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Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
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SORRY! I do know this took AN AWFUL long time to come round, but I’ve been very busy. I have been chipping away at it however, and it’s finally here.
Remember apart from Dave, the characters and reasons for gunging in this story were created by YOU GUYS!
If YOU have a ‘gruesome grownup’ you want to gunge, send ‘Dave’ a letter and get them in the Gunk Dunk! Find out how to here.
As with the last story, ALL GAMES AND THE GUNK DUNK QUESTIONS ARE DECIDED WITH A COIN TOSS. The only part that is not, is “Pie Jinks”, as that’s like a personal ‘Goo Who’ for myself based on the case put forward from the lovely readers.
Now, over to Dave…
—
“Everyday I’m shuffling.”
There was a large pan around the studio, but when the famous song line played out, it cut to the middle of the studio, with Dave dancing the familiar dance. Totally in his element, he continued for another ten seconds or so, the audience cheering him on. As the lyrics of Party Rock kicked in however, he stopped and talked over the song.
“Hello and welcome, my name is Dave Benson Phillips! I’m on a mission to sort out those awful adults who give young people a hard time! So watch out parents, babysitters, teachers, neighbours – because this is GET YOUR OWN BACK!!!”
The camera quickly zoomed out from Dave, showing him dance for a moment, when suddenly the music stopped and it zoomed right into Dave’s iconic grinning face. A twist on the song line sounded and he mouthed along:
“Everyday I’m GUNGING ‘EM!”
At this he danced a little more, and off the screen to the left as the titles rolled. GYOB was back with a bang – the first episode garnering much talk from critics and kids alike. The new focus on non celebs was certainly popular again. GYOB was back with it’s roots, however Dave had promised in a TV interview that Celebs would not escape dry, noting that the previous format had proved to also be popular. The titles rolled off and a camera was focused on a still dancing Dave, even though there was no more music, he suddenly wised up and looked at the camera.
“I think I pretty good dancer if you ask me! Well yes welcome to Get Your Own Back – have an adult you really believe needs a yucky comeuppance? Then write to me and I’ll see what I can do. As you can probably tell we have something very scary looking behind me, but it is not for kids – it’s for those gruesome grownups, but we will talk more about that in a moment. Before that let’s welcome on today’s contestants – For the yellows we have 9 year old Sam!”
From the left of Dave, a short kid with glasses ran. He had short brown hair and as he stopped by Dave, he quickly wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He looked slightly nervous, but not to a great extent.
“And for the blues we have 11 year old Simon!”
From the right of Dave a boy with brown hair jogged in, his hair slightly longer than Sam’s. He stopped beside Dave, smiling. He seemed more confident and comfortable in front of the cameras.
“Lovely to meet you both, you have a lot bot have a lot of supporters in the audience I can hear, but Sam let’s begin with you, and let’s have a read of your letter.”
Like the previous episode, a hand written letter flashed up on screen as Dave read aloud:
- Dear Dave,Could you please help me get revenge on Hazel, my mean swimming teacher? She’s the worst! We never get to have any fun and there are too many rules. She even broke my glasses once, and then yelled at ME because of it! I’d really like to see her go swimming in some icky gunge. Please help! Thank you. -Sam
It cut back to Dave and Sam.
“Oh I have to meet this stern swimmer – bring her in lads!”
The two crew members pushed in a large yellow cage, to immediate booing and hissing. The cameraman ran up to the cage to see the woman inside. Hazel was 28 and had an athletic build, but not too muscular. She certainly seemed like a swimmer, having broad shoulders for a female and was slightly taller than average but not too much. Her hair was blonde and had a slight silvery shine to it due to chlorine, and she had chosen to wear it loose and slightly blown out so it fell past her shoulders. As well as having her yellow GYOB top, Hazel had chosen to wear shorts, as she was used to water on her legs, which were also athletic but were also slender and looked quite soft. She wasn’t sure how she felt after she had seen the gunge which wasn’t simply coloured water like she had assumed. As the cage stopped, she was folding her arms, her pretty features twisted in a small scowl and pursed lips, with her pixie nose slightly scrunched up as she looked around the audience and then finally to Dave as he spoke.
“Well hello there Hazel! You certainly looked pleased to be here -Hahahaa! Now being strict is one thing, but breaking someones glasses is just harsh!”
“Well Dave, as I told him at the time quite honestly he should not have been so careless as to leaving them lying around I have no sympathy at all for him – it was his fault!”
As she said this, a few boos and hisses came up from the audience. She watched them shrugged her shoulders.
“Blimey! She is a bit strict isn’t she! Well many of your other students are here today as you can probably tell, and they would love to see you take a swim in the gunge by the sounds of it! Haha! Right, Simon, let’s move onto your letter.”
Again a letter flashed up with Dave reading aloud:
- Hi Dave,
- I really want to get my own back on my mum Jane, she’s always singing and dancing around the house which is really annoying especially when I’m trying to watch the TV!! Whenever I have friends round she turns the radio up and uses her hairbrush as a microphone, singing and dancing to the music, it’s really embarrassing and makes my friends laugh at me!
- Teach her a lesson and dunk her Dave!
“Oh no, not a singing mum – they’re always embarrassing! Alright bring her in lads bring her in!”
A blue cage rolled in from the right, and the camera once again got in close. Jane was 40 years old, but she looked quite good for her age. She was a little chubby, but only slightly, and looked like she could still put up a good fight to try and keep clean. She had short brown hair, which was neatly cut and soft looking and around her ears. She had her blue GYOB top on, which was a little tight but not stupidly so, and had also chosen to go with shorts. Her legs looked more strong than chubby, and were looking nice. All in all, she was an average looking 40 year old. Her face however barely showed any age – she hadn’t got any middle age wrinkles. She had a kind looking face, however as the cage brought her in her eyes were wide and she was pulling a slightly scared look. She struck as a bubbly woman who was game for a little bit of fun, however this was more of a front, because her aim for the day was to enjoy herself and please her son but hopefully not end up in the gunge later on.
