The studio lights came on, gradually increasing how the large room was lit from almost pitch darkness to the brightness of a spring day. On a wall above various booths, tanks and buckets was a logo which looked like a child’s drawing of a green liquid splash with the words ‘Totally Trashed!’ written inside it, on a red background.
As the lights came on full, the show’s presenter- a slender dark-haired woman wearing a strapless black dress-, walked on-stage. Turning in mid-stride she smiled at the camera. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to the series introductory episode of Totally Trashed, the show where celebrity contestants get very, very messy to go home with lots of cash for their chosen charity, with me Kirsty Gallacher,” she said with a wide smile from ear to ear. “ Our contestants are seated on the stools behind me, and will be spot-lighted as they’re introduced. Now, we have so many contestants for this series that I’m going to need help introducing them all. So, please welcome my co-hosts, Natalie Sawyer, Georgie Thompson, Jill Wagner, Hannah Martin, Amy Diamond, Chanelle Hayes, Abbey Clancy and Jessica Alba!”
With these words nine more women, a slender dark brunette in a floor-length pink dress, a brunette in a floral-patterned white dress, another brunette wearing silvery grey dress, a blonde in a pinky red minidress, a blonde in a floor-length black dress, another blonde in a black minidress, a fourth blonde in a camouflage-patterned minidress, and, finally, a dirty blonde-haired actress in a knee-length grey dress walked onto the stage waving to the audience and smiling into the cameras.
Kirsty grinned at the other two ladies. “Well, Natalie, Georgie, Jill, Hannah, Amy, Chanelle, Abbey and Jessica, are you looking forward to tonight and the rest of the series?”
Georgie smiled . “Most definitely, Kirsty, this should be a lot of fun and also lots of money will be going to some great charities.”
Natalie grinned. “Oh, yes. Although I wonder do our celebrity guests have any idea what is coming their way?!”
Kirsty laughed at this. “Probably not, Nat, or maybe they do. After all, the name of the show is Totally Trashed. Oh, thanks for letting the cat out of the bag, Natalie. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, you heard correctly. A number of celebrities are going to put themselves up for a messy vote-off over the next few weeks to raise money for charities ranging from Children’s Hospitals to Famine and Disaster Relief. They have been paired up for a series of randomly-selected head-to-heads, the winner of each will be selected by you at home, with the loser copping a messy forfeit. Said forfeits will get messier as the competition progresses, with new ones added to what came before. Now, many of our co-hosts are a big hint as to the professions of our guests/contestants. So, Georgie would you announce our first pair of contestants, please?”
“Of course, Kirsty,” replied the blonde Sky Sports presenter. “And I must say it’s nice to be back on a show with yourself and Natalie. Now, getting back on track, our first contestant has been a companion to Dr.Who, starred as Nebula in Guardians of the Galaxy Volumes 1 and 2 and also had a major part in the latest Jumanji movie. She is of course Karen Gillan! But, who is she up against? The answer is Lads’ Mag favourite Leah Francis! Who incidentally is no stranger to getting gunged. ”
Two women, a slender redhead in a knee-length black dress with a plunging neckline and a busty blonde wearing a grey minidress that showed lots of cleavage and a pair of black tights, were lit by the first spot-light, as cheers, jeers and wolf whistles echoed around the studio. As they shifted nervously under the attention, Georgie turned to her nearest fellow presenter. “Those are the two contestants for the first competitive episode, who are in Match Two, Natalie?”
The brunette in the pink ball-gown grinned. “Both the ladies in Match Two have a good deal of experience modelling lingerie but very little modelling gunge. Please welcome Cara Brett and Emma Glover!” With this a busty blonde in a strapless black dress and a busty brunette also wearing a black dress were shown in their seats indicated by another spot-light from the roof.
As the two glamour models squirmed at the thought of what might happen later on in the series, Natalie looked at the next presenter in line. “So, Jill, who’s next?”
