DisclaimerAlthough this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment. This story may feature scenes of nudity/a sexual nature.
The Totally Trashed theme song played over the studio speakers, as the lights came on revealing the main presenter for the series, Kirsty Gallacher, standing in the middle of the stage. She was dressed in a black ball-gown that was so similar to what she’d been wearing in the introductory first episode that many of those in the studio audience and watching at home thought she’d either bought an exact copy of that dress or had got her dry cleaners to do a rush job on it.
Kirsty smiled, as the music faded out and the applause and cheers from the audience died down. “Hello and welcome to the second episode of Totally Trashed, sponsored by Victoria’s Secret! Who, as a condition of their sponsorship, have provided sets of lingerie for all the ladies who have either walked their fashion show’s runway or performed some music during it,” she greeted the viewers, to more cheers from the studio audience. “This may be the second episode, but it’s the first episode where we will be eliminating some of our celebrity contestants based on the votes of all of you watching at home. I’m joined tonight by only one of my co-presenters from last episode, Jill Wagner.”
“The others will be switching in and out over the next few episodes. In this episode, we will be announcing the results of the voting in the first eight matches. But first, let’s meet those sixteen lovely ladies again! Jill, could you start us off, please?”
“Certainly, Kirsty!” replied the brown-haired American presenter, who was again clad in her silvery knee-length dress. “Match One is actress Karen Gillan versus glamour model Leah Francis!”
Both contestants were revealed by the studio’s spot-lights wearing the same dresses they had been wearing for the previous episode. Jill smiled at them both. “Welcome back, ladies,” she said. “Feeling nervous?”
She got a pair of nods in reply. “Well, you’ve good reason to be! Back to you, Kirsty.”
“Thank you, Jill,” replied the black-haired presenter. “Now, Match Two is between glamour models Cara Brett and Emma Glover!”
With these words, two more spot-lights turned on, revealing the two celebrities wearing the same outfits as before. As the audience cheered, they smiled nervously.
Kirsty grinned. “Welcome back, Cara and Emma. I hope you both are ready for this!”
The two glamour models shook their heads vigorously. “No, we’re not,” they replied together.
“Well, that’s too bad,” Kirsty’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Because it’s happening anyway!! Who’s next, Jill?”
The sassy American laughed. “Match Three is singer and actress Jessica Simpson versus glamour model Peta Todd!”
Both ladies were soon unveiled by the ceiling-mounted lights wearing the same dresses as previously. Bright smiles on their faces couldn’t quite hide their nerves, which were quite evident in how they waved to audience.
Jill grinned at the two of them. “Welcome, ladies, and I won’t ask how you’re feeling. I can tell you’re very nervous. Right, over to you, Kirsty!”
The lady in black smiled. “Thanks, Jill,” she said with a grin. “Next up in Match Four, we have glamour model Sammy Braddy going up against model and actress Kelly Brook!”
Sammy and Kelly were seen wearing the same white and red dresses, respectively, as they’d worn for the preview show. Wide smiles lit their faces, but they only just hid the nervous glances they shot to the air cannons that surrounded eight green crosses that were painted on the circular grated sections of stage floor.
Kirsty grinned. “Well, they don’t look nervous,” she joked. “Okay, Jill, back to you.”
Jill Wagner chuckled at her co-presenter’s antics. “We’re onto Match Five,” she said. “Actress Scarlett Johansson versus singer Selena Gomez! Welcome back, ladies.”
Another pair of spot-lights came on and both contestants were seen once again, Scarlett wearing the same as she had done in the previous episode while Selena wore a black bra, a black thong and a pair of sheer black tights. They smiled nervously at the cameras while waving to the audience.
Jill laughed. “Ah, yes!” she smirked. “Another pair of nervous celebrity contestants. What awaits one of them? We’ll find out later! Over to you, Kirsty!”
“I doubt that they’ll find it as funny or enjoyable as us, Jill,” said Kirsty with a grin, laughter filling her voice. “Anyway, Match Six pits glamour models Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers against each other.”
Lucy and Holly were dressed in knee-length dresses with plunging necklines in black and red, respectively, as they had been during the episode before. With somewhat anxious smiles on their faces, the two brunettes gave the audience a wave and settled back into their seats.