“Ah here she is – our motherly diva! Jane love, you love your singing and dancing, but you tend to embarrass young Simon quite a bit here. Now be honest do you enjoy embarrassing him a little?”
“Dave, I have the voice of an angel, an angel I tell you! I was born to sing! But as for embarrassing Simon – that isn’t true! But do I sing in front of his friends on purpose? OF COURSE I DO! I put on a small show for them!”
“My, my,! Now you’re also a teaching assistant, and we’ve heard you sing at school too?”
Jane laughed a little and this and nodded.
“Yes I do a little bit, a few of the teachers invite me in to detentions to practise actually- I’m not sure why it’s a punishment!”
Some of the children in the audience booed and hissed at this; a few of Simons friends and some students were along in the studio also today. His friends also anxious to have a good result as a case of second-hand embarrassment whenever they saw their friend.
“Well I don’t know if many people would agree! We will have to see later on! Now what both Sam and Simon are going to try and do today is get as many points as they can over the games we’re going to play. Meanwhile both Hazel and Jane will be trying to stop that from happening. And there’s a very good reason for that just over here, follow me!”
Dave walked and the camera followed as he came to the Gunk Dunk set just behind. It was all set up as usual, lasers and lights slowly decorating it up so it looked foreshadowing. Dave came to the side of the tank and pulled a face, pointing down. The camera followed where he was pointing. Inside the tank was a murky beige looking gunge. In the middle it went slightly more orange. There were flecks of brown around the tank as a whole however, and the texture had been made very lumpy for the show.
“Eurgh now this stuff is horrible indeed, and I don’t think any swimmer or singer would like to find themselves in it, but of course one of those ladies over there will find themselves up to their necks in it! Haha!”
As Dave said this, there was a shot of each woman. Hazel was still stern looking, but pulled a right grimace through her pursed mouth. Jane turned from looking at Dave, her tongue stuck out in disgust, and one of her eyes closed, half genuine half for the camera.
“Right, let the games begin! Yeeeaaaaaaasss!”
- Round 1: “Shakey Cakey!” -
The camera panned down toward Dave, who was standing and grinning, his arms wide open. On either side of him were two large yellow looking circles, and just above them on each were Hazel and Jane. Hazel had let her strict demeanour slip from when she was introduced. Her legs were dangling off the seat with her ankles crossed over one and other, and were slightly swinging, all while she was biting her lip, trying but failing to keep it subtle. Jane on the other hand was sat with her hands placed on her knees, also barefooted, and looked ready to do battle, although she was smiling nervously. Each lady had a bucket beside them, and their contestant counterparts both stood furthest from Dave on the other side of the two ladies.
“Right, an old favourite is back and it’s a messy one. Once again we have a had a big order in for one large messy cake, and where better to bake one than the GYOB bakery! What our two young ones need to do is run through this wall of rolling pins over here, and collect one of three buckets. The colours are white, red and yellow; white being whipped cream, red being jam and yellow of course being custard! They then need to make their way back through this small forest of rolling pins, back to where we are now and they layer their respective cake base with the ingredient. Now both Hazel and Jane here, will be throwing muffins to try and hinder the boys. Why? Well, whichever contestant can empty their buckets on here will be able to press the button next to their adult, and either Hazel or Jane here will be flung right onto the messy base, and squished into a lovely large cake! Mmm! 10 points for each bucket, and 30 points for pressing the button! Right, let the game begin in 3, 2, 1, GO GO GO!”
Both Sam and Simon rushed forward as Dave ran behind the two ladies into the background. Right away Hazel was launching muffins at Sam, and managed to get one or two hits before he disappeared into the rolling pins. Jane however had not had much luck, throwing a few of hers but not hitting their target. Sam was the first to break through the wall, running to the table and picking up a red bucket. He started to make his way back as Simon picked up his bucket. On the other side of the wall, Hazel watched her swimming student Sam come forward and began to fling the muffins.
“Right, so at the moment the yellows are in the lead now as Sam had come through the wall first and is being hit by a barrage of muffins! Look at that! Oh, but he’s soldiering through and he tips out his bucket onto the base – look at how slimy that jam actually looks though!”
Simon got to his base and spilled out the whipped cream, getting pelted with muffins from his mother just above him. As he ran back to the wall, he noticed Sam had already disappeared through it. Jane threw one last muffin and laughed a little. It was the most fun she had had in years, and even looking down at the fluffy yet wet looking goo that was whipped cream below her, she was still finding it fun. She looked up as she saw the wall move however, and got ready just in case.
“And here we go now, Sam is once again through the wall first – and oh! He got hit on the head there by his swimming teachers great throw, but he’s to his base. Ew, oh no! That custard looks pretty thick and lumpy if you ask me! And here comes Simon though, he’s also gone for the yellow bucket – eurgh! I tell you what, these ingredients do look very cold!”
Both lads ran through the wall again and Hazel stopped throwing. She was smiling, looking over to Jane who was having the time of her life. She continued to smile but through pursed lips as she looked down below her. The yellow base had a sludgy layering now of goo on, half yellow, half red. She unlinked her ankles and let her legs swing a tiny bit. She suddenly saw however as she looked at it, a sudden out pouring of white.
“And Sam has layered his final ingredient, and presses his button!”
Hazel quickly looked up in shock, had she really been that lost in thought? And then looked down after a second to the sludge below her. She wasn’t ready for when the seat dropped and so let out a very girly like squeak as she was flung off her chair, the white red and yellow rushing up to her and suddenly it all went dark. Jane however was laughing as she watched the sporty blonde to her right land with a blub into the sludge, it all flying up for a moment as she collided with it. Hazel slipped for a few moments, raising herself up on her arms for a second before falling back down again, her face buried once more in thick red.
“Ohhhhh! Stop! Stop! Oh my! Well done there Sam well done, but just before we count up, let’s finish the cake!”
