a bit too,” added Rhi, who was completely neglecting to mention how she’d kept the mention of slime completely hidden from us until we were already here. “She probably made the most mistakes.”

“Dowdy receptionist zombie’s right,” said Chris, clearing his throat. “Airline hostess here did cost you some time, though it’s part of the team’s duty to help out those that are struggling. She did well with some of these final puzzles, to be fair to her.”

“Yeah, but she’s the also least mucky of us,” said Jo, with her hands on her hips. “Well, except Izzy, of course.”

“Hey, don’t put this back on me, I’ve only just got down,” pouted Izzy.

Rhiannon huffed, “I wouldn’t have been slimed if it wasn’t for you anyway, Jo!”

“Well excuse me for trying to help – you’re just grumpy because no-one knows what your costume is supposed to be!” snapped Jo, before sticking her tongue out.

“Oh, you want to go there?” replied Rhi, “Are you a zombie builder or just a zombie les-”

She was cut short by a scream and turned… to look at me. “Eep!” I exclaimed involuntarily as Lena grabbed me from behind, hooking her arms under mine, lifting me off of the ground.

“Enough talking,” she said, “Grab a leg each!”

I cringed and shook my head, curling my toes and fingers as I knew what was coming. Jo and Rhiannon each grabbed a leg, while Izzy looked on, grinning wickedly. She was doing something I found incredibly cute, but also slightly unnerving – whenever she bit her tongue between her teeth, so that the tip just poked out of her mouth, as she was doing now – it meant she was excited, and happy, but above all, she was having naughty thoughts, and I knew just what was on her mind. She glanced to the vat of goo and then back to me, coyly waving her fingers at me with one hand as I shut my eyes.

The girls carried me into place and, under Lena’s countdown, swung me back, then forwards, then back, forwards, back and then forwards again, launching me through the air and into the vat. I felt myself land with a wet, heavy squelch in the middle of the pool, the gunge quickly sucking me in as it ran over my bare legs and feet, and then inside of my skirt, before the rest of me was sucked in too, and the bright lights above me went dark as the gunge enveloped my head and I felt myself sink completely into the mire. It was warm, as Abby had promised, and I could feel it bubbling inside the pool, pressing against my bare legs and hands as I continued to sink for another moment, still lying almost horizontally under the surface of the pool.

It hadn’t taken long at all to soak through my costume and, more than that, my underwear. Lena hadn’t been wrong about my wearing a thong, and for all that the German had been a bit forward, the gunge was far, far more pervasive, invading every part of my costume and body without a second thought for my privacy. It was in my thong, in my bra, my ears, my nostrils, my hair… for as much as I thought I’d been messed up once before by Izzy, this was a whole new level of messy, and I genuinely was gunged from head to toe, with not a single inch of my body spared from the slop. Turning slowly, against the thick, heavy gunge, I managed to find my footing on the base of the tank and, with something to push off against, I stood up again, pushing my head back up to rend the surface, gasping for air as the darkness lifted somewhat and I could make out muffled sounds around me.

My first instinct was to wipe my mouth and, as gross as it might sound, to force the goop from my nose too, so that I could breathe again, which I did with a loud gasp, before moving to wipe my eyes and ears afterwards. I had to blink a few times, but I could hear the laughter easily enough and turned around to see my friends staring back as I stood in the gunge up to my chest. In fact, my breasts appeared to be floating on the surface, such was the height of goop, and Izzy was staring right at them, her cheeks very red as she watched with delight all across her face.

“It’s a good job we did save Izzy,” said Jo, “I’m not sure she’d be able to stand up in there!”

“I’m not that small,” she scoffed, pushing Jo playfully. “No, no, this was the right choice, Lena did very well.”

Lena was propping herself up on her elbows by the side of the vat, idly flicking gunge towards me with a grin. I locked eyes with her and she just winked back, clearly very pleased with herself.

“You look so ridiculous,” said Rhiannon, grinning. “I am so glad that isn’t me!” Her eyes widened a little, “You’re wearing a skirt!”

“She’s been wearing one all night,” replied Jo. “What’s your point?”

“Well, the slime’s going to be all, you know…” Rhi wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Jo blinked, and looked to me in confusion, and I just sighed, “She means that that I’m going to have gunge in my knickers… and she’s right.”

Jo burst out laughing as Lena and Izzy smirked at me. Rhi just shook her head, looking slightly apologetic, but there was definitely some relief on her face that it wasn’t her. All I could do was just stand there, with gunge all over me as the vat of radioactive green goop continued to bubble and slosh around me. At least my costume had been bought cheap, I thought, I’d never get the deposit back if I’d hired one.

“Well girls,” said Abby, who had been quietly conferring with Chris. “You’ve made it out in 57:49, so congratulations!”

“How does that compare?” asked Rhiannon, who was still trying to wipe some of the gunge from her hair.

Chris and Abby exchanged a look before he cleared his throat. “Right, if you lot want to come with me, we’ve got warm showers and some spare clothing in the back for all of you.” He looked my way, “Gungey, you can just wait there and we’ll come back with some stuff to help you out.”

“Gungey?” I replied, shaking my head. “That is so unfair.”

Lena grinned, “I’ll wait with gungey.” Her accent made the word sound stranger than usual, and she must have been amused by it too, given the daft smile on her face.

The others left with Chris and Abby, so that Lena and I were alone.

“So, not what you wanted, huh?” she asked, grinning smugly. “You should have let Izzy take the fall!”

“I should have done,” I said, looking back to her and shaking my head. “You know you’re the worst for dumping me in here, right?”

“Worst?” she asked with a grin, “Or best?” She pulled her hand out of the gunge and licked it from her forefinger, smirking as she did, “You’re telling me you don’t like how it feels against your body… inside your thong?”

“Lena!” I replied, blushing deeply, not that anyone could tell under the bright green goop on my cheeks. “You’re the worst. Definitely.”

The blonde shrugged her shoulders and stuck her tongue out at me. “Whatever you say, gungey!”

Round 3’s over and we’ve lost the OG Gunge Grand Prix winner Emma Watson and reigning champion Margot Robbie. There have also been some pretty tight results all around, which is to be expected as the cream of the GGP crop rises to the surface. Or at least, the names more people have heard of and have the most aesthetically pleasing bodies attached to the names. Want to prove me wrong on that one? The hype contest is still open! Anyway, the Challonge page has the full results along with the prediction brackets. Mobile-friendly link for the round 4 through this link.

Apologies again for being eighteen hours late on this one. Bit of a bad day yesterday for various reasons.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This story contains nudity

Welcome back to this results show of CSWL with me your host Anna Woolhouse 

Anna is wearing the same black mini dress, black high-heeled shoes and her light brown hair being worn down and is straight.

Welcome back to the result show of this game now let’s meet the guests shall we first up we have the Tottenham representative Gail Emms.

LONDON, ENGLAND – MAY 02: Gail Emms attends Sport Industry Awards at Battersea Evolution on May 2, 2012 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage)

Gail is still wearing the same sparkly black mini dress that she had on in the preview show, red high-heeled shoes and her blonde hair is being worn down.

Now let’s move onto our Manchester City representative and that is WWE wrestler Becky Lynch.

Becky is wearing the same white sparkly mini dress, with white high-heeled shoes and her orange hair i being worn down and is wavy.

So now we have the ladies now let’s move onto the forfeits shall we and as Tottenham was the home team Gail will you join me over here please.

First up we have yellow cards they had 2 off these so that means to custard pies for Gail here.

Anna picks up the custard pies and proceeds to give Gail a pie sandwich coating her face and her blonde hair in a yellow custard mess.

Now it is time for the off sides and Tottenham conceded 4 of these so that means 4 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Gail then spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Chocolate Dip’

A bucket is then brought out and Gail is instructed to dip her head into the bucket.

Gail’s face is then coated in a chocolatey mess and it turns her hair into a brown mess and it starts to matt it.

Gail is then led over to the forfeit wheel again and this time it lands on ‘Custard Bottom’.

There is some buckets of custard and cream that has been brought out ready to be used on Gail.

Firstly Anna lifts up Gails dress to reveal a black thong that reveals Gail’s shapely bum.

Anna then picks up the first bucket and then grabs hold of the elastic of Gail’s thong before proceeding to pour the contents of the bucket which is of course Custard all over Gail’s shapely bum, and over her sensitive areas as well, the custard then drip down onto Gail’s legs starting to cover bits of her legs as well and onto her red high-heeled shoes also.

This forfeit is now over and Gail is led over for the wheel for another spin.

This time it land’s on strip x1.

Gail is shocked by this but is instructed to take off her dress.

This then leaves Gail in just her skimpy thong and her skimpy lacy black bra that she is wearing as well.

Gail is led over to the wheel for her final spin and this one lands on ‘Shower Surprise’

Gail is then led over to a shower cubicle, where she get’s inside of it waiting for what is going to happen to her.

Anna then releases the lever and out comes different substances of a fried breakfast so fried eggs, sausages, bacon, baked beans, fried bread, black pudding and finally hash browns.

This leaves Gail in a baked bean and sticky mess with all the fat from the foods leaving Gail all sticky.

Now it is time for the forfeits for fouls Manchester City committed 13 fouls so that means 3 spins of the forfeit wheel for Gail.

Gail spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on strip x2.

Gail is fuming at this as it will leave her completely starkers.

Gail reluctantly removes her bra to reveal her boobs before quickly covering them up so she isn’t humiliated anymore, she then has to make all kinds of shapes in removing her thong so she isn’t embarrassed and not trying to reveal it to the world.

But Anna makes Gail, remove her hands from her private areas so that she has to show her shaven vagina to the world and making it even more embarrassing for her.

Gail is absolutely livid by this and vows revenge on Anna later in the night.

But now that forfeit is out-of-the-way Gail is instructed to spin the wheel again and has to move one of her hands covering herself to do this.

Gail does as she is told and spins the wheel and she removes her hands covering her breasts.

The wheel lands on ‘Gunge Tank’.

Gail is led over to the gunge tank where she sits down and is squeezing her legs together trying to conceal her modesty.

Anna then pulls the lever, to reveal that it is green gunge in the tank, it then domes over a helpless Gail.

The gunge then covers every inch of Gail’s naked body.

Gail then exits the tank and then spins the wheel for the final time.

Gail then spins the wheel for the final time and this time it lands on ‘The Bath’

Gail is led over to the bath where it is filled up with some mud.

Gail is instructed to get into the bath, where she has to submerge herself underneath for 10 seconds.

Once this is done Gail exits the Bath.

Anna then reveals that the next forfeit is for possession and as Tottenham had 4% less possession it means that there is 2 more custard pies for Gail to endure.

Anna then slams the 2 pies into Gail’s face giving her 2nd pie sandwich of the night.

Once Gail has finished this forfeit it is onto the final forfeit and that is of course for goal conceded and as Tottenham have only conceded 1 it is only a trip to the gunge tank for Gail.

Gail is sat inside of the gunge tank for the 2nd time and this time is waiting to be covered in light blue gunge the colours of Manchester City’s home kit.

Anna then pulls the lever and releases the gunge all over Gail, coating her whole body in light blue gunge.

Once the gunge has subsided Gail then exits the tank.

Thank you Gail that is you done now it is time to move onto the Manchester City representative and that is Becky Lynch.

