Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Hello, hello, hello and welcome to another episode of You Bet Your Own Back, and what a show I have for you tonight,” annouces Emma Crosby.

“On tonight’s show we have two TV actress from American TV shows that both are looking to see their younger co-stars getting messy, of course only one will secure the necessary votes from you, our viewers, to see her achieve her wish, while the other will pay the forfeit.  So let’s bring out our first actress, please welcome to the stage, one of the stars of the show Nashville, Connie Britton.”

 Connie joins Emma on stage wearing a long dark green dress that shows plenty of her cleavage. 

“Welcome to the show Connie, viewers of your show may already have guessed who you are looking to gunge, but why don’t you give us the reason you are here, and then introduce the lady you have brought here today.”

“Thanks Emma, can I say I have felt very welcome since I have arrived at the show.  The majority of actresses have to pay their dues and work up to take lead parts in shows, but for some very lucky girls, they land in a top TV show without much work.  You would think this would mean that they would be quite grateful, but instead they act like spoiled little brats always wanting more money and more attention, well tonight, I intend to give Hayden Panettiere all the attention she deserves, and see her covered in gunge.”

“So there we have it, Connie is looking to get her own back on Hayden,  but does she have anything to say in her defence?” asks Emma.    

Hayden is wearing a black dress that also displays a lot of cleavage, she waves to the crowd as she joins Emma and Connie.

“Welcome to the show Hayden, you have heard what Connie had to say, do you have anything to say to her and our voters?”

“Emma, just because these older actresses were willing to accept second best, why should I, or any other actress, in fact I think that I should get to gunge Connie for her failure to stand up for herself at the point she was my age, and ensured that I would be called a diva for getting things that I am entitled to,” says Hayden.  Connie just shakes her head in reply.

“That was an interesting response from Hayden, but will that sway your vote in her favour, but it’s time to move on to the next pair.  They both come from the TV show Castle, first please welcome to the stage our gambler, Stana Katic.”

Stana is wearing a short pink dress and watching shoes which draw an appreciative response from the studio audience.

“Stana, you are very welcome to the show, I believe that just like Connie, you are seeking revenge on a younger co-star, can you explain why, and introduce her please.”

“Thanks Emma, as you say, I too am looking to have a co-star gunged, like Connie, I think that these younger actresses have it far too easy and do not behave very well, but this particular person also plays one of those really annoying smart kids that TV is full of, so I think I have an additional reason to see Molly Quinn take her place in that chair of yours.”

Molly is all smiles as she walks out and joins Emma and Stana.  Like Stana she is wearing pink, but it is a completely different shade for her.

“Well Molly, you know what Stana wants to do to you, how do you convince the voting public to spare you?”

“Emma, can I be blamed for acting out the role that’s been written for me.  I think Stana is just jealous that I have much more success than she had at my age, and for that I think she deserves to lose her gamble and get messy.”

“Molly, we will have to see if the public agree with you, so do you want to see Connie getting her own back on Haden, which will mean Stana in the chair as well, or would you prefer to see Stana get Molly all messy meaning the forfeit will go Connie’s way, the choice is yours as voting lines have now opened.  Don’t forget to join us for update show when not only will I be letting you know how the voting is going, I will also be asking Connie and Stana to select the level of gamble they are willing to take, the higher the level, the more they get to gunge their target, but if they fail to succeed in attracting your votes , then that is the level of forfeit they will suffer, so while they think on that, you should all get voting.  See you real soon.”

As stated before, I don’t condone non-consensual pie attacks, but when it’s someone getting a taste of her own medicine, the sympathy is somewhat less. It’s payback time for a “communist” (not sure if that’s self-identified or pejorative) protester who previously pied a Swedish politician. I can’t really tell whether she’s a looker or not because of the poor lighting.

liveleak.com/view?i=a2e_1385028562

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Natalie sloshed around in the bathtub, her closed eyes only highlighting the wet echoes and sharp scents. She tried to relax, let the warm water and soft bubbles do their job of easing tense muscles and soothing old wounds. Easier said than done, feeling the bath against her back, her spine pressed to the tub that had contained her abject humiliation at the hands of her house guests. Ugh, she had always hated Halloween anyway. As a kid she’d be dragged to some stupid school disco, with the ancient lights and even older records blasting around the room stinking with the scent of pale greasepaint and vinyl capes. Every second person seemed to be a vampire, and that was before the present day’s obsession with the darn things. Dark and brooding boys who never grew old… that was the ultimate romantic fantasy, was it? So pedestrian, so boring. Though a pedestrian, boring love life suddenly seemed a lot more appealing to Natalie after that horrible Halloween night.

It was all Keira’s fault, really. That girl, too smart and perceptive for her own good, had figured out Natalie’s secret and simply slimed her. There was no other word for it, her room-mate had slimed Natalie right here in the bathroom. Then Keira sent her to the Hellfire Club, where she dared to indulge her fantasies, only to later find fellow inductee Robert standing in her flat. As if Natalie’s cheeks hadn’t flamed enough just seeing him there, having someone in the room who had seen her in a willingly messy state, Keira and her cousin Scarlett had arranged an evening that well and truly stitched her up, to the point that she wouldn’t even have a stitch to wear. The only way out was to sit right here, where she was now, and endure a torrent of sludge and slime.

Natalie sighed, sucking in and letting out a warm breath to mix with the steam rising from the water. It hadn’t been the stuff itself that was the problem. Truth be told, it felt kind of nice. Fun, at least, even the rather icky, awkward spaghetti dumped over her head, wriggling into her costume and finding its way into all sorts of places. The costume was, naturally, a write-off. Stained beyond salvation, but she had tossed it in the laundry anyway. Keira’s laundry, actually, which had caused a bit of consternation when her room-mate wondered how tomato sauce had found its way onto her pretty pink socks even after they had been through a spin cycle. Natalie had dried and kept the suit regardless, figuring it could be good for some fun in the future. Fun, though, wasn’t the only thing she felt while sitting in the bath, surrounded by so-called friends who slathered her in slop. Michael, she could not help but noticed, had seemed to particularly enjoy her predicament. He was gentle with the delivery, at least, and careful not to get anything in her eyes. Still, it was obvious he was having a lot of fun. Inches and inches of fun, at her expense.

And Natalie wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Even now, a few weeks and many, many showers later, she couldn’t quite get a bead on her own reaction. She’d squirmed and cringed and clenched as it happened, but inside her heart had hammered, and her stomach tumbled and thrilled. It was different from how she felt at the Hellfire Club with Robert. There she had been in a place designed for it, worn an outfit she had every intention of devastating, and had soared on sensations that amounted to an intense and exhilarating freedom. In the bathroom, things were entirely reversed. She was held down, she was not prepared, and she was, to coin a phrase, spectacularly sploshed. Being a spectacle, the centre of attention, was not something Natalie was used to. Especially not when hanging out with her stunning cousin Scarlett. To be in a position of having a gunging simply take over her, in front of an audience, was an experience she never thought she’d have and now it had happened to her twice. And that second time felt so much different from sitting in her cousin’s lap, sodden swimsuit already soaked and stinking of chlorine.

Natalie took another breath, then leaned back and let her head slip under the surface. A moment later she burst back up, blinking away water and stroking her slicked back hair. She couldn’t shake the memories, she couldn’t bury the ghost of a storm that erupted in her gut every time she thought of what had happened. And, as she sat there and dripped, she realised she could not deny that to some degree at least, she had really, really enjoyed it.

A sly smile crept over Natalie’s lips. Something she would really, really enjoy even more would be revenge.

Later in the afternoon, Natalie arrived at Scarlett’s door and was greeted by her cousin, her aunt and her uncle. The warm home was already decorated for the holidays, a tad early by British standards, but Scarlett’s father was an American, as was given away by his boisterous manner and big hugs. There were lights outside, there was a tree inside, and tinsel and wreaths and a mishmash of autumnal colours were scattered everywhere. Unlike most Brits, Natalie had been to a Thanksgiving meal before, and she knew that there would still be a million things to do in the kitchen. After greeting various members of the extended family, she grabbed Scarlett by the wrist, and cheerfully volunteered to get to work on some stuffing or cranberries or something.

“Thank you, dears, that would be lovely,” cooed Scarlett’s mother, already well into her second glass of wine. Natalie felt some resistance from her cousin, but soon dragged her to the kitchen, where there were a dozen dishes to finish and, naturally, nobody doing anything. Once the bottles were uncorked and the guests started arriving, these family occasions turned slow as treacle. Natalie gave the oven a quick check, seeing a juicy bird browning well, and then gave up all pretext of being interested in cookery and rounded on Scarlett.

“You,” Natalie said with a glare.

“Mmm?” was all Scarlett offered, finger fiddling with the label peeling from a wine bottle.

“You think I forgot Halloween?” Natalie demanded, then lowered her voice. One thing well known about family functions, no matter how well lubricated: the walls have ears. “You think I don’t know you and Keira worked out some plot together to get me?”

Scarlett shrugged. “It was hardly a plot. Things just happened, and mostly they happened to you. It was a party, we had some fun. At your expense, yeah, but I am not entirely convinced by your angry act. If you were really mad, I’d have heard about some terrible revenge befalling Keira, and I think you would have released certain pictures of me, right? Nobody’s poking me on Facebook, calling me compost girl,” she added in a whisper.

“Maybe I’m not quite as bad as you, even if you deserve it,” Natalie retorted. “But then again, maybe I should let you see how it feels to be sitting in class right next to a guy who has seen you… covered in stuff. See if your irritatingly blonde hair and big blue eyes can keep his interest then, when he’s just imagining you all gooey and gross.”

Scarlett beamed, annoying Natalie even more with how effortlessly beautiful that smile always made her look. “Oh I get it. A guy. You’re upset because a certain Doctor gunged the girl who would be his companion.”

Natalie just glared, the semi-constructed annoyance that she had brought with her turning all the more real.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Nat,” Scarlett continued. “Did you see him after we got you? I mean, maybe you didn’t through the gallons… and gallons… of goo…”

“Get on with it,” Natalie snapped. “And if you call me Nat one more time you’ll be wearing every dessert we have.”

“Hehe. Seriously, he was obviously quite enamoured with you. He’s not put off by what happened, far from it. So get over yourself and try talking to him again, will you?”

“What makes you think I haven’t talked to him?” Natalie asked, sounding wary.

“Because I know you. Because of you, your pride and your ego, you would bury your head in the sand and hide from a guy you like who saw you vulnerable, because that way you can continue to pretend you are never vulnerable. Do you know why I took you to the swimming club, once upon a time?”

“Because you’re sadistic?”

Scarlett crossed the kitchen and gripped a spoon, mixing up some stuffing in a bowel. “Because you’re too uptight. You take yourself so seriously, it stresses you out. I wanted you to learn to laugh at yourself, to let go of always having to be in control. I thought it would be good for you.”

Natalie leaned over the bowl and stared. “Well,” she admitted at last, “I guess it was kind of fun to just let go.”

“See? Now pour us a couple of cokes and we’ll have some cleaner fun tonight.”

Dutifully, Natalie opened the fridge and pulled out a big, heavy plastic bottle. Soda, Natalie’s uncle would have called it. And the thing about soda is that it can, under pressure, do something quite…

Pssst! SLOSH!

… Unexpected.

“Are you freaking serious?!” Natalie stood in the centre of the kitchen floor and shivered. The last of the skyward foam came to rest on her head, running through her now stringy hair, seeping into her sodden sweater. Her dark jeans clung damply to her thighs, and her sticky hands still clung to the nearly empty bottle held in front of her like a ticking time-bomb. Unfortunately, time had run out.

“Oh, not that one,” said Scarlett flatly. Too late, of course. “Sorry, mum mentioned she dropped it down the stairs before putting it in, I should have told you to go for the one behind it.”

Natalie turned, an awkward feeling as her warm clothes held the wet and cold against her. She glared at her cousin, took slow and deep breaths to fend off the frigid wetness and the boiling annoyance. “If you did this on purpose I swear I will–”

“Oh no, what happened?” came a voice from the doorway. Natalie and Scarlett wheeled around to find Scarlett’s mother standing there, a half-amused smirk not truly hidden on her face. “Oh, pet, looks like you got the bad bottle. Go on upstairs, Scar will find you something dry to put on.”

“Thank you,” murmured Natalie, feeling her cousin grip her hand and lead her to the stairway. Naturally this required snaking through the hall and past the mingling guests hanging around at the front door. Natalie just took a breath, steeled herself, and kept her wet head down as they slipped on through. In Scarlett’s room, she finally let out a huge burst of a sigh. “I cannot believe this.”

“We should probably rinse your hair a bit or it’ll get sticky,” Scarlett said, flicking through her wardrobe. “At least this time you weren’t wearing white, right?”

“Don’t remind me,” Natalie couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of Halloween. How she had tried to find an outfit that would be appealing to her guest, and the chances she had taken by scandalously slipping it on sans underwear. That had almost gone a little too well, to tell the truth…

After a quick rinse and a hurried change of clothes, Natalie admired herself in the mirror. Scarlett always had such great dress sense, and while her outfits were a little looser on Natalie’s frame, they had found an older green frock that looked appropriately festive. Not having to go outside, Natalie saw no need for tights, and her little brown boots still worked fine. Leaving herh damp bra in Scarlett’s laundry was a tougher decision, but it would be cold and uncomfortable under the frock, which seemed small enough to hold her anyway. “What do you think?” she asked, turning in front of the mirror.

“I think it’s time to eat,” said Scarlett. So they did, and a good time was had by all, munching turkey and slurping cranberry sauce and generally having a Christmas dinner a month early. When she was finished, Natalie had no idea how she would be able to do it again in just a few weeks time. And Americans did this every year? Amazing.

But there was always room for dessert. “Thanks very much, Aunt May,” said Natalie, smiling in gratitude for the feast that they had devoured.

“Yeah, it was great, mum,” added Scarlett, to a murmur of agreement from around the room.

“Oh, you’re all so welcome,” said Natalie’s aunt. She began to rise. “And I hope you all have room for pudding.”

“Let us,” Scarlett interrupted, jumping to her feet. Natalie felt a hand grip her wrist again, and before she knew it she was being led back to the kitchen. After what happened last time, she did not have a good feeling about this.

“What now?” asked Natalie as Scarlett shut the door. They were alone now, the hubbub of conversation outside drowning out anything they would have to say, as they stood in the broad, bright kitchen. Its work-surfaces were laden with the last course, a variety of treats. Pumpkin pie, a little tricky to get the ingredients for in the UK; chocolate gateaux, something that conjured up an embarrassing memory as Natalie recalled her little visit to the Hellfire Club; custard, trifles, lemon meringue, and cream and ice cream in huge bowls ready for serving. She saw Scarlett eyeing the selection too, and found herself backing up against the sink. “No…”

Scarlett turned to her, pulling a blonde curl out of her eyes. “Hit me,” she said.

Natalie stared. “What?”

Scarlett flashed a pearly grin and pointed to her face. “Come on, hit me. I know you’re still a bit miffed over Halloween, and I did kind of get you into all of this, so give it to me.”

Natalie stared in horror. “I can’t pie you, our family is right out there!” she hissed.

Scarlett shrugged, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I’ll wipe it off before we go out. We’ll just say we dropped one if anybody notices something went missing. Everybody knows you’re clumsy anyway.”

“I am not clumsy! And I’m not pieing you. This is… this isn’t the time or the place.”

“Chicken.”

Natalie shook her head and grabbed a couple of pie dishes. “I’m taking these out. You can keep trying to cause trouble if you like, but I won’t be drawn into anything.”

“Whatever you say, Nat,” said Scarlett, with a smirk.

Natalie glared at her, but kept heading for the door. A noise caught her attention; she turned back to see Scarlett lifting a pie pan of her own, holding it flat on her palm, arm cocked back as if ready to catapult it across the room. “W-wait a minute…” Natalie stammered.

Stepping forward, Scarlett just continued to grin. “It’s you or me. Think fast.”