Hazel had only just raised herself up, and flipped round to lie on her back when she saw above her the second, similarly covered cake base which had been brought in. She shut her eyes tight and let out an audible, “Oh god plea – UUMMPH -” before the top base squelched loudly down onto the bottom, and completely over the swimming teacher. The audience cheered as the cake wobbled as it was done, globs of the goo filling out from the middle and dripping down the cake. All that could be seen of Hazel was two hands that poked out above where her head was, fingers stretched back and pinned, and two mess covered feet which lay still, small driblets of goo covering her feet and slightly dripping.
“Right then! Well Sam you got all three ingredients onto the cake base, that’s 30 points, and you also got Hazel sandwiched right in the middle of the sticky mess, which is another 30 points – well done 60 points! Simon, you only got the two ingredients there, so 20 points, but not bad! Now Sam, Simon, would you eat that cake do you think?”
Both lads looked at the cake in front of them, noticing the poking out hands and poked out feet. Sam however didn’t waste time in responding.
“I don’t think so Dave, it would be cheesy because of those cheesy feet from Hazel!”
At this, everyone crept out laughing, including Jane and Simon.
“Oh well you heard the man, well the yellows have 60 and the blues have 30, but it could all change in our next game!”
The final shot before the title card showed Hazel’s two feet, slathered in red, yellow and white, and the toes slowly curling up and back down again, the lady inside the sloppy cake obviously cringing a little at the mess and embarrassment.
- Round 2: “Goal!” -
The scene came off the title card and showed a shot of Jane half smiling and slightly bouncing. It zoomed out to show her in a long t-shirt, oversized football shoes and gloves. She was in between large inflatable goalposts with Dave and Simon closer to the camera in front of her, with a basket of assorted balls to the side. It was fairly obvious what the set up of the game was, but Dave explained it quickly.
“Right, great sporty game next! The idea with this one is very simple; Simon has to shoot into the goal as much as he can, but stopping it is mum Jane over there. Jane have you got much experience as a keeper?”
“Um…well…no not really Dave, no!”
There were a few chuckles around the audience at seeing a middle aged woman dressed up ridiculously and looking like an unlikely foe. But if she was honest with herself, Jane found it comical herself. She wasn’t really embarrassed at the moment, as the first game had opened up her attitude more to a lot of fun.
“Right, well without further ado, three, two, one, go!”
Dave blew his whistle and ran off as Simon picked up his first ball and kicked. With no problem at all it went behind the net, as did the second one. He kicked the third, however this time Jane batted it away with one massive hand. The fourth ball made it’s way to the back of the net, but on the next one, once again Jane batted it from going in. She was starting to feel more optimistic about this game, possibly too much however for what happened next.
“Right Simon gets his next ball, and it’s a powerful kick – BUT OH NO!”
Simon had kicked the ball, and his mother had managed to hit it with her gloved hand. However instead of it sailing away, she had accidentally batted it to herself, causing it to hit her square in the face, and then into the back of the net. The sudden shock made her fall backward into the net, but she was not hurt; they were kids inflatable balls and she wasn’t in pain, but rather laughing at her own clumsiness as she lay on her back. As she laid there however, Simon hit two more balls into the net.
“Well theres only seconds left now, but up comes Jane again and, woahhh! Good defending there, she decided not to let that last ball go any further – but oh! Time I got out there!”
The klaxon sounded and Jane gave a sigh of breathless relief as Dave came running in and toward her. She collapsed on her knees laughing as he came beside her, patting her shoulder.
“You know I think you did very well there – how is your face after that impact?”
“What impact! Didn’t feel a thing!”
Dave chuckled once more and patted Jane’s shoulder. Despite his mock-bias attitude toward the adults on the show, he often found it great to have a laugh with them in the name of entertainment.
“Fighting spirit on GYOB we like that, we like that! Right time to count the balls here though – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 – A whopping 60 points there Simon, well done!”
“YEAH!”
Simon cheered along with the audience at his good score, Jane nodded accepting the good score and fell backward on her back breathing heavy, but smiling all the same.
—
The scene cut to Dave, now with the yellow team. Hazel was in the goal, now cleaned up from being covered in goo earlier on. For this game she had tied her hair up in a large ponytail, so that she could see clearly and not worry about it getting in her face. She was bouncing in anticipation as she had decided that her ordeal earlier WOULD be the worst it got for her today if she could help it, and so her slightly tough demeanour was back now that no mess was involved.
“Right, Sam it’s now your turn. You’re very sporty as I can tell but so is Hazel over there – you going to do well?”
“I hope so, it may be hard but I can beat her, easy!”
Dave laughed at Sam’s fighting spirit, whilst Hazel gave a small smirk in between her goalposts at her young rival.
“Three, two, one – GO!”
Once again Dave ran off and blew his whistle as Sam picked up his first ball. Hazel batted it out of the way with little effort, and the same with the second and third. The fourth one however slipped in between her legs, but she ignored the fact and kicked the next ball that came toward her.
“Well Sam isn’t off to the best start here. Hazel may be a swimming teacher but she knows exactly how to defend a goal doesn’t she! Oh, I spoke too soon, there goes Sam’s second ball into the net!”
Sam was getting slightly frustrated at the lack of balls going in the net, and miss-kicked the next one. Hazel had picked up on this and smiled a little. She wasn’t wanting to be intentionally mean, but she couldn’t help but have a small jab.
“Come on Sam, you should be good at this, it’s nearly as bad as the length times in the POOOOOL -”
Halfway through the sentence a ball had come soaring toward the goal but too far to the right for Hazel, and so she had dived whilst hanging on her last word. She missed it however, meaning it went into the back of the net and fell front first onto the inflatable and rolled backward, she went to sit up as one more ball went through the posts and she thumped to her side, half smiling however at her big mouth as Dave ran in after the klaxon.
