I’m impressed that someone made a song out of one line from Titanic which became a minor internet meme. I’m even more impressed with the video, which has two barefoot beauties painting each other. Not like painting pictures of each other, but… well, painting each other.
Nothing to say about the song, really. It’s there. I don’t think anyone who watches this video, WAMmer or not, is watching for the song though!
I’ve set up a new Twitter account purely for WAM-related stuff. It’s here. I’ll be plugging all new stories posted here on there, among other stuff.
(If you’re wondering, my display pic is Suzi.)
It’s a clip we all know and love, but this recent upload is the best quality I’ve seen.
I just stumbled onto this youtube channel a few days ago that has almost all of the episodes of Fear Factor. Like I did with my Big Brother post, I’ll add the link first and update this post on which episodes contain wam.
Just a reminder that this could be considered gross wam, so if its not allowed, just tell me.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVdRxGYREM-Dw6FYiAKrviA/videos
Season 1:
Season 2: (Cant fin’d a link, but supposedly theres a spring reak version that has some mess in it.)
Season 3: 16, 24
Season 4: 1, 4, 6, 8, 15, 16, 18, 23, 25, 30
Season 5: 1, 5, 9, 16, 18, 24, 27, 30
Season 6: 3, 5, 20,
Season 7: 2
There’s nothing wrong with complaining once in a while, so let’s complain about what ruins otherwise good messy scenes for us. The usual rule about being respectful applies, of course. Anyway, here are my instant turn-offs.
There’s probably a few things people might have expected on here too, but aren’t. Here’s why I omitted them.
I’m curious to see who agrees and disagrees with my list, if anyone. I’d also love to see other people’s lists.
Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence.
In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Note: As noted in the title, this is the third portion of this particular story. For best results, it’s probably a good idea to read the first two before this one, they can be found here and here. I’m having an awfully good time doing this one, so I hope at least someone is having one reading it. Enjoy.
#5 Ka-Pow!
An old man shambled up to the counter at the Fill-N-Feed convenience store. He placed a cheap cigar, two scratch-off lottery tickets, and half a gallon of milk beside the till with one hand. The man was wearing a tweed jacket, high-end but far from new, with the collar turned up and dark glasses, even though the sun had barely risen. The girl working the register scrutinized him.
“Hey man, have I seen you before?”
“No.”
“I don’t mean here. Are you somebody famous? I swear I recognize you…”
“You don’t. Can we move this along?”
“Yeah, sure man. I was just wondering.”
She rang him up. He paid in cash with a large bill. When she returned his change, he awkwardly cupped both paper and coins in one palm; his left hand, dressed in a leather glove, hung motionless at his side. Something dawned on the girl and she pointed excitedly.
“Hey! That’s it! You’re Dr Alkali, right? Oh man!”
The withered customer snarled his reply, glancing instinctively at the security camera.
“Stifle it! You’re confused or something. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Unconvinced, the cashier shrugged an apology.
“Sorry man, my bad. It’s cool, or whatever, I don’t care. You just kind of have a super villain vibe, you know?”
The old man cocked a glare behind his glasses. The girl behind the counter had acid-green hair, two rings in her eyebrow, and at least a dozen rings on her fingers.
“Aren’t you one to talk?”
Just then he felt a stiff tap on his shoulder. Without turning, he muttered something one quarter apologetic and three-fourths obscene. He went about collecting his purchases.
There was another tap, this one more of a sharp jab. He was about to loose another volley of curses, when he caught sight of the cashier’s face. Her eyes were wide and her jaw slightly slack. Hesitantly, the old man turned around…
“Crap.”
…
“So, everything is ready to go? The event is scheduled to start in just ten minutes…”
Lily Pfennig glanced at her boss, looking up from the tablet which contained all the inner-workings of Decker Industries.
“It starts in five minutes.”
“Excellent. That was a test… You pass. I guess we should start heading down there then?”
Silently, Lily held her seemingly ambivalent gaze, staring out from under dark brown fringe with her mismatched-eyes; one was almost translucent blue and the other flecktarn hazel. She wore a deep pine-green suit, with her hair tied up in a bun, and, in deference to the occasion, a pair of heels.
Suzanna Decker ignored her unflappable assistant.
“Yes. We should.”
Both women left the top floor office, taking the express elevator to the ground level lobby of Decker Industries HQ. Along the way, Suzanna asked Lily a series of unnecessary questions, each of which was duly answered.
“And everyone is here from the media? Not just the science rags and tech beats? Because sometimes that happens at a product launch. They assume it will be all complicated gibberish and…”
“The turnout is more than satisfactory. You should relax.”
“I know, right? I realize we’re ready, but I just feel like it snuck up on us.”
“Well, you’ve been preoccupied lately. First that Viper woman, then your… conflict with the Gray Lady.”
Suzanna thought she spotted the ghost of an eye-roll from her impassive aid.
“Yeah, true enough. By the way, make a note; we really should get around to finding that snake chick.”
Lily nodded, tapping at her tablet as the elevator stopped and let them off in the lobby.
The sleek, open lobby actually felt oddly cramped. Suspense-preserving curtains had been put up around half the lobby, and a small stage was situated at the edge of the curtains, facing a throng of press, city officials, and amateur science enthusiasts. Decker Industries innovations never disappointed, and whatever was debuting today would surely make waves. True-to-form, a mysterious conical was waiting motionless on the stage, all chrome and glass and rubber tubing, inspiring excited whispers among the curious crowd. The press-event started on the dot, as a brief promotional video about the company started playing on the handful of LED screens facing the audience.
Taking a deep breath as the video wrapped up, Suzanna mounted the stage, parted the curtain and took her place in front of the crowd, Lily dutifully standing behind her. The CEO was dressed for the spotlight, in a stylishly cut black-silk suit worn over a vibrant red blouse, with matching shoes and her light-blonde hair in loose curls. She dispatched with the pleasantries and joking introductions, practically reciting casual patter from memory. Spreading her arms, she moved on to the main event.
“Now, folks, I’m glad you’re here to see this, because I think this one really has the potential to be a game changer… I’m sure the anticipation is just killing you, but first, I’m going to need a bit of help from one of you, any takers?”
A few hands shot up, and several more hovered hesitantly, unfamiliar with audience-participation in this sort of context. Suzanna scanned the crowd for someone good. Her eyes fell on a woman in the front row, that pretty blonde from Channel 3, first name was J-something. At the moment, the TV reporter was fiddling with her phone, but Suzanna called her up anyway.
“Ms Tullamore! Perfect! Could you please hop up her for a minute?”
Slightly flustered, but aware of the attention offered, Joan beamed as she made her way onstage.
While this was going on, stagehands in black were placing a foot-high model house, made of cardboard and oiled plywood, on a small dais at center stage. Suzanna led Joan over to stand just behind the little cobbled-together model. Then she walked off to one side.
“Now, Ms Tullamore, as a reporter, have you had any training in fire-fighting or prevention?”
Joan smiled broadly, managing to hide all but a hint of her bewilderment. As expectations dictated, she was dressed for a classy press event, not a hands-on science lesson… She wore a short coal-colored blazer over a business-like bright orange dress, with her golden hair piled up tightly in a shiny beehive.
“No, as a matter of fact I have not!”
“I see. Well, I hate to say, that might be a problem!”
Suzanna flourished her left hand dramatically. She flicked her wrist, and a small device concealed up her sleeve shot a tiny flare across the stage. The little fireball landed perfectly on the roof of the model house, sizzling for a second, before the entire top half of the highly combustible model burst into flame. There were a few genuine gasps, but more wry chuckles; by now most were accustomed to the heroic inventor’s taste for showy theatrics. Joan however was quite surprised.
“Oh! Oh no! Uh, what am I supposed to do exactly?”
“That’s a very good question! Ms Pfennig?”
Wordlessly, Lily presented a rather small beaker to Joan. There was something pale blue in the beaker. It rippled strangely as the glass moved, with a texture somewhere between foam and liquid. The skeptical reporter accepted the beaker, looking from the growing flames, to the few inches of blue stuff, to Suzanna.
“For real? There’s not much of it… This will put that out?”
Suzanna was quite pleased with her choice of audience-participant. It was like the woman was working off a script.
“How about we find out together?”
With a shrug, Joan emptied the beaker on the small burning house. The funny blue stuff worked like magic, spreading over the model and putting out the flames; it seemed to congeal wherever it touched fire. The aggressive burn was reduced to nothing but a few wisps of smoke in under a minute. Applause rattled through the crowd. Even Joan, with an impressed expression, was clapping.
“Thank you very much! This handy little formula is derived from the sap of a certain Amazonian tree, a real marvel. You see, the sap is a natural defense mechanism against forest fires, because while it’s normally fluidic, it hardens in the presence of extreme heat and carbonization. So with a bit of tweaking, we have ourselves an all-natural, non-toxic, antidote to heavy chemical fire suppressants! We at Decker Industries are calling it formula DC-X-F4.”
The monitors mounted around the room flashed the string of characters, along with a little blue cartoon blob wearing a firefighter’s helmet. At the same time, the pale blue stuff began flowing through the strange machine onstage, appearing in the glass nodules and the hoses, as the machine revealed itself to be an elaborate fountain, featuring a bouncing jet of the semi-fluffy fire killer. The fountain was a goofy gimmick, but managed to be kind of strangely elegant.
“Believe me; we’re working on a better name…”
The crowd laughed, and the applause returned.
“Alright then! I’ve got a few minutes, does anyone have any questions?”
Only the most eager stringers were able to shout out their questions before Suzanna paused them with a raised finger. She was looking back over her shoulder.
“Hang on, that’s not… Just a sec.”
All eyes flew to the fountain, which seemed to have lost pressure. The jet on top was no longer bouncing, but now resembled a futuristic science-fair volcano, leaking blue lava with no loft. A creaky, almost groaning sound swelled from the belly of the novelty machine.
Suzanna scratched her head. It may have looked hi-tech and complex, but the machine was nothing more than a simple recirculating fountain in a fancy hat… No reason it should act like this. Lily was diligently, although still completely calmly, pecking at her tablet, hunting for a digital source of the disturbance. Joan, still standing in the middle of the stage, was also blithely calm, however that was beginning to change in a hurry.
“Wait. Is this another science trick? You guys really put on a show… Wait. Is it supposed to be doing that?”
The Channel 3 chief field correspondent was reporting the latest development with a pointed finger; along the cylindrical base of the machine, the sections of rubber tubing were bulging like balloons. Suzanna’s eyes widened.
All of the distended rubber hoses burst in a series of piercing pops. But the biggest bang came when the rogue fountain’s crowing jet returned with a vengeance. Now the geyser pouring forth more resembled a real volcano than a paper-mâché poser. Between the eruption on top, and the broken hoses flailing madly, an enormous volume of pale blue goop was being thrown into the air, and across the stage, and all over the people standing on the stage.
There were a couple panicked screams from the audience, and a handful of knowing laughs from the die-hard skeptics who suspected this was all planned, the rest were just confused. Despite conflicting emotional responses, the entire crowd agreed that it was a good idea to take a few steps back.
Up on the stage, the fountain finally calmed down, having apparently exhausted its supply of prototype fire suppressant. The whirling hoses went limp and the machine coughed up a few more flecks before falling silent.
Lily was the first to move. Composed to the core, she had managed to keep her tablet screen clean by hugging it close to her chest; it was the only clean thing on the stage. The ever-efficient aid whipped as much of the stuff off her fingers as possible, wiped her eyes, and began probing the tablet, working on a recovery strategy for this fresh wrinkle in the day’s plans.
Beyond aghast, Joan was just standing there, with her arms held out, dripping and making a clipped, breathy clucking sound. Her clothes were soaked through, and the weight of the goo on her head had collapsed her shiny blonde beehive, leaving it a matted, light-blue, heap hanging over her face.
Starting at her chin, Suzanna slid both hands up her face, squeegee-ing off the blue gunk and slicking it back through her hair. The stuff was fluffy but still viscous… Great qualities for putting out fires, but hell to clean off. Of all the possible turns she worried the presentation might take, this particular one was not among them. Suddenly struck by inspiration, she scanned the crowd and realized something that had been subconsciously bothering her even before this disaster.
Jenny Wheeling, middling media fixture and recent arch-rival, was nowhere to be found in the shocked crowd currently ogling them.
As if telepathically summoned, a compelling voice, which Suzanna lately found quite irritating, rang out from the edge of the crowd.
“Ms Decker, I’m afraid you’re looking a bit blue!”
The Gray Lady was walking slowly toward the edge of the stage, confidant and impressive. She wasn’t alone either. The redheaded heroine was dragging along an older bald man by the back of his worn-out jacket. Baffled, Suzanna stared at the old guy, skinny and tough-looking, who wore a half resigned, half perturbed expression.
Jenny held up her prize, displaying him for the crowd of her unwitting colleagues.
“I caught wind of our old friend’s scheme a bit too late, I’m afraid… Luckily I got here just in time to catch him on his way out! Ms Decker, I’m sure you recognize him?”
In fact, even without her computer, Suzanna did. Although she didn’t know his original name, just about everyone in the city could recognize Dr Alkali. He was a major villain back in the day. A morally-lax genius with a left hand made of living potassium, his devious devices and ability to cause explosions just by touching water made him a formidable foe to the heroes of that era. But the man had to be in his 70s now, and hadn’t pulled a caper in at least twenty-five years; well before Suzanna’s time…
“Oh, I do! Thank you so much! I hope it wasn’t too difficult for you, apprehending a senior citizen…”
“Haha! No trouble at all! Sorry I’m late, I just figured you of all people would be able to handle a little trouble on your home turf, especially from a retiree!”
The crowd chuckled a bit, enjoying the banter between two heroes who rarely interacted, oblivious to any subtext. Dr Alkali snorted and crossed his wiry arms.
“Ha! Well, I guess I wasn’t expecting any trouble, especially from an old timer who I’ve never met before… Strange, isn’t it? I wonder what that’s about?
“It looked to me like he just wanted to make a mess, spoil the party. Rain on your parade, so to speak. Nothing too nefarious. As to why, I’m afraid I couldn’t say. Jealousy, probably. I’m no scientist, but in my experience, they can be incredibly petty…”
“I suppose so. Some people really know how to hang onto a grudge. Of course, we could always ask him, right?”
“Of course!”
The Gray Lady, lifting the man effortlessly with one hand, gave him a gentle shake.
“Come on, out with it! How come you wanted to ruin this nice lady’s event? Were you trying to teach her a lesson about humility and respect?”
Dr Alkali sighed, then nodded without enthusiasm. His voice was a gravelly croak.
“Yeah, sure, that’s it. And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling….”
“Alright, that’s plenty thanks. Here you go!”
She set the geriatric scoundrel down, passing him to a pair of waiting police officers. Muttering something, Dr Alkali was led from the lobby without resistance. Delighted by the rollercoaster ride this corporate event had turned out to be, the crowd cheered for the gray clad heroine who was climbing carefully onto the stage.
Jenny, disguised by her costume, helped Joan down from the platform. The reporter drenched in blue goo thanked her awkwardly and squished off to try and find a towel.
The Gray Lady went to stand by Suzanna Decker, shaking the sodden CEO’s hand while the audience clapped and camera bulbs flashed. Up close, Suzanna was acutely aware of Jenny’s pristine cleanness, contrasted to her own complete dishevelment.
“It’s weird, you know? I really can’t fathom what a guy like Dr Alkali could’ve done to make the fountain go off like that.”
“Yeah, well, he’s always been a wily one. Maybe that’s not in your records?”
They were both keeping their voices low, and smiling genially for appearance sake.
“Actually, the only way it would’ve exploded that way, would be if someone had bent double the return pipe… Of course, to do that, they’d have to be very stealthy and awfully strong. Funny, right?”
The Gray Lady shrugged coyly. Jenny’s face was partially hidden by her mask, but there was a subtle bounce in her tone which confirmed all of Suzanna’s suspicions.
“All I can say for sure is, I’m glad I wasn’t here when it happened!”
Jenny patted Suzanna on the shoulder, splattering the goop resting there. Then she hopped from the stage, waved to a few fans, and strode off toward the exit.
The crowd cleared out quickly after that, the unpredictable presentation having finally ended. Soon, while the janitorial crew was suiting up for the herculean task ahead, Suzanna and Lily were alone in the lobby. The CEO and part-time heroine sat on the edge of the stage, still coated in slick residue and a few telltale fingers of pale-blue gunk.
Lily approached her from behind, still mostly covered in the foamy disaster. She’d wiped her fringe back, but she still wore a heap of the stuff like a hat and rivulets of blue ran down around her out-of-synch eyes.
“Joan Tullamore is using the shower in your office. She’s seems to be handling the whole fiasco well, but she may just be shell-shocked… What are you doing?”
“I’m just thinking.”
“Thinking that this silly feud with the Gray Lady has gone on long enough and that it’s time to just let it go?”
Suzanna looked over her shoulder at Lily, her slimy hair and clothes squelching with the movement. She grinned; it was a resolved, slightly fiendish grin.
“Nope!”
…
#6 Splat!
It was nearly eleven at night when a young woman stood indecisively at the door to Jenny Wheeling’s apartment. The woman, a brunette, made as if to knock then hesitated, continuing to pace the hallway. After the second failed attempt at knocking, the door opened and Jenny ushered her inside.
The woman who was secretly the famous Gray Lady was wearing black and white checkered pajamas, her face freshly scrubbed and her recently-washed hair damply stringy. Her guest offered her an apologetic smile and she returned it wanly.
“How did you know? I mean, I assume you heard someone come up the stairs, but how did you know it was me? You don’t have X-ray vision, do you?”
Shaking her head, Jenny tapped the peephole in the door.
“Why didn’t you knock?”
“Oh, no reason… Nerves I guess… Look, I don’t want you to think I’m here to meddle…”
“Are you meddling?”
The other woman adjusted her glasses. Grimacing, she held up two fingers an inch apart.
“Maybe just a little.”
Jenny sighed and offered Alyson Quirk a seat.
With a relieved nod, the young woman sat down. She was pale, with brown doe-eyes and a narrow face. Chestnut hair fell loose to her shoulders and round glasses rested on her nose. She was wearing a plain salmon-colored blouse with a black pencil skirt, and she had a big, dusty green book clamped under one arm.
By day, Alyson Quirk was a rising-star librarian at one of the city’s bigger, more desolate library branches. But after six and on the weekends, she was Didactic, perhaps the foremost magic-based hero in the city. She was also notoriously boring and kind of a killjoy. Early in her conventional career, she happened upon an ancient and magical book, which was the origin of her powers. Her stick-in-the-mud nature made her the most stable of the local magic-types as well, and Jenny knew for a fact that both the Gray Lady and Clout had teamed up with her in the past when dealing with hocus-pocus stuff. She could be nagging and overly-cautious, but her intentions were always good.
