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Tess Daly walks onto the stage, wearing a short white dress and white high heel shoes.
“Welcome to Strictly Dance for Charity, where we have a great show for you tonight. Not only will we see a celebrity attempt to dance whilst getting messy, we will also see a messy surprise for one of our professional dancers.”
Tess begins to walk to a corner of the stage, where there is a large drape covering what seems to be a large object.
“But before we go any further, we have a very special announcement to make.”
The drape is hoisted upwards by an attached rope to reveal a wooden pillory with a scantily clad lady bent over at 45 degrees with her head and hands locked into the holes.
Tess leans her arm on top of the pillory and faces the camera “Yes, we have the lovely Katja Jones locked in the pillory.”
The camera takes a close up of Katja’s sorrowful face and then does a complete circle of the pillory to show the bent over 29 year old dancer from every angle. Katja is wearing a silver and black dress, black fishnet stockings and black high heel shoes. As she was bent over, this meant her dress was riding up her body and her black skimpy knickers were on full show.
Tess is handed a box of eggs, and with her other hand she selects one of the eggs.
“As we all know Katja has been very naughty having been caught kissing her celebrity dancing partner. Katja’s husband wasn’t best pleased of course, but he is prepared to forgive Katja as long as she gets punished for her naughtiness. Therefore we agreed with him that Katja would go in the pillory for tonight’s show.”
Tess looked down towards Katja’s head and proceeded to smash the egg onto the top of her head.
Katja let out a squeal as the slimy egg and yolk streamed over her hair and started to drip down her face.
“What do you have to say for yourself Katja?”
“I’m really sorry for any hurt that I have created, and I’m prepared to accept my punishment tonight.”
“That’s good Katja, because it’s going to be a long night for you!”
Tess picks up another egg and cracks it on Katja’s head. “Do you like eggs Katja?”
“Err, I guess so but mostly when they are in cakes.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get to the cakes later on tonight, but let me just finish with this box.”
In quick succession, Tess picks up the 4 remaining eggs from the box and splats each one on Katja’s head. Katja exhales sharply as her hair becomes matted and more egg and yolk drips down the front of her face.
Tess tosses the empty egg box to one side and walks to the centre of the stage. Katja has no choice but to stay in the pillory with egg dripping down her, as Tess carried on with the show.
“Ok, we shall now reveal the results of our online vote to see which celebrity will get to do a dance with a difference.”
“In third place with 15% is Georgia May Foote. The runner up is Gemma Atkinson with 20%, but the winner is Rachel Riley with 22% of the vote. Please welcome her onto the stage as we have a chat with her before she gets to perform her dance.”
Rachel walks on wearing a short sparkly blue dress and gold high heel shoes.
“Congratulations on winning the online vote. You are the lady that most people want to see dance.”
Rachel was smiling “Of course I am very flattered by being voted the winner, but I am just a little nervous at having to get messy whilst I do my dance. However, it is for charity and I am pleased that a lot of money has been raised.”
“I’m sure you will be fine Rachel. I guess it’s a little different from your normal presenting job on Countdown.”
“It is a bit. I like putting the words and numbers out, and solving the numbers puzzle. This is going to be completely different.”
Tess turned to the camera “Rachel found out yesterday that she would be dancing tonight and has been practising her dance ever since.”
Tess turned back to face Rachel “Ok Rachel, there is about 5 minutes until your dance. So we’ll see you back on stage then.”
Rachel flicks her heels and sexily walks off, to lots of cheers from the audience.
Tess addressed the audience and pointed to a section of the stage behind her, where there were 3 large objects with drapes over them. As she pointed, the drapes were lifted to reveal 3 professional dancers sitting on seats above separate dunk tanks.
“As you can see we have Ola, Aliola and Oti seated above dunk tanks, wearing some sexy dancing costumes.”
The 3 professional dancers enthusiastically waved to the audience as Tess pointed to a large red button which was on the side of the stage. “As part of her dance, Rachel will press this red button. This will release the mechanism of one of the seats above the dunk tanks and drop someone into their tank below.”
“I know what you are all saying, which one of our dancers will be getting dunked. Well, as you know we have been conducting another online vote and the winner of the vote will be the dancer that gets dunked. I’m not going to reveal who that is, as you will all find out very soon when Rachel pushes the red button.”