“Stop! Stop! Game over, game over! Deary me Hazel, you got a bit dramatic to the end ther! Right Sam great effort, let’s count them up – 1, 2, 3, 4…A good score there Sam, 40 points!”
Sam the his arms up and cheered, but wasn’t in the mood for smiling too well knowing he had scored less than Simon. The camera focused on Dave’s iconic grinning face.
“Right then, let’s see the scores as they stand now! The blues have upped their game to 90 points in that round, but in the lead still with 100 points, are the yellows!”
At this, Sam gave a smile at last realising he was still in the lead and cheered as the title card came on.
- Round 3: “Pie Jinks!” (formerly Goo Who) -
The card came off to whizzing camera, panning all around in a circle until it stopped. Dave was stood in between Hazel and Jane, but the camera this time was positioned from one of the ramps above the gunge. The gunge blubbed away below as Dave and the two ladies looked on, and Dave finally spoke.
“Ohh I tell you what ladies it’s been festering for a long while now this has this stuff under these lights. I think it maybe a bit sticky today too! We looking forward to it later? Hm? Hmm?”
Both women looked as though they might have thrown Dave in that instant – and Dave knew it too by the looks he was getting. He laughed like a big kid and put his hand on their shoulders, and the shot changed to him turning them away from the gunge and walking with them into the middle of the studio.
-
“Right time for one of my favourite things ever – it’s pie jinks! We here at Get Your Own Back believe in fairness…to a certain extent! Haha! That is why we’re giving you both the chance to have your own say, saying why the other adult deserves the horrid stuff more! We then turn to the audience and they will decide who they would love to see plastered in the mucky gunge later on! Sounds fair right girls?”
Once again Dave got mock death stares from the two women, and again he laughed, along with the audience. He turned to Hazel first.
“Alright then Hazel, you will go first. 10 seconds, why should mum Jane over there be in the goo!”
A klaxon sounded and Dave stepped back. Right away Hazel’s tough demeanour was turned on, and she started off with an authoritative tone and look to her speech.
“Singing mums are THE WORST guys! Now fair enough I’m strict, but can you imagine the sound of a cat wailing from where you live? Jane is TERRIBLE, she’s embarassing her son so much, singing like mad like she is! Her singing stinks so maybe -”
The klaxon sounded again and Dave came back in to Hazel’s side. She laughed a little, letting her toughness slip, and brushed a small bit of her hair out of her eyes before placing her hands on her hips. Jane was calmly smiling with her hands behind her back as Dave spoke.
“You know I feel you were trying to build to something then weren’t you Hazel? We’ll never know though, 10 seconds only, THAT’S the rule! Right then Jane, are you ready? Same to you – why should the swimming teacher be swimming in the gunge!”
Jane nodded and began right away pointing with her finger over tat Hazel.
“This lady has too many rules, is too strict and is simply NO FUN! I may not be the best singer, but having ZERO FUN and STRICT LESSONS are surely worse! What do you say everyone has fun for once -”
“Alright thank you Ja -”
“WAIT! What d you say everyone has fun at her expense just this once when she is sent down to swim in sticky, slimy, yucky gunge!”
Jane had thrown up both her arms up, as though she had already won. The cheering in the studio was mad, and Dave himself was laughing and nodding. As far as pleas went, that was one for the record books in GYOB, short but meaningful.
“Wow, Jane that was…that was brilliant! I mean they both were but wow! I mean, I usually let the adults quickly argue it out but I think poor Hazel is in shock!”
Hazel hadn’t quite gone into shock as much as embarrassment. Although she was laughing too, she had gone a little pink, and had nearly cowered at how goo Jane’s speech was. As she looked around at the cheering audience, she had a pit in her stomach for when Dave was about to ask the question, which he started to do.
“Alright well then, I’ll leave it to all of you guys! If you would love for Hazel to take a dive into the gune please scream and sh – oh my word.”
The audience hadn’t fully quietened a moment ago, but now once again the studio was a racket with cheering kids. Whether they all rallied and loved the speech by Jane, or they just wanted to see a strict young athlete get her comeuppance was anyones guess. But either way, it was clear that Hazel was the audience favourite to get messy. Hazel simply cupped her hands over her mouth, slightly shaking her head. She had no idea just how strict she must appear to the audience.
“My my…right then…well, I don’t know if there is any point, but if you want to see Jane face the music, scream and shout now!”
As expected, the noise was incredibly quieter. A few bits of clapping and cheers went out but it was clear who won it. Dave straight away was ready for it and put his hands on Hazel’s shoulders.
“Alright nice try Hazel but you need to follow me!”
He trotted behind her, with Jane following in tow, toward a large pie booth saying, “I deserve this!” across it. Dave held his hands showing it off and Hazel looked down and shook her head as she walked behind it and placed her face through the hold, and her hands through the other two. Dave handed her pathetic looking water pistols, quietly telling her it was for fairness reasons. As Dave walked back to Jane near a table of pies, Hazel stared at the kids in the audience who were all looking pretty excited. She saw the two young contestants off to the side who were sitting and watching too. She even recognised one or two of the youngsters who came to her swimming lessons, and she closed her eyes and felt her face going a little red as Dave spoke.
“Alright then guys at home you know the score by now, but for you Jane I’ll quickly refresh them! You have a load of pies on this table, and you have one very deserving swimming teacher over there in that pie booth. Now Jane, how is your throwing arm?”
“Uh…well…haha…”
“Oh not good then! Well for each pie you get on target, so every time one splats on Hazel’s face, it adds 10 points to Sam’s score, meaning of course the chances of Hazel going into the gunge later increase. You only have 20 seconds to do this however! Ready Jane? GO!”
Dave bounced out of the way with a big grin and watched his favourite pre-gunk dunk game play out. Jane picked up a pie and right away milked her victory.
“Hope you like CREAM!”
She launched the pie but it completely missed the board, causing Dave to crack out laughing with half of the audience. Jane however was undeterred and didn’t care, already picking up her next pie and laughing with the audience. This one hit the board, but it was nowhere near Hazel’s face, however she had already got the next one ready.