Natalie didn’t think. She struck, flinging both her arms out, as much to shield herself as to strike at Scarlett. The result was a muffled clash, swiftly followed by another, as two deep and creamy pie pans slapped themselves one after the other into Scarlett’s beautiful face. Stopped dead in her tracks, Scarlett set her own pie down, moving slowly as she gathered her wits again.

“What’s taking so— oh.”

Natalie felt her cheeks flush as much as she was sure Scarlett’s were under all that creamy fluff. The sticky white and yellow mixture wriggled and creased as Scarlett cringed beneath the mask. Natalie turned, expecting a horrified aunt ready to launch into a tirade about messing up the kitchen, only to find a younger woman of about her age sidling into the kitchen. Another blonde, she bore a passing resemblance to Scarlett, but with eyes of deep slate as opposed to Scarlett’s brilliant blues. Her face was a little rounder, and an easy smile came to it as she quietly closed the door behind her back.

“What are you two up to?” the newcomer asked, giving Natalie a greater sense of her American accent with just a hint of southern twang.

“She started it,” Natalie found herself swiftly saying.

Scarlett grabbed a towel and tried to mop what she could of the double pieing out of her eyes and hair. It wasn’t very effective, lumps of cream still clung to her hair and chest. “This is my cousin on my dad’s side, Jennifer. Jenn, this is Natalie. She’s a witch.”

“I am not. You were going to–” SPLAT. Natalie was too stunned to do anything for a moment, standing stock still as warm, sticky cream enveloped her senses and flopped back out of her open mouth. The brief moment it had been in there, she had tasted pumpkin. That dull orange was going to totally stand out on her green dress. Wonderful.

As Natalie wiped the worst from her eyes, she heard two distinct giggles. After shooting a dark glare at Scarlett, she rounded on Jenn, who had just plucked up a heaping bowl of trifle. A jolt ran through her; a pumpkin pie was one thing, but if that collection of custard and jelly was plopped over her head, her matted hair and streaked clothes would make it impossible to get out of this kitchen with a shred of dignity. Natalie’s instincts served her well as she swiftly gripped Jenn’s forearms and flung them back toward her. Unsuspecting and unbalanced, Jenn let out a shriek of surprise as her weapon of choice suddenly flew back in her face, shoving her nose deep into the bowl and showering her with a slimy, festive assortment of sensations.

“Eugggh!” Jenn said. Her mouth curled as she tried to get the worst of the custard out, and she held out her hands away from her body, seemingly revolted at even touching herself in that state.

Natalie grabbed Scarlett’s abandoned dish towel and wiped away the worst of the pie. “Sorry, self-defence,” she said, offering Jenn an apologetic smile.

“At least we’re all even now,” bubbled Scarlett. She seemed ready to burst into uproarious laughter any second.

Less amused was Jenn. “Even?!” she sputtered as jelly dripped from her hair and custard ran past her ears. She clenched her fists and seemed to grimace as cold custard ran down the collar of her frock and chilled her neck. She tensed, mostly against the cold, but she seemed to be summoning a serious tongue lashing that Natalie was not all that interested in hearing. More accurately, she was not interested in the other guests hearing it. In an impulse, she shut Jenn’s pie-hole. With pie.

“Shh,” said Natalie as she smeared the plate of chocolate gateaux down Jenn’s scrunched up face. “No more.”

Finally, Jenn opened her mouth, parting the mess of goo with a wide, dark O. “Oh my god,” she mouthed, stunned enough to follow Natalie’s instructions. Unfortunately, the silence was swiftly broken.

“What have you done, you little minx?” came a call from the doorway. Natalie spun to find her aunt May standing there with hands on hips and deep disapproval etched into her face. She leaned against the door, holding it open and allowing a series of heads to bob about in the background; at last the commotion had drawn the other guests, and Natalie’s extended family stared at the three sloppy girls in the kitchen.

Head sinking, Natalie realised that aside from a little pumpkin stain and crumbs on her frock, she now looked perfectly fine. And her cousins, meanwhile, still bore plentiful evidence of mischief she hadn’t meant to get up to. Not that anyone would believe her. “I didn’t–” she began, but fell silent as a firm hand gripped her shoulder and frog-marched her to the back door. Natalie’s aunt pried it open with a tense arm that told Natalie the present silence was soon to be broken by a blistering rage. Swallowing, she stepped out onto the patio as she was urged. The security light above snapped on, putting Natalie truly in the spotlight in front of the tall, clear doors. The kitchen began to fill with relatives and family friends, and Natalie shivered a little under their scrutiny. Didn’t help that it was a November evening.

“You, stand there,” Scarlett’s mother commanded. “Come on, girls, we’ll get you cleaned up,” she added, a gentleness in her voice despite the obvious tension in her body. She gripped the garden hose as though trying to strangle it, and the tap resisted her only with a whine. Scarlett and Jenn leaned into the quiet stream of water, washing the worst of the desserts out of their hair and faces. Soon they were offered towels by Scarlett’s father, and dashed inside to be back in the warmth of the kitchen.

“I’m sorry,” Natalie called after them. She wasn’t sure why. She hadn’t really done anything, and the logical part of her mind kicked her for blurting out what seemed to be essentially an admission of guilt. Still, just standing there had felt so awkward, and she did feel a bit bad that the girls had to suffer the discomfort of cleaning up outside in front of all these people. Why the entire Thanksgiving crowd were still hanging around like an audience awaiting an encore, she did not know. Didn’t they know it was rude to stare?

“You will be,” came the response from Natalie’s aunt. Natalie turned to her. She was over by the wall, presumably putting the hose back in its place. Aunt May leaned down and twisted the tap, turning it off. No, not off… she turned it the other way, and Natalie’s ears pricked up at the distinct hiss of higher water pressure.

“What…?” Natalie began, taking a step back.

A step was not enough, but it was all she had. Behind her was the wall of the garage, ahead the garden fence. It was a long, narrow back yard and even if she ran for it, she’d simply come up against the six foot fence on the far side. At around five foot five, there was no way she could scale that with any speed. Natalie glanced back toward the house, where there was a kitchen full of eager witnesses. There was no escape.

“Because those poor girls had to wash out here, I think it’s only fair that I make sure you clean up your act,” Aunt May admonished. She held out the hose, pointed it straight at Natalie, and gave it a twist.

The jet of water struck in an icy barrage. Natalie turned on the spot, trying to shield herself with any other part of herself, but everything was cold and wet and thoroughly blasted. She felt herself pinned to the wall, its brickwork growing slick with chilly dampness behind her. Her dark hair was swiftly in her eyes, the rest of it flapping about like a sodden rag in the torrent. The only protection she had was a flimsy green frock that was a little too small for Scarlett. And the worst part was, as she endured the soaking, a deep and shameful part of her hoped for it not to end. Mostly because after getting showered with a soft drink earlier, she had decided against keeping on a damp bra. And none of Scarlett’s would fit…

But as suddenly as it had hit her, the water was gone. Except all the drops still stuck to her and saturating her hair and clothes. Natalie stood stunned, still plastered to the wall as much as her dress was plastered to her figure. Arms outstretched and bare feet planted firmly together, she knew she must look a stupefied figure as blinked water drops out of her eyes. It took some time for her to move more than that, but finally she peeled herself away from the wall, pried strings of soaked hair from her face, and tried to keep her arms about her in as dignified a manner as possible.

“Now you can walk home and maybe by the time you get there you will learn never to pull a stunt like that again,” Natalie’s aunt said, hanging up the hose.

Natalie looked into the kitchen, just for an instant. It was about all she could bear; she didn’t dare count the number of people who had witnessed her being hosed down. All she wanted to see was Scarlett and Jennifer, and what kind of horrible guilty they must feel. Bodies and heads wrapped in towels, their faces were all the easier to pick out, and their expressions said it all: they smirked.

A creak dragged Natalie’s attention back into the garden. Her aunt had unlocked the gate, and soaking wet Natalie slunk her way out of the spotlight and into the street for a long, chilly walk home.

As the gate shut behind her, Natalie heard the murmur of conversation, felt the shame of whispers and giggles, all of it under the booming voice of her uncle declaring “Well, still better than what happened last year.”

Well, hope you enjoyed that. There are another couple of stories left in Natalie’s arc and then I have some other plans. Let me know what you think of what’s happened so far, and maybe vote on the poll? Or dance on it if you like.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is entirely fictional. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Tiffany ran her fingers through her hair and pulled out thick handfuls of gunk. She smiled at the texture of the muck running between her fingers. It was unlike anything on Earth, a very unique combination of textures, colours and fragrances. She couldn’t resist giving her fingers a lick. Sure enough, the unique combination included flavours too.

While weathergirl Helen Willets went off to stand in an artificially induced localised downpour, the next gungee stepped forwards. “Ms I” had been watching all the messings so far and enjoyed them all. It was quite amusing to see all these prettied-up celebrities (even the ones she’d never heard of before) brought beneath an unstoppable deluge of horrible slop. Naturally, she was no exception and had dressed to impress in a smart-casual jacket, top and pair of grey trousers. Like the previous gungees before her, she took a brave, barefoot step into the celebrity pool and sat on the chair while the barrels marked with an “I” were loaded into the dropping mechanism.

“Ms I” was comedienne Ingrid Oliver, one half of Watson and Oliver. She crossed her legs and waited impatiently for her messing. First though, Amanda and Tiffany had to do their obligatory back-and-forth with the latest celebrity. “So Ingrid, I must ask the one thing everyone’s wondering: Where’s Lorna Watson?”

Ingrid laughed a little. “Just because we’re a double act doesn’t mean we do everything together! Lorna was going to do it, but someone else wanted to do it more than she did.”

“Ah yeah, Ms L did seem very enthusiastic when she approached us. Still, it’s not her turn just yet,” Amanda smirked. “It’s not quite yours either. Ready, Tiff?”

Tiffany nodded and looked up slightly. Amanda yanked down the first lever and the barrel above Tiffany’s head tipped up and started to let its contents seep out of it. A thick, white goo fell out in a huge blob and splattered on Tiffany’s forehead, coating her upper body. “How suggestive,” Tiffany muttered as the sweet, sugary glop slowly creeped over her face.

“I don’t know what you mean! This is just Icing, nothing more!” protested Amanda.

Tiffany licked her lips. “Mmm, that’s better than… Well, yeah. Didn’t cover me that well though.”

“Maybe it’ll cover me better?” said Ingrid. “Come on, let me have it then!”

Amanda chuckled. “Very well then!” she said as she yanked the second lever down. Ingrid tilted up and closed her eyes. Icing rained down from the upturned barrel in drips and drabs, splattering the comedienne’s face and staining her jacket. Very slowly, it followed the contours of her body and left a sludgy trail down onto her trousers, falling with heavy-sounding thumps. Since it mostly came out in one go, the actual gunking process was over quickly, and the celebrity pool was left with one very sticky comedienne. “That was almost over too quick for my liking,” Amanda sighed.

Ingrid Oliver stood up and ran her hands through the sticky mess that was her hair. “Well, that was certainly an experience!” she said as she left her seat. She stepped out of the pool and began to walk towards the stage exit. “This way for the photoshoot?”

“That’s right!” Troy called out as Ingrid approached the mess table. She picked up a mixing bowl and stood with it held above her chest, tipped away from her to reveal its gooey Icing contents to the camera. With the camera snapped, Ingrid headed for the showers, while the studio was prepped for the next volunteer.

Of course, cleaning the sticky Icing from the seat was the most tricky job so far for the stage hands. Poor Natalie (or “r1vetgrrl” to everyone but her grandmother), head of the Panicked Productions Build Team and Stage Crew, didn’t particularly appreciate having to break out the pressure washer this early in the proceedings. “Whose bloody idea was it to use Icing?” she grumbled as she blasted the white gunk away.

I wasn’t planning on doing this one, but someone had to. Thankfully I had an idea for who to use. I’ll be back on L, in theory anyway.

Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Welcome back everyone to this episode of You Bet Your Own Back, we met our four ladies already, and very soon we will be finding out how the voting has been going to date,” says Emma Crosby.

“But first we need our nominators to lock in the level of gunging they have in mind for their nominated victims.  And for those who may be tuning in for the first time, where have you been, but seriously our nominators should be aware that should they fail to win the vote then they immediately face a gunging at the level that they had chosen, so with all that in mind let’s ask Connie Britton how she thinks the voting has gone to date,” says Emma.

 Connie looks confident as she returns to the stage.

“So Connie, how do you think the voting has been going to date?”

“Emma, I am very confident that I will be having my revenge on Hayden, I think if the choice is between Hayden and Molly, I am certain that Hayden will prove to me more popular.”

“So does that mean you will be looking for a maximum level of gunging for Hayden, who would be in her underwear at level 3?”

“Actually I am happy that my revenge will be satisfied with a level 2 gunging of Hayden,” says Connie.

“OK, thanks Connie, I wonder what Hayden thinks of Connie’s choice of level 2, let’s ask her.”

Hayden is also looking confident as she joins Emma and Connie.

“Well Hayden, you have hear what Connie has said, so do you think that you will be suffering a level 2 gunging?” asks Emma.

“Not a chance, I am certain my fans out there will be voting to save me and I think that by not going for the level 3 gunging Connie has shown that she is very nervous about the way the voting is going.”

“Thank you Hayden, now it’s time to bring Stana back and get the level of gunging she has in mind for Molly.”

Stana walks over to Emma, a little wave to someone in the crowd as she passes them.

“So Stana, Hayden thinks that the voting will is going her way, you would be happy with this, but do you agree with her?”

“I do, I think the voting will be quite close, but that in the end, it will be me having my revenge on Molly.”

“So does that mean you will risk all by going for a level 3 gunging of Molly?” asks Emma.

“It does Emma, I am certain that the extra incentive of having Molly stripped to her underwear when I gunge her will tip the balance in my favour.”

“Great news Stana, but what does Molly think of that?”

Molly looks a bit surprised at the idea that she might have to strip to her underwear as she walks back out on stage to join Emma and Stana.

“I can’t believe Stana did that,” says Molly not waiting for Emma to reintroduce her, “but I am certain it will backfire on her and it will be her mucky in her underwear.

“Thanks Molly, and so it’s time to give everyone an idea how the voting has being going.  And my my hasn’t it been interesting, from minute one of the lines being open one lady has been attracting the majority of the votes to have her revenge and it has been at a rate of close to 2:1 in her favour, with 181 votes cast to date 122 votes have gone to ……………………………………….. Connie Britton to get her own back,” announces Emma.

Connie cheers followed after a moment by Molly, Hayden looks shocked while Stana throws her head into he heads on the realisation that she may have brought a level 3 gunging on herself.

“Well ladies what do we think of that, firstly Connie, you must be delighted with the results to date?” asks Emma.

“Absolutely, but let’s not count our chickens yet, please everyone keep voting for me,” replies Connie.

“And I am sure that is a sentiment that you wish to echo Molly?”

“You’re right Emma, please everyone imagine what I can do to Stana with your votes, so keep going,” says Molly.

“Speaking of Stana, let’s get her reaction to the votes to date.”

“I can’t believe that the results are going this way, everyone please vote for me to have my revenge on Molly, after all, how often do you get to see two redheads gunged in the one show,” says Stana.

“I bet Hayden will be hoping that it’s the two redheads getting gunged in the final part of the show?”

“Please everyone, vote to save me, I really want to see Connie get messy, more so as the evening goes on.”

“So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, when we return the voting lines will be closed, but for now the voting lines remain open, so please make sure that you vote to see the result you want, but its bye for now,” says Emma.

A couple of recent scenes. First, thanks to the Kansai Messy Scenes Blog, here are four girls from SKE48 wrestling while covered in (what I think is) slippery lotion.

Second, a girl from AKB48 gets pied on a spinoff show.

For those who like pies delivered hard, this Spanish scene should be of interest.

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence.