So Becky would you join me over here please, asks Anna.

So first up is the yellow cards, Manchester City had 2 of these.]

Anna picks up 2 custard pies and then proceeds to give Becky a pie sandwich coating her face and her orange locks in yellow custard.

Next up is the off sides and Manchester City had 4 of these so that means it is 4 spins of the forfeit wheel for Becky.

Becky spins the wheel for the first time, and it lands on ‘Knickerbocker Glory’.

Anna picks up a Knickerbocker pudding, then lifts up the back of Becky’s dress to reveal a silver thong.

Anna then proceeds to pour the pudding inside of Becky’s thong making it bulge, and it also goes over her bum, and over her sensual areas.

Becky is then led over to the forfeit wheel for her 2nd forfeit.

Becky spins the wheel again and this time it lands on ‘Mud Bath’

Becky is led over to the bath where again like Gail had to submerge herself under the mud for 10 seconds.

Becky slowly makes her way over to the bath, gets inside of the bath, submerges herself and is now covered from head to toe in mud.

Becky then gets out of the bath, and goes over to the forfeit wheel to spin for her 3rd spin of the wheel.

Becky then spins the wheel for the 3rd time and it lands on strip x1.

Becky is disgusted by this as it means she will be down to her underwear.

Becky reluctantly removes her dress to reveal a very skimpy silver bra to go along with the silver thing that she is already wearing.

Now that forfeit is out-of-the-way Becky spins the wheel for the final time and this tie it lands on ‘Gunge Tank’

Becky is then led over to the gunge tank, which has been refilled and red gunge is awaiting a hapless Becky Lynch.

Once Becky is inside of the tank, Anna pulls the lever to release the gunge all over Becky.

The red gunge then domes all over Becky coating every inch of her body, Becky is now covered from head to toe in red gunge.

Now it is onto the forfeits for fouls and Manchester City conceded 13 so that means another 3 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Becky spins the wheel for the first time and it lands on ‘Shower Time’

Becky is led over to the Shower Cubicle like Gail was, and is then awaiting her fate.

Anna then pulls the lever and a combination of a Roast Dinner is dispensed over Becky, this contains Gravy, Roast Potatoes, Cauliflower, Roast Chicken, Broccoli, Carrots.

This leaves Becky in a brown congealed mess and it matts her hair as well.

Becky then exits the cubicle and then makes her way over to the forfeit wheel again for her 2nd spin of this forfeit.

Becky spins the wheel and this time it lands on strip x2.

Becky is gobsmacked by this as it means she will be completely naked, but she reluctantly takes off her bra to reveal her amazing boobs to the world, before she takes off her silver thong, but she doesn’t cover up as she knows Anna will do something to make her reveal it anyway, so Becky lets anyone take in her shaven vagina.

Becky then takes to the wheel for the 3rd and final time.

This time the wheel lands on ‘Surprise Buckets’.

There is then 3 buckets bought out to be tipped over Becky, the first consists of mud the 2nd is pig slop and the final is manure.

Anna then dispenses the first bucket over Becky’s head and turning her into a brown mess, Anna then dispenses the 2nd mess which is pig slop all over Becky this is a dark yellow colour and again it makes Becky a right mess, before Anna pours the last bucket of Becky which is manure, and this makes Becky gag, and turns her into a right mess.

That is it for tonight’s show announces Anna.

Is it both ladies say simultaneously, they then grab Anna, put her into the gunge tank where they both pull the lever to dispense yellow gunge all over Anna coating her all over and ruining her dress and her hair.

They then remove Anna from the gunge tank before flinging her into the mud bath making her even worse and making her a brown mess.

Once Anna is out of the bath, both ladies then proceed to strip Anna naked, removing her black skimpy bra and her black thong, Anna like the other 2 ladies is now stood naked and they make sure she reveals everything to the world.

Before they finally pelt Anna with pies making sure she is covered overall, before finally finishing with the 3 buckets of mud, pig slop and manure leaving Anna gagging and a right mess, before Allowing Anna to wrap up the show.

Thank you for joining me a naked humiliated Anna Woolhouse and my 2 guests an equally humiliated Gail Emms and Becky Lynch, and please join Sarah Stirk for this weekends game of Arsenal vs Liverpool

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Welcome to this weeks episode of CSWL with me your host Sarah Stirk

Sarah is wearing a purple mini dress, black high-heeled shoes and her blonde hair is in a bob.

Today’s game features Arsenal and Liverpool, so shall we meet our Arsenal representative shall we.

And that is former Holby City actress Tina Hobley.

And Tina is wearing a red mini dress black peep toe high-heeled shoes and her blonde hair is being worn down an is wavy at the bottom.

Hi Tina I hear this is your 2nd appearance on the show your first being in the first series about 5 year ago.

Yes Sarah that is true.

So what brings you back here today.

Well Sarah I am hoping to do a lot better than my first appearance on the show.

Thanks for that Tina, now let’s meet our Liverpool representative shall we.

And that is Lana Del Rey who is wearing a white mini dress but is wearing no shoes and her brown hair is being worn down.

Welcome to the show Lana this is your first time on the show I understand.

It is indeed.

So what brings you to CSWL.

Well Sarah I enjoy some fun and bring on anything that comes my way, unless it gets to nudity of course.

well thank you for that Lana now lets reveal the forfeits shall we.

First up we of course have the gunge tank for 1 goal conceded.

For 2 goals it is the pillories.

For 3 goals it is the bath and all forfeits will be done in your underwear.

Both ladies are shocked by this.

For 4 goals it will be the dunk tank and all forfeits will be done naked.

Both ladies put there hands over there mouths at the shock of this.

And like normal a reluctant Sarah announces there will be some humiliation coming my way as well.

So join me Sarah Stirk and my 2 guests in the results show to see what happens

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

The TV programme starts and Rosie is standing in front of a large dunk tank.

Rosie is wearing a black jacket, white shirt which is partly unbuttoned showing glimpses of a white bra and Rosie’s impressive cleavage. The ensemble is completed with a short black shirt, black stockings and black high heel shoes.

“Hi everyone, and welcome to our halloween special. My name is Rosie Jones, and one of our celebrities is going to get dunked in the tank behind me.” Rosie points her thumb backwards.

“Before we welcome our 2 contestants, and to tie in with our Halloween themed show, we have a very special guest. Please put your hands together for my co-host. It’s the one and only Helena Bonham Carter.

The audience claps as Helena walks on wearing a witches outfit, which consists of a long black dress showing a generous amount of cleavage, and her hair styled wildly and frizzily.

Helena was clearly reprising her previous film role of Bellatrix Lestrange, an evil and sadistic witch. She cackles and makes her hands into fists “I am in the mood to get someone very messy!”

“That’s very convenient Helena, because we are about to welcome on our 2 contestants – Helen Flanagan and Gemma Atkinson”

Both ladies are wearing sexy schoolgirl outfits consisting of white shirts, ties, short grey skirts, black hold-up stockings and black high heel shoes.

They both seem jovial and are smiling and waving to the audience, whilst sucking on lollipops.

“Hello ladies. I see you are making good use of our complimentarily alcoholic lollipops

Helen giggled “Yes, mine is cosmopolitan flavoured and it’s very nice!”

Gemma hiccups “Yes, I think I may have got a bit tipsy sucking on these!”

Rosie smiled “Hopefully it has made you both a little relaxed as one of you is about to get a little bit messy. I think Helena is going to tell us what is in the dunk tank.”

Waving her arms about, Helena starts to describe “We have sourced the stickiest slop, the messiest gunge and the most disgusting filth from around the world. It’s all been chucked into the tank and stirred together to make a quite evil gungey mess. The only question is which schoolgirl is going to get dunked in it!”

Rosie commented “All I can say is I’m glad it’s not going to me, as that does sound truly disgusting. Let’s find out who the viewers have voted for.”

Rosie looked down at her clipboard “I can announce that with 65% of the vote, the winner is……….. Gemma!”

Helen rejoiced and punched the air in delight, as Gemma just smiled and knowingly shook her head from side to side.

“Congratulations Gemma, and I can also reveal that there were over 20 votes cast overall, so not only will you going in the dunk tank, you will also get to play a couple of our specially themed Halloween games.”

“In fact, lets play one now. We call it ‘Trick or Treat’. To the side of you Gemma, you will see 3 doors. All you have to do is go up to each door and knock on it. You will then get a ‘trick’ or a ‘treat’. Good luck Gemma!”

Gemma bends down and puts her lollipop on the floor. The audience gets a good view of her shapely thighs and a glimpse of her white knickers as her short grey skirt rides up her body. Gemma stands up again, and sexily walks towards the first door, knowing that everyone is watching her.

Gemma stops in front of the door, and knocks. The door opens to reveal an angry looking Helena who is holding an egg in her hand. Helena laughs wickedly as she splats the egg on top of Gemma’s head. Gemma squeals as the eggy contents spill out onto her hair and start to form egg drips down her hair and face.

Gemma wipes her forehead to rid herself of the egg drips and proceeds to the next door and knocks again. The door creaks open to reveal Helena again, who this time has a pumpkin pie in her hands. Very quickly, the witch thrusts the pie into Gemma’s unsuspecting face and moves the pie tin around so that all of Gemma’s face is encrusted with sloppy pumpkin.

“Yuck!” exclaims Gemma as she wipes her eyes clean of pumpkin so she can see again.

Gemma makes her way to the third and final door and hesitantly knocks again. Yet again Helena appears behind the door and is now holding a bowl of pumpkin soup. Helena upends the bowl directly over Gemma and she gasps as the stodgy liquidised pumpkin coats her blond hair and runs down her face.

Again, Gemma wipes her eyes and face, and walks slowly back to join Rosie.

“That’s very unfortunate Gemma. Looks like you got 3 tricks and no treats!”

Gemma smiles sarcastically “Yeah, funny how that worked out!”

Helena rejoins Gemma and Rosie “Yes, I don’t do treats! I just do mess and lots of it!”

Rosie titters “Ok, we’ll do one more game before you have the pleasure of taking a trip to our dunk tank. This is called ‘Bobbing for Apples’. Come and follow me Gemma.”

Rosie leads Gemma to the side of the stage where there is an inflatable paddling pool which stands about 1 foot high. Rosie explains the game “As you can see Gemma, the pool has been filled with sticky treacle and we have placed some apples at the far end of the pool. Unfortunately they are not bobbing on the surface as they have sunk to the bottom of the pool. What you have to do is kneel at the side of the pool at the other end to where the apples are, and see how many apples you can get out of the pool, using only your mouth, in 60 seconds.”

Gemma pulls a face “But I’m going to get covered in that disgusting treacle!”

Rosie smiles “Yes you are! And I have some more news for you and I can reveal that as there were over 40 votes cast, this means that you need to strip to your underwear.”

Gemma gives a wry smile as she starts to take her tie off. She then unbuttons her shirt and throws that to the floor to reveal a white skimpy bra which seemed to be struggling to contain her large buxom tits. Next to go was her grey skirt and this revealed matching white knickers. The audience cheered as they viewed the 33 year old beauty in her underwear. Gemma adjusted her black hold up stockings and made sure they were pulled up her thighs as far as they could go.

Gemma then knelt down at the side of the pool and prepared herself. Rosie took out a stopwatch and shouted “Go!”