Kirsty smiled encouragingly at the two busty ladies. “Two buckets of nerves there, I think, ladies and gentlemen,” she joked with the studio and home audience. “Back to you for the next pair, Jill.”
“Thank you, Kirsty,” cut in Jill, smiling broadly. “Right… now… Match Number Seven features two lingerie models from either side of the pond. Please, welcome back Katie Green and Kate Upton!”
The cameras swung right just as two more spots glared into life revealing the two models in the same dresses as they’d worn in the previous episode of the show. Applause and cheers filled the air once again as it had for the contestants who’d been announced before. Katie and Kate acknowledged this with smiles and waves, as they settled into their seats. As the noise from the audience died down, the two ladies shot an anxious glance toward the air cannons on stage. After all, they had been informed at the end of the introductory episode that the forfeit for this round would be a Pie Barrage.
Jill Wagner grinned to a nearby camera. “Well, all I can say is, back to you, Kirsty.”
“Oh, thanks for that, Jill,” Kirsty replied snarkily. “Cat got your tongue all of a sudden?” Jill pouted back at her while Kirsty continued. “Well, everyone we have reached Match Eight and with these last two names we close out this segment and move onto finding out the results. This time we have glamour model Imogen Thomas taking on actress Kristen Stewart!”
Both ladies blinked in the sudden glare of two more spot-lights. Their dresses, as noticed by the audience were the same as they’d already worn on the preview show. Cheers and wolf-whistles greeted their smiles and waves.
Kirsty grinned. “Looking good, ladies. For now,” she taunted. “And we’d better leave it there for now. Join us after the break, when we find out which of these lovely ladies behind Jill and myself will be facing the Pie Barrage and elimination!” After this, the camera followed Kirsty’s arm as she waved it across the contestants sitting behind her. Their expressions ranged from pure terror right through to nervous excitement. As the camera view passed the last of the ladies, the studio lights dimmed.
After a short wait, the studio lights came back up to full strength. Kirsty and Jill stood at a podium to the side of the stage with their arms linked, holding an A4-sized brown envelope with various shades of green spots on it along with the show’s logo.
As the camera panned onto them, both presenters grinned. Jill gave Kirsty a go-ahead gesture. “Welcome back to the second part of this episode of Totally Trashed!” said Kirsty after waiting for the applause and cheers to die down. She held up the envelope for all to see. “Now, in this envelope we have the results of Matches One to Eight. Jill, would you be a dear and tell us all what the result of Match One is, please?”
Jill sniggered. “Of course, Kirsty,” she said, opening the envelope. “So, Karen and Leah, which of you goes through to the next round and who takes a volley of thirty pies?” She paused and looked over at the two ladies. “Well, I can reveal, that the contestant with fifty-two percent of the vote and going through to the next round is Karen Gillan!”
A shriek filled the air, as the Scottish-born actress threw her hands in the air in a show of victory. Kirsty laughed. “Eh, Karen, you do know that this just means you’ll be getting even messier later in the series, don’t you?”
The red-haired Scot smiled nervously. “Yes, I do, Kirsty,” she admitted. “And while the idea of that does scare me slightly, it also means more money for charity.”
“That’s a very good answer,” Jill interjected. “You can escape backstage, Karen. Leah, hard luck. Your forty-eight percent has netted you fifty thousand pounds for your chosen charity, but it means you have to go and change into a rather fetching Union Jack one-piece swimsuit.” Both contestants were escorted backstage by stagehands where Leah was shown into a small changing and found the very bodysuit Jill Wagner had been talking about, lying on a shelf.
Well, I’ve been gunged in far less before, Leah thought, as she pulled her dress off rolled her stockings down her legs and slipped her knickers off before undoing the clasp on her bra. With a sigh, she pulled the one-piece swimsuit up her legs and over her belly and chest, slipping her arms through the shoulder straps.
While Leah was changing, Kirsty turned to the next pair of contestants. “Right, moving on, it’s Match Two!” she announced. “So, Cara Brett and Emma Glover are you ready for this? Well, to be honest, I don’t really care if you are or aren’t!” An explosion of jeers came from the audience at this taunt. Kirsty just shrugged in reply. Kirsty continued, regardless. “I can reveal that, in another close-run count, Emma Glover will be going through to Round Two with fifty-one percent of the vote. Sorry, Cara, but it looks like you’re getting hit with a Pie Barrage!”
