Perry Schaible (who despite her name is a woman) visits a circus on Pi Day. What could possibly happen?

The female newsreader really enjoyed that. Revenge in order?

It’s my birthday later this week. Let’s have cake.

Steve Aoki is an electronic/dubstep producer, so his music isn’t really to my taste. What is to my taste, however, is the “caking” tradition he’s started where he throws cakes at various members of the audience. Like so:

This is a particulary good one. Having caked this girl he then spits champagne over her and the people next to her, wipes the icing on the girl’s face and pours the rest of the champagne on her head. He really makes her into his stoogette.

These are just some of the best cake hits that I’ve seen. There’s plenty more on YouTube, but I’ve omitted them since you don’t get a good shot (there’s not much official video, so most of this is bootlegged fan video) or he cakes a male. But why does he do it?

So what’s this “Turn Up the Volume” thing he talking about? Well, it’s this. As he promises, there’s exploding cakes. Seriously, they make up about 75% of the video.

And finally, the general comment about this week’s music. Well, there was only one track as such this week which as you probably can guess by now, I don’t care for. I looked up some of Steve Aoki’s music too and wasn’t overly fond of that either. But, this guy gets paid to go out there, play some music, generally entertain a crowd and mess people up with cake. You have my respect, Steve. You could even say I think you’re Steve A-OK.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
———-
Sorry that it isn’t on Red Nose Day proper (we can’t all be perfect, right?) After this special, I will be stopping GYOB for a few weeks, and having a bit of a break due to a lot of stuff going on, and when it’s back I may still have stuff going on, so it could be that the episodes happen a little less.

The next episode will be along in a few weeks, and may be a non-vote one, as I had a great suggestion from TellyGunge, which I teased at the end of the story.

Voting stories will be returning though after that first episode. I have a few suggestions to chase up and decide on, but of course if there is a celebrity you feel deserves to be on GYOB, don’t hesitate to mention them!

Oh, and a quick thank you to all of those who have enjoyed and supported the New GYOB, I appreciate all the nice comments! – MsM
———-

Dave walked out holding his hands up and egging on the audience to cheer. He was wearing a white shirt that had large red polkadots, and of course a Red Nose to celebrate the occasion. Even though Red Nose Day was technically over, the fundraising still was going on in places around the country, and on this Get Your Own Back episode, it was no exception, as Dave made clear.

“Hello there! And welcome to a very, very special edition of Get Your Own Back. Now before anything else, thank you to all of you at home for voting on which two ladies you wanted to see back here. We got a great amount of votes and we raised a lot of money…£9,558 – yeah, that deserves a round of applause yeah!”

The excitement for this episode seemed to be high, and a good number of votes had been cast, with one or two of the ladies being neck and neck. The votes had helped raise money and the producers were pleased with the amount of advertising and chatter put out by fans for the show. A VT of all of those ladies who had been gunged flashed onto the screens.

“Right well this series has been incredible, especially these celebrity episodes, with the likes of Fearne Cotton, Sheridan Smith and Jenna-Louise Coleman, all meeting a very yucky end! But the ladies who had escaped clean hadn’t exactly kept their promises to…well, keep clean - as in they continued to be the horrid grown ups they really are, and two ladies in particular really made you mad! So lets welcome back Ashleigh for the yellows, and Anne, who is this time playing on the blue team!”

Both girls walked through the doors, feeling confident as they had been on the show once before now. Ashleigh had brown hair and Anne had short ginger hair. Both stopped and smiled as Dave walked in. He then gave them both a Red Nose which they wore, to keep up with the occasion.

“Alright welcome back girls, Ashleigh, we will start with you. Now who was it you brought on last time and why?”

“Well last time, I brought on my mums best friend Holly Willoughby if you remember. She is pretty much an evil villainess, she always picked on me when she was visiting, and made sure I got grounded for absolutely nothing.”

“Ah I do remember, Fearne Cotton became the one who ended up in the slop however wasn’t she? Well what’s happened since then?”

“Ugh. Holly has become even more evil. Now she is playing pranks on top of being pure evil. Like, she puts water buckets above the doors, she makes flour fall out of cupboards and onto me – I mean how!? She’s my friends mum, not my sister! The worst thing though, is now she doesn’t pretend my room smells anymore, she makes  it so it smells and she has a reason to embarrass me more. I think she uses some stink bombs or something, either way it’s gross. I think it is all revenge for me bringing her here.”

Dave shook is head and looked genuinely sorry for Ashleigh.

“Well the public voted, and you have a second chance to get her in the gunge at the end maybe, so in you come Mrs. Willoughby!”

The camera faced Holly who came in and stood next to Dave. She had her hair once again in luxurious looking curls coming down to her shoulders, wanting to look her best for a charity themed episode. She wore a yellow GYOB top like last time which once again showed her chest off quite visibly, and like last time she had decided on wearing shorts. This meant her cleanly shaven legs were on full display, and to anyone at home, what a display it must have been. She laughed a little and looked at Dave, half nodding as a sign of meeting him once again. The audience continued to boo quite viciously and finally died down so that Dave could hear himself.

“Holly! Welcome back to the show.”

“I would say thanks for having me back but…”

The audience chuckled at this, and Dave himself laughed.

“Is a bit of a tricky one to thank…Right well Holly, you were one of the ladies voted to be back. Now, after the fate of your good friend Fearne, do you really think it was wise to be more even more evil to Ashleigh?”

“Well I didn’t think I would be back! And I don’t think it is very fair, I mean I won. End of!”

Dave raised his eyebrows and asked the audience if they thought it was fair that Holly could potentially be gunged due to being back a second time. The roar was thunderous and Holly went pink, as she had done last time and covered her face a little. The truth was, she was happy to come back to support Comic Relief, but as soon as she had put the phone down, she remembered how much Fearne had described the gunge. The sticky sensation between her toes, the coldness of the stuff seeping in around her private parts, and how matted and gunky her hair had been. Not to mention the fact that Fearne was still smelling of the stuff a few days later at The Wammies 2012 that Holly had presented, and she realised something that made her go a little more pink.

‘In fact I teased her so much about her wiff that day, she would love the chance to say the same. Oh please, if I lose today I won’t hear the end of it from her, especially seeing as I made such a big thing out of winning that day.’

“Alright then, seems to our audience it is very fair that you are back here Holly. Right then, Anne, who did you bring for a gunging last time?”

“My camera loving sister, Karen Gillan. She was obsessed with posing so much, she really was. She also used to take me out to help her with her photo shoots, and at home she never even let me have 5 minutes to myself at all.”

“Ah right I see, so since then has she relented?”

“No way she hasn’t! She has a got a whole lot worse! She seemed pretty annoyed I brought her onto the show and so now she is making me be the poser. Only problem is, is that now she is buying stupid and embarrassing outfits for me to have to wear. She keeps signing me up for modelling events and she makes sure I get there and appear in them. Seriously she has got a whole lot worse.”

“Deary me, come in here Karen, come on!”

The camera turned to Karen Gillan, looking as beautiful as usual. She walked in, again like on the first show, stylishly like a model. She had decided to go for wearing leggings again, which hugged her legs and rear nicely. Her blue GYOB top fit nicely around her like the yellow one had last time. Unlike last time, when she had her hair long, she had decided to do it up in  a bun this time, although judging by Sammy Winwards previous dunking, it might not stay like that if she was to be gunged too. Like Holly, Karen agreed as soon as she heard it was for charity, both because it was good publicity, and because she was the former star of the BBCs flagship Sci-Fi drama. It wasn’t in a contract, but in some respects she had a duty to show up for a Comic Relief themed episode, and of course the money from the vote was going to a good cause. But she also agreed due to last time actually having a lot of fun. She still didn’t want to end up in the gunge obviously, but she found the whole show enjoyable to participate in last time. Jenna had told her after the show that being gunged wasn’t so bad and in some ways a really nice experience bar the smell; but then again Jenna was a more outgoing person, Karen wasn’t when it came to a tank fully of gooey, smelly gunge. Karen stood next to her sister and smiled at Dave.

“Karen, why on earth are you making your sisters life even more of a misery?”

“Er, I don’t know Dave let me think…oh yeah, EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF THE NATION! Alright I didn’t get gunged in the end, but so many people wanted to see me go into that gunge. I’m glad I didn’t because Jenna ended up in a right disgusting state. In fact that was at least a plus to Anne bringing me on last time, I got to enjoy that with a ringside seat -”

“Woah, hey! That’s my line there Karen, don’t you go stealing it!”

The audience laughed a little, liking Daves banter, and laughed again as Karen pulled a face and mimicked Dave, which made Anne, Ashleigh and Holly all laugh considering Dave was being outsmarted on his own show. Indirectly Karen joking around in that fashion gave a mock sense of being mad to be brought back.

“Well, this time for both of our ladies, there is no advantage really of coming onto the show, just the pure humiliation of losing when they thought they had escaped clean last time! Both Ashleigh and Anne will once again be trying to get as many points as they can, and both Holly and Karen will again be trying to stop them. Why? Because at the end of the show one of our young contestants will get a second chance to throw their adult into the gunge. Now with this being Comic Relief, and both of our ladies not even relenting in their ways, we have for the end of the series – the nastiest, muckiest, smelliest, gooeyist…well it’s everything bad for these two put it that way!”

A camera cut to the GYOB gunge quickly. It hadn’t got any theme this week in terms of colour, because it literally was multi-coloured. There was dabs of blue, spatterings of yellow, trickles of red. A murky greenish brown was the most prominent colour in the gunge amongst the other colours and it had something written on the gunge, as well as a very detailed looking gunge-painted Red Nose to keep the Comic Relief feel, but the camera cut away as usual before it could be fully taken in, and Dave declared the games begin.

The ident came off and Dave was standing in the middle of an obstacle course, which had dips in with some slime. Around him where yellow and blue blocks. Behind him, both Anne and Ashleigh were standing next to two rectangular holes, and behind them in two glass perplex boxes were Holly and Karen. Above both of them was a tank of bright red gunge. Holly was looking up at it once or twice and smiling, this not being her first encounter with glass perplex boxes, and Karen was looking ready for a fight it seemed. Both had a bucket next to them in the tanks, full of some tennis sized white balls, and both grabbed one as Dave spoke.