“Hazel ENJOY!”
Again however Jane missed, and the audience had started to count down. She threw one more but it lazily splatted on the board. Hazel had been laughing from the second pie and was squirting the pathetic small water pistols in happiness, and stuck her tongue out at Jane.
“Oh I am enjoying, watching you do a bad job Jane!”
As the audience counted the last three seconds down though, Jane laughed at Hazel’s comment in good faith but picked up a pie and ran forward. Dave watched, covering his mouth and laughing as the middle aged mum ran toward her opponent. Hazel’s grin suddenly turned to terror and she scrunched up her face”
“Ohhh n – umph.”
The klaxon went off as Jane stood at the pie booth, rubbing the plate well and good into Hazel’s face. A small whining could be heard as Dave ran in laughing and beyond words.
“Oh my goodness. My my. That is a first…Jane, Jane come over here now, come on!”
Jane laughed and nodded, taking her hand away from the plate which fell off. As she walked away, Hazel’s mouth was wide open in shock, but she was laughing, her eyes shut tight and was covered in cream, not wanting to move. What made it even more comical was she was still squirting the guns a little, just completely in disbelief. Jane walked up to Dave but was biting her lip like a school kid being told off.
“Right Jane, that was a bit naughty. But it DOESN’T count. That means the scored stay the same, blues with 90 points and yellows with 100!”
Jane smiled and cheered a little at this news anyway, happy she was still safer than Hazel but Dave put his arm on her shoulder.
“HOWEVER, follow me, come on, you will have to be punished for that little stunt!”
Jane looked shock but followed put her hands on her cheeks as she was lead to the booth that Hazel had already managed to leave. Dave ran back to the table as Jane put her face and hands in the holes. Hazel, still with a little cream covering her picked up a pie as she suspected what was to happen.
“Right Hazel, one shot! One free shot, no points change or nothing but you’re allowed to throw this on the house at her over there, go one!”
Hazel stood beside the table and nodded smiling. She pulled a ‘you lose’ face at Jane and motioned for the audience to be a bit louder, and they obliged.
“SMILE!”
Jane was already cowering, but as the pie flew toward her she shut her eyes tight and kept her mouth open in fright. Hazel’s athletic background was evident as the pie found it’s mark, thick cream engulfing Jane’s face and bits of cream splattering the board around the facial hole. There was an audible ‘splugde’ as it hit her, the audience erupting in glee at this. Hazel threw her arms up happily as the plate stuck, slowly sliding down Jane’s not moving face, until dropping off. The mother and teaching assistant still had her mouth open and her face was dripping with cream. She slowly closed her mouth and spat out some cream as Dave stood at the camera with the booth behind him in the distance.
“See, we are very just here at Get Your Own Back for the adults if need be to! Time for the next round!”
The shot quickly went to showing Jane no longer in shock or even smiling, but her creamy face pulling a mock disgruntled grimace, her eyes still shut tight and her mouth twisted a little downward in mild disgust.
- Round 4: Clothing catastrophe! -
The last title card before the gunge came away and Dave was stood in between both Sam and Simon, with the two adults in the background. They were in the middle of a sort of large maze full of hangers which had generic blue and yellow T-shirts and other clothes on. Hazel and Jane both were stood made up to look like shop dummies, with beige, foam costumes, their arms stuck up at their sides. Dave started up excitedly.
“We have a new store opening up here at GYOB, with all sorts of clothes! However the shop dummies are big well, big dummies! Hahaha! Now what both Sam and Simon have to do is run in the maze of shop aisles after their adult, picking up their colours clothes whilst they’re at it, and have to try and hang the clothes off of their adults arms. But of course the adults will be running from them, but the aisles aren’t big enough for a smooth game! Can’t wait for this, so 3, 2, 1, go!”
Dave ran out of shot as both the kids ran into the mass of clothes. The two dummies at the back started to move in various directions. Sam had already gotten hold of a yellow item and was running toward Hazel, Simon doing the same. Hazel however was outrunning Sam quite well, but Simon had already caught his mum up, hanging the item over her outstretched arm. She ran off as he ran back to pick another bit of blue up.
“Very good the Simon already has one item pinned to his dummy, but oh look! Hazel was doing well there but she went round the bend and right into Sam, maybe she is a dummy! Ha-hey! Well done there Sam, that’s his first item on, and he’s getting another I think – oh a lovely pair of yellow pants! And where is Hazel, oh there she is – haha – oh my, bit tangled there I think.”
Hazel had caught her outstretched arm on some clothes and whilst she jostled around with it, Sam placed the item onto her other arm. She laughed and pulled herself free, running off. Jane however now had three items on her. She wasn’t too fast in this game, and was running all over the place. For Simon though, it wasn’t too difficult to catch his mum out and stick stuff to her arms.
“There goes Simon again with another item, now look at this, Hazel is now avoiding Sam a lot better than a few moments ago. She’s giving him a good run for his money but…oh , oh yeah there we go he’s done it! Well done Sam, I’ll tell you what both these youngsters are very good at this!”
The audience had began to countdown, Simon however had already got another item onto his mum, and Sam just managed to catch Hazel, pnning it to her arm before trying to get something else, but as he did, the klaxon sounded and Dave came bouncing in.
“Alright, game over, stop, stop, stop! Right, well done there lads, and to you two as well dummies I think you did well, give us a wave!”
Pathetically because of how the costumes were done, the ladies could do nothing but wobble at Dave trying to wave, causing him and the audience to giggle.
“Oh deary me haha! Right, time to count up everything. Let’s go over here to Hazel, oh yes, right hello! Ok, 1, 2, 3, 4…Good score Sam, 40 points! Ok, right then, let’s run along here…dododoo…right hi Jane, let me count these. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…very good score there Simon, 60 points!”
Both the lads cheered, but both laides felt a bit too out of breath it seemed.
