Lying awake in the small hours of the morning is the worst.

Especially when you look over at your girlfriend and she’s fast asleep. You were both tired, you said, so when you got home just after eleven, you both stripped off and went straight to bed, but apparently your brain doesn’t feel like holding up its end of that agreement. You’ve been lying here for about an hour or so, and you can tell you’re getting fidgety, so you might as well just get up. Go and watch some TV, see if you can’t fall asleep in the chair – you’ve done that before.

That’s why it’s almost 1am and you’re sat in the dark, the volume turned down low so that you don’t disturb your sleeping beauty, with a glass of water. Of course, there’s nothing good on at this time – people are either in bed or out on the town, so you’re left with whatever shit the networks are happy to put out. Even with seventy channels to pick from, there’s little on offer other than a slew of re-runs, but what’s this? Hot or Snot? At least it’s new. Tap the button, bring up the channel and shit, shit, shit, that music’s load, quick, turn it down! Whew, that was close, you know Caitlin’s a light sleeper! That’s why you came down here so you didn’t wake her up. The music’s awful too, what is it with 1am shows, do they just not have to try? It’s like something from the nineties just threw up on your screen and in your ears. Huh. Isn’t that the bird from Hollyoaks that got sacked a few years back for turning up drunk? What was her bloody name?

“Hello everyone, welcome to the show! I’m Stephanie Davis,” announced the hostess, “And this is Hot or Snot, the show where we present you with two beautiful women and ask you to decide which one’s hot and which one gets the snot!” She smiled, taking in the cheers from the audience and giving a bow to them. “We’re now onto episode three of a series that some people thought should never have been made, and that means we’ve declared two women as hotties, and turned two less fortunate women into total snotties! We’ve got two more here tonight competing for our coveted hottie medal, and to avoid whatever snotty surprise is hiding in this guy!”

With that, Steph motioned upwards to the now-familiar giant plastic nose that loomed over her. The nose this time had a slimy, snotty dribble dangling from it that seemed to wobble freely, dangling ominously over Steph’s head and making the presenter look rather concerned for her own safety. “Yes, that’s our good friend the nose, or to give him his full name, Nose E. Parker, and he’s not only a giant nose, but a true connoisseur of all things hot!” Steph extended a hand towards the usual rowdy audience, making sure to point her finger towards the camera, too. “We let you, the public, decide by phoning or texting in to register your vote, and you can vote as much as you like, so if you feel strongly about it, then you can vote as much as you like! This isn’t some cruddy old local election, you don’t just get one vote here!” She shrugged her shoulders as there was a sniffling noise and the snotty dribble swayed above her head. “No, I’ve not forgotten you, because once our public’s made their decision, the nose will deliver their judgement in the most disgusting way imaginable – by sneezing a whole load of snot all over one of our contestants. Yuck! You’re an idiot,” she said, smirking, “If you take a seat in one of those tanks, but somehow, we just keep finding suckers that are willing to risk it for that medal!” She laughed, “You wouldn’t get me in one of those things for all the tea in china, I tell you!”

Steph was her usual well-dressed self, opting for a an all-black outfit today, including black knee-high boots and a black leather jacket, something she knew would certainly contrast well with a load of lurid green snot. With that in mind, she glanced up at the snot, watching it wobble over her, “But I think I’ve stood here and tempted fate for too long already!” she said, stepping to the side and heading across to the first tank. “I think we should meet tonight’s first contestant, don’t you?”

She approached the tank and took hold of the sheet, looking out at the studio audience. “Well?”

Raucous cheers and whoops suggested that it certainly was time to meet the first contestant of the night. Tonight’s audience was the usual mix of students and youngsters, with free-flowing beer, plastic pint pots and no shortage of testosterone to ensure that the show stayed on point.

“That’s what I thought!” shouted the brunette as she took firm hold of the sheet and hauled it down to reveal the first contestant of the night.

“In here,” said Steph, waving to the tank and its inhabitant, “We have the lovely Bridget, aged thirty-one, from Gateshead up in the north east. Give her a big round of applause!”

As instructed, the audience gave Bridget a very warm welcome, with a loud round of applause and plenty of wolf-whistles to boot. Standing up in the tank, Bridget smiled and took a bow, or at least as much of one as the confines of the tank would permit. She then sat back down on the stool, crossing one leg over the other as she placed both hands on her top knee and posed. She was clearly very comfortable with being in a situation like this, on show, with plenty of eyes watching her, and she oozed confidence, though it was unlikely that she had ever been facing a load of snot as well as cameras.

“Well, I’d say make yourself at home, but I don’t think I need to,” said Steph, smirking as she watched Bridget in the tank. “I think it’s fair to say we’ve never had a contestant that has looked as comfortable in the tank as you do. Hardly a surprise though, is it?” Bridget flashed her pearly whites at the hostess and then shrugged her shoulders. “But for everyone else, that doesn’t know her, Bridget here is, by trade, a model and she’s done the full gamut, from fashion shoots for glamour magazines through to mail order catalogues and even x-rated shots.”

The last one brought cheers from a large portion of the audience, and there was even nodding of heads as Bridget’s familiarity dawned on one or two of them. Steph didn’t miss this, chuckling, “I see that a few of you recognise Bridget. I hope that won’t cloud anyone’s judgement, after all, we’re here to vote on the hotness presented to us and nothing me. Even if there is a hell of a lot of hot inside of this tank.”

Steph looked over Bridget with something that certainly looked like approval. Bridget responded with a wink and a smile, folding her arms behind her head. Bringing the microphone back up to her mouth, Stephanie continued, “Still, in all your modelling work, I bet you’ve never come into contact with any snot before, have you?”

Bridget laughed, throwing her head right back and then looked to Steph, shaking her head. She could clearly be seen mouthing the word “no” and looking through the side of the tank towards the nose. She added something more and then ran both hands back through her hair.

“It’ll take some time,” replied Steph, touching her own brown locks subconsciously, “But you’ll wash it out eventually with some good shampoo. You’ll wanna condition it though, it’s not good for you.” Shrugging, the hostess added, “Best thing to do is not lose. That’s my advice.”

Bridget shook her head ruefully as Steph spun on her heels and moved back across the stage. She grabbed the second cloth and pulled it away from the tank, revealing tonight’s second contestant.

“And here we have Miss Penelope,” said Steph, presenting the girl inside of the tank. “She’s twenty-eight and lives in London, where she works as a motion-capture artist.” Tapping her earpiece, Steph furrowed her brow and then looked towards Penelope. “Is that for real? Like, proper motion-cap? Do you do movies and that kinda stuff?”

Penelope gave the kind of smile that suggested she was all too used to this question and this reaction, as if everyone that found out about her job asked it. She nodded, and then began explaining it further to Steph, talking with her hands as much as her mouth as she did. Her movements were very fluid and seemed very graceful, no doubt a side effect of working a job where her every movement is recorded and studied by a team of engineers.

“Right, right, gotcha,” said Steph. “So you mostly do videogames, that’s still pretty cool, but isn’t it kinda simple? I mean if I put on one of those suits and then waved around a few pistols, couldn’t I be the next Lara Croft?”

Penelope’s eyes widened and for a moment she looked genuinely hurt, shaking her head vigorously and then launching into another explaining. “So you’re a trained acrobat, you’ve had sword and combat training, you know a whole mess of martial arts and you spend at least four hours a day in the gym to keep in shape.” Looking the girl over, Stephanie nodded, “Yeah, I guess that shows. Alright, so maybe it’s not just anyone that can do it, still, ever motion-capped someone getting covered in a shower of snot?”

The response was another vigorous shaking of the head. Penelope pointed to the nose, then said something more and held up both palms, shaking her head again. “I’m sure you would love a full-body mo-cap suit in there to protect you, but we’ve got a dress code on this show – swimwear or lingerie, and we’ve gotta stick by it. If we allowed people to pick what they were comfortable with, I think we might see Bridget in even less!” Across from them Bridget flashed a coy smile and reached around her back as if going to unhook her bra, stopping only when Steph called to her. “Stop it, you, remember, we’ve got a uniform policy, it’s not a maximum uniform code. Geez!”

Looking back to Penelope, Steph smiled, “How do you think you’d fare in your mo-cap suit against a topless Bridget? I think you’d be setting yourself up for a whole lotta snot!”

Penelope clenched her jaw and then nodded slowly, staring down at the base of the tank as she drummed her toes against it.

Laughing, Steph peeled away and headed over to the centre of the stage, standing a bit ahead of the nose, making sure she wasn’t in its firing line, or below the dangling green strand of snot, just to be on the safe side. “Right, that’s our two contestants, and we’ve got a nose loaded with gooey snot too, so all we need now is you!” Steph pointed straight at the camera, “Yes, as ever, it’s up to you at home to decide who’s too hot to snot by calling and texting in your votes. Lines are open now, so I’ll bet you want those numbers, right? To spare Bridget from a thorough snotting you’ll need to call 0800 123 7668 1 or text in on 72831, but if you wanna save Penelope instead, the phone number is 0800 123 7668 2 and the text number is 72382. Terms are running across the screen right now, but I know that none of y’all read it so just get on the phone and vote as much as you can. This stuff’s serious, right?”

“I’m gonna grab a drink and let these two sweat it out a little longer while we take a break,” said Stephanie, strolling towards the front of the stage area. “We’ll be back soon to get to know our contestants a bit better and seeing what kind of ridiculous questions this rowdy lot wanna ask them. Don’t go anywhere, you’re not gonna wanna miss this!”

The camera spiralled out from Steph as she threw her arms up and the audience let loose a thunderous cheer.

Apologies to anyone wondering where this went but I didn’t wanna crowd out SSD or Slimevision by throwing a third poll into the mix. Now that they’re both over Hot or Snot is back on the air!

As before, leave any questions for the girls in the comments section and Steph will ask some/all (depending on the number received) of them in part two.

T

Evening All,

Round 4 of the 2017 Gunge Grand Prix is now live! Head over to the relevant page to vote now. Voting closes next Wednesday at 6pm, so get voting NOW!

Hello everyone. After a notable absence I’m back. For those who don’t know, about 20 months ago, thanks to the therapy I was going through to deal with my anxiety and depression I discovered I was transgender, so haven’t been doing much writing, or been that heavily involved in WAM as I’ve been re-adjusting and going through the coming out process. Recently though I’ve started up writing again, returning to some unfinished projects, including this one, which is why I’m starting to publish the earlier parts. Currently I’m almost at the end so hopefully I can get this finished and everything published in good time, but I’m not committing to any schedule.

In case your not familiar this is a follow up to an earlier work I wrote called Paradise by the Fairground Light. Obviously it will help if your familiar with that before reading this, as it uses a lot of the same characters, plus if you are planning to read that at some point it would make sense to do that first as the end of that series will be mentioned here, so spoiler warning.
This first section does serve to help re-fresh peoples memories, re-introducing the characters and setting the scene for a little of what’s going to happen, including obviously the first WAM scene of the series which I think is a good fun, sensual encounter.

Chapter 1:

It was late December, I was upstairs at our home, and it was cold and lonely in the deep dark night, which was an unusual occurrence for me nowadays. Due to a series of complicated events that happened a little over 3 years ago, that is a story in it’s own right, me and my girlfriend Hayley now live in this large house with our best friends Lilly and Kelly. Normally that would mean at least one of them would be at home the same time I was, but right now I had the house to myself.
Well at least this gave me a chance to do a few things, like check the engagement ring I was hoping to surprise Hayley with in about a weeks time, before packing it into my suitcase. Even though I was confident she would say yes I was still nervous about the prospect of asking. It was while contemplating this that I got a text from Hayley, which was my cue to head downstairs to the kitchen.
If you look around you might notice a few things. Upstairs there’s the master bedroom, that serves as mine and Hayley’s love nest, complete with a headboard design, we’d picked especially so we could easily handcuff each other to it. This feature aside it’s mostly personal touches, with a large bookcase and wardrobe, plenty of framed photos on the wall of our family and to remind us of some past happy memories, and some favourite soft toys on the bed. Hayley’s is a large toy of the cartoon Tasmanian Devil, I’ve got a pair of slightly smaller cuddly lemurs.
Across the landing are two smaller rooms, that serve as Lilly and Kelly’s love nest. One room is a tastefully decorated bedroom, and if you step through the connecting door to the other room that they’ve especially designed. You’d initially think it was a large storeroom and walk in wardrobe. If you look carefully though you’ll spot a handle behind one of the cloths racks, that allows you to slide a large panel aside, opening the way into what they euphemistically call their playroom, although none of the toys or furniture they’ve installed are suitable for children. In case you’re wondering they have offered me and Hayley the use, but we usually prefer what we have in our own bedroom.
Completing upstairs is the bathroom, the spare bedroom/storeroom and a study, currently dominated by the work Kelly’s doing on her home accountancy qualifications.
Heading downstairs there’s a large living room, split into two halves. One half has a wood coffee table, surrounded by a TV, hi-fi and a couple of comfortable sofas. The other half is based around a large dining table, although it’s more commonly used for games of scrabble or Texas hold ‘em than actual eating.
Back out on the downstairs landing is the most poignant reminder of what brought the 4 of us together. (Authors Note: This is your final spoiler warning. If you don’t want the ending of the original story: Paradise by the Fairground Light revealed, stop reading now). 3 years ago we were all involved in some serious accidents, that saw us all on life support in intensive care. While we were all unconscious we all had a group dream/hallucination (there’s still a lot of controversy on what exactly) where we all met, while working on a travelling side show we called the Wild Cats. Thanks to Hayley’s skills as a fairground artist the wall on this landing now had a large mural depicting four big cats, with a reminder of all of our stage names, Panther, Jaguar, Tigress and Bengal.
The last room is where I’m currently located is a large kitchen, split into a large cooking area, and an area where normally another dining table is located. Right now though that’s been moved to allow for some large plastic sheets to be put down, along with a large mirror we’d moved from it’s normal position on the landing and leaned up against the wall.
Now at this point you may have a couple of questions. What’s with the sheets and mirror? What am I doing? Where are the three girls? Why no Christmas decorations in December? Well just under 8 months ago Kelly proposed to Lilly in what I’ll refer to as the real world. She had already proposed once during our time in the Wild Cat world, but the shock of coming out a coma, and readjusting to real life had obviously led to some major adjustments. Since then though Kelly has proposed for a second time, and they’d decided they wanted to travel somewhere in Europe for a Christmas wedding, which wasn’t as easy an idea as you might first think. As you’ve probably gathered Lilly and Kelly are a lesbian couple, and it was a shock to learn how many European countries still don’t have legal gay marriages. In the end they decided they would hold a non legal ceremony in Prague, including a reception at the real world version of the bar where the first proposal took place, a few days before Christmas. We’ll then spend Christmas in Prague, where fingers crossed I’ll be asking Hayley the big quesetion, before we return to the UK where Kelly and Lilly can have their union legally recognised at the local registry office.
So in two days we’ll all be driving across Europe, on our way to Prague. Tonight though is Lilly and Kelly’s hen night, which is where the other 3 are, while I’m back at the house. I’m not totally left out of proceedings though. You see while we were living as the Wild Cats we all enjoyed a lot of shared messy experiences involving various puddings and other messy substances. Since returning to the real world we have continued to indulge in stuff like that, but not quite on the same grand scale. As it’s their hen night though Lilly and Kelly decided they wanted to do something big with me and Hayley, so they went out and brought 32 pre-made pastry crusts. We filled 8 with dream topping, and the rest with custard, 12 pink, 6 chocolate and 6 vanilla. Having received the appropriate text from Hayley I was now arranging them all on the floor of the kitchen, and adding a squirty cream topping.

Chapter 2:

I didn’t have to wait long before I heard the sound of a taxi pulling up our driveway and the sound of our front door open, accompanied by the three girls expressing their excitement. I went out onto the landing to meet them. They were all wearing black t-shirts emblazoned with a large pink heart framing a picture of Lilly and Kelly. Coming in first was Kelly, a beautiful tall black girl, with long black hair, wearing a flamboyant red velvet knee length skirt with a layered black lace petticoat. Holding onto her arm was Lilly, her almost milk white skin a marked contrast to her future bride. Unsurprisingly she was dressed a little more flamboyantly, with her jet black hair, cat eye make up, and a pink sash draped across her body with the motto groom to be. Coming in last was the most beautiful of the three, at least in my admittedly highly biased eyes. Her hair dyed a shocking flame red, that frames her beautiful features and piercing blue eyes.
“Did you three have a good time?” I asked.
“Brilliant” replied Lilly. I heard a quiet grunt from Kelly. “Well apart from Kelly wanting to hit some of the other girls at one point.”
“A trio of superficially vacant, childish, attention seekers” groaned Kelly.
“Are they still talking about how Hayley is your only bridesmaid?” I asked.
“Yeah” replied Kelly. “Did I miss something. When I was growing up the bridesmaid was always a little girl you put in a pretty dress, adults bridesmaid weren‘t even a thing. When did it suddenly become compulsory to show off by getting every woman you ever met in on the act. What’s so special about that? I’m a bridesmaid because I happen to know someone who’s getting married. Oh well done.”
“I’m sure they’re just trying to be nice” said Lilly.
“Oh please” said Kelly. “That’s the most annoying thing. They keep going don’t you want your day to be special, or don’t you want some nice photos, like we’re not capable of deciding what we want for ourselves. Anyone with half a brain cell can tell they just want an excuse to buy a new outfit, doll themselves up and have some attention on themselves for a bit. They’re just using the pretence of being nice on a special occasion as an excuse to spend money and indulge themselves.”
“Well it is a Christmas wedding” I said.
“Mathew” said Lilly. “Don’t be so mean spirited. I still haven’t forgotten that joke you told earlier.”
“What joke?” Asked Hayley.
“Oh” said Lilly. “I see your not so cynical when Hayley’s around Mathew. Worried you won’t see any action tonight.”
“Well I thought it was funny” said Kelly. “A man’s sitting at a bar looking rather glum, so a woman goes up to him and asks; “Why are you looking so miserable?” The man replies “I’ve had the worst week ever. My father passed away, I lost my job, my wife’s left me, and I’m about to loose my house” and the woman replies; “Cheer up. It’s Christmas.”
I saw Hayley take a deep breath as she tried to stop a guilty grin appearing across her face.
“Come on” Hayley said. “Lets forget about Christmas and people wanting to be bridesmaids, and head to the kitchen. I’m sure we can end your hen night on a high note.”

Chapter 3:

“Oh you stupid cats!” I shouted. As we entered the kitchen I spotted our two cats, who I assumed were still asleep up in our bedroom, had found the squirty cream, and had both put a large dent in the topping of one of the pies each. They made a dash back upstairs as we entered.
Despite the distraction the girls were still grinning widely as they saw the scene in front of them. They’d all helped earlier, but this was their first time seeing the final set up. The sight of all those pies, arranged into groups of eight in each corner, knowing we were all going to get covered in them was bringing out the inner child in all of us.
A few minutes later and we were all naked on the kitchen floor. I was a little nervous about this, as it had been a while since Lilly and Kelly had seen me without underwear, but I wasn’t going to miss this. Me and Lilly had come bottom in our poker tournament yesterday, so we were being tied up first. I was sat on the ground, with my legs outstretched having already had my ankles tied together, while Hayley was wrapping the rope around my wrists behind me, before tying them together in a secure knot. With that done she reached over to where her eight pies were and selected one, and was soon kneeling in front of me as we exchanged nervous eye contact.
“You looking forward to this?” She grinned.
I nodded in response, giggling nervously as she teasingly held the pie in front of me. She leaned forward and placed a warm kiss on my lips, before bending her arm back. I closed my eyes and held my breath in anticipation. I let out a gasp of shock in response to the impact of the pie striking, suddenly my face was covered in thick cool, sweet tasting liquid. As the pies foil tray fell I blinked my eyes open to see thick pink custard and lumps of pastry and cream dripped down my chest.
The shock from the first pie left me unprepared for the shock of the next pie being firmly rubbed into my crotch. I gasped at the sudden coldness engulfing my cock and balls, before Hayley teasingly rubbed the custard and crumbly pastry over my cock, creating an overwhelming sensation. The sensation of Hayley‘s touch was over frustratingly soon, as she reached for the next pie, which Haley slowly pressed into my face, first coating it with the squirty cream, and then engulfing it in the thick white dream topping. I felt Hayley’s other hand hold onto the back of my head as she slowly rubbed the pie in, until my face was completely covered in a thick, white greasy layer. She then proceeded to rub the rest of the pie across the rest of my head, before she positioned the pastry tray on top of my head, and crumbled the whole thing down, leaving small lumps of pastry across my face and hair.
“Enjoying yourself?” Hayley giggled.
Before I could answer she hit me in the face with another pie, this time with a chocolate custard filling that exploded across my face. I quietly laughed as I blinked my eyes open, only to close them again with a yelp at the site of another pie heading towards my face. This time I got a large mouthful of pink strawberry custard and cream into the bargain, as the multicoloured array of deserts slowly dripped down my face.
I had a brief respite at that point, as Hayley was preparing the next pie. I looked over to check on Lilly and Kelly. Lilly wasn’t getting off any easier than me, having had thick white dream topping smeared over much off her body, her head was now encased in a custard pie sandwich that Kelly was firmly holding in place.
I quickly brought my attention back to Hayley. She’d taken the next pie out of it’s foil, and had placed it next to where I was sitting.
“Now sit on that” ordered Hayley.
“What if I refuse?” I asked.
“Then I won’t untie you, and you won’t get to pie me” she replied.
Feigning reluctance, I lifted myself up with my arms and legs as best I could. Hayley then helpfully slid the pie underneath my bottom. I let myself down with a plop, resulting in my bum being dunked in cold vanilla custard, which was a surprisingly pleasurable sensation, as the custard squelched up into some of the more intimate areas. Before I could get up Hayley placed her last two pies next to me, and mounted my lap. I quivered a little as she regarded me with sultry eyes. She leant in to exchange a warm kiss on the lips, before picking up the next pie. She pressed it firmly into my chest, breaking up the pastry before letting the foil tray drop. She then used her hands to slowly rub the dream topping across my chest. Seeing how I reacted she moved in closer until her naked breasts touched my body, until her warm pussy teased my throbbing cock. I closed my eyes, and pulled against the ropes holding my wrists together as her hands continued to caress my neck, shoulders, back and chest with beautiful feeling messy substances. I let out a long loud exhale of breath as I was overcome by a wave of euphoric pleasure.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been this messy hasn’t it” laughed Hayley. “Don’t enjoy yourself too much though. You need to keep a little in reserve for when you tie me up.”
She leaned in and placed another lingering kiss on my lips. I felt her tongue caress it’s way across my lips, before both our tongues embraced in an erotic dance.
I opened my eyes as we broke contact. She picked up the last remaining pie, and teasingly held it in front of my face. I closed my eyes, giggling a little as I shook my head, before once again I was struck by the pink custard filling. I blinked my eye’s open, and spotted Hayley had taken two of the foil trays, and was filling them up with handfuls of mess from floor around us. I smiled back as she looked at me, and this time she held the tray in front of her own face. She closed the eyes and pushed the pie in her own face. The foil drop to reveal her giggling features covered in a multicoloured mixture of custard, cream and pastry lumps. Still laughing she quickly grabbed the last pie she made a hit me in the face with it one last time, before closing in to embrace me with a lingering, passionate kiss.