“Alright then it’s time for our first game, and it is a messy one! What Ashleigh and Anne have to do is go around this course and get as many of their coloured bricks as possible and place them here in these slots. Both have to try and make the GYOB logo on their walls, but behind me here in our tanks are Mrs. Willoughby and Mrs. Gillan, who will be doing their best to knock down the walls! It is 10 points a brick and whichever contestant can complete the wall the most at the end of the round will give one of our ladies back here a very red makeover! 3, 2, 1, go!”

Both Ashleigh and Anne ran out into the course, aiming to be the first to get a brick on their wall, but both ended up being very tied. Anne suffered a ball to the head from her sister, who looked very determined to do good on this show like last time, whilst Holly was throwing her balls left right and center, one of them even hitting Anne. Both girls ran out again into the course, this time Anne having the upper hand as Ashleigh slipped in a slime dip. She placed her brick onto the wall slot and did the same with the next time, both times being before Ashleigh, but Karen managed to knock it down, and Anne spent time rebuilding it. Holly was still flinging balls all over the place, and Karen was now missing the wall with every throw. Both girls got a couple more bricks to their walls, but to Ashleigh’s annoyance, Holly finally got a ball on target, knocking the wall right down just as the countdown began, and it was useless to try and rebuild the wall now.

Karen had already noticed and resigned to her fate, holding her hands behind her head and facing down to look at her, for now, clean feet. A few moments later and a stream of thick red gunge collided with her head, a lot of it flinging outward from the box. She could help but let out a scream as it happened, and she quickly removed her hands from the back of her head, to her face as the deluge managed to slop down over the front of her. She sat straight and kept her face covered as the gunge slowly stopped flowing and shook her head a little bit. The gunge had drenched her hair, even though it was in a bun, and she could feel the gunge in between her toes. She patted the pool of goo quickly with them and cringed a little bit at the coldness, and she felt herself going red as she began to pay attention and heard the laughter from around the studio, including Holly and Dave. Karen took away her hands from her face, showing that some of the gunge had trickled down to cover it a little bit, and she wiped it away as Dave spoke.

“I tell you what, that was a brilliant shower to watch right there, how do you feel Karen?”

“Cold. Slimey. HUMILIATED.”

“That’s what we like to hear! Hahaha! Right well, Ashleigh we will start with your wall here…you have, 1, 2, 3, 4 blocks still standing, good score 40 points! And Anne let’s count yours…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…well done there, 60 points! So as the scores stand like I just said, Ashleigh has 40 points but Anne is in the lead with 60!”

Karen shivered a tiny bit, part from the cold of the goo which was now around her toes, and even seeping through her leggings a little bit, and part from the fact that the games had gotten off to in her little sisters favour. She quickly touched her hair, which was dripping with gunk and gave a very small whimper to herself.

“And as for you karen, red I must say suits you well!”

The image of a gunge-soaked Karen Gillan changed and suddenly Dave was standing in front of what seemed to look like some sort of see-saw. On both ends were Holly and Ashleigh. Ashleigh was sitting on a chair fixed to the contraption, but Holly was stood in what seemed to be a large red nose, wearing a helmet of red also to match the nose she was in. She felt a little embarrassed to be a red nose in all honesty, but smiled anyway as Dave explained the game.

“Right then, we have a very Comic Relief themed game here as Holly, our big red nose is to start running, pulling this big contraption with her. but on the other and we have Ashleigh, who will be throwing red noses of all things, into the large buckets layered in a circle. 10 points for each red nose in a bucket at the end of the game! 3, 2, 1, GO!”

Holly began to run, and run fast. Within seconds the large frame was already spinnig at a considerable rate, and Ashleigh had failed to get 2 red noses in the buckets. Holly could feel the weight and knew that soon fatigue would get to her, and make it easy for Ashleigh, but she ploughed on anyway, whilst Ashleigh got a few red noses in or so. The audience were cheering her younger counterpart on, and whilst pushing and running, Holly could imagine that her family and friends would be enjoying this. Before she knew it, the audience had began to count down, and she was relieved to hear the klaxon go, and slowly stopped as Dave came running in.

“Holly, you weren’t pushing that hard! What was you doing daydreaming or something? Blimey, right well thats good news for you Ashleigh, let’s just count this bucket here…1, 2…right to the next one over here…3, 4, 5….next one, I really need to shape up!…none in this one….and finally, 6. Well done there Ashleigh, 60 points!”

It cut to show the same set up, with Karen now inside the red nose and her sister sitting in the chair ready with the bucket. As soon as the klaxon went, Karen pushed as hard as possible. She was determined to do well after being gunged in the last game.

‘Come on, come on….’

Anne was doing ok, but had only got in around 2 red noses into the buckets, as her sister was doing a very god job on keeping the contraption swinging around fast. She missed again and quickly prepared for a shot at the next bucket, and this time managed to get it in. She stole a quick look at Karen, and it was obvious that today she didn’t want to be going down into the gunge at the end. She had heard her exclaim to Holly whilst talking before show how actually horrible it was since the last time either of them had been on. Anne smiled at this thought but missed the last bucket at the end of the countdown.

“Stop! Stop! Karen, woah! Woah! That was some great pushing, I didn’t think I would be able to stop you then! Unbelievable. Right well, lets have a count of these noses in the buckets, 1…next one….2, 3…over here…none in this one….so much running, wow, right…and none in this one. Good try there Anne, 30 points! Right, I just need to catch my breath after counting all of those noses, but before that lets have a look at those scores as they stand!”

A screen came on and showed Anne as having 90 points, but taking the lead now was Ashleigh with 100. Both girls were cheering in their boxes as the screen cut to Dave standing with both Karen and Holly, and a pie booth just behind.

“Alright you lot, alright. Right now this is the part of the show in which we call Goo Who, which we find out who out of these two celebrities, Holly or Karen, does the audience want to be gunged at the end of the show. Now usually we give both ladies a time to explain to the audience why they don’t want to be gunged, BUT, today we are changing the rules a little bit. See both had their chance last time, and so what we did was ask the audience after the first round to cast votes secretly, on seeing the reasons given on the respected shows last time. And one of you were voted pretty high and will be going in the booth behind me, were every pie that hits you in the face, 10 points will be added onto your counterparts score. In other words, whoever goes in this booth behind me will have more of a chance going in the gunge possibly. But who won that vote? Oh Jenna can you please come out here with your envelope!”

Karen froze. She looked to were Dave was smiling and felt herself starting once again to go pink. Her replacement on Doctor Who walked toward them with an envelope and had a glint in her eye. Karen sighed realising that the envelope wasn’t even needed. Jenna stopped next to Karen and smiled at her, and she returned it weakly. She wasn’t to embarrassed by the fact that she would be pied, but more was fearful that she knew what also might be coming next.

“Hello Karen, hello again Dave. And nice to meet you Holly! Just going to say big fan, I used to watch you sometimes back on Ministry of -”

“Jenna, we haven’t got all day, chit chat later – if Holly isn’t waist deep in foul muck that is. Let’s quickly see, you were gunged on the episode in which you and Karen appeared, how was that for you and have you been a good sister since?”

“I think the only thing I can say it was very, very smelly. Like seriously. And embarrassing too. Arthur Darvill decided to keep his distance from me after that due to the lingering wiff. But I think the worst thing is, it taught me a good lesson, and so at home I have been a lot nicer to Faye. I don’t treat her like my slave anymore.”

“I also heard that after making your sister give your feet a lot of pampering, you now have to pamper her feet these days, all due to being gunged on here, is that right?”

Jenna smiled at Dave, almost threateningly in a way and quickly looked at Karen.

“So anyway, I am here today, invited by Dave to announce that Karen was the once who was voted most wanted to go in the gunge!”

‘Not again.’

Dave gestured for Karen to move into her position, and so she did. She couldn’t believe that in two shows she was the one who was more preferred to go in. But given her time on Doctor Who, it was predictable. She stuck her head in the hole and then realised something with shock and dismay.

‘Oh no, you are kidding me right? You’re not throwing this time too?’ 

Dave had moved Holly to the side and Jenna was standing at the table with the pies, looking at Karen with a deep smugness and air of satisfaction.

“You see we thought we would let Jenna do her worst this time seeing as she suffered the dunking on the show with you and her Karen. Plus something tells me she is really happy to have this chance yet again. And due to Holly’s seemingly bad throwing, we thought it necessary  Ready Jenna? Go and throw!”

Karen saw the pie flying toward her in slow motion, it had a crust base and was filled with custard and sprayed with cream. It also had a cherry on, which she guessed could be because of red nose day. Before the pie had even hit her though, she was already going deeply red. The pie finally made contact with her as she screwed up her face, the custard exploding across her and some of the cream dripping down. She licked a little bit of the custard but was hit again with another pie. This one was different, and as the crust ebbed away, she could smell a bit of a pungent smell from this one. She decided she wouldn’t lick her lips at all for anymore of the incoming pies.

“And take this one too, for hours of cleaning from my hair!”

Jenna was in her element, and launched a third well aimed pie at Karen, who wasn’t saying much and keeping her face visibly scrunched up and braced behind the custard and cream. Ever since her very messy gunging, she had been subjected to a lot of tweets, articles and even some fanfics online, showing or describing her unfortunate end. She didn’t hate Karen at all of course, and was good friends with her. But the way Karen had been after the show last time, being very smug and giggling at Jenna every time she saw or spoke to her, she would do anything to help Anne out as much as possible. She launched another pie which once again was a direct hit.

‘Besides, seeing the gunge earlier really drummed home the fact for Karen that it is a whole lot worse this time, and it really has been lying there for a few days under those lights – oh if she goes in it will be perfect!’