Gemma leaned over the pool and dropped her pretty face into the treacle trying to find an apple with her mouth. As she was searching, her head and hair were delved completely under the treacle surface and her bra-clad tits also dipped into the sticky treacle. The audience were also treated to the view of Gemma’s sexy knicker-clad bottom wobbling around as she bobbed. Gemma found one of the apples and grabbed it with her mouth, and pulled herself out of the treacle and drops the apple into a basket to the side of her. Gemma’s hair was matted with the gooey substance, and it had saturated her flimsy bra material to such an extent that it was now clinging to her tits like a second skin and her erect nipples could be easily made out.

Before Gemma could go bobbing again, Rosie shouted “Stop!” and duly stopped the stopwatch.

A puzzled Gemma looked towards Rosie. “Why have you stopped? Surely we have got nowhere near 60 seconds yet.”

“Sorry Gemma, but in my haste, I forgot to say that in fact there were actually more than 50 votes cast.”

“Really, so that means I need to get…….” gulps Gemma

“Yes thats right Gemma, you need to strip naked? but we’ll be a little kind to you and just for the rest of this particular game, you can just take your bra off.”

Gemma grins cheekily as she reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra, and lets the garment drop down her arms and off her body. Gasps from the audience were heard as this revealed her naked tits in all their glory. Before Gemma could do anything else, Helena took hold of Gemma’s arms and pulled them behind her back and tied her wrists together with rope.

“Hey, what’s that for?”

Helena answered “The rules of the game are that you need to use just your mouth. So I’m just making certain that you can’t use your hands, and anyway how can I inflict maximum embarrassment on you if your hands aren’t tied! We need to make it as interesting for the viewers as we can. Ha ha!”

Helena turned to face the camera “I actually have even more good news about the voting. There was in fact a total of 133 votes, which means that the magic ‘60’ vote target was achieved very easily.

Rosie looked a little aghast as she realised the implications of this “Oh no!”

“Oh yes Rosie. So this means you get to do one of the games with Gemma. I think we’ll get you to do the rest of this game. Oh, and you’ll need to be topless as well.”

“Oh well, I guess this new programme has proved very popular with the viewers, so I have to abide by the rules.” Rosie didn’t seem that bothered by this latest development as she handed the stopwatch to Helena and started to strip. This was nothing new for her, having appeared topless on page 3 and many lads mags. First her tie came off, then her white shirt, and finally her bra. This left Rosie with her beautifully rounded tits naked, and wearing only a short black skirt with stockings, suspenders and high heel shoes.

Rosie knelt next to Gemma, and Helena was quick to grab hold of Rosie’s arms and pull them behind her back and tie her wrists together.

Rosie just smiled wryly to the camera, as the two topless beauties could not do anything to protect their modesty as the camera zoomed in for some close-ups of both impressive pairs of tits.

Helena commented that there would be a punishment for whoever retrieved the least number of apples and then shouted “Go!” and restarted the stopwatch, and both Rosie and Gemma leaned over and bobbed their faces into the treacle, which also had the effect of bobbing their tits into the sticky foodstuff.

Helena laughed wickedly as she watched the two topless ladies, and turned to the camera “I think they should rename this game. Forget about ‘Bobbing for Apples’, it should be called ‘Bobbing Tits’. Ha ha!”

The camera focused on Rosie and Gemma as they tried to find the apples, and by the time Helena shouted “Time Up!”, Rosie had retrieved 2 apples and Gemma had got 4. The top halves of both ladies were covered in the gloopy treacle with their sticky breasts glistening under the studio lights. Both handcuffed ladies were asked to stand, and as they did the audience savoured the messy sight before them.

Helena faced the duo “As I am feeling particularly mean tonight, I think we’ll have a particularly messy punishment for the loser. Let’s see, that would be you Rosie.”

“But that’s not fair as Gemma did an extra bob before I even started.”

“That’s a fair comment Rosie, so I will deduct one apple from Gemma’s score. That means you still lost by 3 to 2.”

Rosie sighed as she watched Helena pick up a small black couldron which had steam coming from it, and lifted it above Rosie’s head. Rosie closed her eyes as the cauldron was upturned and thick green gunge splashed over head and down her front.

“Yuck! What is that?”

“It’s my special potion. It’s supposed to be good for the skin.” As she finished the sentence, Helena started to rub the gunge around Rosie’s face and massaged the gunge around her tits. “There you go!”

“Thanks Helena” was the sarcastic reply.

Helena cackles as she unties Rosie’s hands. Rosie wipes her eyes and bends down, picks her bra up, and puts it back on before she resumes presenting duties “Hmmm, so after a bit of an unplanned diversion, we can now finally get to the main event of the evening – Gemma’s dunking.”

Gemma still has her hands tied behind her back, so has her big bouncy breasts in full view.

“Now we were a little kind to you in the last game by only getting you to strip to the waist, but as you know there were sufficient votes for you to have to get dunked naked. I know that you might find it difficult to take off your knickers as your hands are still tied, so I’m sure Helena can help you.”

Helena starts laughing wildly and waves her witches wand around before pointing it directly at Gemma. A puff of smoke appears in front of Gemma, and as the smoke cleared away, it reveals that Gemma’s white knickers had been magically taken away from her to reveal her shaved muff and peachy bottom.

Gemma is now wearing just hold up black stockings and high heel shoes, as Helena beckons her to go up the steps of the dunk tank and sit on the chair suspended over it. Gemma has a bit of difficulty trying to climb the steps as she is unable to use her hands to balance herself, and her large tits bounce around comically to much amusement from the audience. However she eventually makes it up to the top and sits down on the chair. She crosses her legs to at least cover her shaved muff from public view.

Helena starts the countdown, and on zero, pulls the lever which sharply tilts the chair downwards and sends the naked former Hollyoaks star into the disgusting greyish / greenish gungey gloop below.

Gemma lands with an almighty splash and struggles to stand up, but eventually does and reveals that the gunge level is waist high. She is completely covered with gunge, her hair matted and her tits dripping with gunge.

Helena points her witches wand in the direction of an overhead compartment which is directly over Gemma, and the floor of the compartment immediately gives way, allowing its purple gungey contents to shower over Gemma and give her a fresh coating of gunge.

Gemma shrieks as she is splattered with gunge.

Helena turns to the camera and cackles “Let’s see if we can get Gemma even more messy!”

Helena waves her wand again, and a puff of smoke appears at the side of her. When the smoke subsides it reveals that Gemma has magically been transported from the dunk tank and had the rope removed from her wrists. Instead her hands are now above her head and are tied to strong artificial cobwebs which are attached to an overhead beam. The gunge covered actress can not protect her modesty with her tits and muff on show.

Gemma appears a little shocked at what has just happened and tries to free her hands from the cobwebs without success, and only succeeds in jiggling her gungey tits around much to the delight of the audience.

The gunge coated actress looks pleadingly at Helena who just looks back at her with an evil grin.

“All witches need a black cat, and I haven’t got one.” Helena mimics wiping tears out of her eyes “But Gemma, I think you will make the perfect kitten.”

Helena cackled as she pressed a button on a remote control she was holding, and a gurgling sound could be heard above Gemma’s head. Gemma looked up inquisitively and was hit with a deluge of thick black gunge which descended down on her.

Gemma let out a number of small squeals as the black gunge streamed down her body and covered every inch of her. It was relentless and the gunge didn’t stop falling until a good 30 seconds had elapsed. Gemma glistened under the studio lights.

Helena walks up to Gemma and placed a headband on her head. The headband had two black cat cardboard ears perched on top. She then pulled some fake whiskers from her pocket, and placed them on both sides of Gemma’s cheeks. The sticky gunge kept them in place. Helena walked around the back of Gemma and fastens the end of a long black tail onto Gemma’s bottom. Again, the copious layers of gunge keep this in place. Gemma made a sigh and her eyes widened as she felt the tail being attached.

Helena smiled at Gemma and patted her on her head “Now, there’s a good kitty!”

Helena walked back to where Rosie and Helen were standing. They were both laughing at the humiliation that Helena was subjecting Gemma to.

Rosie taunts Gemma “Do you want a saucer of milk?“

Helen joins in “Or perhaps a can of tuna? Ha ha?”

Helena put her hands on her hips and faced the duo “Hmmm, I wonder if I can get you two naked and messy as well!”

Rosie and Helen glanced at each other, before pouncing on Helena and taking her wand from her.

“Hey, give me my wand back!”

“Not a chance! You are only going to use it on me and Helen.”

Rosie and Helen then take an arm each of Helena and walk her to the edge of the dunk tank. Rosie then takes hold of Helena’s feet, and Helen takes a grip of Helena’s hands. They start to sway the squealing Helena from side to side, until they finally let go, and throw her into the tank. Helena lands with a large splash and gradually gets to her feet. Everyone can see that she has been turned into a greyish / greenish blob, with her mad hair completely matted to her head.

Helen smiles “Ding Dong, the witch is gunged!”

Helena lets out a little scream as she can’t believe that she has just been dunked. The credits start rolling as Helena wipes her eyes and looks at the clean and still clothed Helen “I’m not sure why you’re smiling, because you’re appearing on the next CSWL!”

Helen’s smile was wiped off her face “Oh great, I can’t wait!”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Welcome to this hastily arranged Scottish edition of CSWL. I am your host, Jo Wilson, and we will be featuring this afternoons top of the table clash between Celtic and Hearts.”

Jo is wearing a black and white patterned blouse, black trousers and black high heel shoes.

In her sexy Scottish accent, she introduces the first contestants. “Representing Celtic we have Helen Flanagan!”

Helen walks on wearing a black jacket, red bra, short black skirt and black velvet boots.

“Hello Helen. I think our viewers at home will like the outfit you have on today. Did you forget to put a shirt on?”

“No, I was supposed to be going for a night out, before I was roped into appearing on this show, and I haven’t had chance to change.”

“Oh I see, and for the benefit of the viewers, please explain why you are representing Celtic.”

“My boyfriend is Scott Sinclair and he plays for Celtic.”

“I bet you are hoping he plays well so that you have less mess and embarrassment.”

“Yes I do hope so!”

“You managed to avoid any mess in the recent Halloween Dunk TV Show so let’s see if your luck holds out again.”

Helen smiled as she crossed her fingers in front of her.

“Ok then, lets welcome on our second guest, and it is no stranger to CSWL, it’s Kirsty Gallacher.”

Kirsty walks on wearing a short pink dress and pink high heel shoes.

“Hello Kirsty. Is that dress short enough?”

Kirsty looked a little grumpy as she replied “A bit like Helen, I was going to be attending another event, but I’ve been whisked here to appear on this bloody show yet again! If I had known, I would have worn a few more articles of clothing.”

“Watch your language please Kirsty! It’s kind of your own fault really, being so sexy. You are a real hit with our viewers and they keep requesting for you to appear again and again!”

Kirsty rolled her eyes.

“Can you tell viewers at home why you are supporting Hearts today?”

“I was born in Edinburgh, where Hearts are based, and that is the only link I have with them. The producer told me that they couldn’t find any Hearts fans in time for the show today, and that I would have to step in.”

“I see Kirsty, I guess we all have to do things we don’t like sometimes.”

Kirsty scowled back at Jo.

Jo turns to the camera.

“Let me explain the rules of the game. If your team concedes 1 goal then it is a good old fashioned custard pieing.

