Just paying my dues!
Following on from fairly successful runs of Figure It Out and Double Dare, Nickelodeon had elected to bring back another classic messy show of theirs: What Would You Do? They also knew just who to fly across the pond to host it: Suzi Harrison. After all, she was just the right mix of energetic, mess-prone and approachable that they were looking for. Suzi had dressed for the occasion too, wearing a pair of red high-tops, black over-the-knee socks and a bright orange mini-dress that clung to her body (“something for the dads”, she figured). She wore an orange band in her rather long and straight chestnut-brown hair just to keep it out of her eyes – even if it might make her face an even easier target for a pie at some point!
The first edition of the show was already in full swing, with various members of the public ending up on the suitably lurid-painted set (which Suzi thought resembled some sort of cross between a graffiti artist’s acid trip and the inside of an epileptic toddler’s colouring book) to do all manners of silly things for a brief moment of intercoastal fame. Right now there was a row of stools arranged on the front of the set, with someone sat on each one. Each of them also had a little yellow post-it note stuck to their forehead.
“…And now we’ve come to our first ever celebrity guest!” Suzi was no stranger to dealing with celebrities, of course, but her heart still raced a little at the sight of one she’d never met before. Besides, while she imagined a lot of them could probably take her in a fist fight, it was very rare for her to encounter one whom she knew had the skills to do so! The audience cheered and whooped as the brunette presenter approached her. “It’s UFC fighter, Paige VanZant, everybody!”
Paige smiled and waved the cameras and studio audience, blushing a little at how silly she looked with a post-it note attached to her face (not illustrated). Her fighting physique was on full display in her UFC uniform – her strong abs making the point that while she was here to have fun, she probably wasn’t someone to mess around with! Still, she wasn’t quite dressed to fight, with her feet in a pair of white trainers with matching ankle socks (also not illustrated).
“Paige, I am so honoured to have you as our first ever celebrity guest! What brings you to the show?” Suzi asks.
“Well, I just wanted to show a bit of a more fun side to myself! Everyone thinks I’m this tough and scary fighting girl, you know?” Paige says with a playful grin.
Suzi nods. “Yeah, I totally get it. So, what would you do? Would you do whatever it says on the post-it, or would you go down one of our old favourites: The Pie Slide?” she asks, pointing over to the infamous, yet simple contraption. The slide itself was true to its classic design but generally bigger, standing at nearly three metres tall and leading into a huge, deep filled vat of what looked like cream and a thorough drizzle of chocolate sauce, with a giant red ‘cherry’ balloon on the top. The outside of the vat also resembled a big, crusty pie dish, just to really sell the idea.
“Pie Slide!” Paige answers immediately. “At least I know what I’m getting into, right?”
“Good point, but you’re about to find out what was on the card, and just why I was so scared!” Suzi says, picking the post-it off Paige’s head and showing it to the camera. “It says, ‘Massage Suzi’s’ – that is my – ‘shoulders for one minute while wearing boxing gloves’.” Paige starts laughing again, mostly at the sheer lunacy that someone actually wrote that and expected her to do it. “Well, I’m glad you’re not going to be pummelling my shoulders, missy! Come on, let’s get you messy!” Suzi offers Paige a hand and walks the fighter over to the pie. “You sit down, take off your shoes, socks and gloves and get ready.”
Regaining her composure a little, Paige sits down on the pie crust and removes her gloves. “I can’t quite believe I’m doing this!”
“Like I said, I’m glad you are!”
Paige laughs again, her face turning more and more red as she undoes her laces and slides her shoes off, quickly followed by her socks. She dumps them in a little pile under the main slide. “Well, this sounds more fun anyway!” she says as she stands up and heads for the ladder, Suzi following behind.
“One thing before you go down the slide – head first or feet first?”
Paige ponders for a moment. There’s a lot of cream in that pie vat, and it’s going to be tricky to wash out! Then again, she’s supposed to be this fearless fighter chick, and what good would wussing out like that do her image? “Face first!” she says as she grabs onto the handrail. Her heart starts to race as she makes her way up the ladder and she really sees what she’s let herself in for. The slide is well-supported, sturdy and doesn’t even wobble or bend under her tough, 52kg body. She just wishes the same could be said for her legs, which begin to tremble slightly as she reaches the peak and gets down on her knees.
“When you’re ready, Paige!” Suzi calls out.
Paige knows that the hostess is trying to be supportive, but she can’t help feeling a little bit nagged as she looks at her fate one last time. The slide itself also seems to be coated in whipped cream – no doubt to make her inevitable descent faster and more spectacular. She shuts her eyes tightly and bends over, her whole body upper lying flat to the surface of the slide. Her hands tightly grip the end of the rails and her elbows are bent just to make sure her launch gets her to the end in one go. She holds her bare legs steady as she takes a momentary breath and launches herself down.
It’s fast.
Too fast!
Splat~
From the top of the slide, Paige couldn’t see that the Pie Slide had a good layer of thick, yellow custard in the bottom, but her front is more than thoroughly acquainted with it now! She emerges from the pie vat utterly covered, her bare soles squelching in the custard. Unable to quite reach her balance, she slips over and falls back into the pie, thick and cold custard seeping into her shorts and all over her legs. It sloshes around a little as she stands up. Paige licks her lips a little, just to confirm the custard, cream and chocolate are all real, which they certainly seem to be. She shivers as she steps out, the sweet dessert dripping from her body. “Ugh…” she shudders as Suzi steps up to her.
“Well Paige, you’re the first person to go down The Pie Slide in this new series of ‘What Would You Do?’. How do you feel?” the pristine presenter asks.
Paige flicks her hands in the air quickly to try and get some of the pie off so she can wipe her eyes. “Cold, sticky, gross…” she says quietly into Suzi’s microphone. “But I said I’d do it and I did it.”
“What was it like?”
“You tell me!” Paige laughs, smearing her pie-coated hands all over Suzi’s face.
Suzi recoils from Paige’s pudding-filled grasp and squeals. “Yuuuuck~! Alright, you go hit the showers, I’m going to get myself some paper towels, and you’re going to join us after the break on ‘What Would You Do?’!”