Chapter 4:

It was a couple of minutes later and I was taking my turn to tie up Hayley. I’d done her ankles, and was now making sure her hands were secured behind her back. Looking over I saw Lilly tying up Kelly using a more restrictive hogtying method, which knowing Kelly’s preference for more restrictive bondage, would be a big turn on for her. Hayley couldn’t stop giggling as all this happened.
“So” I smiled. “How do you feel knowing your going to get absolutely covered in custard, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to get out of it now.”
She laughed as I stood up, and picked up two of the pies. We exchanged smiles as I stood next to where she was sitting and I teasingly held the first pie in front of her face. I waited a couple of seconds before pushing the pie firmly into her face, making sure to press it in with enough force to crumble all the pastry, and cover all her face in chocolate custard. I removed the foil to reveal a huge grin. I didn’t give her a chance to recover though as I smashed the next pie in her face, causing pink custard to splash out across her head.
I gave her a couple of seconds to blink the custard out her eyes as I picked up another pie. I smiled as I slowly looked her body up and down, deciding where to put this next pie. Decision made I threw the pie hard into her lap, causing her to laugh uncontrollably loud as cold custard suddenly covered her crotch. I removed the foil tray, and slowly started to massage the custard in.
“Oh God” she gasped as her breathing got rapid and sharp, as she was unable to resist my advances physically or emotionally. I kept massaging until her eyes lost focus, and her breath was at it’s deepest, then I stopped. She gave out a squeal and look of desperation as she realised she’d have to wait for what she now deeply desired.
I didn’t waste any time deciding where to put the next pie, pushing it firmly into her breasts. This one had a thick white dream topping which I teasingly massaged her breasts, enjoying the look on her face as I coated them in a thick white layer. I leant in and slowly caressed her nipples with my tongue, enjoying the sweet cool taste.
I reached over for the next pie, and placed this one firmly on her stomach, slowly twisting it in to ensure her stomach was dripping with yellow vanilla custard, before removing the foil and massaging it over her hips.
With the next pie in hand my eyes were drawn to her beautiful face, made even more alluring by the layers of custard coating it. I held the pie in front of her face, taking in the gleeful way her tongue caressed her lips in anticipation. I heard a muffled yelp as I firmly pressed into her face, engulfing her with the white dream topping and crumbly pastry. As the foil dropped I spied her luscious lips, and was unable to resist as I leant in for a passionate kiss. With a quiet moan of pleasure she started to gently chew on my bottom lip, as I sampled the many tastes now coating her lips with my tongue. I then held onto her head, and aggressively pressed my lips against hers, forming an airtight seal as I slowly tipped her back, until she was lying flat on the floor.
I slowly turned her over so she was lying on her front. I took the chance to fondle her beautiful exposed arse, listening to her gasp with pleasure with every pinch. She giggled and playfully struggled against the ropes as I picked up the next pie, before closing her eyes and waiting for the inevitable. I teasingly slapped her arse, before throwing the next pie down onto it, instantly coasting it in chocolate custard and cream.
I leaned in close to her, kissing her on the neck and cheek several times before whispering in her ear.
“So” I smiled. “Are you regretting letting me tie you up yet?”
“No” she laughed.
“One more pie left” I said. “Then I’ll have to think about what else I want to do with you.”
In response I mounted her, so I was kneeling, with her between my legs, her hands still tied behind her back. I took the last pie and dumped it over the top of her head, causing the pink custard and crumbly pastry to drip down into her hair. Spying all the mess that still surrounded her I scooped up a handful in each hand, and pressed it onto her shoulders. I then continued to firmly massage her shoulders, letting her feel the textures caress her skin. She lay her head on the ground, closing her eyes, surrendering to the pleasurable sensation as her breathing deepened, and was accompanied by a few quiet moans.
We did this for several minutes, until suddenly I was frozen in shock as she grasped my rock hard cock in her still tied hands, and rubbed it up and down. After several deep breaths to compose myself I reached down behind me and teased her crotch with my first two fingers. She responded with some loud pleasurable moans, and by rubbing my cock even faster. I continued to cares her tender pussy, until with one last deep breath I was overcome, and my semen flew away from me across her back as I came.
As I regained my composure I concentrated on my fingers once again. Now I didn’t jut use them to caress, but also to penetrate her pussy. I felt them enclosed in the moist warm cocoon, as I found her clit, and rubbed that back and forth. I watched as she clenched her fists and pulled on the rope, before letting out one last moan, before her body finally allowed itself to relax as she was overcome.

Chapter 5:

It was about 5 minutes later. I’d untied Hayley, and she was now lying in front of me as I held her in my arms. Across the room Lilly had untied Kelly, and they were now sitting, facing one another, hold on tightly to one another as they scissored each others crotches. A few minutes of moans and squeals, and they both came almost simultaneously. They looked longingly into each others eyes, embracing the euphoria they both felt.
“So” smiled Hayley. “Did you two enjoy your hen night in the end?”
“Best ever” replied Lilly.
“Just think” said Kelly. “This time next week it will be our first Christmas as a married couple.”
“I know” smiled Lilly. “I can’t believe after all this time we’ll finally be uniting our love and our souls.”
“I don’t know how we’re going to top this on our wedding night” smiled Kelly.
“How about a massive food fight at our reception” suggested Lilly.
“Sounds fun” said Kelly, “but I’m not sure my family will ever forgive me, especially with a magazine photographer there.”
I should explain that part of the fall out from three years ago, and some media appearances that followed, is we have the status of borderline e/f list celebrities. Not something that gives us a huge amount of status, but it means Lilly and Kelly are having most of their wedding being paid for by a celebrity magazine, in return for the magazine being allowed a photographer at the wedding.
“Well I’m sure I can think of something good” smiled Lilly.
It was about 50 minutes later when I emerged from our room to get a couple of glasses of water from the kitchen. I jumped slightly as I walked past the study as I realised someone was sitting at the desk in the dark. I stepped in and realised it was Kelly, notably looking at a framed photo of her father.
To know the significance of this you have to know a little about her and Lilly’s past. Lilly had grown up as the youngest of 3 children, with one brother and one sister, not without some of the usual traumas of growing up, but overall a happy upbringing. As she got older she developed a bi-curious side, that wasn’t a secret from her family. To start with her parents treated her short term relationships with other women as just a phase she was going through. Once she got together with Kelly and it became apparent this was going to be something a lot more serious, and saw how happy she was her family was supportive.
Kelly’s background wasn’t quite as stable, being an only child whose parents divorced when she was eight. Her mum now had a new husband, and her father Francis now lived on his own. Despite this she retained a loving relationship with both her parents, seeing her dad regularly, even after he move out from the family home.
The big fly in the ointment though was both her parents views on homosexuality weren‘t that open, so she’d kept that fact about herself from them, at least until we got a house together, when with Lilly’s support she finally came out to them. There had been some uproar over this, but eventually she was a able to make peace with most of her immediate family. The exception had been with Francis, who believed Kelly was choosing the wrong path and had been vocal about it, resulting in some heated arguments between him and Lilly. As it stood now Francis never saw Lilly, and Kelly’s relationship remained a taboo subject whenever she saw her father. Most significantly at the moment was he had turned down his invitation to the wedding.
“Are you O.K?” I asked.
“Yeah” she replied. “Lilly’s asleep, so I just came in here until I’m ready to drop off.”
“Daddy issues keeping you up?” I asked.
“A bit” she replied. “I always imagined he’d be there to give me away on my wedding day.”
“I know it’s hard to deal with” I said. “Ultimately though he’s the one who’ll live with the biggest regret of missing his daughter’s wedding. Not you for marrying Lilly”
“Thanks” she said. “I know I’m doing the right thing, and I wouldn’t cancel for the world. I just wish there was a way to make him see that.”
“Give it time” I said. “I’m sure we’ll all make a big happy family one day.”
“Well we’ll all be married this time next year” smiled Kelly.
“Not so loud” I said. “Hayley’s still awake.”
“Sorry” whispered Kelly. “I won’t keep you any longer. It sounds like we’ve all got an exciting couple of weeks in front off us.”

Evening All,

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Gunge Grand Prix 2017

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Hello, and welcome to the second part of my Paradise by the Christmas Light series. I will start with one last spoiler warning, that this is the follow up to my previous Paradise by the Fairground Light series, so consequently the ending of that will be revealed, so if you want to read that without knowing the end, read that first.
Speaking of spoilers I can’t really write too much here without giving anything away. While the last part was both a re-introduction and set up here the story is going to start up properly, so I won’t give too much away.
I will make a mention though of the WAM scene, that’s not dissimilar to a scene found early in the first story. I was worried about unoriginal, but I think it holds up as a scene on it’s own, and I kind of like it as a tribute to the original.

Chapter 6:

In contrast to the fun of the hen night the next couple of days were more stressed out and borderline mad. There were plenty of last minute preparations for the wedding to do, last minute packing, making sure our cat sitters knew where everything was.
A few days later we packed everything into Kelly’s car and started our journey. You may wonder why we were driving, rather than flying. Truth be told we were hoping to relive some of our times as Wild Cats with a big road trip . To start with, due to the cold December rain, and choppy seas on the ferry this wasn’t the case. We were all feeling rather run down and exhausted by the time we checked into the corporate hotel we were staying in for the night.

By the next mourning though things were looking a lot better. The sun had come out, and was streaming through the curtains of our hotel room, that looked and felt much more alive than it did last night. A quick check of my clock revealed it was about 20 minutes before we’d set our alarm. I looked over to see Hayley’s delectable features, looking particularly beautiful at this time of mourning. She returned my look with a sultry smile. I leaned in close and placed a warm kiss on her beautiful lips. As we lingered over the kiss I ran my right hand down her body until it was squeezing her shapely firm bottom. I kept my grip as we broke contact, maintaining eye contact.
“Looks like someone needs to take a shower” she smiled.
“Sorry” I said retracting my hand.
“Not in that way” she smiled, as she leaned in close to me, and stroked her hand across my chest as she murmured into my ear. “I mean you should take a hot steamy shower, while I find a few things in my suitcase. Once I’ve found them I’ll be able to join you.”
That suggestion put a huge smile upon my face. With one more kiss I got out of bed, and was soon standing in the shower cubicle. I was tempted to leave the door open a crack so I’d see her coming in, but I resisted that temptation. I was supposed to be showering properly, but although I was going through some of the motions my mind was understandably elsewhere. I’d already eyed up the rail above me, and was pretty certain I was going to spending a pleasurable amount of time handcuffed to it soon.
My heart skipped a little as I could just about make out the door opening through the steamed up glass. I breathed deeply in response to the sound of her slow, measured, stilettoed footsteps. I saw her silhouette through the steamed up glass, she stop briefly to check herself in the bathroom mirror, before stepping in my direction.
She opened the door to reveal her outfit, and I was momentarily stunned. She’d put on one of her sexiest sets of lingerie. The pink transparent, lacy bra and knickers, that covered up just enough to tantalise. She’d put on matching bright pink lipstick, and a pair of shocking pink platform stilettos with a 7 inch heel so narrow and impractical I’d never seen her try them on outside the bedroom. She’d was also holding another item which wasn’t a huge surprise.
“How did I guess you’d bring handcuffs?” I smiled, as I willingly let her take my wrists.
“Well I don’t see you putting up any struggle” she said. “It’s like you want to be completely helpless and under my control.”
I shuddered a little as she stepped up close to me. The fact she was several inches taller than me in her heels added to the feelings of surrender I now felt, as my wrists were handcuffed above my head.
“So what shall we do first?” she smiled.
She robbed me of any chance of responding by teasing my already semi erect cock. I felt her warm glistening body press against mine, causing my whole body to glow. She took my face in her hands and placed a lingering warm passionate kiss on my lips.
“I suppose I better get us cleaned up properly” she said.
She grabbed the shower gel off the wall and squeezed a large handful into her hand. She then slowly and deliberately lathered up her body, starting with her shapely legs, her arms and her beautiful toned stomach. She then took another handful of gel, and this time lathered up my body. First she rubbed her hands up and down my legs, before stepping in so both her hands could thoroughly explore the contours of my arse. I pulled on the cuffs, and groaned with pleasure as she firmly squeezed and massaged my shoulders. With them explored she took another handful of gel, and slowly rubbed her hands across my chest.
With me done she concentrated some attention on herself yet again. She turned her back to me, and slowly rubbed her hands over her beautiful arse, that looked delectable, covered in nothing but a thin piece of pink lace. She then reached up to undo her bra, letting it drop off, and then teasingly throwing it aside. I watched fascinated as she took another handful of shower gel and slowly lathered her breasts, making me desperate to both see and touch them.
Perhaps sensing my desire she turned around, and pressed her body against mine. I felt her hands on my shoulders as she pushed me down until my face was level with them. She teased my lips with her now erect nipples. I eagerly opened my mouth to caress and tease them with my tongue, before using my tongue and lips to massage and caress the rest of her breasts. I felt her firmly squeeze my shoulders, and heard her quietly moan with pleasure as I continued to lick, massage, squeeze and even nibble, until she let out a notably louder moan as she squeezed my shoulders extra tight.
She took a step back, as I stood up to my full height again, looking at me with a sultry smile on her face. She reached up to turn off the shower, before whispering in my ear.
“I’ve got some bad news for you” she grinned. “You know how you just cleaned up. Well I’m about to get you very messy again.”
I playfully shook my head in response.
“Well maybe this will teach you to be more careful who you let handcuff you in future” she replied.
She left the cubicle door open, giving me a great view of her arse, as it wiggled temptingly as she walked in her 7 inch heels. A minute later she strutted back from the bedroom and I cringed a little as I saw she was holding two cans of shaving gel.
We both exchanged eager eye contact as she stepped into the cubicle and closed the door behind her. I laughed eagerly as she sprayed a large handful of the shaving gel into her left hand, and scanned my naked, showered body with her eyes.
“So where shall I put this first handful?” she grinned.
She rubbed her hands together to turn the gel into a thick creamy lather, then she reached over to rub that lather all over my face, and into my hair until they were coated in an airy, foamy layer of lather. She took a chance to admire her handiwork, before spraying another handful of shaving gel onto her hand, and this time shampooing it all into my hair until it was saturated with the thick lather. With that done she paused to make sure my eyes were clear, before wiping the excess foam on her hands onto me, before reloading with more shaving gel.
With both hands lathered up she reached behind me, and slapped both her hands firmly onto my arse, before squeezing both my cheeks hard. I then gasped and involuntarily struggled as her fingers explored deeply, until they were caressing the entrance of my anus. My fists clenched as the amount of tension running through my body built up, until I exhaled deeply as my whole body shuddered with pleasure.
With that done she gave me a chance to recover a little, using the rest of the first can of shaving gel to gently massage my back, neck and shoulders as we both listened to the sound of each other’s deep laboured breathing.

Chapter 7:

With the first can of shaving gel used up she briefly paused to wash her hands in the sink, before coming back in the cubicle with the second can, and making a big show of shaking it before continuing.
“Enjoying yourself so far?” She asked.
“Yes” I replied.
“Not tiring you out am I?” She asked. “You know there’s no chance of escape until I’ve felt that beautiful cock deep inside me don’t you.”
That put a huge smile of my face as she sprayed a large amount of the shaving gel in patterns across my chest, that had a sharp cool sensation when sprayed on directly. This soon changed though as she rubbed her right hand across my chest, stomach and hips, an action that felt absolutely wonderful as the lathery texture squelched against my skin.
With everywhere above my waste now covered she turned her attention to my legs, creating a lather in her hands and rubbing it up and down my legs, and even onto my feet, creating a not unpleasant tickling sensation, causing me to giggle in response.
“There’s still a little left, and your already completely covered from head to toe” she said as she stood back up.
“Well apart from one area” I laughed, eying my still clean cock.
“Well I’m going to need that” she leered in response. “I put on heels especially to put me at a comfortable height.”
“And I thought you wore them especially for me” I responded.
“Oh you’ll get the benefit, just as soon as I’ve emptied this last can” she said. “Now where should I put it? Well I guess you can never put to much mess over someone’s head.”
She stepped in close, spraying the shaving gel onto my head with her right hand, while rubbing it into a thick lather with her left. I stood there helpless as the layer got thicker and thicker, until with a splutter the last of the gel ran out. With that she dropped the can and used both hands to make sure my entire face was covered and my hair was completely saturated. She paused to wipe my eyes before stepping back slightly to hungrily look me up and down.
“So” she smiled. “Did you think you’d end up in such a state when woke up this mourning?”
“No” I laughed.
“Well you’ve been very good about it” she smiled. “I think you’ve earned a special reward.”
With that she took my rock hard cock in her left hand, and guided into her inviting warm pussy. I felt her body press against mine, as she slowly rocked her hips, a sensation that caused my whole body to glow as the sexual frustration my imprisonment had caused finally began to melt.
I began to rock my own hips, slowly thrusting deep inside off her. She moaned in response to my actions, tightly squeezing my shoulder with her left hand, and scratching my chest with her finger nails with her right.
As my breath quickened I slowed down a little, pausing to take in the look of ecstasy on Hayley’s face. We both thrust in unison, both moaning with pleasure on every gyration. As my heartbeat got quicker and my breath deeper I found myself pulling on the handcuffs, desperate to reach out ant touch her.
The intensity grew and grew, until I could feel my cock ready to explode. I closed my eyes, concentrating on holding back, until I heard Hayley let out one last scream, before wrapping her arms around me as with one last thrust I let out a loud moan of my own as I sprayed my load deep inside her.

It was a couple of minutes later until we both risked looking each other in the eye.
“Well that was fun” I said.
“You don’t have to tell me” she said.
“Are you going to uncuff me then?” I asked.
“I’ve got some bad news for you regarding your freedom” she said, while flirtily tracing her finger across her bottom lip.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m in a really horny mood this mourning” she said. “So your going to have to do a lot more than that to earn your freedom.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Well I’m going to take a chance to get cleaned up” she said. “That should give you some time to recharge for a second round. Then maybe after the third or fourth round I’ll be willing to let you go.”I shook
my head, quietly laughing as she closed the cubicle door behind her, leaving me handcuffed and covered in shaving gel, alone with my thoughts of what had just happened, and what was still to come.

Chapter 8:

It was a little over an hour later when me and Hayley finally made our way down to the breakfast room, later than we originally said we would. The breakfast range was a lot better than I expected, I was able to get a full hot breakfast including both hash browns and potato sauté. Hayley’s hot food selection was more modest, but she also had a bowl of fresh fruit, cereal and yogurt. We then went over to join Kelly who was already sitting at a table, along with and empty plate and glass where presumably Lilly had been sitting.
“I’d ask why your late” said Kelly, “but judging by that look on your face Hayley I can probably guess.”
“Your one to talk Mrs Guilty Smile” grinned Hayley. “You must have gone some with Lilly this mourning.”
“About forty minutes worth” replied Kelly. “What about you?”
“Three times” grinned Hayley. “Although we had breaks to recharge in between.”
I found myself blushing, and looking around to make sure no one else was listening to this. Even after a few years together I still got a little nervous when they started talking in public.
“How’d you get that much out of him?” Smiled Kelly.
“Well handcuffs are so great for ensuring you get what you want” replied Hayley.
“You don’t need to tell me that” laughed Kelly.
“GUYS! GUYS! YOU’VE GOT TO SEE THIS!”
This latest interruption was from Lilly, who was now excitably running to us from the toilet, waving something in her hand. She was causing quite a commotion in her excitement, getting the attention of the staff and other guests.
“LOOK AT THIS” she exclaimed as she reached us.
“It’s a car key” I said.
“Not a car key” said Lilly. “Look at the brand, it’s a Chevy van. Don‘t you remember the last time I had a key like this?.”
It took me a second to realize, but then I recognised they key Lilly was holding as the one we used to use in the Wild Cats van.
“Where did you get that from?” I asked.
“I don’t know” replied Lilly. “I was looking for the keys to get something out the car, and when I looked for them I found this instead.”
“Kelly this wasn’t you was it?” I asked. “Your not playing a joke or anything?”
“I know nothing about this” answered Kelly.
“Has something happened? Are we Wild Cats again?” squealed Lilly.
“Hang on” I said. “There could be some other explanation. Lets make sure you’ve not just accidentally switched keys with someone, or this is an elaborate practical joke. Is there anything else different? Any clues that will tell us?”
There was a brief pause as we looked around and thought about this. I went over to grab one of the complimentary newspapers to check the date, but that was what it should be.
“Oh my God” exclaimed Kelly. “How did we not spot that.”
“What?” I asked.
“Lilly look at your hand. What are you wearing?” said Kelly.
We all looked and saw a thin ring carved out of black onyx on Lilly’s hand, exactly the same as the one Kelly was wearing.
“My God. Our wedding rings” said Lilly. “Does that mean we’re already married here?”
“It would make sense” said Kelly. “I proposed a couple of years ago here.”
“You definitely weren’t wearing your rings last night” I asked.
“No” said Kelly. “Lilly’s mum was looking after them. We thought they’d be safer flying in her hand luggage than being driven across Europe.”
“Err, it looks like you two aren’t the only ones wearing a ring you weren’t yesterday” said Hayley.
We looked over and my heart skipped as I spotted a silver ring, set with a white diamond, just like the one I’d secretly brought Hayley in the real world.
“Awwwh” said Lilly. “Are you two engaged.”
Hayley took the ring off to have a closer look.
“Aww look” said Hayley. “It’s got our stage names, Tigress and Bengal engraved on the inside.”
“Are you alright Mathew?” asked Lilly. “You don’t seem that excited.”
“I’m sure this is all just a big shock, that’s all” said Kelly, who thankfully was covering for me, the other two not knowing about the ring in the real world.
“Come on” said Lilly, “lets go and check out the van.”