Cara Brett brushed her long blonde hair back off her shoulders with her hand and a stagehand escorted her backstage to change into another of the show’s specially purchased one-piece swimsuits. As she did so, Kirsty gave Jill a nudge. “Huh?! What?” muttered the distracted American. “Oh, sorry. I must have zoned out there. Anyway, time for the result of Match Three. Jessica, Peta, how are you feeling, after all, as far as we are aware, you both are gunge virgins?”
Both contestants glanced nervously at each other, before Jessica spoke up. “I think I speak for Peta as well as myself when I say I’m both looking forward to it but also really nervous,” she said with a fake shudder. “After all, whoever out of the two of us gets the least number of votes will be facing… thirty pies?” She received a nod from both presenters.
At this Peta spoke up. “Yeah, I think Jessica pretty well summed it up for me as well,” she said with a small laugh.
Jill laughed at this. “Well, I’d better put you both out of your misery so,” she joked, earning a pair of nervous laughs. “With fifty-five percent to forty-five percent, the woman going through to Round Two is… Peta Todd!”
“Yaayy!” exclaimed the dark-haired glamour model.
Both presenters chuckled. “Settle down, Peta,” giggled Jill. “Now, Jessica, how do you feel about wearing your national flag as a swimsuit?”
The bubbly blonde singer laughed. “I’m up for it,” she said, her voice filled with nervous mirth. “Although, I’m not as sure of all the pies you’re going to throw at me.”
“That may be true, Jessica, but it’s time to change into this,” said Jill, holding out a one-piece swimsuit with the stars-and-stripes front and back.
Jessica took the garment from Jill’s outstretched hand. After this, a stagehand escorted her backstage to change, like the ladies before her.
Kirsty grinned. “Well, moving swiftly on, it’s Match Four,” she began. “Sammy and Kelly, the girl going through to the next round is…” she let the tension build to a crescendo. “Kelly Brook, with fifty-six percent of all votes cast on this match.”
At this point, Jill cut in. “Also, Sammy, by a separate public vote, you have been selected to take this forfeit in your underwear.”
Sammy Braddy gaped, a look of shock on her face. “What?!” she exclaimed, nervously twirling a lock of her long dark brown hair around a finger. “Damn, I wasn’t expecting to have to strip this early in the competition!”
Kirsty just smiled. “Yes, you are going to have to strip,” she said, gleefully. “So, if you wouldn’t mind, get on with it! We do have to get this episode done within an hour.”
As a feeling of resignation swept over her, Sammy stood up and undid the zipper on her long-sleeved white minidress. Taking a hard swallow, resulting in the microphones picking up the sound of an almost cartoon-like gulp, she slid her arms from the sleeves before sliding the dress down her body, over her bum and down her legs. Sammy was left standing in a pale purple lace bra and matching boy-shorts, dark purple suspender belt and black stockings. Turning around, she showed off her body to the now-cheering audience.
Jill then took over. “Well, just take a seat for the moment, Sammy,” she said. “You’ll have to wait for the others to change and us to reveal the results of the other matches. So, take a seat, while I move onto the all-American Match Five between Scarlett and Selena. And the star going onto Round Two is, with fifty-one percent of the vote, Selena Gomez! Better luck next time, Scarlett!”
The face of the Avengers actress fell, as she realised what was about to happen. Selena, on the other hand, let out a yell of relief at not being knocked out as early as this. But, the audience cheered.
Sorry, Scarlett,” commiserated Jill, as the noise died down. “You’re a somewhat surprise early exit in this competition, but we have to lose people at some stage otherwise we’d never find a winner. Selena, well done! You’re the first lady in this competition to have performed at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion and you’re through to Round Two. So, you can sit here and watch what happens to this round’s losers. Scarlett, if you wouldn’t mind, please, head backstage to change.” The two presenters waited, as the dejected-looking actress made her way backstage to change into the same style of swimsuit as Jessica Simpson had only five short minutes before.