The 3 professional dancers giggled and playfully kicked out their legs, as they peered down into their respective dunk tanks.
“What I can reveal now is the contents of the dunk tanks. If Ola gets dunked, then she will be going into a tank full of slimy mud. If Aliola is the unlucky one, then she will be dunked in thick green gunge, and if Oti is the most voted lady then she will be getting the pleasure of being dunked in thick yellow custard.”
Tess waves to the 3 dancers “See you later ladies”
Tess walks back over to Katja in the pillory.
“Before Rachel begins her dance, we will have some more fun with Katja.”
Neil Jones, professional dancer and husband of Katja, enters the stage pushing a trolley laden with custard pies and jugs of custard.
Katja sees him approaching from the corner of her eye and gulps, as Neil parks the trolley at the side of the pillory.
“Hello darling! Fancy seeing you here”
“Hi Neil.” replied a sheepish Katja.
Neil picks up a custard pie and waves it in front of her face.
“Do you think you deserve this?”
Katja gulps again before nodding her head.
Neil splats the pie firmly into Katja’s face and moves the pie around so that all of her features are covered in the cream and custard. Neil picks up another pie and smashes it on top of Katja’s head, causing cream and custard to cover her hair and stream down her face.
Tess turned to Neil “Do you want a clean target?”
“Yes please” was the answer, as Tess pulled a lever at the side of her which slowly swivelled the floor underneath the pillory 180 degrees, to leave Katja’s knicker clad bottom and fishnet stockings-clad long legs facing the cameras.
Neil picked up a jug of custard and with his forefinger on his other hand, he hooked it into the elasticated top of Katja’s knickers and pulled it slightly away from her body. He quickly started to pour the custard inside.
Gasps were audible from Katja as the cold custard filled her knickers and started to seep through the flimsy knicker material and stream down her thighs and fishnets.
After pouring the whole jug in, Neil places the jug down and took a grip of both sides of her knickers.
“I’ve always wanted to do this!”
Neil then sharply pulled the knickers upwards to give Katja a squelchy custardy wedgie. Katja squealed as custard and the knicker material went into her bottom crack and her most sensitive areas. Neil was chuckling as he watched Katja squirming before him.
After a few seconds, Neil relented and put her knickers back into their original position. Neil then picked up another custard pie and slapped it onto her knicker-clad bottom, followed by another and another.
Neil rubbed his hands with glee as he looked at the messy state his wife was now in.
Tess pulled the lever at her side again which swivelled the pillory 180 degrees, so that Katja’s head was back facing the cameras again.
Tess smiles “Did you enjoy your custard wedgie and custard pie spankings?”
Katja grunted, as Neil pushed another custard pie in her face and picked up the final jug of custard and poured it directly over her head, shoulders and back.
“Thank you Neil. I think you’ve suitably punished your wife for her naughtiness.”
“Thanks Tess, I enjoyed that. See you later darling!” Neil waved to the clapping audience and walked off the stage.
Tess smirked “Don’t go anywhere will you Katja? We’ll be back to see you later.”
Katja let out a sarcastic laugh as she knew full well that she had no option but stay where she was, locked in the pillory, covered in custard and cream.
Tess walked away from the pillory and faced the camera “Its now time for our special dance, which will be performed by our vote winner, Rachel Riley.
The camera panned to the middle of the stage where a giant sized martini glass had been placed. There was a stepladder to the side of it, and inside the martini glass was Rachel, wearing her blue sparkly dress.
As the music started, Rachel started to move around and it became apparent that the glass was half filled with water. Rachel did her best to sexily move around inside the glass, whilst splashing herself and gradually getting her dress more and more saturated with water. Rachel kneeled in the water and then dipped her head beneath the surface a few times to wet her beautiful blond hair and slicked it back over her head.
Rachel stood up and started to climb down the steps of the stepladder to get to the stage floor, and started to twirl her way towards the red button that Tess was showing the audience earlier on.
Sharp intakes of breath could be heard from the audience as Rachel got nearer to the red button. The 3 professional dancers above the dunk tanks watched with anticipation and prepared themselves, as they watched the 32 year old Countdown presenter approach the red button.