“so with that, the final scores are looking like this! The yellows are sitting on 140 points, but going into the Gunk Dunk, it’s the blues on the lead with 150!”
Again both lads cheered as usual, however Hazel was suddenly looking a little more happier than Jane, but Dave wasted no time.
“Right then, it’s time now to see which one of these two boys will get their adult into the gunge however?”
Dave held his hands up as the title card came on.
- The Gunk Dunk -
It came back off quickly to show Dave standing between a smiling Sam and Simon. In the background the top of the Gunk Dunk was looming, both ladies presumably ready.
“Well we have had a fun day here today on Get Your Own Back. A lot of games, madness and embarrassment, but for our two adults it’s about to get much much worse indeed. So let’s get back there to the Gunk Dunk!”
Dave and the kids wheeled around and walked toward the set, as the camera panned up and focused from a distance. It then cut to a closer shot showing Dave reaching his podium and grinning like the big kid he always was. Both of the ladies were at his side, Hazel had her hands in her lap and was slightly smiling awkwardly, looking at Dave and then to Sam. She seemed to be avoiding all contact with what was below her, her legs were on display, looking athletic as always, and her feet were every so often wriggling on the chair. Jane looked a little more comfortable, her hands also in her lap. Her legs too on display, larger than Hazel’s but still looking nice for her age. Her feet were placed very close together as she patiently watched Dave get to the podium. Her smile was more comfortable, yet she looked at the gunge once or twice and pulled a slight grimace.
“Alright here we are, we have our two boys, out two adults and one very disgusting gunge below us!”
There was no faulting that Dave was telling the truth. The gunge was as it was at the start, mainly a dirty looking beige, however in the middle it was slightly more colourful with orange. However there was blobs of brown spattered in the goo, giving it a very mucky looking colour all in all. In the middle the words, “Mucky, Messy, Minging!” This could not be more true as per-usual with the Gunk Dunk. It was as thick as usual, with bits of lumps in too. It also looked as thick as it was, it didn’t look slimy at all, mostly dense and of a lumpy substance. Again, as usual, the gunge was very foul smelling although this time smelt like rotten vegetables, especially rotten cabbage. Both ladies of course were right above and knew this but were a little more used having been up there for a short time before the recording started. It didn’t make it anymore pleasant though as Dave spoke.
“Now Hazel, you’re used to being around water and all, with your job and everything, but hey what about our very own pool here?”
Hazel listened and slightly laughed as Dave mentioned her job and then the ‘pool’ below her. She looked at the gunge for a quick moment and away again right away and shook her head at Dave, laughing slightly again.
“Very interesting..but a bit too messy and yucky looking for my liking. I really don’t want to take a swim in there.”
“Ah well you never know, I’d get ready to have to dive later on, but anything could happen, anything could happen indeed because Jane! Now the scores have been up and down today but your son really pulled it out the bag in that last round, I mean, what if he does the same for Gunk Dunk?”
Jane shot a look at Simon and looked back at Dave.
“Well I’m hoping her really doesn’t. I don’t fancy the stuff below me at all, I will not be going in there if I can help it.”
“Ah well you see you can’t at all not right now, because seeing as Simon pulled ahead, we’re putting YOU ahead to go in the gunge, you have to go up one whole notch!”
“Oh great.”
Jane rolled her eyes as her chair moved up and as it stopped she shuffled in her seat, looking down at the gunge for a moment then at her son as Dave explained the rules. She looked at Hazel, who also met with her eyes and Hazel pulled a disgusted face right at Jane and pointed to her. Jane smiled pointed back at her, returning the banter. Neither lady particularly wanted to end up in the gunge below, but they knew the build up would be quite comical. For Hazel at least she would keep as tough as she could and as calm, but if she got to the top she would hate it. Jane didn’t think the gunging itself would be too bad, but she found it hard to convince herself as she stared at the steaming tank in front of her, and suddenly shuddered at the thought.
“So it’s the first adult who ends up at the top right up there, who will then find themselves hurtling head down toward this incredibly vile gunge below! Right, let’s see who it will be shall we? We both ready? Yeap? Yeah? Right!”
Both women listened to Dave intently, as well as the boys who were both leaning slightly forward at their podiums in excitement.
“What is the name of the character who presents ‘The Slammer’ on CBBC?”
Both boys quickly pressed their buzzers but it was the blue one that rang out first. Jane looked to her son as Dave asked him for the answer.
“The Governor?”
“That’s right, good old guv’! Got it right, what do we do with his mum?”
The audience yelled in reply and Jane mouthed back, “No!” and shook her head as her chair moved up. It came to a stop and she looked at Simon pulled a very worried looking face.
“Great stuff, right, next question! What is the third month of the year?”
Again, both boys pressed their buzzers but this time the yellow one rang out. Hazel didn’t look at Sam at all, but instead looked at Dave and around the audience, who were all watching eagerly.
“March..”
“Is correct! That’s right, up you go there Hazel!”
The audience went “ooh” as Hazel moved upward. She looked down at the gunge with a weak smile on her face. As the chair stopped she looked at Sam and then at Dave who picked up on it.
“You know what for a tough swimming teacher, she isn’t really looking that tough anymore! Haha! Right then, Hazel is one notch, Jane is on two, anything can happen though, next question!”
Hazel took a deep breath as Dave asked what colour grass usually was. She looked at the gunge again, but only for a moment before looking back to Sam, not bearing the thought of the stuff below her. Her head shot round however as the blue podium lit up.
“Straight away Simon?”
“Green.”
“That’s right, grass is always greener on the other side, Jane, up you go!”
Jane pulled a very scared look at Simon as she rose up, which was half in terror. She came to a stop and she looked at Dave, laughing nervously.
“How many of these are there?”
“Well there’s 5 notches and you’re now on 3 m’love!”
Jane suddenly looked serious as she looked at Dave, which prompted a few giggles from the audience.
“I thought there were 6!”
“Oh no no, 5 there is, you’re 2 away from something very nasty Jane!”