Once Alyson was settled on the sofa, Jenny leaned against the door-frame leading to the kitchen and spread her arms.
“Alright. So you’re here about the Decker thing.”
Alyson set her book on the cushion beside her. She tapped it twice on the spine, and the musty old green-cloth tome flickered into another book altogether, this one bound in solid gold, covered in intricate engravings front and back.
“So I completely get it, Suzanna can come off a little… She’s got an aggressive personality. But this tit-for-tat thing you guys are doing? It has to stop!”
“Hey, far as I’m concerned, we’re square. It’s over.”
“Great, but you know Suzanna doesn’t see it like that. She’s going to get you back, then you’ll get her… It’s a downward spiral.”
“She started it. How come you’re not over at the estate telling her to knock it off? Because I’m the pushover, that’s why. I’m the goody-two-shoes who always has to be the bigger person.”
“No! I mean, yeah, you’re usually the more responsible one… But to be honest, I did go to Suzanna first.”
Jenny raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah? And she blew you off?”
“No! Well, ok… Maybe. We didn’t really talk for long, she was busy building something… She wouldn’t tell me what it is…”
“She’s cooking up a scheme! You knew she’s planning something, and you expected me to just suck it up!”
Alyson was flustered. Standing up, she stomped her foot daintily.
“Well! I mean, someone has to! This has gotten out of hand!”
“I know! Blondie faked a meteoroid! She bought it from Africa or somewhere and totally pulled one over on the local observatory!”
The bookish librarian threw her arms in the air.
“You abducted a reformed felon and framed him for vandalism! I hardly think it compares!”
Jenny waved off the accusation, scoffing.
“Alkali? Please. That bag of bones has been passing off counterfeit fifties since I was seven years old. He’s got a huge stash of them somewhere, from some failed plot to buy up the national debt of Belarus or something. Two birds, one stone.”
“Ok, I didn’t know that. But still! What about Joan Tullamore, she was just collateral damage? You two are friends right, through work?”
Jenny’s expression softened momentarily, but hardened again.
“Yeah, I didn’t expect her to be up there. But, hey, it was a proportional response. Decker’s the one who keeps escalating.”
“Really Jenny… You basically slimed her in front of a bunch of reporters and half the city council…”
Jenny stepped over to her desk, flipped up her laptop and beckoned Alyson over.
“C’mere. Have you seen this yet? It’s all over the internet.”
She keyed a few strokes and pulled up a YouTube video. It showed, in shaky but high-def footage, scene of the meteoroid ‘landing.’ Jenny was standing in the corner of the frame. She was cringing less than those around her, but otherwise looked unassuming. The video proceeded in slow-motion. From the opposite corner, Clout dropped into focus. The plume of mud went up, then down, all over Jenny. The video walked it back in slo-mo, the forward at normal speed. Jenny clicked pause and pointed to a rather hefty view-count.
“Don’t you laugh. If I ever find out what shmuck put this up, I’m going to put their car on the roof.”
Alyson put on a sage face.
“See, that’s why this has to stop. It’ll only get worse if you two don’t mend fences…”
“Let it go Quirk. I meant what I said. I’m not playing hall monitor this time.”
“It’s that kind of stubbornness that always leads to trouble…”
“Hey, go pester Decker if you like, but if you’re going to stay here, lay off.”
“I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but if you’d just listen I could…”
Jenny interrupted her with an eye-roll. She pointed into the kitchen.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Huh? Oh, no thank you.”
Jenny went around the corner and Alyson heard the refrigerator open. With all the terrier tenacity of a librarian chasing down an unpaid fine, she called to Jenny from other room.
“I know you’re the reasonable one. I know you’ll do the right thing if you only let yourself…”
“Hey, Al,” Jenny interrupted again, from the kitchen, “are there any spells in your book for cleaning up nasty spills?”
Flummoxed, Alyson tilted her head. She stretched out her fingers and the gold book on the sofa leapt into her hand. She skimmed the thick, enchanted pages, looking for an answer to the weird question.
“Um… No, not right now. Closest I can get is one for banishing bloodstains… But it’s magic, you know? So it changes, depending on the lunar cycle, and astronomical alignment, stuff like that…”
“Good.”
Jenny reappeared in the doorway to the kitchen, drink-less but balancing a large key-lime pie in her hand menacingly.
“Listen up. You see Decker, you tell her I’m ready for her, anytime, day or night. Same goes for you, if you try one more time to get me to cave on this thing. I didn’t start it, but you can bet I’ll finish it! Now that we’re clear on that, are you sure you’re not thirsty?”
Alyson snapped her book shut, shaking her head rapidly. Jenny smiled and, nodding, went back to the kitchen.
Disappointed in her inability to patch things up, the sometimes-super librarian sighed. Looking around the apartment her eyes fell on the laptop sitting on the desk. Curiosity got the better off her, and she gingerly clicked play on the paused video.
The clip replayed the entire muddy incident at normal speed, the switched to a sped-up version of the instant the mud hit Jenny, playing on an extended loop. The GIF-like quality of seeing that mortifying moment repeated over and over was too much for Alyson. Despite her best efforts she let out a quick snicker.
She barely saw the pie come soaring in out of the corner of her eye. She held her magic book up in front of her face at the last second, stretching it a few inches for safety. The light green confection exploded over the front cover, spattering the walls with lime pudding and meringue. Alyson squeaked.
“HEY! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to laugh!”
She let the book tip forward, and the shattered pastry slid off the front of the charmed volume like it was buttered glass, landing with a squish on the floor rug.
“Oh! I didn’t know it would do that! But it’s your fault! See, you got pie all over your…Mmph!”
The second pie was coconut-cream, and it engulfed Alyson’s face, spreading a halo of dessert over her hair, neck, and ears. Beneath the mound of cream and broken crust, the luckless librarian heaved a muffled sigh. She set her book on the desk and scraped the pie out of her eyes.
“THAT, was uncalled for. But, point taken.”
Once the pie was removed, Jenny reappeared in the doorway, licking graham cracker crumbs from her fingertips.
“Good! Took long enough! Remember to tell Decker, I’m ready for whatever she’s got up her sleeve.”
“Ok… But first, could I borrow some paper towels?”
…
Counselor’s Day
This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
It was the end of August, and in upstate New York, the sky was clear and bright, the heat was oppressive, the smell of sunscreen was in the air, and with the start of the school year fast approaching, it was almost the end of the summer camp season.
At one such summer camp, Camp Blue Dorade, the day started as it always did—with morning announcements. Stan, the camp director stood in front of the large assembly of campers and thought about how successful the year had been. Like always, there had been ups and downs, but he was proud of the camp he ran, and the creative events he put together. And one of his favorites was taking place tonight—the one he remembered most from back when he was a camper here. It was Counselor’s Day.
“Remember, campers,” said Stan as he finished his announcements, “it’s Counselor’s Day! So be sure to turn in any last minute points you’ve been saving up throughout the year.”
Throughout the year, campers were given points for various accomplishments—maintaining good behavior, passing their swim test, winning a race, etc. And while they could cash these in for various prizes (little things like stickers or a hat with the camp logo on it) most saved them up for this very day. On the first day of camp, each camper is always assigned to a group, designated by a different color. And on Counselor’s Day, each group holds a collective vote to slime any staff member at the camp. The staff member with the most votes in each group would, of course, get slimed in that group’s color. That’s where the points came in—camper could trade in five points for an extra vote, which meant a better chance of getting their choice of staff member slimed. Counselor’s Day had been going on at Camp Blue Dorade since longer than anyone could remember and was always a favorite for campers and staff alike.
“At the end of the day, each head counselor will take the final tally and we’ll see the results! And your favorite—or least favorite— counselors will all get slimed!” continued Stan. “I hope it’s not me!”
The kids all cheered. Stan was sometimes on the receiving end of the slimings, but it wasn’t too common. While a group could vote for any staff member they wanted—including administrators—each group had their own team of about five counselors who worked specifically with that group, and they were usually the ones chosen to be slimed in that group’s color. Sometimes they’d choose an administrator, or one of the people in charge of a specific activity, but this wasn’t too common. Some of the counselors even wanted to get slimed and would campaign for their campers to vote for them. All in all, at the end of Counselor’s you’d usually end up with a bunch of counselors covered in different colored goo.
And that fact was comforting to Tess. Tess was the dance instructor. It was her first year at Camp Blue Dorade, and it would probably be her last. Consensus around the camp seemed to be that Tess was a pretty lousy dance teacher. She had put next to no effort into choreographing the routines, and had done nothing to connect to any of the campers. She probably couldn’t have named a single camper even if she tried. And Tess possessed no delusions about her performance. She’d have been the first to admit that summer camp was not her thing. She hated having to be outside, she hated sweating in this heat, she hated kids, and most of all she hated the counselors. At first, she hadn’t minded the other staff members so much. There were some cute guys and, naturally, they all flirted with Tess at first. She was, of course, incredibly attractive. Tess was shapely and well-tanned with long auburn hair. With her dance experience, she was fit, but still curvy and toned. Plus, she liked to show off her body. Her typical summer outfit was low-cut v-neck shirts which showed off her ample cleavage, paired with some way too short short-shorts. Stan had even had to yell at her a few times for dressing too inappropriately to be around children. The guys took note of her immediately, but all had seemed to lose interest after talking to her. And to them, she said good riddance. For some reason, all the other counselors at this place seemed to be so excited about everything. It was sickening—she hated seeing everyone having so much fun all the time. And they were always acting silly just because the kids thought it was funny. Didn’t they have any sense of self respect? Summer camp was just not for her, and she was relieved that it was almost over. Just a couple more days to get through and she could get back to school and not have to worry about this awful place and these awful kids anymore.
After morning announcements, the camp went into action. First up at dance was the yellow group.
“Here we go, kids! Who’s excited for dance?!”
Tess heard one of the counselors call out these words in the same obnoxiously cheerful manner that all of the counselors always used. The campers reacted unenthusiastically—they all hated dance with the clearly disinterested dance instructor—and entered the area. Leading the kids was Nicki—one of the yellow group counselors—and, in Tess’ mind, one of the most annoying of the lot. Nicki had started out at Camp Blue Dorade as a camper and, for some reason, had decided to come back to work there. “How pathetic,” thought Tess.
“Hey Tess!” called out Nicki excitedly. Tess grumbled a bit in response. This was a really, really, REALLY bad day to come in hungover. “Kids? Say hello to Tess!”
The kids begrudgingly obliged. It’s a funny thing about kids—they can tell when a grown-up doesn’t like them, and that makes them not like the grown-up much either.
“What fun dance do you have for us today, Tess?!” asked Nicki, seemingly oblivious to the misery all around her.
“I’ll turn some music on and you can all dance to it,” said Tess. “It’s free-dance. Do whatever you want.” Tess pressed play on her ipod. A rather slow, sad song started playing. Some indie band you’d probably never heard of. They were singing about rain.
“Um, do you maybe have something a bit livelier?” asked Nicki, worriedly. “The Cotton-Eye Joe, or…”
“Ugh. Absolutely not. Anyway, this band is great. Dance to it, kids. Come on, it’ll be fun,” said Tess, unconvincingly. The kids halfheartedly danced around for a little bit. In the end, most of them just sat on the floor and talked. One kid—Tess couldn’t remember his name—was the only one who actually danced the whole time and even seemed to be getting into it a bit. The end of the period finally came and the yellow group went to leave. As they lined up, Nicki brought the kid who had been dancing to the front of the line.
“Great job, William! Everyone, William did a great job dancing for the ENTIRE period, and since he had so many cool moves, he gets…five points!” Nicki said, giving William a high-five.
“All right!” yelled the kid excitedly, then he smiled devilishly and turned pointed at the Nicki. “I’m voting for you!” Nicki giggled.
“Well, we’ll see later today if I’m the one who gets slimed!” And with that, Nicki led the yellow group away from the dance area. Tess actually let out a smile as the group walked away. She hadn’t given Counselor’s Day much of a thought. She might have been nervous if she thought there was any chance of her getting messy, but there was no way that would happen. For one thing, she knew that the group counselors like Nicki were the ones who usually got slimed, not the activity leaders. But, even when another staff member was slimed, it was always the popular ones, like the camp director or one of the swimming instructors. Tess knew she wasn’t popular, and knew that, thankfully, she wouldn’t get slimed. But it hadn’t occurred to her how much fun it would be to watch the other counselors get slimed. Like Nicki. Oh man, if Nicki was one of the ones to get slimed, that would almost make her happy to have come into work today. Nicki had always been the type of girl Tess hated. Deep down it’s because Tess was jealous of her. Nicki was far less attractive than Tess, she was small-breasted and kind of awkward—more cute rather than hot. But she was always having so much fun. And while Tess would have never acknowledged it, she wished she could find the same amount of enjoyment in life. But since that was definitely not going to happen, getting to see Nicki and the other counselors like her humiliated would be the best thing about the summer. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Nicki would definitely be voted to get slimed by the yellow group—the favorite counselors were always the ones chosen, and the stupid kids actually seemed to love this idiotic girl. Tess’ slight smile grew wider. She’d love to see Nicki’s hair covered in yellow slime in particular. Tess had always wanted to be a blonde—and couldn’t wait to see Nicki’s flaxen hair covered in yellow.
Now that she was looking forward to seeing the other counselors get slimed, Tess’ day flew by. Every time a group came in to dance, Tess tried to figure out which counselor would be voted to get messy—and by the end of the day she was really looking forward to it.
The end of the day came, and before the kids left for camp, it was time for the Counselor’s Day ceremony. Stan the camp director came out to greet the camp.
“HELLO CAMP BLUE DORADE!” he called.
“HELLO, STAN!” all the kids replied.
“Well, I hope you’ve had a great day. And now it’s the end of the day, and you know what that means! It’s time for…everyone to go home! Bye!” said Stan, jokingly.
“NOOOOOOO!” the kids called. They couldn’t believe that Stan had forgotten what they’d been looking forward to all summer.
“What? Am I forgetting something?”
“SLIME!!!!” the kids yelled out!
“Oh yeah! The slime. You’re right. Well, we can’t have our Counselor’s Day slimings without our slime tank. BRING HER OUT, BOYS!” At Stan’s command, two of the lifeguards wheeled out a large wooden slime tank—it had been around at Camp Blue Dorade forever, although it had been touched up a bit over the years. It was a large wooden stall with a seat for the victim to sit. The top was open so that someone could dump the slime over the chosen target’s head. And Camp Blue Dorade did not skimp—after the slime tank had been wheeled out, the other lifeguards carried in seven especially large buckets. Each one was filled with a different color of slime—one for each of the groups at camp. The campers nearly lost their minds as the slime buckets were brought out.
“Okay, let’s get it started. Head counselors—do you all have the final count for who’s going to get slimed?” Stan asked, and the head counselors all confirmed that they did. “In that case,” said Stan, “let’s get started with the yellow group!”
All of the kids and counselors were wearing their respective colors—and all the kids in yellow shirts were jumping down and cheering. Tess—who was dressed in a grey t-shirt like all the staff members who were not associated with one group—thought she saw that annoying dancing kid, William. The head counselor, a middle-aged woman who Tess remembered hearing taught kindergarten, went up to the microphone.
“Well, Stan, we had a really close vote—a lot closer than I thought it would be, but in the end, one counselor was chosen over the others. And that counselor is…Nicki!”
Tess smirked broadly from her seat as Nicki walked up to the stage. Nicki ran up to the stage with her hands up in the air and a big goofy grin on her face looking as if she had just won the lottery. Tess couldn’t believe it. “She’s actually looking forward to this,” thought Tess. And that made it all the better—Nicki didn’t even realize how embarrassing this was going to be.
Nicki was brought over to the slime tank and dutifully sat down. Stan led the camp in a countdown. “10…9…8…7…6…5…4…” Nicki was feigning that she was scared and covered her face with her hands, but she wasn’t a very good actress and it was clear that she was really excited. “3…2…1…” the countdown finished and two lifeguards poured the bucket of yellow slime down onto the counselor.
Sure enough, Nicki immediately forgot her “scared of the slime” act and immediately embraced the slime. She tilted her head back and held her arms out to take the slime face on. The slime was a bright canary yellow, and as Tess had thought before, went well with her yellow hair. This being her first Counselor’s Day, Tess was surprised by how much slime was in the buckets. She thought maybe it would get Nicki’s hair a little messy, but by the time the slime was on its last drips, Nicki was covered almost from head to toe. Tess had a huge, wicked smile on her face—this was even better than she could have hoped for. It was as if Nicki had gone swimming in a slightly more yellow hollandaise, thought Tess. And the fact that Nicki had actually looked up? She looked ridiculous, with her face completely enveloped in the yellow liquid. All around her, everyone was cheering and laughing—Nicki wiped some slime from her face so she could see and stood up and pumped her hands in the air like Rocky.
“Well, Nicki, this is your first sliming on Counselor’s Day, isn’t it?” asked Stan.
“It is, Stan! I’ve waited three years, but I finally got the vote.”
“And how does it feel?”
“This is great! Thank you so much to the yellow group for voting for me! WHOO!” She high-fived some kids in yellow shirts in the front row—those that didn’t back away from the slimy girl—and beamed triumphantly. “You go, Nicki!” yelled one of the male counselors from the back row.
“Idiot,” thought Tess. “Doesn’t she know that everyone’s just laughing at her?” After the yellow group’s head counselor handed her a towel to wipe some of the excess slime away, Nicki went back to her seat, and the red group’s head counselor—a beefy bald guy who Tess always thought looked too much like Mr. Clean— went up to the stage. This was another group Tess was excited to hear the vote for. This one counselor—Matt—was one of the cuter guys at Camp Blue Dorade. Tess had flirted with him a bit, and he had flirted back, but in the end he had called her a bitch and moved on before they had gotten anywhere. He was a popular counselor—athletic, and popular among the boy campers especially. Tess thought there was a pretty good chance that Matt would be sent to the slime tank, and that would be even better than seeing Nicki gunged. Wipe that smile off of his smug face. Ugh, how had she once thought he was attractive?
“The votes have been tallied,” began the red team head counselor, “and we actually have a bit of a surprise here. As you all know, it’s usually one of our counselors who gets slimed, but the kids have branched out and chosen someone else on staff.”
“Uh oh,” said Stan. “You can tell me now—is it me?”
“No, it’s not you,” said the leader. “Actually, I was surprised by the vote myself. The person with the most votes is…!”
Tess wasn’t exactly sure of what happened next, and, afterwards, she certainly couldn’t remember hearing her name get read aloud. She could kind of remember hearing the leader say her name, but she thought she must have imagined it—some sort of daydream. The sound had kind of dropped out from around her—she heard some vague noises, but couldn’t really make anything out. It was like having an out of body experience. She could vaguely feel herself being led up to the amphitheater stage. Stan was saying something on the microphone, and she sat down. She could feel something wet on the seat—it must have been some of the yellow slime from Nicki’s sliming, she thought—still not putting two and two together. Her sense of sound had still not really returned, and she couldn’t figure out what was happening.