In our excitement we left the rest of our breakfast untouched as we headed down to the hotel’s underground car park. Not unsurprisingly the van wasn’t hard to spot. Well a tall Chevy style van with loads of artwork airbrushed on the side tends to stand out. I noticed the artwork was a little different now, most notably because of the addition of my stage name along with the three original Wild Cats.
We all walked quickly, but struggled to keep up with Lilly, who was barely avoiding the temptation to break into a run. Soon though we were all standing back inside the van. It felt weird to be back here after three years. There were a few small changes like a new fridge, and bedding, but that didn’t take away from the familiarity, and stop so many memories flooding back.
“This is going to be so much fun” squealed Lilly. “We can take the show on the road again, travel around Europe. We can re-live some of those crazy times again.”
“I‘m not so sure about just jumping in and going to mad” replied Kelly.
“Why not?” asked Lilly. “It’s not the real world. We can do what we like.”
“Well we know you can get injured and have financial issues here if we do act stupidly” replied Kelly.
“Oh come on” said Lilly. “Aren’t you excited?”
“I’d be lying if I said there weren’t some things I’m looking forward too” said Kelly, “but I can think of a couple of pressing questions.”
“Like why are we here?” I said. “Given that last time we were here, we were all in hospital under observation in the real world.”
“Exactly” said Kelly.
“That’s not necessarily the case this time” said Lilly.
“What’s your explanation then?” Asked Hayley.
“Well for what happened last time to have happened there had to some sort of telepathic link between us” said Lilly.
“That’s certainly possible” I said.
“Well now that links been established it’s more likely to happen again. Perhaps if we were all in a highly emotional state, say in the run up to a wedding, the link could form again, and we all end up here” suggested Lilly.
“It’s scary how plausible that theory is” said Hayley.
“Especially as it’s coming from you Lilly” I added.
“If I’m right we’ll all wake up back in our hotel rooms in the real world as normal” said Lilly. “Until then lets enjoy ourselves and have fun.”
“Well that brings up my second question” said Kelly. “Obviously time has passed since we were last here. The trouble is we have no memories of that, including what we’re doing at this hotel, and where we’re supposed to go now.”
“What about your laptop?” Suggested Hayley. “You kept most of the Wild Cats business details on that, plus we’ll all have messages and photos on our phones and tablets.”
“There’s also the vans sat-nav” I suggested. “That will at least tell us where we’re going.”
“Good idea” said Kelly.

Chapter 9:

I climbed into the seat, and booted up the sat-nav. It was while doing this that I heard the familiar sound of the Tardis, off of Doctor Who. For a split second I thought the world of the Wild Cats was about to take a really weird turn, then I remembered what Kelly used as her ring tone.
“Are you going to get that?” asked Lilly.
“Not right now” answered Kelly.
“Oh, I’ll get it then” said Lilly.
“Lets see” I said. “That’s yesterdays route, that set off from home, which is the same postcode as it is in the real world, that’s good. So I just need to change to today’s route and …..”
“Oh, Fuck Off!.”
Suddenly all conversation came to an as all attention was now centred on;
“Lilly” exclaimed Hayley. Lilly was now holding Kelly’s phone.
“What” said Lilly. “This is an alternate world, I’m not talking to the real world version.”
“Which of my friends in this world have you just offended?” asked Kelly.
“It’s not one of your friends. It’s your dad” replied Lilly.
“Oh give that here” cried Kelly. She grabbed the phone off Lilly and put it on speaker.
“Sorry about that Dad” said Kelly. Lilly’s in a funny mood this mourning.”
“Kelly, thank God” said Francis. “I’ve desperately been trying to get hold of someone. I think I must be going insane.”
Despite everything else going on, I found my attention focused on Kelly’s Dad Francis, who sounded like he was genuinely in distress.
“What‘s wrong?” said Kelly. “Tell me what happened.
“Well I came home after helping out at the local amateur drama group, had a snack and got into bed, everything was fine. At least that‘s what I remember doing. I wake up though to find I’m not in my bed anymore. Instead I wake up on an aeroplane mid flight.”
“What? What happened?” Asked Kelly.
“I started panicking, and asking what was going on. Everyone said I must have been dreaming, or was drunk. The flight attendant threatened to have the police called if I didn’t calm down” said Francis.
“What’s happening?” Kelly asked us. “Does dad have any problems in this world we don’t know about.”
I went through the events of the last half hour, and another explanation occurred to me.
“You don’t think that’s our Francis” I said.
“What do you mean?” Asked Kelly.
“Well we all crossed over from the real world to this one last night. What if your dad did the same thing?” I said.
“Is that possible?” Asked Hayley.
“We don’t know it’s not” I replied. “It would explain what’s just happened to him.”
“Dad” said Kelly. “When did me and Lilly get married?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Asked Francis.
“It could explain everything” said Kelly. “Just tell me and I’ll explain.”
“Well last time I checked your wedding was a few days away” said Francis.
“Not in this world, we’re already married” said Kelly.
“Kelly please, I’m having a hellish day as it is” said Francis.
“Let me explain Dad” said Kelly. “You remember a few years back when us four were all in hospital in a comatose state.”
“That’s not something you forget” said Francis.
“You also know that during that time we saw a version of the afterlife, where we all became members of a travelling sideshow called the Wild Cats” said Kelly.
“Well that’s not exactly the explanation I believe, but you‘ve told me the story” said Francis. “What’s that got to do with what’s happening now?”
“Well we’re all standing in the Wild Cats van” said Kelly.
“What?” said Francis. “How’s that possible?”
“That’s a good question, that I can’t immediately answer” said Kelly. “Whatever happened we’ve all crossed over in to the alternate Wild Cat universe. We’re at a hotel in France. Where are you exactly?”
“I’m still in baggage reclaim at Hamburg airport” replied Francis.
“Did you say Hamburg” I said. “According to the sat-nav we‘re heading there as well. Maybe you were planning on spending Christmas with us in Hamburg in this world.”
“Did you here that Dad?” Said Kelly. “I’ll be over to be with you as soon as I can.”
“What do I do until then?” Asked Francis.
“Firstly, have you picked up your bag yet?” I asked.
“I never packed a suitcase” replied Francis.
“You don’t know that” I said. “None of us have any recent memories of what we’ve done in this world. Check on the belt where the other passengers on your flight were”
“Err. Actually there is a suitcase that looks like one of mine on there” said Francis.
“Right before you grab that what else have you got?” I asked. “If you’ve got your phone and passport on you, you must have other stuff in your hand luggage.”
“Lets see” said Francis. “Keys, wallet, some duty free, oh, there’s a plastic envelope full of Euros here.”
“Makes sense” I said.
“I’ve also found a few sheets of paper” he said. “There’s details of a return flight reservation, on boxing day, and a print out from my e-mail account. In it there’s an address, and it says once there go to the site office and say your staying with Katherine and James Bell. Isn’t that your parents Hayley?”
“It is” said Hayley. “They must be at the same fairground we’re heading to.”
“So are your parents also in this world?” asked Francis. “They’ve never said anything before.”
“Probably not my parents from the real world” said Hayley. “Most likely it will be the alternate versions that exist in this world, like when Kelly used to know an alternate version of you here. They’ll look and act like how you’d expect my real parents to act though.”
“I wouldn’t mention anything about this to them or anyone else though” I said. “Chances are people will think your mad.”
“With all that’s happened I’d be inclined to agree with them” replied Francis.
“Do you think you’ll be O.K. getting a taxi from the airport now you know where your going?” Asked Kelly. “We’ll join you as soon as we can.”
“I’ll try” said Francis. “Leave your phone on though, so I can call if I have any problems.”

Chapter 10:

It was a couple of hours later and we were all driving towards Hamburg. For once the subject of who drove had been one for argument. Normally we all happily just took our turns, but right now we all wanted to look through our phones and tablets, and find out what we’d been doing the last few years in the Wild Cat World. Me and Hayley had given in, on the basis Lilly and Kelly were desperate to find out about their wedding. Right now though Lilly was driving, and Kelly was trying to find out more about what was happening in Hamburg. That left me and Hayley free to look through our photos and facebook wall.
“Ah look, I found it” said Hayley.
“What?” I asked.
“How we got engaged” said Hayley. “I put it on my facebook wall last Halloween.”
I looked over. There were several photos, most prominently of me and Hayley, me dressed as Harley Quinn, Hayley as the Joker. We each had an arm around one another, and Hayley was proudly displaying her ring. Under the photos was a description of how we’d gone out to watch Pancake Day 4 at the cinema, and then headed to Katherine and James’s for the Halloween party they were holding. Towards the end of the party we’d gone outside together for a bit of privacy, and which point I asked her to marry her.
“Oh, this is so sweet” smiled Hayley.
“I know” I said. “It feels weird though to see photos of us doing things we don’t remember.”
“You feel weird” said Kelly. “Imagine seeing yourself getting married a few days before you were planning to for real.”
“O.K. I admit that’s weirder” said Hayley. “What about our wedding here? Apparently it takes place next summer. Do you think we’ll still be here for that?”
“I don’t know” said Kelly. “We know time passes differently here than it does in the real world. Last time four years passed here, when it was only several months in the real world. Of course if Lilly’s theory is right we’ll probably wake up before then. Hopefully before when we’ve got our real wedding planned.”
“That’s a point” I said. “Imagine having to replan all of that.”
“I hope not” said Lilly, “but at least we’re getting a great honeymoon spending time as Wild Cats again, even if your fathers also going to be around.”
“Yeah I’ve looked at our plans for this next booking we‘re heading out to now” said Kelly. “Sadly I couldn’t dig up as much as I’d ideally like. We’re booked at the Hamburg Winter Dom. It was a last minute booking, with Katherine suggesting us after another sideshow was forced to cancel two weeks ago. We’ve already been paid a large fee upfront, because the organisers will be selling and giving away tickets and keeping the money themselves. We are free to sell tickets for empty seats before each show though. As for the show, it’s two or three two hour shows each day, but that includes a 20 minute interval, where the organisers will have vendors in our tent selling snacks and souvenirs.”
“Two fifty minute bits, twice or three times a day. Doesn’t sound too bad” I said.
“My big worry is the show contents” said Kelly. “We’re all going to be rusty, and this is a big show. Apparently there were some agreements made on the contents of the show that were handled between Katherine and the organisers, and I don’t know exactly what that entails. I hope it’s not something overly complex we’ll have to learn in a few days.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine” said Hayley. “It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve put together something on the fly.”

First story here. I’ve written a scenario I sort of enjoyed coming up with even though it’s a bit out there. WARNING: may contain hipsters

“With your host Rosie Reckless.” Sizzling with attitude, Rosie entered the stage and glowered into the camera.

“Welcome to Channel 99. Pay-per-view entertainment beamed straight onto the screens of those most interested. We won’t appear on your screens unless algorithms and your online history tell us that you are interested. It’s very, very…hush hush” Rosie whispered seductively. A small but enthusiastic audience cheered behind her.

“Coffee. There was a time when you could not get a decent cup of coffee in this country. When Britain ran on a diet of weak-arse builder’s tea and bovril. Now you can’t move for artisans and connoisseurs of the craft: all charging you close to a fiver for their finely ground Java. So we thought we’d hold a competition. We have two of London’s hottest female baristas here today. The prize: a two year lease completely free on the coffee shop under our studio: a prime trendy location in East London.” Rosie was clearly a charismatic host, her vocabulary indicated she was maybe not quite the street-punk she made out to be.

“I drink a lot of coffee. So I have been scouring the ‘Big Smoke’ with my MacBook Air and had two cups of Joe that knocked me for six. A perfectly balanced nutty flat white and a rich fragrant Vietnamese long black. Let’s meet our two craftswomen of caffeine: Annie Hansen and Olive Nguyen”

“So Annie where are you from and tell us a little about yourself?”

“I’m Annie. I work at a small coffee shop in Walthamstow. ” Her accent had a pleasing Scandinavian lilt. “It’s a cool little place with open mic nights and I also have rehearsal space upstairs. I am originally from Norway and came to London 4 years ago”

“Cool, what music do you play?”

“I sing and play guitar. I guess it’s a little folky.”

“How are the nerves?”

“I have no idea what’s going on. I’d love a bigger space to sell coffee and to own a place myself, it’s worth the risk, but what the hell are you going to do to the loser?”

“Let’s welcome Olive to the stage.”

More confidently a slighter figure made her way into the small but packed studio. Her arms were painted with a variety of well-executed tattoos

“Hi. My name is Olive Nguyen. From Portland, Oregon in the United States. I’m a barista at a super-cool little joint in Brixton.”

“Wow, cool ink girl! What else do you do in London?”

“I started as a freelance writer. Coffee paid the bills and sort of took over. I still write now and then. Experimental theatre and screenplays. It’s an amazing space here with so much potential and under a TV studio too”

Rosie raised her eyebrows – Olive seemed a little naive about the quality of the TV being produced in the backlot. “And the risk for losing?”

“I don’t care about getting dirty, bring it on! Just stoked to be in with a shot”

“Well you both know you might get messy. Let’s see what’s in store for the loser”

A curtain swished back to reveal a gigantic, deep barrel wooden barrel. Contained within it however was a dark and iridescent viscous pool. Gritty coffee grounds had been infused and mounted within a sticky gungey liquid.  To even coffee lovers the mixture was revolting.

“After months of experimenting we have our signature blend of gunge. It’s called AlienDrool. It’s thick, sticky and all of our test subjects said it’s the grossest mixture they’ve tried. We have bound within the mixture used, burnt coffee grains. They might be a good exfoliant for the skin but they get everywhere. Good luck showering it off.”

Annie’s hands covered her face but her eyes told the story. Even Olive’s cocky demeanour had reduced somewhat, smiling anxiously. “Ladies, assume your positions”

Two levered mechanical contraptions lay next to the gunk. Their aesthetic was arcane and steam punk. Their role was very clear – eject the contestant into the murky depths below. Both girls removed their shoes and padded over in their barefeet, wincing from the cold of the studio floor. Annie’s blue dungarees were rolled up to the middle of her calf. Olive had skin tight black jeans on and a green top.

“You will each get five questions about coffee. Whoever gets the most right wins. If you have the same amount correct at the end, we move to sudden death. Annie, you will go first.”

Penalty Shootout Quiz

“Annie, where was coffee first discovered? Ethiopia, Brazil or Ghana”

“Ooh I know this one. You think it’s in South America but it is actually Ethiopia”

“Olive, which country drinks the most coffee per capita? USA, Finland or Italy?”

“Aw shucks! It’s between USA or Italy…..America gotta be!

“It’s actually Finland”

Incorrect 1-0 to Annie. The butterflies had settled within the blond’s stomach. Olive looked annoyed with herself

Annie, the most expensive coffee in the world is “Kopi Luwak.” What kind of coffee is it?

“It’s pooed out by some kind of weasel thing!”

“Correct, that animal is known as a civet. Olive you need one more to keep the score even. What country exports most coffee? Jamaica, Brazil or Turkey?

Evening All,

Here are the results so far from Round 5 of the 2017 Gunge Grand Prix. Melissa Benoist v Katherine McNamara is open for a further 24 hours due to a tie so get voting now to get your favourite through!

The Quarter-finals will get underway next Wednesday (21st June) so stay tuned!

Hello, and welcome of chapters 11 to 16 of my Paradise by the Christmas Light series. I’ve not got a huge amount to write here to be honest. In case you missed the earlier intros there was a big time gap between me writing the first 80 percent or so of this story and the last 20, and this part is the part I remember the least about writing. Reading through it for the final edits I still think it holds up well in both the character based parts, and the bondage based WAM session that makes up the second half.

Chapter 11:

It was late that afternoon when we finally reached our destination. We reported to the office, and were directed to our pitch and given a message from Hayley’s parents to come and see them later after everyone had finished their work commitments. For us that meant setting up the theatre. A quick phone call from Kelly meant we were soon joined by Francis, who after a brief talk with Kelly was happy to pitch in. Thankfully we all roughly remembered what to do, and were able to set things up as normal, apart from a few changes. We found several Christmas themed costumes in with the normal costumes, plus there was a larger range of outfits for me to wear this time. We also found two boxes of Christmas decorations, one labelled for the stage with a load of tinsel and large baubles. The other had some more familiar items, containing a load of wrapped presents, an artificial tree and some items we recognised from home in the real world we realised we had packed to decorate the backstage area. One notable change was the stuff used for the bloodbath portion of our act was nowhere to be found, which I think was a disappointment to all of us. In it’s place we found a couple of artificial snow machines I’d seen used in a couple of theme parks before. Me and Lilly set them up above the stage where the bloodbath tank was usually located, and rigged them to spray out a shower of snow like foam bubbles over the stage and audience.

With all the serious stuff over me, Lilly and Hayley decided to concentrate on decorating the backstage area, while Kelly was giving her father the grand tour. I got the impression she was excited to be introducing things to him.
“This is so much to take in” said Francis. “I’ve heard you talk about this place many times, but never thought it possible that I’d see it. I always believed John Ashton’s theory that you were all having similar dreams, influenced by what was going on around you.”
“Well it looks like he’s going to have to rethink that theory when we return to the real world” smiled Kelly.
“That always struck me as an odd position for you to take anyway” said Lilly. “A man who doesn’t even believe in evolution siding with a scientist.”
“Just because I’m a Christian, that doesn’t make me a nut job” answered Francis. “I believe in evolution as the way God made things in nature. I just think man was created by God, not evolved from apes. That’s the same thing that Charles Darwin believed, being a devout Christian himself. You could at least get your facts right before you start mocking.”
“Is that all the facts, or just a carefully selected group of facts?” asked Lilly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Asked Francis, his voice noticeably raised a few decibels.
“Come on. Lets not get upset” said Kelly.
“I’m talking about how your pretty selective in which parts of the bible you pay the most attention too” said Lilly, ignoring Kelly. “There’s just as much saying it’s a sin not to lock up a menstruating women as there is on homosexuality. Even then it’s only a sin if you interpret it a certain way. You have all lots of sins mentioned more predominately that go on in the modern world, yet no one blames any of that for natural disasters.”
“Well maybe if people weren’t so blasé about everything, and stuck to a decent morale code the world would be a much better place” replied Francis.
“Well what about divorce?” asked Lilly. “For someone claiming to take the moral high ground you’ve hardly followed the code through yourself. If I’m going to hell looks like you are as well.”
“Dad. It’s O.K. just leave it” said Kelly.
“I never said I was without sin or regret” continued Francis. “Unlike some people I can think off I don’t live without remorse and expect others to embrace my wrongs. Unlike some one I know who thinks she can live without consequence, doing whatever it is you like to do.”
“Whatever it is we do” scoffed Lilly. “Don’t you know. You do realise sticking your penis in her isn’t the only way to please a women. My God, it’s no wonder your wife left you.”
“YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS” cried Francis.
“JUST STOP IT YOU TWO!”
That last shout came from Kelly. With attention on her it was clear she was visibly upset by what was going on, with tears welling up in her eyes. It was clear things needed to calm down, and Kelly needed some space.
“Hayley” I said. “Could you take Lilly for a look around the fairground.”
It looked like Lilly was going to protest, but a sharp jerk on her arm by Hayley quickly quelled any objections.
“Francis. Why don’t you go and get a coffee somewhere” I suggested.
“Are you going to be alright Kelly?” he asked.
Kelly gave a small nod, and with a last look of regret he left. With everyone else gone she let herself go completely. I found some tissues, and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as she regained her composure.
“Feeling better?” I asked.
“A little” she said. “You know I was hoping that with Dad here with us I’d be able to spend Christmas with both him and Lilly for once.”
Over the last few years Kelly had to divide her time on Christmas day, spending lunch with us, and everyone we’d invited over, then driving over to see her dad late afternoon.
“We’ve still got a week” I said. “It could still happen.”
“I admire your optimism Mathew” she said. “I’m not so sure though. I don’t agree with my father’s beliefs, but he was still always there for me as I was growing up, and I still love him. As for Lilly, I love her openness and honesty, it’s one of the reasons I’m in love with her, there are times though she’d hold back a little though, and not make her feelings so apparent.”
“I’ll have a word with both of them” I said. “We can’t keep having arguments like that.”
“Thanks” she said.
“Come on” I said. “We’ve still got a theatre to decorate, and with Lilly out the way now’s your chance to dispose of some of those tacky decorations you always argue with her about.”

Chapter 12:

It was about fifty minutes later when we all converged together again at Katherine and James’s living trailer. It struck me that this would be the first time I’d met James in this world, although I had previously met his rock star alter ego Jimmy Bell. That was something the three girls had been asked a lot in interviews; why hadn’t anyone twigged what was going on. The answer was that although there were some obvious comparisons in looks, mannerisms and surname, the idea that your in an alternate universe isn’t the first conclusion you jump to when you meet someone who reminds you of someone else.
I was hoping to talk to Lilly and Francis before we met Katherine and James’s, but they were already in the trailer when we arrived.
“Thanks a lot for coming over at short notice like this” said Katherine. “The organisers are good friends of ours, and they were in a bit of a mess over that other show cancelling. They were worried they’d have to stop selling package deals without enough show tickets to sell.”
“Yeah, I know you don’t normally work over Christmas” said James, “but at least it means we all get to spend Christmas together. I must also say well done to Francis for coming out over here.”
“Yeah, things have got a bit mad” said Francis. “It’s going to be an interesting change to my normal routine though.”
“I don’t think you see that much of her at work normally” said James.
“No, although she’s spoken to me about her time as a Wild Cat a lot” Francis replied.”Speaking of which” said Kelly, “could you just go over the details of the agreement made again. I just want to check we’ve got everything correct.”
“Well it’s not a huge change from the two hour shows you sometimes put on. Of course being a Christmas show they want you to do some Christmas songs as part of the show. They did want you to do a full story based production, but after it was agreed that wasn’t possible in the time given, it was agreed you’d just do a loose Christmas story to link the routines together, which you’ve put together in the last two weeks” said Katherine.
“Err, yeah” said Hayley. “We’ve still got a bit of work to do, but hopefully we’ll have it sorted for when the fair opens in a few days.”
“Never mind that” said Katherine. “How’s the wedding planning going? Have you decided what menu to go with yet?”
“I’ll have to have a look at the brochure when I get a chance when I get back home” replied Hayley.
“Oh she’s got the brochure’s with her here” smiled James, I noticed with a bit of a bemused undertone.
“Why don’t you go and get them dear” replied Katherine. “Meanwhile have you decided what song you want played as you come down the isle yet? Last time you said you were torn between Tomorrow is Another Day and Modern Girl.”