Jenna picked up one more pie but finally missed, sailing past the board as the klaxon ended the game, and she shrugged being happy anyway as Dave came to her side. Karen was now smiling and seemed to have in the end enjoyed it a little bit, despite not liking it during the throwing, and she came out to join Holly and Jenna and Dave.

“Jenna your marksmanship is superb I have to say! You managed to splatter Karen with 4 pies, and so 40 points will be added to Annes score! Karen are you ok there?”

“I think so. Nothing wrong with a few pies I guess, but Jenna, um, come here just -”

Karen came out and didn’t stop next to Dave but rather walked past him and Holly who looked shocked and lurched at Jenna , threw her arms around her, and gave her a kiss on her cheek. Of course whilst doing this, a lot of cream and custard was planted against Jenna’s right cheek. Karen then gave her a quick kiss on her lips too, making sure enough of the cream was covering Jenna’s face too – much to the latter’s giggling and complaining. To anyone watching of course though, it showed that they showed a great friendship, and Dave smiled, half in enjoyment but also because he liked how the two good friends were having fun on his show.

“I really did miss times like this, big smiles and togetherness.”

The scene cut to a scoreboard showing both of the contestants, Ashleigh still on 100, but now leading was Anne with 130 points in total. Both girls cheered once again in their boxes. It cut off to show Dave standing in between both Ashleigh and Anne, and at the far sides, Holly and Karen were dressed up in mock cyclist outfits and were both on exercise bikes.

“It’s the game before the gunge, and it’s a fun one here at Get Your Own Back. Both Ashleigh and Anne have to run across theses roads toward the box at the other side where a load of gold counters are sitting, and then bring them back along the road and deposit them into their boxes. But it won’t be easy as we have both Holly, and Karen over there on these bikes, and the faster they peddle, the faster their road will go making it harder for either Ashleigh or Anne. I think you should be aiming to peddle as fast as you possibly can, because right now it doesn’t look too good for you! Alright, all set, 3, 2, 1, go!”

Karen ducked her head and began to peddle quite fast, still showing determination in this episode, and this time Holly was keeping the pace too. Both ladies peddled fast and made it difficult for Ashleigh and Anne the first few times, both girls nearly tripping on on the roads. Anne was slightly ahead of Ashleigh, already running across the road whilst Ashleigh was still picking up a counter. Karen seemed to have noticed this and once more ducked her head down peddling faster. Holly did the same but it was Anne who helped on this as she slipped on the road. Ashleigh powered ahead of her rival and got another counter in before Anne, who was now seemingly shaken by falling. The audience had started the countdown and Holly grimaced slightly.

“She got ANOTHER one in? Oh for hells sake -”

The klaxon went and both Holly and Karen looked out of breath, and Holly collapsed onto the handlebars, half laughing and breathed heavily. Karen looked worn out but kept sat up and put her hands on her hips as Dave came running in.

“Both of thee ladies, both of them…they do not want to go anywhere near that gunge, I tell you. I have to say well done, you were both peddling pretty fast there, but let’s have a look first at Ashleighs box…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…70 points well done! Alright Anne, you had a bit of trouble there but let’s have a look…1, 2, 3, 4…Only 40 points there but well done anyway!”

Ashleigh cheered, happy that she was now level with Anne. She was really happy to find herself coming back to GYOB with Holly, but felt in the games today that she wasn’t doing well. It was a relief to have finally done good enough in the last round, and a glimmer of hope that it could be who Holly would soon get what was coming to her. She stole a glance at her mothers friend who smiled back nicely, but behind the smile she knew Holly wasn’t going to be too pleased with the result, and that made her smile a little.

The scene changed to show Dave standing with both Ashleigh and Anne, who were both smiling. Anne was slightly annoyed that she had slipped up in the game and allowed the scores to be level now, as just like Ashleigh, she was happy to be back and getting a second chance. Karen was a bit too smug after the show last time and she wasn’t exaggerating when she had said at the start about her sister; Karen really had gotten used to making her wear silly outfits, and she was determined to do well in the gunk dunk finale.

“Well here we are at the final hurdle, and what a yucky hurdle it is. Who will get the chance to finally get their own back? Ashleigh or Anne, and who will be going into the most disgusting slop we have ever had on the show, even since the older shows? There’s only one way to find out as we go toward, the gunk dunk!”

Dave led Ashleigh and Anne into the smoke behind and it was replaced with a slow pan up of the gunge. Like at the start, it had nearly every colour imaginable in, but it all overall made it look mostly a sickly looking murky greenish brown. The usual white writing was accompanied by a detailed, gunge painted red nose, and the words read out, “Land in something SMELLY for money”, and below that in smaller white gunge it read, “Dunk by 14/3/13″, obviously mocking a use by date with an old date to show the gunge having ‘gone off’. But the little ‘dunk by’ date had some truth as the gunge had been left for around three days in it’s current state, as the producers really felt a good punishment was needed. It was of course checked and rechecked each day, and tested to make sure it was safe enough to use. Much of it had hardly moved and was extremely dense, as one of the producers had stuck her hand in and pulled it out, revealing it to drip quite slowly and sticky like from her hand. The studio lights had been turned on full power for all three days and the gunge had been left mostly undisturbed, congealing and building up a rancid smell, making the words fully truthful.

“This is going to be very bad. Surely there must be some sort of regulation against it…”

Karen knew there wasn’t. The producers were actually nice people and had thoroughly explained the measures and agreements they had gone through to make the gunge safe and allowable for television viewing. She looked down past her leggings at the stuff and noted how thick it seemed to be on the surface. She had been sat for 10 minutes above it now and was finding it hard to ignore the smell wafting up from the gunge. Not only that, but it looked incredibly sticky, as well as slimey and still very thick at the same time. She tried to think of how they achieved this, hoping it would help block out the thought of ending up in it later on.

Holly looked down at the gunge below. She was pretty much thinking similar to what Karen was, and remembered how last time she had been begging for mercy whilst sitting above the gunge, but this time it looked more vile and more sickly. She could smell it from where she was, and when she looked down, she could tell parts of it had thickened quite a lot. She scrunched up her toes a tiny bit and then back and rubbed the top of her knees thinking to herself.

“I shouldn’t have agreed to this. This is worse than the days back on MoM…”

Dave stopped at the podium and gave a big smile to both ladies.

“Here we are at the final Gunk Dunk of the series with our two ladies, Holly and Karen. Now this gunge down here has been left to settle for the last 3 days or so and believe me, it is incredibly smelly, and absolutely thick and slimy down there. Oh yes it is the worst it has ever been and one of these two will be going down into it. Holly, what do you think of the gunge below you?”

“It’s a lot worse than last time. A lot more awful looking…”

“That’s right it is a lot worse, but Karen you must be happy you aren’t moving up any notches just yet?”

“Yeap, Im hoping to be staying right here at the bottom of this ramp Dave.”

Both ladies did seem a little nervous to be there, but Karen at least wasn’t as bothered as last time, at least not yet. She had been messed up a couple of times during the show now already. Holly on the other hand had been fairly quiet during the games, mostly because she didn’t want to jinx anything at all. Both ladies were a bit fixed on the gunge to realise Dave had already started with the questions.

“What is the name of the city that is the capital of Germany? Straight away Ashleigh!”

Holly knew Ashleigh would get it right, and sure enough she had answered with Berlin. Her chair rose up and Holly let out a small, quiet sigh as it did. She listened carefully to the next question as she thought to herself about the gunge below. She quickly shivered from the thought of it below, and gave her toes a quick wriggle just as Dave asked what 2 x 4 was.

“Is it 8?”

“8 is correct, well done there Anne, what do we do with her sister?”

Karen smiled weakly as her chair rose up one notch and the audience played along with their ‘oooo’. She also played along with an ‘ooo’ quietly and then she looked over at her sister who seemed to pleased with answering, and she closed her eyes for a second in dread as the blue buzzer went off again to Daves question of which planet was third from the sun.

“Earth?”

“It is Earth, well done again Anne, what do we do again?”

Karens chair rose further from the slop and to the second notch. She couldn’t help but give a small smile, and looked at Anne giving her a half threatening look and shook her head, indicating mock terror as Dave spoke again.

“What liquid do Vampires like to drink, juice, blood, milk or coff – Oh straight away Ashleigh!”

“Blood!”

‘Ugh, they make the questions so easy.’

“Blood is the right answer, up you go Holly!”

Dave smiled at Holly as her chair rose up again and away from the gunge. Karen so far seemed to be enjoying the tension, but Holly was not. In some ways she was thankful that the smell was weakening due to being further away, but she sincerely hope that she wouldn’t be going up any further. She didn’t go pink as usual right at this stage however, and instead looked down at her bare legs and her feet. She had cleanly shaven them the night before, and painted her toes with red nail polish for the Comic Relief tie in. They felt a little cold to her as she listened to Dave, peeking past them down toward the gunge.

“What is traditionally ate at a Christmas dinner – Anne!”

“Turkey!”

As Dave nodded, Karen once agan closed her eyes and this time ducked her head down and smiled in mild embarrassment  She shook her head as her chair moved upward and she could somehow feel Anne looking at her and smiling. She stopped at the 3rd notch and looked up at Dave who was smiling.

“You alright there Karen?”

“I think so Dave, I am at this notch anyway.”

‘Hopefully this is as high as I will go.’

Holly looked over at Karen, who of course the audience mostly wanted to see go in the gunge. She was on the 3rd notch, and hopefully soon to be going on the 4th. She smiled at the odds in her favour but it was quickly dashed as the yellow ring went again. Dave had asked where in the world would you find a shark, to which Ashleigh had answered the sea. At this Holly once again like in the last show spoke out from nerves on the third notch as it stopped her there.

“Come on that was too easy! This isn’t fair I swear, these are too easy these questions!”

“I’m carrying on Holly, I’m carrying on. This next one should be a good one, it’s character one. What is the name of Postman Pats trusty cat?”

