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The familiar Countdown theme music plays as the blonde presenter appears, wearing a short black dress, tights and high heel shoes.
“My name is Rachel Riley, and welcome to another episode of Messy Countdown. The contestant today is the lovely Kym Marsh.”
Kym walks on to the stage, also wearing a little black dress, and open-toed black high heel shoes. The 43 year old lapped up the applause as she took her seat.
Rachel: “Hello Kym, and you will be trying to spell ‘mucky’ words from four countdown racks tonight. How confident are you feeling?”
Kym: “Fairly confident. I’ve obviously watched previous episodes on TV and I’ve played quite a few games of Scrabble in the past.”
Rachel: “That’s good to know, as we have a slight programme format change tonight, and if you are successful in spelling out any messy words, then some of your colleagues from Coronation Street will be getting sploshed with that same mess! Let’s welcome them onto the stage now.”
Four actresses walked on and waved to the audience.
• Helen Flanagan was wearing a very low-cut orange dress which showed off her generous cleavage and nude high heel shoes.
• Georgia May Foote was sporting a white dress which was also very low-cut and black high heel shoes
• Tina O’Brien had dressed a bit more conservatively and was wearing a black top, black jacket, a flowery patterned mini-skirt, black tights and black high heel shoes
• Michelle Keegan had chosen a strapless short dress with nude high heel shoes
The ladies were escorted to 4 identical gunge tanks which were made of perspex and had no roof. The tanks each had stepladders at the back of them, and the small size of the tanks meant that one person could just about stand up in them.
With the four ladies now in their individual tanks, it was time to start the show.
Rachel: “Ok, time for your first rack Kym, and it will be Helen who will be hoping you don’t manage to spell a dirty word!”
Kym asked for either vowels or consonants until nine letters completed the rack, and she was given 10 seconds to come up with a messy word.
After the ten seconds had elapsed, Kym looked up from her scribbling “I think I have 2 words.”
Rachel: “Really, that’s impressive. What are they?”
Kym: “The first one is a really rude word, so I’m not sure I should say what it is, and I don’t think Helen would ever forgive me if she was covered in this particular stuff.”
Rachel: “Come on then, tell us!”
Kym: “SEMEN”
A stunned silence was followed by hoots of laughter from the audience. Rachel laughed as well.
Helen: “Oh my god! You can’t be serious. Am I going to get covered in semen?”
Rachel: “We’ll have to see. Kym, what was your other word?”
Kym: “I also got SPONGE. The thinking here is that a sponge cake always has something gloopy on it such as treacle or chocolate or strawberry sauce.”
Rachel: “Hmmm! I don’t think we can accept sponge, so it will have to be semen!”
Helen: “No, please no!”
A stagehand appeared from the side of the studio, carrying a bucket. He got to the gunge tank that Helen was standing in, and proceeded to climb the stepladder at the back until he was positioned above the tank.
Helen was cowering underneath and using her hands and arms to cover her head, as she contemplated the fact that she was about to be covered with semen.
Rachel was still laughing as she commented “You probably chose the wrong dress for tonight, as the semen is bound to flow into your exposed cleavage and cover those huge tits of yours.”
The stagehand raised the bucket and started to pour the contents into the tank, and onto the captive lady inside. Helen squealed as the white gloopy liquid hit her head and flowed over her hair, down her body, and found its way inside her dress covering her tits.
Helen looked disgusted as the downpour continued, and was frantically using her arms and hands to protect herself.
Rachel: “Haha! You look as if someone has come all over you!”
Helen: “This is so disgusting. Where has this spunk come from”
Rachel: “Don’t worry Helen! Even we wouldn’t be that mean to you, to actually gunge you with spunk! It’s actually methylcellulose, which is an artificial substitute! It’s very good though, as it does look exactly like cum.”
Helen: “Oh, thank goodness for that! I thought this cum was from some unknown men that had been wanking off to me!”
As Helen was coming to terms with being covered in fake cum, Rachel moved on to the next rack and asked Kym to choose between consonants and vowels.