In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Note:  It has been a little while since I’ve put anything up here.  The last couple months have been busy and involved traveling, so I’ve not had much time for stuff like this.  But I’ve still occasionally had ideas for these sorts of stories, and now I have quite the pile stored.  So with any luck I’ll be able to hammer them out from time to time, like this one below.  Please enjoy.

 
“You’re sure everybody’s gone?  Like, one-hundred-percent sure?”

“Yes.  Totally certain.  Each and every percent.  That’s why we waited until midnight, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.  I just don’t want to get caught…  I mean, really I just don’t want to get in trouble.”

Lexi Roth gave her companion an eye-roll.

“Look, this little caper was your idea, so if you want to back out now, it’s fine by me…”

Haley Stack straightened up, pulling her sweatshirt hood down a bit lower.

“No way.  We’re doing this.  The coast is clear, let’s go.”

The two young women slipped out of Haley’s luxury trailer and snuck quietly across the studio lot, through patches of lamp light, past rows of buildings shaped like airplane hangars.

The unlikely partners-in-crime had only just met earlier in the month.  Both were rising stars in the film industry, and both had been cast in the same movie; the latest iteration in the long line of holiday-themed, ensemble-cast romantic comedies.  The movie was little more than a paycheck and a bump in exposure for each of them, but they had discovered quick camaraderie in their mutual disdain for the project.

Haley Stack had gained prominence appearing in a string of low-budget independent features, where her slight stature and irrepressibly cute appearance belied her lewd sense of humor and shrewd comedic timing.  Haley had green eyes, olive skin, and long black hair.  A dash of Korean heritage on her mother’s side gave her face a subtle, unidentifiable exotic flair, which made casting directors swoon.  At the moment, Haley was almost completely enveloped by a roomy turquoise sweatshirt; just in case they were spotted.

Alexis Roth was taller than Haley, with blue eyes, ash-blonde hair, and a less pronounced chest.  Lexi had been acting professionally from a young age.  As she grew up, so too did her roles.  By the time she reached adulthood, Lexi was a well-regarded dramatic actor and critics’ darling.  Despite her success, she was starting to feel confined by her serious repertoire, and had begun opting for lighter parts in less-prestigious films; trying to broaden her range and relieve some of the pressure from her high-art image.  Thus, she was creeping across a Hollywood studio with Haley Stack, dressed in dark jeans and a short black trench coat.

When they arrived at the correct sound stage, they paused at the door.

“Do or die time, Hal.  Are we going through with this?”

“You bet we are.”

Glancing around to ensure they were alone, Lexi produced a key on a plastic fob.  It was strictly against studio regulations for anyone other than designated staff members to have keys to the sound stages, however, for two beautiful starlets, such regulations were easy to side-step.  They opened the door just a crack and slid through the threshold.

It was dark inside, until Haley found a switch on the wall which lit a number of spot-lights arranged around the yawning stage.  In the middle of the enormous room, in the center of a veritable web of plastic sheeting and protectively-wrapped film equipment, there were four long tables and all the trimmings of a military-style mess-hall, bisected and open on three sides.  Each of the tables held over a dozen delicate-looking cream pies.

“Woah.  So I guess the rumor was true…”

Earlier that day, Haley had overheard some of the crew discussing another movie, also being filmed on the lot.  This movie, also a comedy, was scheduled to film a large climactic pie-fight, until the scene was unexpectedly cancelled last minute.  The crew, upon learning about the vast number of deserts doomed to go to waste, had joked about breaking in and pinching a few to take home for dinner.  Their joking got Haley thinking; although the young celebrity had something very different in mind.

Lexi gently poked one of the pies.  It was soft yet still firm.

“Why aren’t they all melted?”

“It’s not real whipped cream.  They use the non-dairy kind, and they spray them with a bit of this alginate stuff, to keep them from losing shape.”

“Oh.  What is this movie supposed to be about anyway?”

“It sounds terrible…” Haley wrinkled her nose.

“It’s about this squad of soldiers who are preparing for a super important secret mission.  Their commanding officer has an accident and ends up in a coma.  The army still wants the mission to happen, so they keep the coma a secret and get the officer’s identical twin brother to take his place.  But the brother is just some shmuck who works in a bakery… Hilarity ensues.”  She deadpanned the last two words, biting them off sharply.

“Ohh yeah,” Lexi groaned, “That’s right, they’re calling it Baker’s Dozen.”

“Can you imagine anything worse?  And I hear they’re hugely behind schedule too, that’s why this scene was cut.  Unfunny and incompetent, go figure.”

Lexi grinned.

“I think you’re just bitter.  I seem to remember you were passed over for the part of a sexy drill-sergeant or something, right?”

“Sexy medic; they’re not even very original.  And I wasn’t passed over, they couldn’t afford me.  If I’m going to go low-brow, I’m going to get paid for it!”

Lexi shrugged, still grinning.  Haley worked very hard, and was definitely very talented, but her success was at least partly due to her ability to make crass jokes come out of an adorably innocent face.

“That’s right Hal, you’re a very principled comedic thespian.  Which is why we’re lurking around some other movie’s set in the middle of the night…”

“You bet it is!” Haley took both comedy and feminism quite seriously, and was prone to pontificating about their intersections.

“Slapstick comedy was a staple of the cinematic arts from the very beginning.  Guys like Chaplin and Keaton are directly responsible for the absurdist humor that’s moving to the fore these days.  Movie comedy, visual comedy, is all about actions and reactions, and if you peel off the modern references and motifs, all the best comedies have roots in slapstick.  But, because we’re women, we don’t get to play in that particular sandbox.

“Contemporary slapstick is a man’s game, and whether that’s due to well-intentioned deference or plain old misogyny, it pisses me off.  There’s not much of a chance a respectable director is going to hit me with a pie on film, but I’ll be damned if I let that put a gap in my experience as a comedian!  And if you’re serious about giving comedy a try, neither will you!”

Haley, flush from having spoken in a breathless stream of consciousness, jabbed a finger at Lexi, her expression fixed with determination.

Lexi appreciated Haley’s desire to break with convention, and respected her commitment to her craft.  However, Lexi’s reasons for going along with this scheme were decidedly less political; she just wanted to know what it felt like.

“I’m here aren’t I?  Alright, so who goes first?  I nominate you, this being your idea and your comedic honor on the line after all…”

Haley sneered, but still seemed to hesitate for a beat.  Lexi was glad she wasn’t the only nervous one.

“Yeah, yeah, fair enough, ok.  Just a second.”

Haley tossed her sweatshirt aside, revealing a tight maroon t-shirt and brief khaki shorts. She adjusted her hair for a moment, clamped her eyes shut, and opened her arms up for a welcoming embrace.

“Ok, I’m ready.  Do it!”

Lexi had butterflies in her stomach as she lifted one of the pristine deserts from the table, the silver tin glinting in the half-light.  It was heavier that she expected and it took her a minute to get her hand positioned correctly underneath it.

“Come on!  I don’t have all night!”

Haley’s bravado was betrayed by the tinge of nerves in her voice.  Lexi savored the moment, letting her friend sweat a bit longer, taking time to aim as best she could.
She lined up her throw, and launched the pie overhand at her raven-haired co-star.

Everything about the toss was perfect.  It sailed through the air and hit Haley right in the middle of her face.  The professionally designed, comedy-crafted pie exploded in a white halo.  The cream managed to be both fluffy and dripping, adhering the tin to the young actress’ face.

Haley knocked the aluminum mask aside, her jaw dropping.  Bright white cream stood out sharply where it streaked her dark hair.  Her mouth, hanging agape, was her only identifiable feature.

“Holy shit!  Oh!  The inside is cold!”

Lexi was bent double laughing.

“Oh wow!  I can’t believe I just did that!”

Haley wiped her forearm across her eyes.

“Haha!  Haley, you look ridiculous!”

“Well, take it all in while you can, because in just a minute, you’ll be experiencing a bit of a whiteout…”

Swallowing hard, Lexi took a step back.  Now it was her turn, and Haley definitely wasn’t about to pull any punches.  While her friend wiped at her face with her t-shirt, Lexi worked quickly.  She pulled a rubber band and bobby pins from her pocket, swiftly tying her hair up in a bun and pinning back her forelocks.  Haley had just about finished clearing her eyes.

“Alright, hold on!”  Lexi looked down for an instant, undoing the belt on her coat.

She saw the pie appear, starting low and rushing up to meet her.  Lexi didn’t even have a chance to shriek before Haley smashed the creamy prop into her face.

Ah!  The insides of the pies were cold!  She could feel the thick dessert near the bottom of tin mush around her features and cling to her skin.  Everything was dark under the pie.  Lexi felt cream running down her neck, while Haley’s distinctive laughter rang in her ears.

Lexi straightened up, but before she could brush the tin aside, she felt it push against her face again.  Blinded, and still partially stunned by the ambush tactics, she stood stock-still as the popular comedy actress slid the pie up her face, gliding it over her head.  The hair she had carefully removed from the line-of-fire now bore a heavy smear of cream.

She gasped, her limbs going rigid as all the sensations sunk in.  The weight of the pie tin, currently stuck to the back of her head.  The cold, gooey cream coating her face.  The combined shock of it all.

Lexi wiped her eyes clear, and, past the point of caring, wiped her hands on her coat.

Haley was standing a few feet away.  She’d cleaned her eyes and mouth but nothing else.  She was tapping her chin thoughtfully.

“You know, there’s something downright wrong about seeing so renowned, so respected an actress such as yourself covered in pie…  But it’s wrong in all the best ways.”

Ignoring the quip, Lexi dragged her fingers through her sticky hair.

“Hey thanks Hal, for really going the extra mile here.  I can tell it’s already giving me a better understanding of the history of comedy…”

Letting her face split into an enormous grin, Haley nodded sagely.

“Good!  That’s the whole idea behind tonight’s adventure!”

“Oh I know!  Of course, no matter how much I practice, I’ll never be as good as you.  Truly, you are the reigning queen of comedy!”

Lexi closed the distance between them, offering Haley a congratulatory handshake.  The other girl, her grin taking on a wary cast, shook the hand cautiously.

“All you’re missing is a crown…”

Holding Haley in place by the wrist, Lexi used her other hand to plant a pie face-down on the top of her friend’s head.  She pressed down and twisted the tin, devastating Haley’s hair.

“Ah, you snot!”

Breaking free, Haley danced away, answering the attack by hurling two pies haphazardly. The first missed completely, but the second hit Lexi on the side of her face.

Both girls were now laughing too hard to aim, and had to pause while they regained some semblance of composure.

When the skirmish resumed, the popular movie stars dispensed with the tins altogether, choosing instead to simply fling handfuls of creamy filling at one another.  They carried on for several minutes, screaming and squealing, chucking fistfuls of pie with both hands, and generally wreaking havoc on the set and each other.

Less than half the pies had fallen victim to their jubilant frenzy, when they heard a noise that stopped them cold.  Footsteps.  Lexi could feel her heart pounding as they both spun to face the door.

Frozen with fear, the girls watched as a head poked through the door they had left cracked open.  A figure, still shrouded in shadows, slowly entered and approached the pool of light.

Lexi’s mind was racing.  They were so screwed.  She and Haley were covered head-to-toe in pie.  They were literally wearing the evidence.  It had to be a security guard…  Or worse, some skulking tabloid hack!  The thought of potential headlines made her squirm.  Oh why didn’t they just shut the door?

“What the hell are you doing?”

The voice from the shadows was melodic, yet still shrill.  It brought a breath of relief, and yet confirmed their worst fears.  Haley sighed, swearing under her breath.

“Shit.  It’s Ginny…”

The young woman who stepped into the light had thin, sharp features, thick curly chestnut hair, and bright, accusing brown eyes.  She was dressed in a light-weight pink sweater and tight black sweatpants.  Virginia Corbin was yet another member of their film’s ensemble cast, and coincidentally, one of the few people on the entire lot who might just really enjoy causing them trouble.

Virginia was a television fixture who was in the process of transitioning to movies.  She made her bones starring primarily in teen-targeted dramas, usually as the unobtainable love-interest or the chipper heroine.  In contrast to her agreeable public image, Virginia was a legendary terror when it came to the nuts-and-bolts staffers who made media productions possible.  In the right circles, she was famous for being endlessly difficult to work with, powerfully self-centered, and in possession of an ego which far outweighed her talents.  However, the executives and hype-doctors also knew that her high levels of national popularity nearly guaranteed the success of her projects.  So, despite reluctance and even protest, Virginia Corbin landed a role in the film alongside Lexi and Haley.

It wasn’t that the girls had been enemies from the outset, simply that they had vastly different approaches to the filming process.  Virginia resented Lexi’s success and critical clout, while Lexi found Virginia’s off-camera antics childish and unprofessional.  Virginia looked down on Haley due to her crass nature and indie-origins, while on the other hand, Haley simply hated her guts.  Therefore, there was a vast mix of emotions flying around as all three women surveyed the surreal scene.

“Seriously.  What’s going on?  And what is all that?  What are you doing out here?”

Haley narrowed her eyes, though it was hard to see behind all the cream, and cocked her head to the side.

“Hmm, well Ginny we could be asking you the same question, couldn’t we?”

Virginia sniffed, bristling at Haley’s use of a disliked nickname.

“I was out for a walk…”  She slipped a hand behind her back, and Lexi noticed a glowing cigarette flicked off into the darkness.  Recovering the initiative, Virginia placed her hands on her shapely hips.

“And actually, no, I don’t think you’re in the position to be asking much of anything.  See, because I’m not the one slathered in white gunk.  Are those pies?”

Haley shrugged, sourly accepting she had them over a barrel.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Hey Gin, how about you buzz off?”

Virginia grinned wickedly, drumming her fingers along a pocket of her jeans.  The blocky bulge of a smart phone was visible through the fabric.

“How about not, Hal?  How about one of you better start talking, or I’ll start posting pictures first and asking questions later?”

Lexi gave Haley a pleading look.  Her sticky friend snorted and shrugged, stalking off to collect her sweatshirt.

“Alright Virginia…  If I tell you what we’re doing, you won’t tell anyone else, will you?”

“You mean besides breaking and entering, right?  Alexis dear, I’d love to agree, but I’m afraid I can’t make any promises just yet.”

Lexi hung her head, wringing her hands behind her back.  Haley returned to her side, clutching the sweatshirt.

“Don’t tell her anything Lex.  She’s just going to rat on us anyway.”

Virginia smiled cloyingly.

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.  Like I said, I haven’t made up my mind.”

“Yeah, right!”

“Quiet Haley!  This is all your fault anyway!”

Lexi approached Virginia slowly and hesitantly, her face, even beneath all the pie, was the essence of regret and resigned compliance.

“You really, truly want to know what we were doing here tonight?”  Her voice trembled with shame.

“Yes.  Of course I do.”  Virginia was nearly giddy, imagined scandals reeling in her head.

“Then I guess…  I guess… I’ll have to show you.”

She was standing close to Virginia now, so it took her only seconds to bring her hands around from behind her back, along with the pie which Haley had placed in them while they were hidden.  Lexi leaned forward, using both hands to thrust the pie into Virginia’s face.

The flabbergasted actress, her dreams of discovering career-ruining secrets smothered with a sudden squish, shook her head rapidly, throwing off the tin and gobbets of pie.  She wiped at her eyes with both hands, leaving stripes in the cream.  Virginia clenched her fists and stamped angrily, the shaking causing her brunette curls, laden with white goop, to bounce wildly.

“You did not just do that!  Oh my god!  What the hell…”

“Sorry, Virginia dear, but you really were asking for it!”

With that, Lexi took off running for the door, working hard not to slip or crash into anything.

Haley followed her lead, pausing as she passed Virginia, just long enough to slap pies over the top and back of her head, splattering cream all over the sputtering diva.

Both guilty parties dashed out the door, their manic snickering threatening to explode into loud hilarity.

Still sprinting back across the lot, between suppressed laughter and gulps of air, Haley turned to Lexi.