It was rather surreal there, seeing what decisions we’d made in this world but didn’t remember, although they didn’t seem that far removed from what we might have decided in the real world. Seeing Hayley’s enthusiasm for the subject though did give me renewed determination to pop the question when we returned.
Once James and Katherine were out of the way we were free to talk about a more immediate matter.
“So what are we going to do about this show?” asked Lilly.
“It’s going to be tough” said Hayley, “but I’m sure we can come up with a few ideas.”
“Maybe I can help” suggested Francis. “I’m involved in the charity shows we put on at the local community centre every Christmas.”
“It’s O.K.” said Lilly. “We’ve got a wider audience to consider than the parents of the performers and pensioners with nothing better to do.”
“We usually sell a couple of hundred tickets and raise a few thousand for charity, thank you very much” said Francis. “Kelly knows about them, she sang in them a few times when she was young.”
“It’s true they have put on some good shows” said Kelly. “I think Dad could be a big help.”
“Oh, we don’t need him” said Lilly.
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer Francis” said Hayley, “but with the tight deadline, and the arguments that have already happened I’m don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Oh come on” said Kelly. “Give him a chance.”
“I’m afraid you’ve got two votes against you” said Lilly.
“Well me and Kelly means there are two votes with me” countered Francis.
“Mathew” said Lilly.
…..Oh Great.
“Go on Mathew, tell him he’s not welcome” said Lilly.
“Don’t be like that” said Kelly. “We could do with the extra help.”
“Alright, everyone shut up” I said. “Give me a moment to think.”
With a deep breath I quickly ran over everything in my mind. The immediate problem, and everything that had happened this afternoon. I realised I didn’t want to disappoint Kelly, but something had to be done about the arguments that were breaking out. Not just between Francis and Lilly, but now some disagreements were happening between the four of us.
“Right. I’m going to side with Francis, and Kelly, for now, but there is a big proviso.” I paused slightly before continuing. “Now I don’t know if there is a God or not, but if there is, he must have sent you here for a reason Francis. I’m pretty sure that reason isn’t to make your daughter’s life a misery, by putting her in the middle of an argument between two people she loves. If you want to work if us you need to keep your beliefs about her choice of relationship to yourself, at least until we’re back in the U.K. Lilly, you also need to cool down a little, and keep some of your comments to yourself, and try not to provoke any arguments. If for no other reason do it for Kelly. It’s not easy for her to be in the middle when you two do start kicking off. If you can‘t learn to like each other, at least learn to co-exist.”
The initial reaction was a stunned silence. Francis gave a nod of agreement. Lilly was a little more stunned, perhaps because I’d reminded her of a few home truths she had forgotten.
“Well come on then” said Kelly, diplomatically offering an arm to both Lilly and Francis. “Why don’t we head to the tent and see exactly what we’re working with. I’m sure we can come up with some good ideas overnight.”
Me and Hayley let the other 3 go on a little ahead of us. She held onto my arm as we walked.
“Well done back there” she said.
“Thanks” I replied.
“Do you really think they’ll all be able to get along though?” she asked.
“I don’t know” I replied, “but it’s got to be worth a try. It looks like Francis is going to be around whatever until we return to either the real world or the U.K. If they don’t learn to get along we’re all in for a difficult Christmas.”
“Aww, your so sweet” she said kissing me on the cheek. “It’s that kind of thoughtful behaviour that made me want to marry you.”

Chapter 13:

It was a few hours later and it was a case of so far so good. We’d spent an hour looking over the contents of the tent, and now knew what routines we had to incorporate and what costumes we had to work with. After that Francis and Kelly said they were going to a restaurant for dinner, and had invited me along to as a way of saying thanks. After checking with Hayley to make sure she’d be alright spending dinner with her parents and Lilly I agreed to join them. We had quite a pleasant couple of hours. Francis understandably had a lot of questions about the Wild Cats world, which we tried to answer as best we could, although we couldn’t answer everything?
“So if this isn’t the real world can we not die here? What happens if we jump off a tall building? Maybe we could get back to the real world that way, or do we remain stuck here with a lot of broken bones?”
“I don’t know” I replied, “and I’m not going to be the one who tries any experiments in order to find out.”

We were all in reasonable good cheer as we returned to the tent, and entered in through the stage entrance, which was good as we were in for a surprise.
“Oh, who brings their dad back to their house after a night out?” said Lilly.
“Well I didn’t know you were planning something” said Kelly.
“I’d have thought you’d have learnt after that incident in Budapest last time” replied Lilly.
“Well that old practical joke didn’t cross my mind” said Kelly.
“I’d say it was more a revenge attack than a practical joke” replied Lilly.
“What on earth is going on” cried Francis. “What are those for.”
It was quite a scene. Lilly was currently wearing a figure hugging black latex dress, and a pair of black, spike, high heels. More notable though was the appearance of two pillory platforms on the stage, with holes to hold someone’s neck and wrists in place.
“Well I knew it had been a difficult afternoon for Kelly” said Lilly. “So I wanted to do something to help her unwind. I saw they had these for a charity fundraiser they’re doing during the carnival, and managed to convince them to lend us them for the night.”
“Why would you get two pairs of stocks?” asked Francis.
“They’re pillories actually” said Lilly. “Stocks are the ones that hold your ankles.”
“Whatever they are what are they doing here? What twisted games are you getting my daughter involved with.”
“Err Dad” said Kelly. “Before you continue there is something you should know.”
“What?” Asked Francis.
“Well, I know you still think of my as your little girl, but I am an adult now. One with adult fantasies and desires, which Lilly does indulge me in” said Kelly.
“What I think your daughter is trying to say Francis” I said, as delicately as I could “is it wasn’t Lilly who was the first to bring up the subject of using some of the more unusual restraint devices in their love lives.”
“Or who went out and brought a latex dress” added Lilly.
“O.K. Lets spare him too many details” said Kelly. “This isn’t Katherine you’re dealing with here.”
“So, do you want a closer look Kelly” said Lilly. “I thought I’d like to do something nice for you after the hard day you’ve had.”
Despite Francis’s presences Kelly couldn’t disguise all of the thoughts the sight of the pillories put in her head.. Whether they were intended for a charity event or not, they were still solidly constructed from heavy wood, with a secure latch meaning once in you wouldn’t be able to escape. Francis was watching at a slight distance, a little sheepishly, which was understandable in the circumstances.
“So” said Lilly. “Do you fancy a few hours of unwinding in these?”
Pausing to glance at her dad first, she gave a nervous nod.
“It looks like we’re not needed here then” I said to Francis, realising this probably would be a good time to make a move.
“Oh your still needed Mathew” smiled Lilly. “You’ll notice there are two pillories.”
“Me” I said.
“Well Hayley agreed a group session would be good for us all to unwind after some of the turbulence of today.” said Lilly.
“How much convincing did that take?” I asked.
“A little” admitted Lilly. “I know this sort of thing is a little more extreme than you and Hayley get up to, but I think you’ll like the end result. We found that really tight and revealing red leather dress amongst her things. You know, the one with the zip up front she wore to that party when we were in Vienna. With that she’s wearing her 5 inch Christian Louboutin style heels.”
“The black ones with the red soles” I blushed.
“Those very ones” answered Lilly.
“Who’s Christian Louboutin?” asked Francis.
“He’s a fashion designer, specialising in some incredible shoes” replied Kelly.
“I bet your looking forward to a bit of retail therapy. While we’re making Wild Cat money you can afford something like that” smiled Lilly.
“It depends what the shops here are like” said Kelly. “If your good I’ll show you some of my purchases. For now are you o.k. dad? I hope this hasn’t been too much of a shock.”
“It’s rather unexpected” said Francis.
“I’ll try to answer any questions you have tomorrow” said Kelly. “For now are you o.k. making your way back to the trailer?”
“I’ll be alright” said Francis. “Just be careful.”
“We do have precautions in place” said Kelly.
“I think Hayley said she’d pop over for a bit if she has time” said Lilly. “Kelly is definitely going to be occupied for the rest of the night.”

Chapter 14:

With that Francis left, and Hayley came out of hiding from the backstage area, a little embarrassed upon realizing at least some details would be getting back to her mum. She looked absolutely stunning, not only was she wearing a sizzling hot dress and shoes, but she’d also gone to town styling her hair, and make-up, including bright red lipstick.
“So what do you think?” She grinned, striking a sexy stance.
“You look amazing” I said in reply, reaching over to put my arms around her.
“Not so fast” she said, taking hold of my wrists. “You only get to touch when I say so tonight. Now why don’t you take those cloths, and I can get you into position.”
With my heart beating nervously I slipped off my cloths until I was wearing nothing but my boxers. With a beckoning finger Hayley invited me over to one of the pillories, which she was holding open. With one last exchange of nervous eye contact I put my wrists and neck in position. I shuddered nervously as the top half of the pillory came down, holding my wrists and head snugly in place. As Hayley secured the catch I could already feel my cock swelling from the excitement of being totally at her mercy.
She stepped around in front of me, took my face in her hands and placed a warm kiss on my lips.
“We’ve got quite a night planned for you and Kelly” she smiled. “It’s our plan to have you both begging us for mercy by the end of it.”
I took a nervous deep breath in anticipation. She leaned in closer to murmur in my ear.
“To make sure you are o.k. I’ve chosen the safety word sunshine, so you can tell me if you do become uncomfortable and want us to stop” she said. “Now before I go out back to pick up a few surprises there’s one little adjustment I need to make.”
With that she stepped behind me and pulled down my boxers, leaving me gasping as I was helpless to stop her stripping me completely naked. As her and Lilly strutted to the back, the sexy sound of their heels echoing around the room I looked over to exchange looks of nervous excitement with Kelly. She was also naked and imprisoned in the pillories, with the additional add on of a rubber ball gag holding her mouth open.
We didn’t have to wait long before our captors returned. I cringed as I nervously waited, the pillory stopping from looking behind me to see what was going on. Then I felt Hayley’s hands on my back, along with a thick, greasy, squidgy substance she was holding in her hands. I exhaled deeply as she slowly rubbed it across my back, her fingers firmly massaging my shoulders as she added more of the greasy substance onto my back.
I trembled a little as she stepped round in front of me, allowing me to finally see what she was covering me with. In her hands she had a pair of yellow blocks of butter, which she’d allowed to get to room temperature to make it soft and squidgy. In my helpless imprisonment all I could do is playfully struggle as she proceeded to wipe one block into my face and into my hair. She then broke the other block into two and rub each half onto my hands, across my palms and between my fingers. She looked on gleefully as she wiped her hands on an old towel, obviously enjoying the fun she was having with me, while I was under her control.
As she slowly walked backed around me I took a quick chance to check out the red soles of her shoe, that showed of her thin black stiletto heels, before looking up to check out the way those heels made her tight leather clad arse wiggle.
Sadly she was soon outside my field of vision, but I soon became aware she was behind me as she circled her hands across my hips, gently massaging a block of butter into each hip, before sliding the butter further back until both her hands were spreading butter across the contours of my arse. My eyes glazed over as she explored more and more tenderly, as butter was pushed up my crack, where I could feel it slowly melting. With my body already tingling I was sent into overdrive as she reached round, and slowly teased my throbbing cock, until it became fully erect. At that point she held my cock in her right hand, and slowly rubbed it up and down. I took a deep breath as the sensation of having her still butter covered hands caress my shaft became the only thing I could think about. My vision blurred, and I clenched my fists. I let out several loud moans as I approached climax then;
“Don’t stop” I begged, as she let go.
I heard her slowly walk around, coming into view again, looking at my pleading eyes with a minx like smile.
“I’m afraid your going to have to wait before I let you cum tonight” she smiled. “There’s still quite a lot we want to do with you two.”

I saw Hayley glance over to the sound of Lilly’s footsteps. My eyes widened as she came into view as I saw she was holding 2 red and black leather whips. She uncurled one to it’s full one and a half meter length, and handed the other to Hayley. As they stepped either side I felt both of them tease their whips over my back, building up the anticipation for what was to come. My breathing became deep and measured as they took a couple of steps back, as I closed my eyes, anticipating the first strike. I let out a quiet moan as one of the whips connected with a loud crack. I took a few deep breaths before the next strike was followed quickly by a third.
“Are you alright?” Asked Hayley.
“Yeah” I panted in response.
I moaned yet again as I was struck a fourth time.
“What about now?” Teased Lilly.
Over the next couple of minutes I was struck eight more times, before Hayley and Lilly stepped closer to gently stroke my back. I was audibly panting as my body tingled with excitement in response to what I’d just felt.
“So this is a first for you two then?” Laughed Lilly.
“Apart from a few playful spankings” replied Hayley.
“Well you both seem to be enjoying yourself” said Lilly, smacking my bottom in response. “I hope your warmed up Hayley, because you’ll need to work a lot harder with Kelly.”
Looking from my restrained position I watched as Lilly went over to Kelly and whispered a few things in her ear. I saw Kelly’s body shudder with pleasure in anticipation with what was to come. Lilly and Hayley exchanged smiles as they stepped behind Kelly. Lilly then swung her whip hard, causing Kelly to moan as it connected with a load thwack. Hayley was next, swinging with another hard strike, resulting in another load moan. They continued to whip the helplessly restrained and gagged Kelly for the next couple of minutes, causing her moans to get more and more intense, until she clenched her fists and tensed her body before letting out a loud muffled scream, before her body relaxed as she gasped for air. I’d be lying if I pretended that watching this, especially while restrained in a set of pillories wasn’t a turn on, especially as Hayley was involved. Of course being naked my arousal was there for all to see, including Hayley who couldn’t resist giving my cock a few more teasing strokes of my cock before heading backstage for her next item.

Chapter 15:

I waited nervously as I heard the ominous sound of her stilettos returning. I felt her hand playfully scratching my back as she slowly walked along, and was soon standing in front of me again. She still looked heart stopping stunning, and this time was holding a carton holding a dozen eggs.
“Ready for a little more punishment” she smiled as she put the carton down, and took an egg in each hand.
I found myself playfully struggling in the pillories. I let out a yelp as both eggs where broken over my head simultaneously with a cracking sound. I felt a few cold trickles of egg then run down the side of my head. Hayley soon had another pair of eggs, and a mischievous smile on her face as she broke the next two eggs on my head, that were quickly followed by another pair, leaving my hair soaked with thick eggs, and a number of cold trickles on my face.
This time she grabbed the carton and stepped behind the stockade. I heard the egg crack, and felt one of the eggs run down onto my neck, with a cold sticky texture. Just as I was regaining my composure I heard another cracking sound, and felt another egg running down my arse, leaving me squirming as it ran down between my butt cheeks. I was quickly hit by a merciless combo as the next 3 eggs were cracked on my back and shoulders, before walking back round in front of me.
“Well you’ve been a good little slave so far haven’t you” she grinned.
Before I could answer she accentuated her point by cracking the last egg over my head. She then rested her hand on my right cheek as she continued.
“I think you’ve earned a little treat” she said.
She walked around to the side again. My body tensed as yet again I felt her fingers teasing my cock. I moaned quietly as she held the base of my shaft in one hand, and firmly stroked it up and down with her other. Once again I lost focus on everything else, letting out some involuntary moans, then just as I was getting ready to ejaculate she took her hands away.
“Please don’t stop” I begged, now desperate for release from the sexual tension running through my body.
“Oh, it’s not long now” Hayley replied. “We’ve just got one more item to play with, then I’ll really make you smile.”

I had to endure another nervous wait as once again Hayley and Lilly made their way backstage. I looked over at Kelly who had a look of satisfied joy on her face. She exchanged smiles with me as best she could while her mouth was still gagged.
I trembled with excitement as I heard the sound of stilettoed footsteps once again. This time they were holding three cans of shaving foam each, and a pack of paper plates. After a suggestive glance from Hayley she arranged a dozen of the paper plates on the floor in front of me, and Hayley and Lilly proceeded to use three of the cans to make up a dozen foam pies. After making sure they’d got every last drop out of the cans they both took a pie in each hand, and strutted over to me.
“So” grinned Lilly. “What’s it like to know your going to get covered in all those pies, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to avoid them.”
I let out a small laugh as I looked up ominously. Hayley teasingly held the first pie inches in front of my face, that caused me to cringe with nervous tension as I waited. I closed my eyes as the pie moved, only for nothing to happen. After a few seconds I opened my eyes to check, only to have to close them again immediately as the pie came towards me again. This time it hit me squarely in the face. I suppressed the urge to gasp as the pie was firmly held in place for several seconds as the foam was rubbed in, before being slid across the top of my head. I let out a gasp, only to be struck in the face by a second pie almost immediately, which again was firmly held in my face before being wiped around the left side of my head. I took a deep breath as I braced myself, and was immediately struck by the third pie. I let out a muffled giggle as this pie was vigorously rubbed in, before being rubbed across the right side of my head. I braced myself yet again, only for nothing to happen. I let out a giggle in response to the tense wait.
“Go on” I said.
After waiting several more seconds I was struck yet again, this time with a forceful splat. The pie was still pushed firmly in as I recovered from the shock, before I felt the pie being let go off, leaving the plate clinging to the front of my face.
I shook the plate off my face. I was able to open my left eye, to take in an amazing view of Hayley bending over to pick up the next pies. She bent over at the waist, keeping her legs dead strait, which looked incredible in her Christian Louboutin heels. This also caused her skirt to ride up and reveal a lacy red thong. I couldn’t help but smile as she gave a knowing glance back in my direction.
After that delightful treat it was time for more punishment as they both came back with another pair of pies each. This time they stepped around the back of the pillory, I braced myself as I felt their eyes scanning my body. I let out a quiet yelp as I felt a pie slamming hard into my arse, quickly followed by a second pie being rubbed across my back. This was quickly followed by a second pie to the back and one being rubbed firmly across my stomach and chest. The paper plates were soon discarded, but were replace by four beautiful feminine hands rubbing the foam over my body. One pair focused on my back and shoulders, while another pair rubbed foam over my chest accompanied by a few teasing strokes to my cock, the reinforced the hit sexual energy I felt from being so desperate to cum.

Chapter 16:

With the body massage over it was time for them to reload one last time. I looked on nervously as I saw Lilly and Hayley whispering plans in each others ear. I saw Hayley strutting towards me one last time. His time she held a pie on either side of my head. I shook my head grimacing as I realised what that meant. Giving me a quick sultry smile she pushed both pies, firmly into either side of my head. I had my eyes closed, grimacing a little when I was hit by the shock of the pies Lilly was holding slammed into my face and the back of my head. This meant the two pies Hayley hit me with were held in place by Lilly’s pies, even when Hayley let go. I took short sharp breaths in response to the sensation of my entire head now being trapped in a casing of foam. My heart pounded, I struggled against the bounds of the pillory as I felt a surge of adrenalin pulse through my body, then I was sent completely over the edge. It was the touch of Hayley’s hand as it embraced my now painfully erect cock. I clenched my fists as my body was overcome by the numerous sensations of pleasure, panic and arousal. I let out numerous muffled moans as my cock started to tingle. I rocked my body, desperate to speed things up, until with one last euphoric surge I finally came. In response my whole body went limp, having finally achieved euphoria it now demanded respite from the excesses I‘d just been through. Lilly let go of the pies and wiped the foam from my face as Hayley undid the catch on the pillory, finally freeing me from it. I dropped down to one knee as I slowly regained some of my composure.
“Are you O.K?” Asked Hayley.
“I will be” I gasped in response.
“See” said Lilly. “I told you this would be a real treat for him. Do you think you’ll be using our playroom back home a little more often now?”
“Maybe on special occasions” replied Hayley.
“Speaking of special” said Lilly. “How about giving me a hand with Kelly.”

I spent the next couple of minutes still regaining my composure, before focusing on what was going on around me again. Looking over I saw Kelly getting the same pie body massage I got, before having her head enclosed in pies by Hayley, while Lilly fingered her pussy, until she finally let out a scream of exasperation.
As Lilly turned her attentions to Kelly’s head, wiping it before exchanging kisses and whispering sweet nothings. Hayley came back over, and put an arm around me as she knelt down by my side. It was a few minutes before Lilly joined us.
“So do you two want to get cleaned up?” she said. “You especially Mathew.”
“Aren’t you going to release Kelly?” I asked.
“After the day she’s had she needs a bit of time on her own to unwind” replied Lilly. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay within earshot, and she knows what signal to use if she needs anything.”
So with one last glance back me and Lilly headed back to the shower where I could finally wash an array of messy substances off myself.

‘Cash or Trash’ was quickly becoming one of the most popular shows to be hosted on the late Saturday Night block of WJTV Channel 40. The premise of the show was simple. Local teens drawn from the surrounding counties would write in and offer to showcase there talents for a jury of there peers. If the jury found there performance pleasing, they would award a check of one thousand dollars. If the crowed found there act less than pleasing.. Then they would get something very unpleasant dropped on there heads.

Susan took a deep breath as she strolled through the tunnel that connected the backstage area with the main stage area. The sound of the heels of her shoes echoing off the walls filled the air around her, as she put one foot in front of the other. Her heart was fluttering, she could feel her heart jumping right into her throat.

Slowly, she formed a small smile upon her face as she entered into the limelight. A crowd of some one hundred people, all dressed in colorful and outlandish outfits stood before her. A silent jury drawn from the best coffeehouses of Belhaven and Fondren Districts. All stood there, looking at Susan as if she was nothing more than a stray cat who happen to just wonder on stage.

“Hello there.” A voice behind her. The voice belonged to a smiling women who stood around a hand taller than her. She had long raven hair and she wore a simple, pleated plaid dress. Black dress hoes rounded out her outfit. “You must be are first guest.” She said smiling as she peered toward Susan in a manner that reminded her of a cat, looking at a mouse or a bird.

Susan nodded as she peered toward the women. She wore a green and black outfit. A green dress with black straps, complete with back dress shoes. Her shoulder length chestnut brown hair reached down to her shoulders. It had been brushed straight that morning. Looking down at the ground, she reached over and removed a strain of hair from in front of her eyes.

“Yes.” She said nodding her head toward the women as she smoothed out the wrinkles of her dress as she peered toward the gathered crowed. Quickly she cleared her throat as she looked down at the ground.

“Nice, well.” She said peering toward the crowds for a second then returning her gaze toward Susan again. “Would you mind telling me a little about yourself before we move on. Don’t need to tell me your life story like the last girl did. Just a few words.” She said taking a at ease position as she peered toward Susan, once more she reminded the girl of a cat looking at a trapped bird or mouse.

“Sure.” Susan felt her cheeks flush with color. “I’m from Vicksburg, I attend St. Katherine’s Episcopal Academy. I’ve been singing since I was twelve, when our Choir Mistress noticed me singing during a overnight camping trip. She kind of drafted me into singing in are church’s choir.” She said giggling a little.

“Oh..” The women smiled and tried sound impressed. But honestly she was finding the girl a drag. That and her accent was really starting to bother her. It was one of those ’High Southern’ accents one often reads about in books like ’Gone with the Wind’ and ’Still was the Night.” There more she thought on it, the more she hated the way those words seem to roll out of her mouth.