The yellow buzzer went again and Holly let out an audible sigh. Now she was starting to go slightly pink. She realised now fully just how horrible the stuff below her was, and tapped her toes in nervousness. And as Ashleigh’s answer of Jess was declared right, she rested her head on her hands, elbows on her knees as her chair rose up, clearly looking to everyone that she was not enjoying this. Last time had been slightly embarrassing  this time it was full on humiliating and she was more reluctant this time round to be here. She blurted out without warning to her friends daughter.

“Ashleigh please. I don’t mean to be mean, please this isn’t nice, I don’t deserve this.”

“OK OK, Holly settle down.”

“I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this…Just look at that stuff, it is completely horrid down there -”

Dave ignored Holly’s continued muttering and half laughed before reading out the next question. As he did Karen thought to herself and started to think all over agan everything Jenna had said about the gunge. How cold it was, the stench sticking around…but despite all that, she was feeling more used to being here suddenly. She realised it was horrible yes, but also a bit of fun and would make her sister happy. Besides she wanted something reflect back on and think ‘I stuck through it’. Holly didn’t seem to have that attitude, and looked like she didn’t want her more recent presenting persona tarnished by a large amount of muck. Karen did think to herself though that if she could avoid it, she would, but if the powers that be meant she would be going in, then she would play along.

“Oh, Anne!”

“Ice cream?”

“That’s right Ben & Jerry’s is an ice cream product – what do we do?”

The audience answered and some laughed as Karen was reduced to a fit of nervous giggles as her chair came to a stop at the same height as Holly’s had. Both ladies were on notch 4. Karen removed her hands and looked down at the gunge, almost as if bracing for it. Holly looked at it too but looked a little more tense than Karen did. She shook her head shortly for a second and thought to herself, pleading to herself.

‘Come on Anne. I am not going down there today.‘

“It’s neck and neck! Blimey this is nail biting, one of these ladies will be going for a very revolting drop, who’s it going to be?”

Dave started to read out the question and Holly shuffled her feet nervously, and then rested her hands in her lap, looking around at both Karen and Dave, and trying to ignore Ashleigh’s anticipation. Karen on the other hand had decided to grab the seat and didn’t take her eyes off of the gunge below, waiting for the moment where Anne could buzz in first and thinking to herself more and more.

‘It’s got some sort of thickening layer on that side due to it being left and I can still smell it from up here. Ugh, it won’t be pleasant.”

Karen jolted and looked at her younger sister in shock. Her buzzer had just gone off as Dave finished his question, and suddenly Karen started to get a knot in her stomach realising this was it, she watched with her eyes growing wide a little. She was open to being gunged but she didn’t want it to happen.

“Is it the Taj Mahal?”

Karen closed her eyes and felt the blood rush to her face, highly embarrassed and screwed up her face, she heard some of the audience making a noise and Dave too was talking. She missed the question, but she guessed what famous landmark it was in India. She couldn’t bear to look at her smug sister, and suddenly she could smell the gunge a whole lot more, realising she was ending up in it soon.

‘Oh no.’

“Nope I’m afraid not, Ashleigh any ideas on where the pope lives?”

Karen was confused and opened her eyes. Anne had got it wrong, and Dave had passed the question over to Ashleigh, much to Holly’s horror.

“Is it the Vatican?”

“NO! No that isn’t fair you can’t ask her either surely – THIS ISN’T HOW IT WORKS!”

“Yes it is, oh yes – haha, oh my – she knows what this means and so do you…- she isn’t happy – What do we do with Holly everybody!”

“NO!”

The audience answered and Holly Willoughby, despite her complaining and obvious horror at this moved up the ramp to the top, setting off the alarm bells and causing the audience to cheer deafeningly. Karen was clapping now and smiling, enjoying her rivals shock having gotten over the confusion, and her sister was watching and looked disheartened but couldn’t help buy smile as everyone watched and laughed at Holly’s protests. Holly was pointing at Ashleigh, then to Dave, and then back to Ashleigh. She was shaking her head constantly and to Ashleigh, she looked like a teenager pulling a strop, and laughed out loud at this thought.

“Holly -”

“NO! NO!”

“Holly, you’re at the top there, no protesting will help you I’m afraid…just stay, right, there! Hahaha!”

“No this isn’t fair, NO! …No…”

Holly couldn’t think of anything else to say as it slowly sank in. She took one look at Ashleigh and felt her cheeks go very pink. She looked down at the gunge, laying perfectly still and not disturbed. She closed her eyes and put her face in her hands in disbelief. She may have been gunged in her years of television before, but not to this extent.

“Ughh, NO! Oh no.”

“Karen, how do you feel, you escaped clean - again! You must be relieved right?”

“Yeap, definitely Dave. I didn’t want my hair to get all messy really, and plus it won’t give Jenna the satisfaction either. She will always be the loser out of us two, and that makes me so grateful, but thank you for having me once again. It was fun, and Anne, I swear from now on I will be much nicer. Love you little sis!”

“Anne have you had a nice time being back?”

“I have, and love you too big sis!”

Holly barely heard a word of all of this. She continued to keep her face in her hands whilst Dave had spoke to Anne. Holly gave another audible ‘Ugh’ as Dave looked at her grinning. All she could think about was Fearne and how she wouldn’t be hearing the end of this for a long time, due to the gunge being a lot worse. She wished she had lost the first show, at least it would have been a lot nicer than this gunge. Comic Relief or not she couldn’t help but regret agreeing to return and couldn’t get used to the fact that things were about to be very bad.

“But Holly. Holly Willoughby. I think you know what is about to happen next, you have been here before more or less and you watched Fearne go through it, but to be honest, you’re going to be going through a lot worse. It’s colder, stickier and even more gooey than ever before, and it has even more of a pong than Fearne’s feet when covered in the first gunk dunk gunge! Hahaha!”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“NO!”

“YES! Yes you are going down girl, you are going down! Hahaha, I tell you what she isn’t looking forward to this is she? We like that! Deary me…but Ashleigh. Ashleigh today is a very good day for you, and really bad for her, because things are about to get very horrible for her now.”

Holly had removed her hands from her face and was pulling a really unhappy face. Her feet were dangling at the edge of the seat, he toes curling over the edge fully and she had shuffled her legs right together, placing her hands on her smooth, soft knees, her fingers digging in a little as she listened to Dave, who was dragging out his small speech to humiliate Holly good and proper. It was working.

“Yes, she never changed her ways and now you have the chance to teach her one very awful lesson. And – oh hang on a moment, HELLO FEARNE!”

“Fearne!? You have got to be joking – OH NO WAY, NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”

Out of nowhere, Fearne was quickly running up the steps toward Ashleigh. Both her and Jenna were invited of course, for the Goo Who pie booth, and were both told to help with the pulling of the lever if their former rival was to go in. She stopped behind Ashleigh and gave a look of true happiness and smugness as she looked up at Holly on the ramp. Her friend was to be going into tank which was far worse than what she was, and from now on it would be Fearne teasing Holly about the smell lingering around her and constantly referring back to this. She put her hands on Ashleigh’s shoulders and congratulated her quickly.

“Hello Dave, I hope you don’t mind if I help with this and get the best view in the house? Holly has been way too smug and teasing me up until now, so in a way surely I can get my own back too?”

“Oh my God I can’t believe this. I really cannot believe this. Why on earth is she here, honestly?”

“Oh go on then – the more embarrassing for Holly the better!”

“Oh no please – Fearne please -”

“There is one very mucky, sticky, smelly gunge waiting down there, so now it is time to make Mrs Holly Willoughby the muckiest, stickiest and the very smelliest person who has ever been on television – Ashleigh, and Fearne – PULL THAT LEVER, THROW HER INTO THIS FILTHY PIT, AND GET YOUR OWN BACK! Send her down, do it, do it, do it!”

Ashleigh smiled and looked up at Holly, not pulling the lever and just enjoying the moment, as Fearne pointed and made faces. Holly was shaking her head in embarrassment and Ashleigh gripped the lever, Fearne placing her hand over Ashleigh’s on it.

“Don’t you dare, please don’t, please don’t – no, NO!”

“Countdown Ashleigh?”

“THREE, TWO, ONE – BYE BYE HOLLY!”

Ashleigh and Fearne cheered as they both pulled back the lever. Fearne yet out a huge cheer and was jumping on the spot, with Ashleigh cheering also. The audience went ballistic as Holly screamed quickly in defiance, and then screwed up her face to one of the purest disgust and complete humiliation, her mouth downturned frumpily in deep apprehension.  She huddled up slightly, keeping her hands on her knees and squeezing her legs together. Her chair moved down the ramp, but not as whizzing fast as usual, instead it went half the speed, still considerable, but at the same time, enough to take in the TV presenters hilarious expression. An enormous amount of gunge, the same colours as the ones in the tank, fell out of nowhere and Holly descended down and into the thick stream coming from above, gunge spraying out to the sides, all the way in front and even behind – splashing Dave a little in the process, who simply laughed along with everyone else at the podiums. There was another scream and Holly had tried to cover her nose up to stop the smell, her eyes still screwed up, but her mouth wide open as lurched forward, bursting from the huge amount of streaming gunge and halfway across the tank until she was flung and submerged, still screaming, right into the depths of the vat. It caused an almighty splash, the wave sloshing right out from the tank in front and swashing all around in the gunge.

The audience half screamed and laughed with a thunderous sound. The force of the fling at the bottom of the ramp must have increased, and in the middle of the crashing waves around the tank pair of completely gunge coated legs were sticking out and up into the air shining a tiny bit from the gunge, globs of goo dripping from the gunge soaked feet. They stuck out from the gunge and wriggled a little before falling forward hitting the surface and floating there for a second, the toes wriggling a little whilst coated, before sinking below. Up on the podiums, Ashleigh and Fearne were giving a high five, and cheering together, Dave was smiling wider than he ever had on the show before, clapping too. Anne was in a fit of laughter, whilst Karen was clapping and smiling, curling her toes a little bit and trying to keep any of the gunge from hitting her. The audience continued to cheer and suddenly the gunge swashed once more as a very mucky blob of goo came up. Holly was completely plastered, her hair was saturated with gunge, some of it lumping in her hair. Her arms were glazed with all the colours of the gunge, and as she rose them from the surface of the gunk, strings of the stuff dripped from them. She made it toward the front of the tank, looking like she wanted to get out, but was engulfed in another huge deluge of multicoloured muck from above which domed out and completely overed her once more. She seemed to lose her footing as suddenly she dropped vertically downward, only the top of her head more or less showing under the torrent of goo. Dave finally started to speak, just as she raised herself out again and moved backward a little bit, half slouched in the gunge in a way.