For the second goal conceded, then it will also be a trip to the gunge tank.

If your team has a bad night and concedes 3 goals, then you’ll also get to go in our dunk-tank, plus you will have to do all forfeits in your underwear.

If there’s 4 goals or more conceded, then you’ll also endure an extra special messing, plus you will have to do all forfeits naked.”

Kirsty and Helen groaned.

Jo continued with the rules “There will also be spins of the Forfeit Wheel for bookings, red cards and any penalties missed. We have adapted the Wheel to include some interesting scottish themed forfeits, which we thought would be quite apt. In addition, as Helen avoided any mess on the Halloween Dunk, then we will have some special forfeits for Helen, which will be directly linked to Scott Sinclair’s performance!”

Helen was open-mouthed at this latest development.

Jo concluded the preview show “That’s all for now, so don’t forget to tune back in tonight when we will reveal the results. And also tune in to see Sarah Stirk present the CSWL match between Arsenal’s Tina Hobley and Liverpool’s Lana Del Rey.”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

(This story contains nudity)

“I’m Jo Wilson and welcome back to the results show for the top of the table clash in the Scottish Premiership. We have Helen Flanagan representing Celtic and Kirsty Gallacher representing Hearts.”

All 3 ladies are wearing the same as in the preview show, and unlike other previous shows, everyone is already aware of the match result.

Jo starts proceedings “Well, what an emphatic victory for Celtic! I think this is our first 5-0 scoreline on CSWL this season.”

Helen is smiling from ear to ear and punches the air in delight as Kirsty has her head bowed with her hands on her hips.

“Helen, you must be feeling pleased?”

“Yes, I had every faith in the team and my boyfriend, and they certainly didn’t let me down.”

“Yes they certainly did very well. No goals conceded, no bookings, no sendings offs and no penalties missed. Looks like your luck has continued from the Halloween Dunk, and there are no forfeits for you to do.”

“Fantastic! I’ll need to remember to thank my boyfriend properly later tonight, if you get my drift!”

“Err Yes, well we don’t really want to know about that. Moving on to Hearts, and they’ve had a bit of a nightmare, haven’t they Kirsty?”

“Come on, lets just get on with it!”

“Oh, someone is a little inpatient! You should really be used to this by now Kirsty as you have been on umpteen CSWL episodes, although I guess this may be the worst scoreline you have ended up on the wrong side of.”

Kirsty scowled at Jo.

“Ok, so let’s start with the forfeit wheel. There were 3 bookings, no sendings off and no penalties missed. That means three spins of the wheel. Off you go then Kirsty.”

Kirsty reaches for the wheel and spun it. It landed on a segment called ‘Dundee Marmalade Bath’.

A bath was wheeled on, three quarters full with sticky Dundee Marmalade.

Jo explains what Kirsty has to do “The bath has been filled with some traditional marmalade made in Dundee. Did you know that they have been making marmalade in Dundee since 1797?”

Kirsty sarcastically replied “Fascinating!”

Jo continues “Anyway, can you get in the bath Kirsty and you know the drill, you have to totally submerge yourself for 3 seconds.”

Kirsty grunted as she stepped into the bath “Urghh! This is really sticky.”

Kirsty gingerly sat down in the bath and the marmalade seeped inside her dress. Pinching her nose, Kirsty dropped her head and upper body under the surface and re-appeared 3 seconds later. Her hair was sticky and matted with the marmalade, and the top of her dress had plastered itself to her generously sized chest. Slowly Kirsty stood up and stepped out of the bath, and approached the wheel and spun again.

This time it landed on a segment titled “Cranachan Surprise”

Jo explained further “For the viewers who are unaware, I can tell you that Cranachan is a traditional Scottish dessert consisting of honey, whipped cream, whisky, raspberries and oatmeal. The surprise is that it will be going in your knickers Kirsty”

“What!”

“You heard. Now hitch that sexy dress of yours up!”

Kirsty reluctantly did as she was asked until her dress was bunched around her waist, showing all of her long shapely legs and a pair of pink knickers. Jo had a jug of Cranachan in one hand and with the forefinger of her other hand, she pulled the elasticated top of Kirsty’s knickers out slightly.

“Are you ready for this Kirsty?”

“Not really, but I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Err, no you don’t” Jo began to pour the Cranachan into Kirsty’s knickers and the runny dessert made Kirsty gasp loudly as the coldness quickly hit her most sensitive regions. The knickers were soon filled up, and Jo let go of the elasticated top and stepped back to admire her handiwork. The dessert was now starting to seep through the knicker legs and through the material, and streamed down Kirsty’s long legs, making it all the way down to her pink high heel shoes.

Kirsty let go off her dress and it returned to its normal state and covered her messy knickers from view. Kirsty did the walk back to the wheel carefully, as the dessert sloshed about in her knickers. The wheel was spun for the third and final time and landed on ‘Irn-Bru Shower’

Kirsty was led to a shower cubicle, ushered inside and the transparent door closed.

Jo was again full of facts “Irn-Bru has been produced in Scotland since 1901, and is affectionately known as ‘Scotland’s other national drink’ (after whiskey)”

Kirsty appeared unimpressed as she looked up at the wrong time as the shower started and was hit in the face with lashings of the orange fizzy drink. Kirsty squealed as she became drenched in Irn-bru. Although it had the effect of washing some of the marmalade away, it had also had the effect of platering her dress even more to her gorgeous curves.

The shower stopped after 20 seconds and a drenched Kirsty walked out and rejoined Jo.

Jo put her hand to her earpiece “Hey, I have just been told that Irn-Bru want to use your showering in their next advertising campaign. Isn’t that good.”

Kirsty raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

“Ok, so moving on I have some good news and bad news for you Kirsty. The good news is that there are no more spins of the forfeit wheel for you. The bad news is that we now come on to the forfeits for the goals conceded. As there were 5, you know what this means, don’t you?”

“Yes, I’ve heard the rules often enough!” With a sigh, Kirsty starts removing her dress. This revealed a matching set of pink bra and pink knickers. Kirsty reaches behind her back and undoes her bra clasp and lets her bra fall to the floor to reveal her large bouncy tits. Next she slips her fingers into her knickers and pulls them down her legs until they nestle around her high heel shoes. She steps out of them and faces the camera with her hands on her hips with her tits and shaved muff in full view. She was now so used to being naked on CSWL, she no longer thought it necessary to cover her modesty with her hands and arms. Everyone has already seen me naked a lot of times, she figured, that one more time wouldn’t make that much of a difference.

Jo picked up a sloppy custard pie. “So, for the first goal conceded, it’s a custard pieing. Given that you’ve got a lot of forfeits to get through, we’ll be kind and only use one pie.”

“Oh, you are too kind!” was another sarcastic reply from Kirsty.

Jo pushed the pie into Kirsty’s face and moved the pie tin around her face to ensure all her pretty features got a custard coating.

“For the second goal conceded, it’s a trip to the gunge tank.” Jo escorted the naked former sky sports presenter to the gunge tank and sat her inside. Jo stood at the side and took hold of the lever and pulled. Gallons of Scottish whiskey pours down onto Kirsty and soaks her completely. It washes the custard pie away from her face and makes her body all slippery and sticky. The deluge finally stops and Kirsty stands up. She looks down at her pink high heel shoes which have also been coated in the alcoholic drink.

“I smell like I have been on an all day drinking binge!”

Jo wipes her forefinger across Kirsty’s bottom and puts it in her mouth. “Mmmm, but it tastes so lovely!”

Kirsty puts her hands on hips again as the whiskey drips down all over her. “Ok, so what’s next?”

“You are eager aren’t you Kirsty! For the third goal conceded it’s dunk tank time. Can you make your way up the ladder at the back and sit on the seat suspended over the tank.”

The audience watch the naked sports reporter negotiate the steps on the ladder, taking in every part of her toned body, especially her jiggling bottom. Kirsty gets to the top and as ladylike as possible, sits down on the seat. She peers beneath her, and sees that the tank is filled with a white greyish stodgy substance.

Kirsty puts her hands to her face and asks “What the hell is that?”

“Please Kirsty language! I can tell you that is the finest Scottish porridge. It was made this morning so it’s probably got a little cold now”

Kirsty just sighed and braced herself. Jo hit the button that released the seat mechanism that propelled the brunette into the porridge below. Dollops of porridge went everywhere as Kirsty hit the surface and went completely underneath. There was a bit of a thrashing around as Kirsty found her feet and was able to stand up. The porridge level came to waist high and her upper body had porridge globules all over. Kirsty ran her fingers through her saturated hair and wiped her eyes. “Yuck, it’s disgusting in here. The porridge is all cold and clammy.”

“Yes I can certainly see it is cold!” Jo remarks as she stares at Kirsty’s erect nipples. Kirsty sees this and folds her arms across her chest to cover herself up.

“Can you make your way out of the dunk tank please, as we need to move onto the forfeit for the fourth goal conceded.”

As Kirsty clambered out of the tank, Jo explained further “For this forfeit, it is an extra special messing. As we know that Scotland is famous for its castles, we thought a good old fashioned medieval punishment would be apt.”

Jo proceeded to take a drape over a nearby object, to reveal a wooden pillory with three holes for someone’s head and hands.

Kirsty walked over to join Jo at the pillory. It was quite amazing that she had been able to keep her high heel shoes on, she thought to herself, as she had figured they would have got lost within the porridge dunk tank.

Jo opened the pillory up. “In you go, you dirty girl!”

Kirsty gave Jo an evil look but obeyed her instruction and had to bend over slightly to place her head and hands in the appropriate holes. Jo pulled down the top of the pillory in place and Kirsty was now locked in.

“I feel a little bad about you getting all cold in that disgusting porridge. Let’s see what we can do about that.”

Jo reached for a jug on a nearby table and picked it up and positioned it directly over Kirsty’s head.

“I hope you like Scotch broth. It’s pleasantly warm.”

The jug was upturned and the stodgy soup poured onto Kirsty’s long brown hair and down her forehead. Bits of mutton and carrot could also be seen raining down on Kirsty. Jo manouevered the jug so that it poured over her back and her bottom as well.

When the jug was empty, Jo put it down, and leaned on the pillory to talk to Kirsty.

“We are now going to make a Tipsy Laird. Or as it is commonly known, a trifle. Let’s see what’s first, Ah yes, whisky.”

Jo picked up a bottle of whiskey and poured it over Kirsty’s head and down her back. “Next its custard.” Jo picked up two cartons of custard and proceeded to pour these over Kirsty, taking particular attention to pour them on her bottom, which ensured her long legs got a good coating as well.

“I think we’ll have a bit of whipped cream next.” Jo squirted the cream in Kirsty’s hair and massages it all in. She then knelt down and squirted cream all over her large tits and on her muff, and in her bottom crack.

“And we’ll finish it all off with some raspberries.” Jo strategically placed a raspberry on each nipple, one on her muff, and a few in her bottom crack. The whipped cream helped to keep them firmly in place.

“That’s it all done. Kirsty, how do you feel that you are now a human Tipsy Laird?”

“I feel exposed, very messy and I stink of booze. Is it all over now?”

Jo unlocked the pillory to let Kirsty out as she responded “You will be pleased to know that it’s over for today…..“

“Thank god for that!”