All of her senses returned immediately as she felt the slime hit the top of her head. In an instant, the confusion and shock all dissipated and all that was left was a feeling of complete disgust. She felt something wet hit her right on the top of the head. And although she didn’t look to see what it was, she could only guess it was some horrible red slime which felt terrible as it soaked into her hair. Without being able to stop herself, she let out a scream of disgust and leaned forward. She could feel the slime following her—no doubt the lifeguards pouring the slime were having a grand old time and were trying to cover her as much as possible, but she was determined that she’d not get as messy as that idiot Nicki. While she saved her front from getting hit with the slime, by leaning forward, her back got completely covered. With the full force of the slime falling onto her, some of it got in through the top of her t-shirt and felt cold against her bare skin. “UGGH,” she shrieked as she squirmed in the slime tank.
But the worst part was the laughing. From everywhere around her, the whole camp was laughing. She looked around and saw their awful faces, laughing their heads off. The worst was when her eyes fell on Matt, laughing more than anyone in the crowd. “Asshole. He somehow convinced the kids in the red group to vote for me. That must be what happened,” thought Tess.
After what seemed like forever, the slime finally stopped falling (although the laughing continued). Tess angrily walked out of the tank and stormed offstage—not even pausing to take the towel offered to her. As she haughtily returned to the audience, she heard Stan say, “Well, that’s the most animated we’ve seen Tess all summer, isn’t it?” followed by absolutely sickening laughter from the surrounding crowd.
Some of the counselors tried to say something to Tess—she didn’t listen to them because she was sure she’d find them annoying—and sat down in her seat again. How the fuck had this happened? Well, at least she had avoided the worst of it—her back was a mess, but her face and front had pretty much been spared. At least she hadn’t ended up completely covered like Nicki, and that was a good thing. She was mostly just in shock—it had never occurred to her that this would happen. But, more than being surprised, she was angry. She knew Matt had somehow convinced the red group to vote for her. What an asshole.
“Next up is the orange team,” said Stan, and the orange group head counselor took the mic.
“Our group’s vote was pretty clear,” he said. Tess didn’t know much about the orange head counselor— a lanky guy in his thirties who had probably never exchanged two words with Tess. “In fact, it seemed like everyone on the orange team wanted the same person slimed.” Tess tried to cast her anger aside. Matt was too insignificant for her to get worked up about. Maybe seeing someone else getting slimed would boost her spirits. And if this person had been so popular with the orange group, then they were probably someone really annoying.
“And,” continued the orange head counselor, “it seems like she wasn’t just popular with our group, she was popular with the red group too. It’s Tess!”
“WHAT?!” yelled Tess from the audience. Clearly this was a joke. There was no way Matt had gotten the orange group to vote for her too. Something was wrong. “No way.”
“Tess, come on down for your SECOND sliming of the day! You’re very popular today,’ said Stan.
“Absolutely not. I’m not getting slimed again. There’s been a mistake,” said Tess.
“Rules are rules, Tess,” said Stan.
“And this was no mistake. You had 80% of the vote—no one else even came close,” explained the orange team leader. In that moment, Tess hated him more than anyone else at this camp. Even more than Matt. She glared at his glasses. What a geek, she thought! He was pathetic. And this guy was saying SHE had to get slimed? Again?! Tess didn’t have much of a choice here—the staff had all known about the event and Tess thought she might have even signed something saying she had to go in. Regardless, she wasn’t going to give up the paycheck she had earned after this awful summer. She gloomily trudged up to the slime tank. This was absolutely ridiculous—she wasn’t even supposed to get slimed once and now she was being slimed for the second time? What the hell was going on?
And that was what she was thinking as she felt the slime hit her head—caught unaware for the second time. She quickly leaned forward and wiped slime from off of her forehead. The slime on her back was uncomfortable, but it was better than getting on her head and face. She’d just do what she did the last time—lean forward so that she could mostly avoid the slime.
But the lifeguards pouring the slime had a different idea. Tess had been rude to them too, and they weren’t going to let her get away clean again. They moved the bucket forward so that Tess inadvertently leaned into it directly. She got it right in the face. She let out a disgusted “uggh,” and hurriedly tried to wipe it away, but her slimy facial was pretty all-encompassing. She tried to clean her face with her hands as much as possible, but looking at her hands covered in the bright orange gunk—the color of cheez-its, Tess thought—she knew that it was streaked all over her face too. The slime just kept coming down, seemingly endlessly. And, amidst all of this, the whole audience of campers and staff were still laughing their stupid heads off.
Soon—but not soon enough for Tess—the slime was emptied from out of the bucket and Tess walked off the stage, slimier than ever. The orange slime felt especially icky between her toes—she really wished she hadn’t worn flip-flops. She tried her best to ignore the taunts from those around her as she sat down. Next up to announce the results of the vote was the purple group. Now, the head counselor for the purple team—named Roxanne— was the only one who Tess had liked. She was in her 60’s, but had clearly been a cool rocker chick in her youth, and seemed to understand that this was a crappy job. She had sometimes joked with Tess about the other goofy people at the camp, and was one of the few people Tess actually liked at this awful place. She walked past Tess as she was walking to the stage to announce the staff member getting slimed.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as she walked past. This made Tess feel a bit better—at least there was one person who felt bad that she had been slimed twice. The purple group’s head counselor took the microphone and spoke clearly.
“Hey camp Blue Dorade! Now, returning campers might remember that I have been voted to be slimed for the past three years. Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I have not received the most votes this year!” the audience of campers, led by Stan, let out a bit of an “awwwww,”
“The bad news is…well, it might not be bad news for everyone,” she continued. “The person with the most votes is…Tess!”
Tess was aghast. She stared, open-mouthed, at the purple group’s head counselor, who could only look on sympathetically as Tess had to march up to the stage for the third time that day.
“Three times in one day!” exclaimed Stan. “Congratulations, Tess, I think that’s a Camp Blue Dorade record!”
Tess sullenly sat in the slime tank and realized that was why the head counselor had said she was sorry. Why was this happening? And why was this happening to her of all people?! That’s what she was thinking as she felt the slime hit her on the head. There was no way she was going to embrace the slime or enjoy it, but she was too angry to try and resist it. Besides, she didn’t want to give these obnoxious campers the satisfaction of seeing her squirm some more. So, this time, she just sat there unmoving, fuming, and letting the slime roll down on her face. At least it wasn’t some bright color like red or orange this time, it was a deep, rich plum color, almost dark enough to be black. Since she accepted the slime more generously this time, it covered up most of the red and orange. She was covered in the thick purple mess, which coated all of her long hair and dripped down onto her face with little bits of red and orange peeking through.
“You know, Tess,” said Stan, “You are certainly not our most enthusiastic counselor, but you are definitely, without a doubt, our slimiest.”
“Fuck off,” Tess muttered under her breath. Luckily none of the kids heard her. As she walked back to her seat, she realized that the worst part is that Stan must have known about this. He must have seen that Tess got the most votes in three groups and had made those three groups go in a row just to heighten her humiliation. What an asshole. She wondered if she could sue him for something somehow.
“Next up, we have the pink group!” said Stan.
“Perfect,” thought Tess. If there was anyone she hated more than Stan, it was the head counselor for the pink group. She was a know-it-all girl—only a couple of years older than Tess, but who clearly thought very highly of herself. She was one of Tess’ least favorite people at the camp, and that was saying something. As she took the microphone, the pink head counselor looked directly at Tess and smirked. Tess smirked back.
“You know, most of the time, getting slimed at camp Blue Dorade is an honor,” she said. “And the campers vote for their favorite counselors. But if the last few votes have proven anything, it’s that this year the kids have been thinking a bit differently. Because there has been one person here who has been so boring, so disinterested, and so mean, that numerous campers were willing to save up all of their points just to get to see this person get what’s been coming to her. And I think we can all agree that, Tess, your three slimings have been a long time coming. Am I right?” The camp voiced their support. Tess muttered an expletive under her breath. It was enough that she’d been slimed three times, this obnoxious girl had to embarrass her further? The nerve of her!
“Wait, did I say three slimings?” continued the pink head counselor, “Because…it’s four. Come on down, Tess! Because the pink group has also voted for you!” At this, the camp absolutely lost it. Tess was fuming—how was it possible that the camper’s cheers were getting louder?! Each new announcement of another sliming just felt like another slap in the face, and Tess was tired of it. She trudged down to the slime tank and sat in it with arms crossed. Already covered in so much slime Tess had entered a sort of rage-induced catatonic state. She didn’t even flinch as the pink slime hit her. It was a brilliant bubble-gum pink and was especially bright against the somewhat dried dark purple slime she’d previously been covered with. It cascaded down her head and all down her front. She felt the slime stop rolling and started to get up.
“Not just yet. That was only half of the bucket, Tess,” said Stan. “Kelsey, would you like to do the honors?” Tess wiped the pink slime out of her face and looked around. “Who the fuck is Kelsey,” she thought. Then, with a sense of overwhelming dread, she realized exactly who Kelsey was. Kelsey was the obnoxious leader of the pink group—the one who had just called Tess out in front of everyone. In her dislike, Tess had completely forgotten her name. As she saw Kelsey go to the side of the tank to finish pouring the bucket, Tess immediately leaned forward. There was no way she was giving Kelsey the satisfaction of getting pink slime in her hair.
This turned out to be a really bad decision on Tess’ part. Since she’d not been allowed to wear her usual v-neck shirts because they showed too much cleavage, she had taken to wearing shirts that were simply too short. And, by leaning forward, the shirt had ridden up, leaving the opening to the top of her shorts exposed. Kelsey took aim, and the pink slime started to enter her shorts and cover her shapely ass (“of course I had to wear a thong today,” thought Tess). Luckily, it was only half a bucket, and after not too long, Tess was allowed to exit the tank for the fourth time that day. She sloshed around uncomfortably and she walked to her seat. She looked down and saw that pink slime was trickling through her black shorts and onto her already slime-colored legs.
The next group to announce their chosen victim was the green group. The team leader of this group was named Gus, and he was by far the oldest person at the camp. He had been there forever—most of the other team leaders remembered him being a counselor there when THEY were campers, usually adding that “Gus seemed old even then.” He didn’t really do much at the camp, but Stan was sure not going to fire someone who had been around as long as Gus, even though he probably should. Besides, Gus’ son served as the “second counselor” for the green group, and did all the work anyway, so the kids weren’t ever in danger. Unlike the other group leaders who gave little speeches, old Gus just went up there and with, no fanfare, said, “It’s Rory.”
The camp applauded politely as Rory went up. Tess vaguely recognized him—she didn’t think he was attractive, so she’d never really paid much attention to him. Rory was kind of overweight—not fat, but not exactly thin—with a mass of unkempt light brown hair and a baby face. He seemed kind of like a big kid himself, and was clearly popular with the campers, happily running up to the stage. “Whatever,” thought Tess, “at least it’s not me.” But as Rory started to go towards the tank, everyone heard Gus loudly exclaim “WHAT’S THAT?”
“There’s more!” Gus’ son was whispering from the sidelines.
“Whadda you mean more?”
“Keep reading.”
“I…hold on.” Gus had reached into his pocket and put on some reading glasses. “I…I can’t read your writing, I…”
“Oh, for…hold on.” Gus’ son went up to the mic. He was clearly ready for the summer to be over. “We had a tie.”
“Oh, a tie? That’s a camp first!” said Stan. “Who’s the second victim…I mean winner,” Stan joked.
Gus, squinting through his reading glasses at the paper in his hand, had finally deciphered what his son had written. “Who’s Tish?”
“Tess. Tess. The green group also chose Tess.”
While the camp had applauded for Rory, they went absolutely wild for Tess. Stan was saying something, but Tess didn’t want to listen—whatever he was saying would just piss her off more, as she walked to the slime tank. Rory motioned for her to join him.
“Come on in. The slime is fine,” he joked. She just glared at him. The tank was only made for one, so Tess had to sit on Rory’s lap as they awaited the impending sliming. Rory slipped his arm around her and pressed his hand on her side—a little too tightly for Tess’ comfort.
“You look great,” he said.
“Fuck you.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “You look hot. Hotter than normal.”
“Another word and I will punch you in the face.”
“I’m totally serious. Seeing you getting slimed? Hottest thing I’ve seen in my life,” he said. Tess looked at him. She could see he wasn’t lying.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Hey, we all have our kinks. I’d love to know what yours is.”
Tess was grateful when the slime came this time because it finally ended her conversation with this weirdo. And while some green slime definitely got in her hair, Rory seemed to be intentionally getting the worst of it. He wiped some slime away and winked at Tess. She was a little creeped out by this guy, but at least he had taken the brunt of the slime this time—goodness knows she had gotten enough already. As she stood up to leave the slime tank, she felt Rory smack her ass, hard. She turned and looked at him and he winked again. Any goodwill she had felt towards him immediately vanished. She looked around and apparently no one had seen Rory’s little slap. Enraged, she walked back to her seat. While the green slime had mostly missed her, she had gotten a fairly good coating of it on her left shoulder—a bright green splotch against the colorful mess she was already wearing. Tess took the time to really look at herself for the first time. After five different slimings, it seemed like she was covered everywhere. The layers of slime were definitely adding up, and it felt heavy on her. The weight of it made the slime ooze down—finding any square inch of her that was clean and covering it up. That was the worst part. She luckily didn’t have a mirror and couldn’t see her face (although it was quite a sight) but she could FEEL the slime all over her. And then there was the laughing. The constant laughing. And then the horrifying notion that there might be other counselors like Rory who seemed to actually be turned on by this. “Ew ew ew! What if Matt thought me getting covered in slime was hot?!” she thought. She glanced at him and, sure enough, he was staring at her. But, to be fair, everyone was staring at her. She had certainly been the highlight of the day!
“Well, it certainly has been an exciting Counselor’s Day already,” said Stan. “Usually, I look out at this crowd and see a lot more messy staff members. But today, I only see three. But, Tess, you are definitely the messiest counselor in the history of Camp Blue Dorade!” The campers all laughed. Tess showed Stan her middle finger, but thankfully none of the campers noticed.
“And,” continued Stan, “We still have one more group left to go. The blue group!” Now the blue group was different. Since it was camp BLUE Dorade, the blue group consisted only of the CITs (Counselors In Training)—the older students who were technically campers, but were training to be staff members. And this was good news for Tess. Unlike the other groups, the CITs didn’t have dance, and so they had no reason to vote for Tess. While Tess had certainly not predicted that she would get so messy today (or any day of her life, for that matter) she knew at least that she would not get the blue sliming. And, plus, this was the last group, so she could go wash this slime off soon and the whole ordeal would be over, and that was a definite relief.
“And the staff member the blue group has chosen to slime is…me!” The camp director laughed and pretended to look horrified. Tess glared at him. “Good,” she thought. “At least this asshole will have to get messy too.” But she didn’t feel happy about it. Nothing could have made her feel happy now.
“Now, this is not my first time getting slimed,” said Stan as he walked to the slime tank, “and it probably won’t be the last. But…you know what, it just feels like after the way Counselor’s Day has gone so far, someone else should be up here instead of me. Don’t you think?”
“TESS!” screamed the campers, clearly relishing this.
“NO WAY!” yelled Tess in return. There was no way, absolutely no way she was getting in that tank again. Not after the group had voted for someone else!
“Now, Tess, I don’t suppose there’s any chance you’re going to take my place here,” said Stan.
“No,” she said, flatly. “No way in hell.” Stan sighed. He was reminded why everyone had voted for this obnoxious dance instructor in the first place—any other staff member would have at least played along. But Tess refused. He had not influenced the votes in any way, but he had loved the outcome of the day, and the chance to make this girl, who he so regretted hiring, suffer so completely. And, in that moment, he decided he was going to make sure she got slimed again. Somehow.
“Now, you say that, and I’m not going to make you go back into the slime tank if you don’t want to. But…how about this.” Stan reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. For his wallet, he pulled out a crisp ten dollar bill. “Ten dollars if you take this sliming instead of me.”
“Bite me,” she said. The campers laughed, but Tess had not meant it to be funny.
“How about thirty bucks?” he said, pulling a twenty out of his pocket.
“I’m not doing it,” Tess replied.
“Hmm…I only have a five and two singles left in my wallet. I don’t suppose you’d do it for thirty seven dollars, would you?” Tess didn’t even respond. She thought this was pathetic, and she just wanted this whole thing to be over so she could go wash off. She was ready to just storm off and leave if Stan didn’t just take the sliming he was supposed to get. And Stan was worried that if he didn’t make a much better offer, Tess was going to curse, or do something that the parents would complain about later.
“Okay, fine. One hundred dollars. I don’t have it on me, but we can add it to your next paycheck. One hundred dollars to get slimed. It’s not like you’re not already covered.” Tess instinctively wanted to say no, just out of her disagreeable nature, but…Stan made a good point. One hundred dollars was real money to her. And she didn’t truly feel like she could be MORE humiliated at this point.
“Two hundred,” she countered.
“Fine. Do we have a deal?”
“Whatever,” said Tess, and she glumly trudged up to the slime tank again. She tried to ignore the almost uncontrollable screams of the kids in the crowd. As she sat in the tank, she saw Rory cheering and immediately regretted her decision. “Just get it over with,” she said. In her mind she tried to tell herself that the extra buckets wouldn’t do anything. She was, after all, already pretty much covered in slime. And while she had wiped it away from her face, the slime was pretty much every else. Could MORE slime possibly make any difference.
The first bucket poured was poured and it was business as usual for Tess. She felt the blue slime hit her head and cascade down her face. After sitting in the sun for a while, the blue slime—a light, robin’s egg blue— felt very warm and this just made the whole thing feel ickier. As the blue slime was added to the vast array of slime already covering Tess, it just felt heavier and thicker. And the fact that she had actually agreed to this was unbearable! “I should have asked for three hundred,” she thought. It seemed as if this bucket would never end—at one point she opened her eyes and immediately regretted it—she saw nothing but blue. If she could have seen herself then—the blue slime had completely covered up all of the other colors. She was a blue, blobby mess. And then the second bucket was poured—just as bad as before. The blue slime, more than any of the others, was all-encompassing. Her hair was blue, her face was blue, her clothes were blue. And, underneath the clothes, she was just as slimy. Not a single inch of her was left uncovered. When she felt the slime stop falling, she started to get up. Her only thought was that she needed to get out of there. She had to go jump in the pool, and even then she didn’t know if the slime would ever wash off. She felt her hair, and how the slime had started to dry and really cake into her long auburn locks. She didn’t want to think about how much she would have to wash it.
She stood up, and tried to leave, but felt one of the lifeguards push her back onto the bench. “Oh, what the fuck?” thought Tess. She was sure that second bucket must have been finished.