Rachel did a final pirouette and thrust her hand out to give the red button a big push. A loud siren could be heard as the seat underneath Ola gave way and dropped the 36 year old Polish dancer into the squelchy mud below. Ola screamed as her whole body delved into the mud and she frantically thrashed her arms and legs around until she found the bottom of the tank with her feet. Gradually Ola recovered her balance and stood up inside the tank. The mud level came up to her waist, and every inch of her was covered in mud. Ola ran her fingers through her hair and slicked back her mud coated locks.
Ola smiled to the camera and posed sexily with her hands on her hips. Aliola and Oti were clapping as they were relieved at not being the dancer that got dunked. The camera panned back to Rachel as she continued her dance.
At both sides of the dancefloor stood 3 professional male dancers, and Rachel danced towards the first dancer on the left. As she got to him, she took his hand and did a sexy dance move. Whilst she did this, the dancer reached into his pocket, pulled out an egg and quickly splatted it onto Rachel’s head. Rachel’s face showed a little disgust as she felt the eggy contents explode over her hair, and then stopped holding the dancers hand and danced towards the next dancer. Rachel proceeded to do the same sexy dance move with each of the other 5 male dancers, and they all followed suit and cracked an egg onto her head. After she had finished dancing with the sixth male dancer, Rachel’s blond hair was matted with egg and yolk, and there were drips down her face and onto her sparkly dress.
Rachel then began to twirl towards the pillory and stopped when she was directly in front of Katja. Rachel picked up the final custard pie from the trolley and smushed it into Katja’s face. Rachel dropped the pie tin to the floor, smiled to the camera and rubbed her hands, before she danced towards the middle of the dancefloor.
Rachel continued to dance sexily on the spot, as the 6 male dancers slowly approached her from both sides. Each was holding a bucket. Rachel gulped as she continued to dance, and prepared herself as the first dancer lifted his bucket over Rachel’s head and started to pour. Rachel let out a squeal as runny sticky honey enveloped her head and streamed down her face and body. Each of the other 5 male dancers followed suit with their buckets full of honey, until Rachel was now finding it difficult to carry on dancing as she was now completely covered in sticky, runny honey. The honey had streamed down her body and down her legs and onto her high heels.
Rachel suddenly slipped and almost fell over, but was caught by 2 of the male dancers. They hoisted her into the air and carried her over to a nearby high walled tank and threw her in. Rachel squealed as she flew in the air and into the tank. The walls of the tank were high enough so that the audience couldn’t see what was inside. There was a cushioned thud as Rachel landed in the tank and she started laughing as she got to her feet and stood up. Rachel was now completely covered in glitter and sequins. The tank had been filled with them and had easily stuck to every inch of Rachel’s honey coated body.
The male dancers helped Rachel out of the tank, and carried her to where Tess was, and put her back on the ground.
The studio lights shimmered off the glitter and sequins, as Rachel stood sexily, appreciating the applause from the audience.
“Well done Rachel! I think we all enjoyed that dance of yours. You seem to have gone very sparkly, which is very Strictly-like.”
“Thank you Tess. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.”
“So how did you find getting messy?”
Rachel giggled “It’s going to take a few washes to get all the egg and honey out of my hair, but it’s all for charity isn’t it.”
“Yes it is. Now, we need to ask the judges to score your dance Rachel. Let me remind everyone that if Rachel gets an average score of 5 out of 10 or less, then she will also be going in one of the dunk tanks.”
Tess points to the 3 dunk tanks, which Ola, Aliola and Oti has previously been sitting above, but the seats were now vacant.
“Let’s get the thoughts from our professional judges.”
The camera panned to the 4 judges seated behind a desk.
Craig was first “Well darling, I thought that was glorious. You do look a picture, covered in honey, sequins and glitter. However you did slip over near the end.”
The audience booed at Craig’s criticism.
Darcey: “You can’t really blame her for slipping over Craig. She had honey flowing down her legs and onto her high heels. I think Rachel did very well under the circumstances. I’m not sure I could have carried on with eggs being cracked in my hair.”
Shirley: “Its not the most technical dance I’ve seen and some of those twirls weren’t executed correctly. But hey, it’s for charity after all, and it was a good effort.”