“Let me finish Kirsty, it’s over for today so you can go and get cleaned up. However there was a fifth goal conceded, and there was nothing announced in the preview show to say what would happen if that were to occur. After discussing it with the producers, they have decided that the forfeit you will serve is to come back as a very special guest on next weeks CSWL programme, to receive the fifth goal forfeit.”

“You are joking! You mean, I am coming back on next week!”

“Yes you are, and as it was a fifth goal then I am afraid it will be one of our messier and more humiliating forfeits.”

Kirsty flung her hands in the air in despair “Oh brilliant, I can’t wait” as she walked off the stage to get cleaned up.

“There goes a rather naked, messy and a rather unhappy Kirsty Gallacher. That’s just about it for this edition as Helen Flanagan avoids getting messy yet again. Do join Sarah Stirk who will be presenting the CSWL match between Arsenal’s Tina Hobley and Liverpool’s Lana Del Rey.”

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Tasha stared on wide eyed, mouth open, her heart was racing, it all seemed to be happening in slow motion. The pink gunk cascaded down on her friend Vikki, she lets out a squeal, her bare feet are swinging, appearing and disappearing behind the torrent of gunge. Suddenly the seat tips and she flies forwards, a look of shear terror on her face, her hands in front of her grasping thin air trying to desperately break her fall. She plunges cleanly under the surface of the green gunk with a huge splash, sending a wave of gunge over the edge of the tank onto the studio floor. Vikki staggers to her feet, completely unrecognisable, a multi-coloured glob with her hair plastered to the side of her head.

Tasha breaks into a laugh, but she couldn’t shake off these feelings of disappointment and regret. She wondered what it was like under the gunk, to be completely enveloped by it, letting it completely cover her. She had found as the day had gone on, she was wishing and imagining it was her playing the games. She wished it was her who had lost and taken the seat above the gunk dunk. She wished it was her in there, taking a gunging she would never forget. When she had watched the show with Vikki’s kids she had always thought it looked fun to be gunged, but now she had seen it in real life, she increasingly wanted to know what it was like to be gunged. Alas, it was too late now, her friend had been on the receiving end of it, mostly due to her mischievous work and this was a close as she was going to get to the gunk dunk.

She wanders over to talk to Vikki in the tank. She takes the opportunity to dip one of her fingers in. The feeling off the cool gunge sends a shiver of excitement through her body. It doesn’t feel like anything she has ever felt before, it clings to her finger before slowly running down and dripping off at the wrist. She imagines that sensation but all over her body, it thrills her intensely. She wishes she could dive in but she knows she can’t. Too late now. It should be her in there but it is too late now.

Vikki did forgive Tasha for setting her up and sending her into the gunk dunk, but she didn’t forget. This was mainly due to Tasha not infrequently bringing it up with her for several months afterwards. They had watched the show together when it went out on TV a few months later. Tasha again feeling the twang of disappointment as Vikki flops under the gunge. She asked Vikki how it felt to be gunged.

“Horrible and slimy, it’s cold and just gets everywhere! It’s so weird and slippery, you just feel unbelievably messy” she describes

The description thrills Tasha, it sounds incredible. Obviously she mocks revulsion at the description and tells her it was glad that she was on the receiving end. On the inside the story couldn’t be more opposite.

Vikki did notice Tasha was slightly obsessed with her experience, but she put it mostly down to her quirky personality. She was such a bundle of energy, throwing herself into everything she did. She also worked hard too, by the age of 26 she had become a solicitor in a big law firm. Work hard and play hard. She was in a position of authority but also didn’t take herself that seriously when she wasn’t working. In fact, she secretly liked being on the receiving end of pranks and jokes, this was partly the reason why she liked to deal them out herself, just so someone might retaliate and “get her back”.

Tasha also took the opportunity to get messy when she could. She took part in muddy obstacle courses and fell running. There was a “slime vote” at work for comic relief. She gladly entered herself but came up disappointed again, with her manager getting a bucket of thin slime. “It wouldn’t have compared to Get Your Own Back anyway” she thought to herself grumpily.

The years roll by; she remains close with Vikki and her kids Alex and Sophie. They would go on day trips out as a group. Often just to the park or ice skating, but sometimes more elaborate such as weekends at Butlins or trips to Alton Towers. They were a close group and Tasha was like an aunt to the kids. She still had her mischievous ways and liked to prank Vikki. She occasionally would bring up the time she got her gunged or roll out the video of the show, but this dropped off as the years went by. Vikki never really did find a way to get her back, but she didn’t forget.

Four years had gone by when Vikki spotted something in the paper. It was a small advert in the back pages. They were filming Get Your Own Back in the coming weeks and they were looking for children to go into the studio to make up the audience. It brought back memories of her time on the show, not all that fun but it would be good to go and not be a contestant. She then had a thought; I wonder if I can somehow set Tasha up? Although a few years had gone by she did still have a contact number for one of the team, a lady called Cathy. I wonder if she would remember her and Tasha and if she could help organise a gunging for her devious friend?

The phone rings multiple times. She is about to give up when someone answers, it’s a lady with a bright chirpy voice.

“Hello Shepherd’s Bush studios, Cathy speaking”

“Oh hi Cathy, I’m not sure if you remember me but I was on Get Your Own Back a few years ago, Vikki Williams mum to Alex Williams…I lost” she sighs

“OH yes Vikki! Hello!!” Cathy did remember her. To be honest they weren’t getting a lot of ladies on the show and she remembered how pretty Vikki was and how she was on the receiving end of quite the gunging.

“What can I do for you?” she inquires cheerily.

“Well..if you remember my son brought me on and got me gunged. However, it turns out that my friend Natasha was the one who wrote the letter and she also persuaded me into the show without me really knowing what I was letting myself in for!”

Cathy laughs, sounds about right she thinks.

“I saw the advert for audience members, and wondered if you needed any contestants? I would love Natasha to get her comeuppance. She goes on and on about what happened to me, think it would finally put an end to it” she explains.

“Oh right I see, well I’m afraid we have all the contestants we need for this series..”

Vikki feels a pang of disappointment.

“But..do you think she would be up for it if we twisted her arm a bit?” Cathy continues

Vikki thinks back, she did notice her friend seemed very interested in it all, almost obsessional in the weeks afterwards.

“I don’t know, she is quite a lot of fun so I think there is a chance. She is very pretty though, she may flat out refuse.”

“Well, I can’t promise anything, but I’ll tell you what I can do. I’ll send you tickets for the show in a few weeks. See if you can get her to come along and I’ll talk to the production crew and see if we can set her up. What’s her name?”

Her hopes raise.

“Natasha Wood”

“Great, I’ll see what I can do!!”

The tickets arrive in the post as promised. Four tickets, enough for them all to go together. Vikki worries that Tasha won’t be able to make it, she is busy with work after all. She also worries that if she catches wind of any set up she would turn it down. Little did Vikki know that if she had told her there was any chance of her getting gunged she would have jumped at the chance. She calls her to chat.

“So, it’s been a while since we’ve done anything together and it’s half term next week. Fancy meeting up?” Tasha asks on the phone.

“Well funny you should bring that up” Vikki casually replies.

“Do you remember Get Your Own Back?” How could either of them forget?

“They’re filming again and I managed to get tickets for us to be in the audience” Vikki trying her hardest to play it cool.

Tasha feels a sudden tingle of excitement, she had eventually forgotten about Get Your Own Back and that day out. Another chance to go back and see the gunk dunk. But I’m not a contestant she thinks. She remembers the disappointment of missing out and the envy she felt all those years ago. She’s tempted to turn her down, but then again it would be a fun day out with her friend and her kids, would be nice to reminisce she thinks.

“Oh yeah, how could I ever forget the day I got you massively gunged! I’m surprised it’s still going. Well so long as you’re not getting me messy I don’t mind!” she lies.

Great Vikki thinks, she has no idea and seems up for coming.

“Fab, it’s next Tuesday. I’ll pick you up” She wonders if she should warn her, but she remembers how little warning she got. She grins to herself; I hope I get to finally get my own back!

Tuesday cannot come around soon enough for Tasha. She had originally been reluctant to go back to the show but as time had gone by she had started to look forward to it. She told her work mates who wondered why she was going on about a kids show, but they nodded along politely. Some joked that maybe Vikki could get her own back on her but even though she desperately wished it was the case, she knew she wasn’t a contestant so there was no chance.

Vikki honks her horn. Alex and Sophie are sat in the back, excited as ever to be going on a day trip and back to the TV show they had had such fun on a few years ago. Tasha comes out from her front door. She is as stunning as ever. She’s 5 foot 5, petit with a well-toned body. She has soft features, a small nose and chin with bright white perfect teeth which beam with a natural smile. She has light blond hair with slightly dark roots which is wavy and falls to her shoulders. She wears darker eye make-up with dark eye-liner and has naturally long eyelashes which accentuate her pale blue eyes. Her complexion is pale and there’s a slight blush on her pale cheeks but no lipstick. She doesn’t tend to use excessive make up and prefers a natural look; it’s easy to pull off given her natural beauty. As it’s a day trip out, she’s wearing casual clothes: dark skinny jeans which end at her ankles, pumps with ankle socks on her feet. On top a halter neck white top and a light denim jacket. As beautiful as ever Vikki thinks to herself. I hope I can change that today!

She skips up to the car with her usual big smile and hops into the front seat. As bubbly and full of energy as ever. She spins around to the kids.

“Are you guys ready to see your Mum gunged again?!” she babbles out.

“YEAAAAAAH” the kids shout and laugh.

Vikki shakes her head laughing along.

“Not this time I’m afraid” She replies. You have NO idea she thinks. She looks across at her beautiful friend and gives her a little grin.

An hour later they are at the studios. There is a huge que and they merrily chat about that now infamous day all those years ago. They make it through the doors and Cathy is waiting with a headset on in the corridor. She recognises Vikki with her kids and Tasha her friend. She approaches them.

“Hi! How are you?!” Cathy beams, shaking Vikki’s hand “So nice to see you again!”

“I’m well thanks Cathy, nice to be back and not a contestant! Do you remember my friend Natasha?” she signals to Tasha.

“Oh yes, I remember you were there when Vikki was on the show. Nice to meet you” She flashes her a grin and shakes her hand. What Tasha doesn’t notice is when she quickly looks over to Vikki and raises her eyebrows quickly. It was so subtle, you could almost miss it, but clearly a signal. IT’S ON! Vikki thinks to herself with delight.

They make their way through to the main studios. It was clear that there had been a big budget increase to the show. The studio no longer sported its fairground theme that Vikki had faced. It was more industrial and large, like a huge hanger but full of colourful disco lights. There were huge inflatables and much larger scale games. Tasha immediately wanted to see the gunk dunk again, but it was no longer in the same studio. She wandered what it was like now. I guess we’ll see it later, she thinks to herself.

They spend the morning into the afternoon watching the show progress. The contestants on the yellow team were Amy who wanted to get her own back on Sarah. Sarah was a 30 year old nurse who had once had to give Amy an injection. 5 foot 8 with an hour glass figure, larger breasts, full thighs and a shapely rear. She had blond hair which was tied back in a bunch. Her face was not that round and had a small cute dimple in her chin and rosy cheeks. She was naturally pretty with blue eyes and wore little make up. She was wearing a yellow V-neck t-shirt with GYOB emblazoned across the middle which clung to her bust and had on black capri leggings which ended just below the knees, white trainers and ankle socks She was wheeled out in a cage, the crowd loudly booing and Tasha vigorously joining in, half imagining it was her as the centre of attention. Sarah played along, shaking the bars but clearly was a little uneasy about the experience.