“That. That ladies and gentleman…that was -”

“Aghhhhh – Aghhhh – Uckk -”

Dave collapsed into a fit of laughter as Holly was drenched from above yet again, screaming in the process and objecting loudly to it. She was now stood up fully in the gunge and was trying to cover her head. The attempt was futile though as gunge slopped down past her hands and down her gunge covered face. Her mouth was wide open in bewilderment and repulsion, her eyes were still closed. He attempted to talk once again as the stream thinned, Holly lowering herself now so that just her head was above the surface. It was screwed back up into disgust and she half seemed to have accepted defeat, letting the incredibly pungent goo spatter her and drip down her face.

“Incredible. That was incredible. Really it was…what a way to celebrate Comic Relief. Just wow! Our very mucky, slimy gunge now has a very mucky, slimy celebrity in it! Ashleigh, and Fearne – both of you how do you feel?”

“I feel excellent, thank you!”

“And I feel like justice has been done. And I have to thank you a lot Dave. I forgive you for my gunging because you have gone out of your way to give Holly the most disgusting and messy gunging ever and let me witness it – HAHA!”

Yet another torren of gunge poured down onto Holly Willoughby, who screamed again and tried to stand too quickly, only to fall backward and get a fresh coating. She breathed in a comical fashion and wiped her face a few times, looking around a little bit and finally seemed to have lost her nerve.

“THIS IS HORRIBLE…Ughhhh it’s horrible, it’s just horrible…and that God awful smell, it’s just – AGHHH!”

Holly was hit more gunge to the pleasure of the audience and all those on the podiums. She leaned forward trying to move from the gunge but a huge torrent once again engulfed her, doming over her head and completley coating her. She was incredibly humiliated. She could feel the gunge, cold and sticky, between her toes, her hair sopping with gunk and half sticking over her face. Her top was saturated and was clinging to her body. What was more, is that she could feel her shorts just as saturated, and was sure they had slipped down her knees a slight bit from the force of the dunking. The goo had already made it around her personal parts and she could feel the gunge right against her body; having gone down her top and against her bare skin and even into her bra where it was now pooling a little bit. She hated the gunge so much, each time she tried to wipe her face, it strung away in large globs and strands due to being very sticky, and it was cold despite being under the studio lights. Some parts of the gunge seemed to have congealed a lot more than she thought, as under some of the looser gunge, she could feel a little of it piling on top of her head. All she could smell was the stale stuff all around her, smelling like rotten eggs and slightly as though she were in the middle of a slurry. As she heard Dave talking again, she lowered back so the gunge was to her shoulders and shook her head, breathing heavily and feeling embarrassed beyond belief in front of the cameras.

“Ashleigh, Anne, you both win a another photo album of your time here, some novelty Comic Relief gear to take home, and you both win a trip to Alton Towers, free of charge, this summer! Fearne, and Jenna, Jenna where are you? There you are…thank you both for also returning for us – aghh!”

Both Jenna had walked up to join Dave,wearing a red nose each and with a couple of weak whipped cream pies, and both had given Dave a quick sandwhich pie.

“Thank you Dave, and that was a tiny bit of revenge for us both.”

“Well I guess I can’t argue too much with that – how about £10 for each of those two pies from me? Well that is it here from Get Your Own Back for today, and for this series. We will return as soon as you know it to your screens guning more adults and of course celebrities…and to any of you nasty adults out there, let a very stinky, smelly, sloppy, gungey Holly Willoughby down there to keep any promises you might have…Goodbye…Goodbye!…Yes!”

Dave, Fearne and Jenna all waved happily, with Dave quickly taking cream off his face and putting it on the two ladies. Ashleigh and Anne also waved, smiling big and wide, and Karen too gave waves to the cameras. Even Holly, who was no holding her nose, gave a weak wave, just before a fresh torrent once again washed over here, covered her all over again and giving her a proper coating to which she half wobbled and tried to escape from again before another torrent in front of her engulfed her one last time before the camera cut off.

The show ended with the usual VT of clips, and also some of the other celebrity gungings of the series, and was soon to return for a second series…

………….. ( A little bit extra…)

Dave walked in later that night exhausted. He reflected on how The New Get Your Own Back had been received well, many people loving the new formats and the new regular celebrity gungings every few episodes along. The next series was already being planned, people applying like mad to come on the show. Some even emailed Dave direct when they could, which he didn’t mind as he forwarded it on to who he needed to.

‘Only took nine years to get it back. I really do love doing my job.’

And it was true, he enjoyed the fun and wackiness of it, and the appreciation from the children. Even the rare admission of enjoyment from the adults was nice to hear too.

‘Nine years. How on earth did I last without it?’

He relaxed and turned on his laptop to have a look at his emails. Some were spam and one was again someone applying for the new series, but suddenly he stopped and noticed something. This was two young people wanting to get their own back on their babysitter. He was sure he had read a similar one the other night…

He sat for a few minutes and retraced his emails and found it. Two separate emails, both with two children wanting to get their own back on their young babysitters, one named Olivia, the other named Emma. Both had fallen victim to pranks in the past, but continued to babysit. Dave thought for a few moments.

‘…OH! They must really be open to being messy and having fun for the kids or else they wouldn’t have kept their jobs, brilliant!”

He quickly forwarded the email to his producers, totally misunderstanding the situations of both of the young ladies…

—

Sorry that it isn’t on Red Nose Day proper (we can’t all be perfect, right?) After this special, I will be stopping GYOB for a few weeks, and having a bit of a break due to a lot of stuff going on, and when it’s back I may still have stuff going on, so it could be that the episodes happen a little less.

The next episode will be along in a few weeks, and may be a non-vote one, as I had a great suggestion from TellyGunge, which I teased at the end of the story.

Voting stories will be returning though after that first episode. I have a few suggestions to chase up and decide on, but of course if there is a celebrity you feel deserves to be on GYOB, don’t hesitate to mention them!

Oh, and a quick thank you to all of those who have enjoyed and supported the New GYOB, I appreciate all the nice comments! – MsM

…the final FSF I’m afraid.

It goes without saying there should be even more mess than there already is on reality shows, as it’s the only thing that makes them bearable to watch in my humble opinion; that said it’s nice to see it has picked up in recent years, particularly on Big Brother UK, and it’s even nicer knowing who’s providing the gunge

My favourite clip…well I can’t find it so no one will know what I’m on about; it was on Big Brother USA where they did a task called ‘pie in the sky’ and a really cute blonde got pied for getting a question wrong. If anyone does know what I’m talking about and has the clip, please say in the comments section, and if you can send it to me I’ll try and make it worth your while.

So I suppose I shoud make up for the lack of a clip and hazy details with another favourite of mine; you don’t have to look far for this one as it was fairly recent, but it’s the gunging of Rhian Sugden on Big Brother UK.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_-7TnQloQ right at the end.

A lot of these ‘glamour’ models aren’t famous for reasons other than they’re willing to take their clothes off for a national newspaper, and willing to appear in gossip magazines among other things (Ms Sugden was an MMA ring girl apparantly, makes me so interested to find out more about her *shift eyes*) so it’s kind of annoying they can go on these programmes like BB and get the attention they seek.

This is what makes them good for a gunging however, you think they need taking down a peg and you think “well how would they like to model gunge” (of course some of them do on sites like GlamourGunge, and to be fair they really shine at it, it’s as if they’ve found their calling ). Fair play to Rhian here, it’s nice to see someone who usually spends a lot of time prettying themselves up just sit their and take it; I really like that she has all the ‘housemates’ there to rib her while she sits there giggling over her ‘misfortune’.

Not the greatest gunging as a lot of it bounced off her reducing the coverage, but you have to love how it trickles down her…mostly down her top

So that’s that, thank you for all your comments over these past few months it’s been really interesting and enjoyable hearing your thoughts, there’s been some real ‘highlight’ editions for me which include the GYOB, NHP, and Pro wrestling discussions; feel free to keep adding comments to any thread (heck maybe some of you will change you minds, you never know ). TG, feel free to archive if you see FSF as popular enough to warrant it.

For the last time look forward to hearing from you, take care, and stay messy

Many thanks to @raonidamota on Twitter for this find. Given the cult status of Passa ou Repassa’s pie quiz, and the popularity of the format in colleges and church groups in Brazil, it was long overdue that it featured in a teen soap, and now it has.

(more at 8:36)

After nearly a year and a half away, Ermo is back in his slapstick kitchen! Sadly it’s a male guest, but there’s a nice pie for the assistant. Fingers crossed this isn’t just a one-off and there’ll be a female guest next time.

Link.

Over the last… not sure how long it’s long now (longer than it needed to be, certainly!), I’ve been reposting my stories to a separate blog. From now on, I’ll be posting my stories there rather than on here. The reason I’m doing this can be summed up with the music industry cliché of “creative differences”. Before I elaborate I want to stress that, while it may across as such, this is not an attack on anyone on the blog, just my reasoning for breaking away somewhat. Anyway, why am I doing this?

I have plans to develop the “Suziverse” into something a bit more than what it currently is. As such, I don’t feel that having the stories purely on this blog is fitting, especially since not all the stories I plan to write feature much (or in a few cases, any) WAM whatsoever. I know that some writers view non-messy parts of a story as “filler”, which is I frankly disagree with. I like writing and reading about characters which, while they’re supposed to be attractive, are more than just a few cookie-cutter character archetypes written to be wank fantasies.