“Tess, I don’t think you know about the extra surprise we always have for whoever is chosen by the blue group,” she heard Stan say, and before she had time to process this, her world went white, as foam sprayed everywhere. She wasn’t sure from where—she was having difficulty seeing through all the slime and, now, foam. Probably some nozzles from somewhere in the tank, she would think later. But for now, she was just in shock, for not the first time that day. While the slime had been awful, it had at least calmly fallen on her. The foam came out powerfully and knocked her back—she felt herself actually moving along the bench. One of the nozzles , completely by chance and unluckily for Tess, had been pointed directly at her top, and she felt her shirt fill up with the foam. After what seemed like ages, the foam finally stopped, and Tess emerged from the tank. She was completely unrecognizable. The slime was still oozing down her body, and the foam was now going with it. She wiped the massive mess away from her eyes—in time to see Matt snap a picture on his phone. “This is totally going on facebook,” she heard him say.
“Camp Blue Dorade, I present to you the true champion of Counselor’s Day, your dance instructor for this year—and I’m guessing for this year only—Tess!” The kids cheered and Tess ran off towards the pool—slipping around on her slime-covered flip-flops as she did so. She needed to jump in the pool as soon as possible. Stan watched her go—her running away was the most energetic Tess had been the entire summer. “I love Counselor’s Day,” he thought.
I think it’s a true or false game, anyway. Didn’t have the sound on when I watched this, but I think I understood the question about “Adolfo Hitler”. Anyway, this clip’s a touch frustrating in my opinion. The first person to get messed is a girl, whom dodges most of the gunk. The second’s another girl, who gets a powder mess (the idea of which has grown on me somewhat lately, but still isn’t what I particularly like). The third’s a man. The fourth’s a girl who also dodges her mess, but then gets a second bucket to make up for it, which she doesn’t get to dodge – definitely the highlight here! Fifth’s a man. Enjoy (or endure).
Also, I can’t help feeling that the first girl should have been given a second mess.
(Credit goes to gungeking3000 at ECG for the find.)
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is entirely fictional. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
It was her turn, she knew, and she couldn’t wait. She’d heard this was coming up, and knew she had to say yes when someone suggested she do it. When she heard some of the others involved, she knew it wouldn’t hurt her cred one bit. After all, every type of celebrity seemed to be involved, from the A-list actresses, like Jennifer Lawrence or Penelope Cruz, to ex-Disney stars, and even rock singers like herself. Sierra Kusterbeck knew this would be a great opportunity.
Tiffany peered through the mess, wiping bits of rice off her nose, not to mention all the rest of the messy stuff clinging to her. “Another Metalhead, Amanda? You found quite a few of those.”
Amanda looked at her notes. “Yes, but apparently this one came from another source. doesn’t matter though, Sierra here is just as keen as the rest.” Sierra smiled, before climbing into the celebrity pool. She took note of the washed-away dregs in the corners, but thought nothing of it as she sat down.
“Hey guys, whatcha got for me?” Sierra, despite her clear excitement, was sat very still, looking up at Amanda. Amanda herself looked at her notes. “Well, let us introduce you first. Here we have Sierra Kusterbeck, one half of the band Versa. Is it true you once pulled a ‘Mila Kunis’?”
Sierra frowned. “I don’t follow…”
“You got an audition by making a technically true statement that was taken to mean you were older than they you actually were.”
Sierra blushed. “Er, yeah, that’s true.”
“And of course, Sierra also sang with Professor Green, while he did some plug for Relentless.”
Tiffany perked up. “Oh yeah, I remember that. I sure love Relentless, really gets you up in the morning.”
Amanda laughed. “Of course, other Energy drinks can be bought as well.” Sierra laughed at the obvious plug, with the bits of rice pudding still around it. “Now, to business. We haven’t had that much in terms of fruit have we?”
Tiffany laughed. “Er, yeah, if you don’t count the Orange Juice, or the Apple sauce, or even that jam we had for Q. Apart from those, no.”
It was Amanda’s turn to blush. “Ah, well, that link’s ruined then. Here Tiffany, Sierra, we have Strawberry Syrup for you ladies.” Amanda didn’t pull her punches, in fact she didn’t even bother waiting, she just pulled both levers, and both barrels tipped. Tiffany, already totally covered in mess, let the Strawberry Syrup wash over her. Or at least she would if the stuff wasn’t so damn slow to fall out of the barrel. The red syrup slid its way over the milky rice pudding, slowly expanding in all directions over Tiffany.
Meanwhile, Sierra was getting her own dose of Strawberry Syrup. Like a true rockstar, Sierra didn’t shy away from the mess one bit, embracing the mess by wooing, and sticking up rock hands while looking dead ahead. The red sauce seeped its way over her brown hair, surrounding her face and dripping down on to her T-shirt. Even without the mess, the Syrup was slow in its descent on the goal of covering Sierra completely, but sure enough, the rockstar was soon covered in a thin red layer of the stuff.
Soon enough, both barrels ran out. Tiffany did a quite familiar gesture clearing her face so she could see, and looked over to see a Strawberry Sierra. “Aw, no fair, you didn’t let me watch.”
Amanda waved her hand dismissively. “Ah, watch the rerun, you’ll know the result then.” Amanda glanced down at the computer, before her eyes went wide, and she swore under her breath. “We’re late, we’re late, we’re really really late. Sierra, its been lovely to have you, but we’re behind schedule, it’s my fault really. If you want to see Troy about the photo, and then we can continue. Thanks again.”
Sierra looked a little perturbed to being rushed, indeed she was playing with the Syrup in her hands, but she didn’t want to keep the people waiting, so she smiled at Tiffany, giving her a rock hand, then made her way over to Troy. Sierra held the bottle of Strawberry Syrup, and Troy got his shots, Sierra going through a few rock poses. She then took the bottle with her, heading presumably to the shower.
Sierra made sure to nod to Miss T as she passed her though…
And that was S. So much has changed since I last wrote anything, so here goes.
Firstly, Sorry for the huge (2 month) delay in writing this part. I’m not too sure what’s most to blame, something between writer’s block, RL busyness and internet issues. Either way, I’m just thankful that its done now.
I also see there’s been a change in site business since I was last here. I’m looking forward to seeing everything happening. Hopefully the great stories will continue (I’ve read a few of them when I can, and the standard is as great as ever). I’m sure VanillaXSlime will do a great job in running things here.
Looking back at the last thing I wrote, that would be The Ramp – GGP edition, which as good an idea as it was, I don’t think I have it in me to finish. Another time, another author maybe. In terms of this project, The author formerly known as Tellygunge is writing T, followed by some guest authors (or at least that was the plan last I checked, it has been too long). I’m going to be back to get it right with Y this time, so I’ll see you all then.
RunninRebel at ECG posted this link to a very cute news reporter called Courtney Perna visiting the circus for a news report. Was it a slow news day? Maybe. Was it worth it? Well, seeing as she got pied at the end, I’d say so. Got to agree with the anchorwoman’s analysis of her taking it “like a champ”! Link.
This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
—
And here it is, the next episode! You didn’t have to wait long at all! You won’t for the next either. Now this is going to be featuring a few ‘modifications’ to the Gunk Dunk, and a couple of new messy games in the usual slotsw, something to look forward to for you. Enjoy!
As I like to remind anyone who doesn’t know, the adults, reasons and even the kids are all created by two of your fellow readers.
ALL GAMES AND THE GUNK DUNK QUESTIONS ARE DECIDED WITH A COIN TOSS. The only part that is not, is “—”, as that’s like a personal ‘Goo Who’ for myself based on the case put forward from the lovely readers. Now, over to Dave…
—
The camera whizzed around the audience, who were all kids cheering as the familiar tune played out. It finally spun round toward the gunk dunk set, quickly passing it and then toward the middle of the floor again where a figure had suddenly appeared. It was of course the God of Gunge himself and he was standing, folding his arms and simply nodding in a ‘cool’ fashion as the camera came up to greet him.
“My name is Dave Benson Phillps and I’m on a mission! A mission to see that every gruesome grownup ends up in a big tank of gruesome gunge. Oh yes! This is Get Your Own Back!”
The titles rolled on as always. The last episode had been rated highly, like most others and Dave felt that some minor changes where helping the show along. He was looking forward the episode as there were two new games he had implemented this week, one of them which would alternatively swap back and forth with ‘Pie Jinks’. It was in an aim to freshen up the show before it got too boring. He’d even managed a way to make the Gunk Dunk worse, and was eager to see it happen. it was promising to be pretty messy. The titles, which now featured a few of the recent ladies during the games ended and Dave came running on from the side.
“Welcome back to another episode of GYOB, where the games are fun, contestants are in power and the adults get very messy! Oh yeah, we have a great show coming up for you today, a couple of new games, and also – what is going on with the Gunk Dunk behind me, take a look, look!”
Dave grabbed the camera for a moment and lifted it slightly to look over his shoulder, whilst still able to look into it a little. The only part of the Gunk Dunk stage itself that was visible, was half of the gunge tank. The rest was covered in curtains and a sign which read, “EW! Find out later what’s happening!” across the curtains. Dave nudged the camera back.
“Now what is going on there? Well I can’t reveal much until we get there later on, oh no, however I will say that it is being made a lot worse. It’s being made more messier and potentially more humiliating for our adults. But who are the two adults who will find themselves over it later? Time to meet the teams!”
Dave backed up, hand held out his right hand.
“Please welcome 10 year old Adrian for the yellows! And for the blues, 11 year old Mable!”
Dave then held out his left hand. Both kids came running in, Adrian the shorter with slightly scruffy hair of a brown colour. Mable was a little taller, with long hair which was a darker shade of brown, nearly black. Both of them waved and Dave turned to Adrian first.
“Adrian who do you want to get your own back on?”
“A family friend and actress at my theatre school. She’s a right drama queen but also a right stinker.”
“I see, let’s have a look at your letter here…”
Dear Dave…
Please help me to get my own back on Mei, she’s such a pain! We both go to the same theatre and she lives nearby so she always gives me a lift but she wears so much perfume that it stinks out the car and I can’t breath! Then when I get there she always sits near me and all I can smell is her pongy perfume! Its meant to smell nice but its just a choking cloud of icky flowers and everyone else is sick of it too! Help me give Mei a good gunging so that I can smell the sweet smell of success for a change!
Adrian
“Hang on a moment…”
Dave pulled out three clothes pegs, putting one on his nose and giving one each to Adrian and Mable.
“One for you, and you…OK lads, bring in that wiffy woman!”
The crew rolled in a cart this week, instead of a cage. On the cart was an old fashioned pillory. The 28 year old actress was of Chinese decent, and was rather petite for her age, although she was bent over anyway in the pillory. She had shoulder length black hair, which was neatly styled with a white polka dotted red headband on her forehead. She had a slim but cute looking figure, her breasts were small but her rear was nice and round. She was wearing shorts, her legs thin yet smooth, well kept after. She was wearing black nail polish, and flexing her long slim fingers. Her face was cute, and the cheeks only slightly chubby. She was pulling a very dramatic looking crying face and could be heard well before Dave spoke up, protesting.
“Ugh! No! NO! AGHH!”
“Alright, alright, stop! Stop, stop, stop! Mei! Mei-Ling! Oi, hush! Thank you, right! My goodness. Mei-Ling, may I call you Mei? Haha! OK enough of that. I have to say Mei, you really do smell very fresh and like a flower patch indeed, but it’s a bit overwhelming surely!”
Mei spoke with a soft and quiet voice, with a hint of an accent in.
“But it’s a good thing to smell nice! It’s never too much and it makes people think a lot better of me if I’m fresh as a daisy Dave! Honestly it does!”
“Well it doesn’t for Adrian! Ohhh, I think you’re trying to play the innocent with me here.”
Mei looked away and giggled, and looked back at Dave fluttering her eyebrows. She was clearly overreacting, as she did do often with being an actress.
“I am innocent Dave. All I’m doing is making myself better to smell for everyone, doing them a big favour and what do I get? Being brought on this sh – UMPH!”
Dave had handed a yellow cloth to Adrian, who straight away stuck it in the poor girls mouth. Mei screamed a little through the cloth and shook her head, looking all around.
“Oh you get a cloth, that’s what! Adrian, I do sympathise with you, is it really that bad?”
“She once spent 4 minutes spraying a can of deodorant on herself in the car. I was there and it was overwhelming. I think she’s in the right place for a fragrance change.”
At this, Mei stopped stuggling, her eyes opening wide at this comment. Although overreacting, there was some genuine fear in her eyes, as smelling fresh was always at the top of her agenda.
“She certainly is! OK Mable, welcome to GYOB, who is that you’re hoping to cover in gunge later on?”
“My annoyingly obsessed music tutor, blegh. Her name is Kirsten.”
“I see, well here is your letter. Let’s have a read of it…”
Dear Dave,
My name is Mable and I want to get my own back on my guitar tutor Kirsten Daniels. She is totally obsessed with what she thinks is the best band ever: Black Veil Brides. She wears t-shirts with them on, she sings their songs, she dresses like them, does her hair like them, wears makeup like them, she even knows how to play all their songs and makes me learn them! I can’t take it anymore! She’s 21 but acts like the girls at my school do about One Direction! I want to learn real rock, metal and grunge, so send Kirsten into the gunge!
Mable
“OK fellas, bring her in – oh my word!”
The crew rolled out a cart, which had Kirsten stuck inside a pillory like Mei. Inside it was 21 year old Kirsten, however her face was covered through the hole of the pillory with all her hair, which was black and looked as though it was from the 80′s. Her arms that stuck out through the holes though were quite pale. She was bent over in the pillory, but it was easy to make out that she had a curvy figure. Her chest, although hard to make out was of a nice size, as was her rear behind her. Her leggings were hugging her legs and rear tightly. As the cart came to a stop, Dave walked forward.
“Oh my, no, no. We need to be able to see your face Kirsten!”
He walked in front of the pillory and cleaned her hair up a little out of her face, and stepped away. Her face, along with arms, were also quite pale but due to some foundation, it looked even paler than her arms. She was wearing black eyeliner, along with glossy black lipstick and nail polish, making her eyes instantly noticeable as they were large, green and quite beautiful. Her hair was a little cleaner at her sides now and not as scruffy thanks to Dave, but it was clearly dyed liquorice black and styled like a throwback to the rockstars of the 80′s to reflect her tastes. As Dave spoke, she was pulling a fierce looking face at her young adversary.
“There we – ARGH! Should have left her hair covering her face, she looks set to rip me and Mable here to shreds! Kirsten, you’re obsessed with this rock band then but do you really have to imitate them and make poor Mable have to learn all of their -”
“Absolutely. They’re the best band in the world, and they should be worshipped. In fact Mable is worshipping them by learning the songs.”
“Well if you say so. Mable, is she ok as a music teacher usually though?”
“She would be ok, if she didn’t obsess and make me learn rubbish songs from the band she is obsessed with. Oh Dave it’s not fair at all.”
“Yes it is, you should be grateful that – what do you think you’re – mmmppphhh!”
Dave had sneered as he handed Mable a blue cloth, with she then stuffed into the mouth of Kirsten, who shook her head from side to side violently in frustration at the two of them.
“There we go, bit of silence! Hahaha! Over the course of the show our two young contestants will be playing some great games, trying to get as many points as they can, whilst their two adults will be trying to stop that from happening. There’s also going to be a chance to get to know our contestants more too. But we are all here for this! Follow me over here!”
Dave led the camera toward the Gunk Dunk set, stopping at the side. Despite the curtains covering up whatever work was going on behind, half of the tank was visible. This week it was fully up to the brim. Dark purple was its main theme, but there was a really thick load of white swirls around it. The gunge itself seemed to be full of a bubbly texture, and small pea sized lumps, giving it a horrible new look. Dave picked up a hose and began shooting out a thick stream of yellow sludge from it, which heavily splashed into the gunge.
“This here is the Gunk Dunk. It’s been roasting under the studio lights for a long time now, baking it to make it even fouler! It’s now deeper in places, meaning one of those two women over there are going to find it hard not to sink under a few times! We also have a few new features for it, but I can only tell you one right now – a load of relatable substances, nasty ones at that will play a part for our adults! That’s only one improvement, stay tuned till the end though to see the rest of the features! Oh, put a lot of this yellow gunge in there by mistake…well, I say mistake! Maybe not!”
Dave backed up and walked toward the teams, as the camera quickly took a close up of the gunge. It was now looking even more unpleasant. The purple and white swirl pattern now had a dense puddle of yellow in to its corner, which were mixing horrible with the goo, and looked to almost be floating on the surface. It cut to show the teams and Dave.
“Cannot wait for that gunge later on. And I bet you Mei and Kirsten really can’t wait to fall right into that tank later on and be embarrassed in front of the whole nation! Well, maybe they can! But now it’s time for the first game!”
Dave stuck up his hands and laughed as the title card flashed on.
- Round 1: Make The Cake! -
The camera swung in to show Dave stood between both Adrian and Mable. Both were wearing aprons and were rearing to go. Behind them was some sort of course, but Dave wasn’t allowing a peak for a moment.
“Welcome to the GYOB bakery for a brand new game! Now we usually make big cakes from scratch here, plus one adult, however this time the cakes are made already! Now what both Adrian and Mable have to do is take these large pink bows here, and run through the course, placing the bows onto the cake. There are 6 places for the bows, and then we can ice the cakes. Bit weird to do that, but this is GYOB and we make our cakes differently!”
The camera began to pan up, in the distance showing two adult sized sponge coloured wedding cake props. As the camera zoomed in though, it was evident who the cakes were for. Each one was on a circle turntable, both were not really cakes, but were made out of foam. Strapped in though were the adults. On the left, Mei was waving her hand’s through to wholes in the sides, smiling widely over to the Dave and the contestants. On the right though, Kirsten was pulling a really sulky expression, not moving her hands. Both of their heads and necks stuck out the top of the cake, which had three tiers like round steps.
“There are our cakes! Mei, you look a bit happy in your new role!”
“I think it’s fun!”
“Oh well you do now, but you won’t soon because as soon as either Adrian or Mable stick all their bows to the cakes, their adult themed cake will be risen up a bit into the air, and a large funnel right above them is going to ‘ice’ one of them with bright pink! They do however have a couple of small icing water pistols to use against the kids. Looking forward to it now Mei?”
Mei had suddenly pulled and expression of terror and didn’t answer, whilst Kirsten looked a little shocked that this could happen.
“Kirsten, you like pink don’t you?”
“THIS IS BARBARIC! And no. Too bright and girlie.”
Dave laughed, and without further ado, counted down the game to start as both contestants pinked up a bow and navigated through the tables, which were all laden with props of cakes and pies, muffins and drinks. Both kids were evenly matched as they ran through, and both more or less stuffed the bows onto the cake props at the same time, some velcro helping them stick. Both took a bit of a spattering from the adults as they made their way back for another bow. Once again, they both got a spattering and were evenly matched as they ran through the course to place their second bows on the cakes.
