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(This story contains nudity)
“I’m Jo Wilson and welcome back to the results show for the top of the table clash in the Scottish Premiership. We have Helen Flanagan representing Celtic and Kirsty Gallacher representing Hearts.”
All 3 ladies are wearing the same as in the preview show, and unlike other previous shows, everyone is already aware of the match result.
Jo starts proceedings “Well, what an emphatic victory for Celtic! I think this is our first 5-0 scoreline on CSWL this season.”
Helen is smiling from ear to ear and punches the air in delight as Kirsty has her head bowed with her hands on her hips.
“Helen, you must be feeling pleased?”
“Yes, I had every faith in the team and my boyfriend, and they certainly didn’t let me down.”
“Yes they certainly did very well. No goals conceded, no bookings, no sendings offs and no penalties missed. Looks like your luck has continued from the Halloween Dunk, and there are no forfeits for you to do.”
“Fantastic! I’ll need to remember to thank my boyfriend properly later tonight, if you get my drift!”
“Err Yes, well we don’t really want to know about that. Moving on to Hearts, and they’ve had a bit of a nightmare, haven’t they Kirsty?”
“Come on, lets just get on with it!”
“Oh, someone is a little inpatient! You should really be used to this by now Kirsty as you have been on umpteen CSWL episodes, although I guess this may be the worst scoreline you have ended up on the wrong side of.”
Kirsty scowled at Jo.
“Ok, so let’s start with the forfeit wheel. There were 3 bookings, no sendings off and no penalties missed. That means three spins of the wheel. Off you go then Kirsty.”
Kirsty reaches for the wheel and spun it. It landed on a segment called ‘Dundee Marmalade Bath’.
A bath was wheeled on, three quarters full with sticky Dundee Marmalade.
Jo explains what Kirsty has to do “The bath has been filled with some traditional marmalade made in Dundee. Did you know that they have been making marmalade in Dundee since 1797?”
Kirsty sarcastically replied “Fascinating!”
Jo continues “Anyway, can you get in the bath Kirsty and you know the drill, you have to totally submerge yourself for 3 seconds.”
Kirsty grunted as she stepped into the bath “Urghh! This is really sticky.”
Kirsty gingerly sat down in the bath and the marmalade seeped inside her dress. Pinching her nose, Kirsty dropped her head and upper body under the surface and re-appeared 3 seconds later. Her hair was sticky and matted with the marmalade, and the top of her dress had plastered itself to her generously sized chest. Slowly Kirsty stood up and stepped out of the bath, and approached the wheel and spun again.
This time it landed on a segment titled “Cranachan Surprise”
Jo explained further “For the viewers who are unaware, I can tell you that Cranachan is a traditional Scottish dessert consisting of honey, whipped cream, whisky, raspberries and oatmeal. The surprise is that it will be going in your knickers Kirsty”
“What!”
“You heard. Now hitch that sexy dress of yours up!”
Kirsty reluctantly did as she was asked until her dress was bunched around her waist, showing all of her long shapely legs and a pair of pink knickers. Jo had a jug of Cranachan in one hand and with the forefinger of her other hand, she pulled the elasticated top of Kirsty’s knickers out slightly.
“Are you ready for this Kirsty?”
“Not really, but I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Err, no you don’t” Jo began to pour the Cranachan into Kirsty’s knickers and the runny dessert made Kirsty gasp loudly as the coldness quickly hit her most sensitive regions. The knickers were soon filled up, and Jo let go of the elasticated top and stepped back to admire her handiwork. The dessert was now starting to seep through the knicker legs and through the material, and streamed down Kirsty’s long legs, making it all the way down to her pink high heel shoes.
Kirsty let go off her dress and it returned to its normal state and covered her messy knickers from view. Kirsty did the walk back to the wheel carefully, as the dessert sloshed about in her knickers. The wheel was spun for the third and final time and landed on ‘Irn-Bru Shower’
Kirsty was led to a shower cubicle, ushered inside and the transparent door closed.
Jo was again full of facts “Irn-Bru has been produced in Scotland since 1901, and is affectionately known as ‘Scotland’s other national drink’ (after whiskey)”
Kirsty appeared unimpressed as she looked up at the wrong time as the shower started and was hit in the face with lashings of the orange fizzy drink. Kirsty squealed as she became drenched in Irn-bru. Although it had the effect of washing some of the marmalade away, it had also had the effect of platering her dress even more to her gorgeous curves.
The shower stopped after 20 seconds and a drenched Kirsty walked out and rejoined Jo.
Jo put her hand to her earpiece “Hey, I have just been told that Irn-Bru want to use your showering in their next advertising campaign. Isn’t that good.”
Kirsty raised her eyebrows in disbelief.
“Ok, so moving on I have some good news and bad news for you Kirsty. The good news is that there are no more spins of the forfeit wheel for you. The bad news is that we now come on to the forfeits for the goals conceded. As there were 5, you know what this means, don’t you?”
“Yes, I’ve heard the rules often enough!” With a sigh, Kirsty starts removing her dress. This revealed a matching set of pink bra and pink knickers. Kirsty reaches behind her back and undoes her bra clasp and lets her bra fall to the floor to reveal her large bouncy tits. Next she slips her fingers into her knickers and pulls them down her legs until they nestle around her high heel shoes. She steps out of them and faces the camera with her hands on her hips with her tits and shaved muff in full view. She was now so used to being naked on CSWL, she no longer thought it necessary to cover her modesty with her hands and arms. Everyone has already seen me naked a lot of times, she figured, that one more time wouldn’t make that much of a difference.
Jo picked up a sloppy custard pie. “So, for the first goal conceded, it’s a custard pieing. Given that you’ve got a lot of forfeits to get through, we’ll be kind and only use one pie.”