“I was just doing what was best for her Dave. Vaccinations are important and it only hurts for a second..it’s not fair to gunge me!” She pleads.

“You laughed afterwards and enjoyed it too much! I think you need some of our medicine. Gunge!” Amy replies, obviously scripted.

Sarah laughs along and shakes her head, looks down nervously at Amy.

“Let the games beggiiin!” Dave cries.

Natasha really gets into the show, cheering and booing at the right moments throughout. The kids were also having a great time and Vikki was relaxed and excited at potentially getting her own back at some point, though she still had no idea how it was going to pan out.

Things weren’t panning out well for Sarah. She was falling further and further behind. Amy was incredibly determined and was not giving her an inch. After each game as the scores were read out it cut to a feed of her and Amy. Amy cheering wildly with Sarah giving the thumbs down and booing. She was looking increasingly worried each time it came around. By the final round she was almost resigned, she shakes her head and bites her lower lip, I’m going in, I can’t believe it, she thinks to herself.

The inevitable happens, Amy wins, Sarah loses to her absolute dismay. Dave stands at the top of the stage with a triangular exit behind him. 2 sets of stairs flank this up to the top with Sarah at the bottom on the right, Amy on the left.

“Right up you come Amy! And you Sarah! C’mon madam, you can’t put this off any longer!”

Amy skips right up the top. Sarah hangs her head, slowly trudging her way to the top. Dave puts his arms around both of them.

“Amy, are you ready to get your own back on Sarah at last?!”

“YES DAVE!” she cries

“Now Sarah, you know what awaits you beyond my triangle of terror don’t you?!”

“Ohhh..Yes Dave” She quietly replies, shaking her head with a hand on her cheek and the other on her hip. Her voice clearly very nervous, fully aware she was going to be on the receiving end on the messiest gunging on TV.

“She knows indeed! Yes it’s time for Sarah to take her medicine and take a dip in the gunk dunk! HAHAHA!”

Tasha cheers on wildly with the crowd. She’s dead excited to finally see the gunk dunk after all these years. It had been on her mind all day. WHERE WAS IT?! She was glad that Sarah was going to be facing it, but was starting to wish again it was her again.

The crew finally lead the crowd and a hesitant Sarah through to the next studio. The gunk dunk was up against the back wall. It was a huge circular pool with dark walls just under 6 feet tall. A small red seat sat at the bottom of a long track which led up at a steep angle away. A bright spotlight is trained on the seat. Podiums flanked the pool at the back, with one having a huge red button on it. Tasha’s eyes widened as she first sees the new set up. My god it’s huge!! So much bigger than previously! She thinks to herself. There is so much gunge in there. Sarah is going to be completely engulfed in that! She can barely see the surface of the gunge as the walls were so high. How deep is it?! Her heart quickened at the sight of it. It certainly was a sight to behold. She looks over at Sarah who was also getting her first glimpse of it. Her eyes almost popped out of her head, she looks down at Amy with an indignant look and gives her a little push to say “What have you got me into?!?!”. She shakes her head in disbelief.

Tasha, Vikki and the kids position themselves somewhere in the middle of the crowd of kids, they have a pretty decent view. On tip toes Tasha can see the surface of the gunge at eye level. It’s a mixture of green and orange with a big medical style red cross in the middle. Written in white letters above the red cross is “ Sarah’s Medicine!” It’s perfectly still and seems to be glistening off the studio lights. You could almost think it was solid, but everyone, especially Sarah, knew otherwise.

She watches Sarah nervously make her way over to the side of the tank. You can see the walls end at around her neck level. She peers over at the mire and looks very worried. Cathy come’s over to speak to her. She looks again at Amy who is laughing and gives out a big sigh. She then reluctantly bends down and undoes her trainers. She kicks off each one before slipping off her socks. She balls them and stuffs them in the trainers before passing them to Cathy. She nervously hops from one barefoot to the other whilst Cathy gives her some final instructions. She curls one foot over the other, nervously wrings her hands.

She makes her way up the sides of the pool and carefully stretches her leg across and gets herself onto the seat. She places her feet on the small foot rest, placing her feet together on the rest with her toes pointing down towards the gunge about a foot below. She gives them a little nervous wiggle as they get into position. She places her hands on her knees and looks across one last time at Amy and shakes her head. She briefly leans forwards to look down at what awaits her. She looks incredibly anxious now, aware she was about to face a very messy experience.

All this time Tasha can only imagine herself up there. Taking that walk. Taking that position. Barefoot and ready for a plunge in the gunge.

“Oh yes it’s gunk dunk time and as you can see Sarah is ready to get some medicine of the gungey type haha! Are you ready for this Sarah?”

Sarah shuts her eyes and places her hands on her face before putting them in a prayer position before turning to Dave and pleading

“Please Dave! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She pleads, drumming her heels on the rest.

“Too late for sorrys now I’m afraid. Because here is what is going to happen. I’m going to ask you three very difficult questions. For each one you get wrong what do we do?!”

“CRANK HER UP!” Tasha joins in with the crowd

“Yes we crank you up madam. Then Amy over there will push her button and will get her own back by plunging you into that gunge before you, and believe me, it’s very messy down there!”

Sarah rubs the sides of her legs nervously. Trying not to think too much about what’s about to happen.

Tasha watches on intently. Enjoying the whole spectacle. The spot light on Sarah, the centre of attention, vulnerable and poised above the gunge. What’s it like up there? It must be scary, intimidating. She joins in with each “CRANK HER UP” as Sarah inevitably gets each question wrong. She clings to the seat with her hands and toes as she is pulled back and up the track. Tasha’s excitement growing with step that she is sent upwards and away from the gunge. It seemed so high up there.

As Sarah reaches the top she places her head on her lap, pretending to sob. Her toes are fidgeting nervously. She wants to hide and get off, but it’s too late now. She looks up and nervously pushes some of her blond hair behind her ears. She’s clearly breathing a little heavier, she shuts her eyes, bites her lower lip.

“You do not look happy up there, well we can do something about that now. Amy, this is the nurse who gave you a nasty injection. Give her some of our special medicine, push that button and get your own back. DO IT!”

Amy smashes her hands onto the giant button. Sparks fly out around Sarah’s seat. Natasha jumps in surprise. The seat jolts forwards and Sarah’s eyes spring open with shock. The seat quickly accelerates down the track, Sarah instinctively puts her arms out to keep her balance, her eyes wide open and a grimace on her face,leaning backwards with her eyes fixed at the track she is sliding quickly down, her bare toes curled upwards on the small rest. She seems to get to the bottom in no time at all. Blue gunge cascades down at the bottom of the track and she flies through it, coating her head and chest. The shock makes her hunch her shoulders and shut her eyes tightly. The seat suddenly stops and tips her forwards, her lips pressed tight, nose wrinkled, she quickly pinches it with her right hand. She hits the surface knees first with her feet tucked and toes pointed underneath. She flops forwards quickly and quickly plunges completely under the surface with more gunge raining down on the point she had been dunked into. Waves slop backwards and forwards, rebounding off the walls, distorting the colours and writing which had been specially prepared for her.

To Tasha it had all happened so quickly, Sarah had flown down that ramp, she watched intently as Sarah met her fate, her heart steadily beating, giving a small shudder as she plunges down. She’d vanished under in a blink of an eye. Whoah. It’s so much more brutal now. She was planted good and proper. God what is that like in there?!

Sarah’s head bursts through the surface. She gives a load squeal which can still be heard over the cheers of the crowd. Her eyes tight shut and mouth wide open, more blue gunk falls down on top of her, she shrugs her shoulders and raises her palms face up. Her blond hair now green and orange, bedraggled and stuck to sides of her head. She looks completely drenched. Her hair had come out of the bunch and was hanging down to her shoulders, now a multitude of colours.

She’s completely unrecognisable. Tasha thinks to herself. I didn’t think the Gunk Dunk could get any more epic than when Vikki was on, but this is another level. Sarah wades her way to the front of the pool and grabs on to the edge with her now multi-coloured arms. Her eyes are now open; she still looks a little stunned but is starting to laugh, not enjoying it but laughing along at least.

“That’s all we have time for today. Join us again next time for more fun, more games and more gunge. BYEEEE!”

Dave and Amy are waving manically; Sarah joins in as the camera pulls away.

Tasha had been glad she had come along, although still unable to shake that curiosity of what it would have been like to experience what Sarah and Vikki had gone through. They prepared to head off.

“OK boys and girls. Before you go we have one last thing to do. Now is there a Natasha Wood here today?”

At first Tasha thought she had misheard him, that wasn’t her name he just said.

“Natasha Wood? Where are you??!”

Her cheeks flushed, he really was saying her name. She looks over at Vikki who flashes her cheeky smile and shrugs. Alex pulls at her jacket.

“He’s saying your name Tashaaa!” Alex exclaims.

“Can Natasha Wood make her way up here please?!” Dave almost commands, but not in a menacing way.

“We need to chat!!”

“You better go up Natasha…I think Dave wants a chat!” Vikki grins wickedly. Got ya!

Tasha feels a slight wobbliness in her legs, the adrenaline was flowing, and this seemed surreal. She walks up towards the gunk dunk past the drenched Sarah and the gunk splashed on the floor. Up what seems an endless staircase to a smiling Dave at the top. Vikki following her, encouraging her along, still playing dumb.

“Hello Natasha! Have you enjoyed the show?” he inquires in a friendly way.

“Um, yes thanks Dave” She stammers.

“How about the gunk dunk? How did that look?”

She doesn’t know how to reply.

“Messy…very messy” is all she can manage. She looks down at the pool just below her now. It is so much thicker now she is close up. She notes how it clings to Sarah, completely coating her. It kind of reminds her of an ultra-thick milkshake, but not as smooth. The surface is now still but seems to gloop as Sarah moves around in it.

“Ohh yes it is very messy down there indeed! Now, your close friend Vikki here has been in touch. I remember that she was on the receiving end of the gunk dunk a few years ago. It turns out that you played a significant role in her demise. Is that right?”

Tasha is stunned, it’s starting to sink in, and she’s been set up. This isn’t just any other day trip. She gets a tingle of excitement, but she knows to play along a bit.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Dave?!” she lies, putting on an innocent face. Twirling her blond hair with her finger.

“You know what you did!” Vikki interjects

“I got horribly gunged thanks mostly to you, I think it’s time I got my own back!”

“Yes indeed, you set poor Vikki up for a fall. Well here on Get Your Own Back we’re into the business of justice. So I think things need evening up. Do you know how we do justice around here Natasha?”

“Ummmm” her heart is now racing at the thought. She turns her head over to the gunk dunk, looks down at the small multi-coloured blob which was Sarah in the huge pool of gunk

“Down there I guess…” Before pouting and sticking out her bottom lip in mock sadness.

“Correct! WHO THINKS WE NEED TO DUNK NATASHA?!”

“YEEEESSSSS” the crowd cheers. Delighted they were getting an encore. Even Sarah is cheering along, head still bobbing in the gunk.

A chant breaks out, led mostly by Vikki.

“GUNGE HER GUNGE HER GUNGE HER!!”