“Nice job back there.  That was a classic set-up.  And probably the best acting you’ve ever done.”

The blonde starlet shrugged mid-run, grinning from ear-to-ear.

“I mean really, how could I resist?”

After a few breathless, adrenaline-fueled minutes, they reached Haley’s trailer without further incident.  They showered, stashed away their pie-crusted clothes, and settled in to wait for the inevitable knock on the door from studio security.  But it never came.

In the end, the baffled maintenance staff blamed the mysterious mess on animal activity; for months they kept a wary eye out for a gang of marauding, diabetic raccoons.  Things with Ginny certainly didn’t thaw, but they never again came to a head either.  From that night on, her only interactions with Lexi consisted of indignant sniffs and loathsome glares.

All in all, for Alexis Roth, the lasting ramifications of that infamous night were minimal.  However, she always got a flutter in her stomach any time she remembered the occasion, pelting haphazardly through the darkness, across the deserted studio lot, smeared all over with whipped cream and giggling uncontrollably.  She would always remember it as the night she became a real comedian.

I haven’t been keeping a close eye on IACGMOOH this year, but here’s something I came across. Emmerdale’s Lucy Pargeter has to crawl through a pool of slop and then through a pile of feathers.

This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Hey everyone, sorry it has taken so long for me to write another one of these stories– I have been swamped with work, but this was a great story to return to. I hope you enjoy. As a reminder for how this particular story works, who advanced after each round was chosen by a random number generator, so none of it was predetermined from round to round. Any of the girls could have won. Enjoy!

“Bienvenido a…Three Course Meal!”

Nelson Meddo, the affable host of Three Course Meal, graciously accepted the audience’s applause.

“Thank you, thank you,” he said. “Or should I say, gracias? Because today, we have a themed episode of Three Course Meal, and that theme is…Mexican food! And really, is there a more appropriate theme? Not only is Mexican food delicious, but it’s particularly messy. Well, I’m excited to start, so how about we meet today’s contestants? Numero uno is…Laura!”

Laura came out and enthusiastically waved to the audience. She was one of those people who everyone adored. She was confident without being arrogant, and genuinely nice and hardworking. It didn’t hurt that she was pretty cute. She had shoulder-length auburn hair, a winning dimpled- smile, and, although naturally pale, she had developed a decent tan as she liked to be outdoors. She had never shied away from physical activity—and while she had never classified herself as a tomboy, she still enjoyed sports and was usually better than the boys her age. But she still had a girly side, and had always enjoyed dress-up. Her winning demeanor made her outgoing, and that’s why she had applied to be on the show. She knew she would get messy and, although she wasn’t necessarily looking forward to that part, she had gotten dirty before and felt that dirt and food couldn’t be that much different. And she certainly wouldn’t feel embarrassed. Once, on a dare ,she had streaked through the dining hall during lunch time, and pretty much her whole college had seen her. And if she had enjoyed that, then this show would be a piece of cake. Laura was wearing jean shorts and a red t-shirt.

“Numero dos is…Katie!”

Katie came out, wearing a blue shirt and jean shorts, with the shirt hanging to the side slightly to expose her shoulder and bra strap. She had very short chestnut brown hair, a button nose, and bright eyes. Although certainly not overweight, she was curvy, with shapely breasts which, although medium-sized, were incredibly supple and pleasing. She gave Laura a hug as she took her place in line. Katie had a bit of an ulterior motive in being here. Katie was gay and proud of it, and she watched the show regularly for the same reasons that she expected a lot of guys watched it too. She knew that the producers were looking for attractive girls to have on the show and that she could easily get on, and the chance to see three other hot girls get gunged up close was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up.

“Next, we have numero tres…Bronwyn!”

Bronwyn displayed perfect posture as she walked out. She was not at all comfortable in her yellow t-shirt and jean shorts—she preferred to wear much nicer clothing. Bronwyn, whose blonde hair was sculpted in a designer haircut, enjoyed the finer things and felt that if you didn’t look your best, what was the point in going out? It wasn’t that she was stuck-up about it—she was actually very sweet—but it was her personal style and she felt weird being in front of so many people and feeling so naked in her t-shirt. But, that was the reason she was here. Some friends had sent in an application for her as a joke, so Bronwyn had only found out about the application when she was accepted. Her friends thought there was no way she would go on the show, so she had entered to prove them wrong—she wanted to show that she was able to be silly and have fun. And she had honestly thought that she could, but now she was not so sure. Why couldn’t she have just played a prank on her friends instead of going through with this? Like, shaken a soda bottle and put it back in the fridge. That would have been funny! Why oh why was she here? Oh well, at least she was proud of her makeup work—it was never gaudy, but she had on some light eye-shadow, rouge, and some bright red lipstick.

“Lastly, numero cuatro, Lexie!”

Lexie—or “Sexy Lexie” as she was known at her university—was dressed in a green t-shirt and jean shorts. Her most striking fixture, and that of which she was most proud, was her bright red hair. Lexie was a bit of a flirt, especially when she had alcohol in her (along with Sexy Lexie, her other nickname on campus was the Tequila Fairy since she always brought a bottle of tequila to every party) and had gained quite the reputation at her school. Combined with these factors, the fact that she was a gymnast and contortionist made her a regular object of desire around campus, and Lexie generally enjoyed the attention. She knew some guys were fans of the show and thought it would be a kick for them to see her there. And, hey, if she could get some money out of it then that was even better. There was a pair of red leather boots she had her eye on. She surveyed her fellow competitors and thought “I can take them. Easily.”

“Let’s give a hand for our lovely contestants—four hot tamales, I would say. Now, what do you say we move onto the next round?”

The audience cheered.

“And what do you say I stop awkwardly inserting random Spanish words into everything I say?”

The audience cheered even more, and the first course began:

APPETIZER

The giant screen broadcast the food of choice for the appetizer course—nachos! The contestants were brought to a rock wall. The challenge was simple—they just had to get to the top of the wall. Each had their own section of the wall to climb. If they lost their grip and fell, they would have to go back to the bottom and start again. The only other specification was that, as they climbed, there were three buttons they had to press on their way up.

“Do we have to press those buttons?” asked Bronwyn, guessing what pressing the buttons would entail.

“Of course you do!” said Nelson slyly. He made sure that each of the contestants were ready and , after Nelson counted down, the girls began to climb. To nobody’s surprise, Laura took a quick lead, but Lexie was close behind her. Lexie found that people often underestimated her and she was determined to show them wrong. Bronwyn was strong—she worked out—but she was not used to this specific activity and was having trouble finding her footing. Katie, meanwhile, could have been doing better, but seemed to be distracted by staring at Lexie’s beautiful ass as she climbed ahead. Katie’s attention was brought back to the game when she felt something hit her left shoulder—she looked to her left and saw what it was—above her, Laura had hit the first button along the way and had been treated to a shower of particularly runny refried beans, and Katie had received a bit of the splatter. Laura had, of course, gotten the full treatment. She had to pause to wipe some of the thick, brown gunge from off her face before continuing. Not long after, Lexie reached the button and was treated to a gunging of beans as well, which matted down her beautiful red hair. But Lexie didn’t recover as well as Laura had and, in shock, had let go of the wall. She swung about on her harness and had to go to the bottom of the wall to start over. Katie made sure to get a good look at the gorgeous girl with beans and sauce all over her face and top.

Bronwyn was the next to hit her button. To her credit, she didn’t try to dodge the beans, she just shut her eyes and braced herself. Shying away from the falling refried beans, she managed to keep her face clean, but her fashionably-cut blonde hair received the beans in full. They coated her head and some uncomfortably went down her shirt. Not soon after, Katie received the beans and she looked up with a smile, taking them right in the face. She’d always enjoyed seeing other girls getting messy, but it was her first time getting messy herself, and it was a great feeling. She still liked seeing other girls getting messy more, but getting messy with them made it even better.

The girls continued to climb and Laura got to the second button easily. She pressed it and, predictably, was treated to another shower—this time of salsa. It was red salsa, rather watery, and managed to wash away some of the beans. The unflappable Laura kept going. Katie had surpassed Bronwyn at this point and was the next to hit her button, followed by Bronwyn. Bronwyn did not dodge these as well as the beans and sputtered a bit as they hit her right in the face. Bronwyn was closely followed by Lexie, who had gained quite a bit of ground considering that she had had to start over. The gunging of watery salsa was a generous one, and made their shirts cling to them.

Not long after, Laura made it to the third and final button. As she pressed it, she held onto the wall tight, and was very glad that she did, because the third gunging almost knocked her off. It was sour cream—thick and white, and it got everywhere. Laura’s entire head and face was coated in the thick white goop, and it had gotten all over her shirt, and even down to her legs a bit. It was on her arms and hands too, and she wiped her hands on a dry patch of her shorts so as to regain a steady grip. Of the gungings so far, this was the most unpleasant to Laura—she hated the smell of sour cream and it was thick and seemed to cling everywhere. The next to hit her third button was the fast-climbing Lexie, who had been determined to win this first challenge. She too was treated to a thick white gunging of sour cream, and she too did not enjoy it. Lexie had, in anticipation, leaned back to try and avoid the sour cream, but this plan had backfired. The sour cream coated her entire front and splashed off the wall and all over her face and neck.

“Uggh, it’s in my bra!” Lexie shouted as she paused for a second to wipe the sour cream away from her breasts. Katie almost fell off the wall upon seeing this. All three of her competitors were attractive, but Lexie was Katie’s type and she was enjoying this very much. She reached her button next and got a sour cream gunging of her own. She was rendered almost unrecognizable as her head and face were both completely covered with the white goop. But, unlike the others, she seemed to be enjoying it. Not too long after Katie, Bronwyn pressed her final button and, predictably, received a gunging of sour cream which, much to the audience’s delight, rendered her makeup job from earlier all but useless.

“Alright, all contestants have pressed the three buttons. Now they just need to get to the top to win!” Nelson commentated. And the girls tried to put some extra oomph into their climb to make it to the top.

Having held onto her lead the whole game, Laura managed to make it to the top first, but Lexie was very close behind—just seconds away. They triumphantly stood on the top of the wall, and Laura thought she heard Nelson say something about how it wouldn’t be nachos without…and suddenly, Laura and Lexie were simultaneously treated to one final gunging—of bright yellow cheese sauce. At this point, they were both unrecognizable under four layers of mess. Laura wiped some mess away from her eyes and put her hands up in the air—she was just thrilled to still be in the game. She looked at Lexie—this was a true competitor who might give her a run for her money.

Meanwhile, Katie and Bronwyn were neck and neck, but in the end, it was Katie who made it to the top first. She received a generous coating of the yellow cheese sauce signifying her victory, looking up to take it in the face, which seemed to please the audience. Her chestnut hair was now completely yellow and white. She was just excited to be moving onto the next round and have the chance to not only get more messy, but to see Laura and Lexie get messier too. The only shame was that Bronwyn wouldn’t be going on too. She might have been a bit stuck up, but she was definitely attractive. Katie extended her hand and helped Bronwyn up to the top of the wall.

As Laura, Lexie, and Katie went offstage to get cleaned up, Nelson went over to Bronwyn. The girl who usually wore lace and pearls was now a mess—covered in refried beans and salsa and sour cream.

“Well, Bronwyn, we’re sorry to see you go, but I hope you have enjoyed your time here,” said Nelson sympathetically.

“Enjoyed it? ENJOYED IT?!” shrieked Bronwyn. “Let me tell you something…this is the most fun I’ve had since I can remember! WOOHOO!” It was true—Bronwyn had let loose. She laughed, smiled at the camera and walked off, knowing that she could always refute anyone else who ever called her stuck up or self-possessed. Hey, if people at school didn’t believe her, she might even let them dump food over her again to prove her point. After what she’d been through on this show, that would be a walk in the park.

ENTRÉE

The three girls walked out and were surprised to see an empty stage—no obstacle courses, no devices, nothing. But Laura noticed, looking up, that there was a new addition to the stage, as three large buckets were hanging overhead. The girls were brought over to stand under the buckets and Nelson gestured to the big board to reveal the entrée of the day: CHILI CON CARNE.

“Now,” explained Nelson, “This next course is going to be a bit unusual for Three Course Meal—we don’t have any big task for you, we just ask that you take a nap, in the tradition of the siesta! The three of you have to lie on the ground, taking your siestas, and have to be completely still. Because if you move, you will receive a coating of…you guessed it…today’s entrée of chili con carne! The first person to move will be eliminated in a very messy fashion. Alright ladies, get comfortable, and get ready to lie completely still.”

The girls confidently lay down. They each felt pretty sure they would be able to do nothing for a long period of time, especially if moving meant that they would be eliminated and covered in chili. At Nelson’s command, the game began, and the three girls were all completely still. Laura was comfy—she knew she’d be able to hold this position for a while, but at the same time, she figured that Katie and Lexie would probably be able to also. Katie felt pretty confident, but was worried she’d start laughing, or would sneeze or something. She then immediately regretted thinking that because suddenly her nose began to itch. She tried to suppress it. Lexie was the most confident of the three. She had done yoga for many years and had entered a sort of meditative trance. After the girls had been motionless for a while, the producers seemed to think that it was time to shake things up a bit and make for some more exciting TV. Which is why Nelson was given an air horn, which he suddenly turned on without warning.

All three girls flinched. A half of a second later, Laura said “Oh no,” and all three girls were suddenly coated with thick, soupy chili. The reddish-brown tomato sauce was everywhere. Lexie had sat up instinctively after hearing the horn, and so the chili had coated the top of her head, covering her red hair and dripping over her face. Laura had realized what was going to happen before the other two and had shielded her face with her hands. Still, she was pretty messy, and wiped some of the chili off of her shirt with her chili-coated arms. But Katie had undoubtedly gotten the worst of it. She had only flinched slightly and had remained lying down, which meant that the chili had coated her face. And since she wore her t-shirt a little lose, with her left shoulder exposed, she had gotten chili all over her exposed upper half and some had gone in her shirt as well. Basically, she was covered…and she loved it. She playfully peeked inside her shirt to look at her chili-covered breasts. This was awesome, she thought. Lexie miserably looked over at Katie and saw that she was grinning ear to ear. “What a weirdo,” she thought.

“Well, all three of our contestants fell for our little trick. And all three had to suffer the forfeit. But, let’s take a look at the slow-mo replay to see who moved first,” said Nelson, and everyone looked at the large video screen. In slow motion, they saw the three girls move, and then get covered in chili. It still looked like they had all moved at the same time, but they enjoyed getting to watch the instant replay of the gunging. Nelson had them slow it down again, and this time it was obvious that one of the girls had moved a fraction of a second before the others. And, to the disappointment of many in the audience, it was Lexie.

“Lexie, we’re so sorry to see you go.”

“Sorry?” said Lexie incredulously. “This is ridiculous! This is so unfair!”

“You’re right,” agreed Nelson. “It is unfair. After all, only the person who moved first was supposed to be covered in chili. But Katie and Laura got it too. But, don’t worry, Lexie. We’ll make things right.” Before Lexie could process what Nelson was saying, she was hit straight on with a showering of thick yellow slime. It coated her once red hair and made her whole head yellow. She tasted it and realized it was melted cheddar cheese.

“What do you say, Lexie? Does that chili taste better with cheese?”

Lexie was furious. Chili and cheese was everywhere and, despite the wolf whistles from the crowd, it was the least sexy she had felt in a long time. She wiped the cheese from her eyes and stormed off the stage without answering. As the audience gave the stunning girl a standing ovation she flipped them off. This just made the audience cheer louder as she stormed away.

DESSERT

A cleaned up Laura and Katie nervously awaited the dessert course. Laura was excited she had made it this far. Sure, she had gotten messy, and she hadn’t exactly enjoyed it, but she knew there was just one more course and then she would win the money. Katie, on the other hand, could hardly contain herself. She had been excited to be on the show, but this had all been even better than she could have anticipated. As they waited for the commercial break to end, Laura turned to talk to her competitor.