“Well, we’re now getting to the two bustiest of tonight’s matches,” announced a smiling Kirsty Gallacher. “Match Six was between Lucy Pinder and Holly Peers. And the winner going through to Round Two is; Lucy Pinder!”
Kirsty had to pause here, as the audience again burst into applause, cheers and whistles. Lucy and Holly turned and gave each other a wry smile.
As the noise level dropped, Kirsty finally managed to get a word in. “Yes, yes, congratulations, Lucy, on reaching the next round,” she said sarcastically. “Holly, I’m sorry to say that, of all the ladies here tonight, you’ve lost by the widest losing margin of fifteen percent! Now, as a punishment for that bad of a defeat, you are to face the Pie Barrage topless.”
“Eek!” squeaked Holly, she hadn’t been expecting that. Not wanting to prolong the moment anymore, Holly stood and stepped away from the bar-stool she had been seated on. Okay, Holly, it’s not like you haven’t done this for the cameras a hundred times over at this stage, she thought. As she walked out more towards the middle of the stage, she unzipped the back of her red dress. Then, standing centre-stage, Holly slid the straps down her arms and let the dress flow down her body onto the floor. Kicking the dress away, she was left in just a lacy black bikini brief and a pair of black-soled, patent leather, red high-heeled shoes; her 30G breasts bared for the cameras and studio audience. She shook her mane of long dirty blonde hair so that it fell like a dark golden waterfall over her shoulders and around her breasts. Wolf-whistles and jeering cheers came from the audience. At a gesture from Kirsty she retook her seat.
Jill Wagner grinned. That was hot! “Well, here’s our second Trans-Atlantic face-off. It’s Match Seven, Katie Green versus Kate Upton, and with fifty-eight percent, it is Kate Upton who goes through to Round Two.”
Cheers from the studio audience drowned out the groan of disappointment from Katie and the quiet cheer of triumph from Kate. Jill smiled at the reactions of the two busty ladies. “Well, Katie, I’m afraid it’s time for you to go and change into something a bit more patriotic,” she mocked the British glamour model. “Kate, congratulations. You’re through to Round Two. Sit back and relax, enjoy the rest of the show. For now!”
Katie Green walked off the stage, as Kirsty looked down at the sheet of results she’d pulled from the envelope earlier in the night. “Well, we’re finally at the last of tonight’s match results,” Kirsty crowed, walking into centre-stage. “This was, in case you’ve been confused by all that’s been going on, Match Eight; between Imogen Thomas and Kristen Stewart. The winner of this match, with fifty-three percent, is… Imogen Thomas!”
A gasp came from the studio audience, they obviously hadn’t expected that. Kristen sat stunned, then suddenly she actually grinned! Imogen yelled out in triumph, she knew this would mean more money for her favourite charity.
The two presenters shared a slightly-shocked look, before looks of understanding crossed their faces. Jill grinned back at Kristen. “Well, Kristen,” she said, with a cheeky look at the camera. “I was going to ask why you were grinning, but then I remembered what you said at the 2013 Kids’ Choice Awards. You wished then that you hadn’t wimped out of getting slimed. Well, will a whole load of pies be OK, instead?”
Kristen joined in with the laughter of the studio audience. “Well, Jill,” she started, once she was able to control her giggles. “I dare say it will have to. It should be fun and like with all these other ladies, there’s a sizeable donation going towards a great charity.”
“Yes, there is,” replied Jill. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind going to change, we’ll go to a commercial break.” Kristen walked off the stage where she’d be changing into the same one-piece swimsuit as Jessica and Scarlett had had to change into earlier.
At this point, Jill looked at an over-sized clock mounted on one of the walls of the studio. “Well, those are the results of Matches One to Eight of the Totally Trashed Vote-off. Join us after the break, when we’ll unleash a pie barrage on our eight lovely losers. Don’t go away!” With these words, the lights in the studio dimmed, as the show took a break for five minutes of advertisements from the sponsors
Shortly after, the studio lights came back on at full strength and the . Kirsty Gallacher stood in the centre of the stage, while arrayed either side of her were a total of eight raised platforms with the top surface being a wide mesh grate with a green cross painted on it. Aimed at the platforms were forty-eight air cannons, each loaded with multiple pies. But, unknown to the contestants, these were not just ordinary shaving foam-filled “custard” pies as seen on children’s TV shows. There were pies filled with custard and topped with cream, chocolate-filled pies, and all manner of pies with sweet fruity fillings.