Bruno stood up from his chair to deliver his verdict in his usual outlandish style “That was fantastic Rachel! I loved seeing all that honey cascade down your body, very sexy! And when you were chucked into the tank of sequins and glitter, that was the best finale I have seen for a while”
Tess thanked the judges and asked them for their scores. In turn they raised scorecards and stated the score they had given.
“That’s a score of 24, and an average of 6 out of 10, which means you avoid going in the dunk tank. Well done Rachel, are you pleased with that?”
“I’m happy with the scores, especially the 8 from Bruno, and even happier that I don’t get to go in one of those dunk tanks. I think I have been messed up enough already.”
Tess carries on “It’s such a shame for the dunk tanks to go to waste, now that Rachel won’t be going in.” Tess rubs her chin “I wonder who could we get to take her place?”
Tess looks over to Katja who is still in the pillory, and laughs. To roars of approval from the audience, two of the male professional dancers unlock her from the pillory and escort her to the dunk tank which Oti had previously been dunked in. Katja makes her way up the ladder and the custard covered dancer positions herself on the seat above the tank.
Katja covers her face with her hands as Tess begins a countdown.
“5….4….3….2…..1……”
The seat mechanism gives way and drops Katja into the thick custard below. She gets completely covered and stands up in the tank as the camera gets a close up of her custardy features. The two male professional dancers pull Katja out of the tank and frog match her back to the pillory.
“Am I going back in there?”
“Yes you are Katja!”
Katja is duly locked back into the pillory with her head poking out of the larger hole, with custard dripping off every part of her body.
Tess pondered again “Hmmm, we haven’t used the green gunge dunk tank yet. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.”
“Who else could we dunk? How about our runner-up in the celebrity vote. Let’s bring on Gemma Atkinson.”
Gemma is frog marched onto the stage by 2 male professional dancers. She is wearing a white t-shirt, short leather skirt, black stockings and black high heel shoes.
“Hi Gemma. I bet you thought you had gotten away with getting messy tonight?”
“Yes I thought I had.” Gemma peered over to the dunk tanks. “Which one am I going in?”
Tess smiles “I think green gunge would suit you very nicely!”
The audience roars with laughter, as Tess continues “I can also tell you that we have had an extra request, and that a number of viewers have pledged to double their charity donations if you go in the tank in your underwear!”
Gemma looks a little startled “What? I’m not sure I can do that.”
“But if you don’t the charity will lose out. You don’t want that, do you?”
“I guess not! I can’t believe I’m having to strip!” Gemma takes off her white t-shirt to reveal a black bra and a generous amount of cleavage. She unzips her leather skirt and lets it fall to the floor. This reveals black knickers, black stockings and suspenders.
“Ooohh very sexy Gemma, now if you wouldn’t mind taking your seat please.”
The camera focused in on Gemma’s knicker-clad bottom as she walks to the middle dunk tank and climbs the steps to take her seat. Gemma peers down to see the thick green gunge beneath her, and shakes her head.
Tess looks up to Gemma “Are you ready for the plunge?”
Gemma shakes her head again.
“Well that’s too bad, because you’re about to get that pretty black lingerie you are wearing all green and messy.”
Gemma gingerly holds on to her seat, as she watches Tess press the red button. The seat gives way and drops the squealing 33 year old actress into the gungey slop beneath. Gemma hits the surface and causes big plashes of gunge. She delves completely underneath the surface, before standing up in the tank, with the gunge level around her waist. Gemma is completely covered in the green gunge, and her blond hair is matted with the sticky stuff.
Gemma rubs her eyes and wipes her face, as Tess shouts up to her “How does it feel in there?”
“Sticky and disgusting! Perhaps you would like to join me?”
“Ha Ha, nice try Gemma, but I don’t think so.”
Tess turns to the camera “Unfortunately tonight’s programme will be finishing very soon, so we just have enough time for this……”
Tess walks over to the pillory, and picks up a nearby bucket. She smiled at Katja as she upturns the bucket and melted chocolate envelopes her head. Tess moves the bucket over her her head and down her back to give her a nice coating.
“There you go Katja! I think you’ve been punished enough for your infidelity, and thank you for being one of our star guests tonight.”
Katja utters a muffled response, as the credits begin to roll, and the other guests on the show wave to the audience.