“You sure seem to enjoy getting messy.”

“Absolutely—I’ve always wanted to try. You?”

“Not so much. And I hear that the dessert round is the messiest of all,” said Laura.

“Try to enjoy it. When will you ever get to do something like this again?” suggested Katie. “And, besides, the audience loves it if you look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“I guess you’re right,” considered Laura. And, with that, they were brought back on stage, where Nelson began the dessert course.

“Welcome back to THREE COURSE MEAL! Now, it’s time for the dessert course. And before we reveal which dessert our lovely finalists will be turned into, there’s one important matter of business to take care of. As you know, it’s customary for the final two to play the dessert round in their underwear. So, ladies, shall we get ready for the round?”

Katie pulled her shirt off without hesitation, revealing a plain, light blue bra, which matched her underwear. Her lack of hesitation wasn’t exactly because she was eager to strip—not in front of this mostly male audience—but because she would rather get it over with. And she didn’t exactly mind being in her underwear. But, knowing she was about to get messy in her underwear in front of a crowd of people, well, it all felt like some strange sexual nightmare and she couldn’t tell if she was nervous or excited.

Laura hadn’t expected to be so hesitant to take her clothes off. After all, pretty much her whole school—or at least the people she knew— had seen her naked when she had streaked, but the fact that she was taking her clothes off in front of strangers and cameras was weird. Then again, she didn’t have a choice, and she had just gotten messy (and would soon get much messier) in front of these same strangers, so it wasn’t like she wasn’t embarrassed already. She took off her shirt to reveal a great chest, wearing a white bra with tiny pictures of roses all over it. Her underwear was the same—white with roses, but with a little red bow at the top. As she walked over to where Nelson stood, she felt Katie playfully grab her ass and wondered what that was about.

“Alright, shall we see what today’s dessert course will be?” asked Nelson rhetorically. He gestured towards the big board and the word “ASSORTED” was displayed in big letters.

“Now what this means, ladies and gentleman,” Nelson explained, “is that our two contestants will be covered with, not one, but four different types of desserts. And here to help ensure that this happens, let’s bring back out Bronwyn and Lexie!” Bronywyn and Lexie, now cleaned up, each came onto the stage pushing a dessert trolley with five covered trays. As always, the dessert round consisted of five questions—for each question the contestants answered correctly, they would get be treated to another dessert and the first to get five correct would win.

Laura was asked the first question, which she got correct.

“Well done, Laura,” said Nelson. “Now, Bronwyn, if you would lift off the cover of the first tray…” Bronwyn did and revealed what looked like a lime-green slushie.

“That right there is a frozen margarita,” explained Nelson. “And, Bronwyn, if you would like to do the honors…”

As the audience cheered, Bronwyn walked over to where Laura was sitting. Laura closed her eyes in anticipation of what she was sure would be an unpleasant feeling. “Sorry about this,” whispered Bronwyn as she tipped the large glass so that it flowed over Laura’s head. But, if Bronwyn was sorry, then it didn’t show. She poured it slowly so that the icy slush trickled down everywhere. As it cascaded down her head, Laura let out a little gasp—it was even colder than she’d imagined it would be. And, of course, she wasn’t particularly dressed for the occasion. Bronwyn moved the glass around so that the freezing cold concoction got everywhere—first trickling down to the small of Laura’s back, and then, of course down the front, which made Laura shriek out, much to the delight of the audience. After what felt like forever to Laura, the glass was finally emptied. As Laura was given a towel to warm up a bit (which was quickly taken away), and it was Katie’s turn.

Katie also got her question correct, and beamed—not just because she was one step closer to the prize, but because she knew what was coming next. And she knew that it would be coming from Lexie. Lexie was less graceful in her delivery than Bronwyn had been, and she quickly upturned the margarita so that it hit Katie head on and splattered. And although the feeling was not as prolonged, it had much the same effect, with the ice getting everywhere. The margarita wasn’t messy enough for Katie’s liking, but there was still something exhilarating about the cold ice hitting her.

Laura got the second question correct as well. Bronwyn removed the cover from the lid to reveal the next dessert—a glass of a milky substance.

“This is horchata,” announced Nelson, “a popular sweet beverage that’s like an especially milky porridge, often made with rice or almonds. And, Laura, you get to try it firsthand!”

Bronwyn employed the same slow-pouring tactic. It rolled down her face like a waterfall—it wasn’t a thick liquid, but was slightly thicker than milk. To make matters worse, the horchata was a bit chilled—not as much as the frozen margarita of course, but since she was already so cold, the horchata was not a welcome addition. Laura’s mouth was open in shock as the horchata went everywhere. It was slightly sticky, and the milky liquid clung uncomfortably to her skin. Katie got her second question correct too and enjoyed herself immensely as Lexie dumped the horchata over her head. Katie leaned back a little to get the brunt of the liquid on her face and chest.

Laura missed her next question—an admittedly difficult one. But Katie got hers right. Lexie removed the lid from the covered tray to reveal a plate of churros with chocolate sauce. Katie actually cheered from her seat. She’d been hoping there would be chocolate—the substance she had always enjoyed most. It was a fantasy of hers to pour chocolate all over an attractive girl, but she would take having Lexie pour chocolate over her in a heartbeat. And since the first two desserts in this round had been pretty thin, Katie was looking forward to getting really messy. Unfortunately for Katie, Lexie was not as excited about this opportunity as she would have been. Lexie was still pretty angry at being kicked off and had only begrudgingly agreed to participate in this round at all. She dumped a bowl of melted chocolate on Katie only half-heartedly, and managed to get a lot of it on Katie’s bare legs. Katie gamely leaned forward to try and get some of it on her head, and while it wasn’t the head to toe covering Katie had been hoping for, she was still beaming underneath her chocolate coating. It wasn’t a lot, but it was still chocolate.

“Now, Lexie, I think we can do better than that,” said Nelson. And he brought out a giant bag of cinnamon sugar—used to coat churros—and threw it at Katie, who shrieked with surprise. The sugar stuck to her wet skin and, for the first time in the show, Katie was rather taken aback. Laura got her next question correct. Katie and the audience were all glad to see that Bronwyn took more care with her task as gunge administer. She poured the chocolate studiously over Laura, covering her upper half well. And, of course, Laura got a nice blast of the cinnamon sugar too.

Katie, holding onto her lead, answered her next question correctly, and Lexie revealed that the next dessert was a creamy tres leches cake, which she was to push into Katie’s face. Lexie unexcitedly picked up the cake and walked over to Katie as the audience cheered, excited for the pretty girl to get some nice facial coverage. As the audience cheered, Katie whispered to Lexie, “Hey, really let me have it.”

Lexie looked confused. She couldn’t believe this weird girl had made it to the finals instead of her. Well, if she wanted her to let her have it, then she was going to get it. Lexie slammed the cake in Katie’s face with full force. The audience erupted in cheers as the cake sprayed everywhere. Katie was absolutely covered from her head down to her shoulders. The cake was all over her face and neck and breasts, but the whipped cream topping had exploded to even reach down to her legs. It was a thick cake and so there was a substantial amount of the cake everywhere. Lexie looked at Katie’s face—even under the layer of cake, Lexie could see that Katie looked amazed and was absolutely speechless. “That’ll show her,” though Lexie, glad to have wiped the satisfied smirk off of Katie’s face.

“This is the most turned on I’ve ever been,” thought Katie. She pretended to wipe some of the cake off of her bra, but it was really an excuse to rub the cake into her breasts.

Laura was not looking forward to the cake like Katie had been. Maybe it was the fact that she was in her underwear. Maybe it was the fact that the dessert messes were stickier than the savory ones. Maybe it was the fact that, unlike the other rounds where she could get cleaned up, she had to sit in the chair covered in mess and feel it uncomfortably matted down her hair. It wasn’t like she had particularly enjoyed the other messes, but this round was truly the worst. And seeing how hard Lexie had smashed the cake into Katie’s face, she was really not looking forward to this. There was something so unpleasant to her about the idea of getting pied in the face. Or, in this case, caked. But she really could use the prize money that came with winning. She was relieved that she knew the next question—she was losing the round and couldn’t afford to fall even more behind. After she answered the question correctly, Bronwyn came over cake in hand and Laura braced herself for the worst. Luckily for Laura, Bronwyn was not as aggressive as Lexie had been, and chose to smush the cake into the face rather than throw it at full force. Unfortunately for Laura, she still got pretty messy from this. Bronwyn twisted the cake so that Laura could feel the cream attaching itself to her face. And then, the worst part, Bronwyn pushed the cake upwards so that it got all over Laura’s hair. Bronwyn removed the cake to admire her handiwork— and couldn’t even see Laura through the thick mound of cream. A large chunk of cake fell down from off Laura’s face and landed in her lap.

“It’s Katie’s turn, and for those of you who have been counting,” said Nelson, “You know that if she gets this next question right, she’ll be treated to the final dessert and win the game. The win was so close Katie could taste it, but her heart sank when she realized she didn’t know the answer. She guessed, but even as she said the answer she knew it was wrong. With just one question to go, the game was now tied up.

“Alright,” said Nelson, “We’re going to ask one more question. If you know the answer, blurt it out. If you’re the first person to answer correctly, then you win. But—be careful—because if you answer incorrectly, then your opponent will win. Here’s the question: which member of the Beatles wrote the song “While My Guitar Gently Weeps?”

“I know this!” thought Katie. “I’ve won! It’s G…” but right as she was about to say it, she heard Laura excitedly pipe up…

“George Harrison!”

“That answer is…correct! Congratulation, Laura! You have won!”

Laura jumped up out of her seat and gave Bronwyn a big messy hug. Despite having enjoyed the mess before, Bronwyn was clearly not loving getting this mess on her—she hadn’t brought another change of clothes and would now have to walk home like this. The look of disgust on her face said it all.

“Bronwyn, after that hug, I think you might enjoy helping Laura finish off the dessert cart?” said Nelson.

“Absolutely,” said Bronwyn, lifting off the cover of the lid to reveal that the final dessert was a flan, swimming in a caramel sauce. Laura’s heart dropped. She was already feeling sticky enough, and this sticky dulce de leche flan wouldn’t help matters. Still, she had won, so she might as well take her “prize.”

Bronwyn went over and smushed the custardy flan onto the top of her head. Bits of the flan plopped down onto Laura’s arms and legs and into her cleavage. And then, Bronwyn overturned the bowl of caramel sauce, sure to get every last drop over the already very messy girl’s head.

“Laura, you’re quite a sight,” said Nelson. “How does it feel to have won?”

“Well, I think I’ll be able to enjoy it more in a few minutes after I’m not covered in sticky desserts.” And when I can get a shirt on again.” The audience laughed. “And, I’d like to thank Katie for being such a good competitor!” Laura graciously added.

The audience cheered for the runner-up, who joined Laura at the front of the stage. She was disappointed not to have won, but couldn’t say she hadn’t enjoyed herself. The ever kind Laura reached out for a hug, which Katie happily accepted. As they broke apart their hug, Katie leaned over and licked Laura’s cheek—a nice, long lick, which completely cleaned part of Laura’s cheek from the many layers of mess. The audience went wild, and a confused Laura hardly noticed when Katie said “Hey champ, you got a little something here,” and wiped away some flan from off of Laura’s right breast, giving Katie a chance to get a good grope in. “Yeah,” thought Katie, “I’m definitely okay with losing.”

Nelson, who managed to catch Katie’s subtle move smiled. This was one of the best episodes the show had had to date. And he really felt like Mexican food now. He was beaming as he looked out at the audience and said “Join us next time for another episode of…THREE COURSE MEAL!”

Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

The next letter had come around, with Tiffany shivering in the pile of mess she sat in.

“Amanda, couldn’t you turn the heating up?”

Amanda smirked, “No Tiffany, we’re on a schedule here. Don’t worry, here comes our next celebrity.”

The blond actress, best known as the browned-haired Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games, approached with caution. Giving Tiffany’s chair a wide berth, partially since all that mess had led to some strange smells. Of course, Tiffany had barely noticed, since she was surrounded in gunk. Eventually though, Jennifer had made her way to her seat, and was eyeing Amanda carefully.

“Welcome Jennifer Lawrence, Oscar-winning actress among us today. Don’t worry Tiffany, after today, they’re bound to give you something.”

Tiffany barely looked up as she muttered, “Thanks.”

Amanda looked lovingly at the barrels. “You know Jennifer, despite all the connections things like the internet have brought us, American culture still differs somewhat from British culture. You say Jelly, we say Jam. Of course, there are foods that don’t really feature in the states, such as a British favourite, Jaffa Cakes.” Amanda pulled Tiffany’s lever.

Of course, Tiffany was only somewhat paying attention to Amanda’s little speech, so she didn’t really know what she was expecting. However she knew it certainly wasn’t orange juice, complete with pulp. The Juice splashed down quickly, even giving Tiffany a bit of a wash, although she would have to wait for the shower that would clean her satisfactorily. The bits of orange pulp however splatted against Tiffany, and mostly stuck there, clinging on to the mounds of mess she was already covered in.

Jennifer was bemused. “And I thought OJ began with O.”

Amanda thought for a second, muttered, “Juice. Of course, why didn’t I think of that earlier?” before saying more audibly, “We had these Jaffa Oranges shipped in specially from Israel, just for you Jennifer.” Amanda pulled her other lever, and the barrel tipped itself, pouring the ‘OJ’, as Jennifer called it, all over the young actress. Like Tiffany, the Juice washed quickly over “The JLaw”, soaking her completely. However the squeezing of the oranges hadn’t been smooth, and the bits of pulp splatted against the young actress. Jennifer sat there, head slightly bowed, although if you could see past the orange juice, you could see a glimpse of a smile on her face. The barrel soon emptied, and left Jennifer completely soaked, although her hair had bits of pulp still sat in the wet strands of blond hair.

The contrast between the two girls was striking, yet the way they reacted was pretty much the same. After ten different messy substances of varying colour and thickness, Tiffany was simply a wreck, although you wouldn’t be able to tell from the wide smile on her face. Jennifer on the other hand had only had the oranges, and although she was soaked through, she too was beaming, enjoying what would probably be one of those lifetime experiences that don’t come along everyday. Jennifer got herself up, pulling at a sizeable piece of pulp stuck in her hair, and looked over at Tiffany and Amanda, then laughed.

“Thanks girls, that was loads of fun. Certainly beats doing that 5 times for 10 seconds of footage.” Jennifer then got herself up, and made her way off to the photography area, where Troy was waiting with a punnet of Jaffa Oranges. After getting all the shots, Jennifer left for the showers, and a lady, whose name begins with K, went through her “pre-show routine” to calm her nerves.

Hello again. Long time no write. We’re now 10 for 26, so we’re making good progress. I’ll be back for the next letter, so I’ll see you all soon.

