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Glen: “It’s another Sunday evening and welcome to Sports News. My name is Glen and with me tonight is the titillating Natalie Sawyer.”
Natalie: “Good evening, and we have lots of sports news to update you all on, including the Premiership results earlier from today. Everton beat Wolves 3-2 in a five goal thriller and in the north London derby between Arsenal and Spurs it ended in an exciting 2-2 draw….”
Glen interrupts Natalie “….Before we go into the match reports, I have an urgent newsflash….”
Natalie: “Oooh, what’s that then?”
Glen: “I don’t think you are going to like this, but I’ve just received a message in my earpiece that we are about to commence a surprise fourth edition of our new popular show ‘Let’s have some messy fun with….’
Natalie: “Hey, hold on just one minute. I specifically told the producer that I wouldn’t do that show and they agreed, as I have gotten messy enough in loads of previous CSWL and associated shows.”
Glen: “Yes, I heard about that agreement, but after the last episode with Natalie Pinkham, there was a viewer poll to see if they wanted to have one further episode with yourself as the star, and 71% of viewers voted ‘yes’.
Natalie: “What!”
Glen: “And as much as the producer would like to keep to his agreement with you, unfortunately that is superseded by the results of any viewer poll.”
Natalie: “I can’t believe this is happening”
Glen: “Sorry Natalie, but it is in your contract that you have to appear in any show that the TV channel deems suitable.”
Natalie: “Don’t remind me! I need to get my solicitor to remove that clause when my current contract expires.”
Glen turns to the camera: “You the viewer at home should know the routine by now. You have until the end of the next advert break to suggest an idea for Natalie to get messy. All the ideas will be put into a tombola and Natalie gets to choose her messy fate.”
Natalie is not impressed at this surprise development, and looks off-screen “Is there anything I can do to get out of this?”
She was met with shakes of the head, and Natalie had no choice but to start to get used to the idea that she was soon going to be messy and humiliated once again.
Glen started to scan his iPad “Guess what Natalie, we’ve already had some ideas emailed in. Do you want to hear some of them?”
Natalie rolled her eyes “Go on then!”
Glen: “Matt from Newcastle obviously thinks we should go easy on you. He suggests we pour a cup of water over you.”
Natalie smiles: “That, I would gladly accept!
Glen: “This one is from Jamie in Leicester, who has taken a different view. He wants to see you go topless and dip your tits in a bowl of caramel sauce.”
The presenter remonstrates with Glen “Why is everyone obsessed with me getting my tits out all the time!”
Glen smiled and stared down at Natalie’s impressive chest “Errr, I think it’s pretty obvious.”
Natalie tutted before speaking “Are there any ideas that don’t involve my tits?”
Glen glanced down at his iPad again “Let me have a look. He began to read the ideas that were coming through and had to silently read through five until he found one.”
Glen: “Ah, here’s one. It’s from Callum in Bournemouth. He suggests that you wear a micro slingshot bikini (like Jo Wilson had to wear during her episode) and get dunked into a vat of sticky molasses.
Natalie: “Yuck!”
Glen: One more before we go to the advert break. Marcus from Manchester wants to see you dressed as a sexy french maid and for you to take part in a food fight with a group of university students! We even have a picture of the french maid outfit you would wear if this was the idea selected.“
Natalie gulps, as she sees how skimpy the outfit is.
Glen: “I think that outfit would really suit you”
Natalie: “You would!”
Glen faces the camera: “Join us in a few minutes after some messages from our sponsors. See you back here very soon.”
Author’s Note: You know the routine! Submit your ideas for how Natalie gets messy in the comments below. Entries will close Tuesday evening…..