Jill Wagner grinned into the camera. “Well, Natalie,” answered the Wipeout USA presenter. “The next match features the first lady who I can call a fellow countrywoman. Her debut studio album ‘Sweet Kisses’ sold over four million copies worldwide, she also played the role of ‘Daisy’ in 2005’s ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Jessica Simpson! But who is she facing? Well, I can tell you it’ll be a lady who aged eighteen appeared on Page 3 of The Sun and has done numerous fundraisers for the Help For Heroes charity. It’s Peta Todd! Give them both a big hand.” With these words the brunette Peta, dressed in a floor-length blue dress, was seen sitting in one of the show’s requisitioned bar-stools from a recently-closed neighbourhood pub with a wide smile across her face. At her side, sat the bubbly blonde Jessica wearing a white lace minidress. They both gave a wave to the cameras and studio audience, as they both looked over smiling at the previous four.
Jill turned to the next of her co-hosts. “So, Hannah, who’re the next two volunteers?”
The short-haired blonde smiled back at Jill before turning to look into the camera. “Well, I can tell you we’re back to our model contestants, although one of these ladies did get munched on by a 3D piranha. Please welcome Sammy Braddy amd Kelly Brook!” The two brunettes were lit up by the studio lights, wearing a white minidress and red sundress respectively that were cut low in front to show off a large amount of cleavage.
p>Soon, both models had settled on the show’s signature secondhand bar stools, the glare of the spot-lights illuminating both of them. Hannah Martin then grinned and looked over at the next presenter. “Who’s next, Amy?”
The curly-blonde-haired Amy Diamond walked in her long black dress to centre stage. As the applause died down, she smiled towards a camera that was focussed on her. “Now, we’ve already met the first eight celebrity contestants. Buuuut, who is next?! Well, we’re staying wholly in the Land of the Free for the fifth match, as actress Scarlett Johansson of Girl With A Pearl Earring and Avengers fame takes on singer and former Disney Channel TV star Selena Gomez!”
With that announcement, a short-haired blonde Scarlett was lit up in her seat, dressed in a tight strapless black minidress.The Latina Selena, sitting beside her, wore a navy-blue floor-length dress with a slit to her thigh up the right-hand side and the shoulder of the same side of the dress barefrom mid-chest, exposing the black chemise she wore underneath. With a last wave to the audience they both settled back in their spot-lighted seats and waited with their fellow contestants and the audience to see who would be the next pairing.
Amy glanced back towards her fellow hostesses. “Well, that’s Match Five sorted!” she joked. “Chanelle, who were drawn for Match Six?”
“Well, Amy, this one’s a tough one for our voting public,” said the model in the black minidress. “The Sixth Match pits two of the nation’s top glamour models against each other. Put your hands together for Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers!”
Spot-lights showed the two busty brown-haired models smiling and waving. Both wore dresses with deep, cleavage-showing necklines, Lucy in black and Holly in red. Like those before them, they sat nervously in the spot-lighted requisitioned old bar stools. It was becoming obvious that glamour models were making up a high proportion of the ladies taking part in the competition.
Chanelle Hayes smiled at the latest two future celebrity gungees. Then, she turned to the presenter who had just walked up beside her in a camouflage-patterned minidress. “Well, Abbey, nice colour choice, supporting our boys overseas?” she asked with a chuckle. “Anyway, who’s our next announcer?”
Abbey Clancy grinned. “Thanks, Chanelle. I am,” she revealed. “Now, moving on. It’s Match Number Seven; the Battle of the Kates or rather supermodel Kate Upton versus glamour model Katie Green!”
The busty blonde supermodel sat on the stool like she owned the studio, bringing an unseen grimace from some in the audience. She was dressed in a strapless blue above-knee-length dress sheer tights and black high heels. Waves of blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders just brushing the upper curve of her right breast. Tension rose in the studio, as everyone knew that some of the biggest names in showbiz and fashion were still to come. Right beside her was the brunette glamour model wearing a white dress with a black and brown leopard print pattern.