“@univofstandrews: Happy Raisin Monday! http://t.co/sFsCk6ob” they look like they've had fun!—
Visit St Andrews (@VisitStAndrews) October 29, 2012

GUNGE TANK emilyhelen_ instagram.com/p/gMjQqCimR5/—
Liv Garner (@oliviagarner) November 02, 2013

absolutely nothing makes me happier than to see this old bag of bones being gunged. HA http://t.co/iHYBcHUiQ9—
@conorjackson_ (@conorjackson_) October 31, 2013

@OceanaCardiff didn't disappoint class night out and we got gunged #loveit http://t.co/jopgWrxmNH—
Gabby (@Gabbyella12) November 01, 2013

Pie me in the face so I know it's real http://t.co/vtnvLZ2XEW—
Tian Luo (@TianLuo_) October 29, 2013

No better way to get off on the right foot with your new roomie except to pie her in the face 😂😘🎂 @kkkylie442 http://t.co/oH8REUNrC1—
lindsey ❁ (@Linds_Burgess) October 31, 2013

Never let a guy pie you in the face. @EricT_Black8 http://t.co/d7fMhLrTJg—
coυrтɴєу ℓуɴɴ.♛ (@CLF_15) October 29, 2013

Whenever I'm feeling super crappy I just think of my best friend @nicoleobrien175 on Pie A Theta Phi Day 😂 http://t.co/88OOrx1csZ—
Jessica Cutter (@jessicacutter) October 31, 2013

Pie a rugger for a dollar outside Hofstra hall! @HUWRFC 🍰 http://t.co/aIY2lPmByc—
Kaelyn Ragonese (@kaelyn_ragonese) October 30, 2013

Smashing a pie into "Mrs. Jones" face. I loved every second http://t.co/vuVS2UF8RX—
Rachel Jones (@rachel_mjones) October 28, 2013

EVERYONE come pie my Greek mom in the face today for charity at the MLK commons until 3!!!!!! #ΑΣΑ @TiffanyPersels http://t.co/SJPLpOrXn6—
Jessica Rose (@je551r0se) October 31, 2013

PIED FOR PI PHI!!! @schmegme http://t.co/iJz5Q8RpbA—
ʝαмιє яσѕє fιиє✨ (@jayroo1) October 26, 2013

praxe de curso , quinta feira negra * http://t.co/972xzysGIy—
Estela (@estrelaapolar) October 25, 2013

バイト前にかなやんにサプライズしたら案の定のこの結果。
いちにち早いBIRTHDAYサプライズ。顔面ケーキとビールかけ。
かなやんおめでとう♡
ごれんじゃー最高♡♡ダイスキ http://t.co/Oppp6X0jKV—
ａｙｕｍｉ (@u_aym) November 22, 2013

In the Name of Literacy — Slime a Teacher!	Human Sundae & “Under Construction” Set
Almost halfway done!	got gunge day work!
maisiemma #tbt #throwbackthursday #zens #soap #gunge #gungetank	#humansundae #somuchfun
Last night of VBS and the Human Sundaes afterwords! You look great ladies ! Haha	How was your night? Mine was sweet….
Paint party!	#gunge #yuck #halloween #witch
evereverafterparties #gunge #halloween #halloweenparty #witches #gross	Well done to my sister and her friend for getting gunged of children in need
vornyp #done #threesome #gunged #childreninneed #charity	Recibida Celi – Flachi – Belu – Soni
Recibida – Enchastre!	#instacollage #abogada #suelta #doctora #recibida #felicitaciones
#recibida#agus#puchi#licenciada#nutricion#colega	Contadora
#nomas, #recibida, #chaufacultad, #profesional, #periodista, #libre, #licenciada, #egresada,	#diganmelicenciada, #ultimamateria, #llegoelfin, #recibida, #theend, #periodista, #bastadeuca, #ultimoexamen, #nomore, #licenciada, #thelast,
#felicidad, #unsa, #recibida, #huevo, #friends, #harina,	Yo tmbn cari! Hace mucho que no nos vemos!
valevillafane Amarte !!!!	Con la licenciada Servetto
Congrats Caritooo!!!!	Oficialmente traductora pública!!!
Te amo!	Barbie Bazan
beso a la distancia… te adoro!!	#Felicitaciones #contadora #AgusVelazco
http://distilleryimage1.s3.amazonaws.com/a9517e9c5eb011e38899128d0c899e67_8.jpg Que angelito masss lindo !!!	#recibida,
#recibida #asco #ew #graduated #teamo #congrats #sis #bff #loveu #wingman #wifey	#musicas #cande #vale #genias #idolas #$$$$ #recibidas #obeo #flamenco #chaca #amigas #cerveza #festejo #amooo
nationucete	falascodamian
#luli, #recibida, #maestra, #friend, #congrats,
#laplata, #recibida, #graduacion,	#bienpaz, #ola, #ole, #recibida,
Felicidades Dra. Gallo!!!!	Hueveada
A&U Dirty Girl 2013	Recibida Lulú
Me recibi!	Slime time live
#felicitaciones #licenciadanaselo Cause I just love yaaa more than I could ever explain	EPIC night at TRUE!!! Us girls lost but we will get you next time boys!!
Retsirada ja pidulik tseremoonia	RHA Pie-an-RA
Pie Your RA	Pie Your RA!
Pie your RA 2012-2013	Pie a RA
Pie a Pi Phi	“Pie a Senior”
“Pie a Senior”	Pie-a-TA Day
Pie a CA!	Pie an RA or HD in the Face
Pie-A-Professor 2013	Pie a CA
Pie a Pi Phi, Fall 2013	Pie A Staff Member!!!
Pie-A-Lambda Phi 2013	Pie A Pi Chi!
Pie Your RA	Pie Your RA
PIE YOUR RA!!!	Pie An RA
Pie an RA 2013	Pie an RA/RHD
Pie an RA or HD	Pie an RA for Relay for Life!
Who’s next	ITS Leaders Put on a Brave (and Sticky) Face for a Cause
Pie in the face VBS Offering Competition
Messy principal	Griswold Middle School food drive yields pie in the face for principals
Pie Your Coach! *2013*	WHS Pie in the Face
Lauren’s last day at Carolina Brewery!	Alliecat is bae
It just won’t be the same but ill be near you whenever I go back to San Diego, so we better meet up	..and this is what we do at penn state
Had to support my girl	justdropsofjupiter #humsfundraisers #hums #pie #pieintheface
This is what happens when you make bets about sports teams you know nothing about! Bam pie in the face	The things I do for my son.
Hip Hip RA!	Only at Tanganyika would this happen at an awards banquet
Well that was three dollars well spent! Throw a pie at the ASB board :p	Got pied in the face. Guess im a little too harsh in my morning meetings… Lol
This is what happens at my job on your birthday	Workin’ that whip Throwback to my last day at Spag where all my lovely co workers wreaked havoc in the form of whipped cream, tping my car and freezing my clothing!
#happybirthday to me! That’s what I get for working on my bday.	Happy early birthday to me!!! Love the people I work with.
alwayslisa #happybirthday #cakeintheface #sweet16 #pink #cake #pinkcake	this is why i love my job

slimed 47 : spit or swallow	Hahahahaha #childreninneed #funny #charity #teachers #gunge	y así me recibí	Se recibió la contadora Denise!
Recibida!	lulirosas #mama #te #amo #ya #recibida #feeeelicitaciones	Recibida Cami y Jorge 002	La recibida de In (Parte 2).
Masacre – recibida de Chavi y Vane	me recibí!!! 4 de diciembre de 2013	Jack FM Million Man Loaf – Models With Buckets	Masacre – recibida de Chavi y Vane
Examen fin de curso de Maria Belen	Recibida Daniela Avendaño	#contadora #UBA	Licenciada Chof’
All for charity, thanks guys	Fair for hope | 2013 Promo	BOYFRIEND TAG!	Pie in the Face – 960fps – FS700 super slow motion test
2013 Pie in the Face – Popcorn Queen	Pie in the Face – 960fps – FS700 super slow motion test	#cumplemichel #pastelazo #sobriedad #agusto	Pie in the Face
Pastelazo de cumpleaños 26	Episode 9: Finale Part II	しゅりサプライズ顔面ケーキ	Gratitude for Attitude
Pie in the face! Deetz’s 21st B-Day!	The annual “pie-your-prof” event at the UCVM Christmas party. Watch out for the rage of Doepel.	Happy Friday	A great way to end the night! I definitely deserved some much needed fun!
November Food Drive – Pie in the Face | TopSpot Internet Marketing	Our Stag and Doe, we both got pied!	It’s all for missions	Pies in the Face
Birthday Pie in the face	Cake smashed in the face. Crazy breakup.	TBT How we do things in our business lol
The hanks loved it	#pieintheface #whipcream #sticky #funny #hilarious #school #pie #tagsforlikes #funniest #mustwatch #unitedway #charity	#Shenanigans at #GibsonsDonuts between @meganmccrary12 @mullinsnicole7 #pieintheface!	Katherine getting pied in the face.
So this is what we do at Edison in freshmen class	Red coats butlins minehead pie in face	Food Drive @ BOLD – Pie in the Face	DIRTY GIRL MUD RUN – Central FL 2013

Arai Aihitomi (新井愛瞳), member of idol group UpUpGirls, ‘celebrates’ her 16^th birthday.

Visit Crazy Louie’s! Not only can you trade in your gold for a gun, you might see one of the shop assistants get a pie in the face.

Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

“Welcome back everyone to the final part of this episode of You Bet Your Own Back,” says Emma Crosby.

“Very soon the lady you voted to get her own back will be gunging her victim and before that the lady who failed to convince you of the merits of her argument will suffer a messy forfeit, so without further ado let’s bring back out all 4 of our contestants, Connie, Hayden, Stana and Molly.

Emma turns to Connie first.

“So Connie, the audience were voting in your favour earlier, do you think you will gain enough votes to get your own back on Hayden?” asks Emma.

“No doubt about it, Hayden is about to get very messy.”

“Hayden it didn’t look too good for you earlier, do you think it will turnaround?”

“I hope so, I really expect that some of my fans will have voted to save me when they saw I was in danger.”

“We shall find out if they did very soon, but I am sure that Stana hopes that they did?”

“I hope they voted to save Hayden and to have me get my own back on Molly, I expect it all to turnaround now.”

“Stana sounds confident of a turnaround, which would be bad news for Molly, but what does she expect to happen?” asks Emma.

“I am certain that my fans will be voting to save me,” says a confident Molly.

“It’s funny you should mention that Molly, because it would appear that your fans are indeed trying to swing the votes with messages on our website,” says Emma.

“That’s fantastic, they’re the best.”

“Oh you misunderstand, they are such fans of yours they WANT to see you gunged in your underwear,” says Emma.  

The confidence drains from Molly’s face at this news.

“Well its result time, now we know that Connie had collected 67% of the vote to get her own back on Hayden and I can tell you that a massive further 623 votes were cast, and that the percentage difference is even higher,” announces Emma.

“Yes,” says Connie.

“Not so fast Connie, because with 80% of the final vote the lady you have voted for to have her revenge is Stana Katic.”  

When the cheering finally subsides Emma turns to Molly, “Molly, that’s quite a turnaround, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t believe that, oh my god, I never expected this to happen, I am going to get really messy aren’t I?”

“That you are Molly, because Stana has three full buckets to use on you and don’t forget you’ll be in your underwear strapped to the chair.”

If Molly appears to have forgotten this as when it is mentioned again her face goes bright red.

“While Molly contemplates that, I wonder will Stana give us an idea what she has in store for her?”

“I really don’t want to say too much at the moment Emma, I think it would be better if it was a surprise, but what I will say is that Molly’s final drop would be something you might find in an old Castle, to link it to the show we are both in,” says a joyful Stana.

“Um, I wonder what that could be, but we have to wait and see because before Molly takes her place in the chair, Connie’s failure to win your vote has earned her a place there first, so Connie how are you feeling right now?” asks Emma.

“Nervous and very shocked, I can’t believe that the voted turned around like that, my only relief is that I went for a level 2 gunging so at least I don’t have to strip to my underwear,” replies Connie.

“Did you consider that your failure to go for a level 3 gunging of Hayden pushed the votes towards Molly and you into your current position?  Hayden, you have escaped, that must make you feel good?”

“It does Emma, obviously I was worried at the earlier part when I was behind, but now I get to mess Connie for putting me in danger in the first place,” says Hayden.

“That you do Hayden, so please do not let us hold you up any longer, why don’t you take Connie over to the chair.”

“Thanks Emma,” says Hayden taking Connie by the hand and leading her over to the chair, “why don’t you take a seat Connie, I’ll be with you very shortly.”  Connie gingerly takes her seat, pulling the bottom of her dress together as the split had come apart as she took her place and she is trying to keep herself as covered up as possible.

Hayden has taken this time to pick up the first bucket, “Now Connie, we start in the program Nashville together, and I wanted to start by picking something to reflect that.  Nashville is in the great state on Tennessee and like all states it has items to represent it such as food and drink.  For Tennessee the food and drink are tomatoes and milk, an odd combination but that’s exactly what I have in my first bucket for you and I think I shall start with your head.”

Hayden positions herself at Connie’s head and very slowly raises the bucket and starts to pour onto the very top of Connie.  At first the liquid that is being poured is more milk than tomato, in fact the only indication of the tomato is the slight pinkish hue of the liquid.  As the liquid is so thin it runs quickly through Connie’s hair and down over her face, it flows down her shoulders, soaks through her dress and down her chest and splashes into her lap.

By this point more of the tomato is escaping from the bucket, a consequence of Hayden turning it up further, and chucky bits land on and get stuck in Connie’s hair.  This redder flow makes an interesting contrast as it slowly covers the whiter milk that is already on Connie’s face.  There are bits of tomato all over Connie’s head and shoulders but the bucket is not empty, Hayden has a different target in mind for the lumpiest bits at the bottom.

“Connie, you didn’t expect those breasts of yours to escape when you wore a dress like that did you?” asks Hayden not expecting an answer.  Hayden gently pulls away the right hand side of the tear drop gap in Connie’s dress and pours some of the tomato inside.  Connie’s eyes widen at the feeling of the tomato making its way down over her breast beneath her dress.  She finds the feeling both nice and horrifying at the same time.  When Hayden lets Connie’s dress fall back into place there is an audible squishing of tomatoes and some even is forced out the gap.  Hayden steps back, admires her work and then walks around Connie to repeat the process on the other side.  When she is finished the top half of Connie is covered in various degrees of pink and red, the reddest part being the exposed skin in the gap in her dress, although if her face wasn’t covered in a slightly lighter shade on milk and tomato it might be red enough to compete due to the embarrassment she is feeling. 

But there is little time for Connie to wallow in her embarrassment as Hayden has already set the chair in motion so that Connie will be flat on her back as she picks the second bucket up.

“I have to say, it’s amazing what you can find out on imdb that you didn’t know, for example I didn’t know that you were in a film called The Lather Effect, now I haven’t seen it, I doubt it contained a scene where your legs got covered in a soapy lather, which is a shame because that would have prepared you for what is about to happen,” says Hayden as she puts down the bucket and, like a magician, pulls apart the bottom of Connie’s dress to reveal a considerable amount of her legs.  Connie reacts by putting her hands to the top of the split and pulling the sides together.  “Tut, tut Connie, put your hands back or I will have to strap you to the chair,” says Hayden.  After Connie reluctantly complies Hayden pulls the dress apart once more, this time she goes even higher, so far in fact, that the bottom of Connie’s knickers are almost visible.

“Let’s go on with it shall we,” says Hayden picking up the bucket and positioning herself at Connie’s feet and then pouring out the white soapy water there.  There is a much higher soap content than water, so the liquid that pours from the bucket is very thick as is engulfs Connie’s feet.  Hayden slowly works her way up Connie’s legs, moving from side to side, from leg to leg.  Connie squirms as the lather slides down between her legs although she does find the sensation nice, it is not something she ever imagined happening to her on public television.  Connie’s legs below her knees have now disappeared but there is still plenty left in the bucket and Hayden continues her upward progress.  If the feeling of the lather on her lower legs was nice, for Connie the feeling of it between her thighs is something else, she is grateful that the cameras are pointing at her legs and not her face at the moment.  What the cameras do show is Connie separating her legs to allow as much of the lather as possible to slip down between her legs before she squeezes this by bringing her legs together again.  When Hayden reaches the bottom of Connie’s dress there is still a small amount in the bucket, so she quickly lifts the bottom of this and throws the remaining liquid inside, splashing it against the bottom of Connie’s knickers.