Rachel: “Ok, so any messy words from this rack will mean Georgia gets covered in it!”
The game continues and it isn’t much longer until all nine letters have been selected, and Kym has 10 seconds to devise a mucky word from them.
Kym scratches her head as she seems to be struggling to come up with an appropriate word. The countdown clock chimes to signify that 10 seconds are up and Rachel asks Kym for a word.
Kym: “I’ve got one, but I’m not sure if it will be accepted.”
Rachel: “Tell us what you have come up with, and then we can decide if it’s allowable.”
Kym: “It’s AERO”
Rachel: “Huh, how is that a messy word?”
Kym: “Well, AERO is a chocolate bar, and if it is melted, then that would be very messy indeed!”
Rachel touched the earpiece in her ear, as the producer was giving her some information. “Yes, it appears that we can accept that as an eligible answer.”
Rachel turns to the forlorn looking Georgia in the gunge tank “Unlucky Georgia, but you have the prospect of a nice chocolate sauce shower to look forward to.”
Georgia groaned as the stagehand appeared again carrying a bucket and made his way up the steps at the back of Georgia’s gunge tank.
Using her hands and arms, Georgia tried to protect her face and hair from the upcoming deluge. The stagehand promptly upturned the bucket to send chocolate sauce splashing all over the sexy actress underneath. Georgia squealed as her hands couldn’t prevent her hair and face getting covered in sauce, and chocolate streaming down the front of her body and into her very skimpy dress, coating her tits.
Rachel: “Time to move on to the third rack, and it’s Tina who will have to face any mess if Kym spells out a mucky word.”
Kym chooses either vowel or consonants until she has the nine letters all picked.
Kym: “Oh I am really struggling with this one.”
Rachel: “You have one second left…….and that’s your time up. Do you have a word for me?”
Kym: “No, I’ve not been able to get anything.”
Rachel: “Ok, so this means that Tina gets to stay clean. I imagine Tina is very happy about that!”
Tina: “Definitely! I was not looking forward to getting messy, and I’m extremely thankful that Kym wasn’t able to spell out a word.”
Rachel: “Onto the fourth and final rack, and it’s Michelle’s turn to face a possible messy punishment.”
Kym selected the type of letters she wanted until the rack was full with nine letters, and the countdown clock started.
Just before 10 seconds was about to elapse, Kym put her hand up and blurted out “PIE”
Rachel: “Excellent word, and one that we have had a few times before. Before we bring on the pies, we need to decide how many.”
Rachel proceeded to pick a random card from a row of cards and placed the number on the rack.
Rachel: “So that’s 10 creamy custard pies for Michelle!”
The same stagehand appeared again and this time he was wheeling a trolley which was laden with 10 creamy custard pies. The trolley was parked at the side of the gunge tank that Michelle was in, and she was asked to come out of the tank.
Rachel and Kym walked up to the trolley and picked up two pies each, and they smiled at the nervous looking Michelle.
Rachel was first as she sandwiched Michelle’s head with her pies. Kym followed up with a pie splatted on top of Michelle’s head and the other directly in her face.
As Michelle was coming to terms with her pieing and trying to wipe custard and cream out of her eyes, Rachel and Kym had picked up another two pies apiece. Kym slapped both her pies onto the backside of an unsuspecting Michelle which made her yelp, while Rachel smushed her two pies into her cleavage making custard and cream drip down inside her dress and onto her tits.
As Michelle gasped at the coldness of the cream and custard on her nipples, Kym picked up the remaining two pies and smashed them into the 32 year old’s face.
Michelle had been obliterated with custard pies and was making every attempt to flick custard and cream from her face and hair to make herself look more presentable.
Meanwhile, Rachel turned to the camera “Hope you enjoyed part 1 of the show. We will take a short break before we begin part 2, but before that we have another online viewer poll.”
Rachel: “The poll is for you to decide between me and Kym, who gets sploshed with all the messy substances that have been spelled out on today’s show. I have also been told that the scissors may also come out, which means the unlucky lady will be wearing less than what they are currently wearing. Polls close Sunday evening at 8pm BST.”