Abbey looked around the cavernous room and smiled wickedly. “Well, Jessica Alba, would you kindly introduce the next two ladies?” she asked the grey-clad actress.
The star of Sin City smiled. “Our eighth match features a former Miss Wales who has since become one of Britain’s top glamour models against the female lead of the Twilight Saga and Snow White and the Huntsman. Make some noise for Imogen Thomas and Kristen Stewart!”
With this, the brunettes, model and actress were shown on the stage clad in a black minidress with a plunging neckline and a white lace mid-thigh length dress with a modest neckline respectively. They sat next to their fellow celebrity contestants with nervous smiles to the camera.
At this point, Kirsty glanced at her watch. “Well, that’s all for Part One of the Totally Trashed Introduction. Join us after the break, when we’ll be finding out the identities of the next eight pairs of celebrities crazy enough to come on this show.” The Totally Trashed Theme song played as the audience applauded while the lights dimmed.
Soon, the lights came back on and music filled the air. The black ballgown-clad Kirsty gallacher stood in the centre of the stage, her long dark hair falling elegantly over one shoulder. She waited for the music and applause to die down. “Welcome back to Totally Trashed,” she announced, a bit too cheerfully. “The show that could end up being the messiest in the history of television by the end of the series. Now, enough of the plugging of the show’s name. It’s time to reveal the next two contestants for Match Number Nine. Our seventeenth celebrity contestant has been the recipient of an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, a Bafta award and an Emmy. She made her debut in 2001’s The Princess Diaries and has wowed audiences in The Devil Wears Prada, The Dark Knight Rises and brought out the tragedy of Fantine in Les Misérables. Please welcome to Totally Trashed, Anne Hathaway!”
The raven-haired actress was wearing a sequined black minidress and black high-heeled sandals, her slightly-curly hair draped artistically over her shoulders. As she sat on the stool with posture born of the confidence from winning so many awards in the last six years, she smiled widely and gave a wave to the audience.
Kirsty looked on, smirking. When the actress was finally seated, she addressed the camera. “Now, who is Anne going to be facing? This lady is one of the world’s top supermodels. She’s been a Victoria’s Secret Angel on multiple occasions and is an avid computer programmer going so far as to offer a scholarship for young girls interested in computer science and software engineering. Put your hands together for Karlie Kloss.”
The slender blonde model was caught by the camera wearing a flowing blue minidress tucked in at the waist, sheer black tights and blue open-toed high heels. Her signature bob-cut hair shone in the studio lights. She was perched on the spot-lit stool and settled in with a wide grin stuck on her face.
As the supermodel took her seat, Kirsty looked across the stage to the show’s main host. “And back to you Georgie for Match Number Ten!” she laughed.
Georgie Thompson grinned evilly into the camera. “ These next few ladies appear to have only just got here. Well, we all know about London traffic! Our next match-up pits a world-renowned popstar, who’s a favourite among teenagers, against a glamour model who was yet another lad’s mag favourite, when those publications were big. It’s Ariana Grande and India Reynolds!”
Popstar and model stepped out from back-stage, Ariana wearing a white and purple rose print minidress and India wearing a black knee-length pencil skirt with a slit to mid-thigh. They both walked across the stage to the two stools which had been freshly lit up by the ceiling mounted spot-lights. As they sat down, they each gave a nervous smile to the camera.
Seeing this, Georgie gave a quiet chuckle behind her hand. “Well, they seem nervous,” she joked, turning to the short-haired blonde waiting nearby. “Hannah, who’s fighting it out to go through to the next round and earn even more money for their charity in match number eleven?”
Hannah Martin smiled. “Yes, here we are with the ELEVENTH MATCH,” she announced, loudly. “And it’s a battle between two more Hollywood stars. Firstly, is a lady who wowed us as a Navy nurse in Pearl Harbor and recently has been kicking six shades of whatever-you-like out of the Underworld’s Lycans and Vampires. It’s Kate Beckinsale!”