“Bad news, Connie, you only went for a level 2 gunging so I am out of buckets, but there is still a pool below your feet, and I guess you are wondering what I have there for you, well yet again I took inspiration from your acting past, and in particular the TV show “Friday Night Lights” which is about American Football.  We have all seen the footage of reporters such as Erin Andrews getting soaked in Gatorade and so that’s what I have for you a pool of Gatorade, enjoy!” says Hayden pressing the button to start the chair rotating upwards.  Connie leans upwards to try to see what awaits her, but a little slip downwards causes her to grab hold of the sides and think better of this. However, this is to be a short reprieve as the chair continues its upwards motion and it is just past 45 degrees when the soapy water under Connie’s legs cause to her to slip downwards, the momentum gain is unstoppable and with a scream Connie slips from the chair and to fall.  With a large splash Connie lands in the orange Gatorade disappearing below the surface.  Her dress had blown out on the way down and in her landing leaving her soapy legs completely exposed to the Gatorade.  The soap on her legs and knickers react to the Gatorade and begins to foam bringing whitish bubbles to the surface before a completely drenched head and shoulders of Connie emerges.  The Gatorade is quite sticky and Connie is not very happy as she tries to make her way to the side of the pool, she much preferred the sensation of the lather on her legs rather than the sticky Gatorade that completely covers her.  Her dress is soaked through and is stuck to her body, her hair is stuck to her head and her legs are sticking together with each movement.

Emma has joined Hayden on stage, “That was amazing Hayden, did you enjoy that?”

“I did, I don’t think Connie will be quite so forward in seeking to embarrass me in future.”

“I imagine you are right, and thank you for a job well done because after the break Molly will be getting even messier than Connie as she suffers at the hands of Stana, so see you in 3.”

“Welcome back to the final part of the show,” announces Emma, “you voted for Stana to get her own back on Molly and that is exactly what you are about to see, so Stana I give you the stage to get your own back.”

“Thanks Emma, well Molly you are about to get very messy, but it would be a shame to ruin that lovely dress, so take it off please.”

The audience cheers as Molly looks pleadingly at Stana, “please Stana, do I have to, isn’t enough to get me messy?”

“Molly, the public voted for this, and who are we to deny the public, do I have to take it off you?”

This threat sparks Molly into action and she reaches behind and unzips the back of her dress.  Holding the dress to her body she then pulls the string around her neck.  With a sigh, and to the cheers of the audience, she lets it drop to the floor revealing strapless bra and knickers set that match the colour of her dress.

“Why Molly it looks like your were looking forward to getting that little out, but times a wasting, so take a seat and I’ll strap you to the chair.  The camera follows the embarrassed young lady as she walks across to the chair and takes her seat in the now upright and clean chair.  Quickly Stana straps Molly’s ankles and wrists to the chair and then steps back.

“Well Molly look at you, in your underwear, being eyed up by all sorts and about to get messed up quite badly, this will be a very good example to all those young actresses out that, so I guess it’s time to move on to the first bucket, and similar to Hayden did for Connie, I have taken some inspiration from your imdb history although I am using one movie twice, but the first film that I am going to use is the recent hit comedy, We’re the Millers,” says Stana as she picks up the first bucket.  “I have to admit I haven’t seen the film myself, but I don’t need to because the first bucket I have for you comes directly from the title of the film, it’s a bucket of Miller beer.”

Stana walks over to Molly’s head and carefully at first, not wanting to get any splashback on herself, she starts to pour the beer over Molly’s head.  The beer quickly runs down over Molly, over her hair, down her face.  Very quickly her hairstyle is destroyed and as the beer runs down over her chest her bra becomes a darker colour.  It also begins to sag much to Molly’s concern, having not been designed to take the additional weight of the soaked up beer.  Stana sees Molly’s reaction to this and happy that she has soaked Molly’s head enough she empties the rest of the bucket over Molly’s chest.  The sodden bra is now completely stuck to Molly’s chest outlining the shape of her breasts but, much to Molly’s relief, it remains in place.

“One bucket down, but I still have two to go, I want to concentrate on those legs of yours, so let’s get you on your back,” says Stana as she press the chair’s remote and Molly can feel the back of the chair beginning to fall away and bringing her down with it.  It doesn’t take long till Molly is completely horizontal staring up at the studio lights.  She feels the touch of the bucket against her feet before Stana starts talking to her, “Well Molly, I have two buckets coming for you that are both based on a recent film of yours, and the reason I have two is that you were both an actress in it and a producer.  Now again, I haven’t seen it yet, but I am using the title as a guideline and what is the title Molly, as I am sure that you would like to take this chance to promote it.”

“It’s called Hansel and Gretal get Baked,” replies Molly.

“That it is, and so my next bucket is a cookie mix that would normally be heading for the oven at this point instead it’s heading your way.  Now this is a bit too thick to pour, but I don’t mind getting my hands dirty,” says Stana as she reaches into the bucket and takes out two handfuls of the mixture and spreads this out over the soles of Molly’s feet.  Molly is unable to prevent herself from laughing as Stana makes contact with her feet, which prompts Stana to take two more handfuls of the mixture and spread it her.  Stana continues this process as she works her way up Molly’s shins and up to her knees.  It is quite a thick covering that Stana has used so far which means the bucket is getting empty quite quickly so Stana uses the remainder of this bucket to cover as much of Molly’s exposed thighs as possible.

“I can’t believe that we are already onto my last bucket,” says Stana, “so I better make it memorable, with that in mind, I thought that I would top the cookie mixture with warm chocolate, well when I say top the cookie mix, I mean higher up on your body Molly, oh I think I’ll use my hands again.”

With that Stana pours about half the warm chocolate over Molly’s belly.  A gasp escapes from Molly at the sensation of the warm chocolate against her skin.

“I don’t blame you Molly,” says Stana, “that looks lovely,” furthering Molly’s embarrassment.  “In fact so lovely, let’s spread it out a bit.”  Stana uses her hands to move some of the chocolate down Molly’s belly then over her knickers.  Molly gasps as Stana’s fingers brings the warm chocolate down between her legs and over the very tops of her legs.  Cheekily Stana then runs her finger along the top of Molly’s knickers pushing some of the chocolate inside.  Stana steps back to admire her work, from the top of Molly’s legs to the top of her stomach is completely covered in brown chocolate but there is still half a bucket left and Stana has the ideal target for this.  “You know what I think I am going to call you from now on, Chocolate Tits,” says Stana as she empties the bucket over Molly’s beer covered chest.  Quickly she uses her hands to push the chocolate inside Molly’s bra.  Molly is shocked silent by what Stana is doing and the squishing of the chocolate between her breasts and the cups of her bra.  There is enough chocolate on Molly for Stana to completely cover the top of Molly’s torso, right up to the top of her torso.

Stana steps back presses the remote and the chair begins to rotate upwards.  With Molly strapped to it, there is no danger of her falling into the pool until Stana is ready and she just watches until she is completely vertical.  Molly is completely cover, her head and shoulders are soaked with beer but relatively clean, her torso is completely coated in chocolate which is now slowing oozing its way over her cookie mixture covered legs.

“All my buckets are empty, but I promised a pool relating to the programme that we are in together, which I have seen,” says Stana, “and what’s a castle without a moat?  Not much of a castle if you ask me, so we have the contents of the moat in the pool below your feet.  Now the castle from which this moat water came did not actually having running water into the moat so the water became quite stagnant and dirty, as well as that people just dumped things into and that would explain the smell, and I think some kids used one side as a swimming pool and you know what kids are like in a swimming people?”

Being covered in beer and chocolate it takes a while for Molly to notice the smell, but it is quite pungent, she is worried by what else is in the water below her, but for the most part she just wants to finish the show and get out of the studio.  Stana has recognised this, and that is why she is delaying opening the restraints, but a signal from the side of the stage tells her she can wait no longer and she presses the button.  Immediately Molly falls down with a yelp.  She hits the water quite hard and finds herself wrapped up in green undergrowth.  She struggles to the surface, emerging covered in greenery and is assaulted by the smell of stagnant water and rubbish.  There are bits of rubbish floating all around her, one piece looking quite familiar, “Oh no, my bra,” she screams and throws her hand across her breasts.  The impact into the water had caused this to finally give up and snap open. 

Molly can here Stana laughing hysterically above her, and immediately is plotting revenge.  Stana, meanwhile is joined on stage by Emma, “Whoa, that was a bit of an unexpected ending, Molly certainly won’t forget this in a hurry.”

“That she won’t and I think the name Chocolate Tits suits her even more now,” replies Stana.

“Well thank you Stan, and our thanks also go to Molly and Hayden and Connie and to all of you for voting, that’s it for this show, we hope to be back very soon with the next episode of You Bet Your Own Back,” says Emma ending this show.         

Thanks for reading, anyone got any ideas for pairs to be included in a future episode?

If you could gunge one person from each of the following categories, who would it be?

• Film actress
• TV actress
• Singer/musician
• TV host
• Comedienne
• Politician
• Reality TV star
• Model
• Sports person
• DJ
• Internet personality
• Other celebrity
• Fictional character

If you could gunge the members of any band or singing group together, which would it be?

What gunging device would you use?

Answers in the comments. If you want to post reasons for your choices, that would be cool too. I’ll post my answers once some other people post theirs.

GO!

Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

The long list of celebrities was being whittled down, and it was now the turn of somebody beginning with K. Tiffany was taking advantage of the thinner orange juice to wring a little of her hair, not that it made much use with some of the various sticky stuff she’d already been covered with. She looked up to see Kelly Clarkson stood beside her pool.

“Hey y’all, you look like you’re having fun.” Kelly smiled, not showing off the nerves others before her had shown.  She wore a red dress, which seemed to be all she wore in trying to promote her latest album. She also had a single ring on her finger (foregoing the typical removal of jewellery that preceded someone knowing they were getting gunged), a light blue stone. Although this one was a fake, it clearly was a replica of the Jane Austen ring she had once won at auction.

Tiffany laughed. “Yeah, we’re having a whale of a time. Actually, it’s not so bad, it’s certainly something to say I’ve done, like skydiving.” Kelly sat down, arranging herself before addressing Tiffany.

“Or singing at the Superbowl.”

Amanda smiled. “Yes, one day, one of us may get to do all those things. Oh and Kelly, congratulations on the wedding and the baby.”

Kelly said “Thanks,” as Tiffany said, “Baby? She wasn’t even married when we started.”

Amanda laughed, but shook her head, deciding not to comment. Instead, she faced Kelly. “Now I do love your dress. It’s such a lovely shade of red.”

Kelly’s smile faltered slightly. “Thank you, although I suppose it’s not going to stay that way.”

“You’d be surprised, we found the perfect thing to go with the Texan burgers you kindly brought for us today. Here, let Tiffany demonstrate.”

Amanda pulled Tiffany’s lever yet again, and the barrel tipped over Tiffany, with red Ketchup slowly pouring out. With a thicker consistency than the juice, the Ketchup didn’t splatter over Tiffany, but rather spread out over Tiffany, mixing in with the various globs of mess all over Tiffany. The red Ketchup contrasted nicely with all that had gone before, covering Tiffany just the same.

Tiffany smiled. “Hmm, this feels exactly like one earlier, the Barbeque sauce.”

Amanda huffed, “Hey Tiffany, don’t give all our secrets away. Kelly, your turn.”

Kelly flinched slightly, bracing herself for impact. She squealed as the red Ketchup landed on her blond hair, and started making its way all over her. She started laughing after the initial moment had passed, particularly when she saw that the Ketchup was a close match to her dress, if maybe a bit darker. Like Bridgit many messes ago, Kelly avoided the worst of the mess ending up in her face, although she wasn’t as proactive at avoiding it either. Eventually, like all good things, the flow of Ketchup ended, and Kelly was left red-handed (and red all over).

“Wow, that was great. Thanks guys.”

Tiffany, wiping away yet more mess from her eyes, said, “Anytime.”

Kelly then trod the well-worn path, posing for the picture collection of messed up celebs. She held her bottle of Ketchup, smiling for the camera, although she decided not to make fun jokes from the prop. After Kelly had left, the next celebrity (someone beginning with… L)  took up her place…

Hey all, sorry for the delay. I’ll put it simply in 2 words: Retail, and Christmas. Either way, we’re nearly at the halfway point, and things are coming along nicely, if just a little slower than maybe would be liked. Hope you all enjoy this one, and if I can’t be bothered to say it on any other post between now and then, have a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

It was a chilly bus ride back to the apartment after Thanksgiving dinner. Natalie fidgeted in her seat, keenly aware of the eyes of evening passengers falling on her, taking in what must have been quite a sight: strings of sodden dark hair in her eyes, the rest plastered to her scalp and neck, and a little green frock practically painted over her skin, still sheening in the glare of every passing street lamp. And while she was not a match for Scarlett’s figure, the cloying dress made clear the evidence of her having ditched her bra after the first soaking of the night. Natalie peeled the dress away from her thighs and pulled her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest.

DING! “Oh crap, that’s my stop!” called a young man, stumbling out of his seat across the aisle from Natalie. The bus jerked to a sudden halt, and Natalie could see through the misting window they had passed a stop by some twenty feet.

“Were you asleep?” demanded the driver.

“Sorry,” said the passenger, and his eyes fell on Natalie. Just as swiftly they darted away, as though they perhaps hadn’t even looked her way at all. But Natalie knew better. She knew he had been watching her for miles. It was flattering, in a way, to have the power to almost make someone miss their stop. Just add water.

The door puffed open and a blast of icy air rushed in with it. Once the passenger had gathered himself and rushed awkwardly off the bus, the door was mercifully closed, and Natalie squirmed a little as she settled down for the rest of the journey. It was going to be an uncomfortable ride. And she was surprisingly happy about that. She was getting strange looks on the bus, and the short walk up to her flat wouldn’t be much fun, and between a warm bath and now she still had the indignity of getting up and leaving a damp patch on the seat to look forward to. She had reasons to be angry, she thought, as she mulled over the evening in her mind, but she also had reason to be a little pleased. Completely impromptu, and (almost) completely innocent of any wrongdoing, she had been hosed down and humbled in front of a gawking crowd. That this was her family, people she’d have to see again soon, only ground the experience in deeper. It had been an injustice, a punishment for things beyond her control that she had not started, unleashed on her by an unrelenting woman who wouldn’t let her get in a squeak of protest. It was uncomfortable, it was awkward, and it was… an opportunity.

As the bus bounced her in her seat, Natalie smiled. Yes, now she had an opportunity. Scarlett had mentioned that her cousin Jenn would be staying until after Christmas, so there was still time to find some creative way to get the two of them back for what their antics had put her through. And as for Aunt May… that was doable, but it would need a favour.

Now, hopefully Natalie could get from her door to the bath without her room-mate spotting her and asking awkward questions.

Five days later, Natalie found herself swimming in familiar scents and sounds. The last time she had been here, her memory had been saturated with an experience like no other, and every whiff of chlorine and the echo of each distant splash brought back sensations she had never truly been able to shake. She was warm, and dry, and dressed in proper clothes now, so different from that Thanksgiving night, but still she felt an unintended shiver. As Natalie crossed the threshold into the ladies’ changing room, so like next door’s club room where she had met with her first gungey experience, she felt as though she were moving through water already. Her feet were heavy, her heart thumped, and how strange it felt to experience these butterflies and this trepidation as she approached another young woman.

Standing by a bench, rubbing a towel through her hair as her gleaming black suit continued to drip onto her toes, was the woman who had assented to her sliming, the captain of the swimming team. Anne pried more dark hair from her bright eyes and offered a demure smile. “Scar told me you were looking for me. In fact she said asking when you might find me here was the first time you had spoken to her since last week. Family trouble?”

“I’ll get over it,” Natalie responded, coolly. “I’m just letting Scarlett sweat.”

“And in the meantime you want something from me?”

“I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse,” Natalie said, pleased to see this little turn of phrase piqued Anne’s interest. “If you do me a favour, I’ll join the team.”

Anne cocked a sculpted eyebrow. “What makes you think I would want you on the team?” she asked, turning her attention to drying her feet.

Natalie ignored the gesture of disinterest and plunged on. “I’m not the greatest swimmer in the world, but I did all right last time, and I think with some conditioning I could be an asset.”

Anne snorted. “You know, I have girls begging to be on this team. We win championships, we go to national meets, we have our pictures in papers and we even have scouts arrive on a routine basis. What could you, some skinny little thing who splashes around on holiday and who is ‘all right’ in a time trial offer me over the countless hopefuls who would do anything to get on the team?”