“Brand new game here at Get Your Own Back, and I really cannot wait for one of these adults to get covered. It’s really great icing we have for them, they’re going to plastered! But both of the kids have placed their third bows on the cakes by the look of it. I have no idea who will win this, Adrian or Mable! Here we go, both coming back for their 4th bows now. And there they go again, back through the maze of tables.”
Dave laughed as Adrian got splattered on his chest from Mei, but placed the bow on the cake anyway. Mable did the same, also taking some goo to the back of her head from one of Kirsten’s icing filled pistols. Both got their 5th bow and began to run back, still evenly matched, although the person to place theres first was Adrian.
“There we go, both of them are going back for the 6th and final – OH NO! Adrian’s slipped! Oh no!”
Adrian had indeed slipped on some stray icing on the floor. Mei was laughing like crazy, cheering slightly too. Her cake wobbled a little, as though she may have been doing some sort of small dance inside of the cake prop. Adrian though picked himself up, unharmed but now behind Mable who already had her bow and was turning.
“Now we secretly told the kids where the 6th bow is meant to be placed, and you will like this now as she runs towards Kirsten and…plonk! HAHAHA!”
Mable reached up the cake and placed the bright pink bow firmly into the black and stylish hair of Kirsten, who simply opened her mouth in wide shock. She continued to keep her mouth open in an ‘O’ as it was fitted, and Mable climbed off. The cake suddenly wobbled though as the klaxon went, and it rose up, Kirsten rising up with it as she helplessly looked from left to right.
“uuuhh…uhh…woah..”
The turntable came to a stop, and it slowly began to rotate, the cake on top doing the same. Kirsten looked nervously above her, and braced herself. Knowing the risk though, she decided to look up at the large funnel, and cringed, though a little bit of her excited in truth.
“Nnnnggghhhh – NOO – UGH -”
There was a splurging sound and a cascade of pink gunge dropped down in a large stream onto the wannabe rockstar, splashing right into her gawping, terrified face. As she yelled, she was silenced as she took a mouthful f the stuff. It continued to rain down, covering her black hair, and the cake prop around her. It was really thick, and her head was left as a pink blob on top of a nearly fully coated cake. From behind her plastering she pulled another big ‘O’ and let out a huge groan as the pink began to slowly stop to a steady drip that spattered on her head.
“Ohhhhh ughhh.”
The base continued to rotate. the gunge spattered prop and tutor helplessly turning with it. She felt the stuff sticking to her every feature, and was aware of all the eyes in the audience on her. She felt her cheeks burning up, but was smiling a tiny bit. It had been an experience most certainly. On the ground Dave and the kids where now stood, alongside the Mei cake looking up at the spectacle.
“That was brilliant! Haha, Mable, you got all 6 bows placed onto the cake before it was decorated, well done, 60 points! And Adrian you only for the 5, but it’s a good score of 50 points!”
Above them, the cake was still slowly turning, small groans and sighs of disgust coming from Kirsten, large mound of the pink having collected on top of Kirsten’s head.
“Mable do you think pink is her colour?”
“Definitely, she looks all pretty!”
This cued another groan and a defeated sounding Kirsten.
“You better watch it…eww.”
Dave laughed and looked at the camera.
“Well that was great, but next up, is my bit on the side!”
—
Dave’s Bit On The Side: Yellows
The camera panned down to show Dave sitting in between the yellow team, in front of the Gunk Dunk as it had been like last time. Mei was sitting, holding her hands in front of her legs, which were being shown of nicely in the close up of all three of them. Adrian was at the other side of Dave happily smiling at the camera. The curtains were still up on the gunge though, as Dave turned back to the camera.
“I cannot wait for later! Now, there is a bit of a strong smell here but I can’t decide if it’s you Mei, fresh as daisy’s, or this stuff behind us, which is smelling a bit like gardening compost right now. Hm, not sure! This is the part where I get to have some fun now though, I’m going to find out a little more about you two. I’m going to ask you Adrian a couple of questions and answer as honestly as you can, alright? Mei, prepared to be embarassed!”
Mei pulled a really pouty look as Dave turned to Adrian.
“OK Adrian, now you and Mei both go to a theatre school, correct? Good, now why don’t you tell us what role she played in a production at Christmas?”
Mei folded her arms and sighed heavily with another pout.
“It was so funny! So it was the Christmas story, as we do each year. I was one of the wise men of course, my best friend Alex was Joseph, and we all had really normal roles. But we had all voted for Mei to have a really silly role and she ended up playing the donkey! It was even funnier because she had to lie in a load of hay which she said was smelly, and of course she hates it when things aren’t fresh! It didn’t smell, she was just being a drama queen, but she was really embarrassed and it was hilarious!”
Dave turned to a very red Mei, grinning like mad.
“EEE-AWW! So you played the donkey did you? Were you not born to play the role?”
“Oh…shut up Dave! It wasn’t funny it was really mean!”
Dave simply laughed at this along with Adrian and turned back to him.
“I’m looking at her in a new light now Adrian! Thank’s for that! That’s not all that went on though is it? You once did an original theatre musical didn’t you? And she was cast as Kylie wasn’t she?”
“Yeah we did, but God, her singing was terrible.”
Mei sighed again.
“Wasn’t that bad.”
“I think we should be a the judge of that see we actually have a video of -”
“WHAT -NO.”
“A video of that singing, let’s take a look!”
The video started and showed Mei dressed up in a white Kylie outfit, and singing ‘Can’t get you out of my head’. She was dancing around the stage, and the singing was awful. It continued on until it finally came to an end. Mei was covering her face, embarrassed fully on national TV.
“Adrian thank you so much for that – and you get a bit of a prize. See, because you made us all laugh, I’m going to give you the chance to have Mei embarrass herself a little more for us – Mei, you have to stand up and sing for us m’dear, if not 20 points are added for Adrian!”
Mei let her arms fall loose and pull a really pouty and over exaggerated ‘Do I have to?’ face at Dave. She then stood up and began to sing the song as she had in the video. The audience around cracked up laughing and then began to boo. After 30 seconds or so, Dave decided enough was enough and asked her to sit back down. As soon as she did she threw her face forward and buried it in her knees, not bearing to look at the audience. She was smiling a little at the humiliation and attention though.
“Fantastic! Some say I’m a bit mean, but I’m only serving justice! Thank you for that Mei, and thank you very much Adrian for those tales! Time for the next round!”
- Round 2: “Slime Wall” -
The camera focused in on Dave, standing on a large blue inflatable. In the middle was a wall with yellow counters on, and to either side of him, attached to bungie cords where the yellows. Behind both Mei and Adrian however was another wall for each. Mei’s was bare, and Adrian’s full of yellow counters. Below each of their walls was a small shallow ditch however, filled with green slime. Dave stood by the low wall in the middle, already filled with a few counters and spoke.
“Another old classic with a twist now on Get Your Own Back. It’s fairly simple, all Adrian has to do is pull counters from his wall, run over to this small wall, and put them on it. Mei on the other hand has to try and take the counters from this small wall and put them onto the one behind her. It’s 10 points for each counter left on this small wall in the middle in the end! Both of you had best avoid that bit of slime though, hahaha! Ready, 3, 2, 1, GOOO!”
Dave shouted as he ran off. Both ran toward the small wall quickly, Mei got there first, pulling a counter off and then bounced back, keeping her balance. Adrian however also kept his balance and plonked a counter on the wall. Both of them did this another three times or so as Dave spoke.
“Great start from both of these two here, they are doing a great job at avoiding the ditch of slime! Mei now takes another off the wall as Adrian puts one back on – OH! She’s tripped a little though, and again! She can’t keep her balance! Adrian has placed another on the wall though.”
Mei was beside herself in laughter as she stood up and bounced, balancing. She gathered herself though and ran back toward the wall, taking a counter as she did. Adrian was focused and took another off the wall.
“This is going to be close you know, Mei has been doing a good job I have to say!”
She ran up to the wall again, just as Adrian did, however this time she stretched a bit too far, and half screamed, half laughed as she was pulled back. She did a backward roll and continued to laugh, however as she stood, she slipped slightly into the ditch, her left leg getting a spattering of green. She pulled a face and stuck her tongue out, as Adrian placed another counter on the wall just before the klaxon went.
“Hold your horses guys! Woah!”
Dave bounced onto the inflatable, suddenly tripping slightly near to the wall. This coursed huge laughter from everyone, but he stood back up and pointed to some in the audience.
“HEY! Watch it! You’re on my show now, so watch it! Hahey, here we go let’s count these…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…and 8, good score, 80 points!”
Adiran cheered loudly and jumped a few times, whereas Mei, out of the ditch now, stuck her thumbs down and pouted, bouncing slighty.
—
It was now the turn of the blues, and Dave was bouncing again in the middle ready to start it off. Kirsten looked ready for action, her hair now clean and slightly damp looking after its wash. She scowled at her young opponent, Mable, who was nodding and smiling, ready to go herself. Both ran in evenly as Dave ran off and shouted for the game to begin.
“OK, blue team now, and again both of these two are evenly paced – OH! Maybe not, Mable has taken a bit of a tumble into the ditch already, yuck! She’s pulled herself out though, woop, bit slippy still, but she’s going back to the wall, Kirstens taken a few off now though.”
Kirsten was going at a good pace, and had already stepped in the ditch once however, but she didn’t seem too phased by this. She ran back to the wall, pulling a counter off and doing a backward roll, unable to keep her balance. She rolled onto her feet swiftly from it though and stuck her counter on the wall, and ran back. Mable however fell in the ditch again, this time causing her front and knees to get covered in goo.
“A lot more tripping up in this round more than the last with the yellows by the looks of it, but Mable is still trying to get those last few counters onto the wall, and the audience are cheering and counting her down I think!”
Mable once again tripped however at the wall as Kirsten pulled off one more,v before the klaxon sounded and once again, Dave Benson Phillips clumsily bounced to the wall from the side.
“Alright good game, good game! Mable, you didn’t come here to get messy yourself you know!”
“I know…it was just…was…agh…slippy!”
She smiled at him and tried to catch her breath, whilst on the other side, Kirsten watched on with her hands on her hips, smiling at her work.
“I better count these up…1, 2, 3, 4…good score there, 40 points!”
Mable cheered nonetheless, but curiously, so did Kirsten. She knew she had done well and was feeling proud for herself, feeling she might boast it to Mable during the break in rounds.
“So what are the scores looking like right now? Well the blues on a good looking 100, but the yellows are now ahead with a smashing 130 points!”
—
- Round 3: “Pointless Preparation” – (AKA Goo Who)
Dave was shown walking toward the edge of the Gunk Dunk with both Mei and Kirsten. The camera looked to be on the surface, as it sometimes had been in the past, and was looking up at them. Dave was grinning like a cheshire cat, holding his arms on both of the girls shoulders. Mei had her hand over her mouth and nose, as though trying not to catch something from the gunge, whereas Kirsten had her arms folded and looked like she was doing her best not to let Dave or the gunge bother her.
“Ahh yes, I love the smell of gunge and fear in the morning! What do you think girls, horrid enough for -”
“YES!”
“AGH- WHAT, OHH, WHAT!”
The audience laughed as Dave jumped into the air and suddenly hid behind Kirsten, who smiled and rolled her eyes. he could have been startled half genuinely becuase Mei had screeched her answer right to Dave, and giggled as he cowered.
“OK, OK, Kirsten what about you?”
With her arms still folded, Kirsten peered down and shrivelled her nose up at it and looked behind her at Dave, half smiling.
“I’ve seen worse.”
Dave came out from behind her and looked at her shocked.
“You’re lying!”
“Not!”
“Yes you are! Well I’ll tell you what, do you want me to unviel the even worse set up we have -”
“NO-”
“WAGHH!”
Dave once again jumped at Mei’s reaction and ran off toward the cameras near where the round was to take place, the audience laughing as the big kid continued to yell in fright, but managed to speak too.
“Let’s get started, come on you two come on!”
—
The two girls came to Dave’s side as he smiled and played to the camera.
“Now of course we’re shaking things up today with new features that will run aside with previous ones sometimes which we already have, and one is this new idea from me – to prepare our adults for the gunge, oh yes!”
Dave looked at both of the girls and pulled a face at the camera.
“No cheering from you two I see! But, before I explain, I think this week, instead of both being against each other in this part I think you should both protest your innocence. So Mei, let’s start with you, that’s your cameras over there. Go!”
The camera closed in on Mei, who pulled an exasperated and desperate face.
“PLEAAAAASSSEEE let me go home clean! I do not deserve to go in that gunge! It’s a good thing to smell nice, everyone loves it! It makes them feel happy around me! But if you gunge me, I will not smell nice like I did and that will make everyone sad. PLEASE -”
The Klaxon went but she carried on.
“I don’t wanna go in, or near it, I don’t wanna -”
“TIME UP MEI! Stop, ok thank you! Very pleading there indeed. OK, your chance Kirsten, go!”
The camera focused in on her and Kirsten unfolded her arms, pointing at the camera.
“I’ve been made into a cake today already, and humiliated for it, just for the love of good music. I do not deserve to be here. I’ve committed no crime at all – NONE! So don’t hope for me to be gunged, it’s not going to be any worse than it already has been. I’m not going into the gunge, MEI WILL BE. She deserves to get a new makeover, AM I RIGHT?”
The audience cheered with this, and it sounded like a politician pleasing a rally as they also clapped too. Mei was looked around them and held her hands in a bunch to her chest and shook her head, trying to look sorry for herself. Dave was laughing and also had to clap himself, in terms of protests, it was one of the strongest he had heard.
“OK, well..ah…wow. Right, how to follow that up. Right uh…well, if you want to see Mei in that gunge, shout and – oh well, my goodness. My. Goodness.”
It sounded like every single person in the studio was cheering for the aspiring actress to be in the gunge later on. And all she did was cup her hands over her mouth at the volume of noise. Kirsten was looking happy and she was clapping, smiling evilly over to Mei.
“OK, thank you everyone thank you…I don’t know if there much point in this, but if you want to see Kirsten in the gunge, cheer and shout now!”
The room was more or less dead, except for a frustrated shout coming from Mei.
“I think that settles it. OK! Mei, I’m going to have you prepare a little for the gunge later in case you end up going in. So, to do that I need help. Bring her in lads!”
The crew wheeled in a large red dunk tank. There was no netting over the front though, but the res looked like an bog-standard fair ground attraction. A large red bucket shaped tank was filled with water, and just water, and to the side was a small red and white target. They placed it behind the three of them and Dave took Mei’s hand.
“Now in order to prepare you a little we’ve filled this up with water and it’s a bit cold too. It’s like gunge, but not gunge! So I’ll let you just get settled up there Mei…”
Mei reluctantly went to the side and climbed up and onto the seat, and whipped her feet over the edge and into the tank. Her feet touched the water but straight away she pulled them up, right to her chest and held her hands by her ankles.
“Right Kirsten, you have three balls there. Now, if you hit the target with the first ball, 30 points will go to the yellows. If you hit it with the second, then 20 points. The last, 10 points, you get the idea? Just think, how badly do you want to heighten Mei’s chances of -”
“Very. Can I go?”
“Oh, uh well, yeap! 3, 2, 1, GO!”
Mei wimpered audibly as Kirsten lined up her first shot and threw. Mei shut her eyes tight and held her nose, but the ball missed. Mei realised this and relaxed quickly, taking her hand from her nose and opening her eyes. As soon as she did though there was a clang and the seat fell from under her. There was a quick, small scream as Mei fell, her hands thrown up into the air and her legs flailing out in front of her from their held up position. There was a loud splash as the actress fell right in and disappeared into the cold water. In the window, her two legs were up above her eye level, kicking a couple of times, and Mei herself in the tank was holding her breath, her nose now held again and cheeks puffed out. She regained her balance and came to the window for a moment, opening her eyes and shooting upward.
“Nooo! It’s freezinggg! UGH!”
“Well done Kirsten! Oh Mei certainly made some waves there, 20 points go to the yellow team now, increasing their score to 150!”
“Thanks Dave, that was fun can I have another go -”
“NO!”
Dave for third time in so many minutes jumped as the sopping wet Mei protested. Her hair was now waterlogged, but held back due to her headband. The little makeup she had on was ruined and a little of her light eyeliner was starting to trickle down her cheeks. Her top was dripping and clinging to her body, and in the window, her legs were on display with her slightly loose shorts billowing slightly in the tank.
“MEI! Stop doing that!”
She smiled a little and shrugged.
“Blimey, I need to have more of my bit on the side to recover I think, that’s coming up next!”
—
Dave’s Bit On The Side: Blues
As earlier, Dave now sat in between the blues, the Gunk Dunk behind them sill mostly behind a curtain. Mable was smiling broadly, whereas her tutor Kirsten was leaning forward, watching the cameras, Dave and Mable with a slight smile that sort of told them, ‘Let’s get this out the way quick.’
“OK here I am now with the blue team, Mable and of course our troublesome tutor Kirsten. Did you enjoy that last bit though Kirsten?”
“Of course I did, great fun to have someone else get tortured and me to be able to do it.”
“Are you turning a little bit evil there?”
“Nooo, course not.”
Dave eyes Kirsten suspiciously and continued.
“Well it’s not a chance for Mable to a little bit evil now, as I have a couple of questions for her, and just be warned this could be awkward for you Kirsten – GOOD! OK Mable, now you often go around to Kirsten’s house to try and practice, but what happened on the first day back after Christmas?”
“THis is so funny actually! I went into her front room and she told me we would soon be practising more Black Veil Brides – ugh – and she went out for a few minutes to get her guitar. But there was a yell suddenly, so thinking she was hurt I went to see what was up, but I nearly fell over laughing. Her baby brother had thrown up all over her best t-shirt, the one of BvB! It was hilarious and she had to wash it whilst I was there and the stain would not come out!”
Dave was laughing along with the audience, some of which going ew.
“Eurgh! That’s horrible, have you worn it again Kirsten?”
“What do you think Phillips.”
“Oh, well pardon me! That’s brilliant though! Now Mable you played a practical joke on her didn’t you recently?”
“Well she made me sit all day and listen to more of her boring bands, and even sang to them. So the next time I went round, I swapped all her Cds and music quickly to One Directions, JLS and The Wanted. I acted innocent and blamed her other little brother. She wasn’t happy. I did a deal with her little brother though to play One Direction non-stop whilst she was giving my lesson and she was so grossed out by the end of it.”
“I see, do you like a bit of 1D then Kirsten?”
“What. Do. You. Think.”
Dave pulled out though from his pocket an iPod and ear phones and Kirsten looked down. Immediatley she put her hands over her face.
“Oh NO.”
“Oh yes! Here put these on…that’s it…and I’m going to press play now and let you listen to that!”