The forty-five-year-old brown-haired actress walked on-stage in a dark red dress that flowed tightly over her curves, a pair of silver high-heeled shoes flattered her legs. She soon sat in the next lit up seat, waving to the audience as she did so.
Hannah grinned. “And she’ll be facing the lady who has faced off against Decepticons and Foot Ninja… It’s Megan Fox.”
The well-tanned brunette took her seat wearing a two-tone grey patterned minidress that showed a mile of leg to the audience. She grinned as she sat down and waved to the camera. Hannah smiled. “Well, that was our eleventh pair. Amy, who have we got next?”
Amy Diamond grinned. “ The twelfth match features an actress who charmed us in Harry Potter before dancing away with our hearts in Beauty and the Beast and one of our nation’s top glamour models. It’s Emma Watson versus Rosie Jones!”
The spots came on and shone on the two newly-introduced ladies sitting next to the previously announced contestants. Emma wore a halter-neck, ankle-length white ball-gown that accentuated her slender curves and left her upper back and shoulders bare. A slit in the skirts showed a tantalising view of her right leg to mid-thigh. It was paired with a matching pair of white heels. Her shoulder-length brown hair was done up in a bun at the upper back of her head. Next to her, Rosie wore a black minidress, tights and matching shoes. The dress was cut low in fron, exposing a good deal of cleavage to the audience. Both gave nervous smiles to the cameras and waves to the audience which were met by cheers and wolf-whistles.
Amy Diamond grinned into the camera. “So, they’re the ladies for Match Twelve. Now, moving on it’s Match Thirteen. Chanelle, who do we have?”
Chanelle smiled and wagged her finger at the other woman. “Well, Amy, I can now reveal that we have another actress versus model face-off. Our first was widely-acclaimed for her role as Gwen Stacey in The Amazing Spider-Man before scooping the best actress award at the Oscars for her role in La La Land. It is of course Emma Stone.
“Our second contestant in this match-up is one who is not a stranger to gunge, as well as being one of the UK’s top glamour models. I’m, of course, talking about Amy Green.”
The lights which turned on at this moment revealed that both women were wearing black minidresses. Emma’s flowing version had a modest neckline and she’d paired it with black high-heeled sandals. Her red hair just brushed her shoulders. Amy Green on the other hand had gone for a tight figure-hugging off-the-shoulder number with sleeves that came to just below te elbow. Her legs were encased in a pair of tights while she’d also gone for black high heels. The two smiled and waved like those introduced before them.
Chanelle , like her fellow presenters on the show grinned to the camera before turning to Abber Clancy. “Right, Abbey,” she called across the stage. “Who’re next?”
“Well, Chanelle,” said the blonde in the camouflage minidress. “Match Fourteen sees a glamour model who is firmly anti-size zero going up against an actress who jested her way into our hearts as Harley Quinn. It’s Lucy Collett and Margot Robbie!”
Another bank of lights came on revealing the next two ladies. The red-haired Lucy was squeezed into a scoop-necked form-fitting red dress while blonde-haired Margot wore a pale-pink dress with a plunging neckline. Their shoes were matched to the colour of their dresses. Abbey laughed, as the pair waved and smiled for the cameras to the cheers and one or two jeers from the audience.
Abbey looked into the nearest camera. “Ohhkaaayy, Jessica, who are up in Match Fifteen?”
Jessica Alba shook back her hair and grinned. “Well, Abbey, we’re going to a movie after a fashion show,” she announced. “We have one of the world’s top supermodels facing off against the star of the Hunger games. Put your hands together for Candice Swanepoel and Jennifer Lawrence!”
The next set of lights revealed the two just announced contestants. Candice wore a light blue long-sleeved minidress that hinted at her cleavage that would have just covered her butt while Jennifer wore an ankle-length dress with a plunging neckline that showed a lot of cleavage. A slit showed off almost the entire length of her left leg. Cheers, jeers and whistles came from the audience, as Candice and Jennifer smiled and waved from where the squirmed nervously on their high-stools. Looking on from where she stood, Jessica couldn’t help chuckling. She was well-aware that the majority of the contestants didn’t have any idea what was coming up.