“So, beside being from Vicksburg and attending a super elite private school. Is there anything else you wish to tell us before we move onto your act? Because honesty girl right now, your sounding plainer vanilla ice cream.” She said folding her hands across her chest and peering toward the crowd, who chucked a little under there breaths as they peered toward the two on stage.

Susan sighed a little and folded her arms under her breast as she cocked her head toward the host of the show. Taking a deep breath she cleared her head and started to speak.

“I’m also a active member in the girl scouts. I’ve been the camp nurse a few times. I’m working on my ‘Gold Award’ right now. And I’m a candy stripper at ‘River Regional Hospital’.” She said the last part with a little bit of pride as she nodded her head.

“Joy.” The host said smiling a little as she started to circle around Susan. “So you attend a super private school, bake cookies, sing songs and change bedpans.. Man, could you not get any more boring, please tell me your going to do something nice for your act. Cause hon, if baking cookies or singing some nature song is call you got. You best just step into the ‘Chamber of Judgment’ right now and lets get this over with.” She said rolling her eyes as she peered toward Susan.

Susan blushed a little and bite down upon her tongue. Taking a deep breath she peered toward the women. She could tell she was already losing ground by the way the crowds seemed to chuckle and giggle with reach remark that poured from the mouth of the women. She was being teased, and she hated every minute of it.

“Honesty.” She said taking a deep breath. “I think, I’m going to prove you wrong. So instead of telling you about my act, why don’t we dive right into it and let the viewers and the crowds decided.” She said as she stepped passed the women and peered into the gathered faces, she released her deep breath and did her best to calm her racing heart.

“Go ahead.” The hostess said smirking. “Today, Susan’s chosen to sing Nightwish’s ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’ I hope none of the fans of the band will be offended by her voice as its far from pleasant.” She gave Susan a rueful smile as she took a dozen steps back.

Susan cleared her throat and slowly started to sing, though her voice was totally unfit for the song. Her vocal cords trained since her first breath, to sing the sweet Latin Hymns of Christmas and Eastertide. Instead of sounding something edgy and hard. It sounded more like a nun trying to sound hard core.

As she worked her way through each verse, the crowds faces twisted and with anger they pressed there thumps down upon the red button. The Metal enthusiast that haunted the record stores in High Street and Jefferson wore looks of disgust as they hammered home the big red button of doom. The young connoisseurs of music, followed the notion of there peers. Not one ounce of mercy was shown for Susan as she worked her way through the song.

“Well.” The hostess said taking a deep breath as she peered toward Susan. “I guess somebody needs to practice a little.” She said frowning as she her eyes fell upon Susan. Who was now standing in the center of the stage, blushing like a bride at the alter and clearly out of breath. The song had taken more wind that normally required of her.

“we’ll that was something.” The women said with a small smile as she peered toward Susan. “We’ll see if it was a good something or a bad something soon too.” She said winking toward the crowds who laughed a little as they all peered toward Susan. All of them where grinning ear to ear.

“I think I did pretty well.” Susan said blushing as she soothed out the wrinkles in her dress and started to fiddle a little with her hair. She then turned toward the audience and gave them a pleating look as her upper lip quivered.

“We’ll soon see.” She said pointing toward a chamber toward the far side of the stage. “Take a step into are ‘Chamber of Judgment’ and we’ll tally the votes and see if you get some cool ‘Cash’ or if your going to get taken out with the ‘Trash’.” She said winking toward the audience again as she watched Susan step into the chamber.

Susan could only cross herself as she stepped into the chamber and stepped into the brown circle that marked the center of the half circle shaped room. Softy under her breath she breathed a prayer as a drum roll sounded in the chamber. As the drum rolled neared its end, she took a deep breath, folded her hands in her center and closed her eyes. Seconds later the light in the room switched from normal white color to a deep, dark red color as the sound of a flushing privy sounded above her head.

A few seconds later, a massive downpour of thick, green slime rolled down upon her shoulders and coated the top of her head, before rolling down and coating her shoulders and her back. There was a notable smell to the gunk that was pouring down upon her, something between a cross of old cabbage and a truckers bathroom. For sixteen solid seconds it poured down upon her.

Susan at first shocked, then angry and finally she could only smile as she felt the slime running down the back of her dress, soaking it through and through. Finally the downpour stopped and Susan was left there soaking and pouting.

“Wow.” The hostess said smiling as she peered toward Susan, she was smiling too. Sometimes it felt good to see a girl from down country get slopped on local access. “I guess, you got ’Trashed’” She said winking toward the camera as she watched Susan try to clear away some of funk with her hands.

This time Susan smirked a little at her the joke.

“No matter the outcome though. Susan, Its been wonderful to have you on tonight. I hope you enjoyed coming on and getting the goo.” Finally a little bit of kindness in what had been a verbal campaign of teasing and ribbing. “You’ve been a great sport too girl!”

And with that, Susan only waved as she watched the credits roll across the screen. Another misadventure was coming to its close it seemed.

Evening All,

Here are the results from the Quarter-finals of the 2017 Gunge Grand prix, except for one which is explained later in this blog.

As shown in the screenshots below, there has been an issue of improper voting in the match between Margot Robbie and Sophie Turner. As a result I have opened the vote again, reset to zero, for a further 48 hours until 6pm Friday 30th June. Any more improper voting will result in Sophie Turner being removed from the competition. Thanks

Hi All,

Here are the results from the Gunge Grand Prix Sem-Finals.

So Emma Stone and Margot Robbie are our finalists! Only one can be crowned our ‘winner’, and the final vote will open TOMORROW at 6pm for one week only, so be ready to vote for your favourite!

Thanks

Thanks to Storylover, who commissioned this piece.

In Russia, cake decorates you!

Nadya stretched her legs parallel to the desk, letting her baby-pink skirt ride slightly up her thighs. The pose, like her every move, was casual but calculated. Her outfit likewise. After all, the whole of Moscow had its eyes on her.

She turned her head to peruse her reflection, which faintly overlaid the summer cityscape. She puckered her full lips, drawing in foundation-laden skin around her already prominent cheekbones. Her heavily mascara’d eyelashes fluttered. A band of long, mid-brunette hair draped elegantly, to frame her face on one side.

This was what Nadya valued most about her job, receptionist at the headquarters of MoscowBite, a manufacturer of cakes and other desserts. Sure, the salary was attractive, and there were plenty of free cakes too (which Nadya passed on to friends and family; she’d never let her own waistline be defiled). But the top perk of the job was spending all day in front of this full-length window, elevated twenty-three floors in Moscow’s financial district, exhibiting her fine figure and flawless fashion to the city.

Blowing a silent kiss at her metropolis of admirers, she slowly raised one leg to cross it over the other, letting her skirt ride yet closer to her delectable rump…

“…Nadya!!” bellowed a male voice through the intercom, evidently not for the first time. “Nadya, are you there?!”

Inwardly, Nadya was jolted from her daydream, but her poise didn’t falter. She retracted her legs and brought a pink-painted fingernail down on the intercom button. “Yes, Mr Lechovich!”

“About time!” growled the manager. “Send in next candidate.”

“Certainly, Mr Lechovich.”

Nadya stood up with a smooth, oft-practised motion. She strutted across the reception hall, taking the opportunity to wag her tight bum in the even tighter skirt that encased it. Her pert yet generous bust preceded her in a white cashmere top. She approached a seating area where several people were waiting, and asked a fortyish man in a cheap suit to follow her to the manager’s office.

MoscowBite was expanding into foreign markets and thus needed to recruit a language tutor. Most of the candidates were drab and unremarkable – laid-off teachers and the odd scruffy student – and Nadya liked it that way. She didn’t take well to competition in the image department, and the last thing she wanted was a young, fashion-conscious female trying to out-glam her.

For this reason Nadya wasn’t too pleased to discover such a female waiting when she returned to reception.

“Can I help you?” said Nadya coldly.

“I’m Kristina,” said the woman. “I arrive for job interview.”

Dressed in a white flower-print frock almost as short as Nadya’s skirt, the newcomer wasn’t exactly attired in a conventionally appropriate style for an interview (though Nadya knew it would be a plus with Lechovich). Kristina’s shoulder-length brunette hair was a shade darker than Nadya’s, her face a little leaner, her dress (heaven forbid!) a size smaller. But her chest was just as ample and her legs just as shapely. Worst of all, Kristina showed no deference as Nadya approached her; she stood her ground, hands on hips, boosted by very high heels. Yes, there would be trouble, were this woman to get a job here.

“You’re too late,” scowled Nadya. “You’ve missed your slot.”

“My apologies,” said Kristina. “I got held up on Metro.”

“That’s too bad,” Nadya shrugged. “Good day to you.” She brushed past Kristina and seated herself at her desk, not intending to give the interloper another glance.

Kristina didn’t budge. “Manager invited me to apply. I think he’ll want to see me.”

This further displeased Nadya. Lechovich was apt to give positions to pretty girls who took his fancy; it was how Nadya had got her own job. But she wasn’t going to yield. “I told you, Madam: you’ve missed your slot. Now if you kindly would–”

The intercom blared. “Nadya!”

Nadya pressed the button without taking her eyes from Kristina. “Yes, Mr Lechovich.”

“Has girl called Kristina arrived yet?”

Nadya scowled. She couldn’t lie with Kristina standing right over her. “Only just, Mr Lechovich. She is very late.”

Lechovich seemed unconcerned by this detail. “Good. I’ll interview her next. Bring her to my office in five minutes.”

“Certainly, Mr Lechovich.” Nadya wore a sour expression as she lifted her finger from the intercom. “Be seated,” she told Kristina.

“Thank you most kindly,” Kristina smiled sweetly.

On her way to the seating area, Kristina stopped at a water cooler to get herself a drink. Unfortunately this turned into a protracted ordeal as she couldn’t find the button to dispense the water. Nadya remained seated at her desk, watching with increasing derision as Kristina pushed, tugged, twisted and bashed every part of the cooler.

Eventually Kristina looked over to Nadya. “Can you show me how to use this, please?”

A deliciously wicked idea crept into Nadya’s mind. “Certainly.” She strutted across, maintaining of course the perfect wag of her behind. One finger she placed against the spout of the water cooler, allowing only a small opening in her intended direction. The other hand turned the dial to max, then readied itself at the button.

“You do it like this.” Nadya pushed, and a jet of water sprayed out – cold, forceful and aimed straight at Kristina’s front. Kristina screamed as the water gushed over her face, hair and the front of her dress. Her arms flailed in a helpless attempt to parry the jet. She opened her mouth to protest, but the water promptly filled it. As she tried to back away, she tottered on her high heels and landed on her rump.

The water continued to sprinkle down on Kristina as she floundered on the floor. Eventually Nadya tired of the amusement and switched off the flow. Kristina lay bedraggled in a puddle, her hair lank, her make-up smeared, her dress in danger of turning see-through. The other interviewees watched in stunned silence, save a few stifled titters.

“Wha…What did you do that for?” spluttered Kristina.

“You asked me for help,” said Nadya nonchalantly. “I gave you help and now you complain? Make up your mind!”

“I wanted cup of water, not full-body shower!” wailed Kristina, staggering to her feet. She hurriedly cupped her chest to preserve her modesty through the see-through garment. “Look at me! I need to get dried! Show me to bathroom!”

The intercom buzzed. “Nadya!”

Nadya strutted, quicker but no less gracefully, over to her desk. “Yes, Mr Lechovich?”

“Show Kristina to my office, immediately!”

Now it was Nadya’s turn to smile sweetly. “Looks like you don’t have time to visit bathroom.”

As Nadya suspected, Kristina’s short dress found favour with Lechovich, and its wetness probably proved a bonus. She knew this when Kristina returned from the boss’s office carrying a ‘welcome cake’; it was customary for new recruits to receive an edible freebie.

Indeed, Kristina must have made quite an impression on Lechovich, because he’d given her a huge, heaving cheesecake – butter-yellow with a matte shine. Purple fruit syrup dripped down the sides and the cake was topped with a hefty slab of white cream, studded with strawberries. Nadya frowned; he’d never given her a cake like that.

“I got job,” beamed Kristina, who was now nearly dry. “Mr Lechovich says you give me entry card.”

Nadya silently went to the laminating machine to make Kristina’s card.

“I think I will enjoy working here,” Kristina remarked.

Nadya turned around from the machine. She held the card towards Kristina, but then, as Kristina reached for it, retracted it from her grasp.

“I do not like rivals when it comes to fashion,” Nadya said. “Know your place, or you will suffer more ‘accidents’ like what happened with water cooler.”

Kristina said nothing, and held out her hand for the card. After a few seconds of stand-off, Nadya handed it over. She returned to her desk, watching blackly as Kristina headed to the exit, the slightly damp white dress swishing around her pert rear.

Nadya sensed something was wrong, but couldn’t put her finger on it. Then, while she gracefully lowered herself into her chair, she realised. Girl doesn’t take cheesecake with her. Where did she put cheesecake?

The chair seemed higher than usual. Softer too. A contented smile rose on Nadya’s face at the velvety softness around her buns. Then a flatulent sound came from under her and she blushed, hoping nobody had heard. The softness was turning into something else: wetness, stickiness. It seeped through the thin, pink fabric of her skirt and into her panties. What was going on?!

Something cool and moist directly touched the back of Nadya’s thigh. She shrieked and dropped hard into the chair. This proved to be a very wrong thing to do. The butter-yellow cheesecake ensconced her behind, coming up to her hips. A morass of purple and white bubbled up between her thighs and flowed inside her skirt. A loud squelch accompanied her screech. The remaining job applicants turned to look at her. Frozen in shook, Nadya peered down at the pile of mess she sat in, and then flashed her bravest smile at the watchers, pretending everything was a-ok. Her hands gripped the desk in horror. This could not be happening!

Standing at the doorway, Kristina slowly turned. “I made mistake,” she said. “I do not think I will enjoy working here; I know I will enjoy it!”

This turned Nadya’s shock to anger. “How dare you! I’ll teach you lesson for this!” She sprang to her feet, and immediately the seated candidates burst into her laughter at the big mass of mess around her bum and crotch. Bits of brown biscuit-base dropped to her feet. Nadya was mortified – her skirt! Her stylish, oh-so-expensive skirt!

She spun around in a tizzy, and found herself staring out of the panoramic window. The city! All of Moscow could see her like this! Nadya raised her hands to her face like Munch’s Scream painting, then fled to the ladies’. Kristina sarcastically clapped Nadya’s departure.

“Let’s try one more time.” Kristina pointed her stick to the blackboard where a sentence was written in big white script. She annunciated: “The cat sat on the mat.”

Valentina furrowed her brow in concentration. “The… cat… sat… on… the… mat.”

“Not bad,” nodded Kristina. “But you need more practice with accent.”

The pair were in a classroom in the MoscowBite office complex. Most of the desks were unoccupied though, as this was a one-to-one tutorial. Kristina, standing at the front, wore a low-cut scarlet dress, and her heels and lipstick were a matching bright red hue.

As for the student, Valentina was a tall, slender woman with dark, almost-black hair cut to shoulder length. She wore a more conservative but equally stylish black dress.

Kristina pulled down the blackboard (it was one of those revolving boards between two rollers) to reveal the next sentence. “Okay, how about this one? The dog hogs the log.”

Valentina took a deep breath. “The… Dog… hogs…”

Nadya burst in, bashing the door against the wall. “Fire drill!” she shouted. “Everybody out!”

“Excuse me!” glared Kristina. “I am in middle of lesson!”

“There is fire drill,” Nadya declared. “You must evacuate building immediately.”

Kristina frowned. “I do not hear fire alarm.”

“It is, uh… not working. But you must get out of building.” Nadya fixed Kristina sternly. “Mr Lechovich takes fire drill very seriously. Anyone ignores it, he sacks them.”

“Okay, we’re going!” Kristina pulled a face at Valentina. “I guess we better leave.”

“I will stay to tell other workers,” said Nadya. “Remember: use stairs not elevator.” She watched Kristina and Valentina walk off down the corridor, then smirked to herself, rubbing her hands together with anticipation. She picked up a stack of cake boxes she’d discreetly left in the corridor, and slunk inside the classroom…

Twenty minutes later, Kristina and Valentina trudged back in. “What waste of time,” complained Kristina, while Valentina seated herself. “Let’s pick up where we left off.” She pointed her stick at the blackboard. “The pie is high in the sky. Wait! I didn’t write that! What’s going on?”

Kristina yanked down the board, failing to notice the object that had been balanced on the roller at the top. Hearing a rustle of foil, Kristina looked up to see a huge cream pie tumble off the top of the board. Her eyes boggled in alarm.

The pie landed square on Kristina’s face, sending out an explosion of cream and causing Kristina to stagger back a few steps with the foil tin stuck over her face. With a shaking hand, she pulled it away, causing mounds of cream to plop onto her dress and chest. Her face was masked in white, and the cream had permeated the front of her hair in a halo. Kristina gaped in shock, her mouth forming a black ‘O’ against the white cream.

Valentina too was shocked. But as she regarded her teacher’s messy transformation, this shock soon gave way to amusement. She felt a chuckle building inside her, and hurriedly bit her lip.

“What idiot put pie up there?” fumed Kristina. “I’m complaining to Mr Lechovich about this!”

Kristina went to use the phone on her desk. She sat down to a cringeworthy squelch, yelping as something pink and gooey rushed around her bum. The scent of strawberry rose in the air. Kristina peered down to see pink gunk spreading out amidst the scarlet folds of her dress. A massive strawberry cake was squashed beneath her buttocks. She felt it soaking, sticky and wet, through to her panties.

Valentina couldn’t see the carnage around her tutor’s bottom, but she could hear the squelching noises, and was all too aware of Kristina’s discomfort. She pressed her hand to her mouth to bury her mirth.

“WHAT ON EARTH!?” Kristina pushed back on her chair, making to stand up, but this pulled on a string that was tied to the chair-leg, causing the desk to pop open a few inches. Inside, a number of frosting pipers were affixed to the underside of the desk lid, and these opened fire, squirting yellow, green, orange, brown and blue frosting at Kristina’s chest. She squawked as the multi-coloured goo sprayed over her bust and the bare skin of her chest.

Finally the jetlets stopped. Kristina, still pie-faced, stood groaning as the frosting slid down her chest, slipping inside her dress via her cleavage. Valentina tried to keep a straight face, but it was impossible. A snort escaped her lips as she cracked up, and soon she howled with laughter, slapping her desk.

“You did this?!” Kristina glowered.

Valentina, unable to speak, shook her head.

“But you think it is funny! Let me show you what I think is funny!” Kristina ripped two of the pipers from the desk lid. They still had plenty of frosting in them.

The sight of Kristina approaching, a piper in each hand, was enough to snap Valentina out of her hysterics. She tried to get away, but her legs were caught under her desk. Kristina squeezed the pipers, squirting orange and pink frosting over her student’s dress and hair. She inserted one piper down the back of Valentina’s dress, and the other into the front. Valentina squealed as both were emptied inside her frock.

“Pie is high in sky!” called a mocking voice. Kristina whipped her head around to find Nadya giggling in the doorway.

“No-one plays trick on me and gets away with it,” said Nadya, who’d watched the whole thing through the keyhole.

“YOU!” Kristina glared through her mask of white. “Wait ‘til I get my hands on you!!”

Nadya took this as her cue to turn and flee. Kristina gave chase, squirting frosting after her down the corridor.

A few days later, MoscowBite held a convention to market its wares to international clients. Businessmen and women from all over the world flocked to an exhibition centre in down-town Moscow, but the thronging crowds were outnumbered by the vast array of cakes, desserts and confections laid out on display tables throughout the hall.

Nadya sat at the registration desk in the entrance, greeting the attendees with info packs and her effortless smile. Her attire was sophisticated but sexy: a grey skirt, dark tights, and a low-cut black top that was generous with cleavage.

But despite her confident demeanour, Nadya was inwardly cautious. Periodically she glanced around her, and every time she sat down she checked her chair for ‘stray’ cakes. She was wary that Kristina might be seeking revenge.

Speak of the devil, Kristina stepped up wearing a slinky black dress with tassels sweeping around her shapely thighs. Nadya scowled; the girl hadn’t learnt her place in the fashion pecking order. If anything, Kristina’s classroom humiliation had made her more determined to out-style Nadya.

“Can I help you?” Nadya asked curtly, pretending not to know the woman.

“Mr Lechovich wants to see you in back room,” said Kristina. “I will mind desk while you are gone.”

Nadya snorted. “You think I was born yesterday? If you’re going to play prank on me, sweetheart, at least be original.”

Kristina blinked. “You’re not going to see Mr Lechovich?”

Nadya shook her head, sticking her tongue into her cheek. “As they say in English: on your bike.”

Kristina shrugged and walked off. Nadya watched Kristina walk away, a touch of envy at the cute bum wagging, then hastily brought her smile to the fore as another guest walked up to the desk.

Ten minutes later, Lechovich marched over. “Nadya! Didn’t Kristina tell you to see me in back room!”

“No, Mr Lechovich,” lied Nadya. “I haven’t seen Kristina all day.”

“But I saw her come over to speak to you!” insisted Lechovich.

“Oh, errr…”

Lechovich gave Nadya a stern talking to. Nadya tutted with annoyance as he walked off, but after a few more smiles and flashes of her cleavage, she forgot about the incident. It was an hour later that Kristina skipped by again.

“Mr Lechovich says make him black coffee. I will mind desk while you are gone.”

Nadya didn’t dismiss Kristina’s message so quickly this time, but something wasn’t quite right. “I’ve known Mr Lechovich for more than three years. He always drinks tea, never coffee.” She jabbed a finger at Kristina. “I know your game. You want me away from desk so you can sabotage it! Well, you’ll have to try harder than this.”

“If you say so.” Kristina shrugged sweetly and walked away again. Nadya was pleased at having thwarted the minx’s plot. But ten minutes later, Lechovich stormed over.

“Nadya!” he shouted. “I ask for coffee! Where is coffee?!”

Nadya gulped. “But Mr Lechovich, you never drink–”

“I have CEO of major American restaurant chain waiting for coffee!” Lechovich fumed. “And you are still sitting here?!”

“Sorry, Mr Lechovich! I’ll go make coffee right away.” Nadya made to get up.

“Too late. Kristina is now making coffee.” The way Lechovich pronounced the name of Nadya’s rival – indicating she was now his favourite – made her flush with envy. “Nadya, this is second time you ignore my instruction. If it happens again, and I will look for new receptionist. Understand?”

“P-perfectly, Mr Lechovich,” stammered Nadya.