Jane looked Simon and to Hazel quickly, and down at the gunge, no longer smiling. She hadn’t realised she was that close to the top, and suddenly felt a little nervous. Dave had begun with the next question though.
“Here we go animal question – What is the name of a baby sheep?”
Jane closed her eyes and smiled embarrassingly as the blue buzzer to her left went off. She shook her head slightly too, knowing how easy the question was.
“Simon!”
“A lamb.”
Dave nodded and said the question was right of course, and motioned toward Jane as he asked what to do. Hazel breathed deeply again, feeling more confident as the audience asked and her middle aged counterpart moved up. She smiled slightly in satisfaction as Jane looked down and giggled nervously at her chest. As the chair came to a stop, she shuffled her feet a little on the chair and changed her face to a more serious, attentive one, looking at Dave.
“Now this is interesting, Jane is nearly at the top there, one more notch and she knows what will happen! You however Hazel are a bit more safe right now, so enjoy it while you can, anything can happen!”
Hazel nodded and looked at Sam, who was still determined by the look on his face. She wasn’t listening to Dave’s question but all of a sudden her swimming student pressed his buzzer hard and she listened in with shock.
“Cardiff.”
“That’s right the capital of Wales is indeed Cardiff, what do we do with Hazel!”
“Crank her up!”
Hazel covered her mouth as she rose up, muffling her laugh a little and as the char stopped she placed her hand back on her lap. She looked at Sam and then over at Jane who was still looking a bit more serious. Hazel was reminded just how far in front Jane was and she got a bit of calmness from it.
“Right, 4 to 2, not over yet though! Right then, in Treasure Island – both heard of the story yes?”
Both lads nodded, having seen some form of the story in media.
“In Treasure Island, what is the name of the pirate? Long John Silver, or Long John Gold?”
For a moment there was silence, and it was tense. Both Hazel and Jan were looking at their respective child and waiting. Dave only made it worse.
“Ohh shiver me timbers, who will get this, who will get – OH! Sam!”
The yellow podium buzzed and Sam took a moment, clearly taking a guess. Hazel hoped for the wrong guess.
“Uh…Long John…Silver?”
Hazel sighed and looked at Dave raising her eyebrows. Of course she knew it was right and smiled awkwardly as Dave grinned back at her.
“Oh you know what I believe Hazel knows this, is it right?”
Hazel burned up and looked away nodding then looking at Sam who was smiling big due to her having to declare it correct. Dave smiled too.
“Of course it’s Long John Silver, up you go to the third notch Hazel!”
Hazel took this moment to reshuffle herself on her seat, adjusting her top so it wasn’t too tight on her and placed her hands on her knees as the chair stopped. She shuffled her feet a tiny bit more moving them closer to the edge of it, not she wasn’t above the gunge directly, and she tapped her toes on it’s edge.
“This is getting pretty close now, 3 notches for Hazel, but Jane you’re still in bad position right there!”
Jane was still tense, hardly moving and shook her head at Dave as he spoke, and then at her son. She pulled another grimace as she did. She had totally changed moods now, not feeling as confident or whacky as before, yet she retained some of it by pointing at Simon and mouthing, “shush!” as he laughed at her predicament. Dave continued.
“What country is pizza typically associated with?”
Again both boys stalled, thinking over what country it was, and not trying to be caught out but finally it was Simon who pressed his blue button hard and quickly. His mum watched him closely.
“Simon!”
“You think it is Italy? Well I can reveal that it is indeed Italy! AND…you know what that means Jane.”
Jane did indeed know what it meant, and had reduced to leaning as forward as she could, burying her face into her hands and curling her toes over the seat as it rattled upward. It came to the top, and moved backward, finally stopping on the platform. Alarms bells rang out and Jane was shaking her head and peaked at Dave.
“Oh Jane. Don’t get too comfy up there will you? HAHAHA!”
Jane removed her left hand from her face and placed it on her knee, and rested her head on the other hand, looking for a moment as though she was fed up, and looked at her son who was rubbing his hands. She grimaced at him and shut her eyes tight as though trying to ignore the situation and think of something else. Dave however turned full attention to Hazel, who was relaxing in her chair, now completely safe.
“But Hazel, you can get nice and comfy, mind you, you look as though you already have! Listen, you’re pretty strict when teaching swimming and all, and you even blamed Sam for breaking his glasses when it was your fault! But, you’re not doing any swimming today, how do you feel?”
“Ohh Dave. Really relieved, truly. I think though I’ll be a bit nicer to Sam and his friends though now. I don’t want to end up back here at all. And Sam – I’ll admit it was my fault about your glasses, I’m sorry!”
Sam smiled and nodded.
“It’s ok.”
It’s all he could manage, not knowing what to say. Although he was really wanting to win, he somehow found it satisfying to see his swimming instructor all sat and ready for the gunge. He enjoyed the day, and what happened to her earlier was good enough for him, it was always something he could bring up time and again.
“Lovely stuff, now Hazel, could you return to being a lifeguard for a moment, as Jane over here is about to take a dip! AREN’T YOU JANE?”
Dave turned to the middle ages woman who was looking at him worryingly. Whilst he had been talking to the yellows, she had come to terms with her predicament. She couldn’t see the gunge too well due to the track blocking her view, but she could remember how nasty it looked before. Not to mention she could smell a slight, less strong wiff from where she was of it. Simon was smiling, as he had seen his mother look from him to her feet every few moments and was now no longer smiling. She had her hands in her lap, and had pushed her feet and bare legs right next to each other. She had a small nervous feeling in her stomach, and could feel every eye in the studio upon her.
“Do you know, Jane up there looks like a classic really embarrassed and scared mother. Oh, I’m going to enjoy this. Simon!”
Simon turned to Dave, happily clinging to his every word.