Jessica looked around the stage. “Well, Kirsty2, back to you.”
Kirsty Gallacher laughed at Jessica’s antics. “Thank you, Jessica,” she said. “And now it’s time for Match Sixteen. One of these ladies has dual Israeli/American citizenship. She debuted as a child assassin in Leon, was one of the the leaders of the Republic’s fight against the Separatists in the Star Wars prequels and recently stepped into the shoes of an American icon as Jackie. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Natalie Portman! But, who is she up against? Well, this other lady has had four albums sell one million copies in a week in the US and has sold over forty milion albums. You’ve probably heard her single ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ among others. Apart from her various concert performances, she’s also twice performed during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. It’s Taylor Swift!”
The lights that came on revealed the brown-haired actress in a knee-length red dress, opaque black tights and matching black ankle boots. Sitting beside her, the blonde-haired singer-songwriter wore a full-length navy-blue dress with thin over the shoulder straps and a plunging neckline. The two ladies shared a smile before smiling and waving for the camera and studio audience.
Kirsty couldn’t believe it but strode to centre-stage. “Well, that’s the end of Part Two. We’re halfway through the night. So, join us after the break when Natalie Sawyer will be introducing Match Seventeen.” Music played as the lights dimmed.
The lights came back accompanied by the theme song. Natalie Sawyer stood fiddling with the skirts of her long pink dress in the middle of the stage floor. She smiled to the audience. “Welcome back to the Totally Trashed Introduction. Where we reveal this season’s contestants. Now I’ve just been told by the producers that we need to get through the match announcements before the next commercial so there will still be time for the final segment. So, without further ado, Match Seventeen pits glamour models Alice Goodwin and Danielle Sharp against each other.”
The two busty models were revealed in dark-blue minidresses. Dirty blonde-haired Danielle’s had a pattern of small white spots on it. Both ladies’ wavy hair flowed over their shoulders. As the audience cheered and whistled, they smiled and waved back, a nervous trembling that they didn’t notice themselves running through them.
A smiling Natalie addressed the camera. “Well, Georgie, who’s next in this wacky event?”
“Well, Natalie, I’m glad you asked,” replied her fellow Sky presenter. “”Match Eighteen is a face-off between Page 3 girl Lindsey Strutt and Victoria’s Secret Angel Elsa Hosk.”
The two models waved as the spot-lights came to life, Lindsey wearing a knee-length strapless black dress, black tights and black high heels, while Elsa wore a long-sleeved white minidress and high-heeled silvery sandals. The audience burst into their now expected chorus of cheers, jeers and wolf-whistles, as the two latest contestants to be announced waved and smiled in response.
Georgie laughed at the recurring reaction of the show’s guests and the audience. “Well that’s number eighteen out of the way,” she chuckled. “Hannah, who are the next contestants?”
Hannah Martin smiled. “Well, Georgie, we’re at Match Nineteen between to ladies who have both walked the runway at the last Victoria’s Secret Fachion Show. Please welcome, Gigi Hadid and Jasmine Tookes!”
The latest set of spot-lights revealed the pale-skinned Gigi in a long-sleeved off-the-shoulder grey dress and white high-heeled knee-high boots. Next to her dark-complexioned Jasmine wore a below-knee-length black dress and matching high-heeled sandals. Their smiles and waves were met by the customary audience appreciation.
Hannah grinned. I’m so glad I’m not a contestant on this show, she joked to herself. “Amy, would you mind introducing Match Number Twenty for us?”
Amy Diamond pushed her blonde curls back behind her shoulders and smiled. “Of course I will, Hannah,” she replied. “Next, we have Victoria’s Secret Angel Adriana Lima versus Victoria’s Secret Model Bella Hadid… and due to an accident back-stage both ladies appear to have had to ditch their dresses! Oh dear!”