Natasha starts laughing, she jokingly puts her fingers in her ears, shaking her head. Mouthing the word “noooo!” She can’t believe this is actually happening. It seems surreal. She thinks she might wake up, but she knows this is for real.

“Well Natasha, what do you think the crowd’s verdict is?”

She gives a worried look and stammers “I think I’m going to have to take the plunge…literally”

“I think you’re right! Well we can’t send you in wearing that lovely outfit, so go off and change into something a bit more appropriate and when you come back, it’s gunk dunk time again!”

Tasha skips back down the steps, a big smile breaking out on her face, she struggled to hide her excitement and the sense of anticipation. She meets a smiling Cathy at the bottom of the stairs who grabs her hand.

“I bet you weren’t expecting this?! Let’s get you changed!” she chirps, friendly face beaming. Trying to reassure her, but it wasn’t really necessary.

Cathy leads her out of the studio to the female changing rooms. Tasha allows herself to be led, starting to imagine how the next 30 mins will pan out, she tries to contain herself, still wandering if she will wake up, she’s in a complete dream like state. Is this actually happening?!

“Ok, the kit is inside, leave your clothes in the changing room, they’ll be safe don’t worry, come out when you’re ready.” Cathy instructs

She finds a blue GYOB t-shirt neatly folded and a pair of black shorts. The material on both feels quite cheap and flimsy, not going to offer much protection she thinks to herself. The shorts are a shiny thin material, like a school PE kit she thinks. Not a bad thing though. She throws off her jacket before pulling her shirt over her head whilst kicking off her pumps. She undoes her jeans and slips them off. She stands there in just her skimpy underwear and socks.  Am I really going to do this??? She thinks to herself. Yes, I really want to experience this fully she decides. She pulls off her ankle socks revealing her dainty feet, she was glad she painted her toe nails white the night before. She gives a little shiver as her size 4 bare feet hit the cold floor. She takes a deep breath and unhooks her bra, quickly slipping this off revealing her small pert breasts. Quickly she pushes her knickers down and over her feet, she has a small strip of neatly sculpted blond hair and perfectly toned rear and legs. She briefly stands there completely naked, checking herself in the full length mirror before pulling on the t-shirt and shorts, they are both small but still seem a bit baggy on her, especially the shorts which clearly were going to offer no protection and ended at her mid thighs revealing her slender toned legs. She considers this for a moment sending a thrill throughout her body. She pulls her pumps back on and takes one last look in the mirror provided before emerging to the waiting Cathy.

“Are you ready for this Natasha?”

“As I’ll ever be!” she blurts back.

They re-enter the studio. The crew had been busy cleaning up after Sarah’s dunking. They had cleaned up the floor and seat whilst resetting its position at the bottom.. Much to Tasha’s joy they had put some writing on the surface for her

TASHA’S TURN! In big red writing on a now multi-coloured pool. The pool seemed a lot deeper close up, impossible to avoid going under, not that she really cared, it’s what she wanted.

Vikki was already waiting by the button on the right hand side, massive smile on her face, beckoning her up and pointing at the seat. She thinks her friend still looks stunning even in the not very flattering shorts and t-shirt, still smiling, almost excited it seems! She also looks so small compared to the tank, certainly the revenge was going to be epic.

Tasha walks to the bottom of the steps and pulls off her pumps. She skips up the stairs on her tip toes, her wavy blond hair bouncing by her shoulders. Carefully she stretches herself over and onto the small red seat waiting for her. It feels cold and wet through her thin shorts, obviously they had only just cleaned it all down. Carefully she placed her feet on the small rest, shuffling them into a comfortable position. The seat is small and forces her knees up towards her chest, giving views of the backs of her thighs, she pushes her knees together conscious she hasn’t got any knickers on and that the shorts are a little loose. Her toes come over the edge of the small rest, she curls them over and lightly grips her knees. She looks out at the pool now stretching out less than a metre in front of her, Sarah had created many swirls and the gunge from above had created splatters all over the surface, however she can make out an oval shape in the pattern of the gunge where Sarah had clearly flown in. It’s really my turn.

Dave bounds up to his podium on the left.

“Oh yes boys and girls we have one extra special gunging to deal out today. Natasha here is in the hot seat, poised above the gunk ready for a ride she’ll never forget. How’s it looking Tash?”

“It looks quite pretty…colourful…bit scary being sat here though Dave…”

“Oh yes pretty indeed, but trust me you won’t be so pretty once you’re in there. HAHA!” Natasha gives a little nervous smile and a shudder.

“So you know what happens next? You were paying attention to the show right??!”

“Ummm..I think so Dave. I have to answer 3 questions. For each one wrong I go up…then after that I..go down into there and get gunged” her heart skips as she says it, reaffirming the reality, staring down at the huge pool awaiting her arrival.

“Absolutely! For each question you inevitably get wrong we CRANK YOU UP, then lovely Vikki here will get her own back and will send you down on a trip you’ll never forget, into this gunk right below you!HAHA! So you’re going down Natasha! YOU’RE GOING DOWN GIRL! But from just how high?!”

The words send a pulse of excitement through her body, right down to her toes which she wiggles excitedly. Just get me up there.

“Question one. When is Vikki’s birthday??”

Natasha clearly knows this, she is her close friend. But there is no way she’s missing out from going in from the top.

“Ummmm” She pretends to hesitate, looking up, thinking hard “ October 24^th??”  She asks. One day out.

“When is it Vikki?!”

“23^rd of October” She indignantly replies “You really do deserve what’s about to happen!” she adds

“Oh dear, so close but obviously wrong. WHAT DO WE DO?!”

CRANK HER UP

She feels her small seat come alive underneath her. There is clunking reverbing through body her as the seat slowly starts to move upwards on the steep track. She grips her knees, nervously rubs her big toes over each other, looking down at them, suppressing her ever increasing excitement, and gives a little grin at Vikki who loved seeing her friend in this position.

“Question 2. Who is Vikki’s favourite band?”

Queen. She thinks to herself, sticks her tongue out to one side, deep in pretend concentration.

“Is it The Spice Girls?!” she answers with a little giggle.

“I don’t know, who is it Vikki?”

“Some friend you are! It’s obviously Queen!! At this rate you’re goin in from the top Tasha!”

“You don’t seem to know her that well unfortunately for you…what do we do?!”

CRANK HER UP

The seat starts up the track again. Tasha feels her heart rate increasing. She gives out a little squeak, a mixture of excitement and nerves. She goes on to tiptoes, heels together, lifting her knees up, still pressed together, she holds on to her knees, rocking them left and right in anticipation. Almost there.

“How’s it looking now Tasha?!”

“Ohhh..not good Dave! It’s surprisingly high up here!” she nervously replies.

“Might get higher yet! Final Question. What is Vikki’s favourite colour?”

She doesn’t actually know. For a brief moment she worries that she’ll fluke it and not get to go to the top. She needn’t have worried though, Vikki had no intention of letting her off a full distance ride down.

She rubs her chin in pretend concentration. “Green?!” She ventures. Please be wrong

“What’s the verdict Vikki. Is she going up to the top?!”

“Of course Dave, what on earth is she thinking. Green?! I’ll turn you green! Up you go Tashy!”

CRANK HER UPPPP!

“UP YOU GO NATASHA!” Tasha sucks in her lower lip in admonishment.

The seat starts up one last time. It seems to last an age to her, crawling up to the very top of the ramp. She puts her heels right on the edge of the rest, toes turned outwards flexing up and down slowly. Her head is swirling, stomach is buzzing with nerves, she can feel her cheeks flushing red hot and her now pounding heart in her throat. She looks over her shoulder and sees she’s at the top of the tank before letting her eyes look down the track she’s just moments away from descending down and into the huge pool at the bottom which despite being seemingly miles away, still looks imposing. Surface completely still. Not for long, it’s my turn to make a splash. She licks her lips nervously and then places a finger at the corner of her mouth in pretend fear. She can still scarcely believe where she is sat, she had wanted this and now it was going to happen. Sat there in only a pair of cheap shorts and t-shirt, about to be on the receiving end on a huge gunging.

“Ohhh Vikki….it’s very high up here…please let me down!! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She stammers out the fake apology, the thrill and trepidation making her voice waver slightly. She lifts a foot off the rest, a bare sole pointing down the ramp. Please let me down, straight down into that awaiting gunge! She thinks, before starting to let out involuntary giggles, her cheeks now bright red, her legs and balled hands in her lap trembling in anticipation of what was to come.

For a moment Vikki does feel a little bad for her friend now poised at the top of the track. She does look vulnerable and that tank is huge, but she clearly is playing along and having fun. The protests are clearly mock, my zany friend really doesn’t mind. She almost wants this?

“Well it’s up to you Vikki, are you going to let her down? Has she learnt her lesson yet?!” Dave asks, almost genuinely.

For a moment Natasha looks a little panicked. Eyebrows raised, slightly wide eyed. Please just push the button now! She watches her friend’s hands hovering over the huge button, her destiny in her hands.

“Well Dave. I think she has almost learnt her lesson. I think we will let her off….”

No!!Please!!

“We’ll let her off alright…after a count-down…brace yourself Tashy, it’s time for you to take the plunge!”

Oh yes!Finally! Her heart is pounding out of her chest in anticipation.

5! Hands balled tightly in her lap.

4! She sucks in her lower lip, gently bites down on it.

3! Each lower number sending a pulse of excitement through her entire body.

2! She can barely keep still. Her heels drumming up and down, toes flexing quicky up and down around the rest, she squirms on the small seat, breathing rapid, stomach flipping.

1! Ohhh yes, this is it!!DO IT!SEND ME DOWN INTO THE GUNK! DUNK ME!

Vikki pounds down on the button, a huge grin spread across her face, watching her fidgeting friend intently.

“Down you go Tasha haha!”

There is an ominous clunk under her seat and she feels it shoot forwards and downwards. The jolt makes her give an involuntary short squeak. She grabs her outer knees and grips the seat with her toes as she flies downwards. Eyes wide open and fixed on the pool she was flying towards at an increasingly rapid rate, purple gunge was starting to cascade down in front of it, obscuring its view. She plows through the gunge waterfall, it momentarily closing her eyes as the gunge coats her head, chest and bare thighs. She gives a little moan but has little time to react to it as the huge pool reappears in her vision; she is right at the bottom of the ramp now. God this is quick…here it comes!!!

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeesssssss” she softly moans to crescendo as the seat suddenly stops and tips.

She continues with the momentum she has gathered and flies off the seat. She keeps her hands gripped on her outer knees, opens her legs and crosses over her bare ankles and curls her toes. She hunches as she hits the centre of the huge pool, now completely crossed legged like she is adopting the lotus position in meditation. She feels the surface of the gunge slap her bare outer thighs and ass through the perishingly thin shorts. At the last possible moment she clenches shut her eyes tight and visibly takes a deep breath in. She lets herself quickly become submerged under the surface. The last you see of her is her head with some purple gunge, a huge smile across her face, wrinkled nose with clenched shut eyes. She crashes under with significant velocity, creating a huge splash for a small lady and sending a wave upwards and over the front of the tank. She disappears, all that remains is a swirling, choppy pool of  gunge.