Kirsty smiled as the audience’s cheers and applause began to die down. “Well, now is the moment that the world has been waiting for. The first eight celebrities eliminated from Totally Trashed are about to face the Pie Barrage. So, please welcome back Leah Francis, Cara Brett, Jessica Simpson, Sammy Braddy, Scarlett Johansson, Holly Peers, Katie Green and Imogen Thomas.”
The eight women stepped onto the platforms, each on a different one and finding six air cannons pointed at each of them. Leah, Cara, Katie and Imogen were dressed in Union Jack bodysuits, Jessica and Scarlett wore bodysuits printed with the stars-and-stripes. Sammy stood on her platform wearing her purple bra, knickers and suspenders and black stockings as seen earlier. Holly on the other hand was looking slightly embarrassed, clad as she was solely in a pair of lacy black knickers. As she stepped up onto the platform on the far-right of the stage as the audience and cameras looked at it, a series of wolf-whistles came from some of the rowdier members of the audience.
Kirsty flashed the eight women a smile of encouragement. “Well, we’re going to do this in match order,” she revealed. “Which means, we’ll be starting with Leah Francis and finishing up with Imogen Thomas.”
Leah heard this and cringed. She was going to be the one prospective pied lady who would not know what was coming. As she stared at the gaping maw of one of the air cannons that seemed to be aimed right at her face, she was vaguely aware that the audience were counting down. Before she realised exactly what was happening, she heard the sound of rushing air. A custard and cream pie soared out of the cannon she’d been looking at, hitting her with enough force to make her instinctively flinch backwards. Her facial features were engulfed in bright yellow custard and the stark whiteness of the cream. The custard and cream began to drip from her face along with bits of broken pastry. Just as she recovered from the first pie’s impact, two more were shot at her. These landed on each of her large breasts, adding a layer of sticky yellow and white liquid and crumbled pastry to her chest.
Before she could even blink two pies shot out of air cannons behind her and another one from one in front of her. These landed, much to her initial shock, square on each of her buttocks and in her crotch. Cream and custard soaked into her thong and oozed into the crack of her arse and over and into her shaven pussy, sending a momentary involuntary shudder through her.
Leah again heard rushing air, but this time was surprised as a pie hit on either side of her head, chocolate and apple fillings obliterating her wavy blonde hair. Another rush of air and the back of her head was hit by a the fourth pie aimed at her head, adding the cream, lemon curd and meringue of a lemon meringue pie to the mix of fillings and pastry covering her head. Yet another rush of air landed a rhubarb pie on the top of her head, completely encasing her head with sticky, sweet, fruity mess. But, the air cannons didn’t stop with the first volley. Four more pies smashed into Leah’s body piling more slop on top of what was already covering her. The end result, after the impact of all thirty pies, was that a giggling Leah Francis was stood with pie debris almost two inches thick covering almost her entire body, the only areas still bare were her lower legs and a one inch-wide strip of skin on her upper back.
Things continued in this fashion with the next two ladies, turning Cara Brett and Jessica Simpson, once they got over the initial shock of the first couple of impacts, into giggling, multi-coloured, slop-covered blobs. But, when Jill began the countdown for the release of the pies at the lingerie-clad Sammy Braddy, something that was not quite expected happened.
Sammy Braddy looked at the slop dripping from Jessica Simpson’s curves and shuddered. I don’t want to be hit with all of that gunk, she thought. Deciding on a course of action, as soon as she heard the initial rush of air, she ducked. As a result, the first three pies sailed harmlessly over her head.
Jill Wagner scowled furiously. “Sammy!” she shouted across the stage. “For every pie that doesn’t hit you, you will be given a worse forfeit.”
With a pout, Sammy stood back up and allowed the remaining pies to turn her into a white, brown, yellow and purple blob. After the final cannon-fired pie had hit, Sammy cleared the gloopy mess from her eyes and saw Kirsty and Jill walking towards her, carrying three lemon meringue pies each. Behind the two presenters was a table laden with four large pitchers filled with Spaghetti Bolognese.
