Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.This story will contain scenes of nudity and/or a sexual nature.
Please note that this story contains some Jamaican Patwa slang. It is intended to mock Aisleyne for being ghetto and trying to come across as a wannabe black person. It is in no way intended to be offensive to any black people.
Maura Higgins, Sally Bundock and Holly Hamilton met online for their daily video call chat. Holly and Sally signed in first and were then joined by Maura who was bent over by her screen holding her bum hole open. “And they call me Slutty” Sally said laughing. “Got you Maura” Holly added. “I cannot believe I fell for my own rude sign in joke” Maura responded laughing and letting go of her bum sheets, pulling her thong back up, letting her dress fall back down and sanitizing her fingers.
“Did you get that latest Ann Summers sex toy I send you Slutty?” Maura asked Sally. “Yes it’s great” replied Sally smiling. “I know it is” said Maura and flicked on a video showing Sally pleasuring herself inside with the toy. “The prototype camera dildo” Maura proclaimed. “The battery only lasts 10 minutes and as you went so deep it ran out sooner” she added. “You bitch, you will delete that footage but send me a copy first” Sally replied laughing. “You didn’t send me one of those toys?” Holly asked. “No the camera doesn’t work up the bum” Sally responded. “Very funny” Holly replied.
Just then Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace from Big Brother and BBC Sports Reporter Natalie Pirks signed in. Maura had joked that they looked alike and the two ladies had agreed to impersonate each other and answer questions about the person they were portraying with wrong answers resulting in a Lockdown Gunging.
They all howled with laughter when they saw Natalie as Aisleyne. She had bravely put on a dress which barely kept her in and was imitating Aisleyne at her Autobiography Launch. Having even printed out copies of the book’s cover and stuck them on a board behind her. Natalie speaking in a fake Jamaican accent mocking Aisleyne’s Ghetto Queen persona , kissed her teeth several times, did some comic twerking and said “Is it because I is black?”
“You cow” Aisleyne shouted literally crying with laughter. “Get over yourself little girl” Natalie replied. “I is in need of a fag” Natalie added and sat down took out a plastic e-cigarette, crossed her legs to show she was wearing no knickers and held the fag between her legs saying “Ghetto princess can smoke outta dat hole too”
“She is a bigger tart than me that is brilliant” Aisleyne said in absolute hysterics. Natalie kissed her teeth and said “Whatever”. “I told you she was a scream” Holly added.
Aisleyne meanwhile had gone for the sporty look in skimpy workout gear to represent Natalie’s Sports Reporter background. She pulled some scowling faces to represent Natalie’s facial expressions and had written Class A Top Quality on the weight she carried with her mocking Natalie’s Colombian husband’s real career as alleged by the girls joking. Diego her husband roared with laughter when she saw this and when Aisleyne spoke in a mock Cockney accent she had decided to give her version of Natalie he was doubled over in hysterics as Aisleyne said “Call me a hard faced cow, my stare could curdle jellied eels. My boat race is like this as I gut fish down Billingsgate each morning.” She then took a line of flour and put it on her top lip and said “Diego brings me serious shit, goes down great after my Ruby Murray”
“Brilliant” shouted Natalie. “I never knew I was a cockney” she added. “Well I had to give you some accent to make it funny” Aisleyne replied. “That is so funny” Diego said appearing next to Natalie in a 1980’s designer suit mocking his heritage. “I’m on my own here. So I couldn’t get anyone to play Diego” Aisleyne said. “Are you happy for us to rip that shit out of you Diego?” she added. “Of course Natalie and Aisleyne are going to be no holds barred” he replied.
“Where are your girls Natalie?” Sally asked. “They are painting in the kitchen. We can see them from the garden” Natalie replied. “Yes when you flashed your fanny I did wonder where the girls were?” Holly said. “I had to wax da punani otherwise when I smoke through it. Da punani catches fire no Squatch down there” Natalie said impersonating Aisleyne again and uncrossing her legs to give everyone a shot of her vagina,
“Would you Adam and Eve it, I had to stop Diego putting his Hampton Wick up my Jack Danny so I could Chas and Dave my Barnet. But I let him shove it up my Kyber instead even if it Lionel Blair’s up my Emma Freuds” Aisleyne said. She pulled down her shorts to reveal she had written. “Hard faced ****” above her fanny. “I knew this would be funny ” Maura added.
“Right we are going to ask you a few questions about the characters you are portraying and any you get wrong you’ll get gunged or have to gunge yourself” Sally said. “I is like thick. I wrote dat book but I can’t read dem words” Natalie said. ” I’m not good using my loaf” Aisleyne added and lit a cigarette and had it dropping out of her mouth. “I don’t smoke” Natalie laughed. “Well what has made you look that old” Aisleyne joked. “Right” said Natalie and opened her legs and put the plastic cigarette just inside her fanny lips adding “Da Ghetto queen smokes out of dis hole”. “I can actually do that” said Maura lighting a cigarette and dropping her thong, lifting her dress up and demonstrating smoking from her vagina.
“Maura!” Holly said trying not to laugh. “Okay first question to Natalie. Where was Aisleyne born?” Sally asked “Blood Clot, I was born in Kingston, Jamaica” Natalie said laughing. “Incorrect Aisleyne was born in London” Sally replied. “You now have to have something poured over you by Diego” Sally continued. “My Baby father’s goat curry” said Natalie as Diego emptied a big pot of cold curry over Natalie’s head. It flattened down her elaborate hair do, ran down her face, rapidly carrying on down into her dress forming a nice covering on her boobs. “Me Titi covered with curry. But no squatch on my punani” Natalie said again uncrossing and crossing her legs to show her vagina lips.