To some extent, I feel that this is at odds with many of the other stories on here. While I do feature nudity and mild sexual content on occasion, I’ve never written outright porn and have practically no intention to ever do so. To me, a well-written story that’s just about a girl in fairly normal attire getting gunged will always be better than a badly written story where a girl has to get naked, ride a sybian to the point of orgasm while getting splattered with gunge and sucking a guy’s cock or whatever happens in some of the more pornographic stories. Also, while I don’t look down on the NHP and GYOB fanfiction on here (I enjoyed DHP and most of MSM’s New-GYOBs), I do have more fun reading and writing about new shows.

It’s also become quite apparent to me that my tastes in women are simply incompatible with the general audience here. For the most part, I write about more “niche” people. I don’t watch a lot of TV, and 99% of my news comes from the internet, with most of that being stuff related to my interests. It just happens that my main interests happen to be rock/metal/gothic music, animation, videogames and manga, some of which don’t really fit the “TellyGunge” label of the blog. While the blog covers more than that, to me it doesn’t really fit the more general stories I want to write, and neither do some of the other WAM fiction sites to me. WAFL’s no good for the celebrity stuff and is members-only, ECG is also members-only and has a rather frustrating story submission system, WamChat’s forum is pretty much dead and WAM Story Archive is too porn-centric for me to want to post there. Maybe that’s me being picky, but I’m sticking with it.

Anyway, reasoning out of the way, what will be on the Think Tank?
1) Every WAM story I’ve wrote and will write in the future except two: An awful GYOB story I half-arsedly “wrote” once and a gungy story I wrote a long time before Secrets which I covered up pretty adequately until just now. Even then, I might still post the latter. Even the stuff that doesn’t fit in the Suziverse (“K Is For…” and my CSW about an England/Netherlands friendly) is on there.
2) Opinion pieces on various messy subjects, and even a few non-messy subjects.
3) “Commentaries” on my stories. There’s currently one about Secrets, which details my thoughts on the story looking back on it, what inspired me to write it and why I made the creative choices I did. I hope to eventually do them for everything.
4) Future stories involving the characters introduced in the Kayotics, Suzi’s Slop Drop and Goo Your Own Way stories.

So what about Music Monday?

Regular Music Mondays will still be here, but specials (Top 10 lists and the like) will be on the Think Tank and reblogged onto here.

And that GYOW I haven’t finished because I suck with deadlines?

Parts 2 and 3 will be on here when it comes, then consolidated with Part 1 on the Think Tank shortly after, just as the SSD and GYOW stories on there are already.

So am I leaving altogether?

Hell no! I can’t be if I’m still doing Music Monday, can I? I’ll still be throwing the odd bit of feedback at stories I particularly like or dislike on here, rating and slating anything people find. and posting anything I find myself which may be of interest.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Kelly wandered into Trophy room No. 2. While the first one was very personal, containing trophies such as a class sports competition that Peter won back in school (which he still doesn’t know how, he was rubbish in PE), and a copy of the bank statement just after the boys made their first million (their own first million that is), these trophies were dedicated to Kelly and Emma’s first love: gunge. There was the signed photo from Dave Benson Phillips, the unsigned photo from Noel Edmonds and the digital photo the voiceover man had somehow got Suzi from Slop Drop fame to sign (they never asked how, but then he is more powerful than blog invaders, so nothing is really beyond him). It was another of his projects that had brought Kelly here today.

To one side, there was a desk. This was a special desk, seeing as what it held was known throughout the whole blog. Kelly looked at the large photos on the wall, the first with Emma Watson mid-drop on the GYOB dunk tank, then Karen Gillan sat just before the Car Wash and finally there was Kaley Cuoco, stood at the entrance of what Kelly knew to be a very messy labyrinth (one which she hasn’t yet had the chance to visit, despite all the tourists that have). There was an envelope waiting for her on the desk, addressed to her (and not Emma for some reason). She opened it, quickly read it, then smiled. She looked at the now empty list sat on the screen in front of her. Five hundred and twelve spaces were there, waiting to be filled.

Kelly then turned her head to the designs. She wasn’t sure which one was to be picked this year, but there were some really gungey options, so whoever emerges out on top this year will surely end up just as covered as the three previous winners. Besides, Emma wasn’t doing anything over Easter, and the voiceover man does need things to get done. Kelly stood, envelope in hand, and headed out towards the gunge room, itching to try “The Gunge Grand Prix Experience”, wondering what would be added to the pile this year, and who will take the all important crowning gunging.

So, Selena Gomez won an award but didn’t get slimed (she’s toying with us, lads). Instead, this year’s token female sliming at the ceremony was of Sandra Bullock.

This is interesting because Sandra was the recipient of a botched (i.e. lower body only) sliming at the KCAs a few years ago. Either she was disappointed and asked them to do it again properly, or, as a poster on EC Gunge suggested, Nickelodeon simply couldn’t find somebody else who’d agree to it.

Somebody else like Kirsten Stewart, for example. Maybe I’m misinterpreting what she says in the clip, but it appears that she declined to be slimed with the other two. Boo hiss to her if that’s true.

Anyway, Sandra got it, and this time properly in the face and on the hair. I have here an HD clip of the sliming. Since these clips inevitably get filtered from YouTube and even DailyMotion, I’m sharing it as a torrent. Click below, and don’t forget to seed.

TG KCAs 2013 Sandra Bullock.mkv – 132 MB

There was also a pre-recorded segment in which Amanda Seyfried got slimed, but she was surrounded by kids who also got messy, so it’ll need some work and I’ll see to it later.

I was thinking of a response to FSF, and remembered a rather nice clip from Big Brother USA that’s on freewam.net, so I headed on over there to find it, and was greeted with…

This domain name expired on 03/21/2013 and is pending renewal or deletion.

Ok course, the 21^st was only a few days ago, so maybe the webmaster is just late with the renewal. Also, it wouldn’t be the first time that the site has gone offline for a period and then returned. But what if this really is the end?

I know that there weren’t any updates for years and the vast majority of clips are widely available elsewhere, but even so I’m a little sad to see the site go. I discovered freewam.net during my tentative summer of online discovery back in 2005, shortly after coming across WamMonkey and shortly before finding EC Gunge, and spent many eager hours hogging the family telephone line to download the goodies on offers. Clips over 1 megabyte (considered big clips back then) were helpfully split up into RAR archives of a megabyte apiece. Although that seems fairly pointless nowadays, it was actually incredibly useful back then, because whenever the connection was broken (i.e. when my folks wanted to use the phone), I would only have to restart downloading the current RAR file and not the entire clip from scratch.

Perhaps less well known, the site also had an extensive selection of civilian photos, and a long list of links (especially Yahoo Groups) that really kicked-started my journey through the wamosphere.

So Mr Freewam, if you’re reading this, let me express my gratitude. Maybe let us know your plans for the site?

I wanted to do something related (even tangentially) to the KCAs today, but there’s nothing on my backlog that’s really fitting. Instead, let’s enjoy something from Canada. Contrary to what I thought when I first heard her stagename, Lights is not a band, but just this one girl who doesn’t answer to her real name. This track’s called “Second Go”, and in the video Lights goes through this pure white set splattering paint everywhere, even on herself quite a bit. Her face doesn’t get especially messy, but it’s a very cute video nonetheless.

I don’t know what it is about Canadian singers and musicians, but with a couple of exceptions (Justin Bieber and Celine Dion, for instance) I can find myself listening to music I wouldn’t usually be into. Not really into prog, but I like Rush. Apathetic towards bubblegum pop, like Carly Rae Jepsen (well, the two singles that actually caught on anyway). In this case I’m not big on electronic music, but I like this track and some of the other Lights songs I’ve heard.

It’s either that, or the fact that most of the videos that end up on here are for songs by electronic music acts. I do wish that Epica, Cradle of Filth and Arch Enemy were the rules rather than the exceptions some days…

“Bleh, the KCAs always slime men and when they do slime women, it sucks”. No offense guys, but that does seem to be the general consensus among the WAM community (aside from the other side who like male WAM I suppose). But you know, I see GYOB being held in high regard despite its atrocious gender ratio (for our tastes anyway). Even then, I don’t think the female slimings we do have are always that bad.

Now of course with this being Music Monday I am going to focus on the singers who’ve copped it at previous KCAs. So, who comes to mind immediately? Well, Katy Perry for one! Before I continue, however, I should point out the lack of years on these.

One of my all-time favourites. I’d have to say the Olsen Twins just beat her but I don’t think they had a music career, much to my surprise.

P!nk also got it in 2002, but there’s one issue with that video: the amount of kids getting also slimed in it means I can’t link it with a clear conscience (or invoking the wrath of the admin). It was at the end of her performance of “Get The Party Started”, so using that in your keywords search should help you find it.

It’s not just in the actual awards that slime showed up. Take this one for instance: Beyoncé starring in a specially themed advert for a Nintendo DS game.

On top of that, both Rihanna and Selena Gomez have been confirmed as up for it.

Going away from America now to Australia, which amazed us in 2012 with Christina Parie’s dunking.

They’ve had a few good ones before then, such as The Veronicas…

Natalie Bassingthwaighte…

And Ricki Lee (linked due to it being a DailyMotion vid rather than YouTube).

Delta Goodrem also got it twice, I believe. In both cases there were kids getting slimed in the video too, so see what I said about P!nk.

Finally, Dannii Minogue got slimed at a British edition of the KCAs one time, but the video for that seems to have vanished off the face of the ‘net. :/

So yeah, I don’t think it was all that bad. Except for the J-Lo thing anyway. That’s just awful. Maybe I should do a follow-up later in the week about the actresses who’ve gotten it. Thespians Thursday maybe?

Actually, it looks like the last thing she wants, but too bad.

After a quiet period from Combate, this is a rather mediocre return. There are couple of good hits in there, but for the most part the women take the piss by giving each other featherlite pieings.

I also came across this – the “somewhat past it” version.

Found this here, you’ve probably seen the gungings before (Mylene and that GYOB woman for Red Nose Day), but here it is in full (except the less interesting bits skipped).