Jill wagged her finger almost in Sammy’s face. “That was very naughty, Sammy!” she scolded her, teasingly. “Now, you will have to face the consequences of trying to dodge a forfeit. Right, Kirsty?”
“Yes, indeed, Jill,” replied the dark-haired Scotswoman. “You dodged a pie to the face and both of your tits. So, now, you’re going to get two pies to the face and four to your boobs. But, that’s before we fill your knickers.” Kirsty waved behind her indicating the jugs of spaghetti. After she said this, Kirsty thrust one of the pies, a chocolate ganache torte, into Sammy’s already pie-covered face. Dark brown chocolate mixed into the morass of cream, custard, fruit chunks and broken pastry that had already obscured most of her features. Almost before Sammy had recovered from this, Kirsty slapped the two remaining in her hands into Sammy’s chest.
At the same time, Jill flung a Key Lime pie into her face, spattering the lime juice-flavoured filling across the brown of the chocolate pie. Jill then, like Kirsty before her, added two identical pies to the collected mess in Sammy’s generous cleavage. Sammy wiped her eyes and glanced down at her gloop-covered body. She sighed, this was going to be a long clean-up. The moment was broken by Kirsty speaking up.
“Sammy, don’t even think of believing we’re done with you yet,” said Kirsty, grinning maliciously as she lifted one of the jugs of pasta and meaty tomato sauce from the table. “Hold your knickers’ waistband away from your front.”
Sammy did so, sliding her thumbs into her boy-shorts and pulling outward until there was about an inch between her skin and the silken fabric of the formerly purple underwear. When Kirsty saw this, she tipped the jug she was holding. Noodles, minced meat, tomatoes and vegetables flowed over Sammy’s intimate areas, making her squirm with discomfort. As Kirsty turned to pick up a second jug of pasta, Jill pulled open the rear of rear of her knickers and poured the contents of her own jug of tomatoey pasta all over Sammy’s pert arse. Both presenters repeated this process once more.
Jill gave Sammy a hard look. “You can let go of your knickers now, Sammy,” she said sarcastically.
Sammy slowly did and found that the accumulated pasta and sauce that remained in them made her knickers bulge away from her skin. Noodles and lumps of meat were forced into her pussy. A shudder that was part disgust and part over-stimulation from the noodles sloshing around her crotch, passed through her.
Kirsty turned and looked at the remaining four eliminated contestants. “Let that be a warning to all of you,” she stated matter-of-factly, almost all of her previous joviality gone. “Try to lessen the impact of a forfeit and you just get made even messier! Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. A pie barrage for Scarlett Johansson.”
Scarlett tried in vain to block some of the pies flying towards her, with her hands and arms. Fortunately for the viewers’ pleasure, the pies were moving so fast that she couldn’t get her arms raised in time and quickly gave up as the pie-loaded air cannons turned her into a white, yellow and brown blob.
Kirsty smiled, as Scarlett tried to wipe the remains of the five pies from her eyes with equally cream-covered fingers. ” Are you, OK, Scarlett?” Kirsty asked the blonde-haired actress. “You look like a human-shaped meringue!”
“Very funny,” muttered the Avengers star.
“Oh dear,” chuckled Kirsty. “I don’t think she enjoyed that so much! Selena, are you happy?”
“Well, Kirsty,” replied the dark-haired former-child-star-turned-popstar. “I think it’s safe to say that this is looking a little daunting right now. But, hey,
the further I go, the more money goes to charity.”
Jill Wagner laughed, then looked at the slightly glum-looking Holly Peers. “So, Holly,” she mused. “You’ve seen what everyone before you has gone through. Are you ready?”
Holly gulped, absentmindedly playing with a lock of her dark blonde hair. “As I’ll ever be.”