Sure enough, to the delight of the audience, the lights coming on revealed two scantily-clad supermodels. Adriana wore a pale pink bra and boy shorts while Bella wore a red bra, waist cincher, thong, suspenders and sheer stockings. The wolf-whistles from the audience were nearly enough to raise the roof, as both ladies waved nervously.
Amy gulped. “Hopefully, for their sakes, there won’t be similar mishaps for the rest of our contestants,” she snarked. “Okay, Chanelle, who’s up next?”
Chanelle Hayes laughed. “Well, Amy, Match Twenty-one features Victoria’s Secret Angel Martha Hunt versus Pirates of the Caribbean and The Duchess actress Keira Knightley. Give them a big hand!”
The lights came on to show two fully-dressed celebrity contestants. Martha wore a red minidress with a plunging neckline, while Keira wore a strapless blue dress, with dark blue lace fringing on the bottom hem, which came to just above her knees. The pair smiled and waved to the audience as cheers and applause erupted from that area of the studio. As the cheers died down, both looked nervous and squirmed as they sat on the high-stools.
Chanelle gave a borderline evil-looking smile to the camera. “Well that was Match Twenty-one,” she laughed. “So, Abbey, who are we looking at for Match Twenty-two?”
Abbey Clancy grinned. “Well, Chanelle, I can reveal that this one is an entirely international affair,” she announced. “Match Twenty-two is between supermodels Cindy Bruna and Sara Sampaio. God knows how either are going to model mess!”
When the spot-lights blazed to life, the two models were seen wearing full-length black ball-gowns. Both ladies smiled and waved as the camera tracked over them. The audience cheered and clapped while the odd whistle also came to the ear.
Abbey’s grin just got wider. “Well, they look eager!!!” she joked. “Next please, Jessica?”
Jessica Alba grinned back at Abbey. “Yes, Abbey, it’s Match Twenty-three, between supermodels Stella Maxwell and Blanca Padilla. I wonder how ready they are for what’s in store for them.”
Once again the garment of choice for the Victoria’s Secret models were floor-length evening dresses, Stella’s in grey and Blanca’s was gold in colour. Stella’s long blonde hair spilling over her right shoulder while Blanca’s brown tresses flowed over both of her shoulders. Like those before, these two ladies waved and smiled at the audience
Jessica laughed to herself. She couldn’t get over the fact that these gorgeous famous ladies were putting themselves into a competition where they were almost certain to get covered in gallons of disgusting slop. She looked over at the other American presenter. “Right, Jill, who’s up next?”
“Thank you, Jess,” replied Jill Wagner, tucking a stray hair back behind her left ear. “And I bet you want to know who is in Match Twenty-four. I can tell you that Brazilian supermodel Gizele Oliveira is against British glamour model Nicola McLean.”
The two models were revealed by a sudden glare of ceiling–mounted lights. They were both wearing long dresses with necklines that showed a lot of cleavage. Gizele’s was sheer black with a black lace pattern while Nicola’s was a solid red scoop-necked number. As the audience cheered and whistled, Gizele and Nicola waved nervously back.
Jill gave a fake shudder and then grinned widely. “Okay, that’s Match Twenty-Four. Kirsty back to you for Match Twenty-five I believe?”
“Yes it is, Jill,” answered Kirsty Gallacher, sweeping her hair back off her shoulder. “Match Twenty-five features the inaugural winner of Germany’s Next Top Model and host of Austria’s Next Top Model Lena Gercke who will be facing Victoria’s Secret model Natasha Poly.”
Both ladies were revealed in long strapless dresses. Lena’s was a dark red almost maroon dress with a slit up the right side almost to her hip. Natasha’s was a bright red that bordered on orange while the slit down the right side only came to mid-thigh. Of course, this meant that most of both ladies’ right legs were on view to a very appreciative audience. They both smiled and laughed, s they waved to the cameras.
Kirsty frowned slightly then grinned. “Well, they seem to have seen the funny side in all of this!” she joked to the audience. “Right, Natalie, who are we looking at for Match Twenty-six?”