Many of the queuing guests overheard Lechovich’s tirade, and Nadya’s shame continued after he stormed off. But eventually she put it behind her, and was back in her element.

An hour later, Kristina strolled up for the third time. “Mr Lechovich wants you to collect delivery from side entrance,” she said, pointing to a discreet door. “I will mind desk while you are gone.”

Nadya couldn’t risk disobeying Lechovich again. Standing up, she glanced warily at her chair, then at Kristina serenely waiting. The memory of the cheesecake soaking through her skirt into her panties still haunted her. “I take chair with me,” she haughtily told Kristina.

With her swivel-chair hooked under her arm, Nadya lumbered over to the door. When she reached it she whipped her head around to see if Kristina was tampering with the desk, but her rival was standing with her arms behind her back.

The door was already ajar. Resolving to be as quick as possible, Nadya yanked it open. Something clattered above her and she instinctively looked up. A bucket had upturned, previously supported by the door, now dangling by a string. Its contents gushed forth, shiny and orange-brown.

Nadya’s eyes widened as the sheet of goo unfurled above her, but she didn’t have time to duck. The stuff enveloped her face with a muffled slapping sound. Her nose registered MoscowBite’s premium caramel product. It soaked the front of her hair and splashed onto her chest, sliding stickily into her cleavage.

Nadya shrieked and gasped as she stood stiff and motionless. Heads turned towards the commotion, but Nadya was unaware of her audience; the mask of caramel prevented her opening her eyes.

A pair of hands grabbed Nadya’s shoulders. “Have seat.” Nadya was pushed down into her own chair, only now it had extra cushioning. Déjà vu – her skirted bottom squished into an unidentified but very tall, squelchy and sloppy cake. She felt gunk squirt between and up into the crevice between her buttocks, seeping through the luxurious fabric of her expensive skirt.

The hands on Nadya’s shoulder spun her chair by one-eighty. Nadya wiped at her eyes, but had already guessed her assailant’s identity. Kristina stood over Nadya, pristine in her black dress, looking down smugly.

“Payback is sweet!” grinned Kristina. Before Nadya could react, Kristina smooshed a coconut cream pie into her face, inciting a chorus of gasps from the watching guests. Kristina spun the chair again, then shoved it forcefully away.

Hurtling at speed, Nadya cleared her eyes to find herself on a collision course with one of the long display tables. Screaming, she pressed her feet into the floor in an attempt to stop, but this succeeded only in tipping the chair and catapulting her out of it. She at least had a soft landing – front-down onto a colourful sheet cake. The frosting squished into her sweater and cleavage.

Nadya slid, sheet cake and all, bashing into other confections as she went. Her face merged with a banoffee pie. An éclair went straight inside her cleavage. But what most filled Nadya with dread it was a draught around her legs; her skirt had snagged on something and come off! Now only her tights and panties clad her lower half.

A bowl of chocolate mousse overturned, blanketing Nadya’s bum in soft brown. A raspberry torte squished under her crotch. Nadya moaned at the sensation through the delicate material of her underclothes.

She came to a stop midway along the table, and for a few seconds lay still in shock. Around her there were scandalised gasps and murmurs from the eminent attendees. Then one gentleman piped up with “Wow, I’ve never seen a visual gimmick like this before! Most impressive!”

“Very avant-garde!” gushed a woman.

And in no time, a spirited round of applause went up around the assembled ladies and gents. Nadya didn’t take the compliment, however, snarling as she heaved herself out of the mass of mess, further sullying her tights as she clumsily clambered from the table. Her entire front, and much of her back, was covered with cream and sticky fillings.

I’ll kill that girl! she fumed, scanning the crowds for Kristina. But the prankster was nowhere to be seen.

Lechovich was initially furious at the mess Nadya had ‘caused’. He mellowed somewhat when he saw the positive reaction of the attendees, though he still made Nadya clean everything up and vowed to deduct the cost of the ruined cakes from her next pay packet. Nadya tried to insist that Kristina was responsible, but Lechovich didn’t want to hear her ‘excuses’.

Kristina made herself scarce for the rest of the day, fearing retaliation from Nadya, and the next time they crossed paths was at that evening’s gala dinner, the centrepiece event of the convention.

Kristina was still attired in the slinky black tasselled dress she’d worn earlier. Nadya, of course, had needed to change, and now sported a full-length blue and red dress with an African pattern. Her bust was given prominence by a tight band just underneath it.

The starter and main courses of the meal were served by traditional waiter service, and Nadya and Kristina were seated well apart. But for dessert, the diners were invited to help themselves from a circular conveyor belt that showcased MoscowBite’s wares. In the centre was a fondant fountain dispensing three stripes of goo in the white, blue and red of the Russian flag.

Nadya stood piling confections onto her plate. She didn’t intend to ruin her figure by actually eating any of it, of course, but for the company’s sake she had to appear enthusiastic. She scowled as Kristina approached.

“You better stay clear of me, unless you want to be in accident involving my dessert,” Nadya warned. “It will save me having to throw all this food in bin.”

“Actually, I’m hoping we can call truce to our bickering,” said Kristina.

Nadya snorted. “Oh, I see. You have last laugh, and then you want to call truce!”

“I think it’s fair I have last laugh, seeing as you started it.”

“I started it?!” Nadya raised her voice. “You were the one who came for job interview in dress shorter than mine! Three and half years, I have been personal secretary to Mr Lechovich, and the other girls know their place. But not you…” As Nadya became increasingly agitated, she started to gesticulate and wave her loaded plate about. A cream horn caught Kristina at chest level, streaking a white line across her black dress on one of side of her bust.

“Hey!!” cried Kristina. “Now look what you’ve done!”

“Oh I am sorry!” mocked Nadya. “Here, maybe it will look better if we even things up.” She took the cream horn in her palm and squeezed it over Kristina’s bust on the other side. A large dollop of white plopped out over the black fabric. Kristina glared.

Nadya shook her head and sighed. “Actually, you’re right; that white doesn’t look good. No problem – we can get it back to black in no time!”

Nadya commandeered a jug of treacle that was doing the rounds on the conveyor belt. Hiding her glee behind a faux-serious façade, she tilted the jug over Kristina’s chest. Kristina gasped as the molasses glooped heavily over the delicate fabric of her dress and also the bare skin of the ‘V’ in between, trickling into her cleavage.

“There! Good as new!” Smiling sweetly, Nadya put down the jug.

Kristina stood stiffly, the clinging, shiny treacle bringing out the shape of her breasts. “I think your dress will look better in yellow,” she eventually said.

She picked up a pitcher of custard, and emptied it high over Nadya’s front. Nadya shrieked as the canary-yellow goo ran down her chest and into the opening of her dress. The torso belt prevented the custard seeping further down her body, and it pooled around her bra and boobs, bulging.

With a disgusted squeal Nadya pressed her dress with her hands, causing the yellow slop to overflow. “Your hair…” she struggled to collect herself. “…is too plain. Some green highlights will liven it up!”

With that, Nadya grabbed a king-size bowl of gooseberry fool and placed it inverted on Kristina’s head like a glass helmet. The velvety, light-green fool readily sank into Kristina’s soft hair, and Nadya pushed and twisted the bowl to further massage it in. Blobs of the gunk splattered down onto Kristina’s face and dress.

By now this tit for tat had caught the attention of nearby guests, who formed a ring around the pair, appalled yet enthralled. Nadya slowly lifted the bowl from Kristina’s head, letting the last globs of gooseberry fall out, and broke into giggles at the sight of her rival, green from the eyebrows up.

Kristina glowered. “Your face” – she selected a heaving banana cream pie – “is in need of face-pack!” Kristina drew back the pie, and the throng drew their breath. She lunged.

But Nadya leapt clear, and Kristina fell into the conveyor belt, her front smushing into a tiramisu. Quick as a flash, Nadya pinned Kristina down, causing further treats to pile up against her side as the belt kept moving. Nadya then hitched up Kristina’s dress, exposing the latter’s bent-over behind, ensconced in black lace panties. She snatched up the banana cream pie and slammed it into that enticing target.

Kristina screamed as cool cream, followed by mushy banana, smothered her rear. Nadya laughed and pointed at Kristina’s sullied smalls. Kristina pushed herself up from the conveyor belt, determined to strike back. Caught off-guard, Nadya felt her dress being yanked from her shoulders, and in an instant it was down to her waist, revealing a lace bra, originally red but now more of a yellow shade, thanks to the custard that covered it. Kristina added two blueberry flans on top of this, and as Nadya began to yell in indignation, she was muffled by a mississippi mud pie to the face.

Kristina finished the job of removing Nadya’s dress, yanking it down to her feet. To the delight of the onlookers, Nadya was wearing a red thong, and it was Kristina’s turn to laugh and point as her rival’s bare bum-cheeks were exposed to the clicking cameras.

Kristina espied a prodigious crème brûlée coming along the conveyor. She grabbed Nadya’s hips and shoved them down into the big yellow disk. Nadya moaned as her thonged buttocks cracked through the crust, into the slurping yellow goo until she was sitting crotch-deep in it.

Fighting back, Nadya grabbed Kristina by the shoulders and pulled her onto the conveyor belt. Rolling in the desserts, the pair were transported past cheering and clapping guests, the bolder of whom even embellished further mess upon the girls. Nadya soon tugged Kristina’s dress off and began to scoop profiteroles into the front of Kristina’s black panties, until they were fit to burst, at which point she slapped the undies. Kristina’s eyes went to the back of her head at the sensation of the pastries squashing and releasing their cream around her private area.

As revenge, Kristina slid an apple turnover into the constricted crotch-piece of Nadya’s thong. She then kneed her opponent in the crotch, eliciting a mortified but sensual moan from Nadya as the sticky pastry was squished in her nether regions. Kristina followed up with lemon meringue, which she ground into Nadya’s hips.

Squealing, Nadya kicked out, sending Kristina sprawling off the conveyor belt and into the interior of the circle. Nadya jumped off in pursuit and the pair continued their fight. By now they’d lost their shoes, and their bare feet skidded and slipped in the goo as their mess-streaked bodies grappled.

It was at this moment that Lechovich walked into the hall and clapped eyes on the spectacle. “Nadya! Kristina!” he bellowed. “Nadya!!” But even his strident tone was lost amidst the cheers and shouts. The place was in pandemonium!

Lechovich looked to his side and there was Valentina, decked out in an elegant purple evening gown. “Go in there and stop them fighting!” he ordered her.

“Me?!” cried Valentina. “But what can I d–?”

“GO!!” thundered Lechovich.

Obediently Valentina scuttled away through the crowds. She clambered over the conveyor belt, having no idea how she would pacify the brawling girls.

“Ladies!” Valentina called. “Boss says you must stop this behaviour! You are creating scandal in front of potential clients!”

But Nadya and Kristina didn’t respond to her. They were in a world of their own, mauling each other’s underwear-clad bodies in an animalistic frenzy.

“Ladies, please…” Valentina attempted to get between the pair, but they barged her out of the way. Tottering backwards, the poor girl looked over her shoulder; the white, blue and red of the Russian flag loomed towards her. The fondant fountain!

SPLASH!! Valentina sat down in the fountain, right underneath the central torrent of blue fondant, which promptly obscured her vision as it glooped over her head and face. It surged inside the folds at the top of her dress. Valentina endeavoured to get up, but the deluge was so powerful it kept forcing her down again, and by the time she staggered out she was completely blue, a misshapen mass of icing.

Scooping out her eyes and clearing her mouth, Valentina snarled. She was angry now. She’d show these silly girls what for! She marched over to Nadya and Kristina and grabbed each by the ear. She dealt with Nadya first, shoving her into the fountain. While Nadya disappeared to a gloopy fate under the torrent of white, Kristina tried to run away, but Valentina grabbed the back of her panties in a wedgie and slung her under the red downpour.

“ENOUGH!!” Lechovich turned an enormous stopcock, and the flow of fondant slowed to a dribble.

Nadya and Kristina flopped out of the fountain, coated from head to toe in their respective colours. As silence fell, they wearily got to their feet, with Valentina standing between them. Dripping and sheepish, the trio formed the three colours of the Russian flag.

Then the assembled business bigwigs broke into rapturous applause.

“What a spectacular display!” said one.

“Genius choreography!” agreed another.

“I thought the earlier stunt in the exhibition hall was impressive,” remarked a third, “but this is the icing on the proverbial.”

“I am so making a contract with this company,” declared a fourth.

“Me too!” echoed a fifth.

Surprised but pleased at the reaction, the three women bowed. But the smiles soon faded on their fondant faces as Lechovich towered before them. He had that glint in his eye that foretold bad news.

“It was all her!” the white blob jabbed a finger at the red blob.

“She started it!” the red blob jabbed back.

“Nadya, Kristina,” Lechovich spoke coldly. “This is most serious development. You understand that after this performance you cannot continue in your present positions at MoscowBite.”

“Please, Mr Lechovich, don’t fire us!” begged Nadya. Kristina likewise grovelled.

“Fire you?” Lechovich said in surprise. “I am giving you promotion!” He grinned meanly. “To advertising department. You two are going to be public faces of MoscowBite!”

Nadya and Kristina stepped into the filming studio. The former was clad in a dazzling white one-piece swimsuit, which clung snugly to her curves, leaving plenty of cleavage on display. The latter was dressed even more scantily in a pink, floral-patterned bikini, which showed off her toned legs and flat belly. Both had their brunette hair loose and flowing.

Stunning though they looked, their faces weren’t exactly joyous. This was their first time of meeting since their epic brawl. Neither was pleased to see the other, and the task that faced them displeased them all the more. They frowned as they stood by a table, laid out with messy props they’d soon be using. Behind them was a painted backdrop of a lavish kitchen.

The director discussed some final details with Lechovich, then addressed the girls. “You memorised script?”

Pursing their lips, Nadya and Kristina nodded.

“Okay, then let’s start! Three, two, one, big smiles and ACTION!”

Nadya and Kristina forced gleaming grins as the camera rolled.

“Here at MoscowBite, we use only the finest ingredients to make our cakes,” purred Nadya, seductively wagging her hips.

“In fact” – Kristina thrust out her chest – “our ingredients are so good we can’t resist smearing them all over each other!” As she said this, Nadya picked up an egg in each hand.

“We use egg-cellent eggs!” Nadya smashed her eggs onto either side of Kristina’s head, sending streams of yellow yolk through the brunette’s locks.

Kristina picked up a single egg. “In fact, our eggs are so egg-cellent, we use egg-stra!” She slammed this egg straight into Nadya’s forehead, just above the bridge of her nose. The slimy goo ran down Nadya’s face.

“Our flour has the power!” Nadya opened a bag of said ingredient over Kristina’s head, turning her hair and face white. The flour stuck to the egg.

“And our butter is the best!” Kristina brandished a dish with a semi-melted block of butter on it. She pulled away the front of Nadya’s swimsuit and tipped the butter down her cleavage. Nadya cringed as a yellow stain streaked its way down the front of the white garment, coming to settle around her crotch.

“Our batter is even better!” Nadya pulled away the front of Kristina’s bikini bottoms. Kristina gaped as Nadya emptied a jug of thick beige batter down there.

“And our syrup is simply sublime!” Kristina, whimpering from the batter in her bikini, again pulled out the front of Nadya’s swimsuit and poured in a jug of syrup. Nadya couldn’t help but moan at the sticky sensation. Kristina swept the jug from side to side, and when she let the white Lycra snap back, shiny brown stains appeared over Nadya’s breasts.

Kristina put down the jug and reluctantly turned to face away from the camera, while Nadya fought to recover her composure. “Our fruit is the freshest!” Nadya tipped a bowl of cherries and berries into the back of Kristina’s bikini bottoms, causing them to bulge. She then smacked Kristina’s behind, squishing the fruit and eliciting a yelp.

Kristina, squirming at the sensation in her bikini, picked up another jug. “And our chocolate the choicest!” She poured the thick brown chocolate sauce over Nadya’s hitherto unspoilt hair.

Now the pair stood apart and faced to the camera. They spoke in unison: “As for our custard, it’s a must-have!”

Valentina and Mr Lechovich, perched on stools behind the backdrop, tipped buckets of custard over the girls. Nadya and Kristina screamed as the yellow domed off their heads, covering their hair, shoulders, fronts and backs.

The dripping duo glanced at each other sheepishly, then uttered the final line: “MoscowBite ingredients really are the cream!”

The white dairy product duly sprayed from in front, coating the girls in a fluffy layer from head to toe.

“And CUT!” shouted the director.

Nadya and Kristina spluttered and wiped their faces.

“Well that wasn’t bad at all,” remarked the director. The messy women nodded weakly. “Maybe six or seven more takes, and we’ll be done.”

Jaws dropped. “Six or seven more takes!?” gasped Nadya.

“Try to smile more next time,” Lechovich scolded the pair. “Stop pulling funny faces; you are meant to be happy about product!”

“Showers that way,” pointed the director. “Don’t be too long; we want to do next take in fifteen minutes.”

In a state of disbelief, Nadya and Kristina sloped off to get cleaned up. It was going to be a very long day.

“I look much sexier than you covered in custard,” Nadya sniped at Kristina as they went.

“You do not!” Kristina flashed back.

“So do!”

“So do not!”

“So so do…”

Attendees of Sonia La-Mouquet’s fabled sploshing parties – hosted at her paradise villa on the coast of a secluded micro-republic – are sworn to strictest secrecy. Those who claim to “blow the whistle” are invariably shown up as liars. There’s an adage that goes around your colleagues at the Gunge Gazette: if you can describe a La-Mouquet Messfest, you weren’t there, sunshine.

Now, for the first time ever, Madame La-Mouquet has invited a journalist to her realm. Your elders and betters have staked out their careers for this opportunity, stabbing backs and fronts alike to be ‘the one’ when the time came. But the finely scripted letter that landed on the editor’s desk expressly requested your attendance, and yours alone. You, the rookie, the skivvy, the tea-maker. How astonished, anguished, positively furious were all in the office! You must remember to send a postcard!

And so begins your journey, from searing summer heat to cool and copious gunge. Your adventure will involve three madcap cooks, a sassy newsreader, a messy game of chance, and lots of bare body bits. And then there’s the question of what lurks on the roof of the villa…

But these aren’t the only characters you’ll meet. Sonia has plenty of tales to tell, of heroines and villainesses and the messes they get into. Jane, an MP with the wrong idea about ‘party politics’, enrols on an anti-alcohol programme, suffering unorthodox penalties if she breaks her abstinence. Sally, a secretarial tease, is busted by her boss for selling company secrets, and must choose between the sack and the slop. Susan and Simone, a mother and daughter at war, receive an inheritance that takes their mud-slinging beyond the verbal. Amy, a timid but principled corporate trainee, finds herself between a rock (her acid-tongued mentor Vaneeta) and some hard fudge (Alex, a fiesty factory manager). And protective sister Donna squares off against her brother’s catty girlfriend; one of them will be going in at the deep end.

I’m excited to announce that my first for-sale ebook is now on available! The book contains six stories totalling just over 48,000 words. One story (If Looks Could Spill) has been published before; the rest are new. The book contains nudity and sexually explicit scenes, and one story has BDSM themes, although there is plenty of PG-rated material too, and lots of verbal and slapstick humour.

CONTENTS
A Trip to the Great House (framing story)
Staying Dry (Part 1)
Punishment or P45
If Looks Could Spill
Fudged Figures
Jumping To Conclusions
Staying Dry (Part 2)

The price is £12 (approx $16). I’m struggling to find a decent selling platform that will carry a book this filthy, so for the time being I’m selling directly by email. To order a copy, please contact

tellygungeNO@SPAMhushmail.com

(removing the NO SPAM, of course). I can take payment by UK bank transfer or PayPal (including debit/credit cards). Please indicate which payment method you prefer and also send your date of birth. All details will be treated in strict confidence. You will receive a DRM-free PDF in size 15 print, but I can provide larger print on request.

Your purchase will support my continuing writing activities. If the uptake is good I hope to write ‘Sloppy Seconds’ in the future…

Feel free to leave reviews below – good or bad but no spoilers please.

Author’s Note: Thank you to those of you who have followed this series so far, and to those who are new, you can read parts 1 and 2 here(part 1) and here(part 2). Also, I see a lot of people using images to show things in stories and hey I’m all for it. So here’s how I envision Victoria and Ian to be:

Also, this very short part doesn’t really have that much wam, it’s more of a set-up type of chapter. That being said, I’m happy to fulfill requests for next time. Any type of substance, action of wam you’d like to see, I will definitely consider including it in part 4!

When he arrived home, he had been surprised to see Victoria still in his bed on her laptop, as how he had left her. “Tori? You have to stop torturing yourself.” Ian sighed. Usually, his girlfriend tried staying productive despite not working. She would tend to her hobbies or go to events. For a week now, she had done nothing but looking at videos and comments online, and occasionally stopped to eat and have sex. He climbed into bed with her, glancing at what she was looking at on the laptop’s screen.

“I…” She tried thinking of something to say to that, but had nothing. It wasn’t the experience of it happening that had done this to her, it was the fact that it was following her. Videos of her had been seen all over websites, as well as on the news, as it was a demonstration for Ian’s newest technology. Victoria had stopped going to places recently, mainly because she couldn’t go anywhere without at least one person recognizing her from the videos.

“Are you watching it right now?” Ian asked her.

At the moment, Victoria was scrolling through the comments, but she scrolled up to the paused video, paused on the moment she was being pelted by various cakes and pies. “Yes.” she admitted. “I was. But now I’m reading comments. Many are positive, as you said they would be, but some of them are just…” She scrolled back down and began reading a few of them out loud. No emotion on her face other than a slight raise of her brows displayed her discomfort. ” ‘She looks so sexy covered in all of that. Please do this again’. ‘It was so amazing to watch that cake being shoved so brutally in her face’. ‘You should do this again, would love to see her covered in molasses and feathers’. ‘I wish that was happening to me, so lucky’. Why would anyone wish that they be covered in any of that?” Victoria spoke in surprise, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “And it just goes on, ‘It’s so sexy seeing her squirm like that’–”

“Okay, I get it, Victoria, please.” Ian cut her off and gently closed the laptop. “You obviously…” He tried thinking of the best way to word it. “Have a lot of people who admire and like you. And along with those comments are ones that say how brave you are, how much you were willing to put aside inhibitions for the one you love. People admire you, they truly do.”

Victoria scoffed. “I’m a joke, Ian. Just a joke, they’re all laughing at me. I feel so ridiculous, I can’t even go out in public.” she muttered quietly.