Thanks to Roy L. Pudding for the find. There are certain similarities between this hispanic show and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. One of them is presented by a clown, the other by a guy in a purple wig and makeup.

Seriously, the similarity of interest to us is that the Spanish show features the same pie game as used by Jimmy Fallon on Kelly Ripa and Lucy Liu.

WAM trivia time: This lady in the green dress has got messy before. A prize (ok… glory) to the first person to say where.

Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“It’s gunging time,” says Emma Crosby, “but who is going to have her revenge, will Emma still be in poll position and will Christine regret her gamble?”

“I have the result’s her, but first let’s bring back our ladies, at the halfway point in the voting, it appeared that our first gambler was going to have to pay the forfeit, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back Christine.”

“Christine, there has hardly been a turnaround of the proportions you need?”

“I hope there has been, I really don’t want to get gunged,” says Christine looking nervously at the chair.

“And don’t forget Christine as you selected a level 3 gunging you would have to suffer the forfeit in your underwear.”

Christine’s face showed that this had not been forgotten about.

“Christine was of course looking to get revenge on Alex. So let’s bring her back out.”

“Alex in the last series more episodes saw a turnaround in the voting between the update and the final result, given that there was none in the first episode of this series, by the law of averages there should be one today.”

“There will not be, I am certain that the gap was big enough to account for any small change in the votes.”

“We shall see Alex, hoping that you are right and that there is no change in the result is our second gambler Emma Willis.”

“Emma, as Alex stated you had a large lead on Christine at the midpoint in the voting, will it be enough to see you over the line?”

“Or course it will be, in fact I think if anything the difference will get bigger and very soon Laura will be getting messy.”

“Emma sounds confident, which would be bad news for Laura.”

“I hope not, I think Alex and Emma would look much better covered in gunge than Christine and I, so I believe that there will be a turnaround in the results,” answers Laura.

“Well only two of our ladies can be right, so which two will it be?  Well at the halfway point there were 405 votes cast, since then a further 428 votes have been cast.  I can also tell you that the percentages have changed, but I can now reveal that once again there were more votes for Emma to get her own back on Laura, so with a total of 496 votes which equates to 59.5% of the total vote Emma Willis has one.”

Emma and Alex look delighted, Christine covers in face in shock, while Laura just shrugs.

“Emma you look delighted.”

“Thanks Emma, I am, although I never doubted the result, that doesn’t stop you getting nervous.  Thanks everyone for voting for me, I will reward you with a very special gunging of Laura.”

“Hear that Laura, it appears that Emma has something special in mind for you.”

“Do your worst,” says a defiant Laura.

“Oh I intend to,” Emma retorts.

“Ladies, save your energy because before we get back to you too, Christine has to pay her forfeit and I must say Alex looks happy about that.”

“I am Emma, I am going to make sure that Christine regrets messing with me, and if I have to get my own hands dirty to prove that, well I don’t mind that.”

“Hear that Christine, if Alex is willing to get her own hands dirty, I dread to think what she has in store for you.”

“I can’t believe this, this wasn’t supposed to happen,” says a still shocked Christine.

“Well happen it has, but don’t forget Christine, before I hand you over to Alex, you need to strip down to your underwear.”

Christine looks at Emma as if to say you can’t be serious, and then to Alex pleadingly.

“I don’t know why you are looking at me like that,” says Alex, “this is exactly what you had in mind for me had I lost the vote.”

Christine steps out of her high heels before reluctantly reaching behind her back and unzipping her dress.  She holds it to her body before taking a deep and breath and letting it fall to the ground revealing a matching white bra and knickers set.  She tries to ignore the catcalls and whistles from the studio audience as Emma picks the dress off the floor, “I’ll take that for safe keeping,” she says.

“What are you waiting for, take a seat Christine,” says Alex who is failing to keep the smile from her face.  “I have three buckets for you, but first let’s get you secured in that chair,” says Alex as she straps Christine’s wrists and then her ankles to the chair.  Christine feels extremely vulnerable sitting in her underwear in a chair unable to protect herself with her hands.

“Well Christine, I decided to take inspiration from some of the shows you have presented and for the first bucket I took inspiration from the show that brought us here this evening, The One Show, as you know we often have food features on show and also that the show has red titles I thought I would combine these and in the first bucket I have some tomatoes for you.”

Christine winces at the thought of this but there is no sympathy from the watching crowd as Alex approaches her with the first bucket, “I think I need a countdown from 3,” she says and the studio audience are happy to oblige, “3…..2…..1”  Christine shuts her eyes and hunches her shoulders at 1 to prepare herself.  Alex slowly starts to pour and at first it is just tomato juice that emerges from the steel bucket, it turns out that the tomatoes in the bucket has been mashed up.  Christine’s hair becomes matted under the flow of juice and some begins to trickle down her face, but all in all Christine thinks that this first bucket is not too bad, however, it is at this precise point that Alex’s tips the bucket to such a point that the more solid pieces of tomato slip over the bucket’s lip and fall onto the top of Christine’s head with a plop.  Much of this tomato gets caught up in Christine’s hair giving it what appears to red streaks through it.  Some larger pieces of tomato fall down onto Christine’s shoulders and down over her face.  The camera focus on one large piece of tomato as it slowly slides down the centre of Christine’s forehead and down her nose.  It hangs on the end of nose momentarily before if falls down landing squarely between her breasts and becoming caught in her bra.  In fact of the tomatoes that have made their way down the top of Christine’s torso very few have made it past her bra, and have turned it from white into a more two tone red and white colour.  It has also had an additional unseen effect, but one that Christine is worried about as she can feel the weight of the tomatoes are pulling down on the bra.

“Christine, I need you on your back for the second bucket,” announces Alex tossing away the first bucket and hitting the chair’s remote putting Christine flat on her back. Christine is happy that she is no longer starring out into the audience, and concentrates on the studio lights and cameras that are directly above her, rather than what Alex is preparing for her.  “So Christine you left The One Show, for Daybreak, which of course was breakfast television.  I have taken inspiration from breakfast for the second bucket, which leaves me with a question for you Christine, how do you like you eggs in the morning?”

“I am going to say not all over me,” replies Christine.

“That’s a shame Christine because that’s the one thing I can’t promise you.  You see I didn’t know what you might like so this bucket contains a fairly complete selection.  I have included fried, poached, scrambled and boiled, both hard and soft, and just in case you were one of those people who liked them, there are raw eggs included as well.  These have all been mixed up in this bucket to give this yellow, what I can only describe as sludge and the smell is not too nice either.”

Christine continues to look straight up so as not to see Alex approaching, but Alex was not lying about the smell as she can smell the bucket as Alex passes by her head on her way down to her feet.  It is there where Alex commences to pour over her feet.  Christine wiggles her toes as these are covered in egg, and is unable to suppress a giggle as the egg slips down the sensitive soles of her feet.  Alex hears this and turns to the audience and says, “Do you hear that, it sounds like Christine is loving this.”  Christine wants to scream that this is not the case but with Alex running her fingers up and down the soles of the feet, it is all she can do to stop herself from bursting out laughing.  Alex seems happy to have inflicted further humiliation on Christine and starts to pour the eggy mess once more working slowly up Christine’s left leg, then her right until these are completely coated.  Alex is happy not to go any higher with the second bucket, although some of the egg has splattered onto Christine’s white knickers.  She shifts uncomfortably in the chair as the egg begins to harden under the bright studio lights.

A view from the camera directly above Christine shows the result of the two buckets to date, her hair, head, shoulders and upper torso are red, while her legs are light yellow.

Alex picks up the third and final bucket and approaches Christine, “For my last bucket I thought we might acknowledge your work on Dancing on Ice, and so I have some lovely ice cream for you, the bucket has vanilla and strawberry, chocolate and banana and some others as well, so enjoy.” As Alex finishes talking she starts to pour what turns out to be a light brown sludge onto Christine’s stomach targeting her belly button.  Christine shudders in the chair as the cold ice cream makes contact with her bare skin.  Alex continues to pour onto the same spot causing a mountain of ice cream to form on the Christine’s belly.  “Time to get my hands a bit dirty, you don’t mind do you Christine?” asks Alex without getting a reply.  With that she starts to spread out the ice cream over Christine’s belly.  Christine is extremely uncomfortable as Alex spreads the ice cream out from the top of her knickers to the bottom of her bra.

“Guess what Christine, I am not done yet because there is still some ice cream in the bucket,” says Alex reaching into the bucket with her right hand and extracting a handful.  She walks t Christine’s left side and carefully places the ice cream on Christine’s breast right on the line where her bare skin meets the top of her bra.  With a wicked smile Alex then uses her fingers to start to work some on the ice cream under Christine’s bra.

“Stop that,” screams Christine.

“Make me,” responds Alex as she continues to play with the ice cream.  Happy with how much is now contained inside Christine’s bra she uses a second handful to build up a cone on Christine’s breast.  She then repeats the same process on Christine’s right breast until they are almost identical.

“Christine, they look almost good enough to lick, but I think I am missing something, I know,” says Alex who disappears below the back of the chair and emerges with two wafer cones that the places on top of the ice cream which is on top of Christine’s breasts.

“Oh look, there is a handful left, and I know a perfect place to put it.”  Before Christine has the time to suggest where she would like to put the ice cream Alex is on the move and she pulls away the top of Christine’s knickers and stuffs the ice cream inside.

“Oh god, not there,” screams Christine but her protests have no effect on Alex who snaps Christine’s knickers back into place forcing ice cream to ooze out.

“Bad news Christine, my buckets are all empty,” says Alex with mock sincerity, “however, we have one last mess for you, and in honour of you as a TV presenter, we have TV dinners.”  At this point Alex presses a button and the floor below Christine’s feet retracts.  Tied to the chair as she is, Christine cannot see what awaits her so Alex explains.  “Apparently all these stores had all these prepared dinners to throw out and I have neigh (snigger) idea why so awaiting you is a pool of prepared Lasagne.  Now they all got messed up as they were thrown in so no nice layers here, but I’m sure you won’t mind.”  Alex presses a button and Christine’s chair begins to rotate.  With her strapped to the chair it moves slightly quicker as there is no suspense as to when she will slip off.  Pretty soon she is vertical, starring at Alex who stands at the opposite side of the trap door, and trying to avoid looking down into the slop below her, as some of the excess mess falls from her body into this.