The audience cheered as Kirsten pulled a big grimace as the boy band blared into her ears. She soon put her face in her hands as she sat and listened to the singing. Dave grinned like a Cheshire cat again as Mable happily watched and everyone started to sing along to the song that must have been playing in her ears. After a few moments Dave took them off her and spoke.
“Oh I think you’ve had enough of that. Best get on now though with our last game!”
- Round 4: “Bedroom Banter” -
“This is our final game and we’re here a big bedroom made for two! As you can see, we have two toy boxes over here full of toys! Our two kids easy enough have to pick up one of the toys…run over here… and now, make sure they avoid these two clowns!”
Dave slowly walked in between both the girls, who were inside what looked like wobbling rolling pins, their heads sticking out with a hat on each. Dave played to the audience and gave a good push to each of them. Both ladies simply smiled and looked helplessly around as he continued.
“So be careful of our clowns, and go through here to these boxes, where should deposit their toys! It’s 10 points for each toy in these boxes. Now this is the last game so everything counts! 3, 2, 1, go!”
Dave ran off as the two kids picked up toys and ran in through the clowns. Dave stood to the side and watched for a moment. He was content with how the new segments had gone, and was looking forward to the finale. He looked to the Gunk Dunk, still shrouded in mystery for everyone else, but to him he was happy to be bringing back some classic features and brand new ones to the set. Already both kids had now put two toys in their boxes. He couldn’t help but start with an evil laugh as he spoke.
“Aaaahahaa, the game before the gunge, this is always where we see the biggest surprises. But there is one big surprise coming and let me tell you. both of our kids will want to do their best tom make sure their adults suffer. Rightly so! Both are evenly matched now though, and our two clowns are swaying away like mad!”
Both the kids raced back through the clowns and still looked to be even, both getting their fourth toys now. But as they started back, Mable dropped her, putting her only a step behind. Dave picked up on this as he spoke. But they were still quite evenly matched as they ran back through the clowns to get their 5th.
“You know there’s very similar speed from these two, and a lot of determination. The same cannot be said from our clowns…but mind you, oh…OH! And looks at that, Kirsten has completely knocked Mable to the ground, oh no! Mable is just getting up now, but she’s got to back for another toy – that’s put her behind now as Adrian has just deposited his 6th!”
She went back for another toy just as Adrian came back for his, and both ran through the clowns one final time as the countdown began. They both deposited their toys just as the klaxon sounded out, and Dave came running in.
“You know what, Kirsten you have been so mean today throughout the show you really have! My word! And as for you Mei, you’re run in with water earlier seems to have slowed you down! Now both of you, shove off! AHAHAHA!”
Dave proudly pushed the ladies again in their clown suits and walked over to Adrian.
“OK Adrian I’m going to count your toys…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! 70 points, well done there! OK, going to run over here…running, running…so much running, here I am! Mable, time to count yours, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! A fantastic, 60 points!”
Both the kids cheered along with the audience as Dave looked at the camera.
“So these are the final scores, the blues are 160 but going into the Gunk Dunk in the lead is the yellows with 220!”
Dave cheered for the teams and ran into the camera as it cut.
– The Gunk Dunk –
(Teased it during the show and here it is, a messier gunge. Although my series is based on GYOB, I’ve recently been making it more of my own spiritual revival series, so that is why it’s got a lot ofd new features never dreamt of on the original show.)
Dave stood in the middle of the two teams as of course he wanted to highlight the changes and features made to the set behind them. He was rubbing his hands together as he did and smiled down into the camera.
“Now we have had a fun show today, and theres been some great new things, but one thing has been teased all the way through! Oh yes! We have revised some aspect of our famous Gunk Dunk, making it worse fo any adult positions above it! Now in terms of looks, it still looks very familiar as you will see, but the changes are there, I promise you! Everyone ready? Let’s have a look!”
Dave turned and so did the others as he held his hands up.
“Unveil it guys!”
The curtain rolled up and the set was revealed. As Dave had said, it looked familiar as always; the two ramps pointing down with chairs on, with of course the platform at the top which stretched a coupe of meters from the edge. The gunge of course was down below, but had the base had been modified so that the middle a foot or so deeper than the rest, in hopes that an adult would submerge once more into the gunge. The changes that could be seen though were mainly above, three buckets overlooked each ramp, all blue, yellow and green. At the bottom of the ramp, two poles stretched upward, and right above the gunge, angled downward were four large troughs, with a gap in the middle. It aimed to make the experience messier, with not only gunge now being offered. Dave and the producers had taken a while to implement it, but decided that the revival series could do with a little bit more than just gunge in the finale.
“Oh yes, feast your eyes upon it ladies! It’s more horrible and daunting than ever! Now of you go to sit up there!”
The camera panned out and then cut as they moved to the sides reluctantly.
—
The camera cut back in to a close up of the surface of the gunge. As it pulled away, it’s lumpy texture was ever so slightly moving. The purple surface was mixed with large swirls of white as before, but in one corner a load of yellow was seeping toward the middle, some of it having gown a greenish colour after mixing with the rest of the gunge. In the middle was a small puddle of red, with white rings indicating a target for the adults. it was very mix matched but overall bright for a change, looking like a classic 90s Gunk Dunk.
Both Mei and Kirsten were now seated, above it. The chairs were much lower than they had been in the past, in fact they were only centimetres away by the look of it. This was for the chairs to sling their opponents as close as possible to the surface for total immersion, as if it never happened anyway, however an abundance of old GYOB clips had made Dave weary and not letting partial immersion ever happen again. Mei had both of her delicate legs and feet placed right next to each other, and was huddled up sitting on the seat. She had black nail polish on her feet, and was backing them from the edge as much as possible. Because she was a little smaller than some adults were, she was able to place her hands on the seat to either side. She was looking down at the gunge, her face downturned in a terrified and sulky looking expression, and once or twice turned away, covering her mouth. It made her cringe, and huddle a bit more. Although the gunge wasn’t as strong this time in smell as previous episodes, it still wasn’t pleasant and for a lady who prided herself on smelling of roses, she wasn’t ready for this at all.
Kirsten however looked a little more relaxed. She had her hands calmly in her lap, and had a sneering face on at her student, and Dave. When she looked at the gunge though, it sent a couple of shivers down her back and a pit in her stomach. Although it looked vile and horrible to touch, she was slightly looking forward to the finale. She liked the attention, playing up as a mean tutor, and somehow in the back of her mind a little bit of her wanted to end up in the gunge. She decided to dip her right foot into the gunge, and was met with a weird sensation. It felt like lots of little peas all covered in a thick soup, but it was cool to touch. Not freezing, but still cold. She pulled it back out again, and noticed some of it sticking, dripping and stringing back to the goo. She bit her lip and felt her stomach have butterflies again. She didn’t think it would be all that bad if she ended up in there.
“Here we are, both of our adults poised ready for a trip into our very vile tip. Tip of disgusting, slimy and sticky mess here. Now theres one or two improvements I will say which regards you both, if you look to your sides please ladies, you will notice that at the bottom of the ramp where you are, two poles are on either side. We have filled it with all the used and rotten cream from the usual pie jinks section! Oh yes, horrible! And if you look above, you see those four angled and large troughs. Now remember I said there would be relatable substances? Well in reference to Mei being a donkey at Christmas, two are filled with a load of horrible straw, and in reference to Kirsten’s favourite band, Black Veil Brides, we have filled the other two with lots of wedding cake! For the brides, get it? They will be activated later as the final layerings before we end the show, and all will be used for the losing adults so thank you for those two substance suggestions girls! And another feature that we may not see for a while, is that if an adult gets flawlessly to the top, with the other still not moved, the gunge has a built in wave machine thingy, to keep that horrid mix, and our adult churning throughout the rest of the show they’re in there!”
“Real straw!?”
“Yes Kirsten, real straw!”
Kirsten looked up and pulled a ‘that’s gross’ expression, but again felt her cheeks burn and her stomach get butterflies.
“I’ll tell you of those buckets above the ramps in a moment! But Kirsten. You always play the same boring music for Mable don’t you? But Mable also thinks it’s really bad that you dress like your favourite bands, wear makeup like them, act like them. Well you could be getting one horrible makeover and you would probably act, by screaming, like them! How do you feel?”
Excited, in truth but she looked at Mable.
“I’m really not looking forward to it. I, am not going down there at all.”
“Oh very confident isn’t she! Now Mei. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as scared of this stuff as you are right now. You look terrified! You brought it on yourself though, wearing too much perfume, making Adrian choke on all the flowery smell – if you fall in here right, I do hope you know you won’t be smelling of roses anymore, it’s putrid it is!”
Mei kept her expression as she watched Dave and as he finished she pulled and even more painful pout at him, and looked back down at the gunge. She was very nervous, and the gunge in front of her was calm. She could make out its smell though, and even felt like she could feel the coldness of it tingling her feet. She shuddered ands shook her head, looking back at Dave.
“It’s not fair Dave, so not fair. This stuff stinks, and I don’t want to go down. I’m sorry, I really am, I’m sorry!”
“Ohhh sorry is too late, now because Adrian did so well, you’re going up one notch. Up you go Mei!”
Her seat stuttered and rolled upward and she put her hands in front of her, outstretched for a moment and a look of terror on her face for a flash of a moment as it moved. This produced giggles from the audience and Adrian. When it stopped, she resumed her sorry state as Dave continued. He then held out his hand.
“Now one last thing to explain, before I get on with these questions because I know you’re dying for me to hurry up! If there is a 60 point lead with a team, that will activate all three buckets above the ramp. A callback to the old school days as they are filled with slimey slop, horrible old school custard and R.A.W standing for really awful waste! Oh yeah! So Mei if you end up going in, it will be even worse! So as usual, I will ask five question and whoever get’s their adult right to the top, will be throwing them down into our new and improved, horrid slop! Hahahahahahahhahaha!”
Dave extended his laugh at the camera, with a big grin, his eyes shut tight, and the audience replicating his laugh too until suddenly his eyes shot wide open and he smiled.
“So finally, let’s get on with it! First question, in Wallace and Gromit, what kind of an animal is Gromit?”
Both teams were quite silent but after a moment the blue buzzer went off.
“Mable?”
“A…dog?”
“He is indeed! A very silent one at that, what do we do with Kirsten!”
The audience replied and Kirsten’s chair backed up, and she grimaced over at Mable as it stopped. She kept her posture, her hands in her lap, but shifted her feet a bit apart and to the edge of the seat, her toes dangling over, nails painted black.
“Next one, what does the ‘T’ stand for in T-Rex. roarrr.”
Dave followed this up by pulling a face and deliberately sounding pathetic when roaring at the teams, his nature never failing to muster laughs from everyone, even a small smile from Mei. Her smile vanished though as the yellow bell went off.
“Tyrannosaur!”
“Yeap, that’s right, or Tyrannosaurus, either one works. Mei, up you go!”
Mei once again felt like she needed to balance herself and as the chair stopped, put her hands on her cheeks. Dave couldn’t help but laugh, and she pulled a self pitying look at him as she put her hands back on her knees.
“2 – 1 then to the yellows. Is tomato a fruit or a vegetable – straight away Mable?”
Kirsten wriggled her toes as she looked at her young student and pulled a ‘whatever’ face; as Dave agreed that it was indeed a fruit. The audience played along by shouting out “Crank Her Up” and the chair stopped.
“Oh back to level pegging now! Next question, listen up maths one, what is 6 x 2 + 12?”
It was silent for a few moments as the kids worked out the answer.
“Now this isn’t too hard I don’t think – Mable!”
“15!”
“That’s right, what do we do with Kirsten!”
The audience answered and again, Kirsten’s chair rose up. She smiled a tiny bit and looked at Dave, then to Mable, and back to Dave. She began to tap her legs and adjusted her feet a little.
“Looking a bit nervous, aren’t you Kirsten?”
“Pff. I don’t know am I?”
“Yeap! You could be facing something horrible, for being so horrible, hahah -”
“Er, no I’m still not going down.”
She folded her arms and looked away from Dave closing her eyes for a moment, whilst Dave looked to the camera and pulled a ‘fine then’ expression. He continued and smiled at the banter he was having.
“How many Harry Potter movies are there?”
Mei jumped as the bell rang to her right.
“8.”
“That’s right, the 7th book was made into two films, got it right, what do we do?”
“Crank her up!”
Mei once again went up, but this time kept still. She kept her hands to her sides on the seat but groaned in an exasperated ‘no’, and helds her head down to look at her knees shaking her head slightly.
“This is very evenly matched! 3 to both teams! This is getting exciting, who’s going to go in! Can hardly wait! Here we are next question, Barney Harwood is the current presenter of which CBBC show – Adrian!”
“Blue peter!”
“Is it Blue Peter Mei?”
The actress kept her head hanging low and shrugged, but Dave revealed it was, and her chair rose up. She looked up as it stopped and looked behind her, then to Adrian.
“I’m sorry I really am! I promise I won’t use as much perfume in future! I’m sorry pleas -”
“Mei there is no use begging now, you’re here, you’re above it!”
“But I promise! Please!”
She half seemed to be genuine but a small smile crept onto her face at Dave’s non nonsense attitude.
“I’m carrying on, I’m carrying on. What is the biggest music festival in the UK beginning with a ‘G’? Oh, Adrian!”
“I’m sorry please, please, please, I’m sorry -”
“Glastonbury!!”
“IS RIGHT! What do we do with our Mei!”
“No!”
Mei pulled a horrified look as her chair rose up and then hit the top, and slowly moved back. She looked at Adrian and put her hands on her face. Her heart was racing and she could feel her cheeks burning up. She stamped her feet a tiny bit too, not knowing what to do as she looked from Adrian, to Dave.
“Mei! Ohh Mei -”
“NO!”
The 28 year old covered her face and started to almost cry into her hands.
“You stay right there, you will be getting what you deserve very, very soon.”
Mei shook her head and kept her face buried in her hands.
“But Kirsten first of all to you. Now, I’ve had a Kirsten on here and she was gunged, but history isn’t repeating itself. You’re safe though. You can go away and act and style yourself all how you like, you must be relieved?”
“Oh I am. Going to punish Mable though in the usual way for the humiliation I’ve suffered.”
“Oh well I fell sorry for her but it’s you’re right I guess! Mable I know you didn’t get her in the gunge in the end, but have you had a nice time?”
“Yeah, thanks. It’s been great fun.”
“Great stuff now you both stay there as you have great seats for this, and it will be, spectacular, I assure you.”
Kirsten smiled and looked at Mable, who looked downhearted but smiled weakly back. Kirsten gave her an encouraging smile. She wasn’t sure what it would have been like, but she was sure she would have enjoyed the gunge a lot more than Mei was about to, as the actress was in a mess already in emotions across from her.
“Ahh what a day, for our Mei! I’ve been looking forward to saying that all show you know!”
Mei was sitting with her hands on her cheeks, and fretted as Dave spoke to her and mocked.
“And you’re going to be facing those three buckets too because Adrian did so well! Can’t wait to see them in action! But Adrian. Today is your day now. You’ve done well all the show and look at this, you have her right where you want her, bracing herself for a bad time! Listen, Mei up here, family friend and fellow performer, always goes over the top with her perfume. You said you wanted to smell the sweet success of revenge, because she makes you choke and gag with all her flowery perfume. Well now you can, she spends so much time making her self smell nice, but now you’re going to have her smell really bad for a change, pull that lever, and GET YOUR OWN BACK! WOAH!”
Adrian pulled the lever as soon as he could, and cheered and jumped on the spot. Mei could be heard yelling, shouting no a hundred times as her chair slowly manouvered toward the edge of the drop. As it got there though, it suddenly stopped. She looked down at the ramp, horrified for a moment, but quickly put her knees up to her chest, and put her feet on the seat where she was sat, her toes scrunched up. She shut her eyes tight and put her hand over her nose, and even puffed out her cheeks a little as the chair suddenly dropped. It didn’t get far when a blob of yellow green fell from the sky, splattering Mei’s right hand side, and then yellow too, spattering her right hand side again. She kept her pose as the chair descended and blue now cascaded over the top of her head, mostly catching her back, and spattering out to the side. It continued without any mess for a few moments, the young and small Chinese woman curled up into a ball and her look priceless with her hand on nose and cheeks puffed out. Covered partially in green, blue and yellow already, there was a wall of spraying cream suddenly spurting out in front of her, and she passed through, either side of her getting a thick coating of white yellowy cream, but as soon as she had, the chair sprung her forward and she cannon balled front down into the gunge, comically right into the painted target. A massive wave spread outward across the surface in every direction, a lot of it splashing out of the tank and onto the studio floor. A few of the kids screamed and laughed as it did amongst the cheering, as a large blob of a wave crashed back in on itself, creating and almost mushroom effect where Mei had been submerged into the tank. It continued to churn and crash from the impact as Adrian cheered, Kirsten and Mable clapped and Dave stood shocked. His features seemed to have been pulled off.
“Wooooohooo! ahahaha!”
There was rippled of bubbles and thrashing of the gunge after a moment, purple and white, crashing on the surface all over the place. With a big upward splash of the gunge, Mei came shooting up, piles of multi-coloured mess on her head, covering her neck and top. Her headband had kept heir hair back, but the gunge was coating her face, and she jumped forward, wiping it swiftly and harshly as more gunge behind her fell in a torrent into the tank. She wiped the last off her face, though still wet looking and opened her eyes and mouth wide, screaming. As she did, a bit of yellow caught her and spattered off the back right hand side of her head, and she moved forward and out of it. With a plop though, she suddenly sunk downward and fact, into the gunge again. She had walked into one of the deeper parts of the base, submerging herself. As Adrian bent over laughing, she slowly came up this time, her headband finally given up and down at her neck, her beautiful black her now slapping more gunge into her face.
“Adrian! You look so relieved, how do you feel to have gunged a nuisance?”
“So fantastic Dave!”
Mei regained her balance and flipped her hair back. The gunge felt cold on her, and heavy. She waved the gunge off of her hands, but felt it stick. It was like having jam on your hands, and it wasn’t coming off. She could feel the stickiness in her hair, and below the surface too. She went a little red at the feeling in her shorts especially. She could also smell the gunge, in fact she brought her hand to her face and smelt it and looked away, repulsed. She always tried to smell nice, and today that changed.
“Oh that was really good to watch! Really fun! Adrian, Mable, you both get great prizes, including a photo album of your time here today. Adrian you get a T-Shirt with a photo of the spectacle below you And Kirsten you get a certificate to never play your favourite band again. Somehow though, I don’t think that will happen!”
Kirsten winked at him and watched Mei who was now slicking her hair back again. Kirsten smiled though, remembered what Dave had said earlier, and realising he saved it till last, knowing the unlucky adult may forget about it as there was no downpour of gunge for a short time now.