“Okay Aisleyne. Where was Natalie born?” Sally asked “Within the sound of Bow Bells would be the obvious answer. But I’ll say Isle of Dogs as I like to get my Thrupenny Bits out when I go Dogging down there” Aisleyne replied. “No actually it was Aylesbury” Sally replied. “I’ve got to pour something over my Uncle Ned?” Aisleyne asked. “Yes if you would” Sally said. “Some good old Pie and Mash Gravy” said Aisleyne and emptied a bucket of green gunge over her head. “Oh my bloody thrupennies are taters” said Aisleyne pushing her big boobs up.
“Ma Tities and punani are overs” Natalie said removing her dress to sit there naked. Diego blinked in shout as his wife was starkers next to him on a video call with her friends. “What year was Aisleyne born?” Sally asked. “I was born in da year 1969 as I am well old and wrinkled except ma punani” Natalie said again opening her legs. “I’m sorry that is wrong it was 1978” Sally responded. “Get da beef jerky over my head” Natalie replied laughing as Diego emptied a bucket of cold dark gravy over her head. Natalie shuddered as it hit her and ran down her face. “I rub it in ma titties” she said and lavishly rubbed her boobs together as the gravy ran down her. “I is black” she added as the girls roared with laughter.
“Okay what year was Natalie born?” Sally asked Aisleyne. “My boat race is well lived in so I’d say I was born under the sounds of air raid sirens in 1943” Aisleyne replied. “No it was 1979” Sally said. “Okay I’ll empty a bag of Diego’s class A shit over my Ned” Aisleyne said and emptied a bag of flour over her head. “Oh and you’ll want to see my flange too. Most of the men from Smithfield Meat Market have” Aisleyne added pulling her workout shorts off to reveal a clean shaven muff. “It’s Alf Garnett” she said. “Mine a Peel Head” Natalie added.
“Okay which famous singer was Aisleyne friends with?” Sally asked Natalie “Robert Nesta Marley” Natalie replied. “No it was Amy Winehouse” Sally replied. “Rice and Peas” Natalie said and emptied a packet of rice over her head and Diego followed with a bucket of mushy peas. Natalie again massaged them into her breasts and rubbed some “In Da Punani”.
“Which band did Natalie see live at Wembley Stadium last year” Sally asked Aisleyne. “Chas and Dave” Aisleyne replied. “No it was the Spice Girls” Sally responded. “Lets have some fish guts from Billingsgate” said Aisleyne emptying a bucket of fish guts over her head. The smell made her wretch “No that’s my fanny” she joked. She then took her top off and rubbed the fish guts into her impressively enhanced breasts.
“Back to Natalie or should I say Aisleyne. What did Aisleyne describe as the scariest moment of her life?” Sally asked “Da Ghetto Queen not Fraidy Fraidy but when I realize I is not black but white” Natalie replied. “No it was when she entered the Big Brother House” Sally responded. “Jerk Baked Beans” Natalie said laughing as Diego emptied a bucket of baked beans over Natalie’s head. The beans flattened down her hair totally and some fell loose. She sat there naked in a totally disheveled state beans dripping from her face, boobs and body loving every minute.
“What did Natalie say was the biggest surprise she ever had?” Sally asked Aisleyne. “Keeping my virginity until 1956” Aisleyne added. “No it was when her family were linked up with her during the last World Cup” Sally corrected her. “Actually it was when I smuggled 1 kg of coke back from there up my flange for Diego” Aisleyne joked. “Okay I got this from the market stall” she added emptying a bucket of rotten fruit over her head and rubbing it in raunchily to her body.
“So it is a sudden death tie break with the score still 0-0” Sally said. “The tie break question is who is the biggest slapper” she added. “You” they both screamed pointing at Sally on the screen. “Correct. I am officially the biggest slut in this video call” Sally added. “Okay I’ll ask a question who uses the most peroxide?” Holly said. “You” Natalie and Aisleyne screamed pointing at Holly. “Yes that is correct” Holly responded laughing.
“Okay let me sort this out. Who owns the biggest vibrator?” Maura asked. Natalie produced a large black vibrator but Aisleyne produced a larger one with some white power on the penis tip. “Okay Aisleyne has won. So Diego please empty what you have left over Natalie” Maura instructed him.
Diego picked up two cartons of custard and emptied them over Natalie’s head. The custard ran down her face and onto her boobs. She fingered some into her belly button and up her fanny. He then presented Natalie with a cream cake. She put it on her chair and sat down splat on it. Grabbing handfuls of cream and lavishly rubbing it onto her breasts and face. She wriggled around on the cake and opened and closed her legs several times concluding “Da Ghetto Queen is well messy”.
“And you too Aisling empty what you have got left over your head” Maura instructed her. Aisling picked up a 5 litre container of cooking oil and slowly emptied it over her head and let it sensually run down her body. Although it was clear, it gave her gunge covered body a lovely bright sticky sheen. She then emptied two litres of cream over her head, rubbing the white liquid into her breasts and dripping some onto the end of her tongue and then licking her nipples. She ended by getting two egg custards and ramming one into her face and the other into her fanny. “I’m Hank Marvin with all this food on me” she concluded.
“Has everyone had fun?” Holly asked. “Yes, it’s nice to watch and not get messy for once” Sally said. Suddenly Holly creamed as her husband had sneaked up on her and planted a trifle on her head. It messed up her blonde hair and cream slowly oozed down her face. “Good job my boy’s are out down the park” Sally said joking. Suddenly her door bell rang and she said “Excuse me”. She returned 30 seconds later with a trifle in her face. “Maura, you bitch you texted my eldest and got him to do that” she shouted laughing. “Of course” said Maura sticking a trifle on her head as all the ladies signed off laughing.