“Hey, that’s not true.” Ian insisted. He wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed her cheek. “I’m taking you out tonight. You haven’t been out in such a while and I know you miss it.” Victoria was slightly pouting, but she knew he was right. She did miss going out with Ian to luxurious places and enjoying a fine meal.

“Fine.” she spoke. “But we must go somewhere private, somewhere that isn’t that busy that won’t have that many other customers.”

Ian grinned. “I think that can be arranged.” he murmured. Little did she know that he already had something in mind.

When they arrived at the bakery, Victoria dressed like herself again, looking absolutely perfect, she noticed that there was no one there.

“Ian? What’s this?” she asked, looking up at him curiously. His face still wore a huge grin.

“Me making it up to you. I rented the place out for tonight, we have it all to ourselves.”

Victoria’s expression wore surprise now. “So you mean we are the only two people here at all?”

“Yes.” Ian chuckled. “Even the bakers have gone home for the evening. Also, after our meal, I would like to speak with you about something. For now, let me pamper you.”

Of course she liked that. “Alright.” A soft smile graced her lips. Victoria felt at ease, like she could finally relax for the first time this week. They ate previously cooked food that had been warmed up just before they arrived, the bakers having left it for them. After they finished eating, after Ian gave her a long massage to help the knots and tension formed by all this stress, he began speaking to Victoria about what he mentioned earlier in the evening.

“You know, you showed me something that I don’t think anyone has ever really shown me before.” he told her.

A classic brow raise along with Victoria’s stoic features. “What have I shown you?”

“True loyalty.” Ian answered. Still standing behind her from the massage, he brought back a strand of her flawlessly curled hair, tucking it behind her ear. He then kissed the top of her head. “You’ve of course been loyal to me in other ways, but I believe that true loyalty is selflessness. People are rarely ever selfless, yet you were to me.”

Victoria didn’t yet realize what he was doing, even as he lowered himself on his knees to look up at her. “Ian, what–”

“You’ll see. You know, all of my friends, my family, they warned me that you’re a cold and heartless ice bitch. And yeah, at times, you can be. But they were wrong about you as a person. I’ve seen that you’re sensitive. I’ve seen that you care, not just about what people think of you, but you also care about me. And most importantly, I’ve seen you answer our love with true loyalty. I can’t even say that about my family.”

“Of course I care about you, Ian, I–”

“Almost finished.” he interrupted her again. “So all of that is why I want you to be my wife.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re proposing?” Victoria’s voice was as calm and soft as it normally was despite the obvious surprise she held.

A wide grin spread over Ian’s face. “Yes.” He raised up a bit and pulled the ring box out of his jacket pocket. Upon showing it to Victoria, he chuckled. “C’mon, look happier.”

Victoria glanced at the ring momentarily, but her attention was back to him immediately. “I am… but.. you’re proposing to me because you owe me? I don’t want marriage to feel like an obligation–”

“You’ve got it all wrong, Tori.” he immediately said. “Yes, I’m proposing to you because of what happened, but not because I owe you. Because I really meant what I said about your true loyalty. I realized in that moment that you are the person who is actually going to support me, to be by my side as my partner and the one person I know I can always trust and count on. And how much I actually don’t know what I would do now without you with me.”

“So this is genuine, then?” Victoria asked so cautiously. “You actually want to marry me?”

“Yes.” he promised. “Do you?”

When a delicate smile crossed her lips, his own grew even bigger. “Yes.” she murmured. As she brought a hand to caress his face with the smallest of movements, Ian quickly took her into his arms and kissed her passionately, nearly knocking over her chair.

“Ian! Ian!” she exclaimed as he ran his fingers through her half-up-do hairstyle. “You’re messing up my hair.” Victoria scoffed.

“I love you.” he spoke with a happy smile as he momentarily withdrew from their kiss.

She couldn’t resist that puppy dog look. “I love you too.” she sighed. Ian continued by kissing her neck, Victoria closing her eyes in bliss as she allowed herself to enjoy his affection. After a few moments, he withdrew again to place the ring on Victoria’s finger. He soon realized that in passion, he had dropped the box. With a laugh, he took it from the floor and brought out the ring, slipping it onto his newly titled fiancee’s slim finger with ease.

“Now, there was something else I wanted to speak with you about.” he told her.

Looking curious, but still a tad cautious, she nodded. “Yes?” Victoria asked.

“So I think I’ve sort of realized something in the past couple of weeks.” he told her. “We don’t have to talk about it now if you’re not comfortable with it yet, but… Well, I’ll start it off with this. On my birthday, we had amazing sex, did we not, darling?”

Wondering where Ian was going with this, she answered honestly. “Yes.”

“And even after the demonstration, after we cleaned you up, the sex was pretty great then too, wasn’t it?”

Victoria was forming an idea, not sure of how she felt about it. “Yes.” she answered again.

“Well, I think I realized why that is. I’ll just come out and say it, I love it when you’re messy. I don’t know if it’s something I’ve always liked and I’ve just suppressed it or if it’s specifically you being messy that excites me. Either way, it does. It thrills me. And I’ve come up with something, if you’re willing to hear me out.”

Victoria’s stoniness was now replaced with surprise and suspicion. “What is there to hear out?”

“Well, I understand that you will never enjoy getting messy. However, it might be the fact of how humiliated you get is what excites me. You do know how I feel about how excessive your attentiveness to your physical appearance is. So, here is what I propose; every now and then when you least expect it, I’ll pounce, so to speak. Since it is relatively harmless.”

She scoffed lightly. “You’re speaking as if this is one of your business proposals.” Victoria huffed. “And they call me the cold one.”

“I’m only laying it out like this because I know you like having all the information before making a decision. Am I wrong?”

Sighing, Victoria glanced at the wall for a moment. “No.”

“Okay then. So, it is harmless. The worst it would ever do is ruin your clothes and make you really sticky and difficult to clean. However, I would always be willing to clean you.”

Victoria looked at him pointedly then. “Is this why you proposed to me? So that I would agree to this?”

It was his eyes that widened then. “No, of course not.” He could be called cruel at times, but he definitely wasn’t that manipulative, especially towards Victoria. “Even if you never get messy again, I do want you to be my wife, Victoria. You’ve proven to me that you genuinely love me, and I love you in the same manner, so I would never try guilt-tripping you into something with marriage. ”

“So I don’t have to say yes to this ridiculous notion?” Victoria hummed.

“No, you don’t. But I would like you to consider it.” he told her almost pleadingly. “As I said, I will always help wash every inch of you when we’re done, plus for every outfit I ruin, I’ll buy you two more.”

Victoria rolled her eyes. “So you’re bribing me.”

“No, not bribing. That would be… clothes insurance.”

“Clothes insurance?” she repeated with another pointed stare. “Is this how you get people to agree to all of your wild inventions? Using these made up phrases? You’re being mad, Ian.”

“Maybe I am. But you’ll like this; my first idea is spectacular, I think.”

She rolled her eyes again. “Spectacular, hm?”

“Yes. I know you would like to kill off the fame you’re currently getting from the internet.”

This piqued Victoria’s interest almost instantly. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

“By turning it around and bringing it into a different direction. Taking command of the situation instead of letting it command you.”

“Again, how so?” Victoria immediately asked, but she was actually quite interested.

“If you were the one giving out the mess, let’s say on television, as a game show host–”

“Okay, now you’ve truly gone mad. Those game show hosts always end up messy one way or another. Even the dominatrix type ones.” she scoffed.

“And yet they are still hailed as queens, all of them. You could turn it around for yourself and you would be the one with the power. Sure, you’ll definitely lose it every now and then, but you’ll always get it back. What’s better, feeling uncomfortable like you are now in the majority of time, or feeling on top in the majority of time?”

Ian did have a point. No wonder he was able to sell his inventions to people. He was incredibly persuasive. “And I suppose me being a host of one of these shows would give you excuses to see me covered in all sorts of gunge, as well as endless supplies for it.”

“True. I love your intelligence, Victoria.”

She sighed deeply. As humiliating as it would be to be messy again on television, how humiliating it would be to be messy at all again, she was an analytical person at her core. Not only would this make Ian happy, it would also help her own reputation. Embracing it would be better than what she was doing now, behaving like a defeated, kicked puppy, and being just another viral video joke.

“And if I do say no, you still want to marry me?” she asked.

He grinned with another laugh. “Victoria, yes. This is what I meant when I said you’re sensitive, how many times do I have to answer this question? Of course, I’ll still want to marry you. So, is no your answer?”

She paused, before asking; “How would you even get me to be a host on one of these shows?”

“I bought a television network.”

“You what?!” Victoria huffed in shock.

“It’s okay, if you say no, it already comes with so many different shows. One less show wouldn’t hurt it.”

“So you would just manage a television network?” she asked in disbelief.

“Well, not really, there are actually other people that manage the network, they just work for me now.”

“Hm. So then it doesn’t matter either way?”

“Nope. You can make any choice, darling.”

A deeper sigh escaped Victoria. Reluctant as she was, she knew it made the most sense. “I’ll do it.” she told him. “It will be nice to known as something besides that video again.”

Ian’s smile widened as he kissed her again, Victoria squirming as his hands returned to her hair. “Ian!” she mumbled sharply against his lips. She felt herself being pushed against the table then, onto the remainder of their meal. Victoria shrieked as she felt herself rub against her plate, which was still covered in marinara sauce from her spaghetti. “Ian.” she huffed.

“Oh, lighten up, Tori, it’s just a dress. And I’ll buy you two more.”

Much to Victoria’s chagrin, to make a point, Ian took the salad dressing from the table and began pouring it over her chest. She gasped, feeling the oily liquid soak into the fabric of her dress and filling her cleavage.

“In fact, let’s celebrate.” With a playfully wicked grin this time, he took both of their glasses of ice water and poured them down the back of Victoria’s dress, followed by the salad bowl which he placed on top of Victoria’s head. The woman shrieked quietly as she felt the cold water, then the remaining salad covering her hair, the salad dressing seeping into it as Ian left the bowl on her head. Victoria made a small noise of disgust.

“At least it’s not like you have much else to cover me with.” she spoke in relief. Ian chuckled in delight then.

“Victoria, we’re in a bakery.” he reminded her, relishing in her expression of sudden realization.

(Aaaand part 4 will pick up right from here!)

Hello, and welcome to chapters 17-23 of my Paradise by the Fairground light series, AKA the Fairground Paradise/Pancake Day crossover spectacular.
The idea from this came from my love of the horror mazes you find at various theme parks and fairgrounds, when I had the idea of designing a messy version and sending my characters through it. Initially I was contemplating using generic monsters, vampires/werewolves/etc, then it occurred to me I already had a WAM horror character at my disposal from my Pancake Day series, so why not use her?

Seeing as I’m doing a crossover I will do a quick explanation of how my different stories interconnect. Most of my early stories (Northbrook Park, Bianca’s Awakening) are set in the same universe, that works quite easily. It’s a bit more complicated with this series, but I do consider the real world the Wild Cats usually live in (although not the alternate world most of the stories take place in) to again be the same universe, so in theory there could be a story where the Wild Cats visit a location in one of my earlier stories.
Where it gets more complicated is with the Pancake Day series. Being presented like a film script, and having different rules of reality it doesn’t fit in with the rest of my universe. The rule I use here as it exists in my universe, but as a fictional film series, filmed in the universe and shown in the cinemas, rather than something that actually happens. This has seen a few references to the films, and I even pictured Westbrook Manor, the setting for Bianca’s Awakening as where some of the filming for Pancake Day 2 would have happened, throwing in a little Easter Egg to reference this fact towards the end of that series.
Hopefully that will make things a little clearer as things unfold.

Chapter 17:

It was about an hour later, and I’d gotten cleaned up. Me and Hayley had joined Katherine, James and Francis in their living trailer. To my disappointment Hayley had changed into a more modest outfit. To Hayley’s disappointment word had got to Katherine about the pillories, and she’d been trying to avoid directly answering a number of questions, mostly by blaming Lilly for everything.
“It must be odd to learn so much about their private life” said Katherine.
“Well it’s not something I was unaware of” said Hayley. “Normally it’s not something we’re so involved in though.”
“Sorry about this Francis” said James. “I’m sure this is more information than you wanted.”
“It’s a revelation for certain” replied Francis. “I get the feeling it’s something I should learn a little more about though.”
“Do you think Kelly’s still in the pillories now?” Asked Katherine.
“I guess so” said Hayley. “She usually stays locked up for a couple of hours when they do this back home.”
“That does sound a little weird” said James.
“Well I wouldn’t say that’s the weirdest thing about it” said Hayley. “Kelly’s own particular kinks I at least understand, even if there not something I’d try myself.”
I resisted the temptation to say anything at that point, and bring up the times she’s kept me imprisoned for a prolonged period, although admittedly not for as long, or with me left on my own like Kelly likes to be.
“What I found really strange was watching Lilly” continued Hayley. “She was incredibly content to grab a cushion, book and a box of chocolates and just wait by the theatre door. It’s the same back home where she always just waits for Kelly in the next room, instead of joining us downstairs. This is the first time I’ve really seen just how much Lilly seems to enjoy this.”
“Well there is a cathartic type pleasure you get when you do something for someone you love” I said. “Like when I give you a massage for example.”
“You mean I don’t have to reward you afterwards” smiled Hayley.
“I thought you enjoyed doing that” I smiled back.

So the conversation continued for the next forty minutes or so, before it was time to make a move. When we got back Kelly was free and cleaning off in the shower, so we headed to the stage to give Lilly a hand cleaning up the mess we’d made earlier. After that it was late so for the first time in three years we all bedded down on the floor of the Wild Cat’s van.
We woke up in the same place, which wasn’t guaranteed given recent events, and all had a leisurely breakfast together. Towards the end we were joined by Francis and after answering a few more questions he had we soon got onto the subject of what show we were going to put on.
“It’s probably best if we do a version of a traditional Christmas story” said Francis. “Something like The Ice Queen or A Christmas Carol. It would be pushing it to come up with an original story in this time frame.”
“Well us three could be one of the three ghosts each, and Mathew would be a natural Scrooge” said Lilly.
“Oh Lilly. That’s not nice” said Hayley.
“Well he’s the one who says he doesn’t like Christmas” said Lilly.
“I don’t hate everything about it” I said. “There are just elements I don’t really look forward to. At least there were before I moved out my parents and in with you guys.”
“Why not tell us” said Francis. “Perhaps we can make that part of the show.”
“Lets see” I said. “I suppose the big thing is the enforced emotions. Your told you have to do things a certain way, and that you’re supposed to feel a certain way, regardless of how you feel or how your life is going. It feels like people are using Christmas as an excuse to force their ideals on you, and if you don’t match up they then tell you your in the wrong for daring to have an opinion that’s different to yours. It’s got a lot better since I started spending Christmas with you guys, as I feel I can relax a lot more, but this is after many years of more difficult Christmases.”
“Now that you mention it your mum was quiet that year she came rounds ours for Christmas” said Hayley, “and since then she pesters us to join her for Christmas every year.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she like having to relinquish control to someone else” I said.
“What about all the presents you get?” asked Lilly.
“That was one of the worst things” I said. “I outgrew my mum’s ideas in my early teens, but she’s has never really accepted that. Now I’m older I can understand a bit more, but she‘s always been reluctant to give up control. It didn’t help that she wasn’t great at choosing gifts, which would cause arguments when she always said the person she‘d brought for was at fault. Yet despite all the problems the presents seemed to cause every year she still held onto this belief that it was mandatory to go out to the shops and spend lots of money to be happy over Christmas, even though everyone else would have been a lot happier with a more laid back, simpler affair.”
“Well I think that could be the basis for our story” said Francis. “You can play someone disillusioned by Christmas due to the commercialism and enforced jollity. The three ghosts visit, this time in reverse order. The ghost of Christmas future and present try to change his mindset with hi-tech gifts and taking him to wild Christmas parties, but it’s not until the ghost of Christmas past comes and offers him a more traditional, relaxing old fashioned Christmas, and it turns out that’s what he desired all along.”
“That sounds like it would make a good story” said Kelly.
“We could incorporate are songs and routines into the story as part of the parties, or as the ghosts celebrating.” said Hayley.

Chapter 18:

So with that seed of an idea planted Kelly booted up her laptop, while Francis grabbed a pen n paper (generational differences) and over the next hour we eeked out the rough bullet points to our show incorporating the various songs, carnival acts and dance routines we had used before, along with some extra Christmas songs for the show. I couldn’t resist asking why if the songs were so good how come no-one ever kept them on their i-pod to listen to at other times of the year. I won’t repeat Lilly’s less than polite response.
It was just as well we got the story sorted out early on as we needed as much time as we could to rehearse. We‘d all kept our hand in performing at an amateur level at karaoke bars, open mikes and talent shows in the real world these last few years, but nothing at this more professional level, so we spent the rest of the first day, and most of the second day going through all our various routines individually before going through a complete run.
As the run started I was standing backstage with Francis as the three girls did their opening dance routine, keeping an eye on the control console for the lights and music. I had my microphone for my first routine on hand, and Francis was holding one too, after it was decided he would take the role of narrator, telling the story that linked the various routines over the sound system from backstage. We’d left the stage curtain open so it was easier to watch from backstage for the rehearsals. Things were going o.k. so far, a few missed steps on some of the more complicated dance moves, but nothing most of our audience would likely pick up on.
“Now this brings back memories” said Francis.
“It does” I said, “although I suspect your referring to something different to what I am.”
“Well for me it’s all the productions me and Kelly were involved in when she was young” said Francis. “We used to really enjoy doing those together. It makes sense she’d dream of doing something like this for a living.”
“What about Lilly?” I asked. “How do you think she fits in.”
“I’ve seen a new side of that” he said. “It’s something I’m still getting used to. After holding my beliefs for so many years it’s not something that’s going to change just like that. This is the first time I’ve really had the chance to see how important they are to each other.”
“Well God brought you here for a reason” I said. “Maybe it was to show you another viewpoint you’d never been able to see before.”
“Maybe” he replied.
Before we could continue I was interrupted by a hard nudge from Kelly as she came off stage. I’d become so engrossed in conversation I was about to miss my first cue. Gathering my thoughts quickly I went out on stage to greet the for now imaginary audience and sing my opening song.

We finished our first run through in good spirits. It hadn’t been perfect, my missed cue, and the missteps in the dance routine had been the first of several mistakes, but none of them were so catastrophic that it would have ruined part of the show for an audience. We were confident once we’d done a few more run throughs the next day we’d be ready to go live, and in a few days we’d be good to go for the rest of the Winter Dom.

It was 48 hours later, and me and the three girls were taking our final bows after the last show of the night. We had offered Francis the opportunity to come out and join us, but he said he preferred to remain backstage. Possibly fuelled by the fact that we were currently all covered in a lot of white foam from the artificial snow machine. As the lights came on over the whole theatre we headed down to greet and pose for photos with the audience as they left. One change from previous shows we’d done being vendors from the Winter Dom were also now positioned in the tent to sell snacks and souvenirs as the audience left.

With the audience dispatched we all headed backstage to join Francis. After the initial cheers of celebration Lilly grabbed a bottle of wine we’d brought especially from the fridge and poured everyone a plastic cup of wine, which we all sipped while sitting at the big table in the middle of the backstage area.
“Well done everyone” cried Lilly as she raised her glass.
“Now that was fun” smiled Kelly as she leaned in to kiss Lilly on the cheek.
“So what do we do now?” Asked Francis.
“We party” cried Lilly.
“Before you get to carried away” said Hayley, “we’ve all got another engagement we’re supposed to be attending.”
“Do you mean your mum’s new ride” replied Kelly.
“Yeah the new ghost house that apparently me and Mathew had a big hand in designing” said Hayley. “I’m told it’s called Porcelain’s Palace.”
“That sounds like a euphemism for a toilet” said Francis.
“I think it’s a reference to the Pancake Day films” I said. “That’s not worst example of a pun like that. The third film was set at sea and tagged with lined The Porcelain Cruise.”
“Well, I’ll come over and take a look” said Francis. “I’ll leave the actual riding of it to you guys.”

Chapter 19:

After finishing our winr we all headed out, to where the Winter Dom was still in full swing, despite being late into the night. It was crowded, but everyone was in good spirits, thanks to the many bright lights and sounds that created an amazing atmosphere. As we looked around we saw a huge collection of amazing neon lit rides, ranging from looping roller coasters, fast moving thrill rides, fun houses and spectacularly decorated carousels. Even Francis looked like he was taken back by the place when in full swing. Looking around there was something we’d all like to have tried, but for now we had to content ourselves with all grabbing a favourite snack each on the way to the new ride. As we reached the far corner Porcelain’s Palace came into view. It had an elaborate front, rising up to two stories high. At the top was the name of the ride in giant pink letters across the top, in the middle was a large picture of Princess Porcelains face, a beautiful black haired woman, with her face painted white with make up to give her a porcelain doll like appearance. The building itself was painted black, with bricks depicted in white paint. At regular intervals across the top row were large windows, in each one was a moving animatronics model of one of Porcelain’s victims, having batter (or the dyed water used to depict it) poured on them, sticking their heads out a giant fibreglass trifle, or being hit by a pie. Also around various points were various examples of airbrush art depicting both Princess Porcelain and scenes from the Pancake Day films. On the bottom level I spied a ticket booth and two open areas where it looked like some game took place, before you went through an archway into the main palace itself.

As we got close we were greeted by James who was standing just behind a man with a video camera who was filming Katherine for an interview for an enthusiast website.
“This is a major new direction for us” said Katherine. “We’ve done ghost trains and even a few walk through horror attractions, but never anything to this scale.”
“What makes this stand out from past attractions?” Asked the cameraman.
“Well obviously there’s the Pancake Day licence” said Katherine. “This is the first time I can think of where a travelling ride is officially endorsed by the film makers. Being able to take this on the road, and offer numerous fans of the films the chance to feel like part of one of the franchise is a major undertaking, but one that looks like it’s going to pay off judging by the popularity so far.”
“So how faithful is it to the films?” asked the cameraman. “Will punters be playing the same messy games as in the films with the same consequences?”
“Well there were always going to be both financial and practical restrictions on what we can do” answered Katherine. “One of the greatest challenges was choosing messy items that could be used on people coming off and returning to the midway afterwards. The majority of the feedback we’ve got back so far though has been positive though, so fingers crossed we’ve struck all the right balances.”
“Now I believe you’ve got a couple of volunteers who are going to try the ride for us” said the cameraman.
“Yes” replied Katherine. “If you look behind you you’ll see my daughter Hayley, her soon to be husband Mathew, and their best friends Kelly and Lilly.”
We waved as the camera turned to face us.