“Take a look up there. Your mother Jane things she’s a right diva doesn’t she? Singing into hairbrushes, dancing in front of the telly, treating every day like a musical – it’s not right. You wrote to me telling me how she always embarrasses you in front of all your friends, not to mention she sings to the students at the school she works! Well hey you got her up there and fully embarrassed her – well it’s time to embarrass her even more! Make her sing a new tune, pul lthat lever and GET YOUR OWN BACK!”
Simon yanked the lever back and threw his arms up in the air as Jane’s seat rolled forward. She watched the edge of the track approach, and into view came the gunge. She pulled a face at it and looked once more at her son, smiling and clapping. The audience was building it up with a “ooooooooh” which made her feel even more red faced. Suddenly though she was aware the the track her ran out and felt the chair suddenly dip over the end. She didn’t know what to do, and so held her knees and feet right together, and pushed her arms into her stomach. She shut her eyes tight, scrunching up her face as the chair descended. As it did, she couldn’t help but open her mouth, which was contorted in fear, and screamed awkwardly.
The cannons didn’t shoot at her like they normally did, leaving the gunge from above to be the first to hit her. It was bright pink and spurted down for a moment, splashing over her hair and legs. She hadn’t fully reached the bottom yet, but as soon as she did the chair sprung forward. Jane slipped off, bending her spattered pink legs backwards. Her arms however were no longer at her sides, and were instead held up as though trying to reach for an invisible ledge. She was still screaming as she faces downward, but finally she broke the surface. There was a muffle and a slight gurgle as she hit the gunge, and only for a split moment, her arms, and feet were still up in the air, but Jane herself was face down in the gunge. It was only for a split second however, and she was quickly swallowed up, all parts of the mum disappearing with a loud and thick squelch. The cannons whirred to life, shooting streams of white into the churning surface. The gunge had gone a light brown colour, yet still spattered with orange, and was mixing grimly.
“YEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!”
Simon had his hands up and yelling at the sky, and looked back down, breaking into laugher.
There was ripples and two hands came to the surface, again trying to find something to grip. Right in the middle, Jane slowly reared her head, which was coated completely with gunge. No part of her was clean at all, the left of her face was orange, but the right side was a mixture of bits of pink, beige and orange. She didn’t raise herself any higher than her neck as she brought her hands quickly to her face. In doing this though, she caused gunge to splat right at her, causing more laugher from the audience. Her mouth was hanging half open, contorted downward in disgust and disbelief, much like it had with the pie earlier. It was clear she had also got some of the gunge in her mouth, and slowly spat it out. She brought her hands slowly this time to her eyes, wiping them alone. Her hair was dripping with large globs and totally ruined. The cannons aimed for her, causing white to splash the back of her head and spatted around her. She didn’t react to it, just kept her comical expression and wiped her eyes more.
“That was brilliant! Oh my, Simon! Simon, look at her down there, you got your own back well and truly in style – how do you feel?”
“AMAZING! WOOO!”
“Oh well you look it, even if your mum doesn’t! And boy what a tune she let out when she – WOAH!”
Jane screamed a little more suddenly, as a large torrent of bright yellow cascaded from above. She held her hands above her head but to no avail as the gunge dripped through and slowly buried her head under more goo, the gunge seeping down and covered her face as she screamed. Her scream reduced to a slow moan as it continued to pour, and then suddenly turned into a pink stream, with Jane still not wanting to stand up any further and so staying up to her neck. She felt cold and dirty, the gunge having seeped into her most intimate parts, ruining her clothes too. Her hair felt wet through and heavy with the stuff, her face too. but worst of all, Jane’s good sense of smell wasn’t doing her and favours. She could smell the stuff on her, and below her, and it was sickly along with the feeling. She slowly lifted her hands to her face, wanting to wipe it clean but instead giving herself more of a covering. She whimpered into her gooey hands as Dave spoke.
“Well Sam, Simon, you both win some great prizes, including a photo album of your time on the show! That’s a popular one that is when you get to the last few pages! Also, for Hazel you get a sign to hang up saying you won’t be strict any longer! And for our Jane down there she gets to take away with her later a T-Shirt that will have a photo of her in that gunge, and even states where to find a video of it! That’s so that she can wear it whenever you’re out Simon you can remind everyone of how to tackle a bad singer!”
Simon nodded and smiled looking down, content with how his mother was now looking and feeling. Sam was also slightly smiling, as it was entertaining. Hazel had a large grin too, but also was looking slightly grossed out from the gunge. Her feet were tingling though, as she had come close to being in the goo herself.
“She really does look a mess down there doesn’t she? All gooey and slimy and smelly – YUCK!”
Jane only half heard this, as she now watched the cameras and eyes upon her. Her face was more or less gunge free again, but her hair was still plastered. She still decided to stay neck deep, and rested her hands on the surface a little. All of a sudden though there was a whirring in front of her and a cannon she hadn’t seen pointed at her. She scrunched up her face as the cannon blasted bright green at her, recovering her face and causing her with shock to slowly slip beneath the surface. The cannon continued to squirt forward as two gooey feet popped up i the gunge a little bit, it’s fire directed at them.
“I think she doesn’t want to be seen! She has to teach at a school too, and you can bet they’re all watching this – I’ll tell you what, they will be holding their noses around her from now on, phwoar! Hahaha! Right well we will see you next time for more games, more fun and a whole load more gunge!”
Jane came back up from the surface, only to be met with tri-fire of blue, yellow and red gunge from the three cannons. As the camera panned out, she simply didn’t move and pulled a disgusted face as she was sprayed endlessly with the gunge.
—
Ew, I guess Jane won’t be singing anymore! I’ll have to admit, I hoped Hazel took a swim, but turns out Simon was too quick at the questions!
I will try not to be as long this time with the next, as I love writing these stories myself I have another series to catch up on too about a very unfortunate bride, so keep a look out for that. But to everyone who waited patiently, thank you for understanding!
Want a grownup you’ve always wanted to be gunged get the GYOB treatment? Well now you can! Follow this link to find out how!
- MsM
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