Natalie Sawyer grinned into the camera. “Well, Kirsty, this is a long-range match as UK glamour model Carla Brown takes on New Zealand’s Miss Tourism New Zealand and star of Falling Into Black Jessica Nutley!”
The next set of spot-light reveald the brunette Carla in a knee-length, scoop-necked white dress and glittery white shoes and blonde-haired Jessica wearing a black tank top and metallic green shorts with black ankle boots. As they sat and waved to the audience there came the customary cacophony of appreciative noises from the studio audience.
Natalie couldn’t help grinning. “Well, that’s them introduced. Who are in Match Twenty-seven, Georgie?”
Georgie Thompson grinned back, as she brushed an invisible wrinkle out of her dress. “Nice question, Natalie,” she snarked. “This time we have Greek-Irish glamour model Georgia Salpa going up against German model and actress Alena Gerber.”
When the lights came on, raven-haired Georgia was seen in a minidress so short it barely covered her bottom and a pair of silvery open-toed high-heeled shoes, the dress was patterned with blackcurrant leaves and berries. Blonde-haired Alena on the other hand wore a mid-thigh length black dress and black high heels. Their smiles and waves were met with the usual applause, cheers, jeers and whistles from the audience.
Georgie Thompson giggled momentarily but quickly stopped when she realised the camera was on her. “Well, while they settle in for the night, I’ve got one question to ask,” she said. “Who’s next, Hannah?”
Hannah Martin grinned. “Next up for Match Twenty-eight is the star of The Lovely Bones, Rose McIver, who was also a regular on Power Rangers RPM versus English glamour model Louise Glover.”
The lights came on revealing Rose in a white dress with a pattern of dark blue leaves on the shirt and cutaway panels at waist level paired with white high-heeled shoes. Loise, however, wore a navy-blue minidress with a long left sleeve and bare right arm and shoulder. Rose looked around nervously at first before making eye contact with Louise. Exchanging a brief nod, the two women began waving to the audience as the audience erupted once more in cheers.
Hannah smiled for the cameras, as she waited for the noise to die down. “Right, Amy, could you introduce Match Twenty-nine, please?”
“Sure can, Hannah,” replied the curly blonde-haired Amy Diamond. “For Match Twenty-nine we’ve drawn two glamour models to face-off, Danielle Lloyd and Daisy Lowe.”
The two models were revealed by the sudden glare of the lighting with Danielle wearing a grey minidress and matching high heels. Daisy wore a black leather skirt, strappy black top and black blazer. Both ladies were greeted by the same mix of applause, cheers, jeers and wolf-whistles as the rest of the guests had been.
Amy smiled. “Well, Chanelle, who’s up next?” she asked slyly.
Chanelle Hayes gave a sly grin in response. “Well, Amy,” she began. “We’ve reached Match Number Thirty! This match is yet another battle of the glamour models between Keeley Hazell and Gemma Atkinson!”
When the lights came on revealing them to eyes of the audience and the cameras, Keeley was seen wearing a long black dress and a buttoned-up v-neck cardigan. Sitting beside her, Gemma wore a mid-thigh length red dress with a plunging neckline affording ahinted at view of her generous cleavage. Both ladies smiled nervously at the cheering crowd.
Chanelle smiled, enjoying seeing all their guests squirm. “They’re Match Thirty. Jessica, Match Thirty-one is between who now?”
Jessica Alba grinned back. “Well, Chanelle, Match Thirty-one is a Trans-Atlantic Commonwealth face-off, as Canadian actress Theresa Longo faces English singer-songwriter and model Rachel Stevens.”
The spot-lights unveiled Theresa wearing a golden-brown long-sleeved minidress with brown shoes and Rachel wearing an ankle-length black dress and black high heels. They both smiled and waved nervously at the raucous audience.
Jessica chuckled. “Well, it’s time to introduce our final match pairing. Jill, who is it?”