“That’s the spirit!” laughed Jill, enjoying herself immensely. The mess from the single pie that had hit her at the end of the Introductory Episode was minor compared with what was happening to the eight eliminated celebrity contestants. “Now, let’s have yet another countdown, please audience… Five…”
When the audience’s count again reached one, that all too familiar sound of rushing air could be heard as an anticipatory hush settled over the studio. Holly let out a surprised squeal, as the first pie practically exploded in Holly’s face, giving her a coating of sweetened mushy autumn fruits. Then came the stinging impacts of a pair of lemon meringue pies, as they hit her bare breasts, sending lemon curd and soft, gooey meringue splattering over her chest, up her neck and down over her stomach. More pies smashed into her arse and crotch, completely hiding her black knickers under a layer of sticky chocolate cream. The sequence of pie hits would repeat itself another four times, eventually turning Holly into yet another sloppy blob cover to an inch of depth in a mixture of white, yellow, brown and purple slop. Holly had, at this point, got over the shock of the first impacts and was outright laughing at the state she imagined she was in.
Kirsty at this point smiled and turned to the visibly-shaking second last eliminee. “Well, Katie Green, I can tell you’re on edge,” she teased. “So, let’s not keep you waiting much longer. Audience?”
Following the audience’s countdown, Katie disappeared under pie after pie. Like the others, she was now barely recognisable as a human being, as the layers of creamy and sticky pie fillings and pastry had completely obscured her features.
Jill grinned at the mess-covered ladies, before turning to the last, giddy contestant. “Well, Kristen, after all that, I have one question,” she said. “Are you still feeling as eager about all these rather tasty pies as you were before they started flying?”
“Well, if I’m being honest, Jill, I’m kinda shocked at the amount of gunk that is actually in a pie,” replied the star of Twilight. “I’ll never look at mum’s apple pie in quite the same way again.”
“You might want to include your ‘Grandma’s Pumpkin Pie’ in that statement, Kristen, “Because this time, we’re taking a North American slant with the ammunition in our special pie air cannons. These are loaded with apple pies, Key Lime pies, chocolate pies and as, I’ve just said, pumpkin pies.”
Kristen’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “You’re reminding me of Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s! Although, I never thought I’d be wearing the dessert!” The studio erupted at the wise-crack from the Los Angeles-born actress.
Jill grinned. These sort of moment’s, with a star who thought the whole thing was going to be fun, were half of the reason why she was doing the show. They helped to bring everything together. “Well, prepare yourself, sweetheart, because your about to be! Now…” She was cut off by the audience beginning an unprompted countdown.
The production team must have agreed with the audience because as soon as the early countdown finished, the first pie, a chocolate cream pie, flew through the air. Kristen had been looking nearly right at the air cannon it came from when it was launched. She was rewarded with the pie hitting her face straight on, engulfing her face and fringe with chocolate custard and whipped cream. This was followed by two pumpkin pies to the chest, one disintegrating against each breast and combined coated her upper torso in orange-coloured pulped squash. A pair of apple pies hitting each butt-cheek, drew a shriek of surprise from her before a key lime pie slammed into her crotch, lime-flavoured creamy pie filling engulfing her bodysuit-cover intimate region. A pair of pumpkin pies then sandwiched her head and, along with an apple pie that hit the back of her head, completed the destruction of her blonde chin-length hair. As with the ladies before her, subsequent pies piled more creamy, fruity, pulpy layers in white, brown and orange onto her until, like the others, Kristen Stewart became an unrecognisable blob.
Jill Wagner smiled as Kristen wiped her eyes with two somewhat clean fingers. “So, Kristen,” she asked. “Did that live up to your expectations?”
“Erm, yes, I’d have to say that it did,” came the reply. “Hell, I must look like some weird piece of sculpture that just happens to be made from cream, chocolate and pumpkin pie fillings!”
A chuckling Kirsty Gallacher walked over looking at each of the pie-covered celebrities from head to foot. Turning she addressed the camera. “Well, they’ve been well and truly pied, don’t you think?” Her question was answered by an affirmative murmur from the audience’s section of the studio. “So, with Leah, Cara, Jessica, Sammy, Scarlett, Holly, Katie and Kristen out of the competition, things are about to start rolling. Join us in a few days time when we will reveal the results of matches nine to sixteen and give the losers a nice covering of yummy pies. See you then, Good Night!” Kirsty and Jill waved and were joined by the gunk-covered ladies standing behind them.
Author’s note:Yes!!! I finally have that done. It’s only taken three days longer than I thought (whoops!). Anyway, feedback is always appreciated.