“Ah yes, but for a lady who constantly tries to smell all beautiful, Mei really has today wound stinking to high heaven of something you would find in a sewer! But Mei guess what dear, look at me, that’s it…here’s your reward for taking part!”
Mei looked up at him, a sorry lok on her face, and opened her mouth to answer him when she was suddenly engulfed in a torrent from above. She disappeared in a downpour of straw that was falling from the sky, and she screamed yet again, walking forward a little and out of the falling bits. She looked up at it but was suddenly hit by a mound of cake that fell right onto her already wet and straw covered face. It continued pieing the poor actress in heaps of the wedding cakes, icing and chocolate splashing into the gunge too, making it quite unpleasant. She walked backward but once again sunk below the now covered surface and as the camera panned out, rose up once more, gunge covered and slathered in bits of cake and straw.
“That’s all from us, bye bye everyone, bye bye!”
Dave and everyone else waved as it showed Mei, pulling various mess off her face, sitting in the middle of a bright yet mucky and full looking gunge. She put her hands down into the gunge to her sides and opened her mouth, looking as though she was crying, but in truth moaning at the state of herself.
—
Poor Mei, I think she has suffered the worst Gunk Dunk ever. But, that’s only the first of this newly done out Gunk Dunk, who will be next?
It is now the ultimate messy punishment. It may feel too much for GYOB alone, but as this series has progressed, it’s become now more or less my own spiritual revival series. In other words, I’m making it my own with the base of it being Get Your Own Back, but is like a new series entirely in many ways.
Thanks to the two people who pitched the adults and reasons for being on the show!
Now the next episode shouldn’t be very long at all. I already know the two ladies who will be on the show, and it’s going to be a good one. These two ladies are best friends, and fierce rivals. So it will be like a sort of Best Friends special too. After that, I may be doing a one off celeb vote too, but more on that closer to the time.
Thank you a lot for reading and loving this series, it’s making it a lot bigger and better than I imagined, and every bit of it is fun!
One final thing, if you send in a nomination, you can also send in a nomination for the substance in the trough above the gunge, related somehow to your character! See you next time!
- MsM
Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence.
In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Note: This is the fourth and final portion of the story. The other parts can be found here, here, and over there. I’ve really gotten a kick out of this one, hence the length and detail. Sorry if it’s daunting. Enjoy.
#7 Tik Tik Tik…!
It was almost four in the morning before the Violet Viper finished with her preparations. Of course, it was worth it; after all, tomorrow was going to be a big day.
The former archaeologist, born Vivian Pitts, had been in the city for nearly a week and a half, and to be honest, it had been an uneventful stay. Really she hadn’t committed much in the way of crimes since that armored car job; and even though it served its purpose, it had been a pretty measly take. Beyond the first heist, there were only a handful of minor thefts, fairly petty by her own standards. A car or two off the street, some equipment from a home improvement store, a few drums of machine oil from a factory, a handful of consumer electronics. Kiddie stuff. But everything was going according to plan, so her fortunes would all change tomorrow.
The striking villainess parked her stolen pickup truck in the abandoned parking lot. The contents of the truck bed were covered with a tarp, but some recently-emptied metal barrels peeked out at the edges. The Violet Viper stepped out into the warm night air, and headed toward the defunct shopping mall in which she’d been squatting. She wore a black trench coat and matching fedora over her aggressively purple costume; in general she was fond of making a scene, but sometimes incognito was the way to go.
As she stretched out on a (stolen) folding cot, ready for a few hours cat-nap, she ran through a mental checklist for the eventful day she had planned. Everything was ready. Tomorrow was going to be a good day.
…
#8 Swish! Zzzikt! Blurp! Crack! Plop! Whump! Sploosh!
Suzanna Decker was sitting in a big wingback chair drumming her fingers impatiently. The chair was in the middle of what she jokingly referred to as ‘the Clout Cave.’ The top floor of her hilltop mansion was primarily devoted to her crime-fighting alter-ego; resplendent with top-of-the-line computers, scientific research equipment, and tools for engineering and experimentation. It was only seven-thirty in the morning, much earlier than your standard ne’er-do-well tended to rise, but Suzanna, decked out in her full Clout gear, was anxious for some action. Not that she was hoping for crime or anything, but she was very much hoping for the opportunity to cross paths with the Gray Lady…
Their recent feud had been occupying quite a bit of her time lately, in one way or another. Her current excitement was owed to a small, inspired, modification she had added to her bright red armor and was eager to try out. She was waiting, with fading patience, for something to happen. As it happened, her wish came true.
Lily Pfennig, her ever-able assistant, entered the room. As always, she was scanning her slim tablet.
“Looks like there’s trouble downtown.”
She did a bit of tapping and swiping, and a fuzzy video appeared on one of the big screens.
“This was sent to the mayor’s office from an encrypted source…”
The video showed a shadowy shape sitting in a shadowy room. It was tough to make anything out, but mystery messenger seemed to have a bulky figure and be wearing some sort of hat. When the character in the video spoke its voice was digitally garbled; a sort of sonic mask.
“BEWARE! YOUR FAIR CITY IS NOW AT THE MERCY OF THE TRAFFIC KING! I WILL CRIPPLE YOUR ECONOMY BY DEVASTATING YOUR TRAFFIC PATTERNS! I HAVE ALREADY STRUCK AT THE HEART OF YOUR CITY, AND THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING! EXPECT MY DEMANDS BY SUNDOWN!”
The video faded-out as the shadowy figure unleashed a maniacal laugh that Suzanna frankly thought sounded forced.
“For real? The Traffic King? I mean, that’s up there on the list of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, and that’s counting the ant-guy from last week.”
“I know. But the threat is real enough. It seems someone greased Main Street overnight…”
“Greased?”
“Yeah. Exactly like it sounds. It’s like driving on ice. The police have it mostly shut-down, but it goes right through the center of downtown and they’re having trouble keeping everyone off the street. The Gray Lady is down there now, helping with…”
Lily was cut off when Suzanna pressed a button on the arm of her chair. An oversize skylight in slid silently aside. Suzanna Decker stood and leapt toward the hole in the ceiling, her jet-boots kicking in and blasting her into the clouds. Back inside, Lily shook her head and sighed, returning to her work.
…
A small crowd of reporters and civilian gawkers was standing around the edges of Main Street, watching the police and the Gray Lady deal with the traffic snarl this unique act of villainy had caused. For the most part, radio and TV alerts were keeping motorists away from the dangerously slippery stretch of street, but there were still more than a few vehicles stranded on the greased blacktop; most of these were trucks and other industrial vehicles which had been out and about before the cryptic warning was delivered. So far, the Gray Lady and the police had been able to avert any real disasters on the usually-busy thoroughfare.
Although she’d only been out here for a little while, Jenny Wheeling had already stopped several trucks with her bare hands, which was extra-difficult while trying to keep her own feet from slipping. She was getting worn out in a hurry, and took advantage of the current break in action to lean against a vacant ice-cream truck parked half on the sidewalk. Her relaxation was cut short when Clout zipped in from between skyscrapers, landing nearby and waving to the onlookers.
Jenny and Suzanna strode purposefully toward one another, each with sharp words on the tip of her tongue. Neither got to use them though, as their attention was suddenly grabbed by some shouting from up the street…
Uniformed police officers sprang out of the way as a small white tanker truck plowed through a roadblock and onto the oily Main Street. The horn offered plaintive honking and the breaks squealed uselessly as the truck skidded wildly toward the heroines. The shiny white wrecking ball began to turn, spinning around as it slid helplessly down the road. The hapless driver managed to hop out and roll to safety. But the truck wasn’t stopping anytime soon.
Jenny dashed in front of the out-of-control truck and braced herself firmly. As the truck careened toward her, she read the logo on the side of the tank; ‘F&M Italian Foods—A Family Company.’ She took a deep breath and waited for the right moment…
Now! Her hands flashed out and gripped the rear of the tanker, her gray-gloved fingers crimping the painted metal. Exhaling sharply, Jenny thrust the truck into the air. Locking her elbows and arching her back slightly, the Gray Lady held the steel bulk aloft, adjusting constantly to keep the wobbling cab balanced on a straight line. It was far from the heaviest thing she’d ever lifted, but it was hardly a sack of feathers either. Through gritted teeth she called to Suzanna.
“Hey, if you’re not too busy, want to give me a hand with this?”
The reply came back almost immediately.
“Sure! Let me lighten your load!”
Suddenly a buzzing hiss filled Jenny’s ears, and she saw a thin red beam trace a glowing orange X on the back of the truck’s tank. As she put the pieces together and the X started smoking, the bright beam drew a circle around the cross. The scent of tomatoes and herbs flooded her nose and, as the sliced metal gave way, the smell was followed by a flood of pasta sauce from within the tank.
The lumpy tomato-based sauce coursed over her auburn hair and coated her costume. Transported cold for freshness, the red-orange slop was clammy and clinging, and gave Jenny a jolt as it covered her. Sputtering under a face-full of the aromatic sauce, she faltered for a second, nearly dropping the empty tank truck; fortunately, now that the cargo was all over Jenny and the street, the truck was in fact lighter.
The Gray Lady, currently more red than gray both in color and in mood, set the truck down somewhat less gently than she would have normally. Brushing tomato off her mask, she spun around angrily to confront Decker. Predicting Jenny’s reaction, Suzanna shrugged innocently, a tiny plume of smoke still drifting from the small laser mounted on her wrist.
“What? You asked for help, so I helped!”
Jenny was nearly ready to throw caution and decorum out the window. She raised a finger at her armored antagonist… But hesitated at the last second, glancing toward the crowd of potential witnesses. To her surprise, they were all still pointing and staring, mouths agape, at the vented truck. In fact, not a single one of them was moving whatsoever. Besides Suzanna, everyone in the area looked as though someone had hit pause on a DVD.
“Hang on, what gives?”
Suzanna too had noticed the eerie freeze that had fallen over the street.
“I did that. It’s bad enough you two behaving like children in private, we hardly need you making a scene in public…”
Alyson Quirk stepped out of the crowd of statues, carrying her magic book and wearing her Didactic costume.
The bookish brunette magician combined a few clashing schools-of-thought when assembling her costume. Perhaps in deference to librarian tradition, she wore a fairly conservative midnight blue pantsuit, coupled with, from the magical camp, a pair of heavy gold bracelets and a short royal blue cape. Her brown hair was tied back loosely and a few stands blew in her face, flitting around her glasses. As usual, she eschewed a mask; she explained that she knew a spell which could modify the memory of anyone who might recognize her from normal life (the common joke was that she had never needed to use it).
Jenny sighed and rolled her eyes. Suzanna was less subtle.
“Great, it’s Doctor Dull. Just what we needed.”
“Look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’ve got to knock it off! Just look at you, you were about to have it out in the middle of downtown! That’s ridiculous!”
Jenny spread her arms, displaying the pasta sauce dripping from every part of her body.
“This is going to go down, whether it’s here and now or somewhere else…”
“Tomato-lady is right. And at least here we don’t have to play nice for an audience. Seems as good an opportunity as we’re going to get…”
“Oh you can’t be serious! Honestly, one of you just has to be the bigger person here! You know, I…”
Jenny tuned out Alyson’s lecture. She spied Suzanna fiddling behind her back with a new-looking bulge at the waist of her suit. While Alyson was still talking, Suzanna pointed her armored hand at the fellow heroine in blue, aiming from the hip. Her thumb twitched, and a thick stream of green fluid shot from a nozzle under her palm.
The jet of green goo hit Alyson in the face, and then tracked up and down her body under Suzanna’s direction, painting the cringing librarian thoroughly. The goo was partially opaque and somewhat watery and, Jenny thought, looked for all the world like the slime from kid’s TV shows.
As the stream of slime faded, Alyson slipped and landed in a puddle of green with a squeak, coated in goo. Suzanna turned back to Jenny with a grin.
“My own recipe. That ought to keep her out of our hair for a bit. So, you ready to do this?”
Jenny nodded, looking at Alyson.
“That’s new right? Lucky you brought it along.”
Clout quickly glanced back at Didactic, who was trying to rub slime from her glasses.
“Yeah. It was meant for you…”
By the time she turned back, the Gray Lady was gone, no longer nearby.
She heard a low whistle from behind her back. Spinning in a panic, she saw Jenny standing a few yards away, next to a street vendor’s hotdog cart. Her opponent grabbed something from the cart and hurled it at Suzanna. Reacting as fast as she could, she fired a bolt from her gauntlet at the projectile.
When struck by the energy blast, the object exploded with a wet crack. It had been the ketchup reservoir from the cart, and once blown to pieces, it sent a shockwave of crimson condiment splattering over Suzanna. With a groan, the blonde CEO wiped ketchup back through her hair with her unarmored hand.
Jenny smirked, pleased that she had predicted Suzanna’s response to her missile. She fished into the cart for something else to hurl, but when she looked back, it was Suzanna’s turn to vanish. Jenny’s first instinct was to watch her own back, but no luck. For thirty tense seconds, the Gray Lady scanned her surroundings vigilantly. She noticed the high-pitched jet-whine just as the taunt reached her ears…
“Up here!”
Her eyes darted up reflexively. Suzanna was hovering a few feet up; tipping some big gaudy can over her head. Jenny squirmed as a giant blob of nacho cheese plopped down on her head and shoulders. The lurid yellow chip dip was warm and gooey as it spread over her sauce-slick hair.
Suzanna laughed openly at Jenny’s predicament, making another looping pass around their battleground. Air superiority was nice, but it also upped the chances that someone not affected by Alyson’s spell might catch wind of the super-spat taking place; which would be bad news for all parties. She landed on the roof of a big maintenance van parked in front of an office building, searching for her rival and wishing she didn’t reek of ketchup.
The superhero called Clout suddenly felt a puzzling tremor underfoot. She still had a perplexed expression on her face when the roof of the van was yanked from beneath her feet like a cartoon rug. Unable to trigger her boots fast enough, she tumbled into the belly of the maintenance van, landing on a heap of cardboard boxes and fresh mop-heads. When she opened her eyes, she saw that one of the van’s rear doors had been pulled off surgically and silently, and the roof peeled back like a sardine tin. She also saw Jenny standing over her, smiling smugly, slathered in foodstuffs and holding a big plastic bucket of paint in each hand, stairwell-brown and taupe respectively. The Gray Lady dumped the paint on Suzanna all at once. It sloshed thickly over her armor and splashed across her face.
Jenny, thinking she had checkmate, was all set to offer Decker terms of surrender… maybe after first finding something else to pour on her. But her painted foe had other ideas. Wriggling into position, still on the floor of the van, Suzanna placed her metal-encased arm over her head like a battering ram. She fired her jet-boots, crashing through the front seats and windshield of the decimated van. Slightly awed, Jenny watched through the improvised exit as Suzanna, unable to steer well or correct her trajectory, smashed through the backdoor of a nearby ice-cream truck.
Leaping out the top of the van Jenny trotted over to the ice-cream truck casually. Steam from some ruined cooling unit coiled out from the crushed doors. Jenny waited a beat, considering her options. Suzanna stepped out slowly, her hands raised.
“Alright, alright, I know when I’m.”
She didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, she dropped her gauntlet, leveling it at Jenny. It was only then that Jenny noticed the length of hose, leading from that bulge on Suzanna’s armor that had contained the slime supply, back into the depths of the ice-cream truck…
Before Jenny could react, a gushing stream of rich chocolate syrup was spurting from Suzanna’s gauntlet. The dark brown ooze shot out haphazardly, spattering her face and hair and body. After just a few seconds the jury-rigged syrup gun faltered and the torrent of chocolate goop fainted.
Stock-still and surrounded by the wreckage of their conflict, the two super-powered women locked eyes. An ominous silence hung over the street as all of the frustration and embarrassment the dueling pair had caused one another came to a head.
Jenny glared at Suzanna, a more worthy rival than any of a dozen villains, standing there covered in a medley of slop; the ketchup smeared through her blonde hair staining it a reddish color, the mixed paints mingling, leaving her armor a dappled gray color, even a sloppy streak dashed across her face like mask…
Suzanna stared-down Jenny, a willful and devious adversary, planted in a spreading puddle of various mucks; the shiny chocolate syrup competed with thick pasta sauce to claim territory across her dripping costume, different patches of black and red, the oozing nacho cheese giving her auburn hair a yellow coating…
Neither of them would win any costume contests, but there was an undeniable mirrored-quality to their mutual dishevelment… Each looking almost like a child’s drawing of the other’s heroic persona.
The effect was strange, and enough to get them both thinking straight. Jenny spoke up first.
“What are we doing?”
“Yeah. I’m not sure anymore. This is kind of crazy…”
“And dumb.”
“Yeah, and dumb.”
Well off to the side of their impromptu arena, they heard a haughty scoff. Alyson had managed to get enough slime off her glasses to function. She had her golden book spread open on the sidewalk and was searching through her new spells, looking for one that might help with cleaning-up, pretending to ignore them.
Suzanna scowled at Alyson’s un-subtle exclamation, but softened her expression when she looked at Jenny.
“I’m sorry. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t taken a silly turf dispute too far…”
“Well, it takes two to tango… Neither of us exactly comes out of this smelling like a rose… I’m sorry too.”
Wiping paint from her left eye, Suzanna shrugged.
“Then I guess that’s a truce. Come to think of it, in retrospect, I guess I could see how, from an outside perspective, it might look like we went a little overboard…”
Over on the sidewalk, Alyson let out another exclamation, this time a reproving cluck. She had found the spell she was looking for and had started studying it closely.
Jenny, disregarding the judgmental librarian, returned the shrug.
“Oh, speaking of that unfortunate incident, did you ever track down that Viper lady? I, uh, never really got around to it.”
Suzanna blushed beneath the layer of muck.
“Ah, yeah, me neither… Though, on the bright side, it seems like she never got up to any more shenanigans. All this trouble and she turns out to be a dud. Seems like my tipster was overreacting.”
Jenny perked up suddenly.
“Tipster? You got a tip about the Violet Viper?”
“Uh, yeah, an anonymous email. Wait, why? You got one too?”
“Two anonymous tips. One to each of us. About a legitimate villain pulling a caper that just so happens to fall right between our traditional territories? You’re the scientist, what are the odds of that?”
“Increasingly unlikely… You really think she played us? Set us up against each other?”
“It fits, right? Doesn’t take a genius to see we have pretty different ways of doing things… All she did was put us on a collision course and let our egos take it from there.”
“That scaly…! But what’s her end of it? What does she… Traffic King my ass! I knew that video was too stupid to be real! This is another load of snake oil! While we’re busy having a bust-up, she’s off having free reign of the city!”
Jenny clapped a palm to her forehead, squishing some of the slowly dribbling cheese.
“Of course she is… You know, I really wish we’d had this conversation sooner.”
“I told you so! Oh, both of you! I’ve been saying all along! See, that’s what stubbornness gets you!”