”Well, Jessica, I can finally reveal that the last two contestants, of a total of sixty-four, are James Bond actress Eva Green and Holloaks actress and glamour model Gemma Merna!”
The last bank of lights came to life with a flash, revealing two more stunning ladies. The raven-haired Eva wore a turquoise dress that was so long no-one could tell what colour her shoes were. Gemma on the other hand wore a tight red dress and matching shoes. The necklines of both their dresses showed an ample amount of cleavage. They nervously smiled and waved to the cameras.
Jill Wagner smiled as the applause and cheers died down. “Well, that’s all of the contestants for the ‘Totally Trashed! Vote-off’. Kirsty, I think it’s over to you to explain what exactly awaits these lovely ladies.”
Kirsty looked deeply into the camera. “Thank you, Jill,” she said with an air of slightly sarcastic graciousness. “Yes, ladies and gents, what are these sixty-four women sitting behind me facing into? Well, let me tell you, not a single woman who you have seen before the camera tonight is going to finish this series clean.”
She paused, as cheers erupted from the audience and a fair few nervous glances were shot towards her by the contestants. “Now, who goes through to the next round is up to the votes of everyone sitting at home. Calls cost twenty pence per minute (or twenty Euro Cent or thirty cents in dollars) and texts ten pence or twenty cent/cents, relevant numbers will be announced at the end of the show. We’ll eliminate the first sixteen who lose the vote against their opponents on the episode next weekend. Now, as you can tell by the name of the show, ‘Totally Trashed!’ if you’ve been asleep for the last hour, the losers will face a messy forfeit. But, they will still go home with the money they’ve raised for charity from the cost of the phoned-in and texted-in votes for them. I just hope none of them have a scenario where no-one in the country votes for them. Anyway, while the losers will face a messy forfeit, those forfeits will get messier as the competition progresses, as the latest forfeit will be added to those from the previous round. In other words, the losers in Round One will face Round One’s forfeit while those in Round Two will cop Round Two’s forfeit and the forfeit from the first round, and so on until the final.
“The Final, will be a rather special double-length episode as we dish out the runner-up’s forfeit and also the ‘Winner’s Prize’, which will feature a number of messy surprises voted for by the public. No, I’m not going to reveal them now, that would spoil the surprise! Anyway, over to you, Natalie.”
“Thank you, Kirsty,” replied Natalie, smoothing out her pink dress, as Kirsty and the other presenters fell into line with her. “Now, those of you at home are probably wondering what Kirsty meant by no-one leaving the show clean… Well, here it comes…” As she said this, there was a sound like a rush of high-pressure air through a tube and nine custard and cream pies flew through the air and hit each presenter square in the face, leaving cream, custard and pastry to engulf their features and drip down onto their shoulders and chests.
Natalie cleared the creamy mess from her face with her fingers. “Wow! That was sloppy! Let me tell you, this is only three percent of what the Round One losers will face in the PIE BARRAGE. The lines have just opened, please call 0800-48643437 from the UK, 1800-48643437 from the Republic of Ireland and 0860-48643437 from the rest of the world to see who you want get through to the next round. Hopefully, we’ll see you next Sunday for the first of two Round One episodes where we’ll be saying a sloppy, messy goodbye to sixteen of our lovely contestants. See you then. GOODNIGHT!”
As Natalie and her co-hosts waved, the camera zoomed out, revealing their once pristine dresses dripping with cream and custard that was slowly running down their fronts. As the Totally Trashed theme song filled the air in the studio along with the audience’s applause, the camera passed over the thirty-two pairs of nervous-looking celebrity contestants. After passing down the line of seated ladies, the lights in the studio faded out once more.
Author’s note:Finally… This took a bit longer get posted than I thought! On another note, some of the suggestions that I got in the poll for the “Winner’s Prize” had a somewhat sexual leaning. Could someone give me a bit of direction as to how far I should take these, please? I don’t want to violate site rules with my first… ugh… grand finale. Anyway, hope you liked this introduction, hopefully it won’t take me as long to get the next episode up.