So having been given a few instructions, we were taken up to the entrance of the first part of the ride. I noticed a few glares from some people who’d both paid, and were standing in line, but any worries about them were soon overridden by the nervous excitement of trying out this ride.
We were quickly brought on to the first part. It was a raised stage area, set up to allow an audience to watch from the midway. Along it were a row of busts with sculptures of spooky looking faces. In between each head was a headless statue, with the top sculpted to allow for someone’s head to rest in place. In total there were eight places for people to place their heads. We were directed by the attendant to each position our head on one of the central four spaces.
“It’s Playtime” was called out. This was from a lady dressed as Princess Porcelain who was on stage. She had the same white face paint, black and red leather hoodie jacket from the first film, and a similar pair of black boots. She was also wearing a headset microphone that allowed her to speak to everyone watching.
“Wow, three beautiful ladies with one man. Someone knows how to get lucky” said Porcelain. “Now while my assistant prepares things let me explain the rules.”
As she did this another girl dressed as a clown brought a number of custard pies on stage. These were especially made with a reusable base made from an inch thick large circle of sponge, topped with a three inch thick layer of shaving foam. She put one in front of each of us, positioned on a wooden circle at the end of a long pole. The right length to act as a catapult to throw the pie in our faces.
“The game is a simple test of reactions” said Porcelain. “By each of your right hands is a big red button. You see those lights above me. When the green light comes on your to press it as fast as possible. If your the last to press it, or you press your button immaturely you’ll lose, and you’ll get one of my big chlorafoam pies in your face. Whoever avoids getting a pie to the face is the winner.”
With that Porcelain headed over to the side of the stage where she reclined back on a large throne that was located there,. surrounded by two of her clown assistants who were both holding a pair of pies each.
“Oh by the way” said Porcelain, “if any of you don’t want to play with me, you just have to come over and inform my assistants here.”
I turned my attention to the lights above us. There were four of them lined up in a row. The first red one was lit, the next two amber and final green were unlit. As the first amber light lit I rested my hand above the button, the second amber light lit up a few seconds after that. I then heard a yelp to my left. I glanced over and saw Lilly gasping, her face covered in a layer of white foam, where she’d just been hit with her pie.
“Wait until the light turns green” called out Porcelain.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted the green light coming on. I quickly hit the button. There was a few seconds pause before I heard another yelp. I glanced over and saw this time it was Hayley who’d failed to hit the button in time, and was now wiping foam out of her eyes.
“That’s two naughty girls who didn’t pay attention” called out Porcelain. “Hopefully you two can do a little better.”
I glanced over back at the lights, where only the red was lit again. The first amber light lit and I held my hand above the button, the second amber light lit up. I watched the lights nervously as they seemed to take forever. The green lit up and I pushed down as quickly as I could. Unfortunately I wasn’t quite quick enough, a fact I discovered as the pie was thrown into my face. I stepped back wiping my eyes to see Kelly celebrating with a little victory dance.
“Don’t get too cocky” called out Porcelain. “There are still plenty of games for you to play in my palace. Why don’t you go and have some fun.”

Chapter 20:

We’d now entered Porcelain’s Palace and were making our way through a narrow corridor. It was decorated with pink nursery wallpaper. From the ceiling hung parts of dolls, teddy bears and other toys on string, low enough to ensure we brushed past them as we walked by.
“I can’t believe they don’t even give you a towel” moaned Lilly.
“I can’t believe your complaining so much about one pie” laughed Kelly.
“Hey, if it had been Princess Porcelain rubbing it over me, instead of just being thrown in my face I would have really enjoyed it, although not as much as I suspect you would Kelly” replied Lilly.
“Oh, I forgot you said she was your weird crush” I said.
“That’s why I dress up as her at Halloween” said Lilly.
“Oh look a mirror” said Hayley.
We were emerging out the narrow corridor into a slightly larger square room. It was decorated like a child’s bedroom, including a bed that took up the centre that we had to walk around to get to the exit door. I quickly noticed a few demented touches like broken toys, a diary with a load of hateful things written in red crayon, and a load of sketches not dissimilar to the ones seen in the films, showing the design of the traps. At the far end of the room was a dressing table, including a large mirror in a frame behind it, that Hayley and Lilly were heading to.
“I don’t think you should get too close to that mirror” I warned.
“Why?” Asked Lilly.
Right on cue the glass in the mirror slid upwards, revealing two evil clowns behind the frame. One was holding a giant foam gun, like I’d seen in some nightclubs, that sprayed out a cloud of white foam over both Hayley and Lilly. As the mirror slid back down they both slowly turned round, revealing their bodies completely covered in a thick layer of white foam from their waist up as they wiped their eyes.
“Don’t you dare laugh” said Hayley.
I sucked my cheeks in as best I could, trying to resist the urge to grin.
“How did you know about the mirror?” Asked Kelly.
“Well I’ve done quite a few haunted houses at fairgrounds, and at Halloween, and Katherine said me and Hayley had a big part in designing this place” I explained, “and the clowns behind the mirror your bound to stop and look in idea is the sort of thing I might come up with.”
“Well if you know so much you can go first” said Hayley.
“Fine” I said.
“Hang on. You just agreed to that” said Lilly. “What else do you know?”
“I don’t know anything” I said. “This was all designed while we were still in the real world. I don’t know what’s coming next.”
“Well you won’t mind if we take the lead” said Lilly.

The exit to the bedroom was covered by a curtain, made up of numerous six inch wide strips of fabric that hung down to the floor, coloured either a bright yellow or bright red, arranged to make an eye-catching striped pattern. Upon stepping through the door we emerged into a small three foot square room. On each wall was another curtain, exactly like the one we’d just stepped through. We tried each of them, and found two had wooden walls behind them, but one had another door, which led into another identical square room with the walls covered in curtains. For the next couple of minutes we had to find our way through the maze like area, while watching out for evil clowns hiding behind some of the curtains, or taunted us from an opening in the ceiling above. Several were armed with water pistols which they used to soak us. At several points we emerged into a slightly larger room, with two doorways on each wall instead of one. In these of course there was a clown, either already in the room, or hiding behind one of the curtains who taunted and confused us as we searched for the next doorway.
It was such a large room that brought us to the end of the maze. We could tell it was the end because one of the doors had no curtain over it, and had a dark corridor on the other side. Lilly and Hayley headed strait for it which turned out to be a mistake. As the got close to the door a clown jumped out from behind the curtain next to the door, letting out an evil cackle. As Hayley and Lilly recoiled in shock the clown raised his arm and squirted a load of pink silly string at both Lilly and Hayley. As they turned around, still covered in a fair amount of foam, along with the newly added layer of silly string Kelly let out a quiet giggle. I couldn’t suppress a giggle myself, which set Kelly off even further, until we were both laughing uncontrollably.
“Stop it you two” cried Lilly.
“Hey. Did we complain about what you two did to us a few days ago” laughed Kelly.
“Yeah” I replied. “At least you two have your hands free to wipe yourselves.”
“Come on, lets go” said Hayley. “This time you two can go first.”

Chapter 21:

Stepping through the door, closely followed by Kelly we quickly turned a corner and came to a flight of stairs. We slowly climbed up and came to a doorway to a new room. This time it was a mock up of a kitchen. Along the walls were various counters and cupboards, as well as an oven and a fridge. On the counters were various large bowls and large containers containing various messy substances, all labelled with a description of the contents. On closer inspection I spotted they’d all been screwed to the counters to stop anyone tipping them over. In the middle was a large table, sitting on which was another clown, but dressed up appropriately with a chef hat and apron. He was holding a china mixing bowl, filled with what looked like cake mix, and a wooden spoon.
“Visitors!” He exclaimed. “I see you’ve all been having fun, playing Porcelain’s games downstairs. Are you ready to play some more.”
“Yes” came the response from us.
“Oh, that wasn’t very enthusiastic” said the Chef. “You could always head strait into the next chamber if you don’t want to play.”
It looked liked Lilly and Hayley were about to do just that, but I realised that might not be the best idea.
“Hang on” I said. “You’ve seen the films. There’s bound to be some evil messy twist.”

“Evil?” Exclaimed the Chef. “Everything here is for fun and play. Your right though, there is a game to play. When you step into the chamber the doors will close, and if you loose our little game the sprinklers will activate before the next door opens, soaking you. To win you have to have activated enough of the switches hidden in this room, before the time runs out. As a little hint, most of the switches can be found at the bottom of the various pots, pans and containers found in this room, so dig deep. Your time starts now.”
With that the chef turned over an hourglass on the table. We all spread out around the room to search different areas. I started with two large jars, one was red and labelled strawberry syrup, the other was blue and labelled blueberry syrup. As I rolled up my sleeve and placed my arm in the texture was a lot different to what I initially expected, being more akin to the stage gunge like we used to use in the bloodbaths on stage, rather than actual syrup. I found nothing in the strawberry jar, but at the bottom of the blueberry jar I felt a large plastic button which I pushed down. That done I looked around for any container’s we’d not tried yet.
“Try the cupboards, oven and fridge” called out the Chef. “There’s plenty of fun to be had in there.”
Lilly and Hayley both opened a large cupboard, and revealed a further assortment of containers. One in the form of a load of saucepans filled with mess, the other with containers labelled as various ingredients. Kelly opened the oven door to reveal two shelves, each with a large casserole dish filled with a brown messy liquid. I opened the fridge to reveal an array of boxes and packages, plus three containers that caught my eye. One was a large tall plastic container with a white liquid labelled milk in the door. One was labelled the cheese box and contained a thick yellow fondue like substance. The last was one of the vegetable trays at the bottom of the fridge, which contained a light brown liquid, containing various black lumps in it. I reached into the cheese box with my left hand and the milk jug with my right. The yellow liquid was very thick and gooey, the white liquid was a lot thinner and cooler. I found nothing in the cheese box, but found another button to press at the bottom of the milk jug. With only a little time left I turned my attention to the vegetable box. I plunged my right hand in, and after feeling around a number of cold squishy lumps I felt a last button at the bottom which I pushed down.
“Time’s up” called out the Chef as I removed my hand. “Why don’t you head into the next chamber and find out how you did.”

Rather reluctantly we headed into the next room. It was a rectangular room, just long enough for us to all stand in a line. The walls were a pale yellow, like the colour of white walls that have been water damaged. Above us on the ceiling I spotted eight showerheads, spread out at regular intervals to ensure there would be nowhere to avoid the water if it started. We all looked at each other nervously as the door behind us slid shut.
“How did you all do?” Asked Hayley.
“I found four switches” replied Lilly.
“I got three” I said.
“I only found two” said Kelly.
“I also got three” said Hayley.
We stopped talking as we heard three loud beeps in a row. We nervously waited for several seconds, until there was a fourth higher pitched beep, and the door in front of us slid open.
“We did it ” cried Lilly.
Not wishing to hang around we all went through the door as quickly as we could. We came out into another grimy room. We noticed several dirty signs on the wall describing factory rules and regulations, and several rusty old machines against the wall. In the middle of the room was another actress. She was in a solid looking steel chair, with her wrists shackled to the chair arms, and a bowl of what looked like flour on a stand in front of her. Her face and hair were also covered in a layer of flour.
“Quick. Get Out!” She screamed. “Before she gets you as well.”
We made our way thought the door, and spent the next few minutes navigating a confusing array of corridors, taking a maze like route over the upper level of the maze. We eventually came to a set of stairs leading back down that led to a room with another actress stuck in a chain link cage. She desperately called for help, even reaching through a hole in the cage to grab us as we walked around her.
From there we had several more grimy corridors until we came out in a larger room. This one was a large square, and had a pool of dirty brown looking water on the floor. To cross it we had to make our way over a diving board like structure to reach the opposite door.

Chapter 22:

From there it was round the next corner to the largest room we’d been in so far. Taking prominent position was a set of steps, leading up to a large golden throne. Reclining on it was an actress dressed as Princess Porcelain. Upon closer inspection I could tell it wasn’t the same one we’d encountered outside the palace.
“Finally. I thought you’d never get here” she said. “Are you ready to play with me one last time.”
“Depends what the game is” said Kelly.
“What would you like to play?” Porcelain leered, while deliberately sticking her chest out.
“How about postman’s knock” suggested Kelly.
“Kelly. Your a married woman” said Lilly.
“You’ve never been adverse to threesomes before” smiled Kelly.
“This all sounds very tempting” said Porcelain, “but I have another game in mind. It involves big blue balls.”
“More Haley’s thing then” said Lilly.
“If you look to my left you’ll see one of my big pools, where I like to keep my supplies of mess, ready for all the fun games I like to play” said Porcelain.
To her left was a large circular pool, about five foot in diameter. It was filled up with a white soapy foam, like the stuff I’d seen used at foam parties in nightclubs. It stuck out from the pool in a large pile, that came up to my waist, but looking at the edge of the pool I spotted steps down that took you deeper into the pool than the level we were standing at on the floor.
“The game is a simple treasure hunt” said Porcelain. “In my pool there are a number of rubber blue balls. You all have to go in and search for one each. The results of the game will decide which route you leave my throne room by.”
We all stepped up to the edge of the pool. We stepped slowly in, not because the foam bothered us, but because of the steps that were obscured from view. By the time I’d reached the bottom the foam came up to my shoulders and Kelly’s neck. Lilly and Hayley were having to push foam aside to keep their heads above it.
“How are we supposed to find anything hidden at the bottom of this lot?” asked Lilly.
“You’ll have to dive right in” suggested Porcelain.
Hayley followed her suggestion, squatting down and feeling around with her hands. Everyone else opted to try with their feet first. Hayley emerged a short time later, triumphantly holding a blue ball above her as she stepped back up the steps, where she stopped to wipe some of the foam that now covered her off, including throwing some of it in my direction. As this happened Kelly crouched down into the foam and then emerged with a ball she’d found at there feet. Rather than leave the pool at this point she opted to grab a handful of the foam and smear it in Lilly’s hair. Lilly responded by throwing a handful in Kelly’s face. This distracted Lilly from the task in hand, so I was the next to find a ball with my feet. Taking a deep breath I crouched down, until I was submerged in the white airy foam. I quickly grabbed the ball and held it above my head.
“Well it looks like your playtime’s over” said Porcelain. “Why don’t you follow me, and I’ll show you your way exit.”
We all climbed out the pool, and followed her to an alcove behind her throne. In it were four dark doorways, and by each one was a post with a rope attached to it that led into each doorway. We were all told to stand by a different post each.
“Your last task is to find the exit without any of my friends catching you” said Porcelain. “I’d hold on to the rope though, otherwise you might get lost in the dark.”

I held onto my rope with my right hand and slowly stepped forward. I quickly turned two corners, and found myself in pitch black darkness. Unable to see I spent a nervous few minutes following the rope as it went up and down. At one point I had to crouch down to get through a small tunnel. I also had to watch for various items hanging from the ceiling I couldn’t see in the darkness, surprise water sprays, and obstacles I had to walk through what felt like a ball pool, and a huge pile of a load of polystyrene balls.
Eventually I came to a large post which the rope was attached too. As I felt up and down the post I discovered several other ropes, all leading away from it. I choose one on the opposite side of the side I arrived at chest height and followed that. About a minute later I froze as I heard footsteps nearby.
“Who’s there?” I heard a familiar voice call out.
I couldn’t resist temptation. I remained silent and crept slowly forward towards the sound of the voice, making sure I remembered where the rope was.
“Hello?” I heard again, just in front of me.
“RRAAAAAAAARGH” I cried, grabbing in front of me. As I grabbed onto someone I heard a loud scream.
“Oh, hi Lilly” I said. “Is that you?”
“You Bastard” she replied in response. “Where are you?”
“I’m back at my rope” I replied.
“I’m going to slap you so hard when we get out of here” she said.

It was only a short time later where I stepped through a doorway and round a corridor in to a dimly lit corridor where the rope ended. Looking down the corridor I spotted a junction up ahead. One way turned to the right, the other continued strait ahead to another corner. I wasn’t totally surprised when I saw Lilly coming round the corner.
“You!” She called. “I should have spanked you hard when I had the chance.”
“Oh, it wasn’t that bad” I said.
“It was a terrible thing to do to some poor girl stuck alone in the dark” she replied.
“Since when have any of you been damsels in distress?” I asked. “I thought you were a beautiful, strong and independent modern girl.”
“Come on lets go” she said. “Before anything else happens.”
We headed down the corridor and came out at the far end of a long rectangular room. In front of us was an old TV monitor. As we approached on a grainy image came onto the screen, showing Princess Porcelain’s face.
“Well done. You’ve reached the exit of my palace” said Porcelain, “but if you ever want playtime with me again, don’t be shy about coming back.”
With that the image faded back to black. We walked down the corridor, which was decorated with large bus stop adverts featuring various adverts and publicity images from the various entries into the Pancake Day film series. We ended up stopping by one showing a full body shot of Princess Porcelain, as Lilly insisted on taking a photo of her posing by it,. As we got to the end the advert we were walking past suddenly swung back. I jumped as I heard an evil cry and saw a demented looking clown holding a large shaving foam pie jump out from the advert. Me and Lilly both bolted for the exit. I ended up being struck in the back with the pie just as I ran out.

Chapter 23:

“So did you two enjoy yourself?” That question had come from Katherine, who had greeted us shortly after we’d exited, along with James and Francis.
“Well we enjoyed watching you four on cctv” said James. “Particularly seeing you and Hayley getting covered by those clowns.”
“Although your improvised scare in the dark was pretty funny ” said Francis.
“Why did I end up at the receiving end of everything?” Asked Lilly.
“No you weren’t, look” said Katherine. “I bet your glad your parents aren’t here to rig things to ensure you got the route that led to the dungeon.”
I looked over to the other half of the stage area, where there was a large cage, about ten foot square, made of rusty looking metal bars. Inside were two women, both wearing the same clown make up of the other actors, but instead of the normal clothing they both wore black pvc jumpsuits. One of them was leading a reluctant looking Hayley and Kelly to a bench in the middle of the cage. We all moved in for a closer look.
“Well it looks like we’ve got a couple of prisoners” said one of the clowns. “You couldn’t find your way out of Porcelain’s Palace could you.”
I saw Hayley say something in reply, but as she wasn’t wearing a microphone I couldn’t hear her above the noise of the funfair.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be able to leave soon” said the clown. “We’ve just got to give you a little present first.”
The other clown came forward holding two large, red balloons, both filled with some sort of opaque liquid. She handed one to the other clown who held it above Kelly’s head, she held onto the other one and held it above Hayley’s head.
“Ready?” Asked the clown.
Hayley and Kelly shook their heads giggling nervously. The clowns held the balloons teasingly in both hands for a couple of seconds, before tightly squeezing the balloons causing them to burst, and the contents to fall down on Hayley’s and Kelly’s head, leaving their hair dripping with thick green slime.

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to share a Choose Your Own Adventure story that was posted in some comments a couple of days ago. It was written by a contributor who hasn’t got a WordPress account, and so I said I would share it on their behalf on the main page, so that more may see it. You can have a read of it by clicking the following link:

http://philome.la/PvOberstein/wam_demo/play

A big thanks to Liara PvO who created and wrote it! Sounds as though it was a pain to do for you but it’s great to see something like this, especially how you can put in any name for one of the characters! Would love to see more in the future!

And to follow on from that, if anyone is wanting to write in the future but hasn’t nailed down any characters yet, Amosgrove created a simple but brilliant little random character generator. Figured I’d just give it a little shout out too for anyone wanting to write, so if you want to know more just follow this link:

Character Generator

Once again guys, thanks for these!

So after a long time, it’s finally on it’s way – The New Get Your Own Back: Series 4.

For those of you who don’t know, or are still a little bit new, I used to write a GYOB series in the vein of it never having being cancelled. The last proper episode was a special celebrity one at the end of 2014. Since then, I’ve had a few asking me if it would return, I’ve done a couple of small private stories, etc. It seems a lot of people enjoyed the stories, and some want it to come back. Heck I loved writing them. But then life got in the way.

It’s a lot less hectic nowadays, and I’ve been quietly typing away here and there.

In fact, I’m about to write the finale to the first episode, which has a new presenter, has some brand new games which all include some variant of mess, and is a bit more streamlined on the whole to read fingers crossed. Consider it a soft reboot, and less of a continuation of the old series.

Where you come in…

So why tell you this now and not just drop it on you? Well, it’s because I’d love some audience participation. I did this with the last series, but I lost a lot of the notes on it.

I’m giving YOU the chance to “Get Your Own Back” on someone you want to. Basically you send in a nomination of someone you want to see gunged in the gunk dunk, and I’ll write a story of them VS another reader nominated adult. If you could also send the bame of a kid whos getting their own back on your nominee, that woild be great too! It can be anyone as long as they’re 18+ of course.

I usually do the shows with a fair way of deciding. But it’s fun of course, and gives something of a personal twist to it. Sound good? This is what I need if you want to nominate someone:

• Adults Name, and the kids name preferably
• Their ‘crime’ (You can write it as a kids letter)
• A brief physical description
• Anything you do NOT want in the story (Optional)

This can either be commented on below, or preferably sent to the following email address:

Messysomessy@hotmail.com

Now the advantage of sending it to the email is it can be more detailed and confidential of course. If you do send it to the email, feel free to attatch one or two photos if you wish. I WILL NOT, share, mistreat or post ANY photos I receive. You have my word on that, as I did this a couple of years ago and no sensitive information was ever posted with the stories. Obviously don’t post ANY photos in the comments, but you knew that already!

Again though, it’s optional to send photos in. A brief description is all I need, and the crimes of course are essential – I need to know why someone deserves the ultimate punishment!

Sound good? Just got a couple of rules/advice then on my part:

• Nominated adults must be 18+.
• Don’t just send me a name and adult age! Throw a little description my way!
• I won’t be doing celebrity stories, so please don’t send any, or ask me. I want to do ‘civilian’ for the near future.
• Also, it’s a kids show, so keep that in mind with any ‘crimes’! Again, probably don’t need to say that though.
• I won’t get round to everyone, so just 1 nomination each will do – make it a good one!

I think that’s about it! Like I said, I’m nearly done with the first episode which is made up on my part and is a non-celebrity. Its got a fresh new feel to it fingers crossed but the principle idea is still the same.

As I’ve stated above, I won’t be able to do everyone’s, or at least so quick. So, just send in one nomination and one only. Make it a good one though, eh? I won’t tell you what to suggest of course, but think outside the box in terms of crimes.

If you’re sick of seeing babysitters, make it a sports coach, or a particular profession. Mix it up a bit as it can be a lot of fun for me and you then to read!

I look forward to seeing what I get, if anything and I can’t wait to post up the new episode. If no one sends anything, I have plenty of ideas anyway, but I thought this would be fun again!

I’ll be happy to answer any questions!

Cheers guys!