“I can offer you understanding,” Natalie replied. She kept her voice even, and was pleased to see Anne glancing back up, her attention caught by Natalie’s confident if cryptic response.

“Understanding of what?”

“When you say those girls would do anything to join, I’m willing to bet you have some kind of initiation in mind,” Natalie said, and it was not really a question. Anne’s face struggled to remain passive, a feat assisted somewhat as she tightly pinned back her damp hair. “You have the tank, the dice, rules to be followed. You like power, Anne. You like to control others, not just by getting good race times out of them, but by seeing them squirm and hearing them squeal. I think I understand a mind like that, and if you let me join the team I can’t guarantee I’ll give you more titles and trophies, but I can give you want you really want. You want someone to control, so control me.”

Anne held Natalie’s gaze while rubbing the towel around her legs and belly. Not being drawn on Natalie’s assertions, she simply said, “And what is this favour you’re asking?”

“Scarlett’s mother, Aunt May. Have you met her?”

Anne wrinkled her nose. It was confirmation enough. “She’s obsessed with things looking just right, with being picture perfect,” Natalie continued. “She’s so proud of Scar for looking so damn good but I doubt she’s ever praised her for anything else in her life. And she is so prone to gossiping and jumping to conclusions… well, that’s family for you. My point is that she has been bothering me and I would like to see her taken down a peg. Should I hear of, or better yet see, something satisfactory befalling her, I’ll be the newbie on your team.”

Anne finished toweling off. She looked away, adjusting the straps of her suit, seemingly lost in thought. After a moment, she looked back to Natalie, and nodded. “There’s a race on Friday. Families are coming and sitting poolside. I can’t guarantee she’ll be there but she usually is when there’s a trophy on the line. I can arrange an accident, but the club is not liable for any damages. There’s just one condition, newbie.”

Natalie felt her lips lift in a smile. She was in. And soon, in a manner of speaking, so too would Aunt May. “And what’s that?”

“I still want to see you bring something to the team. You’re going to have to prove to me that you really are worthy of a shot. Before the big relay race there’ll be a few sprints between the teams, I usually put newbies through their paces that way. I don’t expect much, but I expect some level of competence. Don’t come in last, don’t embarrass yourself or my team, and I’ll see to it that your score is settled. But if you screw up, you’ll be walking the plank in front of everyone, in your
clothes. Then I might let the rest of the team have some fun with you before I kick you out into the street. Deal?”

Natalie didn’t hesitate. “Deal.”

The week went by swiftly, with Natalie putting in an hour-long stint in the pool each evening after her classes at uni. By Friday evening she was tired and her muscles sore, but as she sat down in the changing room, she found her skin tingled in the warm, damp air. Over the past few days she had been swimming so often the piercing scent of chlorine had begun to fade, even though she knew it lingered on her for hours after every session. It seemed she was getting used to it, but she never could quite get used to the whole routine of trying to swim with a purpose. Serious swimmers strode out there bold as brass, swiftly showered and dove straight in, exiting the pool when they were satisfied with their own hard work and heading back to peel off their suit. To Natalie, all this getting in and out of suits specifically to get wet and down to business with so many people around just felt alien. As much as it was a pun, she always felt a little out of her depth.

Despite that, she struggled on and felt some satisfaction at arriving in the club’s changing room weary from hard work of her own. Aside from Captain Anne, her new teammates looked surprised as Natalie crossed the tiles and parked herself on a bench. She rummaged in her little black gym bag, putting away her key and pulling out her towel and suit, aware of the whispers and murmurs as the team speculated about her return. Chief among the whisperers was Scarleltt, who approached in her eponymous swimsuit with her arms folded.

“What are you doing here?” Scarlett asked. “Or are you still not talking to me?”

“I’m trying out for the team,” Natalie replied, standing up. She opened her arms, and Scarlett did the same. The cousins hugged, and any tension between them seemed to evaporate in the warm changing room. “I can let go of what happened at Thanksgiving, though I do think you should have spoke up for me.”

“I know,” said Scarlett. “I’m sorry, it just happened so fast, and I wasn’t sure how to explain everything. Mum’s still mad at you, though, she doesn’t want you over at Christmas.”

“That’s all right,” replied Natalie. “I have my own plans.” Note to self: make some plans for Christmas.

“Are you going to get changed or do you really think you can win a race while wearing your jeans?” barked Anne, striding back from the direction of the pool. She was already wringing wet, her hair hanging loose and her swim cap in hand.

“Sorry,” Natalie said, and set out her new bright red swimsuit. As she began to change, Anne approached, and plucked it off the bench.

“Oh no, you can’t wear this.”

“Why not?” asked Natalie, confused.

“You haven’t passed your try-out yet,” the captain explained. “I can’t have you wearing our colours, what if you make us look bad?”

“She’s not bad,” Scarlett began to defend her cousin, but Anne held up a hand and the blonde fell silent.

“Even if she weren’t bad, she hasn’t been initiated yet. You can’t wear the red until you’ve been initiated, it’s in the rules. Do you have another suit with you?”

Natalie shook her head. Anne swiftly turned to address the rest of the room, asking loudly, “Does anybody have a spare swimsuit for our prospective recruit here?”

A hand shot up, and a skinny girl with cheekbones like a runway model soon plucked something from a bag and tossed it across the floor. Natalie half-caught it as it flopped onto her bench, and stared at the brilliant white outfit. “Um…”

“Thank you, Eliza,” said Anne. “Let’s get moving, Nat, you might not be on the team yet but I’ll still punish you if you’re late.”

“I don’t think it’s my size,” Natalie began gloomily, looking from her cousin to the captain and back again. She resisted the urge to rise to the use of her hated pet name. For now.

Anne simply rolled her eyes. “It’s a swimsuit, it stretches,” was all the assistance she’d offer. She headed back toward the pool, and with talk of some kind of punishment Natalie did not feel like pushing things further. She changed as quickly as she could, pulling on the white suit that truly did stretch over her figure. She was slender herself but this thing made her feel positively curvy, and she dreaded what onlookers would make of those curves once the material was wet.

A whistle blew, echoing off the tiles, and the team dashed through the showers and footbath toward poolside. Natalie rushed after them, keeping pace with her cousin, whose bright grin somehow did not entirely reassure Natalie. Natalie’s sprint was first, and all too soon she found herself standing at the edge of the pool, lining up with other women ready to dive in, while a modest crowd looked on from a rickety old bleacher that had been wheeled alongside the water. She was pleased to see near the front was Aunt May, made up in her dutiful middle-class finery of dark, smart trousers, a white blouse and a red blazer, topped off with a touch too much make-up on her face. Natalie looked away quickly again, avoiding eye contact, but smiled to herself. This race might be tough, the swimmers to her left and righ had that lean, tough look of people who knew what they were doing in the water, and her shoulders already ached a bit from the week of practice, but all she had to do was put her all into making it to the end of the pool and back. One full lap, one sprint, and if she didn’t come last she would be able to sit back and enjoy the show.

And if she didn’t make it? Better to fall off that bridge when she came to it.

An electric honk startled her, and Natalie found herself sprayed from every direction as her opponents dove into the water. Shaking her eyes clear as best she could, she dove in after, cursing herself for not having the discipline to focus on the race she was about to enter. She surged onwards, pulling herself through the water with long, hurried strokes, and kicked off the other side of the pool before she even dared glance at her opponents. Four pairs of feet kicked a good distance ahead of her, but the swimmer directly to her left was only turning herself, meaning they were neck and neck. Sucking in a breath, Natalie surged on, willing her muscles to keep her just ahead of this one girl, to help her touch the cool blue mosaic tiles just a fraction of a second earlier, so that her aunt would soon feel the cold wet embrace of this pool. A few seconds later, Natalie’s hand slapped the wall. She bounced out of the water and scoured the board for her place and time.

She was fourth. Fourth out of six, not even second last! Whooping, Natalie punched the water with her triumphant fist, and grinned at her teammates as they quietly applauded on the side. She pulled herself out and sat among them, settling down to wait and see if Anne would keep her word. It took her a moment to remember the colour of her suit, but a hurried glance at herself showed its lining had kept her more or less modest. With a sigh of relief, Natalie waited, though she did keep her knees up by her chest as she sat there.

By the end of the relay, Natalie sat alone. The rest of her team was in the race already, and she dared not get too close to sitting near her aunt. Still dripping and getting kind of chilly, she was starting to grow disappointed as the lengthy race drew to a close. The team were having a good showing, but soon the final lap would be over, and the spectators would be home and dry. A buzzer sounded as the race came to an end, and Natalie watched as Anne hauled herself out and cheered. At one end of the pool, the judges were conferring quietly, and Natalie herself could not tell who had won, but Anne seemed quite confident and already was leading her team in a celebration. Finally, the times appeared on the board, and Anne’s club was, by a whisker, number one.

The girls cheered anew and dashed toward the bleachers, where they hugged family and friends and got them a trifle damp. Natalie smirked a little at that, and was greatly amused to see Aunt May struggling in the tight seats to avoid too much contact with Scarlett. Scar soon let her go and hopped around among her friends, who began offering handshakes to the opposing teams. As Aunt May tried to extract herself from the bleachers, Anne reached out to grip the hand of a team captain wearing brilliant purple. Anne leaned in and murmured something that Natalie could not make out, and after a moment the woman in purple gave her a little shove. Anne flailed comically, stumbling back, and threw out her arms for something to cling on to. What she caught was Aunt May, by the lapels of her blazer, but Anne was arced back so far that gravity soon took over. Together, the pair plunged straight into the pool.

When Aunt May surfaced, Natalie put her hand to her mouth to cover her huge smile. Her aunt kicked and flailed as her indignant shrieks echoed around the room. Anne gamely braved the splashing, spluttering woman to assist her across to the edge of the water, and Natalie held her breath, willing herself not to be seen, as Aunt May was fished out on her side of the pool, mere feet away. She crawled onto the tiles and several swimmers helped her upright, where she cascaded water. Her dark pants clung, her blouse turned to tissue paper, and her blazer weighed on her slumped shoulders. She reached a hand to her face, covering the running make-up that gave her a melting quality, and swiftly squished her way to the exit in her little sodden red boater shoes.

When the door slammed shut, Natalie laughed, relieved that she was not the only one. Anne soon found her cackling, and responded with her own sardonic smile. “Your cousin doesn’t believe me that this was an accident, for some reason,” she said.

“Is she mad?” asked Natalie, not sure if she cared.

“Her mother has probably dashed off to get changed, so Scarlett will need help getting home. Maybe you could split a taxi to your place, that way she won’t have to hear all the yelling tonight.”

Natalie snorted the last of her laugh. Satisfaction didn’t even begin to describe how she felt. But, yes, poor Scar, she shouldn’t have to put up with the fallout. “All right, I’ll help her out. We can have a girl’s night again, it’s been a while.”

“And as for you…” continued Anne, taking on an authoritative air, “I’ll see you at our next practice, where you can finally be initiated.”

With that, Anne strode past into the changing rooms. Natalie lingered a while longer, leaning against the wall and staring out at the pool. Spectators were still milling around, chuckling to themselves about what they had seen and muttering phrases like “oh that poor woman” and “that must have been so embarrassing”. Yes, Natalie thought, being soaked in front of a crowd of people was pretty embarrassing. But who knew how embarrasing this ‘initiation’ would be to join Anne’s club? For a split second, Natalie considered just not turning up. She had got what she wanted, what was there to make her keep going? But she knew the answer immediately: she would make herself go. Call it morbid curiosity, call it desire, call it ego… she had to see what happened next.

As she headed back to change and collect Scarlett, she almost wished she could see what happened next with Aunt May. At least she had a car, but would she risk the seat of her beloved Mercedes to avoid the shame of a soaking bus ride home? To be a fly on the wall watching her make that uncomfortable decision. One down, two to go.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is entirely fictional. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

The halfway point was so near for Tiffany, and yet so far away. She hoped to get a very quick wash before the second half of the messes came down; at one point she may have looked human, but by now she was looking like… Well, she didn’t know quite what she looked like. The once-pale-skinned brunette looked down on herself and saw that the mass of gunk on the floor had completely buried her dainty white feet. She sighed and looked to her right. Sure enough, the latest volunteer was in place.

Amanda dutifully explained who the newest gungee was, while the woman in question slipped her shoes off. “This is Lahannya. As well as writing songs and performing them in a band that shares your stage name, you’re also a DJ, aren’t you?”

The woman in black nodded, making her curly blue hair wobble a bit. “Yeah, sometimes. I do a club event in London called Slimelight, or just Slimes as it’s often known.”

“How appropriate,” smirked Tiffany, rolling her eyes.

“I was just thinking that! If we’d known sooner we could have provided you with some kind of luminous lime green gunge, but unfortunately, this will have to do,” Amanda remarked, pulling the left lever.

Now barefoot, Lahannya watched as a thin, milky solution fell on Tiffany, splashing off her wildly. It had a strong, quite distinct aroma. “Coffee?” the lady with blue curls said, disappointedly.

“Not just any coffee! It’s a Latte!” Amanda said.

“I thought coffee was supposed to be warm! This is freezing!” Tiffany shivered. Despite her complaints, it did a decent job of displacing the worst of the gunk in her hair and on her clothes. Normally she’d have been worried about the potential for spilled coffee staining her top, but in this case it was barely worth contemplating.

“Well, it had to be an iced Latte,” explained Amanda with a slight chuckle. “Can’t exactly pour something scalding hot over you and our guest, can we?”

“So, you’re going to cover me in cold coffee?” Lahannya sat up straight, ready to take it. “I think I’d rather have got some proper green gunge but a Latte will do I guess!” She closed her eyes and leaned back comfortably in her chair. Amanda yanked the other lever and the barrel tipped over. Somewhat like Tiffany, she didn’t have to worry much about her already dark clothes being stained. For the lady known only by a pseudonym, the contrast was with the parts of her body not covered up. Dark Latte splashed all over her porcelain white skin and ran down her face, her shoulders and her legs in great trickles. Lahannya shivered as it coursed its way down to the grid beneath her, leaving a set of tiny dark trails that all seemed to converge where it first hit her. Her curly blue braids were similarly darkened, and were clinging to her face and neck. She shivered as the milky solution ran down her body, leaving looking darker and grimier than the dystopian worlds her music depicted (which as a fan I can assure you are very dark and grimy). Despite that, she had a smile on her face. “Is that it?” said Lahannya.

“What do you mean?” Amanda asked, her emotions somewhere between shocked that the blue-haired goth was wanting more mess, and insulted at the idea that a whole barrel of Latte was somehow not satisfactory.

“I was just expecting a proper gunging, is all!”

“Well, it had to begin with L, since Lahannya begins with L,” Tiffany said, meekly. “There’s not much we could have used.”

Lahannya pouted and crossed her arms. “No, not good enough! I want you to gunge me again, properly!“

Thankfully at that moment, Troy walked out from backstage. “Hey, sorry to interrupt things here. Anyway, Lahannya, I’m a big fan, been listening for a while now. If you’ll come backstage, we can do the obligatory photoshoot. I also just happen to be dating the redhead who covered that other girl in custard right at the start of the night,” he said with a wink.

Lahannya’s pout soon disappeared and was replaced with a cheeky smile. “Alright then!” she said, standing up. She followed Troy backstage and picked up plastic cup of iced Latte and gave a knowing wink as she sucked on the straw. Troy took the photo, and Lahannya’s introduction to mess was done. As for the individual whose name begins with an M? That’s another story altogether.

See you in the next chapter!

Thanks to everyone who put forward nominations. I’ve added a few of my own. The vote will close on Monday 30^th. Any problems let me know ASAP.

Best Celebrity Wamming
Best Messy Show
Best Civilian WAM
The Holy Grail Award
The Goolitzer Prize
The Showercap of Shame