Alyson could no longer contain herself. At the moment, she was in the middle of using a spell to carefully collect all the muck and gunk she could from the recent showdown. The fingers of her right hand were contorted arcanely, guiding a large floating mass of sauce and cheese and paint and syrup, all bunched together and surrounded by an ethereal net of crackling gold energy. Her preoccupation, however, did not stop her from making scolding gestures with her left hand as she lectured energetically.
“If only you’d listened to me sooner! Now look at the mess you’ve made! Oh, I can’t believe this juvenile behavior…”
Jenny nudged Suzanna. They exchanged a wink.
While the slime-coated librarian was still ranting, Jenny took a big step toward her and stomped down hard. The pavement shifted and crunched from the force of her foot, sending a miniature quake right under Alyson. At the same time as the criticizing sorceress was losing her footing, Suzanna snapped off a quick blast from her gauntlet, straight into the floating ball of slop.
The magic dissipated and the mass of mixed mess collapsed, landing primarily on Alyson. Somewhat chastised, the magical heroine sat in the middle of the wide multi-colored puddle, unrecognizable under the shower of gunk. Her rambling lecture on responsibility and the perils of stubbornness ended with two words muttered softly…
“Oh dear.”
Jenny wrinkled her nose, feeling slightly guilty.
“Whoops.”
Suzanna scraped a bit of crusting ketchup from her ear.
“Yeah. At least now she’s part of the club… Hey, it’s a shame we don’t get along, because we make a pretty good team.”
Jenny nodded, then raised an eyebrow.
“That’s true. You up for giving it another try?”
…
#9 Gulp!
It was mid afternoon. The shadows lengthened as the sun began to dip, and Vivian Pitts was on her way out of town. Driving a stolen silver convertible, with the top down and the heat of the day clashing pleasantly with the cool wind off the highway, she was enjoying herself immensely. In celebration of her recent success, Vivian had even indulged in a late lunch from a fast-food burger chain. The greasy remnants of the sandwich were crumpled under the seat and there was most of a strawberry milkshake slowly melting in the cup holder.
Unless you knew better, or happened to run her license plates, you’d never guess that the pale raven-haired beauty behind the wheel was a semi-infamous super villain, dressed as she was, in cut-off jeans and lavender button-down knotted at her svelte midriff. A pair of enormous sunglasses hid her recognizably vivid green eyes. Her Violet Viper costume was stashed safely in the trunk of the convertible, alongside the diamonds. Of course there was gold too, and some silver and other assorted gems, but her focus this time was diamonds; she hadn’t counted them yet, but there were a lot. It had been a very long, very good day.
Despite her high spirits, her eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses at a potential hiccup fast approaching. There was someone standing in the middle of the road up ahead; odd in general, but especially since she chose this route because it was off the beaten path. Stepping on the brakes, she came to a halt in front of a worryingly-familiar redheaded woman in gray.
“Excuse me ma’am, but it seems you were speeding back there…”
Jenny was smiling, her hands planted on her hips.
“Oh? Was I? I’m sorry about that! See, um, I’m in a bit of a hurry, and…”
Vivian smiled back, glancing over her shoulder and considering throwing the car in reverse. She wasn’t sure she’d been recognized yet…
All doubt evaporated when Clout dropped quietly from the sky, landing gracefully on the trunk of the convertible. Suzanna waved happily at the plain-clothed villainess.
As if that wasn’t enough, a third woman materialized out of thin air, right beside the driver’s side door. She was dressed in some weirdly formal blue getup and carrying a big shiny book. All three of the united heroines were somewhat damp; the result of a speed-washing from one of Alyson’s typhoon-themed spells.
Feeling quite cornered, Vivian reacted rashly. Her hand flashed to her whip, stuffed between her seat and the car door, and sent it whistling toward the woman in blue. The woman just held up her book, which seemed to nearly double in size, and the whiplash deflected like bug off a windshield. The Gray Lady snatched the errant tail and effortlessly yanked the whip out of Vivian’s grip. He smile grew as she inspected the familiar purple crystal pommel.
“Hmmm… Now where have I seen this before?”
Vivian wasn’t in the mood to be toyed with. She took off her sunglasses and tossed them aside in frustration.
“How’d you find me?”
“Teamwork, actually…”
Suzanna spoke up, now stretched across the backseat of the convertible.
“See, once we caught on to your little game, it was easy enough to spot the string of very professional, high-end jewelry store robberies that went down today. Coincidentally, we were a bit busy at the time… But I was able to get access to some of the security tapes after the fact, and get a general idea of where you were headed. Then based on that, my foreboding pal over there was able to figure out which way you’d go to skip town; she knows the city like the back of her hand, you see. Now, my cold-blooded friend, all that’s left is to decide what to do with you…”
“Oh, I’ve got something I want to try!”
Giving the hero known as Didactic a welcoming sweep of the arm, Suzanna sat back.
Alyson crooked and twisted a few of her fingers, muttering something under her breath.
Vivian suddenly felt her right hand move of its own accord, manipulated like a marionette by some tiny curling tendrils of crackling gold energy. Despite her efforts to fight the process, Vivian lifted the leftover milkshake from the cup holder. She could do nothing to stop herself, as her renegade arm emptied the tall paper cup on the top of her head. The cold pink goop spread over her, dribbling onto her shoulders and down her back. Mercilessly, Alyson magically forced her to rub the strawberry slop into her own shiny black hair. Content with the results, the heroic librarian relinquished control of Vivian’s arm.
With a shiver and a disgusted moan, the foiled villainess plucked sticky strands of hair from the side of her face, exhaling through her nose to clear her nostrils of milkshake.
“Great. Thanks. You win. Can I go to jail now?”
Jenny beamed in response, making mischievous eye contact with her allies.
“Not quite yet…”
…
#10 Conclusions
“So, we’re just going to hang onto this. It’ll make a great souvenir of our time together, and I think it’ll look nice hanging above my mantle.”
The Gray Lady was holding the Violet Viper’s black and purple whip, her tone friendly and casual.
“And I’m keeping these. Because, you know, I wanted a trophy too and she already called the good one…”
Clout tapped the pair of bulky sunglasses she was wearing pushed up on her head.
“Here, this is for you. It’s your costume. You might want it, for when your sentence is up, because you should probably just toss those clothes.”
Didactic handed the Violet Viper a brown paper sack, gingerly avoiding touching the woman.
The sun had finally set, and all four super-powered women were standing on the roof of the police station in the dark. Jenny pointed at the roof access door a few feet away.
“They’re expecting you. Now no monkey business, and remember, a full confession. Don’t forget that Traffic King junk either! Anyway, next time you’re in town, let us know. I’m sure we’d love to get together. Catch you later!”
At that moment, all three of the heroines left the rooftop, either leaping, flying, or simply vanishing into the night.
The Violet Viper trudged over to the police station door clutching her paper bag carefully from the top. Right on schedule, the door opened inward, spilling light out onto the roof and revealing a burly detective with an amused expression.
The detective suspected the supervillain patiently waiting to be arrested was probably quite gorgeous, but it was kind of hard to tell. All he could easily make out was a pair of bright blinking green eyes, set in a figure so utterly soaked in thick green slime that, for an instant, the detective thought she might have been made of the stuff.
Wordlessly, the resigned villainess handed the detective her bagged costume, before she seeped through the rumpled paper. Stepping into the police station, she began slowly making her way down the stairs, leaving a trailing puddle of slime in her wake.
The detective was still standing on the landing. Shutting the door to the roof, he turned to his voluntary prisoner and scratched his beard.
“So. Did you at least learn your lesson?”
Pausing on the stairs, the Violet Viper twisted around to face the police officer, her slimy matted hair swinging heavily. A glob of green goop dripped off her nose as she gazed thoughtfully at the question.
“Yeah. Next time, steal a faster getaway car…”
…
Dear Diary,
I have a secret: I want to be gunged. That silly, slimy, lowest-common-denominator form of entertainment that is widely reviled yet curiously lingers in the public consciousness is something that I always kind of wished would happen to me. I’ve thought that for as long as I can remember. Of course at the same time I was also desperately terrified of anything like it ever happening. It took me ten minutes after opening this page just to tell you, Diary.
But how would I even manage to do it? I’m so jealous of the people who have managed to get on TV and found themselves in a gunge tank or playing a slimey gameshow. Sometimes people do things like that for Comic Relief, too, and invite all their friends to watch. I can’t imagine the idea crossing my lips. It was hard enough to write it down, how could someone say it out loud? I don’t have the connections to get on TV and I can’t imagine the few friends I do have would do anything but laugh and ask awkward questions if I suggested sitting in a bath of baked beans for charity. It just feels like I’m not that kind of person, like I’m barred from even contemplating it, yet on the inside I feel like I am very much that kind of person after all. Sometimes.
Last night before going to sleep, I thought of an idea. I have shampoo, don’t I? It’s green and gooey and looks a bit like gunge. And I have a stand up shower with a door. It kind of looks like a gunge tank. Maybe if I pour some shampoo on my head I can get a little sense of what it would feel like. Then it just washes out and nobody has to know.
I suppose tomorrow we’ll find out.
So it turns out that Robyn from the latest NGYOB is also a WAM author. Here’s one of her works. The male WAM bit won’t be to everyone’s taste but I’m sure we can all appreciate a good Jessie J gunging, right? :)
Davina beamed as she introduced her next guest out. Standing in a long, full body black dress, with glitter stars sported at random places on it. Standing up and holding her arms out to demonstrate where he guest was coming from. A drumroll sounded, the lights dimmed and a spotlight appeared, focusing between two curtains. All of a sudden, Jessie J appeared, carrying a huge grin upon her face. Wearing a leather jacket over what looked like a one piece suit made out of a similar material to tights, with her black underwear clearly on show, but that wasn’t an issue for Jessie. After a quick hug and a peck on each cheek, Davina led Jessie over to the sofas for their interview to begin. After a while, the conversation started to turn to old television programmes and Jessie’s charitable causes.
“So Jessie, do you remember any programmes from your…
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And here’s a nice little story with a fun twist ending.
The bouncer squeezed my arm as he forced me up and towards the tank on stage. Grace, giddy as a school girl whose been told she can have whatever she wants from the tuck shop, skipped over to the tank and opened the door awaiting me. She curtsied as I was thrust upon the stool in the middle of the tank. I looked directly in front of me as the door clicked into place, to see Grace grinning like a Cheshire Cat. I looked around me to see if there was any chance of escape and noticed the gunge from the night before was still in the corners. It looked like it had started to congeal in the corners and something I wouldn’t touch with rubber gloves on. Rubber gloves on a robotic arm that I controlled from a thousand miles away. And my best friend was about to dump…
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Dear Diary,
Disaster!
There I stood in the shower, imagining myself in the tank in front of a hushed studio audience. All eyes and cameras were on me as I answered quickfire questions in a quiz, desperate to escape my fate. Of course, none of that was true; there were no cameras in my shower (thank goodness!) and I didn’t want to escape what was to come, not one bit. Though still I felt a strange sense of appreciative apprehension. It was… nice, squirming on the spot, curling my toes as I stood over the drain. My heart hammered and my breath grew heavier; such a strong reaction for something I had done dozens of times before. I wash my hair with shampoo almost every day, but this was different. This time I wasn’t just rubbing in shampoo to get clean hair, I was losing a game and about to get gunged!
When in my mind’s eye I had failed the challenge at the last gasp, I slumped my shoulders and squeezed the bottle over my head.
I really shouldn’t have tried to watch myself in the mirror at the same time. Ow! Seriously, ow! No tears my backside, shampoo burns when it gets in your eyes. I grabbed the cord and turned on the shower, not thinking to move out of the way and blasting myself with icy needles. Double disaster! I shrank into the corner and clutched my blazing eye as the water ran, wondering if this was my true punishment. When the shower’s stream had warmed just enough to no longer chill a polar bear’s bones, I ducked under and rinsed away my foolishness.
What was I thinking? Girls like me don’t get gunged. I’ll never try something like this again.
Maybe.
Surely I have something that burns less than shampoo?
Dear Diary,
I have a cunning plan. My little twerp of a brother is going to a wrestling show in Aberdeen, so very far away. Even better, mum and dad are driving him! I think they’ll be spending a few hours wandering around the shops and having dinner before picking him up. Two hours there, two hours back, at least three hours at the thing itself. Seven hours to myself, minimum. Plenty of time to go to the shops, pick up something that is not made from Napalm, and finally do this silly thing I’ve always wanted to do to myself.
Now I feel even more stupid, because I have to ask myself that quintessential question girls supposedly always ask themselves when preparing for a big occasion: what will I wear?
I guess I could just stand naked in the shower, that’s pretty much what that cubicle with its fogged walls is for. But somehow that doesn’t seem the same. Nobody on TV gets gunged naked, and without clothes aren’t I really just using an unusual shampoo? I should have plenty of time to do laundry, too, without anyone wondering why I’m doing it off-schedule or noticing some clothes already sopping wet in my basket or any of the hundred other things I fear someone will spot if I didn’t have complete privacy. Oy, it’s so stressful to have paranoia. It’s why I keep this diary in a very safe place.
Speaking of paranoia, what if I end up staining my clothes? What if they all turn green, or blue, or tartan?! What if I shrink them and have to explain why I was washing clothes in the first place? Maybe I should wear something nobody ever sees me in… Well, anyway, now I have a chance to live one of my dumb dreams. And unlike if it happened in real life, there should be nobody around to make fun of me. Friday night should be fun.
Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is entirely fictional. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
While Sierra squelched off-stage to the showers, it was time for Ms T to take to the tank. The new arrival, an ebony beauty in a blue and white summer dress, grinned broadly as she stepped forward.
“Ok, this one looks familiar”, Tiffany remarked, as she pinned her sludge-slicked hair behind her ears for the umpteenth time. “But the name eludes me.”
“You’ll soon Figure It Out, I’m sure”, Amanda hinted. When Tiffany returned a blank response, Amanda sighed and added, “that was a clue, by the way.”
“Oh, Figure It Out… Nickelodeon… er, er, Tanya Whats-her-name.”
“Tanya Chisholm“, clarified Amanda. “Welcome Tanya. Guess you’re used to getting slimed after appearing on that show.”
“Maybe, but I feel a little less protected this time”, Tanya smiled nervously as she gestured her outfit, which was decidedly lightweight and scanty compared to the impermeable boilersuit she had worn on FIO. Indeed, as she seated herself, the dress rode up to reveal even more of her full, chocolate thighs. Perhaps most exposed of all were her feet, which only had the thin straps of her heeled sandals for protection.
“Well Tanya, we’ve decided to be extra nice to you. In the spirit of Figure It Out, we’ve assigned you a Secret Slime Action”, Amanda explained. “If you perform it, then the contents of that barrel above you will be yours to wear, but if you avoid performing it, we’ll let you walk away clean.”
“Really? Cool!” Tanya knew that this was a wind-up and she had more chance of winning the lottery and being struck by lightning on her way to collect her winnings than of leaving the studio clean, but she played along.
“Hang on, do I have a Secret Slime Action?” demanded Tiffany, eager to skip messing number 20.
“Yes you do, it’s asking a question.” Amanda ripped down Tiffany’s lever. The barrel tipped, but for a second it appeared that no mess was forthcoming. Then the contents dropped, in one cylindrical, semi-solid mass. The giant clod of goo exploded on impact with a screaming Tiffany. In the aftermath, it was not immediately obvious which layers of mess had been added by this latest dump and which were pre-existing, but it appeared that substance T was a composite of velvety white cream, a gooier and yellower layer of custard, syrup-soaked fruits, and sopping pieces of sponge cake.
Tiffany took longer than usual to recover from this hit, which had enveloped her entire head and torso. Watching, Tanya worked hard to suppress a snigger, worried that laughing may be her SSA. Tiffany spat out a strawberry and remarked, “so it’s a trifle”.
“Indeed it is”, grinned Amanda. “Now Tanya, I’m itching to pull this second lever, but you haven’t performed your Secret Slime Action, so I guess it’s a clean exit for you.”
“For real?” Tanya looked smug, disappointed and suspicious all at the same time. “So my Secret Slime Action isn’t playing with my hair?” She put a hand up and tousled her long locks.
“Nope”, replied Amanda.
“Or folding my arms?” Tanya duly crossed her arms over her chest.
“Uh-uh.”
“Or saying yes or no?”
Amanda shook her head.
Tanya shrugged. “Well in that case, I’ll be on my way.” She lifted her ass from the seat. “See you later, suck…”
Tanya didn’t notice Amanda pulling the lever. The great cylindrical wad of trifle hit her from above and slightly to the front, its weight knocking her back down into her seat. Within the blink of an eye, the Nickelodeon cutie found herself encased in the heavy confection. Tanya’s black hair became a brilliant creamy white, while her face took a slathering of custard. Pieces of fruit and sponge slid down her chest on a river of pink goo, dropping down inside a dress that was threatening to turn seethrough. And a hefty pile of all the above coated her thighs and feet.
For a few seconds, Tanya was too shocked to react. Then, amidst the slick of yellow, her mouth began to rise into a laugh. “What did I…?”
“Your Secret Slime Action was standing up!”, explained a gleeful Amanda.
Groaning, Tanya got back to her feet. Leaving a trail of raspberries and cream, she gingerly made her way over to the photography area, and posed with a regular sized trifle in a fancy glass bowl. Continuing to giggle and shake her head, she then exited the studio, passing Ms U as she went.
My writing inspiration for 7DS has run aground of late, so it was nice to spend an afternoon on something short and straightforward. I’ll be back for X, and it is my pleasure to announce that three new authors (as far as the A-Z is concerned) will take care of the intervening letters, starting with Circushorse on U.
Dear Diary,
It’s Friday, I’m in love.
Ugh how old is that song? Anyway, my brother and the ‘rents are finally gone, so I popped off to the shops to get myself something for dinner. That seems like a completely reasonable and genuine thing to do, right? There goes that paranoia again – who am I worried about seeing me buying things at a supermarket? I’m one of hundreds of their faceless daily customers. I am a happy consumer.
What if someone I know is working there part-time? What if the word gets around that I’m some freak who bought gallons of liquid desert to eat alone at home on a Friday night? What if the security cameras watch me picking up only the slipperiest, slimiest things I can think of and decide “oh no, we’ve got another one” and kick me out for being some kind of sex pest?! What if I bottle it and run out the store empty-handed; then I’d look even weirder!
Calm down. Nobody puts much thought into what someone picks up at a shop. You can even use one of those automatic things if you want, they’ve got a couple of those now. Anyway, it’s time for the bus. Miss that and the whole schedule is out the window, and who knows if you’ll ever get another chance at something like this.
So be right back, Diary. In the meantime, here’s my shopping list:
2 cartons custard
1 carton ice cream
1 squeezy bottle of golden syrup
Something for dinner. Cheesy pasta or whatever.