“Oh, you are too kind!” was another sarcastic reply from Kirsty.
Jo pushed the pie into Kirsty’s face and moved the pie tin around her face to ensure all her pretty features got a custard coating.
“For the second goal conceded, it’s a trip to the gunge tank.” Jo escorted the naked former sky sports presenter to the gunge tank and sat her inside. Jo stood at the side and took hold of the lever and pulled. Gallons of Scottish whiskey pours down onto Kirsty and soaks her completely. It washes the custard pie away from her face and makes her body all slippery and sticky. The deluge finally stops and Kirsty stands up. She looks down at her pink high heel shoes which have also been coated in the alcoholic drink.
“I smell like I have been on an all day drinking binge!”
Jo wipes her forefinger across Kirsty’s bottom and puts it in her mouth. “Mmmm, but it tastes so lovely!”
Kirsty puts her hands on hips again as the whiskey drips down all over her. “Ok, so what’s next?”
“You are eager aren’t you Kirsty! For the third goal conceded it’s dunk tank time. Can you make your way up the ladder at the back and sit on the seat suspended over the tank.”
The audience watch the naked sports reporter negotiate the steps on the ladder, taking in every part of her toned body, especially her jiggling bottom. Kirsty gets to the top and as ladylike as possible, sits down on the seat. She peers beneath her, and sees that the tank is filled with a white greyish stodgy substance.
Kirsty puts her hands to her face and asks “What the hell is that?”
“Please Kirsty language! I can tell you that is the finest Scottish porridge. It was made this morning so it’s probably got a little cold now”
Kirsty just sighed and braced herself. Jo hit the button that released the seat mechanism that propelled the brunette into the porridge below. Dollops of porridge went everywhere as Kirsty hit the surface and went completely underneath. There was a bit of a thrashing around as Kirsty found her feet and was able to stand up. The porridge level came to waist high and her upper body had porridge globules all over. Kirsty ran her fingers through her saturated hair and wiped her eyes. “Yuck, it’s disgusting in here. The porridge is all cold and clammy.”
“Yes I can certainly see it is cold!” Jo remarks as she stares at Kirsty’s erect nipples. Kirsty sees this and folds her arms across her chest to cover herself up.
“Can you make your way out of the dunk tank please, as we need to move onto the forfeit for the fourth goal conceded.”
As Kirsty clambered out of the tank, Jo explained further “For this forfeit, it is an extra special messing. As we know that Scotland is famous for its castles, we thought a good old fashioned medieval punishment would be apt.”
Jo proceeded to take a drape over a nearby object, to reveal a wooden pillory with three holes for someone’s head and hands.
Kirsty walked over to join Jo at the pillory. It was quite amazing that she had been able to keep her high heel shoes on, she thought to herself, as she had figured they would have got lost within the porridge dunk tank.
Jo opened the pillory up. “In you go, you dirty girl!”
Kirsty gave Jo an evil look but obeyed her instruction and had to bend over slightly to place her head and hands in the appropriate holes. Jo pulled down the top of the pillory in place and Kirsty was now locked in.
“I feel a little bad about you getting all cold in that disgusting porridge. Let’s see what we can do about that.”
Jo reached for a jug on a nearby table and picked it up and positioned it directly over Kirsty’s head.
“I hope you like Scotch broth. It’s pleasantly warm.”
The jug was upturned and the stodgy soup poured onto Kirsty’s long brown hair and down her forehead. Bits of mutton and carrot could also be seen raining down on Kirsty. Jo manouevered the jug so that it poured over her back and her bottom as well.
When the jug was empty, Jo put it down, and leaned on the pillory to talk to Kirsty.
“We are now going to make a Tipsy Laird. Or as it is commonly known, a trifle. Let’s see what’s first, Ah yes, whisky.”
Jo picked up a bottle of whiskey and poured it over Kirsty’s head and down her back. “Next its custard.” Jo picked up two cartons of custard and proceeded to pour these over Kirsty, taking particular attention to pour them on her bottom, which ensured her long legs got a good coating as well.
“I think we’ll have a bit of whipped cream next.” Jo squirted the cream in Kirsty’s hair and massages it all in. She then knelt down and squirted cream all over her large tits and on her muff, and in her bottom crack.
“And we’ll finish it all off with some raspberries.” Jo strategically placed a raspberry on each nipple, one on her muff, and a few in her bottom crack. The whipped cream helped to keep them firmly in place.
“That’s it all done. Kirsty, how do you feel that you are now a human Tipsy Laird?”
“I feel exposed, very messy and I stink of booze. Is it all over now?”
Jo unlocked the pillory to let Kirsty out as she responded “You will be pleased to know that it’s over for today…..“
“Thank god for that!”
“Let me finish Kirsty, it’s over for today so you can go and get cleaned up. However there was a fifth goal conceded, and there was nothing announced in the preview show to say what would happen if that were to occur. After discussing it with the producers, they have decided that the forfeit you will serve is to come back as a very special guest on next weeks CSWL programme, to receive the fifth goal forfeit.”
“You are joking! You mean, I am coming back on next week!”
“Yes you are, and as it was a fifth goal then I am afraid it will be one of our messier and more humiliating forfeits.”
Kirsty flung her hands in the air in despair “Oh brilliant, I can’t wait” as she walked off the stage to get cleaned up.
“There goes a rather naked, messy and a rather unhappy Kirsty Gallacher. That’s just about it for this edition as Helen Flanagan avoids getting messy yet again. Do join Sarah Stirk who will be presenting the CSWL match between Arsenal’s Tina Hobley and Liverpool’s Lana Del Rey.”