“Well Christine, it was your choice to try get your revenge on me, but you failed, so enjoy your trip,” says Alex pressing a button and releasing the straps holding Christine to the chair. Screaming she falls down into the pool of brown and white and yellow lasagne mess.  This is a mistake as she gets a mouthful of lasagne before she disappears below the surface.  The wafer cones remain above the surface, pointing to where Christine has disappear, but other than this there is little sign of her until her head breaks through the surface.  Her hair is covered in white sauce with speckles of yellow cheese on it.  It is quite sticky and Christine has little success in trying to wipe it from her face.  But then again, how could she give that her hands are covered in minced meat.  “Oh God, get me out of her,” she says struggling to make her way through towards the edge of the pool.

“Sorry Christine, but you’ll have to stay there until the end of the show,” says Emma who has appeared beside Alex.  “I think you enjoyed that Alex.”

“I sure did Emma, I don’t think she’ll be messing with me anymore.”

“I think I can say that everyone here enjoyed that too, well maybe not everyone, what do you think Laura?”

The spotlight turns on Laura who is sitting with Emma at the edge of the stage.  “Is that what is going to happen to me?” she asks nervously.

“That’s up to Emma, but we will all find out after this short break.”

Far too soon from Laura’s point of view the break is over and to the TV viewing public it looks as if Christine’s gunging has never happened as the chair has been cleaned and made ready for its next occupant.

Emma Crosby turns to the camera, “Welcome back to the show everyone and if you are only just joining us, where were you, you missed an epic gunging inflicted on Christine Bleakley by Alex Jones.”  The camera momentarily switches to Christine who has managed to wipe off her face but is still in a pool of lasagne.  “But that of course is only half our show, because you voted for Emma Willis to get her revenge on Laura Whitmore, so without further ado allow me to hand you over to Emma to commence her level 3 gunging of Laura.”

“Thank you Emma, and thank you all for voting to see this, very soon I shall be pouring my first bucket over Laura, but before I ask her to sit down, it’s time for her to save her dress and shoes from a messing by removing them now.”                  

Concern for the wellbeing of Laura’s dress and shoes has nothing to do with Emma’s order but Laura knows that pointing this out will not do her much good as she steps out of her heels, but at least Emma is right and these will be saved she thinks.  She reaches behind her back and unzips her dress.  As she lets this drop to the floor she tries to cover her underwear with her hands and arms to little success.

“My, my Laura, I think if I was in danger to getting them messed up I would have worn more substantial underwear than that,” says Emma as Laura’s flimsy white lace bra and thong are exposed.  “Anyway time to get in the chair,” says Emma hooking her arm through Laura’s, turning her back to the audience and leading her towards the chair.  The audience roars in appreciation as Laura’s barely covered ass is turned to them, which causes Laura to groan in embarrassment.  Emma has Laura sit up in the chair before she walks to her feet and straps her ankles in.  She then walks to Laura’s side and signals for her to put her wrists in position so that she can lock this in too.  Laura is currently using her arms to protect what little of her modesty she has left and is hesitant to do that, “Do you have to do that?” pleads Laura.  “Of course I do Laura, yours is a level 3 gunging, and anyway you only wear underwear like that to be seen,” replies Emma grabbing Laura’s left wrist and strapping it in.  To be seen by one other person thinks Laura, not by hundreds in a studio audience and however many are watching on TV.

“Now that’s done Laura,” says Emma standing back to allow the camera to get a good long shot of a nearly naked Laura strapped into the chair, “it’s time to get on with the buckets, and I thought that in honour of your homeland that we would make you an ingredient in an Irish Stew, but not just any stew, but a Guinness Irish stew, which means that the first bucket I have for you is indeed Guinness.”

Laura closes her eyes in anticipation of a coating of Guinness as Emma picks up the first bucket and positions herself behind Laura’s head.  Very carefully she starts to tip the bucket and slowly at first the Guinness lands squarely on Laura’s head.  Her blonde locks are soon turned a shade darker as the Guinness coats every inch of it.  Her once perfect locks are a matted mess.  The Guinness runs down her back causing her to squirm in the chair, some of it even finds its way all the down her back and pools in the bottom of the seat under her backside.  Emma moves the bucket forward slightly which makes the Guinness run down Laura’s face rather than the back of her head.  She keeps her eyes closed as the Guinness runs down over these, over her nose, her mouth and down to her torso.  Just as Laura is thinking that this is not the worst mess she could have been faced with a cheer sounds from the audience.  Emma stops pouring, the bucket being empty and Laura opens her eyes, to see Emma standing over her, “just as I suspected, your underwear is not up to the task of getting gunged.”  As Emma steps aware Laura can see herself in a giant monitor, the camera zooms in on her breasts, she is shocked as she sees that her bra is much less opaque then what is was when it was dry and the shape of her breasts are quite clearly visible under the sodden material. 

“Wasn’t that fun Laura, I think all those watching enjoyed it too, and that was only the first bucket, I think I’ll put you on your back for your second,” says Emma reclining Laura’s chair until she is horizontal.

“Even with Guinness you still need a good beef stock, not normally this would be quite fluid, but it seems that it was left on too long, and became too thick for a normal stew, but you don’t mind do you Laura?”   Emma does not expect, nor does she get a response as she picks up the second bucket and walks to Laura’s feet.  Targeting Laura’s feet first she starts to pour out the stock.  She wasn’t joking about the thickness of the stock, it is more like a sludge than a stock as her wriggling toes disappear below it.  The sludge pours very slowly out of the bucket leaving Emma little choice than to work her way up Laura’s legs turning these brown as she goes.  Laura finds the sensation of the stock sliding over her slender legs awful and her face gives this away.  The stock is so thick that Emma is disappointed to find that the bucket is empty by the time she reaches Laura’s mid-thigh.

“Oh well, 2 buckets down, and only one to go and it’s vital to have the proper consistency of mashed potato with your stew and I have thrown the other vegetables into this bucket as well.  I have to say, I love what Alex did to Christine, so I think I will copy her,” says Emma before dumping half the bucket of potato and vegetables out onto Laura’s stomach.  Laura raises her head and looks at the mountain of white potatoes on her stomach, she can spot pieces of carrot, onion, mushrooms and scallions in it as Emma puts the bucket to one side and stands over her.  “It does mean I have to get my hands messy, but I am willing to pay that price,” she says as she delves her hands into the potatoes and starts to spread it out over Laura’s torso.  Despite herself Laura giggles as Emma’s nails rake across her stomach.  “Ticklish are we?” asks Emma but she doesn’t get a response as Laura is trying to hold herself from bursting out laughing in her current position.  It is a battle she is destined to lose as Emma continues to drag he nails across her belly while spreading out the mashed potato.  Laura begins to struggle in the chair before bowing to the inevitable, despite her exposed body and being covered in various messy substances she is now laughing out loud.  Emma steps back slightly as Laura’s struggles in the chair are sending bits of potato flying in many directions.  As Laura calms down Emma scoops up some of the potato that remains in the bucket and despite protestations from Laura, pulls away the left cup of her bra and forces potato inside.  Laura rolls her eyes at this latest, not unexpected, turn of events and watches closely as Emma repeats the process on her other side.  She looks worriedly at her bra knowing that the flimsy material in it was never intended to be soaked and to be stretched to the point of breaking as it currently is.  Emma still has one final handful of potato to go, and Laura knows exactly what she has planned having seen what Alex did earlier in the show and grimaces as she watches Emma pull away the thin material of her thong and stuffs the potato inside.  She squirms as Emma violently pulls her thong back into place and forces potato into places where a good Irish girl would never expect to find potato. 

Laura is at least grateful for two things at the moment, firstly that Emma has exhausted her 3 buckets meaning that her ordeal is almost at an end, and secondly that her thong didn’t come away in Emma’s hand given how hard she pulled it back into place.  Emma starts Laura revolving into the vertical position, “Laura, we are almost finished, but there is one last ingredient required which is, of course, meat.  Now a local abattoir were only too happy to provide us with some, apparently some issue with contamination, so they did us a great deal, but be aware that it was marked not fit for human consumption so don’t be eating any of it when you are down there,” says Emma.  Laura is completely vertical when Emma opens the trap door, she looks down and immediately notices that the meat is not raw as she had expected.  As if reading her mind Emma states, “The meat has been well browned just as you would expect in a stew, so enjoy it Laura!”  With that Emma uses the remote to release the restraints holding Laura in place allowing gravity to send the screaming lady falling into the pool of meat below.  Laura’s screaming is cut off as she enters the pool feet first, she remembers what Emma said about the meat and closes her mouth just before her head disappears below the surface.  Laura finds the texture of the meat disgusting but there is little she can do as the meat gets everywhere as she tries to break her head through the surface of the meat.  When she does the audience laughs as they see her meat covered hair, the Guinness having proved to be a natural solvent in attaching the meat to her hair.  As Laura gets her bearings she notices something on the surface that she did not expect to see, “Oh no, my bra,” she says her hands automatically going to her chest to cover herself. She need not have worried as her chest is below the level of the meat in the pool, although her reaction has led to much merriment in the audience, and Emma Willis looks very pleased with her evening’s worked as Emma Crosby rejoins her on stage.

“Congratulations Emma, I think you enjoined getting your own back on Laura.”

“I certainly did, thanks to all the voters who made it happen.”

“So that’s it for the current episode, be sure to join us next time when we will have two more ladies looking to get their own back,” says Emma ending the show.  The camera cuts to a high shot which shows two pools one with Christine and one with Laura, both of whom are anxious to get out.

Was there a theme on Countdown on Friday?