The gunge rushes into her t-shirt and shorts, completely filling them quickly and completely coating her. It feels cold and unlike anything she had ever felt before, it sends a shudder throughout her entire body. The kit really had given her no protection. I might as well have been completely naked. She sinks to the bottom of the tank, momentarily sitting cross legged at the bottom, the cheering of the crowd and Vikki’s final words replaced with the gunge swirling in her ears, almost peaceful for a moment, completely enveloped in the gunk and loving it more than she should.

She uncrosses her legs and plants her soles on the slippery bottom of the tank and forcefully pushes herself upwards. The weight of the gunge floods into her shorts pulling them downwards and they slip down around her ankles. I really need to not lose them! Would be very awkward to explain! She keeps a grip of them with her toes and bursts back through the surface with a lot of upwards momentum, hands above her head, fingers spread. Her mouth opens with an involuntary cry of delight. Her feet come off the bottom of the tank, she exposes her top half with the t-shirt clearly sagging and clinging to her slim body with the gunk, completely saturated and hard to imagine was ever blue. In one continuous movement, she takes another deep breath before tucking her knees up towards her chest and allowing herself to plunge back under again with another small gloop. Whilst under this time she grabs the shorts around her ankles and pulls them back up to her waist, feeling the heaviness in them, the material completely soaked through. I was gunged out of my clothes!!

She replants her feet and pushes herself up more slowly this time. Her head reappears, a small multi-coloured bead in the middle of the huge pool. The gunge comes up to her neck with her stood on her tip toes. Her eyes open with shock and delight, she starts to laugh hysterically. She lifts her arms above her head, grabbing big handfuls of the gunk and letting it run down her slender arms. More purple and green gunge cascades down on her, she squeals with joy, hunching her shoulders and then puffing out her cheeks. It feels incredible, but is quite cold and she was feeling the chill of it all over her body, she was completely coated. She plunges her hands back under and rub her increasingly chilly bare legs. She can feel an increasing stiffness in her nipples, she hopes they won’t be obvious when she eventually gets out. The squelching thickness of the gunk between her toes makes her give another little shiver.

Vikki surveys her friend and bursts out laughing at the state of her. Tasha’s hair is no longer blond and wavy but straight and a mixture of green and purple, completely matted and drenched, stuck to the side of her face and down to her shoulders. Her dark eye make-up is streaming down her cheeks, washed away, her face a kaleidoscope of different shades of gunk. It’s clearly thick and running down and off her small nose and ears. She is completely plastered and almost unrecognisable. She couldn’t believe how messy she’d made her and how it seemed even worse than what had happened to her. She’s still smiling and laughing though?! She really is mad!

The cheering finally dies down. The kids had been delighted with the splash Tasha had made and then when she had dunked herself again.

“WOW! That. Was. Incredible! You really got slammed in there Natasha, what a sight you are now! How do you feel?!”

She doesn’t know how to reply. Incredible?!

“Dave…it’s a bit cold…and so…urggghhhh!” She gives a long high pitched moan in mock disgust whilst shaking her head which sends gunk spraying off her hair before breaking into a cute smile.

“It also gets everywhere you know…it’s not at all nice down in here….Thanks a lot Dave!”

She lies back and lets herself float on the surface with her arms gently wave back and forth to keep herself afloat. Her toes break through the surface, the nails no longer white, she looks across at them a gives them a little playful wiggle.

“Well, glad I could be of service and could help out lovely Vikki here. Despite being completely set up and planted, have you had fun?”

“YES!” she exuberantly replies quickly, showing a beaming smile and her still perfectly white teeth. She truly had loved every second. The moment she finally got dunked had been a huge release, complete ecstasy. The sensation all over her body is something she has never experienced before and would never forget. Finally, it was my turn!

“I think I’ve definitely learnt my lesson now Vikki, sorry for getting you gunged!”

Once the studio had cleared they finally fished her out. She quickly draped a towel over her top half to keep her modesty whilst clinging on to her shorts which still seemed determined to fall back down. She feels the shorts empty and the gunk running down her legs over her feet as she trudges carefully back to the changing room along a pathway of plastic sheets. She’s aided by 2 crew members, struggling not to fall over.  Giggling uncontrollably all the way. Vikki stays well clear, especially when Tasha gets close and tries to hug her.

“I’ve had my fill of that before Tasha, get away!” she orders before laughing at the state of her friend.

Finally back in the dressing room. It had been the most intensely messy 15 minutes she would ever experience. She took one last look at herself in the mirror. Wow, I’m completely unrecognisable, incredible. She gives one last sparkling smile before slipping off the drenched kit and hitting the shower.

The End

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

This story contains nudity

Welcome back to CSWL with me your host Sarah Stirk.

Sarah is still wearing the same purple mini dress she had on in the preview show, black high-heeled shoes and her blonde hair is in a bob.

Now let’s bring out firstly the home team’s representative shall we and that is Tina Hobley.

Tina is wearing a red mini dress, black high-heeled peep toed shoes and her blonde hair is being worn down and is way at the bottom.

Now onto our Liverpool representative and that is singer Lana Del Rey.

Lana is wearing a white mini dress is wearing no shoes and her dark hair is being worn down.

Tina as you are the home team representative you are up first, and first up we have toe forfeits for yellow cards.

Arsenal had only one of these so that means 1 custard pie.

Sarah then picks up the pie and plants it into Tina’s face, coating Tina’s face and hair in creamy pie, it also drops onto her dress as well.

The forfeit for that is now over let’s move onto off sides shall we, and Arsenal have had a massive 7 so that means 7 spins of the forfeit wheel.

Tina spins the wheel and it lands on ‘Honey Bath’

Tina is instructed to enter the bath, and like in any bath dunk is instructed to submerge herself under the honey for 10 seconds.

Tina once the 10 seconds are up re-emerge from under the honey and her hair is completely covered in sticky honey along with her dress and her legs, it has also covered her underwear as well.

Tina now exits the bath and goes over to the forfeit wheel to spin again.

The wheel lands on ‘Gunge Tank’.

Tina is led over to the tank where she will be coated in blue gunge.

Tina is then sat inside of the tank and gingerly anticipates her fate.

Sarah pulls the lever to release the blue gunge all over Tina it domes all over her and coats from head to toe in sloppy blue gunge, ruining her dress and destroying her dress on top of the honey as well.

Tina then exits the tank, and makes her way over to the wheel again.

Tina spins the wheel again and it lands on strip x1.

Tina is shocked by this as she has never had to reveal so much of her body before, but she knows she has to do it or it will be a lot worse for her.

Tina slowly takes off her dress, to reveal a skimpy re bra and thong set that matches her dress.

Sarah then makes Tina do a twirl to reveal her lovely posterior to the watching audience.

Tina is then led over to the wheel for the 4th time to spin again.

This time it is ‘Shower Surprise.

This where a shower cubicle is bought out and Tina is instructed to get in it.

Tina is now inside of the cubicle and her awaiting her fate once again.

Sarah pulls the lever again and this time there is various soups all over a helpless Tina.

The soups contain tomato soup, minestrone soup, lentil soup, chicken and leek soup.

This leaves Tina is a multi-coloured mess and covers her whole body.

Tina is then escorted out of the cubicle an over to the forfeit wheel to spin it for the 5th time.

Tina then spins the wheel and this time it lands on ‘Dunk Tank’

Tina is led over to the dunk tank where it is filled with water.

Tina is now sat on top of the dunk tank and Sarah pushes the button, and Tina is dunked into the dunk tank and it is freezing and most of the mess has been removed.

Tina is then led out of the tank and led over to the wheel for the 6th time

Tina then spins the wheel for the 6th time and this time it lands on strip x2.

Tina is then gobsmacked by this as it will leave her completely humiliated and naked.

Tina does as she is told and slowly unclips her bra and drops it to the floor, before covering her boobs with her right hand, she then has to remove her thong and finds this difficult with only one free hand, so she uses her free and wiggles out of her thong before using her left hand to cover her vagina up.

Tina is then led over to the forfeit wheel for the final time and Sarah instructs her to spin the wheel with both hands so everyone can see her boobs and vagina on show.

Tina is absolutely distraught and fuming by being made having to do this, but does as she is told.

The wheel lands on ‘Pillories’.

Tina is led over to the pillories and is then locked into the pillories again having to reveal all, there is various buckets of mess to cover Tina in as well, these range from red gunge blue gunge, yellow gunge, green gunge, black gunge, brown gunge and finally gold and silver gunge.

Once all the buckets have been dispensed over Tina coating her whole body in a rainbow coloured mess and covering up her nudity she is released from the pillories.

Now it is time to move onto the fouls and Arsenal committed 7 here so that means only 1 spin of the wheel.

Tina spins it and it lands on ‘Chocolate Dunk’

A bucket of melted chocolate is bought out, Tina is then instructed to dunk her head into the bucket of chocolate and this coats all of her face and her hair.

Once this is done it is the forfeit for the goal conceded and it is only 1 goal so that is a trip to the gunge tank to be coated in Liverpool’s colours.

Sarah then pulls the lever to release a torrent of gunge all over Tina it domes all over her and it coats all off her body.

Thank you Tina that is you done now it is time to move onto Lana.

So please would you come over here.

Liverpool also had 1 yellow card so this also means 1 custard pie for Lana.

Sarah then plants pie into the face of Lana coating her face and bi of her dark hair in pie.

That forfeit is now over now it is onto the off sides and again Liverpool only had one so that means only 1 spin of the wheel.

The wheel lands on ‘Porridge Bath’

A bath of porridge is then wheel out and Lana is instructed to enter the bath.

She has to submerge herself underneath the porridge for 10 seconds.

Once Lana has submerged herself her hair is now a white lumpy matted mess, her dress feels really heavy, and it has covered her face.

Now it is time to move onto fouls committed Liverpool conceded 7 here o that means it is only 1 spin of the wheel again.

The final forfeit is to strip x3.

This will leave Lana totally humiliated and naked.

Lana just shakes her head before slowly taking off her white mini dress to leave her in a white thong and skimpy white bra.

Lana then slowly takes off her bra and covers up her boobs with her right arm, she then slowly wiggles out of her thong and covers her vagina with her left hand, but Sarah makes Lana remove her hands to make her show her body in all of its glory.

Now one Lana has done that she is led over to the gunge tank for the goal forfeit to be gunged in Arsenal’s colour’s

Sarah pulls the lever and releases red gunge all over Lana, it domes all over her and coats the whole of her body, and blends in with the porridge.

Lana is now allowed to exit the tank.

Once out both ladies come over to Sarah and they grab her by the arms and they lock her in the pillories, they then proceed to pelt Sarah with all kinds of mess covering her face, her dress, before lifting up her dress and pelting some pies all over her purple thong,

Then both ladies proceed to start stripping Sarah, they firstly leave her in her skimpy purple bra first and then start to coat that in mess and once they are then satisfied with their handy work, they then start to proceed to strip Sarah naked leaving her humiliated as well and allowing everyone to see her boobs her bum and her vagina.

Sarah is then released from the pillories to wrap up the show.

Thank you for joining me a humiliated and naked Sarah Stirk on this weeks episode of CSWL, I hope I am not returning as I don’t want to be humiliated anymore and my 2 guests equally as humiliated Tina Hobley and Lana Del Rey, and join Alex Hammond this weekend for the CSWL of the Manchester derby.

The preview for the Mancheter derby CSWL will be up on Wednesday